1 00:00:01,485 --> 00:00:04,670 -♪ Look up there ♪ -♪ What do you see? ♪ 2 00:00:04,897 --> 00:00:06,079 ♪ Nature and stuff ♪ 3 00:00:06,232 --> 00:00:07,581 -♪ Like a rock ♪ -♪ And a tree ♪ 4 00:00:07,733 --> 00:00:10,175 ♪ Oh, the Great North ♪ 5 00:00:10,402 --> 00:00:13,828 ♪ Way up here, you can breathe the air ♪ 6 00:00:13,997 --> 00:00:15,014 ♪ Catch some fish ♪ 7 00:00:15,165 --> 00:00:16,682 ♪ Or gaze at a bear ♪ 8 00:00:16,833 --> 00:00:17,908 ♪ Wow ♪ 9 00:00:18,001 --> 00:00:21,245 ♪ Oh, the Great North ♪ 10 00:00:21,338 --> 00:00:22,837 ♪ Here we live, oh, oh ♪ 11 00:00:22,857 --> 00:00:24,248 ♪ Here we'll stay, oh, whoo ♪ 12 00:00:24,341 --> 00:00:26,266 ♪ From longest night to longest day ♪ 13 00:00:26,418 --> 00:00:29,737 ♪ In the Great North. ♪ 14 00:00:32,015 --> 00:00:33,532 (cheering) 15 00:00:34,276 --> 00:00:36,976 HAM: Crispin, I have to ask you an important question. 16 00:00:37,038 --> 00:00:38,929 Okay... 17 00:00:38,947 --> 00:00:40,781 How were my homemade lemon lime bars? 18 00:00:40,875 --> 00:00:42,524 Is there enough zest? Oh, God. 19 00:00:42,543 --> 00:00:44,768 Is there too much zest? Crispin, answer me! 20 00:00:44,787 --> 00:00:47,546 They're perfectly zested, my Silly Wonka. Now, shh. 21 00:00:47,697 --> 00:00:50,031 We got to watch the last scene. It's my favorite. 22 00:00:50,125 --> 00:00:52,367 Last lap, Danny. Time to win this thing 23 00:00:52,444 --> 00:00:54,536 and then kiss some women. 24 00:00:54,630 --> 00:00:57,389 This one's for you, Businessman Greg. 25 00:01:00,377 --> 00:01:03,211 Ladies and gentlemen, I can't keep living a lie. 26 00:01:03,230 --> 00:01:06,548 Businessman Greg isn't just someone I know from business. 27 00:01:06,567 --> 00:01:08,975 He's also my boyfriend. 28 00:01:09,052 --> 00:01:12,887 I'm Danny Vroom, and I am gay... in the fast lane. 29 00:01:12,907 --> 00:01:15,574 What? Danny Vroom is gay? 30 00:01:15,801 --> 00:01:17,826 (tires squealing) 31 00:01:19,080 --> 00:01:20,821 BOB MUFFLER: The rest of us came out here to play. 32 00:01:20,915 --> 00:01:23,749 Danny Vroom came out here as gay. 33 00:01:23,900 --> 00:01:25,584 It's like they always say: 34 00:01:25,661 --> 00:01:27,811 The truth will set you fast. 35 00:01:27,830 --> 00:01:31,090 Danny Vroom, will you be my groom? 36 00:01:31,317 --> 00:01:33,150 Of course, Businessman Greg. 37 00:01:33,168 --> 00:01:34,909 A thousand times yes. 38 00:01:34,929 --> 00:01:36,820 ♪ Gay in the fast lane ♪ 39 00:01:36,913 --> 00:01:38,655 ♪ Vroom, Vroom. ♪ 40 00:01:38,748 --> 00:01:40,340 So, what did you think? 41 00:01:40,492 --> 00:01:42,768 -Oh, um, it was okay. -Just okay? 42 00:01:42,919 --> 00:01:45,920 I guess I just felt like the coming-out part was a bit much. 43 00:01:45,940 --> 00:01:47,998 It's always so dramatic in movies, 44 00:01:48,016 --> 00:01:49,666 but it's never like that in real life. 45 00:01:49,685 --> 00:01:51,610 In real life, you just tell your family, 46 00:01:51,761 --> 00:01:52,945 and they're like, "That's great. Love you." 47 00:01:53,096 --> 00:01:55,021 And then you go back to removing the elderly bear 48 00:01:55,116 --> 00:01:56,615 that dropped dead on your property or whatever. 49 00:01:56,692 --> 00:01:59,601 Hmm. I mean, my coming-out didn't cause a car crash, 50 00:01:59,620 --> 00:02:01,027 but my mom and dad did 51 00:02:01,180 --> 00:02:02,979 set off a bunch of illegal fireworks in support. 52 00:02:02,981 --> 00:02:04,848 -What's going on? -Our son is gay. 53 00:02:04,941 --> 00:02:06,016 And after a brief time 54 00:02:06,185 --> 00:02:07,684 processing our feelings about it, 55 00:02:07,777 --> 00:02:09,444 we've chosen to celebrate him with fireworks. 56 00:02:09,463 --> 00:02:12,189 -CRISPIN: And they burned down our mailbox... -(yelling) 57 00:02:12,282 --> 00:02:14,024 ...and we were fined thousands of dollars. 58 00:02:14,042 --> 00:02:15,859 So, overall, it was pretty wild. 59 00:02:16,028 --> 00:02:17,636 Wow. That sounds intense. 60 00:02:17,863 --> 00:02:19,120 Well, coming out is intense. 61 00:02:19,140 --> 00:02:20,806 I'm sure the first time you told your family, 62 00:02:21,033 --> 00:02:22,290 it was pretty dramatic, right? 63 00:02:22,309 --> 00:02:24,626 I'm not sure I can remember the first time, per se. 64 00:02:24,645 --> 00:02:26,961 (gasps) Oh, wait. I know, I said it when we were driving 65 00:02:26,981 --> 00:02:28,480 to Mayor Peppers' wig party. 66 00:02:28,707 --> 00:02:31,057 Oh, um, hey, guys. I'm gay. 67 00:02:31,152 --> 00:02:33,727 We know, son. And we love you just the way you are. 68 00:02:33,879 --> 00:02:36,880 Or maybe it was when we went to see Judy's improv group. 69 00:02:36,882 --> 00:02:39,992 I would love a suggestion of a common phrase. 70 00:02:40,219 --> 00:02:41,218 I am gay. 71 00:02:41,311 --> 00:02:43,387 All right, I heard, "I am gay." Thank you. 72 00:02:43,405 --> 00:02:46,239 We know, bud. And we love you just the way you are. 73 00:02:46,392 --> 00:02:47,908 Or I guess it could've been on 74 00:02:48,060 --> 00:02:49,726 that white-water rafting trip we took. 75 00:02:49,745 --> 00:02:52,337 -Hey. I am gay. -We know, Ham. 76 00:02:52,414 --> 00:02:55,490 -And we love you just the way you are...! -Whee! 77 00:02:55,509 --> 00:02:57,567 Huh, have you ever thought that maybe 78 00:02:57,586 --> 00:02:59,494 you keep coming out because you're searching for, like, 79 00:02:59,513 --> 00:03:01,663 a big, dramatic reaction that you never got? 80 00:03:01,831 --> 00:03:03,998 (scoffs) I didn't want drama. 