1 00:00:01,821 --> 00:00:04,501 'This programme contains very strong language 2 00:00:04,541 --> 00:00:07,221 from the outset and throughout.' 3 00:00:24,501 --> 00:00:26,341 Oi! 4 00:00:27,821 --> 00:00:30,381 Little Lord Fauntleroy! 5 00:00:30,421 --> 00:00:32,901 Oi! Shirley Temple! 6 00:00:32,941 --> 00:00:34,741 Oh, no, you don't! 7 00:00:34,781 --> 00:00:36,301 These are BRITISH fields 8 00:00:36,341 --> 00:00:40,301 and whatever's found on British fields, stays in British hands. 9 00:00:40,341 --> 00:00:42,061 What? I said, 10 00:00:42,101 --> 00:00:45,421 what the fuck are you doing scavenging on my field?! 11 00:00:45,461 --> 00:00:49,301 YOUR field? Correction - this is no man's land. 12 00:00:49,341 --> 00:00:52,261 This is the unoccupied buffer between our two fiefdoms. 13 00:00:52,301 --> 00:00:54,141 Talk fucking normal! 14 00:00:54,181 --> 00:00:56,381 I'm just as entitled to be on here as you. 15 00:00:56,421 --> 00:00:57,901 And I'm not scavenging. 16 00:00:57,941 --> 00:01:01,141 I'm looking for irreplaceable items that have been stolen, 17 00:01:01,181 --> 00:01:03,901 in the dead of night, from my house. 18 00:01:03,941 --> 00:01:06,421 Oh, yeah. What items? Never mind what items. 19 00:01:06,461 --> 00:01:09,061 But the perpetrators made their way across here, 20 00:01:09,101 --> 00:01:12,461 and the beady eye of suspicion points to your thieving friends. 21 00:01:12,501 --> 00:01:16,301 Hey, that's fucking libel! That's fucking slander... 22 00:01:16,341 --> 00:01:19,141 I don't know what it fucking is but it's something. 23 00:01:19,181 --> 00:01:21,901 Imaginary line right down the middle. 24 00:01:21,941 --> 00:01:23,741 My half, your half. 25 00:01:23,781 --> 00:01:25,741 Now fuck right off. 26 00:01:25,781 --> 00:01:27,781 Well, I'm warning you - so pass it on - 27 00:01:27,821 --> 00:01:29,421 I'm going high tech, low tech, 28 00:01:29,461 --> 00:01:31,781 and every fucking tech in between over there. 29 00:01:31,821 --> 00:01:34,141 It's gonna be like Alcatraz, Fort Knox... 30 00:01:34,181 --> 00:01:36,301 Bold Lane car park. 31 00:01:38,461 --> 00:01:41,301 Ah, probably an old fucking tin can. 32 00:01:43,861 --> 00:01:45,741 Hey. Hey. 33 00:01:45,781 --> 00:01:50,021 This is still my land, so whatever you find there is fucking mine! 34 00:01:50,061 --> 00:01:52,901 # The best things in life are free... 35 00:01:52,941 --> 00:01:55,461 Tom! You're being fucking unreasonable. 36 00:01:55,501 --> 00:01:57,501 I'm not being unreasonable, right? 37 00:01:57,541 --> 00:02:00,901 I am the proprietor of Hawley's premiere mobile erotic parlour - 38 00:02:00,941 --> 00:02:02,221 Fuck truck. 39 00:02:02,261 --> 00:02:05,861 Yeah... And as such... I cannot be sharing 40 00:02:05,901 --> 00:02:09,421 me storage-cum-office space with my one-time co-assistant manager. 41 00:02:09,461 --> 00:02:12,661 Excuse me! I'm trying to set up a business for us, Tom, right? 42 00:02:12,701 --> 00:02:15,181 I need a proper desk. Have you been downstairs, Erin? 43 00:02:15,221 --> 00:02:16,781 Yeah. It's a pub. It's full of 'em. 44 00:02:16,821 --> 00:02:18,901 I can't run a business off a sticky pub table! 45 00:02:18,941 --> 00:02:22,421 May I introduce you to your friend and mine, the humble wet wipe. 46 00:02:22,461 --> 00:02:24,821 You are fucking sharing. 47 00:02:26,341 --> 00:02:28,861 Oh! What do you want, Jimbo? 48 00:02:28,901 --> 00:02:31,021 # DOVES: Black And White Town 49 00:02:46,781 --> 00:02:49,181 JIM: Hey, where do you think it leads? 50 00:02:49,221 --> 00:02:50,701 Yes, it's quite curious. 51 00:02:50,741 --> 00:02:53,541 Maybe it leads UNDERGROUND, you fucking lemon. 52 00:02:53,581 --> 00:02:56,941 Well, obviously it leads underground, but THEN where? 53 00:02:56,981 --> 00:02:59,421 All right, come on, then. Let's fucking see. 54 00:03:01,661 --> 00:03:04,501 Right, here we go. Are we ready? Yes. Come on. 55 00:03:04,541 --> 00:03:06,621 Oh, yeah! 56 00:03:06,661 --> 00:03:09,181 Well, whatever it is, it's been here for decades. 57 00:03:09,221 --> 00:03:11,301 Hey. Maybe it's Roman. It's not Roman! 58 00:03:11,341 --> 00:03:13,941 It's not Roman, you plum. It's a fucking padlock on it. 59 00:03:13,981 --> 00:03:15,861 Heave it up. 60 00:03:18,301 --> 00:03:20,901 Oh, my giddy aunt's vagina! 61 00:03:20,941 --> 00:03:23,701 Fuck dude, it's super big down here. 62 00:03:23,741 --> 00:03:25,741 Come on, Shirley, come on, lad. 63 00:03:25,781 --> 00:03:29,701 Hey, this goes right under my field. SHIRLEY: It's in MY field. 64 00:03:29,741 --> 00:03:32,661 ERIN: There's a light switch. 65 00:03:32,701 --> 00:03:33,981 Come on, then. 66 00:03:34,021 --> 00:03:36,621 SHIRLEY: I'm getting a vision of a large circular table 67 00:03:36,661 --> 00:03:39,421 and still seated, six human skeletons. 68 00:03:39,461 --> 00:03:40,661 Shut up. ERIN: Stinks. 69 00:03:40,701 --> 00:03:42,901 Come on, Jimbo. Here we go. Here we go. 70 00:03:42,941 --> 00:03:44,501 Ready? 71 00:03:44,541 --> 00:03:47,061 ERIN: Right, be careful. 72 00:03:49,061 --> 00:03:50,901 Yeah... Wow. Easy, easy. 73 00:03:51,741 --> 00:03:53,941 Hello! Fucking hell! 74 00:03:53,981 --> 00:03:56,901 Me fucking heart! Bastard! You could have fucking killed him. 75 00:03:56,941 --> 00:03:59,221 Could've killed him, but sadly he's still standing. 76 00:03:59,261 --> 00:04:00,981 Fucking hell. Ah. 77 00:04:01,021 --> 00:04:02,981 What the fuck? 78 00:04:03,021 --> 00:04:06,221 Are you joking me? Are you twisting my fucking melon? 79 00:04:06,261 --> 00:04:09,101 It's incredible. ERIN: It's quite damp, isn't it? 80 00:04:09,141 --> 00:04:11,221 Oh, dude look at it! 81 00:04:11,261 --> 00:04:12,981 No way! 82 00:04:13,021 --> 00:04:15,221 There's a fucking tea cups and a teapot! 83 00:04:15,261 --> 00:04:17,301 Jeez. Oh, my fucking God. Oh, my God. 84 00:04:17,341 --> 00:04:19,981 I'm telling you now, this is a fucking war bunker, in't it? 85 00:04:20,021 --> 00:04:21,981 It's from the Second World War or summat. 86 00:04:22,021 --> 00:04:24,981 Cables and wires run all the way through here, yeah? 87 00:04:25,021 --> 00:04:29,181 So, surely we could get fucking leccy down here again, couldn't we? 88 00:04:29,221 --> 00:04:32,021 Potentially, yeah. Well, actually, in that case... 89 00:04:32,061 --> 00:04:36,581 congratulations, Erin, we might have just found...your new office. 90 00:04:36,621 --> 00:04:38,261 How's about that? Fuck right off. 91 00:04:38,301 --> 00:04:41,261 No, I mean fucking weed grow, you dick ends, don't I? 92 00:04:41,301 --> 00:04:42,541 Oh. Weed grow? 93 00:04:42,581 --> 00:04:44,741 Look at it. It's bloody perfecto, in't it? 94 00:04:44,781 --> 00:04:47,661 No-one's ever gonna find this fucking place. Not one fold. 95 00:04:47,701 --> 00:04:49,861 Never mind your nefarious activities. 96 00:04:49,901 --> 00:04:52,181 This is heritage, history - Activities... 97 00:04:52,221 --> 00:04:55,381 That is a good idea, Vin, and as your new landlord, 98 00:04:55,421 --> 00:04:57,861 I'll be wanting six months rent in advance. 99 00:04:57,901 --> 00:04:59,381 Is that what you'd like? Yes. 100 00:04:59,421 --> 00:05:01,941 I'll give it you now, you gobshite. Ah, you bastard! 101 00:05:01,981 --> 00:05:03,861 This is MY land. 102 00:05:03,901 --> 00:05:05,381 It's MY land! 103 00:05:06,101 --> 00:05:08,541 I can't fucking believe it. I swear to God, 104 00:05:08,581 --> 00:05:11,061 I've wanted to find summat like that since I was a little lad. 105 00:05:11,101 --> 00:05:13,661 I can't believe...a fucking bunker. 106 00:05:13,701 --> 00:05:15,381 Shit. Vinnie, Vinnie, Vinnie. 107 00:05:15,421 --> 00:05:16,621 Who the hell are they? 108 00:05:16,661 --> 00:05:19,581 Those are our old friends the MacDonaghs. 109 00:05:19,621 --> 00:05:22,421 Make sure they don't fucking see it. Keep it out of sight. 110 00:05:22,461 --> 00:05:25,781 Hello, Thomas...other people. 111 00:05:25,821 --> 00:05:27,461 What the fuck do you two want? 112 00:05:27,501 --> 00:05:30,221 That's not a very nice welcome, is it, after all this time? 113 00:05:30,261 --> 00:05:32,501 I've been away, Vincent, having surgery. 114 00:05:32,541 --> 00:05:34,381 Oh, nothing minor, we hope. 115 00:05:34,421 --> 00:05:39,501 I've had a testicle removed - my left one - most undignified, 116 00:05:39,541 --> 00:05:42,181 but they replaced it with a marvellous artificial one. 117 00:05:42,221 --> 00:05:44,341 You can barely feel the difference. Nice. 118 00:05:44,381 --> 00:05:45,741 And now we're back. 119 00:05:45,781 --> 00:05:48,661 And I'm looking to reignite our business relations. 120 00:05:48,701 --> 00:05:51,141 Nothing to do with Manolito. No. No way. 121 00:05:51,181 --> 00:05:54,021 We're not working with you again. Why not, pretty cheeks? 