1
00:00:03,269 --> 00:00:06,239
Welcome to "The Misery Index,"
where misery loves company.
2
00:00:06,306 --> 00:00:07,741
-Yeah! Yeah!
-Yeah!
3
00:00:07,807 --> 00:00:09,442
Jameela:
We have scoured the globe
4
00:00:09,509 --> 00:00:11,778
for the world's most miserable
true stories,
5
00:00:11,845 --> 00:00:13,813
then asked a panel
of respected psychologists
6
00:00:13,880 --> 00:00:16,616
to rate those stories based on
three pillars of misery --
7
00:00:16,683 --> 00:00:18,451
physical pain,
emotional trauma,
8
00:00:18,518 --> 00:00:20,520
and long-term
psychological impact.
9
00:00:20,587 --> 00:00:22,789
The higher
the combined misery,
10
00:00:22,856 --> 00:00:24,557
the higher it lands
on our misery index.
11
00:00:24,624 --> 00:00:25,959
Oh! Oh, my God!
12
00:00:26,025 --> 00:00:27,894
Our two contestants
must try and decide
13
00:00:27,961 --> 00:00:30,930
how those events were rated
for a chance at our grand prize
14
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of $30,000.
15
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You're about to win
some money!
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So, let's get miserable.
17
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[ Cheers and applause ]
18
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♪♪
19
00:00:44,144 --> 00:00:45,812
Hello.
I'm Jameela Jamil.
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00:00:45,879 --> 00:00:47,714
And welcome to
"The Misery Index."
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00:00:47,781 --> 00:00:50,650
Tonight, we have two
very miserable contestants --
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00:00:50,717 --> 00:00:52,719
James Schultz, who once farted
23
00:00:52,786 --> 00:00:54,254
in front of a president,
24
00:00:54,320 --> 00:00:56,656
and Hibba Kapil, who was once
25
00:00:56,723 --> 00:00:58,525
robbed in a rickshaw.
26
00:00:58,591 --> 00:01:00,894
And now from truTV's hit
"Impractical Jokers,"
27
00:01:00,960 --> 00:01:02,228
give it up
for the Tenderloins --
28
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Sal, Joe, Q, and Murr!
29
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[ Cheers and applause ]
Hello.
30
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Oh, no, they didn't!
Oh, no, they didn't!
31
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Ready to win some money?
So nice to meet you.
32
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It's been brought, Jameela.
We are here.
33
00:01:17,477 --> 00:01:19,179
Nice to see you guys.
How are you?
34
00:01:19,245 --> 00:01:21,014
Nice to see you.
Good, good. How are you?
35
00:01:21,080 --> 00:01:22,582
Good, good.
Very good.
36
00:01:22,649 --> 00:01:24,551
Alright, you farted
in front of a president.
37
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-What happened?
-Yes, Jameela.
38
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I farted in front of
former president Bill Clinton.
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As I was shaking his hand,
I let out an audible fart.
40
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And --
Oh, you're a legend.
41
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You're a legend.
42
00:01:37,497 --> 00:01:39,833
Now, I knew
that he heard it
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because he looked directly at me
as I'm shaking his hand
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and just leans in and just go,
"Oh, boy, that was nice.
45
00:01:45,238 --> 00:01:46,339
Alright.
46
00:01:46,406 --> 00:01:47,740
I'll see you later, man.
Nice to meet you."
47
00:01:47,807 --> 00:01:50,376
Hibba,
tell us what happened.
48
00:01:50,443 --> 00:01:52,712
Well, this was in India
a couple of years ago.
49
00:01:52,779 --> 00:01:54,547
I was coming on a rickshaw
with my mom,
50
00:01:54,614 --> 00:01:57,717
and my purse was in my hand,
and two guys come from the back
51
00:01:57,784 --> 00:01:59,419
and they tried
to snatch the purse.
52
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And I'm thinking
I'm some ninja warrior.
53
00:02:00,987 --> 00:02:02,789
I'm, like,
holding on to it.
54
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Of course, I ended up
being dragged along the purse.
55
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The worst part is,
my mom was more upset
56
00:02:07,660 --> 00:02:09,028
about the purse than me.
57
00:02:09,095 --> 00:02:10,763
-Ohh.
-I think so.
58
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Classic.
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[ Laughter ]
60
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Okay, guys, please behold the
keeper of all things miserable.
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It is the Traumatron.
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All: Ooh!
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You're gonna be great.
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00:02:22,942 --> 00:02:25,078
The name of our first game
is Misery Lane.
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I'm gonna put two misery markers
on the index.
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And the first one is...
67
00:02:30,850 --> 00:02:32,051
[ All groan ]
68
00:02:32,118 --> 00:02:33,253
-Gosh.
-Oh, no. Oh.
69
00:02:33,319 --> 00:02:35,588
And our shrinks put that at a...
70
00:02:35,655 --> 00:02:36,856
That's got to be high up there.
Yeah. Thank you.
71
00:02:36,923 --> 00:02:38,591
-Yeah.
-67. That's fair.
72
00:02:38,658 --> 00:02:40,460
And the second one is...
73
00:02:43,663 --> 00:02:46,599
And our shrinks only put this...
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00:02:46,666 --> 00:02:47,901
at 28.
-28. Yep.
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00:02:47,967 --> 00:02:49,769
So I'm going to show
each of you an event.
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00:02:49,836 --> 00:02:51,371
You don't have to tell me
the exact number.
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You just have to determine
if it falls above, below,
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or in between the two cards
that you see on the index.
79
00:02:56,709 --> 00:02:58,444
James, you get to go first.
80
00:02:58,511 --> 00:03:00,513
Oh, nice.
81
00:03:00,580 --> 00:03:04,217
Please check out this misery.
82
00:03:04,284 --> 00:03:06,152
Once we scan back up,
keep your eye
83
00:03:06,219 --> 00:03:08,388
on the top
of the mountain right there.
Q: Oh, no, mountain climbing.
on the top
of the mountain right there.
Q: Oh, no, mountain climbing.
84
00:03:08,454 --> 00:03:09,889
Oh! oh.
