1 00:00:01,601 --> 00:00:03,870 ♪♪ 2 00:00:03,937 --> 00:00:06,206 [ Cheers and applause ] 3 00:00:06,272 --> 00:00:10,977 Welcome to "The Misery Index," where misery loves company. 4 00:00:11,044 --> 00:00:12,846 We have scoured the globe for the world's 5 00:00:12,912 --> 00:00:14,881 most miserable true stories 6 00:00:14,948 --> 00:00:16,783 and asked a panel of respected psychologists 7 00:00:16,850 --> 00:00:18,852 to write those stories based on three pillars 8 00:00:18,918 --> 00:00:21,521 of misery, physical pain, emotional trauma, 9 00:00:21,588 --> 00:00:24,090 long term psychological impact, 10 00:00:24,157 --> 00:00:25,725 the higher the combined misery, 11 00:00:25,792 --> 00:00:27,494 the higher it lands on our misery index. 12 00:00:27,560 --> 00:00:28,928 Oh! Oh, my God! 13 00:00:28,995 --> 00:00:31,731 Our two contestants must try and decide how those events 14 00:00:31,798 --> 00:00:34,167 were rated for a chance at our grand prize 15 00:00:34,234 --> 00:00:36,202 of $30,000 16 00:00:36,269 --> 00:00:37,971 We're about to win some money! 17 00:00:38,037 --> 00:00:39,806 So let's get miserable. 18 00:00:39,873 --> 00:00:44,944 [ Cheering and applause ] 19 00:00:45,011 --> 00:00:46,279 Hello, I'm Jameela Jamil, 20 00:00:46,346 --> 00:00:48,214 and welcome to "The Misery Index." 21 00:00:48,281 --> 00:00:50,950 Tonight, we have two very miserable contestants 22 00:00:51,017 --> 00:00:52,285 Hirsha Ventakarman, 23 00:00:52,352 --> 00:00:55,555 who once broke his arm on his honeymoon, 24 00:00:55,622 --> 00:00:58,324 or Annie Razco, who once broke up with her boyfriend 25 00:00:58,391 --> 00:01:00,527 during a traffic jam. 26 00:01:00,593 --> 00:01:03,797 And now from truTV's hit "Impractical Jokers, 27 00:01:03,863 --> 00:01:07,000 Give it up for the tenderloins Sal, Joe, Q and Murr! 28 00:01:07,066 --> 00:01:11,271 [ Cheering and applause ] 29 00:01:11,337 --> 00:01:12,605 Let's get it. 30 00:01:12,672 --> 00:01:15,942 [ Inaudible ] Oh, yeah?! 31 00:01:16,009 --> 00:01:17,310 What happened to you? 32 00:01:17,377 --> 00:01:21,147 So my wife planned this amazing honeymoon in New Zealand, 33 00:01:21,214 --> 00:01:23,450 first day we get there, I ruined it all 34 00:01:23,516 --> 00:01:25,885 by breaking my arm. Aww. by breaking my arm. Aww. 35 00:01:25,952 --> 00:01:27,787 How'd you break your arm? Sex. 36 00:01:27,854 --> 00:01:29,622 Worth it. 37 00:01:29,689 --> 00:01:32,358 I wish, I wish -- I thought it would be awesome to cross 38 00:01:32,425 --> 00:01:34,527 a river by jumping over some rocks. 39 00:01:34,594 --> 00:01:37,096 And on the first rock I slipped 40 00:01:37,163 --> 00:01:39,466 and then I heard a snap and that was it. 41 00:01:39,532 --> 00:01:40,834 So what happened? 42 00:01:40,900 --> 00:01:43,503 what happened was I had a romantic getaway 43 00:01:43,570 --> 00:01:46,940 with my boyfriend at the time, and then we were driving home 44 00:01:47,006 --> 00:01:48,908 and all of a sudden the conversation meandered. 45 00:01:48,975 --> 00:01:50,777 He's like, where are things going? 46 00:01:50,844 --> 00:01:53,213 So I said to him, "I don't know, bud," 47 00:01:53,279 --> 00:01:55,582 punch on arm, "let's just be friends." 48 00:01:55,648 --> 00:01:59,319 And then we hit traffic for three hours, 49 00:01:59,385 --> 00:02:01,087 and it was a really silent car ride home. 50 00:02:01,154 --> 00:02:04,357 And we are not friends. 51 00:02:04,424 --> 00:02:07,794 So, guys, behold, the keeper of all things miserable. 52 00:02:07,861 --> 00:02:11,564 It is my boyfriend, the Traumatron. 53 00:02:11,631 --> 00:02:15,168 [ Applause, oohing ] 54 00:02:15,235 --> 00:02:17,670 The name of our first game is Misery Lane, 55 00:02:17,737 --> 00:02:20,173 and I'm going to put two misery markers on the index, 56 00:02:20,240 --> 00:02:23,643 the first one is: you find nudes of your brother 57 00:02:23,710 --> 00:02:26,145 on your spouse's phone. 58 00:02:26,212 --> 00:02:31,451 Which our shrinks only rated at a 67! 59 00:02:31,518 --> 00:02:34,821 The second one is former child star steals your girl, 60 00:02:34,888 --> 00:02:37,924 which our shrinks rated at 46. 61 00:02:37,991 --> 00:02:40,393 Did he never grow from when he was a child star? 62 00:02:40,460 --> 00:02:41,861 [ Laughter ] 63 00:02:41,928 --> 00:02:44,264 Okay, so I'm going to show each of you an event. 64 00:02:44,330 --> 00:02:45,899 You don't have to tell me the exact number. 