122 00:05:54,061 --> 00:05:56,661 I tell you why, cos since Dylan went fucking missing, 123 00:05:56,701 --> 00:05:59,501 we vowed we wanted nothing more to do with you and we meant it. 124 00:05:59,541 --> 00:06:01,661 And I told you, after Dylan went missing, 125 00:06:01,701 --> 00:06:04,141 that Barry and I know nothing about it. 126 00:06:04,181 --> 00:06:05,701 I'm rather fond of Dylan... 127 00:06:05,741 --> 00:06:08,021 and despite our differences, I wish him no harm. 128 00:06:08,061 --> 00:06:10,661 Well, you're a sweetheart, but the answer's still a very firm no! 129 00:06:10,701 --> 00:06:13,301 She said you'd say that. Who the fuck's "she"? 130 00:06:13,341 --> 00:06:14,861 Our sister, Donna. 131 00:06:14,901 --> 00:06:16,221 Donna MacDonagh? 132 00:06:16,261 --> 00:06:20,021 During my absence, she's got more involved in the family business. 133 00:06:20,061 --> 00:06:23,301 And she requests a quiet word with you, Vincent, in person. 134 00:06:23,341 --> 00:06:25,461 Sound. All right, well, do us a solid. 135 00:06:25,501 --> 00:06:28,621 You go and tell your Donna to stick a quiet word up her arse. 136 00:06:28,661 --> 00:06:30,821 Hey, hey! Baz, Baz! Leave him, Bazzy! 137 00:06:45,381 --> 00:06:48,221 Wow! JIM: Fucking hell! 138 00:06:51,941 --> 00:06:53,701 Argh! 139 00:06:56,101 --> 00:06:57,381 Barry? 140 00:06:57,421 --> 00:07:00,101 No, no, no, no. Barry?! Where's me Barry? 141 00:07:02,901 --> 00:07:06,981 JIM: No-one knew it was there. Unexploded mine. 142 00:07:08,141 --> 00:07:10,141 What are the chances? 143 00:07:10,181 --> 00:07:13,661 It was an unused field. A buffer between our fiefdoms. 144 00:07:13,701 --> 00:07:16,381 Not really owned by anyone, especially not me. 145 00:07:16,421 --> 00:07:18,301 Or me. Stop waffling! 146 00:07:18,341 --> 00:07:20,301 My brother's dead... 147 00:07:21,341 --> 00:07:23,501 ..in five fucking pieces. 148 00:07:25,341 --> 00:07:27,181 Six. Oh. 149 00:07:27,221 --> 00:07:29,621 Just being accurate. What's wrong with you? 150 00:07:29,661 --> 00:07:31,541 Davey, listen to me, man. 151 00:07:31,581 --> 00:07:33,941 I'm gonna be honest with you when I say this. 152 00:07:33,981 --> 00:07:36,261 There have been times over the last few months, 153 00:07:36,301 --> 00:07:38,821 I have wished harm on you and your brother Baz. 154 00:07:38,861 --> 00:07:41,941 And I fucking mean that, but I swear to God, 155 00:07:41,981 --> 00:07:45,061 nobody would ever want summat like this, man. 156 00:07:45,101 --> 00:07:47,701 It's fucked. It's awful, mate. 157 00:07:47,741 --> 00:07:50,341 Well, thank you, for those kind words, Vincent. 158 00:07:50,381 --> 00:07:51,741 I mean it. 159 00:07:52,541 --> 00:07:54,701 Donna's not gonna be too happy with this. 160 00:07:54,741 --> 00:07:57,821 Fuck, no. She'll rightly want to find blame. 161 00:07:57,861 --> 00:08:00,181 Fucking hell "blame"! Hang fire a minute. 162 00:08:00,221 --> 00:08:01,781 Davey, listen to me. 163 00:08:01,821 --> 00:08:03,901 You saw what went down on that field today. 164 00:08:03,941 --> 00:08:06,181 I ran in the same direction as Barry. 165 00:08:06,221 --> 00:08:08,101 I jumped right over the fucking thing. 166 00:08:08,141 --> 00:08:11,861 It could have easily have been me that was in...five pieces. 167 00:08:11,901 --> 00:08:14,381 Again...six. Oh, for fuck sake. 168 00:08:14,421 --> 00:08:16,981 Why do you keep doing that? It just feels important. 169 00:08:17,021 --> 00:08:22,101 We know a very good undertaker who will give Barry a lovely funeral. 170 00:08:22,141 --> 00:08:23,621 We do. We do and, you know, 171 00:08:23,661 --> 00:08:25,661 now is not the time to be finding blame. 172 00:08:25,701 --> 00:08:28,581 Certainly not. It's just, such a sad, terrible... 173 00:08:28,621 --> 00:08:30,621 It is sad. Horrible...horrible... 174 00:08:30,661 --> 00:08:32,541 Accident. ..accident that's happened. 175 00:08:32,581 --> 00:08:34,301 It's...awful. Awful. 176 00:08:35,781 --> 00:08:38,301 When we were children, Barry used to massage my shoulders in the bath. 177 00:08:38,341 --> 00:08:40,901 Aww. That's nice. Brotherly love. 178 00:08:42,941 --> 00:08:45,381 I'd place a wet flannel over my face, 179 00:08:45,421 --> 00:08:47,421 pretend I was in a Swedish sauna. 180 00:08:48,181 --> 00:08:51,101 He'd do the accent, too, sometimes. Would he? 181 00:08:51,141 --> 00:08:53,381 Sometimes we'd be in there for hours... 182 00:08:53,421 --> 00:08:56,781 splashing about...windows steamy. 183 00:08:56,821 --> 00:08:59,061 All right, mate. Barry's big hands. 184 00:09:00,781 --> 00:09:02,461 Sweat... 185 00:09:04,421 --> 00:09:07,061 ..dripping. Right. He's in shock. 186 00:09:07,101 --> 00:09:09,261 He's in shock with it all. He is. 187 00:09:15,741 --> 00:09:17,941 Drinks are on the house! 188 00:09:17,981 --> 00:09:20,101 Barry MacDonagh's dead! What? 189 00:09:20,141 --> 00:09:21,901 He's dead! 190 00:09:21,941 --> 00:09:24,061 Barry MacDonagh's dead! 191 00:09:30,661 --> 00:09:32,581 Which one's Barry again? 192 00:09:32,621 --> 00:09:35,581 Put this down, dude. 193 00:09:35,621 --> 00:09:38,341 Oh, fuck me, dude. This fucking... Eurgh! 194 00:09:38,381 --> 00:09:40,421 Fucking torso, for fuck's sake. 195 00:09:40,461 --> 00:09:42,221 Full torso! PARTIAL torso. 196 00:09:42,261 --> 00:09:44,101 I need to wash me hands. I feel gross. 197 00:09:44,141 --> 00:09:47,701 Why do you have to be so fucking pedantic? Gary! 198 00:09:47,741 --> 00:09:51,301 # BACH: Toccata And Fugue in D Minor Oh, what the fuck is this? 199 00:09:52,221 --> 00:09:53,861 What are you even doing here? 200 00:09:53,901 --> 00:09:55,861 I'm Gary's new assistant. Learning the ropes. 201 00:09:55,901 --> 00:09:57,301 Found him on Insta. 202 00:09:57,341 --> 00:09:59,101 How the fuck have you ended up... 203 00:09:59,141 --> 00:10:00,941 That's bloody bridezilla - 204 00:10:00,981 --> 00:10:03,461 the lunatic who got married to one of JJ's cousins. 205 00:10:03,501 --> 00:10:06,381 Do you remember? I'm getting married in three days 206 00:10:06,421 --> 00:10:08,981 and I don't need this kind of fucking stress! 207 00:10:09,021 --> 00:10:11,421 Yeah, well it didn't last - the money-squandering, 208 00:10:11,461 --> 00:10:13,821 limp-dicked twat went to retrain as a Reiki therapist. 209 00:10:13,861 --> 00:10:16,461 I think he might've dodged a bullet, to be honest, Satan. 210 00:10:16,501 --> 00:10:19,901 Where the fuck is Gary? 'No, we don't bury gangsters.' 211 00:10:19,941 --> 00:10:21,941 That is just nonsense. You do! 212 00:10:21,981 --> 00:10:23,821 You buried Pretty Boy Patel. 213 00:10:23,861 --> 00:10:25,461 'He was a friend of my aunt.' 214 00:10:25,501 --> 00:10:27,421 And Colin Callawalla. Good memory. 215 00:10:27,461 --> 00:10:29,741 'He was a minor criminal, mostly extortion. 216 00:10:29,781 --> 00:10:32,461 Have you reported the death yet?' No.Yes. 217 00:10:33,221 --> 00:10:36,341 I didn't want the cops snooping around, pointing blame. 218 00:10:36,381 --> 00:10:38,941 'No, listen. You need a death certificate from a doctor.' 219 00:10:38,981 --> 00:10:42,461 Dude, I'll fucking get you one. I'll get you one off Christoph. 220 00:10:42,501 --> 00:10:44,181 Listen, I need fucking help here. 221 00:10:44,221 --> 00:10:47,541 These fuckers, they're the reason Dyldo's gone missing, right? 222 00:10:47,581 --> 00:10:50,101 I mean, Davey's unhinged at the best of fucking times, 223 00:10:50,141 --> 00:10:51,381 you know full well. 224 00:10:51,421 --> 00:10:53,461 And now he's lost his brother, he's capable of... 225 00:10:53,501 --> 00:10:56,101 Jesus Christ, he's capable of anything, in't he? 226 00:10:56,141 --> 00:10:58,621 'Fine, fine, fine! 227 00:10:58,661 --> 00:11:02,101 But I'm in Vegas until next Thursday, so get Meena to do it.' 228 00:11:02,141 --> 00:11:03,981 Are yer? What you doing there? 229 00:11:04,021 --> 00:11:05,901 'It's none of your business what I'm doing. 230 00:11:05,941 --> 00:11:08,861 But if you must know, I'm at an embalming expo... 231 00:11:09,861 --> 00:11:12,661 ..and golfing weekend.' The mind boggles, honestly. 232 00:11:12,701 --> 00:11:15,781 Hey, Gary, does your laptop do this? 233 00:11:15,821 --> 00:11:18,781 Can you sew a body back together? 234 00:11:18,821 --> 00:11:21,621 I'll do my best. 'I'm still here, you cunts.' 235 00:11:21,661 --> 00:11:23,981 Oh! 236 00:11:25,221 --> 00:11:28,941 I think, seeing death... that close up, 237 00:11:28,981 --> 00:11:31,621 it just makes my brain wonder, that's all. 238 00:11:31,661 --> 00:11:34,501 Do you know it's happening, or do you welcome it in? 239 00:11:34,541 --> 00:11:37,701 The peace...letting go? 240 00:11:39,221 --> 00:11:41,581 You don't have to fucking bother any more, do you? 241 00:11:41,621 --> 00:11:43,541 Shall I give you a prescription for Viagra? 242 00:11:43,581 --> 00:11:45,901 Why would you? Why would you, after what I've said? 243 00:11:45,941 --> 00:11:48,701 That's quite the leap, in't it? What leap? 244 00:11:48,741 --> 00:11:52,301 I'm talking about sadness and you've gone to hard dicks. 