1 00:00:02,402 --> 00:00:05,470 Welcome to "the misery index," where misery loves company. 2 00:00:05,472 --> 00:00:06,871 -Yeah! Yeah! -Yeah! 3 00:00:06,873 --> 00:00:08,673 Jameela: We have scoured the globe 4 00:00:08,675 --> 00:00:10,943 For the world's most miserable true stories, 5 00:00:10,945 --> 00:00:13,011 Then asked a panel of respected psychologists 6 00:00:13,013 --> 00:00:15,814 To rate those stories based on three pillars of misery -- 7 00:00:15,816 --> 00:00:17,682 Physical pain, emotional trauma, 8 00:00:17,684 --> 00:00:19,618 And long-term psychological impact. 9 00:00:19,620 --> 00:00:21,954 The higher the combined misery, 10 00:00:21,956 --> 00:00:23,688 The higher it lands on our misery index. 11 00:00:23,690 --> 00:00:25,023 What is going on? What is going on? 12 00:00:25,025 --> 00:00:26,959 Our two contestants must try and decide 13 00:00:26,961 --> 00:00:30,028 How those events were rated for a chance at our grand prize 14 00:00:30,030 --> 00:00:32,164 Of $30,000. 15 00:00:32,166 --> 00:00:34,232 You're about to win some money! 16 00:00:34,234 --> 00:00:35,834 So, let's get miserable. 17 00:00:35,836 --> 00:00:38,303 [ cheers and applause ] 18 00:00:38,305 --> 00:00:42,907 ♪♪ 19 00:00:42,909 --> 00:00:44,376 Hello. I am jameela jamil, 20 00:00:44,378 --> 00:00:46,110 And welcome to "the misery index." 21 00:00:46,112 --> 00:00:49,247 Tonight, we have two very miserable contestants. 22 00:00:49,249 --> 00:00:53,318 Francine setteducato, who once flashed the wrong guy, 23 00:00:53,320 --> 00:00:55,053 And paul pallotta, 24 00:00:55,055 --> 00:00:58,991 Who once fell down all the bleachers. 25 00:00:58,993 --> 00:01:01,193 And now, from trutv's hit "impractical jokers," 26 00:01:01,195 --> 00:01:03,462 Please give it up for my family, the tenderloins -- 27 00:01:03,464 --> 00:01:04,997 Sal, joe, q, and murr. 28 00:01:04,999 --> 00:01:06,665 [ cheers and applause ] 29 00:01:06,667 --> 00:01:09,201 -Yeah! Yeah! -[ indistinct ] 30 00:01:09,203 --> 00:01:11,069 ♪♪ 31 00:01:11,071 --> 00:01:12,537 How are you doing, my love? I'm good. 32 00:01:12,539 --> 00:01:15,073 ♪♪ 33 00:01:15,075 --> 00:01:16,475 You look so cool. 34 00:01:16,477 --> 00:01:19,544 That is the coolest outfit you've worn on this show yet. 35 00:01:19,546 --> 00:01:20,879 [ laughs ] okay. 36 00:01:20,881 --> 00:01:23,215 Well, guys, let's get to know our contestants. 37 00:01:23,217 --> 00:01:24,883 Francine, who did you flash? 38 00:01:24,885 --> 00:01:27,352 It was a super-sexy firefighter. 39 00:01:27,354 --> 00:01:29,021 Not you, q. I'm sorry. [ laughter ] 40 00:01:29,023 --> 00:01:31,556 I decided to spice things up a bit, 41 00:01:31,558 --> 00:01:33,758 Put on a nice trench coat with nothing underneath. 42 00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:35,960 He invited his best friend over and didn't tell me. 43 00:01:35,962 --> 00:01:38,363 So, when I rang the bell, he opened the door, 44 00:01:38,365 --> 00:01:40,899 And I flashed, and it was his best friend. 45 00:01:40,901 --> 00:01:42,767 -It's a good attitude about it. -I like the initiative. 46 00:01:42,769 --> 00:01:44,969 -What initiative. -Paul? 47 00:01:44,971 --> 00:01:46,238 -Yeah? -What happened? 48 00:01:46,240 --> 00:01:47,706 So, I was at this basketball game, 49 00:01:47,708 --> 00:01:50,108 And you know, guy going up for the free throw. 50 00:01:50,110 --> 00:01:51,510 -Yeah. -So, I go to stand up on 51 00:01:51,512 --> 00:01:53,178 The bleacher in front of me... -Oh. 52 00:01:53,180 --> 00:01:56,048 ...And I slide down it like a bobsled without bobsledders. 53 00:01:56,050 --> 00:01:58,383 Just like -- woo, woo, woo, woo. 54 00:01:58,385 --> 00:02:00,452 And, I mean, just -- the auditorium laughs, 55 00:02:00,454 --> 00:02:01,786 And what made it worse was he missed 56 00:02:01,788 --> 00:02:02,987 The free throw, lost the game. 57 00:02:02,989 --> 00:02:04,256 -Oh. -I got blamed. 58 00:02:04,258 --> 00:02:05,657 So, uh... 59 00:02:05,659 --> 00:02:06,859 -Yeah. -Aw, man. 60 00:02:06,861 --> 00:02:10,062 Okay, guys, behold, the keeper of all things miserable. 61 00:02:10,064 --> 00:02:12,464 It is the traumatron. 62 00:02:12,466 --> 00:02:14,999 [ audience "oohs" ] 63 00:02:15,001 --> 00:02:16,935 The name of our first game is misery lane. 64 00:02:16,937 --> 00:02:19,337 I'm gonna put two misery markers on the index, 65 00:02:19,339 --> 00:02:21,674 And the first one is... 66 00:02:21,676 --> 00:02:24,743 You're stuck behind a garbage truck for 15 miles, 67 00:02:24,745 --> 00:02:27,546 Which our shrinks rated at a... 68 00:02:27,548 --> 00:02:28,480 32. 69 00:02:28,482 --> 00:02:30,549 And the second one is 70 00:02:30,551 --> 00:02:34,219 Call your boss "mommy" during an all-staff meeting, 71 00:02:34,221 --> 00:02:37,021 Which our shrinks rated at a 50. 72 00:02:37,023 --> 00:02:38,957 [ laughter ] 73 00:02:38,959 --> 00:02:41,360 Okay, so, guys, I'm gonna show each of you an event. 