I'm Joe Blane Jr, and I'm fighting Ashley Dennings.
Ashley, you've never fought a man like me before,
and as God as my judge, I'm gonna kill your brain.
I'm gonna put you in a fucking hospital.
# The best things in life are free
# But you can give them To the birds and bees
# I need money # That's what I want
# That's what I want
♪ That's what I want ♪ That's what I want ♪
Will Carol be here? She will, indeed. Yeah.
So as long as I can avoid them. (WHOOPS)
As soon as she says, they never mind. Yeah, I will.
Tell her. Tell her who you are. Yes. All right, lad?
Ashley, you didn't pick me up. Give it back. Whoa! Come on.
Sexy abuse. Weird, isn't it?
Weird. This is weird.
The Dennings where like a surrogate family when I were younger.
My mum had pissed off and me dad was me dad.
They're a traditional family, you see.
So when they found out Ash was gay, and his brothers tried to fix it.
Will you leave the boy alone, you pair of reprobates?
It's good to see you, son. Vinnie.
You all right? How you doing?
I see you brought the shirt-lifter with you.
Actually, no, Mrs Dennings, I'm not. In fact...
You're not a real man, though, are ya? Come on.
I've got something to show you, son. Thanks, guys.
Your face. Brilliant.
Every fucking time. Well, it's because you use big words, Dyldo.
You know what I mean? Mind you, them pants don't help, do they?
Mum, Skyler, please, bro.
All right, Cardi? Wanna come to my trailer?
What? I got a new pet. Romeo. He'd love to meet you.
Why don't you go and have a look at her pet? No.
Why not? He can stroke it. Oh, yes, he can.
(STAMMERING) I'm... Go on, mate. I'm good.
Go and stroke it, dude. Go on. Won't take long.
Come on. Cardi, just me and you.
I'm sort of... And your little friend.
(LAUGHS)
I've got a thing for big boys, Cardi.
The chunkier, the better.
I like the feel of a big man. That bulk, that waist.
Whoa, whoa, Carol. Hang on. What? There's no pet.
It's in the bedroom. Come on. No, I'm not...
Trailer? Romeo, I know code when I heard it. I'm not stupid.
What kind of person do you think I am?
What about romance? What about getting to know each other, Carol?
What about...? Romeo, meet Cardi.
(GROWLS SOFTLY)
That's you there, Mr Happy. There you go.
Mo's Tickle, dude. Tickle? Stains.
Right, first things first.
I want you all to watch this. (CLEARS THROAT) Why am I Mr Slow?
Why what? Mr Slow. You saying I'm thick or something?
Hey, chill out, you bloody maniac. We just chose them at random, dude.
Change it. It's only a mug.
I am not being Mr Slow. Well, I'm not changing it.
Here, you be Mr Slow. I'm on coffee.
Coffee's fine. Get away. Look, I'm not being Mr Slow!
(SLAMS CUP ON TABLE) No way. End of story. I refuse!
Here, you be Mr fucking Slow. He's old, you daft git.
Look at him. What?
He's old. That's why he's slow. He's not thick, is he?
They're not gonna have a fucking kid's character who's thick
called Mr Slow. Now, drink your tea. Video.
Watch.
'Ashley, you've never fought a man like me before,
and as God as my judge,
I'm gonna kill your brain. I'm gonna put you in a fucking hospital.
By the time I'm done with you, you're gonna need your mum
to wipe your arsehole.
Off to Blane!' (MEN CHEERING)
Fuck the Blanes. Fuck the Blanes. Fuck the Blanes. Son of a...
I will not be wiping your arse,
because you are not going to lose to that gobshite.
This is provocation, this is posturing,
and we won't rise to it.
We do our talking the way we've always done, with these.
You're a Dennings, and Dennings don't lose.
Come on, Ashley, wreck him.
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
How's things with you and Erin? Good, man. You getting on?
I'm saying, with all that shit with McCann's men following her,
it were freaking her out, weren't it? It's all settled down now, has it?
Yeah. What?
We're fucking like rabbits. All right. Yeah.
Actually, no, rabbits don't even do it this often. We're like porn rabbits.