85
00:03:09,956 --> 00:03:11,157
But look at what happened.
86
00:03:11,224 --> 00:03:12,759
Joe:
He's falling down a mountain.
87
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Oh, wow.
It's like a movie.
88
00:03:14,861 --> 00:03:17,063
-Oh!
-Oh, oh, oh.
89
00:03:17,130 --> 00:03:18,698
It just keep going.
90
00:03:18,765 --> 00:03:21,634
-Oh. Oh, my God.
-Oh, oh.
91
00:03:21,701 --> 00:03:24,837
Oh.
This is -- This is
Action Park in New Jersey.
92
00:03:24,904 --> 00:03:26,973
I actually had a great time here
when I was a kid.
93
00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:28,808
It's fantastic.
That's what they would do.
It's the Alpine Slide.
It's fantastic.
That's what they would do.
It's the Alpine Slide.
94
00:03:28,875 --> 00:03:30,977
The Alpine Slide.
Q: Yeah, the Alpine Slide
at Action Park.
95
00:03:31,044 --> 00:03:33,046
James, I'm sorry
to cut to the chase,
96
00:03:33,112 --> 00:03:34,280
but falling down
a mountain is worse.
97
00:03:34,347 --> 00:03:35,582
That's your final answer.
98
00:03:35,648 --> 00:03:37,250
[ Laughter ]
99
00:03:37,317 --> 00:03:40,653
We've decided --
the mountain.
100
00:03:40,720 --> 00:03:42,889
When he --
Listen, come here.
Oh, my God.
101
00:03:42,956 --> 00:03:45,491
When he's in beast mode,
we make money.
102
00:03:45,558 --> 00:03:46,893
Do you understand
what I'm saying?
Absolutely.
103
00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:48,661
He's in beast mode.
Yeah, I see him.
He's in beast mode.
Yeah, I see him.
104
00:03:48,728 --> 00:03:50,163
You see him, right?
Alright, alright, alright.
105
00:03:50,229 --> 00:03:52,365
-Alright.
-James, what do you think?
106
00:03:52,432 --> 00:03:54,133
Number one, I'm definitely
gonna think about
107
00:03:54,200 --> 00:03:55,368
the idea of physical pain.
108
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You're falling
down a mountain.
109
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You think you could
literally die,
110
00:04:00,006 --> 00:04:01,774
and the paper cut
on your cornea,
111
00:04:01,841 --> 00:04:03,843
you could probably
heal much quicker.
112
00:04:03,910 --> 00:04:05,478
Enough.
The answer's mountain.
113
00:04:05,545 --> 00:04:06,913
Let's see.
114
00:04:06,980 --> 00:04:10,116
So with Beast Murr,
I am going to say
115
00:04:10,183 --> 00:04:13,086
that you falling down
a mountain is above.
116
00:04:13,152 --> 00:04:14,220
-Very good.
-There you go.
117
00:04:14,287 --> 00:04:16,255
Jameela: Okay,
you have said it is above.
118
00:04:16,322 --> 00:04:17,890
Let's see
what our shrinks say.
119
00:04:17,957 --> 00:04:19,592
Good luck.
120
00:04:19,659 --> 00:04:20,860
Alright.
121
00:04:20,927 --> 00:04:22,629
I wouldn't even be worried.
He's in beast mode.
122
00:04:22,695 --> 00:04:23,997
You ain't got to
worry about this, dude.
123
00:04:24,063 --> 00:04:25,498
You got it.
Come on, come on, come on.
124
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Go. Go. Go.
125
00:04:27,667 --> 00:04:28,968
Keep going, keep going,
keep going.
126
00:04:29,035 --> 00:04:30,536
Oh, oh. Keep going,
keep going, keep going.
127
00:04:30,603 --> 00:04:32,338
-Yes!
-Alright.
128
00:04:32,405 --> 00:04:33,539
Whoo!
129
00:04:33,606 --> 00:04:36,142
You are correct, and you
just won yourself $500.
130
00:04:36,209 --> 00:04:37,510
-Well done.
-Whoo!
131
00:04:37,577 --> 00:04:40,313
It's a start.
Celebration's not necessary.
It's a start.
Celebration's not necessary.
132
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Jameela: Okay, Hibba,
please check out this misery.
133
00:04:43,149 --> 00:04:44,984
Okay.
134
00:04:45,051 --> 00:04:47,387
Woman: This 11-year-old boy
from Brazil
135
00:04:47,453 --> 00:04:49,489
is attracting more
than just attention.
136
00:04:49,555 --> 00:04:52,892
Ooh!
How about small change,
forks, spoons...
Ooh!
How about small change,
forks, spoons...
137
00:04:52,959 --> 00:04:56,496
Oh, my gosh.
...nail clippers,
even an electric razor.
Oh, my gosh.
...nail clippers,
even an electric razor.
138
00:04:56,562 --> 00:04:57,930
And the list goes on.
139
00:04:57,997 --> 00:05:01,000
The boy's chest and back
have a rare magnetic draw.
140
00:05:01,067 --> 00:05:02,001
[ Speaking native language ]
141
00:05:02,068 --> 00:05:03,670
At school, the boy says,
142
00:05:03,736 --> 00:05:06,239
his classmates call him
Magnet Boy,
143
00:05:06,305 --> 00:05:09,042
a nickname that so far has,
well, stuck.
144
00:05:09,108 --> 00:05:10,209
The good news is
if you're at the beach
145
00:05:10,276 --> 00:05:11,377
and you lose your ring,
you just make him
146
00:05:11,444 --> 00:05:14,313
roll around in the sand
for a little bit.
147
00:05:14,380 --> 00:05:16,249
Hibba, you are thinking about
this from the point of view
148
00:05:16,315 --> 00:05:18,151
of you are the magnet.
Yeah.
149
00:05:18,217 --> 00:05:20,319
Right.
So, what are you thinking?
Alright.
Right.
So, what are you thinking?
Alright.
150
00:05:20,386 --> 00:05:22,755
Well, I'm thinking that there is
no physical pain
151
00:05:22,822 --> 00:05:24,023
to being magnetic.
