1
00:00:02,269 --> 00:00:07,005
Welcome to "the misery index,"
where misery loves company.

2
00:00:07,007 --> 00:00:08,473
We have scoured the globe

3
00:00:08,475 --> 00:00:11,009
For the world's
most miserable true stories,

4
00:00:11,011 --> 00:00:12,811
Then asked a panel
of respected psychologists

5
00:00:12,813 --> 00:00:15,547
To rate those stories based
on three pillars of misery,

6
00:00:15,549 --> 00:00:17,549
Physical pain,
emotional trauma

7
00:00:17,551 --> 00:00:20,218
And long term
psychological impact.

8
00:00:20,220 --> 00:00:22,020
The higher the combined misery,

9
00:00:22,022 --> 00:00:23,688
The higher they land on our
misery index.

10
00:00:23,690 --> 00:00:25,090
What is going on,
what is going on?!

11
00:00:25,092 --> 00:00:27,025
Our two contestants
must try and decide

12
00:00:27,027 --> 00:00:30,162
How those events were rated
for a chance at our grand prize

13
00:00:30,164 --> 00:00:32,164
Of $30,000!

14
00:00:32,166 --> 00:00:34,099
You're about to win
some money!

15
00:00:34,101 --> 00:00:36,501
So let's get miserable.

16
00:00:36,503 --> 00:00:41,239
[ cheering and applause ]

17
00:00:41,241 --> 00:00:46,711
♪♪

18
00:00:46,713 --> 00:00:49,982
I'm jameela jamil, and welcome
to "the misery index."

19
00:00:49,984 --> 00:00:51,716
Tonight, we are spanning
the globe

20
00:00:51,718 --> 00:00:53,918
To bring you
the agony of defeat,

21
00:00:53,920 --> 00:00:56,521
The boo of the crowd,
and the blinding pain

22
00:00:56,523 --> 00:00:59,524
Of getting shot in the face
with a t-shirt cannon.

23
00:00:59,526 --> 00:01:01,860
Because this episode is
all about

24
00:01:01,862 --> 00:01:03,996
The miserable
world of sports.

25
00:01:03,998 --> 00:01:07,199
Please welcome
our miserable competitors.

26
00:01:07,201 --> 00:01:10,402
Sydney smedley, who once broke
her collarbone

27
00:01:10,404 --> 00:01:14,072
In her very first college
soccer game!

28
00:01:14,074 --> 00:01:19,678
And abby posner, who crushed her
finger while meeting her crush.

29
00:01:19,680 --> 00:01:22,881
And now, from trutv's
hit "impractical jokers,"

30
00:01:22,883 --> 00:01:25,884
They made me dress like this --
give it up for the tenderloins,

31
00:01:25,886 --> 00:01:27,952
Sal, joe, q, and murr!

32
00:01:27,954 --> 00:01:30,689
[ cheering and applause ]

33
00:01:30,691 --> 00:01:34,426
♪♪

34
00:01:34,428 --> 00:01:37,095
Hello, it's so nice
to meet you!

35
00:01:37,097 --> 00:01:39,297
-Oh, my god!
-Can I hug you?

36
00:01:39,299 --> 00:01:41,566
-How are you?
-What is going on, by the way?

37
00:01:41,568 --> 00:01:43,301
How are we not
addressing this?

38
00:01:43,303 --> 00:01:45,637
I didn't -- I'm not
a big sports guy

39
00:01:45,639 --> 00:01:47,172
And the only sports stuff
I have

40
00:01:47,174 --> 00:01:48,507
In my house is
my daughter's soccer jersey.

41
00:01:48,509 --> 00:01:50,509
So I grabbed it on the way out.

42
00:01:50,511 --> 00:01:51,776
I mean, go, bunnies!

43
00:01:51,778 --> 00:01:53,846
[ laughter, cheering
and applause ]

44
00:01:53,848 --> 00:01:56,314
Have you noticed what mine says?

45
00:01:56,316 --> 00:01:57,916
Joe:
The tandoori tenderloin!

46
00:01:57,918 --> 00:02:00,652
I have named myself officially
as the tandoori tenderloin.

47
00:02:00,654 --> 00:02:02,454
The spiciest of us all!

48
00:02:02,456 --> 00:02:04,656
Who are you guys?
What are you dressed as?

49
00:02:04,658 --> 00:02:07,592
My firehouse
softball league jersey.

50
00:02:07,594 --> 00:02:09,261
That's richmond avenue
firehouse.

51
00:02:09,263 --> 00:02:10,729
That's me, ladder 86.

52
00:02:10,731 --> 00:02:12,597
You'll notice it's very clean
because while I went

53
00:02:12,599 --> 00:02:16,535
To many games,
mainly just drank.

54
00:02:16,537 --> 00:02:18,537
This is my high school
gym uniform.

55
00:02:18,539 --> 00:02:20,605
This is -- this is me and murray
in high school, actually!

56
00:02:20,607 --> 00:02:22,474
This is us
in high school.

57
00:02:22,476 --> 00:02:25,343
[ cheering and applause ]

58
00:02:25,345 --> 00:02:27,612
Sydney, tell us -- you broke
your collarbone?

59
00:02:27,614 --> 00:02:29,548
Oh, my gosh,
I'm a freshman in college,

60
00:02:29,550 --> 00:02:31,216
It's my very first soccer game.

61
00:02:31,218 --> 00:02:33,552
I'm super, super excited,
I'm on the field.

62
00:02:33,554 --> 00:02:37,089
Out of nowhere this huge
upperclassman on the other team

63
00:02:37,091 --> 00:02:39,758
Knocks me over,
I fall over,

64
00:02:39,760 --> 00:02:41,426
I break my collarbone
in front of

65
00:02:41,428 --> 00:02:43,027
Everyone
in the entire stadium

66
00:02:43,029 --> 00:02:45,029
And then I'm out
for the entire season.

67
00:02:45,031 --> 00:02:46,765
Jameela: Oh, no!

