1 00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:02,919 ♪ Look up there ♪ 2 00:00:02,919 --> 00:00:04,671 ♪ What do you see? ♪ 3 00:00:04,671 --> 00:00:05,839 ♪ Nature and stuff ♪ 4 00:00:05,839 --> 00:00:07,757 - ♪ Like a rock ♪ - ♪ And a tree ♪ 5 00:00:07,757 --> 00:00:10,760 ♪ Oh, the Great North ♪ 6 00:00:10,760 --> 00:00:13,763 {\an8}♪ Way up here, you can breathe the air ♪ 7 00:00:13,763 --> 00:00:15,181 ♪ Catch some fish ♪ 8 00:00:15,181 --> 00:00:16,766 ♪ Or gaze at a bear ♪ 9 00:00:16,766 --> 00:00:17,475 ♪ Wow ♪ 10 00:00:17,475 --> 00:00:21,104 ♪ Oh, the Great North ♪ 11 00:00:21,104 --> 00:00:22,772 ♪ Here we live, oh, oh ♪ 12 00:00:22,772 --> 00:00:24,399 ♪ Here we'll stay, oh, whoo ♪ 13 00:00:24,399 --> 00:00:26,192 ♪ From longest night to longest day ♪ 14 00:00:26,192 --> 00:00:29,237 ♪ In the Great North. ♪ 15 00:00:34,325 --> 00:00:35,744 {\an8}I can't remember 16 00:00:35,744 --> 00:00:37,704 {\an8}if it's fork on the left or spoon on the left. 17 00:00:37,704 --> 00:00:39,205 {\an8}If I don't figure this out now, 18 00:00:39,205 --> 00:00:40,665 {\an8}what will I do if I get crowned princess 19 00:00:40,665 --> 00:00:42,125 {\an8}of a small European country? 20 00:00:42,125 --> 00:00:43,752 {\an8}If you behead a few people right off the bat, 21 00:00:43,752 --> 00:00:45,336 {\an8}they won't care how you place your flatware. 22 00:00:45,336 --> 00:00:47,756 {\an8}Luckily, our table-setting expert is right here. 23 00:00:47,756 --> 00:00:50,800 {\an8}Care to weigh in, Lone Moose's Cup King, Ham Tobin? 24 00:00:52,385 --> 00:00:54,512 {\an8}So... not like I had it? 25 00:00:54,512 --> 00:00:57,307 {\an8}Sorry, Wolf. I'm in the middle of a major crisis here. 26 00:00:57,307 --> 00:00:59,517 {\an8}I am freaking out about the stupid assignment 27 00:00:59,517 --> 00:01:01,102 {\an8}for my public speaking elective. 28 00:01:01,102 --> 00:01:03,396 {\an8}It's worth 50% of our grade and it's known as... 29 00:01:03,396 --> 00:01:05,440 {\an8}The soul crusher. 30 00:01:05,440 --> 00:01:07,400 {\an8}You belong to me now, Ham. 31 00:01:07,400 --> 00:01:10,195 {\an8}As you can probably guess by how demonic Moon is acting, 32 00:01:10,195 --> 00:01:11,821 {\an8}the assignment is to give a speech to his class. 33 00:01:12,822 --> 00:01:14,407 {\an8}No, not room 15. 34 00:01:14,407 --> 00:01:16,159 {\an8}They're notorious hecklers. 35 00:01:16,159 --> 00:01:18,244 {\an8}I heard Jeremy Nicholbottom transferred schools 36 00:01:18,244 --> 00:01:20,246 {\an8}after presenting to that class last semester. 37 00:01:20,246 --> 00:01:21,748 {\an8}Who did you hear that from? 38 00:01:21,748 --> 00:01:23,416 {\an8}Who didn't I hear it from? 39 00:01:23,416 --> 00:01:24,584 {\an8}The heckles get so bad most people 40 00:01:24,584 --> 00:01:26,127 {\an8}don't even finish the speech. 41 00:01:26,127 --> 00:01:27,670 {\an8}Mr. Golovkin teaches my class 42 00:01:27,670 --> 00:01:29,923 {\an8}and he loves failing people for not finishing. 43 00:01:29,923 --> 00:01:31,633 {\an8}He called it "one of life's delights." 44 00:01:31,633 --> 00:01:33,676 {\an8}And the topic of the speech isn't helping, either. 45 00:01:33,676 --> 00:01:35,637 {\an8}It's "Alaska: Wow." 46 00:01:35,637 --> 00:01:37,972 {\an8}That sounds easy. Alaska is full of wows. 47 00:01:37,972 --> 00:01:40,600 {\an8}Which of its many wonders are you focusing on? 48 00:01:40,600 --> 00:01:42,352 {\an8}Let me read you what I have so far. 49 00:01:42,352 --> 00:01:45,021 {\an8}"Alaska has the longest coastline in the nation 50 00:01:45,021 --> 00:01:48,733 {\an8}with 66,000 miles of shorelines. Wow." 51 00:01:48,733 --> 00:01:51,653 {\an8}Oh, Ham, my class is gonna eat you alive. 52 00:01:51,653 --> 00:01:54,531 {\an8}And I'll personally pick the last bit of gristle 53 00:01:54,531 --> 00:01:55,990 {\an8}off your bones. 54 00:01:55,990 --> 00:01:57,242 Moon, that's your brother. 55 00:01:57,242 --> 00:01:59,828 Family means nothing in room 15. 56 00:01:59,828 --> 00:02:02,205 What if this brings my grade down to a B-minus? 57 00:02:02,205 --> 00:02:03,665 That's a Ham Tobin F. 58 00:02:03,665 --> 00:02:05,542 I'll have to run away to Seattle, and I'm no Frasier. 59 00:02:05,542 --> 00:02:07,001 I'm not even a Niles. 60 00:02:07,001 --> 00:02:08,711 Ham, buddy, calm down. 61 00:02:08,711 --> 00:02:11,464 You just need a more "Alaska: Wow" topic. 62 00:02:11,464 --> 00:02:13,258 If I were giving the speech-- which I am not 63 00:02:13,258 --> 00:02:15,301 because I chose turquoise jewelry design as my elective-- 64 00:02:15,301 --> 00:02:16,803 I'd tell a story with some sizzle. 65 00:02:16,803 --> 00:02:20,473 I, too, could spin any number of colorful Alaskan yarns. 66 00:02:20,473 --> 00:02:22,725 I've also got an Alaskan story in my butt 67 00:02:22,725 --> 00:02:24,269 that'll make you say "what?" 68 00:02:24,269 --> 00:02:27,021 Fools. 69 00:02:27,021 --> 00:02:29,607 I bet none of your stories would impress me. 70 00:02:29,607 --> 00:02:31,067 How about we make it a contest? 71 00:02:31,067 --> 00:02:33,444 We each tell our own "Alaska: Wow" story 72 00:02:33,444 --> 00:02:34,863 and Moon chooses the best one. 73 00:02:34,863 --> 00:02:36,948 And then I can use that one for my presentation. 