245 00:11:52,341 --> 00:11:55,221 You wouldn't be thinking about death if you had a five-hour boner. 246 00:11:55,261 --> 00:11:59,141 Knob head. I'm worried that I'm spending too much time by myself again. 247 00:11:59,181 --> 00:12:01,341 What about...what's her name, your friend? 248 00:12:01,381 --> 00:12:04,141 Erin? Well, yeah, she's great, but I... 249 00:12:05,021 --> 00:12:07,941 ..I don't know whether... 250 00:12:07,981 --> 00:12:09,981 Fuck, I don't know. 251 00:12:10,021 --> 00:12:11,941 Well, maybe you need to talk to somebody. 252 00:12:11,981 --> 00:12:13,741 What the fuck are WE doing right now? 253 00:12:13,781 --> 00:12:15,741 Actually, I DO know a good therapist. 254 00:12:15,781 --> 00:12:17,221 Mmm. 255 00:12:17,261 --> 00:12:20,781 A friend from uni. Got a long waiting list, though. 256 00:12:20,821 --> 00:12:23,061 They always do. Does owe me a favour. 257 00:12:23,101 --> 00:12:24,781 Maybe I can get you an urgent referral. 258 00:12:24,821 --> 00:12:26,861 No, don't. Listen... 259 00:12:26,901 --> 00:12:29,701 I'll be jumping the queue of a load of sad people, won't I? 260 00:12:29,741 --> 00:12:32,301 That's not fair. Here you are, Fiona Frank. 261 00:12:32,341 --> 00:12:35,461 I'll get her to call you, set up a time. 262 00:12:35,501 --> 00:12:37,141 You can pay me back in weed. 263 00:12:37,181 --> 00:12:40,261 Hello, Vincent. Myself and Donna have been talking 264 00:12:40,301 --> 00:12:43,741 and we would like to honour Barry's life with a cocktail party, 265 00:12:43,781 --> 00:12:46,581 tomorrow afternoon, 12:30. 266 00:12:46,621 --> 00:12:49,221 Well, 12:30 for one. 267 00:12:50,341 --> 00:12:53,821 She wants you and all your strange friends to attend. 268 00:12:53,861 --> 00:12:56,501 Dress code: Marvellous. 269 00:12:56,541 --> 00:12:59,261 Oh, and by the way, Vincent, 270 00:12:59,301 --> 00:13:01,981 we need Barry there. 271 00:13:02,021 --> 00:13:03,861 He always loved a cocktail. 272 00:13:03,901 --> 00:13:05,581 'Toodle-oo.' 273 00:13:07,821 --> 00:13:09,901 Jesus. "Dress code: Marvellous"? 274 00:13:09,941 --> 00:13:13,221 What does it even mean? Flamboyant shirts, bold colours. 275 00:13:13,261 --> 00:13:15,781 Dress code: Tommo. Sold. 276 00:13:15,821 --> 00:13:17,421 I don't mind. Yeah, yeah. 277 00:13:17,461 --> 00:13:20,621 JJ working? Yeah, he's always working. 278 00:13:20,661 --> 00:13:22,461 Trying to earn for the baby, in't he? 279 00:13:22,501 --> 00:13:24,901 Shame. I would've loved to see him dress marvellous. 280 00:13:24,941 --> 00:13:26,341 I'll be your plus one. 281 00:13:26,381 --> 00:13:28,421 I don't like it. I don't mind telling you 282 00:13:28,461 --> 00:13:31,181 right fucking now, it's a trap, is what it might be. 283 00:13:31,221 --> 00:13:33,461 I think they're gonna lure us into the house, right, 284 00:13:33,501 --> 00:13:37,101 and then Donna MacDonagh, with her heathenous fucking hook-like claws, 285 00:13:37,141 --> 00:13:39,781 will stick 'em in my fucking spine, in't she, the lunatic. 286 00:13:39,821 --> 00:13:41,741 Why would that happen? Is she mad or something? 287 00:13:41,781 --> 00:13:43,461 Yes! Donna...? Put it this way. 288 00:13:43,501 --> 00:13:46,261 Rumour has it she got put away, three years in prison, 289 00:13:46,301 --> 00:13:48,581 for chopping off a man's finger with a rusty chisel. 290 00:13:48,621 --> 00:13:52,141 Right, why don't we just go, drop Barry off and make our excuses? 291 00:13:52,181 --> 00:13:56,221 Well, I'M going! I mean, if she wants to find you, she'll find you. 292 00:13:56,261 --> 00:13:58,181 Besides, I love a cocktail. 293 00:13:58,221 --> 00:14:00,181 Fuck. She's got a good point there. 294 00:14:00,221 --> 00:14:03,541 We can't walk away from the MacDonaghs. We've learned that! 295 00:14:03,581 --> 00:14:05,181 Shit! Shit. 296 00:14:05,221 --> 00:14:06,941 Marvellous! It said "marvellous". 297 00:14:06,981 --> 00:14:09,661 Couldn't you put like a fucking rainbow headband on? 298 00:14:09,701 --> 00:14:12,141 You're all dark. Everything's black on you. 299 00:14:12,181 --> 00:14:13,461 I'm an undertaker. 300 00:14:13,501 --> 00:14:16,381 I have to project an air of undiluted dignity at all times. 301 00:14:16,421 --> 00:14:19,901 I'm starving. I'm doing these 16-hour fasts. 302 00:14:19,941 --> 00:14:22,021 Right, let's stop en route. Fuck, no. 303 00:14:22,061 --> 00:14:23,981 We'll get something when we're there. 304 00:14:24,021 --> 00:14:26,301 At a cocktail party? That's nibbles, Vinnie. 305 00:14:26,341 --> 00:14:29,261 I need carbs. Unless you wanna witness me hangry! 306 00:14:29,301 --> 00:14:30,901 Oh, heaven forbid. 307 00:14:30,941 --> 00:14:32,701 A hangry undertaker. 308 00:14:35,381 --> 00:14:37,621 Right, do you want anything? Need a shit. 309 00:14:37,661 --> 00:14:40,101 Think they've got a toilet? In a restaurant? 310 00:14:40,141 --> 00:14:43,061 It's hardly a fucking restaurant, is it? It's a shit hole. 311 00:14:43,101 --> 00:14:44,861 Customers only. 312 00:14:44,901 --> 00:14:46,981 I AM a customer. He's with me. 313 00:14:47,701 --> 00:14:50,701 YOU'RE a customer - you've ordered. He's not eating. 314 00:14:50,741 --> 00:14:54,101 What? Dude, come on. What difference does it make? 315 00:14:54,141 --> 00:14:55,221 Rules. 316 00:14:55,261 --> 00:14:58,461 So, say I go in and drop my guts - that's the same as him doing it. 317 00:14:58,501 --> 00:15:00,341 And it wouldn't even be as bad as that, 318 00:15:00,381 --> 00:15:02,341 cos I hardly eat anything, be a little poo. 319 00:15:02,381 --> 00:15:04,461 Sorry. Customers only. 320 00:15:04,501 --> 00:15:10,181 F-F-F-Fucking...you and your fucking unblinking lizard eyes, 321 00:15:10,221 --> 00:15:12,741 holding up ludicrous fucking rules, 322 00:15:12,781 --> 00:15:15,621 about who can poo, from who can't poo. 323 00:15:15,661 --> 00:15:19,261 I mean, there's not even a fucking boss here, no-one of authority. 324 00:15:19,301 --> 00:15:22,381 Only us three would know I've had a shit! 325 00:15:23,301 --> 00:15:24,781 Sorry for shouting. 326 00:15:26,861 --> 00:15:30,261 It's getting urgent. I'm starting to fucking crown, dude. All right? 327 00:15:30,301 --> 00:15:33,541 OK, actually, erm, you know what? I need to go. 328 00:15:33,581 --> 00:15:34,981 Give me the key. 329 00:15:35,021 --> 00:15:37,581 You're just gonna give it to him. No. No. 330 00:15:37,621 --> 00:15:42,021 I don't trust you. Hey, I'm a customer. Key, please. 331 00:15:47,301 --> 00:15:48,981 Thank you. 332 00:15:49,021 --> 00:15:50,581 There you go. Hiyah! 333 00:15:50,621 --> 00:15:52,381 Dickhead! 334 00:15:52,421 --> 00:15:54,901 Well, you should be ashamed of yourself. 335 00:15:57,181 --> 00:15:59,781 Spiteful pizza. Shit! 336 00:15:59,821 --> 00:16:02,781 The coffin's gone. Oh, fuck me! 337 00:16:02,821 --> 00:16:04,541 Who the fuck steals a coffin? 338 00:16:04,581 --> 00:16:06,381 Gary'll kill me! He'll fire me. 339 00:16:06,421 --> 00:16:08,701 Know how much they cost? And that glass! 340 00:16:08,741 --> 00:16:12,021 Never mind the fucking cost. Where's sewn-together Barry now? 341 00:16:12,061 --> 00:16:14,901 We have to get it back. Someone must have seen something. 342 00:16:14,941 --> 00:16:16,821 There's fucking no-one here! 343 00:16:17,541 --> 00:16:19,861 I can't lose this job, Vinnie. 344 00:16:19,901 --> 00:16:23,341 I'm supporting myself now. I need the fucking income. 345 00:16:27,341 --> 00:16:30,781 And besides, I actually like being round dead people. 346 00:16:30,821 --> 00:16:32,901 Christ. Look, can we just... Let's just... 347 00:16:32,941 --> 00:16:35,221 Are you serious with that chomping? 348 00:16:37,101 --> 00:16:38,981 Stop doing it. Are you doing it on purpose? 349 00:16:39,021 --> 00:16:41,581 I'm fucking starving! You're doing me in. 350 00:16:41,621 --> 00:16:45,141 I can't think straight with you chomping like a fucking oxen! 351 00:16:50,461 --> 00:16:52,501 Don't eat more of it. 352 00:16:57,861 --> 00:16:59,381 Oh, well done, dickhead! 353 00:16:59,421 --> 00:17:01,901 Now it's all over the floor of a sacred vehicle. 354 00:17:01,941 --> 00:17:04,741 I just can't go back to Davey MacDonagh's house 355 00:17:04,781 --> 00:17:07,781 without his sewn-together brother. Fuck, dude! 356 00:17:07,821 --> 00:17:10,741 We have to come up with a plan and really fucking quick. 357 00:17:10,781 --> 00:17:13,501 What's all this "we" shit? This is your problem. 358 00:17:13,541 --> 00:17:15,341 I just need that fucking coffin back. 359 00:17:15,381 --> 00:17:18,781 We! We share the same fucking problem, don't we, you twit! 360 00:17:18,821 --> 00:17:20,261 Christ! 361 00:17:21,101 --> 00:17:22,701 What if... 362 00:17:22,741 --> 00:17:25,901 we go back to Abracadaver, get another coffin, 363 00:17:25,941 --> 00:17:28,981 weigh it down to Barry weight and take it to the cocktail party? 