1
00:00:03,269 --> 00:00:06,239
Welcome to "The Misery Index,"
where misery loves company.
2
00:00:06,306 --> 00:00:07,741
-Yeah! Yeah!
-Yeah!
3
00:00:07,807 --> 00:00:09,442
Jameela:
We have scoured the globe
4
00:00:09,509 --> 00:00:11,778
for the world's most miserable
true stories,
5
00:00:11,845 --> 00:00:13,813
then asked a panel
of respected psychologists
6
00:00:13,880 --> 00:00:16,616
to rate those stories based on
three pillars of misery --
7
00:00:16,683 --> 00:00:18,451
physical pain,
emotional trauma,
8
00:00:18,518 --> 00:00:20,520
and long-term
psychological impact.
9
00:00:20,587 --> 00:00:22,789
The higher
the combined misery,
10
00:00:22,856 --> 00:00:24,557
the higher it lands
on our Misery Index.
11
00:00:24,624 --> 00:00:25,925
Oh! Oh, my God!
12
00:00:25,992 --> 00:00:27,894
Our two contestants
must try and decide
13
00:00:27,961 --> 00:00:31,264
how those events were rated
for a chance at our grand prize
14
00:00:31,331 --> 00:00:33,266
of $30,000.
15
00:00:33,333 --> 00:00:35,034
You're about to win
some money!
16
00:00:35,101 --> 00:00:36,736
So, let's get miserable.
17
00:00:36,803 --> 00:00:39,072
[ Cheers and applause ]
18
00:00:39,139 --> 00:00:44,277
♪♪
19
00:00:44,344 --> 00:00:46,112
Hello, I'm Jameela Jamil,
20
00:00:46,179 --> 00:00:47,847
and welcome
to "The Misery Index."
21
00:00:47,914 --> 00:00:51,384
Tonight, we have two very
miserable contestants --
22
00:00:51,451 --> 00:00:53,620
Colin Cosell,
who once got trolled
23
00:00:53,686 --> 00:00:56,790
by thousands
of angry baseball fans,
24
00:00:56,856 --> 00:01:00,026
and Sami Scott,
who once belly flopped so hard
25
00:01:00,093 --> 00:01:02,829
she got a bloody nose.
26
00:01:02,896 --> 00:01:05,565
And now, from truTV's hit
"Impractical Jokers,"
27
00:01:05,632 --> 00:01:07,467
Give it up for my friends
The Tenderloins --
28
00:01:07,534 --> 00:01:08,968
Sal, Joe, Q, and Murr!
29
00:01:09,035 --> 00:01:10,603
Yeah!
What's up, everybody?
30
00:01:10,670 --> 00:01:13,473
[ Cheers and applause ]
31
00:01:13,540 --> 00:01:15,108
Yeah!
32
00:01:15,175 --> 00:01:16,543
-Good to see you, pal.
-Good to see you.
33
00:01:16,609 --> 00:01:17,577
Hi, buddy.
34
00:01:17,644 --> 00:01:18,912
Good to see you.
35
00:01:18,978 --> 00:01:19,846
I love you!
36
00:01:19,913 --> 00:01:21,181
Love you, guys!
I love you!
37
00:01:21,247 --> 00:01:22,782
Wow.
38
00:01:22,849 --> 00:01:24,417
How are you?
I'm good. How are you?
How are you?
I'm good. How are you?
39
00:01:24,484 --> 00:01:25,885
Oh,
I'm doing excellent.
40
00:01:25,952 --> 00:01:28,154
Colin, what did you do that
was so bad that got you trolled
41
00:01:28,221 --> 00:01:30,056
by thousands
of angry baseball fans?
42
00:01:30,123 --> 00:01:32,992
My grandfather was the legendary
broadcaster Howard Cosell,
43
00:01:33,059 --> 00:01:34,527
and I wanted to follow
in his footsteps
44
00:01:34,594 --> 00:01:36,629
when I was very young,
and I kind of did
45
00:01:36,696 --> 00:01:38,465
and became the P.A. announcer
for the New York Mets.
46
00:01:38,531 --> 00:01:41,034
Well, I'm in my third season,
but my third day,
47
00:01:41,100 --> 00:01:43,570
I mispronounced a player's name
for the opposing team.
48
00:01:43,636 --> 00:01:45,972
His name is Joey Rickard.
I called him Joey Rick-ard,
49
00:01:46,039 --> 00:01:48,107
and people just eviscerated me
on Twitter.
50
00:01:48,174 --> 00:01:49,976
And one guy said,
"You had one job, buddy."
51
00:01:50,043 --> 00:01:53,146
And I'm like, "I know.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry."
52
00:01:53,213 --> 00:01:54,647
So, yeah,
it was -- it was rough.
53
00:01:54,714 --> 00:01:56,049
Hasn't happened since.
54
00:01:56,115 --> 00:01:58,351
And, Sami, how did you get
a nosebleed from a belly flop?
55
00:01:58,418 --> 00:02:00,920
I was at summer camp
and I decided to enter
56
00:02:00,987 --> 00:02:02,989
a belly flop competition,
57
00:02:03,056 --> 00:02:04,924
and I hit the water
so hard
58
00:02:04,991 --> 00:02:07,961
that I broke all
the blood vessels up this arm,
59
00:02:08,027 --> 00:02:09,462
got a bloody nose
that was so bad
60
00:02:09,529 --> 00:02:11,431
they had to use
a beach towel to stop it,
61
00:02:11,498 --> 00:02:14,968
and the worst part of it was,
is that I got second place.
62
00:02:15,034 --> 00:02:17,437
[ Laughter ]
63
00:02:17,504 --> 00:02:20,073
Okay, well, guys,
please behold the keeper
64
00:02:20,139 --> 00:02:23,576
of all things miserable --
it is the Traumatron.
65
00:02:23,643 --> 00:02:26,913
[ Tenderloins booing ]
66
00:02:26,980 --> 00:02:29,415
The name of our first game
is Misery Lane,
67
00:02:29,482 --> 00:02:32,185
and I'm gonna put two
misery markers on the index,
68
00:02:32,252 --> 00:02:35,722
and the first one
is "Bounce house flies away
69
00:02:35,788 --> 00:02:37,423
with your kid."
70
00:02:37,490 --> 00:02:38,691
Oh, man.