74 00:02:41,362 --> 00:02:42,827 You don't have to tell me the exact number. 75 00:02:42,829 --> 00:02:44,763 You just have to determine if it falls above, below, 76 00:02:44,765 --> 00:02:48,032 Or in between the two cards that you see on the index. 77 00:02:48,034 --> 00:02:50,569 Francine, you're already eyeing up the traumatron. 78 00:02:50,571 --> 00:02:51,704 You get to go first. 79 00:02:51,706 --> 00:02:54,106 Please check out this misery. 80 00:02:54,108 --> 00:02:55,974 Man: Hit it! 81 00:02:55,976 --> 00:02:57,776 [ audience groans ] 82 00:02:57,778 --> 00:03:00,112 And again in slow-mo. 83 00:03:00,114 --> 00:03:04,249 -Oh, my god. -She was so confident 84 00:03:04,251 --> 00:03:06,184 Up until the moment her feet touch the trampoline. 85 00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:07,319 Did you see that? 86 00:03:07,321 --> 00:03:08,787 She was like, "I'm gonna nail this." 87 00:03:08,789 --> 00:03:10,655 There was no chance of that going well. 88 00:03:10,657 --> 00:03:12,657 -No. -You get stuck behind 89 00:03:12,659 --> 00:03:14,326 A garbage truck for 15 miles. 90 00:03:14,328 --> 00:03:16,261 How bad do you think calling your boss "mommy" is 91 00:03:16,263 --> 00:03:17,729 In a staff meeting? That's not such a big freaking deal. 92 00:03:17,731 --> 00:03:20,265 No. 50 I think is really high. I think it's really high. 93 00:03:20,267 --> 00:03:21,734 I think it's worse than that, too. 94 00:03:21,736 --> 00:03:23,868 I mean, listen, you could lose your job doing that 95 00:03:23,870 --> 00:03:27,272 Because you're calling someone from your staff "mommy," 96 00:03:27,274 --> 00:03:29,141 Which is not something you should be doing. 97 00:03:29,143 --> 00:03:30,675 So, I think, personally, 98 00:03:30,677 --> 00:03:34,947 You dive into the side of your pool will fall... 99 00:03:34,949 --> 00:03:37,882 After call your boss "mommy." 100 00:03:37,884 --> 00:03:39,017 -Ooh! -Alright. 101 00:03:39,019 --> 00:03:41,620 -Alright. -So, you said it is above. 102 00:03:41,622 --> 00:03:43,956 Let's see what our shrinks say. 103 00:03:43,958 --> 00:03:45,757 ♪♪ 104 00:03:45,759 --> 00:03:48,427 -Oh! -Come on. Above. 105 00:03:48,429 --> 00:03:52,364 Let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go. 106 00:03:52,366 --> 00:03:53,431 Please go ahead. Please go ahead. 107 00:03:53,433 --> 00:03:55,033 Yes! Yes! 108 00:03:55,035 --> 00:03:56,635 67! That is correct! 109 00:03:56,637 --> 00:03:58,570 Nice! Alright! 110 00:03:58,572 --> 00:04:00,639 Well done. You just banked yourself $500. 111 00:04:00,641 --> 00:04:02,307 Excellent. 112 00:04:02,309 --> 00:04:06,244 Okay, paul, you and your team, please check out this misery. 113 00:04:06,246 --> 00:04:10,448 What's your name? Man: Andrew. 114 00:04:10,450 --> 00:04:12,785 Okay. Don't laugh. 115 00:04:12,787 --> 00:04:15,920 I want somebody to hold me 116 00:04:15,922 --> 00:04:17,990 And help me wash my hands. 117 00:04:17,992 --> 00:04:21,059 Um... I think your mom's outside. 118 00:04:21,061 --> 00:04:23,595 -Oh, my god. -What? 119 00:04:23,597 --> 00:04:25,263 Bro, that's mouth wash. 120 00:04:25,265 --> 00:04:28,400 [ laughter ] 121 00:04:28,402 --> 00:04:31,135 I think your mom's outside. Bro, no, no. 122 00:04:31,137 --> 00:04:33,271 Can you just... Alright, yeah, that's fine. 123 00:04:33,273 --> 00:04:35,940 Just shut -- can you shut the door behind you? 124 00:04:35,942 --> 00:04:38,210 -You just gotta lock it. -Yeah, I'll lock it. 125 00:04:38,212 --> 00:04:39,344 Thanks, bro. -Aww. 126 00:04:39,346 --> 00:04:41,946 [ laughter ] 127 00:04:41,948 --> 00:04:43,615 That's awesome. That's awesome. 128 00:04:43,617 --> 00:04:45,350 -Oh, my god. -I love that. 129 00:04:45,352 --> 00:04:47,152 I did that same thing this afternoon. 130 00:04:47,154 --> 00:04:49,287 Yeah. How would you have handled this? 131 00:04:49,289 --> 00:04:51,023 Hopefully exactly like that guy did. 132 00:04:51,025 --> 00:04:52,557 He really handled it well, didn't he? 133 00:04:52,559 --> 00:04:53,958 -Yeah. -His first instinct, though, 134 00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:58,030 Was to take his camera out while in the stall with a child. 135 00:04:58,032 --> 00:05:00,298 So, you are saying this from the point of view 136 00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:04,837 Of a kid crawls into your stall while you are doing a dump. 137 00:05:04,839 --> 00:05:08,106 Yeah, and there's no long-term impact by it, I don't think. 138 00:05:08,108 --> 00:05:10,375 No. Yeah. You ever get stuck behind a garbage truck? 139 00:05:10,377 --> 00:05:11,443 It sucks. 140 00:05:11,445 --> 00:05:12,977 Way worse for me than the kid crawling into -- 141 00:05:12,979 --> 00:05:14,246 For sure. I agree. 