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-♪ Look up there ♪
-♪ What do you see? ♪
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00:00:04,217 --> 00:00:05,917
♪ Nature and stuff ♪
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00:00:05,935 --> 00:00:07,027
-♪ Like a rock ♪
-♪ And a tree ♪
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00:00:07,220 --> 00:00:09,863
♪ Oh, the Great North ♪
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♪ Way up here,
you can breathe the air ♪
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♪ Catch some fish ♪
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♪ Or gaze at a bear ♪
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♪ Wow ♪
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♪ Oh, the Great North ♪
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♪ Here we live, oh, oh ♪
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♪ Here we'll stay, oh, whoo ♪
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♪ From longest night
to longest day ♪
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♪ In the Great North. ♪
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JUDY:
Good morning, family.
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Or should I say, great morning,
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because...
(imitates fanfare)
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00:00:40,103 --> 00:00:42,787
$56 worth of art supplies
was recently donated to school,
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and I'm gonna ask Principal
Gibbons to let me put together
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a group to paint a new mural
over the old one
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00:00:47,685 --> 00:00:49,811
-in the east hallway.
-Oh, you mean the old mural
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of the whales with eyes
that seem to follow you
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-wherever you go?
-That's the one:
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Whales Watching.
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Ugh, it always gave me
the creeps.
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Kept me out of trouble, though--
kind of hard
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to break the rules
with those guys looking at you.
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It's practically screaming at me
to paint over it.
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And, of course,
I'll have my volunteers.
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But since it's my idea,
it'll be my vision.
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Like how Jackson Pollock
would sometimes have a friend
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throw some paint at a canvas
while he took a nap,
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but it was still his painting.
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What are you gonna do
for the mural?
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One idea is
an abstract cubist rendering
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of the various emotions you feel
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when you stay home from
school sick, and calling it:
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(chuckles):
Cube for the Common Cold.
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Or Fingers Around the World,
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a mural of all the different
fingers and finger styles
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-across the world.
-Do both.
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Like when I can't decide
between a bath or a shower,
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I call it a "shath."
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This will be
the world's first chance
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to meet Judy Tobin, the artist.
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And it'll surely be
the first stop
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on the eventual
Historic Judy Tobin Art Tour.
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I'd buy a ticket right now
if I could.
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As well as some "merc"
from the mercantile stand.
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00:01:41,981 --> 00:01:44,849
Whew! I am stewing
in creative juices,
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-and I need
to go put on deodorant.
-Dad,
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did you read the Lone Moose
Mischief Report today?
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-The what?
-Lone Moose Mischief.
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It's the section
of the newspaper that reports
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all the crimes that have
happened in town the past week.
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-It names names and everything.
-That could cause
a lot of trouble.
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It doesn't. No one reads it
but these two knuckleheads.
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The people of Lone Moose respect
each other's privacy.
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If someone wants to commit
a crime, that's their business.
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It's interesting
you would say that, Father,
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considering what I just read.
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Ahem. "This weekend,
someone knocked down
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"Vera Warren's British
chimney sweep garden gnome.
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A single boot was left
on her lawn."
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Oh, that's one of the most
famous garden gnomes in town.
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When you press a button on it,
it says, "'Ello, gardener."
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"Vera believes the boot
belongs to...
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-Beef Tobin."
-Whoa!
-(gasps)
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Dad, did you knock over
Vera's British chimney sweep
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"'Ello, gardener" garden gnome
and leave your boot
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-as a calling card?
-Of course I didn't.
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00:02:34,217 --> 00:02:36,901
-Both of my boots
are on my feet.
-Dad,
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if you didn't do it,
you're being falsely accused.
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This is the family name
we're talking about--
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our second most valuable
possession after the generator.
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There's only one thing to do:
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00:02:44,519 --> 00:02:46,077
run our own
independent investigation
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and clear your name.
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00:02:47,606 --> 00:02:50,190
I watch CSI, NCIS, SVU
and M-O-N-K.
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00:02:50,383 --> 00:02:52,066
So I'm pretty much trained
to lead you
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in a criminal detective case,
if you'll have me.
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With those credentials?
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Huh, we'd be fools to say no.
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-This is highly unnecessary.
-Objection!
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Sorry, I also watch L.A. Law,
Chicago Law,
85
00:03:02,245 --> 00:03:06,873
and The Baking Lawyer: "The
court, and the cake, will rise."
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00:03:07,066 --> 00:03:08,266
JUDY:
Principal Gibbons,
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00:03:08,326 --> 00:03:09,542
I have a small speech prepared,
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requesting permission
to spearhead
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an after-school program
to paint a new mural
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over Whales Watching.
Here goes. (clears throat)
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"Principal Gibbons,
thank you..."
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-Permission granted.
-Hey, hear me out! Wait, really?
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I've been meaning
to pay someone to do it,
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but this is much better--
you'll just need an adult
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to supervise you
after school hours.
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-Ooh, I know the perfect person.
-Oh, no, Judy,
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I am flattered, but I
simply do not have the time.
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00:03:31,608 --> 00:03:33,474
I work 8:00 to 4:00,
then 4:00 to 6:00
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I talk to my aunt in Oklahoma.
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00:03:35,311 --> 00:03:37,645
It's the only window that works
with both of our time zones.
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Oh, no. Darn.
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I guess I'll have to ask
someone else.
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ALYSON:
Are you kidding?
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Count this Alys-on Alys-in.
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Really? Thank you!
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Well, I'm something
of a mural queen myself.
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Lance, an old friend of mine,
once painted me
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on the side of a van, wearing
a metal bikini, riding a dragon.
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The van caught on fire
while being chased by the Feds.
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Lance got 15 years, no parole.
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But don't judge him from that.
He's a good guy.
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What were we
talking about, Judy?
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00:04:01,805 --> 00:04:03,988
Good afternoon, ma'am.
Detective Honeybee Shaw.
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These are my associates,
Moon and Wolf.
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00:04:05,642 --> 00:04:07,100
I know who they are.
