-♪ Look up there ♪ -♪ What do you see? ♪
♪ Nature and stuff ♪
-♪ Like a rock ♪ -♪ And a tree ♪
♪ Oh, the Great North ♪
♪ Way up here, you can breathe the air ♪
♪ Catch some fish ♪
♪ Or gaze at a bear ♪
♪ Wow ♪
♪ Oh, the Great North ♪
♪ Here we live, oh, oh ♪
♪ Here we'll stay, oh, whoo ♪
♪ From longest night to longest day ♪
♪ In the Great North. ♪
(cheering)
Hey, late night party, Judy.
Gah. Don't sneak up on me like that.
I'm from your imagination. How can I possibly surprise you?
I don't know, Alanis. Maybe because I'm a young teen woman
whose brain and heart are full of mysterious twists and turns.
Okay, okay. You're up pretty late.
Yeah. There was a big town dance tonight.
Oh, and did something happen?
Uh, yeah, you could say that.
JUDY: Moon and his friends pulled off a heist.
One, two... Russell, why are you lifting?
I said roll, not lift. It has wheels.
-My Corn Caddy. -Sorry, I panicked.
JUDY: Dad might be swinging. No judgement.
Ham and Crispin broke up.
Crispin, here, I bought you that ring,
and I am breaking up with you.
JUDY: Gill and I kissed, and Wolf and Honeybee got caught
with their pants down, literally.
-Wait, what? -I know.
Gill kissed you? Ham and Crispin broke up?
-I know. -Your dad is a swinger?
Honeybee and Wolf did it in a corn truck?
I know!
Okay, do you want to hear the story or what?
Do I want to hear the story of your entire family
going fully bonkers in the conkers
at some sort of weird Alaskan autumn-based social gathering?
Uh, yes.
The autumn-based event is called
the Fall Frenzy Dance. Now, we've talked about
the annual Lone Moose Fall Frenzy, right?
Uh, we haven't, but please do not tell me about it
-with a historical flashback. -JUDY: Uh, yeah.
Back in the 1800s...
ALANIS: Okay, too late.
JUDY: ...the first Fall Frenzy Dance
was held on the very last day
of what could be called Fall,
when the last little patch of water
freezes over on Fall-Thru lake.
After that, it's officially winter here.
It was the final day
to find a partner,
switch a partner, or have
a casual ankle-viewing encounter
that might sustain your imagination
through the winter hardships to come.
At this dance, and all week leading up to it,
people are known to make very, very, very, very bad decisions.
Marriages start, marriages end,
regular cousins become kissing cousins.
Back in 1977, there was apparently a town orgy,
and then everything shut down
because no one could look anyone in the eye for a full month.
My point is, during Fall Frenzy week,
up is down, down is up, and left and right?
(laughing: I mean, forget about it.
That sounds a lot like what would happen
at Eddie Vedder's Cheddar Double-Header,
a music and cheese festival
he used to host in Tillamook, Oregon.
Last time I went, I saw Beck take a huge bite
out of the GEICO lizard in the VIP tent.
Mm-hmm, yes. That's exactly the vibe.
And we Tobins are not immune to the wanton freedom in the air
during the week leading up to the dance.
Sure, this week started off with us doing something very normal,
our usual Sunday Serenades, which is where we all sing
compliments to each other. Very normal.
Yeah, very normal.
♪ Moon is very organized ♪
♪ And Judy has such gleaming eyes ♪
♪ Dad's elbows are the perfect size. ♪
Honeybee, I need to see you in the guest house ASAP.
Oh, no, what is it? Is the furnace doing that thing
where you think it's saying your name again?
Nope. I'll explain when we get there. Come on, run.
What was up with Wolf? Was he dying?
(chuckles) In a way.
You see, Wolf has a little...
he's got a little issue with the Corn Caddy.
So, hold on, it's a what Caddy?
Corn Caddy. It's a food truck
that occasionally comes through town and serves corn on the cob.