Great.
to being magnetic.
Great.
152
00:05:24,090 --> 00:05:26,459
Yes.
Paper cut heals.
153
00:05:26,526 --> 00:05:28,327
Last in dodgeball,
you get another chance.
154
00:05:28,394 --> 00:05:30,229
You know, it's not emotional,
not physical,
155
00:05:30,296 --> 00:05:32,899
maybe a little bit of,
you know, embarrassment.
Embarrassment.
maybe a little bit of,
you know, embarrassment.
Embarrassment.
156
00:05:32,965 --> 00:05:35,168
So I think it's --
it's higher than 67.
157
00:05:35,234 --> 00:05:36,569
-Hmm, interesting.
-No?
158
00:05:36,636 --> 00:05:37,904
My instinct
was in between,
159
00:05:37,970 --> 00:05:39,439
but I'm happy to make a case
for you if you think it's above.
160
00:05:39,505 --> 00:05:41,240
It's gonna be close
to the cornea.
161
00:05:41,307 --> 00:05:42,775
I think it's gonna be up,
but I still think it's
gonna be in the middle.
162
00:05:42,842 --> 00:05:44,243
I think it's gonna be
lower than the 60s.
163
00:05:44,310 --> 00:05:47,914
Okay, so for $500, does you are
a magnet land above, below,
164
00:05:47,980 --> 00:05:50,516
or in between the other
two cards on the index?
165
00:05:50,583 --> 00:05:52,051
Okay, let's go
for above.
166
00:05:52,118 --> 00:05:54,087
You're going
against your teammates.
167
00:05:54,153 --> 00:05:56,656
Let's see how that
works out for you.
168
00:05:56,723 --> 00:05:59,025
Let's see what our shrinks say.
169
00:05:59,092 --> 00:06:00,460
It's a lifelong thing.
Joe: Come on, 68.
It's a lifelong thing.
Joe: Come on, 68.
170
00:06:00,526 --> 00:06:02,128
It is. It is.
It's lifelong.
It's a lifelong thing.
171
00:06:02,195 --> 00:06:04,197
Come on, go up,
go up, go up, go up.
You're dealing with it forever.
Come on, go up,
go up, go up, go up.
You're dealing with it forever.
172
00:06:04,263 --> 00:06:05,498
-You're dealing with it forever.
-Please, please.
173
00:06:05,565 --> 00:06:06,799
Don't go below 28.
The paper cut heals.
174
00:06:06,866 --> 00:06:07,934
Oh, my God.
No, no, no.
175
00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:09,368
The paper cut heals.
Go up.
176
00:06:09,435 --> 00:06:11,170
Right, right, right, right.
177
00:06:11,237 --> 00:06:12,672
Right! Right!
178
00:06:12,739 --> 00:06:14,040
[ Buzzer ]
Man!
179
00:06:14,107 --> 00:06:15,408
-Okay.
-Alright.
180
00:06:15,475 --> 00:06:18,678
I'm afraid you are incorrect
and you did not bank $500.
181
00:06:18,745 --> 00:06:20,847
But it's okay.
It's not over.
It's alright,
we're like the underdog.
But it's okay.
It's not over.
It's alright,
we're like the underdog.
182
00:06:20,913 --> 00:06:23,382
Coming up, the money doubles,
and so does the misery.
183
00:06:23,449 --> 00:06:25,918
And later,
one of these contestants
184
00:06:25,985 --> 00:06:29,689
will get a shot at $30,000.
185
00:06:29,756 --> 00:06:32,658
[ Cheers and applause ]
186
00:06:37,663 --> 00:06:39,632
Welcome back
to "The Misery Index."
187
00:06:39,699 --> 00:06:42,535
James has $500,
and Hibba has nothing.
188
00:06:42,602 --> 00:06:45,004
But there's lots more
humiliation to explore
189
00:06:45,071 --> 00:06:47,974
before one of them
plays for $30,000.
190
00:06:48,040 --> 00:06:50,343
-Yes. Go.
-Whoo!
191
00:06:50,409 --> 00:06:52,478
Hibba, you are
trailing behind.
192
00:06:52,545 --> 00:06:53,746
You're up first.
193
00:06:53,813 --> 00:06:55,581
Are you gonna listen
to your teammates this time?
194
00:06:55,648 --> 00:06:57,283
-I will.
-Okay.
195
00:06:57,350 --> 00:07:00,119
I'm going to show you
two deeply traumatic events,
196
00:07:00,186 --> 00:07:01,821
and you will have to tell me
which is worse,
197
00:07:01,888 --> 00:07:03,356
according to our shrinks.
198
00:07:03,422 --> 00:07:06,793
For $1,000, tell me which one
of these lousy lifts
199
00:07:06,859 --> 00:07:08,661
lands higher
on the Misery Index.
200
00:07:08,728 --> 00:07:10,396
Is it this?
201
00:07:12,832 --> 00:07:15,668
Q: Oh, my God.
Oh, yeah.
202
00:07:15,735 --> 00:07:19,238
She says, "When I ran at Andy,
he tried to lift me,
203
00:07:19,305 --> 00:07:21,407
but we just collided."
204
00:07:21,474 --> 00:07:23,810
I mean, they certainly didn't
have the time of their lives.
205
00:07:23,876 --> 00:07:26,412
No, for sure not.
206
00:07:26,479 --> 00:07:28,414
Or is this more miserable?
207
00:07:40,026 --> 00:07:41,727
Oh, which is worse
between these two?
208
00:07:41,794 --> 00:07:43,930
I think your ambulance
picks up hitchhikers
209
00:07:43,996 --> 00:07:46,332
is more miserable
because already you are
210
00:07:46,399 --> 00:07:48,234
in physical pain
if you're in ambulance.
211
00:07:48,301 --> 00:07:50,903
And then there's emotional
trauma in the moment
212
00:07:50,970 --> 00:07:52,638
because you don't know
what's gonna happen to you
213
00:07:52,705 --> 00:07:54,440
because, are you getting
to the hospital,
214
00:07:54,507 --> 00:07:55,808
or you're just
gonna die here?