81 00:03:04,018 --> 00:03:06,243 I guess I just kept coming out because I wanted 82 00:03:06,261 --> 00:03:08,670 one single, perfect moment. 83 00:03:08,689 --> 00:03:11,932 ♪ When everyone came to a standstill ♪ 84 00:03:12,008 --> 00:03:15,527 ♪ Even the bird on the windowsill ♪ 85 00:03:15,679 --> 00:03:18,697 ♪ And gazed at me through tears ♪ 86 00:03:18,848 --> 00:03:22,367 ♪ Caused by loving emotions but also petty fears ♪ 87 00:03:22,594 --> 00:03:27,431 ♪ And then I loudly told them that, hey, I am gay ♪ 88 00:03:27,449 --> 00:03:31,451 ♪ And have been all my years. ♪ 89 00:03:31,545 --> 00:03:34,104 -Ham, that's drama. -(gasps) Oh, my God. 90 00:03:34,197 --> 00:03:36,456 I guess I have been craving a big reaction. 91 00:03:36,608 --> 00:03:37,941 Well, it's not too late. 92 00:03:37,960 --> 00:03:39,776 All we have to do is find someone who doesn't know yet 93 00:03:39,869 --> 00:03:41,127 and then tell them dramatically. 94 00:03:41,222 --> 00:03:42,796 We're gonna get you the over-the-top, 95 00:03:42,890 --> 00:03:45,373 lightly upsetting coming-out that you deserve. I promise. 96 00:03:45,467 --> 00:03:47,726 Crispin, you're the wind beneath my things. 97 00:03:47,877 --> 00:03:50,637 -It's "wings." -Yeah, that was one of the things. 98 00:03:50,731 --> 00:03:53,123 A.J. DOSSIER: The Room Service Reaper was in police custody, 99 00:03:53,141 --> 00:03:55,567 but for John Thimbleman, it was too late. 100 00:03:55,719 --> 00:03:58,128 His entrails were strewn all about the hotel room, 101 00:03:58,146 --> 00:04:00,130 and his head was in the ice bucket. 102 00:04:00,299 --> 00:04:01,465 That was amazing. 103 00:04:01,558 --> 00:04:03,075 How long have we been sitting out here? 104 00:04:03,302 --> 00:04:05,727 Four hours. I went from having to pee really badly 105 00:04:05,821 --> 00:04:07,079 to not having to pee at all. 106 00:04:07,230 --> 00:04:09,248 I guess my body just reabsorbed the pee. 107 00:04:09,399 --> 00:04:10,974 I can't believe A.J. Dossier 108 00:04:11,067 --> 00:04:12,417 didn't know anything about podcasting 109 00:04:12,644 --> 00:04:14,327 and then solved the Room Service Reaper case. 110 00:04:14,480 --> 00:04:15,754 It's almost like we could do that. 111 00:04:15,981 --> 00:04:17,647 Great idea, my audio angel. 112 00:04:17,741 --> 00:04:19,833 We already have a video production company. 113 00:04:19,927 --> 00:04:21,260 We'll just add a podcast arm. 114 00:04:21,411 --> 00:04:24,746 How hard can it be to track down an Alaskan serial killer 115 00:04:24,840 --> 00:04:26,372 that's eluded the police for decades? 116 00:04:26,508 --> 00:04:29,009 Yeah. And I think the sponsors send you free products. 117 00:04:29,161 --> 00:04:31,436 I'd love to get my hands on a pair of those clogs 118 00:04:31,588 --> 00:04:33,346 that are just for jogging-- Cl'jogs. 119 00:04:33,440 --> 00:04:35,665 Apparently, the sound is deafening. 120 00:04:35,684 --> 00:04:38,668 I can't believe it's already sock-darning season again. 121 00:04:38,670 --> 00:04:40,670 What does everyone else have planned for the weekend? 122 00:04:40,764 --> 00:04:43,340 We'll be hard at work adding a podcast arm 123 00:04:43,433 --> 00:04:45,617 to our video production company, Pause For Applause. 124 00:04:45,769 --> 00:04:48,269 Oh, I just listened to one about co-parenting adult children 125 00:04:48,363 --> 00:04:49,937 with Rhea Perlman and Danny DeVito. 126 00:04:50,032 --> 00:04:52,106 No offense, Judy, but I would rather die 127 00:04:52,200 --> 00:04:53,775 -than listen to that. -He said it. 128 00:04:53,794 --> 00:04:55,961 But, yeah, we're focusing on the true-crime genre. 129 00:04:56,188 --> 00:04:59,113 All that stands between us and a big podcast hit is selecting 130 00:04:59,133 --> 00:05:01,616 which of Alaska's horrific unsolved crimes to cover. 131 00:05:01,635 --> 00:05:03,802 It's gonna be dangerous and dangerously profitable. 132 00:05:03,953 --> 00:05:06,471 Crispin and I are gonna be pretty busy as well. 133 00:05:06,698 --> 00:05:08,715 He's gonna help me redo my coming-out. 134 00:05:08,867 --> 00:05:10,976 Uh-oh. Did we do something wrong? 135 00:05:11,127 --> 00:05:13,053 No. You guys did everything right. 136 00:05:13,205 --> 00:05:15,147 You didn't make a big deal out of it. 137 00:05:15,298 --> 00:05:16,873 Yeah, you did it too right. 138 00:05:16,966 --> 00:05:18,558 So he's looking for just that little bit 139 00:05:18,652 --> 00:05:20,060 of drama that he missed out on. 140 00:05:20,154 --> 00:05:22,562 I get that. As one of Alaska's preeminent allies, 141 00:05:22,714 --> 00:05:24,156 I take extra responsibility. 142 00:05:24,383 --> 00:05:26,641 How can we help? What, specifically, do you want 143 00:05:26,660 --> 00:05:28,327 from your ideal redo coming-out? 144 00:05:28,478 --> 00:05:31,163 Hmm. For starters, I guess I'd like a classic, sharp gasp. 145 00:05:31,314 --> 00:05:33,815 Oh, um, I'd also love to encounter someone 146 00:05:33,983 --> 00:05:35,316 who simply can't believe it. 147 00:05:35,336 --> 00:05:38,503 Um, a shattered fragile item interests me. Uh... 148 00:05:38,730 --> 00:05:41,322 Ooh, and I've never had to immediately respond 149 00:05:41,342 --> 00:05:43,342 to an offensive question like, "But who's the woman?" 150 00:05:43,527 --> 00:05:45,326 So that could be fun, but I'm flexible. 151 00:05:45,420 --> 00:05:47,587 I mean, no one person could check all those boxes. 152 00:05:47,681 --> 00:05:49,255 Actually, Ham, they just might. 