It's shaped like a giant ear of yellow corn
with a big butter pat on it, and it glistens in the sun.
Oh, how it glistens.
And it makes you H-O-R-N-Y?
Extremely.
And that's why we had to come back here and...
-Yup. -Okay, okay.
I got to get a peep of this buttery Jeep,
see what all the fuss is about.
Oh, you're gonna love it. It's so shiny.
Uh-oh. I thought about it again.
(laughs)
I think I get it. I have a weird thing about Slim Jims.
I love those little perverts.
And don't get me started on Nerds candies.
You're attracted to Nerds candies?
-Awoogah. -Well, speaking of sweets,
that was the only part of the Fall Frenzy
that interested Moon.
And once we reach the door,
we offload all the desserts from the
Fall Frenzy Dance dessert table
into the Dread Sled 2.0, and vanish into the night.
Or, more specifically, to my house.
Our garage freezer is completely empty
except for one package of Healthy Boy Bacon Crammers.
Oh, I love Bacon Crammers.
Jamie and I always split one when we watch the news.
How many desserts do you think we're looking at here?
All in, we're talking a score north of 240
individual servings of sweets.
Minimum 60 each.
-(whistles) -Yeah.
Remember, tell no one.
Especially not Quinn Notti,
whose mom makes the famous beaver brownies.
She's smart and will figure out what we're up to
if she even gets a whiff.
(Henry scoffs)
Of course we're not gonna tell her.
You don't see the Hamburglar
telling Ronald McDonald's daughter what he's up to,
and... (laughs) the Hamburglar is the best in the biz.
Uh, fun heist story, Jude,
but let's get back to the fact that you and Gill kissed.
Oh, that, well, okay, fine. Here's how it got started.
I was just walking down the hall,
innocently practicing my speech for debate class...
And that concludes my argument as to why Garfield
permanently changed lasagna culture... What? What?
-What the... What's going on? -Come with us, Miss.
Guys, what is happening?
This. This is happening.
"Gill's Plan To Kiss Judy
At the Fall Frenzy Dance." Oh, my God.
I was walking behind Gill this morning
when it fell out of his notebook.
It is detailed, and it is specific.
"Step one: Show her my fingernails.
Very clean." Oh, God.
Step 14 really caught my eye.
"Ask Judy whether she knows how often sloths poop."
I mean, of course I know that,
it's once a week at its most frequent,
but how would that lead to kissing me?
The plan has 98 steps,
so that must just be when he's making conversation.
Step 53 just says, "wiggle."
Oh, God.
Look, Kima and I are both gonna be at the Frenzy,
so we can run interference.
Yeah, I broke up with Tab again this morning
because he couldn't name one single female author,
and then, when I got mad, he said, "Fine, Baby Shark."
-That's not good. -Rough.
So, yeah, I'm free to Gill-block.
Me, too. I'm only going to the dance
to see adults acting drunk and weird.
Thanks for helping me, guys. I mean,
Gill is nice, he is nice,
but I am not interested in him sexually,
or sensually, or sexsensually,
which is sex, but with candles and a breeze.
If he kissed me, it would be...
(imitates video game sound effects)
-Game over for our friendship. -(school bell rings)
You know what I mean? Oh, holy crud.
What is step 74? "Drop into the Gill Zone"?
I pray we never have to know.
Okay, so it sounds like you had a pretty good plan in place
to keep Gill from getting his smackers on your crackers.
What went wrong?
Mm-hmm, yeah, gonna dive back
into that shortly, can't wait,
but I wasn't the only one about to get caught up
in the absolute swamp of feelings
that is the Fall Frenzy.
JUDY: Thanks for the ride, Dad.
Actually, guys, I'm coming in with you.
I need some new work gloves,
and Crazy, Stupid, Gloves is having a 30% off sale.
Oh, look, Crispy, there's still 15 minutes
'til your shift starts at Smoothie Boss.
We have enough time to stand in front
of the Magic Eye poster kiosk
with our arms around each other
and watch that pair of dolphins
emerge out of the field of dots.
