1 00:00:00,770 --> 00:00:02,169 Hi, I'm Garrett Modi, 2 00:00:02,170 --> 00:00:04,299 and I'm running to be your next city councilor. 3 00:00:04,300 --> 00:00:07,319 My parents moved to Sunnyside, Queens, with one dream: 4 00:00:07,320 --> 00:00:10,019 to raise their kids in the greatest country on Earth 5 00:00:10,020 --> 00:00:11,384 in the greatest city on Earth. 6 00:00:11,385 --> 00:00:12,539 You know, it wasn't easy, 7 00:00:12,540 --> 00:00:15,079 but the people of this community supported them. 8 00:00:15,080 --> 00:00:16,399 And as your next city councilor, 9 00:00:16,400 --> 00:00:19,010 I promise to work as hard for you and your family 10 00:00:19,019 --> 00:00:20,353 as you did for me and mine. 11 00:00:20,354 --> 00:00:22,039 So let's get to work. 12 00:00:24,270 --> 00:00:25,899 _ 13 00:00:29,488 --> 00:00:31,030 Diana, what's up? 14 00:00:31,031 --> 00:00:33,616 Uh, it's been a week. This is my office now. 15 00:00:33,617 --> 00:00:36,536 Diana, I appreciate your passion, 16 00:00:36,537 --> 00:00:38,955 and I congratulate you on a hard-fought race to replace me. 17 00:00:38,956 --> 00:00:40,599 You should be very proud of what you've accomplished. 18 00:00:40,600 --> 00:00:43,835 But, you know, the thing is gonna blow over. 19 00:00:43,836 --> 00:00:47,380 The council voted to remove you unanimously. 20 00:00:47,381 --> 00:00:49,209 Unanimously, what does that even mean? 21 00:00:49,210 --> 00:00:50,759 Okay, I've asked you several times to pack up, 22 00:00:50,760 --> 00:00:52,729 and now somehow, there's even more stuff he... 23 00:00:52,730 --> 00:00:55,499 - Garrett, are you living here? - Absolutely not. 24 00:00:55,500 --> 00:00:58,225 Is this your shower caddy I found in the bathroom? 25 00:00:58,240 --> 00:00:59,892 Yes, thank you. I was looking for that. 26 00:00:59,893 --> 00:01:01,269 There's not even a shower in there. 27 00:01:01,270 --> 00:01:03,399 With the right attitude, any place with running water is a shower. 28 00:01:03,400 --> 00:01:04,731 Can I tell you something? 29 00:01:04,732 --> 00:01:08,235 When you first got elected, I was so excited. 30 00:01:08,250 --> 00:01:10,099 I thought, "Finally, a young person in office 31 00:01:10,100 --> 00:01:11,249 who's going to make a difference." 32 00:01:11,250 --> 00:01:12,614 Then you spent 15 years 33 00:01:12,615 --> 00:01:14,959 partying with Wall Street douchebags and D-list celebrities 34 00:01:14,960 --> 00:01:17,115 instead of, I don't know, doing your actual job. 35 00:01:17,116 --> 00:01:19,899 I did stuff. I once brought Elon Musk to Sunnyside, 36 00:01:19,900 --> 00:01:22,415 and he almost agreed to dig one of those tunnels no one wants here. 37 00:01:22,416 --> 00:01:23,579 Wow, really? 38 00:01:23,580 --> 00:01:24,919 Yes. 39 00:01:27,740 --> 00:01:30,758 - Synced & corrected by MementMori - -- www.addic7ed.com -- 40 00:01:40,250 --> 00:01:41,309 Councilman. 41 00:01:41,310 --> 00:01:43,353 Hey, sis. Little help? 42 00:01:43,354 --> 00:01:44,938 Nah. 43 00:01:44,940 --> 00:01:47,819 So the girlfriend kicked you out of the apartment, 44 00:01:47,820 --> 00:01:50,859 and then the new councilwoman kicked you out of the office? 45 00:01:50,860 --> 00:01:51,879 Double kick out? 46 00:01:51,880 --> 00:01:53,613 Yeah, but the girlfriend one was mutual. 47 00:01:53,614 --> 00:01:54,656 Really? 48 00:01:54,657 --> 00:01:56,879 Yeah. We mutually agreed that I'd move out of our place 49 00:01:56,880 --> 00:01:58,059 or she'd beat me up. 50 00:01:58,060 --> 00:01:59,787 She'll come around. I just need to talk to her. 51 00:01:59,788 --> 00:02:01,540 Huh, I can see why you would think that. 52 00:02:01,550 --> 00:02:02,559 What's that supposed to mean? 53 00:02:02,560 --> 00:02:05,164 Talking is the only thing you've ever been truly great at. 54 00:02:05,165 --> 00:02:06,260 Dude, when you were eight, 55 00:02:06,270 --> 00:02:08,339 you convinced me to give you the top bunk. 56 00:02:08,340 --> 00:02:10,859 I won the coin toss. Bottom bunk sucks! 57 00:02:10,860 --> 00:02:13,439 - You loved it. - What are you doing here, man? 58 00:02:13,440 --> 00:02:15,419 Why don't you just go stay with Mom and Dad? 59 00:02:15,420 --> 00:02:18,139 Because a guy my age living with his parents is pathetic, 60 00:02:18,140 --> 00:02:20,619 but a guy my age living with his sister, 61 00:02:20,620 --> 00:02:21,641 slightly less pathetic. 62 00:02:21,642 --> 00:02:23,119 Besides, it's only temporary. 63 00:02:23,120 --> 00:02:25,859 I have a five-step path to redemption. 64 00:02:25,860 --> 00:02:27,499 Step one: lie low, okay? 65 00:02:27,500 --> 00:02:29,563 People will eventually forget about the thing. 66 00:02:29,564 --> 00:02:31,519 Step two: get a job, save some money, 67 00:02:31,520 --> 00:02:33,379 make some powerful connections. 68 00:02:33,380 --> 00:02:34,799 Haven't figured out steps three and four yet. 69 00:02:34,800 --> 00:02:36,799 Step five: get reelected. 70 00:02:36,800 --> 00:02:38,991 America loves a good political comeback story. 71 00:02:38,992 --> 00:02:42,039 Counterpoint: Richard Nixon, Eliot Spitzer, Anthony Weiner, 72 00:02:42,040 --> 00:02:43,619 Anthony Weiner again. 