1 00:00:01,543 --> 00:00:03,169 ♪ Look up there ♪ 2 00:00:03,169 --> 00:00:05,922 - ♪ What do you see? ♪ - ♪ Nature and stuff ♪ 3 00:00:05,922 --> 00:00:07,590 - ♪ Like a rock ♪ - ♪ And a tree ♪ 4 00:00:07,590 --> 00:00:10,719 [all] ♪ Hup, the Great North ♪ 5 00:00:10,719 --> 00:00:13,763 {\an8}- ♪ Way up here, you can breathe the air ♪ - [all] ♪ Hup, hey, oh ♪ 6 00:00:13,763 --> 00:00:16,891 {\an8}- ♪ Catch some fish ♪ - ♪ Or gaze at a bear ♪ 7 00:00:16,891 --> 00:00:17,892 {\an8}♪ Wow ♪ 8 00:00:17,892 --> 00:00:21,104 {\an8}♪ Hup, the Great North ♪ 9 00:00:21,104 --> 00:00:23,106 - ♪ Here we live ♪ - [all] ♪ Hup, oh ♪ 10 00:00:23,106 --> 00:00:24,357 - ♪ Here we'll stay ♪ - ♪ Whoo ♪ 11 00:00:24,357 --> 00:00:26,192 ♪ From longest night to longest day ♪ 12 00:00:26,192 --> 00:00:29,237 ♪ In the Great North ♪ 13 00:00:31,906 --> 00:00:33,700 {\an8}[cheering] 14 00:00:41,416 --> 00:00:42,417 {\an8}[eagle squawks] 15 00:00:43,168 --> 00:00:45,295 {\an8}Okay. That's it. I cannot enjoy my breakfast 16 00:00:45,295 --> 00:00:48,089 {\an8}with that eagle looking at me with his nasty, little beady eyes. 17 00:00:48,089 --> 00:00:49,674 {\an8}- [eagle squawks] - All right. [grunts] 18 00:00:49,674 --> 00:00:53,136 {\an8}It's not Toby's fault his eyes are nasty. He has bird pink eye. 19 00:00:53,136 --> 00:00:55,013 {\an8}Even more reason to keep him away from me. 20 00:00:55,013 --> 00:00:57,891 {\an8}Don't worry, Honeybee. I'm co-babysitting Toby with Moon, 21 00:00:57,891 --> 00:01:01,853 {\an8}and no one will be getting avian conjunctivitis on my watch. 22 00:01:01,853 --> 00:01:03,730 {\an8}I know, that's right. I will kick that bird. 23 00:01:03,730 --> 00:01:07,025 {\an8}Dad, you know Roy only asked me to watch his eagle. 24 00:01:07,025 --> 00:01:09,778 {\an8}And you should have asked me before you said yes. 25 00:01:09,778 --> 00:01:13,865 {\an8}So now I will babysit you, babysitting this taloned predator. 26 00:01:13,865 --> 00:01:16,034 {\an8}Uh-oh, trouble in "papa-dise". 27 00:01:16,034 --> 00:01:18,161 {\an8}Moon, I know you love wildlife, 28 00:01:18,161 --> 00:01:21,498 {\an8}but recent incidents require me to pump the parental brakes. 29 00:01:21,498 --> 00:01:26,002 {\an8}I support all of your interests unless and until they might cause your death. 30 00:01:26,002 --> 00:01:28,588 {\an8}Why, whatever could you mean, Father? 31 00:01:28,588 --> 00:01:30,381 [samba music playing] 32 00:01:30,381 --> 00:01:34,052 {\an8}- [Beef] Moon. - Oh. Congrats, Dad, you're a grandpa. Ow. 33 00:01:34,052 --> 00:01:36,471 {\an8}Moon, pull over right now. 34 00:01:36,471 --> 00:01:39,057 {\an8}Ya! Ya! Ya! 35 00:01:39,933 --> 00:01:41,309 {\an8}Careful. These are a little spicy. 36 00:01:41,309 --> 00:01:42,894 {\an8}- [bear chews] - Moon! 37 00:01:42,894 --> 00:01:44,896 {\an8}- [music ends] - [sighs] Dad, you gotta relax. 38 00:01:44,896 --> 00:01:47,148 {\an8}Working with wild animals is my calling. 39 00:01:47,148 --> 00:01:48,983 {\an8}[chuckling] So true. It's like I always say, 40 00:01:48,983 --> 00:01:50,693 {\an8}if Dr. Hammond had called you, 41 00:01:50,693 --> 00:01:54,197 {\an8}Jurassic Park would still be a fun vacation destination for families. 42 00:01:54,197 --> 00:01:55,115 {\an8}[Toby squawks] 43 00:01:55,115 --> 00:01:56,616 {\an8}How do you even babysit an eagle? 44 00:01:56,616 --> 00:01:58,284 {\an8}What, you make him macaroni and cheese? 45 00:01:58,284 --> 00:02:01,037 {\an8}Check for monsters under his eagle bed and tuck it in? 46 00:02:01,037 --> 00:02:04,749 He only eats raw meat, Ham. And he sleeps standing up. 47 00:02:04,749 --> 00:02:08,586 Aw, just like Mom when she passed out in that phone booth near Danky's. 48 00:02:08,586 --> 00:02:10,755 - [Toby squawks] - Well, if that eagle's staying, 49 00:02:10,755 --> 00:02:12,757 I'll be spending my Saturday in the guest house. 50 00:02:12,757 --> 00:02:14,759 The only large bird I respect is Larry Bird. 51 00:02:14,759 --> 00:02:17,137 Call me if you ever babysit his giant ass. 52 00:02:17,137 --> 00:02:20,515 I'll join. I have almost no interest in having my gorgeous face pecked off. 53 00:02:20,515 --> 00:02:23,768 Although a scar could give me a nice air of mystery. 54 00:02:23,768 --> 00:02:25,937 Uh, but no, no. No, no, no. No. I'm coming. 55 00:02:25,937 --> 00:02:30,316 I don't mind beagles which are dog eagles, but Toby can go to hell. 56 00:02:30,316 --> 00:02:32,986 And I'll come too, 'cause I just let one loose from my caboose. 57 00:02:32,986 --> 00:02:35,029 So we're all about to get pink eyed. Let's go. 58 00:02:35,029 --> 00:02:36,281 - [Moon and Judy] Ew. - [Beef] Dirt. 59 00:02:36,281 --> 00:02:37,407 [Toby squawks] 60 00:02:38,616 --> 00:02:40,451 All right. Now we can spend the rest of the day 61 00:02:40,451 --> 00:02:43,580 not worrying about a razor-beak demon murdering us. What should we do? 62 00:02:43,580 --> 00:02:46,249 I know. We could work on our Michael Caine impressions. 