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《北方極樂園》
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{\an8}(無敵凱瑟琳號)
(魚魚棒棒號)
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{\an8}(《浮誇人生》)
(《公證人遊戲》)
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{\an8}魚網都準備好了,捕魚籠也檢查完畢
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{\an8}- 喂
- 比夫,我是卡麗莎
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{\an8}我、桃樂絲和瑪麗
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{\an8}要去基奈代基里洞穴的淑女之夜
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{\an8}你要一起來嗎?一定會有很多美女喔
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{\an8}我也很想,但我的魚網打結了
捕魚籠著火了
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{\an8}所以下次再約吧
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{\an8}比夫,我愛你,但你真的很不會說謊
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{\an8}你應該要認識一些辣妹而不是成天捕魚
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{\an8}這是你的損失,先掛囉
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{\an8}辛苦捕魚了一整天
現在該放鬆一下來釣釣魚吧
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糟了
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{\an8}我只好游回去了
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{\an8}天啊,洋流好強
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{\an8}我的腿被卡住了
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{\an8}好的,動腦,比夫
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{\an8}你的腿被魚網纏住了
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{\an8}你得解開來
但拉扯似乎讓繩索纏得更緊了
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{\an8}冰冷的水,失溫症
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{\an8}最多只剩15分鐘
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{\an8}- 比夫
- 什麼?
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{\an8}放輕鬆,沒事的啦
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{\an8}上帝?是祢嗎?
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{\an8}抱歉我說過我以為祢是虛構的
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{\an8}我不是上帝,比夫
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{\an8}我是你的雞雞
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{\an8}天啊,一定是失溫症開始發作了
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{\an8}等等,你為什麼有南方口音?
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{\an8}因為我來自於你身體的下方
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{\an8}在我還活著的時候啦
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但現在我死了,我到了天堂
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我和你美麗的人體把手已經死了
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因為你好幾年沒使用過我了
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什麼?才不是那樣
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上個月呢?
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最新一期的《女漁夫季刊》
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我開心了幾分鐘
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我說的不是打手槍
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我說的是性愛
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性愛算是我的強項
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我一直沒有機會認識任何人
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「我一直沒有機會」
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你一直在放棄機會
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你剛剛才放棄了和卡麗莎
去淑女之夜的機會
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我可是有耳朵的
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- 真的嗎?
- 算是吧
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總之,對我來說
拒絕去淑女之夜是最後一根稻草
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那殺了我
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跟我一起上天堂吧
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但我不想死
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那麼或許我可以幫幫你
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- 拜託你
- 如果你也願意幫我的話
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我什麼都願意
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答應我你會開始好好生活?
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讓我派上用場?
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因為我的要求並不多
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一夜情也可以,或者...怎麼說呢?
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這樣吧,你在公車站牌遇到了一位女士
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你們一起去廁所,她讓你坐上尿布台
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她的牙齒脫落了,但那又如何?
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也許那也是一種樂趣
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等等,我在說什麼?
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拜託,幫我解開
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好吧,魚網纏住了你的左腳
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有點像束結,把繩結滑到你的腿部鬆開它
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再把腳抽出來
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感謝老天爺
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我還活著
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抱歉,我來晚了
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比夫,你還好吧?
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你看起來像《神鬼獵人》裡的那頭熊
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爸,你怎麼了?
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我知道這聽起來或許很瘋狂
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但我有了瀕死經驗,我看到了某個東西
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你心愛的孩子那天真的面孔?
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不是,我看到了我的...
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我的雞雞在空中,而且它還跟我說話了
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所以你昏到了,做了一個夢?
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那絕對不是做夢
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那是個頓悟
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我的生殖器很氣我沒有...
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- 養獵鷹?
- 性愛關係
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我該避開了
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爸,很高興你沒事
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我去門廊囉,我不會談論這件事
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眼看著即將要討論爸的性事
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我也強忍著恐懼,不讓自己尖叫
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但我希望別人認為我的性態度積極正面
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我也希望爸過得開心
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所以我會留下來,但只會點頭和說...
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我跟妳相反,我已經準備好討論細節了
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爸,你的意思是說你下面的爸爸
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想要你交女朋友?
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他沒有在追求穩定的關係
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他追求的是一夜情
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也許我和哈尼碧可以幫你撮合一下
我們可以一起出遊
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我一直很想和我爸從事一些群交活動
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我向上帝祈求那不是你想表達的意思
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兒子,謝謝你的好意
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但我從電視上學到如果我想要的是約炮
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我只要使用應用程式就好?
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沒錯,如果你只是想找炮友
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交友軟體是個很好的選擇
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好的,晚餐過後
我就會開始在網路上曝光
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穆恩
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你是因為晚餐吃到一半想放屁
所以跑出來嗎?
