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00:00:01,601 --> 00:00:03,870
♪♪
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00:00:03,937 --> 00:00:06,206
[ Cheers and applause ]
3
00:00:06,272 --> 00:00:09,242
Welcome to "The Misery Index,"
where misery loves company.
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-Yeah! Yeah!
-Yeah!
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Jameela:
We have scoured the globe
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for the world's most miserable
true stories,
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then asked a panel
of respected psychologists
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00:00:16,883 --> 00:00:19,619
to rate those stories based on
three pillars of misery --
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00:00:19,686 --> 00:00:21,454
physical pain,
emotional trauma,
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00:00:21,521 --> 00:00:23,523
and long-term
psychological impact.
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The higher
the combined misery,
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the higher it lands
on our misery index.
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Oh! Oh, my God!
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Our two contestants
must try and decide
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how those events were rated
for a chance at our grand prize
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of $30,000.
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You're about to win
some money!
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So, let's get miserable.
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[ Cheers and applause ]
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♪♪
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Hello! I'm Jameela Jamil,
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and welcome to
"The Misery Index."
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Tonight, we have two
very miserable contestants --
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Kristina Thompson,
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who once burned her face off
with candle wax,
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and Julia Quadrino,
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whose tampons once caused
a bomb scare.
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[ Audience groans ]
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And now, from truTV's hit
"Impractical Jokers,"
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please give it up
for the Tenderloins,
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Sal, Joe, Q, and Murr!
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[ Cheers and applause ]
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-Yeah!
-Come on!
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Good to see you, yeah.
Hi, Jameela.
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Hello, everyone!
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Hello!
So nice to meet you.
Hello!
So nice to meet you.
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Hello, America.
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Give it up -- the peacock.
The peacock!
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I feel like my Hawaiian shirts
are wearing off on you.
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-Yeah.
-Yeah!
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Yeah, all right.
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Okay, so Kristina, can we start
with you? What happened?
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So, I was in college
in my dorm room,
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and I blew out a candle,
and the flame came back at me,
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and I was like,
"Oh, that doesn't feel good."
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So I went to the mirror to look,
and I thought my face
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was covered in wax
from the candle,
48
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but it was my skin peeling off.
49
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-Oh.
-Oh!
50
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So then I had to spend
the next two weeks
51
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covering bandages and scarves,
and it was super sexy.
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Julia, can you top that
with your bomb scare?
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So, I was at a Mets game,
wanted a burger,
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left my duffel bag
at my seat alone,
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got my burger, came back,
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and the entire section
was cleared out.
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The bomb squad was called.
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They were going through the bag,
pulling out tampons.
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The only thing that was
in my bag was tampons.
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Jameela:
Okay, so guys, please behold
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the keeper of all things
miserable.
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It is the Traumatron.
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-Ooh!
-It's just a big TV.
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Don't be scared.
-We don't like it.
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The name of our first game
is Misery Lane.
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I'm gonna put two misery markers
on the index,
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and the first one is...
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...which our shrinks rated
at 75.
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-Ooh.
-Wow!
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And the second one is...
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-Ah!
-...which shrinks rated at a 49.
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-Yep.
-Okay.
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Okay, so I'm going to show
each of you an event.
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You don't have to give me
the exact number.
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You just have to determine
if it falls above, below,
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or in between the two cards
that are on the index.
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Kristina, you get to go first.
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-All right, here we go.
-Whoo!
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-All right!
-You got it.
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Please check out this misery.
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Man:
No, go away. Go away.
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[ Snarls ]
No!
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Oh, that is...
-Oh, my God!
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-That's what they do?
-It's a cougar, yeah.
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-W-W-W-What?
-No!
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-Why is he running like that?
-He's running.
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This video goes
for like an hour, right?
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-Six minutes.
-Oh!
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So, that was a female cougar.
She was pissed because --
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I-I'm all too familiar
with female cougars.
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[ Laughter ]
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That little sexpot
Sal Vulcano.
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They run at you like that?
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[ Laughter ]
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Uh, all right,
so how you feel?
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your partner has terrible
halitosis is, like --
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that actually seems
a little bit high.
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-Okay.
-Blow off your favorite finger,
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I do like the fact that
it's your favorite finger.
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This is the one
that I can't live without.
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[ Laughter and applause ]
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Um, so you're stalked by
a cougar --
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as far as physical pain,
there is no physical pain.
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I agree.
105
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And then long-lasting
psychological impact --
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very high.
Every time you see a big cat...
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-Yeah.
-...this thing.
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-Everybody, everybody!
-Hey!
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There you go.
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I mean, you your instinct's
in between, yeah?
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In between or above.
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For $500, does "you are stalked
by a cougar" land
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above, below, or in between
the two cards,
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on the Misery Index?
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-In between.
-You say it's in between.
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Let's see what our shrinks say.
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Come on baby.
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But all you do
is not tape --
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I actually think that halitosis
is the worst one.
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-It's gonna be high.
-Oh, stop!
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-No, no, it's gonna --
-No, it's gonna come back.
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It's gonna come back!
-Ahhh!
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Oh, my goodness.
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What the what?
What the what?
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What have I started?
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Joe: That's what
we're talking about.
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Well, you are correct.
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You have just banked yourself
$500. Well done.
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00:04:28,968 --> 00:04:30,703
-All right. Nice shot.
-Okay, Julia.
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-Yes.
-You and your team,
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please check out this misery.
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[ Laughter ]
133
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Oh, God!
134
00:04:41,414 --> 00:04:43,583
-It's like a pop face.
-Oh, wow!
135
00:04:43,650 --> 00:04:45,051
I love this show.
136
00:04:45,118 --> 00:04:48,554
I'm not making this up, but this
happened in Poland, so...
137
00:04:48,621 --> 00:04:50,556
-Oh!