63 00:02:46,249 --> 00:02:49,460 [clears throat] "I'm Michael Caine-- Coo!" 64 00:02:49,460 --> 00:02:51,337 I have my work cut out for me. 65 00:02:51,337 --> 00:02:52,422 We could play poker. 66 00:02:52,922 --> 00:02:55,967 Hold on. What the hell kind of comic cards are these? 67 00:02:55,967 --> 00:02:57,385 Is this the Ace of Kremlins? 68 00:02:57,385 --> 00:02:58,469 Those are tarot cards. 69 00:02:58,469 --> 00:03:00,847 They were a favorite at my spooky cousin Laura's wedding. 70 00:03:00,847 --> 00:03:02,974 Ooh. Tarot. I could do some readings. 71 00:03:02,974 --> 00:03:07,020 Let's see. Instructions say you just flip over three cards-- 72 00:03:07,020 --> 00:03:08,688 Ooh. So spooky. 73 00:03:08,688 --> 00:03:12,233 Oh, but before you do that you're supposed to ask a specific question. 74 00:03:12,233 --> 00:03:15,445 Okay. Uh, how about this? How will my day turn out? 75 00:03:15,445 --> 00:03:17,238 - But just till, like, 4:00? - Why 4:00? 76 00:03:17,238 --> 00:03:19,699 'Cause that's when I'm meeting Crispin after his shift at the mall. 77 00:03:19,699 --> 00:03:20,909 We're gonna split cheese fries, 78 00:03:20,909 --> 00:03:23,661 so... [chuckles] ...I already know that'll be so dope. 79 00:03:23,661 --> 00:03:27,498 [clears throat] Cards, this is Judy from the main house. 80 00:03:27,498 --> 00:03:30,376 [clears throat] Hello. How will Ham's Day turn out? 81 00:03:30,376 --> 00:03:33,379 - Just till, like, 4:00. - Right. Just till, like, 4:00. 82 00:03:33,963 --> 00:03:36,299 Oh, cool. Am I gonna watch Bones? 83 00:03:36,299 --> 00:03:38,635 No. It's, uh, death. 84 00:03:38,635 --> 00:03:41,262 All right. I don't like that. 85 00:03:41,262 --> 00:03:44,057 No, I think you need all three cards to know what you're really in for. 86 00:03:44,641 --> 00:03:47,268 - [Judy] Ooh. - Oh, no. That's a pair of Deaths. 87 00:03:47,268 --> 00:03:48,937 That's a good hand. I'd raise. 88 00:03:48,937 --> 00:03:51,231 - [Ham groans] - One more card to go. 89 00:03:51,231 --> 00:03:53,107 Okay. This one will surely be fine. 90 00:03:53,858 --> 00:03:55,610 - [Judy] Oh, God. - [Ham gasps] 91 00:03:55,610 --> 00:03:59,030 - Oh, no. Judy, it's happening again. - What is? 92 00:03:59,030 --> 00:04:01,699 I have a horrible gift for predicting deaths. 93 00:04:01,699 --> 00:04:05,078 {\an8}When I was six, I got a fortune cookie that said I would experience a great loss. 94 00:04:05,078 --> 00:04:07,288 {\an8}And that night my snail Mr. Fettuccine 95 00:04:07,288 --> 00:04:08,373 - [young Judy screams] - died. 96 00:04:08,373 --> 00:04:10,625 Natural causes, he was 26, but still. 97 00:04:10,625 --> 00:04:13,127 And after that, her power only grew. 98 00:04:13,127 --> 00:04:17,423 A few years later, while playing Ouija, the board spelled out "float." 99 00:04:17,423 --> 00:04:20,426 Shortly after, we found our fish Bubble gum dead. 100 00:04:20,426 --> 00:04:22,595 And he was floating. 101 00:04:22,595 --> 00:04:25,807 Okay. So Judy's a witch. I'll get the matches. Let's burn her. 102 00:04:25,807 --> 00:04:28,768 And a really freaky one was just two years ago, 103 00:04:28,768 --> 00:04:31,354 when I dreamt I died of thirst at a summer cookout. 104 00:04:31,354 --> 00:04:32,772 Where are the damn matches? 105 00:04:32,772 --> 00:04:34,607 And then the morning after, I heard on the news 106 00:04:34,607 --> 00:04:37,443 that the guy who voiced the Kool-Aid Man had died. 107 00:04:37,443 --> 00:04:40,613 Busted through that wall between this life and the next. 108 00:04:40,613 --> 00:04:43,908 So, uh, looks like my life will be over by 4:00 p.m. today. 109 00:04:43,908 --> 00:04:48,162 No, I won't let that happen. Hamilton. You're in luck. 110 00:04:48,162 --> 00:04:50,957 Because no one's seen all the Final Destination movies more than me. 111 00:04:50,957 --> 00:04:53,042 I've seen each one 105 times. 112 00:04:53,042 --> 00:04:56,713 Do you hear that, death? You got Honeybee Shaw-Tobin to deal with today. 113 00:04:56,713 --> 00:04:57,797 - [Judy] Oh, God! - [all scream] 114 00:04:57,797 --> 00:05:00,216 It looks like death accepted your challenge. 115 00:05:00,216 --> 00:05:02,468 Yeah, I mean, it has been happening a lot. 116 00:05:02,468 --> 00:05:04,929 I've been bothering Wolf to fix it, but-- It's on. 117 00:05:04,929 --> 00:05:08,808 Honeybee, I absolutely believe you can save me from death's bony grasp. 118 00:05:08,808 --> 00:05:11,477 But just in case, I'd like to get to my Crispin. 119 00:05:11,477 --> 00:05:13,271 If I'm dying, I want one more kiss, 120 00:05:13,271 --> 00:05:16,065 and if I cheat death, I do want those fries. 121 00:05:16,065 --> 00:05:18,651 Hmm. Getting to the mall will be risky with death on our tails, 122 00:05:18,651 --> 00:05:20,737 but I think we can do it. We need to put Ham in a bubble. 