We're coming, Richard and Susan Dolphin.
Prepare to be seen.
BEEF: Oh, pardon my fingertips.
Beef Tobin?
Dell? I-I thought you'd gone
to Susnita for salmon season.
I did, and it just ended. That's why I came back.
You look ruddier than I remember.
Thank you. Your nose skin
looks quite chapped.
Please, there are people around.
Beef, there's something I have to tell you.
During my salmon trip, I met a gentleman.
Understood. I'll trouble you no more.
No, wait.
As you know, in the past,
my suitors have always met with gruesome deaths,
which is why I was hesitant to go out with you,
but this new guy, Alan...
-Damn his eyes. -Beef.
-Sorry. -Well, he survived our entire relationship.
He got pretty severe food poisoning at one point,
but that's on him for eating a French dip he found in the park.
100%. But the relationship?
It's ended, then?
Yes, and that is why
I feel bold enough to ask you:
Would you go to the Fall Frenzy Dance with me?
-(chuckles) Yes. -STORE CLERK: Um,
if you keep holding hands in the gloves,
you'll have to purchase those.
-Put them on my tab. -You don't have a tab.
I don't know who you are.
I'm a man with a date to the Fall Frenzy Dance
and a new pair of gloves.
So, is it all right if we meet at the dance?
I'll be coming straight from helping my cousin out
with her sausage-making business.
I pick the bones and gristle out of the meat mush.
Of course you do.
-Anyhow, toodle-loo. -Farewell.
I hate to see her leave, but I enjoy
when she is walking away from me.
-Beef? -Oh. Hello, Ms. Meatweep.
I thought that might be you, and then I thought,
"Greta, just because a man looks exactly like a person you know
who looks exactly like that, doesn't mean it's him."
Anyway, I'm so glad it is you
because I was meaning to call you to ask you
to go to the Fall Frenzy with me.
The Frenzy. Yes, I...
-Oh, you said yes. -Oh, uh, I-I...
Wonderful. I'll meet you there
-because I have a late doctor's appointment. -Mm.
Unfortunately, I've developed
-a condition called creamy clavicle. -Mm.
All neck jewelry just slides right off.
Okay, see you there.
Wait. Come back. No.
Two dates to the same dance.
My God, what have I done?
Ooh, and this one's a ring pop.
-Sir, no it's not. -Well, it should be.
-It's delicious. -Oh, wow.
I love Magic 8 Balls.
They're like little goth grapefruits with wizards inside.
Looks great. Really brings out your knuckles.
I don't have $19 to spend right now.
I'm saving up to buy my dad a mystery kite for his birthday.
It comes with a blindfold that you can't take off
until it's up in the air.
Well, time to go to work. Shall we?
Actually, um, I'm gonna go check the "you are here"
on the mall directory map real quick.
I don't think I'm there.
All right, see you later, sweet Sir Tobin of Hamelot.
See you.
I'll take this 8 Ball ring, please.
It's a surprise for my boyfriend. (chuckles)
Yeah, well, here's a surprise for you, honey,
I don't really care.
I see what
you're saying about creating a whole new category
of handsome guys called Tank Top Tonys.
Oh, hey, there's that truck
-you like. Wolf? -(sensual music playing)
Oingo boingo.
Babe?
Are you there, God? It's me, horny.
Wolf, stop!
-(screams, grunts) -(gasps)
-Babe, you okay? -Oh, no, my bones.
Well, Judy, I say
you ought to just kiss Gill.
He has such a gentle energy, like an anesthetized owl.
Ew, Alyson, no. I'm not kissing Gill or an owl.
Unless it was, like-like, a dangerous owl
that rode a motorcycle and called me "Judy Baby."
Mm-kay, that could be something, that could be something for me.
-Judy. -Oh, hey, Dad. -Hello, Beef.
I was just telling Judy about the benefits
of dating nice guys and... Hey, that gives me an idea.
Would you like to go to the Fall Frenzy Dance with me?