-Nice, nice.
138
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Wow.
139
00:04:51,991 --> 00:04:53,559
I mean, emotional trauma
in the moment, you think,
140
00:04:53,626 --> 00:04:55,428
"I'm about to get hit
by a fricking car,"
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00:04:55,495 --> 00:04:56,696
and you're like,
"Okay, phew, thank God."
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00:04:56,763 --> 00:04:57,964
But then you're getting hit
by a fricking pole,
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00:04:58,031 --> 00:04:59,966
so it's like a roller coaster
of emotions.
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00:05:00,033 --> 00:05:02,635
He didn't blow off his finger,
so it's definitely not above.
145
00:05:02,702 --> 00:05:04,437
-Yeah.
-I mean, bad breath is bad.
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00:05:04,504 --> 00:05:06,172
-Bad breath sucks.
-All right, guys.
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00:05:06,239 --> 00:05:09,308
So for $500,
above, below, or in between?
148
00:05:09,375 --> 00:05:11,344
-I'm gonna say in between.
-You're saying in between?
149
00:05:11,411 --> 00:05:12,645
Yeah. I'm gonna say
in between.
150
00:05:12,712 --> 00:05:13,846
I'm gonna trust you.
I'm gonna go in between.
151
00:05:13,913 --> 00:05:16,115
Well, don't tr--
No, I was leaning in between.
Well, don't tr--
No, I was leaning in between.
152
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Okay, well, say that!
But then I heard
someone else say it,
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00:05:17,750 --> 00:05:19,218
and I felt confident.
Don't put it on me.
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00:05:19,285 --> 00:05:20,687
-I think it's --
-Because then I get upset.
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-Yeah, I think so, too.
-Barely in between.
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I think like 51.
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Yeah, "you miss the car
but hit the pole" is in between.
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Joe: Wow! Wow! Really?
All right.
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Let's see what our shrinks say.
Good luck.
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I think it's gonna be close
either way.
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00:05:31,931 --> 00:05:33,399
I do think it's gonna be
in the 40s.
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It's gonna be stupid low.
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Come on, come on, come on.
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Yeah!
-Yes! Yes!
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00:05:38,104 --> 00:05:39,572
Jameela: You are correct,
and that means
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00:05:39,639 --> 00:05:43,342
that you just banked yourself
$500.
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Coming up -- the money doubles,
but so does the misery.
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And later, one of these
contestants will get a shot
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at $30,000.
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[ Cheers and applause ]
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♪♪
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[ Cheers and applause ]
173
00:05:59,292 --> 00:06:01,861
Welcome back to
"The Misery Index."
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00:06:01,928 --> 00:06:05,398
So, Kristina has $500,
and Julia also has $500,
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00:06:05,465 --> 00:06:07,467
but there's lots more
humiliation to explore
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00:06:07,533 --> 00:06:10,169
before one of them plays
for $30,000.
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00:06:10,236 --> 00:06:11,537
[ Cheers and applause ]
178
00:06:11,604 --> 00:06:14,373
The name of our next game is
More or Less Miserable.
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Julia, this time you are
up first.
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-Okay!
-I'm gonna show you two
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00:06:17,744 --> 00:06:19,912
deeply traumatic events,
and you just have to tell me
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00:06:19,979 --> 00:06:22,215
which is worse
according to our shrinks.
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00:06:22,281 --> 00:06:24,250
-Got it.
-So for $1,000,
184
00:06:24,317 --> 00:06:26,686
tell me which one of these
frozen fiascoes
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00:06:26,753 --> 00:06:28,354
lands higher
on the misery index.
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Is it this?
187
00:06:37,864 --> 00:06:40,833
He says, "I brought
220 pounds of food,
188
00:06:40,900 --> 00:06:42,268
but only one pair of underwear."
189
00:06:42,335 --> 00:06:43,936
We've all been there, mate.
190
00:06:44,003 --> 00:06:47,039
I love that. That's the most
colossal failure of packing.
191
00:06:47,106 --> 00:06:48,241
[ Laughter ]
192
00:06:48,307 --> 00:06:51,978
And he said that once he had
shat his pants,
193
00:06:52,044 --> 00:06:54,247
that every step would now
be accompanied
194
00:06:54,313 --> 00:06:56,215
by sticky chafing.
Hands up If you never want
195
00:06:56,282 --> 00:06:58,751
to hear the words
"sticky chafing" ever again.
196
00:06:58,818 --> 00:07:02,722
-I could do without it.
-Why tell anyone?
197
00:07:02,789 --> 00:07:04,323
-I don't know!
-Go on the interviews,
198
00:07:04,390 --> 00:07:05,858
it's like,
"You did it, mate!
199
00:07:05,925 --> 00:07:07,426
You crossed Antarctica!
How was it?"
200
00:07:07,493 --> 00:07:09,262
"Well, have I got a story
for you."
201
00:07:09,328 --> 00:07:10,730
[ Laughter ]
202
00:07:10,797 --> 00:07:15,234
So, we have this,
or is this more miserable?
203
00:07:15,301 --> 00:07:17,436
-Ciao!
-What's gonna happen?
204
00:07:17,503 --> 00:07:18,805
Murr: Is it the iceberg
just floating away?
205
00:07:18,871 --> 00:07:20,139
It looks like it's gonna
crack in half.
206
00:07:20,206 --> 00:07:22,475
There you go. There you go.
-[Bleep] go.
207
00:07:22,542 --> 00:07:24,177
-Oh!
-Oh, my God!
208
00:07:24,243 --> 00:07:26,345
-Oh!
-[Bleep] [bleep]
209
00:07:26,412 --> 00:07:28,014
And that was the last
we ever saw of that man.
210
00:07:28,080 --> 00:07:29,315
Wow.
