1 00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,680 The following programme contains very strong language, adult humour 2 00:00:04,720 --> 00:00:08,000 and scenes that some viewers may find distressing. 3 00:00:15,000 --> 00:00:17,000 Money # 4 00:00:37,160 --> 00:00:41,040 # The best things in life are free 5 00:00:41,080 --> 00:00:43,800 # But you can give them To the birds and bees 6 00:00:43,840 --> 00:00:47,320 # I need money That's what I want 7 00:00:47,360 --> 00:00:50,920 # That's what I want That's what I want 8 00:00:50,960 --> 00:00:54,720 # That's what I want That's what I want... # 9 00:00:58,480 --> 00:01:02,880 Come on you thing... Why don't you fucking work?! 10 00:01:04,160 --> 00:01:05,720 The fuck you doing? 11 00:01:05,760 --> 00:01:08,520 This building is cock! It's fucking freezing. 12 00:01:08,560 --> 00:01:10,960 It's freezing. When did it get like this? 13 00:01:11,000 --> 00:01:13,880 Mid summer, that thing is blazing away, I can't breathe in here. 14 00:01:13,920 --> 00:01:15,760 As soon as it gets like this, there's nothing! 15 00:01:15,800 --> 00:01:18,720 Not a thing coming out. Not out of that fucker either!It is bad. 16 00:01:18,760 --> 00:01:21,120 Why don't you know when it got cold? 17 00:01:21,160 --> 00:01:24,320 I've been a fucking weed bunker for five days, making a living. 18 00:01:24,360 --> 00:01:26,000 Damn it. Five days... 19 00:01:26,040 --> 00:01:27,840 Yeah Where were you shitting? 20 00:01:27,880 --> 00:01:29,600 Never mind where I'm shitting. 21 00:01:29,640 --> 00:01:31,800 I've come for a renewal, on my fucking medicine, 22 00:01:31,840 --> 00:01:34,560 I've without now, for a few days. Laughter, that's what you need. 23 00:01:34,600 --> 00:01:36,320 That's the best medicine Vincent. 24 00:01:36,360 --> 00:01:38,440 Laughter. I agree, but I need to be 25 00:01:38,480 --> 00:01:41,280 around people that don't get on me tits, don't I? 26 00:01:41,320 --> 00:01:43,240 I've got a good one for you. Oh. 27 00:01:43,280 --> 00:01:44,720 Ready? Yeah. 28 00:01:44,760 --> 00:01:47,880 Irish lesbian goes to the Doctor. It's already in appropriate. 29 00:01:47,920 --> 00:01:50,280 Why? Just come on. 30 00:01:50,320 --> 00:01:53,200 The only people you can take the piss out of now are people like me! 31 00:01:53,240 --> 00:01:56,800 What, fucking posh cunts with fat red heads? 32 00:01:56,840 --> 00:02:00,960 Middle class female athlete goes to the Doctor, she says, 33 00:02:01,000 --> 00:02:03,800 "Doctor, Doctor I'm very worried. I think I'm growing a penis... 34 00:02:03,840 --> 00:02:06,040 I think it's the steroids. 35 00:02:06,080 --> 00:02:08,640 Doctor says "Anabolic?" She says goes, "No, just the penis." 36 00:02:08,680 --> 00:02:10,320 See! 37 00:02:10,360 --> 00:02:12,480 Fuck. See, you see, that's all you need. 38 00:02:12,520 --> 00:02:14,720 You don't need pills. Still outrageous. 39 00:02:14,760 --> 00:02:17,720 Listen, hurry up dude. Get a repeat prescription on there, will you? 40 00:02:17,760 --> 00:02:22,520 I've got to go and arrange a truce meeting between two fucking lunatics. 41 00:02:27,760 --> 00:02:29,280 I'm telling you now, Vincent, 42 00:02:29,320 --> 00:02:31,760 I'm not meeting him anywhere of his choosing. 43 00:02:31,800 --> 00:02:34,160 I do not trust that man, if you can call him a man. 44 00:02:34,200 --> 00:02:37,400 Any venue he picks is likely to be some sort of trap. 45 00:02:37,440 --> 00:02:39,200 Listen, I get it. I hear what you're saying. 46 00:02:39,240 --> 00:02:42,400 But after an extensive chat via the medium of fucking text, 47 00:02:42,440 --> 00:02:45,600 he's just not happy meeting anywhere of your choosing. 48 00:02:45,640 --> 00:02:48,800 How the mucky fuck are we meant to broker a truce if we can't agree on a location, 49 00:02:48,840 --> 00:02:50,280 d'you know what I mean? Call him up, 50 00:02:50,320 --> 00:02:52,640 tell him that the only agreeable option 51 00:02:52,680 --> 00:02:55,800 is a neutral destination chosen by a third party. 52 00:02:55,840 --> 00:02:58,720 What third party? What third party?! Do you know... Sorry. 53 00:02:58,760 --> 00:03:00,920 It's cold weather out, hmm, 54 00:03:00,960 --> 00:03:02,960 we'll go for a carvery - 55 00:03:03,000 --> 00:03:05,080 everybody loves a carvery - 56 00:03:05,120 --> 00:03:08,720 somewhere convivial, exposed beams, open fires. 57 00:03:08,760 --> 00:03:12,360 Hmm? And if he agrees in principle, then we... 58 00:03:12,400 --> 00:03:15,160 will chose a destination, randomly selected from the Internet. 59 00:03:15,200 --> 00:03:16,720 Do you like a carvery? Hmm. 60 00:03:16,760 --> 00:03:19,560 I'm particularly partial to a roasted parsnip. 61 00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:21,560 But not everywhere does 'em, do they? 62 00:03:21,600 --> 00:03:25,360 Yorkshire pudding, pigs in blankets, onion gravy, oof... 63 00:03:25,400 --> 00:03:26,720 It's the shizz. 64 00:03:26,760 --> 00:03:30,440 Reminds me of my dad you know, carvery after me mum fucked off. 65 00:03:30,480 --> 00:03:33,360 That's sweet.He used to make me go down to The Wheatsheaf, 66 00:03:33,400 --> 00:03:35,000 steal as much as I could. 67 00:03:35,040 --> 00:03:37,720 Then we'd sit on the church steps and eat it.Mm. 68 00:03:37,760 --> 00:03:41,600 Bonding. My dad used to whack me with the buckle end of the belt, 69 00:03:41,640 --> 00:03:43,960 call me a fairy cake boy. 70 00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:46,240 He loved a carvery. 71 00:03:46,280 --> 00:03:48,520 I'll ring Kittens. 72 00:03:48,560 --> 00:03:50,240 Right... 73 00:03:50,280 --> 00:03:52,080 thank fuck we've got a venue. 74 00:03:52,120 --> 00:03:53,920 Hey? Where is it to be, then? 75 00:03:53,960 --> 00:03:57,480 The Highwayman - up Rampton way. It's a bit high in the hills, 76 00:03:57,520 --> 00:04:00,600 especially in this weather, but apparently it does a very good carvery. 77 00:04:00,640 --> 00:04:04,600 Sorry, who the fuck is Joey Kittens and why's Davey got a beef with him? 78 00:04:04,640 --> 00:04:05,880 Long... 79 00:04:05,920 --> 00:04:08,000 It's a long, init. Shall I just, in a nutshell.Hmm. 80 00:04:08,040 --> 00:04:09,080 Go on. Alright. 81 00:04:09,120 --> 00:04:11,360 In a nutshell. 82 00:04:11,400 --> 00:04:13,280 A vacuum was created 83 00:04:13,320 --> 00:04:15,760 by the untimely death of a local gangster... 