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00:00:03,269 --> 00:00:06,239
Welcome to "The Misery Index,"
where misery loves company.
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00:00:06,306 --> 00:00:07,741
-Yeah! Yeah!
-Yeah!
3
00:00:07,807 --> 00:00:09,442
Jameela:
We have scoured the globe
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00:00:09,509 --> 00:00:11,778
for the world's most miserable
true stories,
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00:00:11,845 --> 00:00:13,813
then asked a panel
of respected psychologists
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00:00:13,880 --> 00:00:16,583
to rate those stories based on
three pillars of misery --
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00:00:16,649 --> 00:00:18,485
physical pain,
emotional trauma,
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00:00:18,551 --> 00:00:20,520
and long-term
psychological impact.
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00:00:20,587 --> 00:00:22,789
The higher
the combined misery,
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00:00:22,856 --> 00:00:24,557
the higher it lands
on our Misery Index.
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Oh!
Oh, my God!
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Our two contestants
must try and decide
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00:00:27,961 --> 00:00:30,930
how those events were rated
for a chance at our grand prize
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00:00:30,997 --> 00:00:33,099
of $30,000.
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You're about to win
some money!
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So, let's get miserable.
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[ Cheers and applause ]
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♪♪
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Hello, I'm Jameela Jamil,
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00:00:44,644 --> 00:00:46,112
and welcome to
"The Misery Index."
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Tonight, we have two
very miserable contestants --
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00:00:49,416 --> 00:00:52,819
Sara Raman, who once threw up
while hooking up,
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00:00:52,886 --> 00:00:54,287
and Jordan McLennan,
24
00:00:54,354 --> 00:00:57,824
who once reached into
a claw machine and got stuck.
25
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And now from truTV's hit
"Impractical Jokers,"
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00:01:00,293 --> 00:01:03,296
give it up for the Tenderloins,
Sal, Joe, Q, and Murr!
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[ Cheers and applause ]
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Good luck.
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Oh, how are you?
Good luck!
Hi!
Oh, how are you?
Good luck!
Hi!
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Alright!
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Hey,
what's going on?
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Jordan: Hello, hello.
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Very floral.
Thank you very much.
I try.
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Look at you,
dressed like a grown-up.
35
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Yeah.
Just you.
36
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You don't look like
a grown-up, either.
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Looks like pajamas I had
when I was young.
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[ Laughter ]
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Sara,
what's your story?
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I was on this really great date
with a really great guy,
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ended up hooking up,
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and what I thought
was a cute little burp
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was actually
me throwing up
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$300 worth of food on him,
so...
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Oh, wow.
Jameela:
And what about you, Jordan?
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When I was younger,
I saw a claw machine.
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I really wanted
this toy inside of it,
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so I shoved my arm
in there
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00:01:43,837 --> 00:01:45,205
and then shoved
a little bit more.
50
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It got stuck.
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00:01:46,606 --> 00:01:48,274
They had to call the
fire department to pull it out,
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and I did not leave
with a toy.
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[ Laughter ]
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Well, guys, behold the keeper
of all things miserable.
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It isn't Murray's brain.
It is the Traumatron.
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[ Thunder rumbles ]
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So the name of our first game
is Misery Lane.
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So, guys, I'm gonna show you
two misery markers on the index,
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00:02:06,826 --> 00:02:08,361
and the first one is
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"Your spouse keeps joking
about divorce"...
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[ Laughter ]
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...which our shrinks
have put at a...57.
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And the second one is
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00:02:17,370 --> 00:02:20,406
"Your gymnastics routine
get straight 1s,"
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which our shrinks put at...
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only a 36.
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Okay, so basically, I'm gonna
show each of you an event.
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You don't have to tell me
the exact number,
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00:02:29,349 --> 00:02:30,783
just if it falls above, below,
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or in between the two cards
that are on the index.
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Sara, keep your food down.
You're going first.
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Okay.
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Check out this misery.
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They're driving.
They're driving.
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They're looking to park.
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And...
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[ Laughter ]
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...they see a perfectly good
spot as far as I'm concerned.
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What happened?
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Whoa!
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That's one way
to make a spot.
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[ As Ace Ventura ]
Like a glove.
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[ Laughter ]
84
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They're not done.
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[ Laughter ]
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Also a very good spot.
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Oh, wow.
Wow.
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And the best part is
there is clearly one spot open
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in the very front.
I know,
right there.
in the very front.
I know,
right there.
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Physical pain
is immediate.
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I mean, that looked
painful to me.
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I think it is emotionally
just, like, traumatic
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to have to explain
to people
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that you crashed into their car
and you suck at parking.
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The other one,
even though it's a divorce,
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it is a joke.
Yeah.
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That divorce thing, that's
a real life-altering thing.
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I think there's more
emotional pain
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and long-term impact
with a divorce.
100
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I would say
in the middle.
101
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I'm gonna go over.
102
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Okay.
We're gonna go over.
103
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I feel over, too.
104
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I think it could go
either way,
105
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but let's all
join forces.
106
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I think
just a little bit over.
107
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Let's go
a little bit over.
108
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We're going over.
A little bit over.
109
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Let's see
what our shrinks say.
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Good luck.
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Alright, alright,
come on.
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"You suck at parking."
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Come on,
"You suck at parking."
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I mean, you took out
a whole parking lot.
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Yeah!
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You have to go high.
You suck.
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Oh!
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Those rates --
they don't come down.
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Oh!
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Joe,
you were on the money.
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Yes.
Sara: You were.
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Wow.
Nice.
Wow.
Nice.
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Yeah, Papa came to play, guys.
[ Laughter ]
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So, Sara, I'm afraid that means
you are incorrect,
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but now you know
who your daddy is.