211
00:07:29,382 --> 00:07:31,717
So, we would call
this point of view,
212
00:07:31,784 --> 00:07:34,654
"you are body slammed
by an iceberg."
213
00:07:34,720 --> 00:07:37,223
-That has obvious physical pain.
-Maybe.
214
00:07:37,290 --> 00:07:38,558
I mean, we don't know
what kind of poop it was.
215
00:07:38,624 --> 00:07:41,260
It could have
not felt great coming out.
216
00:07:41,327 --> 00:07:42,595
Murr: Yeah, I mean,
look at it this way.
217
00:07:42,662 --> 00:07:44,730
This guy is full of shit.
They're shit out of luck.
218
00:07:44,797 --> 00:07:46,399
[ Laughter ]
219
00:07:46,465 --> 00:07:49,769
-There you go.
-Okay, so Julia, for $1,000,
220
00:07:49,836 --> 00:07:51,938
which one would you say
is more miserable?
221
00:07:52,004 --> 00:07:55,341
"You're body slammed by
an iceberg" is more miserable.
222
00:07:55,408 --> 00:07:56,709
[ Cheers and applause ]
223
00:07:56,776 --> 00:07:58,711
Let's first see where our
shrinks put the other choice.
224
00:07:58,778 --> 00:08:00,279
Good luck.
-This is a tough one.
225
00:08:00,346 --> 00:08:02,148
-Whoa!
-72.
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00:08:02,215 --> 00:08:04,750
I'm telling you, I mean,
An iceberg slams you, guys --
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00:08:04,817 --> 00:08:07,787
it's up there.
Jameela: Let's see if
you are correct.
228
00:08:07,854 --> 00:08:09,989
[ Audience "ooh"ing ]
229
00:08:10,056 --> 00:08:13,559
-Yes! Yes! Yes!
-[ Squeals ]
230
00:08:13,626 --> 00:08:15,695
You just won yourself $1,000.
231
00:08:15,761 --> 00:08:18,431
Well done, Julia.
232
00:08:18,497 --> 00:08:20,933
Okay, Kristina, for $1,000,
233
00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:22,635
tell me which one of these
sex symbols
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00:08:22,702 --> 00:08:24,170
ranks higher
on the Misery Index.
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00:08:24,237 --> 00:08:26,239
Is it this?
236
00:08:26,305 --> 00:08:27,506
Kristina: Oh.
237
00:08:31,410 --> 00:08:32,778
If I walk into any building
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00:08:32,845 --> 00:08:34,614
and that man is in
a position of authority,
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00:08:34,680 --> 00:08:35,915
I'm walking right out
of the building.
240
00:08:35,982 --> 00:08:37,617
[ Laughter ]
241
00:08:37,683 --> 00:08:39,418
-Three were arrested.
-Yes.
242
00:08:39,485 --> 00:08:40,686
So what were they arrested for?
243
00:08:40,753 --> 00:08:42,255
Why the [bleep] were they
arrested?
244
00:08:42,321 --> 00:08:44,891
-Oh-oh-oh!
-Oh!
245
00:08:44,957 --> 00:08:47,660
All three were arrested
on obscenity charges,
246
00:08:47,727 --> 00:08:49,428
but the charges were dropped.
247
00:08:49,495 --> 00:08:50,529
-Okay.
-Okay.
248
00:08:50,596 --> 00:08:52,565
So, is it this ultimate
holy trinity,
249
00:08:52,632 --> 00:08:54,533
or is it this?
250
00:08:58,471 --> 00:09:00,239
"Keith Tyson says
he is having to make
251
00:09:00,306 --> 00:09:01,641
regular repairs to his hedge
252
00:09:01,707 --> 00:09:04,377
to drunk people
pretending to have sex with it."
253
00:09:04,443 --> 00:09:05,845
[ Laughter ]
254
00:09:05,912 --> 00:09:08,047
People like [bleep] bushes.
I don't know what to tell you.
255
00:09:08,114 --> 00:09:10,516
That is quite
an impressive bush.
Nice.
256
00:09:10,583 --> 00:09:13,819
I would say that a person
has more stock
257
00:09:13,886 --> 00:09:15,688
in the person
they follow for worship
258
00:09:15,755 --> 00:09:16,923
than the hedge they trim.
259
00:09:16,989 --> 00:09:18,057
-I agree.
-Right?
260
00:09:18,124 --> 00:09:19,659
Long-term psychological impact
is huge
261
00:09:19,725 --> 00:09:21,627
for "your priest gets arrested
for a threesome."
262
00:09:21,694 --> 00:09:23,863
-Yeah, for sure.
-If I'm a person of faith...
263
00:09:23,930 --> 00:09:25,064
-Yeah.
-...and I'm showing up
264
00:09:25,131 --> 00:09:26,565
at my house of worship
every single week
265
00:09:26,632 --> 00:09:28,034
and this is desecrated
like that,
266
00:09:28,100 --> 00:09:29,735
that's gonna have
a way bigger impact on me.
267
00:09:29,802 --> 00:09:31,804
You're gonna question everything
that they've ever said.
268
00:09:31,871 --> 00:09:34,407
You're gonna question
all the sermons you've been to.
Joe: 100%.
You're gonna question
all the sermons you've been to.
Joe: 100%.
269
00:09:34,473 --> 00:09:36,609
Okay, so which would you say
is more miserable?
270
00:09:36,676 --> 00:09:39,645
So, I think that "your priest
gets arrested for a threesome"
271
00:09:39,712 --> 00:09:40,880
is more miserable.
272
00:09:40,947 --> 00:09:42,348
Jameela: Okay, you said
it's more miserable.
273
00:09:42,415 --> 00:09:44,450
Let's first see where our
shrinks put the other choice.
274
00:09:44,517 --> 00:09:45,751
Good luck.