364 00:17:29,021 --> 00:17:30,541 No. They might open it. 365 00:17:30,581 --> 00:17:32,981 Why would they open it? 366 00:17:33,021 --> 00:17:35,021 Because he's a fucking lunatic! 367 00:17:35,061 --> 00:17:38,781 They're having a cocktail party for a wake, you know what I mean? 368 00:17:38,821 --> 00:17:40,901 We have to prep for every eventuality. 369 00:17:40,941 --> 00:17:45,021 OK, what if...we put a body in there, cover the face 370 00:17:45,061 --> 00:17:48,021 and tell them that Gary's still working on the colouration. 371 00:17:48,061 --> 00:17:50,501 They won't wanna see him look all fucking deformed. 372 00:17:50,541 --> 00:17:54,581 Fuck me, that could work. I mean, no options, have we, fuck sake. 373 00:17:54,621 --> 00:17:57,061 There's only one problem. 374 00:17:57,101 --> 00:17:58,901 We only have females in right now. 375 00:17:58,941 --> 00:18:01,341 Why the fuck would you suggest it, then?! 376 00:18:01,381 --> 00:18:03,421 What's wrong with you? Oh. 377 00:18:04,181 --> 00:18:05,741 Unless... 378 00:18:05,781 --> 00:18:09,261 Can we not just get the fucking old beard man to do it? 379 00:18:09,301 --> 00:18:11,901 Jim? Can we get Jim to get in the box? 380 00:18:11,941 --> 00:18:14,981 He's almost dead for real. He wouldn't cope. It's too hot. 381 00:18:15,021 --> 00:18:16,861 Listen, all you have to do is lie there 382 00:18:16,901 --> 00:18:18,741 and pretend to be fucking dead. 383 00:18:18,781 --> 00:18:20,901 Listen, if it kicks off, anything happens, 384 00:18:20,941 --> 00:18:24,621 they wanna check you for any reason, we'll bang on t'coffin three times. 385 00:18:24,661 --> 00:18:26,421 Now you know it's kicking off, 386 00:18:26,461 --> 00:18:28,781 put your fucking gauze mask on and they're none the wiser. 387 00:18:28,821 --> 00:18:31,261 Do you understand? Yeah.Put the fucking lid on. 388 00:18:31,301 --> 00:18:33,621 You behave yourself in there. I'm serious. 389 00:18:33,661 --> 00:18:35,621 You be dead as fuck. 390 00:18:44,061 --> 00:18:46,221 Right, for the love of God, let's have it. 391 00:18:46,261 --> 00:18:47,781 Now you lot... Oi. 392 00:18:47,821 --> 00:18:49,581 ..sombre as fuck. 393 00:18:53,381 --> 00:18:55,741 MEENA: Fucking hell. That must be Donna. 394 00:18:57,061 --> 00:18:58,541 Is this our Barry? 395 00:18:58,581 --> 00:19:00,701 It is, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. 396 00:19:00,741 --> 00:19:02,661 Why's he in ONE coffin? 397 00:19:03,341 --> 00:19:05,341 Sorry, how do you... How do you mean? 398 00:19:05,381 --> 00:19:07,781 He blew into five pieces. 399 00:19:07,821 --> 00:19:09,461 Six. Don't say that. Give over. 400 00:19:09,501 --> 00:19:11,621 So if that was his final state, 401 00:19:11,661 --> 00:19:14,461 if that's what the Lord Almighty wanted for him, 402 00:19:14,501 --> 00:19:16,701 why isn't he in FIVE coffins? 403 00:19:16,741 --> 00:19:18,061 Six Oh, fuck. 404 00:19:18,101 --> 00:19:20,741 Erm, well, we don't really do mini coffins. 405 00:19:20,781 --> 00:19:23,581 They've sewn him back together, Donna. 406 00:19:23,621 --> 00:19:24,821 We have. 407 00:19:24,861 --> 00:19:27,581 Well, they better UN-sew him. Right, then. 408 00:19:27,621 --> 00:19:30,101 Cos I want to see him. Hmm... 409 00:19:30,141 --> 00:19:32,861 Before the funeral. Oh. 410 00:19:32,901 --> 00:19:35,781 In pieces. That's unusual, in't it? 411 00:19:35,821 --> 00:19:39,141 Laid out on a tasteful sheet of silk. 412 00:19:39,181 --> 00:19:41,901 Right, then. OK, of course. 413 00:19:46,421 --> 00:19:48,301 Come on, then. 414 00:19:49,101 --> 00:19:51,621 Oh, come on, then. Let just go and have a... 415 00:19:51,661 --> 00:19:53,381 have a nice time. 416 00:19:53,421 --> 00:19:55,501 OK, Vincent. 417 00:19:55,541 --> 00:19:57,541 # MARVIN GAYE: Let's Get It On 418 00:20:04,621 --> 00:20:07,701 See, dickhead? Nibbles. Yeah, fuck the nibbles, dude. 419 00:20:07,741 --> 00:20:10,061 How are we gonna get him laid out on silk 420 00:20:10,101 --> 00:20:12,741 if we've one fucking body? Do you know what I mean? 421 00:20:12,781 --> 00:20:15,101 And six tiny coffins. How much is that gonna cost? 422 00:20:15,141 --> 00:20:17,301 It'll be fucking dear, won't it? I'm telling you. 423 00:20:17,341 --> 00:20:19,181 We're fucked. Hey, WE'RE not fucked. 424 00:20:19,221 --> 00:20:21,341 I'm an innocent bystander. Listen to you. 425 00:20:21,381 --> 00:20:22,901 Fucking giving it big licks. 426 00:20:22,941 --> 00:20:25,701 You're the one who wanted to stop and get a pizza, aren't you? 427 00:20:25,741 --> 00:20:29,581 Cheeky bastard! It was YOU that needed a shit, with your filthy arse crack. 428 00:20:29,621 --> 00:20:30,821 Yeah. Yeah. 429 00:20:30,861 --> 00:20:32,221 Filthy arse crack? Vincent. 430 00:20:32,261 --> 00:20:35,341 How would you know that? Vincent. Lady of death. 431 00:20:35,381 --> 00:20:38,021 Donna would like an audience with you now, Vincent, 432 00:20:38,061 --> 00:20:39,741 in the downstairs lavatory. 433 00:20:39,781 --> 00:20:41,981 Well, that's a fucking weird location, innit? 434 00:20:42,021 --> 00:20:44,101 Hmm. Come along, handsome. 435 00:20:44,141 --> 00:20:46,381 Same an' all. Bring your cocktail. 436 00:20:46,421 --> 00:20:48,101 I had a poo cos we stopped for pizza. 437 00:20:48,141 --> 00:20:49,861 Fuck off! 438 00:20:54,061 --> 00:20:56,461 You all right? Vincent O'Neil. 439 00:20:56,501 --> 00:20:57,901 Hmm. 440 00:20:58,621 --> 00:21:01,621 Step inside. I'll come inside. 441 00:21:01,661 --> 00:21:04,781 I'll leave you two to chat. 442 00:21:04,821 --> 00:21:07,141 Ooh... 443 00:21:07,181 --> 00:21:08,941 Tight. 444 00:21:12,141 --> 00:21:14,141 This won't take long, Vinnie. 445 00:21:15,061 --> 00:21:17,741 We're all devastated about Barry, 446 00:21:17,781 --> 00:21:20,501 but he were thick as horse shit. 447 00:21:20,541 --> 00:21:22,381 So it comes as no surprise to me, 448 00:21:22,421 --> 00:21:25,861 he kicked an unexploded bomb and blew himself all over a field. 449 00:21:26,661 --> 00:21:29,061 It's sad and it's a crying shame. 450 00:21:32,061 --> 00:21:34,061 Now that I'm out of prison... 451 00:21:35,101 --> 00:21:37,341 ..I'm taking control of the business... 452 00:21:38,701 --> 00:21:41,701 ..and the word on the street is... 453 00:21:41,741 --> 00:21:44,701 you grow the very best leaf in town, so... 454 00:21:48,941 --> 00:21:51,061 I know Davey was a... 455 00:21:51,101 --> 00:21:55,021 less than considerate partner on your previous endeavour... 456 00:21:57,181 --> 00:22:00,501 ..but I will promise you, as a woman of my word, 457 00:22:00,541 --> 00:22:02,701 that if you get into bed with me... 458 00:22:03,701 --> 00:22:06,261 ..you won't end up fucked up the arse. 459 00:22:06,301 --> 00:22:08,261 Nice. That would be nice. 460 00:22:09,261 --> 00:22:13,021 Unfortunately... and I'm sorry to say this... 461 00:22:14,501 --> 00:22:17,221 Look, let me put it like this. 462 00:22:17,261 --> 00:22:21,421 My mate Dylan - very close to - he's gone missing... 463 00:22:22,181 --> 00:22:25,301 ..under really suspicious circumstances. 464 00:22:25,341 --> 00:22:29,261 Now, I have it on good authority that it was your brother, Davey, 465 00:22:29,301 --> 00:22:31,181 and he's fucking denying it. 466 00:22:31,221 --> 00:22:33,621 I'd love to work with you, but I can't, can I? 467 00:22:33,661 --> 00:22:35,661 I can't work with people if I can't trust 468 00:22:35,701 --> 00:22:38,541 what's coming out of their mouth. Do you know what I'm saying? 469 00:22:38,581 --> 00:22:40,221 And I AM sorry. 470 00:22:41,781 --> 00:22:43,781 Hmm. 471 00:22:45,741 --> 00:22:47,741 You want the truth? 472 00:22:50,501 --> 00:22:52,341 He didn't hurt Dylan. 473 00:22:53,301 --> 00:22:56,461 In fact, if anything - from what Barry told me - 474 00:22:58,061 --> 00:23:00,341 he was a little bit in love with him. 475 00:23:01,741 --> 00:23:04,941 I just fucking... I find it really hard to believe. 476 00:23:17,381 --> 00:23:20,301 Strawberry daiquiri. Mmm. 477 00:23:20,341 --> 00:23:22,981 You tried this? No. Would you like me to? 478 00:23:23,021 --> 00:23:24,741 Mm. I'm doing it. 479 00:23:25,661 --> 00:23:26,981 Delish. 480 00:23:27,021 --> 00:23:29,861 It's the nicest thing that's ever passed my lips. 481 00:23:29,901 --> 00:23:31,501 Mm. 482 00:23:32,821 --> 00:23:35,421 I don't take "no" for an answer, Vinnie. 483 00:23:36,381 --> 00:23:38,461 So, we'll pause this chat... 484 00:23:38,501 --> 00:23:40,261 Si. 485 00:23:40,301 --> 00:23:42,541 To be continued. Oh... 486 00:23:44,021 --> 00:23:46,501 Excited for it. I'm just gonna... 487 00:23:48,061 --> 00:23:49,861 Shit! 488 00:23:49,901 --> 00:23:51,901 # QUINCY JONES: Soul Bossa Nova 489 00:24:01,021 --> 00:24:03,621 What's up with him? He's not texting me back. 490 00:24:04,461 --> 00:24:07,741 Well, maybe his hand's restricted. Maybe he's not seen his messages. 