74 00:02:36,948 --> 00:02:39,284 It's not plagiarism when you're saving your own life. 75 00:02:39,284 --> 00:02:41,953 I'm in. And like velour sweatpants and infinity scarves, 76 00:02:41,953 --> 00:02:43,246 you're both already out. 77 00:02:43,246 --> 00:02:45,540 And if you snooze, you lose. 78 00:02:45,540 --> 00:02:46,958 Sorry, just some good-natured ribbing, 79 00:02:46,958 --> 00:02:48,835 nothing personal meant by it. 80 00:02:48,835 --> 00:02:51,838 Whereas everything I say during your stories will be personal. 81 00:02:51,838 --> 00:02:53,047 Who's first? 82 00:02:53,047 --> 00:02:55,175 The loud teen, the plaid mumbler 83 00:02:55,175 --> 00:02:56,885 or the lady dressed as Barney's sister? 84 00:02:56,885 --> 00:02:58,303 The heckling has begun. 85 00:02:58,303 --> 00:03:00,763 I stay ready so I don't have to get ready. 86 00:03:00,763 --> 00:03:02,765 I'll go first. [sighs] Now presenting: 87 00:03:02,765 --> 00:03:04,517 the true story of how Bob Ross, 88 00:03:04,517 --> 00:03:06,436 one of America's most beloved painters 89 00:03:06,436 --> 00:03:08,646 found inspiration in Alaska. 90 00:03:08,646 --> 00:03:09,898 Perfect topic, Judy. 91 00:03:09,898 --> 00:03:12,525 Ten-year-olds go crazy for beloved painters. 92 00:03:12,525 --> 00:03:15,028 Well, no. Well, no, it was-it was more exciting 93 00:03:15,028 --> 00:03:17,697 than just that because, uh, uh, true fact: 94 00:03:17,697 --> 00:03:19,908 Bob Ross was stationed here 95 00:03:19,908 --> 00:03:21,868 in the Air Force. You like airplanes, right? 96 00:03:21,868 --> 00:03:23,870 And he was part of a, um, 97 00:03:23,870 --> 00:03:26,539 Air Force fighter pilot training thingy. 98 00:03:26,539 --> 00:03:27,874 And it's really exciting. 99 00:03:27,874 --> 00:03:29,542 And cinematic, actually, some might say. 100 00:03:29,542 --> 00:03:32,212 We see Bob-Judy Maverick Ross, 101 00:03:32,212 --> 00:03:35,215 flying in a very cool fighter jet. 102 00:03:35,215 --> 00:03:37,592 Wow, Ham Hock, look at these gorgeous clouds. 103 00:03:37,592 --> 00:03:38,801 I mean, I know we're in the middle 104 00:03:38,801 --> 00:03:40,386 of life-or-death flight training, 105 00:03:40,386 --> 00:03:42,555 but I-I... I simply must paint them. 106 00:03:42,555 --> 00:03:44,557 Uh, Bob-Judy Maverick Ross, 107 00:03:44,557 --> 00:03:46,392 I think you should fly the plane. 108 00:03:46,392 --> 00:03:48,311 Sorry, but you know they call me Maverick 109 00:03:48,311 --> 00:03:50,396 because of my unorthodox flying style. 110 00:03:50,396 --> 00:03:52,941 Aah! Bob-Judy Maverick Ross, please stop painting. 111 00:03:52,941 --> 00:03:54,859 - We're headed right for a mountain! - Whoops. 112 00:03:58,112 --> 00:04:00,114 Eh, Ham Hock might be okay. 113 00:04:00,114 --> 00:04:03,243 Ham Hock's dead. That's the eighth navigator you've killed 114 00:04:03,243 --> 00:04:04,535 this week with your painting. 115 00:04:04,535 --> 00:04:06,621 What can I say? I'm a Maverick. 116 00:04:06,621 --> 00:04:07,789 Damn it, I ought to ground you, 117 00:04:07,789 --> 00:04:09,457 but because everyone else is dead 118 00:04:09,457 --> 00:04:11,125 and you have a cool leather jacket, 119 00:04:11,125 --> 00:04:13,461 I'm sending you to the most elite flight academy 120 00:04:13,461 --> 00:04:16,089 in the country: Snow Gun. 121 00:04:16,089 --> 00:04:18,424 Bob-Judy was sent to Snow Gun in Alaska, 122 00:04:18,424 --> 00:04:21,094 and Chief Beeferson was also going, for plot reasons. 123 00:04:21,094 --> 00:04:23,096 So, Bob-Judy sets off for the North. 124 00:04:23,096 --> 00:04:25,098 As he's landing, he knows he's gonna 125 00:04:25,098 --> 00:04:26,516 love Snow Gun Alaska because-- 126 00:04:26,516 --> 00:04:29,310 Because they had hunk volleyball! 127 00:04:29,310 --> 00:04:31,145 Just a bunch of shirtless dudes having fun, 128 00:04:31,145 --> 00:04:33,731 patting butts, screaming, "Yeah!" 129 00:04:33,731 --> 00:04:34,732 in slow-motion. 130 00:04:34,732 --> 00:04:35,817 What are the rules? 131 00:04:35,817 --> 00:04:37,360 Nobody knows and nobody cares. 132 00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:38,486 - Wolf. - What? 133 00:04:38,486 --> 00:04:40,363 We were all waiting for that scene. 134 00:04:40,363 --> 00:04:41,823 Stop messing up my story. 135 00:04:41,823 --> 00:04:44,158 Yeah, she wants to mess it up herself. 136 00:04:44,158 --> 00:04:46,286 Judy, please. I need this to be good. 137 00:04:46,286 --> 00:04:48,746 And it will be, because the best thing about Snow Gun was 138 00:04:48,746 --> 00:04:50,832 the gorgeous Alaskan scenery. 139 00:04:50,832 --> 00:04:53,167 Bob-Judy knew right away that he would need to paint 140 00:04:53,167 --> 00:04:55,545 all of it while flying and killing more pilots. 141 00:04:55,545 --> 00:04:57,005 I need to paint all of this while flying 142 00:04:57,005 --> 00:04:58,548 and killing more pilots. 143 00:04:58,548 --> 00:05:00,550 And then Maverick meets his new nemeses, 144 00:05:00,550 --> 00:05:02,302 IceWolf and HoneyBarf. 145 00:05:02,302 --> 00:05:04,470 We know all about your reputation, Maverick. 146 00:05:04,470 --> 00:05:06,097 You're too dangerous to be in a plane. 147 00:05:06,097 --> 00:05:07,515 Your dad was reckless, too. 148 00:05:07,515 --> 00:05:09,100 Hundreds of men died on D-Day 149 00:05:09,100 --> 00:05:12,145 because your dad was sculpting in his plane over Normandy. 150 00:05:12,145 --> 00:05:14,522 And in the War of 1812, your great-grandpa 151 00:05:14,522 --> 00:05:17,025 would fall off his horse because of his damn decoupage. 152 00:05:17,025 --> 00:05:18,693 Wow, you guys know a lot about my family. 