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Welcome to "The Misery Index,"
where misery loves company.
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00:00:06,306 --> 00:00:07,741
-Yeah! Yeah!
-Yeah!
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Jameela:
We have scoured the globe
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00:00:09,509 --> 00:00:11,778
for the world's most miserable
true stories,
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00:00:11,845 --> 00:00:13,813
then asked a panel
of respected psychologists
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00:00:13,880 --> 00:00:16,616
to rate those stories based on
three pillars of misery --
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physical pain,
emotional trauma,
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00:00:18,518 --> 00:00:20,520
and long-term
psychological impact.
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00:00:20,587 --> 00:00:22,789
The higher
the combined misery,
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00:00:22,856 --> 00:00:24,557
the higher it lands
on our misery index.
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Oh!
Oh, my God!
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00:00:25,992 --> 00:00:27,894
Our two contestants
must try and decide
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how those events were rated
for a chance at our grand prize
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00:00:30,997 --> 00:00:33,099
of $30,000.
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You're about to win
some money!
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So, let's get miserable.
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[ Cheers and applause ]
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♪♪
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Hello.
I am Jameela Jamil,
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00:00:45,345 --> 00:00:47,180
and welcome to
"The Misery Index."
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Tonight, we have two
very miserable contestants --
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Anthony Gambrell,
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00:00:51,885 --> 00:00:54,821
whose date once dined
and ditched him,
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00:00:54,888 --> 00:00:56,923
and Mary Lynn Cristiano,
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who once saw a dead body
sit up in front of her.
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And now, from truTV's hit
"Impractical Jokers,"
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give it up to my friends,
the Tenderloins --
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Sal, Joe, Q, and Murr.
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Yeah! What's up?!
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[ Cheers and applause ]
Murr: Here we go!
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Come on, buddy.
What's going on? You excited?
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Hi.
This is me bringing it.
Hi.
This is me bringing it.
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Nice to meet you.
Good to see you.
Good luck.
34
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Hello, Jameela.
35
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Anthony,
what happened, man?
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Me and this young lady have
been talking for a few weeks
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already, right?
Mm-hmm.
already, right?
Mm-hmm.
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So we finally got together,
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and we're able to go
on our first date.
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We go to the steakhouse.
We're wining, dining.
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We having great conversation.
Okay.
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And so she decides she needs
to go to use the restroom.
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She goes, and she doesn't
come back for 15 minutes.
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So I asked the server
to please go and check on her.
Mm-hmm.
So I asked the server
to please go and check on her.
Mm-hmm.
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Server comes back to me
and says,
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"Oh, there's no one
in the restroom."
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[ Audience groans ]
Sal: Aw, no way.
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Be optimistic.
She's probably dead.
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[ Laughter ]
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Mary Lynn, a dead body sat up
in front of you?
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Yeah, on my first day
as a funeral director,
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I came back from lunch,
and, literally, straight up.
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Horrifying.
Q: You saw it moving,
or it was up?
Horrifying.
Q: You saw it moving,
or it was up?
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Oh, no,
it moved in front of me.
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Did you have to "ck-ck"?
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Yeah. Well, you know,
sometimes it passes by itself.
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Sometimes it doesn't.
Sometimes, you know,
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they also pee
and poop and breathe.
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They do everything that we do.
Sal: Wow.
They do everything that we do.
Sal: Wow.
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Dead people --
they're just like us.
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Yeah,
they're just like us.
Just like us.
Yeah,
they're just like us.
Just like us.
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Okay, guys,
please behold
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the keeper
of all things miserable.
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It is the Traumatron.
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[ Thunder crashes ]
Murr: Don't be scared.
[ Thunder crashes ]
Murr: Don't be scared.
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The name of our first game
is Misery Lane.
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I'm going to put two
misery markers on the index
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and the first one is...
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[ All groan ]
You mean standard.
[ All groan ]
You mean standard.
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[ Laughter ]
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...which our shrinks rated
at a 67.
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-Yeah, that's pretty bad.
-For sure. That's about right.
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And the second one is...
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...which our shrinks
only rated at a 33.
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-Okay.
-Wow.
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Okay, so I'm going
to show each of you an event.
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You don't have to tell me
the exact number.
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You just have to determine
if it falls above, below,
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or in between the two cards
that you see on the index.
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Anthony,
you get to go first.
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Please check out this misery.
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[ Woman screams ]
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-Oh, no.
-Whoa, they're coming in hot.
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Jameela:
This is a ski lift gone rogue,
gone very, very wrong.
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-Wow.
-Oh, wow.
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Murr: They're going to flip off.
Yep.
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Ooh! Ooh.
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Joe: Wow.
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I'm pretty sure
that's not how
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those things
are supposed to work.
No.
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[ Laughter ]
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That's -- That's bad,
that's -- for sure.
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Yeah, for sure.
It's physically painful.
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It's terrifying,
You can be scared
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of going skiing ever again.
-You also see the people
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in front of you, it happening...
-Right?
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...and you know
it's about to happen to you.
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So that, emotionally,
the trauma,
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that's definitely tough.
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Yeah, you don't know if you're
going to live or die
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in that moment.
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I strongly feel good about it.
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And I think that is definitely
above on the Misery Index.
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Jameela: Okay,
you are saying it is above.
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It's time to see
what our shrinks say.
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Good luck.
-I think it's just above.
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I think it's just above it.
-Come on, come on, come on.
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Come on. Keep going.
Keep going.
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-Aw, go, go.
-Keep going! Keep going!
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Yeah!
-Yes!
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Yes! Yes!