215
00:07:55,875 --> 00:07:57,176
The ambulance has one job.
216
00:07:57,243 --> 00:07:58,978
Yeah,
get me to the hospital.
217
00:07:59,045 --> 00:08:00,947
You're not a taxi.
218
00:08:01,013 --> 00:08:02,315
Okay, so you are saying
219
00:08:02,381 --> 00:08:04,650
that your ambulance
picking up hitchhikers is worse.
220
00:08:04,717 --> 00:08:07,220
Let's first see where our
shrinks put the other choice.
221
00:08:07,286 --> 00:08:08,521
Good luck.
222
00:08:08,588 --> 00:08:10,189
58.
223
00:08:10,256 --> 00:08:13,559
And now let's see
if you are right.
224
00:08:13,626 --> 00:08:15,061
Alright.
Come on. Come on.
225
00:08:15,127 --> 00:08:16,762
Come on, ambulance.
226
00:08:16,829 --> 00:08:18,431
Move right.
227
00:08:18,497 --> 00:08:20,533
[ Cheers and applause ]
228
00:08:20,600 --> 00:08:23,269
Jameela: That is correct.
You just won $1,000.
229
00:08:23,336 --> 00:08:25,137
And we have a game.
230
00:08:25,204 --> 00:08:26,572
Alright, James, you're up.
231
00:08:26,639 --> 00:08:29,542
For $1,000, please tell me
which one of these body bangers
232
00:08:29,609 --> 00:08:31,277
ranks higher
on the Misery Index.
233
00:08:31,344 --> 00:08:33,913
Is it this?
234
00:08:33,980 --> 00:08:37,183
Oh, no.
235
00:08:37,250 --> 00:08:40,052
Q:
Body bangers a bad thing.
236
00:08:40,119 --> 00:08:42,421
Oh. God.
237
00:08:42,488 --> 00:08:44,423
That's how Murray
comes out of a bathroom stall.
238
00:08:44,490 --> 00:08:47,860
[ Chanting "Beast mode!" ]
239
00:08:47,927 --> 00:08:51,831
Please, I do not require
your applause.
240
00:08:51,898 --> 00:08:54,233
Jameela, we are ready
to see the next clip.
241
00:08:54,300 --> 00:08:57,637
I'm not really your secretary,
Beast Mode Murray, so...
242
00:08:57,703 --> 00:09:00,273
-So noted.
-James, are you ready to see?
243
00:09:00,339 --> 00:09:02,608
Are you ready?
Then I am ready.
244
00:09:02,675 --> 00:09:03,709
Jameela: Oh, my God.
245
00:09:03,776 --> 00:09:05,745
James, take a look at this.
246
00:09:05,811 --> 00:09:07,280
Is this more miserable?
247
00:09:10,783 --> 00:09:13,486
Q: Oh, I love it.
I love it.
248
00:09:13,552 --> 00:09:14,954
Joe: Oh, wow.
249
00:09:15,021 --> 00:09:16,155
Jameela: This is all alleged.
250
00:09:16,222 --> 00:09:17,990
And please know
the charges were dismissed.
251
00:09:18,057 --> 00:09:19,959
Basically,
he got the gun off of her
252
00:09:20,026 --> 00:09:21,427
and then put it in the toilet.
253
00:09:21,494 --> 00:09:23,462
Here's the factors
you need to consider.
254
00:09:23,529 --> 00:09:27,700
First, your girlfriend pulls
a gun on you from her vagina.
255
00:09:27,767 --> 00:09:30,002
It undercuts the
entire relationship
you've got with her.
256
00:09:30,069 --> 00:09:32,939
You will never trust her
or said vagina again.
257
00:09:33,005 --> 00:09:35,574
Second, the gate
has incredible physical pain
258
00:09:35,641 --> 00:09:39,545
that trumps any possible
shooting from said vagina.
259
00:09:39,612 --> 00:09:41,781
Clearly, it's the gate.
260
00:09:41,847 --> 00:09:43,215
Wow. Okay.
261
00:09:43,282 --> 00:09:46,919
I hear what you're saying
about -- But a gun is --
No.
262
00:09:46,986 --> 00:09:50,323
You're never gonna
look at a vagin--
No, no, no.
263
00:09:50,389 --> 00:09:51,357
Alright, but just --
No.
Alright, but just --
No.
264
00:09:51,424 --> 00:09:52,558
No.
265
00:09:52,625 --> 00:09:55,061
-No. No.
-No.
266
00:09:55,127 --> 00:09:57,997
So, James, please tell me,
which one is more miserable?
267
00:09:58,064 --> 00:09:59,598
You're destroyed by a gate
268
00:09:59,665 --> 00:10:02,168
is more miserable than
a vagina gun is pulled on you.
269
00:10:02,234 --> 00:10:03,669
-Wow. Alright.
-Okay.
270
00:10:03,736 --> 00:10:07,306
Let's first see where
our shrinks put the vagina gun.
271
00:10:07,373 --> 00:10:08,874
-Ooh!
-55.
272
00:10:08,941 --> 00:10:10,009
I think you got it.
273
00:10:10,076 --> 00:10:11,711
Now let's see if your choice
is correct.
274
00:10:11,777 --> 00:10:13,813
Good luck, James.
275
00:10:13,879 --> 00:10:15,314
Please be right.
276
00:10:15,381 --> 00:10:17,616
Please, please, please.
I think you got it.
277
00:10:17,683 --> 00:10:19,552
Yes!
278
00:10:19,618 --> 00:10:23,255
[ Chanting "Beast mode!" ]
279
00:10:23,322 --> 00:10:24,256
Jameela: That is correct.
280
00:10:24,323 --> 00:10:26,726
And you just
won yourself $1,000.
281
00:10:26,792 --> 00:10:28,627
Congratulations.
282
00:10:28,694 --> 00:10:30,563
Don't go anywhere,
because when we come back,
283
00:10:30,629 --> 00:10:31,797
someone is headed home
284
00:10:31,864 --> 00:10:35,601
and someone is moving on
for their shot at $30,000.
