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《北方極樂園》
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{\an8}(無敵凱瑟琳號)
(船癡的自白)
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{\an8}(我又辦到了!)
(《公證人遊戲》)
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{\an8}好的,夠了,那隻老鷹
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{\an8}用牠那討人厭的眼睛直盯著我
我沒辦法好好享用早餐
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{\an8}好的
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{\an8}托比有雙討人厭的眼睛又不是牠的錯
牠有鳥眼結膜炎
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{\an8}讓我更有理由遠離牠
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{\an8}別擔心,哈尼碧,我會和穆恩一起照顧牠
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{\an8}在我的監管之下
沒有人會感染禽類結膜炎
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{\an8}那還用說?我會飛踢那隻鳥
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{\an8}爸,可是洛伊只有指名我幫他顧老鷹
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{\an8}而你在答應他之前該問過我
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{\an8}所以我現在會照管你照管這隻利爪掠食者
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{\an8}不妙,爸爸天堂有麻煩了
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{\an8}穆恩,我知道你很愛野生動物
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{\an8}但近期的意外事件
讓我有必要對放任教養踩煞車
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{\an8}我支持你所有的興趣
除非和直到你的興趣有可能害死你為止
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{\an8}父親,你這話是什麼意思?
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{\an8}- 穆恩
- 爸,恭喜你,你當爺爺了
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{\an8}穆恩,立刻靠邊停下來
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{\an8}小心,有點辣
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{\an8}穆恩
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{\an8}爸,你得放鬆一點
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{\an8}照顧野生動物是我的天命
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{\an8}真的,就像我常說的那樣
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{\an8}如果漢蒙博士有聯絡你的話
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{\an8}侏羅紀公園仍然會是個闔家歡的
有趣度假勝地
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{\an8}你究竟要如何照管老鷹?
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{\an8}做起司通心粉給牠吃嗎?
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{\an8}在哄牠睡覺的時候
察看牠的床底下有沒有怪物?
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漢姆,牠只吃生肉,而且牠站著睡覺
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就跟媽那時醉倒在丹其酒吧附近的
電話亭一樣
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如果那隻老鷹要留下來
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我星期六會待在客房
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我唯一尊敬的大鳥只有大鳥博德
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如果你有機會照管博德的話,通知我一聲
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我跟妳走
我可不想讓我俏麗的臉蛋被啄傷
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是說有道疤痕
倒是可以讓我散發出一種神祕感
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但是,不...不行,我跟妳走
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狗界的老鷹小獵犬的話,我倒是不介意
但托比下地獄我也不在乎
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我也跟你們走吧,因為我剛剛放了一個屁
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所以我們都會得結膜炎,走吧
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德特
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好的,接下來的時間
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我們不用再擔心會被一個利嘴惡魔謀殺了
我們要做什麼呢?
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我知道,我們可以練習模仿米高肯恩
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「我是米高肯恩,酷喔」
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我有得忙了
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我們可以玩撲克
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等等,這是哪門子的共產黨撲克牌?
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這是克里姆林宮A嗎?
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那是塔羅牌
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在我那陰森的外甥拉爾斯的婚禮上
很受歡迎
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塔羅牌,我不介意來算一下
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我來看看
說明書寫著你只需隨意翻開三張牌...
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好可怕喔
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但在翻牌之前
你該先提出一個明確的問題
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好的,問這個好不好?
我這一天會過得如何?
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- 但只到四點前就好
- 為什麼是四點?
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因為克斯賓在商場的班四點結束
我會和他在那裡碰頭
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我們會合吃起司薯條
所以我已經知道那會超棒的
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塔羅牌,我是住在主屋的茱蒂
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哈囉,漢姆的這一天會過得如何?
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- 到四點前就好
- 對,到四點前就好
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酷喔,我會觀賞《尋骨線索》嗎?
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不是,那是死神
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好的,我不喜歡那張牌
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還沒啦,你需要三張牌才能看出你的結果
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不妙,有兩張死神
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好牌喔,我會加注
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還剩最後一張牌
好的,這張肯定會是好牌
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天啊
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- 不是吧,茱蒂,又來了
- 什麼又來了?
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我有個可怕的天賦,我很會預知死亡
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在我六歲那年,我拿到了一個幸運餅乾
紙條上寫著我會失去重要的東西
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當晚,我的蝸牛費塔起尼先生就死了
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(安息吧,費塔起尼先生)
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- 自然死亡,牠26歲了,但仍然令人心痛
- 在那之後,她的能力就愈來愈強了
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幾年後,在玩通靈板的時候
板上拼出了「漂浮」二字
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不久之後,我們的魚泡泡阿甘便死了
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而牠漂浮在水面上
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好的,所以茱蒂是個女巫
我去拿火柴,我們把她燒了
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而且有個真正可怕的事件就發生在兩年前
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我夢到我在夏日野餐渴死了
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該死的火柴在哪裡?