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You are correct.
You've just banked $500.
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-Yes!
-Alright.
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Mary Lynn, you and your team,
please check out this misery.
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[ Pounding ]
[ Chuckles ]
It's already funny.
[ Pounding ]
[ Chuckles ]
It's already funny.
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[ Laughter ]
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Man: All over my [bleep]
fishing gear, mate.
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[Bleep] [Bleep]
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Mate, that's [bleep]
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Man #2: I don't give a shit
about your [bleep]
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[Bleep] lied to me.
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[ Laughter ]
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He-- He's defeated.
He's just defeated.
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[Bleep] hate my life.
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-Aw.
-That is so funny.
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That is so funny.
-[ Laughs ]
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I'd rather be changing
my passwords.
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You know what I'm saying?
-Yeah.
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How many passwords
does the average person have?
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00:04:55,962 --> 00:04:57,363
-Oh, I don't e--
-A couple dozen?
131
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-Yeah.
-See, you know, you kind of --
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Did you say you have
a couple dozen passwords?
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-Yeah.
-Yeah.
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00:05:01,768 --> 00:05:03,936
Pornhub, VIEW-hub...
[ Laughter ]
135
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Oh, yeah.
[ Chuckles ]
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00:05:05,271 --> 00:05:06,606
You set up
a Pornhub account?
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00:05:06,673 --> 00:05:07,840
You have
a Premium account.
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No.
[ Laughter ]
No.
[ Laughter ]
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I guess, what would you rather
have happen to you,
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00:05:13,980 --> 00:05:15,381
paint explode
or change passwords?
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00:05:15,448 --> 00:05:16,849
Oh, change passwords,
absolutely.
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00:05:16,916 --> 00:05:18,818
-Well, then, there you go.
-Absolutely, yeah.
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So I think paint spilling
all over you is in between.
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Alright.
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Jameela: You're saying
it's in between.
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Okay, let's see
what our shrink say.
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Good luck.
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Alright.
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Come on.
150
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I think you're right.
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00:05:34,834 --> 00:05:37,870
Ooh. Oh!
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Okay, you are correct,
so at the end of Round 1,
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00:05:40,606 --> 00:05:43,710
Anthony has $500,
and Mary Lynn also has $500.
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And I'm happy to tell you
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that we are going
to commercial
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because [bleep]
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I may have hacked
your TelePrompTer.
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[ Laughter ]
Say -- Read the lines.
Read the wor--
[ Laughter ]
Say -- Read the lines.
Read the wor--
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I'm glad that we're going to
commercial because I...
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have to go potty
like a big girl.
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[ Laughter ]
Joe.
[ Laughter ]
Joe.
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Coming up, the money doubles
and so does the misery.
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00:06:04,230 --> 00:06:05,898
And, later,
one of these contests
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00:06:05,965 --> 00:06:08,501
we'll get a shot at $30,000.
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[ Laughter ]
Yeah!
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00:06:10,203 --> 00:06:12,138
[ Cheers and applause ]
167
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[ Cheers and applause ]
168
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Oh, hello,
169
00:06:21,647 --> 00:06:23,249
and welcome back
to "The Misery Index."
170
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[ As Priyanka Chopra ] I am the
world-famous Priyanka Chopra,
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and we've got
one hell of a game.
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Joe.
Alright, I'm done.
I'm done.
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[ Normal voice ]
Anthony has $500,
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and Mary Lynn also has $500,
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00:06:35,027 --> 00:06:37,396
but there's lots more
humiliation to explore
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00:06:37,463 --> 00:06:40,700
before one of them plays
for $30,000.
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00:06:40,767 --> 00:06:43,703
[ Cheers and applause ]
178
00:06:43,770 --> 00:06:46,506
The name of our next game
is More or Less Miserable.
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So, Mary Lynn,
this time you are up first.
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I'm going to show you
two deeply traumatic events,
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and you just have to tell me
which is worse
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according to our shrinks.
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So for $1,000, tell me which one
of these animal agonies
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lands higher
on the Misery Index.
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Is it this?
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00:07:02,021 --> 00:07:04,924
"Dolphin dives onto boat,
breaks woman's ankles,
187
00:07:04,991 --> 00:07:06,659
punches another in the face."
188
00:07:06,726 --> 00:07:07,994
And it says down below,
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00:07:08,060 --> 00:07:09,962
Mr. Frickman splashed water
on it to keep it alive.
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00:07:10,029 --> 00:07:12,398
The animal was seemingly
unharmed and swam away
191
00:07:12,465 --> 00:07:14,934
despite the superficial cuts
onto its body.
192
00:07:15,001 --> 00:07:17,770
Where are these
misogynous dolphins?
193
00:07:17,837 --> 00:07:20,039
What body of water?
194
00:07:20,106 --> 00:07:22,175
Yeah, I-I don't know where
Mr. Frickman's from...
195
00:07:22,241 --> 00:07:23,876
-Yeah.
-...but on Staten Island,
196
00:07:23,943 --> 00:07:25,244
when a guy breaks
your girl's ankle
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00:07:25,311 --> 00:07:26,445
and slaps another one
in the face,
198
00:07:26,512 --> 00:07:27,947
you don't help out
with some water.
199
00:07:28,014 --> 00:07:30,149
You punch that dolphin
right in the face.
200
00:07:30,216 --> 00:07:32,051
You teach it
a lesson.
201
00:07:32,118 --> 00:07:34,921
Our we clapping animal cruelty?
Just checking.
202
00:07:34,987 --> 00:07:37,023
-Well, it's an asshole animal.