153 00:05:49,408 --> 00:05:51,241 And you may not have to look outside of our family. 154 00:05:51,334 --> 00:05:53,927 You happen to be related to one of the most uptight 155 00:05:54,079 --> 00:05:55,912 and judgmental people on Earth: 156 00:05:55,931 --> 00:05:58,172 Cousin Danica. She's uniquely awful. 157 00:05:58,266 --> 00:06:00,192 As a family, we took a trip to the zoo, 158 00:06:00,343 --> 00:06:03,695 and she kept whispering "whore" at any animal with kids. 159 00:06:03,847 --> 00:06:07,348 Wow, Ham. Oh, sounds like she's gonna hate that you're gay. 160 00:06:07,368 --> 00:06:09,259 -Exciting. -(chuckling): Oh, yes. 161 00:06:09,352 --> 00:06:11,352 She's always hated everything about me. 162 00:06:11,430 --> 00:06:12,854 I mean, sure, marrying your mom 163 00:06:13,022 --> 00:06:14,447 wasn't the smartest thing I ever did, 164 00:06:14,600 --> 00:06:17,024 but when Danica sent back Moon's baby announcement 165 00:06:17,119 --> 00:06:19,285 with "please make it stop" written on the back, 166 00:06:19,438 --> 00:06:20,712 I cut off contact for good. 167 00:06:20,864 --> 00:06:23,882 Yet here I am, all these years later, still going. 168 00:06:24,033 --> 00:06:25,959 What do you say we pay her a visit tomorrow? 169 00:06:26,111 --> 00:06:27,535 She's all the way down in Orca Bay, 170 00:06:27,629 --> 00:06:29,170 so we'll want to leave bright and early. 171 00:06:29,281 --> 00:06:31,631 Oh, Dad, I'd love to, but I kind of got 172 00:06:31,783 --> 00:06:34,208 a lot on my plate with this whole re-coming-out thing. 173 00:06:34,228 --> 00:06:35,894 She's the one you're gonna come out to, sweetie. 174 00:06:36,121 --> 00:06:38,121 Oh, yeah. That makes way more sense. 175 00:06:38,140 --> 00:06:39,731 I was like, "Random." 176 00:06:42,569 --> 00:06:45,112 All right, every true-crime podcast is only 177 00:06:45,297 --> 00:06:46,479 as good as the creep it investigates, 178 00:06:46,573 --> 00:06:48,740 so we got to pick the perfect criminal. 179 00:06:48,892 --> 00:06:50,558 Ooh. How about the Moose Mixologist? 180 00:06:50,636 --> 00:06:53,303 This guy used to feed high-proof cocktails to moose, 181 00:06:53,363 --> 00:06:54,487 then unleash them on the people 182 00:06:54,581 --> 00:06:56,156 of Downtown Fairbanks-- to trample them. 183 00:06:56,308 --> 00:06:58,975 Wolf, you know stampedes are one of my biggest fears. 184 00:06:58,994 --> 00:07:01,068 How did Jumanji get that PG-13 rating? 185 00:07:01,088 --> 00:07:02,904 Thousands of elephants smashing explorers 186 00:07:02,998 --> 00:07:05,331 into human jelly with their enormous feet? No, thank you. 187 00:07:05,426 --> 00:07:07,074 I'm sorry to have even mentioned it, 188 00:07:07,094 --> 00:07:09,577 my hippo-phobic hottie, and I will also gently offer 189 00:07:09,596 --> 00:07:12,172 that you may have misremembered some of Jumanji. 190 00:07:12,324 --> 00:07:15,082 Okay, how about a down-the-middle serial killer? 191 00:07:15,177 --> 00:07:16,768 The Orca Bay Slicer. 192 00:07:16,845 --> 00:07:18,252 This killer, most likely a lady, 193 00:07:18,346 --> 00:07:20,330 just lived to kill rich guys in their cars. 194 00:07:20,423 --> 00:07:22,590 Oh, wow. Says here that after she killed them 195 00:07:22,609 --> 00:07:23,942 she would chop off their wieners and leave 196 00:07:24,093 --> 00:07:26,260 a hot dog in their laps as a calling card. 197 00:07:26,280 --> 00:07:27,671 Okay, girl, I'm listening. 198 00:07:27,689 --> 00:07:30,431 Yeah. Profilers, quote, "believe that the hot dogs 199 00:07:30,509 --> 00:07:32,284 "either represented the men's penises 200 00:07:32,360 --> 00:07:35,436 or that the Orca Bay Slicer just simply loved hot dogs." 201 00:07:35,456 --> 00:07:37,847 A patriarchy-hating hot dog enthusiast? 202 00:07:38,016 --> 00:07:39,683 Girl, we could've been best friends, 203 00:07:39,701 --> 00:07:41,868 but then you went and did all those murders. 204 00:07:41,962 --> 00:07:43,444 So, instead of eating hot dogs with you 205 00:07:43,538 --> 00:07:45,021 and discussing the right way to do 206 00:07:45,114 --> 00:07:46,798 a Mystic Pizza musical adaptation, 207 00:07:46,950 --> 00:07:48,191 I got to investigate you. 208 00:07:48,210 --> 00:07:50,527 And since she was last active in Orca Bay, 209 00:07:50,620 --> 00:07:52,378 we can drive down to Cousin Danica's separately 210 00:07:52,473 --> 00:07:56,475 and stop for hot dogs-- I mean clues-- along the way. 211 00:07:56,626 --> 00:07:58,718 BEEF: Okay, we're getting close, so remember: 212 00:07:58,870 --> 00:08:02,647 we get in, Ham says he's gay, she judges Ham, then we get out. 213 00:08:02,799 --> 00:08:05,150 We're looking for a gasp, some shocking remarks, 214 00:08:05,301 --> 00:08:08,061 and I would really love it if her shoes flew off. 215 00:08:08,230 --> 00:08:09,896 Improbable, maybe, but I would still love it. 216 00:08:10,048 --> 00:08:12,640 It would be wonderful if she jumped through a closed window, 217 00:08:12,659 --> 00:08:14,067 leaving her exact silhouette. 218 00:08:14,161 --> 00:08:16,402 She might even rip off her brooch and throw it at you. 219 00:08:16,555 --> 00:08:18,479 (gasps) Imagine if it lodged in your cheek. 220 00:08:18,499 --> 00:08:19,498 (gasps) A dream. 221 00:08:19,666 --> 00:08:21,224 I'm glad you guys are excited, but, Ham, 222 00:08:21,226 --> 00:08:22,392 if the judgment is too harsh, 223 00:08:22,485 --> 00:08:23,835 we can get the hell out of there. 