68
00:02:46,767 --> 00:02:49,768
Okay, guys, behold the keeper
of all things miserable.

69
00:02:49,770 --> 00:02:52,704
It's not my outfit,
it's the traumatron.

70
00:02:52,706 --> 00:02:55,173
[ scattered groans
and applause ]

71
00:02:55,175 --> 00:02:57,442
So the name of our first game
is misery lane,

72
00:02:57,444 --> 00:02:59,511
I'm going to put two markers
on the index

73
00:02:59,513 --> 00:03:01,980
And the first one is...

74
00:03:01,982 --> 00:03:04,516
"hockey puck bursts
your implant,"

75
00:03:04,518 --> 00:03:09,321
Which our shrinks put at a 66.

76
00:03:09,323 --> 00:03:12,391
And the second one is, "you
slide into first

77
00:03:12,393 --> 00:03:14,993
And feel something burst,"

78
00:03:14,995 --> 00:03:18,797
Which shrinks rated
at a 43.

79
00:03:18,799 --> 00:03:20,265
So I'm going to show each of you
an event,

80
00:03:20,267 --> 00:03:21,800
You don't have to to tell me
the exact number,

81
00:03:21,802 --> 00:03:24,068
Just if it falls above,
below or in between

82
00:03:24,070 --> 00:03:26,338
The two cards
that you see on the index.

83
00:03:26,340 --> 00:03:27,940
Sydney, you got to go first.

84
00:03:27,942 --> 00:03:31,276
Check out this misery.

85
00:03:31,278 --> 00:03:34,012
He's going, he's going,
he's going --

86
00:03:34,014 --> 00:03:37,416
Aww!

87
00:03:37,418 --> 00:03:39,217
He's dead.

88
00:03:39,219 --> 00:03:40,752
[ audience groans ]

89
00:03:40,754 --> 00:03:42,754
Oh...

90
00:03:42,756 --> 00:03:45,824
Oh!

91
00:03:45,826 --> 00:03:48,560
I love that this guy,
probably world-class athlete,

92
00:03:48,562 --> 00:03:49,561
Trained all his life,

93
00:03:49,563 --> 00:03:51,363
And I could do that better
than he can.

94
00:03:51,365 --> 00:03:52,765
That's incredible.

95
00:03:52,767 --> 00:03:54,232
Oh, man,
this is a tough one.

96
00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:56,901
It was one of the hardest hits
I've seen

97
00:03:56,903 --> 00:03:58,370
In any of these videos.

98
00:03:58,372 --> 00:04:01,173
Yeah, I think the pain
puts it over the diarrhea,

99
00:04:01,175 --> 00:04:03,175
Which is what
they're implying with that.

100
00:04:03,177 --> 00:04:04,576
I think there is --
oh, is that with
that's implying?

101
00:04:04,578 --> 00:04:05,778
I didn't know --
you know that song?

102
00:04:05,780 --> 00:04:09,714
♪ when you -- when you're
sliding into first ♪

103
00:04:09,716 --> 00:04:11,716
♪ and you feel you're going
to burst ♪

104
00:04:11,718 --> 00:04:14,919
♪ diarrhea, diarrhea ♪

105
00:04:14,921 --> 00:04:16,588
In England we have,

106
00:04:16,590 --> 00:04:18,723
♪ it comes out your bum
like a bullet from a gun ♪

107
00:04:18,725 --> 00:04:20,659
♪ diarrhea, diarrhea ♪

108
00:04:20,661 --> 00:04:22,727
Oh, my lord.

109
00:04:22,729 --> 00:04:25,664
It's the sexiest show
we've ever done.

110
00:04:25,666 --> 00:04:27,466
Oh, so then I think,
me personally,

111
00:04:27,468 --> 00:04:28,933
I would say in between.
Yeah.

112
00:04:28,935 --> 00:04:31,403
How do you feel --
I agree 100%, in between.

113
00:04:31,405 --> 00:04:33,605
Yeah, I think in between.
In between.

114
00:04:33,607 --> 00:04:35,007
In between!

115
00:04:35,009 --> 00:04:36,741
Jameela: Let's see what
our shrinks say.

116
00:04:36,743 --> 00:04:39,277
♪♪

117
00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:40,545
Come on, we got this.

118
00:04:40,547 --> 00:04:41,680
I can't look,
I can't look.

119
00:04:41,682 --> 00:04:42,747
Drop it.
All right, we're on the board.

120
00:04:42,749 --> 00:04:44,016
It's gonna
go back.

121
00:04:44,018 --> 00:04:46,485
[ cheering and applause ]

122
00:04:46,487 --> 00:04:50,155
You are correct, and you just
bagged $500!

123
00:04:50,157 --> 00:04:51,556
[ cheering and applause ]

124
00:04:51,558 --> 00:04:53,892
Abby and your team,
please check out this misery.

125
00:04:53,894 --> 00:04:56,161
[ whistle blows ]

126
00:04:56,163 --> 00:04:59,898
Watch closely,
watch the ball very closely.

127
00:04:59,900 --> 00:05:01,566
Oh, it went off.

128
00:05:01,568 --> 00:05:03,435
-Q: It's not coming down.
-He celebrates.

129
00:05:03,437 --> 00:05:06,238
He celebrates...

130
00:05:06,240 --> 00:05:08,373
[ laughing ]

131
00:05:08,375 --> 00:05:10,042
Oh!

132
00:05:10,044 --> 00:05:11,443
That is so embarrassing.

133
00:05:11,445 --> 00:05:13,111
My god!

134
00:05:13,113 --> 00:05:14,579
-Wow.
-So I'm thinking,

135
00:05:14,581 --> 00:05:16,114
There's no pain, right?
-No, no pain.

136
00:05:16,116 --> 00:05:19,451
So, and the other two have pain,
something burst either way.

137
00:05:19,453 --> 00:05:21,386
It's embarrassing,
you let your team down,

138
00:05:21,388 --> 00:05:24,122
You look like an idiot, it's
public -- a public spectacle,

139
00:05:24,124 --> 00:05:25,590
But nothing burst.