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隔天早上,我便聽到新聞報導說
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幫酷愛先生配音的那個人死了
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穿過了分隔今生和來世的那道牆
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那麼,看來我的性命會結束在今天四點
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不,我絕不會讓這種事發生
漢姆納森,你走運了
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因為沒人比我看過更多遍
《絕命終結站》系列
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我每一部看過105次
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死神,你聽到了嗎?
你今天要對付的可是哈尼碧肖托賓
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我的天
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看來死神接受了妳的挑戰
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對,是說那種狀況經常發生
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我一直叫沃爾夫把它修好,但開戰了
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哈尼碧,我絕對相信妳能夠
阻止死神的魔爪把我抓走
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但以防萬一,我想去找克斯賓
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如果我就要死了,我想要再吻一次
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而如果我騙過了死神,我真的很想吃薯條
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現在死神正追著我們跑
去商場可能會有風險
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但我想我們辦得到
我們得幫漢姆做好防護裝置
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我去拿枕頭和膠帶
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好樣的,我們得避開坐飛機
也不能開在載木材的卡車後面
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而且想都別想做眼睛雷射手術,年輕人
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不是吧,我正有這個打算
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好的,該餵牠了,我去拿牠的肉
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很有趣,對吧?
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我好愛這濃濃的《三個奶爸一個娃》氛圍
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也許我該出門買一些尿布
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我們三人試圖改變一隻脾氣暴躁的野鷹
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肯定會使出一些有趣的詭計
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沃爾夫,托比不是個嬰兒
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用老鷹的年齡來算,牠其實比你年長
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太讚了
不曉得我的健保是否可以依附在牠的名下
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穆恩,要不我們一起
從比較安全的距離來餵食牠吧
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吃吧,你看,很順利吧?
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爸,這不是在擲沙包
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對啦,但托比的嘴也是個致命武器
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我感受到一股強烈的
謝立克和古特對峙的氣氛
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你們兩個都想當個好爸爸
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但你們的教養風格
跟你們的胸毛一樣南轅北轍
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我要打開籠子了,大家請不要亂動
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穆恩,萬萬不可
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爸,我得讓牠出來
才能幫牠點眼藥水,我知道該怎麼做
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而牠會抓爛你的臉
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我去拿我的誘捕桿
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這樣我就可以幫你在籠子裡調整牠的頭
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好的,該出來囉,兄弟,非常好
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所以老爸叫你往東你就偏要往西?
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原來我們可以這樣喔?
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沃爾夫,我知道我在做什麼
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穆恩,你這是在做什麼?
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爸,把桿子拿走,你讓牠很緊張
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我讓牠緊張?
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自然界裡完美的碎紙機
正棲息在我十歲兒子的手臂上
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我比牠更有資格緊張
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各位,我只需要拿幾個枕頭...
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- 糟了,快去追牠
- 門是開著的,不行
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完了
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該死,那個渾球偷走了我的肉乾
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托比
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爸,你喊牠的名字不會起作用
146
00:07:09,762 --> 00:07:12,348
也許一個超酷的綽號會讓牠回應我們
147
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托比三角巧克力
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「托比王肯諾比」
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「中富托比大樓」裡的「泰倫瑞克曼」
我會繼續想
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00:07:20,106 --> 00:07:22,442
如果你沒用那愚蠢的桿子搞得牠緊張兮兮
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牠就不會飛走
152
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- 原本一切都在我的掌控中
- 我不同意
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00:07:26,112 --> 00:07:28,573
你搞砸了我的第一份照管老鷹的工作
154
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而現在我將永遠無法成為一位
會上夜間談話節目
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兼差當寵物偵探
化名為「賽斯蛇觀察者」的
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專業野生動物專家
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多虧了你,老爸
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00:07:37,373 --> 00:07:39,876
穆恩,是說我們還得及把這場意外
159
00:07:39,876 --> 00:07:42,670
轉變成開心的父子戶外活動
160
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就跟當你還小的時候一樣
161
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來不及了,因為我已經辭掉
擔任你兒子的職務了
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- 我不接受你的辭呈
- 我再度提出辭呈
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糟了,我再度不接受
164
00:07:52,597 --> 00:07:53,890
狀況愈演愈烈
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00:07:53,890 --> 00:07:56,893
就跟謝立克把嬰兒瑪莉的玩偶
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送給他在情人節的約會對象
搞得丹森抓狂時一樣
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但我敢打賭在今天結束之前
我們全都會體悟到我們都是托比的爸
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我們都一樣愛牠,然後我們來拍續集吧
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00:08:06,444 --> 00:08:08,988
白色粉末,也就是老鷹屎
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托比會飛,但牠無法藏身
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托比,你好嗎?