Their mother Kathleen
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00:04:07,251 --> 00:04:08,826
used to fart on my gardenias.
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I'd like you to walk us
through what happened the day
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of the knocked-over British
chimney sweep garden gnome
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-that says, "'Ello, gardener."
-It was last Salad Friday.
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Salad Friday?
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00:04:16,486 --> 00:04:19,445
Junkyard Kyle comes over
every Friday, and we have salad.
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When she arrived, she asked why
there was some boot on my lawn,
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and that's when I discovered
that someone had kicked over
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my British chimney sweep
garden gnome.
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We read that you think
the boot belonged to our dad.
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-Why is that?
-It was a Husky Buck brand boot,
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and Beef wears Husky Bucks.
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Plus, he's a known trespasser
on my property.
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Look at those
disgusting sled tracks!
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00:04:41,177 --> 00:04:43,694
I'll never forget this,
Beef Tobin!
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00:04:43,713 --> 00:04:45,638
And I never forgot it.
Police took the boot
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for evidence,
but I'll show you where it was.
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00:04:48,334 --> 00:04:50,977
Look. There's still a footprint
in the snow.
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00:04:51,170 --> 00:04:53,037
But it looks too big
to be Dad's.
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Here, compare it to my boot.
Me and Dad wear the same size.
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It's like we're twins,
except he's my dad.
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MOON:
The print is too big.
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This proves Beef is innocent.
But in order to clear his name,
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00:05:01,272 --> 00:05:02,822
we need to find out
who is guilty.
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00:05:03,015 --> 00:05:04,882
We've only got one eyewitness.
I'll handle him.
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00:05:04,942 --> 00:05:06,475
I know how to push his buttons.
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-(click)
-GNOME: 'Ello, gardener.
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00:05:08,204 --> 00:05:09,737
Oh, yeah, that is delightful!
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-Who's our next source?
-Well, there's only one person
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in town who really loves feet.
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He's a perv--
we shouldn't talk to him.
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But there's another person
in town who loves shoes.
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Let's go talk to him.
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Mural time!
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And wow-za,
look at this turnout!
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I only joined this club
so that I could storm out.
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Here I go!
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JUDY:
Okay. Bye, John.
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I want to thank you all
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for volunteering to be here to
help me birth my artistic child,
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and I'm refusing the epidural,
because I want to feel
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when this thing crowns.
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Hello, everyone.
Your first lesson about art is:
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Art isn't about what you see;
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it's about what's going on
underneath.
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I think she's talking
about that tiny hat.
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Should we go start prepping
the wall?
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00:05:48,519 --> 00:05:50,111
Not so fast, Judy.
We don't even know
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-what we're going to paint yet.
-Well, I have a few ideas.
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Judy, Judy, we'll get to it.
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But first I'd like to run
through a series of exercises
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to see what we'd like
to scream to the world.
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To begin, each student will
answer one important question.
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What do you think
when I say "art"?
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00:06:04,961 --> 00:06:07,278
-Peanut butter.
-That's my breath. Try again.
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WOLF: Greg's got everyone's shoe
size in town memorized.
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-Foot-ographic memory.
-GREG: Hey, six wide.
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Ten. And...
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I'm eight and a half narrow.
Nice to meet you.
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Greg, do you think
you can identify a shoe
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-by its footprint?
-Husky Buck boot,
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Fall/Winter collection, size 12.
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Wow! Would you happen to know
who bought this boot?
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Your dad, just last week.
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No! Doo doo McGoo!
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You know everyone's shoe size
in town.
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Why would you sell him a pair
of boots you knew wouldn't fit?
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Were you setting him up?
You like kicking over
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old ladies' British chimney
sweep garden gnomes, Greg?
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00:06:34,565 --> 00:06:36,398
-You sick bitch?
-I thought they were a gift!
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I know his feet, not his life.
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Okay, you're in the clear.
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We cracked this Greg,
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but the truth
is gonna be hard-boiled.
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Please don't make egg puns
out of my name. It's hurtful.
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-(screaming)
-ALYSON: Yes!
Scream at the world
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00:06:48,346 --> 00:06:49,244
for its injustices!
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And... time.
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Great screaming.
Now, let's try yelling.
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(groans) Can't we just get
to the paint already?
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00:06:55,495 --> 00:06:57,161
Sorry I had to leave right in
the middle of that-- the button
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00:06:57,221 --> 00:06:58,938
on my pants popped off
while we were rolling around,
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00:06:59,131 --> 00:07:00,440
and now they keep sliding down.
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00:07:00,591 --> 00:07:01,974
I'm not trying
to be sexy or anything.
200
00:07:02,126 --> 00:07:03,592
There are belted pads
in the girls' bathroom
201
00:07:03,611 --> 00:07:04,944
that might help hold 'em up.
I can grab you one.
202
00:07:05,137 --> 00:07:06,779
Belted pads?
Didn't we burn those
203
00:07:06,931 --> 00:07:08,339
with the bras in the '70s?
204
00:07:08,357 --> 00:07:10,116
-What's a belted pad?
-It's the only kind
205
00:07:10,309 --> 00:07:12,285
of sanitary product
in the bathroom dispensers.
206
00:07:12,478 --> 00:07:15,121
Picture a twin mattress
attached to a jockstrap.
207
00:07:15,272 --> 00:07:17,348
You know those swing rides
at the amusement park?
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00:07:17,408 --> 00:07:19,775
Now imagine getting off the ride
and still wearing that swing
209
00:07:19,836 --> 00:07:21,852
-for the rest of the day.
-I asked Principal Gibbons
210
00:07:21,913 --> 00:07:23,779
if we could get
regular pads and tampons,
211
00:07:23,840 --> 00:07:25,873
but he said there wasn't room
in the budget.
212
00:07:26,009 --> 00:07:27,800
This is an outrage.
Everyone, up.
213
00:07:27,993 --> 00:07:30,878
Join hands! I'm feeling
a surge of inspiration!
