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♪ Look up there ♪
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♪ What do you see? ♪
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♪ Nature and stuff ♪
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- ♪ Like a rock ♪
- ♪ And a tree ♪
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♪ Oh, the Great North ♪
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{\an8}♪ Way up here, you can breathe the air ♪
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♪ Catch some fish ♪
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♪ Or gaze at a bear ♪
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♪ Wow ♪
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♪ Oh, the Great North ♪
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♪ Here we live, oh, oh ♪
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♪ Here we'll stay, oh, whoo ♪
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♪ From longest night to longest day ♪
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♪ In the Great North. ♪
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{\an8}♪ All the nets are in,
my traps are checked. ♪
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{\an8}- Hello?
- Beef cheeks, it's Carissa.
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{\an8}Me and Dorothy and Marie
are going to Gals Guzzle Free Night
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{\an8}at the Daiquiri Cave in
Kenai. You wanna come?
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{\an8}Gonna be a lotta sturdy broads there!
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{\an8}Oh, I wish but... my... nets are tangled,
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{\an8}and my traps are on fire. Uh-oh!
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{\an8}Uh, so got to take a rain check.
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{\an8}Beef, I love you,
but you're a terrible liar.
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{\an8}You should be meetin' some bishes instead
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{\an8}of catchin' fishes, but your loss.
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{\an8}Smell you later.
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{\an8}Time to unwind after a full day of fishing
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{\an8}with a little more fishing.
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{\an8}Oh, no.
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{\an8}Aah!
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{\an8}I'll just swim back.
Oh, God, the current.
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{\an8}Oh, my leg is so stuck.
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{\an8}Okay, think, Beef.
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{\an8}Your leg is stuck in the net.
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{\an8}You got to get untangled.
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{\an8}But pulling is seeming
to tighten the ropes.
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{\an8}Cold water. Hypothermia.
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{\an8}- Probably have 15 minutes at best.
- Beef.
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{\an8}- What?
- Relax.
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{\an8}It's all okay.
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{\an8}God? Is that you?
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{\an8}Sorry I said I thought you were imaginary.
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It's not God, Beef.
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{\an8}It's me! Your penis.
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{\an8}Oh, man, hypothermia must be setting in.
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{\an8}Wait, why do you have a southern accent?
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{\an8}'Cause I'm from down south.
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{\an8}On your body. I mean,
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{\an8}I was, when I was alive.
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{\an8}But now I'm dead. And I'm in heaven.
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Me. Your beautiful body handle.
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Deceased. Because
you haven't used me in years.
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What? That's not true.
What about last month?
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The latest issue
of Fisherwoman's Quarterly.
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That was a few minutes of fun.
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I'm not talking about
catchin' your own cod,
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I'm talking about sex.
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Sex is kinda my thing.
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Well, I never have
the opportunity to meet anyone.
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"I never have the opportunity..."
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You pass up opportunities all the time.
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You just passed up an opportunity to go to
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Gals Guzzle Free Night with Carissa.
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I have ears, you know.
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- You do?
- Kinda.
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Anyway, saying no
to going to a literal Ladies Night
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was the last straw for me.
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It killed me. Just come join me in Heaven.
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{\an8}But I don't want to die.
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{\an8}Well, then, maybe I could help you.
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- Please!
- If you could also help me.
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- I'll do anything.
- Promise me you'll actually start living,
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get me in the game?
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Because I'm not asking for a lot!
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I'd take a-a one-night stand.
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Or, I don't know, let's say
you meet a lady
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at the bus station.
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Y'all go to the bathroom together.
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She gets you up on the changing table.
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Her teeth fall out, but who cares?
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Maybe that's part of it.
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Wait, what am I saying?
Please, help me get untangled!
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Okay, the net is tangled
around your left foot.
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It's in a kind of a cinch knot,
so slide it up your leg
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to loosen it, then wiggle your foot out.
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Holy hell.
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I'm alive. I'm alive!
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Sorry... I'm... late.
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Uh, Beef, you okay there?
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You look like the bear from The Revenant.
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Uh, Dad, what happened to you?
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Okay, I know this might sound bonkers,
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but I had a near-death experience,
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and I... saw something.
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The cherubic faces
of your beloved children?
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No, I saw my...
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...my penis in the sky,
and it spoke unto me.
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So you passed out, had a dream?
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This was no dream, it was an epiphany.
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My, uh, genital member was angry
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about me not having...
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- A falcon?
- Sex.
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And that's my cue. Glad you're okay, Dad.
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I'll be on the porch
not talking about this.
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I'm also suppressing a scream of terror
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at the prospect of discussing
Dad's boudoir journey,
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but I like to be perceived
as sex-positive,
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and I want Dad to be happy,
so I'm just gonna stay here
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but just nod and say
"Mm... Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm."
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I, on the other hand, am ready to dig in.
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Father, are you saying
that your downstairs dad
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wants you to get a girlfriend?
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He's not looking for commitment.
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He's after a one-night stand.
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Mm-hmm! Mm-hmm.
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Maybe me and Honeybee can find you a date,
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and then we can all go out together.
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Ah, it's always been a dream of mine
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to do some double-teaming with my dad.
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I hope to God that's
not what you meant to say.
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Thank you for the offer, son.
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But I've gleaned from TV
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that if all I'm looking for
is a "hooking up,"
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I should just
get on the... uh, applications.
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Oh, yeah, if you're just after
a little straddle-and-skedaddle,
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then dating apps are just the ticket.
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All right, once we finish dinner,
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I will expose myself to the Internet.
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Hey, Moon.
Did you have to fart during dinner
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so you came outside?
