1 00:00:01,896 --> 00:00:03,724 [narrator] Previously on 90 Day Fiance: The Other Way... 2 00:00:05,413 --> 00:00:08,000 I brought you here to change our mood. 3 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:09,206 - [Turkish music playing] - [camera shutter clicking] 4 00:00:09,206 --> 00:00:10,827 [Shekinah] Sarper is really showing me 5 00:00:10,827 --> 00:00:13,551 that he is trying and that he can make changes. 6 00:00:14,000 --> 00:00:16,689 [Sarper speaking] 7 00:00:16,689 --> 00:00:18,310 - [Shekinah] Look at you. - Yeah. 8 00:00:19,275 --> 00:00:20,827 Okay. That's good. 9 00:00:22,275 --> 00:00:23,448 [Shekinah chuckles] 10 00:00:24,068 --> 00:00:25,758 - [tense music playing] - [Bella speaking] 11 00:00:27,275 --> 00:00:28,379 [Jesse speaking] 12 00:00:28,379 --> 00:00:30,689 [Sean] We were so blind by our love, 13 00:00:30,689 --> 00:00:32,724 but this little fantasy we have 14 00:00:32,724 --> 00:00:34,482 might not actually work out. 15 00:00:34,482 --> 00:00:36,413 [Joanne] I want this to be home base. 16 00:00:36,413 --> 00:00:39,793 But your opinion matters to me. Your feelings matter. 17 00:00:39,793 --> 00:00:42,034 And I will not abandon my kids. 18 00:00:42,896 --> 00:00:44,068 [Joey] I just need time to sit on it. 19 00:00:50,586 --> 00:00:52,758 I know you love telling me how much money you spent. 20 00:00:53,379 --> 00:00:54,689 [Josh] Here we go again. 21 00:00:54,689 --> 00:00:56,000 She wants to bring up money, 22 00:00:56,000 --> 00:00:58,103 this time in front of my brother. 23 00:01:05,586 --> 00:01:06,620 What if it... 24 00:01:07,103 --> 00:01:08,000 was too much for me 25 00:01:08,000 --> 00:01:09,620 and I decided and told you, like, 26 00:01:10,482 --> 00:01:12,827 I never see myself having kids? 27 00:01:12,827 --> 00:01:14,655 I don't think it's something I can do. 28 00:01:20,000 --> 00:01:21,517 [voice breaking] I can't lose her. 29 00:01:22,482 --> 00:01:23,482 [sniffles] 30 00:01:23,482 --> 00:01:26,000 If we didn't have a kid, would I be enough? 31 00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:28,206 [tense music playing] 32 00:01:31,000 --> 00:01:32,655 [Turkish folk music playing] 33 00:01:48,172 --> 00:01:49,103 [in Turkish] 34 00:01:49,103 --> 00:01:50,310 - Hello. Hello. - [Sarper] Hello. 35 00:01:50,310 --> 00:01:51,413 - How are you? - [Shekinah] Hi. 36 00:01:51,413 --> 00:01:53,275 - [Sarper] Shekinah. - Yeah. 37 00:01:53,275 --> 00:01:54,413 [speaking Turkish] 38 00:01:54,413 --> 00:01:55,655 [Shekinah and Sarper] Thank you. 39 00:01:58,586 --> 00:01:59,586 - How are you feeling? - [Sarper sighs] 40 00:01:59,586 --> 00:02:01,000 I feel like I need to comfort you. 41 00:02:01,000 --> 00:02:03,413 - [chuckles] Yes. - 'Cause you're the nervous one. 42 00:02:04,413 --> 00:02:05,689 You will go into surgery 43 00:02:05,689 --> 00:02:07,931 and I feel nervous too much. 44 00:02:07,931 --> 00:02:09,724 [Shekinah] I know. 45 00:02:09,724 --> 00:02:12,413 - [sighs] - I'm just worried about you. [chuckles] 46 00:02:12,413 --> 00:02:14,172 I've been wanting to get a nose job 47 00:02:14,172 --> 00:02:15,724 ever since I was a teenager. 48 00:02:16,379 --> 00:02:17,379 [chuckles] 49 00:02:17,379 --> 00:02:18,896 And I did. I got two, 50 00:02:18,896 --> 00:02:22,310 but they just didn't result in something I was happy with. 51 00:02:22,310 --> 00:02:25,827 So my nose surgery is scheduled for tomorrow. 52 00:02:25,827 --> 00:02:27,896 - Hello. - [Yildirim] Hello. 53 00:02:27,896 --> 00:02:29,379 [Shekinah] And today, I'm going in 54 00:02:29,379 --> 00:02:32,000 for my rhinoplasty consultation. 55 00:02:32,000 --> 00:02:34,000 I'm really excited to meet the doctor. 56 00:02:34,000 --> 00:02:35,896 He's very well-known in Turkiye. 57 00:02:35,896 --> 00:02:38,275 Hopefully, the third time is the charm. 58 00:02:38,275 --> 00:02:41,000 - [Yildirim] You had a surgery previously. - Yes. 59 00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:42,379 I've had two. 60 00:02:42,379 --> 00:02:44,586 - I had one-- - You had two before? 61 00:02:44,586 --> 00:02:45,448 - Yes, two. - Mm-hmm. 62 00:02:45,448 --> 00:02:47,586 - I had one 17 years ago... - Okay. 63 00:02:47,586 --> 00:02:50,000 ...and then one, um, 64 00:02:50,379 --> 00:02:52,310 let's see, seven. 65 00:02:52,310 --> 00:02:53,413 - Seven years ago? - [Shekinah] Yeah. 66 00:02:53,413 --> 00:02:55,034 - There was like, 10 years between, yeah. - Mm-hmm. 67 00:02:55,413 --> 00:02:58,034 [Yildirim speaking] 68 00:02:58,413 --> 00:02:59,758 Wow. 69 00:03:00,206 --> 00:03:01,724 You're nose is not bad. 70 00:03:01,724 --> 00:03:04,275 - Yeah. - But can be better. 71 00:03:04,275 --> 00:03:05,379 Yes, can be better. 72 00:03:05,379 --> 00:03:06,793 - Can be better. - I especially think 73 00:03:06,793 --> 00:03:08,586 from this side of my face... 74 00:03:08,586 --> 00:03:10,172 - Yes, - ...it's very bad. 75 00:03:10,172 --> 00:03:12,000 This side is not as bad. 76 00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:14,000 - I don't know why it's so different from the other. - [Yildirim] Mm-hmm. 77 00:03:14,000 --> 00:03:16,000 - It is not fitting your face. - [Shekinah] Yeah. It's not fitting. 78 00:03:17,620 --> 00:03:19,000 - Thank you. - With the nose surgery, 79 00:03:19,000 --> 00:03:22,206 you will look much more younger. 80 00:03:22,206 --> 00:03:23,896 - Yes. - And also much more beautiful. 81 00:03:23,896 --> 00:03:25,620 - Thank you. - I think because the nose is 82 00:03:25,620 --> 00:03:28,103 the heart of our face. 83 00:03:28,103 --> 00:03:29,689 It's affecting everything. 84 00:03:29,689 --> 00:03:31,172 - May I ask you something, by the way? - Yes. 85 00:03:31,172 --> 00:03:32,620 [Sarper] I mean... 86 00:03:33,206 --> 00:03:34,896 I am so nervous. [chuckles] 87 00:03:34,896 --> 00:03:37,103 I mean, I am more nervous than her. 88 00:03:37,103 --> 00:03:39,344 - [Shekinah] I'm excited. He's nervous. - [Yildirim] Uh-huh. 89 00:03:42,931 --> 00:03:43,965 [Shekinah] ...surgery? 90 00:03:48,068 --> 00:03:50,310 [Sarper speaking off-screen] 91 00:04:01,068 --> 00:04:04,689 You are starting to look like a factory production. 92 00:04:04,689 --> 00:04:06,931 Every girl started to look like each other. 93 00:04:07,517 --> 00:04:08,758 I don't want that, 94 00:04:09,310 --> 00:04:10,517 but she wants it. 95 00:04:10,827 --> 00:04:11,724 So... 96 00:04:11,724 --> 00:04:14,206 it's out of my hands, all control. 97 00:04:14,896 --> 00:04:16,586 [Yildirim] Okay. First of all... 98 00:04:16,586 --> 00:04:19,482 - Okay. - ...your nose looks a bit longer 99 00:04:19,482 --> 00:04:20,620 - according to your face. - Yeah. 100 00:04:20,620 --> 00:04:22,000 [Yildirim] Normally, there's a ratio 101 00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:23,689 between the nose and the face... 102 00:04:23,689 --> 00:04:25,034 - Yeah. - ...about the length. 103 00:04:25,379 --> 00:04:26,517 One piece, 104 00:04:26,896 --> 00:04:27,931 the second piece, 105 00:04:27,931 --> 00:04:29,275 - and the third part. - [Shekinah] Ah. 106 00:04:29,275 --> 00:04:31,379 These all must be in equal in each other. 107 00:04:31,379 --> 00:04:33,896 - [Shekinah] Equal? - But your middle part is a bit longer, yeah. 108 00:04:33,896 --> 00:04:35,862 - [Shekinah] Oh. - [Yildirim] Mm-hmm. 109 00:04:50,172 --> 00:04:51,206 [Shekinah] Okay. 110 00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:53,517 [Shekinah] Yes. 111 00:04:53,517 --> 00:04:54,620 [Sarper] Well, can I ask you something? 