73 00:02:43,620 --> 00:02:45,399 Man, he really did do it again. 74 00:02:45,400 --> 00:02:47,239 - That guy cannot help himself. - It's bonkers. 75 00:02:47,240 --> 00:02:49,168 Don't send pictures of your wiener to people... 76 00:02:49,169 --> 00:02:50,920 Especially if your name is Weiner! 77 00:02:52,170 --> 00:02:53,506 Isn't this great? 78 00:02:53,507 --> 00:02:55,049 You and me living together this week, 79 00:02:55,050 --> 00:02:56,844 why don't we just call it a year, a year and a half? 80 00:02:56,850 --> 00:02:59,169 Oh, my God, you don't have any money. 81 00:02:59,170 --> 00:03:01,139 - Completely broke, yes. - How is that possible? 82 00:03:01,140 --> 00:03:03,433 Because all my savings are tied up in my investments. 83 00:03:03,434 --> 00:03:05,727 Jet Skis are not investments. 84 00:03:05,728 --> 00:03:07,603 I can't even tell you how stupid you sound right now. 85 00:03:07,604 --> 00:03:10,139 Get a job, and don't mess up my office. 86 00:03:10,140 --> 00:03:12,689 - Coin toss for your bedroom? - No! 87 00:03:19,570 --> 00:03:21,660 _ 88 00:03:22,786 --> 00:03:24,872 _ 89 00:03:26,140 --> 00:03:28,375 _ 90 00:03:29,668 --> 00:03:31,389 Please step to the shoulder. 91 00:03:31,390 --> 00:03:33,039 What seems to be the problem, officer? 92 00:03:33,040 --> 00:03:35,539 - Can I see some ID? - Bro, you don't know who I am? 93 00:03:35,540 --> 00:03:37,099 I know who you are. You're on the city council. 94 00:03:37,100 --> 00:03:39,385 More like I am the city council, dude. 95 00:03:39,386 --> 00:03:41,053 It's just me and a bunch of duds. 96 00:03:41,054 --> 00:03:42,769 There's a couple of full-on sex creeps 97 00:03:42,770 --> 00:03:44,641 in there too, if I'm being perfectly honest. 98 00:03:44,642 --> 00:03:46,299 - Sir... - After a few more years 99 00:03:46,300 --> 00:03:49,809 with those idiots, I'ma run for Congress, win, 100 00:03:49,810 --> 00:03:52,240 then I'm gonna run for governor, win, 101 00:03:52,250 --> 00:03:54,526 then I'm gonna be president, baby. 102 00:03:55,736 --> 00:03:58,399 Okay, you're definitely under arrest now. 103 00:03:58,400 --> 00:03:59,519 No, no, no. Wait, wait, wait, wait. 104 00:03:59,520 --> 00:04:00,940 Officer, officer, officer. 105 00:04:00,950 --> 00:04:03,618 If you let me go, I'll... I'll give you $10,000. 106 00:04:03,619 --> 00:04:05,952 - Sir, you don't want to do this. - $100,000. 107 00:04:05,953 --> 00:04:08,669 - Bribing an officer is a felony. - You drive a hard bargain, 108 00:04:08,670 --> 00:04:10,359 and I respect the hell out of that. 109 00:04:10,360 --> 00:04:11,792 - Million bucks. - Sir... 110 00:04:11,793 --> 00:04:13,079 - Ten million. - Sir... 111 00:04:13,080 --> 00:04:15,870 Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. 112 00:04:17,370 --> 00:04:20,039 One billion dollars. 113 00:04:20,040 --> 00:04:21,049 We got a deal? 114 00:04:23,260 --> 00:04:25,920 _ 115 00:04:27,260 --> 00:04:29,019 _ 116 00:04:31,772 --> 00:04:34,990 _ 117 00:04:35,010 --> 00:04:37,861 _ 118 00:04:40,614 --> 00:04:42,324 _ 119 00:04:44,000 --> 00:04:45,780 - Oh. - Thank you. 120 00:04:46,400 --> 00:04:48,496 - Thank you so much. - Yeah. 121 00:04:53,500 --> 00:04:55,159 - States now... - Oh, there he is. 122 00:04:55,160 --> 00:04:56,670 - Yo. - So, listen, 123 00:04:56,672 --> 00:04:58,545 it's 50 bucks an hour each up front. 124 00:04:58,546 --> 00:05:00,179 I will not actually puke on you. 125 00:05:00,180 --> 00:05:01,839 There's no nudity of any kind. 126 00:05:01,840 --> 00:05:03,039 Pictures are $20. T-shirts are $30... 127 00:05:03,040 --> 00:05:04,760 No, dude, we don't want any of that. 128 00:05:04,763 --> 00:05:07,039 Uh, we need your help. We're trying to become citizens. 129 00:05:07,040 --> 00:05:09,479 Citizens? You seem pretty American to me. 130 00:05:09,480 --> 00:05:10,579 Yeah, dude, no crap, 131 00:05:10,580 --> 00:05:13,179 because, like, I am American, or, like, I thought I was. 132 00:05:13,180 --> 00:05:14,647 Then I went to get my driver's license, 133 00:05:14,648 --> 00:05:16,483 find out that my mom brought me over here when I was two, 134 00:05:16,484 --> 00:05:18,640 overstayed her visa, never told me. 135 00:05:18,650 --> 00:05:20,620 Now I gotta take, like, some dumb history test 136 00:05:20,630 --> 00:05:22,369 just so I don't get sent back to Moldova. 137 00:05:22,370 --> 00:05:23,609 Where even is Moldova? 138 00:05:23,610 --> 00:05:25,449 I don't know, man. What do I look like, a book? 139 00:05:25,450 --> 00:05:27,286 This is our little study group. 140 00:05:27,287 --> 00:05:28,799 That's Griselda. 141 00:05:28,800 --> 00:05:31,079 She's Dominican, and she's, like, old. 142 00:05:31,080 --> 00:05:33,509 That's Hakim. He's a nerd from Ethiopia. 143 00:05:33,510 --> 00:05:35,959 Mei Lin and Jun Ho, they're rich as hell, 144 00:05:35,960 --> 00:05:37,753 but they won't actually say where they're from. 145 00:05:37,754 --> 00:05:41,254 Yeah, technically our dad now lives in international waters. 146 00:05:41,255 --> 00:05:44,279 He means we have no knowledge of his current whereabouts. 147 00:05:44,280 --> 00:05:46,470 For the last few weeks, we were all taking a class 148 00:05:46,471 --> 00:05:48,429 that was helping us with the test and the paperwork, 149 00:05:48,430 --> 00:05:50,929 but it all shut down when somebody bought the building. 