65 00:02:45,965 --> 00:02:48,701 You just have to determine if it falls above, below, 66 00:02:48,768 --> 00:02:51,304 or in between the two cards that are on the index. 67 00:02:51,371 --> 00:02:52,539 Hirsha, you get to go first. 68 00:02:52,605 --> 00:02:54,674 Please check out this misery. 69 00:02:56,276 --> 00:02:57,377 [ Screaming ] 70 00:02:57,443 --> 00:02:58,912 So there's a man up there, 71 00:02:58,978 --> 00:03:00,547 who's been tree climbing. 72 00:03:00,613 --> 00:03:03,716 [ Groaning ] 73 00:03:03,783 --> 00:03:05,585 Yo! Oh! 74 00:03:05,652 --> 00:03:08,221 What is that, your honeymoon?! 75 00:03:08,288 --> 00:03:10,423 That's live footage from his honeymoon in New Zealand. 76 00:03:10,490 --> 00:03:12,292 Straight from New Zealand. Accurate. Straight from New Zealand. Accurate. 77 00:03:12,358 --> 00:03:14,294 So he's not dead. 78 00:03:14,360 --> 00:03:15,628 Like, I've broken a bone before, 79 00:03:15,695 --> 00:03:17,697 but that's way, way worse. 80 00:03:17,764 --> 00:03:19,499 For sure. It's definitely worse than 81 00:03:19,566 --> 00:03:21,200 a child star stealing your girl. 82 00:03:21,267 --> 00:03:23,636 But the nudes thing, there's some psychological trauma 83 00:03:23,703 --> 00:03:27,073 you don't get over by finding your brother's nudes. 84 00:03:27,140 --> 00:03:28,408 Yeah. Falling 60 feet out of a tree 85 00:03:28,474 --> 00:03:29,943 into rocks in a river is way worse 86 00:03:30,009 --> 00:03:31,844 than been seeing pictures of your brother's ding dong. 87 00:03:31,911 --> 00:03:33,246 You can heal from that, though. 88 00:03:33,313 --> 00:03:36,015 You're permanently scarred from seeing your brother's junk. 89 00:03:36,082 --> 00:03:37,517 So now, for $500, 90 00:03:37,584 --> 00:03:40,887 does "You fall out of a tree" land above, below or in between? 91 00:03:40,954 --> 00:03:42,255 I have to go in between. 92 00:03:42,322 --> 00:03:45,458 I just think that you can get over your bruises. 93 00:03:45,525 --> 00:03:47,827 Let's see what our shrinks say. 94 00:03:47,894 --> 00:03:50,330 This is going to be very interesting here. 95 00:03:50,396 --> 00:03:51,764 Oh, my God! Oh, come on. 96 00:03:51,831 --> 00:03:54,300 Slow down! 97 00:03:54,367 --> 00:03:57,270 All right, stops, stop, stop, stop, stop! 98 00:03:57,337 --> 00:04:00,039 [ Buzzer ] I am afraid you're incorrect. [ Buzzer ] I am afraid you're incorrect. 99 00:04:00,106 --> 00:04:02,408 Annie, it's your turn -- you and your team 100 00:04:02,475 --> 00:04:06,045 should check out this misery. 101 00:04:06,112 --> 00:04:07,814 -Aww! -Oh, she looks miserable. 102 00:04:07,880 --> 00:04:09,115 She does. 103 00:04:09,182 --> 00:04:10,516 Nah, she looks like a gangster. 104 00:04:10,583 --> 00:04:13,186 She does, the babushka -- 105 00:04:13,252 --> 00:04:14,687 What is she about to do right now? 106 00:04:14,754 --> 00:04:16,856 She's drinking. I don't know where this is going. She's drinking. I don't know where this is going. 107 00:04:16,923 --> 00:04:19,792 Then she spat. 108 00:04:19,859 --> 00:04:21,728 I'm unclear as to what's going on -- 109 00:04:21,794 --> 00:04:23,229 Oh! What is going on? What is going on?! 110 00:04:23,296 --> 00:04:24,697 She's licking his eyeball! 111 00:04:24,764 --> 00:04:27,166 She's licking, she's not eating, she's licking. 112 00:04:27,233 --> 00:04:28,401 Oh, no! 113 00:04:28,468 --> 00:04:30,970 -Why? Why? 114 00:04:31,037 --> 00:04:32,839 I can't look away! I'm trying to! 115 00:04:32,905 --> 00:04:33,940 -Licking! -Do it. 116 00:04:34,007 --> 00:04:35,942 That's -- that's fourth base. 117 00:04:36,009 --> 00:04:39,345 She fills her mouth with alcohol 118 00:04:39,412 --> 00:04:41,447 and she claims 119 00:04:41,514 --> 00:04:44,183 that licking the eyeball afterwards 120 00:04:44,250 --> 00:04:48,588 can remove lead and glass and iron and coal. 121 00:04:48,655 --> 00:04:50,857 And she charges ten euros for this. 122 00:04:50,923 --> 00:04:53,960 You do not want to see what she'll do for twenty. 123 00:04:54,027 --> 00:04:56,629 She went down on this retina! 124 00:04:56,696 --> 00:04:59,365 I would say emotional trauma, yes. 125 00:04:59,432 --> 00:05:01,234 Pain, no. Weirdness, yes. 126 00:05:01,300 --> 00:05:02,702 Weirdness is not a pillar. 127 00:05:02,769 --> 00:05:04,037 No, it's not a pillar. Okay. No, it's not a pillar. Okay. 128 00:05:04,103 --> 00:05:06,205 So, for $500, does an old woman 129 00:05:06,272 --> 00:05:09,676 licks your eyeballs, land above, below or in between. 