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00:08:12,408 --> 00:08:16,329
說到底,你老爸追蹤老鷹的技能
還不算太差,對吧?
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父子共度了歡樂時光
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其實還有個小問題
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那不是托比
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牠當然是,牠有翅膀、有頭
就跟托仔一樣
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沃爾夫,牠的翼展肯定比較寬
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當然囉,再加上剛出生的小老鷹
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我們沒找到托比
但我想我們確實找到了牠的家人
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00:08:36,349 --> 00:08:40,019
而那隻母鷹看來在用沃爾夫的肉乾
餵食牠的小孩
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00:08:40,019 --> 00:08:44,607
幸運的鳥兒,那是最好吃的口味
怪味照燒塔可扭條
182
00:08:44,607 --> 00:08:47,318
托比很可能是為了繁殖季而築了這個巢
183
00:08:47,318 --> 00:08:49,946
這比牠平常那個靠近郵局的鳥巢更安全
184
00:08:49,946 --> 00:08:52,532
有兩個巢?我兄弟過得挺快活的嘛
185
00:08:52,532 --> 00:08:56,536
既然母鷹在這個巢裡
托比一定出外獵食了
186
00:08:56,536 --> 00:08:59,580
- 那麼我們繼續找吧
- 分開行動吧
187
00:08:59,580 --> 00:09:02,416
那麼我就可以少花一些唇舌
解釋基本的老鷹知識
188
00:09:02,416 --> 00:09:03,834
有更多時間找托比
189
00:09:03,834 --> 00:09:06,504
不行,一起行動會更安全
190
00:09:06,504 --> 00:09:09,257
就像電影演的那樣,嬰兒走失了
但他們藉著追蹤一些古柯鹼毒販
191
00:09:09,257 --> 00:09:11,384
後來就把她找回來了
192
00:09:11,384 --> 00:09:14,929
在1980年代當三個奶爸
還挺瘋狂的,是吧?
193
00:09:17,723 --> 00:09:19,058
漢姆,你還好嗎?
194
00:09:19,058 --> 00:09:22,645
有個枕頭在我面前,要說話很困難
195
00:09:23,646 --> 00:09:24,647
這樣好多了
196
00:09:24,647 --> 00:09:26,774
我只需要替我的嘴巴開一個洞
197
00:09:26,774 --> 00:09:28,568
走吧,我們得取消你和死神的約會
198
00:09:28,568 --> 00:09:30,069
讓你和克斯賓好好約會
199
00:09:30,069 --> 00:09:32,405
我們會放慢速度,讓你能活到四點
200
00:09:32,405 --> 00:09:34,657
但以防萬一,我會打幾通電話
201
00:09:34,657 --> 00:09:37,118
看看有誰能拿出一些現金買你的腎
202
00:09:37,118 --> 00:09:40,538
好的,我們把漢姆圍住
護著他沿著車道走向車子
203
00:09:43,749 --> 00:09:44,834
該死的門
204
00:09:46,544 --> 00:09:48,212
- 不妙
- 我的天
205
00:09:48,212 --> 00:09:51,007
- 怎麼了?
- 你差點被冰柱謀殺了
206
00:09:51,799 --> 00:09:52,717
天啊
207
00:09:52,717 --> 00:09:54,677
糟了,不妙,結冰路面
208
00:09:57,388 --> 00:09:59,599
完了,我哥哥他走了
209
00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:00,766
等等,不是啦,漢姆沒事
210
00:10:00,766 --> 00:10:03,603
- 死神,你想得美
- 我看到了人生跑馬燈
211
00:10:03,603 --> 00:10:05,062
我花了好多時間蹲廁所
212
00:10:06,147 --> 00:10:08,441
穆恩,我知道你認為我是個掃興鬼
213
00:10:08,441 --> 00:10:10,568
我會說「噁屁」啦,但是掃興鬼也行
214
00:10:10,568 --> 00:10:14,989
但你知道我本人以前面對野生動物時
也是很大膽的呢
215
00:10:15,698 --> 00:10:18,784
我的天,你不是又要再說一次
那段麋鹿的故事吧?