224 00:08:23,987 --> 00:08:25,061 You just say the word. 225 00:08:25,080 --> 00:08:26,913 Okay, but instead of saying the word, 226 00:08:27,065 --> 00:08:29,174 can I say a fun phrase like, "Where's my soup?" 227 00:08:29,325 --> 00:08:32,677 or "Get these ants off of me!" 228 00:08:32,829 --> 00:08:35,162 Okay, update: If Ham says, "Where's my soup?" 229 00:08:35,182 --> 00:08:39,267 or "Get these ants off of me," we all head for the door. 230 00:08:40,003 --> 00:08:41,686 Danica, you nincompoop. 231 00:08:41,838 --> 00:08:44,247 I could've sworn I put this away. 232 00:08:44,340 --> 00:08:46,099 So, Beef and family. 233 00:08:46,193 --> 00:08:49,085 Wow, you all look much better in pictures. 234 00:08:49,104 --> 00:08:52,197 Thank you for allowing us to stop by on such short notice. 235 00:08:52,348 --> 00:08:55,516 I told the children they simply must meet my favorite cousin. 236 00:08:55,536 --> 00:08:58,278 Well, the feeling is not mutual, but come on in. 237 00:08:58,430 --> 00:09:00,930 I've placed blankets on the couches you can sit on. 238 00:09:01,024 --> 00:09:02,115 I assume you don't wipe well. 239 00:09:02,191 --> 00:09:06,286 Wow, Danica, your house is very brown. 240 00:09:06,438 --> 00:09:08,046 Yes, brown's my favorite color. 241 00:09:08,273 --> 00:09:10,865 All the other colors are so desperate for attention. 242 00:09:10,959 --> 00:09:12,592 "Ooh, I'm pink. Look at me." 243 00:09:12,702 --> 00:09:14,944 Now, I'm cooking a roast, and until it's ready, 244 00:09:14,963 --> 00:09:16,780 I thought we might just sit here. 245 00:09:16,873 --> 00:09:18,448 Judy, are those leggings something 246 00:09:18,541 --> 00:09:20,283 you must wear for a medical reason, 247 00:09:20,376 --> 00:09:23,469 -or are you just a big old floozy? -A floozy? 248 00:09:23,546 --> 00:09:26,623 Yes, a loose lady, a good-time gal, a harlot? 249 00:09:26,641 --> 00:09:28,066 In short, a total sleazebag? 250 00:09:28,217 --> 00:09:30,402 (chuckling): Wow, I've never been so insulted. 251 00:09:30,629 --> 00:09:31,978 This is kind of fun. 252 00:09:32,130 --> 00:09:33,179 So, how's school? 253 00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:35,315 -Are any of you reading yet? -Nope. 254 00:09:35,467 --> 00:09:36,908 (gasps) Keep your hands off 255 00:09:37,060 --> 00:09:38,651 my ceramic rabbit collection. 256 00:09:38,745 --> 00:09:39,986 But there's just one. 257 00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:42,581 There's also just one Lincoln Memorial. 258 00:09:42,732 --> 00:09:44,140 Seems a little different 259 00:09:44,142 --> 00:09:46,326 and also not a collection, but okay. 260 00:09:46,478 --> 00:09:49,254 Ham, I simply must ask you, what's with the long hair? 261 00:09:49,497 --> 00:09:51,238 Are you gonna sell it to buy drugs? 262 00:09:51,258 --> 00:09:53,666 WOLF: On our way to do real-life field work. 263 00:09:53,819 --> 00:09:56,410 The Orca Bay Slicer is not gonna know what hit her. 264 00:09:56,430 --> 00:09:58,004 We're like Starsky and Hutch. 265 00:09:58,098 --> 00:10:00,247 Or SVU's Mariska Hargitay and... 266 00:10:00,267 --> 00:10:02,934 the guy with the long neck who helps SVU's Mariska Hargitay. 267 00:10:03,161 --> 00:10:04,769 Christopher Meloni. God, I admire that gorgeous, 268 00:10:04,996 --> 00:10:06,329 crime-fighting giraffe. 269 00:10:06,348 --> 00:10:08,348 Anyway, should we go over what we know so far? 270 00:10:08,500 --> 00:10:09,515 Oh, yeah, we should record it, 271 00:10:09,668 --> 00:10:11,167 and we can use it on our first episode. 272 00:10:11,260 --> 00:10:13,445 (hushed): The Orca Bay Slicer was like 273 00:10:13,596 --> 00:10:16,339 a lot of serial killers except for one thing: 274 00:10:16,358 --> 00:10:18,599 her signature crotch hot dog. 275 00:10:18,619 --> 00:10:20,285 Why are you talking in that weird voice? 276 00:10:20,436 --> 00:10:21,786 (regular voice): It's my podcaster voice. 277 00:10:22,013 --> 00:10:23,788 Ooh, I want to try a podcaster voice. Okay. 278 00:10:23,940 --> 00:10:25,123 (with accent): The Orca Bay Slicer is 279 00:10:25,274 --> 00:10:27,867 one of Alaska's only female serial killers. 280 00:10:27,961 --> 00:10:29,686 (chuckling): Oh, Australian. I love it. 281 00:10:29,779 --> 00:10:32,464 You can throw your voice on my barbie anytime. 282 00:10:32,691 --> 00:10:34,615 (regular accent): Wolf, that was a British accent. 283 00:10:34,709 --> 00:10:35,967 Oh, uh, then I meant: 284 00:10:36,119 --> 00:10:38,136 You can throw your voice on my parliament anytime. 285 00:10:38,363 --> 00:10:39,696 There you go, babe. 286 00:10:40,456 --> 00:10:44,309 I can't tell you how much I enjoy sitting in silence. 287 00:10:44,460 --> 00:10:46,460 -(sighs) -(Ham clears throat) 288 00:10:46,538 --> 00:10:49,314 -Cousin Danica... -Okay, I guess we're talking again. 289 00:10:49,465 --> 00:10:50,631 Go on, son. 290 00:10:50,725 --> 00:10:53,134 There's something I need to tell you, as family. 291 00:10:53,153 --> 00:10:55,244 It's a secret that's been weighing on me 292 00:10:55,246 --> 00:10:57,380 ever since I met you an hour ago. 293 00:10:57,399 --> 00:10:59,658 It's just that, Cousin Danica, 294 00:10:59,826 --> 00:11:01,809 you should know that I am... 295 00:11:01,828 --> 00:11:04,220 OFFICER: Danica Tobin, come out with your hands up. 296 00:11:04,239 --> 00:11:06,072 -Oh, no. -(clears throat) ...gay. 297 00:11:06,166 --> 00:11:09,000 Well, I guess I ought to tell you all the truth 298 00:11:09,152 --> 00:11:10,669 about who I really am. 299 00:11:10,820 --> 00:11:12,061 Actually, that's what I was doing. 