112 00:04:54,620 --> 00:04:56,482 - Yeah. - [Sarper] I'm a little control freak-- 113 00:04:56,482 --> 00:04:59,000 - [Yildirim] Oh. - And he's so nervous about this. 114 00:05:00,793 --> 00:05:01,689 Can I show you something? 115 00:05:01,689 --> 00:05:03,379 Yes. Absolutely. 116 00:05:03,379 --> 00:05:04,689 He has a vision 117 00:05:04,689 --> 00:05:07,482 - for what he wants my nose to look like. - [Yildirim] Mmm. 118 00:05:07,482 --> 00:05:09,103 - Mm-hmm. - [Sarper] Yeah. 119 00:05:24,482 --> 00:05:25,689 ...every day. 120 00:05:25,689 --> 00:05:28,758 So let me do it for you. 121 00:05:29,586 --> 00:05:31,896 So we are shaving this part. 122 00:05:31,896 --> 00:05:32,724 - Right? - [Yildirim] Yes. 123 00:05:32,724 --> 00:05:34,620 - And this part. - Yes. 124 00:05:36,000 --> 00:05:37,689 [Yildirim] Yes, with spreader grafts. 125 00:05:37,689 --> 00:05:39,482 - [Sarper] Okay. - [Yildirim] Okay. 126 00:05:39,482 --> 00:05:41,379 [Sarper] And then we are changing... 127 00:05:41,379 --> 00:05:43,517 ...this part, for definition work. 128 00:05:45,379 --> 00:05:48,000 [Yildirim speaking off-screen] 129 00:05:59,172 --> 00:06:01,482 - What-- - I cannot come to operation? 130 00:06:01,482 --> 00:06:03,586 - You will bother us. - [Shekinah chuckles] 131 00:06:03,586 --> 00:06:06,137 - I will stay in the corner waiting. - [Yildirim] But I-- 132 00:06:06,689 --> 00:06:08,517 [Yildirim speaking off-screen] 133 00:06:28,275 --> 00:06:30,586 - Okay, we have the same vision? - [Yildirim] Okay? Mm-hmm. 134 00:06:30,586 --> 00:06:31,689 [Shekinah] How do I look, babe? 135 00:06:31,689 --> 00:06:33,103 [Sarper] You look like a cat. 136 00:06:33,103 --> 00:06:34,965 [all chuckle] 137 00:06:35,482 --> 00:06:36,965 [Irish folk music playing] 138 00:06:54,413 --> 00:06:55,517 Wow. 139 00:06:56,103 --> 00:06:57,620 So you're packing already? 140 00:06:58,000 --> 00:06:59,241 [Joey] Oh, yeah. 141 00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:01,379 [straining] Got a lot to do, you know? 142 00:07:01,379 --> 00:07:02,517 [plastic crinkles] 143 00:07:03,689 --> 00:07:04,965 [Joanne] Since we told them the news, 144 00:07:04,965 --> 00:07:07,379 we've been trying our best to have a family vacation, 145 00:07:07,379 --> 00:07:10,172 chill out, and help them digest. 146 00:07:10,172 --> 00:07:11,931 But I could tell by Joey's energy 147 00:07:12,379 --> 00:07:14,620 that he's still way off. 148 00:07:15,172 --> 00:07:17,000 Today, we are being tourists. 149 00:07:17,000 --> 00:07:18,517 That's what we're doing. 150 00:07:18,517 --> 00:07:19,931 [Joanne] Joey, anywhere you want to go? 151 00:07:19,931 --> 00:07:21,172 [Joey speaking] 152 00:07:21,172 --> 00:07:22,275 [Joanne] "Home" home? 153 00:07:22,275 --> 00:07:23,482 [Joey speaking] 154 00:07:23,482 --> 00:07:24,551 [Joanne] All right. 155 00:07:25,931 --> 00:07:28,103 Joey is 100% my kid. 156 00:07:28,103 --> 00:07:30,103 And so when we don't want to deal with our emotions, 157 00:07:30,103 --> 00:07:32,586 we will make passive aggressive comments. 158 00:07:32,586 --> 00:07:33,586 We will be sarcastic. 159 00:07:33,586 --> 00:07:35,965 And he has been doing all of the above. 160 00:07:37,000 --> 00:07:38,310 It was a lot 161 00:07:38,310 --> 00:07:40,689 to take in the fact that we were married. 162 00:07:40,689 --> 00:07:44,586 But I think Joey's main concern is 163 00:07:44,586 --> 00:07:46,482 the move over to Ireland. 164 00:07:46,482 --> 00:07:48,931 So I want to talk to him a little bit more. 165 00:07:49,931 --> 00:07:52,172 So how you feeling about everything 166 00:07:52,172 --> 00:07:54,724 that I've pretty much dumped on your lap 167 00:07:54,724 --> 00:07:56,517 in a short [chuckling] period of time? 168 00:07:57,517 --> 00:07:58,827 [Joey] I mean... 169 00:07:59,206 --> 00:08:00,517 it is what it is. 170 00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:04,000 Right. 171 00:08:04,000 --> 00:08:06,206 I have some questions for you, definitely. 172 00:08:06,206 --> 00:08:07,620 Okay. 173 00:08:07,620 --> 00:08:10,586 So do you have a date... yet? 174 00:08:10,586 --> 00:08:11,896 I don't have a date yet 175 00:08:11,896 --> 00:08:13,413 'cause I wanted to see how this went. 176 00:08:13,413 --> 00:08:15,000 I mean, I... [exhales] 177 00:08:15,000 --> 00:08:18,000 I have to make a better calendar 178 00:08:18,000 --> 00:08:19,689 for how long I'll be here for 179 00:08:19,689 --> 00:08:21,758 and how long I will be in New York for. 180 00:08:22,172 --> 00:08:23,827 I'm not gonna... 181 00:08:23,827 --> 00:08:25,827 up and leave you guys, you know? 182 00:08:27,103 --> 00:08:29,482 - I would hope not. - [chuckling] I wouldn't. 183 00:08:29,482 --> 00:08:31,275 Like, you guys are my kids. [chuckling] Like, you know what I mean? 184 00:08:31,275 --> 00:08:32,448 You come first. 185 00:08:32,448 --> 00:08:34,413 I want to be happy. I want to live in the moment. 186 00:08:34,413 --> 00:08:36,620 But I also... 187 00:08:37,103 --> 00:08:38,310 live for you guys. 188 00:08:38,724 --> 00:08:40,275 Who do I have now? 189 00:08:40,275 --> 00:08:42,482 - If you're not here... - Yeah. 190 00:08:42,482 --> 00:08:45,689 ...dad lives 45 minutes away, 191 00:08:45,689 --> 00:08:47,379 something happens with Jesse in school. 192 00:08:47,379 --> 00:08:48,275 Right. 193 00:08:48,275 --> 00:08:49,517 You know, like, 194 00:08:49,517 --> 00:08:52,586 it's really just gonna be me, I feel like. 195 00:08:52,586 --> 00:08:54,310 You're not gonna be responsible for Jesse. 196 00:08:56,206 --> 00:08:57,482 You're not taking my role. 197 00:08:57,482 --> 00:08:59,586 You're not Jesse's parent. 198 00:08:59,586 --> 00:09:02,275 I am still your parent and his parent. 199 00:09:02,275 --> 00:09:04,482 I understand that I'll be further away, 200 00:09:04,482 --> 00:09:07,482 but I would, of course, get on the next plane 201 00:09:07,482 --> 00:09:10,206 if I needed to get to New York, clearly. 202 00:09:10,206 --> 00:09:13,172 And we have family. We have a lot of people. 203 00:09:13,172 --> 00:09:14,896 I mean, you know Grandma and Grandpa. 204 00:09:14,896 --> 00:09:16,103 They're going to help. 205 00:09:16,379 --> 00:09:17,724 But... 206 00:09:17,724 --> 00:09:20,103 if Jesse's like, "Hey, I'm coming, 207 00:09:20,103 --> 00:09:23,000 and I want to live there," then [chuckles] okay. 208 00:09:23,000 --> 00:09:24,827 - You know what I mean? - Then I'm by myself, no? 209 00:09:24,827 --> 00:09:26,724 What? And then you could come. 210 00:09:27,689 --> 00:09:28,689 What if I don't want to? 211 00:09:28,689 --> 00:09:29,689 Then you stay. 212 00:09:29,689 --> 00:09:31,793 Whatever makes you happy. 213 00:09:31,793 --> 00:09:33,689 If you don't want me to move, then you've got to say that. 214 00:09:33,689 --> 00:09:36,206 Well, I feel like it's a lose-lose situation here. 215 00:09:37,689 --> 00:09:39,620 It's not that I don't want you to. 216 00:09:39,620 --> 00:09:41,068 It's just like... 217 00:09:41,689 --> 00:09:45,413 I'd rather not have my mom, like, in a different country. 218 00:09:47,172 --> 00:09:48,172 Like, it's a big deal... 219 00:09:48,172 --> 00:09:49,931 - Yeah. - ...for everybody. 220 00:09:50,724 --> 00:09:53,034 Right. I get that. 221 00:09:55,620 --> 00:09:56,586 I made the decision 222 00:09:56,586 --> 00:09:59,379 to marry someone across the Atlantic 223 00:09:59,379 --> 00:10:02,103 and want to move there. 224 00:10:02,103 --> 00:10:04,068 I never really want to think about the negatives 225 00:10:04,068 --> 00:10:05,344 in any situation, 226 00:10:05,344 --> 00:10:08,172 so I really wasn't thinking about any of the negatives. 