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[ Laughter ]
Okay, so, Jordan,
it is your turn.
[ Laughter ]
Okay, so, Jordan,
it is your turn.
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Please check out
this misery.
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Oh,
this is not gonna be good.
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He's gone
for a gentle shop.
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Oh!
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[ Audience groans ]
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[ Laughs ]
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Jordan:
That looks rough.
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Q: That --
Uh, yeah.
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Parasites!
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[ Laughing ] Parasites.
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They go
in your pee hole.
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You've had parasites
in your pee hole?
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No, not me, but I've read
about it and seen it.
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You've seen it?!
Wait, whoa, whoa,
time out.
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You've seen parasites
in not yours,
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but somebody else's
pee hole?
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Parasites go in
all the orifices, and then --
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Why are you pointing
at me?
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[ Laughter ]
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You have them.
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Why do I have
the parasitic orifices?
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[ Laughter ]
149
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Okay, so for $500,
does "You get KO'd by a flood"
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land above, below,
or in between?
151
00:04:55,194 --> 00:04:57,597
I'm saying it's higher.
You're out of your mind.
I'm saying it's higher.
You're out of your mind.
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Divorce can be
a blessing.
I think it's between.
153
00:04:59,999 --> 00:05:01,934
I don't know.
I think joking about divorce,
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I would rather
do that
155
00:05:03,169 --> 00:05:04,570
than get hit in the face
with a pole.
156
00:05:04,637 --> 00:05:05,772
I'm gonna say higher.
157
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So you have said
that it is higher on the index.
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Let's see what
our shrinks say.
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No, no, no, no, no, no,
stay, stay.
It does this.
It does this.
No, no, no, no, no, no,
stay, stay.
It does this.
It does this.
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Don't worry about this.
Okay.
161
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It likes to mess
with your head.
Go back, go back.
It likes to mess
with your head.
Go back, go back.
162
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We're not -- We're not lower.
We're not lower. Okay.
163
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No, keep going.
Don't stop.
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Keep going, keep going.
Go, go, go, go!
165
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Plant it.
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[ Cheers and applause ]
167
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Alright, buddy.
168
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Alright, good job, good job,
good job.
169
00:05:28,027 --> 00:05:29,262
Okay,
so you are correct.
170
00:05:29,328 --> 00:05:32,365
You have just banked $500.
Well done.
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However, coming up,
the money doubles
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and so does the misery,
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and later,
one of these contestants
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will get a shot at 30 grand.
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00:05:39,439 --> 00:05:41,941
[ Cheers and applause ]
176
00:05:42,008 --> 00:05:45,678
♪♪
177
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[ Cheers and applause ]
178
00:05:51,184 --> 00:05:52,852
Hello, and welcome back
to "The Misery Index."
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So Sara has no money,
but Jordan has $500.
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And there is lots more
humiliation to explore
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before one of them plays
for $30,000.
182
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Yes.
We're ready. We're ready.
183
00:06:03,396 --> 00:06:05,064
Could you use 30 grand?
Oh, my God.
184
00:06:05,131 --> 00:06:08,000
The name of our next game
is More or Less Miserable.
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00:06:08,067 --> 00:06:09,569
So, Sara, you're up first.
186
00:06:09,635 --> 00:06:11,504
So for $1,000 this time,
187
00:06:11,571 --> 00:06:14,006
tell me which one
of these cursed cuts
188
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lands higher
on the Misery Index.
189
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[ Laughter ]
190
00:06:23,816 --> 00:06:24,984
So the base was hard,
191
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but evidently,
the drugs were harder.
192
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Or is this more miserable?
193
00:06:33,993 --> 00:06:36,429
Murr: What?!
194
00:06:36,496 --> 00:06:38,131
Wha...[laughs]
She thought...
195
00:06:39,599 --> 00:06:41,067
Wow.
196
00:06:41,134 --> 00:06:43,469
I have never seen
a severed human head before,
197
00:06:43,536 --> 00:06:45,104
and I imagine if I did,
198
00:06:45,171 --> 00:06:47,206
it would affect me
for quite some time after.
The rest of your life.
it would affect me
for quite some time after.
The rest of your life.
199
00:06:47,273 --> 00:06:49,041
Yeah, but at least you can still
play the guitar.
200
00:06:49,108 --> 00:06:50,510
Yeah, for sure.
201
00:06:50,576 --> 00:06:52,378
I know, but it's also
your neighbor, right?
202
00:06:52,445 --> 00:06:53,780
So you have to move.
203
00:06:53,846 --> 00:06:55,314
Well, I assume
the cops are swooping in
204
00:06:55,381 --> 00:06:56,616
and taking him away
at that point.
205
00:06:56,682 --> 00:06:58,951
Oh, I mean, I hope so.
I should hope so.
206
00:06:59,018 --> 00:07:00,486
And, like, you can live
without a finger.
207
00:07:00,553 --> 00:07:01,721
People live without limbs
all the time,
208
00:07:01,788 --> 00:07:03,122
and they live happy,
happy lives.
209
00:07:03,189 --> 00:07:04,857
I go lose a finger at the rave,
but that's me.
210
00:07:04,924 --> 00:07:05,858
You follow your gut.
211
00:07:05,925 --> 00:07:07,160
We're going with
the head.
212
00:07:07,226 --> 00:07:08,161
Okay. Let's go with that.
Sal: Ooh!
213
00:07:08,227 --> 00:07:09,762
I'm with you.
I'm with you.
214
00:07:09,829 --> 00:07:11,230
For $1,000,
which is more miserable --
215
00:07:11,297 --> 00:07:14,133
"You lose a finger at a rave"
or "You find a severed head"?