140
00:05:25,592 --> 00:05:27,125
Right.
You look bad at your job.

141
00:05:27,127 --> 00:05:28,793
We're all saying, it's
definitely not above, right?

142
00:05:28,795 --> 00:05:30,195
It's definitely not
all the way up,

143
00:05:30,197 --> 00:05:31,730
So it's either in between
or below --

144
00:05:31,732 --> 00:05:33,598
For me, I got -- I'm with you,
I got to go below.

145
00:05:33,600 --> 00:05:34,533
Yeah, I agree.
I go below, too.

146
00:05:34,535 --> 00:05:35,868
I'm going to say below.
-Joe: I like it.

147
00:05:35,870 --> 00:05:38,403
-Jameela: Ooh!
-Joe: I like it.

148
00:05:38,405 --> 00:05:40,673
Let's see
what our shrinks say.

149
00:05:40,675 --> 00:05:42,274
Joe: All right, here we go.
Here we go -- ready?

150
00:05:42,276 --> 00:05:43,408
Ready?
-Abby: I'm ready.

151
00:05:43,410 --> 00:05:44,743
Here we go.
Come on, come on.

152
00:05:44,745 --> 00:05:46,545
Keep going, keep going.

153
00:05:46,547 --> 00:05:48,080
Let's go.
Let's go.

154
00:05:48,082 --> 00:05:50,014
[ buzzer ]

155
00:05:50,016 --> 00:05:52,016
Jameela: Oh, no,
you were incorrect!

156
00:05:52,018 --> 00:05:53,752
And not by much!
It's the one to lose.

157
00:05:53,754 --> 00:05:55,420
Coming up, the money doubles,
but so does the misery.

158
00:05:55,422 --> 00:05:58,557
And later, one of these
contestants will get a shot

159
00:05:58,559 --> 00:06:00,158
At 30 grand!

160
00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:02,661
[ cheering and applause ]
yes, yes.

161
00:06:05,265 --> 00:06:06,931
[ cheering and applause ]

162
00:06:06,933 --> 00:06:09,334
Go, bunnies!
Go, bunnies!

163
00:06:09,336 --> 00:06:11,403
Hello! And welcome back
to "the misery index,"

164
00:06:11,405 --> 00:06:14,339
Sydney has $500,
and abby has nothing.

165
00:06:14,341 --> 00:06:17,476
But there's lots
more humiliation to explore

166
00:06:17,478 --> 00:06:21,146
Before one of the players
for $30,000!

167
00:06:21,148 --> 00:06:22,681
[ cheering and applause ]

168
00:06:22,683 --> 00:06:24,749
Aw, yeah!

169
00:06:24,751 --> 00:06:26,018
The big clap is great!

170
00:06:26,020 --> 00:06:27,619
I look like a sea --
like a sea lion,

171
00:06:27,621 --> 00:06:29,822
Like --
[ imitates seal barking ]

172
00:06:29,824 --> 00:06:32,424
I'm going to
throw you a trout.

173
00:06:32,426 --> 00:06:33,826
Abby, so this time,
you're up first.

174
00:06:33,828 --> 00:06:36,495
I'm going to show you two
deeply traumatic events

175
00:06:36,497 --> 00:06:38,230
And you just have to tell me
which is worse

176
00:06:38,232 --> 00:06:39,764
According to our shrinks.

177
00:06:39,766 --> 00:06:41,900
-All right.
-Please tell me which one of

178
00:06:41,902 --> 00:06:44,503
These sad sacks lands higher
on the misery index.

179
00:06:44,505 --> 00:06:46,104
Is it this?

180
00:06:46,106 --> 00:06:50,242
"jay cutler autographed football
gets zero bids

181
00:06:50,244 --> 00:06:52,377
At a charity auction"?

182
00:06:52,379 --> 00:06:55,514
It started at $100?!
Oh, man!

183
00:06:55,516 --> 00:06:59,051
Or is this more miserable?

184
00:06:59,053 --> 00:07:02,120
"couple files a lawsuit
after their engagement photo

185
00:07:02,122 --> 00:07:04,723
Appears on erotic novel.

186
00:07:04,725 --> 00:07:08,527
This is book one in the
rob gronkowski erotica series."

187
00:07:08,529 --> 00:07:10,462
-Oh, wow.
-This just happened to us!

188
00:07:10,464 --> 00:07:14,266
The other day, sal discovered
that his photo from "jokers,"

189
00:07:14,268 --> 00:07:16,401
When he worked as a doctor,
is being used

190
00:07:16,403 --> 00:07:20,405
To sell erectile dysfunction
pills on porn websites.

191
00:07:20,407 --> 00:07:22,407
No way!
Joe: 100%

192
00:07:22,409 --> 00:07:23,876
I'm in a lab coat
and it's like,

193
00:07:23,878 --> 00:07:26,611
"don't let this happen to you,"
and I'm like pointing at the...

194
00:07:26,613 --> 00:07:27,880
It's like he's the spokesman.

195
00:07:27,882 --> 00:07:29,682
"warning" -- this is from
the back cover --

196
00:07:29,684 --> 00:07:32,084
"warning: Contains some sexually
graphic scenes,

197
00:07:32,086 --> 00:07:34,086
As well as a misuse
of american footballs

198
00:07:34,088 --> 00:07:35,754
That will leave you wet,

199
00:07:35,756 --> 00:07:39,157
Hard, and everything
in between sports."

200
00:07:39,159 --> 00:07:42,160
This is a quote: "suddenly,
all I wanted to do was watch

201
00:07:42,162 --> 00:07:45,163
Gronk do his thang-thang --"

202
00:07:45,165 --> 00:07:48,032
[ laughter ]
"...On the zone place."

203
00:07:48,034 --> 00:07:49,768
Both are super embarrassing!
Yup.

204
00:07:49,770 --> 00:07:52,905
Having your face on an erotic
novel is, that's there forever.