123 00:05:20,737 --> 00:05:22,488 I'll gather the pillows and the duct tape. 124 00:05:22,488 --> 00:05:25,783 Good man. And we got to avoid planes, driving behind a logging truck. 125 00:05:25,783 --> 00:05:28,536 And don't even think about getting laser eye surgery, young man. 126 00:05:28,536 --> 00:05:30,830 [gasps] Oh, no. I just thought about it. 127 00:05:32,290 --> 00:05:34,917 Okay. Time for his feeding. I'll get his meats. 128 00:05:34,917 --> 00:05:36,711 Whoo-hoo. This is fun. Huh? 129 00:05:36,711 --> 00:05:38,963 I'm lovin' this whole Three Men and a Baby vibe. 130 00:05:38,963 --> 00:05:41,257 - Mmm. - Maybe I should run out for some diapers. 131 00:05:41,257 --> 00:05:43,885 The three of us trying to change a cranky, wild eagle 132 00:05:43,885 --> 00:05:46,262 is sure to produce some fun shenanigans. 133 00:05:46,262 --> 00:05:48,181 Wolf, Toby isn't a baby. 134 00:05:48,181 --> 00:05:50,683 He's technically older than you in eagle years. 135 00:05:50,683 --> 00:05:53,478 Boss. I wonder if he can add me to his health insurance. 136 00:05:54,062 --> 00:05:55,438 - [Toby squeaks] - Oh, hey, Moon, 137 00:05:55,438 --> 00:05:58,691 what do you say we do that together from a much safer distance? 138 00:05:58,691 --> 00:06:00,818 Uh, up. Ah. See? There you go? 139 00:06:00,818 --> 00:06:02,653 Dad, this isn't cornhole. 140 00:06:02,653 --> 00:06:06,282 Well, true. But Toby's mouth is also a deadly weapon. 141 00:06:06,282 --> 00:06:08,910 Picking up some serious Selleck and Gutte vibes here, guys. 142 00:06:08,910 --> 00:06:10,536 You both wanna be great dads, 143 00:06:10,536 --> 00:06:13,790 but your parenting styles are as different as your chest hair situations. 144 00:06:13,790 --> 00:06:14,874 - [Toby squawks] - Oh. 145 00:06:14,874 --> 00:06:18,002 I'm opening the cage. Everyone stay still, please. 146 00:06:18,002 --> 00:06:20,088 - [Toby continues] - Moon, absolutely not. 147 00:06:20,088 --> 00:06:23,758 Dad, I gotta get him out to do his eye drops. I know how. 148 00:06:23,758 --> 00:06:25,718 And he could claw your face off. 149 00:06:25,718 --> 00:06:27,011 I'll go get my snare pole, 150 00:06:27,011 --> 00:06:29,180 so I can position his head for you in the cage. 151 00:06:29,180 --> 00:06:30,473 [Toby squeaks] 152 00:06:30,473 --> 00:06:33,768 Okay. Time to come out, bud. There you go. 153 00:06:33,768 --> 00:06:37,563 Oh, so you're just gonna, uh, do what Dad told you not to do? 154 00:06:37,563 --> 00:06:39,065 I-I didn't know we could do that. 155 00:06:39,065 --> 00:06:40,441 Wolf, I know what I'm doing. 156 00:06:40,441 --> 00:06:42,068 Moon. What the hell are you doing? 157 00:06:42,068 --> 00:06:44,862 Dad, put the pole away. You're making him nervous. 158 00:06:44,862 --> 00:06:46,155 - I'm making him nervous? - [shrieking] 159 00:06:46,155 --> 00:06:49,909 Nature's perfect shredding machine is currently perched on my ten-year-old son. 160 00:06:49,909 --> 00:06:51,577 I have nervous seniority. 161 00:06:51,577 --> 00:06:53,746 Hey, guys, I just needed to grab a few pillows-- Whoa, whoa! 162 00:06:53,746 --> 00:06:54,956 - [Toby shrieks] - [Wolf screams] 163 00:06:54,956 --> 00:06:58,000 - [Judy] Oh, Dad, chase him. - [Moon] Toby's gonna go. No! 164 00:06:58,000 --> 00:06:59,502 Well, crap. 165 00:06:59,502 --> 00:07:01,712 Damn it. That jerk jacked my jerky. 166 00:07:06,134 --> 00:07:07,301 Toby! 167 00:07:07,301 --> 00:07:09,762 Ugh. He's not gonna answer to his name, Dad. 168 00:07:09,762 --> 00:07:12,348 Well, maybe he'd answer to a rad nickname. 169 00:07:12,348 --> 00:07:16,227 [stammers] Uh, Toblerone. Uh, "Toby-Wan-Kenobi." 170 00:07:16,227 --> 00:07:20,106 Uh, "T-Alan Rickman" in "Naka-Toby" Tower. T-- I-- I'll keep thinking. 171 00:07:20,106 --> 00:07:21,399 He would've never fallen off 172 00:07:21,399 --> 00:07:24,026 if you hadn't made him nervous with that dumb pole of yours. 173 00:07:24,026 --> 00:07:26,112 - I had it under control. - Disagree. 174 00:07:26,112 --> 00:07:28,573 You screwed up my first eagle-sitting job. 175 00:07:28,573 --> 00:07:31,284 And now I'll never become a professional wildlife expert 176 00:07:31,284 --> 00:07:33,870 who goes on late-night shows, and moonlights as a pet detective 177 00:07:33,870 --> 00:07:36,247 that goes by the alias "Seth Snake Looker." 178 00:07:36,247 --> 00:07:37,373 Thanks a lot, Dad. 179 00:07:37,373 --> 00:07:39,876 You know, Moon, it's not too late to turn today 180 00:07:39,876 --> 00:07:42,670 into a fun father-son's outdoor good time. 181 00:07:42,670 --> 00:07:44,338 Just like we had when you were little. 182 00:07:44,338 --> 00:07:47,216 It is too late, since I've resigned my position as your son. 183 00:07:47,216 --> 00:07:50,845 - Resignation not accepted. - Resignation resubmitted. 184 00:07:50,845 --> 00:07:52,263 Oops. Denied again. 185 00:07:52,263 --> 00:07:53,890 Whoo, things are getting heated. 