71
00:02:38,758 --> 00:02:41,694
And our shrinks put that
at a...
72
00:02:41,761 --> 00:02:43,363
76.
For sure.
73
00:02:43,429 --> 00:02:44,998
Yeah, because you can't get
that deposit back.
74
00:02:45,064 --> 00:02:45,999
Yeah, exactly.
75
00:02:46,065 --> 00:02:47,500
[ Laughter ]
76
00:02:47,567 --> 00:02:51,671
And the second one is "You spill
nachos on a dignitary,"
77
00:02:51,738 --> 00:02:54,007
which our shrinks put at a...
78
00:02:54,073 --> 00:02:55,241
a 40.
79
00:02:55,308 --> 00:02:56,709
Guys, I'm gonna show
each of you an event.
80
00:02:56,776 --> 00:02:57,911
You don't have to tell me
the exact number,
81
00:02:57,977 --> 00:03:00,680
just if it falls above,
below, or in between
82
00:03:00,747 --> 00:03:02,582
the two cards
that are on the index.
83
00:03:02,649 --> 00:03:04,317
Colin, you get to go first.
84
00:03:04,384 --> 00:03:07,153
Please check out this misery.
85
00:03:07,220 --> 00:03:08,855
So we have a truck.
86
00:03:08,922 --> 00:03:11,157
The truck is going along
the motorway.
87
00:03:11,224 --> 00:03:12,659
Check out the little box
at the top.
88
00:03:12,725 --> 00:03:14,127
Murr: Oh, oh!
89
00:03:14,193 --> 00:03:15,762
That has a person in it.
90
00:03:15,828 --> 00:03:17,630
No! No!
91
00:03:17,697 --> 00:03:19,265
That was a cherry picker!
92
00:03:19,332 --> 00:03:20,333
Oh, my God,
he's upside down.
93
00:03:20,400 --> 00:03:21,234
Oh!
94
00:03:21,301 --> 00:03:23,069
Dare I ask,
was he okay?
95
00:03:23,136 --> 00:03:24,771
He was okay.
He was taken to hospital,
96
00:03:24,837 --> 00:03:26,239
but he had no --
nothing serious.
97
00:03:26,306 --> 00:03:27,073
He was alright.
98
00:03:27,140 --> 00:03:28,374
It didn't look serious.
99
00:03:28,441 --> 00:03:29,642
Yeah.
[ Laughter ]
100
00:03:29,709 --> 00:03:31,611
I mean, look, you see --
you see that coming,
101
00:03:31,678 --> 00:03:32,679
you feel that impact,
102
00:03:32,745 --> 00:03:34,480
you do think
you're going to die, of course.
103
00:03:34,547 --> 00:03:36,516
Yeah.
So there's a lot
of trauma going on there.
Yeah.
So there's a lot
of trauma going on there.
104
00:03:36,583 --> 00:03:37,750
Definitely some pain,
as well.
105
00:03:37,817 --> 00:03:39,485
How about this, though?
You're a bouncy house.
106
00:03:39,552 --> 00:03:42,889
You're gonna bounce.
The kid is loving it.
107
00:03:42,956 --> 00:03:44,490
But do you ever let your kid
into one again?
108
00:03:44,557 --> 00:03:47,060
Do you ever, like -- You put it
on a tether from there, right?
109
00:03:47,126 --> 00:03:49,529
So I'm saying in between --
Yeah, but this might happen
to you again.
So I'm saying in between --
Yeah, but this might happen
to you again.
110
00:03:49,596 --> 00:03:50,530
You just keep get
out of bouncy house,
111
00:03:50,597 --> 00:03:51,497
not gonna happen anymore.
112
00:03:51,564 --> 00:03:52,932
This --
You'll be on the roadways.
113
00:03:52,999 --> 00:03:54,801
You'll have that fear.
I think it's gonna be higher.
114
00:03:54,867 --> 00:03:56,269
Jameela: Okay, so,
once and for all,
115
00:03:56,336 --> 00:03:59,005
for $500, does "You get nailed
by a semi"
116
00:03:59,072 --> 00:04:00,807
land above, below,
or in between
117
00:04:00,873 --> 00:04:02,075
the two cards on the index?
118
00:04:02,141 --> 00:04:03,242
-You go.
-What have you got?
119
00:04:03,309 --> 00:04:05,011
My gut initially said
the middle.
120
00:04:05,078 --> 00:04:06,913
Okay.
Go with the middle.
121
00:04:06,980 --> 00:04:08,114
So, the middle.
122
00:04:08,181 --> 00:04:09,849
Okay, let's go with the middle.
I'm with you, buddy.
123
00:04:09,916 --> 00:04:11,818
Alright, so let's see
what our shrinks say.
124
00:04:11,884 --> 00:04:14,153
Good luck.
125
00:04:14,220 --> 00:04:16,422
-Ohh!
-[ Speaking indistinctly ]
126
00:04:16,489 --> 00:04:18,291
We got this, we got this,
right in the middle there.
127
00:04:18,358 --> 00:04:20,493
Give me a 74.
128
00:04:20,560 --> 00:04:22,061
Oh!
129
00:04:22,128 --> 00:04:23,129
Well, now you learned
your lesson.
130
00:04:23,196 --> 00:04:24,797
I did.
131
00:04:24,864 --> 00:04:27,467
Okay, so, Sami,
it's your turn.
132
00:04:27,533 --> 00:04:29,902
You and your team,
please check out this misery.
133
00:04:32,305 --> 00:04:34,741
So you see there's a person,
they're carrying a child,
134
00:04:34,807 --> 00:04:35,608
and....
135
00:04:35,675 --> 00:04:36,776
-Oh!
-What happened?
136
00:04:41,948 --> 00:04:43,483
If you fall into a puddle
with your child,
137
00:04:43,549 --> 00:04:44,917
I don't think,
me personally,
138
00:04:44,984 --> 00:04:47,620
that's as bad as watching them
fly away in a castle.
139
00:04:47,687 --> 00:04:49,022
However,
I do think it's worse
140
00:04:49,088 --> 00:04:51,691
than just spilling
some nachos on some old fool.
141
00:04:51,758 --> 00:04:53,860
[ Laughter ]
142
00:04:53,926 --> 00:04:55,061
Q: The only difference
for me
143
00:04:55,128 --> 00:04:56,829
is you have no control
over the bounce house.