205
00:07:52,907 --> 00:07:54,506
Sure.
It's their wedding photo, right?

206
00:07:54,508 --> 00:07:56,709
It's a symbol of their marriage,
their relationship,

207
00:07:56,711 --> 00:07:58,643
And now it's being used --
and you can't take that down

208
00:07:58,645 --> 00:08:00,645
Off the internet,
it's on there forever.

209
00:08:00,647 --> 00:08:02,981
I'm going to call
time out.

210
00:08:02,983 --> 00:08:04,316
I think it's a sign, murr,
and here's what

211
00:08:04,318 --> 00:08:05,784
I'll tell you,
that's in control of you.

212
00:08:05,786 --> 00:08:07,185
It's a little bit more of
reflection of what you've done.

213
00:08:07,187 --> 00:08:09,387
This is somebody else has gone
and done it out for you.

214
00:08:09,389 --> 00:08:11,189
You know what I mean?
Okay, but I'm throwing down

215
00:08:11,191 --> 00:08:12,991
The yellow card because I really
have think about

216
00:08:12,993 --> 00:08:14,593
The erotic novel --
-hold up the yellow card.

217
00:08:14,595 --> 00:08:18,597
Oh, god, abby, your parents
are fighting, this is terrible.

218
00:08:18,599 --> 00:08:21,199
I am going to say that the face
on the erotic novel

219
00:08:21,201 --> 00:08:23,135
Is more miserable.

220
00:08:23,137 --> 00:08:25,537
Let's first see where our
shrinks put the other choice.

221
00:08:25,539 --> 00:08:26,939
Good luck.
It's gonna be close.

222
00:08:26,941 --> 00:08:28,206
It's gonna be close.
Yeah.

223
00:08:28,208 --> 00:08:30,475
Forty-four,
that's beatable.

224
00:08:30,477 --> 00:08:32,677
So now let's see
if you're right.

225
00:08:32,679 --> 00:08:35,614
♪♪

226
00:08:35,616 --> 00:08:37,682
-Oh, gosh, okay!
-Come on, abby!

227
00:08:37,684 --> 00:08:39,952
[ buzzer ]

228
00:08:39,954 --> 00:08:41,620
Abby, I'm afraid that is
incorrect,

229
00:08:41,622 --> 00:08:43,888
But it's not over yet, you still
have a round 3, okay?

230
00:08:43,890 --> 00:08:46,224
All right, yes, yes!

231
00:08:46,226 --> 00:08:48,160
Sidney, for $1,000,

232
00:08:48,162 --> 00:08:50,695
Tell me which one of these
"no pain, no gains"

233
00:08:50,697 --> 00:08:53,332
Ranks higher on
the misery index -- is it this?

234
00:08:56,303 --> 00:08:58,637
[ audience groans ]

235
00:08:58,639 --> 00:09:01,774
Wow! Wow!
Oh, my goodness!

236
00:09:01,776 --> 00:09:03,308
I was worse the second time,
but what an idiot, though.

237
00:09:03,310 --> 00:09:04,376
-Yeah.
-You know what I mean?

238
00:09:04,378 --> 00:09:05,910
Like, fully deserved.
-He really thought

239
00:09:05,912 --> 00:09:07,312
He's going to pull that off.
-Yeah, yeah.

240
00:09:07,314 --> 00:09:08,713
He's out there
breaking glass ceilings, though.

241
00:09:08,715 --> 00:09:09,782
You got to give him his due.

242
00:09:09,784 --> 00:09:11,116
[ laughter ]

243
00:09:11,118 --> 00:09:14,386
Or is this more miserable?

244
00:09:14,388 --> 00:09:17,456
"guy who wrote book on surviving
running of the bulls

245
00:09:17,458 --> 00:09:20,325
Gets gored by bull."

246
00:09:20,327 --> 00:09:21,326
You know, I think the word

247
00:09:21,328 --> 00:09:22,594
That we need
to concentrate on here is

248
00:09:22,596 --> 00:09:27,399
"gore" -- goring means
that the horn punctured

249
00:09:27,401 --> 00:09:29,468
And pierced your innards,
you know, pretty much.

250
00:09:29,470 --> 00:09:31,269
And then they -- then they --

251
00:09:31,271 --> 00:09:33,205
Then they move their
head around and -- yeah!

252
00:09:33,207 --> 00:09:35,740
For all to see as well,
you know, for all to see.

253
00:09:35,742 --> 00:09:38,010
Yeah, and then you add
the book into it.

254
00:09:38,012 --> 00:09:39,744
Yeah, I'm going to have to
go with

255
00:09:39,746 --> 00:09:41,746
"your are gored by a bull"
is more miserable.

256
00:09:41,748 --> 00:09:45,750
Okay, first let's see where our
shrinks put the other choice.

257
00:09:45,752 --> 00:09:47,952
Good luck.

258
00:09:47,954 --> 00:09:49,488
Oh, 69 is high!

259
00:09:49,490 --> 00:09:54,226
But now let's see
if your choice is correct.

260
00:09:54,228 --> 00:09:56,161
She's already in the lead.

261
00:09:56,163 --> 00:09:57,762
No, we got it, come on,
there's no way.

262
00:09:57,764 --> 00:10:00,298
[ cheering and applause ]

263
00:10:00,300 --> 00:10:02,701
That is correct,
you just won $1,000.

264
00:10:02,703 --> 00:10:04,169
Don't go anywhere,
because when we come back,

265
00:10:04,171 --> 00:10:05,370
Someone is headed home

266
00:10:05,372 --> 00:10:07,372
And someone
is moving on for a shot

267
00:10:07,374 --> 00:10:12,378
At $30,000!
[ cheering and applause ]

268
00:10:17,451 --> 00:10:19,451
Welcome back to
"the misery index,"

269
00:10:19,453 --> 00:10:22,521
It all comes down
to this one miserable event

270
00:10:22,523 --> 00:10:26,124
To determine who is
the true master of misery.