-Um... -ALANIS: Oh, no.
Your Dad said yes, didn't he?
You bet he did.
He was in the frenzy up to his french fries.
Three dates. A classic father four-way.
Judy, that sounds weird.
-You're telling me. -So, what happened next?
And when are you gonna spill about Gill?
Oh, I'd love to tell you about it, I just--
I'm so into that, but I... I have to pee.
Really? You're not just saying that to avoid telling me?
No. I really have to pee. And I also have to poop,
and it's all-- it's a lot. So, I'll be right back.
I didn't need to know about the poop.
JUDY: Hey, don't be a prude, Alanis.
-Okay, I'm back. -Wonderful. Now, let's buckle down
and hear how Gill managed to kiss you.
Yes... girl. (laughs)
I can't wait to tell you that, but first,
let me tell you a little bit more about Ham.
Before we knew it, it was the night of the dance.
And so, Crispin,
I offer you this ring as a token...
Hey, Ham, we're--
Oh, my goodness, is that a ring? (gasps)
-Are you proposing? -What? No.
Crispin just liked this ring at the mall, so I got it for him.
Wait, do you think he's gonna think I'm proposing?
Is this too much? Oh, God.
You getting hitched?
(scoffs) Seriously,
can everyone stop saying that?
It's just a $19 ring I bought for my boyfriend for fun.
Oh, why couldn't he have just liked an anklet?
Ham, relax. It'll be fine. He'll love it.
Don't do that thing
where you let absolutely everyone get in your head.
Oh, God, do I do that? You're right, I do do that.
Oh, why do I do that?!
Ham, remember what tonight is.
You're frenzying. Don't make me pinch you.
-Please pinch me. -I'll do it.
Ow. Damn it. (sighs)
That's much better. Thank you, Moon.
No prob.
BEEF: Children,
before we go in, I need a little dating advice.
I'm afraid that I have fallen into a frenzy hole
of epic proportions.
What are you talking about, Dad?
I accidentally said yes to three dates.
GILL: Step one, show Judy my fingernails.
-Very clean. -(gasps)
(stammers) Sorry, Dad, we're gonna have to help you later.
Right now, I need everybody to form a circle around me
and walk me into the building in a protective huddle
that will not let any outsider's lips anywhere near me.
-Copy that, Judy. -But, guys,
I'm about to be a total doof in there.
Yeah, well, doof it up, Dad. It's Fall Frenzy.
Okay, we're about halfway there and...
-Lordy, Lordy, look who's corny. -(sensual music playing)
-Wolf. -I'm just gonna go stand near it.
I-I'll be careful, I-I promise.
All right, but I'm coming with you.
You aren't safe near that cob.
But, guys, I need you.
It's Fall Frenzy, Judy. You said it yourself.
Ugh. Fine. Moon, Ham, can you continue to shuffle me in?
Let the continued sister shuffling commence.
Hmm... Maybe if I see any of my dates tonight,
I'll just say, "Draculas," and point.
Ah, no. Then they'll turn to where I'm pointing,
and they'll see there are no Draculas.
I could say, "The president needs me,"
and pretend to talk into my cell phone.
(grunts) If only I were someone else tonight.
Maybe that's it.
Maybe I should just claim to be someone named... Derek,
and run away politely.
All right, that's the plan. I'll just stay calm
-and... -Beef?
No, I'm Derek. Politely.
Okay, guys, if you could just shuffle me over to Kima.
Hey. Crispin.
-Russell, Henry. -Guys, no, I...
-Oh, hi, Judy. -ALANIS: Wait, so he didn't show you
-his very clean fingernails? -Nope.
And he didn't do step two, either,
which was, "tell her I know what CVS means."
-What does it mean? -Well, I guess I'll never know.
And he also didn't do number six,
which was, "wink and twirl."
I mean, I was standing right there.
Huh. So it was like he...
Lost interest in kissing me.
Did something change about me in the last couple days? (gasps)
Do I have a piece of buttered toast stuck to my back again?