130 00:05:09,742 --> 00:05:11,310 We are going to go with below. 131 00:05:11,377 --> 00:05:14,080 Okay, you have said that it is below. 132 00:05:14,147 --> 00:05:17,083 Let's see what our shrinks say. Good luck. 133 00:05:17,150 --> 00:05:20,620 Yeah. I mean I'll take them on, Lick my eyeball 134 00:05:20,687 --> 00:05:23,456 before Emmanuel Lewis takes my girlfriend. 135 00:05:23,523 --> 00:05:27,460 -Yes. -Oh, "Webster," nice. 136 00:05:27,527 --> 00:05:29,228 [ Buzzer ] 137 00:05:29,295 --> 00:05:31,564 Fifty-eight?! He opted in! 138 00:05:31,631 --> 00:05:33,332 Okay, you are incorrect. 139 00:05:33,399 --> 00:05:35,768 So coming up, the money doubles, but so does the misery. 140 00:05:35,835 --> 00:05:38,271 And later, one of these contestants will get a shot 141 00:05:38,337 --> 00:05:39,972 at 30 grand! 142 00:05:40,039 --> 00:05:43,843 [ Cheering and applause ] 143 00:05:50,583 --> 00:05:52,151 Welcome back to "The Misery Index." 144 00:05:52,218 --> 00:05:55,755 So Hirsha has zero money and Annie also has zero money. 145 00:05:55,822 --> 00:05:57,690 -Yeah, but it's a tie. -It's okay! 146 00:05:57,757 --> 00:06:00,126 -All right, it's fine. -But there's lots more 147 00:06:00,193 --> 00:06:01,194 humiliation to explore 148 00:06:01,260 --> 00:06:02,495 before one of them plays for 149 00:06:02,562 --> 00:06:04,831 $30,000. 150 00:06:04,897 --> 00:06:06,399 [ Cheering and applause ] 151 00:06:06,466 --> 00:06:09,769 The name of our next game is More or Less Miserable. 152 00:06:09,836 --> 00:06:11,804 Annie, this time you are up first, 153 00:06:11,871 --> 00:06:14,006 so for $1,000, 154 00:06:14,073 --> 00:06:16,509 Tell me which one of these furry friends 155 00:06:16,576 --> 00:06:18,177 lands higher on the misery index? 156 00:06:18,244 --> 00:06:19,679 Is it this? 157 00:06:19,746 --> 00:06:23,149 "Convinced it is her reincarnated husband, 158 00:06:23,216 --> 00:06:25,485 Cambodian woman marries calf." 159 00:06:25,551 --> 00:06:27,453 -Come on! -She says, "I believe that 160 00:06:27,520 --> 00:06:28,654 the calf is my husband 161 00:06:28,721 --> 00:06:31,190 because whatever he does, it is in 162 00:06:31,257 --> 00:06:35,061 exactly the same way as my husband did when he was alive. 163 00:06:35,128 --> 00:06:36,929 -I think it's sweet. -I do too. 164 00:06:36,996 --> 00:06:38,531 A bit of bestiality? 165 00:06:38,598 --> 00:06:40,767 A little bit of cute little bestiality? 166 00:06:40,833 --> 00:06:43,269 Well, it's not really bestiality if he is really in there. 167 00:06:43,336 --> 00:06:44,704 I've seen enough Disney to know that. 168 00:06:44,771 --> 00:06:46,906 -No. -Or is this more miserable? 169 00:06:49,442 --> 00:06:51,644 He's getting out of his car, he's got his bag on -- 170 00:06:51,711 --> 00:06:52,879 Oh! 171 00:06:52,945 --> 00:06:55,581 That's the husband! The husband's out! 172 00:06:55,648 --> 00:06:58,217 The husband's out, ye's like, "Hey, you can't park there!" 173 00:06:58,284 --> 00:06:59,619 [ Laughter ] 174 00:06:59,685 --> 00:07:02,288 I also love the commentary by the woman filming. 175 00:07:02,355 --> 00:07:05,324 She's like, and now he's getting out of his car... 176 00:07:05,391 --> 00:07:06,425 Wasn't that you. 177 00:07:06,492 --> 00:07:07,927 That wasn't the commentary, that was her. 178 00:07:07,994 --> 00:07:09,162 No, I thought that was the commentary! 179 00:07:09,228 --> 00:07:10,396 No, that was her speaking! 180 00:07:10,463 --> 00:07:12,298 No! 181 00:07:12,365 --> 00:07:15,201 Hi, my name's Jameela, I work here. 182 00:07:15,268 --> 00:07:16,769 -Hello, -Annie, are you okay? 183 00:07:16,836 --> 00:07:18,371 No, no, I'm not. 184 00:07:18,437 --> 00:07:21,107 Guys, leave Annie alone, her husband's a cow. 185 00:07:21,174 --> 00:07:22,742 They seem very happy. 186 00:07:22,809 --> 00:07:24,777 So emotionally, there's no impact. 187 00:07:24,844 --> 00:07:26,779 Psychologically, there will be an impact. 188 00:07:26,846 --> 00:07:28,514 That's traumatic. 189 00:07:28,581 --> 00:07:30,716 You know the scorn of your neighbors. 190 00:07:30,783 --> 00:07:32,952 I think that getting hit by a deer in the parking lot 191 00:07:33,019 --> 00:07:34,587 dusting yourself off and going home 192 00:07:34,654 --> 00:07:35,888 and telling that fun story 193 00:07:35,955 --> 00:07:40,593 is less the worse than just your husband is a cow. 194 00:07:40,660 --> 00:07:42,295 For $1,000, which is more miserable. 