214
00:07:31,030 --> 00:07:32,805
Up-to-date menstrual products
are a basic necessity,
215
00:07:32,974 --> 00:07:34,699
and how better to demand them
216
00:07:34,800 --> 00:07:36,476
than with a gigantic
wall painting?
217
00:07:36,669 --> 00:07:37,868
I can already see it.
218
00:07:37,929 --> 00:07:39,645
We'll paint a giant,
angry woman.
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00:07:39,797 --> 00:07:41,981
Uh, actually, I already planned
that it would be a cube,
220
00:07:42,174 --> 00:07:43,632
or fingers, so...
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00:07:43,651 --> 00:07:44,892
Oh, you're right, it's too safe.
222
00:07:45,044 --> 00:07:46,711
It should be giant,
angry vagina.
223
00:07:46,729 --> 00:07:49,304
-Ooh! And what about a huge,
red river?
-Oh, uh...
224
00:07:49,365 --> 00:07:51,306
Yes, Kima!
With boats! Filled with women!
225
00:07:51,367 --> 00:07:53,475
-Uh...
-And animals? Like Noah's Ark?
226
00:07:53,578 --> 00:07:54,885
-JUDY: Uh...
-No.
227
00:07:54,946 --> 00:07:56,812
-Noah's Arkette!
-I love this.
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00:07:56,873 --> 00:07:58,723
Stop! Stop it! Stop!
229
00:07:58,741 --> 00:08:00,224
I mean, I love the idea, I do.
230
00:08:00,243 --> 00:08:02,059
I just, we can just do it
as our next mural
231
00:08:02,119 --> 00:08:04,395
after we finish one of the ones
I've been dreaming of.
232
00:08:04,455 --> 00:08:06,154
Ham, what do you think?
233
00:08:06,216 --> 00:08:08,674
I think when women's issues
are on the table,
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00:08:08,826 --> 00:08:12,403
it's time for men to sit quietly
down at that table and listen.
235
00:08:12,421 --> 00:08:14,013
You taught me that, Judy.
236
00:08:14,164 --> 00:08:16,498
Ugh! I totally agree that
we need updated products, but...
237
00:08:16,559 --> 00:08:18,743
this mural is a debut of who I--
238
00:08:18,844 --> 00:08:21,670
I mean we-- are as artists.
You know?
239
00:08:21,731 --> 00:08:23,097
Judy, I agree.
240
00:08:23,249 --> 00:08:24,673
We got to go bigger.
241
00:08:24,859 --> 00:08:27,777
Maybe all the animals get
their own, little vaginas. Cute!
242
00:08:31,407 --> 00:08:33,348
Hey, Judy. You got 20 till I got
to get on the horn with my aunt.
243
00:08:33,409 --> 00:08:36,351
They changed the price on her
peppermint nighttime tea bags,
244
00:08:36,412 --> 00:08:38,687
(chuckles):
so it's gonna be a sesh.
245
00:08:38,706 --> 00:08:40,765
I just wanted to run
a quick mural idea past you.
246
00:08:40,825 --> 00:08:42,767
I love it...
(chuckles)
247
00:08:42,827 --> 00:08:44,602
but I don't think
you're going to approve.
248
00:08:44,662 --> 00:08:46,620
-Try me.
-Okay. It's a protest piece
249
00:08:46,773 --> 00:08:48,439
against those belted pads
in the women's bathroom.
250
00:08:48,541 --> 00:08:50,550
It's going to be
a huge vagina...
251
00:08:50,701 --> 00:08:51,942
Let me stop you
right there, Judy.
252
00:08:52,003 --> 00:08:53,553
You know I hate saying
this word, but:
253
00:08:53,746 --> 00:08:56,538
No, we can't have a huge vagina
on the wall.
254
00:08:56,558 --> 00:08:58,373
Aw, shucks.
Well, what about a mural
255
00:08:58,393 --> 00:09:00,560
of all the different fingers and
finger styles across the world?
256
00:09:00,753 --> 00:09:02,728
-Fingers are fun.
-Ha-ha-ha! Great!
257
00:09:02,880 --> 00:09:04,713
So fingers are in
and vaginas are out.
258
00:09:04,774 --> 00:09:07,474
I don't like the way
you said that, but yes.
259
00:09:07,627 --> 00:09:09,310
Guys, bad news. Principal
Gibbons accidentally found out
260
00:09:09,445 --> 00:09:12,071
about the protest mural and said
we absolutely can't do it.
261
00:09:12,240 --> 00:09:15,557
So I guess let's just move on
to other ideas, such as, uh,
262
00:09:15,618 --> 00:09:17,910
-when you take a sick day...
-Judy, stop!
263
00:09:18,103 --> 00:09:19,970
I knew this would happen.
But, you know,
264
00:09:20,072 --> 00:09:21,914
real artists ask
for forgiveness, not permission.
265
00:09:22,107 --> 00:09:24,475
-So we should still do it.
-That's right!
266
00:09:24,535 --> 00:09:26,660
We can't let the Man
tear us down!
267
00:09:26,813 --> 00:09:28,646
Yes. Let the gates of chaos open
268
00:09:28,706 --> 00:09:30,405
and blood rain down,
or whatever.
269
00:09:30,508 --> 00:09:32,240
Or maybe we can make
an even bigger statement
270
00:09:32,260 --> 00:09:34,409
by not making a statement
at all?
271
00:09:34,470 --> 00:09:37,412
-Ham, what do you think?
-I think when women's issues
are on the table...
272
00:09:37,473 --> 00:09:40,641
Stop listening to women, Ham!
What do we know?
273
00:09:43,146 --> 00:09:46,831
-Nice of you to join us, Beef.
-What's happening?
274
00:09:46,932 --> 00:09:49,091
We're gonna give you one chance
to tell us the truth.
275
00:09:49,152 --> 00:09:51,259
Okay, fine.
The pipes technically can handle
276
00:09:51,279 --> 00:09:53,446
two-ply toilet paper,
I just don't like it.