144
00:04:56,896 --> 00:04:59,699
You are living in terror until
that lands.
145
00:04:59,766 --> 00:05:01,501
With the puddle,
the world makes sense.
146
00:05:01,567 --> 00:05:03,202
I've never seen
a bouncy house
147
00:05:03,269 --> 00:05:04,904
fly away like
"The Wizard of Oz" before.
148
00:05:04,971 --> 00:05:07,707
It might --
Yeah, I think
we're agreeing, right?
149
00:05:07,774 --> 00:05:08,841
Did I say something
other than that?
150
00:05:08,908 --> 00:05:10,777
I'm not sure
who's saying what.
151
00:05:10,843 --> 00:05:12,211
-I'm saying --
-I just want nachos
152
00:05:12,278 --> 00:05:13,112
is what I'm saying.
153
00:05:13,179 --> 00:05:14,514
Guess worse.
Yes.
154
00:05:14,580 --> 00:05:16,649
Sami, what are you thinking?
How do you feel?
155
00:05:16,716 --> 00:05:19,619
I have to say I'm on
the same page with both of them,
156
00:05:19,686 --> 00:05:21,254
even though they don't think
they're on the same page.
157
00:05:21,320 --> 00:05:23,656
[ Laughter ]
158
00:05:23,723 --> 00:05:27,460
Um, I am gonna have to go
with in between.
159
00:05:27,527 --> 00:05:28,628
-In the middle.
-Okay.
160
00:05:28,695 --> 00:05:30,496
Jameela: You are saying
it is in between.
161
00:05:30,563 --> 00:05:33,199
I disagree.
I think it's in between.
162
00:05:33,266 --> 00:05:34,367
[ Laughter ]
163
00:05:34,434 --> 00:05:36,669
Let's please see
what our shrinks say.
164
00:05:36,736 --> 00:05:39,539
Joe: Here we go.
Oh, it's lower.
165
00:05:39,605 --> 00:05:42,108
Come on, after all that,
it's got to be in between.
166
00:05:42,175 --> 00:05:44,577
Right.
Now it's in between.
You're right.
Right.
Now it's in between.
You're right.
167
00:05:44,644 --> 00:05:46,345
Sal:
You got in between now.
168
00:05:46,412 --> 00:05:48,047
[ Indistinct speaking ]
169
00:05:48,114 --> 00:05:50,349
Yes!
170
00:05:50,416 --> 00:05:51,584
You are correct.
171
00:05:51,651 --> 00:05:54,120
You have
banked yourself $500
172
00:05:54,187 --> 00:05:55,488
and are now in the lead.
173
00:05:55,555 --> 00:05:57,457
Coming up, the money doubles,
but so does the misery.
174
00:05:57,523 --> 00:06:00,460
And later, one of these
contestants will get a shot
175
00:06:00,526 --> 00:06:02,662
at $30,000.
176
00:06:02,729 --> 00:06:06,299
[ Cheers and applause ]
177
00:06:09,502 --> 00:06:12,305
[ Cheers and applause ]
178
00:06:12,371 --> 00:06:14,073
Welcome back
to "The Misery Index."
179
00:06:14,140 --> 00:06:17,343
So Colin has zero
and Sami has $500.
180
00:06:17,410 --> 00:06:19,612
But there's lots
more humiliation to explore
181
00:06:19,679 --> 00:06:22,615
before one of them plays
for 30 grand.
182
00:06:22,682 --> 00:06:24,417
Yes.
183
00:06:24,484 --> 00:06:25,685
[ Cheers and applause ]
184
00:06:25,752 --> 00:06:28,721
The game of our next game
is More or Less Miserable.
185
00:06:28,788 --> 00:06:31,324
Colin, I'm gonna show you
two deeply traumatic events,
186
00:06:31,390 --> 00:06:32,725
and you just have to tell me
187
00:06:32,792 --> 00:06:35,228
which is worse
according to our shrinks.
188
00:06:35,294 --> 00:06:36,863
So for $1,000,
tell me which
189
00:06:36,929 --> 00:06:38,598
one of these
humiliating heartbreakers
190
00:06:38,664 --> 00:06:40,333
lands higher
on the Misery Index.
191
00:06:40,399 --> 00:06:42,435
Is it this?
192
00:06:42,502 --> 00:06:46,405
"Woman offered £7,000
to break up with fiancé --
193
00:06:46,472 --> 00:06:47,974
and she took it."
194
00:06:48,040 --> 00:06:50,543
It was his parents
who paid her.
195
00:06:50,610 --> 00:06:52,512
Oh, whoa. Why?!
196
00:06:52,578 --> 00:06:53,646
What?
I'd do it.
197
00:06:53,713 --> 00:06:55,281
Look at her.
She's all fuzzy.
198
00:06:55,348 --> 00:06:58,251
[ Laughter ]
199
00:06:58,317 --> 00:07:01,654
Or is this more miserable,
Colin?
200
00:07:01,721 --> 00:07:04,657
"Bride ruins £12,000
wedding dress
201
00:07:04,724 --> 00:07:08,161
after disastrous side effects
of detox drinks."
202
00:07:08,227 --> 00:07:11,564
Wedding planner said the bride
gambled on a fart
203
00:07:11,631 --> 00:07:13,166
and lost in a big way.
204
00:07:13,232 --> 00:07:15,067
[ Laughter ]
205
00:07:15,134 --> 00:07:16,502
"Gambled on a fart."
206
00:07:16,569 --> 00:07:18,704
Colin, you are putting yourself
in the point of view
207
00:07:18,771 --> 00:07:21,774
of someone whose parents
have paid your fiancée
208
00:07:21,841 --> 00:07:25,144
to leave you or you shart
through your wedding gown.
209
00:07:25,211 --> 00:07:26,813
There's such a build-up
to your wedding day.
210
00:07:26,879 --> 00:07:29,148
It's something you dream of.
It only can really happen once.
211
00:07:29,215 --> 00:07:31,217
I'd hate to say it, but you
could find another fiancée
212
00:07:31,284 --> 00:07:32,952
that is not
so money hungry.
213
00:07:33,019 --> 00:07:34,720
The parents actually
probably did you a favor
214
00:07:34,787 --> 00:07:36,489
by getting rid of somebody
that didn't love you for real.