142 00:05:14,248 --> 00:05:15,580 -I think it's under. -Yeah. I think it's under, too. 143 00:05:15,582 --> 00:05:16,381 -Okay. Yeah. -Yeah. 144 00:05:16,383 --> 00:05:18,383 Okay, so, for $500, 145 00:05:18,385 --> 00:05:19,718 Does kid crawls into your stall 146 00:05:19,720 --> 00:05:21,653 Land above, below, or in between? 147 00:05:21,655 --> 00:05:24,056 We are gonna go below it all. 148 00:05:24,058 --> 00:05:25,323 -Yeah. -Okay, you are saying below. 149 00:05:25,325 --> 00:05:27,392 Paul: This is the least worst of it all. 150 00:05:27,394 --> 00:05:28,993 Let's see what our shrinks say. 151 00:05:28,995 --> 00:05:30,595 Good luck, paul. -Alright. 152 00:05:30,597 --> 00:05:32,731 Alright, come on, come on. Alright, here we go. Here we go. 153 00:05:32,733 --> 00:05:34,466 -Down, down. -Come on, buddy. Come on. 154 00:05:34,468 --> 00:05:36,068 -Okay. -We got this. 155 00:05:36,070 --> 00:05:38,002 It's coming down, it's coming down. 156 00:05:38,004 --> 00:05:39,404 Alright, there we go, there we go. 157 00:05:39,406 --> 00:05:42,074 Down, down, down, down, down, down, down! 158 00:05:42,076 --> 00:05:43,208 Stay, stay! 159 00:05:43,210 --> 00:05:44,943 [ buzzer ] no! 160 00:05:44,945 --> 00:05:47,145 Really? So, I'm afraid you are incorrect. 161 00:05:47,147 --> 00:05:49,481 But coming up, the money doubles, and so does the misery. 162 00:05:49,483 --> 00:05:51,149 And later, one of these contestants 163 00:05:51,151 --> 00:05:53,685 Will get a chance at $30,000. 164 00:05:53,687 --> 00:05:55,687 Francine: Alright! Alright, yeah. 165 00:05:55,689 --> 00:05:58,757 [ cheers and applause ] 166 00:06:00,861 --> 00:06:03,128 ♪♪ 167 00:06:03,130 --> 00:06:06,064 Hello, and welcome back to "the misery index." 168 00:06:06,066 --> 00:06:09,601 So, francine has $500 and paul has zero. 169 00:06:09,603 --> 00:06:12,537 But there's lots more humiliation to explore 170 00:06:12,539 --> 00:06:15,674 Before one of them plays for $30,000. 171 00:06:15,676 --> 00:06:19,544 [ cheers and applause ] 172 00:06:19,546 --> 00:06:22,080 So, for this round of more or less miserable, 173 00:06:22,082 --> 00:06:24,549 We're actually gonna go back to ye olden times. 174 00:06:24,551 --> 00:06:26,885 I'm going to show you each a medieval misery 175 00:06:26,887 --> 00:06:28,086 And you just have to tell me 176 00:06:28,088 --> 00:06:30,622 Which is worse according to our shrinks. 177 00:06:30,624 --> 00:06:32,224 So, paul, I'm afraid you are trailing behind, 178 00:06:32,226 --> 00:06:33,958 So therefore, you get to go first. 179 00:06:33,960 --> 00:06:35,494 -Alright. -Alright! 180 00:06:35,496 --> 00:06:36,829 Let's do it. That's what happened. I was second last time. 181 00:06:36,831 --> 00:06:38,296 -Yeah. -Yeah. 182 00:06:38,298 --> 00:06:41,166 Tell me which one of these bygone brutalities lands higher 183 00:06:41,168 --> 00:06:42,434 On the misery index. 184 00:06:42,436 --> 00:06:44,503 Is it this... 185 00:06:44,505 --> 00:06:47,840 Your groin is split by the wooden horse. 186 00:06:47,842 --> 00:06:48,841 [ groaning ] 187 00:06:48,843 --> 00:06:50,108 Paul: Oh, wow. 188 00:06:50,110 --> 00:06:51,243 Jameela: This miserable mount 189 00:06:51,245 --> 00:06:52,845 Was used primarily on women 190 00:06:52,847 --> 00:06:54,847 As punishment basically for being women, 191 00:06:54,849 --> 00:06:57,516 But back then, they called it heresy and witchcraft. 192 00:06:57,518 --> 00:07:00,252 Gravity plus some weight tied to their feet, 193 00:07:00,254 --> 00:07:03,788 As you can see there, would start to... 194 00:07:03,790 --> 00:07:06,658 Literally split them in half, vagina-wise. 195 00:07:06,660 --> 00:07:08,527 If you want to take anything positive away from it, 196 00:07:08,529 --> 00:07:10,529 That's some craftsmanship on the table. 197 00:07:10,531 --> 00:07:12,397 [ laughter ] indeed. 198 00:07:12,399 --> 00:07:15,734 Or, paul, is this more miserable? 199 00:07:15,736 --> 00:07:18,670 Your knee is crushed by the knee splitter. 200 00:07:18,672 --> 00:07:20,805 [ audience groans ] so... 201 00:07:20,807 --> 00:07:22,006 During the spanish inquisition, 202 00:07:22,008 --> 00:07:25,277 The torturer would crank this device to slowly crush 203 00:07:25,279 --> 00:07:28,280 And mutilate the knee until they got a confession. 204 00:07:28,282 --> 00:07:29,682 The second they showed that to me, 205 00:07:29,684 --> 00:07:30,883 I'd be like, "yeah, whatever. 206 00:07:30,885 --> 00:07:32,617 Yeah, I'm a witch. I'm a witch. 207 00:07:32,619 --> 00:07:34,219 Whatever you need me to be. 208 00:07:34,221 --> 00:07:36,555 Not to put my knee in that [bleep] thing, 209 00:07:36,557 --> 00:07:37,956 I'll tell you whatever you want to know. 210 00:07:37,958 --> 00:07:39,357 I'll do it." -that's true. 211 00:07:39,359 --> 00:07:40,893 Part of me believes nobody deserves something like that, 212 00:07:40,895 --> 00:07:44,429 But then you think at those bangs, and... 213 00:07:44,431 --> 00:07:46,298 You can't have that haircut... 