150 00:05:50,930 --> 00:05:53,119 Yeah, it's getting turned into one of those shared work spaces. 151 00:05:53,120 --> 00:05:54,769 It's like, ew. 152 00:05:54,770 --> 00:05:56,959 Yeah, seems like everything's getting turned into one of those. 153 00:05:56,960 --> 00:05:59,799 No, I mean like, "Ew, work and share." 154 00:05:59,800 --> 00:06:01,230 Point is, it's like impossible 155 00:06:01,236 --> 00:06:02,339 to get into a new class. 156 00:06:02,340 --> 00:06:04,899 They're all booked, and the wait lists are super long so... 157 00:06:04,900 --> 00:06:05,999 Damn it, damn it, Drazen. 158 00:06:06,000 --> 00:06:07,739 - No, not now. - Is good, eh? 159 00:06:07,740 --> 00:06:10,494 - No, that music sucks. - Number one in Romania. 160 00:06:10,495 --> 00:06:12,163 Okay, that added nothing. 161 00:06:12,164 --> 00:06:15,319 Ah, is this the man who will help, 162 00:06:15,320 --> 00:06:17,833 the man with the vomit? He will save us. 163 00:06:17,834 --> 00:06:19,359 It was a great idea, brother. 164 00:06:19,360 --> 00:06:21,088 - Great idea. - We're not brothers. Ow. 165 00:06:21,089 --> 00:06:23,029 We are Moldovans. We are countrymen. 166 00:06:23,030 --> 00:06:24,964 You and I are the same, Bojan. 167 00:06:24,965 --> 00:06:27,899 My name is Brady now, and we are not the same. 168 00:06:27,900 --> 00:06:30,682 I'm awesome; you use the word disco as a verb. 169 00:06:30,683 --> 00:06:34,039 Ah, you want to disco? Let's go disco right now. 170 00:06:34,040 --> 00:06:36,539 Guys, guys. I... I don't know if you know this or not, 171 00:06:36,540 --> 00:06:38,519 but I'm temporarily out of office. 172 00:06:38,520 --> 00:06:40,349 Ah, we know, and it's not temporary. 173 00:06:40,350 --> 00:06:42,179 - You're done, baby. - It's a matter of opinion. 174 00:06:42,180 --> 00:06:44,612 We need a teacher and we need a place to study 175 00:06:44,613 --> 00:06:46,979 and we need you to call someone to make that happen, 176 00:06:46,980 --> 00:06:49,260 preferably someone who has not humiliated himself 177 00:06:49,270 --> 00:06:50,640 as flagrantly as you have. 178 00:06:50,650 --> 00:06:53,162 Or you could just make us citizens. 179 00:06:53,163 --> 00:06:55,581 Actually, a city councilor can't just make someone a citizen. 180 00:06:55,582 --> 00:06:57,619 Ugh, whatever, just do it. 181 00:06:57,620 --> 00:07:00,599 Please, please. We're just asking you to make one phone call. 182 00:07:00,600 --> 00:07:02,546 You can convince anyone to do anything. 183 00:07:02,547 --> 00:07:05,759 I once saw you give a speech at the opening of Wahlburgers 184 00:07:05,760 --> 00:07:07,309 down on Northern Boulevard. 185 00:07:07,310 --> 00:07:09,300 It almost made me want to eat there. 186 00:07:10,380 --> 00:07:11,682 Okay, I'll give it a shot. 187 00:07:13,800 --> 00:07:16,760 Hey there, I'm calling for Councilman Webber? 188 00:07:16,770 --> 00:07:18,688 This is Garrett Modi. 189 00:07:18,689 --> 00:07:21,399 Sorry, go what myself? 190 00:07:21,400 --> 00:07:22,559 That's what I thought. 191 00:07:22,560 --> 00:07:25,690 Ah, bad connection. I'll... I'll try somebody else. 192 00:07:25,696 --> 00:07:27,459 - Service... - Call somebody else... 193 00:07:27,460 --> 00:07:29,658 Hi, Garrett Modi for Councilwoman Barea? 194 00:07:29,659 --> 00:07:31,620 Garrett Modi. 195 00:07:31,630 --> 00:07:34,969 Hmm, tell him to go get hit by a truck, 196 00:07:34,970 --> 00:07:36,247 and then hang up on him. 197 00:07:37,540 --> 00:07:39,792 - Well, she wasn't in. - Oh, that's okay. 198 00:07:39,793 --> 00:07:40,960 Call somebody else. 199 00:07:40,961 --> 00:07:44,649 Uh, sure. Uh... 200 00:07:44,650 --> 00:07:46,425 Yeah. 201 00:07:47,980 --> 00:07:49,219 Councilman! 202 00:07:49,220 --> 00:07:52,349 Hey, listen, uh, I've got this fantastic group of people 203 00:07:52,350 --> 00:07:54,390 who need some help with their citizenship applications. 204 00:07:54,391 --> 00:07:56,399 What the hell are you talking about, Garrett? 205 00:07:56,400 --> 00:07:57,559 I'm at work. 206 00:07:57,560 --> 00:07:59,779 You will? Hey, that's fantastic. 207 00:07:59,780 --> 00:08:01,529 Okay, look forward to hearing from you. 208 00:08:01,530 --> 00:08:02,565 He'll be in touch. 209 00:08:02,566 --> 00:08:03,629 Oh! 210 00:08:03,630 --> 00:08:06,800 - Thank you. Thank you so much, man. - That's great. 211 00:08:08,060 --> 00:08:09,699 What is the difference between 212 00:08:09,700 --> 00:08:11,139 the Department of Agriculture 213 00:08:11,140 --> 00:08:13,242 and the Department of the Interior? 214 00:08:13,243 --> 00:08:15,479 Guys, as much fun as it is doing homework as grown adults, 215 00:08:15,480 --> 00:08:17,019 I have to say, when I said ask me anything, 216 00:08:17,020 --> 00:08:19,039 I kinda meant like who's the coolest celebrity 217 00:08:19,040 --> 00:08:20,059 you ever made out with, 218 00:08:20,060 --> 00:08:22,219 not how many amendments does the Constitution have. 219 00:08:22,220 --> 00:08:24,499 Too bad. Until your friends call back, 220 00:08:24,500 --> 00:08:25,790 this is what we're paying you for. 221 00:08:25,800 --> 00:08:29,459 It was Rihanna's cousin, if, uh, anybody was wondering. 