216
00:10:18,784 --> 00:10:20,119
這個故事超精采的,爸
217
00:10:20,119 --> 00:10:24,040
我當時是個15歲的小伙子,獨自在
218
00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:26,167
通加斯國家森林探險
219
00:10:26,167 --> 00:10:29,503
為了州農業博覽會舉辦的四健比賽拍照
220
00:10:29,503 --> 00:10:32,715
我就在那時看到了一頭雄偉的公麋鹿
221
00:10:32,715 --> 00:10:35,551
我知道牠們很危險
所以我保持了安全距離
222
00:10:35,551 --> 00:10:38,512
然後我小心翼翼地拿出我的相機
223
00:10:41,015 --> 00:10:42,433
而那頭麋鹿頂了我一記
224
00:10:42,433 --> 00:10:43,976
把我上下甩動
225
00:10:43,976 --> 00:10:45,978
甩到我的褲子整個被扯下來
226
00:10:47,396 --> 00:10:51,275
我嚇壞了,我穿著內褲
待在那棵樹上直到天亮
227
00:10:51,275 --> 00:10:53,736
擔心受怕那折磨我的傢伙會回頭
228
00:10:53,736 --> 00:10:57,948
穆恩,就算你盡最大可能小心翼翼地
待在一頭猛獸身邊
229
00:10:57,948 --> 00:11:01,661
獨自在戶外的人仍有可能被扒褲子
或者更糟糕的是會失去性命
230
00:11:01,661 --> 00:11:04,080
爸,你的問題不在於你沒有後援
231
00:11:04,080 --> 00:11:05,706
是在於你缺乏知識
232
00:11:05,706 --> 00:11:06,916
對呀,爸
233
00:11:06,916 --> 00:11:08,709
抱歉,抱歉,我一時失神了
234
00:11:08,709 --> 00:11:10,711
如果拍照是為了農博會
235
00:11:10,711 --> 00:11:13,839
那就表示你進入森林的時間
是在八月初,對吧?
236
00:11:14,423 --> 00:11:16,175
- 對
- 那是交配季
237
00:11:16,175 --> 00:11:19,470
在八月或九月,你在一頭公麋鹿附近
238
00:11:19,470 --> 00:11:22,848
有多小心都沒用,牠們那時會極度兇猛
239
00:11:22,848 --> 00:11:24,183
你能活著算你命大
240
00:11:25,518 --> 00:11:27,520
- 我不知道這一點
- 該死
241
00:11:28,521 --> 00:11:29,730
嘿,托賓一家
242
00:11:29,730 --> 00:11:32,191
天啊,我真高興遇見你們
我被那隻老鷹搞慘了
243
00:11:32,191 --> 00:11:34,402
- 托比?
- 對呀,牠試圖抓走
244
00:11:34,402 --> 00:11:35,778
我卡車後方的冷藏箱
245
00:11:35,778 --> 00:11:38,030
我嚇了一大跳,害我衝出路面
246
00:11:38,030 --> 00:11:40,533
- 你有看到牠飛往何處嗎?
- 就你兒子剛剛走去的方向
247
00:11:40,533 --> 00:11:42,493
- 哪個兒子?
- 這麼高,穿著熊套裝
248
00:11:42,493 --> 00:11:43,953
他剛剛還在這裡
249
00:11:44,995 --> 00:11:46,706
該死,穆恩暴走了
250
00:11:46,706 --> 00:11:50,918
他真的是古根伯格的化身
也就是「討人喜歡的搗蛋鬼」的意思
251
00:11:57,174 --> 00:11:59,760
穆恩的足跡只到此處,然後就消失了
252
00:11:59,760 --> 00:12:02,304
- 你想的跟我想的一樣嗎?
- 是的
253
00:12:02,847 --> 00:12:04,265
也許他會飛?
254
00:12:04,265 --> 00:12:06,058
就...因為他是半人半貓頭鷹
255
00:12:06,058 --> 00:12:08,394
因為媽和貓頭鷹有一腿
256
00:12:08,394 --> 00:12:10,855
- 然後...
- 不是啦,沃爾夫,你在說什麼?
257
00:12:11,355 --> 00:12:12,481
我只是在說笑
258
00:12:12,481 --> 00:12:15,943
但我真的認為他有可能爬上了這棵樹
以取得更好的視野
259
00:12:15,943 --> 00:12:18,988
他從樹梢看出去,就可以直接看到...
260
00:12:18,988 --> 00:12:22,116
和媽有一腿的那隻貓頭鷹?
261
00:12:22,116 --> 00:12:23,701
不是啦,是郵局
262
00:12:23,701 --> 00:12:25,286
托比的另一個巢
263
00:12:25,286 --> 00:12:27,204
- 我們去那裡看看
- 好的,有理
264
00:12:29,498 --> 00:12:32,334
漢姆,以防萬一死神今天贏了
265
00:12:32,334 --> 00:12:35,463
我想你那頭秀麗的紅髮可以讓我賺一些錢
266
00:12:35,463 --> 00:12:36,672
我可以賣給假髮工廠
267
00:12:36,672 --> 00:12:38,215
你會介意我讓你頂著光頭下葬嗎?