153 00:05:18,693 --> 00:05:21,279 We know your painting is writing checks your plane can't cash. 154 00:05:21,279 --> 00:05:23,156 And even though we hate each other right now 155 00:05:23,156 --> 00:05:25,783 we're gonna later come to share a mutual respect. 156 00:05:25,783 --> 00:05:27,702 Looking forward to it. 157 00:05:28,828 --> 00:05:29,912 Maverick! 158 00:05:29,912 --> 00:05:32,415 I finally found someone willing to fly with you. 159 00:05:32,415 --> 00:05:35,460 - Call sign: Goose. - Honk. 160 00:05:35,460 --> 00:05:37,128 Bob-Judy, no more painting up there. 161 00:05:37,128 --> 00:05:38,796 I can't bury another man, 162 00:05:38,796 --> 00:05:40,631 even if that man is a goose. 163 00:05:40,631 --> 00:05:43,885 Damn this majestic Alaskan scenery. 164 00:05:43,885 --> 00:05:45,303 Maybe I'll just paint 165 00:05:45,303 --> 00:05:47,305 one little happy tree... 166 00:05:49,807 --> 00:05:51,309 Honk! 167 00:05:52,643 --> 00:05:54,062 Eject, Goose, eject! 168 00:05:54,062 --> 00:05:56,272 Bob-Judy ejects just in time, 169 00:05:56,272 --> 00:05:57,607 but Goose couldn't work the ejection lever 170 00:05:57,607 --> 00:05:59,525 because uh, because he was a goose. 171 00:05:59,525 --> 00:06:02,695 - Honk! Honk, honk, honk, honk! - No! 172 00:06:02,695 --> 00:06:04,072 - But, luckily, Goose remembered - Honk. 173 00:06:04,072 --> 00:06:07,033 - he could fly. - Honk. Honk! 174 00:06:07,033 --> 00:06:08,618 But then he got sucked into the engine. 175 00:06:10,703 --> 00:06:12,246 My painting. 176 00:06:12,246 --> 00:06:14,874 Oh, and Goose! 177 00:06:16,959 --> 00:06:18,503 Moon, I hope you're liking 178 00:06:18,503 --> 00:06:19,962 this story because things 179 00:06:19,962 --> 00:06:22,131 are about to get "soary." 180 00:06:22,131 --> 00:06:25,093 The only thing you should be "soary" about is talking, babe. 181 00:06:25,093 --> 00:06:27,095 Did you just call your sister "babe"? 182 00:06:27,095 --> 00:06:29,722 It's an energy, Dad. Please don't question it. 183 00:06:29,722 --> 00:06:31,682 Come on, Judy, I need something good. 184 00:06:31,682 --> 00:06:32,934 I'm gonna be pulled limb from limb 185 00:06:32,934 --> 00:06:34,602 by a bunch of toddlers tomorrow. 186 00:06:34,602 --> 00:06:36,354 And then we'll sword fight with your arms 187 00:06:36,354 --> 00:06:38,689 while your partially-living head still screams. 188 00:06:38,689 --> 00:06:39,690 Fun. So, 189 00:06:39,690 --> 00:06:41,234 Bob-Judy is despondent 190 00:06:41,234 --> 00:06:42,527 after losing-slash-killing 191 00:06:42,527 --> 00:06:43,861 his best and only friend, Goose. 192 00:06:45,279 --> 00:06:46,739 Goose's wife and child were also sad. 193 00:06:46,739 --> 00:06:48,157 - Honk. - Honk. 194 00:06:48,157 --> 00:06:49,826 But this isn't about them. 195 00:06:49,826 --> 00:06:51,744 It's about our cool hero, who expressed his sadness 196 00:06:51,744 --> 00:06:53,746 by riding a motorcycle. But then 197 00:06:53,746 --> 00:06:55,248 something exciting happened. 198 00:06:55,248 --> 00:06:56,249 Damn it. We've got bogeys. 199 00:06:56,249 --> 00:06:57,667 Scramble the jets! 200 00:06:58,835 --> 00:07:00,086 What the hell? 201 00:07:00,086 --> 00:07:01,254 Damn it, Mav. 202 00:07:01,254 --> 00:07:03,089 We have to send these planes up now. 203 00:07:03,089 --> 00:07:05,508 Oh, really? Can we at least let them dry first? 204 00:07:05,508 --> 00:07:07,176 So, IceWolf and HoneyBarf 205 00:07:07,176 --> 00:07:08,845 are fighting the enemy and saying 206 00:07:08,845 --> 00:07:10,263 cool fighter stuff, like... 207 00:07:10,263 --> 00:07:11,639 - Lock and load. - Roger that. 208 00:07:11,639 --> 00:07:12,640 Aircraft carrier. 209 00:07:12,640 --> 00:07:14,934 The MiG on our six is not engaging. 210 00:07:14,934 --> 00:07:16,727 It's like... it's like he can't see us. 211 00:07:16,727 --> 00:07:18,604 And that's when they realized 212 00:07:18,604 --> 00:07:21,023 Bob-Judy's painting had made the planes... 213 00:07:21,023 --> 00:07:23,359 Invisible. Damn it, Mav, you did it. 214 00:07:23,359 --> 00:07:24,819 But then Chief Beeferson notices... 215 00:07:24,819 --> 00:07:26,362 The sun is setting. 216 00:07:26,362 --> 00:07:27,405 All the sky colors 217 00:07:27,405 --> 00:07:29,699 are changing in a breathtaking way. 218 00:07:29,699 --> 00:07:31,200 But Beeferson had an idea. 219 00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:33,744 IceWolf, HoneyBarf, I need you to fly 220 00:07:33,744 --> 00:07:35,413 full speed towards that building. 221 00:07:35,413 --> 00:07:36,581 Sounds great, you got it. 222 00:07:36,581 --> 00:07:38,249 Pull up, pull up! 223 00:07:40,126 --> 00:07:41,502 And because 224 00:07:41,502 --> 00:07:43,880 of how much Alaska made Bob-Judy say, "Wow!," 225 00:07:43,880 --> 00:07:45,756 the good guys from America won against 226 00:07:45,756 --> 00:07:48,676 the vague but definitely evil bad guys. 227 00:07:50,678 --> 00:07:52,430 Well, Maverick, 228 00:07:52,430 --> 00:07:54,891 - I guess I respect you now. - To Maverick. 229 00:07:54,891 --> 00:07:56,726 Then Bob-Judy pops the champagne bottle 230 00:07:56,726 --> 00:07:58,311 and hits the mom goose, 231 00:07:58,311 --> 00:08:00,062 - who also dies. - Honk! 232 00:08:00,062 --> 00:08:02,690 - Geez, Judy. - What? You wanted excitement. 233 00:08:02,690 --> 00:08:04,734 Okay. Moon, did you love it? 234 00:08:04,734 --> 00:08:06,903 I love when it ended. 