Previously on 90 Day Fiance: The Other Way...
I brought you here to change our mood.
Sarper is really showing me
that he is trying and that he can make changes.
Look at you. - Yeah.
Okay. That's good.
We were so blind by our love,
but this little fantasy we have
might not actually work out.
I want this to be home base.
But your opinion matters to me. Your feelings matter.
And I will not abandon my kids.
I just need time to sit on it.
I know you love telling me how much money you spent.
Here we go again.
She wants to bring up money,
this time in front of my brother.
What if it...
was too much for me
and I decided and told you, like,
I never see myself having kids?
I don't think it's something I can do.
I can't lose her.
If we didn't have a kid, would I be enough?
Hello. Hello. Hello.
How are you? Hi.
Shekinah. - Yeah.
Thank you.
How are you feeling?
I feel like I need to comfort you.
Yes. - 'Cause you're the nervous one.
You will go into surgery
and I feel nervous too much.
I know.
I'm just worried about you.
I've been wanting to get a nose job
ever since I was a teenager.
And I did. I got two,
but they just didn't result in something I was happy with.
So my nose surgery is scheduled for tomorrow.
Hello. Hello.
And today, I'm going in
for my rhinoplasty consultation.
I'm really excited to meet the doctor.
He's very well-known in Turkiye.
Hopefully, the third time is the charm.
You had a surgery previously. - Yes.
I've had two.
- I had one-- - You had two before?
- Yes, two. - Mm-hmm.
- I had one 17 years ago... - Okay.
...and then one, um,
let's see, seven.
Seven years ago? Yeah.
- There was like, 10 years between, yeah. - Mm-hmm.
Wow.
You're nose is not bad.
- Yeah. - But can be better.
Yes, can be better.
- Can be better. - I especially think
from this side of my face...
- Yes, - ...it's very bad.
This side is not as bad.
I don't know why it's so different from the other. Mm-hmm.
It is not fitting your face. Yeah. It's not fitting.
- Thank you. - With the nose surgery,
you will look much more younger.
- Yes. - And also much more beautiful.
- Thank you. - I think because the nose is
the heart of our face.
It's affecting everything.
- May I ask you something, by the way? - Yes.
I mean...
I am so nervous.
I mean, I am more nervous than her.
I'm excited. He's nervous. Uh-huh.
...surgery?
You are starting to look like a factory production.
Every girl started to look like each other.
I don't want that,
but she wants it.
So...
it's out of my hands, all control.
Okay. First of all...
- Okay. - ...your nose looks a bit longer
- according to your face. - Yeah.
Normally, there's a ratio
between the nose and the face...
- Yeah. - ...about the length.
One piece,
the second piece,
and the third part. Ah.
These all must be in equal in each other.
Equal? - But your middle part is a bit longer, yeah.
Oh. Mm-hmm.
Okay.
Yes.
Well, can I ask you something?
Yeah. I'm a little control freak--
Oh. - And he's so nervous about this.
Can I show you something?
Yes. Absolutely.
He has a vision
for what he wants my nose to look like. Mmm.
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
...every day.
So let me do it for you.
So we are shaving this part.
Right? Yes.
- And this part. - Yes.
Yes, with spreader grafts.
Okay. Okay.
And then we are changing...
...this part, for definition work.
- What-- - I cannot come to operation?
You will bother us.
I will stay in the corner waiting. But I--
Okay, we have the same vision? Okay? Mm-hmm.
How do I look, babe?
You look like a cat.
Wow.
So you're packing already?
Oh, yeah.
Got a lot to do, you know?
Since we told them the news,
we've been trying our best to have a family vacation,
chill out, and help them digest.
But I could tell by Joey's energy
that he's still way off.
Today, we are being tourists.
That's what we're doing.
Joey, anywhere you want to go?
"Home" home?
All right.
Joey is 100% my kid.
And so when we don't want to deal with our emotions,
we will make passive aggressive comments.
We will be sarcastic.
And he has been doing all of the above.
It was a lot
to take in the fact that we were married.
But I think Joey's main concern is
the move over to Ireland.
So I want to talk to him a little bit more.
So how you feeling about everything
that I've pretty much dumped on your lap
in a short [chuckling] period of time?