271
00:10:26,126 --> 00:10:28,927
Moving on to play for their shot
at the grand prize.

272
00:10:28,929 --> 00:10:32,531
Sydney is currently in the lead
with $1,500

273
00:10:32,533 --> 00:10:34,132
And abby still has zero.

274
00:10:34,134 --> 00:10:36,334
But it's okay.
It's not over yet.

275
00:10:36,336 --> 00:10:38,270
So I'm going to show you
both the same event.

276
00:10:38,272 --> 00:10:40,338
And your job is just to tell us

277
00:10:40,340 --> 00:10:41,806
Where it lands
on the misery index.

278
00:10:41,808 --> 00:10:44,743
And the closest guess
gets $2,000.

279
00:10:44,745 --> 00:10:46,278
[ cheering and applause ]

280
00:10:46,280 --> 00:10:48,480
Now, we all know
that professional athletes

281
00:10:48,482 --> 00:10:50,883
Have it all --
the fame, the glory,

282
00:10:50,885 --> 00:10:52,684
And, yes, even the misery.

283
00:10:52,686 --> 00:10:55,087
Here to share his tale of woe
is the tight end

284
00:10:55,089 --> 00:10:57,890
With a tight end --
from the kansas city chiefs,

285
00:10:57,892 --> 00:11:01,159
It's the super bowl champion,
travis kelce!

286
00:11:01,161 --> 00:11:04,763
[ cheering and applause ]

287
00:11:04,765 --> 00:11:06,765
What's going on?
What's going on?

288
00:11:06,767 --> 00:11:09,634
Travis, why don't you
take it away?

289
00:11:09,636 --> 00:11:13,171
All right, jameela, this is --
so, this is my misery story.

290
00:11:13,173 --> 00:11:17,109
So before every nfl draft,
there's a the nfl combine

291
00:11:17,111 --> 00:11:18,911
And all the top prospects
either go to the combine

292
00:11:18,913 --> 00:11:21,646
Or they have a pro day,
which is the exact same thing

293
00:11:21,648 --> 00:11:23,848
As the combine,
it's just at your school.

294
00:11:23,850 --> 00:11:26,118
As soon as I walked on campus,
it just wasn't good for me.

295
00:11:26,120 --> 00:11:28,052
I mean, my stomach's aching.

296
00:11:28,054 --> 00:11:29,187
I feel sick to my stomach --

297
00:11:29,189 --> 00:11:30,855
It has something to do with,
like,

298
00:11:30,857 --> 00:11:32,857
Either the nerves
of this big day

299
00:11:32,859 --> 00:11:35,794
Or the mound of sushi
I had the night before

300
00:11:35,796 --> 00:11:39,598
That was just laying underneath
the egg and sausage burrito

301
00:11:39,600 --> 00:11:41,066
That I had that morning.

302
00:11:41,068 --> 00:11:43,401
So as soon
as I started stretching,

303
00:11:43,403 --> 00:11:45,870
I'm just projectile
vomiting across the field,

304
00:11:45,872 --> 00:11:47,072
Just showing these scouts,

305
00:11:47,074 --> 00:11:48,340
You know,
I'm ready for the moment.

306
00:11:48,342 --> 00:11:50,008
Ow, wow!
All my friends

307
00:11:50,010 --> 00:11:52,010
Are looking at me, just like,
"dude, you all right?!

308
00:11:52,012 --> 00:11:53,612
You okay?"
and I'm just like,

309
00:11:53,614 --> 00:11:57,149
"yeah, you know... Just fighting
the good fight, man --"

310
00:11:57,151 --> 00:11:59,351
[ laughter ]
you know?

311
00:11:59,353 --> 00:12:01,286
So I go through
a few of the drills

312
00:12:01,288 --> 00:12:03,088
And I finally get
to the 40 yard dash

313
00:12:03,090 --> 00:12:04,422
And I'm like, in my mind,

314
00:12:04,424 --> 00:12:06,558
The 40 yard dash in the nfl
is huge.

315
00:12:06,560 --> 00:12:08,761
It's like the biggest thing that
they judge you on coming out.

316
00:12:08,763 --> 00:12:11,896
So it's my last hope that if
I have a good 40 time,

317
00:12:11,898 --> 00:12:13,432
At least these scouts
and coaches

318
00:12:13,434 --> 00:12:16,234
Can go back to their teams
with something positive.

319
00:12:16,236 --> 00:12:17,770
Yeah.
So I get up to the line, man.

320
00:12:17,772 --> 00:12:20,104
I'm -- in my mind, I'm like,
"just be strong,

321
00:12:20,106 --> 00:12:21,840
Just be explosive,
and get out of the break."

322
00:12:21,842 --> 00:12:24,176
-"explosive"!
-So the instant I move,

323
00:12:24,178 --> 00:12:25,778
Boom!

324
00:12:25,780 --> 00:12:27,312
Right out the other end.

325
00:12:27,314 --> 00:12:30,048
And it was
double trouble,

326
00:12:30,050 --> 00:12:33,051
Double whammy,
there's nothing more awkward

327
00:12:33,053 --> 00:12:35,053
Than shaking a man's hand

328
00:12:35,055 --> 00:12:37,322
In a job interview
with puke breath

329
00:12:37,324 --> 00:12:40,859
And lord knows how much burrito
is in your pants.

330
00:12:40,861 --> 00:12:43,127
[ laughter and applause ]

331
00:12:43,129 --> 00:12:47,131
And no one knew until now.
-Wow.

332
00:12:47,133 --> 00:12:49,401
Travis, thank you so much
for honoring us

333
00:12:49,403 --> 00:12:51,470
With that secret story
of yours.

334
00:12:51,472 --> 00:12:54,272
We love you!
-Sydney, abby, good luck!

335
00:12:54,274 --> 00:12:55,808
Travis, we won't
tell anyone!

336
00:12:55,810 --> 00:13:00,144
Okay, so now, for $2,000,
talk it through and lock in

337
00:13:00,146 --> 00:13:02,414
Where you think "you crap out
during your big interview:

338
00:13:02,416 --> 00:13:04,549
Lands on the misery index.