277
00:09:53,639 --> 00:09:55,840
Feels like I'm wiping my butt
with a blanket!
278
00:09:55,858 --> 00:09:57,617
This is about the boot
on Old Lady Vera's lawn.
279
00:09:57,810 --> 00:10:00,177
We know it was you.
You're the only person in town
280
00:10:00,196 --> 00:10:01,679
who bought size 12 Husky Bucks.
281
00:10:01,697 --> 00:10:03,438
That was an accident.
I thought it said ten.
282
00:10:03,499 --> 00:10:05,958
I want to believe you, Beef.
But why not return the shoes?
283
00:10:06,151 --> 00:10:08,702
Why keep them, other than
to use them to commit a crime
284
00:10:08,855 --> 00:10:10,704
and give yourself an alibi?
You like knockin' over
285
00:10:10,840 --> 00:10:13,040
old ladies' British chimney
sweep garden gnomes, Beef?
286
00:10:13,176 --> 00:10:15,450
-Huh? You sick bitch?
-No, I don't.
287
00:10:15,553 --> 00:10:17,695
But I don't make returns.
Returning a purchase
288
00:10:17,755 --> 00:10:20,030
is like bringing an omelet
back to a hen.
289
00:10:20,049 --> 00:10:22,624
She has no use for it,
and you look like a fool.
290
00:10:22,685 --> 00:10:25,460
The boots are in my closet.
I'll show you.
291
00:10:25,521 --> 00:10:27,129
Wait. One boot?
292
00:10:27,190 --> 00:10:29,223
-(gasps)
-Scoundrel!
-We caught you red-footed!
293
00:10:29,375 --> 00:10:31,208
-They should both be in here.
-Looks like they come
294
00:10:31,268 --> 00:10:34,153
in your size after all, Beef:
size guilty.
295
00:10:34,304 --> 00:10:35,713
Yeah, you sick bitch!
296
00:10:35,773 --> 00:10:37,715
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
I thought I'd try it,
297
00:10:37,775 --> 00:10:39,550
but I didn't like it.
Love you, Dad.
298
00:10:39,610 --> 00:10:41,218
Oof, Judy, what happened?
299
00:10:41,237 --> 00:10:42,569
You look like it rained
on your wedding day.
300
00:10:42,705 --> 00:10:44,571
How many times
have you used that line?
301
00:10:44,724 --> 00:10:46,557
I've nev... I've
never used that line before.
302
00:10:46,617 --> 00:10:48,275
It's just, I was super pumped
to do this mural
303
00:10:48,378 --> 00:10:50,060
and make my first artistic mark
on the world,
304
00:10:50,121 --> 00:10:51,504
but now everyone wants
to turn the mural
305
00:10:51,697 --> 00:10:53,339
into this big protest piece.
306
00:10:53,490 --> 00:10:55,341
-And what's wrong with that?
-I know Alyson said
307
00:10:55,510 --> 00:10:57,159
real artists hold up mirrors
to society
308
00:10:57,178 --> 00:10:59,269
so that they can see
their own disgusting faces,
309
00:10:59,338 --> 00:11:02,072
but just because I wanted to do
the common cold or fingers,
310
00:11:02,133 --> 00:11:03,908
does that mean
I'm not a real artist?
311
00:11:04,009 --> 00:11:06,593
Am I just some sort of, like,
square who likes to paint?
312
00:11:06,746 --> 00:11:08,245
Look, Judy, I've been through
what you're going through
313
00:11:08,305 --> 00:11:11,415
in a magical and terrible time
known as the '90s.
314
00:11:11,475 --> 00:11:14,176
I wasn't a pope-shreddingly edgy
artist like Sinéad O'Connor,
315
00:11:14,278 --> 00:11:16,011
but I wasn't a human cat café
316
00:11:16,072 --> 00:11:18,105
-like Lisa Loeb, either.
-So what were you?
317
00:11:18,257 --> 00:11:19,423
(laughs):
Richer than both of them.
318
00:11:19,442 --> 00:11:20,866
But also, I was just me.
319
00:11:21,018 --> 00:11:23,185
Good art, bad art,
real artist, commercial artist,
320
00:11:23,204 --> 00:11:24,537
none of that really matters.
321
00:11:24,706 --> 00:11:26,372
What matters is that you stay
true to you.
322
00:11:26,523 --> 00:11:28,708
So go back in there tomorrow
and Jude up the joint.
323
00:11:28,901 --> 00:11:30,525
-"Jude up the joint"?
-Yeah.
324
00:11:30,545 --> 00:11:32,194
Maybe you can't get
your whole idea in there,
325
00:11:32,213 --> 00:11:34,863
but you could throw in a cube
or toss in some fingers.
326
00:11:34,924 --> 00:11:36,941
Oh, I hear you. Thanks, Alanis.
327
00:11:37,042 --> 00:11:38,943
Rock on with your socks on.
328
00:11:39,003 --> 00:11:41,220
"Rock on with your socks on."
Oof.
329
00:11:41,413 --> 00:11:43,872
-Maybe you are kind of a square.
-I heard that!
330
00:11:43,933 --> 00:11:46,392
I, for one, believe you.
You're the best guy I know.
331
00:11:46,543 --> 00:11:48,118
And I know like, 18 guys.
332
00:11:48,179 --> 00:11:50,971
Dad, it doesn't matter
if you did or didn't do it.
333
00:11:51,123 --> 00:11:52,973
If the people in this town
think you're a criminal,
334
00:11:53,109 --> 00:11:54,625
they'll start treating you
like one.
335
00:11:54,643 --> 00:11:56,293
That won't happen, son.
336
00:11:56,353 --> 00:11:58,462
I've lived here my whole life.
These are my friends.
337
00:11:58,481 --> 00:12:00,798
He's right, Beef.
I've seen it before, in Fresno.
338
00:12:00,858 --> 00:12:02,891
Charlie was everybody's
favorite lifeguard,
339
00:12:02,910 --> 00:12:04,577
until he was involved
in a neighborly dispute.