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It happens to me all the time.
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Just last week I had to
run out of Steak 'n Shake.
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Actually, the indoor conversation
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got a little too grown-up for my liking.
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What are you up to, Jerry?
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Oh, I was just stopping by to grab
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my spare Bigfoot head.
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I left it over here last week.
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Classy.
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- May I?
- Yeah.
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Whoa, baby Bigfoot.
Ooh, this is giving me an idea.
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My gigs have slowed down a little lately,
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and I could use a new gimmick.
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You want to play Bigfoot's baby brother
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at the birthday gig I'm headed to?
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- For real?
- Heck yeah, it'll be fun.
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Plus, I always
wanted a real-life baby brother,
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but it never happened.
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- So what do you say?
- I'm in.
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And we can split the tip.
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Free money? Okay, you're already
my new best big brother.
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Let me go inform my family
about my new life.
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Okay, I uploaded the only picture
we have of Dad smiling.
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Remember? We took it after
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you saw that monkey wearing human clothes.
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It's not what
they're supposed to wear.
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So, I guess I just click this button...
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- Oh, hey, you matched.
- Wonderful.
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What do I do--
send her a letter in the mail?
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You meet her tonight
at the Russian Restaurant.
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And... send.
If things go well, you'll be getting
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an extra side of Russian un-dressing.
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I hope so.
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Life is precious, and I cannot
squander this second chance.
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I must do what my trouser captain demands.
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Mm-hmm! Mm-hmm...
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Hello, uh...
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- Tracy?
- Hi.
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Hi. I'm Sex Tobin.
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I'm here for Beef. I mean sex.
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I mean I'm here for a date.
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Sex. Beef.
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- Sex me.
- I'm gonna go.
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Oof. Rough start, but that's okay.
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We got to get you back on that horse.
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That sex horse. Yee-haw, Dad!
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Mm-hmm!
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Ooh. Here we go.
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I wonder if I've ever eaten a fish
that you caught.
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That sure is fun to think about.
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It is.
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I hope you're enjoying your drink.
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- Oh, I am.
- You're welcome.
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- I don't follow.
- I invented cups.
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You invented cups?
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- Oh, yes.
- Is this a joke?
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Also, I know you're... Hillary Clinton.
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Mm. I can't wait to
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wriggle that skin suit off you
back at my place.
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To be expected.
You're gonna meet some people
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who are bonkers in the wonkers.
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Right. Back on the sex horse I sit again.
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Maybe I'll get earplugs
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or perhaps the Lord will take me.
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Oh, here we go.
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This lady looks nice and normal.
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Uh, Nina?
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00:07:15,727 --> 00:07:17,187
Hello, Daddy.
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00:07:17,187 --> 00:07:19,898
- My diaper was full.
- Oh, no.
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Beef! ♪ Here comes your bride ♪
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00:07:22,692 --> 00:07:24,402
♪ Her name is me. ♪
- Nope.
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00:07:24,402 --> 00:07:26,237
No, no, no, no, no, no.
203
00:07:26,237 --> 00:07:28,323
Um, Barbie?
204
00:07:28,323 --> 00:07:31,785
Uh-oh,
I "dwopped" my pacifier, Daddy. Aw.
205
00:07:31,785 --> 00:07:33,953
Guys, I've been out every night
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00:07:33,953 --> 00:07:36,539
this week. I'm exhausted. And a new issue
207
00:07:36,539 --> 00:07:38,792
of Fisherwoman's Quarterly arrived today,
208
00:07:38,792 --> 00:07:41,878
so maybe I'll stay in and just read.
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00:07:41,878 --> 00:07:43,672
Beef, that last app sucked, but
210
00:07:43,672 --> 00:07:46,216
I found one called Lumber Love
that seems more your speed.
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00:07:46,216 --> 00:07:48,051
You're meeting a gal called Dee tonight.
212
00:07:48,051 --> 00:07:50,428
She says she's gonna
be wearing head-to-toe plaid.
213
00:07:50,428 --> 00:07:52,514
Well, that is a great start.
214
00:07:52,514 --> 00:07:54,808
Hey, guys. I'm here to pick Moon up.
215
00:07:54,808 --> 00:07:56,935
Bigfoot and his little brother
are a big hit.
216
00:07:56,935 --> 00:07:58,269
This is our fifth party this week.
217
00:07:58,269 --> 00:08:00,105
Let's go do what Bigfeet do.
218
00:08:00,105 --> 00:08:02,899
Stackin' bills and delivering thrills.
219
00:08:08,947 --> 00:08:12,826
Well, there's my date
in head-to-toe plaid.
220
00:08:12,826 --> 00:08:15,537
Hey, Delmer. I think there
might have been a fun little mix-up.
221
00:08:15,537 --> 00:08:16,538
Oh, hell no!
222
00:08:16,538 --> 00:08:19,124
Sorry, Mr. P,
223
00:08:19,124 --> 00:08:21,167
- I really tried.
- Ow!
224
00:08:21,167 --> 00:08:23,420
{\an8}Greta? What are you doing on the ground?
225
00:08:23,420 --> 00:08:26,256
Oh, it's silly, I have something
called cottage cheese knees.
226
00:08:26,256 --> 00:08:28,008
The dumb things just give out sometimes.
227
00:08:28,008 --> 00:08:30,260
I was just heading in for a drink.
Are you leaving?
228
00:08:33,430 --> 00:08:35,849
Buffalo Wild Wings.
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00:08:35,849 --> 00:08:38,685
That was because of the sex.
230
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Good morning.
231
00:08:42,564 --> 00:08:43,982
Oh, wow, Beef.