339
00:13:04,551 --> 00:13:08,220
[ whispering indistinctly ]

340
00:13:08,222 --> 00:13:11,690
Is it traumatic,
emotionally?

341
00:13:11,692 --> 00:13:13,225
I think it is.

342
00:13:13,227 --> 00:13:14,626
I mean, if you didn't
get the job, maybe?

343
00:13:14,628 --> 00:13:15,960
All right, everyone,

344
00:13:15,962 --> 00:13:17,629
I'm gonna need you to lock in
your answers!

345
00:13:17,631 --> 00:13:20,298
♪♪

346
00:13:20,300 --> 00:13:22,367
So everyone is locked in,
let's see who has mastered

347
00:13:22,369 --> 00:13:25,303
The misery by being the closest
to the correct answer.

348
00:13:25,305 --> 00:13:28,173
Sydney, you have locked in at...

349
00:13:28,175 --> 00:13:30,442
[ sydney groaning ]

350
00:13:30,444 --> 00:13:34,446
Forty-one -- now let's see
where abby has locked in.

351
00:13:34,448 --> 00:13:36,715
Forty-six!
I think we got this.

352
00:13:36,717 --> 00:13:39,251
Okay, let's see
what our shrinks say.

353
00:13:39,253 --> 00:13:40,719
Good luck.

354
00:13:40,721 --> 00:13:47,259
[ cheering and applause ]

355
00:13:47,261 --> 00:13:48,660
[ bell ringing ]

356
00:13:48,662 --> 00:13:51,129
Sixty, oh, my goodness!

357
00:13:51,131 --> 00:13:53,798
So, abby wins,
which means, unfortunately,

358
00:13:53,800 --> 00:13:56,201
We are going to have to say
goodbye to sydney.

359
00:13:56,203 --> 00:13:58,603
But abby is moving on and will
be playing for

360
00:13:58,605 --> 00:14:00,805
The $30,000 grand prize
right after this!

361
00:14:00,807 --> 00:14:02,006
Don't go anywhere.

362
00:14:02,008 --> 00:14:04,510
[ cheering and applause ]

363
00:14:08,949 --> 00:14:11,283
Hello, and welcome back to
"the misery index,"

364
00:14:11,285 --> 00:14:12,951
Abby has chosen joe
to assist her

365
00:14:12,953 --> 00:14:14,286
In the grand prize final round,

366
00:14:14,288 --> 00:14:20,092
The $30,000
margin of misery.

367
00:14:20,094 --> 00:14:21,960
Very scary.

368
00:14:21,962 --> 00:14:23,095
Abby?
Yes?

369
00:14:23,097 --> 00:14:24,430
What are you going to do
with all this money

370
00:14:24,432 --> 00:14:25,964
If you win --
when you win?

371
00:14:25,966 --> 00:14:28,366
Yes, when I win --
so I just got scuba certified

372
00:14:28,368 --> 00:14:31,837
And I want to treat my family
to south africa for a dive trip.

373
00:14:31,839 --> 00:14:34,106
Oh, that's nice,
awesome!

374
00:14:34,108 --> 00:14:35,773
All right.

375
00:14:35,775 --> 00:14:36,975
Well, look,
I'm going to show you

376
00:14:36,977 --> 00:14:38,644
Three terrible events
worth $5,000,

377
00:14:38,646 --> 00:14:40,578
$10,000, and $15,000.

378
00:14:40,580 --> 00:14:42,580
And after each one,
you will place a rangefinder.

379
00:14:42,582 --> 00:14:44,450
Why you think it lands
on the misery index.

380
00:14:44,452 --> 00:14:48,386
But as the money gets bigger,
the rangefinder gets smaller.

381
00:14:48,388 --> 00:14:50,989
How small's it get?
Show us.

382
00:14:50,991 --> 00:14:53,459
It gets smaller.

383
00:14:53,461 --> 00:14:54,993
[ laughter ]

384
00:14:54,995 --> 00:14:56,528
Are you ready to play?

385
00:14:56,530 --> 00:14:58,063
-I am ready.
-Ready to go!

386
00:14:58,065 --> 00:14:59,665
Ready!
We're ready to go!

387
00:14:59,667 --> 00:15:01,467
Let's get miserable.

388
00:15:01,469 --> 00:15:05,403
All right.
Here we go.

389
00:15:05,405 --> 00:15:07,473
Your first event
is worth $5,000

390
00:15:07,475 --> 00:15:09,274
And has a range of 30 points.

391
00:15:09,276 --> 00:15:12,210
Take a look at this.

392
00:15:12,212 --> 00:15:16,281
"soccer player traded
for hotel reservations."

393
00:15:16,283 --> 00:15:17,683
They only got 12 rooms

394
00:15:17,685 --> 00:15:21,086
And it was only worth $4,056.

395
00:15:21,088 --> 00:15:22,420
What?! Oh, wow.

396
00:15:22,422 --> 00:15:23,889
Emotionally, that's super
embarrassing.

397
00:15:23,891 --> 00:15:25,090
And for a long term trauma,

398
00:15:25,092 --> 00:15:26,291
You're going to remember
that forever,

399
00:15:26,293 --> 00:15:28,494
That your team
thought you sucked so bad

400
00:15:28,496 --> 00:15:30,762
That they traded you
for hotel accommodations!

401
00:15:30,764 --> 00:15:32,164
It's like a career-ender,
a little bit.

402
00:15:32,166 --> 00:15:33,965
Yeah, like no one's
going to want the hotel guy.

403
00:15:33,967 --> 00:15:35,633
Yeah.
Yeah. What are you thinking,

404
00:15:35,635 --> 00:15:37,435
Number-wise?
I'm thinking like it's not

405
00:15:37,437 --> 00:15:38,570
Going to be much lower than 40,

406
00:15:38,572 --> 00:15:40,772
Something like
40 to 70 percent.