214 00:07:46,300 --> 00:07:47,900 [ laughter ] 215 00:07:47,902 --> 00:07:50,034 ...And throw shade at anyone. 216 00:07:50,036 --> 00:07:51,035 [ laughs ] 217 00:07:51,037 --> 00:07:52,071 Murr: Yeah. 218 00:07:54,775 --> 00:07:57,710 -Okay. -It's the vagina for me. 219 00:07:57,712 --> 00:08:00,645 And that is joe's answer for everything, by the way. 220 00:08:00,647 --> 00:08:02,981 [ laughter ] 221 00:08:02,983 --> 00:08:05,918 Paul, for $1,000, which is more miserable? 222 00:08:05,920 --> 00:08:07,852 Uh, we're going with the vagina. 223 00:08:07,854 --> 00:08:10,522 Yes. We're going with the vagina! 224 00:08:10,524 --> 00:08:11,724 Okay, let's first see 225 00:08:11,726 --> 00:08:14,927 Where our shrinks put the other choice, shall we? 226 00:08:14,929 --> 00:08:16,995 -Oh! -I still think we got it. 227 00:08:16,997 --> 00:08:19,531 I'm still with the vagina. 228 00:08:19,533 --> 00:08:21,399 Let's see if you are right. 229 00:08:21,401 --> 00:08:23,535 -Okay, come on. -It has to be higher. 230 00:08:23,537 --> 00:08:25,137 -It's got to be. -It has to be higher. 231 00:08:25,139 --> 00:08:27,072 -Yeah! -Alright! 232 00:08:27,074 --> 00:08:28,206 -That's right! -That is correct. 233 00:08:28,208 --> 00:08:30,875 You just won yourself $1,000 with a vagina. 234 00:08:30,877 --> 00:08:33,411 Alright! Yeah! 235 00:08:33,413 --> 00:08:35,280 I'm not bankrupt! 236 00:08:35,282 --> 00:08:39,284 Okay, so, francine, now, for $1,000, tell me 237 00:08:39,286 --> 00:08:41,420 Which one of these old-timey tortures ranks higher 238 00:08:41,422 --> 00:08:43,021 On the misery index fir you. -Okay. 239 00:08:43,023 --> 00:08:45,890 -Here we go. Here we go. -Oh, gosh. 240 00:08:45,892 --> 00:08:49,027 I have that. [ laughter ] 241 00:08:49,029 --> 00:08:51,830 -Whoa, god. -This is you spend a day 242 00:08:51,832 --> 00:08:53,766 In a scold's bridal, 243 00:08:53,768 --> 00:08:56,034 An iron mask with a metal tongue depressor 244 00:08:56,036 --> 00:08:57,770 That made it impossible to talk 245 00:08:57,772 --> 00:09:01,373 And created excessive salivation. 246 00:09:01,375 --> 00:09:02,641 But no long-term damage? 247 00:09:02,643 --> 00:09:03,441 -No. -No. 248 00:09:03,443 --> 00:09:04,509 Okay. 249 00:09:04,511 --> 00:09:05,444 But the agony of not being able to speak, 250 00:09:05,446 --> 00:09:07,846 I can't imagine. -Yep. 251 00:09:07,848 --> 00:09:10,582 Was that mire miserable, or is this? 252 00:09:10,584 --> 00:09:13,051 You spend a day wearing the shame flute. 253 00:09:13,053 --> 00:09:15,453 Joe: Oh. As you guys know, I love an accessory, 254 00:09:15,455 --> 00:09:17,389 But this heavy iron flute 255 00:09:17,391 --> 00:09:19,992 Was used to humiliate terrible musicians. 256 00:09:19,994 --> 00:09:22,727 Wow. This is hard. The shame flute would be shackled to their neck 257 00:09:22,729 --> 00:09:24,929 And clamped to their talentless fingers, 258 00:09:24,931 --> 00:09:26,665 And then they had to March around town 259 00:09:26,667 --> 00:09:29,267 So people could throw rotten food at them. 260 00:09:29,269 --> 00:09:30,602 [ laughter ] 261 00:09:30,604 --> 00:09:31,936 I'm gonna go on record as saying this is 262 00:09:31,938 --> 00:09:33,806 The most uplifting round of "misery index" 263 00:09:33,808 --> 00:09:36,008 I've ever experienced. 264 00:09:36,010 --> 00:09:37,141 I think it's the tongue. 265 00:09:37,143 --> 00:09:38,076 Anything in your mouth -- -I also -- 266 00:09:38,078 --> 00:09:39,611 We need our mouth for everything. 267 00:09:39,613 --> 00:09:40,745 -She's got saliva -- -he's locked up. 268 00:09:40,747 --> 00:09:42,014 -What's that? -He's locked up. 269 00:09:42,016 --> 00:09:44,817 Antiquated? Sure. Effective? We don't know. 270 00:09:44,819 --> 00:09:47,151 But it's worse to be told to be quiet 271 00:09:47,153 --> 00:09:48,286 Just because of who you are... 272 00:09:48,288 --> 00:09:50,489 -Absolutely. Yes. -...Than to be thrown fruit 273 00:09:50,491 --> 00:09:52,757 At because you can't play the flute, so I agree with you. 274 00:09:52,759 --> 00:09:54,959 You are saying that spending a day 275 00:09:54,961 --> 00:09:56,628 In a scold's bridal is worse? 276 00:09:56,630 --> 00:09:58,697 -Yes. -Let's first see where 277 00:09:58,699 --> 00:10:00,965 Our shrinks put the other choice. 278 00:10:00,967 --> 00:10:02,967 Joe: Let's see. 279 00:10:02,969 --> 00:10:04,236 -62. -Really? 280 00:10:04,238 --> 00:10:05,370 -62. -Okay. 281 00:10:05,372 --> 00:10:07,305 I'm pretty confident with my answer. 282 00:10:07,307 --> 00:10:08,640 [ cheers and applause ] 283 00:10:08,642 --> 00:10:10,642 Let's see if your choice is correct. 284 00:10:10,644 --> 00:10:12,177 Let's go, baby. 285 00:10:12,179 --> 00:10:14,579 Yes! Yes! That's awesome. 286 00:10:14,581 --> 00:10:17,449 -I'm sorry. I'm sorry. -Let's go! Let's go! 287 00:10:17,451 --> 00:10:19,184 That is correct. 