300 00:11:12,080 --> 00:11:13,246 If you could just wait a second 301 00:11:13,340 --> 00:11:14,839 while I tell you who I really am. 302 00:11:14,991 --> 00:11:16,991 That's the reason why we're here. 303 00:11:17,085 --> 00:11:20,236 I am wanted by the police for crimes. 304 00:11:20,255 --> 00:11:22,238 -(all gasp) -I simply can't believe it. 305 00:11:22,257 --> 00:11:24,516 -I'm shocked. -Did my shoes pop off? 306 00:11:24,667 --> 00:11:26,685 Thank you for sharing your truth with us, Danica. 307 00:11:26,836 --> 00:11:28,561 That was very brave. 308 00:11:32,192 --> 00:11:34,142 So, here's what I think we should do. 309 00:11:34,194 --> 00:11:35,768 I'll open the door to talk to the policewoman, 310 00:11:35,921 --> 00:11:37,587 and you guys tell her that you got here last night. 311 00:11:37,605 --> 00:11:38,922 You know, like an alibi. 312 00:11:39,015 --> 00:11:40,014 Oh, and if they ask you why 313 00:11:40,108 --> 00:11:41,424 you didn't bring any luggage with you, 314 00:11:41,517 --> 00:11:43,350 you'll just say, "Because we're disgusting. 315 00:11:43,445 --> 00:11:45,945 We wear the same underwear all the time, every day." Okay? 316 00:11:46,039 --> 00:11:48,431 As much as we would love to lie to the authorities 317 00:11:48,600 --> 00:11:50,875 on your behalf, I don't think we will. 318 00:11:51,102 --> 00:11:52,877 It's probably time for us to get going. 319 00:11:52,954 --> 00:11:54,787 -(Ham gasps) -I hate to do this, Beef, 320 00:11:54,940 --> 00:11:56,030 but you're not going anywhere. 321 00:11:56,049 --> 00:11:57,865 Except to the cellar, as my hostages. 322 00:11:57,959 --> 00:11:59,884 At first, I was like, "Her vibe is off," 323 00:12:00,111 --> 00:12:02,445 but now I'm like, "Her vibe is way off." 324 00:12:02,464 --> 00:12:04,948 WOLF: If we want to solve the Orca Bay Slicer case, 325 00:12:04,966 --> 00:12:06,924 we need to think inside the bun, 326 00:12:07,060 --> 00:12:08,785 by eating some hot dogs she might have eaten. 327 00:12:08,954 --> 00:12:11,396 Or tossed in her victims' crotches as a calling card. 328 00:12:11,623 --> 00:12:15,233 Oh, yeah. Our perp definitely spent some time here. 329 00:12:15,310 --> 00:12:16,901 This place is creep city. 330 00:12:17,053 --> 00:12:18,978 I'll grab us a table while you go order us 331 00:12:19,130 --> 00:12:20,721 some research hot dogs-- for research. 332 00:12:20,741 --> 00:12:22,815 (with accent): As I sat in my booth at The Sausage Lynx, 333 00:12:22,968 --> 00:12:25,577 I couldn't help but wonder, did the Orca Bay Slicer sit here? 334 00:12:25,804 --> 00:12:28,229 And if so, did she order the Greek Goddess Dog 335 00:12:28,306 --> 00:12:30,248 with kalamata olives and feta cheese? 336 00:12:30,399 --> 00:12:32,642 (regular accent): Wolf, make sure to get the Greek Goddess Dog. 337 00:12:32,660 --> 00:12:34,644 -I got to know if it's good. -Ten-four. Hello. 338 00:12:34,662 --> 00:12:36,813 Could we please have two Greek Goddess Dogs 339 00:12:36,831 --> 00:12:38,331 and four Hot Dog the Yummy Hunters? 340 00:12:38,425 --> 00:12:39,832 That'll be $28.64. 341 00:12:39,985 --> 00:12:43,336 So, uh, we're here investigating the Orca Bay Slicer case. 342 00:12:43,430 --> 00:12:45,579 You ever sell a hot dog to a murderer? 343 00:12:45,673 --> 00:12:46,765 I don't know. Maybe. 344 00:12:46,992 --> 00:12:48,174 Was it a woman? And was she clutching 345 00:12:48,326 --> 00:12:49,583 a gigantic kitchen knife and saying, 346 00:12:49,603 --> 00:12:51,252 "He's gonna get it"? Anything like that? 347 00:12:51,271 --> 00:12:53,605 No, but we had someone abuse the mustard station once. 348 00:12:53,832 --> 00:12:55,923 That's why we keep the packets behind the counter now. 349 00:12:55,942 --> 00:12:57,925 Are you, by any chance, the Orca Bay Slicer? 350 00:12:57,944 --> 00:12:59,760 -No. -Worth a shot. 351 00:12:59,854 --> 00:13:01,595 Oh, are you related to Danica Tobin? 352 00:13:01,615 --> 00:13:04,765 Now, don't touch anything or move anything around. 353 00:13:04,859 --> 00:13:06,676 You can look at the TV, but don't change the channel. 354 00:13:06,694 --> 00:13:08,678 Or you can look at the adult coloring books, 355 00:13:08,847 --> 00:13:10,029 but don't color in them. 356 00:13:10,106 --> 00:13:11,848 Place your phones in this Longaberger basket, 357 00:13:11,866 --> 00:13:13,124 and I'll be on my way. 358 00:13:13,276 --> 00:13:15,126 (grunts) Gently. Don't hurt the basket. 359 00:13:15,278 --> 00:13:17,036 Please, Danica, just let us go. 360 00:13:17,130 --> 00:13:18,855 Well, you could've given me an alibi, 361 00:13:18,857 --> 00:13:20,206 so this is all your own fault. 362 00:13:20,300 --> 00:13:21,966 And those pillow covers are new. 363 00:13:22,193 --> 00:13:25,862 Do not unzip and pee in them like I'm sure you do at home. 364 00:13:25,955 --> 00:13:27,213 I'm sorry you didn't get to come out 365 00:13:27,365 --> 00:13:28,289 to your murderer cousin, Ham. 366 00:13:28,383 --> 00:13:29,882 First, I didn't get to come out, 367 00:13:30,035 --> 00:13:32,293 and now we're probably gonna die in this basement. 368 00:13:32,312 --> 00:13:33,978 What else could happen? Ugh. 369 00:13:34,205 --> 00:13:37,464 All of Peaceful Outdoor Bathtubs is already colored in? 370 00:13:37,559 --> 00:13:39,984 WOLF: Well, Sherlock Hold-up-a-minute. 371 00:13:40,136 --> 00:13:42,469 Not only am I related to Danica Tobin 372 00:13:42,638 --> 00:13:45,064 but we're going to visit her right after this. 373 00:13:45,200 --> 00:13:47,050 Honeybee, this lady knows Cousin Danica. 