340
00:12:04,728 --> 00:12:06,971
Then, he couldn't even show
his face at the community pool.
341
00:12:06,989 --> 00:12:09,640
-Really? What was the dispute?
-Oh, he drowned a guy.
342
00:12:09,742 --> 00:12:11,158
JUDY:
So, is this really
343
00:12:11,310 --> 00:12:12,977
what we want to do,
or is it too obvious?
344
00:12:13,078 --> 00:12:14,903
Obvious? What do you mean?
345
00:12:14,922 --> 00:12:16,238
Maybe instead
of being so literal,
346
00:12:16,340 --> 00:12:18,073
the mural could be
more metaphorical?
347
00:12:18,134 --> 00:12:20,760
Like, a clam or a bunch of women
excelling in the world
348
00:12:20,953 --> 00:12:23,003
of business,
looking at their watches,
349
00:12:23,155 --> 00:12:25,005
refilling the toner,
heads held high.
350
00:12:25,141 --> 00:12:27,415
-Their vaginas are implied. Hmm?
-Hey, there, students.
351
00:12:27,435 --> 00:12:29,493
Superintendent Sandy Flarts
was so excited
352
00:12:29,553 --> 00:12:32,605
about the groovy finger mural,
she stopped by to check it out.
353
00:12:32,774 --> 00:12:34,999
I love fingers,
especially thumbs.
354
00:12:35,059 --> 00:12:38,110
(gasps) Does that say,
"Huge vagina goes here"?
355
00:12:38,303 --> 00:12:40,838
-Um...
-Judy, we talked about this.
356
00:12:40,856 --> 00:12:42,673
This mural is not
the appropriate venue
357
00:12:42,775 --> 00:12:45,843
to protest your lack of access
to feminine hygiene products.
358
00:12:45,903 --> 00:12:48,679
Lack of access?
There are belted pads available.
359
00:12:48,739 --> 00:12:50,605
Yeah, but they're dusty
and outdated.
360
00:12:50,666 --> 00:12:52,850
They are vintage and classic.
This is totally unacceptable.
361
00:12:52,910 --> 00:12:55,944
-And what authority do you have?
-I'm the superintendent.
362
00:12:55,963 --> 00:12:58,022
Well, I work at the mall.
363
00:12:58,082 --> 00:13:00,190
I say we continue on
against this oppression.
364
00:13:00,209 --> 00:13:01,950
Or we could just go back
to the fingers.
365
00:13:02,011 --> 00:13:04,452
No. T-There is to be
no mural painting at all.
366
00:13:04,472 --> 00:13:06,806
Obviously,
none of you can be trusted.
367
00:13:06,974 --> 00:13:08,957
-Ah, bummer.
-At least we know we tried.
368
00:13:09,018 --> 00:13:11,126
Tried? I started this club.
369
00:13:11,187 --> 00:13:12,812
I lobbied for the art supplies.
370
00:13:13,005 --> 00:13:15,648
This mural was my idea,
my dream.
371
00:13:15,841 --> 00:13:17,299
And then you guys
had to make it your idea.
372
00:13:17,318 --> 00:13:19,209
And I tried to get on board,
but now I don't even get
373
00:13:19,311 --> 00:13:21,636
to paint anything,
not even your big Arkette
374
00:13:21,697 --> 00:13:24,882
with animals sailing in it or
whatever they're doing in there,
375
00:13:24,900 --> 00:13:26,383
and I'm the only one
who even cares?
376
00:13:26,402 --> 00:13:28,402
Oh, geez. Are you thinking
what I'm thinking?
377
00:13:28,554 --> 00:13:31,055
That we accidentally took a
huge opportunity away from Judy,
378
00:13:31,115 --> 00:13:32,998
and now we really upset her?
379
00:13:33,150 --> 00:13:35,650
Oh. I was thinking that I would
look amazing in a Jeep.
380
00:13:35,711 --> 00:13:37,169
But you make a good point.
381
00:13:37,321 --> 00:13:38,754
Yeah. Yeah,
that's a good point, too, Gill.
382
00:13:43,035 --> 00:13:44,993
Oh. This was my thing.
Stupid art.
383
00:13:45,012 --> 00:13:47,071
This is your fault, belted pads.
384
00:13:47,131 --> 00:13:49,740
"See-nih yuhlimaf stralf"?
385
00:13:49,842 --> 00:13:50,741
(gasps)
386
00:13:50,801 --> 00:13:52,926
"Flarts Family, Inc."?
387
00:13:53,079 --> 00:13:54,428
"Flarts" as in Sandy Flarts?
388
00:13:54,580 --> 00:13:56,188
♪ Bum, bum, bum. ♪
389
00:13:56,381 --> 00:13:59,174
Time to air-dry these fingers
and tickle the computer ivories.
390
00:13:59,277 --> 00:14:02,152
♪ ♪
391
00:14:04,940 --> 00:14:06,256
♪ Work it just a little bit...
392
00:14:06,317 --> 00:14:07,992
"Alexandra"?
393
00:14:09,186 --> 00:14:11,261
♪ Get back... ♪
394
00:14:11,322 --> 00:14:13,764
Singles in my area?
Interesting.
395
00:14:13,782 --> 00:14:15,833
Oh, no, no. Not now. Focus up.
396
00:14:18,329 --> 00:14:20,045
"Belted pads no
longer holding up."
397
00:14:20,238 --> 00:14:22,030
"Backstock to flow
into schools."
398
00:14:22,091 --> 00:14:24,366
-I know what I must do.
-What?
399
00:14:24,427 --> 00:14:26,201
Oh, nothing.
It's just some p-pads.
400
00:14:26,262 --> 00:14:27,535
Never mind.
401
00:14:27,597 --> 00:14:29,113
BEEF:
Alaska aloha to you,
402
00:14:29,223 --> 00:14:30,723
Junkyard Kyle.
403
00:14:30,950 --> 00:14:33,726
I have those rusty razors
that we were planning to...