288 00:10:19,186 --> 00:10:21,386 You have just won yourself $1,000. 289 00:10:21,388 --> 00:10:23,388 ♪♪ 290 00:10:23,390 --> 00:10:25,457 Don't go anywhere, because when we come back, 291 00:10:25,459 --> 00:10:27,459 Someone is headed home and someone is moving on 292 00:10:27,461 --> 00:10:30,462 To their shot at $30,000. 293 00:10:30,464 --> 00:10:35,100 [ cheers and applause ] 294 00:10:36,903 --> 00:10:39,171 ♪♪ 295 00:10:39,173 --> 00:10:42,707 Hello, and welcome back to "the misery index." 296 00:10:42,709 --> 00:10:45,043 It all comes down to this, one miserable event 297 00:10:45,045 --> 00:10:49,448 To determine who is the true master of misery 298 00:10:49,450 --> 00:10:52,717 Moving on to play for their shot at the grand prize. 299 00:10:52,719 --> 00:10:55,320 So, francine is in the lead with $1,500, 300 00:10:55,322 --> 00:10:58,256 But paul is right on her heels with $1,000. 301 00:10:58,258 --> 00:11:00,192 That's right! Right on the heels! 302 00:11:00,194 --> 00:11:01,794 Okay, so, I'm gonna show you both an event. 303 00:11:01,796 --> 00:11:04,729 Your job is to tell us where it lands on the misery index, 304 00:11:04,731 --> 00:11:07,466 And the closest guess gets $2,000. 305 00:11:07,468 --> 00:11:10,535 [ cheers and applause ] 306 00:11:10,537 --> 00:11:11,870 Francine, how you feeling? 307 00:11:11,872 --> 00:11:13,472 I'm feeling really good. 308 00:11:13,474 --> 00:11:15,540 Yeah, I'm with my buddies over here, 309 00:11:15,542 --> 00:11:18,143 So I'm not really worried. -[ laughs ] 310 00:11:18,145 --> 00:11:19,878 Either one could win, guys. 311 00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:22,614 Okay, everyone, please direct your attention 312 00:11:22,616 --> 00:11:25,017 To the traumatron for our next misery. 313 00:11:25,019 --> 00:11:26,351 Okay. 314 00:11:26,353 --> 00:11:27,686 Q just made the worst bet of his life. 315 00:11:27,688 --> 00:11:29,153 What are you doing? 316 00:11:29,155 --> 00:11:30,755 So, that's it, buddy. You're a rodeo champ. 317 00:11:30,757 --> 00:11:32,624 You gotta get out there, tell them about your rodeo skills, 318 00:11:32,626 --> 00:11:34,226 And then show them your rodeo skills. 319 00:11:34,228 --> 00:11:37,629 ♪♪ 320 00:11:37,631 --> 00:11:41,166 Howdy, y'all. 321 00:11:41,168 --> 00:11:44,903 I'm brian quinn. How are you guys? 322 00:11:44,905 --> 00:11:47,105 I'm from a little place called staten island, 323 00:11:47,107 --> 00:11:49,641 New york -- city, that is. 324 00:11:49,643 --> 00:11:52,377 [ laughter ] 325 00:11:52,379 --> 00:11:55,848 Who am I? I'm rodeo champion of the world. 326 00:11:55,850 --> 00:11:58,383 I'm rodeo champion of the world! 327 00:11:58,385 --> 00:12:00,985 [ feedback squeals ] 328 00:12:00,987 --> 00:12:02,320 Here's the part q doesn't know about. 329 00:12:02,322 --> 00:12:05,858 Texas justice. -Yeah. 330 00:12:05,860 --> 00:12:08,193 Whoa! What the hell are you doing?! 331 00:12:08,195 --> 00:12:10,062 Get the hell away from me! 332 00:12:10,064 --> 00:12:12,531 Get the -- 333 00:12:12,533 --> 00:12:14,867 Whoa! 334 00:12:14,869 --> 00:12:17,602 [ laughter ] 335 00:12:17,604 --> 00:12:20,939 ♪♪ 336 00:12:20,941 --> 00:12:22,941 Everybody's cheering. 337 00:12:22,943 --> 00:12:24,409 What are you doing? 338 00:12:24,411 --> 00:12:27,079 ♪♪ 339 00:12:27,081 --> 00:12:28,080 I'm gonna kill you. 340 00:12:28,082 --> 00:12:29,614 Champion of the world! 341 00:12:29,616 --> 00:12:32,384 Champion of the world. -Yeehaw! 342 00:12:34,621 --> 00:12:37,622 [ laughter ] 343 00:12:37,624 --> 00:12:40,625 Please note that I grabbed my hat before I got dragged. 344 00:12:40,627 --> 00:12:43,228 That's special. That's something, alright? 345 00:12:43,230 --> 00:12:46,364 -Wow. -Okay, so, for $2,000, 346 00:12:46,366 --> 00:12:48,166 Please talk it through and lock in where you think 347 00:12:48,168 --> 00:12:51,836 You get dragged by a horse lands on the misery index. 348 00:12:51,838 --> 00:12:53,371 Just throw out a number. Talk it through there. 349 00:12:53,373 --> 00:12:56,241 23. Okay, but I think it's higher than 23. 350 00:12:56,243 --> 00:12:57,842 [ cheers and applause ] 351 00:12:57,844 --> 00:12:59,978 It's a whole look. 352 00:12:59,980 --> 00:13:01,914 I'm okay with that, too. I think you're right. 353 00:13:01,916 --> 00:13:03,448 Go for it. I'm okay with that, too. 354 00:13:03,450 --> 00:13:04,516 -I think -- -lock it in. Alright. 355 00:13:04,518 --> 00:13:05,650 -Lock it in. -Locked in. 356 00:13:05,652 --> 00:13:08,052 -We're locked. Alright. -I like it. 357 00:13:08,054 --> 00:13:09,588 Let's see who has mastered the misery 358 00:13:09,590 --> 00:13:11,924 By being closest to the correct answer. 359 00:13:11,926 --> 00:13:16,795 Francine, you said getting dragged by a horse lands at a... 360 00:13:16,797 --> 00:13:18,330 -Oh, okay, okay. -...58. 