-Yeah.
203
00:07:37,089 --> 00:07:39,859
Or is this more miserable,
Mary Lynn?
204
00:07:39,926 --> 00:07:42,895
My name is Margaret,
and I'm 53 years old.
205
00:07:42,962 --> 00:07:44,697
I live in
Morning View, Kentucky,
206
00:07:44,764 --> 00:07:47,533
and I'm addicted
to stinging myself with bees.
207
00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:49,435
Oh, no, no, no.
Oh, no.
208
00:07:49,502 --> 00:07:50,770
-Oh, my God.
-Oh, my God.
209
00:07:50,837 --> 00:07:53,406
I sting myself
in my hip, my elbow,
210
00:07:53,472 --> 00:07:55,675
on a finger, my ankle,
my forehead,
211
00:07:55,741 --> 00:07:58,311
on the tip of my nose.
212
00:07:58,377 --> 00:08:02,515
The most I've ever given myself
was between 15 and 20
213
00:08:02,582 --> 00:08:04,517
in my left hip.
-Oh, my God.
214
00:08:04,584 --> 00:08:07,353
I really love stinging myself
with bees.
215
00:08:07,420 --> 00:08:08,788
Where do you find these?
Where do we find these people?
216
00:08:08,855 --> 00:08:10,389
-What the hell?
-Oh.
217
00:08:10,456 --> 00:08:12,525
Jameela: So, originally,
she started singing herself
218
00:08:12,592 --> 00:08:14,327
to relieve arthritis pain.
219
00:08:14,393 --> 00:08:17,129
Just take a Tylenol.
[ Laughter ]
Just take a Tylenol.
[ Laughter ]
220
00:08:17,196 --> 00:08:20,600
And she does it now
in part for sexual pleasure.
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00:08:20,666 --> 00:08:21,868
[ Audience groans ]
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00:08:21,934 --> 00:08:23,703
Sal: This is a tough one
because "addicted" means
223
00:08:23,769 --> 00:08:25,238
that this is ongoing for you,
224
00:08:25,304 --> 00:08:27,073
but it also means
that you want it.
Q: You enjoy it.
but it also means
that you want it.
Q: You enjoy it.
225
00:08:27,139 --> 00:08:29,976
I'm loving it, whereas
I don't think I would love --
226
00:08:30,042 --> 00:08:31,244
She's living
her best life.
227
00:08:31,310 --> 00:08:35,581
Yeah, I don't think I would love
a 250-pound dolphin
228
00:08:35,648 --> 00:08:36,983
beating the [bleep] out of me.
-Right.
229
00:08:37,049 --> 00:08:39,085
Okay, so, Mary Lynn,
for $1,000,
230
00:08:39,151 --> 00:08:40,686
which is more miserable?
231
00:08:40,753 --> 00:08:43,556
Mary Lynn:
I think getting the crap
beat out of you by a dolphin.
232
00:08:43,623 --> 00:08:45,124
is more miserable.
-I agree.
233
00:08:45,191 --> 00:08:47,226
Think we're on our way
to $1,000 right here.
234
00:08:47,293 --> 00:08:49,495
Let's see where our strength
put the other choice.
235
00:08:50,696 --> 00:08:52,164
-Okay, that's pretty high.
-Wow, that's pretty high.
236
00:08:52,231 --> 00:08:53,466
-I still think we got it.
-That's very high.
237
00:08:53,532 --> 00:08:55,434
-Let's see if you are right.
-I still think we got it.
238
00:08:55,501 --> 00:08:57,103
-[ Chuckles ]
-Yeah.
239
00:08:57,169 --> 00:08:58,838
I think we still got it.
I'm not even worried about this.
240
00:08:58,905 --> 00:09:00,806
-Well -- Well, I should be.
-What?!
241
00:09:00,873 --> 00:09:02,708
Two broken ankles!
-[ Chuckles ]
242
00:09:02,775 --> 00:09:04,176
Jameela:
I'm afraid that is incorrect.
243
00:09:04,243 --> 00:09:07,713
You did not win $1,000,
but the game is far from over.
244
00:09:07,780 --> 00:09:10,516
Okay, Anthony,
for $1,000,
245
00:09:10,583 --> 00:09:12,885
tell me which
one of these hangover hells
246
00:09:12,952 --> 00:09:14,353
ranks higher
on the Misery Index.
247
00:09:14,420 --> 00:09:16,322
Is it this?
248
00:09:16,389 --> 00:09:18,557
"Man wakes up
with the worst hangover ever,
249
00:09:18,624 --> 00:09:21,460
finding Ray-Ban glasses
tattooed on his face."
250
00:09:21,527 --> 00:09:22,595
-Oh.
-[ Laughs ]
251
00:09:22,662 --> 00:09:25,031
He had these tattoos
for about two years,
252
00:09:25,097 --> 00:09:29,335
and it took six tattoo removals
to get them off.
253
00:09:29,402 --> 00:09:30,836
Okay, well, Anthony,
take a look at this
254
00:09:30,903 --> 00:09:33,272
and see if this
is more miserable.
255
00:09:33,339 --> 00:09:38,077
"Drunk man vomit so hard that
he throws up undiagnosed humor
256
00:09:38,144 --> 00:09:40,313
and then swallows it back."
-Oh!
257
00:09:40,379 --> 00:09:41,981
-Oh, my God.
-Oh, my God.
258
00:09:42,048 --> 00:09:43,816
A loose tumor.
Just hanging around.
259
00:09:43,883 --> 00:09:45,351
-Just rolling around.
