1
00:00:02,469 --> 00:00:05,337
Welcome to "the misery index,"
where misery loves company.
2
00:00:05,339 --> 00:00:06,939
-Yeah! Yeah!
-Yeah!
3
00:00:06,941 --> 00:00:08,540
Jameela:
We have scoured the globe
4
00:00:08,542 --> 00:00:11,009
For the world's most miserable
true stories,
5
00:00:11,011 --> 00:00:13,077
Then asked a panel
of respected psychologists
6
00:00:13,079 --> 00:00:15,880
To rate those stories based on
three pillars of misery --
7
00:00:15,882 --> 00:00:17,549
Physical pain,
emotional trauma,
8
00:00:17,551 --> 00:00:19,684
And long-term
psychological impact.
9
00:00:19,686 --> 00:00:22,020
The higher
the combined misery,
10
00:00:22,022 --> 00:00:23,755
The higher it lands
on our misery index.
11
00:00:23,757 --> 00:00:25,090
What is going on?
What is going on?
12
00:00:25,092 --> 00:00:27,025
Our two contestants
must try and decide
13
00:00:27,027 --> 00:00:30,095
How those events were rated
for a chance at our grand prize
14
00:00:30,097 --> 00:00:32,230
Of $30,000.
15
00:00:32,232 --> 00:00:34,299
You're about to win
some money!
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So, let's get miserable.
17
00:00:35,902 --> 00:00:38,170
[ cheers and applause ]
18
00:00:38,172 --> 00:00:43,308
♪♪
19
00:00:43,310 --> 00:00:44,977
Hello.
I am jameela jamil,
20
00:00:44,979 --> 00:00:46,711
And welcome to
"the misery index."
21
00:00:46,713 --> 00:00:49,314
Tonight, we have two
very miserable contestants --
22
00:00:49,316 --> 00:00:53,318
Mark mira, whose penis once
itched for two weeks straight...
23
00:00:53,320 --> 00:00:54,519
[ audience groans ]
24
00:00:54,521 --> 00:00:56,188
...And leanna finley,
25
00:00:56,190 --> 00:01:00,124
Who once went to the er
after popping and locking.
26
00:01:00,126 --> 00:01:02,861
And now, from trutv's hit
"impractical jokers,"
27
00:01:02,863 --> 00:01:04,196
Give it up for
the tenderloins --
28
00:01:04,198 --> 00:01:06,731
Sal, joe, q, and murr.
29
00:01:06,733 --> 00:01:09,334
Yeah! Yeah!
Yeah! Yeah!
30
00:01:09,336 --> 00:01:11,804
Yeah! Yeah!
-Yeah! Yeah!
31
00:01:11,806 --> 00:01:14,339
-Yeah!
-Yeah!
32
00:01:14,341 --> 00:01:16,475
We're ready.
We're ready.
33
00:01:16,477 --> 00:01:18,477
Oh, we're fired up today
'cause it's "the misery index,"
34
00:01:18,479 --> 00:01:20,679
And we're about to win
some money!
35
00:01:20,681 --> 00:01:24,483
[ cheers and applause ]
[ imitating air horn ]
36
00:01:24,485 --> 00:01:26,551
Jameela: Okay,
let's just start with mark.
37
00:01:26,553 --> 00:01:28,086
Your penis,
what happened, man?
38
00:01:28,088 --> 00:01:29,154
[ laughter ]
39
00:01:29,156 --> 00:01:30,955
I was weed-whacking, and --
40
00:01:30,957 --> 00:01:33,158
-Oh!
-Sure.
41
00:01:33,160 --> 00:01:37,162
I was trimming the lawn
and I hit a patch of poison ivy
42
00:01:37,164 --> 00:01:39,031
And a bunch of oil splattered
all over me,
43
00:01:39,033 --> 00:01:42,634
And within like two hours,
my weenie had, like, swelled up
44
00:01:42,636 --> 00:01:44,569
To the size
of a two-liter soda.
45
00:01:44,571 --> 00:01:45,704
I got a question.
46
00:01:45,706 --> 00:01:47,506
Does anybody here believe
that bullshit story?
47
00:01:47,508 --> 00:01:50,375
You were weed-whacking,
not naked, and somehow,
48
00:01:50,377 --> 00:01:51,776
You got poison ivy
on your junk,
49
00:01:51,778 --> 00:01:54,579
Or were you weed-whacking
and then whacking?
50
00:01:54,581 --> 00:01:57,516
That seems way more likely
to me.
51
00:01:57,518 --> 00:01:59,384
I don't know what you're
selling, you dirty pervert,
52
00:01:59,386 --> 00:02:00,785
But I ain't buying it.
53
00:02:00,787 --> 00:02:02,987
Jameela: Well, good thing
he's not on your team.
54
00:02:02,989 --> 00:02:05,724
That's right.
You're going down.
Let's get to know leanna.
55
00:02:05,726 --> 00:02:07,392
-We got leanna!
-We got the winner over here.
56
00:02:07,394 --> 00:02:08,793
[ cheers and applause ]
57
00:02:08,795 --> 00:02:11,930
We are not allowed to ask leanna
about her [bleep]-whacking.
58
00:02:11,932 --> 00:02:13,598
[ laughs ]
59
00:02:13,600 --> 00:02:15,734
Tell us about your
pop-and-lock bullshit.
60
00:02:15,736 --> 00:02:17,802
So, I was watching music videos
with my friends back in the day,
61
00:02:17,804 --> 00:02:20,672
A few years ago, so I hit
the pop, lock, and drop it.
62
00:02:20,674 --> 00:02:22,941
Third drop,
couldn't get back up.
63
00:02:22,943 --> 00:02:24,677
They had to take me to the er.
64
00:02:24,679 --> 00:02:27,011
Turns out,
I pulled my thigh muscle.
65
00:02:27,013 --> 00:02:28,280
Ooh.
[ audience groans ]
66
00:02:28,282 --> 00:02:32,284
Okay, guys, behold the keeper
of all things miserable.
67
00:02:32,286 --> 00:02:34,687
It is the traumatron.