407
00:15:40,774 --> 00:15:42,374
Do you think, like, 42 to 72?

408
00:15:42,376 --> 00:15:44,176
Yeah -- I would like a little
bit of the thirties,

409
00:15:44,178 --> 00:15:46,712
So maybe 35 to 65?
Okay, okay.

410
00:15:46,714 --> 00:15:48,514
So, with a range of thirty,
where does

411
00:15:48,516 --> 00:15:50,382
"you get traded
for hotel reservations.

412
00:15:50,384 --> 00:15:53,651
Land on the misery index?
Your time starts now.

413
00:15:53,653 --> 00:15:56,855
Maybe six...

414
00:15:56,857 --> 00:15:59,257
Yeah.

415
00:15:59,259 --> 00:16:01,126
Five, four -- okay.

416
00:16:01,128 --> 00:16:06,198
We are locked in between
37 and 67.

417
00:16:06,200 --> 00:16:09,000
So for $5,000,
let's see where it lands.

418
00:16:09,002 --> 00:16:11,069
We think you got it.
We think you got it.

419
00:16:11,071 --> 00:16:13,071
Let's go, let's go, okay,
come on,

420
00:16:13,073 --> 00:16:14,873
It's not a 10, 20,
move it up.

421
00:16:14,875 --> 00:16:16,808
Move it up, keep going,
keep going, keep going,

422
00:16:16,810 --> 00:16:18,676
Keep going -- good, stop,
it's gonna stop now.

423
00:16:18,678 --> 00:16:20,546
Yeah!

424
00:16:20,548 --> 00:16:23,081
Nice work!
Yes! Yeah!

425
00:16:23,083 --> 00:16:25,951
Yeah, go, bunnies!
Let's go, bunnies!

426
00:16:25,953 --> 00:16:27,953
Let's go, bunnies!
That is correct,

427
00:16:27,955 --> 00:16:30,155
You just banked yourself $5,000.

428
00:16:30,157 --> 00:16:31,623
[ cheering and applause ]

429
00:16:31,625 --> 00:16:33,825
So this next event
is worth $10,000,

430
00:16:33,827 --> 00:16:36,562
And you will have a range
of 20 points this time.

431
00:16:36,564 --> 00:16:38,197
Let's take a look.

432
00:16:41,235 --> 00:16:42,768
Oh, dear.

433
00:16:42,770 --> 00:16:44,502
Oh, oh, he's in the --
oh!

434
00:16:44,504 --> 00:16:45,771
Oh, my god!

435
00:16:45,773 --> 00:16:47,705
Now he's staring.

436
00:16:47,707 --> 00:16:49,041
Now he's jumping off.

437
00:16:49,043 --> 00:16:52,310
Announcer: ...Cart there,
and it finally took

438
00:16:52,312 --> 00:16:53,711
Someone to stop it.

439
00:16:53,713 --> 00:16:56,314
I love the guy that was on it
and had the ability to stop it,

440
00:16:56,316 --> 00:16:57,649
But decided just to bail.

441
00:16:57,651 --> 00:17:00,718
Be like, "this is
somebody else's problem!"

442
00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:02,053
-It's a first down, though.
-You have 20 --

443
00:17:02,055 --> 00:17:03,721
First down?
First down.

444
00:17:03,723 --> 00:17:04,923
That's right.
Nice, sal.

445
00:17:04,925 --> 00:17:08,393
This is, "you are tackled
by a cart."

446
00:17:08,395 --> 00:17:10,662
There's definitely pain.
Don't know how much pain.

447
00:17:10,664 --> 00:17:11,930
The emotional trauma --
I mean,

448
00:17:11,932 --> 00:17:13,399
People are laughing
at you a little bit.

449
00:17:13,401 --> 00:17:15,533
That's true.
Because we just did.

450
00:17:15,535 --> 00:17:17,335
And it's viral, so...

451
00:17:17,337 --> 00:17:19,004
I'm thinking 40 to 60.
Forty to 60?

452
00:17:19,006 --> 00:17:21,206
That's exactly where we're at.

453
00:17:21,208 --> 00:17:22,274
I'd be a little higher,
but, you know.

454
00:17:22,276 --> 00:17:24,009
What's your
woman's intuition saying?

455
00:17:24,011 --> 00:17:26,544
My intuition says
to trust these wonderful people

456
00:17:26,546 --> 00:17:30,081
Who are all agreeing
on the same number, so...

457
00:17:30,083 --> 00:17:32,484
Let's do it.
Okay, within a range of 20,

458
00:17:32,486 --> 00:17:36,288
When does "you are tackled
by a cart" land on the index?

459
00:17:36,290 --> 00:17:39,291
Abby, your 10 seconds
starts now.

460
00:17:39,293 --> 00:17:40,892
Here we go.

461
00:17:40,894 --> 00:17:44,029
Go for it!

462
00:17:44,031 --> 00:17:46,031
Five, four --

463
00:17:46,033 --> 00:17:48,700
Okay.
All right.

464
00:17:48,702 --> 00:17:52,438
Okay, mate, you are
locked in between 40 and 60.

465
00:17:52,440 --> 00:17:55,307
Now, for $10,000,
where did our shrinks rate it

466
00:17:55,309 --> 00:17:57,509
On the misery index --
let's find out.

467
00:17:57,511 --> 00:18:00,646
[ chanting ]
scuba! Scuba! Scuba!

468
00:18:00,648 --> 00:18:02,848
Scuba! Scuba! Scuba!

469
00:18:02,850 --> 00:18:04,650
-Hold your breath!
-Come on, abby!

470
00:18:04,652 --> 00:18:06,784
Stop, stop, stop.

471
00:18:06,786 --> 00:18:08,654
Yes!
-Nice!

472
00:18:08,656 --> 00:18:10,788
Jameela: Almost right in
the middle!

473
00:18:10,790 --> 00:18:15,126
Correct, you just won $10,000.

474
00:18:15,128 --> 00:18:17,796
She had nothing 10 minutes ago,
this is insane!