Don't let your guard down, Judy.
He's probably just biding his time.
Uh-oh. He's on the move. He's... he's... huh.
He's just heading to the soup station.
He's getting a handful of gazpacho,
like with his actual hands.
But what about his "fingernails, very clean"?
Ah, there you are, I've been looking all over for...
Not now, Dell. The president needs me
because there are so many Draculas.
-What? -Go for Derek.
-Hey, Beef. -Sorry, Alyson, can't talk.
What's that, sir? The Draculas are in the White House?
What in the world?
-What do you have there? -This?
Oh, it's my hand.
I use it for all kinds of stuff,
like... this... and, um, that.
All right. You want to get our picture taken?
We could do a wacky one.
Oh, wow, the bathroom line is short,
maybe I'll go take advantage of that. Be right back.
(Ham sighs)
-What do you got there? -Oh, it's a ring for my boyfriend.
-Proposing, huh? -What-- No. Absolutely not.
I'm 17, and I'm not gonna let
someone else get in my head about this.
I got married at 17 to my high school sweetheart, Trishup.
My angel. Thought it was love.
And it wasn't?
I mean, it might've started that way,
but we never sowed our wild oats.
We came to resent each other.
Next thing you know, she was spending all her time
at the Square Dance Saloon, and I was building a truck
that looked like a big ear of corn,
just driving it around to get some space.
Oh, no, from Trishup, your angel?
Yup. Do yourself a favor, son.
If you love this guy, let him go.
Oh, God, really? Y-You think I should break up with him?
It's like Bobby Frost said, "Nothing gold can stay."
-(groans) -All right, got to go send the fudge to the sludge.
Oh, God, he did it. He got in my head.
You got to calm down, Ham.
Oh, I'm gonna pinch myself. Ow!
Nope. Didn't work. Still freaking out.
Once we're through the doors, we load the desserts
in the sled and head due east.
By the time they realize what we've done,
these desserts will be in an offshore account
in the Cayman Islands.
Beef? Please, Beef, turn around.
We've put together what happened here tonight. The three dates.
I am so sorry. I've never had to say no to a date before.
Except one time in elementary school,
when a young lady asked if I wanted to watch her uncle
read the Bible to his pigs. So, I was...
-Flummoxed. Beef, we're not angry. -You're not?
We all know you're a really nice guy.
And it's Fall Frenzy. This is what happens.
Besides, the three of us have been having
a really great time talking.
Turns out, we have a lot in common. We all love to read.
And none of us plays the harp,
but we each have one in our homes.
And, turns out, we all have tattoos
of Tweety Bird near our butt cracks.
Oh, my.
Anyway, Beef, we came over here
to ask you to dance.
With... all three of you?
Why not? The lake's not frozen over yet, and neither are we.
Well, I am in menopause,
if that's what that's a metaphor for.
All right, then, let's Frenzy.
WOLF: I can't believe he left the window open for us
to climb in. Rookie mistake when Wolf's around.
-Huh. -Huh, what?
I thought that if I ever got in the Corn Caddy,
I'd never want to leave, or maybe I'd die,
but I think seeing the truck
from the inside might've cured me.
Woo. I'm just gonna let a little more
cool air in here, my Corny Sigourney.
-(alarm blaring) -(gasps)
-(screaming) -Let's go, let's go. Go, go, go, go, go, go.
-(Honeybee screams) -WOLF: Go, go, go, go, go, go.
-My Corn Caddy. -I'm sorry. I panicked.
I'm panicking.
Crispin, here, I bought you that ring,
and I am breaking up with you.
-Wait, stop. -What is it?
You skipped over the part about how Gill managed to kiss you.
-Oh. Did I? -Yes, and you have to tell me.
Uh, yeah. Want to tell you about that.
Fully cannot wait, but first, I have to tell you
how the dessert table started acting absolutely
-haunted as hell. -The desserts are deserting us.
Oh, hello, Moon.