216
00:07:14,200 --> 00:07:16,035
I'm gonna change my mind.
You lose a finger at a rave.
217
00:07:16,102 --> 00:07:17,670
[ Audience groans ]
218
00:07:17,737 --> 00:07:18,738
My God!
Sal: Very unorthodox!
219
00:07:18,805 --> 00:07:20,072
Jameela: Okay.
220
00:07:20,139 --> 00:07:21,874
Locking it in.
Jameela:
Okay, so you've said --
221
00:07:21,941 --> 00:07:24,076
Are you
the mistress of misery?
222
00:07:24,143 --> 00:07:25,745
I'm sorry.
Am I in the wrong place?
223
00:07:25,812 --> 00:07:27,914
Okay, let's just calm down
a little bit, Sara.
224
00:07:27,980 --> 00:07:33,419
Let's see first where our
shrinks put the other choice.
225
00:07:33,486 --> 00:07:35,454
Sal: Oh, this is
so difficult.
226
00:07:35,521 --> 00:07:36,589
Oh, my God!
227
00:07:36,656 --> 00:07:39,926
You're gonna
have to beat an 80.
228
00:07:39,992 --> 00:07:43,563
So now let's see
if Joe is still your daddy.
229
00:07:43,629 --> 00:07:45,865
Q: Come on, Daddy.
230
00:07:45,932 --> 00:07:47,733
[ Buzzer ]
[ Audience groans ]
[ Buzzer ]
[ Audience groans ]
231
00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:50,703
69.
Sal is your daddy.
232
00:07:50,770 --> 00:07:53,339
I am your new father
for right now.
233
00:07:53,406 --> 00:07:54,941
So, Jordan, for $1,000,
234
00:07:55,007 --> 00:07:57,476
tell me which one of these
close calls ranks higher
235
00:07:57,543 --> 00:07:58,711
on the Misery Index.
236
00:08:00,213 --> 00:08:03,082
Oh, I hate sharks.
Sharks. Yeah, okay.
Oh, I hate sharks.
Sharks. Yeah, okay.
237
00:08:03,149 --> 00:08:05,518
Oh, they're, like,
hanging out.
238
00:08:05,585 --> 00:08:08,187
Look at the size of the shark
to the cage.
Who's filming?
Look at the size of the shark
to the cage.
Who's filming?
239
00:08:08,254 --> 00:08:11,357
[ Laughter ]
240
00:08:11,424 --> 00:08:13,960
I like the fact
that he's taking a dump
241
00:08:14,026 --> 00:08:16,262
just before he then goes in
to try and eat them,
242
00:08:16,329 --> 00:08:18,064
like he's clearing the way.
243
00:08:18,130 --> 00:08:19,198
[ Laughter ]
244
00:08:19,265 --> 00:08:21,801
Okay, Jordan,
or is this more miserable?
245
00:08:21,868 --> 00:08:23,369
Well, hello.
246
00:08:23,436 --> 00:08:26,539
I've been scaring my friend
Nick for an entire year.
247
00:08:26,606 --> 00:08:28,040
Here are my results.
248
00:08:28,107 --> 00:08:29,041
[ Screams ]
249
00:08:29,108 --> 00:08:30,343
Oh,
I love this guy.
250
00:08:30,409 --> 00:08:37,717
[ Screaming ]
251
00:08:37,783 --> 00:08:39,752
[ Laughter ]
252
00:08:39,819 --> 00:08:41,954
I would like to go
on the record and say
253
00:08:42,021 --> 00:08:45,825
that I 100% blame you four
for these videos.
254
00:08:45,892 --> 00:08:47,159
[ Laughter ]
255
00:08:47,226 --> 00:08:49,395
Alright, you're getting
screamed at by your friend.
256
00:08:49,462 --> 00:08:50,963
It's embarrassing,
it's shocking,
257
00:08:51,030 --> 00:08:53,432
but that's not gonna affect
you long-term at all.
258
00:08:53,499 --> 00:08:54,734
It's not painful.
259
00:08:54,800 --> 00:08:56,602
365 days a year,
260
00:08:56,669 --> 00:08:59,038
you live in terror
in your own home.
261
00:08:59,105 --> 00:09:01,474
You don't know when he's gonna
strike, where he's gonna strike.
262
00:09:01,540 --> 00:09:03,743
Are you gonna be on the
toilet? Are you gonna get
something out of the fridge?
263
00:09:03,809 --> 00:09:05,111
Are you on your phone
with your girlfriend?
264
00:09:05,177 --> 00:09:06,379
What --
You don't know.
265
00:09:06,445 --> 00:09:09,081
Jameela: Okay, so which one
is more miserable?
266
00:09:09,148 --> 00:09:11,517
A "Shark takes a dump on you"
267
00:09:11,584 --> 00:09:13,853
or "You're scared every day
for a year"?
268
00:09:13,920 --> 00:09:15,354
I didn't realize
it was every day.
269
00:09:15,421 --> 00:09:19,025
I'm gonna go with "You're scared
...less every day for a year."
270
00:09:19,091 --> 00:09:21,060
Okay. Quick response.
Good man.
271
00:09:21,127 --> 00:09:23,529
Let's first see where our
shrinks put the other choice.
272
00:09:23,596 --> 00:09:25,031
Sal: Okay.
Good luck.
273
00:09:25,097 --> 00:09:27,733
Jordan: Okay.
Jameela: Okay, only a 32.
Jordan: Okay.
Jameela: Okay, only a 32.
274
00:09:27,800 --> 00:09:29,101
You got this.
This is great.
That's low.
You can beat that.
275
00:09:29,168 --> 00:09:31,604
So now let's see
if your choice is correct.