186 00:07:53,890 --> 00:07:56,893 Just like when Selleck gave one of Baby Mary's stuffed animals 187 00:07:56,893 --> 00:08:00,104 to his date for Valentine's Day, and Danson flipped out. 188 00:08:00,104 --> 00:08:03,441 But by the end of the day, I bet we'll realize we're all Toby's dads, 189 00:08:03,441 --> 00:08:05,776 and we love them equally and let's make a sequel. 190 00:08:05,776 --> 00:08:08,988 Aha! Whitewash, aka eagle poop. 191 00:08:08,988 --> 00:08:10,907 Toby can fly, but he can't hide. 192 00:08:10,907 --> 00:08:12,408 - [eagle squawks] - Sup Tobs. 193 00:08:12,408 --> 00:08:16,329 My guess your old dad's not such a bad eagle tracker after all. Right, bud? 194 00:08:16,329 --> 00:08:18,581 Father-son fun time engaged. 195 00:08:18,581 --> 00:08:20,917 Actually, there's one small problem. 196 00:08:20,917 --> 00:08:22,585 That's not Toby. 197 00:08:22,585 --> 00:08:26,797 Sure it is. He's got, uh, wings and a head. Just like the T-man. 198 00:08:26,797 --> 00:08:29,675 Wolf, her wingspan is definitely bigger. 199 00:08:30,259 --> 00:08:33,346 - [eaglets squeaking] - Of course, there's also the babies. 200 00:08:33,346 --> 00:08:36,349 We didn't find Toby, but I think we did find his family. 201 00:08:36,349 --> 00:08:40,019 And that mother eagle appears to be feeding her babies Wolf's jerky. 202 00:08:40,019 --> 00:08:44,607 Oh, lucky birds. It is the best flavor. Wacky Taco Teriyaki Twister. 203 00:08:44,607 --> 00:08:47,318 Toby probably built this nest for breeding season. 204 00:08:47,318 --> 00:08:49,946 It's safer than his regular nest near the post office. 205 00:08:49,946 --> 00:08:52,532 Two nests? Living pretty big, my man. 206 00:08:52,532 --> 00:08:56,536 And since Mom's in this nest, Toby must be out on the job, hunting. 207 00:08:56,536 --> 00:08:59,580 - Well, we'll just keep looking. - Uh. Let's split up. 208 00:08:59,580 --> 00:09:02,416 Then I could spend less time explaining basic eagle facts, 209 00:09:02,416 --> 00:09:03,834 and more time finding Toby. 210 00:09:03,834 --> 00:09:06,504 Nope. It'll be safer if we stick together. 211 00:09:06,504 --> 00:09:08,297 Like in the movie when they lose the baby, 212 00:09:08,297 --> 00:09:11,384 but then they find the baby by tracking down some cocaine dealers. 213 00:09:11,384 --> 00:09:14,929 Ha! The '80s were a wild time to be three dads, huh? 214 00:09:17,723 --> 00:09:19,058 You doing okay in there, Ham? 215 00:09:19,058 --> 00:09:22,645 [Ham, muffled] It's hard to talk. There's a pillow in front of my face. 216 00:09:23,437 --> 00:09:24,647 [sighs] That's better. 217 00:09:24,647 --> 00:09:26,857 I just needed a mouth hole for my mouth hole. 218 00:09:26,857 --> 00:09:28,484 Come on. We gotta break your date with death 219 00:09:28,484 --> 00:09:30,069 and keep your date with Crispin. 220 00:09:30,069 --> 00:09:32,405 We'll go very slowly and keep you alive until 4:00. 221 00:09:32,405 --> 00:09:34,657 But just in case, I'm gonna make a few calls 222 00:09:34,657 --> 00:09:37,118 to see who might cough up some cash for your kidneys. 223 00:09:37,118 --> 00:09:40,538 Okay. Now let's surround Ham and walk him down the driveway to the car. 224 00:09:42,665 --> 00:09:44,584 - [door squeaks] - Damn door. 225 00:09:46,294 --> 00:09:47,128 - Whoa. - Ooh. 226 00:09:47,712 --> 00:09:48,713 - Oh, my God. - What? 227 00:09:48,713 --> 00:09:51,007 A murder icicle almost got you. 228 00:09:51,007 --> 00:09:52,425 - [Ham] Oh. Oh, God. - [Judy] Go-God! 229 00:09:52,425 --> 00:09:54,677 - [Honeybee] Ooh. Oh, no. Icy patch. - [Judy screams] 230 00:09:54,677 --> 00:09:57,305 [Ham, Honeybee and Judy scream] 231 00:09:57,305 --> 00:09:59,515 Oh, no. My brother, he's gone. 232 00:09:59,515 --> 00:10:00,766 Oh, wait, no. Ham's fine. 233 00:10:00,766 --> 00:10:03,603 - [Honeybee] Nice try, death. - [Ham] My whole life flashed before me. 234 00:10:03,603 --> 00:10:05,062 So much time on the toilet. 235 00:10:06,147 --> 00:10:08,441 Moon, I know you think I'm being a buzzkill. 236 00:10:08,441 --> 00:10:10,568 I would say "barf fart," but, sure. 237 00:10:10,568 --> 00:10:14,989 But you know that I myself used to be more daring around wildlife. 238 00:10:14,989 --> 00:10:18,576 Ugh. Oh, God. Are you going to tell me the elk story again? 239 00:10:18,576 --> 00:10:20,119 Oh. This one's a banger, Dad. 240 00:10:20,119 --> 00:10:24,040 I was a young man of just 15 years on a solo expedition 241 00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:26,167 out in the Tongass National Forest 242 00:10:26,167 --> 00:10:29,503 to take pictures for a 4-H competition at the county fair. 243 00:10:29,503 --> 00:10:32,715 And that's when I spied it. A majestic bull elk. 244 00:10:32,715 --> 00:10:35,551 I knew they were dangerous, so I kept my distance. 245 00:10:35,551 --> 00:10:40,139 Then I slowly and cautiously got my camera out. 246 00:10:41,015 --> 00:10:42,433 And the elk shook me. 247 00:10:42,433 --> 00:10:43,976 Shook me head to hind. 248 00:10:43,976 --> 00:10:45,978 - Gripped my pants clean off. - [young Beef screams] 249 00:10:47,396 --> 00:10:51,275 Terrified, I remained on that tree pantsless till dawn, 250 00:10:51,275 --> 00:10:53,736 afraid my tormentor would return. 