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You sure made a lot of bacon.
233
00:08:45,567 --> 00:08:47,068
Which is great,
because I'm pork deficient.
234
00:08:47,068 --> 00:08:48,903
If I don't eat at least
a half a pound a day,
235
00:08:48,903 --> 00:08:50,488
my doctor says my hands could fall off.
236
00:08:50,488 --> 00:08:52,866
I know it's just the two of us, but I set
237
00:08:52,866 --> 00:08:54,242
six places out of habit.
238
00:08:54,242 --> 00:08:55,535
I love it! I mean,
239
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who doesn't love breakfast?
240
00:08:56,828 --> 00:08:58,163
Well, there was my old co-worker Kedden
241
00:08:58,163 --> 00:08:59,873
who used to scream at his hash browns
242
00:08:59,873 --> 00:09:01,833
in the break room, but he died.
243
00:09:01,833 --> 00:09:03,960
I also packed you a nutritious lunch.
244
00:09:03,960 --> 00:09:06,212
So, that's there if you should want it.
245
00:09:06,212 --> 00:09:07,589
I...
246
00:09:07,589 --> 00:09:09,924
...um, haven't really, uh, had, you know,
247
00:09:09,924 --> 00:09:12,177
a romantic encounter in a while.
248
00:09:12,177 --> 00:09:13,595
I wasn't sure how to act.
249
00:09:13,595 --> 00:09:15,722
Beef, just because we knocked galoshes
250
00:09:15,722 --> 00:09:17,849
doesn't mean
we have to act any differently.
251
00:09:17,849 --> 00:09:21,311
- We're just friends who boned.
- Friends who boned.
252
00:09:21,311 --> 00:09:23,438
Okay, I like the sound of that.
253
00:09:23,438 --> 00:09:24,856
Well, I have to go home
254
00:09:24,856 --> 00:09:26,358
and prepare this exact same meal
255
00:09:26,358 --> 00:09:28,902
for my entire family before they wake up.
256
00:09:28,902 --> 00:09:30,904
Surprise!
- Oh, uh...
257
00:09:30,904 --> 00:09:33,198
We noticed you
didn't come home last night,
258
00:09:33,198 --> 00:09:35,116
so we threw a little something
together for you.
259
00:09:35,116 --> 00:09:36,743
Was it everything you'd hoped for?
260
00:09:36,743 --> 00:09:38,411
Rose petals? Candles?
261
00:09:38,411 --> 00:09:40,663
A single Hershey's kiss
on your pillowcase?
262
00:09:40,663 --> 00:09:43,041
- Spill.
- Or, you know, don't spill. At all.
263
00:09:43,041 --> 00:09:45,001
Son, those details are private.
264
00:09:45,001 --> 00:09:46,503
Ah, but what the heck?
265
00:09:46,503 --> 00:09:48,797
Give me a slice
of that one-night-stand cake.
266
00:09:48,797 --> 00:09:50,173
Why is there breakfast cake?
267
00:09:50,173 --> 00:09:51,966
More like sex-fest cake.
268
00:09:51,966 --> 00:09:54,761
- Dad went all the way!
- And back up I go.
269
00:09:54,761 --> 00:09:56,346
Take me with you.
270
00:09:56,346 --> 00:09:58,640
We did it, my penis.
271
00:09:58,640 --> 00:10:01,434
We had a one-night stand. Of sex!
272
00:10:01,434 --> 00:10:04,688
♪ Oh, yeah, a one-night stand of sex ♪
273
00:10:04,688 --> 00:10:07,232
♪ We're just friends who boned ♪
274
00:10:07,232 --> 00:10:10,694
♪ A one-night stand of sex ♪
275
00:10:10,694 --> 00:10:12,070
♪ Oh, sex! ♪
276
00:10:12,070 --> 00:10:15,281
Man, we're making money hand over fist.
277
00:10:15,281 --> 00:10:16,825
And I'm finally getting to experience
278
00:10:16,825 --> 00:10:17,992
the big brother thing.
279
00:10:17,992 --> 00:10:19,577
Who knew it'd be so much fun
280
00:10:19,577 --> 00:10:21,287
buying my little brother
an amount of ice cream
281
00:10:21,287 --> 00:10:23,039
that would make him physically sick?
282
00:10:23,039 --> 00:10:26,626
- You're nailing it, Jer.
- Well, hello, hello, hello.
283
00:10:26,626 --> 00:10:28,128
Um... hello.
284
00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:30,046
We heard you've been doing parties
285
00:10:30,046 --> 00:10:31,798
around town, as a duo.
286
00:10:31,798 --> 00:10:34,426
Even heard you did
Ryan Ferguson's sixth birthday party.
287
00:10:34,426 --> 00:10:37,345
- Uh, yeah.
- Ferguson is our gig!
288
00:10:37,345 --> 00:10:38,596
There's only room for one
289
00:10:38,596 --> 00:10:40,557
big/little party duo in this town.
290
00:10:40,557 --> 00:10:42,308
Used to be Big Cher and Little Cher.
291
00:10:42,308 --> 00:10:45,562
Then someone gave 'em
a pair of concrete wigs.
292
00:10:45,562 --> 00:10:49,607
Now the only big/little duo is us.
Capisce?
293
00:10:50,942 --> 00:10:52,235
Okay, that was freaky.
294
00:10:52,235 --> 00:10:53,611
Don't worry about it, little bro.
295
00:10:53,611 --> 00:10:55,280
They're just party entertainers.
296
00:10:55,280 --> 00:10:56,698
Yeah, what's the worst they could do--
297
00:10:56,698 --> 00:10:58,074
hit us with a bucket of confetti?