276
00:09:31,671 --> 00:09:33,572
Did you just win $1,000?
277
00:09:33,639 --> 00:09:36,108
Yeah, he did.
Yeah, he did.
278
00:09:36,175 --> 00:09:37,777
[ Ding ]
279
00:09:37,843 --> 00:09:39,679
That's what
I'm talking about.
280
00:09:39,745 --> 00:09:41,314
Smart!
Thank you.
281
00:09:41,380 --> 00:09:43,616
You have just won yourself
$1,000.
282
00:09:43,683 --> 00:09:46,452
Do not go anywhere
'cause when we come back,
283
00:09:46,519 --> 00:09:48,821
someone is headed home
and someone is moving on
284
00:09:48,888 --> 00:09:51,257
for their shot at $30,000.
285
00:09:51,324 --> 00:09:54,160
[ Cheers and applause ]
286
00:09:56,862 --> 00:10:00,299
[ Cheers and applause ]
287
00:10:00,366 --> 00:10:02,068
Welcome back to
"The Misery Index."
288
00:10:02,134 --> 00:10:05,538
So, it all comes down
to this one miserable event
289
00:10:05,604 --> 00:10:08,708
to determine who is
the true Master of Misery,
290
00:10:08,774 --> 00:10:11,844
moving on to play for their shot
at the grand prize.
291
00:10:11,911 --> 00:10:14,680
So Jordan is in the lead
with $1,500,
292
00:10:14,747 --> 00:10:17,583
but Sara still has nothing.
293
00:10:17,650 --> 00:10:19,452
Joe: Tax-free, though.
Tax free.
294
00:10:19,518 --> 00:10:21,387
So I'm gonna show you both
the same event,
295
00:10:21,454 --> 00:10:23,022
and your job
is just to tell us
296
00:10:23,089 --> 00:10:24,390
where it lands
on the Misery Index.
297
00:10:24,457 --> 00:10:26,726
And the closest guess
gets $2,000
298
00:10:26,792 --> 00:10:29,996
and will move on to play for
their shot at the grand prize.
299
00:10:30,062 --> 00:10:32,965
Everyone, please direct
your attention to my good friend
300
00:10:33,032 --> 00:10:34,633
the Traumatron
for our next misery.
301
00:10:34,700 --> 00:10:36,669
Q: Oh!
Murr: Oh!
Q: Oh!
Murr: Oh!
302
00:10:36,736 --> 00:10:39,405
So today, we're here at
Twinkle Playspace for kids.
303
00:10:39,472 --> 00:10:41,073
That's right. And you know
what parents love?
304
00:10:41,140 --> 00:10:43,709
They love when other parents
try to do their job for them.
305
00:10:43,776 --> 00:10:46,078
Yeah, and, Joe, you're
the only parent amongst us.
306
00:10:46,145 --> 00:10:47,246
And you're always
talking about,
307
00:10:47,313 --> 00:10:49,548
"I'm a parent, I'm a parent,
I'm a parent."
308
00:10:49,615 --> 00:10:51,784
So get in there and parent
other people's kids.
309
00:10:51,851 --> 00:10:53,386
These are
my three children.
310
00:10:53,452 --> 00:10:54,387
[ Laughter ]
311
00:10:54,453 --> 00:10:55,821
Sal: Ooh.
Is that woman texting?
312
00:10:55,888 --> 00:10:57,757
You can't keep your eyes on your
kids when you're texting, Joe.
313
00:10:57,823 --> 00:10:59,592
That's right.
314
00:10:59,658 --> 00:11:01,694
-What's your secret?
-For?
315
00:11:01,761 --> 00:11:05,131
Texting and watching a child
at the same time.
316
00:11:05,197 --> 00:11:07,900
Oh-oh-oh-oh!
317
00:11:07,967 --> 00:11:11,170
Oh, no.
Someone's gonna get slapped.
Oh, what was that --
Parent was on that slide.
Oh, no.
Someone's gonna get slapped.
Oh, what was that --
Parent was on that slide.
318
00:11:11,237 --> 00:11:12,671
It's for children.
319
00:11:12,738 --> 00:11:14,540
[ Laughter ]
320
00:11:14,607 --> 00:11:16,976
Q: Ah, the look!
321
00:11:17,043 --> 00:11:18,577
[ Laughter ]
322
00:11:18,644 --> 00:11:19,745
Let me ask you
something.
323
00:11:19,812 --> 00:11:21,180
Being here,
what percentage of parents
324
00:11:21,247 --> 00:11:24,383
do you think
are good parents?
325
00:11:24,450 --> 00:11:26,552
You know, what I did?
I put a chip in my son
326
00:11:26,619 --> 00:11:28,287
so I know where he is
at all times.
327
00:11:28,354 --> 00:11:29,688
I put a chip
inside my child
328
00:11:29,755 --> 00:11:31,924
to know where he is
at all times.
329
00:11:31,991 --> 00:11:33,426
It's a kid tracker.
330
00:11:33,492 --> 00:11:35,795
No, but it's also -- They do
wonderful things. It's Wi-Fi.
331
00:11:35,861 --> 00:11:37,463
It's Wi-Fi enabled,
so it makes him
332
00:11:37,530 --> 00:11:39,899
very popular at the playgrounds
'cause he's a Wi-Fi hotspot.
333
00:11:39,965 --> 00:11:41,200
[ Laughter ]
334
00:11:41,267 --> 00:11:43,702
If you want to use it,
the password's "sugartits."
335
00:11:43,769 --> 00:11:45,838
[ Laughter ]
336
00:11:45,905 --> 00:11:47,740
If you want to connect
to my son's Wi-Fi,
337
00:11:47,807 --> 00:11:49,041
the password's "sugartits."