227 00:10:08,172 --> 00:10:10,827 I was being like, "Yeah, this is going to work." 228 00:10:11,586 --> 00:10:14,206 But Joey has a lot of questions, 229 00:10:14,206 --> 00:10:16,000 and all of them valid. 230 00:10:16,000 --> 00:10:18,517 There are many layers to this decision 231 00:10:18,517 --> 00:10:21,241 that Sean and I did not take into consideration. 232 00:10:22,172 --> 00:10:25,103 I'm your mom, and I love you very much. 233 00:10:25,103 --> 00:10:28,137 So we're going to figure this out together as a family. 234 00:10:29,206 --> 00:10:30,620 I'm not abandoning you guys. 235 00:10:30,620 --> 00:10:33,517 So it's like, I don't want you to think that I am. 236 00:10:34,275 --> 00:10:36,172 I don't know how-- I don't know how-- 237 00:10:36,172 --> 00:10:37,689 I really don't know how it's gonna work, 238 00:10:37,689 --> 00:10:40,896 like, just all fall into place. 239 00:10:40,896 --> 00:10:43,000 Everyone needs to work around... 240 00:10:43,586 --> 00:10:45,206 your decision right now. 241 00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:50,000 Put salt in the open wound. 242 00:10:52,827 --> 00:10:54,275 [Jared] These are the problems. 243 00:10:54,275 --> 00:10:56,206 "I have really paid a lot for him, 244 00:10:56,206 --> 00:10:58,275 but he still thinks I don't love him 245 00:10:58,275 --> 00:11:01,310 because he feels bad that he can't contribute." 246 00:11:01,310 --> 00:11:03,379 [Josh] Jerry is not going to be here with me forever. 247 00:11:03,379 --> 00:11:04,931 I can't live a life 248 00:11:04,931 --> 00:11:06,310 of always arguing. 249 00:11:17,482 --> 00:11:19,931 I don't speak Indonesian fluently. 250 00:11:19,931 --> 00:11:21,931 I think that's just an excuse. 251 00:11:22,517 --> 00:11:23,620 [sighs] 252 00:11:28,689 --> 00:11:30,620 [electronic music playing] 253 00:11:44,620 --> 00:11:45,655 But I do thank you 254 00:11:45,655 --> 00:11:47,758 for ruining Jared's night tonight, sweetie. 255 00:11:49,172 --> 00:11:52,241 [Lily] Sorry, Jared. Just... Ah. 256 00:11:52,689 --> 00:11:54,000 [Jared speaking] 257 00:11:54,517 --> 00:11:55,758 [Jared exhales] 258 00:11:56,482 --> 00:11:57,620 [Lily] Oh. 259 00:11:59,793 --> 00:12:01,068 [Jared] We arrive safely... 260 00:12:01,068 --> 00:12:02,758 - [Lily] Yeah. - [Josh] ...and quickly. 261 00:12:04,103 --> 00:12:06,379 [Josh] I asked Lily to take us somewhere 262 00:12:06,379 --> 00:12:09,586 where we could try some different Chinese dishes. 263 00:12:09,586 --> 00:12:11,655 But after our argument in the car, 264 00:12:12,206 --> 00:12:13,758 it's a little awkward now. 265 00:12:16,620 --> 00:12:17,655 [Jared] Okay. 266 00:12:18,620 --> 00:12:19,896 What do we got here? 267 00:12:19,896 --> 00:12:21,551 What's your favorite thing to do down here? 268 00:12:22,000 --> 00:12:23,586 [Lily speaking] 269 00:12:23,586 --> 00:12:26,379 Yeah, when you come here, what do you normally do? 270 00:12:26,379 --> 00:12:27,758 Ooh, look at those. 271 00:12:28,068 --> 00:12:29,103 [Lily] Oh. 272 00:12:30,068 --> 00:12:31,379 Yeah. 273 00:12:31,379 --> 00:12:32,413 [Josh] Having Jared here 274 00:12:32,413 --> 00:12:35,103 is actually helping ease a lot of the tension 275 00:12:35,103 --> 00:12:36,413 between Lily and I. 276 00:12:36,413 --> 00:12:38,586 He's always been a peacemaker 277 00:12:38,586 --> 00:12:40,482 in my previous relationships. 278 00:12:40,482 --> 00:12:43,172 But I was not expecting 279 00:12:43,172 --> 00:12:45,000 throwing my brother into the fire. 280 00:12:50,931 --> 00:12:52,379 - [Jared] Your favorite? - [Lily] Yeah. 281 00:12:52,379 --> 00:12:53,379 [Josh] Is that pear? 282 00:12:53,379 --> 00:12:55,793 [Lily speaking] 283 00:12:55,793 --> 00:12:58,206 I'm going to see what else is here before I eat. 284 00:12:58,206 --> 00:13:00,275 - Okay, you and me, okay? Got it. - Okay. 285 00:13:00,275 --> 00:13:01,172 - It's okay. - [all chuckling] 286 00:13:01,172 --> 00:13:02,655 [Lily speaking in Chinese] 287 00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:06,517 Very good. Thank you. 288 00:13:08,000 --> 00:13:09,724 - [Jared] Mm. - [Lily speaking in English] Yummy. Yummy. 289 00:13:10,482 --> 00:13:12,206 - This is very good. - [Lily speaking] 290 00:13:12,206 --> 00:13:15,310 - Very yummy, yes. I love it. - [Lily] Very, very yummy. [Lily laughing] 291 00:13:15,310 --> 00:13:17,862 Jared may like what's coming up over here. 292 00:13:17,862 --> 00:13:19,068 - [Jared] The squid? - [Lily] Jared like what? 293 00:13:19,068 --> 00:13:20,586 - [Josh] Yeah, the squid. - [Jared] This one right here? 294 00:13:20,586 --> 00:13:21,896 Do I just take it? 295 00:13:21,896 --> 00:13:23,896 - Oh! I got-- You got to cook it. - [Lily] Yes. 296 00:13:23,896 --> 00:13:24,896 Yes, thank you. 297 00:13:24,896 --> 00:13:25,862 - Thank you. - [Lily speaking indistinctly] 298 00:13:25,862 --> 00:13:26,896 - [Josh] Barbecue. - [Lily] Barbecue. 299 00:13:26,896 --> 00:13:28,172 [Jared] Good. No, that's good. 300 00:13:28,172 --> 00:13:30,000 [Josh chuckling] 301 00:13:30,000 --> 00:13:30,896 [all chuckling] 302 00:13:30,896 --> 00:13:32,517 Take your time on that. 303 00:13:34,103 --> 00:13:35,206 [Jared] On the way down here, 304 00:13:35,206 --> 00:13:37,517 Josh and Lily get in this argument 305 00:13:37,517 --> 00:13:38,689 that shouldn't be happening 306 00:13:38,689 --> 00:13:39,965 in a couple days before the wedding. 307 00:13:39,965 --> 00:13:41,793 This should be the happiest time of their life. 308 00:13:41,793 --> 00:13:43,103 So I'm not sure 309 00:13:43,103 --> 00:13:45,275 if they're fighting over some petty things, 310 00:13:45,275 --> 00:13:47,172 trying to see who's going to give first, 311 00:13:47,172 --> 00:13:49,931 or if there is some serious stuff going on 312 00:13:49,931 --> 00:13:51,172 that I don't know about. 313 00:13:51,172 --> 00:13:54,517 It's very hard to get a feel for what's going on. 314 00:13:55,586 --> 00:13:58,172 This is very different 315 00:13:58,172 --> 00:14:00,896 than how they serve it in Michigan. 316 00:14:00,896 --> 00:14:02,482 [Josh chuckles] 317 00:14:02,482 --> 00:14:05,758 So I think it would be very nice or helpful 318 00:14:05,758 --> 00:14:07,586 just to, um, 319 00:14:07,586 --> 00:14:09,517 - find closure... - [Lily] Mm-hmm. 320 00:14:09,517 --> 00:14:11,896 ...on the conversation we had in the car. 321 00:14:12,517 --> 00:14:14,000 I do want to ask 322 00:14:14,000 --> 00:14:16,586 about the finances. 323 00:14:16,586 --> 00:14:18,068 Knowing he can't work, 324 00:14:18,068 --> 00:14:19,482 he's mentioned 325 00:14:19,482 --> 00:14:21,482 that you might have given him 326 00:14:21,482 --> 00:14:24,000 a little bit of... grief 327 00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:27,172 about not being able to contribute financially. 328 00:14:27,172 --> 00:14:29,724 Um, is that something that... 329 00:14:30,103 --> 00:14:31,758 um, is gonna bother you 330 00:14:31,758 --> 00:14:33,724 that he can't provide? 331 00:14:34,758 --> 00:14:36,275 My English is not good. 332 00:14:36,275 --> 00:14:38,517 - I'm so sorry. Mmm. - It's okay. 333 00:14:41,379 --> 00:14:42,413 [Lily] Very thorough. 334 00:14:42,896 --> 00:14:44,068 Just typing away. 335 00:14:48,517 --> 00:14:49,931 - [Jared] Um, "I don't care..." - [Lily squeals softly] 336 00:14:49,931 --> 00:14:52,275 "...if Josh is poor or rich, 337 00:14:52,275 --> 00:14:54,172 what I care about is love. 338 00:14:54,172 --> 00:14:56,241 And he makes me feel unloved. 339 00:14:58,103 --> 00:14:59,620 Sometimes he even says 340 00:14:59,620 --> 00:15:01,793 some language that hurts me, so these are the problems. 