68
00:02:34,689 --> 00:02:37,690
[ cheers and applause ]
69
00:02:37,692 --> 00:02:40,092
The name of our first game
is misery lane.
70
00:02:40,094 --> 00:02:42,627
I'm gonna put two misery markers
on the index,
71
00:02:42,629 --> 00:02:47,966
And the first one is
your ex has a podcast about you,
72
00:02:47,968 --> 00:02:51,770
Which our shrinks rated
at a 50.
73
00:02:51,772 --> 00:02:54,106
And the second one is
74
00:02:54,108 --> 00:02:56,708
Your new psychiatrist
keeps saying, "yikes."
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00:02:56,710 --> 00:02:58,110
[ laughter ]
76
00:02:58,112 --> 00:03:02,180
Which our shrinks rated
at a 35.
Yeah.
77
00:03:02,182 --> 00:03:04,917
Okay, so, guys, I'm gonna
show you each an event,
78
00:03:04,919 --> 00:03:06,184
And you don't have to tell me
the exact number,
79
00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:07,986
Just if it falls above, below,
80
00:03:07,988 --> 00:03:10,522
Or in between the two cards
that are on the index.
81
00:03:10,524 --> 00:03:12,991
Mark, you get to go first.
Perfect.
82
00:03:12,993 --> 00:03:14,259
Check out this misery.
83
00:03:15,596 --> 00:03:16,729
-Or is it moving closer...
-Oh.
84
00:03:16,731 --> 00:03:18,330
-Nope.
-No. Don't watch.
85
00:03:18,332 --> 00:03:21,333
-I cannot. I will not.
-Okay.
86
00:03:21,335 --> 00:03:23,001
Guys, I'm sure everything's
gonna be fine, guys.
87
00:03:23,003 --> 00:03:24,869
-Something's gonna --
-oh, what is it?
88
00:03:24,871 --> 00:03:26,138
Something's drowning,
and it's gonna come out.
89
00:03:26,140 --> 00:03:27,139
You're not gonna be able to
unsee this.
90
00:03:27,141 --> 00:03:28,340
You're not going to be able
to unsee this.
91
00:03:28,342 --> 00:03:29,474
Murr: No, no, no,
no, no, no.
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00:03:29,476 --> 00:03:30,475
-[ groans ]
-aah!
93
00:03:30,477 --> 00:03:31,610
Woman: It's okay.
Oh, there it goes.
94
00:03:31,612 --> 00:03:33,878
[ audience groans ]
95
00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:35,814
-What is it?
-A June bug.
96
00:03:35,816 --> 00:03:37,882
-Are you kidding me?
-A June bug.
97
00:03:37,884 --> 00:03:40,552
-A June bug. Oh, man.
-A June bug.
98
00:03:40,554 --> 00:03:42,354
You start.
What is your instinct?
99
00:03:42,356 --> 00:03:43,355
It's pretty uncomfortable.
100
00:03:43,357 --> 00:03:45,624
I think it's more
of the emotional trauma
101
00:03:45,626 --> 00:03:48,560
Of having that
living in your head.
Sure.
Think about it this way --
102
00:03:48,562 --> 00:03:50,295
Every time you have
a scratch in your ear,
103
00:03:50,297 --> 00:03:52,765
You're gonna think
you have another June
bug in there, right?
104
00:03:52,767 --> 00:03:54,967
But it's definitely not as bad
as the podcast about you,
105
00:03:54,969 --> 00:03:58,236
Because that has
long-term privacy effects
106
00:03:58,238 --> 00:03:59,772
On your life, right?
107
00:03:59,774 --> 00:04:01,239
It's not as bad.
-Really?
108
00:04:01,241 --> 00:04:02,374
-Yeah.
-I was thinking it's worse.
109
00:04:02,376 --> 00:04:04,643
I agree. I mean, think about
every time your ear itches.
110
00:04:04,645 --> 00:04:06,311
Like, you'd just think, "oh,
there's something living in me."
111
00:04:06,313 --> 00:04:07,245
-Yeah, yeah.
-So, I would not want that.
112
00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:08,647
I'd go higher, too.
I'm with you.
113
00:04:08,649 --> 00:04:10,849
I'm gonna say "you have a bug
living in your ear"
114
00:04:10,851 --> 00:04:13,385
Lands above both of them.
-Okay.
115
00:04:13,387 --> 00:04:15,320
Jameela:
Okay, you have said it's above.
116
00:04:15,322 --> 00:04:18,390
Let's see what our shrinks say.
Good luck.
117
00:04:18,392 --> 00:04:19,858
-It's the truth.
-Yeah.
118
00:04:19,860 --> 00:04:23,462
-Oh, no. I'm with ya.
-Come on.
119
00:04:23,464 --> 00:04:25,798
-Come on.
-Got to happen.
120
00:04:25,800 --> 00:04:27,599
[ speaks indistinctly ]
121
00:04:27,601 --> 00:04:30,335
[ cheers and applause ]
jameela: Congratulations!
122
00:04:30,337 --> 00:04:33,205
You are correct, and you
just earned yourself $500.
123
00:04:33,207 --> 00:04:35,340
Leanna...
-Yes.
124
00:04:35,342 --> 00:04:38,811
...You and your team need to now
check out this misery.
125
00:04:38,813 --> 00:04:40,945
Good luck.
126
00:04:40,947 --> 00:04:43,682
Woman: This is flossie dickey,
and check it out, folks,
127
00:04:43,684 --> 00:04:48,220
We got her very own
"good day, spokane" coffee mug.
128
00:04:48,222 --> 00:04:51,423
She is enjoying some coffee
this morning because flossie,
129
00:04:51,425 --> 00:04:54,426
You say you're a little tired
this morning, is that right?
130
00:04:54,428 --> 00:04:56,228
Uh, yeah, I'm tired.
131
00:04:56,230 --> 00:04:58,897
Later today, flossie's family
is gonna be coming out here
132
00:04:58,899 --> 00:05:01,099
To throw you
a big birthday party.
133
00:05:01,101 --> 00:05:03,435
Are you excited
for your party?
134
00:05:03,437 --> 00:05:05,370
Not one bit.