Honestly, it's like we're newly dating.
I mean, my balls are sore. Do you remember the sore balls?
Probably from that wanking competition.
So, what's that all about then?
I'm not complaining.
My dick's not complaining. My head's got a few questions. Mm-hm.
Like, I don't... When did it start?
After I found that guy Jake at her house?
He had been there for hours and then...
I don't know. Psychologically, it makes me question her motives.
The overcompensation sex. Exactly.
Yeah. Nice!
I don't know, dude. Shagging is shagging at the end of the day.
Yes, it is. Lucky bastard. Christ.
She hates you. She loves me.
(PANTING) I think I'm gonna puke.
You won't puke, man. I might puke. If you tell yourself puking's a possibility,
you might puke. You gotta tell yourself you won't puke.
How do you run like that? It's what I do, innit?
It turns this off. I can't do this every day, Vin.
Do you wanna lose the fight? No. Then we've gotta train, Ash.
I'm a Dennings. We don't lose fights.
Brawn's not enough, man. You've gotta have stamina.
Do you think George Jr is being complacent?
He isn't. He's up every morning, cracking dawn, lifting, pushing.
How do you know? I don't. That's what I'm trying to tell you.
You don't know either, do ya? He's a fucking tough lad.
If you lose the fight, your family's gonna kill ya.
I know. You've gotta think of pride, don't ya? Think of honour.
More than anything...
think of the money we've got riding on it.
(MEN CLAMOURING)
I know your dad. In you go.
Five minutes off here. Five minutes.
Cardi, do us a solid, dude.
Go and ask the Blanes if they're ready. We've got five minutes here.
(STAMMERING) Me?
Yeah, you don't have to fight him, dude. You just have to say, "Are you ready?"
Can I come with you? No, I'm good, I'm good.
(MEN CLAMOURING)
Oh, shit.
(SOFTLY) Excuse...
Excuse me.
Exc...
(STAMMERING) Sorry to interrupt.
We were wondering if you're ready.
(MEN LAUGHING)
Bring it on, fat boy.
(MEN LAUGHING) Get out of here.
I'm A Man
# Now when I was a little boy
# At the age of five
# I had something in my pocket
# Keeps a lot of folks alive...
You've got nowt to lose.
We want fair play. No holding, no biting.
Watch your heads. Whoever breaks the rules loses the fight.
Otherwise, it's the first one to offer a hand. May the best man win. God bless you both.
(CROWD CHEERING)
(INDISTINCT)
Attaboy.
(ALL SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY)
♪ All you pretty women Stand in line ♪
# All you pretty women Come on! Come on, yeah! Whoo!
(PEOPLE CLAMOURING)
(GRUNTS) (ALL CHEERING)
Yeah! Come on!
Come on!
(INDISTINCT)
Put your fucking hands up. He's getting boxed in the fucking head every five minutes.
Hey! That's an illegal, that.
(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)
(MAN WHISTLING)
Come on, buddy. Come on, buddy. Come on. Go, go.
(INAUDIBLE)
(ALL CHEERING)
Come on, Ash!
Break it up! Break it up! Break it up!
(INAUDIBLE)
(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)
No!
What are you doing?
Ash, come on!
Come on, Ash! Come on!
Get him up! Get him up, now! (SIRENS WAILING)
(INDISTINCT)
Go! Get the fuck...
Get him in. Get his legs. Got him.
Get him in. Where are you taking him? Come on.
To the hospital. I'm going with you. So am I.
With you, we'll never make it. He's my best friend, I'm coming. We'll follow on.
No, no. Do not get arrested.
Strap yourself in, Mo. Jesus Christ, they're everywhere.
Ash, Ash.
We need to get out of here quick.
(GRUNTING)
They've made shitloads of arrests.
Half the district's more footage is there out tonight.
That's this bastard, next door, this. Ken Buslowski.
I bet you, he's tipped them off.
Just think, all of this weed here, right under their noses.
You absolutely love this, don't you?
Come on, don't you?
Oh, It's exciting. The fight, the rain. My heart is pounding.
Yes, But I told Kath I'd pick Tyler up at 9:30,
and I'm stuck in a weed shed, so.