341 00:15:01,793 --> 00:15:04,896 I have really paid a lot for him, 342 00:15:04,896 --> 00:15:07,137 but he still thinks I don't love him." 343 00:15:07,896 --> 00:15:09,000 I think 344 00:15:09,275 --> 00:15:10,482 that he's saying 345 00:15:10,482 --> 00:15:12,896 he doesn't want to know 346 00:15:12,896 --> 00:15:15,586 about how much you're paying for him 347 00:15:15,586 --> 00:15:18,310 because he feels bad that he can't contribute. 348 00:15:20,793 --> 00:15:22,241 [Josh] Do you understand? 349 00:15:23,379 --> 00:15:26,758 - Yes. I understand. But, uh... - [Jared] There's no wrong... 350 00:15:26,758 --> 00:15:28,206 Uh... [sighs] 351 00:15:28,482 --> 00:15:29,586 [Lily stutters] 352 00:15:29,586 --> 00:15:30,827 - [Lily speaking] - Yeah. 353 00:15:35,068 --> 00:15:36,517 This. 354 00:15:37,206 --> 00:15:40,586 "I'm not saying that I seem to have spent a lot of money 355 00:15:40,586 --> 00:15:42,068 on something for him, 356 00:15:42,068 --> 00:15:44,793 but rather I want to make him 357 00:15:44,793 --> 00:15:46,931 have this kind of gratitude." 358 00:15:47,275 --> 00:15:48,758 Ah. 359 00:15:48,758 --> 00:15:50,137 I'm hearing-- I'm hearing it. 360 00:15:50,413 --> 00:15:51,896 I'm hearing it. 361 00:15:51,896 --> 00:15:55,344 You're reminding Josh of all that you do for him, 362 00:15:55,793 --> 00:15:58,413 not to throw it in his face, 363 00:15:58,413 --> 00:16:02,241 but you want to know he's grateful. 364 00:16:03,689 --> 00:16:04,724 Yes. 365 00:16:06,000 --> 00:16:08,275 It's almost like your-- 366 00:16:08,275 --> 00:16:10,689 your love languages are switched. 367 00:16:10,689 --> 00:16:13,068 The men usually show their love 368 00:16:13,068 --> 00:16:14,620 by buying things. 369 00:16:14,931 --> 00:16:16,379 And then we think 370 00:16:16,379 --> 00:16:18,620 that the women, if they don't appreciate 371 00:16:18,620 --> 00:16:21,000 the things that we buy, we don't feel loved. 372 00:16:21,000 --> 00:16:23,758 And I think Josh's love language is 373 00:16:23,758 --> 00:16:25,068 just that security, 374 00:16:25,068 --> 00:16:26,931 uh, the emotional stability. 375 00:16:26,931 --> 00:16:30,206 It just seems like the gender roles are a little bit switched. 376 00:16:32,482 --> 00:16:35,000 I'm more probably the sensitive type. 377 00:16:35,000 --> 00:16:37,379 You know, she's more, you know, straightforward, 378 00:16:37,379 --> 00:16:39,896 just kind of say it as is. 379 00:16:39,896 --> 00:16:42,241 But as long as we talk 380 00:16:42,620 --> 00:16:44,482 and focus on each other 381 00:16:44,482 --> 00:16:46,482 and think positive, 382 00:16:46,482 --> 00:16:48,413 I truly believe we can move forward. 383 00:16:50,758 --> 00:16:53,689 Having my brother here is very helpful, 384 00:16:53,689 --> 00:16:55,413 but he's not going to be here with me forever. 385 00:16:55,413 --> 00:16:56,586 I really hope 386 00:16:56,586 --> 00:16:59,448 that Lily and I can understand each other 387 00:16:59,793 --> 00:17:00,758 much better now. 388 00:17:00,758 --> 00:17:03,931 I can't live a life of always arguing. 389 00:17:06,862 --> 00:17:09,586 If you didn't love each other, you wouldn't care so much. 390 00:17:09,586 --> 00:17:10,758 You guys are fighting 391 00:17:10,758 --> 00:17:12,000 because you do love each other. 392 00:17:12,000 --> 00:17:13,310 You're trying to protect it. 393 00:17:21,896 --> 00:17:22,931 I believe it. 394 00:17:23,275 --> 00:17:24,620 That's why I'm here. 395 00:17:31,896 --> 00:17:34,000 [speaking in Chinese] 396 00:17:43,620 --> 00:17:44,965 [Jared] Well, let's go ahead and kiss, 397 00:17:44,965 --> 00:17:47,517 - and then we'll get back on your heated floors. - [chuckles] 398 00:17:47,517 --> 00:17:49,137 [chuckles] 399 00:17:51,862 --> 00:17:54,241 [Indonesian folk music playing] 400 00:17:57,793 --> 00:17:58,689 - [James] Jeez. - Ah! 401 00:17:58,689 --> 00:18:00,275 [James] Yeah, that's so close! 402 00:18:00,275 --> 00:18:01,517 Oh, my gosh. 403 00:18:14,379 --> 00:18:16,931 [James speaking] 404 00:18:17,931 --> 00:18:20,862 I've been living in Indonesia for about six weeks, 405 00:18:20,862 --> 00:18:24,310 and it's harder than I thought it was going to be, by far. 406 00:18:25,172 --> 00:18:29,000 Tatha's parents cannot be the easiest to live with. 407 00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:30,896 I love them very much, 408 00:18:30,896 --> 00:18:33,068 but they can be very intrusive 409 00:18:33,068 --> 00:18:37,413 or controlling if you're within their bubble. 410 00:18:37,413 --> 00:18:40,586 Trying to have a love life in your parents' house is-- 411 00:18:40,586 --> 00:18:42,724 it's not happening. It's not happening at all. 412 00:18:43,793 --> 00:18:47,517 And we don't even have the funds 413 00:18:47,517 --> 00:18:49,551 to move out if we wanted to. 414 00:18:50,206 --> 00:18:51,793 So we have to make a deposit today 415 00:18:51,793 --> 00:18:53,482 on the wedding, right? 416 00:18:53,482 --> 00:18:55,000 Yeah, we do. 417 00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:56,586 [James] We're just hemorrhaging money 418 00:18:56,586 --> 00:18:58,586 because in about two weeks, 419 00:18:58,586 --> 00:19:00,758 we are having our second marriage 420 00:19:00,758 --> 00:19:02,172 here in Indonesia. 421 00:19:02,172 --> 00:19:05,517 And all of this is really just feeling... 422 00:19:05,517 --> 00:19:07,000 like a lot of pressure, a lot of stress, 423 00:19:07,000 --> 00:19:08,448 and just a little bit too much. 424 00:19:09,586 --> 00:19:10,620 [Meitalia] Are you excited... 425 00:19:11,931 --> 00:19:13,103 I'm excited. 426 00:19:13,103 --> 00:19:14,862 Don't know how I feel about... 427 00:19:14,862 --> 00:19:16,931 wearing some of those options I saw. 428 00:19:18,103 --> 00:19:19,000 Yeah. 429 00:19:19,000 --> 00:19:20,620 Yeah, the dress is-- 430 00:19:21,620 --> 00:19:23,586 [James speaking off-screen] Today, we are going to go try on 431 00:19:23,586 --> 00:19:26,482 our Javanese wedding attire. 432 00:19:26,482 --> 00:19:28,896 It's what royalty used to wear way back when 433 00:19:29,206 --> 00:19:30,931 for weddings and stuff. 434 00:19:31,689 --> 00:19:32,793 - Hi. - Hello. 435 00:19:32,793 --> 00:19:35,000 Apparently, this is what people wear nowadays 436 00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:36,793 to be a traditional Javanese wedding. 437 00:19:36,793 --> 00:19:38,931 [man speaking] 438 00:19:38,931 --> 00:19:40,000 Oh, yeah. Okay. 439 00:19:42,068 --> 00:19:43,310 [Meitalia] Oh, yeah. Okay. 440 00:19:44,000 --> 00:19:45,620 [James] It's a unique style. 441 00:19:46,172 --> 00:19:47,310 [pops] 442 00:19:47,310 --> 00:19:48,724 It's different. 443 00:19:50,896 --> 00:19:52,448 I'm... 444 00:19:53,068 --> 00:19:54,448 I'm ready, babe. 445 00:19:55,206 --> 00:19:58,000 [Meitalia] Hi. You look cute. 446 00:19:58,000 --> 00:19:59,551 This is so big. 447 00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:01,724 [James] You look good. 448 00:20:02,103 --> 00:20:03,241 I can't bend over. 449 00:20:03,689 --> 00:20:05,103 [James chuckles] 450 00:20:05,103 --> 00:20:06,689 [James] It's like layers upon layers 451 00:20:06,689 --> 00:20:08,620 of tightly wrapped cloth. 452 00:20:11,482 --> 00:20:12,724 [chuckles] 453 00:20:16,206 --> 00:20:17,344 Yeah. 454 00:20:18,310 --> 00:20:21,068 I think James' outfits are really cute. 455 00:20:21,068 --> 00:20:22,206 I just don't know. 456 00:20:22,206 --> 00:20:25,620 Whatever he wear, I think he just look good on it. 457 00:20:26,931 --> 00:20:29,000 [laughs] 458 00:20:29,000 --> 00:20:32,137 [James] The best part of this is the briefs. 