268
00:12:38,215 --> 00:12:40,509
德特姑媽,妳別這樣,漢姆不會死
269
00:12:40,509 --> 00:12:43,679
沒錯,好歹《絕命終結站》裡
有幾十個角色死翹翹
270
00:12:43,679 --> 00:12:45,931
就是為了讓我能夠保護漢姆
271
00:12:45,931 --> 00:12:47,183
老天保佑
272
00:12:48,517 --> 00:12:52,021
漢姆,不行,別做出沒必要的舉動
你不能冒上任何風險
273
00:12:52,021 --> 00:12:52,938
(孤鹿商場)
274
00:12:52,938 --> 00:12:56,484
我會盡可能地把你載到入口附近
死神一直緊緊跟隨著我們
275
00:12:56,484 --> 00:12:58,569
哈尼碧,搞屁呀?妳不能停在這裡
276
00:13:00,112 --> 00:13:01,113
抱歉了,潘警衛
277
00:13:01,113 --> 00:13:03,532
但我小叔在算塔羅牌的時候翻出三張死神
278
00:13:03,532 --> 00:13:05,659
而死神正以《絕命終結站》的態勢
追著我們跑
279
00:13:05,659 --> 00:13:08,496
所以我們得讓他進入商場
要不讓他跟男友吻別
280
00:13:08,496 --> 00:13:09,747
要不跟男友一起吃起司薯條
281
00:13:10,414 --> 00:13:13,042
這樣的話,讓我護送你們進去吧
282
00:13:13,042 --> 00:13:16,045
大家把路讓開
這裡有人在演《絕命終結站》
283
00:13:17,463 --> 00:13:19,173
不見老鷹,也不見穆恩
284
00:13:19,173 --> 00:13:21,675
索亞,我好愛妳的裝扮,超龐克搖滾的
285
00:13:21,675 --> 00:13:24,053
我無意走龐克風
有隻鳥試圖偷走我的帽子
286
00:13:24,053 --> 00:13:26,388
那隻鳥很強,但索亞更強
287
00:13:26,388 --> 00:13:28,724
索亞,那隻鳥不會剛好是托比吧?
288
00:13:28,724 --> 00:13:31,060
我從不告密,但沒錯
289
00:13:31,060 --> 00:13:32,812
等等,牠飛去哪裡了?
290
00:13:35,064 --> 00:13:36,315
(為你買超市)
291
00:13:41,570 --> 00:13:42,905
穆恩在那裡,我們快過去
292
00:13:44,782 --> 00:13:47,952
不是吧,我的燉肉,我集了這麼多折價券
293
00:13:49,703 --> 00:13:51,080
不准抓走我的魚柳條
294
00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:54,583
今天是星期五魚柳條日,亨利會大失所望
295
00:13:54,583 --> 00:13:56,460
先生,待在車裡
296
00:13:56,460 --> 00:13:58,587
穆恩,我們該集體行動
297
00:13:58,587 --> 00:14:02,174
爸,抱歉,但照管托比是我今天的工作
所以我正在賣力工作
298
00:14:02,174 --> 00:14:03,592
是我們的工作
299
00:14:03,592 --> 00:14:05,427
但你怎麼知道牠會在這裡?
300
00:14:05,427 --> 00:14:08,931
當我看到大老喬迪的冷藏箱被托比搗毀時
301
00:14:08,931 --> 00:14:11,517
我便明白了托比不是在獵食,牠是在採買
302
00:14:11,517 --> 00:14:13,394
老鷹在採買,我沒搞錯吧?
303
00:14:13,394 --> 00:14:16,564
托比目前的首要任務是餵食牠的小孩
304
00:14:16,564 --> 00:14:18,941
- 老鷹是偷竊寄生動物
- 你保重
305
00:14:18,941 --> 00:14:22,444
謝謝,也就是說牠們會偷盜
其他鳥類採集到的食物
306
00:14:22,444 --> 00:14:25,072
但托比也是隻部分馴化的老鷹
307
00:14:25,072 --> 00:14:27,408
所以我認為牠會來到最容易
308
00:14:27,408 --> 00:14:29,827
偷盜人類採買到的食物的地點
309
00:14:29,827 --> 00:14:33,122
但你沒辦法讓托比乖乖聽話
310
00:14:33,122 --> 00:14:35,958
看我的,你們站過去那裡,那裡很安全
311
00:14:35,958 --> 00:14:38,085
門都沒有,交給我處理
312
00:14:38,085 --> 00:14:40,462
爸,就讓我帶托比回到籠子裡吧
313
00:14:40,462 --> 00:14:43,757
沃爾夫,把你弟弟帶進湯特莉女士的車裡
讓他乖乖待著
314
00:14:43,757 --> 00:14:45,217
爸,別這樣
315
00:14:45,217 --> 00:14:47,428
有必要的話,開啟兒童安全鎖
316
00:14:48,012 --> 00:14:50,139
我在三歲的時候就搞懂了怎麼解鎖
317
00:14:50,139 --> 00:14:52,391
天啊,你得幫幫我,我還是搞不懂
318
00:14:53,017 --> 00:14:54,268
大家保持冷靜
319
00:14:54,268 --> 00:14:56,687
我聯絡上了狩獵監督官柏特,還留言...