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我一天到晚這樣
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就在上週,我得急忙跑出牛排奶昔
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其實是餐桌上的對話變得有點成人
不符合我的喜好
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傑瑞,你想幹嘛?
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我只是要去拿備用的大腳怪頭套
順道經過這裡
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我上週把頭套留在這裡了
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棒透了,我可以試試嗎?
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好啊
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嬰兒大腳怪
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這讓我有了一個主意
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我的工作量最近有點下滑
有個新花招應該會很不錯
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你想要在我接下來的慶生活動表演
擔任大腳怪的弟弟嗎?
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- 真的嗎?
- 當然囉
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會很好玩
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況且,在現實生活中
我一直很想要個弟弟,但總是未能如願
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- 你覺得呢?
- 我願意
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我們可以平分小費
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還有錢拿喔?好喔
你現在就是我最新最棒的大哥了
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我去通知家人我要展開新生活了
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好的,我上傳了爸唯一一張的笑臉照
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記得嗎?我們在你見到
穿了衣服的猴子時拍下的
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牠們不應該穿人類的衣服
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那我就點擊這個按鈕囉
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- 你配對成功了
- 太棒了
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我該怎麼辦?寄一封信給她嗎?
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你約她今晚在俄式餐廳見
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寄出
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如果一切順利的話
你就會得到額外的俄式脫衣秀
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希望如此
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人生很珍貴,我不能浪費第二次機會
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我一定要遵照老二的命令
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(俄式餐廳)
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- 妳好,是崔西嗎?
- 嗨
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嗨,我是性愛托賓
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我是來找比夫的
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我意思是來做愛的,我意思是來約會的
性愛,比夫,跟我做愛
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我得離開了
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開頭不是很順利
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但沒關係啦,我們會助你重返情場
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性愛情場
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好樣的,爸
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來囉
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我在想我是否吃過你捕到的魚?
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- 這種想法挺有趣的
- 對呀
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希望你喜歡你的飲料
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我很喜歡
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- 不客氣
- 我不明白
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我發明了杯子
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妳發明了杯子?
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是的
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妳在說笑嗎?
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而且我知道你是希拉蕊柯林頓
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我等不及想要回到我家
把你的連體緊身衣脫下來
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你得做好準備,你一定會遇見一些神經病
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好的,又重新回到了性愛情場起點
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也許我該用耳塞,也許上帝會引領我
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來囉,這位女士看起來人很好很正常
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- 妮娜嗎?
- 你好,爹地
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我的尿布濕透了
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- 不妙
- 比夫
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你的新娘駕到了,她的名字就是我
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不行,不...不可以
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- 芭比?
- 不妙
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我的奶嘴掉了,爹地
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各位,這週我每晚都出門了
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我累壞了
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新一期的《女漁夫季刊》今天送來了
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也許我會待在家看雜誌
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比夫,那個應用程式糟透了
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但我發現了一個叫做木材之愛的交友網站
似乎比較適合你
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你今晚要和一個叫做迪伊的女孩見面
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她說她會穿著一身格子圖案的衣服
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那是個好的開始
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哈囉,我來接穆恩
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大腳怪和他的弟弟爆紅了
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這是本週第五場派對了
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我們去做大腳怪該做的事吧
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賺錢和製造恐慌
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那是我一身格子圖案的約會對象
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狄瑪,可能出現了一些有趣的差錯
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不是吧
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抱歉了,屌先生,我真的盡力了
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格麗塔?妳躺在地上做什麼?
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很蠢啦,我的膝蓋不太好
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我的蠢膝蓋有時候會突然沒力
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我正打算進去喝一杯,你要走了嗎?
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這也太爽了吧
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因為我們剛剛做愛了
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早安
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哇,比夫
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你煎了好多培根,太好了
因為我缺乏豬肉
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如果我一天沒吃到半磅的豬肉
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00:08:48,945 --> 00:08:50,488
我的醫生說我的手可能會脫落
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我知道只有我們兩個
但我習慣了準備六人份
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太棒了,誰不喜歡早餐呢?
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有啦,我的老同事凱登
206
00:08:58,538 --> 00:09:01,832
他經常在休息室對著馬鈴薯煎餅尖叫
但他死了
207
00:09:01,832 --> 00:09:03,918
我也幫妳做了一份營養午餐
208
00:09:03,918 --> 00:09:06,170
如果妳想要的話,就在那裡
209
00:09:06,170 --> 00:09:12,093
我好一陣子沒有遇上浪漫的邂逅了
210
00:09:12,093 --> 00:09:13,594
我不太清楚要如何應對進退
211
00:09:13,594 --> 00:09:15,805
比夫,即使我們發生了關係
212
00:09:15,805 --> 00:09:17,890
不表示我們就得改變互動的方式
213
00:09:17,890 --> 00:09:19,600
我們只是會上床的朋友
214
00:09:19,600 --> 00:09:23,437
「會上床的朋友」
好的,我喜歡這種說法
215
00:09:23,437 --> 00:09:27,441
我得回家了,在家人起床之前
幫他們準備一頓
216
00:09:27,441 --> 00:09:28,901
一模一樣的早餐
217
00:09:29,569 --> 00:09:30,903
給你一個驚喜
218
00:09:30,903 --> 00:09:31,821
(父親做愛節快樂)
219
00:09:31,821 --> 00:09:33,364
我們注意到你昨晚沒回家
220
00:09:33,364 --> 00:09:35,074
所以我們一起幫你準備了一個小驚喜
221
00:09:35,074 --> 00:09:36,617
一切都跟你期望的一樣嗎?