459 00:20:33,689 --> 00:20:35,172 - Oh. - [James] I like that. 460 00:20:35,172 --> 00:20:36,620 [James and Meitalia laughing] 461 00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:39,413 [James] I feel weird. There's no way to say it. 462 00:20:39,413 --> 00:20:40,482 I'm wearing a dress. 463 00:20:40,482 --> 00:20:42,241 A dress with a bucket on my head. 464 00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:45,482 [Meitalia speaking other language] 465 00:20:45,482 --> 00:20:46,896 [speaking other language] 466 00:20:46,896 --> 00:20:47,862 [in English] Yeah. 467 00:20:47,862 --> 00:20:50,172 This has been a whirlwind, 468 00:20:50,172 --> 00:20:52,758 getting this thing all set up so fast. 469 00:20:52,758 --> 00:20:55,103 Your parents jumped on that bandwagon fast. 470 00:20:55,103 --> 00:20:56,793 They're like, "All right, we're doing it. Let's do it." 471 00:20:56,793 --> 00:20:58,862 Yeah, they're really excited. 472 00:20:58,862 --> 00:21:03,103 It is really important for me to have a wedding ceremony here in Indonesia 473 00:21:03,103 --> 00:21:05,862 because when we have a wedding in the US, 474 00:21:05,862 --> 00:21:10,310 this is, kind of, not a wedding that I wanted. 475 00:21:18,517 --> 00:21:19,827 [speaking other language] 476 00:21:21,482 --> 00:21:22,758 [speaking other language] 477 00:21:24,275 --> 00:21:25,206 [Meitalia speaking other language] 478 00:21:25,206 --> 00:21:26,517 [speaking other language] 479 00:21:33,517 --> 00:21:36,068 [Meitalia in English] So me and James agree 480 00:21:36,068 --> 00:21:38,103 that one day, we're in Indonesia, 481 00:21:38,103 --> 00:21:41,827 we're going to do wedding ceremony for my family. 482 00:21:44,000 --> 00:21:44,793 He does. 483 00:21:44,793 --> 00:21:47,586 He like to be really included. 484 00:21:47,586 --> 00:21:48,689 [James] He doesn't care about anything, though. 485 00:21:48,689 --> 00:21:50,482 He doesn't care about money or budget. 486 00:21:50,482 --> 00:21:52,103 He's just like, "I'll just-- Let's just do everything. 487 00:21:52,103 --> 00:21:54,206 - The most expensive." - True. 488 00:21:54,206 --> 00:21:55,413 That's one thing with your dad 489 00:21:55,413 --> 00:21:56,793 that I always have trouble with, 490 00:21:56,793 --> 00:21:59,000 is he tries to control everything. 491 00:21:59,931 --> 00:22:01,379 We're paying for this wedding, 492 00:22:01,379 --> 00:22:02,620 so we're trying to keep the budget 493 00:22:02,620 --> 00:22:06,620 somewhere between $1,000 and $1,500. 494 00:22:06,620 --> 00:22:11,793 In Indonesia, 1,500 US dollars, it's a lot. 495 00:22:11,793 --> 00:22:15,000 And Tatha's dad has been pushing us 496 00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:17,000 to keep adding more and more things. 497 00:22:17,000 --> 00:22:18,482 He wants to add more guests, 498 00:22:18,482 --> 00:22:21,000 he wants to add very expensive entertainment, 499 00:22:21,000 --> 00:22:23,103 more expensive venue. 500 00:22:23,103 --> 00:22:24,827 We don't have the funds for that. 501 00:22:24,827 --> 00:22:28,137 And it's definitely starting to cause some grading between me and Tatha's dad. 502 00:22:29,620 --> 00:22:31,793 It just annoys me that he doesn't ever listen to us. 503 00:22:31,793 --> 00:22:33,586 - He always does whatever he wants. - [Meitalia] I know. 504 00:22:33,586 --> 00:22:35,586 [James] And that stresses me out about living with him. 505 00:22:35,586 --> 00:22:37,000 I feel like no matter what we do, 506 00:22:37,000 --> 00:22:38,310 I'm always walking on eggshells. 507 00:22:38,310 --> 00:22:39,724 Like, oh, I don't want to piss him off. 508 00:22:39,724 --> 00:22:42,517 Yeah, it's not the most comfortable living environment for me. 509 00:22:43,275 --> 00:22:44,551 I understand. 510 00:23:02,482 --> 00:23:03,586 Helping your dad with banana chips 511 00:23:03,586 --> 00:23:05,172 isn't gonna help us make money, 512 00:23:05,172 --> 00:23:08,000 isn't gonna help us find a job. 513 00:23:08,000 --> 00:23:10,931 - So-- - I think that's just an excuse. 514 00:23:11,379 --> 00:23:12,689 [sighs] 515 00:23:12,689 --> 00:23:14,172 Because, like, right now, we just stay 516 00:23:14,172 --> 00:23:18,379 at my parents' house like a hotel. 517 00:23:18,379 --> 00:23:19,689 It's free. 518 00:23:19,689 --> 00:23:22,931 I want to, like, at least us help them a little bit, 519 00:23:22,931 --> 00:23:24,827 making the banana chips. 520 00:23:33,068 --> 00:23:37,000 But also, I think James can learn to be a better son-in-law. 521 00:23:37,000 --> 00:23:39,379 He can respect the culture, 522 00:23:39,379 --> 00:23:41,034 to help with the banana chips... 523 00:23:44,586 --> 00:23:47,000 [James] I don't speak Indonesian fluently. 524 00:23:47,000 --> 00:23:50,068 I'm gonna screw it up and cost them a bunch of money. 525 00:23:50,068 --> 00:23:52,068 Well, when I coming to State, 526 00:23:52,068 --> 00:23:54,379 I didn't speak any of your language. 527 00:23:54,379 --> 00:23:58,275 I learned because I want to for you. 528 00:23:58,275 --> 00:24:00,482 And you're saying I don't try to learn Indonesian? 529 00:24:00,482 --> 00:24:02,310 Try a little harder. 530 00:24:02,310 --> 00:24:04,758 Like, sometimes, without me there 531 00:24:04,758 --> 00:24:08,896 to teach you, to translate for you all the time. 532 00:24:09,275 --> 00:24:11,482 That is just not fair. 533 00:24:11,482 --> 00:24:14,275 I never just threw you into anything in the United States. 534 00:24:14,275 --> 00:24:16,551 I never just told you, "Go figure it out on your own." 535 00:24:18,931 --> 00:24:20,448 [man speaking other language] 536 00:24:22,482 --> 00:24:24,862 - [in English] Yeah. - Okay. 537 00:24:24,862 --> 00:24:26,310 - [Meitalia speaking other language] - [man replies] 538 00:24:29,517 --> 00:24:30,827 [in English] Yeah. 539 00:24:35,862 --> 00:24:39,586 I left the United States, came here, all for her. 540 00:24:39,586 --> 00:24:42,586 I've been learning as much Indonesian as I can, 541 00:24:42,586 --> 00:24:44,793 trying to make this all work. 542 00:24:44,793 --> 00:24:47,344 I feel like it counts for nothing. 543 00:24:49,689 --> 00:24:51,482 I can be buddy-buddy with your dad all I want, 544 00:24:51,482 --> 00:24:53,379 I can try to help him with banana chips. 545 00:24:53,379 --> 00:24:54,793 But is that helping us make money? 546 00:24:54,793 --> 00:24:55,655 No. 547 00:24:55,655 --> 00:24:57,586 Is that helping take care of you? 548 00:24:57,586 --> 00:24:58,965 No. 549 00:24:58,965 --> 00:25:02,172 And I know you don't look at the money side as much as I do, 550 00:25:02,172 --> 00:25:04,793 but it's a real thing that I have to deal with, 551 00:25:04,793 --> 00:25:08,620 because at the end of the day, every man in our family 552 00:25:08,620 --> 00:25:11,172 is going to look at me as a failure. 553 00:25:11,172 --> 00:25:12,931 Not you. 554 00:25:12,931 --> 00:25:15,275 They're gonna look at you as, like, oh, the poor girl who has a [bleep] husband. 555 00:25:15,275 --> 00:25:17,586 That's what it's gonna become. 556 00:25:17,586 --> 00:25:18,758 And you don't have to deal with that weight. 557 00:25:18,758 --> 00:25:20,620 That's what I get to carry every day. 558 00:25:20,620 --> 00:25:22,793 Those are the things I'm trying to figure out right now. 559 00:25:22,793 --> 00:25:25,241 And if I can't, then I don't belong here. 560 00:25:31,379 --> 00:25:32,793 [Hulya] No sexual intercourse 561 00:25:32,793 --> 00:25:35,172 - for one month after the surgery. - One month? 562 00:25:35,172 --> 00:25:37,482 - [Sarper speaking] - [Shekinah] Breathe. 