320
00:14:57,313 --> 00:14:59,231
- 我的天
- 彼特,進來
321
00:14:59,231 --> 00:15:02,693
我得進去採購一些製作猛禽陷阱的用具
322
00:15:02,693 --> 00:15:06,071
沒問題,棉花糖爆米香有買一送一喔
你一定會喜歡
323
00:15:06,071 --> 00:15:07,781
- 彼特,現在不是時候
- 對,也是
324
00:15:08,657 --> 00:15:11,911
我最多只能帶你們到這裡
我這台車無法上樓梯
325
00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:14,121
但妳可以下車,陪我們走上去
326
00:15:14,121 --> 00:15:15,748
我也很想,但我的膝蓋不太好
327
00:15:15,748 --> 00:15:17,458
況且,我想去買個扭結麵包
328
00:15:17,458 --> 00:15:18,667
拜拜
329
00:15:21,629 --> 00:15:22,630
如果我跌倒了呢?
330
00:15:22,630 --> 00:15:25,341
為什麼這台電梯還在施工中?
331
00:15:25,341 --> 00:15:27,635
他們已經施工很長一段時間了
332
00:15:27,635 --> 00:15:28,761
總之我們不能搭這台電梯
333
00:15:28,761 --> 00:15:31,388
去問問《絕命終結站2》裡的
諾拉卡本特吧
334
00:15:31,388 --> 00:15:33,974
陷阱題,你問不到,因為她沒有頭
335
00:15:33,974 --> 00:15:36,685
就像一條太緊的牛仔褲上的鈕釦
被彈飛了那樣
336
00:15:36,685 --> 00:15:37,770
我們該怎麼辦?
337
00:15:37,770 --> 00:15:40,564
就算死神沒有緊跟著漢姆
他要爬樓梯也很困難
338
00:15:40,564 --> 00:15:43,275
看來我們得在運動用品店停留一下
339
00:15:43,275 --> 00:15:45,945
也許還可以去買個扭結麵包
那聽起來好好吃
340
00:15:47,696 --> 00:15:48,822
漢姆,在你爬樓梯之前
341
00:15:48,822 --> 00:15:52,326
你何不先把你的銀行帳號
和提款卡的密碼告訴我
342
00:15:52,326 --> 00:15:54,828
- 以防萬一這招行不通
- 德特,妳別這樣
343
00:15:54,828 --> 00:15:58,290
好的,漢姆,開始爬吧
盡可能把重心維持得愈低愈好
344
00:16:01,377 --> 00:16:02,836
茱蒂,開始尋找危險來源
345
00:16:02,836 --> 00:16:06,548
電影快要結束時
各種死法紛紛出現,致死原因有各種可能
346
00:16:09,385 --> 00:16:10,511
(傑夫的「信不信由你」)
347
00:16:15,474 --> 00:16:16,809
這該死的東西吃了我25分硬幣
348
00:16:18,769 --> 00:16:23,107
- 漢姆,小心
- 不行啊
349
00:16:24,358 --> 00:16:26,193
不行啊
350
00:16:27,736 --> 00:16:29,780
漢姆,漢姆,你要死了嗎?
351
00:16:30,447 --> 00:16:33,617
沒有啦,那只是個放了很久的口香糖
352
00:16:34,410 --> 00:16:35,661
我沒事
353
00:16:35,661 --> 00:16:37,371
剩下的路我來抱你吧
354
00:16:38,205 --> 00:16:39,957
或者我們就用走的吧
355
00:16:42,167 --> 00:16:43,919
好的,陷阱製作完成
356
00:16:48,674 --> 00:16:50,300
快點啦,沃爾夫,放我出去
357
00:16:50,300 --> 00:16:52,886
托比又快要俯衝了
我從牠的站姿看得出來
358
00:16:52,886 --> 00:16:54,471
不行,要遵守老爸的命令
359
00:16:54,471 --> 00:16:58,183
但我得去保護爸的安危,他會受傷的
360
00:16:59,852 --> 00:17:01,437
爸
361
00:17:03,147 --> 00:17:04,314
不...不行
362
00:17:04,314 --> 00:17:07,693
我的天啊,托比正在攻擊爸
363
00:17:11,947 --> 00:17:12,948
不要啊,不行
364
00:17:12,948 --> 00:17:14,575
來人啊,快想想辦法
365
00:17:14,575 --> 00:17:16,702
我爸的屁股就快承受不住了
366
00:17:16,702 --> 00:17:18,537
沃爾夫,拜託你,我知道該怎麼做
367
00:17:18,537 --> 00:17:20,706
你得相信我,你得放我出去
368
00:17:20,706 --> 00:17:23,208
穆恩,我將要對你說出的這句話
是當謝立克為了去約會
369
00:17:23,208 --> 00:17:26,253
要丹森照顧瑪莉時,丹森回的那一句
370
00:17:26,253 --> 00:17:27,379
好的
371
00:17:28,464 --> 00:17:29,923
不行,穆恩,別靠過來
372
00:17:30,758 --> 00:17:32,051
我是來幫你的
373
00:17:32,051 --> 00:17:33,886
爸,保持冷靜
374
00:17:33,886 --> 00:17:35,471
其他人請退後
375
00:17:35,471 --> 00:17:38,307
彎下身子躲在車後,不要喧嘩
376
00:17:38,307 --> 00:17:39,850
- 就連我也是?