135
00:05:05,372 --> 00:05:07,239
[ laughter and applause ]
136
00:05:09,776 --> 00:05:11,576
How cool is it that she gets
to burst into every room
137
00:05:11,578 --> 00:05:13,512
And go, "how you doing?
Flossie dickey."
138
00:05:13,514 --> 00:05:16,314
It's better than
"toothbrush [bleep]"
139
00:05:16,316 --> 00:05:18,450
[ laughter ]
joe: Hey,
he's a good guy.
140
00:05:18,452 --> 00:05:21,119
So, leanna, you're imagining it
from the point of view
141
00:05:21,121 --> 00:05:23,522
Of having to live to be 110.
142
00:05:23,524 --> 00:05:27,125
Like, you've seen the
thousand-yard stare in her eyes.
143
00:05:27,127 --> 00:05:28,193
Here's what I think.
144
00:05:28,195 --> 00:05:30,795
I think that she's in
a constant state of misery
145
00:05:30,797 --> 00:05:32,597
And I think
those other things
146
00:05:32,599 --> 00:05:36,134
Aren't even as constant
as her dying days.
147
00:05:36,136 --> 00:05:38,136
Right, but your ex,
depending on the ex,
148
00:05:38,138 --> 00:05:40,605
Doing a podcast about you
lives forever in your life.
149
00:05:40,607 --> 00:05:42,006
That's horrible.
I don't want that out there.
True.
150
00:05:42,008 --> 00:05:45,210
A new psychiatrist
keeps saying, "yikes"?
151
00:05:45,212 --> 00:05:47,279
I don't like that,
either, man.
What do you think,
leanna?
152
00:05:47,281 --> 00:05:50,815
I think that she is
actually going to be
153
00:05:50,817 --> 00:05:54,086
In between, actually.
Okay.
154
00:05:54,088 --> 00:05:55,087
I see it, I see it.
155
00:05:55,089 --> 00:05:56,755
Okay, let's see what
our shrinks say.
156
00:05:56,757 --> 00:05:59,091
Put it right there.
That's fine.
Just pop, lock, and drop it
right there.
157
00:05:59,093 --> 00:06:01,226
Pop, lock, and drop.
[ laughs ]
158
00:06:01,228 --> 00:06:02,360
Right there, right there,
right there.
159
00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:03,896
-It's gonna come back.
-Oh, go back.
160
00:06:03,898 --> 00:06:06,431
[ cheers and applause ]
161
00:06:06,433 --> 00:06:07,432
Jameela: You are correct.
162
00:06:07,434 --> 00:06:09,167
You have just banked yourself
$500.
163
00:06:09,169 --> 00:06:11,503
Well done.
Yeah, she did.
164
00:06:11,505 --> 00:06:13,037
And it's round 2.
165
00:06:13,039 --> 00:06:16,641
The name of our next game
is more or less miserable.
166
00:06:16,643 --> 00:06:18,310
So, leanna, this time,
you get to go first.
167
00:06:18,312 --> 00:06:19,844
I'm gonna show you
two deeply traumatic events,
168
00:06:19,846 --> 00:06:22,781
And you just have to tell me
which is worse
169
00:06:22,783 --> 00:06:24,783
According to our shrinks.
-Okay.
170
00:06:24,785 --> 00:06:28,520
For $1,000, please tell me which
one of these unhappy couplings
171
00:06:28,522 --> 00:06:30,589
Lands higher
on the misery index.
172
00:06:30,591 --> 00:06:32,190
Is it this?
173
00:06:32,192 --> 00:06:34,659
"drunk man pleads guilty
after he's caught
174
00:06:34,661 --> 00:06:36,595
Trying to 'have sex'
with a pile of leaves."
175
00:06:36,597 --> 00:06:37,729
Mark, is that you?
176
00:06:37,731 --> 00:06:39,665
[ laughter ]
177
00:06:41,401 --> 00:06:42,935
Mine was accidental.
178
00:06:42,937 --> 00:06:45,003
You're not alone in life, bud.
You're not alone in life.
179
00:06:45,005 --> 00:06:46,739
[ laughter ]
180
00:06:46,741 --> 00:06:49,207
There's a love triangle between
these two and some poison ivy.
181
00:06:49,209 --> 00:06:51,343
[ laughter ]
182
00:06:51,345 --> 00:06:53,345
He was allegedly drunk
and high.
183
00:06:53,347 --> 00:06:54,747
[ laughter ]
184
00:06:54,749 --> 00:06:56,582
Or is this more miserable?
185
00:06:57,818 --> 00:07:00,685
"husband creates spreadsheet
of wife's excuses
186
00:07:00,687 --> 00:07:03,888
For refusing to have sex
with him."
187
00:07:03,890 --> 00:07:06,558
So, the husband made it
and gave it to her to shame her.
188
00:07:06,560 --> 00:07:08,827
-Oh.
-She posted it on reddit.
189
00:07:08,829 --> 00:07:10,895
-Oh.
-[ laughs ]
190
00:07:10,897 --> 00:07:13,432
My favorite one on here,
though, is,
191
00:07:13,434 --> 00:07:15,900
"I just came back from the gym,
I feel gross,"
192
00:07:15,902 --> 00:07:17,369
And then he put in brackets,
193
00:07:17,371 --> 00:07:19,171
"she didn't shower
till the next morning."
194
00:07:19,173 --> 00:07:20,639
[ laughter ]
195
00:07:20,641 --> 00:07:21,906
This is kind of more like
a spreadsheet
196
00:07:21,908 --> 00:07:23,308
Of every time he masturbated
that month.
197
00:07:23,310 --> 00:07:24,309
Joe: Yeah,
that's pretty much it.
198
00:07:24,311 --> 00:07:26,578
As ridiculous
as the spreadsheet is...
199
00:07:26,580 --> 00:07:28,913
-Uh-huh.
-...And it is exposed,
200
00:07:28,915 --> 00:07:30,915
It's relatable in a way
that people can be like,
201
00:07:30,917 --> 00:07:32,985
"I have a spouse.