84 00:04:16,600 --> 00:04:19,760 One who we initially fell foul of by stealing his daughter's Shetland pony. 85 00:04:19,800 --> 00:04:21,480 Isn't that right, Ashley? Yeah. 86 00:04:21,520 --> 00:04:23,800 What the fuck? Concussion 87 00:04:25,200 --> 00:04:28,480 Good times. We started selling and growing weed on his behalf. 88 00:04:28,520 --> 00:04:31,240 Then, ultimately, turned against him and incarcerated him... 89 00:04:32,360 --> 00:04:34,520 ..by planting the severed head... 90 00:04:36,680 --> 00:04:39,520 ..of the disgruntle employee into his wardrobe. 91 00:04:39,560 --> 00:04:41,480 Well, well, well. What is this doing here? 92 00:04:41,520 --> 00:04:42,640 As one does. Yeah. 93 00:04:42,680 --> 00:04:44,600 Then into this void, stepped two men. 94 00:04:44,640 --> 00:04:48,200 One Joseph Kittens and one Davey MacDonagh who, uh, 95 00:04:48,240 --> 00:04:49,920 entered fierce territorial dispute. 96 00:04:50,760 --> 00:04:52,960 One which, I dare say... 97 00:04:53,000 --> 00:04:55,760 will not end harmoniously. 98 00:04:55,800 --> 00:04:57,880 Very well done. Thank you very much, 99 00:04:57,920 --> 00:04:59,760 just in a nutshell, you know what I mean? 100 00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:01,400 Carvery, man, I bloody love a carvery. 101 00:05:01,440 --> 00:05:03,880 Ooh!You smell the gravy, don't you? The gravy... 102 00:05:03,920 --> 00:05:07,320 But listen, hey. the main thing is we've found a bloody location 103 00:05:07,360 --> 00:05:10,000 where Davey McDonague and Joseph the Kittens 104 00:05:10,040 --> 00:05:12,280 are gonna fucking meet, finally. Christ. 105 00:05:12,320 --> 00:05:14,080 Carvery? 106 00:05:14,120 --> 00:05:16,800 Course I like a carvery, who doesn't like a carvery? 107 00:05:18,240 --> 00:05:19,760 Apple sauce, buttered spuds.. Hmm. 108 00:05:19,800 --> 00:05:22,240 Roasties. Spaghetti.Ye... No. 109 00:05:22,280 --> 00:05:24,400 That's not in there. When you going? 110 00:05:24,440 --> 00:05:26,000 Tomorrow, 2:00pm. 111 00:05:26,040 --> 00:05:28,400 Great, late lunch, a few cheeky Guinness. 112 00:05:28,440 --> 00:05:30,840 Oh, Guinness, happy days, count me in.No. 113 00:05:30,880 --> 00:05:33,960 You're not invited, Michael, you fucking jovial toad. 114 00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:36,200 Alright, it's me whose angling for an invite... 115 00:05:36,240 --> 00:05:38,840 You're not fucking going, either! No. No. No, if anyone's going, 116 00:05:38,880 --> 00:05:40,800 it's me going. Sure, I was reared on a carvery, 117 00:05:40,840 --> 00:05:43,960 it was purified and blended down in to a baby's bottle 118 00:05:44,000 --> 00:05:46,040 and I would just suck it on it. Why would you do that? 119 00:05:46,080 --> 00:05:48,760 It's full of nutrition. Shut up. Stop making fucking words. 120 00:05:48,800 --> 00:05:52,800 You're not invited, this is a truce between two violent psychopaths, 121 00:05:52,840 --> 00:05:56,560 alright? We're not going in there mobhanded. You can fuck off! 122 00:05:56,600 --> 00:05:58,040 Dickheads! 123 00:05:58,080 --> 00:06:01,880 # Why-y-y-y 124 00:06:01,920 --> 00:06:06,720 # Lord 125 00:06:06,760 --> 00:06:09,680 # Blood... 126 00:06:12,240 --> 00:06:13,640 Fuckin' thing! 127 00:06:15,240 --> 00:06:18,320 # Ahh, ha 128 00:06:18,360 --> 00:06:20,880 # Oh, Lord 129 00:06:20,920 --> 00:06:23,320 # In your veins 130 00:06:23,360 --> 00:06:24,960 # Ooh 131 00:06:25,000 --> 00:06:28,880 # I said why-y-y-y 132 00:06:28,920 --> 00:06:32,160 # Lord 133 00:06:32,200 --> 00:06:38,200 # Blood 134 00:06:40,680 --> 00:06:45,720 # Running water Ahh, ha 135 00:06:45,760 --> 00:06:47,480 # Oh, Lord. # 136 00:06:48,440 --> 00:06:50,760 Woo-hoo-hoo! 137 00:06:50,800 --> 00:06:52,560 It's fucking freezing. 138 00:06:52,600 --> 00:06:54,600 OK ready? Ah! 139 00:06:54,640 --> 00:06:57,160 I tell you what, he fucking better be in there. 140 00:06:57,960 --> 00:06:59,320 Good God. 141 00:06:59,360 --> 00:07:01,600 My trousers are soaking. 142 00:07:01,640 --> 00:07:04,640 Nobody Speak # 143 00:07:22,640 --> 00:07:24,360 Oh! Fucking hell! 144 00:07:24,400 --> 00:07:26,400 Sorry about that - he's racist. 145 00:07:26,440 --> 00:07:29,600 Well, that's ironic, seeing as the dog's black. 146 00:07:29,640 --> 00:07:31,760 You've got a racist dog? Don't blame me, sweetheart. 147 00:07:31,800 --> 00:07:35,000 I like dark women - Rihanna, Whoopi Goldberg... 148 00:07:35,040 --> 00:07:36,760 my fantasy threesome. 149 00:07:36,800 --> 00:07:38,920 Alright, then. It's nice to meet you, then. 150 00:07:39,760 --> 00:07:43,160 I'm piss wet through.I know, love. I need to get these jeans off. Will you swap? 151 00:07:43,200 --> 00:07:45,680 Fuck, no, I ain't swapping with you, you lunatic!Swap with me. 152 00:07:45,720 --> 00:07:47,760 What, do you wanna wear my leggings? What? 153 00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:51,680 Well, I've got leggings on underneath cos it's bloody Baltic out. I don't mind. 154 00:07:51,720 --> 00:07:54,040 No, they're lady leggings, I will not be wearing those. 155 00:07:54,080 --> 00:07:57,080 Go and put the fucking leggings on. Alright.Your lips are blue. 156 00:07:57,120 --> 00:07:58,520 Fuck's sake. Son of a bitch. 157 00:07:59,880 --> 00:08:01,640 Mr O'Neil... 158 00:08:02,640 --> 00:08:04,400 Oh, my, my, my. 159 00:08:04,440 --> 00:08:07,160 We have brought the full compliment. 160 00:08:08,120 --> 00:08:10,360 It's just like the last supper... 161 00:08:10,400 --> 00:08:14,880 but which one of you is Judas Iscariot... 162 00:08:14,920 --> 00:08:16,920 Hmm? 163 00:08:18,320 --> 00:08:21,440 Was the last supper a carvery? And what's with the entourage? 164 00:08:21,480 --> 00:08:23,600 They wanted a fucking carvery, didn't they. 165 00:08:23,640 --> 00:08:27,280 And well they might, Vincent, and well they might. 166 00:08:27,320 --> 00:08:31,160 Stephen is back there now preparing it, up to his elbows in potato peel. 167 00:08:31,200 --> 00:08:35,720 Isn't that right, Paula... Oh, Paula is the stand in landlady. 168 00:08:35,760 --> 00:08:38,080 Kathryn and Jeremy are away for a few days - 169 00:08:38,120 --> 00:08:41,080 Venice, mini break. Hmm.Oh, lovely. 170 00:08:41,120 --> 00:08:42,800 Nice. Hang on a minute. Does that mean 171 00:08:42,840 --> 00:08:45,160 the carvery's not gonna be as good as usual?No. 172 00:08:45,200 --> 00:08:48,320 Kath and Jez left all the ingredients 173 00:08:48,360 --> 00:08:50,120 and very detailed instructions... 174 00:08:50,160 --> 00:08:52,360 my Stephen's a whizz in the kitchen. Hm. 175 00:08:56,640 --> 00:08:59,520 How is it you're on first name terms with this landlady? 