222
00:09:36,617 --> 00:09:38,286
玫瑰花瓣?蠟燭?
223
00:09:38,286 --> 00:09:41,205
枕頭上放著一顆好時之吻巧克力?快說
224
00:09:41,205 --> 00:09:43,040
或者,什麼都別說
225
00:09:43,040 --> 00:09:45,418
兒子,那些細節很私密
226
00:09:45,418 --> 00:09:46,502
但管它的
227
00:09:46,502 --> 00:09:48,796
給我一片一夜情蛋糕吧
228
00:09:48,796 --> 00:09:50,256
為什麼會有早餐蛋糕?
229
00:09:50,256 --> 00:09:51,882
比較像是愛愛蛋糕吧
230
00:09:51,882 --> 00:09:53,217
爸終於上本壘了
231
00:09:53,217 --> 00:09:54,760
我上樓囉
232
00:09:54,760 --> 00:09:56,345
帶我一起走
233
00:09:56,345 --> 00:09:58,472
我的雞雞,我們辦到了
234
00:09:58,472 --> 00:10:01,434
我們有了一夜情,我做愛了
235
00:10:01,434 --> 00:10:07,231
好耶,一夜性愛,我們只是會上床的朋友
236
00:10:07,231 --> 00:10:08,691
一夜性愛
237
00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:12,069
一夜性愛,喔,性愛
238
00:10:12,069 --> 00:10:13,154
(莫德全日餐廳)
239
00:10:13,154 --> 00:10:15,239
天啊,財源滾滾來,數都來不及
240
00:10:15,239 --> 00:10:17,992
而且我終於能夠體會當大哥的滋味了
241
00:10:17,992 --> 00:10:21,329
誰知道請我弟弟吃一大杯
可能會讓他吃到生病的冰淇淋
242
00:10:21,329 --> 00:10:23,039
會有這麼有趣?
243
00:10:23,039 --> 00:10:24,123
小傑,幹得好
244
00:10:24,123 --> 00:10:26,626
哈囉,兩位,你們好啊
245
00:10:26,626 --> 00:10:28,127
哈囉?
246
00:10:28,127 --> 00:10:31,756
我們聽說你們以二人組的形式
接了不少鎮上派對的表演
247
00:10:31,756 --> 00:10:35,009
甚至聽說你們接到了
雷恩佛格森的六歲生日派對
248
00:10:35,009 --> 00:10:37,345
- 對
- 佛格森是我們的
249
00:10:37,345 --> 00:10:40,556
這個鎮上只容得下一個兄弟檔表演團體
250
00:10:40,556 --> 00:10:42,600
之前是大小雪兒
251
00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:45,519
然後有人把她們做掉了
252
00:10:45,519 --> 00:10:48,022
現在我們就是那唯一的兄弟檔
253
00:10:48,022 --> 00:10:49,273
聽懂了嗎?
254
00:10:50,983 --> 00:10:52,234
好的,那很怪
255
00:10:52,234 --> 00:10:53,778
小弟,別擔心
256
00:10:53,778 --> 00:10:55,279
他們只是派對活動表演人士
257
00:10:55,279 --> 00:10:58,658
對呀,他們最兇狠的手段會是什麼?
用一桶五彩碎紙潑我們?
258
00:10:58,658 --> 00:11:00,868
或者做一個可愛的動物汽球送我們?
259
00:11:00,868 --> 00:11:02,662
老實說,我很歡迎
260
00:11:03,746 --> 00:11:04,747
{\an8}(《孤鹿鎮風報》)
261
00:11:04,747 --> 00:11:07,166
早安,我親愛的家人,你們在看什麼?
262
00:11:07,166 --> 00:11:08,292
- 嗨,爸
- 沒什麼
263
00:11:08,292 --> 00:11:11,379
爸,如果你想看「詩的角落」專欄
那就省省吧
264
00:11:11,379 --> 00:11:14,298
蠢斃了,但今天的訃聞倒是很有趣
265
00:11:14,298 --> 00:11:15,883
別說傻話了,茱蒂
266
00:11:15,883 --> 00:11:19,637
我看完日期之後
總是立刻就會看「詩的角落」
267
00:11:19,637 --> 00:11:22,765
「10月14日」,相當不錯
268
00:11:22,765 --> 00:11:24,892
我們是不是該去公路旅行?