215
00:07:36,556 --> 00:07:38,758
So, for me --
I'm not saying
one way or the other,
216
00:07:38,825 --> 00:07:39,992
but hear me out.
217
00:07:40,059 --> 00:07:41,594
You will never have
a family structure again.
218
00:07:41,661 --> 00:07:44,397
Your relationship
with your parents is done.
219
00:07:44,463 --> 00:07:46,132
You don't even have a chance
to shit yourself
220
00:07:46,199 --> 00:07:48,768
at the wedding.
221
00:07:48,835 --> 00:07:51,871
Well, clearly, with a shart
comes some physical discomfort,
222
00:07:51,938 --> 00:07:53,005
but that's going
to be fleeting.
223
00:07:53,072 --> 00:07:54,040
And clearly, it was enough
224
00:07:54,106 --> 00:07:55,374
that she was able
to get her dance in.
225
00:07:55,441 --> 00:07:57,844
Q: Could you say that again
in a baseball announcer's voice?
226
00:07:57,910 --> 00:07:59,478
Can you be like, "Well,
clearly, a shart --"
227
00:07:59,545 --> 00:08:00,479
Can you try that?
228
00:08:00,546 --> 00:08:01,647
[ Announcer voice ]
It was the shart
229
00:08:01,714 --> 00:08:03,349
that was
the emotional distress,
230
00:08:03,416 --> 00:08:05,117
but she made it through.
231
00:08:05,184 --> 00:08:08,988
[ Laughter, applause ]
232
00:08:09,055 --> 00:08:10,423
I feel like they're
definitely close,
233
00:08:10,489 --> 00:08:13,526
but for me, the shart
edges out the get up and go.
234
00:08:13,593 --> 00:08:16,729
Colin, for $1,000,
which is more miserable?
235
00:08:16,796 --> 00:08:18,331
Colin: I'm going to go
with parents pay the fiancée.
236
00:08:18,397 --> 00:08:20,499
Okay, alright.
237
00:08:20,566 --> 00:08:22,568
Let's first see where our
shrinks put the other choice.
238
00:08:22,635 --> 00:08:24,670
Good luck.
239
00:08:24,737 --> 00:08:25,905
69.
240
00:08:25,972 --> 00:08:27,273
-Shoot.
-It's gonna be close.
241
00:08:27,340 --> 00:08:28,808
Gonna be close.
Gonna be close.
242
00:08:28,875 --> 00:08:31,310
Now let's see
if you are right.
243
00:08:31,377 --> 00:08:34,847
♪♪
244
00:08:34,914 --> 00:08:36,282
Yes!
245
00:08:36,349 --> 00:08:37,483
Good job. Good job.
246
00:08:37,550 --> 00:08:38,818
Jameela: That is correct.
247
00:08:38,885 --> 00:08:41,487
You just won $1,000.
248
00:08:41,554 --> 00:08:42,922
And he's back in the game.
249
00:08:42,989 --> 00:08:45,358
Okay, so, Sami,
for $1,000,
250
00:08:45,424 --> 00:08:48,160
tell me which one of these wild
misadventures ranks
251
00:08:48,227 --> 00:08:49,495
higher on the Misery Index.
252
00:08:49,562 --> 00:08:52,665
Is it this?
253
00:08:52,732 --> 00:08:55,167
This guy saying,
"I just wanted to poop."
254
00:08:58,004 --> 00:08:59,772
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
255
00:09:00,039 --> 00:09:01,574
Oh.
256
00:09:01,641 --> 00:09:03,943
[ Laughter ]
257
00:09:04,010 --> 00:09:07,280
-Oh, my God.
-Amazing.
258
00:09:07,346 --> 00:09:09,181
-The shame!
-He's still going.
259
00:09:09,248 --> 00:09:10,616
The shame!
260
00:09:10,683 --> 00:09:12,618
-He's hiding.
-Amazing.
261
00:09:12,685 --> 00:09:13,953
Joe: He's hiding.
262
00:09:14,020 --> 00:09:16,222
Pull your pants up.
263
00:09:18,891 --> 00:09:20,192
Shit went down.
264
00:09:20,259 --> 00:09:22,295
That was --
265
00:09:22,361 --> 00:09:26,465
Or, Sami,
is this more miserable?
266
00:09:26,532 --> 00:09:32,004
"Bear downs 36 beers,
passes out at a campground."
267
00:09:32,071 --> 00:09:33,773
I mean --
Come on.
268
00:09:33,839 --> 00:09:36,242
I think it's
without a doubt here.
269
00:09:36,309 --> 00:09:37,944
I mean, if you're in
a bathroom stall
270
00:09:38,010 --> 00:09:40,012
and people break in
to fight,
271
00:09:40,079 --> 00:09:44,283
I think that's a little bit more
psychologically traumatic
272
00:09:44,350 --> 00:09:46,018
than a bear
stealing some beer
273
00:09:46,085 --> 00:09:46,919
and falling asleep.
274
00:09:46,986 --> 00:09:47,987
I think so.
275
00:09:48,054 --> 00:09:50,056
So I'm gonna say
the brawl in your stall
276
00:09:50,122 --> 00:09:51,257
is higher.
Yes.
277
00:09:51,324 --> 00:09:54,060
Okay, let's first see
where our shrinks
278
00:09:54,126 --> 00:09:56,429
put the other choice.
279
00:09:57,496 --> 00:09:59,031
Yeah, 36.
280
00:09:59,098 --> 00:10:00,333
I like it a lot.
281
00:10:00,399 --> 00:10:03,703
So now it's time to see
if your choice is correct.
282
00:10:03,769 --> 00:10:05,604
This is for $1,000.
283
00:10:05,671 --> 00:10:07,907
♪♪
284
00:10:07,974 --> 00:10:08,841
[ Ding! ]
285
00:10:08,908 --> 00:10:10,810
[ Cheers and applause ]
286
00:10:10,876 --> 00:10:12,244
Sami, that is correct.
287
00:10:12,311 --> 00:10:14,413
You just won yourself $1,000.
288
00:10:14,480 --> 00:10:15,881
Well done.