235 00:08:06,903 --> 00:08:08,779 Not to worry, Ham. I've got a speech 236 00:08:08,779 --> 00:08:12,450 about something that makes everyone say "wow": flags. 237 00:08:12,450 --> 00:08:16,037 Your groans of excitement are warranted. 238 00:08:16,037 --> 00:08:18,122 I'm gonna tell you the true story 239 00:08:18,122 --> 00:08:20,416 of how Alaska's actual state flag 240 00:08:20,416 --> 00:08:24,045 came to be designed by a 14-year-old named Benny Benson. 241 00:08:24,045 --> 00:08:27,173 A real Alaskan hero close in age to yourself, 242 00:08:27,173 --> 00:08:28,591 and I will tell it based on 243 00:08:28,591 --> 00:08:31,719 a truly action-packed movie I recently saw 244 00:08:31,719 --> 00:08:34,430 that was originally about math and janitors. 245 00:08:34,430 --> 00:08:36,849 - Young Benny Quinnson... - Oh, my God. 246 00:08:36,849 --> 00:08:40,102 Did you change the boy who designed the Alaskan flag 247 00:08:40,102 --> 00:08:43,189 into Moon's crush Quinn in a sad attempt to win? 248 00:08:43,189 --> 00:08:45,066 I definitely don't have a crush on Quinn. 249 00:08:45,066 --> 00:08:47,443 That's defamation, but I'm listening. 250 00:08:47,443 --> 00:08:49,529 Benny Quinnson worked as a janitor 251 00:08:49,529 --> 00:08:51,155 at Alaska Flag University, 252 00:08:51,155 --> 00:08:53,491 the foremost institution for flag design. 253 00:08:53,491 --> 00:08:55,952 Well, if it isn't Mary Moppins. 254 00:08:57,578 --> 00:09:00,331 Mop that, loser. You're just a 14-year-old punk 255 00:09:00,331 --> 00:09:02,833 who doesn't know anything about flag design and, uh, 256 00:09:02,833 --> 00:09:05,461 - you never will. - But Benny Quinnson had a secret 257 00:09:05,461 --> 00:09:07,463 none of the flag design students knew: 258 00:09:07,463 --> 00:09:11,217 she was a flag design genius, with the ability to see 259 00:09:11,217 --> 00:09:14,136 the beautiful complexity of flags that others couldn't. 260 00:09:14,136 --> 00:09:17,056 But she kept it to herself because all of her friends 261 00:09:17,056 --> 00:09:19,016 were nice but also super dumb. 262 00:09:19,016 --> 00:09:20,768 And all they did was play 263 00:09:20,768 --> 00:09:22,645 hunk volleyball! 264 00:09:22,645 --> 00:09:24,730 Just a bunch of shirtless townies 265 00:09:24,730 --> 00:09:26,232 breaking into the university at night, 266 00:09:26,232 --> 00:09:27,316 and the air conditioning is off, 267 00:09:27,316 --> 00:09:28,568 so they're greasy as hell. 268 00:09:28,568 --> 00:09:29,819 What are the rules out here? 269 00:09:29,819 --> 00:09:31,862 Nobody knows and nobody cares. 270 00:09:31,862 --> 00:09:33,447 - Wolf. - Okay, fine. 271 00:09:33,447 --> 00:09:35,533 Actually, all Benny and her friends did 272 00:09:35,533 --> 00:09:38,578 was hang out at the local bar in their Alaskan town. 273 00:09:38,578 --> 00:09:40,496 Hello, my dirtbag friend, HoneyBen. 274 00:09:40,496 --> 00:09:43,165 I'm also a dirtbag who turns out to be a genius 275 00:09:43,165 --> 00:09:45,084 but never forgets her dirtbag roots. 276 00:09:45,084 --> 00:09:46,711 As your best friend who's the same age as you, 277 00:09:46,711 --> 00:09:47,920 you want a drink? 278 00:09:47,920 --> 00:09:49,505 Of course, because I have a sad 279 00:09:49,505 --> 00:09:51,007 flag-related thing in my past 280 00:09:51,007 --> 00:09:52,592 I'm trying to repress. 281 00:09:52,592 --> 00:09:55,136 I can't believe that you're so much better at creating flags 282 00:09:55,136 --> 00:09:57,763 than everyone at the school, but you're just a janitor there. 283 00:09:57,763 --> 00:10:00,391 That's all I've ever known. My dad was a janitor 284 00:10:00,391 --> 00:10:01,892 and his dad was a janitor 285 00:10:01,892 --> 00:10:03,394 and his dad was a mop. 286 00:10:03,394 --> 00:10:05,104 You know, every morning when I come to your house, 287 00:10:05,104 --> 00:10:06,522 I hope you're not there. 288 00:10:06,522 --> 00:10:08,316 That's a mean thing to say. 289 00:10:08,316 --> 00:10:11,527 No. It's-it's heartfelt. Because you're too smart. 290 00:10:11,527 --> 00:10:13,571 You know, they're looking for someone to make a new flag 291 00:10:13,571 --> 00:10:14,822 for our great state of Alaska. 292 00:10:14,822 --> 00:10:16,532 If it ain't about sweeping or trash, 293 00:10:16,532 --> 00:10:17,617 I don't want to hear it. 294 00:10:17,617 --> 00:10:18,993 I've put flags behind me 295 00:10:18,993 --> 00:10:21,454 because of that sad flag-related thing in my past. 296 00:10:24,624 --> 00:10:27,335 {\an8}Wow, you really know how to make a floor wet. 297 00:10:27,335 --> 00:10:28,753 {\an8}Thank you. 298 00:10:28,753 --> 00:10:31,672 But you know what you know even more? Flags. 299 00:10:31,672 --> 00:10:33,799 I know you solved the unsolvable equation 300 00:10:33,799 --> 00:10:35,051 that I left on the board. 301 00:10:35,051 --> 00:10:36,927 You could be the next Flannery McBanner, 302 00:10:36,927 --> 00:10:38,846 and they named banners after her. 303 00:10:38,846 --> 00:10:40,890 Flags aren't just pieces of fabric 304 00:10:40,890 --> 00:10:42,642 flapping in the wind like idiots, 305 00:10:42,642 --> 00:10:44,143 they give us our identity, 306 00:10:44,143 --> 00:10:46,812 and you could create the one our state needs. 