491 00:24:07,781 --> 00:24:10,581 Yes.Maybe he's dead. Maybe he couldn't breathe after all. 492 00:24:10,621 --> 00:24:13,821 Carol, it's for an hour, in a box, with holes in, all right? 493 00:24:13,861 --> 00:24:16,261 He's not gonna die that quickly, is he? 494 00:24:17,341 --> 00:24:20,061 Ladies. Sorry. 495 00:24:23,021 --> 00:24:25,821 I would like very much to thank you for coming. 496 00:24:26,581 --> 00:24:31,381 It's so nice to see so many friendly faces...here at an event 497 00:24:31,421 --> 00:24:34,341 that our Barry would have absolutely loved. 498 00:24:40,821 --> 00:24:44,461 No cocktail party would have been complete without our Barry's... 499 00:24:44,501 --> 00:24:46,621 What is that noise? 500 00:24:47,341 --> 00:24:49,541 It's like snoring. 501 00:24:49,581 --> 00:24:52,101 No, no, that will be the... gas that's produced... 502 00:24:52,141 --> 00:24:54,861 You were telling me about that. ..as the microbes break down acids. 503 00:24:54,901 --> 00:24:57,421 Don't think so. It's definitely snoring. Listen. 504 00:24:57,461 --> 00:24:59,501 She's right. Yes, it's the gasses. 505 00:24:59,541 --> 00:25:01,461 Oh, this is a lovely one, in't it? 506 00:25:01,501 --> 00:25:03,301 We'll get YOU that one. Shush. 507 00:25:03,341 --> 00:25:05,141 Wow! How about that? Sorry. 508 00:25:10,221 --> 00:25:12,261 It seems to have gone away. 509 00:25:12,981 --> 00:25:14,581 Maybe it WAS the erm... Gas. 510 00:25:14,621 --> 00:25:16,181 Gases. Science, in't it? 511 00:25:16,221 --> 00:25:17,701 Gases and science. 512 00:25:17,741 --> 00:25:19,341 I thought it would be a nice idea 513 00:25:19,381 --> 00:25:21,701 if we all sang Barry's favourite song. 514 00:25:22,381 --> 00:25:24,901 And I would like everybody to join in. 515 00:25:24,941 --> 00:25:26,781 Mm. 516 00:25:26,821 --> 00:25:28,941 DJ. 517 00:25:28,981 --> 00:25:30,941 # SHIRLEY BASSEY: Big Spender 518 00:25:32,141 --> 00:25:34,581 Oh, God, she loves this one. 519 00:25:35,581 --> 00:25:38,861 # The minute you walked in the joint 520 00:25:38,901 --> 00:25:42,621 # I could tell you was a man of distinction 521 00:25:42,661 --> 00:25:44,541 # A real big spender Vin. 522 00:25:44,581 --> 00:25:46,421 I've found the body. # Good lookin' 523 00:25:46,461 --> 00:25:48,581 Fuck me! # So refined... 524 00:25:49,341 --> 00:25:50,981 Come on. Who's got it? 525 00:25:51,021 --> 00:25:53,501 Business email. Subject: "I have your body." 526 00:25:53,541 --> 00:25:55,861 When you open the email, there's this guy. 527 00:25:55,901 --> 00:25:58,221 Well, that's fucked up. Someone's fucking with us. 528 00:25:58,261 --> 00:26:00,821 I'm not happy about this. Who sent that? 529 00:26:00,861 --> 00:26:02,901 Some fucking joker called Phil Brilliance. 530 00:26:02,941 --> 00:26:05,701 Phil shagging Brilliance? It's from his work email. 531 00:26:05,741 --> 00:26:08,141 Phil Brilliance Waste Removal Services. 532 00:26:08,181 --> 00:26:10,661 There's a phone number and address. 533 00:26:10,701 --> 00:26:13,421 Oh, there's an address! Quickly, go get the lads! 534 00:26:14,981 --> 00:26:17,981 Fuck me, it's like the Bates Motel. 535 00:26:18,021 --> 00:26:20,021 He's fucked it, this fella. 536 00:26:31,501 --> 00:26:32,621 Oh, God. 537 00:26:32,661 --> 00:26:34,581 So glad you could come. 538 00:26:34,621 --> 00:26:37,461 Dude, don't fuck about. Open this fucking door right now. 539 00:26:37,501 --> 00:26:42,181 Well, what bad manners your mother taught YOU! 540 00:26:42,221 --> 00:26:44,301 Open the fucking door, please. 541 00:26:44,341 --> 00:26:48,621 Er, one moment, please, while I consult with Mr Brilliance. 542 00:26:48,661 --> 00:26:50,461 Who shall I say is calling? 543 00:26:50,501 --> 00:26:52,501 Why would you consult with Brilli... 544 00:26:52,541 --> 00:26:54,501 Fuck, I'm not talking to this puppet. 545 00:26:54,541 --> 00:26:57,541 Take your hand out the arse of this thing, unlock the door 546 00:26:57,581 --> 00:26:59,741 and tell us what you've done with sewn-together Barry. 547 00:26:59,781 --> 00:27:01,981 I'm gonna fucking snap in a minute, dude. 548 00:27:02,861 --> 00:27:05,261 Oh, right, yeah, you've upset his puppet now, haven't you? 549 00:27:05,301 --> 00:27:06,581 Well done. What do you mean? 550 00:27:06,621 --> 00:27:08,821 It's a kiddy thing. Clearly not mentally stable. 551 00:27:08,861 --> 00:27:11,861 He's nicked a fucking coffin. He's speaking through a puppet. 552 00:27:11,901 --> 00:27:14,701 I hate to say it, but on this occasion, she is correct.Thank you. 553 00:27:14,741 --> 00:27:17,981 How to go about this is very much softly-softly catchy monkey... 554 00:27:18,021 --> 00:27:20,781 Ah-ha-ha! Good afternoon! 555 00:27:20,821 --> 00:27:23,661 Good afternoon. My name's Phil Brilliance. 556 00:27:23,701 --> 00:27:26,421 And this is my good friend Russell. 557 00:27:26,461 --> 00:27:28,621 What? Oh, yes. 558 00:27:28,661 --> 00:27:30,501 Shake your hand. Why me? 559 00:27:30,541 --> 00:27:32,261 Shake his hand, for fuck sake. 560 00:27:32,301 --> 00:27:34,341 Yeah, nice one, Russell. Fucking ace. 561 00:27:34,381 --> 00:27:36,901 Well, Russell, aren't you gonna invite them in? 562 00:27:36,941 --> 00:27:38,981 No. YOU invite them in. 563 00:27:39,021 --> 00:27:41,061 Fuck me. I don't like the look of them. 564 00:27:41,101 --> 00:27:44,661 Especially the child dressed like Miami Vice. 565 00:27:44,701 --> 00:27:46,421 Russell... It's party wear, innit. 566 00:27:46,461 --> 00:27:49,901 I am sorry about him, ladies and gentlemen. 567 00:27:49,941 --> 00:27:52,381 Please do come in. I got snacks. 568 00:27:53,861 --> 00:27:56,581 You're fucking exhausting, Philip. 569 00:27:56,621 --> 00:27:58,621 Good fucking Lord God. 570 00:27:59,941 --> 00:28:03,461 Thank you, Russell. Please help yourself to food and drinks. 571 00:28:03,501 --> 00:28:05,661 We've poisoned them. 572 00:28:05,701 --> 00:28:08,821 No, we haven't. Yeah, we're jo.. He's joking. 573 00:28:08,861 --> 00:28:11,661 Yeah. Or AM I? 574 00:28:11,701 --> 00:28:13,901 All right. Fucking hell. 575 00:28:13,941 --> 00:28:15,901 Ha-ha, what's he like? 576 00:28:15,941 --> 00:28:18,301 He's just a fucking right one. 577 00:28:18,341 --> 00:28:20,221 Why don't we put him down for a minute? 578 00:28:20,261 --> 00:28:23,701 Us humans beings have a very serious business conversation 579 00:28:23,741 --> 00:28:26,581 about the whereabouts of that bloody corpse, eh? 580 00:28:28,741 --> 00:28:31,021 And coffin. And the fucking coffin as well. 581 00:28:31,061 --> 00:28:33,461 Well, Russell, what do you think about that? 582 00:28:33,501 --> 00:28:35,221 Oh, whoo-hoo! Ahh! 583 00:28:35,261 --> 00:28:38,101 Can I have a word in your ear? 584 00:28:38,141 --> 00:28:39,621 Yeah, of course you can. 585 00:28:39,661 --> 00:28:43,821 Excuse me, could we just have a moment alone while we have a chat? 586 00:28:44,621 --> 00:28:48,261 What is it? 587 00:28:48,301 --> 00:28:50,621 Fucking hell. Bloody idiot. Stay calm. 588 00:28:50,661 --> 00:28:53,261 You dirty bastard. 589 00:28:53,301 --> 00:28:55,981 He's doing my head in. Philip! Phil, Phil. 590 00:28:56,021 --> 00:28:58,461 Nearly finished. Argh. 591 00:29:00,821 --> 00:29:04,261 Phil has, er, asked me to negotiate on his behalf. 592 00:29:04,301 --> 00:29:06,421 No! Fuck off! 593 00:29:06,461 --> 00:29:08,701 Vin. Fuck, no! For fucking hell! 594 00:29:08,741 --> 00:29:11,701 I have been very patient indeed. Give me that fucking doll. 595 00:29:11,741 --> 00:29:13,701 No! The time for farting around 596 00:29:13,741 --> 00:29:15,461 is very much over! 597 00:29:15,501 --> 00:29:17,581 Were in dire-fucking-straits, dude. No. 598 00:29:17,621 --> 00:29:20,741 Dire straits. We need to know the location of the fucking body. 599 00:29:20,781 --> 00:29:23,021 I'm not pissing around here, dude. 600 00:29:23,061 --> 00:29:24,701 Here. Fuck me, I'm sorry. 601 00:29:26,581 --> 00:29:30,461 Where's our fucking coffin? 602 00:29:30,501 --> 00:29:32,581 Right, stop! There's a lot going on here. 603 00:29:32,621 --> 00:29:36,421 Fucking hell, you're scaring him. Phil, hi. 604 00:29:36,461 --> 00:29:40,541 Listen, YOU messaged us. Remember? 605 00:29:40,581 --> 00:29:41,661 Yeah. 606 00:29:41,701 --> 00:29:44,541 We've come to find out what that reason was. 607 00:29:44,581 --> 00:29:46,101 OK. 608 00:29:46,141 --> 00:29:49,581 Barry MacDonagh was a very scary man 609 00:29:49,621 --> 00:29:53,981 and his family are... very scary people, 610 00:29:54,021 --> 00:29:57,701 so we need it back...quite urgently. 611 00:29:59,101 --> 00:30:00,861 OK. OK. 612 00:30:00,901 --> 00:30:02,941 I'll talk. OK. 613 00:30:02,981 --> 00:30:05,181 I want my lawyer present. 