195 00:07:42,361 --> 00:07:44,096 Your husband is a cow now. 196 00:07:44,163 --> 00:07:48,167 Okay, let's first see where our shrinks put the other choice. 197 00:07:48,234 --> 00:07:50,903 Good luck. 198 00:07:50,970 --> 00:07:53,072 Fifty three, you could be a 53. 199 00:07:53,139 --> 00:07:55,508 -That's beatable. -Let's see if you're right. 200 00:07:55,575 --> 00:07:58,811 Joe: Oh, here we go. Come on. 201 00:07:58,878 --> 00:08:02,014 Yes! Yes! 202 00:08:02,081 --> 00:08:04,417 [ Cheering and applause ] 203 00:08:04,483 --> 00:08:09,021 You have just won yourself, $1,000. 204 00:08:09,088 --> 00:08:11,357 Okay, Hirsha, we need to see your fighting spirit. 205 00:08:11,424 --> 00:08:12,725 Go attack her like a deer! 206 00:08:12,792 --> 00:08:14,493 [ Laughter ] 207 00:08:14,560 --> 00:08:15,962 For $1,000, tell me 208 00:08:16,028 --> 00:08:18,698 which one of these spare parts ranks higher. 209 00:08:18,764 --> 00:08:21,868 Is it this: "Carpenter with record breaking 210 00:08:21,934 --> 00:08:23,803 28 fingers and toes is scared 211 00:08:23,870 --> 00:08:25,938 he might accidentally chop them off." 212 00:08:26,005 --> 00:08:27,206 So many! Annie, by the way, 213 00:08:27,273 --> 00:08:29,442 this is my voice saying this. 214 00:08:29,508 --> 00:08:32,678 Or is this more miserable? 215 00:08:32,745 --> 00:08:35,281 "Doctors find bizarre mass of bone, teeth, 216 00:08:35,348 --> 00:08:39,185 and hair in stomach -- it was her own twin," 217 00:08:39,252 --> 00:08:42,622 and they said the mass was composed of hairy -- 218 00:08:42,688 --> 00:08:46,492 and I cannot get over this! Cheesy material. 219 00:08:46,559 --> 00:08:48,027 Why is it cheesy? 220 00:08:48,094 --> 00:08:50,563 It was twin parmesan. 221 00:08:50,630 --> 00:08:54,133 So one dude might be an X-Man. 222 00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:56,335 Other hand, you find a twin in your stomach. 223 00:08:56,402 --> 00:08:58,037 -Yeah. -I'm not getting over that 224 00:08:58,104 --> 00:08:59,472 emotional trauma any time soon. 225 00:08:59,538 --> 00:09:01,374 You have too many fingers and toes. 226 00:09:01,440 --> 00:09:03,609 That's a lifetime of being on the outside. 227 00:09:03,676 --> 00:09:05,544 People looking at you when you go to the mall, 228 00:09:05,611 --> 00:09:07,313 I think fingers and toes. 229 00:09:07,380 --> 00:09:10,816 But you also will never know which Piggy went to the market. 230 00:09:10,883 --> 00:09:12,051 You have no idea. 231 00:09:12,118 --> 00:09:13,286 That's a lot of roast beef. 232 00:09:13,352 --> 00:09:15,521 Okay, so which is more miserable? 233 00:09:15,588 --> 00:09:17,623 I got to go with the trauma 234 00:09:17,690 --> 00:09:22,061 that comes with finding a human in your stomach. 235 00:09:22,128 --> 00:09:26,065 When you put it that way, yeah, I see what you mean. 236 00:09:26,132 --> 00:09:28,134 Yeah, he does have a point. Let's first see 237 00:09:28,200 --> 00:09:32,305 where our shrinks put the other choice. 238 00:09:32,371 --> 00:09:34,073 Sixty nine! 239 00:09:34,140 --> 00:09:35,374 That's the number of fingers and toes! 240 00:09:35,441 --> 00:09:37,777 Now let's see if your choice is correct. 241 00:09:37,843 --> 00:09:40,479 All right. This is good. 242 00:09:40,546 --> 00:09:41,881 [ Bell dings ] 243 00:09:41,948 --> 00:09:44,250 [ Cheering and applause ] 244 00:09:44,317 --> 00:09:45,685 The game is now tied! 245 00:09:45,751 --> 00:09:49,789 You, sir, have just won yourself $1,000. 246 00:09:49,855 --> 00:09:52,158 Do not go anywhere, because when we come back, 247 00:09:52,224 --> 00:09:54,727 someone is headed home and someone is moving on, 248 00:09:54,794 --> 00:09:58,431 for their shot at $30,000! 249 00:10:06,505 --> 00:10:09,041 Hello, and welcome back to "The Misery Index." 250 00:10:09,108 --> 00:10:11,377 It all comes down to this one miserable event 251 00:10:11,444 --> 00:10:14,780 to determine who is the true master of misery. 252 00:10:14,847 --> 00:10:17,917 Moving on to play for their shot at the grand prize. 253 00:10:17,984 --> 00:10:21,787 So Hirsha has $1,000, and Annie also has $1,000. 254 00:10:21,854 --> 00:10:24,123 Guys, I'm going to show you both the same event. 255 00:10:24,190 --> 00:10:27,393 And your job is to tell me where it lands on the misery index. 