298
00:10:58,074 --> 00:11:00,702
Or make us a delightful balloon animal?
299
00:11:00,702 --> 00:11:02,662
Honestly, I'd welcome it.
300
00:11:02,662 --> 00:11:05,915
Mm...
- Good morning, my fine family.
301
00:11:05,915 --> 00:11:06,916
What are you looking at?
302
00:11:06,916 --> 00:11:07,917
- Hi, Dad.
- Morning.
303
00:11:07,917 --> 00:11:08,918
- Uh, nothing.
- Uh, Dad,
304
00:11:08,918 --> 00:11:10,045
if you're thinking about reading
305
00:11:10,045 --> 00:11:11,379
the Poetry Corner, don't bother.
306
00:11:11,379 --> 00:11:12,589
It's just dumb.
307
00:11:12,589 --> 00:11:14,341
But today's obituaries are popping off.
308
00:11:14,341 --> 00:11:15,842
Don't be ridiculous, Judy.
309
00:11:15,842 --> 00:11:18,094
You know Poetry Corner
is always my first stop
310
00:11:18,094 --> 00:11:19,679
after I read the date.
311
00:11:19,679 --> 00:11:21,389
"October 14th."
312
00:11:21,389 --> 00:11:22,766
Pretty good.
313
00:11:22,766 --> 00:11:24,392
Hey! Uh, should we all go on a road trip?
314
00:11:24,392 --> 00:11:25,393
Huh? Vegas?
315
00:11:25,393 --> 00:11:27,312
- Let's go!
- Not now, son.
316
00:11:27,312 --> 00:11:29,647
And I'd thank you
not to throw keys at my head.
317
00:11:29,647 --> 00:11:32,317
Today's poem: "Red Meat No Gristle,
318
00:11:32,317 --> 00:11:34,027
"Late Night Guided Missile.
319
00:11:34,027 --> 00:11:36,071
By... Greta Meatweep"?
320
00:11:36,071 --> 00:11:38,990
Hmm. "When he helped me up
in the parking lot,
321
00:11:38,990 --> 00:11:41,034
"suddenly things got very hot.
322
00:11:41,034 --> 00:11:44,454
"In the darkness entwined,
on each other, we dined.
323
00:11:44,454 --> 00:11:45,914
"I was disrobing,
324
00:11:45,914 --> 00:11:47,832
he was... Beef Tobin."
325
00:11:47,832 --> 00:11:50,043
Oh, my God.
326
00:11:52,128 --> 00:11:54,047
"Bedclothes askew;
327
00:11:54,047 --> 00:11:55,840
"aroma, Beef stew.
328
00:11:55,840 --> 00:11:57,384
"Night gives way to dawn,
329
00:11:57,384 --> 00:11:59,803
and yet our lovemaking goes on."
330
00:11:59,803 --> 00:12:01,304
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
331
00:12:01,304 --> 00:12:02,764
Very cool!
332
00:12:02,764 --> 00:12:04,974
I wanted a discreet one-night stand,
333
00:12:04,974 --> 00:12:07,560
not to be the star of a literary sex tape.
334
00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:09,896
Dad, you got to celebrate
your accomplishments.
335
00:12:09,896 --> 00:12:12,148
This poem is going right up on the fridge.
336
00:12:12,148 --> 00:12:14,401
I listened to my sky member,
337
00:12:14,401 --> 00:12:16,277
and now I'm the town trollop.
338
00:12:16,277 --> 00:12:17,737
Dad, relax.
339
00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:19,739
I don't think anyone
is gonna care much about this.
340
00:12:19,739 --> 00:12:21,408
When Crispin and I started dating
341
00:12:21,408 --> 00:12:22,951
we thought we'd be the talk of the town--
342
00:12:22,951 --> 00:12:25,620
you know, being a new couple
in a small Alaskan village--
343
00:12:25,620 --> 00:12:27,539
but people moved on pretty quickly.
344
00:12:27,539 --> 00:12:28,790
Frankly, a little more quickly
345
00:12:28,790 --> 00:12:30,375
than my ego was comfortable with.
346
00:12:30,375 --> 00:12:31,751
And, Beef, I didn't even know
347
00:12:31,751 --> 00:12:33,712
there was a poetry corner
in the Lone Moose Wind.
348
00:12:33,712 --> 00:12:35,463
I bet no one's even read this.
349
00:12:35,463 --> 00:12:36,715
You're probably right.
350
00:12:36,715 --> 00:12:38,675
I mean, kids today, with their video games
351
00:12:38,675 --> 00:12:41,011
and their LinkedIns, and their... kites.
352
00:12:41,011 --> 00:12:43,304
I'm sure nobody
cares about my sex-capades.
353
00:12:43,304 --> 00:12:45,015
Mm-hmm. [squealing] Mm-hmm!
354
00:12:45,015 --> 00:12:47,559
I'm just gonna go run my errands and, uh,
355
00:12:47,559 --> 00:12:49,352
not give it a second thought.
356
00:12:59,988 --> 00:13:02,073
Dad? You okay?
357
00:13:02,073 --> 00:13:04,034
You're sitting on your brooding log.
358
00:13:04,034 --> 00:13:07,370
I was in town, and it seems like
many other ladies
359
00:13:07,370 --> 00:13:09,039
wanted me to dip my...
360
00:13:09,039 --> 00:13:11,833
beef taquito in their lady queso.
361
00:13:11,833 --> 00:13:12,959
Mm-hmm.