I mean...
it is what it is.
Right.
I have some questions for you, definitely.
Okay.
So do you have a date... yet?
I don't have a date yet
'cause I wanted to see how this went.
I mean, I...
I have to make a better calendar
for how long I'll be here for
and how long I will be in New York for.
I'm not gonna...
up and leave you guys, you know?
I would hope not. I wouldn't.
Like, you guys are my kids. Like, you know what I mean?
You come first.
I want to be happy. I want to live in the moment.
But I also...
live for you guys.
Who do I have now?
- If you're not here... - Yeah.
...dad lives 45 minutes away,
something happens with Jesse in school.
Right.
You know, like,
it's really just gonna be me, I feel like.
You're not gonna be responsible for Jesse.
You're not taking my role.
You're not Jesse's parent.
I am still your parent and his parent.
I understand that I'll be further away,
but I would, of course, get on the next plane
if I needed to get to New York, clearly.
And we have family. We have a lot of people.
I mean, you know Grandma and Grandpa.
They're going to help.
But...
if Jesse's like, "Hey, I'm coming,
and I want to live there," then [chuckles] okay.
- You know what I mean? - Then I'm by myself, no?
What? And then you could come.
What if I don't want to?
Then you stay.
Whatever makes you happy.
If you don't want me to move, then you've got to say that.
Well, I feel like it's a lose-lose situation here.
It's not that I don't want you to.
It's just like...
I'd rather not have my mom, like, in a different country.
Like, it's a big deal...
- Yeah. - ...for everybody.
Right. I get that.
I made the decision
to marry someone across the Atlantic
and want to move there.
I never really want to think about the negatives
in any situation,
so I really wasn't thinking about any of the negatives.
I was being like, "Yeah, this is going to work."
But Joey has a lot of questions,
and all of them valid.
There are many layers to this decision
that Sean and I did not take into consideration.
I'm your mom, and I love you very much.
So we're going to figure this out together as a family.
I'm not abandoning you guys.
So it's like, I don't want you to think that I am.
I don't know how-- I don't know how--
I really don't know how it's gonna work,
like, just all fall into place.
Everyone needs to work around...
your decision right now.
Put salt in the open wound.
These are the problems.
"I have really paid a lot for him,
but he still thinks I don't love him
because he feels bad that he can't contribute."
Jerry is not going to be here with me forever.
I can't live a life
of always arguing.
I don't speak Indonesian fluently.
I think that's just an excuse.
But I do thank you
for ruining Jared's night tonight, sweetie.
Sorry, Jared. Just... Ah.
Oh.
We arrive safely...
Yeah. ...and quickly.
I asked Lily to take us somewhere
where we could try some different Chinese dishes.
But after our argument in the car,
it's a little awkward now.
Okay.
What do we got here?
What's your favorite thing to do down here?
Yeah, when you come here, what do you normally do?
Ooh, look at those.
Oh.
Yeah.
Having Jared here
is actually helping ease a lot of the tension
between Lily and I.
He's always been a peacemaker
in my previous relationships.
But I was not expecting
throwing my brother into the fire.
Your favorite? Yeah.
Is that pear?
I'm going to see what else is here before I eat.
- Okay, you and me, okay? Got it. - Okay.
It's okay.
Very good. Thank you.
Mm. Yummy. Yummy.
This is very good.
Very yummy, yes. I love it. Very, very yummy.
Jared may like what's coming up over here.
The squid? Jared like what?
Yeah, the squid. This one right here?
Do I just take it?
Oh! I got-- You got to cook it. Yes.
Yes, thank you.
Thank you.
Barbecue. Barbecue.
Good. No, that's good.
Take your time on that.
On the way down here,
Josh and Lily get in this argument
that shouldn't be happening
in a couple days before the wedding.
This should be the happiest time of their life.
So I'm not sure
if they're fighting over some petty things,
trying to see who's going to give first,
or if there is some serious stuff going on
that I don't know about.
It's very hard to get a feel for what's going on.
This is very different
than how they serve it in Michigan.
So I think it would be very nice or helpful
just to, um,
find closure... Mm-hmm.
...on the conversation we had in the car.