256 00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:30,229 And the closest guess gets $2,000 257 00:10:30,296 --> 00:10:33,399 and will move on to play for their shot at the grand prize. 258 00:10:33,466 --> 00:10:35,868 Please, everyone, direct your attention to 259 00:10:35,935 --> 00:10:39,105 the Traumatron for our next misery. 260 00:10:39,171 --> 00:10:41,774 Joe's our big loser, so we brought him to the Citi Field 261 00:10:41,841 --> 00:10:43,242 home of the New York Mets. -That's right. 262 00:10:43,309 --> 00:10:44,477 We got our friend to help us out, 263 00:10:44,543 --> 00:10:46,112 Met's ace Noah Syndergaard. 264 00:10:46,178 --> 00:10:48,381 Noah, Do you think you could sign a couple of balls for us? 265 00:10:48,447 --> 00:10:49,915 Yeah, no problem. 266 00:10:49,982 --> 00:10:51,317 Okay, and then you're going to take those autographed balls. 267 00:10:51,384 --> 00:10:53,352 You're going to throw them into the stands for fans. 268 00:10:53,419 --> 00:10:56,422 Except Joe, you are going to intercept them 269 00:10:56,489 --> 00:10:57,823 and steal everyone's autographs. 270 00:10:57,890 --> 00:10:59,625 It's going to be great. 271 00:10:59,692 --> 00:11:03,496 Murr: Joe, this kid right there, with the hat on. 272 00:11:03,562 --> 00:11:06,198 Oh! [ Laughter ] 273 00:11:06,265 --> 00:11:09,468 Gotta be quicker. 274 00:11:09,535 --> 00:11:11,137 His face! 275 00:11:11,203 --> 00:11:13,806 -Got your jersey on. -Here you go, Joe. 276 00:11:13,873 --> 00:11:14,974 Yeah. 277 00:11:15,041 --> 00:11:17,576 [ Laughter ] 278 00:11:17,643 --> 00:11:20,312 "My seventh ball! eBay, here I come!" 279 00:11:20,379 --> 00:11:22,348 That's number seven for eBay. 280 00:11:22,415 --> 00:11:24,717 [ Laughter ] 281 00:11:24,784 --> 00:11:28,921 Joe, borrow this kid under the guise of getting her a ball. 282 00:11:28,988 --> 00:11:30,990 I'm sorry, did you want to get her a ball? 283 00:11:31,057 --> 00:11:32,925 Yeah, yeah, come here. I mean, I know him. 284 00:11:32,992 --> 00:11:34,927 Yeah. -Q: Get a little girl! 285 00:11:34,994 --> 00:11:36,595 Pretend you're my daughter. 286 00:11:36,662 --> 00:11:41,167 Thor, on for my little girl. 287 00:11:41,233 --> 00:11:43,002 That's great. 288 00:11:43,069 --> 00:11:45,971 Oh, it was for the little girl. 289 00:11:46,038 --> 00:11:48,541 Thanks. -Murr: Joe got it! Joe got it. 290 00:11:48,607 --> 00:11:49,742 Q: Joe, run! Get out of there 291 00:11:49,809 --> 00:11:51,243 See. Look, it's signed to him and everything. 292 00:11:51,310 --> 00:11:53,279 Thank you. 293 00:11:53,345 --> 00:11:55,047 Q: Look at this guy! Look at this guy! 294 00:11:55,114 --> 00:11:57,650 -That's nine. -The mother's chasing him down! 295 00:11:57,716 --> 00:11:59,218 The guys can get it on eBay. 296 00:11:59,285 --> 00:12:00,286 Murr: The mother's chasing him! 297 00:12:00,352 --> 00:12:01,720 Oh, no! 298 00:12:01,787 --> 00:12:05,057 What happened? You cannot do that! What happened? You cannot do that! 299 00:12:05,124 --> 00:12:07,426 Give me the ball! That's wrong! 300 00:12:07,493 --> 00:12:09,995 -This one? -Stop! 301 00:12:10,062 --> 00:12:11,363 That is wrong! 302 00:12:11,430 --> 00:12:12,898 [ Snickering ] 303 00:12:12,965 --> 00:12:14,733 You apologize! 304 00:12:14,800 --> 00:12:17,403 I'm 1,000 percent sorry. 305 00:12:17,470 --> 00:12:19,805 "So sorry I didn't get that ball and walk away!" 306 00:12:19,872 --> 00:12:21,373 [ Laughter ] 307 00:12:21,440 --> 00:12:23,375 "So sorry I didn't get that ball!" 308 00:12:23,442 --> 00:12:25,444 I'm so sorry I didn't get that ball. 309 00:12:25,511 --> 00:12:28,714 [ Laughter and applause ] 310 00:12:28,781 --> 00:12:30,683 Oh, my God! 311 00:12:30,749 --> 00:12:33,119 Joe: That was painful. That was painful. 312 00:12:33,185 --> 00:12:34,653 I mean, she gave her two year old child 313 00:12:34,720 --> 00:12:36,589 to a stranger to get a baseball. 314 00:12:36,655 --> 00:12:38,390 I mean, there's only so much that I've done wrong. 315 00:12:38,457 --> 00:12:39,658 Yeah, tough love. 316 00:12:39,725 --> 00:12:41,093 Jamil: I agree. 317 00:12:41,160 --> 00:12:43,028 Also, should we explain Murray's hair at all in that? 318 00:12:43,095 --> 00:12:44,763 That's Q's hair, okay? 319 00:12:44,830 --> 00:12:46,732 I didn't get a haircut for a year and a half, 320 00:12:46,799 --> 00:12:48,601 grew out the 14 inches, we shaved it, 321 00:12:48,667 --> 00:12:50,569 turned it into a wig, he had to wear for six months. 