307 00:10:46,812 --> 00:10:48,439 - I can't. - Is it because 308 00:10:48,439 --> 00:10:50,483 you have a sad flag-related thing in your past? 309 00:10:50,483 --> 00:10:52,735 Yes, that's exactly what it is. 310 00:10:52,735 --> 00:10:54,987 Then I need to send you to a "tell it like it is" therapist 311 00:10:54,987 --> 00:10:56,614 who will never give up on you. 312 00:10:56,614 --> 00:10:59,367 {\an8}I'm Dr. Notyafault, and I'm gonna help you 313 00:10:59,367 --> 00:11:02,244 {\an8}with the sad flag-related thing in your past. 314 00:11:02,244 --> 00:11:04,330 {\an8}I'm also gonna tell it like it is. 315 00:11:04,330 --> 00:11:07,833 Let me guess-- a flag killed your beloved pony, Peppermint? 316 00:11:07,833 --> 00:11:09,835 Yes. That is what happened. 317 00:11:09,835 --> 00:11:12,421 {\an8}All I wanted was to show my beloved pony, Peppermint, 318 00:11:12,421 --> 00:11:13,923 {\an8}the largest flag in the world. 319 00:11:13,923 --> 00:11:16,342 {\an8}He also loved flags, because who doesn't? 320 00:11:16,342 --> 00:11:18,260 {\an8}But when I stood back to take a photo of my pony 321 00:11:18,260 --> 00:11:20,388 {\an8}near the flag, the flag was too heavy. 322 00:11:20,388 --> 00:11:23,265 {\an8}It flattened him to death. 323 00:11:23,265 --> 00:11:25,059 The only thing left to bury was his tail. 324 00:11:25,059 --> 00:11:26,394 After that, I swore 325 00:11:26,394 --> 00:11:28,062 I'd never have anything to do with flags again, 326 00:11:28,062 --> 00:11:29,480 which is why I bought a zoo 327 00:11:29,480 --> 00:11:31,524 and tried to deal with my amnesia while being chased 328 00:11:31,524 --> 00:11:34,402 by international assassins hell-bent on killing me. 329 00:11:35,444 --> 00:11:37,238 Here's the deed to your zoo. 330 00:11:37,238 --> 00:11:39,949 - Aah! - Beef, 331 00:11:39,949 --> 00:11:41,951 no! Those are totally different Matt Damon movies. 332 00:11:41,951 --> 00:11:42,952 - Are they? - Yep. 333 00:11:42,952 --> 00:11:43,953 Right. 334 00:11:43,953 --> 00:11:45,037 So then... 335 00:11:45,037 --> 00:11:46,747 Benny Quinnson, I know you're sad 336 00:11:46,747 --> 00:11:48,624 that a flag flattened Peppermint, 337 00:11:48,624 --> 00:11:50,209 but I must tell it like it is. 338 00:11:50,209 --> 00:11:51,794 You're a flag genius. 339 00:11:51,794 --> 00:11:53,170 You can't keep running from this. 340 00:11:53,170 --> 00:11:54,922 Yes, I can. 341 00:11:54,922 --> 00:11:56,507 I'll never give up on you, 342 00:11:56,507 --> 00:11:58,134 but I will bill you for this session 343 00:11:58,134 --> 00:12:00,261 even though you have 44 minutes left. 344 00:12:02,346 --> 00:12:04,265 And so Benny ran. 345 00:12:04,265 --> 00:12:07,017 Ran even though she knew she should stop running. 346 00:12:07,017 --> 00:12:09,437 Just like you should stop running your damn mouth. 347 00:12:09,437 --> 00:12:11,272 - Moon. - If you can't stand the heat, 348 00:12:11,272 --> 00:12:13,023 stay out of the crematorium, babe. 349 00:12:13,023 --> 00:12:15,317 Come on, Dad, I need a miracle. 350 00:12:15,317 --> 00:12:17,862 Hang in there, Ham. So, Dr. Notyafault 351 00:12:17,862 --> 00:12:19,488 doesn't give up on Benny 352 00:12:19,488 --> 00:12:21,031 because he refuses to. 353 00:12:21,031 --> 00:12:22,408 Hi, Dr. Notyafault. 354 00:12:22,408 --> 00:12:23,784 Thinking about flags, kid? 355 00:12:23,784 --> 00:12:25,077 Always. 356 00:12:25,077 --> 00:12:26,954 Benny, what happened to Peppermint-- 357 00:12:26,954 --> 00:12:28,289 it's not ya fault. 358 00:12:28,289 --> 00:12:29,415 Yes, it is. 359 00:12:29,415 --> 00:12:30,416 - Isn't. - Is. 360 00:12:30,416 --> 00:12:32,334 - No, it's not. - Hm, yeah. 361 00:12:32,334 --> 00:12:34,253 I never looked at it that way before. It's not my fault. 362 00:12:34,253 --> 00:12:35,629 You're cured. 363 00:12:35,629 --> 00:12:38,132 Now, can I tell you the story of how my wife died? 364 00:12:38,132 --> 00:12:40,050 - No, thank you. - Well, I listened to your thing, 365 00:12:40,050 --> 00:12:41,469 but fine. You know, 366 00:12:41,469 --> 00:12:43,804 a flag can say so much with so little. 367 00:12:43,804 --> 00:12:47,725 That flag of our great state of Alaska will stay blank, 368 00:12:47,725 --> 00:12:49,018 saying nothing at all, 369 00:12:49,018 --> 00:12:51,645 unless somebody figures out how to fill it in. 370 00:12:54,607 --> 00:12:56,150 Huh. Now that my best friend left 371 00:12:56,150 --> 00:12:57,401 without even saying goodbye, 372 00:12:57,401 --> 00:12:59,361 it actually feels pretty bad. 373 00:12:59,361 --> 00:13:01,572 So even though Benny was only 14, 374 00:13:01,572 --> 00:13:04,658 she created a flag that was just like Alaska-- 375 00:13:04,658 --> 00:13:07,036 beautiful in its simplicity. 376 00:13:07,036 --> 00:13:09,789 That son of a bitch. This flag was her fault. 377 00:13:09,789 --> 00:13:11,540 And I love it. 378 00:13:11,540 --> 00:13:14,376 The majesty... 379 00:13:14,376 --> 00:13:15,878 of flags. 380 00:13:15,878 --> 00:13:19,131 Father, the only interest I have in flags 381 00:13:19,131 --> 00:13:21,258 is you moving ours to half-mast 382 00:13:21,258 --> 00:13:24,220 'cause your funeral is right around the corner, old man. 383 00:13:24,220 --> 00:13:25,721 You see how I'm talking to Dad, Ham? 384 00:13:25,721 --> 00:13:27,598 To our own father, whom I actually respect? 385 00:13:27,598 --> 00:13:29,391 Now imagine there's 20 of me, 386 00:13:29,391 --> 00:13:31,393 desperate to get to their pudding pack at lunch. 387 00:13:31,393 --> 00:13:33,187 Oh, God, I'm doomed. 