176 00:09:00,360 --> 00:09:03,560 I came early, Vincent, to steady my nerves. 177 00:09:04,400 --> 00:09:08,160 And Paula and Stephen have been the most convivial hosts. 178 00:09:10,040 --> 00:09:13,120 Hey, come on. Let's take a seat, everyone. 179 00:09:13,160 --> 00:09:15,880 It'll be fine to pull tables together, won't it, Paula? 180 00:09:15,920 --> 00:09:18,200 Doesn't look like there's going to be a rush on. 181 00:09:18,240 --> 00:09:20,920 Help yourselves. Is anyone else having the carvery? 182 00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:23,120 I want... Me please... 183 00:09:23,160 --> 00:09:24,840 Ham and turkey. I am starving. 184 00:09:24,880 --> 00:09:27,520 Hey. Hey. That bloke in the corner, 185 00:09:27,560 --> 00:09:31,200 spitting image of Lionel Ritchie. Oh, my God, I think it is!I'm sorry 186 00:09:31,240 --> 00:09:32,880 to break it to you, but it's unlikely 187 00:09:32,920 --> 00:09:35,120 that the American-based Commodores singer 188 00:09:35,160 --> 00:09:37,240 is over there playing dominoes 189 00:09:37,280 --> 00:09:39,400 in the corner of a remote Northern public house 190 00:09:39,440 --> 00:09:41,680 in the middle of a fucking snow storm. 191 00:09:41,720 --> 00:09:43,760 Do y'know what I mean? Maybe she offered a carvery. 192 00:09:43,800 --> 00:09:45,400 Oh, fuck off, Michael. 193 00:09:45,440 --> 00:09:47,520 What? Could be... 194 00:09:47,560 --> 00:09:49,320 Hello? 195 00:09:49,360 --> 00:09:50,880 Are they alright? 196 00:09:50,920 --> 00:09:53,240 Yeah, they're fine, they're just a little tight... 197 00:09:53,280 --> 00:09:55,280 Well, is it... Are they just a bit short? 198 00:09:55,320 --> 00:09:57,440 It's not that. It's not that. 199 00:09:59,560 --> 00:10:01,520 Look you don't wanna know what's in here. 200 00:10:01,560 --> 00:10:05,280 Oh, come on, can't be that bad. Let's have a...No, no, no. 201 00:10:05,320 --> 00:10:10,040 Fucking 'ell. Wow, that is... That is quite something. 202 00:10:10,080 --> 00:10:12,200 I know. My God, Ash. I mean, 203 00:10:12,240 --> 00:10:15,040 God, I had no idea. We're gonna have to improvise. 204 00:10:15,080 --> 00:10:17,240 I mean, yeah. Absolutely we will. 205 00:10:25,720 --> 00:10:28,560 Let's get some drinks flowing, shall we? 206 00:10:28,600 --> 00:10:33,200 Who wants a wine? They do a rather delicious French Shiraz. 207 00:10:33,240 --> 00:10:36,040 I'll have a Guinness.Pint of lager. I'll have a Vodka slimline. 208 00:10:36,080 --> 00:10:38,640 Oh, I'll have the same. Right. So, a red, a white, 209 00:10:38,680 --> 00:10:43,440 pint of lager, pint of Guinness, and two vodka slimlines - magnifique. 210 00:10:43,480 --> 00:10:45,160 Thank you, Davey. Thank you, Davey. 211 00:10:45,200 --> 00:10:47,600 Thank you, Davey. Thank you!Nice one, Davey. 212 00:10:47,640 --> 00:10:49,680 Weird! Weird! Weird! Weird! 213 00:10:49,720 --> 00:10:52,200 Fucking weird! He's been nicer than normal.He is. 214 00:10:52,240 --> 00:10:53,960 Like he's on somert or somert. Maybe he is. 215 00:10:54,000 --> 00:10:55,880 Maybe he's hoofing the chang on the sly. 216 00:10:55,920 --> 00:10:58,160 Could be hoofing it.Or maybe not. Maybe he's just buzzed 217 00:10:58,200 --> 00:10:59,960 about potentially brokering a truce 218 00:11:00,000 --> 00:11:03,600 and finally getting out of my fucking flat upstairs above me pub. Jesus Christ. 219 00:11:03,640 --> 00:11:06,520 Honestly, it stinks up there! Where's Kittens? 220 00:11:06,560 --> 00:11:08,680 He's fucking late now. Should I ring him? 221 00:11:08,720 --> 00:11:10,480 What do you reckon? I tell you what it'll be. 222 00:11:10,520 --> 00:11:12,000 It'll be a power move, won't it? 223 00:11:12,040 --> 00:11:14,720 He'll come swishing on in, in a pair of very inappropriate heels. 224 00:11:14,760 --> 00:11:16,800 There's no fucking signal, anyway. 225 00:11:16,840 --> 00:11:19,920 I'm gonna put some tunes on, cos it's like a fucking morgue in here. 226 00:11:50,680 --> 00:11:53,040 Where the fuck are you, Billy? 227 00:11:53,080 --> 00:11:56,040 The Fun Lovin' Criminal # 228 00:11:56,920 --> 00:12:00,920 # Yee-haw! # 229 00:12:02,400 --> 00:12:04,160 Ah, for Go... What the fuck are you wearing? 230 00:12:04,200 --> 00:12:06,640 I needed some extra coverage. 231 00:12:06,680 --> 00:12:08,880 It's because of your long penis... Yes. 232 00:12:08,920 --> 00:12:11,600 Oh.Oh, my God, have you seen the size of that thing? 233 00:12:11,640 --> 00:12:13,480 Knocked me sick. Yeah. 234 00:12:14,360 --> 00:12:16,960 It's upsetting. Fancy a game of darts? 235 00:12:18,480 --> 00:12:21,960 No, I can't, love. I'm just here for carvery with some friends. 236 00:12:22,000 --> 00:12:24,360 I believe it's very good. Oh, it is. 237 00:12:24,400 --> 00:12:27,440 Kathryn and Jeremy do a fine carvery - 238 00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:31,000 dollop of butter in their greens and a secret roasties glaze. 239 00:12:31,040 --> 00:12:33,280 Some say they mix their love juices in it. 240 00:12:34,440 --> 00:12:36,320 Right. Y'know... 241 00:12:36,360 --> 00:12:40,000 It's not like them two to take a holiday - Jeremy hates flying. 242 00:12:40,040 --> 00:12:42,800 And they only went away a month ago, down south, 243 00:12:42,840 --> 00:12:46,040 Dorset I think, said they got an Indian Summer. 244 00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:49,000 Right. 245 00:12:49,040 --> 00:12:51,760 And then when I was leaving here last night, I said to Kath, I said, 246 00:12:51,800 --> 00:12:54,920 "See you tomorrow, Kath." Do you know what she said? 247 00:12:54,960 --> 00:12:57,160 No. "See you tomorrow." 248 00:12:58,480 --> 00:13:00,800 Surprise trip... or anniversary? 249 00:13:02,760 --> 00:13:05,600 # Stick 'em up, punk It's the fun lovin' criminal. # 250 00:13:05,640 --> 00:13:07,080 Here you go. 251 00:13:08,640 --> 00:13:10,800 Not many in here today. Yeah. Yeah. 252 00:13:10,840 --> 00:13:13,760 It's the snow. They're saying it's gonna dump down. To be honest 253 00:13:13,800 --> 00:13:15,880 with yer, I nearly didn't open up today 254 00:13:15,920 --> 00:13:19,440 because I actually had a very discombobulating experience back at the house. 255 00:13:19,480 --> 00:13:23,240 What happened? Well, there was a knock at the door, 256 00:13:23,280 --> 00:13:26,080 so I opened the door and there was a man standing there - 257 00:13:26,120 --> 00:13:28,000 face like thunder and he says... 258 00:13:28,040 --> 00:13:30,840 Do you live here? Well, yeah, obviously... 