-Rolling around in there.
260
00:09:45,418 --> 00:09:46,419
Yeah.
-Yeah.
261
00:09:46,485 --> 00:09:48,254
I mean, that would explain
a lot for me.
262
00:09:48,321 --> 00:09:50,623
[ Laughter and applause ]
263
00:09:50,690 --> 00:09:52,091
Should get this checked.
264
00:09:52,158 --> 00:09:53,759
My -- My --
My gut instinct
265
00:09:53,826 --> 00:09:56,329
was the barfing up a tumor
and I'll tell you why.
266
00:09:56,395 --> 00:10:00,066
Because you're talking about
a lifelong thing of any time
267
00:10:00,132 --> 00:10:01,400
you feel weird
or something,
268
00:10:01,467 --> 00:10:03,102
you think -- you think
there might be a tumor in you
269
00:10:03,169 --> 00:10:04,503
that you didn't know about
or whatever.
270
00:10:04,570 --> 00:10:07,039
So the long-term psychological
for me is higher on that.
271
00:10:07,106 --> 00:10:09,342
For me, I think it's the barfing
up a tumor -- for me.
272
00:10:09,408 --> 00:10:11,110
The other guy
with the tattoo sunglasses,
273
00:10:11,177 --> 00:10:14,413
right, he's every conversation
24 hours a day.
True.
274
00:10:14,480 --> 00:10:16,415
It has to -- you have
to deal with that, right?
True.
It has to -- you have
to deal with that, right?
True.
275
00:10:16,482 --> 00:10:18,985
His job, his relationships,
his family.
276
00:10:19,051 --> 00:10:21,053
So there's a long-term
effect to that.
277
00:10:21,120 --> 00:10:22,788
Okay, Anthony,
where's your instinct?
278
00:10:22,855 --> 00:10:26,292
I think that you waking up
with tattooed sunglasses
279
00:10:26,359 --> 00:10:27,827
is more miserable.
280
00:10:27,893 --> 00:10:31,664
Okay, let's first see where our
shrinks put the other choice.
281
00:10:31,731 --> 00:10:33,366
Good luck.
282
00:10:33,432 --> 00:10:35,835
-He's going to be -- whoa.
-74. 74's high...
283
00:10:35,901 --> 00:10:36,969
-Oh, God.
-...but it's not unbeatable.
284
00:10:37,036 --> 00:10:41,107
So now let's see
if Anthony was correct.
285
00:10:42,475 --> 00:10:44,443
-I think he's got it.
-Come on.
286
00:10:44,510 --> 00:10:46,879
[ Ding! ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
287
00:10:46,946 --> 00:10:47,880
-Yes!
-Yes!
288
00:10:47,947 --> 00:10:50,850
That is correct,
and you just won $1,000.
289
00:10:50,916 --> 00:10:52,685
Well done.
-Alright.
290
00:10:52,752 --> 00:10:54,353
Do not go anywhere,
because, when we come back,
291
00:10:54,420 --> 00:10:56,622
someone is headed home,
and someone is moving on
292
00:10:56,689 --> 00:10:59,225
for their shot at $30,000.
293
00:10:59,291 --> 00:11:01,360
[ Cheers and applause ]
294
00:11:05,765 --> 00:11:08,701
[ Cheers and applause ]
295
00:11:08,768 --> 00:11:10,736
Welcome back
to "The Misery Index."
296
00:11:10,803 --> 00:11:13,939
So it all comes down
to this one miserable event
297
00:11:14,006 --> 00:11:17,476
to determine who is
the true Master of Misery
298
00:11:17,543 --> 00:11:20,246
and moving on to play for their
shot at the grand prize.
299
00:11:20,312 --> 00:11:22,548
Currently,
Anthony has $1,500,
300
00:11:22,615 --> 00:11:25,851
and Mary Lynn is right
on his heels with $500.
301
00:11:25,918 --> 00:11:27,286
And so, guys, tonight,
302
00:11:27,353 --> 00:11:29,555
we're going to put your ears
to the test.
Sal: Ah.
303
00:11:29,622 --> 00:11:31,657
So you are going to have
to rate this misery
304
00:11:31,724 --> 00:11:33,659
based solely
on what you can hear,
305
00:11:33,726 --> 00:11:35,127
and that means no video...
-Ooh.
306
00:11:35,194 --> 00:11:36,796
Jameela: ...until after
you've locked in your answers,
307
00:11:36,862 --> 00:11:39,031
'cause I'm a dick.
308
00:11:39,098 --> 00:11:41,300
So whoever is closest
to our shrinks' score
309
00:11:41,367 --> 00:11:43,235
will win this round.
[ Thunder crashes ]
will win this round.
[ Thunder crashes ]
310
00:11:43,302 --> 00:11:47,106
It's time to play
the Sound of Misery.
311
00:11:47,173 --> 00:11:48,441
-Ooh.
-Ooh.
312
00:11:48,507 --> 00:11:50,176
Alright, let's have a listen.
313
00:11:50,242 --> 00:11:51,677
[ Thunder crashes ]
314
00:11:51,744 --> 00:11:53,546
[ Wind gusting ]
315
00:11:53,612 --> 00:11:55,414
[ Whispers indistinctly ]
316
00:11:55,481 --> 00:11:58,451
[ Whirring ]
317
00:12:00,886 --> 00:12:02,354
Man: Whoo!
318
00:12:04,356 --> 00:12:06,325
[ Screams ]
319
00:12:07,693 --> 00:12:09,662
[ Laughter ]
320
00:12:09,728 --> 00:12:12,298
It sounds like he stepped in dog
poop and found it on his shoe.