475
00:18:17,798 --> 00:18:19,131
She had zero dollars.

476
00:18:19,133 --> 00:18:20,532
Yes, we turned it around.

477
00:18:20,534 --> 00:18:22,468
Okay, here we go,
our final misery

478
00:18:22,470 --> 00:18:26,805
Is worth $15,000
this time.

479
00:18:26,807 --> 00:18:30,075
And you are going to have to get
it within the range of only 10,

480
00:18:30,077 --> 00:18:31,877
So it's got
to be fairly precise.

481
00:18:31,879 --> 00:18:35,013
Good luck.
Take a look at this.

482
00:18:35,015 --> 00:18:37,615
It's jameela.

483
00:18:37,617 --> 00:18:42,420
Yeah, this is live footage of me
walking on stage today.

484
00:18:42,422 --> 00:18:43,989
They're going to
take the cup!

485
00:18:45,826 --> 00:18:48,827
Here they go.

486
00:18:48,829 --> 00:18:50,696
[ laughs ]
oh, my god.

487
00:18:50,698 --> 00:18:53,499
Fix the step!

488
00:18:53,501 --> 00:18:56,902
Is there a co leak
in the arena?

489
00:18:56,904 --> 00:18:59,971
It's like a lemming --
lemmings playing hockey.

490
00:18:59,973 --> 00:19:02,307
So these are seven
and eight year olds who,

491
00:19:02,309 --> 00:19:05,310
The day before, had been helped
down by their teacher;

492
00:19:05,312 --> 00:19:07,179
This day, they wanted to do it
by themselves.

493
00:19:07,181 --> 00:19:09,581
And I think
they learned their lesson.

494
00:19:09,583 --> 00:19:13,118
I'm thinking like eight to 18,
is that too low?

495
00:19:13,120 --> 00:19:14,853
No, no, no.
Yeah, that's too low.

496
00:19:14,855 --> 00:19:16,522
Very bad reaction to that,
okay, abby.

497
00:19:16,524 --> 00:19:18,056
We haven't seen
very single digits.

498
00:19:18,058 --> 00:19:20,125
If you want to get the -- if you
want to get the teens in there,

499
00:19:20,127 --> 00:19:22,460
I would go at least
15 to 25.

500
00:19:22,462 --> 00:19:25,263
-Okay.
-We think 20s it's gonna be.

501
00:19:25,265 --> 00:19:27,132
Let's do 17 to 27.
That's great.

502
00:19:27,134 --> 00:19:29,935
Okay, so within a range of 10,
where does,

503
00:19:29,937 --> 00:19:33,605
"your ice hockey team can't
skate" land on the misery index?

504
00:19:33,607 --> 00:19:36,542
Your 10 seconds starts...Now!

505
00:19:36,544 --> 00:19:39,878
Trust your gut, but I'd rather
the 28 than 17.

506
00:19:39,880 --> 00:19:41,146
Okay.
Okay!

507
00:19:41,148 --> 00:19:42,814
Come on, abby!

508
00:19:42,816 --> 00:19:44,682
Here we go.
Okay!

509
00:19:44,684 --> 00:19:46,818
How do we all feel about
abby's answer?

510
00:19:46,820 --> 00:19:48,420
I like that you caught
the end of the teens.

511
00:19:48,422 --> 00:19:50,155
I feel good.
I feel good about.

512
00:19:50,157 --> 00:19:52,624
I think it's 27,
so for me, you covered it.

513
00:19:52,626 --> 00:19:54,159
-Okay.
-Okay, nobody breathe.

514
00:19:54,161 --> 00:19:55,427
Nobody's breathing.

515
00:19:55,429 --> 00:19:56,828
I can't breathe
in the shirt anyway.

516
00:19:56,830 --> 00:19:59,365
Okay, you are locked in, abby,

517
00:19:59,367 --> 00:20:03,101
Between 18 and 28.

518
00:20:03,103 --> 00:20:06,704
For $15,000,
let's see where,

519
00:20:06,706 --> 00:20:08,840
"your ice hockey team
can't skate"

520
00:20:08,842 --> 00:20:10,842
Lands on the misery index --
this is one of the harder ones

521
00:20:10,844 --> 00:20:12,778
We've ever had.
For sure, sure.

522
00:20:12,780 --> 00:20:14,846
For sure.
It's super subjective.

523
00:20:14,848 --> 00:20:16,782
Okay, okay.
Good luck, abby!

524
00:20:16,784 --> 00:20:18,784
Come on, come on,
come on.

525
00:20:18,786 --> 00:20:20,452
Stop, stop, stop, stop--

526
00:20:20,454 --> 00:20:22,520
Yes!

527
00:20:22,522 --> 00:20:27,659
♪♪

528
00:20:27,661 --> 00:20:32,130
Abby, you're going home
with $32,000.

529
00:20:32,132 --> 00:20:34,600
You had no money!
You had no money!

530
00:20:34,602 --> 00:20:36,201
Oh, my gosh!

531
00:20:36,203 --> 00:20:38,270
So, that'll do it for
"the misery index,"

532
00:20:38,272 --> 00:20:39,805
I'm jameela jamil,
and for me

533
00:20:39,807 --> 00:20:41,940
And abby and the tenderloins,
good night!

534
00:20:41,942 --> 00:20:44,876
[ cheering and applause ]

535
00:20:44,878 --> 00:20:46,011
Joe:
So good, so good.

536
00:20:46,013 --> 00:20:48,947
-Congratulations.
-Wow.

537
00:20:48,949 --> 00:20:51,016
Go, bunnies!
Go, bunnies!

538
00:20:51,018 --> 00:20:53,218
Go, bunnies!
Go, bunnies!

539
00:20:53,220 --> 00:20:55,621
Oh, my god!

540
00:20:55,623 --> 00:20:58,624
[ cheering and applause ]

541
00:20:58,626 --> 00:21:00,358
♪♪

542
00:21:00,360 --> 00:21:01,460
Woman: Grandma's house!