251 00:10:53,736 --> 00:10:57,948 You see, Moon, even when exercising maximal caution around a beast, 252 00:10:57,948 --> 00:11:01,661 a lone outdoorsman can lose his pants. Or worse, his life. 253 00:11:01,661 --> 00:11:04,080 Your problem wasn't your lack of backup, Dad. 254 00:11:04,080 --> 00:11:05,706 It was your lack of know-how. 255 00:11:05,706 --> 00:11:06,916 Yeah, Dad. 256 00:11:06,916 --> 00:11:08,709 Uh, sorry, sorry. Got caught up in the moment. 257 00:11:08,709 --> 00:11:10,711 If the picture was for the county fair, 258 00:11:10,711 --> 00:11:13,839 that places you in the woods in early August. Is that right? 259 00:11:13,839 --> 00:11:16,175 - Uh, yes. - Mating season. 260 00:11:16,175 --> 00:11:19,470 There is no amount of caution high enough near a bull elk 261 00:11:19,470 --> 00:11:22,848 during August or September, when they are extremely aggressive. 262 00:11:22,848 --> 00:11:24,183 You're lucky to be alive. 263 00:11:24,183 --> 00:11:27,520 - Oh, uh, I wasn't aware of that. - [Old Jody Jr.] Damn it. 264 00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:29,730 [groans] Oh, hey, Tobins. 265 00:11:29,730 --> 00:11:32,191 Boy, am I glad to see you. Eagle got me good. 266 00:11:32,191 --> 00:11:34,402 - Toby. - Yep. He tried to grab the cooler 267 00:11:34,402 --> 00:11:35,778 off the back of my truck. 268 00:11:35,778 --> 00:11:38,030 I was so startled that I ran right off the road. 269 00:11:38,030 --> 00:11:39,156 Did you see which way he went? 270 00:11:39,156 --> 00:11:40,533 Same way your boy just went. 271 00:11:40,533 --> 00:11:42,493 - What boy? - Yay high, bear suit. 272 00:11:42,493 --> 00:11:43,953 Was here just a second ago. 273 00:11:44,995 --> 00:11:46,706 Damn it. Moon's gone rogue. 274 00:11:46,706 --> 00:11:50,918 He really is a Guttenberg. Translation, "lovable scamp." 275 00:11:56,716 --> 00:11:59,760 Huh. Moon's tracks stop right here and then disappear. 276 00:11:59,760 --> 00:12:00,886 You thinking what I'm thinking? 277 00:12:00,886 --> 00:12:02,304 [chuckles] Oh, yeah. 278 00:12:02,304 --> 00:12:04,265 [stammers] Maybe he can fly? 279 00:12:04,265 --> 00:12:06,058 Like, uh, 'cause he's half owl. 280 00:12:06,058 --> 00:12:08,394 'Cause, uh, Mom had an affair with an owl. 281 00:12:08,394 --> 00:12:10,855 - And, uh-- - [laughs] No, Wolf. What? 282 00:12:10,855 --> 00:12:12,481 Ha! I was total joking. 283 00:12:12,481 --> 00:12:15,943 I do think he might have climbed up in this tree to get a better view. 284 00:12:15,943 --> 00:12:18,988 And from the top, he'd have a direct line of sight to-- 285 00:12:18,988 --> 00:12:22,116 To that owl that had an affair with Mom? 286 00:12:22,116 --> 00:12:23,701 No, the post office. 287 00:12:23,701 --> 00:12:25,286 Toby's other nest. 288 00:12:25,286 --> 00:12:27,621 - Let's go check there. - Right, right. 289 00:12:27,621 --> 00:12:29,415 [car horns honking] 290 00:12:29,415 --> 00:12:32,334 Now, Ham, just in case death comes out on top today, 291 00:12:32,334 --> 00:12:35,463 I think I can get a couple of doubloons for that gorgeous red hair 292 00:12:35,463 --> 00:12:36,672 down at the wig factory. 293 00:12:36,672 --> 00:12:38,215 So do you mind if I bury you bald? 294 00:12:38,215 --> 00:12:40,509 Aunt Dirt, stop. Ham is not gonna die. 295 00:12:40,509 --> 00:12:43,763 Not if the dozens of Final Destination characters who lost their lives 296 00:12:43,763 --> 00:12:45,931 so that I can protect Ham, have anything to say about it. 297 00:12:45,931 --> 00:12:48,434 Knock on wood. Uh. [groans] 298 00:12:48,434 --> 00:12:52,021 Ham, don't. No, no unnecessary movement. You can't risk it. 299 00:12:52,605 --> 00:12:54,315 [Honeybee] Let me get you close to the entrance. 300 00:12:54,315 --> 00:12:56,484 When we're walking, death's stalking. 301 00:12:56,484 --> 00:12:58,569 What the hell, Honeybee? You can't park here. 302 00:12:59,570 --> 00:13:01,113 Uh, sorry, Security Pam. 303 00:13:01,113 --> 00:13:03,532 But my brother-in-law got three deaths in a tarot reading, 304 00:13:03,532 --> 00:13:05,743 and the reaper is after us Final Destination style. 305 00:13:05,743 --> 00:13:08,496 So we gotta get him into the mall to either kiss his boyfriend goodbye, 306 00:13:08,496 --> 00:13:09,747 or have cheese fries with him. 307 00:13:09,747 --> 00:13:13,042 Oh, well, in that case, I'll give you a security escort. 308 00:13:13,042 --> 00:13:16,045 [shouting] Everybody out of the way. We got a final destination here. 309 00:13:16,837 --> 00:13:19,173 [groans] No Eagle. No Moon. 310 00:13:19,173 --> 00:13:21,675 Hey, Zoya. Love the look. Super punk rock. 311 00:13:21,675 --> 00:13:24,053 Not punk. Bird tried to steal hat. 312 00:13:24,053 --> 00:13:26,388 Bird strong, but Zoya stronger. 