322 00:12:50,636 --> 00:12:53,806 Couldn't wash it. -It was miserable for me, too. 323 00:12:53,873 --> 00:12:56,142 Okay, well, for $2,000, talk it through 324 00:12:56,208 --> 00:12:57,710 and lock in where you think 325 00:12:57,776 --> 00:13:00,479 "A jerk steals your kid's baseball" 326 00:13:00,546 --> 00:13:02,248 lands on the misery index. 327 00:13:02,314 --> 00:13:03,582 You're the mother in this. 328 00:13:03,649 --> 00:13:07,153 Between 50 and 60? 329 00:13:07,219 --> 00:13:10,689 [ Indistinct whispering ] 330 00:13:10,756 --> 00:13:12,825 We're gonna lock it in. We're locked in. 331 00:13:12,892 --> 00:13:14,260 Nice work. We're locked in. Nice work. We're locked in. 332 00:13:14,326 --> 00:13:15,628 Good job! Okay. 333 00:13:15,694 --> 00:13:18,430 Let's see who has mastered the misery 334 00:13:18,497 --> 00:13:21,167 by being closest to the correct answer. 335 00:13:21,233 --> 00:13:25,471 Hirsha, you locked in at... 336 00:13:25,538 --> 00:13:27,339 -Whoa! -Whoa, we got a game! 337 00:13:27,406 --> 00:13:28,741 Sal says we got a game! 338 00:13:28,807 --> 00:13:31,310 Got a game, we got a ball game! 339 00:13:31,377 --> 00:13:34,046 Oh, Annie, you locked in at... 340 00:13:36,048 --> 00:13:37,816 Oh! 341 00:13:37,883 --> 00:13:39,985 Ooh! Oh, dear. 342 00:13:40,052 --> 00:13:42,555 Let's see what our shrinks say. 343 00:13:42,621 --> 00:13:44,056 Joe: It's got to be right, it's got to be there. 344 00:13:44,123 --> 00:13:46,058 It's gotta be -- come on, come on. 345 00:13:46,125 --> 00:13:47,860 [ Audience groaning ] 346 00:13:47,927 --> 00:13:49,428 [ Bells ringing ] 347 00:13:49,495 --> 00:13:50,996 Yeah, baby! 348 00:13:51,063 --> 00:13:52,498 Whoo! 349 00:13:52,565 --> 00:13:55,935 Unfortunately, that means we are going to have to say goodbye 350 00:13:56,001 --> 00:13:58,938 to Annie, but Hirsha's moving on and will be playing 351 00:13:59,004 --> 00:14:02,274 for the $30,000 grand prize right after this. 352 00:14:02,341 --> 00:14:04,810 Don't go anywhere. -All right! 353 00:14:11,550 --> 00:14:13,919 Hello, and welcome back to "The Misery Index." 354 00:14:13,986 --> 00:14:17,456 Hirsha has chosen, quite controversially, 355 00:14:17,523 --> 00:14:21,393 Murr to assist him in the grand prize final round. 356 00:14:21,460 --> 00:14:25,698 The $30,000 Margin of Misery. 357 00:14:25,764 --> 00:14:28,534 -That's an odd choice. -This has never happened before! 358 00:14:28,601 --> 00:14:30,569 Ditched your boys?! 359 00:14:30,636 --> 00:14:32,638 What'd we do? What'd we do wrong?! 360 00:14:32,705 --> 00:14:34,573 I got limited time on the show, 361 00:14:34,640 --> 00:14:37,643 I figured, let me make use of as many Jokers as I can. 362 00:14:37,710 --> 00:14:39,912 -Oh, great. -Good. Good choice. 363 00:14:39,979 --> 00:14:42,114 Murray thought his work day was over. 364 00:14:42,181 --> 00:14:43,849 He was in vacation mode! 365 00:14:43,916 --> 00:14:46,619 I already called an Uber! 366 00:14:46,685 --> 00:14:48,387 If you win it all, what are you planning 367 00:14:48,454 --> 00:14:49,655 to spend your money on? 368 00:14:49,722 --> 00:14:52,691 A second honeymoon for the wife? 369 00:14:52,758 --> 00:14:54,827 I'm going to take her to Santorini. 370 00:14:54,893 --> 00:14:57,396 I'm going to wine and dine her and romance the hell out of her 371 00:14:57,463 --> 00:14:59,632 in front of a sunset. -All right. 372 00:14:59,698 --> 00:15:02,101 -Aww, this is great! -You consummate that marriage, 373 00:15:02,167 --> 00:15:04,503 baby, you make it happen! 374 00:15:04,570 --> 00:15:06,839 Hirsha, I'm going to show you three terrible events 375 00:15:06,905 --> 00:15:07,973 worth $5,000, $10,000, 376 00:15:08,040 --> 00:15:09,308 and $15,000. 377 00:15:09,375 --> 00:15:11,577 After each one you will place a range finder 378 00:15:11,644 --> 00:15:13,579 where you think it lands on the misery index. 379 00:15:13,646 --> 00:15:17,149 But as the money gets bigger, the range finder gets smaller. 380 00:15:17,216 --> 00:15:19,451 Are you ready to play? -Yes. 381 00:15:19,518 --> 00:15:21,287 Murray, are you ready to play? 382 00:15:21,353 --> 00:15:22,688 Nervous but I'm ready! 383 00:15:22,755 --> 00:15:24,256 Some jealous bitches in the back. 384 00:15:24,323 --> 00:15:28,460 Okay! Let's get miserable. 