259 00:13:30,880 --> 00:13:33,120 I live here and he says... 260 00:13:33,160 --> 00:13:35,880 I live on the next street, our gardens back on to one another, 261 00:13:35,920 --> 00:13:38,800 and I'm not being funny, but I can see everything 262 00:13:38,840 --> 00:13:41,000 that goes on in this house. 263 00:13:41,040 --> 00:13:42,400 So, I'm thinking, 264 00:13:42,440 --> 00:13:45,520 what am I doing, y'know? My mind's racing cos 265 00:13:45,560 --> 00:13:48,120 sometimes I do have a bit of a dance in the kitchen when I'm pissed, 266 00:13:48,160 --> 00:13:51,680 but usually I have me clothes on. Anyway, then he says... 267 00:13:51,720 --> 00:13:55,960 From my back window, we can see everything - and it needs to stop. 268 00:13:56,000 --> 00:13:58,520 Now I'm in a panic, I'm like what have I done? 269 00:13:58,560 --> 00:14:00,720 What needs to stop? I mean, 270 00:14:00,760 --> 00:14:04,320 I do this like squirty cream thing sometimes, but I doubt it's that. 271 00:14:04,360 --> 00:14:06,440 Anyway, then I remember... 272 00:14:06,480 --> 00:14:10,680 I had climbing Ivy put in over the window for that very reason, 273 00:14:10,720 --> 00:14:13,880 so I'm amazed you can see anything at all... 274 00:14:13,920 --> 00:14:17,040 But Um... Yeah, come in, come through and have a look. 275 00:14:17,880 --> 00:14:19,840 So, I took him through to me garden 276 00:14:19,880 --> 00:14:22,200 and he looked at the climbing Ivy and he went... 277 00:14:22,240 --> 00:14:24,680 I must be looking into next door. 278 00:14:24,720 --> 00:14:26,240 And off he went, 279 00:14:26,280 --> 00:14:29,840 as if he'd never even made an accusation. 280 00:14:29,880 --> 00:14:31,440 What a knobhead. Yeah. 281 00:14:31,480 --> 00:14:34,040 Begs to the question: what have next door been up to? 282 00:14:34,080 --> 00:14:38,400 Exactly. What has gotta stop? What are they doing? 283 00:14:38,440 --> 00:14:40,480 Something he doesn't like seeing. 284 00:14:40,520 --> 00:14:41,960 Hm. 285 00:14:44,360 --> 00:14:46,560 I kind of want to know what it is now.Yeah. Me too. 286 00:14:46,600 --> 00:14:48,000 And me. 287 00:14:48,040 --> 00:14:51,160 Was actually thinking of sitting in their garden and watching 'em, 288 00:14:51,200 --> 00:14:53,480 but I don't want people thinking I'm like quack quack. 289 00:14:53,520 --> 00:14:55,600 I'll come with you. OK. 290 00:14:57,640 --> 00:14:59,600 Davey, love, do you not think we should hang on 291 00:14:59,640 --> 00:15:01,640 for Joey Kittens. I'm just thinking maybe- 292 00:15:01,680 --> 00:15:04,440 Maybe he's changed his mind, Vincent. 293 00:15:04,480 --> 00:15:07,560 He can be a very capricious creature, can Joey Kittens. 294 00:15:07,600 --> 00:15:09,920 Now come on, dig in. 295 00:15:09,960 --> 00:15:11,680 Right. Yes, no, listen, 296 00:15:11,720 --> 00:15:14,280 I don't mean to be rude, but it does have the distinct whiff 297 00:15:14,320 --> 00:15:16,480 of, um, sort of elderly persons breath. 298 00:15:16,520 --> 00:15:18,920 You know what I mean, Stilton, in't it. So I might just, uh, 299 00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:22,280 pop out and have cigarette, instead. Is that alright? Yeah. 300 00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:30,000 Hello. 301 00:15:32,520 --> 00:15:34,040 Alright mate, yeah. 302 00:15:39,600 --> 00:15:41,800 Fuck! 303 00:15:41,840 --> 00:15:43,760 Fucking 'ell! 304 00:16:04,680 --> 00:16:07,160 WEBVTT X-TIMESTAMP-MAP=LOCAL:00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:0 305 00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:32,720 Hello. 306 00:16:51,960 --> 00:16:53,840 Hello... 307 00:16:56,000 --> 00:16:58,200 Hello... 308 00:17:09,560 --> 00:17:11,320 Hello? 309 00:17:13,680 --> 00:17:15,480 Hello. 310 00:17:15,520 --> 00:17:17,920 Fucking 'ell. 311 00:17:20,920 --> 00:17:22,920 Shit. 312 00:17:32,000 --> 00:17:34,760 Oh, my fucking God! 313 00:17:36,160 --> 00:17:37,400 Fucking hell! 314 00:17:37,440 --> 00:17:39,200 Oh, shit, that... that is bad. 315 00:17:39,240 --> 00:17:41,640 Fucking 'ell, mate, that's a bad wound, that is... 316 00:17:41,680 --> 00:17:44,240 You need... You need to get to hospital, mate. 317 00:17:44,280 --> 00:17:46,280 Jesus Christ, that's a lot of blood. 318 00:17:47,160 --> 00:17:48,440 Davey. 319 00:17:48,480 --> 00:17:49,960 Davey? 320 00:17:50,000 --> 00:17:51,320 Davey. 321 00:17:51,360 --> 00:17:53,400 Right, OK. Fuck. 322 00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:54,840 I don't know. 323 00:17:58,600 --> 00:18:00,760 OK, put that on yourself, love. Press on that. 324 00:18:00,800 --> 00:18:02,480 Stem the bleeding, stem the bleeding. 325 00:18:02,520 --> 00:18:05,000 Ah, no, no. I'm gonna lift you up a little bit, sweetheart. 326 00:18:05,040 --> 00:18:08,880 Lift yourself up, there we go! Ah, no, sorry, sorry, sorry. 327 00:18:08,920 --> 00:18:10,400 You just... 328 00:18:10,440 --> 00:18:13,440 I'm gonna call an ambulance. I'm gonna call... 329 00:18:13,480 --> 00:18:15,320 Fuck, no signal. 330 00:18:15,360 --> 00:18:16,880 Right. 331 00:18:16,920 --> 00:18:19,400 Just... 332 00:18:19,440 --> 00:18:21,280 Don't move. Right. 333 00:18:25,680 --> 00:18:27,400 Vinnie... Vinnie, 334 00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:30,400 did you want to have a look at the Highway Man memorabilia room? 335 00:18:30,440 --> 00:18:33,720 Do I fuck, I'm tryna get through this liquid sadness here, aren't I.. 336 00:18:33,760 --> 00:18:35,160 In here... 337 00:18:35,200 --> 00:18:39,440 Vinnie, come and have a look at The Highwayman memorabilia room. 338 00:18:40,840 --> 00:18:44,320 Oh, yeah. No, I did say, um... Yeah, mentioned that I was interested 339 00:18:44,360 --> 00:18:47,200 in the history of the... Tri corner hats. 340 00:18:56,320 --> 00:18:58,760 The fuck's wrong with you? What's up? I'll tell you what's up. 341 00:18:58,800 --> 00:19:01,040 Upstairs, in an upstairs room, 342 00:19:01,080 --> 00:19:04,360 Joey Kittens is lying in a pool of real fucking blood, 343 00:19:04,400 --> 00:19:06,720 with his guts hanging out, substantial stomach wound. 344 00:19:06,760 --> 00:19:08,480 Fuck me, dude! 345 00:19:08,520 --> 00:19:10,880 Well, hey, is he alive? For now... 346 00:19:10,920 --> 00:19:14,280 yeah, meanwhile Davey is swanning about suspiciously upbeat, 347 00:19:14,320 --> 00:19:17,680 saying to everyone that Joey hasn't arrived yet, when upstairs is a fucking bloodba- 348 00:19:17,720 --> 00:19:19,600 Oi. Oi. Just... 349 00:19:19,640 --> 00:19:22,360 Oh, my God. Look at them blades. 