269
00:11:24,892 --> 00:11:26,352
賭城?走吧
270
00:11:26,352 --> 00:11:27,436
兒子,現在不行
271
00:11:27,436 --> 00:11:29,647
我很感激你沒把鑰匙扔到我頭上
272
00:11:29,647 --> 00:11:34,026
{\an8}今日的詩作
「《紅肉,無軟骨,深夜導彈》
273
00:11:34,026 --> 00:11:36,070
{\an8}格麗塔蜜維普作」
274
00:11:36,696 --> 00:11:41,033
「他在停車場幫我的那一刻
場面頓時變得很火熱
275
00:11:41,033 --> 00:11:44,370
{\an8}黑暗交織之中,我們品嚐對方
276
00:11:44,370 --> 00:11:48,791
{\an8}我把衣服脫光,他是比夫托賓」
277
00:11:48,791 --> 00:11:50,042
{\an8}我的天
278
00:11:52,628 --> 00:11:55,881
{\an8}「床單歪斜,香氣四溢,比夫燉肉
279
00:11:55,881 --> 00:11:59,677
{\an8}黎明趕走了黑夜,而我們仍持續歡愛」
280
00:12:01,470 --> 00:12:02,763
非常酷
281
00:12:02,763 --> 00:12:07,560
我想要的是低調的一夜情
而不是變成性愛文學的主角
282
00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:09,937
爸,你得慶祝你的成就
283
00:12:09,937 --> 00:12:12,148
我要把這首詩貼在冰箱上
284
00:12:12,898 --> 00:12:16,277
我聽了我掛在天空的老二的話
現在我成了鎮上的男妓
285
00:12:16,277 --> 00:12:17,403
爸,放輕鬆
286
00:12:17,403 --> 00:12:19,780
我不覺得有人會認真看待這件事
287
00:12:19,780 --> 00:12:23,117
當克斯賓和我開始約會時
我們以為會成為鎮上的八卦話題
288
00:12:23,117 --> 00:12:25,995
你知道的,阿拉斯加的小村落
最新的情侶檔
289
00:12:25,995 --> 00:12:27,621
但大家很快就忘了
290
00:12:27,621 --> 00:12:30,374
老實說,快到讓我覺得自尊心受損
291
00:12:30,374 --> 00:12:33,794
比夫,我甚至不知道
《孤鹿鎮風報》有「詩的角落」專欄
292
00:12:33,794 --> 00:12:36,505
- 我打賭不會有人看到
- 妳應該是對的
293
00:12:36,505 --> 00:12:38,632
現今的孩子忙著打電動
294
00:12:38,632 --> 00:12:41,093
更新領英和玩風箏
295
00:12:41,093 --> 00:12:43,554
我肯定不會有人關心我的性醜聞
296
00:12:45,097 --> 00:12:49,351
我要去忙了,不管這件事了
297
00:12:53,522 --> 00:12:54,899
(生鮮)
298
00:12:57,067 --> 00:12:58,194
(櫃檯)
(裝運物料)
299
00:13:00,529 --> 00:13:02,114
爸,你還好嗎?
300
00:13:02,114 --> 00:13:04,074
你坐在你的沉思木頭上
301
00:13:04,074 --> 00:13:05,201
我剛去了鎮上
302
00:13:05,201 --> 00:13:10,372
看來很多女士很希望和我
303
00:13:10,372 --> 00:13:12,917
一夜春宵
304
00:13:12,917 --> 00:13:15,085
我知道很多男人會很開心
305
00:13:15,085 --> 00:13:18,339
但成為眾所矚目的對象不是我的作風
306
00:13:18,339 --> 00:13:21,383
爸,如果你不喜歡大家注意到你
你就該和格麗塔談談
307
00:13:21,383 --> 00:13:24,011
她該知道你希望未來有關你私密部位的
308
00:13:24,011 --> 00:13:25,179
押韻詩句不要公諸於世
309
00:13:25,179 --> 00:13:26,514
好的,漢傑
310
00:13:26,514 --> 00:13:28,474
你什麼時候變得這麼睿智?
311
00:13:29,391 --> 00:13:30,684
大概在三年前
312
00:13:30,684 --> 00:13:31,769
{\an8}(生日快樂)
313
00:13:31,769 --> 00:13:34,480
{\an8}我們在一週內替這戶人家
表演了三場,實在太扯了
314
00:13:34,480 --> 00:13:37,024
{\an8}對呀,他們總是會幫小傑傑辦三場派對
315
00:13:37,024 --> 00:13:39,235
{\an8}他長大之後一定會成為一頭猛獸
316
00:13:39,235 --> 00:13:40,319
{\an8}喂,這是...