374 00:13:47,068 --> 00:13:48,309 (chuckles) What are the chances? 375 00:13:48,328 --> 00:13:50,144 Yeah, what are the chances? 376 00:13:50,163 --> 00:13:51,979 How do you know her? Is she a hot dog freak? 377 00:13:52,057 --> 00:13:53,981 She used to work here, but then she started 378 00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:55,074 really annoying the manager, Bradley. 379 00:13:55,168 --> 00:13:56,650 She also used to picket the restaurant 380 00:13:56,728 --> 00:13:58,169 during her lunch breaks 'cause she thought 381 00:13:58,396 --> 00:13:59,745 the hot dogs looked too much like penises. 382 00:13:59,840 --> 00:14:02,990 Anyway, he fired her, and she did not take it well. 383 00:14:03,009 --> 00:14:05,251 Wolf, are you hearing this? Hot dog related resentment. 384 00:14:05,345 --> 00:14:08,012 A vendetta against men, or at least against Bradley. 385 00:14:08,164 --> 00:14:10,181 Danica just became suspect number one. 386 00:14:10,408 --> 00:14:12,833 Oh, my God, Danica's a wiener-hating murderer, 387 00:14:13,002 --> 00:14:15,002 and my whole family's with her right now! 388 00:14:15,096 --> 00:14:16,429 This is code red! 389 00:14:16,581 --> 00:14:19,374 Sorry, sir. I need to commandeer these dogs. 390 00:14:19,376 --> 00:14:20,674 There's no time. 391 00:14:20,694 --> 00:14:22,193 -Hey, Elba. -Hey, Edna. 392 00:14:22,420 --> 00:14:24,770 Thanks for being my backup. I haven't had to arrest someone 393 00:14:24,865 --> 00:14:27,924 since Fred Levy refused to get out of the fountain at the mall. 394 00:14:28,017 --> 00:14:29,534 He was nude, and he brought a beach chair 395 00:14:29,685 --> 00:14:31,427 and a battery-powered blender for piña coladas. 396 00:14:31,520 --> 00:14:32,762 Part of me appreciated his vision. 397 00:14:32,780 --> 00:14:34,263 I was happy to come. 398 00:14:34,398 --> 00:14:36,357 Fighting crime with my sister is the thrill of a lifetime. 399 00:14:36,376 --> 00:14:39,785 And I promised Mom I'd take a video of you doing police stuff. 400 00:14:39,880 --> 00:14:41,437 All right, here we go. 401 00:14:41,456 --> 00:14:43,773 Danica Tobin, you're under arrest. 402 00:14:43,775 --> 00:14:45,458 Danica speaking. Hi. Hi. 403 00:14:45,552 --> 00:14:48,444 I have hostages, so, you know, stay back. 404 00:14:48,463 --> 00:14:50,446 I haven't been in a hostage situation 405 00:14:50,465 --> 00:14:52,965 since we went to Mitch Jameson's one-man show, 406 00:14:53,059 --> 00:14:54,450 A Dash of Mitch. 407 00:14:54,469 --> 00:14:56,710 Ugh, yeah, this sounds better than that. 408 00:14:56,730 --> 00:14:57,878 (both laughing) 409 00:14:57,972 --> 00:14:59,622 WOLF: Great idea to park the car 410 00:14:59,641 --> 00:15:01,382 a few blocks away and approach from the rear. 411 00:15:01,401 --> 00:15:02,883 I've seen enough stakeout movies to know 412 00:15:02,903 --> 00:15:05,144 you got to size up the situation before you make your move. 413 00:15:05,296 --> 00:15:07,296 Yep. Also, we got to finish these hot dogs. 414 00:15:07,390 --> 00:15:08,722 And these french fries we got 415 00:15:08,816 --> 00:15:10,133 at the Hamburger Jack's drive-through. 416 00:15:10,226 --> 00:15:12,076 Yeah, I feel a little guilty about stopping again 417 00:15:12,228 --> 00:15:14,470 on the way here-- mm-- but I'd be no good 418 00:15:14,563 --> 00:15:16,230 fighting a serial killer on an empty stomach. 419 00:15:16,324 --> 00:15:17,415 Don't feel guilty, babe. 420 00:15:17,566 --> 00:15:19,100 The Closer was always eating snacks 421 00:15:19,160 --> 00:15:20,977 from her drawer as little power-ups throughout the day, 422 00:15:20,995 --> 00:15:22,495 and she was the best in the biz. 423 00:15:22,647 --> 00:15:24,405 Oh, yeah, I just love Kyra Sedgwick. 424 00:15:24,424 --> 00:15:26,666 And speaking of snacks, her husband Kevin Bacon 425 00:15:26,760 --> 00:15:28,259 is pretty easy on the eyes. 426 00:15:28,486 --> 00:15:30,002 Oh, oh, God, she's got a gun. 427 00:15:30,096 --> 00:15:31,712 -Okay, don't panic. -Tommy salami! 428 00:15:31,765 --> 00:15:34,581 Please spare their wieners. We're coming, guys. 429 00:15:34,601 --> 00:15:37,510 Okay, this is just a closet full of mayonnaise. 430 00:15:37,662 --> 00:15:39,996 -Shouldn't this be refrigerated? -Only if they're open. 431 00:15:40,014 --> 00:15:41,588 Okay, but they all seem to be open. 432 00:15:41,608 --> 00:15:44,500 Oh, here's something. There's some stairs back here. 433 00:15:44,519 --> 00:15:46,093 Oh, and there's another door. 434 00:15:46,171 --> 00:15:47,353 (grunts) It's locked. 435 00:15:47,522 --> 00:15:49,430 Well, we could just look at the TiVo again. 436 00:15:49,449 --> 00:15:52,024 She does have something on there called Frankly, Frasier. 437 00:15:52,177 --> 00:15:53,359 Do not put that on. 438 00:15:53,453 --> 00:15:55,511 It's Niles doing freeze-frame commentary 439 00:15:55,530 --> 00:15:57,604 over full-length episodes of Frasier. 440 00:15:57,699 --> 00:16:00,016 NILES: Welcome to episode 80 of Frankly, Frasier. 441 00:16:00,109 --> 00:16:02,018 Today we'll be taking a critical glance 442 00:16:02,111 --> 00:16:03,944 at episode 80 of Frasier, 443 00:16:03,964 --> 00:16:06,205 "Our Father Whose Art Ain't Heaven." 444 00:16:06,357 --> 00:16:07,373 What's wrong, sweetie? 