350 00:19:22,400 --> 00:19:25,240 Oh... Oh... 351 00:19:25,280 --> 00:19:28,160 Pistols up mounted with original bullets. 352 00:19:29,160 --> 00:19:30,600 Shut up! 353 00:19:31,960 --> 00:19:33,720 Problem? Yes, there's a fucking problem. 354 00:19:33,760 --> 00:19:35,560 S'up? Joey Kittens 355 00:19:35,600 --> 00:19:38,400 is bleeding to death from a fucking knife wound upstairs. 356 00:19:38,440 --> 00:19:41,560 Davey has fucked us right up the anus. 357 00:19:41,600 --> 00:19:44,880 Hang on a minute. The woman, you know the one with the mad eyebrow, 358 00:19:44,920 --> 00:19:47,240 she said that the landlord and landlady never go abroad - 359 00:19:47,280 --> 00:19:50,240 and that they should be here today. Right. Right. 360 00:19:50,280 --> 00:19:52,840 The questions are these, where the fuck are they, 361 00:19:52,880 --> 00:19:55,560 and who the fuck are Paula and Stephen. 362 00:19:55,600 --> 00:19:56,840 Fuck me, dude. 363 00:19:58,000 --> 00:20:00,080 One week after the burial, 364 00:20:00,120 --> 00:20:03,240 Dick Turpin's body was dug up 365 00:20:03,280 --> 00:20:07,520 and it was sold for illegal dissection. 366 00:20:07,560 --> 00:20:11,160 Davey! Davey, what the fuck have you done man?! 367 00:20:11,200 --> 00:20:14,480 You tell me, Monsieur? 368 00:20:14,520 --> 00:20:16,000 He's fucking stabbed Joey Kittens. 369 00:20:16,040 --> 00:20:18,320 He's upstairs, he's fucking bleeding out. 370 00:20:18,360 --> 00:20:21,160 Is he alright? No, Sugar. Unsurprisingly, no. 371 00:20:21,200 --> 00:20:23,760 He is urgent need of urgent medical attention, urgently. 372 00:20:23,800 --> 00:20:25,800 Now, gentlemen, come on. 373 00:20:25,840 --> 00:20:28,000 We've only just had the starter, 374 00:20:28,040 --> 00:20:31,440 they haven't even wheeled the meat out, yet.Davey, for fuck's sake- 375 00:20:31,480 --> 00:20:35,240 I'm just very disappointed in you, Vincent, 376 00:20:35,280 --> 00:20:37,120 snooping around. 377 00:20:37,160 --> 00:20:40,200 What the fuck?! Davey, for fuck's sake, man. This is crazy. 378 00:20:40,240 --> 00:20:42,120 No! 379 00:20:42,160 --> 00:20:44,320 Oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, calm yourself. Shit! 380 00:20:44,360 --> 00:20:46,160 You were all very excited 381 00:20:46,200 --> 00:20:49,280 to come here for the highly-rated dining experience. 382 00:20:49,320 --> 00:20:53,560 So I suggest, that you all take a seat, 383 00:20:53,600 --> 00:20:58,040 and when Stephen wheels in the meat, we fill our boots, hmm? 384 00:20:58,080 --> 00:21:00,120 Davey, just put the fucking knife down. Come on. 385 00:21:00,160 --> 00:21:01,960 Listen, man, this is supposed to be a truce. 386 00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:05,160 It's not exactly gonna happen if one of you ends up dead, is it? 387 00:21:05,200 --> 00:21:08,320 Law of the jungle, garage boy - 388 00:21:08,360 --> 00:21:11,120 eat or be eaten. 389 00:21:19,000 --> 00:21:20,760 Davey... 390 00:21:20,800 --> 00:21:23,000 Smokehouse Lightin' # 391 00:21:29,880 --> 00:21:33,480 Ladies and gentlemen, your carvery is served. 392 00:21:33,520 --> 00:21:35,960 I must say, it looks great. 393 00:21:36,000 --> 00:21:39,560 Give over, Michael! You great twat. Look what's going on. Fuck's sake. 394 00:21:39,600 --> 00:21:42,680 Oi, where's the real landlady and landlord right now? 395 00:21:42,720 --> 00:21:44,480 Look, everything will be fine, as long as 396 00:21:44,520 --> 00:21:47,360 Kittens agrees to all of my demands! 397 00:21:48,960 --> 00:21:52,920 Vincent, why don't you bring Shirley Temple over there. 398 00:21:53,920 --> 00:21:56,400 I think she will be somewhat invested 399 00:21:56,440 --> 00:21:58,240 in this particular conversation. 400 00:22:00,120 --> 00:22:01,760 Right. Well, then, I wanna come. 401 00:22:01,800 --> 00:22:05,320 No, thank you, little red riding hair. You just eat your greens. 402 00:22:06,680 --> 00:22:10,080 And if anyone of you tries to raise the alarm, 403 00:22:10,120 --> 00:22:13,600 then I'm just gonna carve these two like a doner kebab. 404 00:22:14,480 --> 00:22:18,280 And I'm gonna turn this convivial country pub 405 00:22:18,320 --> 00:22:21,960 into a scene of untold... 406 00:22:22,000 --> 00:22:24,280 fucking carnage. 407 00:22:27,560 --> 00:22:29,680 Okey-dokey? 408 00:22:34,160 --> 00:22:36,520 Fuck me. 409 00:22:37,720 --> 00:22:39,600 Oh, Stephen... 410 00:22:39,640 --> 00:22:41,600 Mm! 411 00:22:48,760 --> 00:22:50,560 What demands, Davey? 412 00:22:50,600 --> 00:22:52,680 McCann's money is my money. 413 00:22:52,720 --> 00:22:54,480 And I want Joey to agree 414 00:22:54,520 --> 00:22:57,960 that I am in control of McCann's territory from now on. 415 00:22:58,000 --> 00:23:02,120 And he's to send a message to all interested parties telling them 416 00:23:02,160 --> 00:23:04,960 that that is the case. Davey, listen to me. 417 00:23:05,000 --> 00:23:06,840 He's not gonna agree to any of that. 418 00:23:06,880 --> 00:23:10,520 And why the fuck, why have you dragged Fay up here, for God's sake? 419 00:23:10,560 --> 00:23:12,720 I think you'll be surprised... 420 00:23:12,760 --> 00:23:16,240 what people will do when they feel their life force... 421 00:23:17,920 --> 00:23:19,600 ..ebbing away... 422 00:23:25,440 --> 00:23:27,520 Uncle J! Oh, fuck! 423 00:23:27,560 --> 00:23:31,000 Uncle J, Uncle J... Davey, what the fuck?! 424 00:23:31,040 --> 00:23:32,680 You alright. Look at me. Look at me. Fay, 425 00:23:32,720 --> 00:23:34,280 is Joey Kittens is your Uncle? 426 00:23:34,320 --> 00:23:37,000 Yeah, I don't fucking know him as that - he's my Uncle J. 427 00:23:37,040 --> 00:23:38,920 Nice family reunion. 428 00:23:38,960 --> 00:23:41,280 You need to help him. He's fucking bleeding out! 429 00:23:41,320 --> 00:23:43,600 Can you hear me? Can you hear me? 430 00:23:43,640 --> 00:23:47,400 This is bad, Ashley. This is very, very, very fucking bad. 431 00:23:47,440 --> 00:23:49,760 And, actually, I would go as far to say, 432 00:23:49,800 --> 00:23:51,400 I fear for our lives, mate. 433 00:23:51,440 --> 00:23:53,320 Ah, Davey's losing his fucking mind in there, 434 00:23:53,360 --> 00:23:56,720 and there is fuck all we can do about it. I don't know. 435 00:24:22,680 --> 00:24:25,400 Here, we'll ask him? No. No. Ashley!Hey, how are yer? 436 00:24:25,440 --> 00:24:27,480 We don't know who he is, do we, love? 437 00:24:27,520 --> 00:24:29,280 Hello, there! 