You know, there's officers punching people there right now. Yeah?
Shall we go for it? Fuck off, we can't.
Can we?
(BOTH BREATHING HEAVILY) (ERIN MOANING)
(MOANING CONTINUES)
Want a Bonbon?
(EXHALING DEEPLY)
We've stabilised him, but his injuries are significant.
Broken nose, concussion and serious head injury.
However, we think the reason he collapsed
was due a toxin we found in his blood.
A toxin? A drug called alprazolam.
It's commonly used as a horse tranquiliser.
They fucking drugged him.
I seem to recall, we had Ash in, not long ago, with chloroform poisoning.
Is that a problem he has or...? No, that was me.
He thought it was a good way to drug a Shetland pony, is all.
Should have used alprazolam. Yeah, they don't sell that down at the pub.
There is a concern.
In humans, it can have an effect on brain function.
On brain function?
It's been known to cause strokes, seizures.
We're gonna have to keep him monitored.
They drugged my boy. Those bastards, I could kill them.
Well, that's your choice. Just...
..don't leave them with life-threatening injuries.
You lot are costing the NHS a fortune.
I'm sorry.
All right.
Let me go and have a word with them lads.
You? Yeah, me.
Tell them they didn't fucking win.
He's fine. Reading stories.
Getting in his pyjamas.
Yeah, do you mind having him a bit longer?
Yeah, sure. Is everything OK, Erin?
Yeah, something's erupted.
Great. All right, Kath, thanks. I owe ya. Bye.
Vinnie, I got weapons, so...
What if it goes off, man? What if they start? They'll fucking kill us.
They know what they've done. Go on, then. Come on, just jump in the van.
Be cool, Vinnie. Show them we mean business. All right.
(MEN TALKING INDISTINCTLY)
Nope. (LEVER CREAKING)
Where's Joe Blane? Who's asking?
We're asking. Who's we?
Us six in here. Me, him, her and them three in the back.
Who's you six in there? You, him, her, them three in the back?
Does it matter? Where's Joe Blane's trailer, mate?
We need to have a word with him. Really?
What's the problem, Paddy? Look at this.
You come to pay us our money? No, because you won't be getting any.
And why is that, then? Cos it wasn't a fair fight.
Men can't fight if his system is swimming with drugs.
Drugs he didn't even fucking put there. Stop talking shit.
I beat him fair-and-square. No, you didn't.
Listen, I told you I'll put him in a hospital.
That's what I fucking did. Drugs did.
Drugs put my mate in the hospital. You lot know better than I do.
It's supposed to be man versus man. We came for a fair fight
and today that didn't happen. Today, I killed him.
No, you didn't. You spiked him, it is what you did.
How can you be all right with this?
How can you fucking justify it to yourselves?
You're fucking cheats, is what you are.
Dylan, you need to hear it, you know you are.
So what are you proposing?
A rematch. Well, he can't because in hospital.
Your bird's right. He can't fight in that condition.
So what?
You got a new opponent for me?
Yeah. Yeah, I do.
Who? Me.
Oh, fuck off. (LAUGHING)
I'm being serious. Me. For my friend, Ashley.
For the sake of a fair fight, I'll be your new opponent. Come here.
If he wants a hiding, why not?
(CHUCKLES)
(LAUGHING)
Call the ambulance now, lads, will we? (GIGGLING) Shit!
Nice one, dickhead. That's backfired, hasn't it. You, get in the van.
You're gonna get murdered. Not necessarily. Absolutely annihilated.
All right, well, maybe.
Maybe not. Let's have a look at some positivity, yeah?
I'm fast, I am. And I've got good stamina.
That's all I have for now. Let's have a look at some negatives.
Vinnie, you're gonna get killed. Oh.
First Ash, now you. Well, I'm going home. I need a kebab.
Cardi, no red meat. A chicken burger, then!
With fucking fries!
Cardi, you don't know the way. Fuck off! Cardi.
I love Ashley.
He's my best friend and then, to see him get...
You know, like last night... (SOBBING)
Now Vinnie's gonna get the same.
Why? What's the point of it all?
It's our tradition. It's a stupid tradition.