313 00:13:26,388 --> 00:13:28,724 Zoya, did that bird happen to be Toby? 314 00:13:28,724 --> 00:13:31,060 I never snitch, but yes. 315 00:13:31,060 --> 00:13:32,812 Well, wait, where did he go? 316 00:13:32,812 --> 00:13:34,980 [people screaming] 317 00:13:34,980 --> 00:13:36,315 [Toby squawking] 318 00:13:39,693 --> 00:13:40,861 [Toby screeches] 319 00:13:41,570 --> 00:13:43,572 - [Beef] There's moon. Let's go. - [Toby squawking] 320 00:13:44,782 --> 00:13:47,952 No, my stew meat. I saved up so many coupons. 321 00:13:48,994 --> 00:13:51,080 - [Toby squeals] - [screams] Not my fish sticks. 322 00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:54,583 It's Fish Sticks Friday. Harry will be devastated! 323 00:13:54,583 --> 00:13:56,460 Sir, stay in your car. 324 00:13:56,460 --> 00:13:58,587 Moon, we were supposed to stay together. 325 00:13:58,587 --> 00:14:02,174 Sorry, Dad. But watching Toby today was my job, so I'm doing it. 326 00:14:02,174 --> 00:14:03,676 - [Toby squawks] - It was our job. 327 00:14:03,676 --> 00:14:05,427 But how did you know he would be here? 328 00:14:05,427 --> 00:14:08,931 Well, when I saw OJJ's vandalized cooler that Toby attacked, 329 00:14:08,931 --> 00:14:11,517 I realized Toby wasn't hunting, he was shopping. 330 00:14:11,517 --> 00:14:13,394 - He goes beef shopping, am I right? - [Toby squawks] 331 00:14:13,394 --> 00:14:16,564 Toby's number one job right now is to feed his babies. 332 00:14:16,564 --> 00:14:18,941 - And eagles are kleptoparasitic. - Bless you. 333 00:14:18,941 --> 00:14:22,444 Thank you. Which means they steal food gathered by other birds. 334 00:14:22,444 --> 00:14:25,072 But Toby is also partially domesticated. 335 00:14:25,072 --> 00:14:26,824 So I figured he'd come to the place 336 00:14:26,824 --> 00:14:29,827 where it's easiest to steal food gathered by humans. 337 00:14:29,827 --> 00:14:33,122 But getting Toby under control is not something you can handle. 338 00:14:33,122 --> 00:14:35,958 Watch me. You guys stand over there where it's safe. 339 00:14:35,958 --> 00:14:38,085 - Absolutely not. I'll take care of it. - [people screaming] 340 00:14:38,085 --> 00:14:40,462 Dad, just let me get Toby back in his cage. 341 00:14:40,462 --> 00:14:42,840 Wolf, take your brother over to Mrs. Tuntley's car, 342 00:14:42,840 --> 00:14:45,217 - and keep him in there. - Dad, come on! 343 00:14:45,217 --> 00:14:47,428 Use the childproof locks if you have to. 344 00:14:47,428 --> 00:14:49,889 [groans] I figured those out when I was three. 345 00:14:49,889 --> 00:14:52,391 Ah, man, you gotta help me out. I still don't get 'em. 346 00:14:52,391 --> 00:14:54,268 Uh, everyone stay calm. 347 00:14:54,268 --> 00:14:57,229 I called Game Warden Burt and left a message-- [screams] 348 00:14:57,229 --> 00:14:59,231 - Oh, my God! - Pete, get inside. 349 00:14:59,231 --> 00:15:02,693 And I need to come in and get some supplies for a Bal-chatri trap. 350 00:15:02,693 --> 00:15:06,071 Sure. And we also have a BOGO on Rice Krispie Treats you're gonna love. 351 00:15:06,071 --> 00:15:07,781 - Not now, Pete. - Right, right. 352 00:15:08,657 --> 00:15:11,911 This is as far as I can take you. My cart can't go up these stairs. 353 00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:14,121 But you could get out and walk up with us. 354 00:15:14,121 --> 00:15:15,748 I wish. Bad knees. 355 00:15:15,748 --> 00:15:17,458 Also, I want to get a soft pretzel. 356 00:15:17,458 --> 00:15:18,667 Bye! 357 00:15:19,960 --> 00:15:22,630 [groans] What if I fall? 358 00:15:22,630 --> 00:15:25,341 Why is this elevator still under construction? 359 00:15:25,341 --> 00:15:27,635 They've been working on it for so long. 360 00:15:27,635 --> 00:15:28,761 We couldn't take it anyway. 361 00:15:28,761 --> 00:15:31,388 Just ask Nora Carpenter from Final Destination 2. 362 00:15:31,388 --> 00:15:33,974 Trick question-- You can't because she ain't got no head. 363 00:15:33,974 --> 00:15:36,685 Popped right off like a button on a pair of jeans that are way too tight. 364 00:15:36,685 --> 00:15:37,770 What do we do? 365 00:15:37,770 --> 00:15:40,564 Ham has trouble with stairs even when death isn't on his ass. 366 00:15:40,564 --> 00:15:43,192 Looks like we're gonna have to make a stop at the sporting goods store. 367 00:15:43,192 --> 00:15:45,945 And maybe also for a soft pretzel cause that sounded good. 368 00:15:46,528 --> 00:15:47,613 [Ham groaning] 369 00:15:47,613 --> 00:15:48,822 Ham, before you climb, 370 00:15:48,822 --> 00:15:52,326 why don't you go ahead and hit me with your bank account number and ATM pin. 371 00:15:52,326 --> 00:15:54,828 - Just in case this doesn't work. - Dirt, no. 372 00:15:54,828 --> 00:15:58,290 Okay. Start climbing, Ham. Keep your center of gravity as low as possible. 373 00:15:58,916 --> 00:16:00,167 [Ham groaning] 374 00:16:01,377 --> 00:16:02,836 Okay, Judy, start looking for hazards. 