275
00:09:46,852 --> 00:09:49,956
-Oh, you got this.
-Okay, 30 is very easy to beat.
276
00:09:50,022 --> 00:09:52,959
So let's see
if your choice is correct now.
277
00:09:53,025 --> 00:09:54,327
I even don't have to watch.
278
00:09:54,393 --> 00:09:56,429
It's like Jordan taking a
free throw with his eyes closed.
279
00:09:56,495 --> 00:09:57,997
[ Cheers and applause ]
280
00:09:58,064 --> 00:10:00,032
Thank you.
I didn't even have to look.
281
00:10:00,099 --> 00:10:03,102
You just won yourself $1,000.
282
00:10:03,169 --> 00:10:05,204
We're tied up!
We're all tied up.
283
00:10:05,271 --> 00:10:07,106
Don't go anywhere,
'cause when we come back,
284
00:10:07,173 --> 00:10:09,308
someone is headed home,
and someone is moving on
285
00:10:09,375 --> 00:10:11,777
for their shot at $30,000!
286
00:10:11,844 --> 00:10:14,080
[ Cheers and applause ]
287
00:10:14,146 --> 00:10:17,383
♪♪
288
00:10:19,986 --> 00:10:21,954
[ Cheers and applause ]
289
00:10:22,021 --> 00:10:24,056
Welcome back to
"The Misery Index."
290
00:10:24,123 --> 00:10:27,293
So it all comes down
to this one miserable event
291
00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:30,830
to determine who is
the true master of misery
292
00:10:30,896 --> 00:10:34,200
and moving on to play for
their shot at the grand prize.
293
00:10:34,266 --> 00:10:38,771
So, Kristina has $1,500,
and Julia also has $1,500,
294
00:10:38,838 --> 00:10:40,706
so we really have a tight game,
295
00:10:40,773 --> 00:10:42,475
Neck and neck,
as they say.
296
00:10:42,541 --> 00:10:45,511
And I am going to show you both
the same event.
297
00:10:45,578 --> 00:10:47,046
And your job is just to tell us
298
00:10:47,113 --> 00:10:48,748
where it lands
on the Misery Index.
299
00:10:48,814 --> 00:10:51,450
The closest guess gets $2,000.
300
00:10:51,517 --> 00:10:53,753
Whoever has the most money
at the end of this round
301
00:10:53,819 --> 00:10:56,389
is the one who will move on
for a chance at 30 grand.
302
00:10:56,455 --> 00:10:57,990
So this is it!
303
00:10:58,057 --> 00:10:59,225
Ready? Ready?
304
00:10:59,291 --> 00:11:01,260
Kristina, I think I know,
but how are you feeling?
305
00:11:01,327 --> 00:11:02,661
-I'm pumped!
-We are pumped.
306
00:11:02,728 --> 00:11:05,164
You seem like
you really need to pee.
307
00:11:05,231 --> 00:11:07,533
But, Julia,
how are you doing?
308
00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:10,102
-Oh, secret handshakes.
-Oh!
309
00:11:10,169 --> 00:11:11,303
[ Cheers and applause ]
310
00:11:11,370 --> 00:11:14,173
-What?! What is this?
-We're ready to go.
311
00:11:14,240 --> 00:11:16,575
I think it's a good idea for us
to get into the game.
312
00:11:16,642 --> 00:11:18,244
[ Laughter ]
313
00:11:18,310 --> 00:11:21,514
Not before we see your cougar
impression one more time.
314
00:11:21,580 --> 00:11:23,115
It's not happening again.
315
00:11:23,182 --> 00:11:28,921
[ All chanting "Cougar!" ]
316
00:11:28,988 --> 00:11:31,657
[ Cheers and applause ]
317
00:11:31,724 --> 00:11:34,226
For the love of God,
let's get into the [bleep] game.
318
00:11:34,293 --> 00:11:37,029
All right, please, everyone,
direct your attention
319
00:11:37,096 --> 00:11:39,799
to the Traumatron
for our next misery.
320
00:11:39,865 --> 00:11:40,800
-Ooh.
-Oh, yeah.
321
00:11:40,866 --> 00:11:42,068
Hop to it, fellas.
322
00:11:42,134 --> 00:11:43,502
We're at the Borgata
working as bellhops.
323
00:11:43,569 --> 00:11:44,637
We'll have to bring guests
to their rooms
324
00:11:44,703 --> 00:11:46,038
and get them settled in,
325
00:11:46,105 --> 00:11:47,673
all while doing and saying
with the other guys tell us.
326
00:11:47,740 --> 00:11:49,909
When we're finished, we're gonna
have to try and get a tip.
327
00:11:49,975 --> 00:11:52,111
If you can't get a tip,
you lose.
328
00:11:52,178 --> 00:11:53,179
Warm up, boys.
329
00:11:53,245 --> 00:11:54,947
Ahhhhhh!
330
00:11:55,014 --> 00:11:56,582
All right, here we go.
Come on in.
331
00:11:56,649 --> 00:11:59,351
Unpack their bags for them.
332
00:11:59,418 --> 00:12:03,289
-We've got a plethora...
-This isn't a punishment.
333
00:12:03,355 --> 00:12:05,858
Keep announcing what you're
pulling out of the bag.
334
00:12:05,925 --> 00:12:07,426
Joe: So they know
what you're touching.
335
00:12:07,493 --> 00:12:09,528
Dress socks.
We'll just put the shoes
336
00:12:09,595 --> 00:12:11,030
in there and the bra.
337
00:12:11,097 --> 00:12:14,366
-The bra! The bra!
-The panties.
338
00:12:14,433 --> 00:12:16,335
Feminine products. Spanx.
-Oh!
339
00:12:16,402 --> 00:12:19,405
-Oh, been there.
-Unmentionables.