Sometimes, we are intimate,
202
00:07:32,987 --> 00:07:34,386
Sometimes we're not on
the same schedule,"
203
00:07:34,388 --> 00:07:38,390
Whereas I think being arrested
for having sex with foliage
204
00:07:38,392 --> 00:07:40,192
Is, like,
mortifying in a way.
205
00:07:40,194 --> 00:07:43,261
Your wife not having sex
with you is a solvable problem.
206
00:07:43,263 --> 00:07:44,729
Either cheat on her
or get divorced.
207
00:07:44,731 --> 00:07:46,264
Done.
-Find a pile of leaves.
208
00:07:46,266 --> 00:07:47,399
It's done.
What are you gonna do?
Find a pile of leaves.
209
00:07:47,401 --> 00:07:49,468
-I see where you're going.
-Right?
210
00:07:49,470 --> 00:07:52,270
Having sex with a pile of leaves
is going to follow you
211
00:07:52,272 --> 00:07:54,406
For the rest of your life,
no matter what you do.
212
00:07:54,408 --> 00:07:55,808
That's an internet search away.
-Not in the spring.
213
00:07:55,810 --> 00:07:57,942
Come spring,
it's all brand new.
214
00:07:57,944 --> 00:08:00,012
So, I feel arrested for having
sex with a pile of leaves,
215
00:08:00,014 --> 00:08:02,280
No matter how hot
those leaves were, buddy...
216
00:08:02,282 --> 00:08:03,948
[ laughter ]
217
00:08:03,950 --> 00:08:06,551
...I think that's worse than
a wife you could just leave.
218
00:08:06,553 --> 00:08:08,620
Later for you.
-You know what?
219
00:08:08,622 --> 00:08:10,755
I'm gonna have to agree
with you.
220
00:08:10,757 --> 00:08:13,025
"you're arrested for having sex
with a pile of leaves"
221
00:08:13,027 --> 00:08:15,494
Is more miserable than "your
wife don't have sex with you."
222
00:08:15,496 --> 00:08:16,961
-Yes.
-Okay.
223
00:08:16,963 --> 00:08:19,798
Let's first see where our
shrinks put the other choice.
224
00:08:20,767 --> 00:08:22,167
-Ooh.
-62 is high.
225
00:08:22,169 --> 00:08:23,702
-Okay. Alright.
-We still got it.
226
00:08:23,704 --> 00:08:26,171
Let's see if you're right.
This is for $1,000.
227
00:08:28,242 --> 00:08:29,708
[ buzzer ]
228
00:08:29,710 --> 00:08:32,577
[ all groan ]
229
00:08:32,579 --> 00:08:33,912
I'm afraid that is incorrect.
230
00:08:33,914 --> 00:08:36,849
Mark, tell me which one
of these party poopers
231
00:08:36,851 --> 00:08:38,650
Ranks higher
on the misery index.
232
00:08:40,054 --> 00:08:42,387
This is a goodbye card
233
00:08:42,389 --> 00:08:45,123
For someone who is leaving
their job after five years.
234
00:08:45,125 --> 00:08:49,061
500 people he works with,
and this is his leaving card.
235
00:08:49,063 --> 00:08:50,795
-No one signed it.
-That's one.
236
00:08:50,797 --> 00:08:52,397
And just as a fact,
237
00:08:52,399 --> 00:08:55,133
They did later give him a proper
card and that was a prank,
238
00:08:55,135 --> 00:08:56,535
But this is from
the point of view of someone
239
00:08:56,537 --> 00:08:59,337
Who isn't going to get
the second card.
Joe: Got it.
240
00:08:59,339 --> 00:09:02,407
Just, like, imagine he's only
received that first card.
241
00:09:02,409 --> 00:09:04,309
Or is this more miserable?
242
00:09:05,345 --> 00:09:06,545
[ wind gusting ]
243
00:09:06,547 --> 00:09:08,280
Very windy.
Very windy.
244
00:09:08,282 --> 00:09:09,748
-Oh!
-Is somebody in there?
245
00:09:09,750 --> 00:09:12,284
No, nobody's --
oh, it's spraying.
246
00:09:12,286 --> 00:09:13,752
It's spraying
everywhere.
247
00:09:16,490 --> 00:09:19,357
Oh, another one!
248
00:09:19,359 --> 00:09:20,759
[ all groan ]
249
00:09:20,761 --> 00:09:23,828
That is
a very portable potty.
250
00:09:23,830 --> 00:09:25,964
Jameela: Yeah.
[ laughs ]
251
00:09:25,966 --> 00:09:28,100
Look, you work at a place
for five years, right,
252
00:09:28,102 --> 00:09:30,168
You've spent your time
with these people,
253
00:09:30,170 --> 00:09:32,237
And you get
a crappy card.
254
00:09:32,239 --> 00:09:33,505
That sucks.
255
00:09:33,507 --> 00:09:35,307
You feel depressed.
You feel down on yourself.
256
00:09:35,309 --> 00:09:38,711
But the other scenario,
you fear for your life.
257
00:09:38,713 --> 00:09:39,844
Are you afraid
that a porta-potty's
258
00:09:39,846 --> 00:09:41,246
Gonna rain on you
is gonna kill you?
259
00:09:41,248 --> 00:09:44,048
Because you could wash off
the porta-potty rain on you.
260
00:09:44,050 --> 00:09:45,918
You can't wash off that shame
of nobody liking you.
261
00:09:45,920 --> 00:09:47,119
-Oh.
-For me.
262
00:09:47,121 --> 00:09:49,387
I'm thinking
you could also hide it.
263
00:09:49,389 --> 00:09:53,125
Like, you don't have to show off
the card where nobody likes you.
264
00:09:53,127 --> 00:09:54,726
-Sure.
-No, but you know.
265
00:09:54,728 --> 00:09:57,396
You know that no one cares
that you've left.
266
00:09:57,398 --> 00:10:00,465
As much as you try, you can't
lie to yourself, buddy.
267
00:10:00,467 --> 00:10:03,268
Yeah, you can, joe.
Trust me.
268
00:10:03,270 --> 00:10:04,669
[ laughter ]
you can.