375 00:16:02,836 --> 00:16:04,713 Near the end of the movies, the deaths are fully nuts 376 00:16:04,713 --> 00:16:06,715 - and can come from anywhere. - [Ham groaning] 377 00:16:07,883 --> 00:16:09,301 [Judy] Mmm. 378 00:16:10,594 --> 00:16:12,846 Mmm. [screams] 379 00:16:12,846 --> 00:16:15,099 [roller skater screams] 380 00:16:15,099 --> 00:16:16,809 Argh. Damn thing ate my quarter. 381 00:16:16,809 --> 00:16:18,102 - [machine clicks] - Ooh. 382 00:16:18,769 --> 00:16:24,400 - [distorted] Ham! Look out! - [distorted] No! 383 00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:27,653 No! [gulps, chews] 384 00:16:27,653 --> 00:16:29,780 - Ham, Ham. Are you dying? - [Ham] Mmm-mm. 385 00:16:29,780 --> 00:16:33,617 [smacks lips] No, it's just really old gum. 386 00:16:33,617 --> 00:16:35,077 Ugh. I'm okay. 387 00:16:35,661 --> 00:16:38,122 I'll get to the rest of the way. [strains] 388 00:16:38,122 --> 00:16:39,957 Or maybe we just walk. 389 00:16:39,957 --> 00:16:41,625 [Toby squawks] 390 00:16:42,167 --> 00:16:43,919 All right. The trap is set. 391 00:16:44,753 --> 00:16:46,046 [Toby squawks] 392 00:16:47,965 --> 00:16:49,508 [strains] Come on, Wolf. 393 00:16:49,508 --> 00:16:52,886 Let me out. Toby is going to dive again. I can tell by his stance. 394 00:16:52,886 --> 00:16:54,471 Can't. Dad's orders. 395 00:16:54,471 --> 00:16:58,183 But I need to go keep Dad safe. He's gonna get hurt. 396 00:16:58,183 --> 00:17:00,602 - [Toby squawks] - Dad! 397 00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:03,063 - [Toby screeches] - [Beef screams] 398 00:17:03,063 --> 00:17:04,314 No, no, no, no, no! 399 00:17:04,314 --> 00:17:07,776 Sam Malone's Winter's Bones, Toby's wedging Dad! 400 00:17:10,362 --> 00:17:12,948 - [Toby squawks] - [screams] No, no! 401 00:17:12,948 --> 00:17:14,575 Somebody's gotta do something. 402 00:17:14,575 --> 00:17:16,702 My dad's butt can't take much more of this. 403 00:17:16,702 --> 00:17:18,662 Wolf, please I know what to do. 404 00:17:18,662 --> 00:17:20,706 You have to trust me. You have to let me out. 405 00:17:20,706 --> 00:17:23,208 Moon, I'm gonna say to you what Danson says to Selleck 406 00:17:23,208 --> 00:17:26,253 when he asks him to watch Mary so he can go on a date. 407 00:17:26,253 --> 00:17:27,379 Okay. 408 00:17:28,464 --> 00:17:29,923 No, Moon. Stay back. [screams] 409 00:17:29,923 --> 00:17:32,051 - [Toby squawks] - [Moon] I'm here to help you. 410 00:17:32,051 --> 00:17:33,886 Stay calm, Dad. 411 00:17:33,886 --> 00:17:35,471 Everyone else get back. 412 00:17:35,471 --> 00:17:38,307 Stoop down behind your cars. No loud sounds. 413 00:17:38,307 --> 00:17:39,850 - Even me. - Yes. 414 00:17:39,850 --> 00:17:41,185 Thank you for including me. 415 00:17:41,185 --> 00:17:43,854 [screams] Moon, no, get back, back, back. 416 00:17:43,854 --> 00:17:46,106 Dad, if you want to have a butt crack at the end of this, 417 00:17:46,106 --> 00:17:47,441 I need you to stop yelling. 418 00:17:47,441 --> 00:17:49,485 - [Beef yelling] - Go limp. Lay down. 419 00:17:49,485 --> 00:17:51,570 - Okay. - Seriously, stop talking. 420 00:17:51,570 --> 00:17:53,530 - Yep. Sorry. - Shh. 421 00:17:53,530 --> 00:17:54,615 [Toby squawks] 422 00:17:55,783 --> 00:17:56,867 [Moon] Caw-caw-caw. 423 00:17:56,867 --> 00:17:58,994 - Is that a dead mouse? - Yep. 424 00:17:58,994 --> 00:18:00,788 You just had that in your pocket? 425 00:18:00,788 --> 00:18:03,290 Yes, I always have one for things like this. 426 00:18:03,290 --> 00:18:04,750 - You don't? - No. 427 00:18:04,750 --> 00:18:06,376 Caw-caw-caw. 428 00:18:06,376 --> 00:18:07,669 [Toby squawks] 429 00:18:08,962 --> 00:18:13,092 And while he's swallowing the mouse, I just leash him up here. 430 00:18:13,092 --> 00:18:16,095 Way to go, Moon. You saved my favorite dad. 431 00:18:16,678 --> 00:18:19,973 Caw-caw. All right, I've got him leashed. 432 00:18:19,973 --> 00:18:21,517 I'm gonna walk him home. 433 00:18:21,517 --> 00:18:24,019 Don't you want to get him in his cage first? 434 00:18:24,019 --> 00:18:25,521 - I do not. - But-- 435 00:18:25,521 --> 00:18:28,148 Hey, Dad, there's a time in Three Men And A Baby, 436 00:18:28,148 --> 00:18:29,274 where Selleck and the goon 437 00:18:29,274 --> 00:18:32,194 had to acknowledge that Danson was Mary's real dad. 438 00:18:32,194 --> 00:18:35,697 He was in charge and he was the one who needed to take care of her. 439 00:18:35,697 --> 00:18:38,492 Right. Moon, we'll follow behind you. 440 00:18:38,492 --> 00:18:41,036 Perfect. Just not too close. 441 00:18:41,620 --> 00:18:42,621 [people cheer] 442 00:18:42,621 --> 00:18:43,956 Well done, Moon! 443 00:18:44,706 --> 00:18:46,917 There he is, Ham. Go say goodbye. 444 00:18:46,917 --> 00:18:48,293 - Crispin. - Ham? 445 00:18:48,293 --> 00:18:50,045 Yes, it's me. 446 00:18:50,045 --> 00:18:52,965 I came to say farewell forever. 