- 沒錯
377
00:17:39,850 --> 00:17:41,185
謝謝你也把我包含在內
378
00:17:41,769 --> 00:17:43,854
穆恩,不行,退後...退後
379
00:17:43,854 --> 00:17:46,106
爸,如果你不希望在最後搞得屁股開花
380
00:17:46,106 --> 00:17:47,441
你得停止大吼大叫
381
00:17:47,441 --> 00:17:49,485
慢慢蹲下,趴下
382
00:17:49,485 --> 00:17:51,570
- 好的
- 我說真的,別再說話
383
00:17:51,570 --> 00:17:52,654
好的,抱歉
384
00:17:56,950 --> 00:17:58,994
- 那是隻死老鼠嗎?
- 對
385
00:17:58,994 --> 00:18:00,788
你把死老鼠放在口袋裡?
386
00:18:00,788 --> 00:18:03,290
對,我一向如此,以防萬一碰上這種事
387
00:18:03,290 --> 00:18:04,750
- 你不會這麼做嗎?
- 不會
388
00:18:08,962 --> 00:18:13,092
當牠在吞嚥老鼠時,我便趁機栓住牠
389
00:18:13,092 --> 00:18:16,095
了不起,穆恩,你救了我最愛的老爸
390
00:18:17,679 --> 00:18:19,973
好的,我把牠栓住了
391
00:18:19,973 --> 00:18:21,517
我要散步送牠回家
392
00:18:21,517 --> 00:18:24,019
你不打算先把牠放進籠子裡嗎?
393
00:18:24,019 --> 00:18:25,521
- 我沒有這種打算
- 但是...
394
00:18:25,521 --> 00:18:29,441
爸,《 三個奶爸一個娃》有段劇情
是這樣的,謝立克和古特
395
00:18:29,441 --> 00:18:32,194
得接受丹森是瑪莉的親生父親
396
00:18:32,194 --> 00:18:35,697
他是負責人,需要照顧瑪莉的人是他
397
00:18:35,697 --> 00:18:38,492
對,穆恩,我們會跟在你身後
398
00:18:38,492 --> 00:18:41,036
好極了,但別靠得太近
399
00:18:42,162 --> 00:18:43,664
做得好,穆恩
400
00:18:44,706 --> 00:18:46,792
{\an8}漢姆,他在那裡,去向他道別吧
401
00:18:46,792 --> 00:18:48,293
{\an8}- 克斯賓
- 漢姆?
402
00:18:48,293 --> 00:18:50,045
對,是我
403
00:18:50,045 --> 00:18:52,965
我是來跟你說永別的
404
00:18:52,965 --> 00:18:54,758
或者如果我活下來的話,那就一起吃薯條
405
00:18:55,551 --> 00:18:58,178
- 你說什麼?
- 等等,攤位發生了什麼事?
406
00:18:58,178 --> 00:19:00,347
一隻地松鼠從燈具上掉了下來
407
00:19:00,347 --> 00:19:03,308
直接掉進果汁機裡
而我不小心把牠攪死了
408
00:19:03,308 --> 00:19:05,185
所以我們歇業了,可能再也不會開張
409
00:19:05,185 --> 00:19:06,478
等待總公司的通知
410
00:19:06,478 --> 00:19:07,938
還有,我的心理嚴重受創
411
00:19:07,938 --> 00:19:09,648
等等,一隻地松鼠死了?
412
00:19:09,648 --> 00:19:11,859
茱蒂,妳的魔力與漢姆無關
413
00:19:12,359 --> 00:19:14,820
我只是殺了一隻地松鼠,而不是我哥
414
00:19:15,487 --> 00:19:16,405
(買一隻鐘鳥)
415
00:19:16,405 --> 00:19:19,616
四點了,我們成功了
我們戰勝死神了,怎樣啊!