222 00:08:29,460 --> 00:08:31,079 I, uh, made out with Rihanna's cousin. 223 00:08:31,080 --> 00:08:33,559 Um, we have a proposition for you. 224 00:08:33,560 --> 00:08:37,759 We pay you to take the test for us. 225 00:08:37,760 --> 00:08:39,099 Pretty sure that's illegal, 226 00:08:39,100 --> 00:08:40,369 but, also, how would that even work? 227 00:08:40,370 --> 00:08:41,562 I look nothing like either of you. 228 00:08:41,563 --> 00:08:44,369 Oh, no, no, no, it's fine. Our dad, he has this guy. 229 00:08:44,370 --> 00:08:46,734 He can make anybody look like anybody. 230 00:08:46,735 --> 00:08:49,278 He's like Picasso with a scalpel. 231 00:08:49,279 --> 00:08:51,509 Yeah, nobody wants to look like a Picasso, 232 00:08:51,510 --> 00:08:53,179 so I'm gonna go ahead and say no to that one. 233 00:08:53,180 --> 00:08:55,743 - Griselda, you're up. - Yep. 234 00:08:55,744 --> 00:08:57,019 Oh, wow, I thought you worked at FedEx. 235 00:08:57,020 --> 00:08:58,996 I do, in the day. At night, I work here. 236 00:08:58,997 --> 00:09:00,689 - Wow, two jobs. - Kind of. In the morning, 237 00:09:00,690 --> 00:09:02,079 - I deliver newspapers... - Oh. 238 00:09:02,080 --> 00:09:04,329 Then I go teach a Zumba class at 7:00 before work. 239 00:09:04,330 --> 00:09:05,999 - At FedEx? - No, at my paralegal job. 240 00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:07,249 Then I go over to the Genius Bar 241 00:09:07,250 --> 00:09:08,919 and I fix a couple of iPhones for a few hours, 242 00:09:08,920 --> 00:09:10,717 then FedEx. Let me get you a refill. 243 00:09:10,718 --> 00:09:13,380 This is a lot of stuff to learn. 244 00:09:13,386 --> 00:09:14,678 Dude, this is the easy part. 245 00:09:14,679 --> 00:09:16,519 You know how much crap we had to deal with just to get here? 246 00:09:16,520 --> 00:09:18,569 You have to maintain residence for five years, 247 00:09:18,570 --> 00:09:21,339 assuming you can find a job and a place to live, 248 00:09:21,340 --> 00:09:24,079 and the rent in New York makes the rent in Mekelle 249 00:09:24,080 --> 00:09:25,941 look like Aleta Wendo. 250 00:09:28,193 --> 00:09:30,279 Where I'm from, that's a very trenchant observation. 251 00:09:30,280 --> 00:09:31,449 It kills. 252 00:09:31,450 --> 00:09:33,539 And you're suppose to keep a clean record, 253 00:09:33,540 --> 00:09:35,909 - which is, like, why? - Gonna move? 254 00:09:35,910 --> 00:09:37,039 Gotta fill out an AR-11. 255 00:09:37,040 --> 00:09:38,909 Traveling? That's an I-131. 256 00:09:38,910 --> 00:09:40,579 Oh, and who knows? Maybe while you're visiting 257 00:09:40,580 --> 00:09:42,271 your sick grandmother, they might just decide 258 00:09:42,272 --> 00:09:43,559 that no one from your country 259 00:09:43,560 --> 00:09:44,879 is allowed in anymore and... 260 00:09:44,880 --> 00:09:46,779 Damn it, Drazen, not now! 261 00:09:46,780 --> 00:09:48,549 Actually, let's go with never. 262 00:09:48,550 --> 00:09:51,215 Never play what you consider music. 263 00:09:51,216 --> 00:09:53,809 Oh, my God, guys, I'm sorry, but your hour's almost up 264 00:09:53,810 --> 00:09:57,460 and they... they haven't called back, so, uh, good luck. 265 00:09:57,470 --> 00:09:59,609 Wait, so you're just gonna leave? 266 00:09:59,610 --> 00:10:01,359 We were gonna hire you for the whole week, 267 00:10:01,360 --> 00:10:03,269 and now we have to start over? 268 00:10:03,270 --> 00:10:05,439 I'm sorry, did you say for the week? 269 00:10:05,440 --> 00:10:07,439 That's like 15,000 bucks. 270 00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:09,119 Something about the way you said that 271 00:10:09,120 --> 00:10:11,559 makes me feel like you think that's a lot of money. 272 00:10:11,560 --> 00:10:13,889 Oh, my God. 273 00:10:13,890 --> 00:10:15,573 Do you think that's a lot of money? 274 00:10:15,574 --> 00:10:19,827 Here, take whatever this is. It smells weird. 275 00:10:22,440 --> 00:10:23,899 Yo, guess what, Mal? 276 00:10:23,900 --> 00:10:26,379 I'm already at step two of my plan. I got a job, 277 00:10:26,380 --> 00:10:28,749 and this one does not involve humiliating myself. 278 00:10:28,750 --> 00:10:30,088 - What's the job? - Well, this group of people 279 00:10:30,089 --> 00:10:31,619 wants me to help them become citizens. 280 00:10:31,620 --> 00:10:33,379 Do you know anything about how to become a citizen? 281 00:10:33,380 --> 00:10:35,779 I do not, but I'll be, like, the cool teacher, 282 00:10:35,780 --> 00:10:37,199 you know, take some field trips, 283 00:10:37,200 --> 00:10:38,929 do that thing where you sit in a chair backwards, 284 00:10:38,930 --> 00:10:40,439 maybe get a cool leather jacket. 285 00:10:40,440 --> 00:10:43,509 Plus check this out: I am getting paid. 286 00:10:43,510 --> 00:10:44,959 I can hire a PR team. 287 00:10:44,960 --> 00:10:46,359 Can you imagine how good it's gonna look 288 00:10:46,360 --> 00:10:47,499 for my reelection campaign 289 00:10:47,500 --> 00:10:49,569 if it gets out that I've been helping these poor people 290 00:10:49,570 --> 00:10:50,599 out of the goodness of my heart? 