269
00:10:04,671 --> 00:10:07,205
I'm gonna say that the "porta
potty rains on your party"
270
00:10:07,207 --> 00:10:10,542
Is more miserable than "your
co-worker won't miss you."
271
00:10:10,544 --> 00:10:13,545
Okay, let's first see where our
shrinks put the other choice.
272
00:10:13,547 --> 00:10:14,747
This is what you have to beat.
273
00:10:16,083 --> 00:10:17,616
-Beatable.
-40. Very beatable.
274
00:10:17,618 --> 00:10:19,351
-Beatable. Yeah.
-That's low. That's low.
275
00:10:19,353 --> 00:10:22,154
But now, let's see
if your choice is correct.
276
00:10:24,491 --> 00:10:25,890
-Yes!
-Yes!
277
00:10:25,892 --> 00:10:27,426
-Good job.
-Yes!
278
00:10:27,428 --> 00:10:29,561
That is correct.
Don't go anywhere,
279
00:10:29,563 --> 00:10:31,429
'cause when we come back,
someone is headed home
280
00:10:31,431 --> 00:10:35,167
And someone is moving on
for a shot at $30,000.
281
00:10:35,169 --> 00:10:37,302
[ cheers and applause ]
282
00:10:41,975 --> 00:10:44,610
[ cheers and applause ]
283
00:10:44,612 --> 00:10:46,812
Hello, and welcome back
to "the misery index."
284
00:10:46,814 --> 00:10:49,948
It all comes down to this
one miserable event
285
00:10:49,950 --> 00:10:52,418
To determine who is
the true master of misery
286
00:10:52,420 --> 00:10:55,754
Moving on to play for their shot
at the grand prize.
287
00:10:55,756 --> 00:11:00,358
Mark has $1,500, and leanna is
right on his heels with $500.
288
00:11:00,360 --> 00:11:02,027
Normally in this round,
I would show you guys
289
00:11:02,029 --> 00:11:04,362
A miserable clip
from the "impractical jokers,"
290
00:11:04,364 --> 00:11:06,632
But tonight, you're going to
have to rate a misery
291
00:11:06,634 --> 00:11:08,233
Based solely on
what you can hear.
292
00:11:08,235 --> 00:11:09,768
So, that means no video.
293
00:11:09,770 --> 00:11:11,169
-Ooh.
-Ooh.
294
00:11:11,171 --> 00:11:12,438
-Yeah.
-[ laughs ]
295
00:11:12,440 --> 00:11:16,508
So, whoever's closest to our
shrinks' score wins the round.
296
00:11:16,510 --> 00:11:18,710
Let's play
"the sound of misery."
297
00:11:18,712 --> 00:11:21,246
[ thunder crashes ]
[ audience "oohs" ]
298
00:11:21,248 --> 00:11:22,714
Let's have a listen.
299
00:11:22,716 --> 00:11:26,652
From the manatee county fair,
linda carson, abc 7.
300
00:11:26,654 --> 00:11:28,520
Would you not eat my pants?
Aah!
301
00:11:28,522 --> 00:11:30,588
[ laughter ]
302
00:11:31,591 --> 00:11:33,792
Sounds a bit like my first
audition for hollywood, but...
303
00:11:33,794 --> 00:11:34,860
[ laughter ]
304
00:11:34,862 --> 00:11:37,262
-Oh, my god.
-Oh!
305
00:11:37,264 --> 00:11:38,396
So, what do you think this is?
306
00:11:38,398 --> 00:11:40,732
Leanna, mark,
give me your first ideas.
307
00:11:40,734 --> 00:11:43,401
I mean, I'm thinking
something cute was near her,
308
00:11:43,403 --> 00:11:47,139
'cause she's cool with it,
and then it starts biting her
309
00:11:47,141 --> 00:11:49,141
Or eating her pants.
-That's right.
310
00:11:49,143 --> 00:11:51,677
-Could be a goat.
-Leanna, what do you think?
311
00:11:51,679 --> 00:11:56,614
Yeah, she's by the goat pen,
and the goat is hungry.
312
00:11:56,616 --> 00:12:00,418
He saw, "okay. Oh, I see ham.
Let's go." so...
313
00:12:00,420 --> 00:12:02,020
[ laughter ]
he upgraded.
Got it.
314
00:12:02,022 --> 00:12:06,892
Okay, well, for $2,000,
talk it through,
315
00:12:06,894 --> 00:12:10,628
And lock in where you think
this awful audio lands
316
00:12:10,630 --> 00:12:12,564
On the misery index.
317
00:12:12,566 --> 00:12:14,099
I think there's more than
just eating the pants,
318
00:12:14,101 --> 00:12:15,433
'cause then she freaks --
-then she gets bit.
319
00:12:15,435 --> 00:12:16,434
It probably bites.
-Yeah, it bites.
320
00:12:16,436 --> 00:12:17,635
So physical pain.
-Yeah.
321
00:12:17,637 --> 00:12:20,506
We're also assuming it's a goat.
Could be an elephant.
322
00:12:20,508 --> 00:12:22,708
I'm not even kidding.
-At a county fair, though.
323
00:12:22,710 --> 00:12:25,844
Jameela:
Okay, guys, so I'm gonna
need you all to lock in.
324
00:12:25,846 --> 00:12:27,513
-Done.
-We're in.
325
00:12:27,515 --> 00:12:29,581
Great.
Now everyone is locked in.
326
00:12:29,583 --> 00:12:32,718
Okay, I think,
before we reveal our scores,
327
00:12:32,720 --> 00:12:35,187
It is only fair for us
to take a look at the video
328
00:12:35,189 --> 00:12:37,322
Behind this miserable
audio clip.
329
00:12:37,324 --> 00:12:40,792
From the manatee county fair,
linda carson, abc 7.
330
00:12:40,794 --> 00:12:43,261
Would you not eat my pants?
Aah!
331
00:12:43,263 --> 00:12:45,397
[ laughter,
indistinct talking ]
332
00:12:45,399 --> 00:12:48,066
-Crotch bump!
-Right in the crotch!
333
00:12:48,068 --> 00:12:49,868
She did.
She took a "c" punch.