416
00:19:21,034 --> 00:19:24,121
{\an8}該把這些枕頭拆下來去吃薯條囉
417
00:19:24,121 --> 00:19:26,915
{\an8}好喔,你為什麼...這是怎麼回事?
418
00:19:26,915 --> 00:19:28,000
{\an8}可惡
419
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:31,253
{\an8}我忘了我為了讓枕頭更貼合身體
把褲子脫了
420
00:19:31,253 --> 00:19:33,172
{\an8}和我一起去吃薯條會讓你感到丟臉嗎?
421
00:19:33,172 --> 00:19:35,299
{\an8}你在說笑嗎?那是我的榮幸
422
00:19:35,299 --> 00:19:37,467
{\an8}我甚至也可以把我的褲子脫掉
423
00:19:37,467 --> 00:19:39,511
{\an8}我們成功了,我們救回了漢姆
424
00:19:39,511 --> 00:19:42,514
是說我其實不認為
他真的會遇上危險啦,只是...
425
00:19:44,141 --> 00:19:47,269
妳覺得那裡還會剩下一些
死地松鼠果昔嗎?
426
00:19:47,269 --> 00:19:48,645
我有點渴
427
00:19:49,229 --> 00:19:52,107
好的,我們的消毒酒精用完了
428
00:19:52,107 --> 00:19:54,610
但我在屁股上倒了一些龍舌蘭
429
00:19:54,610 --> 00:19:55,861
還綁了繃帶
430
00:19:55,861 --> 00:19:57,821
你準備好跟托比道歉了嗎?
431
00:19:57,821 --> 00:19:59,489
沒有,我才不在乎托比
432
00:19:59,489 --> 00:20:03,785
- 但我準備好跟你道歉了
- 好喔
433
00:20:03,785 --> 00:20:07,372
穆恩,很抱歉我不信任你能夠在今天
434
00:20:07,372 --> 00:20:08,457
自己一個人把老鷹照管好
435
00:20:08,457 --> 00:20:09,625
沒關係啦,爸
436
00:20:09,625 --> 00:20:12,252
很抱歉我比你更了解野生動物
437
00:20:12,252 --> 00:20:15,881
穆恩,我不介意這件事
我很開心你懂得比我多,我很驕傲
438
00:20:15,881 --> 00:20:20,219
但看到你和野生動物在一起
有時候還是會讓我嚇到發抖
439
00:20:20,219 --> 00:20:22,679
- 為人父就是會這樣
- 當爸的就得要有爸爸的樣子
440
00:20:22,679 --> 00:20:25,891
你很有天賦,我不能攔著你
我也不該這樣
441
00:20:25,891 --> 00:20:29,478
有個天賦驚人的孩子
大多數的父母應該都會經歷這段過程
442
00:20:29,478 --> 00:20:32,522
看看那個無繩攀岩的傢伙
443
00:20:32,522 --> 00:20:35,275
我敢打賭,他父母這輩子
絕對沒好好睡過一覺
444
00:20:35,275 --> 00:20:37,110
- 我好愛那傢伙
- 我也是
445
00:20:37,110 --> 00:20:38,320
我的螢幕保護程式就是他
446
00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:42,241
但我的重點是
你不能阻止動物追隨牠的天性
447
00:20:42,241 --> 00:20:45,202
而我不能阻止你追隨你的天性
448
00:20:46,370 --> 00:20:48,080
該死,說得真好
449
00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:50,958
我只是希望你們兩個都知道
遇上狼的時候該有何反應
450
00:20:50,958 --> 00:20:53,961
站直、退後、保持眼神接觸
451
00:20:53,961 --> 00:20:57,381
才不是,當你們看到沃爾夫時
你們該給他一個擁抱
452
00:20:58,840 --> 00:21:00,842
我的屁股啊,我的天
453
00:21:00,842 --> 00:21:04,263
{\an8}親愛的,晚安,我們該走了
454
00:21:04,263 --> 00:21:06,181
{\an8}親愛的,晚安
455
00:21:06,181 --> 00:21:09,268
{\an8}我們該走了
456
00:21:09,268 --> 00:21:12,813
{\an8}我很不想離開你,但我真的得說
457
00:21:12,813 --> 00:21:15,983
{\an8}晚安,親愛的,晚安
458
00:21:16,608 --> 00:21:19,736
{\an8}現在是凌晨三點
459
00:21:21,238 --> 00:21:23,615
{\an8}寶貝,我就是拿你沒辦法
460
00:21:24,533 --> 00:21:28,870
{\an8}我很不想離開你,寶貝,我不是隨便說說
461
00:21:28,870 --> 00:21:32,874
{\an8}因為我好愛你
462
00:21:32,874 --> 00:21:34,876
字幕翻譯:歐德慧