447 00:18:52,965 --> 00:18:54,758 Or get fries if I live. 448 00:18:54,758 --> 00:18:55,968 Uh, what? 449 00:18:55,968 --> 00:18:58,178 Wait, what's going on with the kiosk? 450 00:18:58,178 --> 00:19:00,347 Oh. A ground squirrel fell out of a light fixture 451 00:19:00,347 --> 00:19:03,308 right into one of the blenders and I accidentally blended it to death. 452 00:19:03,308 --> 00:19:05,185 So we're closed. Possibly forever. 453 00:19:05,185 --> 00:19:06,478 Waiting to hear from corporate. 454 00:19:06,478 --> 00:19:07,938 Also, I'm deeply traumatized. 455 00:19:07,938 --> 00:19:09,648 Wait, a ground squirrel died? 456 00:19:09,648 --> 00:19:11,859 Judy, your witchcraft wasn't about Ham. 457 00:19:11,859 --> 00:19:14,820 Oh! I just killed a ground squirrel. Not my brother. 458 00:19:14,820 --> 00:19:16,405 - [clocks chiming] - And... 459 00:19:16,405 --> 00:19:20,951 We did it. We beat death. In your face. [grunting] 460 00:19:20,951 --> 00:19:24,121 Time to take these pillows off and get some fries. 461 00:19:24,121 --> 00:19:26,915 Okay. What are you-- What is happening? 462 00:19:26,915 --> 00:19:28,000 Oh, crap. 463 00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:31,253 I forgot I took my pants off to get a better pillow fit. 464 00:19:31,253 --> 00:19:33,172 Will you be embarrassed to get fries with me? 465 00:19:33,172 --> 00:19:35,299 Are you kidding? It would be my honor. 466 00:19:35,299 --> 00:19:37,467 I'll even take my pants off too. 467 00:19:37,467 --> 00:19:39,511 We did it. We saved Ham. 468 00:19:39,511 --> 00:19:41,930 I mean, I don't think he was actually ever in danger, 469 00:19:41,930 --> 00:19:44,057 - but-- - Shh, shh, shh. 470 00:19:44,057 --> 00:19:47,269 You think he still has some of that dead ground squirrel smoothie back there? 471 00:19:47,269 --> 00:19:48,645 I'm a little parched. 472 00:19:49,229 --> 00:19:52,107 Welp, we were out of rubbing alcohol, 473 00:19:52,107 --> 00:19:54,610 but I poured a bunch of tequila down my butt area 474 00:19:54,610 --> 00:19:55,861 and slapped on a bandage. 475 00:19:55,861 --> 00:19:57,821 Are you ready to apologize to Toby? 476 00:19:57,821 --> 00:19:59,489 No, Toby can rot. 477 00:19:59,489 --> 00:20:03,785 - But I am ready to apologize to you. - Okay. 478 00:20:03,785 --> 00:20:07,372 Moon, I'm sorry, I didn't trust you to take care of the eagle 479 00:20:07,372 --> 00:20:08,498 on your own today. 480 00:20:08,498 --> 00:20:09,625 It's okay, Dad. 481 00:20:09,625 --> 00:20:12,252 I'm sorry that I know more than you about wildlife. 482 00:20:12,252 --> 00:20:15,881 Oh, Moon. That doesn't bother me. I love that you do. I'm proud. 483 00:20:15,881 --> 00:20:20,219 But seeing you with wild animals still sometimes scares the crap out of me. 484 00:20:20,219 --> 00:20:22,679 - [chuckles] It's a dad thing. - Papa's gotta pop. 485 00:20:22,679 --> 00:20:25,891 You're gifted and I can't hold you back and I shouldn't. 486 00:20:25,891 --> 00:20:29,478 Most parents of kids with terrifying talents probably go through this. 487 00:20:29,478 --> 00:20:32,522 I mean, that guy who does all the rock climbing with no ropes. 488 00:20:32,522 --> 00:20:35,275 I bet his parents have never slept a wink in their lives. 489 00:20:35,275 --> 00:20:37,110 - I love that guy. - [chuckles] Me too. 490 00:20:37,110 --> 00:20:38,320 He's my screen saver. 491 00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:42,241 But my point is you can't stop an animal from following its nature 492 00:20:42,241 --> 00:20:45,202 and I can't stop you from following your nature. 493 00:20:45,202 --> 00:20:48,080 [sniffles, cries] Damn it, that was beautiful. 494 00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:50,958 I just hope you guys both know what to do when you see a wolf. 495 00:20:50,958 --> 00:20:53,961 [both] Stand tall, back away. Maintain eye contact. 496 00:20:53,961 --> 00:20:57,381 Hell, no. When you see a Wolf you bring it in for a hug, 497 00:20:57,381 --> 00:21:00,842 - Oh. - [screams] My butt, my butt. Oh, my God. 498 00:21:00,842 --> 00:21:04,263 {\an8}♪ Good night, sweetheart Well, it's time to go ♪ 499 00:21:04,263 --> 00:21:06,181 {\an8}- ♪ Do, do, di, do, do ♪ - ♪ Good night, sweetheart ♪ 500 00:21:06,181 --> 00:21:09,268 {\an8}- ♪ Well, it's time go ♪ - ♪ Do, do, do, do ♪ 501 00:21:09,268 --> 00:21:12,813 {\an8}♪ I hate to leave you But I really must say ♪ 502 00:21:12,813 --> 00:21:15,857 {\an8}♪ Good night sweetheart Good night ♪ 503 00:21:15,857 --> 00:21:16,942 {\an8}[Toby squawks] 504 00:21:16,942 --> 00:21:19,736 {\an8}♪ Well, it's three o'clock In the morning ♪ 505 00:21:19,736 --> 00:21:21,154 {\an8}[Toby squawks] 506 00:21:21,154 --> 00:21:24,449 {\an8}♪ Baby, I just can't treat you right ♪ 507 00:21:24,449 --> 00:21:28,870 {\an8}♪ Well, I hate to leave you, baby I don't mean maybe ♪ 508 00:21:28,870 --> 00:21:32,874 {\an8}- ♪ Because I love you so ♪ - ♪ Do, do, di, do, do ♪