338
00:11:49,108 --> 00:11:52,545
[ Laughter ]
339
00:11:52,611 --> 00:11:54,413
[ Applause ]
340
00:11:54,480 --> 00:11:56,148
Oh, thank you.
He makes it look easy.
Oh, thank you.
He makes it look easy.
341
00:11:56,215 --> 00:11:59,118
Sad thing is, I have to go home
and change my Wi-Fi password.
342
00:11:59,185 --> 00:12:00,119
[ Laughter ]
343
00:12:00,186 --> 00:12:01,654
Jameela:
Joe, tell us how that felt.
344
00:12:01,720 --> 00:12:03,189
Talking to other parents
about their children
345
00:12:03,255 --> 00:12:05,491
is just one of
the most basic faux pas.
346
00:12:05,558 --> 00:12:07,293
You also had no children there
of your own,
347
00:12:07,359 --> 00:12:09,895
making you doubly suspicious.
Yes. Yeah.
348
00:12:09,962 --> 00:12:12,698
Okay, well,
so now for $2,000,
349
00:12:12,765 --> 00:12:16,168
I need you to talk it through
and lock in where you think
350
00:12:16,235 --> 00:12:17,803
"You get parent-shamed"
351
00:12:17,870 --> 00:12:19,405
lands on the Misery Index.
352
00:12:19,472 --> 00:12:22,174
There's no long-term
psychological impact.
No.
353
00:12:22,241 --> 00:12:24,176
I don't know. I don't know.
Oh, this is so hard.
354
00:12:24,243 --> 00:12:26,512
It's not that high, right?
It's not physical.
355
00:12:26,579 --> 00:12:28,347
Like, I'm gonna say
in the low 50s.
356
00:12:28,414 --> 00:12:30,416
Okay, guys, you're gonna
have to wrap it up.
357
00:12:30,483 --> 00:12:32,151
Boom,
we're locked in.
358
00:12:32,218 --> 00:12:34,386
Okay, Jordan is locked in.
Sara, lock in now.
359
00:12:34,453 --> 00:12:35,955
We're locked, baby. We're
locked, and we're feeling good.
360
00:12:36,021 --> 00:12:37,223
Yeah,
we're locked, baby.
361
00:12:37,289 --> 00:12:39,358
Let's see who has mastered
the misery by being
362
00:12:39,425 --> 00:12:41,927
the closest
to the correct answer.
363
00:12:41,994 --> 00:12:47,266
So, Sara, you said that "You get
parent-shamed" lands at a...
364
00:12:47,333 --> 00:12:48,467
[ Sara gasps ]
365
00:12:48,534 --> 00:12:51,670
Come on, now.
Alright, alright.
366
00:12:51,737 --> 00:12:55,908
And, Jordan,
you said it lands at a...
367
00:12:55,975 --> 00:12:57,042
36.
368
00:12:57,109 --> 00:12:58,410
Oh!
369
00:12:58,477 --> 00:13:01,647
So let's see
what our shrinks say.
370
00:13:01,714 --> 00:13:03,282
Alright. Let's see.
Here we go.
371
00:13:03,349 --> 00:13:04,850
Stay up, stay up.
Stay.
372
00:13:04,917 --> 00:13:06,285
Down, down, down.
Here we go.
373
00:13:06,352 --> 00:13:08,087
[ Applause ]
374
00:13:08,154 --> 00:13:09,722
[ Cheering ]
375
00:13:09,788 --> 00:13:11,624
And the winner is Jordan!
376
00:13:11,690 --> 00:13:13,459
You did it!
377
00:13:13,526 --> 00:13:15,194
[ Cheers and applause ]
Oh, yeah!
[ Cheers and applause ]
Oh, yeah!
378
00:13:15,261 --> 00:13:16,495
Okay, so unfortunately,
379
00:13:16,562 --> 00:13:19,498
that means we're gonna
have to say goodbye to Sara,
380
00:13:19,565 --> 00:13:22,334
but Jordan is moving on,
where he will be playing
381
00:13:22,401 --> 00:13:26,071
for the $30,000 grand prize
right after this.
382
00:13:26,138 --> 00:13:27,540
Do not go anywhere.
383
00:13:27,606 --> 00:13:30,342
[ Cheers and applause ]
384
00:13:33,245 --> 00:13:34,446
Let's go, guys.
385
00:13:34,513 --> 00:13:35,848
[ Cheers and applause ]
386
00:13:35,915 --> 00:13:37,816
Welcome back to
"The Misery Index."
387
00:13:37,883 --> 00:13:39,718
So, Jordan has chosen Q
to assist him
388
00:13:39,785 --> 00:13:41,620
in the grand prize
final round,
389
00:13:41,687 --> 00:13:46,025
the $30,000 Margin of Misery.
390
00:13:46,091 --> 00:13:47,059
[ Thunder rumbles ]
391
00:13:47,126 --> 00:13:50,496
So, Jordan,
if or when you win,
392
00:13:50,563 --> 00:13:51,931
what are you gonna do
with the money?
393
00:13:51,997 --> 00:13:54,833
So I have a very irrational fear
of owls.
394
00:13:54,900 --> 00:13:56,502
Like,
they terrify me.
395
00:13:56,569 --> 00:13:59,838
So there is a little café
in Japan that's all owls.
396
00:13:59,905 --> 00:14:01,840
So I want to get over
my fear of owls,
397
00:14:01,907 --> 00:14:05,344
so I'm gonna let them sit on me
and try not to cry.
398
00:14:05,411 --> 00:14:06,845
Oh, my God.
Three seasons,
399
00:14:06,912 --> 00:14:08,847
and that's the weirdest answer
we've ever had.