285
00:10:35,668 --> 00:10:37,903
[ Cheers and applause ]
286
00:10:47,046 --> 00:10:49,882
Hello, and welcome back
to "The Misery Index."
287
00:10:49,949 --> 00:10:52,418
It all comes down
to this one miserable event
288
00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:54,920
to determine who is
the true master of misery
289
00:10:54,987 --> 00:10:58,190
moving on to play for their shot
at the grand prize.
290
00:10:58,257 --> 00:11:00,593
So James has $1,500,
291
00:11:00,659 --> 00:11:03,996
and Hibba is right on his heels
with $1,000.
292
00:11:04,063 --> 00:11:06,799
Tonight, we are going to
put your ears to the test.
293
00:11:06,866 --> 00:11:08,267
You're going to have to
rate this misery
294
00:11:08,334 --> 00:11:10,136
based solely on
what you can hear.
295
00:11:10,202 --> 00:11:11,737
And that means no video.
296
00:11:11,804 --> 00:11:14,373
However, our shrinks
got to see the whole video,
297
00:11:14,440 --> 00:11:16,776
but you won't until after
you lock in your score,
298
00:11:16,842 --> 00:11:18,411
because I'm the mistress
of misery
299
00:11:18,477 --> 00:11:20,846
and I'm a bit of a bitch, so...
300
00:11:20,913 --> 00:11:24,583
Whoever is closest to our
shrinks' score wins the round.
301
00:11:24,650 --> 00:11:27,853
Let's play the Sound of Misery.
302
00:11:27,920 --> 00:11:29,121
-Yeah!
-Let's have a listen.
303
00:11:29,188 --> 00:11:30,689
-I'm excited.
-Alright.
304
00:11:30,756 --> 00:11:32,158
[ Man gags ]
305
00:11:32,224 --> 00:11:34,160
[ Coughs ]
306
00:11:34,226 --> 00:11:35,961
Ohh.
307
00:11:36,028 --> 00:11:37,596
[ Gags ]
308
00:11:37,663 --> 00:11:39,031
Oh.
309
00:11:39,098 --> 00:11:40,533
[ Gags ]
310
00:11:40,599 --> 00:11:42,068
Ohh.
311
00:11:42,134 --> 00:11:43,803
[ Gags ]
312
00:11:43,869 --> 00:11:45,137
-Oh.
-He's throwing up.
313
00:11:45,204 --> 00:11:48,340
[Bleep]
Dirty girl. Ohh.
314
00:11:48,407 --> 00:11:49,442
Something's
coming out of him.
315
00:11:49,508 --> 00:11:51,143
[ Groans ]
316
00:11:51,210 --> 00:11:53,179
[ Gags ]
317
00:11:53,245 --> 00:11:56,048
Ah. Ohh.
318
00:11:56,115 --> 00:11:59,318
I'm pretty sure that was James
meeting President Clinton.
319
00:11:59,385 --> 00:12:02,121
[ Laughter ]
320
00:12:02,188 --> 00:12:04,857
Okay, so now for $2,000,
please talk it through
321
00:12:04,924 --> 00:12:07,059
and lock in where you think
this awful audio
322
00:12:07,126 --> 00:12:09,161
lands on the Misery Index.
323
00:12:09,228 --> 00:12:10,930
The worst-case scenario,
he's throwing up.
324
00:12:10,996 --> 00:12:12,832
Yes.
So there is slight
physical pain.
325
00:12:12,898 --> 00:12:14,433
Really horrible
to be throwing up.
326
00:12:14,500 --> 00:12:16,135
-Dirty girl.
-It's going to end...
327
00:12:16,202 --> 00:12:17,670
-He's not dying.
-He's not dying.
328
00:12:17,736 --> 00:12:18,938
He's fixing the problem,
but it's still...
329
00:12:19,004 --> 00:12:21,674
Okay, Hibba, James,
lock in your scores.
330
00:12:21,740 --> 00:12:22,908
Okay, okay.
331
00:12:22,975 --> 00:12:24,577
Hibba's locked in.
We're locked, we're locked.
332
00:12:24,643 --> 00:12:26,378
James is locked in.
Okay.
333
00:12:26,445 --> 00:12:29,482
So, James, what do you think
this video is gonna be?
334
00:12:29,548 --> 00:12:32,384
Something's coming out
of somebody.
335
00:12:32,451 --> 00:12:34,453
Something's always
coming out of somebody.
336
00:12:34,520 --> 00:12:36,055
Like, he's pulling
something out.
337
00:12:36,122 --> 00:12:37,256
Like, when I hear,
"Ooh, dirty,"
338
00:12:37,323 --> 00:12:39,458
I hear, like, something like,
"Oh, dirty girl."
339
00:12:39,525 --> 00:12:41,694
Like, he's like,
"Oh, there's another one."
340
00:12:41,760 --> 00:12:43,129
Okay, Hibba,
what's your take?
341
00:12:43,195 --> 00:12:45,064
Well, I think it's definitely
he's puking.
342
00:12:45,131 --> 00:12:46,732
He has those
funny comments to make.
343
00:12:46,799 --> 00:12:49,568
So I guess he's okay.
He's not dying.
Yeah.
344
00:12:49,635 --> 00:12:51,203
I think
that's very insightful.
345
00:12:51,270 --> 00:12:53,706
So before we reveal our scores,
let's take a look at the video
346
00:12:53,772 --> 00:12:57,376
behind
this miserable audio clip.
347
00:12:57,443 --> 00:12:59,011
Oh, it's just
a diaper change.
348
00:12:59,078 --> 00:12:59,979
[ Gags ]
349
00:13:00,045 --> 00:13:03,182
Oh, I did not
think of this.
350
00:13:03,249 --> 00:13:06,552
-Dirty girl.
-Literally a dirty girl.
351
00:13:06,619 --> 00:13:08,654
Literally.
352
00:13:08,721 --> 00:13:09,922
[ Coughs ]
353
00:13:09,989 --> 00:13:11,524
-Come on.
-Dry heaving.