291 00:10:50,600 --> 00:10:52,619 Except you're very clearly not helping them 292 00:10:52,620 --> 00:10:53,899 out of the goodness of your heart. 293 00:10:53,900 --> 00:10:56,197 You're doing it for your reelection campaign. 294 00:10:56,198 --> 00:10:58,741 That's a really good point. I should talk to my PR team about that. 295 00:10:58,742 --> 00:11:02,199 And if you have cash now, you can pay me rent. 296 00:11:02,200 --> 00:11:05,059 And I will do that, Mal, just as soon as I take care 297 00:11:05,060 --> 00:11:06,957 of some very pressing financial obligations. 298 00:11:06,958 --> 00:11:08,542 I promise you, once I'm solvent again, 299 00:11:08,543 --> 00:11:10,124 everything I have is yours. 300 00:11:10,125 --> 00:11:11,546 Are those new Jordans? 301 00:11:12,820 --> 00:11:14,959 You're the best, Mal. Bye. 302 00:11:14,960 --> 00:11:16,499 Ha-ha. 303 00:11:16,500 --> 00:11:19,178 N-336 form finished. 304 00:11:19,179 --> 00:11:21,264 Now you haven't done your N-400 yet. 305 00:11:21,265 --> 00:11:24,476 But 336 is before 400. Why does 400 go first? 306 00:11:25,460 --> 00:11:26,760 I don't know, okay? 307 00:11:26,770 --> 00:11:28,438 I shouldn't have to know any of this. 308 00:11:28,439 --> 00:11:30,279 - I'm American. - Nah. 309 00:11:30,280 --> 00:11:32,524 You're Moldovan, like me. 310 00:11:32,525 --> 00:11:34,309 Stop. Can you just give a normal hug? 311 00:11:34,310 --> 00:11:35,903 It always feels like you're trying to peel me. 312 00:11:35,904 --> 00:11:37,899 Why can't this be like high school? 313 00:11:37,900 --> 00:11:39,760 Whenever we had trouble, our dad would just have 314 00:11:39,770 --> 00:11:41,519 one little conversation with our teacher, 315 00:11:41,520 --> 00:11:42,952 and we'd get all "A"s. 316 00:11:42,953 --> 00:11:44,989 - He bribed them? - Hakim, I wouldn't call 317 00:11:44,990 --> 00:11:47,413 getting your family back a bribe, but sure. 318 00:11:47,414 --> 00:11:50,699 Yo, guys, it's becoming clear your dad is a legit supervillain. 319 00:11:50,700 --> 00:11:53,139 Okay, I'm gonna plead the third on that one. 320 00:11:53,140 --> 00:11:54,319 The Third Amendment prohibits 321 00:11:54,320 --> 00:11:55,881 the quartering of soldiers in private homes. 322 00:11:55,882 --> 00:11:57,379 Okay, I... I don't know which one 323 00:11:57,380 --> 00:11:58,819 that I'm pleading to then, all right? 324 00:11:58,820 --> 00:12:01,479 I don't understand why everyone expects me to learn things now. 325 00:12:01,480 --> 00:12:04,339 It's not my brand, okay? It's not fair! 326 00:12:04,340 --> 00:12:05,469 Hey, guys, guys. 327 00:12:05,470 --> 00:12:06,999 I understand you're getting stressed out, okay. 328 00:12:07,000 --> 00:12:08,759 I think, what it is is, you're a little too focused 329 00:12:08,760 --> 00:12:10,145 on what you have to know. 330 00:12:10,146 --> 00:12:12,773 Being American is just as much about how it feels. 331 00:12:12,774 --> 00:12:15,109 Grab your stuff. We're gonna take a field trip. 332 00:12:23,120 --> 00:12:25,759 Drazen, you can't take that much relish, man. 333 00:12:25,760 --> 00:12:26,889 It's free. 334 00:12:26,890 --> 00:12:29,829 If they don't want me to take it, it should cost money. 335 00:12:29,830 --> 00:12:31,080 Hey, why did you bring us here? 336 00:12:31,090 --> 00:12:32,583 What does this place have to do with us? 337 00:12:32,584 --> 00:12:34,479 Are you kidding me? Look at those guys out there. 338 00:12:34,480 --> 00:12:36,119 You got immigrants from everywhere: 339 00:12:36,120 --> 00:12:40,092 uh, Dominican Republic, South Korea, Cuba, Puerto Rico. 340 00:12:40,093 --> 00:12:41,465 Uh, Puerto Rico is in the U.S. 341 00:12:41,466 --> 00:12:42,959 Yeah, I know. That was a test. 342 00:12:42,960 --> 00:12:44,096 Only Hakim passed. 343 00:12:44,097 --> 00:12:47,199 You know, one of the things that makes baseball so cool 344 00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:49,260 is that it's always been an immigrant's sport. 345 00:12:49,269 --> 00:12:50,919 Did you know that 30% of all major leaguers 346 00:12:50,920 --> 00:12:52,229 were born outside the U.S.? 347 00:12:52,230 --> 00:12:53,772 I'm talking guys like Ichiro Suzuki, 348 00:12:53,773 --> 00:12:56,229 Miguel Cabrera, Albert Pujols. 349 00:12:56,230 --> 00:12:58,819 How much worse would the game be without those guys? 350 00:12:58,820 --> 00:13:01,679 How much worse would America be without all the people 351 00:13:01,680 --> 00:13:03,139 who came here from all over the world 352 00:13:03,140 --> 00:13:05,699 and brought their history and culture with them? 353 00:13:05,700 --> 00:13:08,412 You know, they say that this country is a melting pot. 354 00:13:08,413 --> 00:13:12,869 I say nowhere is that more clear than out there. 355 00:13:12,870 --> 00:13:15,079 Sit down, idiot! 356 00:13:15,080 --> 00:13:17,199 Right. Is that actually why you took us here, 357 00:13:17,200 --> 00:13:18,809 or did you just want to see a game 358 00:13:18,810 --> 00:13:19,849 and then we called you on it 359 00:13:19,850 --> 00:13:22,049 and you pulled all that out of your ass just now? 360 00:13:22,050 --> 00:13:23,059 Little of A, a little of B, 361 00:13:23,060 --> 00:13:24,879 but you have to admit I did make some pretty good points. 