361 00:13:18,332 --> 00:13:21,065 Okay, I like that. I like that a lot. That gives us 48 -- 362 00:13:21,067 --> 00:13:25,337 Jameela: And, paul, you said it lands at a... 363 00:13:25,339 --> 00:13:27,472 -Wow! -Oh. Wow. 364 00:13:27,474 --> 00:13:28,406 Whoa. 365 00:13:28,408 --> 00:13:30,074 -Biggest gap we've had. -Yeah. 366 00:13:30,076 --> 00:13:32,076 Paul's following his gut. Okay. Paul followed against your wishes? 367 00:13:32,078 --> 00:13:34,479 -But I actually like it. -I like it. 368 00:13:34,481 --> 00:13:38,283 Okay. Well, let's see what our shrinks say. 369 00:13:38,285 --> 00:13:40,819 -Oh! -Come on. Come on. 370 00:13:40,821 --> 00:13:43,288 Come on! No 47. [ laughter ] 371 00:13:43,290 --> 00:13:44,823 -Come on. Come on. -Come on, come on. 372 00:13:44,825 --> 00:13:46,424 Murr: Come on! 373 00:13:46,426 --> 00:13:49,494 [ cheers and applause ] 374 00:13:49,496 --> 00:13:50,895 Come on! 375 00:13:50,897 --> 00:13:53,031 Unfortunately, that means we're gonna have to now say 376 00:13:53,033 --> 00:13:54,366 Goodbye to francine. 377 00:13:54,368 --> 00:13:56,501 Thank you, guys. Thank you so much. 378 00:13:56,503 --> 00:13:59,104 But paul is moving on and will be playing 379 00:13:59,106 --> 00:14:02,440 For the $30,000 grand prize right after this. 380 00:14:02,442 --> 00:14:04,442 Don't go anywhere. 381 00:14:04,444 --> 00:14:08,080 ♪♪ 382 00:14:10,984 --> 00:14:13,519 Here we go. Here we go! 383 00:14:13,521 --> 00:14:15,320 Here we go! 384 00:14:15,322 --> 00:14:18,123 Hello, and welcome back to "the misery index." 385 00:14:18,125 --> 00:14:20,325 This is it, and paul has chosen joe 386 00:14:20,327 --> 00:14:23,195 To assist him in the grand prize final round, 387 00:14:23,197 --> 00:14:27,265 The $30,000 margin of misery. 388 00:14:27,267 --> 00:14:29,067 [ audience "oohs" ] 389 00:14:29,069 --> 00:14:30,468 So, paul... -Yes? 390 00:14:30,470 --> 00:14:32,337 ...If you win the money, what are you gonna do? 391 00:14:32,339 --> 00:14:34,072 Okay, so, I have a bobblehead collection, 392 00:14:34,074 --> 00:14:36,074 And it's not big enough yet -- -I'm sorry. Say what? 393 00:14:36,076 --> 00:14:37,876 So, bobbleheads are like those -- like -- 394 00:14:37,878 --> 00:14:38,877 They do this. 395 00:14:38,879 --> 00:14:40,078 They kind of go like this the whole time. 396 00:14:40,080 --> 00:14:41,479 Okay, so, you have a bobblehead collection? 397 00:14:41,481 --> 00:14:42,814 Right. But it's not big enough. 398 00:14:42,816 --> 00:14:45,617 I want to have a whole wall just, like, bobbles. 399 00:14:45,619 --> 00:14:46,818 So, you want to buy the bobbles? 400 00:14:46,820 --> 00:14:48,153 -Yeah. -Got it. 401 00:14:48,155 --> 00:14:50,422 Okay, so, I'm gonna show you three terrible events 402 00:14:50,424 --> 00:14:52,891 Worth $5,000, $10,000, and $15,000, 403 00:14:52,893 --> 00:14:54,025 And after each one, 404 00:14:54,027 --> 00:14:55,360 You're going to place a range finder 405 00:14:55,362 --> 00:14:56,895 Where you think it lands on the index, 406 00:14:56,897 --> 00:15:00,098 But as the money gets bigger, the range finder gets smaller. 407 00:15:00,100 --> 00:15:02,368 -Okay. -Are you ready to play? 408 00:15:02,370 --> 00:15:04,702 -I am so ready. -I know you are. 409 00:15:04,704 --> 00:15:05,771 The guys are ready, too. 410 00:15:05,773 --> 00:15:07,573 -Yeah, paul. -Yeah. 411 00:15:07,575 --> 00:15:11,243 Alright, everyone, let's get miserable. 412 00:15:11,245 --> 00:15:12,444 [ cheers and applause ] 413 00:15:12,446 --> 00:15:14,312 Alright, we got this, buddy. We got it. 414 00:15:14,314 --> 00:15:16,714 So, your first event is worth $5,000 415 00:15:16,716 --> 00:15:17,649 And has a range of 30 points. 416 00:15:17,651 --> 00:15:18,584 Take a look at this. 417 00:15:23,057 --> 00:15:24,790 Oh, yeah. 418 00:15:24,792 --> 00:15:25,791 [ audience groans ] 419 00:15:25,793 --> 00:15:27,059 Oh, against the door. 420 00:15:27,061 --> 00:15:28,594 -Oh, that hurt. -Oh. 421 00:15:28,596 --> 00:15:32,398 So, I mean, they had one job, and they did it very well. 422 00:15:32,400 --> 00:15:34,666 [ laughter ] 423 00:15:34,668 --> 00:15:38,404 Within a range of 30, where does that land on the misery index? 424 00:15:38,406 --> 00:15:39,871 -The pain's there. -Yeah. 425 00:15:39,873 --> 00:15:41,539 The emotional is... 426 00:15:41,541 --> 00:15:43,075 -You're already vulnerable. -Right. 427 00:15:43,077 --> 00:15:44,610 What, in your mind -- what's the number you have in mind? 428 00:15:44,612 --> 00:15:47,479 I'm thinking, like, 47 to 77. 429 00:15:47,481 --> 00:15:49,014 Probably back that back to a 69. 430 00:15:49,016 --> 00:15:50,015 69. Okay. 431 00:15:50,017 --> 00:15:52,884 Okay. Well, your time starts... 432 00:15:52,886 --> 00:15:54,219 Now. 433 00:15:54,221 --> 00:15:56,221 [ audience shouting indistinctly ] maybe go 47? 434 00:15:56,223 --> 00:15:58,824 Yeah, I like that. I feel like right there. 