354
00:13:11,590 --> 00:13:13,159
[ Coughs ]
355
00:13:13,225 --> 00:13:15,661
-Don't throw up on the baby.
-Don't do that.
356
00:13:15,728 --> 00:13:17,630
-Dirty girl.
-Oh, my God.
357
00:13:17,696 --> 00:13:19,999
That's it?
That's the dirty girl?
358
00:13:22,835 --> 00:13:24,170
Why video yourself?
359
00:13:24,236 --> 00:13:25,437
[ Coughs ]
360
00:13:25,504 --> 00:13:26,705
What?
361
00:13:26,772 --> 00:13:29,008
Somewhat of
an overreaction.
362
00:13:29,074 --> 00:13:30,776
Oh, wow. Alright.
363
00:13:30,843 --> 00:13:33,846
So, wow.
None of us thought it was that.
364
00:13:33,913 --> 00:13:35,114
So now that
we've seen the video,
365
00:13:35,181 --> 00:13:36,916
let's see who has mastered
the misery
366
00:13:36,982 --> 00:13:39,218
by being closest
to the correct answer.
367
00:13:39,285 --> 00:13:42,588
James, you ranked this
sound of misery at a...
368
00:13:42,655 --> 00:13:44,490
Hibba: Please go back.
Go back, go back, go back.
369
00:13:44,557 --> 00:13:46,025
Jameela: ...50.
370
00:13:46,091 --> 00:13:50,829
And, Hibba, you put it at a...
371
00:13:50,896 --> 00:13:53,132
42.
372
00:13:53,199 --> 00:13:55,601
Okay, well, let's see
what our shrinks say.
373
00:13:55,668 --> 00:13:57,002
This is it.
374
00:13:57,069 --> 00:13:59,772
We're gonna find out who is
going on to finish the game
375
00:13:59,838 --> 00:14:02,441
for the $30,000 prize.
376
00:14:02,508 --> 00:14:05,511
[ Indistinct talking ]
377
00:14:05,578 --> 00:14:08,581
[ Audience shouting ]
378
00:14:08,647 --> 00:14:12,051
45. You know it's under a 42,
yes. Please.
379
00:14:12,117 --> 00:14:13,319
Yes!
380
00:14:13,385 --> 00:14:15,187
Oh, my goodness.
381
00:14:15,254 --> 00:14:16,255
It's all good.
382
00:14:16,322 --> 00:14:17,256
Hibba wins!
383
00:14:17,323 --> 00:14:19,158
Unfortunately, that means
384
00:14:19,225 --> 00:14:21,293
that we're gonna have to
say goodbye to James,
385
00:14:21,360 --> 00:14:23,295
but Hibba is moving on
and will be playing
386
00:14:23,362 --> 00:14:26,632
for the $30,000 grand prize
right after this.
387
00:14:26,699 --> 00:14:29,201
Don't go anywhere.
388
00:14:29,268 --> 00:14:31,570
[ Cheers and applause ]
389
00:14:35,474 --> 00:14:38,777
[ Cheers and applause ]
390
00:14:38,844 --> 00:14:41,347
Welcome back
to "The Misery Index."
391
00:14:41,413 --> 00:14:43,282
Hibba has chosen Sal
to assist her
392
00:14:43,349 --> 00:14:46,919
in the grand prize final round.
393
00:14:46,986 --> 00:14:51,156
This is the $30,000
Margin of Misery.
394
00:14:51,223 --> 00:14:54,727
[ Cheers and applause ]
395
00:14:54,793 --> 00:14:56,996
Hibba, what are you gonna do
with money if you win?
396
00:14:57,062 --> 00:14:58,163
I'm gonna get a new car,
397
00:14:58,230 --> 00:15:00,432
maybe something badass
like a Jeep or something
398
00:15:00,499 --> 00:15:01,934
with, like, open roof.
399
00:15:02,001 --> 00:15:03,302
Q: Now you're talking
my language.
400
00:15:03,369 --> 00:15:05,938
Yeah, badass Jeep!
401
00:15:06,005 --> 00:15:09,275
Jameela: Okay, so I'm gonna
show you three terrible events
402
00:15:09,341 --> 00:15:11,176
worth $5,000, $10,000,
and $15,000.
403
00:15:11,243 --> 00:15:13,412
And after each one, you're gonna
place a range finder
404
00:15:13,479 --> 00:15:16,215
where you think it lands
on the Misery Index.
405
00:15:16,282 --> 00:15:19,685
But as the money grows,
the range finder gets smaller.
406
00:15:19,752 --> 00:15:20,953
Are you ready to play?
407
00:15:21,020 --> 00:15:22,121
-Yes.
-Yes, she is.
408
00:15:22,187 --> 00:15:23,656
-Yes! Yes!
-We are ready to go, Jameela.
409
00:15:23,722 --> 00:15:24,923
Sal: Give it up for Hibba,
everybody!
410
00:15:24,990 --> 00:15:27,626
Let's get miserable.
411
00:15:27,693 --> 00:15:28,627
[ Cheers and applause ]
412
00:15:28,694 --> 00:15:31,096
Let's get miserable.
Here we go.
413
00:15:31,163 --> 00:15:33,132
Hibba, your first event
is worth $5,000.
414
00:15:33,198 --> 00:15:35,200
There's a range
of 30 points this time.
415
00:15:35,267 --> 00:15:36,502
Take a look.
416
00:15:37,603 --> 00:15:40,039
"Driven mad
by incessant beeping,
417
00:15:40,105 --> 00:15:42,941
couple tears down walls
to discover smoke alarm
418
00:15:43,008 --> 00:15:45,544
was in the dresser all along."
419
00:15:45,611 --> 00:15:48,247
And the response was,
420
00:15:48,314 --> 00:15:50,749
"At least the noise had stopped
at long last."
421
00:15:50,816 --> 00:15:52,451
Okay, Hibba,
here is what's
422
00:15:52,518 --> 00:15:53,919
throwing me off a little bit,
right?
423
00:15:53,986 --> 00:15:56,121
They dealt with the noise
for a year.
424
00:15:56,188 --> 00:16:00,926
So that frustration mounting
I think has to be accounted for.