563 00:25:37,482 --> 00:25:39,310 Babe, I almost had a heart attack. 564 00:25:39,310 --> 00:25:41,103 Can I please focus on my surgery right now? 565 00:26:00,068 --> 00:26:03,241 Let me look at your nose for the last time. 566 00:26:03,241 --> 00:26:05,793 - Yeah. Get a good look. - Yes. 567 00:26:06,482 --> 00:26:07,896 - [Shekinah] You're so cute. - [Sarper] Mm. 568 00:26:07,896 --> 00:26:09,793 [Shekinah] Today is the day of my surgery, 569 00:26:09,793 --> 00:26:11,379 and I'm feeling so excited. 570 00:26:11,379 --> 00:26:15,586 I've wanted this for a while, and I'm glad that this day is finally here. 571 00:26:15,586 --> 00:26:17,758 Adonis, you be a good boy. 572 00:26:17,758 --> 00:26:19,551 Be a good boy, sweetie. 573 00:26:19,551 --> 00:26:21,793 What if he doesn't recognize me when I get back? 574 00:26:23,137 --> 00:26:24,793 [Shekinah] He won't recognize me? 575 00:26:24,793 --> 00:26:27,896 - Let me look at your nose last time in this house. - Okay. Stop looking at it. 576 00:26:27,896 --> 00:26:29,103 - No! Stop looking at it. - [Sarper] Babe. 577 00:26:29,103 --> 00:26:31,482 Come on, let's go. We've got to go. 578 00:26:31,482 --> 00:26:33,275 - Let's go. - [Sarper speaking] 579 00:26:33,275 --> 00:26:35,241 [Shekinah] Yeah, I can see that. 580 00:26:37,172 --> 00:26:39,896 Sarper is so anxious about my surgery 581 00:26:39,896 --> 00:26:43,586 that it's actually taking the focus off of my surgery. 582 00:26:44,172 --> 00:26:46,068 Like, instead of preparing myself, 583 00:26:46,068 --> 00:26:48,310 I'm just trying to calm him down. 584 00:26:49,689 --> 00:26:53,724 The focus needs to be on me today and not about his anxiety. 585 00:26:54,689 --> 00:26:56,068 [Sarper] It's a bigger day for me, I think, 586 00:26:56,068 --> 00:26:58,482 because I feel more anxious than you. 587 00:26:58,482 --> 00:27:00,068 I know. You don't need to be nervous. 588 00:27:00,068 --> 00:27:01,896 - Don't worry. - I can't stop it, babe. 589 00:27:01,896 --> 00:27:05,896 I mean, the day came, thinking that you will be unconscious 590 00:27:05,896 --> 00:27:08,655 for three hours or four hours. Whatever. 591 00:27:08,655 --> 00:27:11,103 Think, like, I'm taking a nap, a little nap. 592 00:27:11,965 --> 00:27:13,586 But always I have the control. 593 00:27:13,586 --> 00:27:15,793 I can wake you up if you take a nap. 594 00:27:17,482 --> 00:27:19,586 Right now, I can't. 595 00:27:19,586 --> 00:27:23,000 After surgery, I'm not gonna be my usual self. 596 00:27:23,000 --> 00:27:24,344 I'm not gonna be serving Sarper, 597 00:27:24,344 --> 00:27:25,689 I'm not gonna be entertaining him. 598 00:27:25,689 --> 00:27:28,172 I'm not gonna be, you know, bubbly and happy. 599 00:27:28,172 --> 00:27:29,620 I'm gonna be in pain. 600 00:27:29,620 --> 00:27:33,241 So I look at spending my recovery with Sarper as kind of a test. 601 00:27:33,241 --> 00:27:35,275 I really hope that he can step up 602 00:27:35,275 --> 00:27:37,896 because it's gonna determine 603 00:27:37,896 --> 00:27:39,068 whether or not this is somebody 604 00:27:39,068 --> 00:27:42,068 that I can, you know, live the rest of my life with. 605 00:27:42,068 --> 00:27:45,482 [Sarper] Is there any limitations after surgery? 606 00:27:45,482 --> 00:27:46,448 For example, will she-- 607 00:27:46,448 --> 00:27:48,379 Can she take shower? 608 00:27:48,379 --> 00:27:52,793 [Hulya] For one week, she can wash her body, but just below the neck. 609 00:27:52,793 --> 00:27:55,000 You're not allowed to wash your face 610 00:27:55,000 --> 00:27:57,275 or brush your teeth for one week. 611 00:27:57,275 --> 00:27:59,000 - So-- - What? 612 00:27:59,000 --> 00:28:00,689 - [Hulya] Yeah. - That's ridiculous. 613 00:28:00,689 --> 00:28:03,000 [Hulya] And also no sexual intercourse 614 00:28:03,000 --> 00:28:04,586 for one month after the surgery. 615 00:28:04,586 --> 00:28:05,896 - One month? - [Hulya] Yes. 616 00:28:05,896 --> 00:28:07,551 - [Shekinah] One month? - Thirty days. 617 00:28:07,551 --> 00:28:08,896 - Wait. Why? - [Hulya] Yes. 618 00:28:08,896 --> 00:28:10,586 That's so long. 619 00:28:10,586 --> 00:28:11,896 [Hulya] Extreme physical activity 620 00:28:11,896 --> 00:28:14,965 can cause some bleeding in the nose, so... 621 00:28:14,965 --> 00:28:18,586 I know that surgery comes with, you know, a set of restrictions, 622 00:28:18,586 --> 00:28:20,551 but I'm shocked. 623 00:28:20,551 --> 00:28:23,551 Like, I have not heard these things before. 624 00:28:23,551 --> 00:28:25,172 Breathe, breathe. 625 00:28:26,793 --> 00:28:28,482 - [Hulya speaking] - [Shekinah] Okay. 626 00:28:28,482 --> 00:28:30,586 [Hulya speaking] 627 00:28:30,586 --> 00:28:33,103 What if I'm not doing the extreme physical activity? 628 00:28:33,103 --> 00:28:35,689 - He's, like, doing all the work. - [Hulya speaking] 629 00:28:35,689 --> 00:28:36,862 - Okay, great. - [Hulya] That's fine. 630 00:28:36,862 --> 00:28:38,379 We'll be fine then. 631 00:28:38,379 --> 00:28:41,103 - [Hulya speaking] - [Shekinah] Mm-hm. 632 00:28:44,137 --> 00:28:45,413 Okay. Sounds good. 633 00:28:46,551 --> 00:28:49,172 Babe, I almost had a heart attack 634 00:28:49,172 --> 00:28:51,000 - when she said "for a month." - [Shekinah] I know. I saw. 635 00:28:56,793 --> 00:28:58,655 "Just slow down." 636 00:28:58,655 --> 00:29:00,068 [Shekinah] We'll figure it out. Just relax. 637 00:29:00,068 --> 00:29:01,896 Can I please focus on my surgery right now? 638 00:29:01,896 --> 00:29:03,103 I mean... 639 00:29:06,137 --> 00:29:07,862 - You can go home. - [Sarper speaking] 640 00:29:07,862 --> 00:29:09,482 Actually, I think you should go home. 641 00:29:09,482 --> 00:29:11,448 And I'll just stay here. 642 00:29:11,448 --> 00:29:14,379 Because you're stressing me out at this point. 643 00:29:14,379 --> 00:29:17,172 I know Sarper really wants me to cancel this surgery, 644 00:29:17,172 --> 00:29:18,758 but we're here in the hospital, 645 00:29:18,758 --> 00:29:20,379 and I really want this. 646 00:29:20,379 --> 00:29:24,482 So we are going to find a way around this no sex for a month thing. 647 00:29:24,482 --> 00:29:27,000 We are not the couple that's going to comply with that one. 648 00:29:28,689 --> 00:29:30,586 - Hi there. - Hi. 649 00:29:30,586 --> 00:29:33,034 - Good to see you. - Good to see you, too. 650 00:29:33,034 --> 00:29:34,275 [speaking other language] 651 00:29:34,275 --> 00:29:37,827 [Dr. Yildirim in English] 652 00:29:38,896 --> 00:29:40,896 Thank you. Bless your hands. 653 00:29:40,896 --> 00:29:42,379 [Dr. Yildirim speaking] 654 00:29:42,379 --> 00:29:44,586 [Shekinah] Thank you. 655 00:29:44,586 --> 00:29:46,379 - Look after my girl, Doctor. - [Dr. Yildirim] Oh, don't worry. 656 00:29:46,379 --> 00:29:48,793 - No worries. - [Sarper speaking other language] 657 00:29:48,793 --> 00:29:50,931 - [Shekinah in English] Okay, I'm gonna go change. - [Sarper] Okay. 658 00:29:51,862 --> 00:29:53,931 - I love you. - [Shekinah] Love you, too. 659 00:30:08,241 --> 00:30:10,931 - Good. "For the last time." - [Sarper] Mm-hm. 660 00:30:12,758 --> 00:30:14,793 If anything happens to my love, 661 00:30:14,793 --> 00:30:17,241 I never can handle it. 662 00:30:17,241 --> 00:30:20,103 After surgery, any recovery things, problems, 663 00:30:20,103 --> 00:30:22,379 I will feel that more than her, 664 00:30:22,379 --> 00:30:24,586 and I will be anxious. I know that. 665 00:30:25,793 --> 00:30:29,482 I will be here, waiting here, continuous. 666 00:30:29,482 --> 00:30:32,655 Right now, our relationship on an eggshell. 667 00:30:32,655 --> 00:30:36,275 And I want to show that I will be always with her. 668 00:30:36,275 --> 00:30:40,344 But I never in my life look after anyone. 