362 00:13:24,880 --> 00:13:27,889 Ah, you did. You did. And thank you for bringing us. 363 00:13:27,890 --> 00:13:31,080 It's been inspiring just being here. 364 00:13:31,090 --> 00:13:33,562 Well, back to work. 365 00:13:33,563 --> 00:13:36,858 Soda! Soda here! 366 00:13:40,150 --> 00:13:41,840 So this must be quite a change, 367 00:13:41,850 --> 00:13:44,073 - Ethiopia to New York City. - I guess so. 368 00:13:44,074 --> 00:13:46,569 I'm not making as much money as I used to, but that's okay. 369 00:13:46,570 --> 00:13:48,299 Wait, what? What were you doing in Ethiopia? 370 00:13:48,300 --> 00:13:50,529 I was a cardiothoracic surgeon. 371 00:13:50,530 --> 00:13:52,740 Yeah, but then I won a green card lottery, 372 00:13:52,750 --> 00:13:54,479 and this was my chance to come to America. 373 00:13:54,480 --> 00:13:55,542 I had to take it. 374 00:13:55,543 --> 00:13:57,961 If you're a doctor, how come you're driving a cab? 375 00:13:57,962 --> 00:13:59,249 Can't get certified yet. 376 00:13:59,250 --> 00:14:02,217 Citizenship should help, but it will still take a few years. 377 00:14:02,218 --> 00:14:04,180 Can I... can I ask... uh, uh, 378 00:14:04,190 --> 00:14:07,080 I mean, you had a nice life in Ethiopia. 379 00:14:07,090 --> 00:14:08,840 Why not just stay? 380 00:14:08,850 --> 00:14:12,017 Because America is the best. Here, anything is possible. 381 00:14:12,018 --> 00:14:15,039 Eh, so what I have to fill out some papers, drive a cab, 382 00:14:15,040 --> 00:14:16,620 leave my Jet Ski back home. 383 00:14:16,630 --> 00:14:17,959 You have a Jet Ski? I have a Jet Ski. 384 00:14:17,960 --> 00:14:19,259 Hey, Jet Ski buddies. 385 00:14:19,260 --> 00:14:21,160 Oh, man, that sucks you had to give that up. 386 00:14:21,170 --> 00:14:22,736 No, it's worth it. 387 00:14:22,737 --> 00:14:24,780 I'm here because I love America 388 00:14:24,781 --> 00:14:27,279 and I want to be a part of it. 389 00:14:27,280 --> 00:14:28,535 We all do. 390 00:14:29,640 --> 00:14:32,689 That's really awesome, man. Thanks for the ride. 391 00:14:32,690 --> 00:14:35,359 Hey, uh, America is great, and anything is possible, 392 00:14:35,360 --> 00:14:39,378 et cetera, et cetera, but only if you pay people for their work. 393 00:14:39,379 --> 00:14:41,130 Yeah. 394 00:14:41,131 --> 00:14:42,631 You owe me $27.50. 395 00:14:42,632 --> 00:14:44,758 - Oh, sorry. - Yeah. 396 00:14:46,670 --> 00:14:49,460 Hey, what's up, y'all? Who's ready to learn? 397 00:14:49,470 --> 00:14:50,859 Hey, I stayed up late last night, 398 00:14:50,860 --> 00:14:53,475 watched a bunch of YouTube videos about American history, 399 00:14:53,476 --> 00:14:54,969 somehow ended up watching, like, 400 00:14:54,970 --> 00:14:57,119 three hours of people unboxing LEGOs, 401 00:14:57,120 --> 00:14:59,649 which is weird 'cause I don't even like LEGOs. 402 00:15:00,850 --> 00:15:01,860 What's wrong? 403 00:15:03,380 --> 00:15:04,689 They took Drazen. 404 00:15:04,690 --> 00:15:07,059 - What? Who did? - Immigration. 405 00:15:07,060 --> 00:15:08,619 What are you talking about? He has a green card. 406 00:15:08,620 --> 00:15:10,399 Well, I guess he messed up something on his paperwork 407 00:15:10,400 --> 00:15:12,989 or something, and that's enough sometimes. 408 00:15:12,990 --> 00:15:15,279 God, he was so bad at that crap. 409 00:15:15,280 --> 00:15:16,290 This blows. 410 00:15:16,291 --> 00:15:18,419 Can you call one of your city council people 411 00:15:18,420 --> 00:15:20,870 and at least figure out where they're holding him? 412 00:15:20,879 --> 00:15:22,199 I doubt it. They're not gonna take my calls. 413 00:15:22,200 --> 00:15:23,740 They haven't spoken to me in months. 414 00:15:23,750 --> 00:15:27,109 Wait, I'm sorry, I... I thought you said 415 00:15:27,110 --> 00:15:28,499 someone was going to help us. 416 00:15:28,500 --> 00:15:31,749 I, uh, I did say that, um... 417 00:15:31,750 --> 00:15:33,391 and, uh, and that was a lie 418 00:15:33,392 --> 00:15:34,779 and that was a crappy thing to do. 419 00:15:34,780 --> 00:15:35,959 But, look, the... the truth is, 420 00:15:35,960 --> 00:15:37,579 even if I had gotten through to them, 421 00:15:37,580 --> 00:15:39,219 politicians don't spend their days 422 00:15:39,220 --> 00:15:40,980 trying to figure out how to help people like you. 423 00:15:40,981 --> 00:15:42,299 But Hakim and I had a... wait, wait, wait. 424 00:15:42,300 --> 00:15:43,983 Hakim and I had a great conversation last night. 425 00:15:43,984 --> 00:15:45,640 We had a good talk. I really want to help you. 426 00:15:45,650 --> 00:15:47,905 Yeah, well, I don't think we need your help anymore. 427 00:15:54,204 --> 00:15:58,119 One billion dollars. We got a deal? 428 00:15:58,120 --> 00:15:59,580 Please step to the shoulder. 429 00:15:59,584 --> 00:16:01,889 What seems to be the problem, officer? 430 00:16:01,890 --> 00:16:04,129 If you watch it too much, it gets less funny, 431 00:16:04,130 --> 00:16:05,839 but then if you keep watching it, 432 00:16:05,840 --> 00:16:07,959 it comes all the way back around the other side 433 00:16:07,960 --> 00:16:10,427 and it gets really funny again. 