Come here, come on.
Let all the tension go. Allow yourself to be held.
Like, when you were a small child and you had a problem
and your mammy made it all better.
No, more than that. All your muscles need to unclench.
Let the tension go away. Put your head on me chest.
Ah! There you go.
Just cry if you want to cry.
Whatever you want to do is fine.
Let all your cares fade away, eh?
There you go, that's it.
Everything's all right. Everything's OK.
Mammy's here, huh? Mammy make everything all right.
Hm?
We think it's best if Cardi sleeps in with me tonight, don't you?
Mm? Yeah. Yes.
I think tonight it's best if little Cardi sleeps in with Mammy.
Mammy keep him safe.
Yeah. Yeah. Come on, come on.
Come on.
Everything will be all right in the morning.
Romeo, out.
Post him a video. Tell them, they're nothing but a bunch of cheating pricks
Tell them, they have to face a Dennings.
What have you told ya? I shook on it. So it has to be me now, you lemon.
But you'll lose and if you lose, then we lose money.
Mate, he's right. What do you want me to do?
Mic's in a cell so he can't fight. He can't fight,
he's soft in the bloody middle, hasn't trained since his injury.
Bull shit. It's the fucking truth.
You know why Ashley fights? He does it for you lot.
To prove himself, despite the fact he fucking hates it.
Despite that fact he wants a completely different life. Honest to God,
this just isn't who he is. And who is he?
Vinnie, shut it.
He just wants to be happy. Living the life he wants live, Mo.
What are you saying? I am saying... You, fuck...
Shut your mouth. What you gonna do? Were you gonna give me a good hiding like you did his lover?
It's a funny phase. It's gonna pass. Funny phase? You fucking mad?
You just can't accept him for what he is.
Your own brother and I'll tell you right now,
he's more of a man, than you'll ever be.
That's what bothers you?
That's what bothers you and I'm telling you right now,
it's never, ever been a problem for us and that's why he loves us.
Let me fight, man. No. For my friend, let me fight.
I said, no! Hey... Whoa, whoa!
Yeah? Yeah! (CHUCKLES) Yeah?
I am not a fucking kid any more. Let's have it, man. I'll kill ya.
(GROANING)
He fights. Mam, it's me bad shoulder.
He fights.
Sorry. (GRUNTS)
Vinnie! Vin.
Hey. Take a seat.
What can I do you for? Er...
Well, it's the... It's my bipolar.
Oh, no. (SCOFFS) I've just made a decision.
Yeah. I've not thought about the consequences.
Yeah. Mm-hm.
It's like my fucking head tells me to do these things.
Oh, no. I'm probably gonna end up getting killed here.
I started a... Terrible.
Are you high? What?
No. Your pupils are massive, man
and you're like a fucking nodding dog. What's going on?
I'm the doctor here. Let's stick to the time-honoured convention of
you tell me about your health and I'll... You're high.
I'm not. Yeah, you are. I'm not.
What've you taken? What?
You're gonna end up getting struck off. Vinnie, sit down. Vinnie, sit.
You better sort your shit out, pal.
Vinnie. Vinnie, sit down. Waste of time. Vin...
Vinnie. Wait, Vinnie.
Vin, I need to talk to you.
Yeah, and I need to talk to you there where you're paid to listen.
Wait a sec. Wait a second?
What about your other patients? Waiting time's bad enough.
Hang on! Vin!
He asked me to pretend to be this Russian whore.
(WOMAN LAUGHS)
Naughty boy. I spank you. (CHUCKLES)
You're lucky I don't poison you, my secret nerve agent
and take it out on your English ass.
He loves all our kinky shit, the spanking.
You never think though, would you? No. Little innocent face. I know.
I thought you two hadn't been getting on. No, we haven't.
We shag more when there's problems. My way of getting us close.
It worked. Yeah.
Oh, shit, Kath.
What am I gonna do if I am? Fucking shitting myself.
I can't mess everything up.
Thanks, mate. Have you seen a skinny lad, thinning hair?
Firstly, you need to find out... Vinnie!
A bloke looking for you. (WHISPERS) I'm not here, Sid.