334
00:12:49,870 --> 00:12:50,869
Okay, now that we've seen
the video,
335
00:12:50,871 --> 00:12:52,871
Let's see who has mastered
the misery
336
00:12:52,873 --> 00:12:55,273
By being closest to
the correct answer.
337
00:12:55,275 --> 00:12:57,209
Mark, you seem confident.
338
00:12:57,211 --> 00:13:00,078
You said it was...
339
00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:02,414
A 32 on the misery index.
340
00:13:02,416 --> 00:13:03,949
Okay, that's low.
341
00:13:03,951 --> 00:13:09,020
And, leanna, you said
it was at a...
342
00:13:09,022 --> 00:13:10,488
Ooh, 38.
343
00:13:10,490 --> 00:13:11,890
This is actually good
for us.
344
00:13:11,892 --> 00:13:14,360
Okay, let's see what
our shrinks say.
345
00:13:15,629 --> 00:13:19,898
This is going to decide who gets
to go on to the next round.
346
00:13:19,900 --> 00:13:23,501
-Come on! Come on!
-35 or above! 35 or above!
347
00:13:23,503 --> 00:13:25,170
Other way, other way.
348
00:13:25,172 --> 00:13:27,172
[ cheers and applause ]
349
00:13:27,174 --> 00:13:28,574
Jameela: Leanna wins!
350
00:13:28,576 --> 00:13:30,376
Unfortunately, that means
351
00:13:30,378 --> 00:13:33,579
That we are going to have to say
goodbye to mark,
352
00:13:33,581 --> 00:13:35,713
But leanna is moving on
353
00:13:35,715 --> 00:13:37,649
And will be playing
for the $30,000 grand prize
354
00:13:37,651 --> 00:13:39,117
Right after this.
355
00:13:39,119 --> 00:13:40,452
Don't go anywhere.
356
00:13:40,454 --> 00:13:42,454
[ cheers and applause ]
357
00:13:48,262 --> 00:13:50,061
[ cheers and applause ]
358
00:13:50,063 --> 00:13:52,798
Welcome back
to "the misery index."
359
00:13:52,800 --> 00:13:55,066
So, leanna has chosen sal
to assist her
360
00:13:55,068 --> 00:13:58,136
In the grand prize final round.
-Alright. I like you.
361
00:13:58,138 --> 00:14:01,807
This is the $30,000
margin of misery.
362
00:14:01,809 --> 00:14:03,809
[ thunder crashes ]
[ audience "oohs" ]
363
00:14:03,811 --> 00:14:05,543
Oh, leanna,
if you win it all,
364
00:14:05,545 --> 00:14:08,280
What are you gonna do
with this money?
365
00:14:08,282 --> 00:14:10,882
I'm gonna head to
my family's land, trinidad,
366
00:14:10,884 --> 00:14:13,351
With my girls
for a girls trip for carnival,
367
00:14:13,353 --> 00:14:16,688
And we are gonna turn
all the way up.
368
00:14:16,690 --> 00:14:18,156
-Pop, lock, and drop.
-And drop.
369
00:14:18,158 --> 00:14:20,225
-Yes.
-Yes.
370
00:14:20,227 --> 00:14:21,693
Alright, well, leanna,
I'm gonna show you
371
00:14:21,695 --> 00:14:24,763
Three terrible events worth
$5,000, $10,000, and $15,000,
372
00:14:24,765 --> 00:14:27,499
And after each one,
you will place a range finder
373
00:14:27,501 --> 00:14:29,301
Where you think it lands
on the misery index.
374
00:14:29,303 --> 00:14:32,237
But remember,
as the money gets bigger,
375
00:14:32,239 --> 00:14:34,440
The range finder
gets smaller.
376
00:14:34,442 --> 00:14:36,442
Are you ready to play?
-I'm ready.
377
00:14:36,444 --> 00:14:38,576
Okay, let's do it.
378
00:14:38,578 --> 00:14:41,680
Let's get miserable.
379
00:14:44,918 --> 00:14:47,319
Okay, so, leanna, your first
event is worth $5,000
380
00:14:47,321 --> 00:14:49,988
And has a range of 30 points
this time.
381
00:14:49,990 --> 00:14:51,290
Take a look at this.
382
00:14:54,061 --> 00:14:57,529
So that is -- that's --
that's a delivery truck.
383
00:14:57,531 --> 00:14:59,397
-Oh, no.
-We have a delivery guy...
384
00:14:59,399 --> 00:15:02,067
-Oh, no.
-...Who's leaving it there.
385
00:15:02,069 --> 00:15:05,270
He's taking a picture, and...
386
00:15:05,272 --> 00:15:07,072
[ doorbell rings ]
followed all the protocols.
387
00:15:07,074 --> 00:15:09,207
-He doesn't know yet?
-"my truck is over here."
388
00:15:09,209 --> 00:15:11,076
-He's lost his truck.
-Here he comes.
389
00:15:11,078 --> 00:15:13,745
Murr: Here it comes.
[ audience "ohhs" ]
390
00:15:13,747 --> 00:15:16,148
Oh, my god.
391
00:15:16,150 --> 00:15:22,087
I think with your truck rolling
away because you neglected it,
392
00:15:22,089 --> 00:15:23,288
Didn't put it in park...
-Right.
393
00:15:23,290 --> 00:15:25,957
...You may lose your job
with that.
394
00:15:25,959 --> 00:15:27,625
I think it hits on trauma
and impact.
395
00:15:27,627 --> 00:15:29,027
-Yeah, more than anything.
-You know, it is a truck,
396
00:15:29,029 --> 00:15:32,097
And it does smash into someone's
lawn and it is his fault
397
00:15:32,099 --> 00:15:33,565
And it was caught on video
398
00:15:33,567 --> 00:15:35,167
And he does have to fess up
at work, right?
Yep.
399
00:15:35,169 --> 00:15:37,635
Within a range of 30,
I think it's gonna be,
400
00:15:37,637 --> 00:15:39,705
Like, maybe 25 and 55.
401
00:15:39,707 --> 00:15:41,306
-Yeah.
-Here, here.