445 00:16:07,525 --> 00:16:09,450 -You love Frasier. -I know. 446 00:16:09,469 --> 00:16:11,544 What's wrong is I brought my whole family here 447 00:16:11,696 --> 00:16:13,713 so I could redo my coming-out, 'cause I thought 448 00:16:13,865 --> 00:16:15,548 having some big, gasp-filled moment 449 00:16:15,642 --> 00:16:16,957 seemed so important to me, 450 00:16:16,977 --> 00:16:18,868 but I'm realizing I don't want that. 451 00:16:18,961 --> 00:16:21,887 That was just some weird idea that snuck into my brain basket 452 00:16:21,982 --> 00:16:24,707 after years of watching movies like Danny Vroom. 453 00:16:24,726 --> 00:16:27,819 It doesn't have to be dramatic or full of conflict. 454 00:16:28,046 --> 00:16:29,879 It can actually just be full of support. 455 00:16:29,897 --> 00:16:31,547 But it's too late now. 456 00:16:31,566 --> 00:16:33,883 Now we're gonna have to eat mayonnaise 457 00:16:33,976 --> 00:16:35,976 in a basement until we get shot! 458 00:16:36,070 --> 00:16:38,404 Honeybee, I can hear them down here. 459 00:16:38,498 --> 00:16:40,406 If you can hear me, guys, it's me, Wolf, 460 00:16:40,500 --> 00:16:41,724 your brother and son, 461 00:16:41,743 --> 00:16:43,334 and in the case of Crispin, closest friend. 462 00:16:43,561 --> 00:16:45,003 We are here to save your penises. 463 00:16:45,230 --> 00:16:46,729 -JUDY: Wolf! -We hear you, Judy. 464 00:16:46,822 --> 00:16:47,913 Not so fast. 465 00:16:48,066 --> 00:16:49,674 You must be Wolf and Honeybee. 466 00:16:49,901 --> 00:16:51,083 And you must be Danica. 467 00:16:51,177 --> 00:16:52,251 So nice to meet you. 468 00:16:52,403 --> 00:16:53,736 Lay down, on your tummies. 469 00:16:53,829 --> 00:16:55,829 Okay, I do not like a grown woman saying "tummy." 470 00:16:55,998 --> 00:16:57,256 -It's weird. -Tummies on the turf! 471 00:16:57,408 --> 00:16:59,392 -Ugh. -Nancy Drew Magoo! 472 00:17:02,355 --> 00:17:05,672 Okay, when I say so, I want you both to stand up, 473 00:17:05,841 --> 00:17:07,416 -and I'm gonna put you in the basement. -And slice off our wieners? 474 00:17:07,585 --> 00:17:10,010 I don't like that kind of rude language. 475 00:17:10,030 --> 00:17:13,031 -Freeze! Police. -That was amazing. 476 00:17:13,182 --> 00:17:14,681 Man, I wish Mom could be here. 477 00:17:14,759 --> 00:17:17,035 Uh-oh. Is that a... Yeah, that's a gun. 478 00:17:17,186 --> 00:17:18,427 She's got a gun. 479 00:17:18,446 --> 00:17:20,263 Wait, you guys don't have guns? 480 00:17:20,281 --> 00:17:22,373 All right, you two, also down on the ground. 481 00:17:22,600 --> 00:17:24,433 Ah, looks like we got to surrender, sis. 482 00:17:24,527 --> 00:17:26,377 Don't surrender. You're the police. 483 00:17:26,529 --> 00:17:28,695 Sorry, but we leave our guns in the glovebox, 484 00:17:28,823 --> 00:17:30,289 like we're supposed to. 485 00:17:30,441 --> 00:17:31,941 Oh, yeah. I haven't handled a gun 486 00:17:32,034 --> 00:17:33,442 since the gun-training puppet taught me 487 00:17:33,461 --> 00:17:34,627 how to take off the safety. 488 00:17:34,796 --> 00:17:36,995 Ya beep, and ya boop, and you're ready to shoot. 489 00:17:37,057 --> 00:17:39,115 But only if it's a life-or-death situation. 490 00:17:39,133 --> 00:17:40,633 I'm not even interested in killing you guys, 491 00:17:40,727 --> 00:17:42,393 but you're kind of leaving me no choice here. 492 00:17:42,562 --> 00:17:45,121 What I am interested in is those haircuts. 493 00:17:45,123 --> 00:17:47,214 Did you lose a bet, or are you just very brave? 494 00:17:47,233 --> 00:17:48,549 I can't believe I'm saying this, 495 00:17:48,643 --> 00:17:50,459 but can you be nice to these police ladies? 496 00:17:50,553 --> 00:17:52,144 -You suck. -Shh! It's too much talking. 497 00:17:52,297 --> 00:17:55,481 Kesha's cursed Kit Kat, I don't want to die young. 498 00:17:55,633 --> 00:17:57,057 What are you... what are you doing? 499 00:17:57,077 --> 00:17:58,968 Sorry, sorry, I'm not trying to get away. 500 00:17:59,061 --> 00:18:00,653 I just have major pins and needles. Ugh. 501 00:18:00,805 --> 00:18:03,639 Stop moving in that annoying way and get back down on the ground. 502 00:18:03,732 --> 00:18:04,749 Hmm? 503 00:18:04,900 --> 00:18:06,309 -Gotcha. -Aah! 504 00:18:06,327 --> 00:18:08,569 Great job, sis. A classic tap and turn. 505 00:18:08,588 --> 00:18:10,755 Yeah, I was gonna do "there's something on your shirt," 506 00:18:10,982 --> 00:18:12,331 but it just doesn't seem like 507 00:18:12,483 --> 00:18:14,241 this lady eats anything with sauce. 508 00:18:14,335 --> 00:18:16,243 Ugh, well, darn it all, you really did get me. 509 00:18:16,262 --> 00:18:18,763 I did not see that coming, and not only because I was 510 00:18:18,914 --> 00:18:20,656 sort of looking away because I find your face unpleasant. 511 00:18:20,675 --> 00:18:23,159 You know what else you might find unpleasant? 512 00:18:23,252 --> 00:18:25,269 Three years at the Orca Bay Correctional Facility. 513 00:18:25,496 --> 00:18:27,254 Actually, it's very comfortable. 514 00:18:27,273 --> 00:18:29,181 They have a Wetzel's Pretzels in the cafeteria. 515 00:18:29,334 --> 00:18:31,183 So, you guys are positive 516 00:18:31,336 --> 00:18:33,185 Cousin Danica isn't the Orca Bay Slicer? 517 00:18:33,338 --> 00:18:36,597 Sorry, the Orca Bay Slicer confessed many years ago. 518 00:18:36,691 --> 00:18:38,023 Was kind of a big deal. 519 00:18:38,176 --> 00:18:40,618 And she prefers to be called Nancy McCamden now. 520 00:18:40,769 --> 00:18:43,604 Well, Crap-lombo, looks like we didn't finish reading 521 00:18:43,623 --> 00:18:45,531 the Wikipedia page, Honeybee. (laughs) 522 00:18:45,683 --> 00:18:47,291 We must have gotten a little too excited 523 00:18:47,443 --> 00:18:48,793 and forgotten to scroll all the way down. 524 00:18:48,944 --> 00:18:50,035 Don't worry, though. 