438 00:24:36,560 --> 00:24:39,000 Are you... Are you here for the carvery? 439 00:24:39,040 --> 00:24:41,960 Am I fuck. Looking for my brother-in-law. 440 00:24:42,960 --> 00:24:44,360 Does he have a racist dog? 441 00:24:44,400 --> 00:24:46,040 Or perhaps an eye patch? 442 00:24:46,080 --> 00:24:48,120 Does he like Lionel Ritchie? 443 00:24:48,160 --> 00:24:50,160 No. No. 444 00:24:51,000 --> 00:24:53,200 But he was here first thing this morning 445 00:24:53,240 --> 00:24:57,000 and according to his wife's tracker, he's still here. 446 00:25:05,520 --> 00:25:09,600 Right, well, their windows are the same as mine, 447 00:25:09,640 --> 00:25:13,160 and him back there says he can see straight into it. So I reckon 448 00:25:13,200 --> 00:25:15,000 if we hide down the side of that shed, 449 00:25:15,040 --> 00:25:16,600 we should be able to get a perfect view. 450 00:25:16,640 --> 00:25:18,440 Side of the shed? Hmm. 451 00:25:18,480 --> 00:25:20,800 Why not inside the shed. It's got a window. 452 00:25:20,840 --> 00:25:23,440 It's got a padlock, Jim. Padlock? 453 00:25:23,480 --> 00:25:26,360 I can have that fucker off in two seconds flat. 454 00:25:26,400 --> 00:25:30,120 Are you seriously suggesting breaking and entering someone's private property? 455 00:25:30,160 --> 00:25:32,320 Yes, I fucking well am! 456 00:25:32,360 --> 00:25:34,480 Fine, it's fucking freezing. 457 00:25:34,520 --> 00:25:36,480 Yeah, it is. 458 00:25:38,720 --> 00:25:40,720 Piece of piss Let me in. 459 00:25:41,720 --> 00:25:43,880 There you go, a fucking heater. Hey, and a kettle. 460 00:25:43,920 --> 00:25:47,800 Bingo and look at that, perfect view. 461 00:25:47,840 --> 00:25:50,600 Now all we've got to do is sit here and wait. 462 00:25:50,640 --> 00:25:52,040 Ta-da! 463 00:25:52,080 --> 00:25:54,480 Beers for the boys... 464 00:25:54,520 --> 00:25:56,520 pina colada for the lady. 465 00:25:56,560 --> 00:25:58,360 Cheers. Cheers 466 00:26:05,280 --> 00:26:08,440 Davey, please. Please, dude. This is fucking insane! 467 00:26:08,480 --> 00:26:11,240 Let's just talk about this like reasonable fucking human beings. 468 00:26:11,280 --> 00:26:13,000 Simple fix here, Joey. 469 00:26:13,040 --> 00:26:15,360 Seriously? Seriously, you wanna fucking die! 470 00:26:16,360 --> 00:26:18,840 Listen, Davey, please, I'm begging you. 471 00:26:18,880 --> 00:26:20,760 He needs fucking help. He's bleeding out. 472 00:26:20,800 --> 00:26:23,880 He wanted me dead, made plans to make it happen - by you. 473 00:26:23,920 --> 00:26:26,240 What the fuck are you talking about, you twisted fuck?! 474 00:26:27,400 --> 00:26:30,760 Joey! Joey! he's gonna leave you to fucking bleed out, dude. 475 00:26:32,560 --> 00:26:34,720 Closer, closer... 476 00:26:38,680 --> 00:26:40,440 What's he saying? 477 00:26:40,480 --> 00:26:43,280 He said to tell Davey to... 478 00:26:43,320 --> 00:26:45,160 fuck his dead brother. 479 00:26:49,520 --> 00:26:51,080 Fuck my dead brother? 480 00:26:53,000 --> 00:26:55,000 Okey-dokey. 481 00:27:01,880 --> 00:27:04,480 The fuck, fucking stop! Dude. 482 00:27:04,520 --> 00:27:07,040 What the fuck... Davey. 483 00:27:07,080 --> 00:27:10,920 Davey. Davey. For fuck's sake dude, you are going too far.Get in here. 484 00:27:10,960 --> 00:27:13,240 Now stay the fuck there. 485 00:27:13,280 --> 00:27:15,240 Fucking 'ell are you locking her in there for? 486 00:27:15,280 --> 00:27:17,120 Vinnie, Vinnie! What do you fucking want now? 487 00:27:17,160 --> 00:27:21,320 A bloke's just arrived looking for his brother-in-law, he says he disappeared this morning. 488 00:27:21,360 --> 00:27:24,200 Disappeared? Oh, how strange 489 00:27:24,240 --> 00:27:27,320 I'll have a word with him.Oh! Fuck me in the arse. 490 00:27:27,360 --> 00:27:30,800 Get out of here, your big fat hands. What the fuck is going on?! 491 00:27:32,880 --> 00:27:35,240 What they doing? Not much. 492 00:27:35,280 --> 00:27:38,760 She's fucking about on her phone and he's doing a bit of cooking. 493 00:27:38,800 --> 00:27:40,840 Oh, what... what are they having? 494 00:27:40,880 --> 00:27:43,200 Looks like some poncy omelette. 495 00:27:43,240 --> 00:27:44,520 Ah. Knock. Knock. 496 00:27:44,560 --> 00:27:47,800 I can see everything that goes on in your house 497 00:27:47,840 --> 00:27:51,080 and it's fuck boring. 498 00:27:51,120 --> 00:27:52,840 Well, I don't mind. 499 00:27:52,880 --> 00:27:55,480 I got me drinks, I got me snacks, 500 00:27:55,520 --> 00:27:57,960 got me two hunky boys for company. 501 00:27:58,000 --> 00:27:59,880 Him hunky? 502 00:27:59,920 --> 00:28:03,560 I've seen more meat on an anorexic pencil.Hey, fucking lean me. 503 00:28:03,600 --> 00:28:07,640 No, you've got a great body, for a man your age. 504 00:28:07,680 --> 00:28:11,400 Thank you. And you, you've got lovely hair. 505 00:28:11,440 --> 00:28:15,560 My ex-husband, he had long hair. It's like Samson. 506 00:28:15,600 --> 00:28:19,120 Fucking Delilah more like. Looks a right cunt. 507 00:28:19,160 --> 00:28:21,680 Oh, it's alright for you men. 508 00:28:21,720 --> 00:28:24,040 When you get to my age, as a women, 509 00:28:24,080 --> 00:28:26,520 everyone just looks right through you. 510 00:28:26,560 --> 00:28:29,880 No, you're still worth one. You're still a good looking woman. Aw, thanks boys. 511 00:28:29,920 --> 00:28:33,280 How long have you been split, then, if you don't mind my asking? Oh, years and years. 512 00:28:33,320 --> 00:28:36,760 I had a lover when Sugar was little. What a man. 513 00:28:36,800 --> 00:28:41,160 Wow. He really knew what to do in the downstairs department. 514 00:28:42,000 --> 00:28:44,320 He's dead now, sadly. 515 00:28:44,360 --> 00:28:48,320 Do you ever try and speak to him? She's just told you he's fucking dead. 516 00:28:48,360 --> 00:28:50,640 Yeah. You can speak with the dead. 517 00:28:50,680 --> 00:28:52,640 What the fuck are you talking about? 518 00:28:52,680 --> 00:28:56,160 Seances. Hold them every month at my farm, with select friends. 519 00:28:56,200 --> 00:28:57,920 He's talking shite. 520 00:28:57,960 --> 00:29:00,080 When you're dead, you're fucking dead. 521 00:29:00,120 --> 00:29:02,880 Your fucking heart stops, your brain stops, 522 00:29:02,920 --> 00:29:04,720 then they fucking burn you. 523 00:29:04,760 --> 00:29:07,000 And that's all there is to it. 524 00:29:08,840 --> 00:29:10,920 Can we try it, though? 525 00:29:10,960 --> 00:29:12,960 Shall we give it a whirl? 