435 00:15:58,826 --> 00:16:00,558 Okay. -I like that. 436 00:16:00,560 --> 00:16:02,160 Good job, paul. 437 00:16:02,162 --> 00:16:07,232 Okay. So, you are locked in between 38 and 68. 438 00:16:07,234 --> 00:16:09,835 For $5,000, let's see where it lands. 439 00:16:09,837 --> 00:16:10,902 -Okay, here we go. -Alright, come on. 440 00:16:10,904 --> 00:16:11,703 Here we go. 441 00:16:11,705 --> 00:16:12,704 Come on. No, no, no. 442 00:16:12,706 --> 00:16:13,839 Stop, stop, stop! 443 00:16:13,841 --> 00:16:16,241 Come on. Come on. 444 00:16:16,243 --> 00:16:17,843 Come on! -Come on! 445 00:16:17,845 --> 00:16:20,245 Slow it down, slow it down! Slow, slow, slow! 446 00:16:20,247 --> 00:16:23,315 [ cheers and applause ] 447 00:16:23,317 --> 00:16:25,117 -Alright! Yes! -That's $5,000. 448 00:16:25,119 --> 00:16:27,785 You just earned yourself $5,000. 449 00:16:27,787 --> 00:16:29,455 -Alright. -$5,000. 450 00:16:29,457 --> 00:16:31,457 Alright, so our next event 451 00:16:31,459 --> 00:16:34,592 Can get you $10,000 worth of bobbleheads. 452 00:16:34,594 --> 00:16:35,794 Okay. 453 00:16:35,796 --> 00:16:37,663 You will have a range of only 20 points this time. 454 00:16:37,665 --> 00:16:39,531 Let's take a look. 455 00:16:39,533 --> 00:16:45,003 This is a loneliness seminar someone held, 456 00:16:45,005 --> 00:16:47,272 And this is what happened. 457 00:16:47,274 --> 00:16:50,008 Would it be a loneliness seminar if people came? 458 00:16:50,010 --> 00:16:51,743 No, you're right. It would be wrong. 459 00:16:51,745 --> 00:16:53,145 I like the way you're looking at it. 460 00:16:53,147 --> 00:16:55,080 Paul even makes the jokes! 461 00:16:55,082 --> 00:16:57,015 He even makes the jokes! 462 00:16:57,017 --> 00:16:59,017 So, no one comes to your loneliness seminar. 463 00:16:59,019 --> 00:17:00,618 Like, put yourself in that position. 464 00:17:00,620 --> 00:17:02,488 Yeah, that could have a long-term effect. 465 00:17:02,490 --> 00:17:03,822 Yeah, you know what, though? 466 00:17:03,824 --> 00:17:05,223 Devil's advocate for a second. 467 00:17:05,225 --> 00:17:06,825 -Okay. -You could throw another one 468 00:17:06,827 --> 00:17:08,026 And maybe somebody comes to that one. 469 00:17:08,028 --> 00:17:08,894 I mean, one strike and you're out? 470 00:17:08,896 --> 00:17:10,362 Right. Right. You're chasing your dreams. 471 00:17:10,364 --> 00:17:12,297 I wouldn't. I wouldn't. I'm an optimist. 472 00:17:12,299 --> 00:17:14,500 But I say it's a 3. [ laughs ] 473 00:17:14,502 --> 00:17:16,902 I'm thinking 45-65, that kind of range. 474 00:17:16,904 --> 00:17:18,970 Oh, okay. Yeah. I think that's... 475 00:17:18,972 --> 00:17:20,906 Okay, so within a range of 20, where does 476 00:17:20,908 --> 00:17:23,509 No one comes to your loneliness seminar land on the index? 477 00:17:23,511 --> 00:17:25,177 Your time starts now. 478 00:17:25,179 --> 00:17:26,244 Okay. 479 00:17:26,246 --> 00:17:27,779 Alright. -Come on, paul! 480 00:17:27,781 --> 00:17:28,914 -Yeah. -Come on, buddy. 481 00:17:28,916 --> 00:17:30,849 Murr: A little higher, a little higher, a little higher. 482 00:17:30,851 --> 00:17:32,317 Locking it in! Final answer! 483 00:17:32,319 --> 00:17:34,319 There you go. Alright. 484 00:17:34,321 --> 00:17:38,790 Paul, you are locked in at 35 to 55, 485 00:17:38,792 --> 00:17:41,527 So for $10,000, 486 00:17:41,529 --> 00:17:44,863 Where did our shrinks rate it on the misery index? 487 00:17:44,865 --> 00:17:46,131 -Come on. All the bobbleheads. -Yes. 488 00:17:46,133 --> 00:17:47,866 Come on, I need bobbleheads. 489 00:17:47,868 --> 00:17:49,601 Come on! 490 00:17:49,603 --> 00:17:51,203 All the bobbleheads. 491 00:17:51,205 --> 00:17:52,337 Keep going, keep going. 492 00:17:52,339 --> 00:17:54,206 Stop, stop! -Yes! 493 00:17:54,208 --> 00:17:56,542 [ cheers and applause ] oh, my god! 494 00:17:56,544 --> 00:17:59,477 The 40s. Yeah. On the money. 495 00:17:59,479 --> 00:18:01,079 -Yeah, paul! -Paulie! 496 00:18:01,081 --> 00:18:01,880 Yes, buddy. 497 00:18:01,882 --> 00:18:02,614 That is correct. 498 00:18:02,616 --> 00:18:04,416 You just banked yourself $10,000. 499 00:18:04,418 --> 00:18:06,352 -Oh, my gosh. -Okay, here we go. 500 00:18:06,354 --> 00:18:08,887 This is it. This is our final misery. 501 00:18:08,889 --> 00:18:12,558 It's worth $15,000, and you, paul, are going to 502 00:18:12,560 --> 00:18:15,026 Have to get it within a range of only 10 this time. 503 00:18:15,028 --> 00:18:17,763 So, stay focused. Good luck. 504 00:18:17,765 --> 00:18:19,365 [ men shouting indistinctly ] 505 00:18:19,367 --> 00:18:20,966 So, you can see he's got a knife. 506 00:18:20,968 --> 00:18:22,434 [ bleeping ] 507 00:18:22,436 --> 00:18:24,770 -Bitch! [ bleep ] bitch! -Do it! 508 00:18:24,772 --> 00:18:25,971 -I'm gonna do it! -Bitch! 