388 00:13:33,187 --> 00:13:36,023 Maybe I should see if Jeff Bezos wants to take me to space 389 00:13:36,023 --> 00:13:37,817 like that little Dutch boy. 390 00:13:37,817 --> 00:13:40,027 Ham, keep it together, 'cause I'm about to destroy 391 00:13:40,027 --> 00:13:41,237 your father and sister. 392 00:13:41,237 --> 00:13:42,863 - Leave the threats to me. - So sorry. 393 00:13:42,863 --> 00:13:44,657 Now, before I start up my story car 394 00:13:44,657 --> 00:13:46,700 and drive it directly into your brain, 395 00:13:46,700 --> 00:13:48,035 let me ask you one thing, 396 00:13:48,035 --> 00:13:49,620 Moon, do you hate vegetables? 397 00:13:49,620 --> 00:13:51,455 I do, in fact, hate vegetables. 398 00:13:51,455 --> 00:13:53,916 Then imagine a world, right here in Alaska, 399 00:13:53,916 --> 00:13:56,710 where the only food was plain vegetables. 400 00:13:56,710 --> 00:13:58,504 Then, imagine that one man, 401 00:13:58,504 --> 00:14:01,298 an ordinary plumber by the name of Steve Henson, 402 00:14:01,298 --> 00:14:03,634 was about to do something extraordinary. 403 00:14:03,634 --> 00:14:06,178 To make an invention that would echo through time, 404 00:14:06,178 --> 00:14:08,222 bringing joy to millions. 405 00:14:08,222 --> 00:14:11,308 Yes, that man invented ranch dressing, 406 00:14:11,308 --> 00:14:13,477 and I'm gonna tell you how he did it in a way that's fun 407 00:14:13,477 --> 00:14:15,896 and actiony and doesn't totally make sense, 408 00:14:15,896 --> 00:14:18,023 like The Matrix, but also totally original. 409 00:14:18,023 --> 00:14:19,400 Just go with it. 410 00:14:19,400 --> 00:14:21,277 So, we're in, like, this dystopian future, 411 00:14:21,277 --> 00:14:23,028 and in this dystopian future 412 00:14:23,028 --> 00:14:24,321 we find an ordinary plumber 413 00:14:24,321 --> 00:14:25,614 living in Alaska 414 00:14:25,614 --> 00:14:27,324 by the name of Honey-bee-o Henson. 415 00:14:27,324 --> 00:14:29,326 Tell me, Honey, will this story 416 00:14:29,326 --> 00:14:31,161 "bee" over anytime soon? 417 00:14:31,161 --> 00:14:33,998 I just started. And it's "bee-o," like Neo. 418 00:14:33,998 --> 00:14:36,792 Again, not that this is based on The Matrix or anything. 419 00:14:36,792 --> 00:14:38,752 Honeybee, you are now my only hope. 420 00:14:38,752 --> 00:14:40,546 I am begging you to take this seriously. 421 00:14:40,546 --> 00:14:43,924 And I'm begging you to stop now while you're way, way behind. 422 00:14:43,924 --> 00:14:45,926 Both of you shut your holes and let me roll. 423 00:14:45,926 --> 00:14:48,262 Like I said, there were only vegetables in this world, 424 00:14:48,262 --> 00:14:50,848 so that's all anyone ate, day in and day out. 425 00:14:50,848 --> 00:14:52,558 Until one spooky morning, 426 00:14:52,558 --> 00:14:54,018 when Honey-bee-o goes to the fridge and... 427 00:14:54,018 --> 00:14:55,686 Wake up, Honey-bee-o. 428 00:14:55,686 --> 00:14:56,937 But I am awake. 429 00:14:56,937 --> 00:14:58,272 Never mind, I'm coming out. 430 00:14:59,273 --> 00:15:00,566 Then the fridge door opened, 431 00:15:00,566 --> 00:15:02,651 and a cool, mysterious bad boy stepped out, 432 00:15:02,651 --> 00:15:03,819 Guy Morfieri. 433 00:15:03,819 --> 00:15:04,945 Hello, Honey-bee-o. 434 00:15:04,945 --> 00:15:07,156 The world you're living in is a lie. 435 00:15:07,156 --> 00:15:08,866 Also, you're low on radishes. 436 00:15:08,866 --> 00:15:10,993 Okay, how did you get in there? And in here? 437 00:15:10,993 --> 00:15:12,328 There's no time to explain, 438 00:15:12,328 --> 00:15:14,538 and it also wouldn't make any sense, but listen, 439 00:15:14,538 --> 00:15:16,040 this world-- the world around you-- 440 00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:17,791 it's actually imaginary. 441 00:15:17,791 --> 00:15:19,335 Everything? Even my toilet? 442 00:15:19,335 --> 00:15:22,129 Especially your toilet, but there is a real world. 443 00:15:22,129 --> 00:15:23,505 With real toilets? 444 00:15:23,505 --> 00:15:26,091 Stop talking about toilets. I need you to focus. 445 00:15:26,091 --> 00:15:28,594 The real world is just people in goo pods. 446 00:15:28,594 --> 00:15:31,138 It's pretty gross, but at least it's real, or whatever. 447 00:15:31,138 --> 00:15:32,473 And are there toilets in there? 448 00:15:32,473 --> 00:15:34,308 - I swear to God. - Sorry. 449 00:15:34,308 --> 00:15:36,810 Look, we have to wake everyone up from goo sleep 450 00:15:36,810 --> 00:15:39,480 to set them free, so I've chosen you to help. 451 00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:40,481 Make sense? 452 00:15:40,481 --> 00:15:41,565 - Nope. - Perfect. 453 00:15:41,565 --> 00:15:43,359 Oh, and here's the big thing: 454 00:15:43,359 --> 00:15:45,319 vegetables don't have to taste bad. 455 00:15:45,319 --> 00:15:46,737 We've all been lied to, 456 00:15:46,737 --> 00:15:48,989 and that's why you have to choose. 457 00:15:48,989 --> 00:15:51,617 Eat this Brussel sprout, and you stay in the world you know, 458 00:15:51,617 --> 00:15:53,494 or take this clove of garlic and change 459 00:15:53,494 --> 00:15:55,120 everything forever 460 00:15:55,120 --> 00:15:56,664 and be in a bunch of danger. 461 00:15:56,664 --> 00:15:57,706 Brussel sprout, please. 