526 00:29:13,000 --> 00:29:15,480 Fucking 'ell. 527 00:29:15,520 --> 00:29:17,080 Mannish Boy # 528 00:29:17,120 --> 00:29:21,240 My brother-in-law's a delivery driver - local pies and quiches. 529 00:29:21,280 --> 00:29:24,000 Delivers to this place every other day. 530 00:29:24,040 --> 00:29:26,320 Look... today... 531 00:29:27,280 --> 00:29:29,120 ..he never left. 532 00:29:29,160 --> 00:29:31,160 Ooh. 533 00:29:31,200 --> 00:29:34,400 Well, sometimes they don't update those things, do they? 534 00:29:34,440 --> 00:29:37,560 Especially in bad signal. It's probably the weather playing havoc. 535 00:29:37,600 --> 00:29:40,800 Something's wrong... I can feel it in me piss. 536 00:29:42,600 --> 00:29:45,120 What a masterful grasp you have 537 00:29:45,160 --> 00:29:48,240 of the English language, that's rare... 538 00:29:48,280 --> 00:29:51,040 in a manual worker. What is your name? 539 00:29:51,080 --> 00:29:53,840 Ian. I'll tell you what I'll do for you, 540 00:29:53,880 --> 00:29:57,240 Ian, I will go and ask the landlord, 541 00:29:57,280 --> 00:30:00,240 hmm? Why don't you get yourself a... 542 00:30:00,280 --> 00:30:02,280 a nice pint of bitter? 543 00:30:05,760 --> 00:30:08,040 I don't wanna pint of bitter, 544 00:30:08,080 --> 00:30:11,600 I want to look around. It says he's here, so he must be here. 545 00:30:15,480 --> 00:30:17,160 Unless you've got something to hide. 546 00:30:18,520 --> 00:30:20,880 Oh, you're referring to my designer Chelseas. 547 00:30:20,920 --> 00:30:25,120 Well, that's just from where I was cutting up the meat for the succulent carvery. 548 00:30:25,160 --> 00:30:28,000 But if you really want to have a look around this establishment, 549 00:30:28,040 --> 00:30:32,400 why don't you just ask Paula, the landlady, and if she agrees, 550 00:30:32,440 --> 00:30:34,440 knock yourself out. 551 00:30:44,640 --> 00:30:47,240 I'd like to look around, please. Well... 552 00:30:48,920 --> 00:30:52,400 I'm quite busy here... so... I'd rather you didn't- 553 00:30:52,440 --> 00:30:55,560 I want... to look. 554 00:30:57,160 --> 00:30:59,080 Come on, then. 555 00:30:59,120 --> 00:31:01,120 Follow me. 556 00:31:10,280 --> 00:31:12,960 I've got a bad, bad feeling about this. 557 00:31:13,000 --> 00:31:14,760 Me too. Fucking 'ell. 558 00:31:14,800 --> 00:31:17,280 There's two people bleeding profusely upstairs. 559 00:31:17,320 --> 00:31:18,960 What's he gonna do? Show them to pie man's 560 00:31:19,000 --> 00:31:21,520 unfeasibly large brother-in-law? 561 00:31:21,560 --> 00:31:23,440 We need help. We need help. Listen, 562 00:31:23,480 --> 00:31:27,280 stay with here, I'm gonna go see if we can find some reception.Alright. 563 00:31:27,320 --> 00:31:29,320 Shall we? Yeah. 564 00:31:30,960 --> 00:31:33,440 Oh, fuck me. 565 00:31:37,240 --> 00:31:39,240 Oh, shit. 566 00:31:40,040 --> 00:31:41,960 Oh, no, fucker. 567 00:31:42,000 --> 00:31:45,200 So, this is where the magic happens. 568 00:31:48,600 --> 00:31:51,720 What's down there? Cellar, storage rooms, y'know. 569 00:31:51,760 --> 00:31:53,600 Might he have gone down there for some reason? 570 00:31:53,640 --> 00:31:55,920 Unlikely, delivering pies. 571 00:31:55,960 --> 00:31:57,680 Can I have a look? 572 00:31:59,680 --> 00:32:01,400 Be my guest. 573 00:32:01,440 --> 00:32:03,440 It Will Come Back # 574 00:32:12,560 --> 00:32:15,480 Alright, lads. Sorry, do you mind if we follow? 575 00:32:15,520 --> 00:32:17,640 Just I've always wanted to see what the inside 576 00:32:17,680 --> 00:32:19,600 of a real pub cellar looks like. 577 00:32:19,640 --> 00:32:21,640 If you insist. 578 00:32:25,120 --> 00:32:29,200 As you can see, nothing but barrels, crates and, well, 579 00:32:29,240 --> 00:32:31,600 an abundance of cheese and onion crisps. 580 00:32:31,640 --> 00:32:36,120 # Howling outside your door... 581 00:32:40,200 --> 00:32:43,120 What's in there? No idea. 582 00:32:45,760 --> 00:32:47,760 I wanna see inside. 583 00:32:47,800 --> 00:32:49,920 It seems unlikely, Ian, 584 00:32:49,960 --> 00:32:52,960 that your brother-in-law would get himself into a... 585 00:32:53,000 --> 00:32:55,720 tiny room in a pub cellar and then just somehow 586 00:32:55,760 --> 00:32:58,000 accidentally get locked inside, don't you think? 587 00:32:58,040 --> 00:33:00,920 Even so... can we open it? 588 00:33:02,720 --> 00:33:04,720 Okey dokey. 589 00:33:05,640 --> 00:33:07,840 I think I've got the key here somewhere. 590 00:33:07,880 --> 00:33:11,640 # Don't you hear me howling, babe? 591 00:33:15,360 --> 00:33:19,000 # Don't you hear me howling, babe? 592 00:33:21,040 --> 00:33:24,160 # Don't you hear me howling, babe? # 593 00:33:30,720 --> 00:33:32,960 Oh! Davey, what the fu... 594 00:33:35,040 --> 00:33:36,400 Open this door! 595 00:33:36,440 --> 00:33:38,000 What fresh hell's this now? 596 00:33:38,040 --> 00:33:39,520 Well, in a nutshell. 597 00:33:39,560 --> 00:33:42,120 We've had two stabbings, a kidnap and a couple imprisoned. 598 00:33:42,160 --> 00:33:44,520 Kathryn and Jez. Oh, fucking 'ell. 599 00:33:44,560 --> 00:33:46,560 Hey, let me out! 600 00:33:46,600 --> 00:33:49,280 The fuck are they doing in there, then?Long story, Vincent. 601 00:33:49,320 --> 00:33:51,120 It's a fucking long story, is it? 602 00:33:51,160 --> 00:33:55,600 Calm yourself down. Nobody's gonna get hurt. They can breathe in there. 603 00:33:55,640 --> 00:33:57,840 What a sweetheart. Fuck you, 604 00:33:57,880 --> 00:34:00,440 Stephen, you beady eyed bastard. Oi!What? 605 00:34:00,480 --> 00:34:02,640 He's lost his fucking mind. I fucking know that. 606 00:34:02,680 --> 00:34:05,440 Get them poor bastards out. I'll go and deal with the psychopath. 607 00:34:05,480 --> 00:34:07,480 Davey! Davey, love... How?! 608 00:34:08,320 --> 00:34:09,680 Oh, like that. Right, yeah. 609 00:34:09,720 --> 00:34:11,640 Ooh, fucking hell. 610 00:34:11,680 --> 00:34:13,800 Davey! Davey! Davey! 611 00:34:13,840 --> 00:34:15,960 Davey! Listen, just tell me what's happening. 612 00:34:16,000 --> 00:34:19,040 If the real landlord and landlady are fucking bound and gagged downstairs, 613 00:34:19,080 --> 00:34:22,440 who the fuck are Paula and Stephen, man?My cousins. 614 00:34:22,480 --> 00:34:24,040 Your cousins. That's right. 615 00:34:24,080 --> 00:34:28,680 When the venue was agreed upon, then I had an epiphany. 616 00:34:28,720 --> 00:34:31,080 Remote pub run by an ageing couple, 617 00:34:31,120 --> 00:34:33,520 I realised this might be the chance I'd been waiting for. 618 00:34:33,560 --> 00:34:35,080 So I came up last night on a recce. 