I do want to ask
about the finances.
Knowing he can't work,
he's mentioned
that you might have given him
a little bit of... grief
about not being able to contribute financially.
Um, is that something that...
um, is gonna bother you
that he can't provide?
My English is not good.
- I'm so sorry. Mmm. - It's okay.
Very thorough.
Just typing away.
Um, "I don't care..."
"...if Josh is poor or rich,
what I care about is love.
And he makes me feel unloved.
Sometimes he even says
some language that hurts me, so these are the problems.
I have really paid a lot for him,
but he still thinks I don't love him."
I think
that he's saying
he doesn't want to know
about how much you're paying for him
because he feels bad that he can't contribute.
Do you understand?
Yes. I understand. But, uh... There's no wrong...
Uh...
Yeah.
This.
"I'm not saying that I seem to have spent a lot of money
on something for him,
but rather I want to make him
have this kind of gratitude."
Ah.
I'm hearing-- I'm hearing it.
I'm hearing it.
You're reminding Josh of all that you do for him,
not to throw it in his face,
but you want to know he's grateful.
Yes.
It's almost like your--
your love languages are switched.
The men usually show their love
by buying things.
And then we think
that the women, if they don't appreciate
the things that we buy, we don't feel loved.
And I think Josh's love language is
just that security,
uh, the emotional stability.
It just seems like the gender roles are a little bit switched.
I'm more probably the sensitive type.
You know, she's more, you know, straightforward,
just kind of say it as is.
But as long as we talk
and focus on each other
and think positive,
I truly believe we can move forward.
Having my brother here is very helpful,
but he's not going to be here with me forever.
I really hope
that Lily and I can understand each other
much better now.
I can't live a life of always arguing.
If you didn't love each other, you wouldn't care so much.
You guys are fighting
because you do love each other.
You're trying to protect it.
I believe it.
That's why I'm here.
Well, let's go ahead and kiss,
and then we'll get back on your heated floors.
Jeez. - Ah!
Yeah, that's so close!
Oh, my gosh.
I've been living in Indonesia for about six weeks,
and it's harder than I thought it was going to be, by far.
Tatha's parents cannot be the easiest to live with.
I love them very much,
but they can be very intrusive
or controlling if you're within their bubble.
Trying to have a love life in your parents' house is--
it's not happening. It's not happening at all.
And we don't even have the funds
to move out if we wanted to.
So we have to make a deposit today
on the wedding, right?
Yeah, we do.
We're just hemorrhaging money
because in about two weeks,
we are having our second marriage
here in Indonesia.
And all of this is really just feeling...
like a lot of pressure, a lot of stress,
and just a little bit too much.
Are you excited...
I'm excited.
Don't know how I feel about...
wearing some of those options I saw.
Yeah.
Yeah, the dress is--
Today, we are going to go try on
our Javanese wedding attire.
It's what royalty used to wear way back when
for weddings and stuff.
- Hi. - Hello.
Apparently, this is what people wear nowadays
to be a traditional Javanese wedding.
Oh, yeah. Okay.
It's a unique style.
It's different.
I'm...
I'm ready, babe.
Hi. You look cute.
This is so big.
You look good.
I can't bend over.
It's like layers upon layers
of tightly wrapped cloth.
Yeah.
I think James' outfits are really cute.
I just don't know.
Whatever he wear, I think he just look good on it.
The best part of this is the briefs.
Oh. I like that.
I feel weird. There's no way to say it.
I'm wearing a dress.
A dress with a bucket on my head.
Yeah.
This has been a whirlwind,
getting this thing all set up so fast.
Your parents jumped on that bandwagon fast.
They're like, "All right, we're doing it. Let's do it."
Yeah, they're really excited.
It is really important for me to have a wedding ceremony here in Indonesia
because when we have a wedding in the US,
this is, kind of, not a wedding that I wanted.
So me and James agree
that one day, we're in Indonesia,
we're going to do wedding ceremony for my family.
He does.
He like to be really included.
He doesn't care about anything, though.
He doesn't care about money or budget.
He's just like, "I'll just-- Let's just do everything.
- The most expensive." - True.
That's one thing with your dad
that I always have trouble with,
is he tries to control everything.