400
00:14:08,914 --> 00:14:11,250
I love it.
I love it.
401
00:14:11,317 --> 00:14:12,651
Thank you.
402
00:14:12,718 --> 00:14:16,455
Okay, well, let's get this man
to his weird [bleep] owls.
403
00:14:16,522 --> 00:14:20,159
Jordan, I'm going to show you
three terrible events
404
00:14:20,226 --> 00:14:22,761
worth $5,000, $10,000,
and $15,000.
405
00:14:22,828 --> 00:14:25,531
After each one,
you will place a range finder
406
00:14:25,598 --> 00:14:27,666
where you think it lands
on the Misery Index.
407
00:14:27,733 --> 00:14:30,970
But as the money gets bigger,
the rangefinder gets smaller.
408
00:14:31,036 --> 00:14:32,137
Are you ready to play?
409
00:14:32,204 --> 00:14:33,305
I'm ready to play.
Let's do it.
410
00:14:33,372 --> 00:14:36,442
So let's...get...miserable.
411
00:14:36,508 --> 00:14:38,010
[ Cheers and applause ]
412
00:14:38,077 --> 00:14:39,678
Come on.
Let's do this, baby.
413
00:14:39,745 --> 00:14:42,781
Sir, your first event
is worth $5,000
414
00:14:42,848 --> 00:14:44,450
and has a range of 30 points.
415
00:14:44,516 --> 00:14:45,985
Please take a look.
416
00:14:50,723 --> 00:14:53,292
♪ Kiki, do you love me? ♪
417
00:14:53,359 --> 00:14:54,460
♪ Are you riding? ♪
418
00:14:54,526 --> 00:14:55,461
[ Tires screech ]
419
00:14:55,527 --> 00:14:56,462
[ Audience groans ]
420
00:14:56,528 --> 00:14:57,529
Oh, my God!
421
00:14:57,596 --> 00:15:00,266
[ Tires screech ]
422
00:15:00,332 --> 00:15:01,867
Jordan: Oh, my gosh.
423
00:15:01,934 --> 00:15:03,902
Okay, so just to be clear,
424
00:15:03,969 --> 00:15:06,038
this was the big "In My
Feelings" Drake challenge...
425
00:15:06,105 --> 00:15:08,941
"In My Feelings."
...that happened
all over social media.
"In My Feelings."
...that happened
all over social media.
426
00:15:09,008 --> 00:15:11,410
♪ Are you riding? ♪
427
00:15:11,477 --> 00:15:12,978
♪ Never leave ♪
428
00:15:13,045 --> 00:15:13,979
♪ Do you love me? ♪
429
00:15:14,046 --> 00:15:15,281
♪ Are you riding? ♪
430
00:15:15,347 --> 00:15:17,916
♪ Say you'll never ever leave
from beside me ♪
431
00:15:17,983 --> 00:15:18,917
No, please, no.
432
00:15:18,984 --> 00:15:20,185
You know.
433
00:15:20,252 --> 00:15:21,820
I just [bleep]
434
00:15:21,887 --> 00:15:23,289
[ Laughter ]
435
00:15:23,355 --> 00:15:24,456
I just left.
436
00:15:24,523 --> 00:15:25,557
[ Laughter ]
437
00:15:25,624 --> 00:15:26,959
Physical pain
through the roof.
438
00:15:27,026 --> 00:15:28,661
Oh, totally.
Right away.
439
00:15:28,727 --> 00:15:29,928
That's online.
440
00:15:29,995 --> 00:15:31,397
So a lot of people
are gonna see that.
441
00:15:31,463 --> 00:15:32,931
That's humiliating.
That's terrible.
That's humiliating.
That's terrible.
442
00:15:32,998 --> 00:15:34,466
And the fear in his eyes --
you saw him --
443
00:15:34,533 --> 00:15:36,969
like, he tried to get lower
than the car was
444
00:15:37,036 --> 00:15:38,437
to, like, get under it.
He tried
to go under the car.
445
00:15:38,504 --> 00:15:39,471
That car
hit him like an owl.
446
00:15:39,538 --> 00:15:40,806
Oh, my gosh.
What are we doing?
Oh, my gosh.
What are we doing?
447
00:15:40,873 --> 00:15:42,441
Okay, so let me
ask you something.
448
00:15:42,508 --> 00:15:44,410
Do you feel
it's below 60?
449
00:15:44,476 --> 00:15:46,045
I want to say
like early 60s.
450
00:15:46,111 --> 00:15:47,246
Okay,
so if you wanted to --
451
00:15:47,313 --> 00:15:49,481
So let's put, like,
you know, some 50s in there.
452
00:15:49,548 --> 00:15:50,949
I like it.
Let's see
what happens if we start --
453
00:15:51,016 --> 00:15:53,052
Hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, hey, hey.
454
00:15:53,118 --> 00:15:54,953
Did I tell you
to touch your rangefinder?
455
00:15:55,020 --> 00:15:56,121
You did not.
Did I tell you to?
You did not.
Did I tell you to?
456
00:15:56,188 --> 00:15:57,289
You did not.
I don't think I did.
457
00:15:57,356 --> 00:15:58,557
I was trying
to do math
458
00:15:58,624 --> 00:15:59,892
'cause I can't do it right now
'cause I'm nervous.
459
00:15:59,958 --> 00:16:01,493
My bad.
That's my bad.
460
00:16:01,560 --> 00:16:02,728
Hands where I can see them,
fellas.
461
00:16:02,795 --> 00:16:03,896
Okay.
462
00:16:03,962 --> 00:16:05,464
She's worse than an owl.