402
00:15:41,308 --> 00:15:43,709
Yeah, I'm thinking, like,
403
00:15:43,711 --> 00:15:46,311
A tiny bit higher than that,
like 27, 57.
404
00:15:46,313 --> 00:15:48,714
So, leanna,
within a range of 30 points,
405
00:15:48,716 --> 00:15:51,249
Where does
"your delivery truck rolls away"
406
00:15:51,251 --> 00:15:52,984
Land on the misery index?
407
00:15:52,986 --> 00:15:54,786
Your time starts now.
408
00:15:54,788 --> 00:15:57,189
Come on, trinidad.
409
00:15:57,191 --> 00:15:58,824
Come on, baby.
410
00:15:59,727 --> 00:16:04,662
Five, four, three,
two, one.
411
00:16:04,664 --> 00:16:06,264
Lock it in. Okay.
412
00:16:06,266 --> 00:16:10,135
Leanna, you are locked in
between 28 and 58.
413
00:16:10,137 --> 00:16:13,271
For $5,000,
let's see where this lands.
414
00:16:13,273 --> 00:16:14,540
Come on, trinidad.
415
00:16:14,542 --> 00:16:16,208
Oh, god. [ groans ]
416
00:16:16,210 --> 00:16:17,876
Okay, okay, okay,
okay, okay.
417
00:16:17,878 --> 00:16:18,944
-Alright, alright.
-Alright.
418
00:16:18,946 --> 00:16:20,546
Get up! Get up!
419
00:16:20,548 --> 00:16:23,549
Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop,
stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.
420
00:16:23,551 --> 00:16:26,017
[ cheers and applause ]
[ laughs ]
421
00:16:26,019 --> 00:16:27,553
Whoo!
422
00:16:27,555 --> 00:16:31,023
That's $5,000.
That's $5,000.
423
00:16:31,025 --> 00:16:34,159
That was correct.
You just banked yourself $5,000.
424
00:16:34,161 --> 00:16:36,428
That's gonna be
a very expensive bikini.
425
00:16:36,430 --> 00:16:37,629
Well done.
426
00:16:37,631 --> 00:16:40,498
Okay, so this next event
is worth $10,000,
427
00:16:40,500 --> 00:16:42,634
And you will have a range
of 20 points this time.
428
00:16:42,636 --> 00:16:45,270
-Okay.
-Let's take a look.
429
00:16:47,307 --> 00:16:48,874
Joe: Oh, no.
430
00:16:53,113 --> 00:16:56,114
[ audience groans ]
oh, my god.
431
00:16:56,116 --> 00:17:00,185
Jameela: This is a san juan
bonfire festival in madrid.
432
00:17:00,187 --> 00:17:03,789
Men, alcohol, fire --
what could possibly go wrong?
433
00:17:03,791 --> 00:17:05,323
[ laughter ]
434
00:17:05,325 --> 00:17:08,660
Anytime someone is in
the center of a fire...
435
00:17:08,662 --> 00:17:11,463
It's really location,
location, location.
436
00:17:11,465 --> 00:17:13,665
He was dead center, you know?
He didn't, like, skim the fire.
437
00:17:13,667 --> 00:17:15,533
He, like, became it,
so, yeah, yeah.
438
00:17:15,535 --> 00:17:16,868
Yeah, yeah.
439
00:17:16,870 --> 00:17:19,871
So pain very much is there,
'cause that's fire.
440
00:17:19,873 --> 00:17:22,073
It hits everything,
doesn't it?
Yeah. Yeah.
441
00:17:22,075 --> 00:17:23,475
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm thinking
it's gonna be a little higher
442
00:17:23,477 --> 00:17:24,876
Than just the truck
rolling away.
Yeah, definitely.
443
00:17:24,878 --> 00:17:27,479
And with a range of 20,
I'm thinking we got to get into
444
00:17:27,481 --> 00:17:28,747
The 70s, a little bit,
just in case.
445
00:17:28,749 --> 00:17:30,616
Okay, well,
within a range of 20,
446
00:17:30,618 --> 00:17:33,218
Where does
"you crash into a bonfire"
447
00:17:33,220 --> 00:17:34,286
Land on the misery index?
448
00:17:34,288 --> 00:17:37,089
Your 10 seconds starts...
Now.
449
00:17:37,091 --> 00:17:38,490
Murr: Follow your instincts.
Follow your instincts.
450
00:17:38,492 --> 00:17:40,358
If you go on fire,
it's got to be high.
451
00:17:40,360 --> 00:17:42,160
[ indistinct shouting ]
452
00:17:42,162 --> 00:17:47,433
Five, four, three,
two, one.
453
00:17:47,435 --> 00:17:49,101
Okay.
-I like it. I like it.
454
00:17:49,103 --> 00:17:52,771
You've locked in between 55
and 75.
455
00:17:52,773 --> 00:17:54,772
Now, for $10,000,
456
00:17:54,774 --> 00:17:57,175
Where did our shrinks rate it
on the misery index?
457
00:17:57,177 --> 00:17:58,777
Good luck.
-[ groans ]
458
00:17:58,779 --> 00:18:00,312
[ laughs ]
459
00:18:00,314 --> 00:18:02,648
[ speaks gibberish ]
460
00:18:02,650 --> 00:18:05,851
Come on.
Come on. Fire's got to be more
than a ups truck crashing.
461
00:18:05,853 --> 00:18:07,118
Come on.
More, more, more.
462
00:18:07,120 --> 00:18:09,021
[ indistinct shouting ]
463
00:18:10,057 --> 00:18:12,324
[ cheers and applause ]
464
00:18:12,326 --> 00:18:14,059
Yes!
465
00:18:14,061 --> 00:18:15,393
Jameela: Correct.
466
00:18:15,395 --> 00:18:16,995
You have just banked yourself
$10,000.
467
00:18:16,997 --> 00:18:18,997
-Whoo!
-Oh, my god.
468
00:18:18,999 --> 00:18:20,798
[ cheers and applause ]
469
00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:22,067
Here we go.
470
00:18:22,069 --> 00:18:26,004
Our final misery
is worth $15,000 this time.