462 00:15:57,706 --> 00:15:59,249 - No, pick the other one. - Uh, 463 00:15:59,249 --> 00:16:00,918 normally, I don't eat straight-up garlic 464 00:16:00,918 --> 00:16:02,753 from men who step out of my refrigerator, 465 00:16:02,753 --> 00:16:04,797 but you're charming as hell and your hair makes me smile, 466 00:16:04,797 --> 00:16:06,006 so let's go. 467 00:16:09,009 --> 00:16:10,678 So, what do you think so far, Moon? 468 00:16:10,678 --> 00:16:12,429 I liked the part where you said vegetables suck, 469 00:16:12,429 --> 00:16:14,890 but I hated the part where you kept talking. 470 00:16:14,890 --> 00:16:18,060 Oh, no! Talking is, like, the main part of a presentation. 471 00:16:18,060 --> 00:16:19,520 Sounds like I'm still in the running. 472 00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:22,147 And I think my flag story was pretty nice. 473 00:16:22,147 --> 00:16:24,858 And I think it was a war crime. Tomato, "tomahto." 474 00:16:24,858 --> 00:16:26,235 Speaking of tomatoes, 475 00:16:26,235 --> 00:16:27,903 when Honey-bee-o takes the garlic, 476 00:16:27,903 --> 00:16:29,780 she and Guy Morfieri go into this, 477 00:16:29,780 --> 00:16:31,740 like, uh, white void space 478 00:16:31,740 --> 00:16:33,158 so she can train to save the world 479 00:16:33,158 --> 00:16:34,618 from flavorless vegetables, starting with... 480 00:16:34,618 --> 00:16:36,537 {\an8}Hunk volleyball! 481 00:16:36,537 --> 00:16:38,122 It's dudes in leather shorts 482 00:16:38,122 --> 00:16:40,165 spinning a cauliflower ball on one finger. 483 00:16:40,165 --> 00:16:41,834 - Wolf! - Sorry, my Matrix Maven. 484 00:16:41,834 --> 00:16:43,210 - Go on. - So, 485 00:16:43,210 --> 00:16:45,212 Honey-bee-o and Guy Morfieri do, like, 486 00:16:45,212 --> 00:16:47,131 karate stuff and some light gymnastics, 487 00:16:47,131 --> 00:16:49,383 and it's very unclear how those things would help people 488 00:16:49,383 --> 00:16:51,468 get out of goo pods, but it looks cool as hell. 489 00:16:51,468 --> 00:16:53,095 Damn it. No matter how cool this looks, 490 00:16:53,095 --> 00:16:54,138 it isn't working. 491 00:16:54,138 --> 00:16:55,931 - What should we do? - Hmm. I know. 492 00:16:55,931 --> 00:16:57,975 Let's go see a weird lady who speaks in riddles 493 00:16:57,975 --> 00:16:59,560 and will also not explain anything. 494 00:16:59,560 --> 00:17:00,644 Perfect. 495 00:17:00,644 --> 00:17:02,062 As The Jude-acle, 496 00:17:02,062 --> 00:17:03,313 I can tell you you might 497 00:17:03,313 --> 00:17:05,107 be The One, Honey-bee-o, 498 00:17:05,107 --> 00:17:07,443 but first you have to believe that you're The One. 499 00:17:07,443 --> 00:17:09,528 So, am I The One? Or... 500 00:17:09,528 --> 00:17:11,739 I'm pretty sure it's you, but I'm wrong a lot. 501 00:17:11,739 --> 00:17:13,907 I thought the guy in The Jinx documentary was innocent, 502 00:17:13,907 --> 00:17:14,950 so, you know what I mean? 503 00:17:14,950 --> 00:17:16,785 And then, um... 504 00:17:16,785 --> 00:17:19,246 something happens. Give me a sec. 505 00:17:19,246 --> 00:17:20,914 You don't remember the movie, do you? 506 00:17:20,914 --> 00:17:22,374 - What movie? - The Matrix. 507 00:17:22,374 --> 00:17:24,918 This isn't that. It's just a cool story I'm making up. 508 00:17:24,918 --> 00:17:27,087 Oh, oh, oh, hold on, I remember now. 509 00:17:27,087 --> 00:17:28,964 I just remembered I'm supposed to upload 510 00:17:28,964 --> 00:17:30,299 some instructions to your brain. 511 00:17:30,299 --> 00:17:32,885 I'm just gonna pop back to goo world real quick. 512 00:17:32,885 --> 00:17:35,345 Cool spoon trick. 513 00:17:35,345 --> 00:17:37,306 Okay, um, sorry about that. I just 514 00:17:37,306 --> 00:17:39,475 uploaded something to your goo world brain. 515 00:17:42,269 --> 00:17:44,229 A recipe for some kind of sauce. 516 00:17:44,229 --> 00:17:46,440 Oh, and I also uploaded a playlist called 517 00:17:46,440 --> 00:17:48,484 "Now That's What Guy Calls Music" 518 00:17:48,484 --> 00:17:50,235 that takes me to an emotional Flavortown 519 00:17:50,235 --> 00:17:52,446 when I'm feeling down. A lot of Spin Doctors on there. 520 00:17:52,446 --> 00:17:54,406 Well, then why don't we go ahead now 521 00:17:54,406 --> 00:17:55,657 and get back to the goo world, 522 00:17:55,657 --> 00:17:57,743 make this sauce recipe you uploaded in my brain 523 00:17:57,743 --> 00:17:59,078 and then put it in the goo pods 524 00:17:59,078 --> 00:18:00,287 so I can win this story competition. 525 00:18:00,287 --> 00:18:01,830 Wait, what story competition? 526 00:18:01,830 --> 00:18:03,540 No time to explain. Let's go. 527 00:18:03,540 --> 00:18:06,627 And then Agent Beef Smith shows up 528 00:18:06,627 --> 00:18:08,045 to stop them because he wants people to stay 529 00:18:08,045 --> 00:18:09,296 in those goo pods forever. 530 00:18:09,296 --> 00:18:11,423 Vegetables should not be delicious. 531 00:18:11,423 --> 00:18:14,218 If you don't like dry broccoli, just try it wet. 532 00:18:14,218 --> 00:18:15,928 - Like, soaked in water? - Yes. 533 00:18:15,928 --> 00:18:18,722 What are you talking about, man? Nobody wants wet-getables. 534 00:18:18,722 --> 00:18:21,100 Honey-bee-o, kick this guy's ass. 535 00:18:21,100 --> 00:18:22,351 And then they fought. 536 00:18:22,351 --> 00:18:24,770 Honey-bee-o used his, uh, mind powers 537 00:18:24,770 --> 00:18:26,522 to make ingredients appear and made them 538 00:18:26,522 --> 00:18:28,398 fly around and mixed it all in the air 539 00:18:28,398 --> 00:18:30,150 in a big ol' blob of floating sauce, 540 00:18:30,150 --> 00:18:31,902 but then Agent Beef Smith 541 00:18:31,902 --> 00:18:33,987 shoots at him with carrot bullets. 