463
00:16:05,531 --> 00:16:07,166
So within a range of 30,
464
00:16:07,232 --> 00:16:10,069
where does
"You get hit by a car"
465
00:16:10,135 --> 00:16:11,270
land on the Misery Index?
466
00:16:11,337 --> 00:16:13,439
Your time starts now.
467
00:16:13,505 --> 00:16:14,573
Okay.
468
00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:16,575
[ Audience shouting "Higher!" ]
469
00:16:16,642 --> 00:16:18,977
I think you gotta go
higher.
We're not --
470
00:16:19,044 --> 00:16:20,145
Five, four...
471
00:16:20,212 --> 00:16:21,747
I think that's okay.
I think I'm gonna lock us in.
472
00:16:21,814 --> 00:16:23,682
Lock her in.
Lock it in.
473
00:16:23,749 --> 00:16:26,151
Locked in.
Joe: Jordan, we like it.
Locked in.
Joe: Jordan, we like it.
474
00:16:26,218 --> 00:16:28,487
So for $5,000,
475
00:16:28,554 --> 00:16:31,323
let's see where
"You get hit by a car" lands.
476
00:16:31,390 --> 00:16:32,825
Jordan: I think this is
the sweet spot.
477
00:16:32,891 --> 00:16:34,093
Yeah, we got it.
We got this.
478
00:16:34,159 --> 00:16:36,128
No, no, no.
It's gonna go.
It's gonna go.
479
00:16:36,195 --> 00:16:38,230
There's no way
it's that low.
There's no way.
480
00:16:38,297 --> 00:16:40,299
And then they agonize me,
going so slow.
481
00:16:40,366 --> 00:16:43,535
Come on. Keep going.
It has to keep going.
482
00:16:43,602 --> 00:16:45,304
[ Cheers and applause ]
483
00:16:45,371 --> 00:16:47,206
Right off the bat, boy!
Whoo!
484
00:16:47,272 --> 00:16:50,142
You have just banked $5,000.
485
00:16:50,209 --> 00:16:52,311
Well done.
486
00:16:52,378 --> 00:16:55,247
Okay, so this next event
is worth $10,000,
487
00:16:55,314 --> 00:16:56,915
and you will have a range
of 20 points.
488
00:16:56,982 --> 00:16:58,650
Please take a look.
489
00:16:58,717 --> 00:17:01,220
Oh, no, no,
no, no, no, no.
490
00:17:01,286 --> 00:17:02,688
Do I have to?
491
00:17:02,755 --> 00:17:04,556
Just so you know,
they're not nipples.
492
00:17:09,428 --> 00:17:11,630
"Someone told her,
'You'll need a bra for that.'"
493
00:17:11,697 --> 00:17:13,065
No, that is nipples.
494
00:17:13,132 --> 00:17:14,400
It's not nipples.
It's actually her back.
495
00:17:14,466 --> 00:17:16,535
How long
did she lay out?
496
00:17:16,602 --> 00:17:18,237
And what desert
was she in?
497
00:17:18,303 --> 00:17:21,106
Above a 50.
I would argue above a 60.
498
00:17:21,173 --> 00:17:23,542
I feel like I'm gonna have
to take a quick lie-down.
499
00:17:23,609 --> 00:17:26,478
Being told you need a bra
for your back.
500
00:17:26,545 --> 00:17:27,913
But the pain
is through the roof, right?
Yes.
501
00:17:27,980 --> 00:17:29,715
So one pillar right away
is all the way up there.
502
00:17:29,782 --> 00:17:32,084
Emotional trauma.
That's so emotional.
503
00:17:32,151 --> 00:17:34,019
Yeah,
I have emotional trauma.
504
00:17:34,086 --> 00:17:36,321
Alright,
based on Jameela's reaction,
505
00:17:36,388 --> 00:17:38,624
we can go pretty high,
I think, right?
Yeah.
506
00:17:38,690 --> 00:17:42,594
I'm gonna say like between
like 50 and 70.
507
00:17:42,661 --> 00:17:44,797
Okay, so within a range
of 20,
508
00:17:44,863 --> 00:17:48,434
where does "You get huge sunburn
blisters" land on the index?
509
00:17:48,500 --> 00:17:50,803
Jordan, your 10 seconds starts
right now.
510
00:17:50,869 --> 00:17:52,204
Joe:
Come on, Jordan.
511
00:17:52,271 --> 00:17:54,807
Okay, I know
I'm up here somewhere.
512
00:17:54,873 --> 00:17:56,875
Okay, if that's where you feel
it, you got to do it.
513
00:17:56,942 --> 00:17:58,644
Five, four, three...
514
00:17:58,710 --> 00:18:00,012
Go with your gut.
Go with your gut.
515
00:18:00,078 --> 00:18:01,079
Go with your gut.
516
00:18:01,146 --> 00:18:02,915
...one, lock in.
517
00:18:02,981 --> 00:18:05,384
Alright, okay, great.
I think you got it.
518
00:18:05,451 --> 00:18:08,787
For $10,000,
where did our shrinks rate
519
00:18:08,854 --> 00:18:13,225
you get huge,
huge sunburn blisters?
520
00:18:13,292 --> 00:18:14,259
[ Chuckles ]
521
00:18:14,326 --> 00:18:16,395
Murr:
We think you got it.
522
00:18:16,462 --> 00:18:18,497
Q: Alright. I think you have it.
I do think you have it.
523
00:18:18,564 --> 00:18:21,233
This part is agonizing.
Please keep going.
524
00:18:21,300 --> 00:18:22,634
Keep going, keep going,
keep going.
525
00:18:22,701 --> 00:18:26,138
Stop!
Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop!
526
00:18:26,205 --> 00:18:28,106
[ Cheers and applause ]
527
00:18:28,173 --> 00:18:30,242
Yes! Yes!