317
00:13:40,319 --> 00:13:43,364
我想那些可惡的小丑弄髒了你的車
318
00:13:45,616 --> 00:13:47,117
叭叭,賤人
319
00:13:47,117 --> 00:13:48,202
你們怎麼進來的?
320
00:13:48,202 --> 00:13:50,913
你們就是不肯乖乖讓開,對吧?
321
00:13:50,913 --> 00:13:54,667
既然你們聽不懂暗示
只好給你們最後通牒:服裝大戰
322
00:13:54,667 --> 00:13:58,128
明天晚上在森林裡,就你們、我們
和其他兩個傢伙,德瑞克也許會來
323
00:13:58,128 --> 00:14:00,589
開胃菜,不要主食,你應該明白
324
00:14:00,589 --> 00:14:02,258
服裝大戰到底是什麼東西?
325
00:14:02,258 --> 00:14:05,719
是當地的活動表演人士解決糾紛的方式
326
00:14:05,719 --> 00:14:07,137
贏家就能夠保有原本的場次
327
00:14:07,137 --> 00:14:08,889
輸家得把場次交出來
328
00:14:10,891 --> 00:14:13,853
天啊,這群小丑讓《牠》裡面的那位
看起來無害多了
329
00:14:13,853 --> 00:14:15,688
我希望沒有人看到他們離開
330
00:14:15,688 --> 00:14:19,233
只有兩位小丑下車會令人大失所望
331
00:14:21,193 --> 00:14:23,279
格麗塔,妳好,我看了妳寫的詩
332
00:14:23,279 --> 00:14:24,697
是嗎?我好開心
333
00:14:24,697 --> 00:14:28,284
我們做愛的時候讓我感到情緒沸騰
我後來終於能夠寫成一首詩
334
00:14:28,284 --> 00:14:29,535
你想進來嗎?
335
00:14:29,535 --> 00:14:30,619
我...
336
00:14:31,287 --> 00:14:32,371
怎麼了,比夫?
337
00:14:32,371 --> 00:14:34,790
好
338
00:14:35,416 --> 00:14:39,753
基於又出現了第二首非常具象的詩作
339
00:14:39,753 --> 00:14:42,506
我猜你沒有告訴格麗塔
你不喜歡第一首詩?
340
00:14:42,506 --> 00:14:43,966
我試圖這麼做
341
00:14:43,966 --> 00:14:45,050
但是,沒說出口
342
00:14:45,050 --> 00:14:48,262
我猜猜看,你們鄭重地四目相接
然後又上床了?
343
00:14:48,262 --> 00:14:49,346
沒錯
344
00:14:50,389 --> 00:14:54,143
「《更多的肉汁溢出我的溝槽》
格麗塔蜜維普著」
345
00:14:54,143 --> 00:14:55,561
是個很棒的續集名稱
346
00:14:55,561 --> 00:14:57,688
等等,讓我做好準備
347
00:14:57,688 --> 00:14:58,772
好的,請繼續
348
00:14:58,772 --> 00:15:00,941
「肋排三明治,露餡
349
00:15:00,941 --> 00:15:03,277
正午的肉汁,火熱的擁抱」
350
00:15:04,153 --> 00:15:05,988
不...不,不行,不行,抱歉
351
00:15:05,988 --> 00:15:08,324
我很努力保持鎮定,但我實在受不了了
爸,祝你好運
352
00:15:08,324 --> 00:15:11,911
我要上樓回我房間
再從窗戶爬出去見治療師
353
00:15:14,538 --> 00:15:16,415
我該回我的房間
354
00:15:16,415 --> 00:15:17,875
在可預見的未來
355
00:15:17,875 --> 00:15:22,504
我會把我的私處好好放在自己的褲襠裡
356
00:15:22,504 --> 00:15:24,965
茱蒂,妳要把那塊桌面拿回來嗎?
357
00:15:24,965 --> 00:15:26,884
我可以開始修理囉
358
00:15:29,970 --> 00:15:31,597
看來似乎有點糟糕
359
00:15:31,597 --> 00:15:34,266
對呀,我想你跟我一樣憂心
360
00:15:34,266 --> 00:15:35,684
開胃菜呢?
361
00:15:35,684 --> 00:15:37,019
努迪麵條在那裡
362
00:15:37,019 --> 00:15:38,938
看來他似乎醉得不輕
363
00:15:38,938 --> 00:15:40,397
沒想到你們會出現
364
00:15:40,397 --> 00:15:41,565
對呀,我們來了
365
00:15:41,565 --> 00:15:44,735
你們竟敢惹我的大腳怪大哥
你們要完蛋了
366
00:15:44,735 --> 00:15:46,195
去啊,傑瑞,給他們好看
367
00:15:46,195 --> 00:15:47,488
穆恩,不,不要
368
00:15:47,488 --> 00:15:49,281
別說那種話,我不是...