385 00:15:28,527 --> 00:15:29,595 [ Cheering and applause ] 386 00:15:29,662 --> 00:15:31,597 Come on, baby, come on. 387 00:15:31,664 --> 00:15:33,899 So your first event is worth $5,000 388 00:15:33,966 --> 00:15:36,068 and has a range of 30 points this time. 389 00:15:36,135 --> 00:15:39,138 Take a look and keep your eye on the red box. 390 00:15:39,204 --> 00:15:42,341 Woman: ...whatever. I think it really depends on -- 391 00:15:42,408 --> 00:15:44,209 She's on the move. 392 00:15:44,276 --> 00:15:48,180 ...and in reality, I've heard that social work kind of -- 393 00:15:48,247 --> 00:15:49,948 -Whoa! -Very high standards. 394 00:15:50,015 --> 00:15:51,917 Oh, dear. 395 00:15:51,984 --> 00:15:54,119 Oh! 396 00:15:54,186 --> 00:15:57,489 -Interesting things... -Look at everyone's faces. 397 00:15:57,556 --> 00:16:00,092 They all realize, no one's telling her. 398 00:16:00,159 --> 00:16:02,528 And she's realized. 399 00:16:02,594 --> 00:16:05,631 -Oh! -And it's too late. 400 00:16:05,698 --> 00:16:07,433 What happened? 401 00:16:07,499 --> 00:16:10,369 Oh, my God! 402 00:16:10,436 --> 00:16:13,339 I don't think this is that bad, honestly, it's embarrassing, 403 00:16:13,405 --> 00:16:15,174 it's a fleeting moment, of course, 404 00:16:15,240 --> 00:16:17,309 now it's on national television. 405 00:16:17,376 --> 00:16:20,079 But I think for poor Jennifer, I think it's low. 406 00:16:20,145 --> 00:16:22,481 The thing is, she's bare-assed on a Zoom call 407 00:16:22,548 --> 00:16:24,817 with her coworkers all looking. 408 00:16:24,883 --> 00:16:26,452 There's no real long term effects 409 00:16:26,518 --> 00:16:28,387 and certainly no physical pain. Right. and certainly no physical pain. Right. 410 00:16:28,454 --> 00:16:30,823 Yeah, but she got her arse and everything else out 411 00:16:30,889 --> 00:16:32,224 in front of all of her employees. 412 00:16:32,291 --> 00:16:35,127 That might be your vibe, Murray, but it's not everyone's vibe. 413 00:16:35,194 --> 00:16:37,096 [ Laughter ] 414 00:16:37,162 --> 00:16:38,864 Within a range of 30, where does, 415 00:16:38,931 --> 00:16:41,100 "You take your Zoom meeting to the bathroom" 416 00:16:41,166 --> 00:16:45,537 land on the misery index? Hirsha, your time starts now. 417 00:16:45,604 --> 00:16:50,175 Keep going. 418 00:16:50,242 --> 00:16:54,713 Five, four, three, two, one. 419 00:16:54,780 --> 00:16:55,714 Lock it! Good? 420 00:16:55,781 --> 00:16:56,915 I think we got it. 421 00:16:56,982 --> 00:16:58,784 We like it! We like it! 422 00:16:58,851 --> 00:17:00,919 For $5,000, 423 00:17:00,986 --> 00:17:03,455 let's see where it lands. 424 00:17:03,522 --> 00:17:05,257 Most of us are rooting -- 425 00:17:05,324 --> 00:17:07,826 [ All shouting ] 426 00:17:07,893 --> 00:17:09,328 Slow down, slow down, slow down! 427 00:17:09,395 --> 00:17:11,597 Q: Stop, stop, stop, stop! 428 00:17:11,663 --> 00:17:13,532 [ Buzzer ] 429 00:17:13,599 --> 00:17:15,901 -What?! -Okay. 430 00:17:15,968 --> 00:17:18,604 This next event is worth $10,000 this time, 431 00:17:18,670 --> 00:17:23,008 and you will have a range of only 20 points. 432 00:17:23,075 --> 00:17:25,911 "Nashville opera singer out of work after surgery 433 00:17:25,978 --> 00:17:29,448 left her unable to sing without passing gas." 434 00:17:29,515 --> 00:17:32,918 It's the Fart-om of the Opera. 435 00:17:32,985 --> 00:17:35,988 I think it's a big, big number, certainly over 50. 436 00:17:36,054 --> 00:17:37,723 I don't know if I want to go super, super high 437 00:17:37,790 --> 00:17:40,259 because there is no physical pain. 438 00:17:40,325 --> 00:17:41,660 It's her lifelong dream and every time 439 00:17:41,727 --> 00:17:45,431 she opens her mouth, all anyone hears is, "Pbbt!" 440 00:17:45,497 --> 00:17:48,267 Yeah, she's an opera singer! She loves to sing! 441 00:17:48,333 --> 00:17:50,335 -I feel bad. -Pbbt! 442 00:17:50,402 --> 00:17:52,504 Okay, so within a range of 20, 443 00:17:52,571 --> 00:17:54,940 where does you cannot sing without farting 444 00:17:55,007 --> 00:17:56,508 land on the index? 445 00:17:56,575 --> 00:17:59,144 Your ten seconds starts now. 446 00:17:59,211 --> 00:18:01,547 Come on! Come on! 447 00:18:01,613 --> 00:18:03,715 I think that we're safe here. 448 00:18:03,782 --> 00:18:08,320 Five, four, three, two, one. 449 00:18:08,387 --> 00:18:10,389 Lock it in! 450 00:18:10,456 --> 00:18:12,257 All right, okay, all right. 451 00:18:12,324 --> 00:18:16,261 Okay, you are locked in between 50 and 70. 