289
00:10:15,948 --> 00:10:17,750
Don't go anywhere
because when we come back,
290
00:10:17,817 --> 00:10:20,453
someone is headed home
and someone is moving on
291
00:10:20,519 --> 00:10:23,589
for their shot at $30,000.
292
00:10:23,656 --> 00:10:26,525
[ Cheers and applause ]
293
00:10:30,896 --> 00:10:32,465
[ Cheers and applause ]
294
00:10:32,531 --> 00:10:34,100
Yeah!
295
00:10:34,166 --> 00:10:36,569
Hello and welcome back
to "The Misery Index."
296
00:10:36,635 --> 00:10:39,605
So it all comes down
to this one miserable event
297
00:10:39,672 --> 00:10:42,742
to determine who is
the true master of misery,
298
00:10:42,808 --> 00:10:45,578
moving on to play for their shot
at the grand prize.
299
00:10:45,644 --> 00:10:48,514
Currently,
Sami is in the lead with $1,500,
300
00:10:48,581 --> 00:10:51,617
but Colin is right on her heels
with $1,000.
301
00:10:51,684 --> 00:10:53,519
Guys, I'm gonna show you both
the same event,
302
00:10:53,586 --> 00:10:56,288
and your job is to tell us where
it lands on the Misery Index
303
00:10:56,355 --> 00:11:00,259
and the closest guess
gets $2,000.
304
00:11:00,326 --> 00:11:02,161
Please, everyone,
direct your attention
305
00:11:02,228 --> 00:11:04,864
to the Traumatron
for our next misery.
306
00:11:04,930 --> 00:11:06,832
So, today, we are here
in the lovely Dover,
307
00:11:06,899 --> 00:11:09,035
New Jersey's, town square
for Q's punishment.
308
00:11:09,101 --> 00:11:11,771
And Q is the artist
that's about to reveal
309
00:11:11,837 --> 00:11:14,507
the new town mural
that he painted.
310
00:11:14,573 --> 00:11:15,875
I painted?
311
00:11:15,941 --> 00:11:17,877
Meaning he's never seen it
and we had it done for him.
312
00:11:17,943 --> 00:11:20,379
Murr: These are the proud
residents of Dover, New Jersey.
313
00:11:20,446 --> 00:11:22,381
Now, I'm gonna turn it
over to the artist
314
00:11:22,448 --> 00:11:25,751
who created this beautiful mural
for our town, Brian Quinn.
315
00:11:25,818 --> 00:11:28,654
[ Cheers and applause ]
316
00:11:28,721 --> 00:11:30,656
-There he is.
-Hello, hi, hello.
317
00:11:30,723 --> 00:11:32,825
Hi, Dover.
318
00:11:32,892 --> 00:11:35,161
Mayor Dodd.
319
00:11:35,227 --> 00:11:36,562
Thank you.
320
00:11:36,629 --> 00:11:39,398
Talk about how, uh,
you got your inspiration.
321
00:11:39,465 --> 00:11:41,867
Sal: Q, this is your
Sistine Chapel, baby.
322
00:11:41,934 --> 00:11:43,502
This is your
Mona Lisa.
323
00:11:43,569 --> 00:11:45,204
-Yeah!
-Let's do it.
324
00:11:45,271 --> 00:11:48,040
Three, two, one!
325
00:11:55,481 --> 00:11:57,416
[ Laughter ]
326
00:11:57,483 --> 00:11:58,651
Q: Alright, wait.
Hold on, hold on.
327
00:11:58,717 --> 00:12:00,419
I-I-I see some of you
aren't getting it.
328
00:12:00,486 --> 00:12:03,289
Ar-Ar-Art is subjective.
That's a cute baby.
329
00:12:03,355 --> 00:12:05,124
[ Laughter ]
330
00:12:05,191 --> 00:12:08,027
Sal: Oh, my God.
331
00:12:08,094 --> 00:12:10,663
In retrospect, I may have
taken a different approach.
332
00:12:10,729 --> 00:12:13,032
"Thank you for the
$25,000, Mr. Mayor."
333
00:12:15,734 --> 00:12:19,105
$25,000.
334
00:12:19,171 --> 00:12:21,841
Mr. Mayor, I want to
thank you for the $25,000
335
00:12:21,907 --> 00:12:23,642
you paid me
to paint this.
336
00:12:23,709 --> 00:12:26,512
[ Laughter ]
337
00:12:26,579 --> 00:12:28,714
Thank you, Mayor. Good luck
on that -- that next term.
338
00:12:28,781 --> 00:12:31,684
[ Laughter ]
339
00:12:31,750 --> 00:12:34,553
Joe: Q, get out of there.
Get out of there!
340
00:12:34,620 --> 00:12:36,589
[ Laughter ]
341
00:12:42,194 --> 00:12:44,330
The worst part of it was the
outfit you guys made me wear.
342
00:12:44,396 --> 00:12:45,664
[ Laughter ]
343
00:12:45,731 --> 00:12:47,900
He had moments earlier
finished painting apparently.
344
00:12:47,967 --> 00:12:51,070
Just splatters on my hat.
Like, I looked like an idiot.
345
00:12:51,137 --> 00:12:53,239
So now, for $2,000,
talk it through
346
00:12:53,305 --> 00:12:54,607
and lock in
where you think
347
00:12:54,673 --> 00:12:58,077
"Your art offend an entire town"
lands on the Misery Index.
348
00:12:58,144 --> 00:13:01,547
It's your livelihood, right?
The whole town's against you.
349
00:13:01,614 --> 00:13:03,482
You're in front
of everybody.
350
00:13:03,549 --> 00:13:04,583
Sal:
Even the mayor is there.
351
00:13:04,650 --> 00:13:05,751
You're a guest
of the town.
352
00:13:05,818 --> 00:13:08,087
Yeah.
You've been gifted
the grant.
353
00:13:08,154 --> 00:13:10,022
Okay, I'm gonna need everyone
to lock in your answer.
354
00:13:10,089 --> 00:13:11,023
-Lock it in.
-Right now.
355
00:13:11,090 --> 00:13:11,891
Alright.
356
00:13:11,957 --> 00:13:13,492
Colin,
you are locked in.
357
00:13:13,559 --> 00:13:15,628
Sami, do it now.
Thank you very much.
358
00:13:15,694 --> 00:13:16,795
[ Cheers and applause ]
359
00:13:16,862 --> 00:13:18,464
Okay,
so everyone is locked in.