404
00:14:33,877 --> 00:14:34,894
Are you avoiding me, Kyle?
405
00:14:35,087 --> 00:14:36,729
What? No, that's crazy.
406
00:14:36,922 --> 00:14:39,123
-I'm just very busy right now.
-Oh.
407
00:14:39,183 --> 00:14:40,232
Okay, with what?
408
00:14:40,425 --> 00:14:42,142
Well, I'm at the dentist.
409
00:14:42,294 --> 00:14:43,794
No, you're not.
You're right here.
410
00:14:43,812 --> 00:14:45,237
-I just came to drop off...
-Wish I could take 'em,
411
00:14:45,430 --> 00:14:47,722
but, uh, we're closed,
so get out of here, okay?
412
00:14:47,783 --> 00:14:49,575
Oh, no, dang, you're closed?
413
00:14:49,768 --> 00:14:51,168
Uh, yes, we are closed.
414
00:14:51,170 --> 00:14:52,894
We aren't really closed,
I'm just avoiding Beef.
415
00:14:52,955 --> 00:14:55,748
Come over here,
let me show you my closed sign.
416
00:14:55,941 --> 00:14:58,158
Guys, we've almost
solved the case.
417
00:14:58,310 --> 00:15:01,311
And the only thing we don't know
is who did it or why.
418
00:15:01,372 --> 00:15:03,571
Guys, turns out I need you
to clear my name after all.
419
00:15:03,674 --> 00:15:05,999
You were right. People are
treating me differently.
420
00:15:06,135 --> 00:15:09,411
Junkyard Kyle wouldn't even
let me in her junkyard today.
421
00:15:09,472 --> 00:15:11,430
Kyle, huh? The same Kyle
422
00:15:11,581 --> 00:15:13,173
who was actually at Vera's
when the boot was discovered?
423
00:15:13,325 --> 00:15:16,160
And who, in fact, discovered it?
And now she's avoiding you?
424
00:15:16,220 --> 00:15:18,604
What exactly is the nature
of your relationship?
425
00:15:18,755 --> 00:15:20,255
Well, I give Kyle
my used razors.
426
00:15:20,316 --> 00:15:21,941
She came over
to pick them up on Friday,
427
00:15:22,134 --> 00:15:24,109
but she left while I was getting
them from the bathroom.
428
00:15:24,302 --> 00:15:26,094
So let me get this straight.
She left abruptly,
429
00:15:26,155 --> 00:15:28,338
without a word, from this house,
this past Friday?
430
00:15:28,440 --> 00:15:30,174
-You know what I think?
-I wish, babe,
431
00:15:30,275 --> 00:15:32,009
but the mystery corners
of your beautiful mind
432
00:15:32,069 --> 00:15:34,178
will keep me guessing
till the day I die.
433
00:15:34,279 --> 00:15:36,513
We got to go talk
to Junkyard Kyle, then get down
434
00:15:36,573 --> 00:15:37,772
to the Lone Moose Mischief
435
00:15:37,833 --> 00:15:40,184
to get ourselves
some Lone Moose justice.
436
00:15:40,244 --> 00:15:42,110
JUDY:
Thank you all for coming.
437
00:15:42,171 --> 00:15:43,687
I know I kind of yelled at you
earlier about taking my mural
438
00:15:43,706 --> 00:15:45,297
away from me,
but everything is different now.
439
00:15:45,490 --> 00:15:47,949
I found out Sandy Flarts
isn't just the superintendent.
440
00:15:47,969 --> 00:15:52,212
-She's also the heiress
to Flarts Family, Inc.
-(gasps)
441
00:15:52,364 --> 00:15:54,807
Oh, no. She's spreading
herself too thin.
442
00:15:54,976 --> 00:15:56,458
Flarts Family, Inc.
is the company that makes
443
00:15:56,519 --> 00:15:58,460
those belted pads
in the girls' bathroom.
444
00:15:58,521 --> 00:16:00,479
They took a huge hit in the '70s
when self-adhesive pads
445
00:16:00,672 --> 00:16:02,372
were invented,
and instead of modernizing,
446
00:16:02,474 --> 00:16:03,890
which would have cost them
money, they found places
447
00:16:04,043 --> 00:16:05,300
who would still
buy their product,
448
00:16:05,361 --> 00:16:07,377
like DMVs and zoos
and public schools.
449
00:16:07,438 --> 00:16:08,803
That's why she didn't like
our mural.
450
00:16:08,823 --> 00:16:10,714
It messes with her fortune.
451
00:16:10,774 --> 00:16:13,475
-That's corrupt.
-It's literally the definition
of corrupt.
452
00:16:13,577 --> 00:16:16,311
As I discovered earlier
when I looked it up.
453
00:16:16,330 --> 00:16:19,147
This is bigger than my idea
or your idea.
454
00:16:19,208 --> 00:16:21,408
Art itself is being threatened.
455
00:16:21,560 --> 00:16:23,744
We must protect it from being
silenced by corporate greed.
456
00:16:23,879 --> 00:16:25,412
So the mural is back on?
457
00:16:25,564 --> 00:16:27,673
Sort of. Sandy explicitly said
that we weren't allowed
458
00:16:27,866 --> 00:16:30,509
to paint the mural,
but she never said anything
459
00:16:30,702 --> 00:16:32,886
about being the mural.
460
00:16:37,076 --> 00:16:38,575
A retraction, huh?
(scoffs)
461
00:16:38,635 --> 00:16:39,910
Retractions are for people
who get things wrong.
462
00:16:39,928 --> 00:16:41,669
I never get things wrong.
463
00:16:41,689 --> 00:16:43,838
You did this time. Last week,
you reported that Beef left
464
00:16:43,858 --> 00:16:47,359
his boot on Vera's property,
but that's not what happened.
465
00:16:47,511 --> 00:16:50,103
You see, Kyle and Vera
have a longstanding tradition
466
00:16:50,239 --> 00:16:52,589
-they call...
-Salad Fridays.