452 00:18:16,328 --> 00:18:18,664 Now, for $10,000, where did our shrinks rate it 453 00:18:18,730 --> 00:18:20,632 on the misery index? Good luck. 454 00:18:20,699 --> 00:18:22,334 Good luck. -It's gonna be one of those 455 00:18:22,401 --> 00:18:23,669 silent but deadly ones. 456 00:18:23,735 --> 00:18:25,471 Oh, come on. 457 00:18:25,537 --> 00:18:27,306 Get up there! 458 00:18:27,372 --> 00:18:28,941 Get up there! Go! Go! 459 00:18:29,007 --> 00:18:30,476 Slow down, slow down. 460 00:18:30,542 --> 00:18:31,977 [ Bell dings ] 461 00:18:32,044 --> 00:18:35,180 [ Cheering and applause ] 462 00:18:35,247 --> 00:18:37,883 That is correct, and you have just 463 00:18:37,950 --> 00:18:40,419 banked yourself a cool $10,000. 464 00:18:40,486 --> 00:18:42,254 Good answer. 465 00:18:42,321 --> 00:18:44,122 Okay, this is it, here we go. 466 00:18:44,189 --> 00:18:47,559 Our final misery is worth 15 grand this time, 467 00:18:47,626 --> 00:18:48,961 and you are going to have to get it 468 00:18:49,027 --> 00:18:50,762 within a range of only ten. 469 00:18:50,829 --> 00:18:54,132 Take a look at this. 470 00:18:54,199 --> 00:19:00,072 [ Singing in foreign language ] 471 00:19:00,138 --> 00:19:01,940 Watch this, hair on fire or something. 472 00:19:02,007 --> 00:19:06,478 [ Cheering, clapping ] 473 00:19:06,545 --> 00:19:08,080 Oh, shit, it's gonna light a fire. 474 00:19:08,146 --> 00:19:10,449 Oh, no, no, that's flammable! That's flammable! 475 00:19:10,516 --> 00:19:12,818 Oh! Oh, my God! 476 00:19:12,885 --> 00:19:16,154 Ooh, God. 477 00:19:16,221 --> 00:19:17,789 That's why I don't have hair. 478 00:19:17,856 --> 00:19:19,191 Do they blow her out? 479 00:19:19,258 --> 00:19:20,959 -She's alive. -Look. 480 00:19:21,026 --> 00:19:22,828 Traumatic for sure, 481 00:19:22,895 --> 00:19:25,097 physically painful for sure. 482 00:19:25,163 --> 00:19:26,798 Long term effects? 483 00:19:26,865 --> 00:19:28,834 She's not going to blow candles anymore! 484 00:19:28,901 --> 00:19:31,370 At most maybe go 90, like maybe 80 to 90. 485 00:19:31,436 --> 00:19:32,804 80 to 90? 486 00:19:32,871 --> 00:19:34,940 Okay, within a range of 10, 487 00:19:35,007 --> 00:19:38,210 where does "Happy Birthday, your head is on fire" 488 00:19:38,277 --> 00:19:40,512 land on the misery index? 489 00:19:40,579 --> 00:19:43,515 Time starts now. 490 00:19:43,582 --> 00:19:45,484 You got it, bud! 491 00:19:45,551 --> 00:19:47,753 Higher, higher, higher! 492 00:19:47,819 --> 00:19:53,091 Five, four, three, two, one. 493 00:19:53,158 --> 00:19:54,626 Lock it in. 494 00:19:54,693 --> 00:19:56,595 I like it, they like it. 495 00:19:56,662 --> 00:19:59,898 You are locked in between 82 and 92, 496 00:19:59,965 --> 00:20:02,367 guys, you want to come down, stop being bitter? 497 00:20:02,434 --> 00:20:03,468 I think it looks good, bud. 498 00:20:03,535 --> 00:20:04,937 I think it looks good. 499 00:20:05,003 --> 00:20:07,539 For $15,000, 500 00:20:07,606 --> 00:20:09,474 let's see where it lands. 501 00:20:09,541 --> 00:20:10,509 Come on. 502 00:20:10,576 --> 00:20:11,977 Let's hear it, guys, let's hear it! 503 00:20:12,044 --> 00:20:14,913 [ Cheering and applause ] 504 00:20:14,980 --> 00:20:16,915 All right, go, go, go. 505 00:20:16,982 --> 00:20:21,153 Let's go! More! 506 00:20:21,219 --> 00:20:23,255 [ Buzzer ] 507 00:20:23,322 --> 00:20:25,190 I was right. 508 00:20:25,257 --> 00:20:27,392 -Damn. -She was aflame! 509 00:20:27,459 --> 00:20:29,027 Traumatron! 510 00:20:29,094 --> 00:20:32,698 So I'm afraid that is incorrect, but congratulations, 511 00:20:32,764 --> 00:20:37,035 because you are still going home with $13,000. 512 00:20:37,102 --> 00:20:41,239 [ Cheering and applause ] 513 00:20:41,306 --> 00:20:43,408 Get some money, I love that. 514 00:20:43,475 --> 00:20:45,243 So, that will do it for "The Misery Index." 515 00:20:45,310 --> 00:20:48,280 I am Jameela Jamil, and from me and the Tenderloins 516 00:20:48,347 --> 00:20:49,748 and Hirsha, good night! 517 00:20:49,815 --> 00:20:53,318 [ Cheering and applause ] 518 00:20:53,385 --> 00:20:55,420 That was great. 519 00:20:55,487 --> 00:20:57,889 It was tough, that was super tough! 520 00:20:57,956 --> 00:21:00,192 You played a great game. Thank you. You played a great game. Thank you. 521 00:21:00,258 --> 00:21:04,262 [ Cheering and applause ] 522 00:21:04,329 --> 00:21:05,964 ♪♪ 523 00:21:06,031 --> 00:21:07,065 Grandma's House!