434 00:16:10,428 --> 00:16:11,969 Mal, you know those people I was helping? 435 00:16:11,970 --> 00:16:13,869 One of them got taken by ICE last night. 436 00:16:13,870 --> 00:16:14,891 Can you believe that? 437 00:16:14,900 --> 00:16:18,009 I mean, that's awful, but, yeah, I can believe it. 438 00:16:18,010 --> 00:16:19,509 Well, Drazen was doing everything right. 439 00:16:19,510 --> 00:16:21,139 The guy had a green card. It's messed up. 440 00:16:21,140 --> 00:16:24,059 Yeah, it is, and it's been happening for years. 441 00:16:24,060 --> 00:16:25,619 I mean, maybe you could've done something about it 442 00:16:25,620 --> 00:16:27,479 while you were in office instead of partying 443 00:16:27,480 --> 00:16:28,940 on Alec Baldwin's yacht. 444 00:16:28,947 --> 00:16:30,619 It was Daniel Baldwin's catamaran. 445 00:16:30,620 --> 00:16:32,559 - I wish it was Alec's yacht. - Gross! 446 00:16:32,560 --> 00:16:33,919 You're right. I'm a screwup, right? 447 00:16:33,920 --> 00:16:35,629 I should've just become a doctor like you 448 00:16:35,630 --> 00:16:38,259 and Mom and Dad and Falguni Auntie 449 00:16:38,260 --> 00:16:39,319 and Harendra Uncle and Bipin Uncle and... 450 00:16:39,320 --> 00:16:40,579 You know what? I'd rather be a cliché 451 00:16:40,580 --> 00:16:43,219 than someone who's pretending to be Mr. All-American. 452 00:16:43,220 --> 00:16:45,739 "Oh, look at me, I'm a politician. 453 00:16:45,740 --> 00:16:47,119 I played baseball." 454 00:16:47,120 --> 00:16:48,909 You know why I played baseball? 455 00:16:48,910 --> 00:16:50,133 'Cause I was good at it. 456 00:16:50,134 --> 00:16:52,939 And when kids saw that I was good, 457 00:16:52,940 --> 00:16:54,979 they didn't bully me anymore. 458 00:16:54,980 --> 00:16:56,449 They didn't see me as different. 459 00:16:56,450 --> 00:16:57,969 They accepted me. 460 00:16:57,970 --> 00:16:59,352 _ 461 00:16:59,360 --> 00:17:01,770 _ 462 00:17:01,771 --> 00:17:05,107 Okay, so this guy got taken. What are you gonna do about it? 463 00:17:05,108 --> 00:17:07,899 I mean, nothing. What can I do about it? 464 00:17:07,900 --> 00:17:09,389 Of course. 465 00:17:09,390 --> 00:17:11,655 Things got hard, and so you're bailing again. 466 00:17:11,656 --> 00:17:13,059 So is that step three or step four 467 00:17:13,060 --> 00:17:15,730 of your five-step plan? 468 00:17:21,770 --> 00:17:22,909 I'm Garrett Modi, 469 00:17:22,910 --> 00:17:25,877 and I'm running to be your next city councilor. 470 00:17:25,878 --> 00:17:28,839 My parents moved to Sunnyside, Queens, with one dream: 471 00:17:28,840 --> 00:17:31,466 to raise their kids in the greatest country on Earth 472 00:17:31,467 --> 00:17:33,420 in the greatest city on Earth. 473 00:17:35,820 --> 00:17:36,847 New plan. 474 00:17:41,930 --> 00:17:43,919 A-ha! I found you! 475 00:17:43,920 --> 00:17:45,129 Wait, before you say anything. 476 00:17:45,130 --> 00:17:47,219 I'm sorry, okay? I really messed up. 477 00:17:47,220 --> 00:17:49,699 I'm sorry for lying to you. I'm sorry for being a dick. 478 00:17:49,700 --> 00:17:51,739 Although, you know, lying about your credentials 479 00:17:51,740 --> 00:17:53,659 and putting your own happiness above other people 480 00:17:53,660 --> 00:17:55,709 really is one of the most American things you can do, 481 00:17:55,710 --> 00:17:57,319 so I guess that's another lesson you learned from me, 482 00:17:57,320 --> 00:17:58,940 and you're welcome. But my point is, 483 00:17:58,950 --> 00:18:00,579 I want to make it up to you. 484 00:18:00,580 --> 00:18:02,979 How many taxi cabs did you jump into 485 00:18:02,980 --> 00:18:03,999 before you found me? 486 00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:07,085 A lot. There are a lot of really angry cab drivers out there. 487 00:18:07,086 --> 00:18:08,503 So what do you say, man, 488 00:18:08,504 --> 00:18:10,649 help me get everybody back together? 489 00:18:10,650 --> 00:18:11,674 Let's go. 490 00:18:13,520 --> 00:18:16,261 So we call this the Electoral College. 491 00:18:16,262 --> 00:18:19,459 It's one college that does not have a football team. 492 00:18:19,460 --> 00:18:22,499 Oh, what are you even talking about? 493 00:18:22,500 --> 00:18:25,179 Look, I told you, I'm more of a science guy. 494 00:18:25,180 --> 00:18:26,189 Hey, guys. 495 00:18:26,190 --> 00:18:27,819 Hi, I know you're really pissed at me, okay? 496 00:18:27,820 --> 00:18:29,579 But I think I can help you and Drazen. 497 00:18:29,580 --> 00:18:31,399 - Will you come with me? - Oh, thank God. 498 00:18:31,400 --> 00:18:33,860 - Bill Nye sucks. - He's so boring. 499 00:18:34,580 --> 00:18:37,199 Be less boring. 500 00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:39,242 Hey, am I still gonna get paid? 501 00:18:42,220 --> 00:18:43,640 Hey, Brady. Come with us. 502 00:18:43,650 --> 00:18:44,872 We're getting the gang back together. 503 00:18:44,873 --> 00:18:45,958 What? These aren't my glasses. 504 00:18:45,959 --> 00:18:48,251 - I wear 'em as a joke. - Come with us. 505 00:18:48,252 --> 00:18:49,545 You guys cool with this? 506 00:18:49,546 --> 00:18:50,549 Hmm. 507 00:18:50,550 --> 00:18:51,640 - Sweet. - Great. 508 00:18:51,650 --> 00:18:52,819 Now we just need to find Griselda. 