467
00:16:52,608 --> 00:16:54,199
It's my business
to know everyone's business.
468
00:16:54,351 --> 00:16:56,851
Right, and they always have
Salad Friday's at Vera's.
469
00:16:56,871 --> 00:16:59,705
And that was always okay
with Kyle, until it wasn't.
470
00:16:59,898 --> 00:17:01,689
Last week, she made
the bold move of suggesting
471
00:17:01,751 --> 00:17:03,691
to Vera that they have salad
at the junkyard,
472
00:17:03,827 --> 00:17:06,027
but Vera turned her down.
473
00:17:06,088 --> 00:17:07,604
Said she wouldn't be able
to gum her romaine in peace
474
00:17:07,706 --> 00:17:08,696
surrounded by all my junk.
475
00:17:08,716 --> 00:17:10,274
That hurt my feelings.
476
00:17:10,375 --> 00:17:11,608
She stopped over at Beef's
on the way to Vera's
477
00:17:11,668 --> 00:17:13,627
to get his used razors.
478
00:17:13,779 --> 00:17:15,445
But when he went to retrieve
them, she saw a brand-new pair
479
00:17:15,506 --> 00:17:18,115
of boots just sitting there
on the counter.
480
00:17:18,175 --> 00:17:20,041
-And she got an idea.
-He said they were too big.
481
00:17:20,144 --> 00:17:22,210
He was just gonna shove them
in the closet.
482
00:17:22,313 --> 00:17:24,413
Her plan? She was gonna toss
the boot on Vera's yard
483
00:17:24,440 --> 00:17:27,457
and then be like, "Ugh, Vera,
who owns a junkyard now?
484
00:17:27,518 --> 00:17:30,127
You do, 'cause there's
actual junk in your yard."
485
00:17:30,187 --> 00:17:31,737
Next thing she knew,
like a woman possessed,
486
00:17:31,930 --> 00:17:34,239
she was walking up to Vera's,
boot in hand.
487
00:17:34,408 --> 00:17:38,243
But her plan had two major
flaws: one, she has bad aim.
488
00:17:38,412 --> 00:17:40,470
GNOME:
'Ello, gardener.
489
00:17:40,531 --> 00:17:41,805
Oh, big baby Jesse.
490
00:17:41,907 --> 00:17:43,640
And two,
she didn't know that Vera
491
00:17:43,742 --> 00:17:45,417
already had beef with Beef.
492
00:17:45,569 --> 00:17:47,811
It was a sledding incident,
over 30 years ago.
493
00:17:47,871 --> 00:17:50,905
The way that woman holds
a grudge is a thing of beauty.
494
00:17:50,966 --> 00:17:52,925
That's why I turned you away
at the junkyard.
495
00:17:53,118 --> 00:17:55,986
I just couldn't face
what I'd done.
496
00:17:56,004 --> 00:17:57,262
Well, this is a first.
497
00:17:57,414 --> 00:17:58,931
It looks like a retraction
is in order.
498
00:17:59,124 --> 00:18:01,100
It'll run tomorrow:
"We previously reported the boot
499
00:18:01,251 --> 00:18:02,750
"may have belonged
to Beef Tobin.
500
00:18:02,770 --> 00:18:06,012
In fact, the boot definitely
belonged to Beef Tobin."
501
00:18:06,165 --> 00:18:07,755
Yep, well,
that's technically true.
502
00:18:07,817 --> 00:18:10,109
But what about the part
where I didn't commit the crime?
503
00:18:10,277 --> 00:18:12,002
I guess I can throw that in.
504
00:18:12,062 --> 00:18:13,687
-Got 'em!
-Hootie & the Yay-fish!
505
00:18:13,839 --> 00:18:15,839
-All right.
-This case really did me in.
506
00:18:15,899 --> 00:18:17,174
I got to go away for a while.
507
00:18:17,234 --> 00:18:19,434
If you need me,
put a boot on a lawn.
508
00:18:20,445 --> 00:18:22,604
-What's that?
-Is it someone's birthday?
509
00:18:22,665 --> 00:18:23,938
Oh, my gosh, wherever does
510
00:18:24,041 --> 00:18:27,543
this metaphorical trail
of menses lead?
511
00:18:29,630 --> 00:18:31,188
-Oh, boy.
-Behold.
512
00:18:31,248 --> 00:18:34,449
The vagina weeps.
Why the long face?
513
00:18:34,468 --> 00:18:37,619
Because I am forced to sit upon
a sanitary napkin
514
00:18:37,680 --> 00:18:39,805
attached to a belt,
and all I crave
515
00:18:39,998 --> 00:18:41,698
is a sleek, modern tampon.
516
00:18:41,758 --> 00:18:43,142
Or a DivaCup.
517
00:18:43,335 --> 00:18:46,870
BOTH:
Woe, woe. Woe betide the vagina.
518
00:18:46,972 --> 00:18:49,464
Who curses you so?
519
00:18:49,525 --> 00:18:52,151
I am so mad at myself
for quitting this club.
520
00:18:52,344 --> 00:18:55,729
'Twas Sandy Flarts,
the school superintendent.
521
00:18:55,881 --> 00:18:59,158
She makes her blood money
from my actual blood.
522
00:18:59,309 --> 00:19:00,975
She silenced our mural.
523
00:19:01,036 --> 00:19:05,146
ALL:
But she can't silence
our collective vagina.
524
00:19:05,207 --> 00:19:09,501
No Flarts in our arts,
no Flarts in our arts.
525
00:19:09,694 --> 00:19:13,172
And also, by the way, I'm
the cube for the common cold.
526
00:19:13,365 --> 00:19:15,565
Was that-- Did people
feel that was coming across?
527
00:19:15,584 --> 00:19:17,676
I need to see you
in my office, now.
528
00:19:17,845 --> 00:19:19,661
I don't have enough chairs
for all of you,
529
00:19:19,680 --> 00:19:21,405
so bring the Arkette.