425
00:16:00,993 --> 00:16:02,661
Ultimately,
you put up some Sheetrock,
426
00:16:02,728 --> 00:16:05,664
you patch it up again,
so I don't think it's crazy bad.
427
00:16:05,731 --> 00:16:07,833
But I do think we have to
take into consideration
428
00:16:07,900 --> 00:16:11,370
the fact that they had beeping
going on for a year
429
00:16:11,437 --> 00:16:12,771
and didn't know
where it was coming from, right?
430
00:16:12,838 --> 00:16:16,575
There's monetary pain if you're
redoing a house for no reason.
431
00:16:16,642 --> 00:16:18,310
The beeping is annoying.
432
00:16:18,377 --> 00:16:20,045
And if you're old, things annoy
you way more than --
433
00:16:20,112 --> 00:16:21,714
If you do want to clip
any of the 20s,
434
00:16:21,780 --> 00:16:23,215
I'd go very high 20s.
435
00:16:23,282 --> 00:16:25,317
That's what I would say.
Okay, well,
within a range of 30,
436
00:16:25,384 --> 00:16:28,287
where does you tear your house
apart for no reason land
437
00:16:28,354 --> 00:16:29,688
on the Misery Index?
438
00:16:29,755 --> 00:16:32,157
-Your time starts now.
-30 to 60.
439
00:16:32,224 --> 00:16:33,992
Joe: Come on. Come on.
440
00:16:34,059 --> 00:16:35,828
-Whoa, back it up.
-You like that?
441
00:16:35,894 --> 00:16:37,930
-Back it up.
-Like that? I like that.
442
00:16:37,996 --> 00:16:42,434
Jameela: 4, 3, 2, 1.
Lock it in.
443
00:16:42,501 --> 00:16:44,269
Okay, alright.
Okay.
444
00:16:44,336 --> 00:16:47,439
28 to 58 is where
you are locked in.
445
00:16:47,506 --> 00:16:49,508
For $5,000,
let's see where it lands.
446
00:16:49,575 --> 00:16:50,776
This is it.
447
00:16:50,843 --> 00:16:52,077
Hopefully we're gonna
get to the 50s.
448
00:16:52,144 --> 00:16:53,278
Hopefully we're gonna
get into the 50s.
449
00:16:53,345 --> 00:16:55,214
Oh, my God.
Why is it starting to --
450
00:16:55,280 --> 00:16:57,383
Go right there. Right there,
right there, right there.
451
00:16:57,449 --> 00:17:00,586
Please, please, please.
Oh, my God, no. No. No.
452
00:17:00,652 --> 00:17:02,020
[ Buzzer ]
Ohh!
453
00:17:02,087 --> 00:17:06,225
Oh, dear,
you did not bank $5,000.
454
00:17:06,291 --> 00:17:08,494
But that's okay because
there's way more money
455
00:17:08,560 --> 00:17:10,028
to win now, right?
456
00:17:10,095 --> 00:17:11,096
Okay.
457
00:17:11,163 --> 00:17:13,232
This next event
is worth $10,000,
458
00:17:13,298 --> 00:17:16,068
and you will have a range
of 20 points this time.
459
00:17:16,135 --> 00:17:18,370
Take a look.
460
00:17:18,437 --> 00:17:20,406
Oh, my God,
it's already terrible.
461
00:17:20,472 --> 00:17:23,242
[ Woman laughing ]
462
00:17:23,308 --> 00:17:26,779
Oh!
And someone's laughing.
463
00:17:31,350 --> 00:17:32,851
Oh, it's gonna
get him here.
464
00:17:32,918 --> 00:17:34,553
Oh!
465
00:17:34,620 --> 00:17:37,656
Oh, ow.
466
00:17:37,723 --> 00:17:39,558
Oh. Oh.
467
00:17:43,829 --> 00:17:45,130
[ Laughs ]
468
00:17:45,197 --> 00:17:47,232
At the end of the day, it's
a game of Duck, Duck, Goose,
469
00:17:47,299 --> 00:17:48,567
basically, really.
470
00:17:48,634 --> 00:17:50,602
It's not too bad, right?
He survived
and he was giggling.
It's not too bad, right?
He survived
and he was giggling.
471
00:17:50,669 --> 00:17:52,571
Maybe some, like,
minor pain.
472
00:17:52,638 --> 00:17:53,906
There's a little bit
of physical pain
473
00:17:53,972 --> 00:17:56,008
because you are
being poked by her beak.
474
00:17:56,074 --> 00:17:58,811
I don't think there's
any emotional trauma.
475
00:17:58,877 --> 00:18:00,145
Just slightly.
Yeah.
476
00:18:00,212 --> 00:18:01,814
And he's giggling also.
Yeah.
477
00:18:01,880 --> 00:18:03,248
Okay, within a range of 20,
478
00:18:03,315 --> 00:18:06,518
where does you are attacked
by a swan land on the index?
479
00:18:06,585 --> 00:18:08,387
Your 10 seconds
starts now.
480
00:18:08,454 --> 00:18:10,522
-Okay.
-Maybe like 24 to 44.
481
00:18:10,589 --> 00:18:12,191
Okay.
482
00:18:12,257 --> 00:18:14,460
25, 24, yeah,
something like that.
483
00:18:14,526 --> 00:18:15,527
5, 4...
484
00:18:15,594 --> 00:18:16,929
-Something like that.
-That's good.
485
00:18:16,995 --> 00:18:18,730
Yeah, we like it.
Everyone likes it.
...3, 2, 1.
Yeah, we like it.
Everyone likes it.
...3, 2, 1.
486
00:18:18,797 --> 00:18:20,065
Be confident.
Let's be confident.
487
00:18:20,132 --> 00:18:21,166
We got it.
We got it.
488
00:18:21,233 --> 00:18:22,568
-Look at me. We got it.
-It's a swan.
489
00:18:22,634 --> 00:18:25,471
Okay, Hibba, you are locked in
between 23 and 43.
490
00:18:25,537 --> 00:18:27,239
This is for $10,000.