321
00:12:12,364 --> 00:12:13,332
That's what it sounds like.
322
00:12:13,399 --> 00:12:16,102
He's like, "Ohhhh!
These are new."
323
00:12:16,168 --> 00:12:17,470
You know, I heard a dog.
324
00:12:17,536 --> 00:12:19,105
Throwing them off.
-Yeah.
325
00:12:19,171 --> 00:12:20,506
-There's a dog, for sure.
-Yeah, I --
326
00:12:20,573 --> 00:12:22,174
Did you guys hear R2-D2
at the end there?
327
00:12:22,241 --> 00:12:23,342
It was really weird.
-That's what it was.
328
00:12:23,409 --> 00:12:25,277
It was R2 and Chewbacca.
-Yeah. [ Laughs ]
329
00:12:25,344 --> 00:12:27,947
Okay, now, for $2,000,
please talk it through
330
00:12:28,013 --> 00:12:31,617
and discuss why you think
this lands on the Misery Index.
331
00:12:31,684 --> 00:12:33,686
Let's concentrate on the guy,
because the yell --
332
00:12:33,752 --> 00:12:36,555
the yell is not too, like,
"I'm going to die."
333
00:12:36,622 --> 00:12:38,691
Possibly, like,
kite surfing.
334
00:12:38,757 --> 00:12:40,759
Okay, yeah.
[ Indistinct whispering ]
Okay, yeah.
[ Indistinct whispering ]
335
00:12:40,826 --> 00:12:42,761
Alright, everyone, I'm going
need to lock in your scores.
336
00:12:42,828 --> 00:12:44,396
I don't know.
I think it's a little higher.
337
00:12:44,463 --> 00:12:47,266
I love it.
I really think it's good.
Yeah.
I love it.
I really think it's good.
Yeah.
338
00:12:47,333 --> 00:12:50,436
Okay, everyone is locked in.
Anthony, I am dying to know,
339
00:12:50,503 --> 00:12:52,705
what do you think
this clip is going to be?
340
00:12:52,771 --> 00:12:55,541
I -- it sound-- I definitely
hear wind sounds,
341
00:12:55,608 --> 00:12:58,644
so it definitely sounds
like he's either hang gliding
342
00:12:58,711 --> 00:13:00,346
or jumping out of a plane.
343
00:13:00,412 --> 00:13:02,615
It doesn't sound like he --
the parachute didn't open
344
00:13:02,681 --> 00:13:04,283
'cause that would be
a different scream.
345
00:13:04,350 --> 00:13:05,718
Mary Lynn, what do you think
this video is?
346
00:13:05,784 --> 00:13:07,486
We also thought
something similar,
347
00:13:07,553 --> 00:13:09,488
and I also thought something
similar to, like, you know,
348
00:13:09,555 --> 00:13:11,090
jet skiing
or something like that.
349
00:13:11,157 --> 00:13:14,026
It sounded like
a minor inconvenience.
350
00:13:14,093 --> 00:13:15,828
Okay, before we reveal
our scores,
351
00:13:15,895 --> 00:13:16,896
let's take a look at the video
352
00:13:16,962 --> 00:13:19,131
behind
this miserable audio clip.
353
00:13:19,198 --> 00:13:22,768
[ Wind gusting ]
354
00:13:22,835 --> 00:13:25,004
-Oh, they were right.
-Hit a tree, hit a tree.
355
00:13:25,070 --> 00:13:27,273
[ Whirring ]
I still don't know
what that noise is.
[ Whirring ]
I still don't know
what that noise is.
356
00:13:27,339 --> 00:13:28,674
-Oh, no.
-Hit a tree, hit a tree.
357
00:13:28,741 --> 00:13:30,976
Man: Whoo!
358
00:13:31,043 --> 00:13:32,611
-Oh!
-[Bleep]
359
00:13:32,678 --> 00:13:34,880
[ Screams ]
360
00:13:34,947 --> 00:13:36,215
Oh.
361
00:13:36,282 --> 00:13:37,783
-We're too low.
-We're way too low.
362
00:13:37,850 --> 00:13:39,218
So, still confident
about your scores?
363
00:13:39,285 --> 00:13:41,487
Not at all.
We misjudged this one.
Yep.
364
00:13:41,554 --> 00:13:44,223
And also,
who put that house there?
365
00:13:44,290 --> 00:13:45,457
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
366
00:13:45,524 --> 00:13:46,525
Jameela: So now that we've seen
the video,
367
00:13:46,592 --> 00:13:48,427
let's see who has mastered
the misery
368
00:13:48,494 --> 00:13:50,696
by being closest
to the correct answer.
369
00:13:50,763 --> 00:13:53,299
Anthony, you ranked
paragliding into a house
370
00:13:53,365 --> 00:13:57,269
at a very low 39,
371
00:13:57,336 --> 00:14:01,073
and, Mary Lynn,
you gave it a...
372
00:14:02,641 --> 00:14:05,311
-Aw.
-Ooh.
373
00:14:05,377 --> 00:14:06,745
Jameela: ...a 42.
374
00:14:06,812 --> 00:14:09,215
Q: [ Laughs ]
375
00:14:09,281 --> 00:14:11,750
It is time to see
what our shrinks say.
376
00:14:11,817 --> 00:14:13,052
-Can we not see...
-Oh, my goodness.
377
00:14:13,118 --> 00:14:14,053
...and just live
in this moment
378
00:14:14,119 --> 00:14:16,255
of we're all winners?