614 00:30:05,221 --> 00:30:07,061 You want your lawyer? Yeah. 615 00:30:07,101 --> 00:30:09,501 And he...he's in that box? Yeah. 616 00:30:09,541 --> 00:30:11,741 I just can't imagine where this is gonna go. 617 00:30:11,781 --> 00:30:14,061 All right, you can get your lawyer. 618 00:30:14,101 --> 00:30:17,581 You sit here - out of harm's way. 619 00:30:20,541 --> 00:30:23,181 Come on. Come on, out you come. 620 00:30:23,221 --> 00:30:26,181 We've got business. Oh, Jesus Christ. 621 00:30:26,221 --> 00:30:27,341 Wow. 622 00:30:27,381 --> 00:30:29,221 Top legal mind. 623 00:30:30,061 --> 00:30:32,861 This is St John Moseley. 624 00:30:32,901 --> 00:30:35,541 Good afternoon, gentlemen. 625 00:30:35,581 --> 00:30:37,661 AND ladies. 626 00:30:37,701 --> 00:30:40,461 You all right, Sinj...Sinjun? 627 00:30:40,501 --> 00:30:43,501 Listen, is there any chance you could ask your client 628 00:30:43,541 --> 00:30:47,901 the whereabouts of the fucking corpse he's stolen? I mean... 629 00:30:49,341 --> 00:30:52,381 The gentleman with the horrendous neck tattoo 630 00:30:52,421 --> 00:30:57,461 wishes to know the location of, I quote, "A stolen body". 631 00:30:57,501 --> 00:30:59,981 I advise caution in your response. 632 00:31:01,141 --> 00:31:03,021 Right, tell the gentleman 633 00:31:03,061 --> 00:31:05,301 the body's stored in a safe location. 634 00:31:05,341 --> 00:31:08,261 But unless I get a full and frank apology 635 00:31:08,301 --> 00:31:11,301 from that monster Davey MacDonagh, 636 00:31:11,341 --> 00:31:13,781 I will not reveal the location of the body. 637 00:31:14,781 --> 00:31:16,781 My client says... No, dude! 638 00:31:16,821 --> 00:31:18,861 We fucking heard what the client said. 639 00:31:18,901 --> 00:31:20,981 You said it. I can see your lips move. 640 00:31:21,021 --> 00:31:23,061 At least drink some water at t'same time. 641 00:31:23,101 --> 00:31:26,021 It's very underwhelming. What apology? 642 00:31:26,061 --> 00:31:29,501 The lady asks what is the nature of the apology? 643 00:31:29,541 --> 00:31:31,461 Well, it's simple, in't it? 644 00:31:31,501 --> 00:31:34,261 That man - Davey MacDonagh... 645 00:31:37,061 --> 00:31:39,101 ..he ruined my life. 646 00:31:42,021 --> 00:31:45,141 Can we take a moment for my client, please? 647 00:31:45,181 --> 00:31:46,821 Thank you. 648 00:31:48,661 --> 00:31:50,741 Fucking hell. 649 00:31:51,781 --> 00:31:55,341 Mr Brilliance would like me to recount his story to you 650 00:31:55,381 --> 00:31:56,981 on his behalf. 651 00:31:57,021 --> 00:31:59,981 Would you mind making yourselves comfortable? 652 00:32:01,421 --> 00:32:02,821 Go on, then. 653 00:32:02,861 --> 00:32:06,661 It all started several years ago, when Mr Brilliance ran 654 00:32:06,701 --> 00:32:10,781 a hugely successful children's entertainment business. 655 00:32:16,581 --> 00:32:19,861 'Phil's business was the most successful in the region. 656 00:32:19,901 --> 00:32:22,701 There was so much work, he couldn't fit it all in. 657 00:32:22,741 --> 00:32:25,741 Parents would recommend him to other parents. 658 00:32:25,781 --> 00:32:29,341 Word spread and the kids adored him. 659 00:32:29,381 --> 00:32:32,421 Especially when he brought out the star of the show - 660 00:32:32,461 --> 00:32:34,981 Virgil the cheeky monkey.' 661 00:32:35,021 --> 00:32:38,061 Boys and girls, it's Virgil! Virgil, how are you? 662 00:32:38,101 --> 00:32:40,941 'Then, one fateful day, 663 00:32:40,981 --> 00:32:44,541 Phil got hired by Davey MacDonagh, 664 00:32:44,581 --> 00:32:47,541 to throw a party for his niece, Mabel.' 665 00:32:47,581 --> 00:32:49,501 That's Donna's daughter. 666 00:32:49,541 --> 00:32:51,341 Correct. 667 00:32:51,381 --> 00:32:54,341 My best friend's a monkey. He's called Virgil. 668 00:32:54,381 --> 00:32:57,541 'Unaware of the MacDonaghs' fearsome reputation, 669 00:32:57,581 --> 00:33:01,301 Phil did his usual routine and the party went well... 670 00:33:01,341 --> 00:33:04,941 right up to the point where Virgil made his appearance.' 671 00:33:04,981 --> 00:33:07,861 You want to go over and say hello to the grown-ups? All right. 672 00:33:07,901 --> 00:33:10,421 Here, let's go and say hello to the grown-ups. 673 00:33:11,421 --> 00:33:14,101 Ooh! 674 00:33:21,101 --> 00:33:23,221 'It was an innocent mistake, 675 00:33:23,261 --> 00:33:25,701 and Phil tried to apologise afterwards 676 00:33:25,741 --> 00:33:28,221 but things turned nasty.' Argh! 677 00:33:28,261 --> 00:33:30,701 Made a monkey out of me back there, puppet boy! 678 00:33:30,741 --> 00:33:33,341 I apologise! I'll do the show for free to say sorry. 679 00:33:33,381 --> 00:33:35,701 I think some compensation might be in order. 680 00:33:35,741 --> 00:33:37,701 Compensation? For my hurt feelings 681 00:33:37,741 --> 00:33:39,461 and for the distress and trauma 682 00:33:39,501 --> 00:33:42,421 caused to innocent eight year olds who have now been exposed - 683 00:33:42,461 --> 00:33:43,941 at far too early an age - 684 00:33:43,981 --> 00:33:47,301 to the sight of an unfeasibly large male phallus. 685 00:33:47,341 --> 00:33:50,261 Yeah, but it wasn't THAT unfeasibly large, was it? 686 00:33:50,301 --> 00:33:53,261 Oh, no! 687 00:33:53,301 --> 00:33:55,101 Go on. Then what happened? 688 00:33:55,141 --> 00:33:58,061 Say goodbye cos he's going in the fucking river! 689 00:33:58,101 --> 00:34:00,701 Bye-bye! 690 00:34:01,901 --> 00:34:05,021 Not so fucking BRILLIANT now, are you, Phil?! 691 00:34:05,061 --> 00:34:07,421 Fucking hell, that is brutal, mate. 692 00:34:08,221 --> 00:34:10,701 But that wasn't the end of it. 693 00:34:22,741 --> 00:34:25,101 'Threats, intimidation.' 694 00:34:25,141 --> 00:34:27,861 Every time he turned up to a children's party, 695 00:34:27,901 --> 00:34:29,741 there they were. 696 00:34:33,341 --> 00:34:35,581 Not today, puppet boy. 697 00:34:36,461 --> 00:34:39,821 They started spreading rumours that he was a paedophile, 698 00:34:39,861 --> 00:34:43,101 that he'd touched up a little girl at a children's party, 699 00:34:43,141 --> 00:34:45,581 with his hand inside a monkey. 700 00:34:46,301 --> 00:34:49,141 And DID he..? NO! 701 00:34:49,181 --> 00:34:51,741 They ruined me. They ruined my business. 702 00:34:51,781 --> 00:34:54,461 My wife left me. I was sick with stress. 703 00:34:54,501 --> 00:34:56,301 Everyone thought I was a nonce - 704 00:34:56,341 --> 00:34:59,141 and all because HE didn't wear boxer shorts! 705 00:34:59,181 --> 00:35:01,941 Oh, dear God. It's a bloody shame. 706 00:35:01,981 --> 00:35:04,701 Phil, do you know what? Honestly, man, I can see 707 00:35:04,741 --> 00:35:07,061 that they've really, really hurt you, there. 708 00:35:07,101 --> 00:35:08,581 Wankers, the pair of 'em. 709 00:35:08,621 --> 00:35:11,301 But you're never gonna get an apology off 'em, dude. Never. 710 00:35:11,341 --> 00:35:13,141 Never in a million fucking years. 711 00:35:13,181 --> 00:35:15,261 Then, he's never gonna get his brother back! 712 00:35:15,301 --> 00:35:17,301 Argh! He'll fucking kill you, you non... 713 00:35:17,341 --> 00:35:19,901 you prick. They've ALREADY killed me! 714 00:35:21,061 --> 00:35:23,421 The day they killed Virgil. 715 00:35:23,461 --> 00:35:27,741 That monkey...he was my best friend. 716 00:35:28,661 --> 00:35:30,981 But not only that, it was my livelihood. 717 00:35:31,021 --> 00:35:34,181 They tore my world apart. 718 00:35:39,781 --> 00:35:41,421 There, there. 719 00:35:41,461 --> 00:35:43,621 Now that, that's talent. 720 00:35:43,661 --> 00:35:45,261 Put that in your act. Mm. 721 00:35:45,301 --> 00:35:46,861 Right?Yeah. Good. 722 00:35:46,901 --> 00:35:50,541 What are the chances of getting Davey to apologise? Fucking zero. 723 00:35:50,581 --> 00:35:52,741 We'd have to fess up to losing his brother. 724 00:35:52,781 --> 00:35:54,981 It won't go down well. Wait. I've got an idea. 725 00:35:55,021 --> 00:35:56,861 Some places have started doing this thing 726 00:35:56,901 --> 00:36:00,261 where a family member records themselves talking about their lost loved one, 727 00:36:00,301 --> 00:36:02,021 like summat funny, a rude anecdote. 728 00:36:02,061 --> 00:36:05,901 To warm people up, the undertaker writes something and gets them to say it to camera. 729 00:36:05,941 --> 00:36:07,741 What if we convince Davey to do one, 730 00:36:07,781 --> 00:36:10,061 write up some sentences as his warm up, 731 00:36:10,101 --> 00:36:12,901 and we edit them into an apology? Fah! 732 00:36:12,941 --> 00:36:14,781 It's a shit idea. Yeah. 733 00:36:14,821 --> 00:36:16,301 I think it's a great idea. 734 00:36:16,341 --> 00:36:18,501 Why don't we just stand up and tell a story? 735 00:36:18,541 --> 00:36:20,421 I'll tell you for why. 736 00:36:20,461 --> 00:36:23,661 So, on the day, there is gonna be a lot of emotion. All right? 737 00:36:23,701 --> 00:36:25,581 You know what, you've lost your brother. 