491
00:18:27,306 --> 00:18:29,508
Where did our shrinks rate it
on the Misery Index?
492
00:18:29,575 --> 00:18:32,244
-Let's find out.
-Oh, she's got it, she's got it.
493
00:18:32,311 --> 00:18:33,712
-Come on, come on.
-I think you have it.
494
00:18:33,779 --> 00:18:36,014
Oh, God.
Please, please, please, please.
I think you have it.
Oh, God.
Please, please, please, please.
I think you have it.
495
00:18:36,081 --> 00:18:37,916
-Please, please.
-Slow down!
496
00:18:37,983 --> 00:18:39,751
Yes!
497
00:18:39,818 --> 00:18:41,954
Now we got $10,000 now.
498
00:18:42,020 --> 00:18:44,723
You just banked
yourself $10,000.
499
00:18:44,790 --> 00:18:46,892
[ Cheers and applause ]
500
00:18:46,959 --> 00:18:48,994
Alright,
we're on a good roll now.
501
00:18:49,061 --> 00:18:50,996
So here we go.
This is our final misery.
502
00:18:51,063 --> 00:18:52,297
It's worth $15,000.
503
00:18:52,364 --> 00:18:53,699
And you're gonna have to
get it within a range
504
00:18:53,765 --> 00:18:56,835
of only 10 points this time,
so good luck.
505
00:18:56,902 --> 00:18:58,504
Take a look at this.
506
00:19:00,339 --> 00:19:05,377
Oh. Oh! Oh! Oh! Wow!
Holy [bleep]
507
00:19:05,444 --> 00:19:07,913
-Whoa. What happened?
-What am I looking at?
508
00:19:07,980 --> 00:19:11,984
Jameela: That's an iron rod
stuck in his head.
509
00:19:12,050 --> 00:19:13,252
Oh, my God.
510
00:19:13,318 --> 00:19:16,021
And he is still
somehow conscious.
511
00:19:16,088 --> 00:19:17,856
Wow.
512
00:19:17,923 --> 00:19:19,091
Wow!
513
00:19:19,157 --> 00:19:22,494
This is -- This is a gift
from the heavens for us.
514
00:19:22,561 --> 00:19:25,464
And I feel pretty confident
thinking that it's in the 90s.
515
00:19:25,531 --> 00:19:27,766
Pretty high.
Yeah. Yeah.
516
00:19:27,833 --> 00:19:29,735
If that's not, what is?
517
00:19:29,801 --> 00:19:32,137
If that's not, what is?
518
00:19:32,204 --> 00:19:33,705
Yeah.
519
00:19:33,772 --> 00:19:35,674
Okay, within a range of 10,
520
00:19:35,741 --> 00:19:38,477
where does you have an iron rod
stuck in your head land
521
00:19:38,544 --> 00:19:39,511
on the Misery Index?
522
00:19:39,578 --> 00:19:41,980
Your 10 seconds starts now.
523
00:19:42,047 --> 00:19:44,583
89 to 99, I think.
524
00:19:44,650 --> 00:19:46,552
Just get that number 89 in there
just in case.
525
00:19:46,618 --> 00:19:50,122
5, 4, 3, 2, 1.
'Cause 100's
probably like you die.
5, 4, 3, 2, 1.
'Cause 100's
probably like you die.
526
00:19:50,188 --> 00:19:52,558
Higher, higher.
I like it.
527
00:19:52,624 --> 00:19:55,961
I like it, I like it.
I like it, I like it.
528
00:19:56,028 --> 00:19:59,364
You are locked in
between 89 and 99.
529
00:19:59,431 --> 00:20:01,800
This is for $15,000.
530
00:20:01,867 --> 00:20:05,504
This is Hibba's last go.
531
00:20:05,571 --> 00:20:06,605
-Go.
-Oh, my God.
532
00:20:06,672 --> 00:20:07,940
Oh, my God.
533
00:20:08,006 --> 00:20:11,243
[ Indistinct talking ]
534
00:20:11,310 --> 00:20:12,878
It's not a 30.
It's not a 40.
535
00:20:12,945 --> 00:20:14,479
Get higher.
Keep going.
536
00:20:14,546 --> 00:20:17,249
Oh, my God, oh, my God,
oh, my God, oh, my God.
537
00:20:17,316 --> 00:20:20,218
[ Screaming ]
538
00:20:20,285 --> 00:20:23,589
-Yes!
-Yes!
539
00:20:23,655 --> 00:20:24,756
Yes.
540
00:20:24,823 --> 00:20:26,992
Oh, my goodness.
541
00:20:27,059 --> 00:20:29,561
That is correct.
Congratulations.
542
00:20:29,628 --> 00:20:33,532
That means that you are
going home with $28,000.
543
00:20:33,599 --> 00:20:36,034
[ Cheers and applause ]
544
00:20:36,101 --> 00:20:38,170
And that'll do it
for "The Misery Index."
545
00:20:38,236 --> 00:20:40,072
I am Jameela Jamil.
This is Hibba.
546
00:20:40,138 --> 00:20:42,441
And for me and the Tenderloins,
good night.
547
00:20:42,507 --> 00:20:43,909
Yes. Alright.
548
00:20:43,976 --> 00:20:44,910
[ Cheers and applause ]
549
00:20:44,977 --> 00:20:47,012
Murr: Who won?
Guys? Who won?
550
00:20:47,079 --> 00:20:48,146
I blacked out.
551
00:20:48,213 --> 00:20:49,982
She won, buddy.
She won, she won.
552
00:20:50,048 --> 00:20:51,283
I blacked out.
Did she win?
553
00:20:51,350 --> 00:20:52,751
-She won. She won.
-She won?
554
00:20:52,818 --> 00:20:54,386
I blacked out.
Did she win?
555
00:20:54,453 --> 00:20:55,754
-She won.
-She won.
556
00:20:55,821 --> 00:20:57,489
-She won.
-I blacked out.
557
00:20:57,556 --> 00:20:59,491
Did she win?
558
00:20:59,558 --> 00:21:01,760
I blacked out.
Does anyone know if she won?