379
00:14:16,322 --> 00:14:17,723
[ Indistinct talking ]
380
00:14:17,790 --> 00:14:19,291
I think we're up
in the high 60s.
Yeah?
I think we're up
in the high 60s.
Yeah?
381
00:14:19,358 --> 00:14:20,826
There's no way
you don't have this.
382
00:14:20,893 --> 00:14:22,161
It's impossible
that you don't have this.
383
00:14:22,228 --> 00:14:23,262
Oh, my God!
384
00:14:23,329 --> 00:14:24,797
Jameela:
So Mary Lynn wins.
385
00:14:24,863 --> 00:14:27,266
Unfortunately, that means
we are going to have to
386
00:14:27,333 --> 00:14:29,168
say goodbye to Anthony.
-Sorry, buddy.
387
00:14:29,235 --> 00:14:31,437
Jameela:
But Mary Lynn is moving on
and will be playing
388
00:14:31,503 --> 00:14:34,006
for the $30,000 grand prize
right after this.
389
00:14:34,073 --> 00:14:35,207
Do not go anywhere.
390
00:14:35,274 --> 00:14:37,409
[ Cheers and applause ]
391
00:14:41,447 --> 00:14:44,016
[ Cheers and applause ]
392
00:14:44,083 --> 00:14:46,552
Hello, and welcome back
to "The Misery Index."
393
00:14:46,619 --> 00:14:49,088
So Mary Lynn has chosen Sal
to assist her
394
00:14:49,154 --> 00:14:50,956
in the grand-prize final round.
395
00:14:51,023 --> 00:14:55,227
This is the $30,000
Margin of Misery.
396
00:14:55,294 --> 00:14:56,962
[ Audience "oohs" ]
[ Thunder crashes ]
[ Audience "oohs" ]
[ Thunder crashes ]
397
00:14:57,029 --> 00:14:58,864
So now, Mary Lynn,
if you win it all,
398
00:14:58,931 --> 00:15:00,199
what are you going to do
with the money?
399
00:15:00,266 --> 00:15:01,667
I already have three dogs.
400
00:15:01,734 --> 00:15:06,272
I would love to add a hairless
cat to my little personal zoo.
401
00:15:06,338 --> 00:15:09,508
And, of course, my hairless cat
needs the most exclusive,
402
00:15:09,575 --> 00:15:15,180
expensive Gucci boots,
hand-knit cashmere sweaters.
403
00:15:15,247 --> 00:15:16,982
I'm going to get them
for all the dogs,
404
00:15:17,049 --> 00:15:19,385
and then we're going to hop
on a plane and go to Europe.
405
00:15:19,451 --> 00:15:22,087
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Laughs ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Laughs ]
406
00:15:22,154 --> 00:15:23,555
Now we know
what's on the line,
407
00:15:23,622 --> 00:15:25,057
I'm going to show you
three terrible events
408
00:15:25,124 --> 00:15:27,393
worth $5,000, $10,000
and $15,000 dollars.
409
00:15:27,459 --> 00:15:29,862
And after each one,
you will place a range finder
410
00:15:29,928 --> 00:15:31,997
where you think it lands
on the Misery Index.
411
00:15:32,064 --> 00:15:33,499
And, remember,
as the money gets bigger,
412
00:15:33,565 --> 00:15:35,968
the range finder
gets smaller.
413
00:15:36,035 --> 00:15:38,203
Are you ready to play?
-Yes, I am.
414
00:15:38,270 --> 00:15:42,241
Okay,
then let's get miserable.
415
00:15:46,111 --> 00:15:48,480
Mary Lynn, your first event
is worth $5,000,
416
00:15:48,547 --> 00:15:50,516
and it has a range of 30 points
this time.
417
00:15:50,582 --> 00:15:51,450
Take a look.
418
00:15:51,517 --> 00:15:52,985
[ Singing indistinctly ]
419
00:15:53,052 --> 00:15:56,088
Just singing a hymn.
Singing a hymn in his car.
420
00:15:56,155 --> 00:15:58,891
♪ And now my life ♪
421
00:15:58,957 --> 00:16:02,127
Aah!
Oh, no.
Aah!
Oh, no.
422
00:16:02,194 --> 00:16:04,096
He's upside down.
423
00:16:04,163 --> 00:16:06,298
What happened?
424
00:16:06,365 --> 00:16:08,100
I wouldn't drive.
I wouldn't get in a car
425
00:16:08,167 --> 00:16:09,301
for a very long time.
426
00:16:09,368 --> 00:16:10,536
How long
till you sing again?
427
00:16:10,602 --> 00:16:12,037
[ Laughter ]
428
00:16:12,104 --> 00:16:14,073
I think --
my gut said 50 to 80.
429
00:16:14,139 --> 00:16:15,741
I-I like that.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah?
430
00:16:15,808 --> 00:16:17,176
Where we were at.
That's where we were at.
431
00:16:17,242 --> 00:16:18,243
Jameela: Okay, well,
within a range of 30,
432
00:16:18,310 --> 00:16:20,779
where does
"Your Carpool Crashaoke" land
433
00:16:20,846 --> 00:16:22,481
on the Misery Index?
434
00:16:22,548 --> 00:16:25,718
Your time starts now.
You have 10 seconds.
435
00:16:27,519 --> 00:16:30,756
49, 79 just to
take a little --
436
00:16:30,823 --> 00:16:31,623
little peak
at the 49?
437
00:16:31,690 --> 00:16:35,361
Five, four,
three, two --
438
00:16:35,427 --> 00:16:38,831
you are locked in
between a 49 and a 79.