362
00:13:12,959 --> 00:13:15,003
Which I know a lot of guys would dig,
363
00:13:15,003 --> 00:13:16,671
but being the center of attention
364
00:13:16,671 --> 00:13:18,340
just isn't my style.
365
00:13:18,340 --> 00:13:20,091
Dad, if you don't like all the attention,
366
00:13:20,091 --> 00:13:21,426
you should go talk to Greta.
367
00:13:21,426 --> 00:13:22,844
She should know that you'd rather keep
368
00:13:22,844 --> 00:13:25,096
any further rhyming couplets
about your romp private.
369
00:13:25,096 --> 00:13:28,350
All right, Hamjam.
When did you become so wise?
370
00:13:28,350 --> 00:13:30,685
Oh, uh, about three years ago.
371
00:13:30,685 --> 00:13:32,228
Pretty crazy that we've done
372
00:13:32,228 --> 00:13:34,481
three parties for this family in one week.
373
00:13:34,481 --> 00:13:37,067
Yeah, they always
give little Jay-Jay three parties.
374
00:13:37,067 --> 00:13:39,069
He's gonna grow up to be a monster.
375
00:13:39,069 --> 00:13:40,320
Hey, what in the...
376
00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:43,365
I think those damn clowns pied your car.
377
00:13:45,325 --> 00:13:46,701
Honk-honk, bitch.
- Aah!
378
00:13:46,701 --> 00:13:48,203
Oh! How'd you get in here?
379
00:13:48,203 --> 00:13:50,789
You just couldn't leave
well enough alone, could you?
380
00:13:50,789 --> 00:13:52,207
Since you boys can't take a hint,
381
00:13:52,207 --> 00:13:54,376
here's an ultimatum: Costume Battle.
382
00:13:54,376 --> 00:13:56,211
Woods. Tomorrow night. You. Us.
383
00:13:56,211 --> 00:13:57,879
Couple other guys. Derek's a maybe.
384
00:13:57,879 --> 00:14:00,590
Appetizers, but not a meal.
You get the picture.
385
00:14:00,590 --> 00:14:02,258
{\an8}What the hell's a costume battle?
386
00:14:02,258 --> 00:14:04,052
It's how us local party entertainers
387
00:14:04,052 --> 00:14:05,804
settle this kind of score.
388
00:14:05,804 --> 00:14:08,640
Winner gets to keep their act.
Loser loses theirs.
389
00:14:10,183 --> 00:14:13,687
Boy, these clowns
make the one from It seem chill.
390
00:14:13,687 --> 00:14:15,772
I hope no one was watching them leave.
391
00:14:15,772 --> 00:14:17,065
Be real disappointing to see
392
00:14:17,065 --> 00:14:19,234
only two clowns get out of a car.
393
00:14:20,694 --> 00:14:23,279
Hello, Greta. I read your poem.
394
00:14:23,279 --> 00:14:24,781
Oh, you did? I'm so glad.
395
00:14:24,781 --> 00:14:26,282
I was so stirred by our lovemaking
396
00:14:26,282 --> 00:14:28,326
that I was finally able to rhyme.
397
00:14:28,326 --> 00:14:29,536
Would you like to come in?
398
00:14:29,536 --> 00:14:31,204
I, uh...
399
00:14:31,204 --> 00:14:32,372
Yes, Beef?
400
00:14:32,372 --> 00:14:34,416
Yes...
401
00:14:35,417 --> 00:14:36,751
So...
402
00:14:36,751 --> 00:14:39,713
based on this second very graphic poem,
403
00:14:39,713 --> 00:14:41,172
I'm guessing you didn't tell Greta
404
00:14:41,172 --> 00:14:42,424
that you didn't love the first one?
405
00:14:42,424 --> 00:14:45,093
Well, I tried, but no.
406
00:14:45,093 --> 00:14:46,761
Let me guess--
you made significant eye contact
407
00:14:46,761 --> 00:14:48,221
and then just boned again.
408
00:14:48,221 --> 00:14:50,306
- We did.
- Hoo...
409
00:14:50,306 --> 00:14:52,934
"More Beef Broth Overfloweth My Trough,
410
00:14:52,934 --> 00:14:54,310
by Greta Meatweep."
411
00:14:54,310 --> 00:14:55,478
It's a great title for the sequel.
412
00:14:55,478 --> 00:14:57,230
Wait. Let me just brace myself.
413
00:14:57,230 --> 00:14:58,732
Okay. Proceed.
414
00:14:58,732 --> 00:15:00,900
"Prime rib sandwich, open face.
415
00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:02,902
Mid-day gravy, hot embrace."
416
00:15:02,902 --> 00:15:04,904
No! No!
417
00:15:04,904 --> 00:15:06,573
Nope, nope, nope!
Sorry, I tried to be cool,
418
00:15:06,573 --> 00:15:07,991
but I am not this cool. Good luck, Dad.
419
00:15:07,991 --> 00:15:10,035
And I am going to go upstairs to my room
420
00:15:10,035 --> 00:15:11,453
and then out the window to a therapist!
421
00:15:14,414 --> 00:15:16,332
And I shall go to my room.
422
00:15:16,332 --> 00:15:17,709
For the foreseeable future,
423
00:15:17,709 --> 00:15:19,919
I shall moor my personal watercraft
424
00:15:19,919 --> 00:15:22,422
in the safe harbor of my own underpants.
425
00:15:22,422 --> 00:15:24,924
Hey, Judy, you want
to bring the table piece back?
426
00:15:24,924 --> 00:15:26,885
I could get started fixing it.
427
00:15:28,428 --> 00:15:31,598
Huh. This seems kind of bad.