360
00:13:18,531 --> 00:13:20,232
Let's see who has mastered
the misery
361
00:13:20,299 --> 00:13:23,068
by being closest
to the correct answer.
362
00:13:23,135 --> 00:13:26,906
Colin, you said it lands
at a...
363
00:13:28,240 --> 00:13:29,008
52.
364
00:13:29,074 --> 00:13:30,776
-Ohh!
-Wow.
365
00:13:30,843 --> 00:13:32,511
That means they're close.
That means they're close to us.
366
00:13:32,578 --> 00:13:34,180
Sami, you've said
that "Your art offends
367
00:13:34,246 --> 00:13:36,682
an entire town" lands at a...
368
00:13:38,417 --> 00:13:39,585
-Ooh!
-Oh!
369
00:13:39,652 --> 00:13:40,920
...58.
370
00:13:40,986 --> 00:13:44,023
This is it, this is the final
chance for either of them
371
00:13:44,089 --> 00:13:45,824
to get through
to the next round.
372
00:13:45,891 --> 00:13:48,093
Let's see
what our shrinks say.
373
00:13:48,160 --> 00:13:49,929
Joe: Here we go.
Come on.
374
00:13:49,995 --> 00:13:51,063
Sal: Come on, Sami!
375
00:13:51,130 --> 00:13:52,865
Come on, 40s.
Come on, 40s.
376
00:13:52,932 --> 00:13:54,667
Oh, no, no, no.
377
00:13:54,733 --> 00:13:56,101
Yeah!
378
00:13:56,168 --> 00:13:57,002
Whoo!
379
00:13:57,069 --> 00:13:58,337
[ Bell dinging ]
380
00:13:58,404 --> 00:14:00,105
[ Cheers and applause ]
381
00:14:00,172 --> 00:14:02,274
-Let's go!
-And Colin wins.
382
00:14:02,341 --> 00:14:04,210
Unfortunately, that means
we're going to have to say
383
00:14:04,276 --> 00:14:05,411
goodbye to Sami,
384
00:14:05,477 --> 00:14:07,479
but Colin is moving on
and will be playing
385
00:14:07,546 --> 00:14:10,583
for the $30,000 grand prize
right after this.
386
00:14:10,649 --> 00:14:12,184
Don't go anywhere.
387
00:14:12,251 --> 00:14:14,820
[ Cheers and applause ]
388
00:14:19,024 --> 00:14:20,960
Yes, let's go!
389
00:14:21,026 --> 00:14:23,229
Hello, and welcome back
to "The Misery Index."
390
00:14:23,295 --> 00:14:25,197
This is it.
Colin has chosen Joe
391
00:14:25,264 --> 00:14:27,466
to assist him
in the grand prize final round.
392
00:14:27,533 --> 00:14:31,804
It is the $30,000
Margin of Misery.
393
00:14:31,870 --> 00:14:34,273
[ Thunder crashing ]
394
00:14:34,340 --> 00:14:35,874
So, Colin,
if you win it all,
395
00:14:35,941 --> 00:14:37,476
what are you
gonna do with the money?
396
00:14:37,543 --> 00:14:40,012
I'm going to buy my wife
a car.
397
00:14:40,079 --> 00:14:41,714
We've been sharing a car
for far too long,
398
00:14:41,780 --> 00:14:43,549
and she gets up really early
in the morning.
399
00:14:43,616 --> 00:14:47,052
I want her to be able to have
her own car and take herself
400
00:14:47,119 --> 00:14:49,321
to and from work
and have her own leisurely pace.
401
00:14:49,388 --> 00:14:51,857
And -- And I'll have
my crappy old car.
402
00:14:51,924 --> 00:14:54,960
-That's great.
-Oh, that's so nice.
403
00:14:55,027 --> 00:14:57,196
Okay, so I'm going to show you
three terrible events
404
00:14:57,263 --> 00:14:59,265
worth $5,000, $10,000,
and $15,000,
405
00:14:59,331 --> 00:15:01,667
and after each one,
you will place a range finder
406
00:15:01,734 --> 00:15:03,402
where you think it lands
on the Misery Index.
407
00:15:03,469 --> 00:15:06,305
But as the money gets bigger,
the range finder gets smaller.
408
00:15:06,372 --> 00:15:08,307
So are you ready
to play?
409
00:15:08,374 --> 00:15:10,209
Yes! Let's do this.
410
00:15:10,276 --> 00:15:12,177
Let's go!
Alright, Colin!
411
00:15:12,244 --> 00:15:15,180
So let's get miserable.
412
00:15:15,247 --> 00:15:16,582
Yes, let's go.
413
00:15:16,649 --> 00:15:19,351
Q: Let's go, baby!
Come on, Colin!
414
00:15:19,418 --> 00:15:21,153
Okay,
so your first event, Colin,
415
00:15:21,220 --> 00:15:24,123
is worth $5,000
and has a range of 30 points.
416
00:15:24,189 --> 00:15:26,525
Take a look at this.
417
00:15:26,592 --> 00:15:29,361
"Rogue drunk court reporter
kept writing,
418
00:15:29,428 --> 00:15:31,096
'I hate my job.'
419
00:15:31,163 --> 00:15:34,900
He jeopardized the outcome
of more than 30 verdicts
420
00:15:34,967 --> 00:15:37,736
by repeatedly typing,
'I hate my job. I hate my job.
421
00:15:37,803 --> 00:15:38,737
I hate my job.
I hate my job.'"
422
00:15:38,804 --> 00:15:40,506
Wow.
423
00:15:40,572 --> 00:15:42,641
Look, if you hate your job,
you could always get a new one,
424
00:15:42,708 --> 00:15:45,344
but to go out
in this fashion is tough
425
00:15:45,411 --> 00:15:47,179
because you have affected
other people.
426
00:15:47,246 --> 00:15:49,348
So what's your instincts
taking you at?
427
00:15:49,415 --> 00:15:51,617
I think it's gonna be on
the lower end of the spectrum.
428
00:15:51,684 --> 00:15:53,519
I think the person
hated their job enough.
429
00:15:53,585 --> 00:15:55,220
They got what they wanted
and start a new career.