439
00:16:38,897 --> 00:16:42,501
For $5,000,
let's see where that lands.
440
00:16:42,568 --> 00:16:44,536
[ Cheers and applause ]
441
00:16:46,839 --> 00:16:48,841
Oh, I hate this bit.
442
00:16:48,907 --> 00:16:50,809
Come on, come on, come on.
Keep going.
443
00:16:50,876 --> 00:16:53,579
Come on, come on, come on.
Stay, stay, stay, stay, stay.
444
00:16:53,645 --> 00:16:57,049
[ Ding! ]
[ Chuckles ]
[ Ding! ]
[ Chuckles ]
445
00:16:57,116 --> 00:16:58,250
That is correct.
446
00:16:58,317 --> 00:17:00,686
You just baked yourself
$5,000.
447
00:17:00,753 --> 00:17:02,588
Whoo!
448
00:17:02,654 --> 00:17:05,124
So this next event is worth
$10,000 this time,
449
00:17:05,190 --> 00:17:07,426
and you have a range
of 20 points.
450
00:17:07,493 --> 00:17:08,961
-Okay.
-Take a look at this.
451
00:17:10,229 --> 00:17:14,466
"Man stabs brother in fight
over the last of the ribs."
452
00:17:14,533 --> 00:17:16,502
You know, it is the McRib.
It's only seasonal.
453
00:17:16,568 --> 00:17:19,037
Yeah, that is.
It's only a limited time
454
00:17:19,104 --> 00:17:20,973
you can get the McRib.
-The McRib is seasonal.
455
00:17:21,039 --> 00:17:22,307
And you will never --
456
00:17:22,374 --> 00:17:24,243
the relationship you had
with your brother is destroyed.
457
00:17:24,309 --> 00:17:26,512
Definitely.
I think
it's going be very high.
458
00:17:26,578 --> 00:17:30,082
Yeah, I'm thinking mid-60s
starting -- starting.
Okay.
Yeah, I'm thinking mid-60s
starting -- starting.
Okay.
459
00:17:30,149 --> 00:17:31,750
[ Imitating coughing ]
Starting in mid-60s.
460
00:17:31,817 --> 00:17:32,684
'Cause I've played the game
a little more,
461
00:17:32,751 --> 00:17:34,019
from my experience,
I'm thinking
462
00:17:34,086 --> 00:17:35,320
it's going to be
way higher than that.
Okay.
463
00:17:35,387 --> 00:17:37,656
How about 75, 95?
464
00:17:37,723 --> 00:17:39,958
We'll save 96 to 100
for absolute catastrophes.
Okay, I like that.
I like that.
465
00:17:40,025 --> 00:17:41,660
Okay, well,
within a range of 20,
466
00:17:41,727 --> 00:17:43,729
where does "Your Brother
Allegedly Stabs You
467
00:17:43,796 --> 00:17:46,398
Over the Last Rib"
land on the index?
468
00:17:46,465 --> 00:17:48,700
[ Chuckling ]
Such a dumb story.
[ Laughter ]
[ Chuckling ]
Such a dumb story.
[ Laughter ]
469
00:17:48,767 --> 00:17:52,571
I think you're safe
with 75, 95.
Your 10 seconds
starts now.
I think you're safe
with 75, 95.
Your 10 seconds
starts now.
470
00:17:52,638 --> 00:17:54,606
[ Audience shouting ]
471
00:17:55,941 --> 00:17:58,110
73?
472
00:17:58,177 --> 00:18:00,712
Five, four, three --
okay.
473
00:18:00,779 --> 00:18:02,147
-Okay, okay.
-Wow, locked in.
474
00:18:02,214 --> 00:18:04,283
-Alright.
-Mary Lynn, you are locked in
475
00:18:04,349 --> 00:18:06,318
between 75 and 95.
476
00:18:06,385 --> 00:18:07,920
We're all with you on this.
Aren't we?
477
00:18:07,986 --> 00:18:09,521
Yeah. That's right.
478
00:18:09,588 --> 00:18:11,623
Okay,
so for $10,000,
479
00:18:11,690 --> 00:18:14,126
where did our shrinks rate it
on the Misery Index?
480
00:18:14,193 --> 00:18:15,928
It's time to find out.
481
00:18:15,994 --> 00:18:18,297
[ Cheers and applause ]
482
00:18:18,363 --> 00:18:20,866
-Come on.
-We need that trip to Europe.
483
00:18:20,933 --> 00:18:22,267
We're going to
get away above 60.
484
00:18:22,334 --> 00:18:23,869
We're going to get way above 60.
-Up, up, up, up, up, up, up,
485
00:18:23,936 --> 00:18:26,872
up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up.
-Why is it moving so slow?
486
00:18:26,939 --> 00:18:30,509
[ Buzzer ]
Oh, my God! What?
[ Buzzer ]
Oh, my God! What?
487
00:18:30,576 --> 00:18:32,077
-That's cray cray.
-Oh, you know what?
488
00:18:32,144 --> 00:18:34,446
You didn't back $10,000
but it doesn't matter
489
00:18:34,513 --> 00:18:37,049
because $15,000 is next.
-Yes.
490
00:18:37,115 --> 00:18:38,484
Okay, okay.
491
00:18:38,550 --> 00:18:40,152
Okay, so here we go.
492
00:18:40,219 --> 00:18:42,988
Our final misery
is worth $15,000,
493
00:18:43,055 --> 00:18:44,323
and you are going
to have to get it
494
00:18:44,389 --> 00:18:47,059
within a range
of only 10 this time.