We're paying for this wedding,
so we're trying to keep the budget
somewhere between $1,000 and $1,500.
In Indonesia, 1,500 US dollars, it's a lot.
And Tatha's dad has been pushing us
to keep adding more and more things.
He wants to add more guests,
he wants to add very expensive entertainment,
more expensive venue.
We don't have the funds for that.
And it's definitely starting to cause some grading between me and Tatha's dad.
It just annoys me that he doesn't ever listen to us.
He always does whatever he wants. I know.
And that stresses me out about living with him.
I feel like no matter what we do,
I'm always walking on eggshells.
Like, oh, I don't want to piss him off.
Yeah, it's not the most comfortable living environment for me.
I understand.
Helping your dad with banana chips
isn't gonna help us make money,
isn't gonna help us find a job.
- So-- - I think that's just an excuse.
Because, like, right now, we just stay
at my parents' house like a hotel.
It's free.
I want to, like, at least us help them a little bit,
making the banana chips.
But also, I think James can learn to be a better son-in-law.
He can respect the culture,
to help with the banana chips...
I don't speak Indonesian fluently.
I'm gonna screw it up and cost them a bunch of money.
Well, when I coming to State,
I didn't speak any of your language.
I learned because I want to for you.
And you're saying I don't try to learn Indonesian?
Try a little harder.
Like, sometimes, without me there
to teach you, to translate for you all the time.
That is just not fair.
I never just threw you into anything in the United States.
I never just told you, "Go figure it out on your own."
Yeah. - Okay.
Yeah.
I left the United States, came here, all for her.
I've been learning as much Indonesian as I can,
trying to make this all work.
I feel like it counts for nothing.
I can be buddy-buddy with your dad all I want,
I can try to help him with banana chips.
But is that helping us make money?
No.
Is that helping take care of you?
No.
And I know you don't look at the money side as much as I do,
but it's a real thing that I have to deal with,
because at the end of the day, every man in our family
is going to look at me as a failure.
Not you.
They're gonna look at you as, like, oh, the poor girl who has a [bleep] husband.
That's what it's gonna become.
And you don't have to deal with that weight.
That's what I get to carry every day.
Those are the things I'm trying to figure out right now.
And if I can't, then I don't belong here.
No sexual intercourse
- for one month after the surgery. - One month?
Breathe.
Babe, I almost had a heart attack.
Can I please focus on my surgery right now?
Let me look at your nose for the last time.
- Yeah. Get a good look. - Yes.
You're so cute. Mm.
Today is the day of my surgery,
and I'm feeling so excited.
I've wanted this for a while, and I'm glad that this day is finally here.
Adonis, you be a good boy.
Be a good boy, sweetie.
What if he doesn't recognize me when I get back?
He won't recognize me?
- Let me look at your nose last time in this house. - Okay. Stop looking at it.
No! Stop looking at it. Babe.
Come on, let's go. We've got to go.
Let's go.
Yeah, I can see that.
Sarper is so anxious about my surgery
that it's actually taking the focus off of my surgery.
Like, instead of preparing myself,
I'm just trying to calm him down.
The focus needs to be on me today and not about his anxiety.
It's a bigger day for me, I think,
because I feel more anxious than you.
I know. You don't need to be nervous.
- Don't worry. - I can't stop it, babe.
I mean, the day came, thinking that you will be unconscious
for three hours or four hours. Whatever.
Think, like, I'm taking a nap, a little nap.
But always I have the control.
I can wake you up if you take a nap.
Right now, I can't.
After surgery, I'm not gonna be my usual self.
I'm not gonna be serving Sarper,
I'm not gonna be entertaining him.
I'm not gonna be, you know, bubbly and happy.
I'm gonna be in pain.
So I look at spending my recovery with Sarper as kind of a test.
I really hope that he can step up
because it's gonna determine
whether or not this is somebody
that I can, you know, live the rest of my life with.
Is there any limitations after surgery?
For example, will she--
Can she take shower?
For one week, she can wash her body, but just below the neck.
You're not allowed to wash your face
or brush your teeth for one week.
- So-- - What?
Yeah. - That's ridiculous.