340
00:12:19,472 --> 00:12:22,408
Let's see. The teddy
and the lingerie.
341
00:12:22,475 --> 00:12:25,878
-[ Laughs ] The teddy!
-The teddy!
342
00:12:25,945 --> 00:12:29,482
-Oh...my God.
-Oh, my God.
343
00:12:29,548 --> 00:12:31,784
"You know, a lot of magic
happens in this room."
344
00:12:31,851 --> 00:12:35,588
A lot of, um -- a lot of magic
happens in this room.
345
00:12:35,654 --> 00:12:38,424
So, we keep a lot
of the magicians in this room.
346
00:12:38,491 --> 00:12:39,692
"And they get hookers."
347
00:12:39,758 --> 00:12:41,894
[ Laughter ]
348
00:12:41,961 --> 00:12:43,729
And they get hookers.
349
00:12:43,796 --> 00:12:44,797
[ Laughter ]
350
00:12:44,864 --> 00:12:47,933
So, uh, abracadabra,
I guess.
351
00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:49,602
Thank you so much.
Oh, thank you.
352
00:12:49,668 --> 00:12:51,070
So generous.
Thank you so much.
353
00:12:51,137 --> 00:12:52,171
-Ah!
-He got the tip.
354
00:12:52,238 --> 00:12:53,706
Appreciate it.
Thank you. Have a great day.
355
00:12:53,772 --> 00:12:55,007
-Oh, my God.
-Oh, my God.
356
00:12:55,074 --> 00:12:56,742
Jameela: How did you keep
a straight face?
357
00:12:56,809 --> 00:12:59,278
This couple was celebrating
a romantic weekend,
358
00:12:59,345 --> 00:13:00,779
and to be going through
their luggage
359
00:13:00,846 --> 00:13:02,348
and all their personals --
360
00:13:02,414 --> 00:13:05,618
she was mortified,
and so was I.
361
00:13:05,684 --> 00:13:07,620
[ Laughter ]
362
00:13:07,686 --> 00:13:09,889
So now for $2,000,
please talk it through
363
00:13:09,955 --> 00:13:11,023
and lock in where you think
364
00:13:11,090 --> 00:13:13,192
"bellhop rummages through
your clothes"
365
00:13:13,259 --> 00:13:14,760
lands on the Misery Index.
366
00:13:14,827 --> 00:13:16,629
All right, um...
367
00:13:16,695 --> 00:13:18,964
Okay, so zero pain, right?
368
00:13:19,031 --> 00:13:20,533
I think it's below 30.
What do you think?
369
00:13:20,599 --> 00:13:23,469
-Below 30.
-There's no pain.
370
00:13:23,536 --> 00:13:25,171
I was thinking that,
but I didn't know --
371
00:13:25,237 --> 00:13:26,639
-No way.
-What?
372
00:13:26,705 --> 00:13:29,241
All right, everyone, it's time
for you to lock in your answers.
373
00:13:29,308 --> 00:13:30,609
-I say that.
-Right there?
374
00:13:30,676 --> 00:13:33,512
Lock in your [bleep] answers.
Thank you very much.
375
00:13:33,579 --> 00:13:35,147
Julia, Julia!
376
00:13:35,214 --> 00:13:37,349
I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Sorry!
Locked in. I could hear you.
377
00:13:37,416 --> 00:13:38,617
Thank you.
378
00:13:38,684 --> 00:13:41,187
So let's see who has
mastered the misery
379
00:13:41,253 --> 00:13:44,023
by being closest to
the correct answer.
380
00:13:44,089 --> 00:13:46,759
Kristina, you locked in on time.
381
00:13:46,825 --> 00:13:50,729
You said it was...33.
382
00:13:50,796 --> 00:13:53,766
And Julia,
you have put it a...
383
00:13:53,832 --> 00:13:55,234
-Oh!
-It's a game!
384
00:13:55,301 --> 00:13:56,602
-I like that, I like that.
-It's a game.
385
00:13:56,669 --> 00:13:58,237
Jameela:
Julia, you have put it at a 28.
386
00:13:58,304 --> 00:14:00,639
Okay, let's see what
our shrinks say.
387
00:14:00,706 --> 00:14:02,374
-Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
-This is so close.
388
00:14:02,441 --> 00:14:04,410
Don't throw up.
389
00:14:04,476 --> 00:14:05,678
This is going to decide
390
00:14:05,744 --> 00:14:07,346
who gets to go on
to the next round.
391
00:14:07,413 --> 00:14:09,148
Now it's gonna split and
it's gonna go all the way back.
392
00:14:09,215 --> 00:14:12,084
It might be in the middle
of them.
393
00:14:12,151 --> 00:14:14,053
[ Screams ]
394
00:14:14,119 --> 00:14:17,122
-No way! I'm sorry!
-[ Laughs ]
395
00:14:17,189 --> 00:14:18,824
[ Cheers and applause ]
396
00:14:18,891 --> 00:14:20,726
Unfortunately, that means
we're going to have to
397
00:14:20,793 --> 00:14:23,229
say goodbye to Julia,
but Kristina is moving on,
398
00:14:23,295 --> 00:14:26,365
where she will be playing
for the $30,000 grand prize,
399
00:14:26,432 --> 00:14:27,366
right after this.
400
00:14:27,433 --> 00:14:29,068
Joe: I don't know --
you blacked out.
401
00:14:29,134 --> 00:14:31,604
[ Cheers and applause ]
402
00:14:31,670 --> 00:14:32,905
♪♪
403
00:14:35,674 --> 00:14:37,543
[ Cheers and applause ]
404
00:14:37,610 --> 00:14:38,811
Whoo!
405
00:14:38,877 --> 00:14:40,613
Hello, and welcome back to
"The Misery Index."