428
00:15:31,598 --> 00:15:34,184
Uh-huh. And I think
you'll share my concern--
429
00:15:34,184 --> 00:15:37,270
- where are the frickin' appetizers?
- Oh, there's Noodie the Noodle.
430
00:15:37,270 --> 00:15:39,439
Looks like he's been
hitting the sauce pretty hard.
431
00:15:39,439 --> 00:15:41,608
- Didn't think you'd show up.
- Yeah, we showed up.
432
00:15:41,608 --> 00:15:43,610
And you messed up by messing with
433
00:15:43,610 --> 00:15:44,778
my Big Bigfoot Bro.
434
00:15:44,778 --> 00:15:46,196
Go on, Jerry. Get 'em!
435
00:15:46,196 --> 00:15:48,448
Oh, Moon! No, no, no, no. Don't say that.
436
00:15:48,448 --> 00:15:49,824
- Uh, I-I'm not--
- All right.
437
00:15:49,824 --> 00:15:51,284
Here's how this goes down.
438
00:15:51,284 --> 00:15:52,952
First we strip down to our underwear
439
00:15:52,952 --> 00:15:54,829
so we don't stain our costumes with blood.
440
00:15:54,829 --> 00:15:56,081
Then we fistfight.
441
00:15:56,081 --> 00:15:58,291
Then winners burn the losers' costumes.
442
00:15:58,291 --> 00:16:00,251
But first, everybody gets ten minutes
443
00:16:00,251 --> 00:16:01,711
to do whatever drugs they want.
444
00:16:01,711 --> 00:16:03,129
Moon, look.
445
00:16:03,129 --> 00:16:05,256
I think I've been so focused
on being a fun brother
446
00:16:05,256 --> 00:16:07,175
that I forgot about
the other big brother stuff,
447
00:16:07,175 --> 00:16:08,468
like protecting you.
448
00:16:08,468 --> 00:16:10,178
I mean, taking you
to a clearing in the woods
449
00:16:10,178 --> 00:16:11,638
with a bunch of psychopaths?
450
00:16:11,638 --> 00:16:13,807
That's not ideal big brother behavior.
451
00:16:13,807 --> 00:16:16,685
I think it might be time
to retire our Bigfoot team.
452
00:16:16,685 --> 00:16:18,937
But maybe we could
just hang out sometimes.
453
00:16:18,937 --> 00:16:20,146
Oh, definitely.
454
00:16:20,146 --> 00:16:22,565
Okay. When I say, "Run," run.
455
00:16:22,565 --> 00:16:23,817
- Run!
- Hey!
456
00:16:23,817 --> 00:16:25,026
Get back here!
457
00:16:25,026 --> 00:16:26,528
Where are you going?
458
00:16:26,528 --> 00:16:28,988
I'll miss you...!
459
00:16:28,988 --> 00:16:30,490
Okay.
460
00:16:30,490 --> 00:16:32,033
Yeah, this is bad.
461
00:16:32,033 --> 00:16:33,159
Very, very bad.
462
00:16:33,159 --> 00:16:34,411
Morning, my sibs.
463
00:16:34,411 --> 00:16:36,204
Uh-oh. Your plates are saying flapjacks,
464
00:16:36,204 --> 00:16:38,498
but your faces are saying, "Oh, crap."
465
00:16:38,498 --> 00:16:41,126
"My Eager Vegan by Greta Meatweep"?
466
00:16:41,126 --> 00:16:43,753
"Your long blonde rattail
glistening in the sun.
467
00:16:43,753 --> 00:16:47,424
Your lips like silken tofu,
your patchouli-soaked man bun."
468
00:16:47,424 --> 00:16:50,051
Uh-oh. This poem is not about your dad.
469
00:16:52,137 --> 00:16:54,139
"Truffle hunting at night,
470
00:16:54,139 --> 00:16:56,433
"my garden delight.
I unearthed his carrot,
471
00:16:56,433 --> 00:16:58,560
and with glee he did share it."
472
00:16:58,560 --> 00:17:00,562
I know this poem's not about Dad,
473
00:17:00,562 --> 00:17:01,980
but I still hate it.
474
00:17:01,980 --> 00:17:03,481
Looks like Greta took a veggie dip.
475
00:17:03,481 --> 00:17:04,733
Dad's gonna be devastated.
476
00:17:04,733 --> 00:17:06,109
He's just gotten himself
477
00:17:06,109 --> 00:17:07,944
back on the market
and now he's being recalled.
478
00:17:07,944 --> 00:17:09,529
Gee! Hi-hi, hi.
Hi.
479
00:17:09,529 --> 00:17:10,822
Hi, Dad.
480
00:17:10,822 --> 00:17:12,741
What, uh... What's going on?
481
00:17:12,741 --> 00:17:13,867
Oh, th-th-the...
482
00:17:13,867 --> 00:17:15,577
whole yard is-is on fire,
483
00:17:15,577 --> 00:17:17,829
so... you better... go...
484
00:17:18,788 --> 00:17:20,290
Oh. I see.
485
00:17:20,290 --> 00:17:22,167
Excuse me.
486
00:17:23,835 --> 00:17:26,546
- Oh, no, Greta broke his heart.
- I'll go after him.
487
00:17:26,546 --> 00:17:28,840
- Wolf, no.
- But he's sad.
488
00:17:28,840 --> 00:17:30,300
Yes, Wolf, probably.
489
00:17:30,300 --> 00:17:32,552
But look, Dad chose
to sleep with somebody.
490
00:17:32,552 --> 00:17:34,179
Twice. And it got complicated.