669 00:30:40,344 --> 00:30:44,103 So... [exhales deeply] it will be difficult. 670 00:30:45,482 --> 00:30:47,620 - [Shekinah speaking] - Okay. 671 00:30:57,655 --> 00:31:01,000 [Noelle] So let's just talk about the trip. 672 00:31:01,000 --> 00:31:02,241 [Sean] Looking back on it now, 673 00:31:02,241 --> 00:31:04,896 yes, I feel bad for keeping the secret from everybody 674 00:31:04,896 --> 00:31:08,000 So far, Sean's a cool guy. 675 00:31:09,655 --> 00:31:11,689 [Sean] What did you think, Joey? 676 00:31:11,689 --> 00:31:13,413 Well, Sean... 677 00:31:13,793 --> 00:31:15,068 Oh, God. 678 00:31:34,586 --> 00:31:35,827 [Joanne] Come on, Jess. 679 00:31:37,172 --> 00:31:39,965 You get yours. I still have mine over there. 680 00:31:39,965 --> 00:31:41,379 After a week in Ireland, 681 00:31:41,379 --> 00:31:45,137 it is now time for Noelle and the kids to fly home. 682 00:31:45,137 --> 00:31:47,379 I wish they were staying longer 683 00:31:47,379 --> 00:31:49,586 so that we'd have more time to talk 684 00:31:49,586 --> 00:31:52,000 and discuss things as a family. 685 00:31:52,000 --> 00:31:55,655 I definitely hope that this trip would have given more clarity. 686 00:31:55,655 --> 00:31:59,172 We were like, "Yes, we're in love. I'm moving to Ireland. 687 00:31:59,172 --> 00:32:01,862 I'm making it home base, and it's going to be great. 688 00:32:01,862 --> 00:32:02,931 Everybody's going to love it 689 00:32:02,931 --> 00:32:04,689 and be in complete agreement with this." 690 00:32:04,689 --> 00:32:07,206 But it's caused more confusion. 691 00:32:11,172 --> 00:32:12,862 You have the passports, Noelle? 692 00:32:12,862 --> 00:32:15,655 - I have the passports, Joanne. - [Joanne] All right. 693 00:32:15,655 --> 00:32:16,862 Here we go. 694 00:32:27,241 --> 00:32:29,896 [Noelle] So, let's just talk about the trip. 695 00:32:29,896 --> 00:32:31,241 I was excited to meet Sean. 696 00:32:31,241 --> 00:32:32,896 But I was like, "Oh, my God, we're all staying in the house. 697 00:32:32,896 --> 00:32:34,344 What if I, like, hate him?" 698 00:32:34,344 --> 00:32:36,517 Like, I don't really have a good poker face. 699 00:32:37,482 --> 00:32:40,000 Noelle does not sugarcoat things, 700 00:32:40,000 --> 00:32:42,896 and she definitely laid into me when she had me alone. 701 00:32:43,689 --> 00:32:45,896 I'm not gonna lie, I was a little effing hurt. 702 00:32:45,896 --> 00:32:47,379 - Yeah, I get it. - [Noelle] Um... 703 00:32:47,379 --> 00:32:49,862 You know, and then when you were like then you're gonna move here, 704 00:32:49,862 --> 00:32:51,103 I was like... 705 00:32:51,103 --> 00:32:53,172 That was like a [bleep] punch. 706 00:32:53,172 --> 00:32:55,000 - What the [bleep] is going on? - [Joanne] Right. 707 00:32:55,000 --> 00:32:56,379 Like, how did I not know? 708 00:32:58,551 --> 00:33:01,793 [Joanne] I understand totally that Noelle was upset. 709 00:33:01,793 --> 00:33:03,655 I would have felt the same, exact way. 710 00:33:03,655 --> 00:33:08,137 But right now, there's so much emotion coming from the kids 711 00:33:08,137 --> 00:33:11,275 that I just really need her to be my best friend, 712 00:33:11,275 --> 00:33:15,379 be there for me and help me figure out what the future looks like. 713 00:33:16,689 --> 00:33:21,241 So far, you know, Sean's a cool guy. 714 00:33:22,172 --> 00:33:24,931 - He's a cool guy. - I'm a real swell guy. 715 00:33:26,034 --> 00:33:28,000 What did you think, Joey? 716 00:33:28,241 --> 00:33:29,827 Well, Sean... 717 00:33:30,275 --> 00:33:31,275 Oh, God. 718 00:33:31,275 --> 00:33:33,551 - No offense. - No. 719 00:33:33,551 --> 00:33:38,275 I definitely wasn't expecting you guys to be married 720 00:33:38,275 --> 00:33:40,344 - for two years. - Almost two years. 721 00:33:40,344 --> 00:33:42,724 - Everybody keeps saying two years. - We're gonna say two years. 722 00:33:43,482 --> 00:33:45,310 - Okay. - We're just rounding it up. 723 00:33:46,689 --> 00:33:52,241 I mean, I had a week to digest, like, two years worth of information here. 724 00:33:52,241 --> 00:33:53,689 You know what I mean? 725 00:33:53,689 --> 00:33:56,241 - So-- Yeah. - [Sean] It was a lie. I apologize. 726 00:33:56,241 --> 00:33:59,758 - We didn't think it through properly, but-- - Oh. Obvious. 727 00:33:59,758 --> 00:34:03,172 - [Joanne chuckles] - Please forgive me. 728 00:34:03,172 --> 00:34:05,103 It was a lot. I know it was a lot. 729 00:34:06,241 --> 00:34:08,241 Looking back on it now, yes, I feel bad 730 00:34:08,241 --> 00:34:10,448 from keeping the secret from everybody, you know? 731 00:34:10,448 --> 00:34:14,655 I mean, at the same time, I wouldn't change the day that we had. 732 00:34:14,655 --> 00:34:17,655 I would just change the time period 733 00:34:17,655 --> 00:34:19,310 that we waited to tell people. 734 00:34:20,068 --> 00:34:22,172 Well, there's so many pieces 735 00:34:22,172 --> 00:34:25,275 that I still have to put together in this puzzle. 736 00:34:26,379 --> 00:34:30,655 But in the future, I'll definitely be planning better 737 00:34:30,655 --> 00:34:33,379 and including you in those plans. 738 00:34:33,379 --> 00:34:36,793 Like, I will definitely communicate better. 739 00:34:37,448 --> 00:34:38,931 I hope so. 740 00:34:39,793 --> 00:34:41,586 There was a lot of information to take in. 741 00:34:41,586 --> 00:34:45,655 I wish I was able to spend more one-on-one time with Sean. 742 00:34:45,655 --> 00:34:48,310 I need a little more time to sit on it. 743 00:34:49,034 --> 00:34:50,482 [Noelle] Let's go, guys. 744 00:34:50,482 --> 00:34:53,448 [Joey] I want to talk to my brother, come to an agreement, 745 00:34:53,448 --> 00:34:58,793 and, uh, let her know if me and Jesse are on board with her moving or not. 746 00:35:01,655 --> 00:35:03,862 - [Joanne] All right. - [Noelle] All right, guys. 747 00:35:03,862 --> 00:35:06,241 - [Joanne] Make sure you text me when you land. - I will. 748 00:35:06,241 --> 00:35:07,448 - Okay. - [Noelle] Got it. 749 00:35:07,448 --> 00:35:09,000 - Give me a hug. All right, I love you. - Bye, Bella. 750 00:35:09,000 --> 00:35:11,103 So nice to meet you. 751 00:35:11,103 --> 00:35:13,275 - And you text me as soon as you land. - Okay. 752 00:35:13,275 --> 00:35:15,172 - Bye, Sean. It was nice to meet you. - It was very nice to meet you. 753 00:35:15,172 --> 00:35:16,172 Have a safe flight home. 754 00:35:16,172 --> 00:35:18,172 Hopefully we'll see you sooner than later. 755 00:35:18,172 --> 00:35:19,172 - Bro-- - [Jesse speaking] 756 00:35:20,793 --> 00:35:22,896 [chuckles] It was nice to meet you, bro. 757 00:35:22,896 --> 00:35:25,172 Well get you back soon without all the stress. 758 00:35:25,172 --> 00:35:27,000 - You're good? - Yeah. 759 00:35:28,482 --> 00:35:29,896 All right. Call me as soon as you get home. 760 00:35:29,896 --> 00:35:31,379 Well, I want to know as soon as you take off, 761 00:35:31,379 --> 00:35:33,137 I want to know as soon as you land. 762 00:35:33,137 --> 00:35:35,172 And then, call me later. 763 00:35:35,793 --> 00:35:36,965 - Okay. - Okay? 764 00:35:36,965 --> 00:35:39,241 - Yeah. I love you. - I love you. 765 00:35:39,241 --> 00:35:41,482 - [Joey] Mm. - All right. I'll see you later. 766 00:35:41,482 --> 00:35:43,137 [Sean] It was nice to meet you, yeah? 767 00:35:43,137 --> 00:35:44,931 - It was nice to meet you. - [Sean] We'll get you back soon. 768 00:35:45,758 --> 00:35:48,689 It was nice to meet you. We'll get you back soon. 769 00:35:48,689 --> 00:35:51,000 I cared for these boys before I even met them. 770 00:35:51,000 --> 00:35:52,482 [Jesse] Goodbye, Bella. 