542 00:18:33,987 --> 00:18:36,657 But he stops them mid-air with flavor powers. 543 00:18:38,033 --> 00:18:39,576 Wow! 544 00:18:39,576 --> 00:18:41,411 With the perfect combination of buttermilk, 545 00:18:41,411 --> 00:18:44,373 mayo, eggs and a proprietary blend of herbs and spices, 546 00:18:44,373 --> 00:18:47,668 I've invented an amazing sauce right here in this fine state. 547 00:18:47,668 --> 00:18:49,294 I'll call it Donkey Sauce. 548 00:18:49,294 --> 00:18:50,754 I will sue you into oblivion. 549 00:18:50,754 --> 00:18:52,840 Ranch dressing it is. 550 00:18:52,840 --> 00:18:54,633 And then she sends the carrot with the ranch dressing 551 00:18:54,633 --> 00:18:57,553 into his mouth and the flavor was too delicious. 552 00:18:57,553 --> 00:18:59,513 No! It's too delicious! 553 00:18:59,513 --> 00:19:00,764 Aah! 554 00:19:01,849 --> 00:19:04,101 - Honey-bee-o, you did it. - Yes, and I think it all 555 00:19:04,101 --> 00:19:05,561 made perfect sense, don't you? 556 00:19:05,561 --> 00:19:07,896 Definitely. Let's go sauce those pods. 557 00:19:07,896 --> 00:19:10,524 So then everyone got free of their goo pods, and then, 558 00:19:10,524 --> 00:19:12,693 in the sequel, they have a big rave in a cave. 559 00:19:12,693 --> 00:19:14,903 And that's the true story of how Alaska was the site 560 00:19:14,903 --> 00:19:17,072 of the invention of the most perfect sauce of all time. 561 00:19:17,072 --> 00:19:18,866 And the real inventor's name was Steven Henson, 562 00:19:18,866 --> 00:19:20,784 and I worship him and his beautiful mind. 563 00:19:20,784 --> 00:19:22,035 Case closed. I win. 564 00:19:22,035 --> 00:19:24,580 Ugh. Did she win, Moon? Or did Judy win? 565 00:19:24,580 --> 00:19:26,165 Or Dad? 566 00:19:26,165 --> 00:19:28,292 Which story will make it so I don't wind up peeing my pants 567 00:19:28,292 --> 00:19:29,293 in front of your class? 568 00:19:29,293 --> 00:19:30,878 Hmm. I'm sorry, Ham, 569 00:19:30,878 --> 00:19:32,462 but I can't choose. 570 00:19:32,462 --> 00:19:35,174 I'm forced to declare a three-way tie 571 00:19:35,174 --> 00:19:37,634 for worst story ever. 572 00:19:37,634 --> 00:19:39,344 But my story was about hating vegetables. 573 00:19:39,344 --> 00:19:41,013 It was about salad, 574 00:19:41,013 --> 00:19:43,473 which I wouldn't even eat if it was dipped in frosting. 575 00:19:43,473 --> 00:19:46,226 Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. What am I supposed to do? 576 00:19:46,226 --> 00:19:49,229 I'm sorry, Ham, but it's time to get your affairs in order 577 00:19:49,229 --> 00:19:51,773 because tomorrow, you die. 578 00:19:51,773 --> 00:19:54,902 All right, everyone, I have just realized that the lasagna 579 00:19:54,902 --> 00:19:57,362 has been in for 90 extra minutes and is on fire, 580 00:19:57,362 --> 00:19:59,907 so, let's extinguish it and go out for pizza. 581 00:20:01,575 --> 00:20:03,869 Desperate to get to their pudding pack. 582 00:20:03,869 --> 00:20:06,121 - Pack. Pack. Pack. -"Now That's What Guy Calls Music." 583 00:20:06,121 --> 00:20:07,247 - Music. Music. Music. - Wouldn't even eat it 584 00:20:07,247 --> 00:20:08,749 if it was dipped in frosting. 585 00:20:08,749 --> 00:20:11,335 I know what I have to do. 586 00:20:13,712 --> 00:20:17,132 Um, so, uh, today, 587 00:20:17,132 --> 00:20:20,761 I will be telling you about Alaska's coastlines... 588 00:20:20,761 --> 00:20:23,055 - Boo! - So long, brother. 589 00:20:23,055 --> 00:20:24,973 ...as shown on these 590 00:20:24,973 --> 00:20:26,934 cupcakes I made! 591 00:20:26,934 --> 00:20:28,936 Everyone gets six. 592 00:20:28,936 --> 00:20:32,356 Six whole cupcakes that you will get to eat during my speech. 593 00:20:32,356 --> 00:20:33,982 Now we're talking. 594 00:20:33,982 --> 00:20:36,902 You son of a bitch. You cracked it. 595 00:20:36,902 --> 00:20:39,988 Are you really giving each of my students six cupcakes? 596 00:20:39,988 --> 00:20:42,115 Yep. And in ten minutes it'll be your problem. 597 00:20:42,115 --> 00:20:44,034 But for now, their mouths are too full 598 00:20:44,034 --> 00:20:45,369 to say a word, so... 599 00:20:45,369 --> 00:20:47,246 Wow! 600 00:20:47,246 --> 00:20:50,832 Our great state has the longest coastline in the nation. 601 00:20:50,832 --> 00:20:52,584 {\an8}♪ When it comes to setting tables ♪ 602 00:20:52,584 --> 00:20:54,920 {\an8}♪ There's one man who knows his stuff ♪ 603 00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:56,922 {\an8}♪ The proper placement of a salad knife ♪ 604 00:20:56,922 --> 00:20:58,507 {\an8}♪ A meal time stud, the king of cups ♪ 605 00:20:58,507 --> 00:21:01,426 {\an8}♪ Unrivaled use of charger plates ♪ 606 00:21:01,426 --> 00:21:03,428 {\an8}- ♪ Knows which glass is for wine ♪ - ♪ That one ♪ 607 00:21:03,428 --> 00:21:06,431 {\an8}♪ Just give that man a call and he'll make that table fine ♪ 608 00:21:06,431 --> 00:21:08,600 {\an8}- ♪ It's Ham ♪ - ♪ Ham ♪ 609 00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:11,770 {\an8}♪ The Lone Moose king of cups, it's Ham ♪ 610 00:21:11,770 --> 00:21:13,438 {\an8}- ♪ Ham ♪ - ♪ Sit down to eat ♪ 611 00:21:13,438 --> 00:21:15,357 {\an8}♪ And watch him strut, it's Ham ♪ 612 00:21:15,357 --> 00:21:18,694 {\an8}- ♪ Ham ♪ - ♪ This kid has got the grease ♪ 613 00:21:18,694 --> 00:21:20,862 {\an8}♪ He's better at setting tables than ♪ 614 00:21:20,862 --> 00:21:22,864 {\an8}♪ That candle from the Beauty and the Beast. ♪