You are, you're down there. Oh, my God! You are a bellend, dude!
Vinnie. Doc, while you're here, can you look at the weeping rash?
Shit. You all right? You all right? Yeah.
You just in there? No. (STUTTERS) I was.
I just... You know, I needed a pee, so...
Yeah. I went and had one. Mm.
Ah, so this fight...
you're gonna get killed. Come on, why does everyone keep saying that?
Because you are gonna get killed. It's absolutely ridiculous. Pull out.
I can't pull out. Why not? Because I've shook on it.
It's tradition. Oh, don't be a twat.
Look, Dylan's scared for you. I'm scared for you.
You know what I mean. You can seriously get hurt here.
We love you, you dickhead.
Did anything happen between you and that Jake lad?
What?
He's a good-looking lad, you know. Say that again.
Say that again and see what happens.
That went well. Fucking hell.
You all right, Sid? Whoa! Come on. Penis, dude.
Hear you're gonna get killed, Vin? I'm not gonna get killed.
Can't you use the toilet? Prefer it al fresco.
I've just really seen your knob there.
I know who you are, son...
..and I know, what you are.
And I want you to know...
that I can live with it.
I'm your mam...
and I'll always love you, no matter what.
But I mean, no flouncing around, like...
No Graham Norton stuff.
But privately.
If that's you...
..if that's what you like...
..then...
Make me a whore! You are!
More! You are a maniac! (CREAKING NOISES)
Turn back!
Come on! Yes, yes! More!
(BOTH MOANING)
More! Force it into me, boss.
(SNIFFLES)
(CLEARS THROAT)
(PANTING)
What the fuck are you doing here?
I wanted to talk to you. How did you know where I live?
I'm a GP. I've got access to your records.
My address isn't on the bloody records. The pub is.
I went there, paid a man in specs five pounds to tell me.
Jesus! You are a bloody stalker, man.
Have a sit down.
You were right, Vinnie. I was taking stuff.
Yeah, I know you were.
Got in a bad place. I'll say. (SCOFFS)
Not the drugs. The drugs were just a slip.
Something to take my mind off the real problem...
Oh, God. Genuinely nervous. Where's this going now?
I'm addicted to women's knees. I'm listening.
Round knees, shins, thighs, mainly knees.
I had this marriage. She was...
She was great. (SOBS)
She was my soulmate. But I couldn't stop
wanting to see other women's knees. Just to touch 'em, to kiss 'em, to lick 'em, to...
I tried it on with a couple of her friends. I mean, nothing weird, just...
..getting close to their knees at parties.
Throwing drink over them and wiping it off.
One day she caught me cracking one out when her friend came
round in her short skirt and the whole thing unravelled.
When women come into the surgery and I'm just thinking of...
..excuses to take their dresses off, you know, praying that they'll have lower limb issues.
I'm losing control of myself, Vin. It's all I can think about.
Look, I sympathise with you, Chris. Honestly, really, I do, man.
I don't know what you expect me to do about all this.
Think about it, Vin. Look, our minds are...
The thoughts here... they're worrying.
But just talking about it, just sitting here
and being able to say things, it just...
(EXHALES) It's like a weight been lifted.
So I was thinking, Vinnie,
Just say if you think this is a terrible idea, but I was thinking...
I need help, you need help,
to talk about our thoughts, and maybe we could be like, you know,
a therapy for each other. Like a two-man counselling group.
What do you think?
Well... (EXHALES)
I mean, well, yeah... I've got to have a bare knuckle fight
with a brutal traveller on Tuesday, so can we do it after that?
(SHEEP BLEATING)
(PANTING)
Piss off, JJ.
(GRUNTS) (LAUGHS)
(PANTING)
(GROANS) Cheers.
All right, go. Now, listen to me, we come for a fair fight,
and my boy Ashley was bloody spiked. No-one knocked anyone out.
I'm Vinnie O'Neil. I've come to fight with a bit of fucking respect, a bit of honour from the opponent,
You're fucking dickheads! Oh, my God!
Fuck off! What are you doin'? You've ruined that.
You've ruined that. Turn it off. We're not having chips!