And also no sexual intercourse
for one month after the surgery.
One month? Yes.
One month? - Thirty days.
Wait. Why? Yes.
That's so long.
Extreme physical activity
can cause some bleeding in the nose, so...
I know that surgery comes with, you know, a set of restrictions,
but I'm shocked.
Like, I have not heard these things before.
Breathe, breathe.
Okay.
What if I'm not doing the extreme physical activity?
He's, like, doing all the work.
Okay, great. That's fine.
We'll be fine then.
Mm-hm.
Okay. Sounds good.
Babe, I almost had a heart attack
when she said "for a month." I know. I saw.
"Just slow down."
We'll figure it out. Just relax.
Can I please focus on my surgery right now?
I mean...
You can go home.
Actually, I think you should go home.
And I'll just stay here.
Because you're stressing me out at this point.
I know Sarper really wants me to cancel this surgery,
but we're here in the hospital,
and I really want this.
So we are going to find a way around this no sex for a month thing.
We are not the couple that's going to comply with that one.
- Hi there. - Hi.
- Good to see you. - Good to see you, too.
Thank you. Bless your hands.
Thank you.
Look after my girl, Doctor. Oh, don't worry.
No worries.
Okay, I'm gonna go change. Okay.
I love you. Love you, too.
Good. "For the last time." Mm-hm.
If anything happens to my love,
I never can handle it.
After surgery, any recovery things, problems,
I will feel that more than her,
and I will be anxious. I know that.
I will be here, waiting here, continuous.
Right now, our relationship on an eggshell.
And I want to show that I will be always with her.
But I never in my life look after anyone.
So... it will be difficult.
Okay.
So let's just talk about the trip.
Looking back on it now,
yes, I feel bad for keeping the secret from everybody
So far, Sean's a cool guy.
What did you think, Joey?
Well, Sean...
Oh, God.
Come on, Jess.
You get yours. I still have mine over there.
After a week in Ireland,
it is now time for Noelle and the kids to fly home.
I wish they were staying longer
so that we'd have more time to talk
and discuss things as a family.
I definitely hope that this trip would have given more clarity.
We were like, "Yes, we're in love. I'm moving to Ireland.
I'm making it home base, and it's going to be great.
Everybody's going to love it
and be in complete agreement with this."
But it's caused more confusion.
You have the passports, Noelle?
I have the passports, Joanne. All right.
Here we go.
So, let's just talk about the trip.
I was excited to meet Sean.
But I was like, "Oh, my God, we're all staying in the house.
What if I, like, hate him?"
Like, I don't really have a good poker face.
Noelle does not sugarcoat things,
and she definitely laid into me when she had me alone.
I'm not gonna lie, I was a little effing hurt.
Yeah, I get it. Um...
You know, and then when you were like then you're gonna move here,
I was like...
That was like a [bleep] punch.
What the [bleep] is going on? Right.
Like, how did I not know?
I understand totally that Noelle was upset.
I would have felt the same, exact way.
But right now, there's so much emotion coming from the kids
that I just really need her to be my best friend,
be there for me and help me figure out what the future looks like.
So far, you know, Sean's a cool guy.
- He's a cool guy. - I'm a real swell guy.
What did you think, Joey?
Well, Sean...
Oh, God.
- No offense. - No.
I definitely wasn't expecting you guys to be married
- for two years. - Almost two years.
- Everybody keeps saying two years. - We're gonna say two years.
- Okay. - We're just rounding it up.
I mean, I had a week to digest, like, two years worth of information here.
You know what I mean?
So-- Yeah. It was a lie. I apologize.
- We didn't think it through properly, but-- - Oh. Obvious.
Please forgive me.
It was a lot. I know it was a lot.
Looking back on it now, yes, I feel bad
from keeping the secret from everybody, you know?
I mean, at the same time, I wouldn't change the day that we had.
I would just change the time period
that we waited to tell people.
Well, there's so many pieces
that I still have to put together in this puzzle.
But in the future, I'll definitely be planning better
and including you in those plans.
Like, I will definitely communicate better.
I hope so.
There was a lot of information to take in.
I wish I was able to spend more one-on-one time with Sean.
I need a little more time to sit on it.