471
00:18:26,006 --> 00:18:28,273
However, you are going to
have to get it
472
00:18:28,275 --> 00:18:30,676
Within a range of only 10 points
this time.
473
00:18:30,678 --> 00:18:32,344
-Okay.
-Okay.
474
00:18:32,346 --> 00:18:34,612
Let's take a look at this.
475
00:18:34,614 --> 00:18:36,081
-We're on a roll.
-Thank you.
476
00:18:36,083 --> 00:18:37,549
"death bed confession:
477
00:18:37,551 --> 00:18:40,952
Man admits murder during heart
attack, and then survives."
478
00:18:40,954 --> 00:18:43,088
Oh, my god.
479
00:18:43,090 --> 00:18:47,559
He said, "I killed somebody,"
and then he didn't die, so...
480
00:18:47,561 --> 00:18:49,561
-I mean, that's wild.
-...That's bad.
481
00:18:49,563 --> 00:18:51,029
-Yeah.
-What?
482
00:18:51,031 --> 00:18:52,831
First,
he thinks he's dying...
Mm-hmm.
483
00:18:52,833 --> 00:18:54,432
...And then he's been
carrying this thing with him
484
00:18:54,434 --> 00:18:55,901
His whole life.
-Uh-huh.
485
00:18:55,903 --> 00:18:57,969
Then he confesses, it's off his
chest, and then he lives.
486
00:18:57,971 --> 00:19:00,438
It's like, there's a
roller coaster of emotion here.
Absolutely.
487
00:19:00,440 --> 00:19:02,040
Joe: There's also
the awkwardness of not dying.
488
00:19:02,042 --> 00:19:04,042
Like, you know how weird it is
when you say goodbye to somebody
489
00:19:04,044 --> 00:19:04,843
Then you both walk
the same way?
490
00:19:04,845 --> 00:19:06,178
It's like that.
491
00:19:06,180 --> 00:19:08,714
-It's like that but with murder.
-Yeah.
492
00:19:08,716 --> 00:19:10,782
-It's painful.
-Yes.
493
00:19:10,784 --> 00:19:11,850
-It's humiliating.
-Yes.
494
00:19:11,852 --> 00:19:12,984
-It's traumatic.
-Yes.
495
00:19:12,986 --> 00:19:14,452
It's emotionally --
496
00:19:14,454 --> 00:19:15,854
Everything's emotional
about it, right?
Yeah.
497
00:19:15,856 --> 00:19:17,189
-He's a murderer.
-Yep.
498
00:19:17,191 --> 00:19:21,459
And then when you think you're
getting your load off by saying,
499
00:19:21,461 --> 00:19:22,928
"this is what happened,"
before you croak
500
00:19:22,930 --> 00:19:24,730
And then
you don't croak...
501
00:19:24,732 --> 00:19:26,131
Okay, well,
within a range of 10,
502
00:19:26,133 --> 00:19:28,400
Where does "you survive
after your deathbed confession"
503
00:19:28,402 --> 00:19:30,402
Land on the misery index?
504
00:19:30,404 --> 00:19:32,738
Your 10 seconds starts now.
505
00:19:32,740 --> 00:19:34,272
Murr:
Come on, come on, come on.
506
00:19:34,274 --> 00:19:35,541
[ indistinct shouting ]
507
00:19:35,543 --> 00:19:37,142
-Yeah.
-Is that cool?
508
00:19:37,144 --> 00:19:40,678
-Five, four, three --
-alright, alright, alright.
509
00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:42,814
[ cheers and applause ]
510
00:19:42,816 --> 00:19:43,882
That feels right.
-That feels good.
511
00:19:43,884 --> 00:19:45,083
That's what I would've
went with.
512
00:19:45,085 --> 00:19:50,822
Okay, so, for $15,000,
this is it.
513
00:19:50,824 --> 00:19:54,760
Let's see where "you survive
after your deathbed confession"
514
00:19:54,762 --> 00:19:56,562
Lands on the misery index.
515
00:19:56,564 --> 00:19:57,896
Good luck, leanna.
516
00:19:57,898 --> 00:19:58,897
We're all with you.
-Come on.
517
00:19:58,899 --> 00:19:59,965
Murr:
Come on. Come on, now.
518
00:19:59,967 --> 00:20:00,766
-Okay.
-Oh, god.
519
00:20:00,768 --> 00:20:03,235
Ah.
We all feel this way.
520
00:20:03,237 --> 00:20:04,836
We all feel it.
-Come on, come on. Keep going.
521
00:20:04,838 --> 00:20:06,972
We all feel it.
We all feel it.
522
00:20:06,974 --> 00:20:10,041
[ indistinct shouting ]
523
00:20:10,043 --> 00:20:12,043
[ cheers and applause ]
524
00:20:12,045 --> 00:20:17,249
♪♪
525
00:20:17,251 --> 00:20:18,984
Oh, my god!
526
00:20:18,986 --> 00:20:21,587
Oh, my god!
-Great job.
527
00:20:21,589 --> 00:20:24,189
Wow. Wow.
528
00:20:24,191 --> 00:20:25,723
-Well, that is correct.
-Wow.
529
00:20:25,725 --> 00:20:30,662
You are going home
with $32,500.
530
00:20:30,664 --> 00:20:34,332
[ cheers and applause ]
531
00:20:34,334 --> 00:20:36,201
Girls' trip!
Girls' trip!
532
00:20:36,203 --> 00:20:38,137
[ all chanting "girls trip!" ]
533
00:20:39,807 --> 00:20:42,340
[ laughter ]
534
00:20:42,342 --> 00:20:43,675
Well, that'll do it
for "the misery index."
535
00:20:43,677 --> 00:20:46,144
I'm jameela jamil,
and from me and the tenderloins
536
00:20:46,146 --> 00:20:49,347
And our champion, leanna,
good night.
537
00:20:49,349 --> 00:20:52,083
Congratulations.
[ cheers and applause ]
538
00:20:52,085 --> 00:20:54,953
-Thank you.
-What an ending.
539
00:20:56,023 --> 00:20:58,257
-Congrats.
-Thank you so much.