430
00:15:55,287 --> 00:15:56,989
Right. I mean, I think
the fallout from that
431
00:15:57,056 --> 00:15:59,325
is a little heavier than
the bottom end of the spectrum.
432
00:15:59,391 --> 00:16:01,293
But that's just me, you know.
I don't know.
433
00:16:01,360 --> 00:16:04,463
Yeah. Let's ask Sami.
Oh, you didn't win.
434
00:16:04,530 --> 00:16:05,764
I would go...
435
00:16:05,831 --> 00:16:08,534
-Whoa.
-[ Laughing ]
436
00:16:08,600 --> 00:16:12,037
That's the kind of shade
I live for on this show.
437
00:16:12,104 --> 00:16:13,939
What are you thinking,
Colin?
438
00:16:14,006 --> 00:16:15,774
I see your point.
I see your point.
439
00:16:15,841 --> 00:16:17,643
But a job doesn't
have permanence for me.
440
00:16:17,710 --> 00:16:18,744
You get a new job.
He hates his job.
441
00:16:18,811 --> 00:16:20,045
This is actually
a good thing.
442
00:16:20,112 --> 00:16:21,213
He doesn't have to do something
he hates anymore.
443
00:16:21,280 --> 00:16:23,082
He's out.
35 to 65?
444
00:16:23,148 --> 00:16:24,083
-Sure.
-Want to go there?
445
00:16:24,149 --> 00:16:25,384
Within a range of 30,
446
00:16:25,451 --> 00:16:27,986
where does you hate your job
land on the Misery Index?
447
00:16:28,053 --> 00:16:30,289
Your time starts now.
448
00:16:30,356 --> 00:16:33,392
76. Just get that extra one
in the 70s in case.
449
00:16:33,459 --> 00:16:35,094
-37?
-Yeah.
450
00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:39,798
5, 4, 3, 2, 1.
451
00:16:39,865 --> 00:16:41,834
Lock it in.
Okay.
Alright.
452
00:16:41,900 --> 00:16:42,935
Let's see.
453
00:16:43,001 --> 00:16:47,272
Colin, you are locked in
between 35 and 65.
454
00:16:47,339 --> 00:16:50,642
For $5,000,
let's see where it lands.
455
00:16:50,709 --> 00:16:51,810
I think we're where
we need to be.
456
00:16:51,877 --> 00:16:53,379
Oh, it came in hot.
Came in hot.
457
00:16:53,445 --> 00:16:55,714
MAN: Come on, buddy. Come on.
Come on. Go, go, go, go, go.
458
00:16:55,781 --> 00:16:56,882
[ Indistinct shouting ]
459
00:16:56,949 --> 00:16:59,485
-Slow down, slow down.
-Stop, stop.
460
00:16:59,551 --> 00:17:01,653
-Yes!
-Oh, my God.
461
00:17:01,720 --> 00:17:05,557
So you just banked yourself
$5,000.
Great.
462
00:17:05,624 --> 00:17:08,327
So this next event
is worth $10,000,
463
00:17:08,394 --> 00:17:11,230
and you will have a range
of 20 points this time.
464
00:17:11,296 --> 00:17:12,598
Let's take a look.
465
00:17:14,032 --> 00:17:16,702
Heavenly Father, thank you.
466
00:17:16,769 --> 00:17:21,573
Thank you, Lord Jesus,
for the --
467
00:17:21,640 --> 00:17:24,443
[ Laughter ]
468
00:17:24,510 --> 00:17:25,811
Christmas sermon
that's been ruined.
469
00:17:25,878 --> 00:17:27,045
It's definitely
not gonna stop there.
470
00:17:27,112 --> 00:17:29,581
Oh, God, because joy has come.
471
00:17:29,648 --> 00:17:31,984
He doesn't even flinch.
He just keeps going.
472
00:17:32,050 --> 00:17:33,252
[ Laughter ]
473
00:17:33,318 --> 00:17:34,953
My favorite part of this
474
00:17:35,020 --> 00:17:39,324
is the fact that that man
is pastor's son-in-law.
475
00:17:39,391 --> 00:17:41,894
-Oh, no.
-Oh, no.
476
00:17:41,960 --> 00:17:42,961
[ Laughter ]
477
00:17:43,028 --> 00:17:43,996
What are you thinking,
Colin?
478
00:17:44,062 --> 00:17:45,764
I'm thinking around like --
479
00:17:45,831 --> 00:17:47,766
Eh, I'd say about like 60.
480
00:17:47,833 --> 00:17:49,301
Okay, so you're thinking
40 to 60?
481
00:17:49,368 --> 00:17:51,069
-40-60 range.
-Ehh!
482
00:17:51,136 --> 00:17:53,572
Is your thinking?
Yeah, I think it's a little big.
Colin, that's too high.
Is your thinking?
Yeah, I think it's a little big.
Colin, that's too high.
483
00:17:53,639 --> 00:17:55,941
Look, if you go 55, do you think
it's gonna be higher than 55?
484
00:17:56,008 --> 00:17:57,876
Do you think it's gonna
be 56 to 60?
485
00:17:57,943 --> 00:17:59,645
Or do you want those extra
5 points on this side?
486
00:17:59,711 --> 00:18:02,014
For me, I want the 5 points
on that side.
Okay, well, it's time to decide.
For me, I want the 5 points
on that side.
Okay, well, it's time to decide.
487
00:18:02,080 --> 00:18:03,615
Within a range of 20 points,
488
00:18:03,682 --> 00:18:06,785
where does you ruin the prayer
land on the index?
489
00:18:06,852 --> 00:18:09,121
Your 10 seconds starts now.
490
00:18:09,188 --> 00:18:11,523
[ Audience shouting ]
491
00:18:11,590 --> 00:18:14,326
35. You want to go 36,
you can.
492
00:18:14,393 --> 00:18:16,695
5, 4, 3, 2, 1.
Keep going, keep going,
keep going, keep going.
493
00:18:16,762 --> 00:18:19,164
Keep going, keep going.
Yeah. Yeah.
494
00:18:19,231 --> 00:18:20,399
Lock it in.
495
00:18:20,466 --> 00:18:22,501
Alright, I like it.
I like it.
Alright.
496
00:18:22,568 --> 00:18:24,136
-I think it's like 40.
-Okay.
497
00:18:24,203 --> 00:18:26,338
-We feel good.
-This is for $10,000.