Let's go, guys.
I want to talk to my brother, come to an agreement,
and, uh, let her know if me and Jesse are on board with her moving or not.
All right. All right, guys.
Make sure you text me when you land. - I will.
Okay. Got it.
- Give me a hug. All right, I love you. - Bye, Bella.
So nice to meet you.
- And you text me as soon as you land. - Okay.
- Bye, Sean. It was nice to meet you. - It was very nice to meet you.
Have a safe flight home.
Hopefully we'll see you sooner than later.
Bro--
It was nice to meet you, bro.
Well get you back soon without all the stress.
- You're good? - Yeah.
All right. Call me as soon as you get home.
Well, I want to know as soon as you take off,
I want to know as soon as you land.
And then, call me later.
- Okay. - Okay?
- Yeah. I love you. - I love you.
Mm. - All right. I'll see you later.
It was nice to meet you, yeah?
It was nice to meet you. We'll get you back soon.
I cared for these boys before I even met them.
Goodbye, Bella.
Bye, Bella.
Thank you. Bye. Bye.
Come on, kiddos. - Don't annoy your dad.
It's easy to dream big with your wife, but...
the reality is setting in that this might not happen for us.
- And then, there was three. - Yeah.
I'm gonna miss them, guys.
They'll be back.
We've reached the point where we need to look into going back.
I would just like to state
that you made a couple of small penises. Hm.
I know. But it looks like a couple of small penises.
They look beautiful.
Beautiful, elegant penises.
After the argument yesterday,
Tatha's been pretty distant and pretty cold to me.
It feels a little unfair.
I think Tatha is in denial right now
about our financial situation,
and she's trying to look at it
as it's all just gonna work magically.
That's not how it works.
We have to do something to be able to take care of ourselves here,
and we haven't yet.
How many stones you got left?
Not much.
Almost gone.
Yeah. We've done a really good job at using them all.
Haven't done a good job at selling any of them, though.
Yeah.
We had a jewelry business back in the US.
And if we could really start selling our jewelry here in Indonesia consistently,
we wouldn't be diving so deep into what's left of our savings.
We have gone to countless stores,
but none of them wanted to put it in their stores
because it would take away from their designs.
We've got all this beautiful jewelry, but we cannot sell it.
Maybe we can try to sell it online.
We're selling it online already,
but all the people that want to buy it are in the US.
Can we not ship it to them?
That's expensive.
So, what do you think we should do?
It's kind of what I'm trying to figure out.
This wedding has cost a lot of money.
And I can't get a job here without speaking the language.
I've been, like, applying a job,
but most of them are just in the city, not here.
I didn't know you'd been applying for jobs.
And also, it's really expensive living there.
So my salary won't be enough to live in there,
especially James is not working either.
Here, like, if you were the one working and I wasn't working,
society itself would eviscerate me daily.
They would look at me as, like, a failure as a husband.
I mean, it would cause your family to resent me.
Yeah.
At this point, I just, I'm--
I'm running out of options.
I see what's left in the account.
And we've reached the point
where we're at the red line of...
we need to look into going back.
I don't want to move back to the US.
We can't just expect your family to help us pay for everything.
- To help more. - I miss them. I don't want to leave them again.
And I understand.
Just understand is not enough.
I know it is.
There are good doctors out there.
We just haven't found them.
Well, we went to a lot of doctors.
Like, a lot.
And you were mostly working.
Just like when you working, all I do is just stay at home.
Maybe you go back, I stay here.
We're supposed to be in this together.
No matter what happens.
Not one of us just abandons the other one.
I just can't move back to the US.
I feel like this is [bleep].
I feel like we can figure something out here in Indonesia.
It's not fair.
And I'm not going back.
Next time on 90 Day Fiance: The Other Way...
I don't have Internet.
We need a plug socket
where it goes in the end because it's too wide.
Can you try, please?
I've tried. I know it won't work. no.
She's putting all that stress on me like it's my fault.
That's on her.
Without Internet, no job, no van life.
The wedding plan is stressful.
We cannot afford everything that my parents want.
I still have a lot of questions because...
Okay, let me-- - Your daughter is gonna try destroying our marriage.
But that's--