771 00:35:57,448 --> 00:35:58,586 Bye, Bella. 772 00:35:58,586 --> 00:36:01,482 - Thank you. Bye. - [Joey] Bye. 773 00:36:01,482 --> 00:36:03,620 - [Noelle] Come on, kiddos. - Don't annoy your dad. 774 00:36:07,896 --> 00:36:10,586 It's easy to dream big with your wife, but... 775 00:36:11,862 --> 00:36:17,000 the reality is setting in that this might not happen for us. 776 00:36:17,000 --> 00:36:19,620 - And then, there was three. - Yeah. 777 00:36:20,586 --> 00:36:22,896 [Sean] I'm gonna miss them, guys. 778 00:36:22,896 --> 00:36:25,413 - [Joanne] They'll be back. - [Sean speaking] 779 00:36:26,689 --> 00:36:29,413 We've reached the point where we need to look into going back. 780 00:36:56,896 --> 00:36:58,172 [James] I would just like to state 781 00:36:58,172 --> 00:37:00,517 - that you made a couple of small penises. - [Meitalia] Hm. 782 00:37:02,000 --> 00:37:04,241 I know. But it looks like a couple of small penises. 783 00:37:06,068 --> 00:37:07,689 They look beautiful. 784 00:37:07,689 --> 00:37:10,931 Beautiful, elegant penises. 785 00:37:12,586 --> 00:37:14,172 After the argument yesterday, 786 00:37:14,172 --> 00:37:17,413 Tatha's been pretty distant and pretty cold to me. 787 00:37:18,241 --> 00:37:20,896 It feels a little unfair. 788 00:37:20,896 --> 00:37:23,241 I think Tatha is in denial right now 789 00:37:23,241 --> 00:37:25,379 about our financial situation, 790 00:37:25,379 --> 00:37:27,758 and she's trying to look at it 791 00:37:27,758 --> 00:37:30,379 as it's all just gonna work magically. 792 00:37:30,379 --> 00:37:31,931 That's not how it works. 793 00:37:31,931 --> 00:37:34,241 We have to do something to be able to take care of ourselves here, 794 00:37:34,241 --> 00:37:35,931 and we haven't yet. 795 00:37:37,379 --> 00:37:39,137 How many stones you got left? 796 00:37:40,103 --> 00:37:41,965 Not much. 797 00:37:41,965 --> 00:37:43,689 Almost gone. 798 00:37:43,689 --> 00:37:45,931 Yeah. We've done a really good job at using them all. 799 00:37:46,896 --> 00:37:49,482 Haven't done a good job at selling any of them, though. 800 00:37:49,482 --> 00:37:50,896 Yeah. 801 00:37:50,896 --> 00:37:53,103 [James] We had a jewelry business back in the US. 802 00:37:53,103 --> 00:37:57,793 And if we could really start selling our jewelry here in Indonesia consistently, 803 00:37:57,793 --> 00:38:00,586 we wouldn't be diving so deep into what's left of our savings. 804 00:38:00,586 --> 00:38:04,275 We have gone to countless stores, 805 00:38:04,275 --> 00:38:06,965 but none of them wanted to put it in their stores 806 00:38:06,965 --> 00:38:09,482 because it would take away from their designs. 807 00:38:09,482 --> 00:38:13,379 We've got all this beautiful jewelry, but we cannot sell it. 808 00:38:14,275 --> 00:38:17,000 Maybe we can try to sell it online. 809 00:38:17,655 --> 00:38:19,896 We're selling it online already, 810 00:38:19,896 --> 00:38:22,896 but all the people that want to buy it are in the US. 811 00:38:23,758 --> 00:38:25,689 [Meitalia] Can we not ship it to them? 812 00:38:26,758 --> 00:38:28,103 [James] That's expensive. 813 00:38:28,103 --> 00:38:30,275 So, what do you think we should do? 814 00:38:30,275 --> 00:38:33,586 [James] It's kind of what I'm trying to figure out. 815 00:38:33,586 --> 00:38:36,275 This wedding has cost a lot of money. 816 00:38:36,275 --> 00:38:40,689 And I can't get a job here without speaking the language. 817 00:38:41,586 --> 00:38:44,586 I've been, like, applying a job, 818 00:38:44,586 --> 00:38:48,000 but most of them are just in the city, not here. 819 00:38:49,482 --> 00:38:51,620 I didn't know you'd been applying for jobs. 820 00:38:53,379 --> 00:38:55,103 [Meitalia speaking] 821 00:39:11,068 --> 00:39:14,137 And also, it's really expensive living there. 822 00:39:14,137 --> 00:39:18,896 So my salary won't be enough to live in there, 823 00:39:18,896 --> 00:39:22,793 especially James is not working either. 824 00:39:24,482 --> 00:39:26,379 [exhales deeply] 825 00:39:26,379 --> 00:39:29,137 Here, like, if you were the one working and I wasn't working, 826 00:39:29,137 --> 00:39:32,275 society itself would eviscerate me daily. 827 00:39:32,275 --> 00:39:35,068 They would look at me as, like, a failure as a husband. 828 00:39:35,068 --> 00:39:38,862 I mean, it would cause your family to resent me. 829 00:39:38,862 --> 00:39:39,896 Yeah. 830 00:39:39,896 --> 00:39:41,896 At this point, I just, I'm-- 831 00:39:41,896 --> 00:39:43,620 I'm running out of options. 832 00:39:46,172 --> 00:39:50,379 I see what's left in the account. 833 00:39:50,379 --> 00:39:53,000 And we've reached the point 834 00:39:53,000 --> 00:39:54,586 where we're at the red line of... 835 00:39:56,034 --> 00:39:59,000 we need to look into going back. 836 00:40:04,862 --> 00:40:07,724 I don't want to move back to the US. 837 00:40:10,689 --> 00:40:12,241 [sighs] 838 00:40:13,103 --> 00:40:17,137 We can't just expect your family to help us pay for everything. 839 00:40:17,137 --> 00:40:19,896 - To help more. - I miss them. I don't want to leave them again. 840 00:40:20,965 --> 00:40:22,103 And I understand. 841 00:40:22,655 --> 00:40:24,896 Just understand is not enough. 842 00:40:29,241 --> 00:40:30,379 I know it is. 843 00:40:30,862 --> 00:40:32,827 [Meitalia speaking] 844 00:40:39,896 --> 00:40:41,172 There are good doctors out there. 845 00:40:41,172 --> 00:40:42,655 We just haven't found them. 846 00:40:42,655 --> 00:40:45,379 Well, we went to a lot of doctors. 847 00:40:45,379 --> 00:40:46,931 Like, a lot. 848 00:40:49,275 --> 00:40:51,000 And you were mostly working. 849 00:40:51,000 --> 00:40:54,275 Just like when you working, all I do is just stay at home. 850 00:40:57,000 --> 00:40:59,827 Maybe you go back, I stay here. 851 00:41:05,689 --> 00:41:07,275 [James] We're supposed to be in this together. 852 00:41:07,275 --> 00:41:09,034 No matter what happens. 853 00:41:09,034 --> 00:41:13,482 Not one of us just abandons the other one. 854 00:41:13,482 --> 00:41:16,827 I just can't move back to the US. 855 00:41:21,448 --> 00:41:23,000 I feel like this is [bleep]. 856 00:41:23,000 --> 00:41:26,793 I feel like we can figure something out here in Indonesia. 857 00:41:33,000 --> 00:41:34,482 It's not fair. 858 00:41:34,482 --> 00:41:37,000 And I'm not going back. 859 00:41:44,034 --> 00:41:46,655 [Corona] Next time on 90 Day Fiance: The Other Way... 860 00:41:46,655 --> 00:41:48,344 [Statler] I don't have Internet. 861 00:41:48,344 --> 00:41:50,000 [Dempsey] We need a plug socket 862 00:41:50,000 --> 00:41:52,275 where it goes in the end because it's too wide. 863 00:41:52,275 --> 00:41:53,448 Can you try, please? 864 00:41:53,448 --> 00:41:55,655 - I've tried. I know it won't work. - [bleep] no. 865 00:41:55,655 --> 00:41:59,000 [Dempsey] She's putting all that stress on me like it's my fault. 866 00:41:59,000 --> 00:42:00,172 That's on her. 867 00:42:00,172 --> 00:42:03,206 Without Internet, no job, no van life. 868 00:42:04,896 --> 00:42:07,551 [woman speaking other language] 869 00:42:07,551 --> 00:42:13,655 [speaking other language] 870 00:42:13,655 --> 00:42:15,689 [Meitalia in English] The wedding plan is stressful. 871 00:42:15,689 --> 00:42:19,413 We cannot afford everything that my parents want. 872 00:42:22,655 --> 00:42:25,206 [woman] I still have a lot of questions because... 873 00:42:27,896 --> 00:42:30,551 - [Lily] Okay, let me-- - Your daughter is gonna try destroying our marriage. 874 00:42:30,551 --> 00:42:31,586 [sighs] 875 00:42:33,758 --> 00:42:34,793 [Josh] But that's--