495
00:18:47,125 --> 00:18:48,961
Good luck.
Take a look at this.
496
00:18:50,195 --> 00:18:51,563
"Woman wakes up
in body bag
497
00:18:51,630 --> 00:18:54,366
after being pronounced dead
by doctor."
498
00:18:54,433 --> 00:18:56,568
-That-- That's your story.
-[ Laughing ] That's my story.
499
00:18:56,635 --> 00:18:59,738
I know. What do you rate it?
Because whatever it is, it is.
500
00:18:59,805 --> 00:19:01,473
You know, I feel like
it's 70s or 80s.
501
00:19:01,540 --> 00:19:02,841
-What's the starting point?
-High 70s, I think...
502
00:19:02,908 --> 00:19:05,244
Yeah.
...to high 80s
is what I'm feeling.
Yeah.
...to high 80s
is what I'm feeling.
503
00:19:05,310 --> 00:19:08,413
But what are you feeling?
-If it was a 79,
504
00:19:08,480 --> 00:19:10,382
I could rationalize that,
and if it was like a 92,
505
00:19:10,449 --> 00:19:11,984
I could rationalize that.
You know what I mean?
You're right.
506
00:19:12,050 --> 00:19:12,951
Well, that's why
the game is hard
507
00:19:13,018 --> 00:19:15,354
and this is worth
$15,000.
508
00:19:15,420 --> 00:19:16,889
Okay, well,
within a range of 10,
509
00:19:16,955 --> 00:19:18,824
where does "You Wake Up
in a Body Bag" land
510
00:19:18,891 --> 00:19:20,325
on the Misery Index?
511
00:19:20,392 --> 00:19:24,363
Mary Lynn, for the last time,
your 10 seconds starts now.
512
00:19:24,429 --> 00:19:26,265
Okay, if we're comparing it
to the stabbing,
513
00:19:26,331 --> 00:19:29,134
I'm thinking high 70s
or high 80s.
514
00:19:29,201 --> 00:19:30,235
Mid-to-high 70s.
515
00:19:30,302 --> 00:19:34,873
Five, four,
three, two, one.
516
00:19:34,940 --> 00:19:36,842
Lock in.
517
00:19:36,909 --> 00:19:37,910
Come on. Come on.
518
00:19:37,976 --> 00:19:39,211
We did the best
that we could do.
519
00:19:39,278 --> 00:19:40,345
-Ooh, yeah. we did.
-We did the best we could do.
520
00:19:40,412 --> 00:19:41,914
-This is stressful.
-This is crazy.
521
00:19:41,980 --> 00:19:44,716
Yeah, this is --
this is really hard.
522
00:19:44,783 --> 00:19:46,585
-Mary Lynn.
-You got this.
523
00:19:46,652 --> 00:19:48,153
Mary Lynn,
you are locked in
524
00:19:48,220 --> 00:19:50,789
between 77 and 87.
525
00:19:50,856 --> 00:19:52,090
Gentlemen,
how do you feel?
526
00:19:52,157 --> 00:19:54,626
[ Groans ]
[ Laughter ]
527
00:19:54,693 --> 00:19:58,597
The trauma and the psychological
effects are off the charts?
528
00:19:58,664 --> 00:20:00,899
I feel good
about what you chose.
I think you won.
I think you won....
I feel good
about what you chose.
I think you won.
I think you won....
529
00:20:00,966 --> 00:20:02,034
Yeah.
...and we're
going to go celebrate.
530
00:20:02,100 --> 00:20:05,103
For $15,000,
let's see where
531
00:20:05,170 --> 00:20:09,541
"You Wake Up in a Body Bag"
lands on the Misery Index.
532
00:20:09,608 --> 00:20:11,810
Good luck.
-Here we go. Here we go.
533
00:20:11,877 --> 00:20:14,346
Alright. [ Speaks indistinctly ]
-Yeah.
534
00:20:14,413 --> 00:20:16,949
-This is so good, this game.
-You know you're not 40.
535
00:20:17,015 --> 00:20:19,551
Keep going.
Not 50.
536
00:20:19,618 --> 00:20:21,019
-Stop.
-Now stop!
537
00:20:21,086 --> 00:20:23,155
[ Ding! ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
538
00:20:23,221 --> 00:20:26,325
-[ Laughs ]
-Oh, my God! Yes!
539
00:20:26,391 --> 00:20:29,061
I am thrilled to say
that that is correct,
540
00:20:29,127 --> 00:20:30,262
and congratulations
541
00:20:30,329 --> 00:20:34,299
'cause you're going home
with $22,500.
542
00:20:34,366 --> 00:20:36,101
That was the most serious one
in a while.
543
00:20:36,168 --> 00:20:39,705
My heart's beating.
So that will do it
for "The Misery Index."
544
00:20:39,771 --> 00:20:42,240
Mary Lynn's going to Paris.
I'm Jameela Jamil,
545
00:20:42,307 --> 00:20:45,277
and from me and the Tenderloins,
good night.
546
00:20:45,344 --> 00:20:47,312
[ Cheers and applause ]
547
00:20:48,447 --> 00:20:51,283
Thank you so much.
Thank you.
548
00:20:51,350 --> 00:20:52,918
[ Chuckles ]
549
00:20:52,985 --> 00:20:55,621
Thank you so much.
Thank you. Thank you.
550
00:20:55,687 --> 00:20:57,456
Whew! Thank you.
[ Chuckles ]
551
00:20:57,522 --> 00:20:59,458
[ Cheers and applause
continue ]