528
00:18:30,309 --> 00:18:32,511
Whoo! Oh, my God.
529
00:18:32,578 --> 00:18:33,879
That is correct.
530
00:18:33,946 --> 00:18:36,114
You just
banked yourself $10,000 more.
531
00:18:36,181 --> 00:18:38,317
Do you know how many back bras
I could buy with $10,000?
532
00:18:38,383 --> 00:18:39,585
[ Laughter ]
533
00:18:39,651 --> 00:18:41,587
This is the final misery.
Oh, my gosh.
This is the final misery.
Oh, my gosh.
534
00:18:41,653 --> 00:18:43,655
You are playing
a perfect game so far.
535
00:18:43,722 --> 00:18:45,824
This next one
is worth $15,000,
536
00:18:45,891 --> 00:18:48,594
and you are going to have
to get it within a range
537
00:18:48,660 --> 00:18:51,196
only of 10 points
this time.
538
00:18:51,263 --> 00:18:53,232
Take a look at this.
539
00:18:59,338 --> 00:19:01,507
Thousands of penises
wash up on a beach,
540
00:19:01,573 --> 00:19:03,542
and we're putting that
on a Misery Index?
541
00:19:03,609 --> 00:19:04,710
I know.
542
00:19:04,776 --> 00:19:06,945
I mean, for some people,
that's a pretty fun time.
543
00:19:07,012 --> 00:19:08,480
I call this a party.
544
00:19:08,547 --> 00:19:10,582
[ Laughter ]
545
00:19:10,649 --> 00:19:11,850
Long-term
psychologically traumatic.
546
00:19:11,917 --> 00:19:13,018
It's a funny story.
547
00:19:13,085 --> 00:19:14,186
It's emotional
a little bit
548
00:19:14,253 --> 00:19:15,521
because you took your family
to this beach.
549
00:19:15,587 --> 00:19:17,022
Saved up,
you wanted to go to the beach,
550
00:19:17,089 --> 00:19:19,024
you got a penis in your face
instead, yes, very traumatic.
551
00:19:19,091 --> 00:19:20,492
What's your gut say?
552
00:19:20,559 --> 00:19:22,961
My gut is saying
like 14 or something.
553
00:19:23,028 --> 00:19:24,396
14.
Yeah.
14.
Yeah.
554
00:19:24,463 --> 00:19:27,466
But this is a family vacation.
It's been ruined.
555
00:19:27,533 --> 00:19:29,167
I hate the beach,
so I'm not worried.
556
00:19:29,234 --> 00:19:33,171
Okay, well,
your 10 seconds start...
557
00:19:33,238 --> 00:19:34,706
right now.
558
00:19:34,773 --> 00:19:37,009
Right now? Oh.
559
00:19:37,075 --> 00:19:38,644
Higher, higher,
higher, higher, higher.
560
00:19:38,710 --> 00:19:45,417
Five, four, three, two,
one, lock in.
561
00:19:45,484 --> 00:19:46,919
Oh!
562
00:19:46,985 --> 00:19:48,420
Okay, you are locked in
563
00:19:48,487 --> 00:19:50,489
between 14 and 24.
564
00:19:50,556 --> 00:19:52,124
That feels low.
565
00:19:52,190 --> 00:19:54,426
It feels low.
566
00:19:54,493 --> 00:19:55,928
We're here for you.
Thank you.
567
00:19:55,994 --> 00:19:57,329
We've come down
from our castle.
568
00:19:57,396 --> 00:19:58,664
You've already won
a lot of money.
569
00:19:58,730 --> 00:19:59,898
It's all gravy
at this point.
570
00:19:59,965 --> 00:20:02,000
But this is more.
571
00:20:02,067 --> 00:20:04,937
So for $15,000, let's see
572
00:20:05,003 --> 00:20:09,274
where "Your family vacation
is ruined by penis beach"
573
00:20:09,341 --> 00:20:10,742
lands on the Misery Index.
574
00:20:10,809 --> 00:20:13,078
Jordan: Oh, I don't know
that I can watch.
575
00:20:13,145 --> 00:20:14,413
I think low 20s good.
576
00:20:14,479 --> 00:20:16,648
Joe: Please just slow down
right away.
577
00:20:16,715 --> 00:20:18,350
Stop! Stop!
578
00:20:18,417 --> 00:20:19,585
Oh, no way!
579
00:20:19,651 --> 00:20:20,986
[ Buzzer ]
580
00:20:21,053 --> 00:20:22,120
34?!
581
00:20:22,187 --> 00:20:24,523
Guys, it was family vacation
that got ruined.
582
00:20:24,590 --> 00:20:26,291
That's money,
that's plans,
583
00:20:26,358 --> 00:20:29,061
but speaking of money,
congratulations,
584
00:20:29,127 --> 00:20:31,296
'cause you are still going home
or to Japan
585
00:20:31,363 --> 00:20:32,864
with $18,500.
586
00:20:32,931 --> 00:20:35,334
Whoo! I'll take it!
587
00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:39,471
Jameela: That is a lot of money.
Well done.
588
00:20:39,538 --> 00:20:41,106
So, that'll do it for
"The Misery Index."
589
00:20:41,173 --> 00:20:46,411
I am Jameela Jamil, and from me
and the Tenderloins, good night!
590
00:20:46,478 --> 00:20:49,715
[ Cheers and applause ]
591
00:20:49,781 --> 00:20:51,516
36 for penises
on the beach?
592
00:20:51,583 --> 00:20:54,419
You did so well.
So well.
593
00:20:54,486 --> 00:20:56,989
[ Cheers and applause ]
594
00:20:57,055 --> 00:21:01,293
♪♪