369
00:15:49,281 --> 00:15:51,241
好的,流程是這個樣子的
370
00:15:51,241 --> 00:15:55,037
首先,我們把衣服脫到只剩內衣褲
以免我們的服裝沾到血跡
371
00:15:55,037 --> 00:15:56,121
然後我們開始打架
372
00:15:56,121 --> 00:15:58,248
贏家可以燒掉輸家的服裝
373
00:15:58,248 --> 00:16:02,044
但首先,每個人都可以有十分鐘盡情嗑藥
374
00:16:02,044 --> 00:16:03,128
穆恩,聽好
375
00:16:03,128 --> 00:16:05,339
我想我太專注於當一個有趣的大哥
376
00:16:05,339 --> 00:16:08,258
以至於我忘了大哥還有其他的責任
例如保護你
377
00:16:08,258 --> 00:16:11,553
帶你到樹林裡的空地和一群變態攪和?
378
00:16:11,553 --> 00:16:13,639
理想的大哥不該做這種事
379
00:16:13,639 --> 00:16:16,642
我想我們該解散大腳怪二人組了
380
00:16:16,642 --> 00:16:18,936
我們也許可以偶爾約出來玩
381
00:16:18,936 --> 00:16:20,145
那是當然
382
00:16:20,145 --> 00:16:22,731
好的,當我說跑,就趕快跑
383
00:16:22,731 --> 00:16:23,816
跑
384
00:16:23,816 --> 00:16:25,025
喂,給我回來
385
00:16:25,025 --> 00:16:26,151
你們要去哪裡?
386
00:16:26,151 --> 00:16:28,988
我會想念你們
387
00:16:29,822 --> 00:16:31,198
{\an8}好的,沒錯
388
00:16:31,198 --> 00:16:33,158
{\an8}- 這很糟糕
- 非常非常糟糕
389
00:16:33,158 --> 00:16:34,702
早安啊,我的手足,不妙
390
00:16:34,702 --> 00:16:38,497
你們的盤子裡有鬆餅
但你們的臉色卻像大便
391
00:16:38,497 --> 00:16:41,125
「《我飢渴的素食主義者》
格麗塔蜜維普著」
392
00:16:41,125 --> 00:16:43,752
「你金色的長尾巴在陽光下閃閃發光
393
00:16:43,752 --> 00:16:47,506
你的嘴唇像嫩豆腐
你那充滿廣藿香男人味的髮髻」
394
00:16:47,506 --> 00:16:50,050
不妙,這首詩寫的不是你們的爸
395
00:16:52,636 --> 00:16:55,222
{\an8}「夜間狩獵松露, 我的花園樂事
396
00:16:55,222 --> 00:16:58,642
{\an8}我挖出了他的胡蘿蔔,心神蕩漾
來自於他的分享」
397
00:16:58,642 --> 00:17:01,854
{\an8}我知道這首詩寫的不是爸
但我還是很厭惡
398
00:17:01,854 --> 00:17:03,814
{\an8}看來格麗塔改吃素了
399
00:17:03,814 --> 00:17:05,232
{\an8}爸一定會很難過
400
00:17:05,232 --> 00:17:07,985
{\an8}他才剛剛上市,現在要被召回了
401
00:17:07,985 --> 00:17:09,862
- 比夫,嗨...嗨
- 好喔,嗨,嗨
402
00:17:09,862 --> 00:17:10,946
嗨,爸
403
00:17:10,946 --> 00:17:12,740
現在是什麼狀況?