509 00:18:25,973 --> 00:18:27,839 Man: Man the [bleep] up. Man the [bleep] up! 510 00:18:27,841 --> 00:18:30,242 I'm gonna do it! [ electricity crackles ] 511 00:18:30,244 --> 00:18:32,310 Oh, my god! 512 00:18:32,312 --> 00:18:34,446 Joe: What the -- what the -- 513 00:18:34,448 --> 00:18:36,114 What is -- 514 00:18:36,116 --> 00:18:38,116 [ audience groans ] 515 00:18:38,118 --> 00:18:40,452 What the f... I was, like, expecting a little shock. 516 00:18:40,454 --> 00:18:42,254 They're all gone! 517 00:18:42,256 --> 00:18:44,856 This is like something straight out of your show. 518 00:18:44,858 --> 00:18:46,792 It blew them all away! 519 00:18:46,794 --> 00:18:48,927 You watching at home -- kids, 520 00:18:48,929 --> 00:18:51,463 Don't stab a toaster, pass on grass, stay in school. 521 00:18:51,465 --> 00:18:54,800 [ laughter ] 522 00:18:54,802 --> 00:18:56,201 -Okay. -So, probably more pain... 523 00:18:56,203 --> 00:18:57,469 Okay, so, pain. Pain's up there. Sucks. Right. 524 00:18:57,471 --> 00:18:59,471 I mean, emotionally, you're dumb with your friends. 525 00:18:59,473 --> 00:19:00,672 We've all done that. 526 00:19:00,674 --> 00:19:02,207 You're gonna use any household appliance. 527 00:19:02,209 --> 00:19:04,009 You know, you're gonna have a fear of the microwave popcorn. 528 00:19:04,011 --> 00:19:05,677 Your days are done. -Yeah. 529 00:19:05,679 --> 00:19:08,614 What number's in your head? I'm thinking, like, 71 to 81. 530 00:19:08,616 --> 00:19:13,018 Wow. You're going that high? 71 to 81? I think the physical pain in it 531 00:19:13,020 --> 00:19:14,886 Alone is gonna bump it up. 532 00:19:14,888 --> 00:19:16,822 You know, q's a little lower, I'm a little higher, 533 00:19:16,824 --> 00:19:18,290 But sal's saying right in the middle with 70 to 80. 534 00:19:18,292 --> 00:19:19,625 Right there? Yeah. I do. 535 00:19:19,627 --> 00:19:22,227 I think the physical pain is gonna carry it up a lot. 536 00:19:22,229 --> 00:19:24,562 I don't. I don't. I like the high 60s, man. 537 00:19:24,564 --> 00:19:26,698 I mean, it's your decision. 538 00:19:26,700 --> 00:19:28,967 I would just back it down maybe the littlest. 539 00:19:28,969 --> 00:19:30,768 Maybe just to get some of the high 60s. 540 00:19:30,770 --> 00:19:31,970 Okay. I got it. I got it. 541 00:19:31,972 --> 00:19:33,038 I know what I'm gonna go with. 542 00:19:33,040 --> 00:19:34,706 Rooting for you so hard. I feel so anxious. Okay. 543 00:19:34,708 --> 00:19:37,042 So, within a range of 10, where does 544 00:19:37,044 --> 00:19:39,845 A toaster toasts you land on the misery index? 545 00:19:39,847 --> 00:19:42,780 Your 10 seconds starts... 546 00:19:42,782 --> 00:19:43,782 Now. 547 00:19:43,784 --> 00:19:46,384 Alright, alright. 548 00:19:46,386 --> 00:19:50,188 [ indistinct conversation ] 549 00:19:50,190 --> 00:19:52,324 Okay. It's good. It's good. It's good. 550 00:19:52,326 --> 00:19:53,925 75. 75. -It feels decent. 551 00:19:53,927 --> 00:19:55,193 Either way, I get a lot of bobbleheads. 552 00:19:55,195 --> 00:19:56,794 That's right. You got a lot of bobbleheads. 553 00:19:56,796 --> 00:19:58,530 That was a great guess. A great guess. 554 00:19:58,532 --> 00:20:01,399 How do you guys feel about paul's chances right now? 555 00:20:01,401 --> 00:20:02,468 I would have gone a little higher. 556 00:20:02,470 --> 00:20:03,669 Alright. 557 00:20:03,671 --> 00:20:06,872 For $15,000, let's see where a toaster toasts you 558 00:20:06,874 --> 00:20:08,273 Lands on the misery index. 559 00:20:08,275 --> 00:20:09,875 Good luck, paul! -Thank you so much. 560 00:20:09,877 --> 00:20:11,009 Oh, god. 561 00:20:11,011 --> 00:20:11,877 -Come on, paul. -Come on. 562 00:20:11,879 --> 00:20:13,879 -Come on! This is it! -Here we go! 563 00:20:13,881 --> 00:20:16,081 -Here we go! -Here we go, guys! 564 00:20:16,083 --> 00:20:17,149 Up, up, up! 565 00:20:17,151 --> 00:20:19,485 Keep going! Keep going! Keep going! 566 00:20:19,487 --> 00:20:21,553 Keep going! Oh! 567 00:20:21,555 --> 00:20:23,288 [ audience groans ] 568 00:20:23,290 --> 00:20:25,023 Murr: Wow! 569 00:20:25,025 --> 00:20:26,825 That is incorrect, but congratulations, 570 00:20:26,827 --> 00:20:31,497 Because, paul, you are still going home with $18,000. 571 00:20:31,499 --> 00:20:34,232 That's right. Oh, my god! Thank you! 572 00:20:34,234 --> 00:20:36,301 Thank you. Yeah. -And a bobblehead. 573 00:20:36,303 --> 00:20:38,236 And the cowboy hat. 574 00:20:38,238 --> 00:20:41,439 Yeah. This guy is going up. 575 00:20:41,441 --> 00:20:42,908 That'll do it for "the misery index." 576 00:20:42,910 --> 00:20:44,176 I am jameela jamil, and from me 577 00:20:44,178 --> 00:20:46,378 And the tenderloins and from paul, goodnight. 578 00:20:46,380 --> 00:20:49,314 [ cheers and applause ] 579 00:20:49,316 --> 00:20:52,317 [ indistinct conversation ] 580 00:20:52,319 --> 00:21:00,592 ♪♪ 581 00:21:00,594 --> 00:21:01,960 Woman: Grandma's house.