You've ruined that. Turn it off. (INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
Yes, go on, Joe! Go on, Joe, lad!
Prick. No need for that, Joe.
You little queer. Yeah, you fucking wish.
Told you I'm not your type. (CHUCKLES)
Hope you rang the hospital. Booked a bed next to your little faggot friend, eh?
It's a hospital. They don't do advanced bookings, you bellend.
Right, lads. Just know the rules.
I want a fair fight. No holding, no kicking,
no head-butting and no biting.
Whoever breaks the rules, loses the fight.
Otherwise, it's the first man to offer his hand. Mm-hm.
I said it's the first man... to offer his hand.
I don't wanna offer him my hand. He's a dick.
God bless you both. (CROWD CHEERING) Come on, Vin.
(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)
Vinnie!
(CROWD CHEERS) (GRUNTS)
Why you not fighting?
Where's my money? Oh, fuck off!
(CROWD CHEERING)
(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)
Yes, mate!
(INAUDIBLE)
Yes! Yes! Good boy! Come on, Vinnie!
Vinnie? Hm? The fuck you doing?
You fucked my eye, Joe. Start fucking dancing, start fighting, will you.
Fight on, lad. (CHEERING)
(SIRENS WAILING)
Ash!
(APPLAUSE) Fight's over, our lad's won.
Are you all right?
Get him up, get him up, get him up!
You all right?
(CROWD CHEERS)
Go on, son.
Ashley, no.
All right, there. No harm, right? (EXHALES)
All right, fair is fair. It's your fight.
No, no, no, no. What are any of us without our honour?
Yes. That man there said it.
And it's true. You're a brave man, Vinnie.
You knew you were going to lose and you fought for your friend.
Come here to me now. (VINNIE GROANS)
A brave man! (CROWD CHEERS)
(CROWD EXCLAIMING) Jesus.
He's fine. Well, nothing life-threatening.
Two of his ribs are cracked, his face won't be its gorgeous self for a while.
Can we see him? He needs rest. Come back tomorrow.
Fuck that. Let's go. No, no, the doctor's right. He needs his rest.
Come on. Come back tomorrow.
Dylan, listen. I need to wee, OK? So I'll meet you outside.
Yeah. Two minutes.
(WHISPERS) Hi. Hi.
You're looking good. Mm-hm. (SCOFFS)
I know you were there the other day, Vin,
in the pub, when I was talking to Kath.
I'm not sure what you heard. Mm. Not much.
(SIGHS) You know, I'm in a mess, Vinnie.
I...I do wanna have a kid with him.
With Dylan. Because Tyler is not his and I'd love him to be a real dad.
But the timing's not right.
It'd mess up all my plans, my future.
Tyler's future.
Oh, for fuck's sake.
I can't believe I let this happen again.
You know, getting pregnant by mistake once...
Understandable. But twice?
It's starting to look like stupid, eh.
All the lies that I told the first time around...
The elaborate bullshit.
I stopped the guy from finding out it was his.
Timing's changed. Then I get crap about boyfriends.
Because it was a shag. It was just a shag.
And the guy would have felt obliged to be a part of Tyler's life. I didn't want that.
It was my choice to keep him.
And I wanted him on my terms.
I never wanted anything to tie me down, Vin.
So I lied.
I mean...
The guy didn't really even remember it happening.
He asked me the next day, and I told him nothing.
We were too wasted.
So I lied.
And that's what I'm gonna do this time because if I tell Dylan,
he'll want to keep it and if we keep it...
..it will tie me down.
So whatever you've heard, you need to un-hear, OK?
Because it's going away.
Erin. Er...
(GROANS)
(SIGHS)
Vincent O' Neil,
pleased to meet you.
I'm Terence McCann.
I want compensation, 20K, this month.
What do you want us to do? Rob 'em or what?
I want them dead. We're thieves. This matter doesn't really come under our radar.
Oi, Jimmy Savile!
Oi, that's me little lad.
Things go on as they were. No-one knows and no-one will.
We'll nick 'em, sell 'em, tell her they're dead.
Easy money.
Just take a look at this.
Oh, come on. Look at that. For fuck's sake.
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