Quinn. You heisted our heist.
Fair play. The desserts are yours.
Or maybe there's a deal to be struck.
Go on.
You see, the beaver brownie leftovers
come home with my family.
Your heist endangered my score, so...
You did what you had to do.
But I have nowhere to hide all these desserts,
so I want in on your deal and on your friendship.
My friends Lola and Corinne got really into makeup
and a website called "Bunches of Boys" this year,
and no judgement, but that is not how I ride.
I think we could make that work.
Oh, my God, I think they're in love.
Shut it, Russell. We still have a job to do.
-Yes, sir. -Let's cake and bake.
Ham, what's going on?
-Do you really want to break up with me? -No.
-God, no. -Well, then...?
Well, I bought you that 8 Ball ring at the mall,
but then Judy and Moon got in my head
thinking you would think I was proposing.
And then there was a man in line for the bathroom
who said if we did wind up staying together
and getting married, then someday, I would
have to watch the lovelight die in your eyes, and...
and I don't want you to ever have to go down
to the Square Dance Saloon just to get away from me.
Ham, no disrespect to your siblings,
or to a man you met in the bathroom line,
but I know you just bought me that ring 'cause I liked it.
Also, I mean, my parents met in high school
and then got married, and... they're still together.
Everybody's different.
Our future's like the dolphins in the Magic Eye poster.
We'll see it eventually, and it'll probably be breathtaking.
-Mm. -Mm.
-So, can I still have the ring? -Of course.
So, ring, will Ham and I be together forever?
And then that was that. The Fall Frenzy was over and...
-Judy... -(grunts) Fine. I'll tell you about the kiss.
♪ ♪
You know what, guys? Uh... I'll be right back.
Um, hey, Gill?
-Oh, hey, Judy. -Can I ask you something?
Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God, Amelia found this?
-I'm so embarrassed. -Gill. Gill.
It's okay, Judy, if you never want to see me again.
Gill, that's not-- No, that's not what I'm saying.
-It's just, um... -Yeah?
Why didn't you do it? The plan?
I mean, you didn't even try.
Did you stop thinking I was that great?
Judy, no. This plan is from my vision journal.
I also have plans in there for how to make
my hamster Peanut Butter part android,
and how to get Paul Newman to give me a piggyback ride.
And he's not even alive, Judy. What am I gonna do?
Dig up his body, and get his skeleton to ride me around?
The point is, these plans are...
they're not real. They're just...
my wildest, wildest dreams.
So, your wildest, wildest dream
is that someday you'll get to kiss me?
Yeah.
Ah, freak it, it's the Frenzy.
-Mm. -Mm.
(grunting)
Oh, that's why you didn't want to tell me,
because you kissed him.
Yeah, but it wasn't... I mean, it was just... Fall Frenzy.
Stuff happens. You know, autumn if you got 'em.
-Yeah, uh-huh. -And then,
the ice freezes over and so do the feelings,
and then we never talk about them
or think about them ever again.
Okay. If you say so.
Yeah, I do say so. I do. Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have to hit the hay. It's been a very long day,
and also, frankly, I have to poop some more.
All right, m'Judy. Have fun pooping.
I will. You, too.
♪ ♪
♪ Drop into the Gill Zone ♪
♪ If you want to get that girl ♪
♪ Boy, you got to wink and twirl ♪
♪ She is closer than you think ♪
♪ Just give a twirl and wink ♪
♪ Got to tell her ♪
♪ What she means ♪
♪ Show her how your nails are clean ♪
♪ And you can make her all your own ♪
♪ Drop into the Gill Zone ♪
♪ Did I tell you about the time ♪
♪ I found a mushroom in my bed? ♪
♪ If you're wondering what's that sound ♪
♪ It's probably me inside your head ♪
♪ Saying, "You'll never have to be alone ♪
♪ You dropped into the Gill Zone." ♪
You want to know what CVS stands for?
Captioning sponsored by BENTO BOX ENTERTAINMENT
and TOYOTA.
Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org