525 00:18:50,279 --> 00:18:52,188 I'm sure A.J. Dossier accidentally investigated 526 00:18:52,281 --> 00:18:54,540 a bunch of closed cases at the beginning of his career. 527 00:18:54,634 --> 00:18:55,616 Onwards! 528 00:18:55,784 --> 00:18:57,135 Wait, so what did Cousin Danica do? 529 00:18:57,286 --> 00:19:00,120 -She robbed a bunch of banks. -But I had a good reason. 530 00:19:00,140 --> 00:19:02,214 Well, as long as you had a good reason. 531 00:19:02,367 --> 00:19:03,808 Well, I did for the first one. 532 00:19:03,959 --> 00:19:05,868 I'd gotten fired by a hot dog restaurant, 533 00:19:05,961 --> 00:19:07,870 and my home was about to be foreclosed on. 534 00:19:07,963 --> 00:19:09,705 The second time, it was because I was bored. 535 00:19:09,724 --> 00:19:12,875 And after that, I just, eh, caught the bug. 536 00:19:12,968 --> 00:19:14,485 All right, off I go to jail. 537 00:19:14,712 --> 00:19:17,396 HAM: Guys, I'm really sorry about today. 538 00:19:17,490 --> 00:19:18,972 We only ended up here because I thought 539 00:19:19,066 --> 00:19:20,549 I wanted a big, dramatic coming-out, 540 00:19:20,568 --> 00:19:22,234 and then look at all the real-life drama 541 00:19:22,387 --> 00:19:23,602 I accidentally got us into. 542 00:19:23,754 --> 00:19:25,738 Funny, as I was preparing for possible death, 543 00:19:25,890 --> 00:19:27,223 I realized something. 544 00:19:27,241 --> 00:19:30,075 I've already had the perfect kind of coming-out. 545 00:19:30,228 --> 00:19:31,410 (chuckles) Many times. 546 00:19:31,562 --> 00:19:33,579 The kind that didn't faze my family. 547 00:19:33,731 --> 00:19:34,988 Not even a little bit. 548 00:19:35,082 --> 00:19:37,249 Ham, I'm sorry that I never made a bigger moment 549 00:19:37,326 --> 00:19:40,069 out of what was admittedly a very big moment. 550 00:19:40,087 --> 00:19:41,662 If I ever seemed too casual, 551 00:19:41,756 --> 00:19:44,240 it's just because I was afraid of making it seem 552 00:19:44,242 --> 00:19:46,242 like a big deal in a negative way. 553 00:19:46,260 --> 00:19:47,927 I can't go back in time, son, 554 00:19:48,079 --> 00:19:50,980 but maybe we can make it up to you. 555 00:19:53,509 --> 00:19:55,418 -Places, people. -(Beef giggles) 556 00:19:55,436 --> 00:19:57,603 Good evening, esteemed family. 557 00:19:57,697 --> 00:20:01,590 I look forward to socializing with you all, but first... 558 00:20:01,609 --> 00:20:05,369 ♪ Could everyone please come to a standstill? ♪ 559 00:20:05,596 --> 00:20:09,022 ♪ Even the bird on the windowsill ♪ 560 00:20:09,042 --> 00:20:11,617 ♪ Because I have something to say ♪ 561 00:20:11,769 --> 00:20:13,936 ♪ I am gay ♪ 562 00:20:14,029 --> 00:20:15,120 -(Judy gasps) -MOON: Gasp. 563 00:20:15,215 --> 00:20:17,440 ♪ Now please burst into tears ♪ 564 00:20:17,442 --> 00:20:19,625 ♪ Oh, no, I feel faint from this news ♪ 565 00:20:19,794 --> 00:20:21,610 ♪ My head might drop off ♪ 566 00:20:21,629 --> 00:20:23,796 ♪ I must hold on to my shoes for I fear they'll pop off ♪ 567 00:20:23,890 --> 00:20:26,949 ♪ Well, well, well, I simply can't believe it ♪ 568 00:20:26,968 --> 00:20:29,785 ♪ This information is so shocking ♪ 569 00:20:29,804 --> 00:20:31,896 ♪ I just can't receive it ♪ 570 00:20:32,047 --> 00:20:33,714 So, what kind of gay are you? 571 00:20:33,733 --> 00:20:35,382 ♪ A bear, a pear, a man in the chair? ♪ 572 00:20:35,401 --> 00:20:37,217 ♪ An otter, a squatter, a French debonair? ♪ 573 00:20:37,311 --> 00:20:39,295 ♪ A dancer, a prancer, a Marcia, a Jan? ♪ 574 00:20:39,313 --> 00:20:41,739 ♪ And which one of you is the man? ♪ 575 00:20:42,391 --> 00:20:44,742 That was very offensive, you guys. Thank you. 576 00:20:44,893 --> 00:20:46,802 ♪ I did it, I came out ♪ 577 00:20:46,821 --> 00:20:50,489 ♪ I said it out loud and I kicked all the shame out ♪ 578 00:20:50,641 --> 00:20:51,916 Baby, you were a star. 579 00:20:52,143 --> 00:20:54,568 And sorry, but I just have to say it. 580 00:20:54,587 --> 00:20:58,814 ♪ We love you just the way that you are. ♪ 581 00:20:59,500 --> 00:21:01,908 MAN: So you want to go out for an afternoon trot? 582 00:21:02,003 --> 00:21:03,168 MAN 2: And you want to be heard 583 00:21:03,321 --> 00:21:04,911 like a herd of bison, heard a lot? 584 00:21:04,989 --> 00:21:07,156 BOTH: Throw on some Cl'jogs before you hit the town. 585 00:21:07,158 --> 00:21:09,508 The sound, it's deafening when they pound, pound, pound. 586 00:21:09,677 --> 00:21:11,176 ♪ ♪ 587 00:21:11,271 --> 00:21:13,253 MAN 1: 2,000 years of Dutch innovation... 588 00:21:13,422 --> 00:21:15,180 MAN 2: Meets running shoe technology 589 00:21:15,275 --> 00:21:17,683 developed by our lead clog scientist Nathan. 590 00:21:17,777 --> 00:21:19,110 MAN 1: ClogWizard.biz called us 591 00:21:19,279 --> 00:21:21,353 the third-best running clog in the nation. 592 00:21:21,506 --> 00:21:24,264 BOTH: So throw on some Cl'jogs before you hit the town. 593 00:21:24,284 --> 00:21:27,510 The sound, it's deafening when they pound, pound, pound. 594 00:21:27,528 --> 00:21:29,528 MAN 2: Cl'jogs have a world of loud adventure in store. 595 00:21:29,680 --> 00:21:31,289 MAN 1: For Cl'jogging memories galore. 596 00:21:31,774 --> 00:21:33,440 Captioning sponsored by BENTO BOX ENTERTAINMENT 597 00:21:33,459 --> 00:21:35,209 and TOYOTA.