530
00:19:21,506 --> 00:19:23,757
Let me guess: You're gonna
expel us all for speaking out,
531
00:19:23,909 --> 00:19:26,410
because you're under
the dirty thumb of Sandy Flarts.
532
00:19:26,470 --> 00:19:29,913
No! I love it when kids use art
to rebel against authority.
533
00:19:29,973 --> 00:19:32,249
-Hello. Footloose.
-Hello.
534
00:19:32,267 --> 00:19:33,841
But it's almost a shame
Sandy Flarts
535
00:19:33,861 --> 00:19:35,252
wasn't here to see this herself.
536
00:19:35,354 --> 00:19:36,753
Oh, we're doing an encore
performance
537
00:19:36,772 --> 00:19:38,088
for the school board.
538
00:19:38,148 --> 00:19:39,031
This was basically
a dress rehearsal.
539
00:19:39,224 --> 00:19:40,607
Please don't do that, Judy.
540
00:19:40,759 --> 00:19:43,109
We really need
those belted pads to stay.
541
00:19:43,245 --> 00:19:45,186
What? You are under
Sandy's dirty thumb.
542
00:19:45,322 --> 00:19:47,706
No, it's just actually
a pretty good deal.
543
00:19:47,857 --> 00:19:50,100
The school gets to keep
a quarter of the pad profits.
544
00:19:50,160 --> 00:19:52,269
It's what paid
for your mural paint.
545
00:19:52,287 --> 00:19:53,937
We also use it
for gym equipment,
546
00:19:53,997 --> 00:19:55,363
thumbtacks, dodgeballs,
547
00:19:55,424 --> 00:19:56,882
the snow cone machine
for Boy's Day...
548
00:19:57,075 --> 00:19:58,275
Did you just say "Boy's Day"?
549
00:19:58,293 --> 00:19:59,776
And Post-its.
550
00:19:59,795 --> 00:20:01,536
Look, I will agree
to use some of that money
551
00:20:01,639 --> 00:20:03,538
to keep a box of tampons
in the girls' restroom.
552
00:20:03,641 --> 00:20:05,115
I mean, how much
can they really cost?
553
00:20:05,175 --> 00:20:06,708
A hundred bucks?
A hundred fifty?
554
00:20:06,810 --> 00:20:08,393
Five dollars and 99 cents.
555
00:20:08,545 --> 00:20:10,545
Really? We could've
had them years ago.
556
00:20:10,606 --> 00:20:14,124
Now walk me through why Gill
and Ham were businesswomen.
557
00:20:14,184 --> 00:20:16,718
I love it, I just want
to understand it.
558
00:20:17,554 --> 00:20:19,296
Hey, Judy!
Bummed I missed the performance.
559
00:20:19,356 --> 00:20:20,739
Can you believe adults
aren't allowed to just
560
00:20:20,890 --> 00:20:22,466
walk into schools
whenever they want?
561
00:20:22,526 --> 00:20:24,058
-How'd it all shake out?
-Pretty well actually.
562
00:20:24,119 --> 00:20:26,245
-Principal Gibbons loved it.
-I'm proud of you, Judy.
563
00:20:26,438 --> 00:20:28,822
-You are quite the artist.
-Really?
564
00:20:28,974 --> 00:20:30,474
You think I'm an artist?
565
00:20:30,492 --> 00:20:31,917
Even though I don't like to make
controversial art unless
566
00:20:32,068 --> 00:20:34,144
I'm pushed to the absolute
brink by corporate greed
567
00:20:34,204 --> 00:20:35,903
and a deep insecurity
about my identity?
568
00:20:36,006 --> 00:20:37,405
You like to make art, don't you?
569
00:20:37,424 --> 00:20:39,073
That's all it takes
to be an artist.
570
00:20:39,093 --> 00:20:40,817
But I do feel
kind of responsible
571
00:20:40,919 --> 00:20:43,095
that you didn't get to paint
the mural of your dreams.
572
00:20:43,288 --> 00:20:44,429
Oh, it's okay.
573
00:20:44,622 --> 00:20:46,098
Well, I noticed
a nice, big chunk
574
00:20:46,249 --> 00:20:47,491
of wall behind the mall
575
00:20:47,551 --> 00:20:49,050
that could really use
a facelift.
576
00:20:49,144 --> 00:20:50,827
Really? Which wall?
577
00:20:50,887 --> 00:20:52,938
The one next to the dumpster.
578
00:20:53,107 --> 00:20:54,606
Are you serious?
579
00:20:54,799 --> 00:20:56,758
That's way better exposure
than the east hallway.
580
00:20:56,819 --> 00:20:58,685
Everyone uses the dumpster.
581
00:20:58,837 --> 00:21:00,670
♪ Checking our watches
late to a meeting ♪
582
00:21:00,772 --> 00:21:03,448
♪ Hike our skirts up
when we're peeing ♪
583
00:21:03,641 --> 00:21:06,510
♪ Business, calling China ♪
584
00:21:06,528 --> 00:21:08,678
♪ Women, implied vagina ♪
585
00:21:08,739 --> 00:21:11,272
♪ Got to have my coffee
and my tweed ♪
586
00:21:11,375 --> 00:21:14,351
♪ Wear my tiny glasses
while I read ♪
587
00:21:14,369 --> 00:21:17,111
♪ Business,
crisp collared shirts ♪
588
00:21:17,172 --> 00:21:19,614
-♪ I'm a businesswoman ♪
-♪ Women! Who stole my yogurt? ♪
589
00:21:19,633 --> 00:21:22,208
♪ Heads held high
up to the sky ♪
590
00:21:22,361 --> 00:21:24,694
-♪ I hold my head up high ♪
-♪ Heads held high up
to the sky ♪
591
00:21:24,755 --> 00:21:29,366
-♪ Businesswomen ♪
-♪ I'm a business woman. ♪
592
00:21:29,426 --> 00:21:31,368
Captioning sponsored by
BENTO BOX ENTERTAINMENT
593
00:21:31,428 --> 00:21:33,603
and TOYOTA.