404
00:17:13,323 --> 00:17:16,285
整個後院都著火了
405
00:17:16,285 --> 00:17:17,828
{\an8}所以你最好離開
406
00:17:19,705 --> 00:17:21,623
{\an8}了解,我先走了
407
00:17:23,917 --> 00:17:25,461
糟了,格麗塔傷透了他的心
408
00:17:25,461 --> 00:17:26,545
我去安慰他
409
00:17:26,545 --> 00:17:28,839
- 沃爾夫,不要去
- 但他很難過
410
00:17:28,839 --> 00:17:30,382
對,沃爾夫,應該是吧
411
00:17:30,382 --> 00:17:34,261
爸選擇了跟某人發生兩次關係
但事情複雜化了
412
00:17:34,261 --> 00:17:36,930
身為一個得好好思考這種關係
413
00:17:36,930 --> 00:17:41,351
和性愛鳥事的人,他在12歲那年
首度看了《霹靂遊俠》重播
414
00:17:41,351 --> 00:17:42,436
赫索霍夫
415
00:17:42,436 --> 00:17:44,229
- 火力全開,寶貝
- 沒錯
416
00:17:44,229 --> 00:17:45,898
那輛車也毫不遜色
417
00:17:45,898 --> 00:17:47,066
身為同性戀
418
00:17:47,066 --> 00:17:50,652
我一向都知道我的感情生活
可能會惹來異樣的眼光
419
00:17:50,652 --> 00:17:55,783
但選擇逃避的話,又有點糟糕
我們得讓爸消化一下
420
00:17:55,783 --> 00:17:58,285
就算這表示他會待在小屋一兩個月
421
00:17:58,285 --> 00:17:59,995
一邊咕噥一邊吃著冷掉的義大利麵
422
00:17:59,995 --> 00:18:01,663
好吧,做好萬全的準備
423
00:18:01,663 --> 00:18:04,583
這裡的氣氛將會變得非常難受
424
00:18:05,167 --> 00:18:06,877
快點,雞雞,給我出來
425
00:18:06,877 --> 00:18:07,961
我們需要談談
426
00:18:09,338 --> 00:18:11,298
也許我得冒點生命危險
427
00:18:11,298 --> 00:18:12,800
我猜我得跳下去
428
00:18:16,887 --> 00:18:18,597
不妙,我有危險了
429
00:18:18,597 --> 00:18:19,723
我可能會死
430
00:18:19,723 --> 00:18:22,184
比夫,兄弟,怎麼了?
431
00:18:22,184 --> 00:18:23,685
我真的很以你為傲
432
00:18:23,685 --> 00:18:26,271
你成了性愛列車的車長
433
00:18:27,147 --> 00:18:28,732
不,我並不是
434
00:18:28,732 --> 00:18:30,067
儘管我很喜歡火車
435
00:18:30,067 --> 00:18:31,193
但我很沮喪
436
00:18:31,860 --> 00:18:34,488
是因為格麗塔有了另一個愛人嗎?
那個吃全素的?
437
00:18:34,488 --> 00:18:35,572
你怎麼知道?
438
00:18:35,572 --> 00:18:37,699
比夫,我是你的一部分
439
00:18:37,699 --> 00:18:39,618
你的事我全都知道
440
00:18:39,618 --> 00:18:41,495
我知道你想放屁了
441
00:18:41,495 --> 00:18:42,704
才沒有,你...
442
00:18:43,330 --> 00:18:45,958
看吧?格麗塔有什麼大不了的?
443
00:18:45,958 --> 00:18:48,794
- 你嫉妒嗎?
- 沒有,那就是我沮喪的原因
444
00:18:48,794 --> 00:18:50,963
我總是有點嫉妒凱瑟琳
445
00:18:50,963 --> 00:18:54,466
為什麼我不會因為不是格麗塔
唯一的男寵而感到難過?
446
00:18:54,466 --> 00:18:58,512
和別人約炮是否讓我變成了一個登徒子?
447
00:18:58,512 --> 00:19:02,099
比夫,如果你想知道答案
你需要和派我過來的人談談
448
00:19:02,099 --> 00:19:05,185
我不介意,但我相當蠢
449
00:19:05,185 --> 00:19:06,603
有人派你來的?
450
00:19:06,603 --> 00:19:08,021
你的心派我來的
451
00:19:08,021 --> 00:19:09,648
- 嗨,心
- 嗨,你好
452
00:19:09,648 --> 00:19:12,818
我在想著我曾見過一隻貓
牠只有三隻腳掌
453
00:19:12,818 --> 00:19:14,945
牠騎著一輛小摩托車到處跑,牠好勇敢
454
00:19:14,945 --> 00:19:17,447
- 丹尼斯,你好
- 我的心叫丹尼斯?
455
00:19:17,447 --> 00:19:19,158
- 你的名字是比夫?
- 有理
456
00:19:19,158 --> 00:19:22,494
比夫,不只是你下面的那個傢伙
死了好幾年
457
00:19:22,494 --> 00:19:23,912
- 我也是
- 什麼?
458
00:19:23,912 --> 00:19:25,205
我一直用得到你
459
00:19:25,205 --> 00:19:28,709
我很愛孩子和這艘船
和那隻三隻腳掌的貓
460
00:19:28,709 --> 00:19:31,128
我記得我們在網站上看到詹格斯
461
00:19:31,128 --> 00:19:33,046
比夫,我說的是談戀愛
462
00:19:33,046 --> 00:19:34,673
我好幾年沒有過那種感覺了
463
00:19:34,673 --> 00:19:38,093
- 好吧,那你為什麼派我的老二過來?
- 得了吧,比夫
464
00:19:38,093 --> 00:19:40,721
我們都知道那句俗話
「要抓住男人的心,先抓住他的雞雞」
465
00:19:40,721 --> 00:19:42,514
- 才沒有這句俗話
- 當然有
466
00:19:42,514 --> 00:19:44,558
- 那是我保險槓貼紙的內容
- 你有車?