509 00:18:52,820 --> 00:18:54,700 I'm right here. 510 00:18:55,800 --> 00:18:57,886 I'm almost on my lunch break. Where are we going? 511 00:18:59,138 --> 00:19:00,699 - Hey. - Oh, come on. 512 00:19:00,700 --> 00:19:02,259 No, I want to apologize. 513 00:19:02,260 --> 00:19:03,399 You know, I got to sit at that desk 514 00:19:03,400 --> 00:19:05,560 basically because I was good at talking. 515 00:19:05,561 --> 00:19:06,999 I talked this city into electing me, 516 00:19:07,000 --> 00:19:08,460 and then I never did anything. 517 00:19:08,470 --> 00:19:09,859 You're not gonna make that mistake. 518 00:19:09,860 --> 00:19:11,599 You're obviously gonna be a way better city councilor 519 00:19:11,600 --> 00:19:12,693 than I ever was. 520 00:19:12,694 --> 00:19:14,654 I mean, that's a pretty low bar. 521 00:19:14,655 --> 00:19:16,379 Harsh but fair. 522 00:19:16,380 --> 00:19:18,589 What I'm trying to say is, I'm sick of talking. 523 00:19:18,590 --> 00:19:20,439 I want to start doing. 524 00:19:20,440 --> 00:19:23,579 Their friend Drazen got taken by ICE last night. 525 00:19:23,580 --> 00:19:24,740 Can you help us find him? 526 00:19:24,760 --> 00:19:27,359 I can try, 527 00:19:27,360 --> 00:19:30,002 but they don't allow anyone into those facilities. 528 00:19:32,130 --> 00:19:34,659 - I'll see what I can do. - Oh, also, President Lady, 529 00:19:34,660 --> 00:19:36,299 we need to get into a citizenship class. 530 00:19:36,300 --> 00:19:37,659 - They're all booked. - Actually, guys, 531 00:19:37,660 --> 00:19:39,299 that part I think I have covered. 532 00:19:39,300 --> 00:19:41,359 You know, when you're born in America, 533 00:19:41,360 --> 00:19:43,932 you never really have to learn how lucky you are. 534 00:19:43,933 --> 00:19:46,249 I don't want to take that for granted anymore. 535 00:19:46,250 --> 00:19:47,934 If you'll have me as your teacher, 536 00:19:47,935 --> 00:19:49,379 I'll learn whatever I have to. 537 00:19:49,380 --> 00:19:51,189 I'll help you with the paperwork. I'll help you study. 538 00:19:51,190 --> 00:19:53,759 I'll know the Constitution better than... 539 00:19:55,060 --> 00:19:56,520 The guy who wrote the Const... 540 00:19:56,529 --> 00:19:57,549 - James Madison. - James Madison. 541 00:19:57,550 --> 00:19:58,655 I said it at the same time as you. 542 00:19:58,656 --> 00:20:00,615 I'll be with you every step of the way, 543 00:20:00,616 --> 00:20:02,569 and we'll figure this thing out together. 544 00:20:02,570 --> 00:20:04,899 Also, here's your money back, 545 00:20:04,900 --> 00:20:06,969 minus a couple of hundred in teaching expenses. 546 00:20:06,970 --> 00:20:08,791 Shoes count as teaching expenses. 547 00:20:08,792 --> 00:20:09,799 Can we come to you 548 00:20:09,800 --> 00:20:12,295 if we ever need any help navigating this process? 549 00:20:13,210 --> 00:20:15,797 Fine, but I'm only helping them. 550 00:20:15,798 --> 00:20:17,633 Also, for your information, 551 00:20:17,650 --> 00:20:19,509 there were a lot of drugs left in your desk. 552 00:20:19,510 --> 00:20:22,387 Those days are behind me. You keep them. 553 00:20:22,388 --> 00:20:23,889 I threw them away, you maniac. 554 00:20:23,890 --> 00:20:25,019 C'mon, guys. 555 00:20:25,020 --> 00:20:27,685 Here, this is used. Do you have recycling? 556 00:20:29,760 --> 00:20:32,199 All right, can anybody tell me who Benjamin Franklin was? 557 00:20:32,200 --> 00:20:33,799 Ooh. He's the guy on the hundred. 558 00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:35,119 Those are my favorites. 559 00:20:35,120 --> 00:20:36,529 Why does anyone use the other ones? 560 00:20:36,530 --> 00:20:39,039 - Okay, but what did he do? - He flew a kite in a storm, 561 00:20:39,040 --> 00:20:41,060 and that was smart, for some reason. 562 00:20:41,070 --> 00:20:43,492 Yes, but that's not exactly what I'm looking for. 563 00:20:43,493 --> 00:20:45,368 Ooh, is he Hamilton from Hamilton? 564 00:20:45,369 --> 00:20:47,219 - That's Hamilton. - Are you sure? 565 00:20:47,220 --> 00:20:49,479 Yeah, I'm pretty sure Benjamin Franklin isn't Hamilton. 566 00:20:49,480 --> 00:20:51,079 Garrett, I've been in surgery all day. 567 00:20:51,080 --> 00:20:53,479 You can't just let a bunch of strangers into my house. 568 00:20:53,480 --> 00:20:54,949 Okay, rude. 569 00:20:54,950 --> 00:20:58,889 First of all, it would only be illegal if we were soldiers 570 00:20:58,890 --> 00:21:01,499 and the government was forcing you to house us here. 571 00:21:01,500 --> 00:21:04,829 That's a little thing I like to call the Third Amendment. 572 00:21:04,830 --> 00:21:05,931 Boom. 573 00:21:05,932 --> 00:21:07,759 Jun Ho, you learned something. 574 00:21:07,760 --> 00:21:08,999 - Oh, my God. - Oh, my God. 575 00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:11,369 I did. I'm amazing. 576 00:21:13,940 --> 00:21:15,239 Am I the smartest person here? 577 00:21:15,240 --> 00:21:17,019 What kind of surgery we talking about, 578 00:21:17,020 --> 00:21:19,189 arthroplasty, fasciectomy? 579 00:21:19,190 --> 00:21:21,979 - Who are you? - I'm Hakim. 580 00:21:21,980 --> 00:21:26,100 - Synced & corrected by MementMori - -- www.addic7ed.com --