498
00:18:26,405 --> 00:18:27,639
Let's find out.
499
00:18:27,706 --> 00:18:29,541
Where did our shrinks rate it
on the Misery Index?
500
00:18:29,608 --> 00:18:30,976
Good luck, Colin.
501
00:18:31,043 --> 00:18:32,377
-Come on, baby.
-Alright.
502
00:18:32,444 --> 00:18:34,346
-Come on.
-Alright, alright, come on.
503
00:18:34,413 --> 00:18:36,448
-Come on, buddy. Come on.
-All-wheel drive.
504
00:18:36,515 --> 00:18:37,950
-All-wheel drive.
-Hurry up, hurry up.
505
00:18:38,016 --> 00:18:40,052
Yeah, stop.
Yeah!
506
00:18:40,118 --> 00:18:41,253
[ Cheers and applause ]
507
00:18:41,320 --> 00:18:44,323
-$10,000!
-Yes! Whoo!
508
00:18:44,389 --> 00:18:45,591
-Yes!
-Nice work.
509
00:18:45,657 --> 00:18:46,925
Let's go!
510
00:18:46,992 --> 00:18:48,594
Alright, well,
that was correct.
511
00:18:48,660 --> 00:18:51,196
And you have just
earned yourself $10,000.
512
00:18:51,263 --> 00:18:52,464
Whoo!
513
00:18:52,531 --> 00:18:54,533
Okay, here we go.
This is it.
514
00:18:54,600 --> 00:18:57,135
Our final misery
is worth $15,000.
515
00:18:57,202 --> 00:18:58,871
And you are going to
have to get it
516
00:18:58,937 --> 00:19:01,273
within a range
of only 10 points this time.
517
00:19:01,340 --> 00:19:03,609
Good luck.
Take a look at this.
518
00:19:03,675 --> 00:19:04,610
Alright.
519
00:19:06,078 --> 00:19:08,013
-Uh-oh.
-Oh!
520
00:19:08,080 --> 00:19:09,748
Oh, my goodness.
521
00:19:09,815 --> 00:19:12,217
-Oh, shit.
-Oh, my God.
522
00:19:12,284 --> 00:19:14,119
-The timing.
-Oh, my God.
523
00:19:14,186 --> 00:19:17,022
The timing--
The timing's impeccable.
524
00:19:17,089 --> 00:19:19,057
I mean, look, you know,
there's definitely pain, right?
525
00:19:19,124 --> 00:19:20,759
Pain's 33, boom,
right there, right?
526
00:19:20,826 --> 00:19:22,094
So, you know you're
gonna go up there.
527
00:19:22,160 --> 00:19:23,262
You only have 10 points
to play with.
528
00:19:23,328 --> 00:19:26,164
For me, I kind of like
58 to 68.
529
00:19:26,231 --> 00:19:27,232
-Yes.
-Whoa!
530
00:19:27,299 --> 00:19:28,901
That's exactly
what we said.
531
00:19:28,967 --> 00:19:30,669
Exactly what we said,
that exact number.
Really?
Exactly what we said,
that exact number.
Really?
532
00:19:30,736 --> 00:19:32,237
Colin, what do you think?
How are you feeling?
533
00:19:32,304 --> 00:19:34,706
-I was initially thinking 70.
-What were you thinking?
534
00:19:34,773 --> 00:19:37,643
Do you want to meet halfway
and say 60-70?
Well done.
535
00:19:37,709 --> 00:19:39,077
Jameela:
Within a range of 10,
536
00:19:39,144 --> 00:19:43,081
where does truck bed smacks your
head land on the Misery Index?
537
00:19:43,148 --> 00:19:45,450
Your 10 seconds
starts now.
538
00:19:45,517 --> 00:19:48,120
-Alright, come on, buddy.
-Come on, buddy.
539
00:19:48,186 --> 00:19:49,688
-Go, go, go, go, go.
-Higher!
540
00:19:49,755 --> 00:19:52,791
5, 4, 3, 2, 1.
Yeah, keep going.
Okay, there, there. There.
541
00:19:52,858 --> 00:19:54,493
-Do it?
-Do it.
542
00:19:54,560 --> 00:19:56,695
-Lock in. Okay.
-Okay, okay.
543
00:19:56,762 --> 00:19:57,863
This is it.
544
00:19:57,930 --> 00:20:00,132
He has locked in
for the last time.
545
00:20:00,198 --> 00:20:02,434
All of the Tenderloins
are coming to join you.
546
00:20:02,501 --> 00:20:06,705
So for $15,000, let's see where
the truck bed smacked your head
547
00:20:06,772 --> 00:20:09,207
lands on the Misery Index.
548
00:20:09,274 --> 00:20:10,309
Good luck.
549
00:20:10,375 --> 00:20:13,211
Q: Come on.
No, no, no, no, no.
550
00:20:13,278 --> 00:20:15,380
[ Indistinct shouting ]
551
00:20:15,447 --> 00:20:17,382
Oh, my God, oh, my God,
oh, my God.
552
00:20:17,449 --> 00:20:19,251
Keep going, keep going, keep
going, keep going, keep going.
553
00:20:19,318 --> 00:20:20,419
-Keep going.
-Stop, stop, stop.
554
00:20:20,485 --> 00:20:22,554
No!
[ Buzzer ]
No!
[ Buzzer ]
555
00:20:22,621 --> 00:20:23,755
Just missed.
556
00:20:23,822 --> 00:20:26,758
I am afraid
that is incorrect.
557
00:20:26,825 --> 00:20:28,660
But congratulations,
558
00:20:28,727 --> 00:20:32,097
'cause you're still going home
with $18,000.
559
00:20:32,164 --> 00:20:33,398
$18,000.
560
00:20:33,465 --> 00:20:34,633
That will do it
for "The Misery Index."
561
00:20:34,700 --> 00:20:36,034
I'm Jameela Jamil.
562
00:20:36,101 --> 00:20:39,338
And from me and the Tenderloins,
and from Colin, good night.
563
00:20:39,404 --> 00:20:42,074
[ Cheers and applause ]
564
00:20:42,140 --> 00:20:44,743
[ Indistinct talking ]
565
00:20:44,810 --> 00:20:53,018
♪♪
566
00:20:53,085 --> 00:21:01,326
♪♪