406
00:14:40,679 --> 00:14:42,381
So, Kristina has chosen Joe
to assist her
407
00:14:42,448 --> 00:14:43,882
in the grand-prize final round,
408
00:14:43,949 --> 00:14:47,886
the $30,000 Margin of Misery.
409
00:14:47,953 --> 00:14:48,988
-Whoo!
-Ooh.
410
00:14:49,054 --> 00:14:50,689
[ Thunder crashes ]
411
00:14:50,756 --> 00:14:52,291
So, Kristina,
if you win it all,
412
00:14:52,358 --> 00:14:54,326
what are you planning to do
with your money?
413
00:14:54,393 --> 00:14:56,862
My best friend and I are the
biggest Justin Timberlake fans,
414
00:14:56,929 --> 00:14:58,530
and so I would like to
take my best friend
415
00:14:58,597 --> 00:15:01,000
and go to all the different
concerts around the country
416
00:15:01,066 --> 00:15:03,335
and just kind of stalk him
a little bit.
417
00:15:03,402 --> 00:15:05,638
Jameela: Oh! Okay, well, look,
I'm going to show you
418
00:15:05,704 --> 00:15:09,041
three terrible events worth
$5,000, $10,000, and $15,000
419
00:15:09,108 --> 00:15:11,076
After each one, you will place
a rangefinder
420
00:15:11,143 --> 00:15:12,945
what you think it lands
on the index.
421
00:15:13,012 --> 00:15:16,215
And as the money gets bigger,
the rangefinder gets smaller.
422
00:15:16,282 --> 00:15:17,249
Are you ready to play?
423
00:15:17,316 --> 00:15:19,084
-She's ready to go.
-Yes. Yes.
424
00:15:19,151 --> 00:15:22,321
All right, then,
let's get miserable.
425
00:15:22,388 --> 00:15:24,757
[ Cheers and applause ]
Joe: Ooh! Ooh.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Joe: Ooh! Ooh.
426
00:15:24,823 --> 00:15:27,359
Okay, for your first event
is worth $5,000
427
00:15:27,426 --> 00:15:29,061
and has a range of 30 points.
428
00:15:29,128 --> 00:15:31,063
Please take a look at this.
429
00:15:31,130 --> 00:15:32,564
Man:
One lesson, he's ready to go.
430
00:15:32,631 --> 00:15:34,500
Be careful of the customer's
truck over here, okay?
431
00:15:34,566 --> 00:15:36,302
-Oh, God.
-This is not gonna end good.
432
00:15:36,368 --> 00:15:37,603
Kristina: Oh, God.
433
00:15:37,670 --> 00:15:38,837
Why on earth would you think
it wouldn't end well?
434
00:15:38,904 --> 00:15:41,206
Man: Little to your right.
To your right.
435
00:15:41,273 --> 00:15:42,675
No, turn. To your right.
Frank!
436
00:15:42,741 --> 00:15:44,543
[ Audience "Oh!"s ]
437
00:15:44,610 --> 00:15:45,744
Uh-uh.
-Oh, wow.
438
00:15:45,811 --> 00:15:46,945
Well, the first thing
is he should know
439
00:15:47,012 --> 00:15:48,080
his left from his right.
440
00:15:48,147 --> 00:15:49,982
Ah-ha-ha! Nice!
441
00:15:50,049 --> 00:15:51,283
No physical pain,
so that's nothing.
442
00:15:51,350 --> 00:15:52,751
Emotional trauma --
I mean, especially for your dad
443
00:15:52,818 --> 00:15:54,286
or whoever was filming --
that's got to be something.
444
00:15:54,353 --> 00:15:55,521
For sure. There's no physical
pain. You're right.
445
00:15:55,587 --> 00:15:56,555
So that's out the window,
right?
446
00:15:56,622 --> 00:15:58,257
Throw a number.
447
00:15:58,324 --> 00:16:00,426
-20 to 50ish?
-Okay. I would go --
448
00:16:00,492 --> 00:16:02,661
Oh, I got a really bad reaction.
Up? Okay, up.
449
00:16:02,728 --> 00:16:03,896
-I would say --
-He says up.
450
00:16:03,962 --> 00:16:05,497
-I would go --
-No! Just tell -- what is it?
451
00:16:05,564 --> 00:16:07,499
I -- what is it? I don't know.
They don't tell me.
452
00:16:07,566 --> 00:16:09,101
I would say
move up a little bit.
453
00:16:09,168 --> 00:16:10,869
High 20s,
maybe 28 to 58.
454
00:16:10,936 --> 00:16:12,471
-I don't think it's high 50s.
-It's up to you.
455
00:16:12,538 --> 00:16:14,139
-Yeah,
-Okay. Within a range of 30,
456
00:16:14,206 --> 00:16:16,742
where does "you puncture a truck
with a forklift" land
457
00:16:16,809 --> 00:16:19,211
on the Misery Index?
Your 10 seconds starts now!
458
00:16:19,278 --> 00:16:20,512
-Come on, Kristina!
-Go.
459
00:16:20,579 --> 00:16:21,647
-Come on, Kristina!
-There you go.
460
00:16:21,714 --> 00:16:23,482
I like that, I like that.
Lock on it.
461
00:16:23,549 --> 00:16:24,717
-Okay.
-I like that.
462
00:16:24,783 --> 00:16:27,252
Jameela: You are locked in
between 28 and 58.
463
00:16:27,319 --> 00:16:28,887
For $5,000,
464
00:16:28,954 --> 00:16:30,856
where does this land
on the Misery Index?
465
00:16:30,923 --> 00:16:32,424
-Here we go.
-Come on!
466
00:16:32,491 --> 00:16:33,892
-Come on, Kristina!
-Okay, it's gonna go.
467
00:16:33,959 --> 00:16:35,327
And now we're gonna go up.