491
00:17:34,179 --> 00:17:35,638
But as someone who has had to think about
492
00:17:35,638 --> 00:17:37,724
this kind of relationship and sex crap
493
00:17:37,724 --> 00:17:39,642
from the time he was... [scoffs] 12
494
00:17:39,642 --> 00:17:41,353
and first saw a Knight Rider rerun...
495
00:17:41,353 --> 00:17:43,563
Hasselhoff. Vroom-vroom, baby.
496
00:17:43,563 --> 00:17:45,899
Exactly. And that car
was no slouch, either.
497
00:17:45,899 --> 00:17:47,734
Look, as a gay dude, I always knew that
498
00:17:47,734 --> 00:17:50,695
my love life might bring
me a bit of, mm... scrutiny.
499
00:17:50,695 --> 00:17:53,365
But the other choice--
hiding away-- kind of sucks.
500
00:17:53,365 --> 00:17:55,825
And we got to let Dad process that.
501
00:17:55,825 --> 00:17:58,328
Even if it means he lives
in the shed for a month or two,
502
00:17:58,328 --> 00:18:00,080
mumbling and eating cold spaghetti.
503
00:18:00,080 --> 00:18:01,748
Okay, then, batten down the hatches.
504
00:18:01,748 --> 00:18:04,584
It's about to get
very forlorn around here.
505
00:18:04,584 --> 00:18:07,962
Come on, Penis, show yourself.
We need to talk.
506
00:18:08,838 --> 00:18:11,257
Ugh, maybe I have to be at risk of death.
507
00:18:11,257 --> 00:18:12,717
I guess I have to get in.
508
00:18:16,388 --> 00:18:19,724
Oh, no! I'm in danger. I could die.
509
00:18:19,724 --> 00:18:22,102
Beef! My man! What is up?
510
00:18:22,102 --> 00:18:23,687
I am really proud of you.
511
00:18:23,687 --> 00:18:26,064
You're the conductor
of the Bone Town Express.
512
00:18:26,064 --> 00:18:27,065
Choo-choo!
513
00:18:27,065 --> 00:18:28,733
No. I am not that.
514
00:18:28,733 --> 00:18:31,194
Although I do like trains. But I'm upset.
515
00:18:31,194 --> 00:18:33,279
Oh. Is it because
Greta took another lover?
516
00:18:33,279 --> 00:18:34,489
The vegan?
517
00:18:34,489 --> 00:18:35,573
How do you know that?
518
00:18:35,573 --> 00:18:37,742
Beef, I'm a part of you.
519
00:18:37,742 --> 00:18:39,619
I know everything you do.
520
00:18:39,619 --> 00:18:41,496
I know you're about to fart right now.
521
00:18:41,496 --> 00:18:43,248
Well, you're wro-- Oh.
522
00:18:43,248 --> 00:18:44,332
See?
523
00:18:44,332 --> 00:18:45,792
So, what's the big deal about Greta?
524
00:18:45,792 --> 00:18:46,835
You jealous?
525
00:18:46,835 --> 00:18:48,837
No. And that's what I'm upset about.
526
00:18:48,837 --> 00:18:50,880
I was always kind of jealous of Kathleen,
527
00:18:50,880 --> 00:18:52,465
so why am I not devastated
528
00:18:52,465 --> 00:18:54,426
that I'm not Greta's only boy toy?
529
00:18:54,426 --> 00:18:58,513
Has having casual sex
turned me into some kind of a lothario?
530
00:18:58,513 --> 00:18:59,931
Beef, if you want answers,
531
00:18:59,931 --> 00:19:02,058
you need to talk to the guy who sent me.
532
00:19:02,058 --> 00:19:05,186
No offense to me, but I am pretty dumb.
533
00:19:05,186 --> 00:19:06,604
Someone sent you?
534
00:19:06,604 --> 00:19:08,356
Your heart sent me.
535
00:19:08,356 --> 00:19:09,691
{\an8}- Hey, Heart.
- Oh, hey, fellas.
536
00:19:09,691 --> 00:19:11,484
{\an8}I was just thinking
about this cat I saw once
537
00:19:11,484 --> 00:19:12,819
{\an8}that only had three paws.
538
00:19:12,819 --> 00:19:14,195
{\an8}He rode around on a little scooter.
539
00:19:14,195 --> 00:19:15,739
{\an8}- He was so brave.
- 'Sup, Dennis.
540
00:19:15,739 --> 00:19:17,449
My heart's name is Dennis?
541
00:19:17,449 --> 00:19:19,159
- Your name is Beef?
- Fair.
542
00:19:19,159 --> 00:19:21,161
Beef, it's not just
your down-below dangler
543
00:19:21,161 --> 00:19:22,287
that's been dead for years.
544
00:19:22,287 --> 00:19:23,288
It's me, too.
545
00:19:23,288 --> 00:19:25,206
What? I use you all the time.
546
00:19:25,206 --> 00:19:27,125
I-I love the kids. And the boat.
547
00:19:27,125 --> 00:19:28,835
And that cat with the three paws.
548
00:19:28,835 --> 00:19:31,129
I remember when we saw Jangles
on that website.
549
00:19:31,129 --> 00:19:33,173
Beef, I'm talking about romantic love.
550
00:19:33,173 --> 00:19:34,674
I haven't gotten to feel that in years.
551
00:19:34,674 --> 00:19:37,469
Okay, but then why'd you send my wiener?
552
00:19:37,469 --> 00:19:39,137
Come on, Beef, we all know the saying,
553
00:19:39,137 --> 00:19:40,722
"The penis is the gateway to the heart."
554
00:19:40,722 --> 00:19:41,931
That's not a saying.