738 00:36:25,621 --> 00:36:29,021 I don't think it matters how many times you rehearse that speech, 739 00:36:29,061 --> 00:36:30,741 emotion could creep in and ruin it. 740 00:36:30,781 --> 00:36:33,901 And what tends to happen now - it's very, very popular, isn't it? 741 00:36:33,941 --> 00:36:35,701 Yeah, it's modern a trend. Modern trend. 742 00:36:35,741 --> 00:36:37,461 Especially with the rich folks. Yeah. 743 00:36:37,501 --> 00:36:40,261 They record it. They put on a big old screen there. 744 00:36:40,301 --> 00:36:43,181 People gather round and it becomes more of an event. 745 00:36:43,221 --> 00:36:45,301 Do you know what I mean? Makes sense. 746 00:36:46,021 --> 00:36:48,501 OK, I'm sold. 747 00:36:49,381 --> 00:36:52,861 I'll tell the wheelbarrow pig story. It's hilarious. 748 00:36:52,901 --> 00:36:56,381 It's just that Davey... Oh, I am brilliant at anecdotes. 749 00:36:56,421 --> 00:36:58,661 I tell you what... 750 00:36:58,701 --> 00:37:00,701 why don't you BOTH do one? 751 00:37:01,461 --> 00:37:03,661 Thank God for this one. 752 00:37:04,981 --> 00:37:07,301 'I'd just like to say a few words. 753 00:37:07,341 --> 00:37:09,901 I am very sorry... ..to you... ..feel... 754 00:37:09,941 --> 00:37:11,701 ..for all the pain... 755 00:37:11,741 --> 00:37:13,341 ..and furthermore...' 756 00:37:13,381 --> 00:37:15,701 And that'll be that, Phil. I mean, er, "feel". 757 00:37:15,741 --> 00:37:17,501 It's good stuff. I mean, that's... 758 00:37:17,541 --> 00:37:20,741 That has been edited. It's not been edit... 759 00:37:20,781 --> 00:37:24,021 Yeah, a little bit. Cos he pauses. He's a fucking pauser. 760 00:37:24,061 --> 00:37:27,621 That is a full-throttle apology you just heard there. 761 00:37:27,661 --> 00:37:29,341 No. Yeah, it's fucking rare, that. 762 00:37:29,381 --> 00:37:31,261 To get an apology off someone like... 763 00:37:31,301 --> 00:37:34,821 Davey MacDonagh giving an apology - rare as fucking... 764 00:37:34,861 --> 00:37:36,981 Hen's teeth. That's a saying. Hen's teeth. 765 00:37:37,021 --> 00:37:38,621 We've got 20 fucking hours, dude. 766 00:37:38,661 --> 00:37:41,421 20 hours, that's it, and then the funeral starts. 767 00:37:41,461 --> 00:37:45,261 And for reasons only known to his fucking psychopath sister, 768 00:37:45,301 --> 00:37:48,301 she wants to have a look at him - Barry in bits. 769 00:37:48,341 --> 00:37:50,421 So fucking time's of the essence. 770 00:37:51,981 --> 00:37:55,861 My client says he is NOT prepared to reveal the whereabouts of the body. 771 00:37:55,901 --> 00:37:58,221 Fuck you, Sideon, or whatever the fucking... 772 00:37:58,261 --> 00:38:00,381 Vin! No, no, no. 773 00:38:00,421 --> 00:38:02,141 Ahh! Eurgh! 774 00:38:02,181 --> 00:38:05,941 Dude, you're fucking putting our lives at risk, is what you're doing. 775 00:38:05,981 --> 00:38:08,301 I want a face-to-face apology. 776 00:38:08,341 --> 00:38:12,221 You are never ever, in a thousand fucking years, 777 00:38:12,261 --> 00:38:14,861 ever gonna get an apology out of them sociopaths. 778 00:38:14,901 --> 00:38:17,141 It's just not happening. No body. 779 00:38:17,181 --> 00:38:20,101 No. Oh, fuck my arse. 780 00:38:20,141 --> 00:38:22,821 Right. Bodies are really fucking heavy, yeah? 781 00:38:22,861 --> 00:38:25,261 So, A) it's gonna be hard to hide one. 782 00:38:25,301 --> 00:38:27,941 B) he's a weirdo, so chances are he's gonna want it close to him. 783 00:38:27,981 --> 00:38:29,941 What you suggesting? Wait till he goes out, 784 00:38:29,981 --> 00:38:33,581 break in, have a look around - loft, attic, garden, everywhere. 785 00:38:33,621 --> 00:38:36,301 No. What... What if he stays in all night? 786 00:38:36,341 --> 00:38:39,221 Everyone leaves eventually, Vincent. Even ventriloquists. 787 00:38:39,261 --> 00:38:41,221 I know how to get him out of the house. 788 00:38:41,261 --> 00:38:44,221 Book a waste removal tonight. False address, miles away. 789 00:38:44,261 --> 00:38:46,301 Fucking sick! Punch the air. 790 00:38:46,341 --> 00:38:48,021 There we go. Fucking finally! 791 00:38:50,141 --> 00:38:51,461 Any sign? 792 00:38:51,501 --> 00:38:53,261 Yeah, Erin, he came out ten minutes ago. 793 00:38:53,301 --> 00:38:56,301 I just didn't say anything about it. Stop being a dickhead, Tommo. 794 00:38:56,341 --> 00:38:59,101 I booked that job for 7:15. Why hasn't he left? 795 00:38:59,141 --> 00:39:01,501 Christ. What have you said to him? You put a voice on? 796 00:39:01,541 --> 00:39:05,261 I did, yeah. I went... Hello. Is this garden removal? 797 00:39:05,301 --> 00:39:07,181 You didn't, did you? I did, yeah. Why? 798 00:39:07,221 --> 00:39:09,181 Fuck. That's the voice people do when trying 799 00:39:09,221 --> 00:39:11,501 to sound like a posh person, not an actual posh person. 800 00:39:11,541 --> 00:39:13,741 Oh, is it fuck! It is, Erin. You had one job. 801 00:39:13,781 --> 00:39:16,661 I'm over here, meanwhile, fucking master of impersonations, 802 00:39:16,701 --> 00:39:18,461 could do any accent. Was I called upon? 803 00:39:18,501 --> 00:39:20,181 Oh, yeah. No. No, I wasn't. 804 00:39:20,221 --> 00:39:22,781 Fucking sound like Jimmy Savile and Vin Diesel mixed. 805 00:39:22,821 --> 00:39:24,341 That's my own voice, in't it? 806 00:39:24,381 --> 00:39:26,981 That's my natural-born voice. You're so annoying! 807 00:39:27,021 --> 00:39:29,261 Shut up! Shut up, you pair of fucking lemons. 808 00:39:29,301 --> 00:39:31,501 Dickhead! Christ, fucking glasses. 809 00:39:31,541 --> 00:39:33,821 Fucking annoys me, he does. 810 00:39:33,861 --> 00:39:37,621 Well, look at the fu... Of fucking course. Look at him. 811 00:39:38,461 --> 00:39:40,581 Fucking hell. Fucking Ronnie! 812 00:39:53,021 --> 00:39:54,901 Give over. OK. 813 00:39:54,941 --> 00:39:57,101 How do you know Phil Brilliance? 814 00:39:57,141 --> 00:40:00,021 Depends on who's asking. Oh, God, dude. WE'RE asking you. 815 00:40:00,061 --> 00:40:01,821 Oh, right, you just asked. Right, OK. 816 00:40:01,861 --> 00:40:03,301 Can I ask summat? Yes. 817 00:40:03,341 --> 00:40:06,221 Why are you slamming me against here like Who Dares Wills, 818 00:40:06,261 --> 00:40:10,341 interrogating me about legitimate friendships that are going on in Hawley Town? 819 00:40:10,381 --> 00:40:13,221 Because he's nicked a dead body. Barry MacDonagh.Yeah. 820 00:40:13,261 --> 00:40:15,141 And there's no way he's moved it on his own. 821 00:40:15,181 --> 00:40:18,101 So tell us what you know because I need that coffin back! 822 00:40:18,141 --> 00:40:19,981 All right. OK, yeah, sure. 823 00:40:20,021 --> 00:40:23,221 So what, summat goes off, so who do you blame? Ronnie Croft, right? 824 00:40:23,261 --> 00:40:25,461 Do me a favour, stick this in your kettle 825 00:40:25,501 --> 00:40:28,021 and do you know what, smoke it - cos I work for him. 826 00:40:28,061 --> 00:40:33,141 You fucking work for him? Yeah. W-U-R-R-K. "Wurrk". OK? 827 00:40:33,181 --> 00:40:34,941 Ronnie croft is clocking on, 828 00:40:34,981 --> 00:40:37,141 he's paying his taxes... I ain't paying taxes. 829 00:40:37,181 --> 00:40:40,701 Shut up! You move garden shit for Phil Brilliance, yeah? 830 00:40:40,741 --> 00:40:42,861 Yeah, I've got a gig tonight. That's what I call it. 831 00:40:42,901 --> 00:40:45,181 "I'm just nipping out... Just nipping out to do a gig." 832 00:40:45,221 --> 00:40:48,501 Do you know what I mean? Let me off here. I can just...split. 833 00:40:48,541 --> 00:40:51,301 Ronnie, sweetheart, do you expect us to believe, right, 834 00:40:51,341 --> 00:40:55,661 that you work for the bloke, but you've no idea about this fucking missing corpse? 835 00:40:55,701 --> 00:40:57,101 And coffin. And coffin. 836 00:40:57,141 --> 00:41:00,381 Look, I swear to Jah, on Erin's life. 837 00:41:00,421 --> 00:41:01,941 Ronnie! 838 00:41:01,981 --> 00:41:04,581 Right, do you not think - come on, guys, it's me - 839 00:41:04,621 --> 00:41:07,941 I'd have noticed a stolen coffin? They're massive, Vin. 840 00:41:07,981 --> 00:41:11,301 You are gonna help us find out what he's fucking done with it. 841 00:41:11,341 --> 00:41:13,261 OK. Oh, me? 842 00:41:13,301 --> 00:41:16,461 God, all right, come on. Yes! Fucking you. Yes. Fucking hell! 843 00:41:16,501 --> 00:41:18,301 Cos we can't go back in, can we? 844 00:41:18,341 --> 00:41:20,301 For some reason, he clearly trusts you. 845 00:41:20,341 --> 00:41:22,781 Don't know why. So you need to go back in 846 00:41:22,821 --> 00:41:24,981 and find out where that body is - And coffin. 847 00:41:25,021 --> 00:41:26,701 And coffin. And coffin?Yes. 848 00:41:26,741 --> 00:41:28,741 Both. Both!Don't fucking run off! 849 00:41:28,781 --> 00:41:30,661 Yes. He's not running off. Right, OK. 850 00:41:30,701 --> 00:41:32,661 You're fucking staying here, you. 851 00:41:32,701 --> 00:41:35,301 Would you not agree, that man is a fucking bellend? 852 00:41:35,341 --> 00:41:37,461 Dude. Innit? Right, can't be trusted. 