467
00:19:44,558 --> 00:19:46,810
算是吧,有點說來話長,聽好,比夫
468
00:19:46,810 --> 00:19:50,230
重點是,如果你不開始和別人發生性關係
469
00:19:50,230 --> 00:19:51,607
那我也沒有任何機會
470
00:19:51,607 --> 00:19:53,692
我們未來還有很多年的好日子
471
00:19:53,692 --> 00:19:56,320
所以你的意思是如果我繼續下去...
472
00:19:56,320 --> 00:19:58,530
- 好耶
- 你承受得了嗎,丹尼斯?
473
00:19:58,530 --> 00:20:01,783
畢竟當那個人跑掉之後
你當時真的慘不忍睹
474
00:20:01,783 --> 00:20:03,285
對呀,我簡直是無可救藥
475
00:20:03,285 --> 00:20:05,120
還記得只要一聽到空中補給的歌
476
00:20:05,120 --> 00:20:06,788
我們就會躺在淋浴間嗎?
477
00:20:06,788 --> 00:20:08,832
我們兩人都痛苦不已
478
00:20:08,832 --> 00:20:10,125
但我現在好多了
479
00:20:10,125 --> 00:20:11,210
我想你說得沒錯
480
00:20:11,210 --> 00:20:14,504
這一陣子當我聽到空中補給的歌時
我只會把收音機關掉
481
00:20:14,504 --> 00:20:17,299
有時會用冰涼的抹布擦擦額頭
482
00:20:17,299 --> 00:20:20,052
我們只要求你不要把下半輩子都拿來捕魚
483
00:20:20,052 --> 00:20:22,387
而你的朋友會去淑女之夜
484
00:20:22,387 --> 00:20:25,766
好吧,我會如你們所願,再度重返情場
485
00:20:25,766 --> 00:20:28,685
好耶,但是,比夫,這其實是你想要的
486
00:20:28,685 --> 00:20:30,729
因為我們就是你,老兄
487
00:20:30,729 --> 00:20:32,814
既然我們就要重返情場了
488
00:20:32,814 --> 00:20:34,399
也許我們可以打給那位娃娃女士?
489
00:20:34,399 --> 00:20:35,484
- 絕對不可以
- 不行
490
00:20:35,484 --> 00:20:37,819
但我會繼續努力,我保證
491
00:20:37,819 --> 00:20:39,613
好的,再見囉,比夫
492
00:20:39,613 --> 00:20:41,990
拜拜,把妹高手,別害怕救助於人
493
00:20:41,990 --> 00:20:43,116
等等,我的雞雞
494
00:20:43,116 --> 00:20:44,368
我一直都不知道你的名字
495
00:20:44,368 --> 00:20:46,328
我叫辛帝
496
00:20:50,040 --> 00:20:51,041
(《女漁夫季刊》)
497
00:20:51,041 --> 00:20:53,627
克莉絲蒂卡溫頓船長
多謝妳這些年來的支持
498
00:20:53,627 --> 00:20:56,296
捕鱸魚的高手,三期的封面女郎
499
00:20:56,296 --> 00:20:57,881
但我現在沒事了
500
00:20:58,840 --> 00:21:00,842
你知道嗎?男人是可以改變主意的
501
00:21:00,842 --> 00:21:03,762
{\an8}要抓住男人的心,先抓住他的雞雞
502
00:21:03,762 --> 00:21:06,598
{\an8}我是你的老二,你該從這裡開始
503
00:21:06,598 --> 00:21:07,683
{\an8}(孤鹿鎮碼頭)
504
00:21:07,683 --> 00:21:10,519
{\an8}愛的路上我會陪伴著你,我更靠近你的屁
505
00:21:10,519 --> 00:21:11,603
{\an8}(來杯咖啡嗎?)
506
00:21:11,603 --> 00:21:13,105
{\an8}是我
507
00:21:13,105 --> 00:21:16,275
{\an8}下方的老二,抓住我就可以抓住你的心
508
00:21:16,858 --> 00:21:19,820
{\an8}大家見到我閒晃,總以為我不懷好意
509
00:21:19,820 --> 00:21:20,946
{\an8}但我有計畫有夢想
510
00:21:20,946 --> 00:21:23,282
{\an8}-不,我不只是個命根子
- 不只是個命根子
511
00:21:23,282 --> 00:21:26,451
{\an8}深入了解我之後,你就會知道我能解鎖
512
00:21:26,451 --> 00:21:29,204
{\an8}前往那位帥哥心裡的黃金大道
連抖音都贏不了我
513
00:21:29,204 --> 00:21:32,457
{\an8}我是雞雞,抓住我就可以抓住你的心
514
00:21:32,958 --> 00:21:34,876
字幕翻譯:歐德慧