Now we're gonna go up.
468
00:16:35,394 --> 00:16:36,962
We're gonna go up.
-Keep going!
469
00:16:37,029 --> 00:16:38,697
-Hit the brakes. Hit the brakes.
-Whoa, whoa, whoa!
470
00:16:38,764 --> 00:16:40,899
-Yeah!
-[ Screams ]
471
00:16:40,966 --> 00:16:43,302
[ Cheers and applause ]
472
00:16:43,369 --> 00:16:45,671
Jameela: That is correct,
so you just banked yourself
473
00:16:45,738 --> 00:16:47,272
$5,000!
474
00:16:47,339 --> 00:16:48,974
-There you go. That's great.
-Whoo!
475
00:16:49,041 --> 00:16:51,043
The next event is worth $10,000,
476
00:16:51,110 --> 00:16:53,479
and this time you have a range
of only 20 points.
477
00:16:53,545 --> 00:16:55,848
So let's take a look.
478
00:16:55,914 --> 00:16:58,350
Well, a man in Honolulu rescued
after getting stuck between
479
00:16:58,417 --> 00:17:01,019
the walls of two buildings.
Take a look at this.
480
00:17:01,086 --> 00:17:03,589
He was trying to pick up
a baseball with a pole,
481
00:17:03,655 --> 00:17:05,357
but ended up
falling between...
482
00:17:05,424 --> 00:17:06,825
-Oh!
-Oh, my God!
483
00:17:06,892 --> 00:17:09,561
He slid about 15 feet
and then couldn't get out.
484
00:17:09,628 --> 00:17:11,930
The space was only
7 to 9 inches wide...
485
00:17:11,997 --> 00:17:13,999
Oh, God!
That's my worst nightmare.
486
00:17:14,066 --> 00:17:16,101
...as firefighters
tried to calm him down.
487
00:17:16,168 --> 00:17:18,704
They finally pulled him out
after more than three hours.
488
00:17:18,771 --> 00:17:20,005
-Oh, wow.
-Ooh.
489
00:17:20,072 --> 00:17:21,774
He should have upgraded
for the extra leg room.
490
00:17:21,840 --> 00:17:23,041
[ Laughter ]
491
00:17:23,108 --> 00:17:24,610
-Physical pain -- yes.
-Go, go.
492
00:17:24,676 --> 00:17:26,078
I think high as well.
You don't know
if you're getting out.
493
00:17:26,145 --> 00:17:27,279
He was screaming
the whole time.
494
00:17:27,346 --> 00:17:28,814
-Oh, my God, yeah.
-For me, it's got way up.
495
00:17:28,881 --> 00:17:30,549
It's like 70 to 90.
496
00:17:30,616 --> 00:17:31,683
I don't think
it's gonna be 90.
497
00:17:31,750 --> 00:17:34,186
He's trapped for three hours
screaming,
498
00:17:34,253 --> 00:17:35,821
not knowing
if he's gonna be alive.
499
00:17:35,888 --> 00:17:37,256
-But he is alive.
-But he doesn't know that.
500
00:17:37,322 --> 00:17:39,091
Okay, within a range of 20,
501
00:17:39,158 --> 00:17:42,027
where does "you are trapped
between buildings for hours"
502
00:17:42,094 --> 00:17:43,495
land on the index?
503
00:17:43,562 --> 00:17:44,730
Your 10 seconds starts now.
504
00:17:44,797 --> 00:17:45,898
Murr:
Trust your gut. Come on.
505
00:17:45,964 --> 00:17:48,834
Do 66 to 86
if you're gonna do it.
506
00:17:48,901 --> 00:17:53,939
Jameela:
5, 4, 3, 2, 1.
507
00:17:54,006 --> 00:17:55,240
I like that a lot!
That's great!
508
00:17:55,307 --> 00:17:56,542
-That's good.
-That's great.
509
00:17:56,608 --> 00:17:57,810
-Okay, you are locked in...
-That was a hard one.
510
00:17:57,876 --> 00:17:59,912
-...between 67 and 87.
-Here we go.
511
00:17:59,978 --> 00:18:04,049
For $10,000,
where did our shrinks rate this
512
00:18:04,116 --> 00:18:05,150
on the Misery Index?
513
00:18:05,217 --> 00:18:06,885
You're so sweet.
-You got this!
514
00:18:06,952 --> 00:18:07,886
-Here we go.
-You got.
515
00:18:07,953 --> 00:18:09,188
-All right.
-You got it.
516
00:18:09,254 --> 00:18:11,557
You know it's not gonna be
10, 20, 30, 40, 50, 60.
517
00:18:11,623 --> 00:18:13,725
No, no, no, keep going
past 30, keep going.
518
00:18:13,792 --> 00:18:15,627
-Get up there!
-Stop, stop, stop.
519
00:18:15,694 --> 00:18:17,629
Hit the brakes.
-[ Screams ]
520
00:18:17,696 --> 00:18:19,465
[ Cheers and applause ]
521
00:18:19,531 --> 00:18:20,632
You wouldn't have had it
60 to 80.
522
00:18:20,699 --> 00:18:22,668
Aaah! Oh, my God! Oh!
523
00:18:22,734 --> 00:18:25,904
Correct! You just banked
yourself $10,000,
524
00:18:25,971 --> 00:18:28,941
and you, young lady, are playing
a perfect game so far.
525
00:18:29,007 --> 00:18:30,809
-Yeah!
-Oh, my God!
526
00:18:30,876 --> 00:18:32,411
Doing great, doing great.
527
00:18:32,478 --> 00:18:36,582
So, this is our final misery,
and it is worth $15,000,
528
00:18:36,648 --> 00:18:38,584
and you are going to have to
get it within a range
529
00:18:38,650 --> 00:18:41,153
of only 10 points this time.