853 00:41:37,501 --> 00:41:41,381 So, how's about me and you come up with a little a backup plan? 854 00:41:41,421 --> 00:41:44,261 Knock, knock, knock-knock-knock, knock-nock. 855 00:41:44,301 --> 00:41:46,581 All right. You're late. Yes, you ARE late. 856 00:41:46,621 --> 00:41:48,381 All right, Arnold, don't start. 857 00:41:48,421 --> 00:41:50,701 I just got lost en route-a-toot-toot. All right? 858 00:41:50,741 --> 00:41:53,381 We need to have a word. We need to have a chat, man. 859 00:41:55,901 --> 00:41:58,981 'We're late for the job. What do you wanna speak to me about, Ronnie?' 860 00:41:59,021 --> 00:42:02,741 'Cos we've got problemo magnificio.' 'Meaning what?' 861 00:42:02,781 --> 00:42:04,941 'Come on, Phil, stick the dummy down.' 862 00:42:04,981 --> 00:42:06,501 I am not a dummy. 863 00:42:06,541 --> 00:42:09,101 Well, yeah, you ARE a fucking dummy, dummy. 864 00:42:09,141 --> 00:42:10,941 I'm less of a dummy than you, aren't I? 865 00:42:10,981 --> 00:42:13,661 'At least I've got GCSEs.' He's arguing with a fucking doll. 866 00:42:13,701 --> 00:42:16,061 Look at your legs! They're cloth. Get off my legs. 867 00:42:16,101 --> 00:42:17,981 Stop kicking yourself in the fucking head. 868 00:42:18,021 --> 00:42:20,821 Well, at least I've got some hair. You're like an ugly boiled egg. 869 00:42:20,861 --> 00:42:22,341 Ooh, a bit fucking personal! 870 00:42:22,381 --> 00:42:25,221 I'd sort him out, man, cos I'll put him into another fucking realm. 871 00:42:25,261 --> 00:42:26,821 Know what I mean? Ronnie, listen - 872 00:42:26,861 --> 00:42:29,861 Have a word with him. He gets above himself. What do you want, Ronnie? 873 00:42:29,901 --> 00:42:31,781 It's a fucking heavy heat scenario going on. 874 00:42:31,821 --> 00:42:35,101 People - can't specify who - but they're heavy, right? 875 00:42:35,141 --> 00:42:37,421 They found out about the fucking body. 876 00:42:37,461 --> 00:42:41,141 So I'm gonna need some serious compensation, OK, 877 00:42:41,181 --> 00:42:43,621 to keep a zipper-mouth situation. 878 00:42:44,781 --> 00:42:48,141 You blackmailing me, Ronnie? Am I blackmailing you?! 879 00:42:48,181 --> 00:42:51,221 'Yeah! Absolutely.' Motherfucker! 880 00:42:52,261 --> 00:42:56,061 Yeah... No. Erin, I tried my best. 881 00:42:56,101 --> 00:42:58,101 Oh! 882 00:42:59,101 --> 00:43:02,061 Give over, you fucking lemon. 883 00:43:02,101 --> 00:43:03,741 I can't see fuck all. Shut up! 884 00:43:03,781 --> 00:43:06,061 Erin, it's getting a little bit stupid. 885 00:43:06,941 --> 00:43:09,861 Listen, honest to God, it's the last time I'm asking. 886 00:43:09,901 --> 00:43:11,781 Where's that fucking body? And coffin. 887 00:43:11,821 --> 00:43:14,461 And the fucking.... For fuck sake! The coffin as well. 888 00:43:14,501 --> 00:43:16,021 Listen, Ronnie, honestly, dude, 889 00:43:16,061 --> 00:43:17,981 I'll leave you down here with the rats - 890 00:43:18,021 --> 00:43:21,141 OK, YOU might but Erin wouldn't, and do you wanna know why, Vin? 891 00:43:21,181 --> 00:43:25,101 It's because family is very, very thicker than water. That's why. 892 00:43:25,141 --> 00:43:28,861 Try me. Ronnie, I know for a fact you're scared of the dark. 893 00:43:28,901 --> 00:43:30,501 Oh. Right, OK. 894 00:43:30,541 --> 00:43:34,061 Phil offered me two large, OK? Aka 200. 895 00:43:34,101 --> 00:43:36,061 If yous go to say, five... 896 00:43:36,101 --> 00:43:39,021 How the fuck am I gonna pay you 500 quid, you cunt?! 897 00:43:39,061 --> 00:43:43,861 What? You're not gonna pay me? In that case, Whitney Houston, we got a problem. 898 00:43:43,901 --> 00:43:45,981 You don't know Whitney Houston, dude. 899 00:43:46,021 --> 00:43:48,341 He means Houston, don't he? He means Houston. 900 00:43:48,381 --> 00:43:50,581 Guys, the jokes on fucking you! 901 00:43:51,341 --> 00:43:54,461 No, no, no, not the dark! OK, I'll give you what you want! 902 00:43:55,261 --> 00:43:57,621 Check it out. Follow the light. 903 00:43:57,661 --> 00:43:59,861 # RIVAL SONS: Do Your Worst 904 00:44:06,821 --> 00:44:09,141 Thank fuck for that. 905 00:44:10,301 --> 00:44:12,181 He's all there. 906 00:44:12,221 --> 00:44:14,301 Ronnie Croft saves the day. Nice one. 907 00:44:14,341 --> 00:44:16,141 Hold on. 908 00:44:16,181 --> 00:44:18,941 Where are his eyes? Oh... 909 00:44:18,981 --> 00:44:22,221 His fucking eyes are missing. The fuck, who nicks eyes? 910 00:44:23,661 --> 00:44:26,261 # Oh, my, oh, my baby 911 00:44:26,301 --> 00:44:29,581 # Devil's gonna get you if I don't first 912 00:44:29,621 --> 00:44:32,341 # Take my, take my body 913 00:44:32,381 --> 00:44:35,261 # Take my body and do your worst 914 00:44:35,301 --> 00:44:38,101 # Oh, my, oh, my baby 915 00:44:38,141 --> 00:44:41,221 # Devil's gonna get you if I don't first 916 00:44:41,261 --> 00:44:44,101 # Take my, take my body 917 00:44:44,141 --> 00:44:47,101 # Take my body and do your worst # 918 00:44:53,101 --> 00:44:55,101 He's ready for you now. 919 00:45:12,741 --> 00:45:13,981 They're fine. 920 00:45:14,021 --> 00:45:17,101 Gentlemen... I think we've got away with it. 921 00:45:19,581 --> 00:45:24,661 # ..over the rainbow 922 00:45:25,381 --> 00:45:30,541 # Way up high 923 00:45:32,181 --> 00:45:37,781 # There's a land that I heard of 924 00:45:38,501 --> 00:45:43,661 # Once in a lullaby 925 00:45:47,501 --> 00:45:55,021 # Somewhere over the rainbow 926 00:45:55,861 --> 00:46:00,141 # Skies are blue 927 00:46:01,661 --> 00:46:04,181 Thank you. 928 00:46:04,221 --> 00:46:08,381 And before we move Barry on to his final rest, 929 00:46:08,421 --> 00:46:10,781 his brother Davey would like to read... 930 00:46:10,821 --> 00:46:13,061 David. ..a few words from the Good Book. 931 00:46:16,821 --> 00:46:18,661 CARDI: Ash coffin. 932 00:46:20,301 --> 00:46:23,461 What if he starts "coughing"? Do you get it? 933 00:46:23,501 --> 00:46:26,061 Shut up, you fucking... Shut up. 934 00:46:32,621 --> 00:46:35,061 "The righteous perish... 935 00:46:35,101 --> 00:46:37,181 and no man layeth it to heart; 936 00:46:38,421 --> 00:46:41,221 the merciful men are taken away, 937 00:46:41,261 --> 00:46:43,461 none considering 938 00:46:43,501 --> 00:46:47,941 that the righteous are taken away from the evil to come." 939 00:46:53,461 --> 00:46:54,981 Oh, shit. 940 00:46:57,021 --> 00:47:00,101 I want an apology! 941 00:47:02,341 --> 00:47:04,181 Fuck. 942 00:47:06,301 --> 00:47:08,381 You remember me, Davey? 943 00:47:08,421 --> 00:47:12,981 If you know what is good for you, you will leave right now. 944 00:47:13,021 --> 00:47:15,941 Phil Brilliance. Children's entertainer. 945 00:47:16,861 --> 00:47:18,341 Get rid of him. 946 00:47:18,381 --> 00:47:20,261 Would anybody like to meet my new friend? 947 00:47:20,301 --> 00:47:22,221 Stay where the fuck you are. Stay. No. 948 00:47:22,261 --> 00:47:25,061 His name...is Barry. 949 00:47:25,101 --> 00:47:28,581 You want to shut the fuck up, you disrespectful cunt. 950 00:47:28,621 --> 00:47:31,381 Otherwise, you'll end up in a coffin yourself. 951 00:47:31,421 --> 00:47:34,381 Davey, well, he killed my last friend, Virgil, 952 00:47:34,421 --> 00:47:37,181 but I don't think he's gonna hurt this one. 953 00:47:37,221 --> 00:47:39,661 No, no, no. 954 00:47:39,701 --> 00:47:41,501 I don't think he'll hurt this one. 955 00:47:41,541 --> 00:47:44,821 Especially as he's got such beautiful... 956 00:47:44,861 --> 00:47:46,501 eyes. 957 00:47:46,541 --> 00:47:48,781 Oh, fuck! 958 00:47:48,821 --> 00:47:51,141 Ahh! Fuck! 959 00:47:51,181 --> 00:47:55,261 An eye for an eye, Davey! You little piece of piss! 960 00:47:55,301 --> 00:47:57,821 Run away! Run away! Run away! Run away! 961 00:47:57,861 --> 00:48:00,221 Cheeky little bastard! 962 00:48:01,661 --> 00:48:04,101 Fucking phone! 963 00:48:04,141 --> 00:48:05,501 Hello? 964 00:48:05,541 --> 00:48:07,621 Hello, Vincent. This is Fiona Frank. 965 00:48:07,661 --> 00:48:11,101 You were referred to me by Dr Christopher Cox, for psychotherapy. 966 00:48:11,141 --> 00:48:14,101 No, no, no, no! Yep, yep, yep, yep! Go on. 967 00:48:14,141 --> 00:48:17,101 I'm sorry. Is this a bad time? No, it's a good time. 968 00:48:17,141 --> 00:48:21,061 It's a good time. I need you more than ever, actually. 969 00:48:35,501 --> 00:48:38,781 I know this will come as a shock to you, but...I'm your son. 970 00:48:39,701 --> 00:48:41,661 What? 971 00:48:41,701 --> 00:48:43,301 How the fuck can he be mine? 972 00:48:45,301 --> 00:48:47,941 Don't wish for it - work for it. 973 00:48:47,981 --> 00:48:49,701 He wants you in his life, Tommo. 974 00:48:51,661 --> 00:48:53,101 Hello, boys. 975 00:48:53,141 --> 00:48:54,381 Charmed. 976 00:48:54,421 --> 00:48:56,781 Do not flirt with my fucking progeny. 977 00:48:56,821 --> 00:48:58,621 Bend down and pick it up. 978 00:48:58,661 --> 00:49:00,421 Argh!