555
00:19:41,931 --> 00:19:43,475
Sure it is. I have it on a bumper sticker.
556
00:19:43,475 --> 00:19:44,559
You have a car?
557
00:19:44,559 --> 00:19:46,144
Sort of. Well, it's complicated.
558
00:19:46,144 --> 00:19:48,271
Look, Beef, the point is,
if you don't start
559
00:19:48,271 --> 00:19:50,190
getting your old rod
and reel back in the game,
560
00:19:50,190 --> 00:19:51,608
then I have no chance, either.
561
00:19:51,608 --> 00:19:53,693
And we've got a lot
of good years ahead of us.
562
00:19:53,693 --> 00:19:55,153
So you're saying that if I keep
563
00:19:55,153 --> 00:19:56,988
- doing the deed...
- Hell yeah!
564
00:19:56,988 --> 00:19:58,448
...you can handle that, Dennis?
565
00:19:58,448 --> 00:20:00,033
I mean, you were really messed up
566
00:20:00,033 --> 00:20:01,785
back when you-know-who ran off.
567
00:20:01,785 --> 00:20:03,286
Oh, yeah. I was a disaster.
568
00:20:03,286 --> 00:20:05,080
Remember how we
used to have to lie down in the shower
569
00:20:05,080 --> 00:20:06,790
every time an Air Supply song came on?
570
00:20:06,790 --> 00:20:08,416
We were both hanging on by our fingertips.
571
00:20:08,416 --> 00:20:09,542
But I'm better now.
572
00:20:09,542 --> 00:20:11,211
Hmm. I guess that's true.
573
00:20:11,211 --> 00:20:12,796
These days, when I hear Air Supply,
574
00:20:12,796 --> 00:20:14,506
I just turn the radio off
575
00:20:14,506 --> 00:20:17,300
and sometimes rub a cool rag
across my forehead.
576
00:20:17,300 --> 00:20:20,053
We're just asking you
not to fish your whole life away
577
00:20:20,053 --> 00:20:22,389
while your friends
go to Gals Guzzle Free Night.
578
00:20:22,389 --> 00:20:25,767
Okay, I'll do what you guys want
and get out there again.
579
00:20:25,767 --> 00:20:28,520
{\an8}Yes! But, Beef,
it's actually what you want.
580
00:20:28,520 --> 00:20:30,689
{\an8}'Cause we're you, ding-dong.
581
00:20:30,689 --> 00:20:32,691
{\an8}Hey, since we're gonna
be getting back out there again,
582
00:20:32,691 --> 00:20:34,442
{\an8}maybe we call that doll lady, huh?
583
00:20:34,442 --> 00:20:35,485
{\an8}No.
Absolutely not.
584
00:20:35,485 --> 00:20:37,821
But I will keep trying. I promise.
585
00:20:37,821 --> 00:20:39,614
{\an8}All right, well,
we'll be seeing you around, Beef.
586
00:20:39,614 --> 00:20:40,699
{\an8}Bye, player.
587
00:20:40,699 --> 00:20:41,991
{\an8}Don't be afraid to reach out.
588
00:20:41,991 --> 00:20:44,369
Wait, my penis. I never got your name.
589
00:20:44,369 --> 00:20:46,329
It's Cindy...!
590
00:20:50,041 --> 00:20:51,960
Thanks for all the support
through the years,
591
00:20:51,960 --> 00:20:53,253
Captain Christy Covington,
592
00:20:53,253 --> 00:20:56,339
beast of bass fishing
and three-time cover girl.
593
00:20:56,339 --> 00:20:58,675
But I got this now.
594
00:20:58,675 --> 00:21:00,844
You know what? A man can change his mind.
595
00:21:00,844 --> 00:21:03,179
{\an8}♪ The penis is the gateway to the heart ♪
596
00:21:03,179 --> 00:21:05,015
{\an8}♪ I'm your johnson ♪
597
00:21:05,015 --> 00:21:06,599
{\an8}♪ And I'm where you should start ♪
598
00:21:06,599 --> 00:21:09,436
{\an8}♪ I'm here to hold your hand
through love ♪
599
00:21:09,436 --> 00:21:11,604
{\an8}♪ And I'm closer to your farts ♪
600
00:21:11,604 --> 00:21:13,106
{\an8}♪ It's me ♪
601
00:21:13,106 --> 00:21:14,524
{\an8}♪ The downsouth Donald ♪
602
00:21:14,524 --> 00:21:16,776
{\an8}♪ That's the gateway to your heart ♪
603
00:21:16,776 --> 00:21:18,361
{\an8}♪ People see me hanging around ♪
604
00:21:18,361 --> 00:21:19,863
{\an8}♪ Think I'm up to nothing good ♪
605
00:21:19,863 --> 00:21:21,698
{\an8}♪ But I have schemes
and dreams, you know ♪
606
00:21:21,698 --> 00:21:22,699
{\an8}♪ I'm not just made of wood ♪
607
00:21:22,699 --> 00:21:23,783
{\an8}♪ Not just made of wood ♪
608
00:21:23,783 --> 00:21:24,784
{\an8}♪ Get to know me better ♪
609
00:21:24,784 --> 00:21:26,453
{\an8}♪ And you'll see I can unlock ♪
610
00:21:26,453 --> 00:21:28,038
{\an8}♪ The golden road to that hunky dude ♪
611
00:21:28,038 --> 00:21:29,706
{\an8}♪ The one that beats ticktock ♪
612
00:21:29,706 --> 00:21:31,875
{\an8}♪ I'm the penis,
the gateway to your heart. ♪