530
00:18:41,220 --> 00:18:43,322
Take a look at this.
Uh-oh.
531
00:18:51,797 --> 00:18:53,398
The hotel room
wouldn't be that nice.
532
00:18:53,465 --> 00:18:55,400
[ Laughter ]
533
00:18:55,467 --> 00:18:57,569
You order a prostitute,
and your daughter shows up.
534
00:18:57,636 --> 00:18:58,904
It's awkward, for sure,
535
00:18:58,971 --> 00:19:00,672
but she's out there
making that money.
536
00:19:00,739 --> 00:19:02,407
No. Emotional trauma
537
00:19:02,474 --> 00:19:05,844
and long-term psychological
impact is way high.
538
00:19:05,911 --> 00:19:06,979
Give me you 10 range.
539
00:19:07,045 --> 00:19:08,013
I don't want to put a number
in your head.
540
00:19:08,080 --> 00:19:09,081
I want to see
where you're at.
541
00:19:09,147 --> 00:19:10,549
70 to 80?
542
00:19:10,616 --> 00:19:12,618
-That's good.
-I like that, too.
543
00:19:12,684 --> 00:19:14,953
-I want the high 70s.
-Ooh.
544
00:19:15,020 --> 00:19:16,355
Jameela:
Okay, within a range of 10,
545
00:19:16,421 --> 00:19:18,857
where does "hire a prostitute,
your daughter shows up"
546
00:19:18,924 --> 00:19:20,592
land on the Misery Index?
547
00:19:20,659 --> 00:19:23,662
-You said high 70s, you think?
-Your 10 seconds starts now.
548
00:19:23,729 --> 00:19:26,598
[ Indistinct shouting ]
549
00:19:26,665 --> 00:19:28,767
It's gonna be 70s or 80s,
so cover both.
550
00:19:28,834 --> 00:19:29,968
-5, 4...
-That's good.
551
00:19:30,035 --> 00:19:32,204
You cover a good range.
-I think so, too.
552
00:19:32,271 --> 00:19:33,872
-...1.
-Oh, God.
553
00:19:33,939 --> 00:19:36,008
I like it. I like it.
I like it. I like it.
554
00:19:36,074 --> 00:19:37,309
-Oh, my God.
-Oh, my gosh.
555
00:19:37,376 --> 00:19:39,745
We think you got it.
-Everyone feels good about this?
556
00:19:39,811 --> 00:19:42,080
We think you got it.
We think you got it.
557
00:19:42,147 --> 00:19:44,049
-Oh, no.
-It's a tough one to rank.
558
00:19:44,116 --> 00:19:46,685
-It is.
-There's zero physical pain.
559
00:19:46,752 --> 00:19:49,655
Right.
And so we went really high
considering the other two.
Right.
And so we went really high
considering the other two.
560
00:19:49,721 --> 00:19:52,524
If it's wrong, we'll get you
a date with Joey Fatone.
561
00:19:52,591 --> 00:19:53,559
[ Laughter ]
562
00:19:53,625 --> 00:19:55,494
-I'm married, but it's okay!
-Okay.
563
00:19:55,561 --> 00:19:57,496
-He'll understand.
-Okay, so this is it.
564
00:19:57,563 --> 00:20:00,566
Jameela: You are locked in
between 75 and 85.
565
00:20:00,632 --> 00:20:02,901
It's for $15,000.
-Oh, my God, oh, my God.
566
00:20:02,968 --> 00:20:05,470
Let's see what where
"hire a prostitute,
567
00:20:05,537 --> 00:20:09,441
your daughter shows up"
lands on the Misery Index.
568
00:20:09,508 --> 00:20:11,743
-Come on, Kristina. Come on!
-Back up.
569
00:20:11,810 --> 00:20:13,445
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
570
00:20:13,512 --> 00:20:16,214
Come on. We know it's not --
we know 10, 20, 30, 40, 50,
571
00:20:16,281 --> 00:20:17,516
it's not, it's not.
572
00:20:17,583 --> 00:20:20,018
Keep going. Keep going.
Keep going. Keep going.
573
00:20:20,085 --> 00:20:21,486
Hit the brakes.
574
00:20:21,553 --> 00:20:22,955
[ Bell ringing ]
575
00:20:23,021 --> 00:20:25,991
[ Cheers and applause ]
576
00:20:26,058 --> 00:20:28,226
Wow!
577
00:20:28,293 --> 00:20:29,528
[ Audience chanting
"Perfect game!" ]
578
00:20:29,595 --> 00:20:31,129
-Oh, my gosh!
-Perfect game.
579
00:20:31,196 --> 00:20:33,765
Kristina, that is correct.
Congratulations.
580
00:20:33,832 --> 00:20:37,035
You are going home
with $33,500.
581
00:20:37,102 --> 00:20:38,971
[ Cheers and applause ]
582
00:20:39,037 --> 00:20:40,572
So that'll do it
for "The Misery Index."
583
00:20:40,639 --> 00:20:43,175
I'm Jameela Jamil, and from me
and the Tenderloins,
584
00:20:43,241 --> 00:20:44,543
good night!
585
00:20:44,610 --> 00:20:45,744
[ Cheers and applause ]
586
00:20:45,811 --> 00:20:48,647
Oh, my gosh. So exciting.
What a game.
587
00:20:48,714 --> 00:20:50,148
What a game.
588
00:20:50,215 --> 00:20:52,884
-Oh, my God!
-Congratulations.
589
00:20:52,951 --> 00:20:55,287
I wouldn't have argued
with anything, anything.
590
00:20:55,354 --> 00:20:58,690
[ Indistinct talking ]
591
00:20:58,757 --> 00:21:00,792
[ Cheers and applause ]
592
00:21:00,859 --> 00:21:06,932
♪♪