619 00:34:35,120 --> 00:34:37,440 Ah, perfect. 620 00:34:38,400 --> 00:34:42,040 Got talking to Kathyrn and Jeremy, lovely couple. 621 00:34:42,080 --> 00:34:44,800 Pretended I was opening my own gastro pub. 622 00:34:44,840 --> 00:34:46,760 Asked a few casual questions, 623 00:34:46,800 --> 00:34:48,640 and they were only too happy to answer. 624 00:34:48,680 --> 00:34:52,480 Once the cleaner's gone of a morning, it's just me and Kath... 625 00:34:52,520 --> 00:34:56,240 prepping all the food, getting the bar fully stocked... 626 00:34:56,280 --> 00:34:58,080 Bad Vibration # 627 00:34:58,120 --> 00:35:00,840 So I slept in my car and first thing, 628 00:35:00,880 --> 00:35:04,360 Stephen and Paula arrived. 629 00:35:04,400 --> 00:35:07,240 And we waited... until... 630 00:35:15,160 --> 00:35:16,640 Hello? 631 00:35:28,240 --> 00:35:30,080 Oh, fuck! 632 00:35:32,760 --> 00:35:35,400 I didn't see anything, I swear. 633 00:35:40,000 --> 00:35:43,040 You fucking pushed him off a fucking cliff?Did I say cliff? 634 00:35:43,080 --> 00:35:44,360 I said gully. 635 00:35:46,040 --> 00:35:48,240 Fucking hell. 636 00:35:48,280 --> 00:35:51,480 Is he alive? He wasn't in the van, Vincent.Urgh. 637 00:35:51,520 --> 00:35:54,000 Where is he? He's in a safe location. 638 00:35:55,600 --> 00:35:57,800 He was in danger of fucking everything up. 639 00:35:57,840 --> 00:35:59,800 Sante. Sante. 640 00:36:05,600 --> 00:36:07,600 Change of plan, Joey. 641 00:36:07,640 --> 00:36:09,760 The pub only serves carvery till 2:00pm, 642 00:36:09,800 --> 00:36:13,080 so you need to arrive by 1:30pm. Toodle-oo. 643 00:36:20,160 --> 00:36:22,440 Joey, Henchman. 644 00:36:22,480 --> 00:36:25,520 I'm afraid that Vincent hasn't arrived yet, 645 00:36:25,560 --> 00:36:27,280 it's probably the weather. 646 00:36:27,320 --> 00:36:30,520 May I buy you a beverage, while we're waiting? 647 00:36:30,560 --> 00:36:32,400 Hmm? 648 00:36:34,160 --> 00:36:35,840 Why not. 649 00:36:46,840 --> 00:36:50,280 Between 17:35 and 17:37... 650 00:36:56,680 --> 00:36:58,800 ..but nobody knows for sure. 651 00:36:58,840 --> 00:37:01,480 Fascinating. 652 00:37:01,520 --> 00:37:04,040 You feeling OK, Joey? 653 00:37:09,280 --> 00:37:11,840 You fucker. 654 00:37:11,880 --> 00:37:14,480 Ryan, kill the twat. 655 00:37:16,040 --> 00:37:18,040 What you waiting for, Ryan? 656 00:37:20,120 --> 00:37:21,960 Kill the twat. 657 00:37:22,000 --> 00:37:24,120 That's another one! Where's he? 658 00:37:24,160 --> 00:37:26,720 Outside, in the boot of my car. Oh, you... 659 00:37:26,760 --> 00:37:28,280 Go on, then. What happened? 660 00:37:28,320 --> 00:37:31,360 Joey Kittens, this is what I want you to do, 661 00:37:31,400 --> 00:37:33,840 and if you do not agree, then you and this... 662 00:37:34,760 --> 00:37:37,000 ..carvery food spike thing 663 00:37:37,040 --> 00:37:39,480 are gonna become very acquainted. 664 00:37:40,440 --> 00:37:42,480 Yes? 'Yes, Davey.' 665 00:37:42,520 --> 00:37:44,080 'Yes.' Shall I, uh... 666 00:37:44,120 --> 00:37:46,800 start heating the puddings yet? Fuck me, Stephen. 667 00:37:46,840 --> 00:37:50,680 Why don't you go and see how they're getting on with their mains? there's a good boy. 668 00:37:52,920 --> 00:37:54,920 Why did you even carry on with the fucking carvery, 669 00:37:54,960 --> 00:37:57,960 if you've stabbed him already, do you know what I mean? 670 00:38:00,240 --> 00:38:02,360 "There's knocking at the gate. 671 00:38:03,200 --> 00:38:08,200 Come, come, come, come... 672 00:38:08,240 --> 00:38:10,240 give me your hand. 673 00:38:10,280 --> 00:38:14,920 What's done cannot be undone." 674 00:38:14,960 --> 00:38:16,960 Hmm. 675 00:38:17,800 --> 00:38:20,080 That's really scary. 676 00:38:20,120 --> 00:38:21,360 Lady Macbeth. 677 00:38:21,400 --> 00:38:23,600 Fuck me, Lady Macbeth. For God's sake! 678 00:38:25,040 --> 00:38:26,880 This is fucked, it's unhinged! 679 00:38:26,920 --> 00:38:31,080 Alright, and it's not you. This isn't you, you're not a killer. You're not! 680 00:38:31,960 --> 00:38:34,080 Well, I'm very touched by this outpouring 681 00:38:34,120 --> 00:38:35,800 of concern for me, Vincent. 682 00:38:35,840 --> 00:38:39,600 And yes, things have got a tad out of control. But... 683 00:38:39,640 --> 00:38:41,880 why don't you just go back there and enjoy the carvery 684 00:38:41,920 --> 00:38:45,960 while I sit here, and try and figure out a way to resolve things. 685 00:38:46,000 --> 00:38:49,400 Alright. Well, if you mean that, you'll give me an hug. 686 00:38:49,440 --> 00:38:51,720 Come on. 687 00:38:51,760 --> 00:38:53,800 It's not like you to be shy is it. Come on. 688 00:38:54,880 --> 00:38:56,880 It's not that is it? Christ. 689 00:38:58,840 --> 00:39:00,840 Alright, man. 690 00:39:06,920 --> 00:39:09,840 Are there any spirits here today? 691 00:39:09,880 --> 00:39:12,720 No, but she's got a pina colada. You can't speak, 692 00:39:12,760 --> 00:39:17,200 it scares 'em away.Does it really, the imaginary spirits. 693 00:39:17,240 --> 00:39:20,720 Jim, please. Are there any spirits here today? 694 00:39:23,280 --> 00:39:26,520 Yes. There are spirits. 695 00:39:26,560 --> 00:39:29,400 Is it someone known to the living in the room? 696 00:39:31,600 --> 00:39:34,960 It is someone known. Well, now there's a fucking surprise. 697 00:39:35,000 --> 00:39:39,880 Hey, and if they're known to me what the fuck are they doing hanging about 698 00:39:39,920 --> 00:39:42,280 in her next door neighbour's garden shed? 699 00:39:42,320 --> 00:39:44,160 Jim! 700 00:39:44,200 --> 00:39:46,040 What is your name? 701 00:39:46,080 --> 00:39:50,720 P...A...U...L. 702 00:39:50,760 --> 00:39:54,080 Is it Paulie? Is it.... Is it Paulie Turner? 703 00:39:54,120 --> 00:39:55,560 Yeah, Who... Who... Who's Paulie? 704 00:39:55,600 --> 00:39:57,680 He's my ex-lover that I told you about. 705 00:39:57,720 --> 00:40:00,360 I can't believe it. No, neither can I. 706 00:40:00,400 --> 00:40:02,720 Paulie! Is it you? 707 00:40:02,760 --> 00:40:06,920 I'm feeling a voice saying yes. 708 00:40:08,040 --> 00:40:10,400 He's says he misses you. Oh. 709 00:40:10,440 --> 00:40:14,200 And he's asking if there anything you'd like to say to him. 710 00:40:15,120 --> 00:40:18,480 Is there anything from the afterlife that he wants me to know? 711 00:40:20,160 --> 00:40:22,600 He says life is short. 712 00:40:22,640 --> 00:40:25,960 You must do what you've always wanted to do, 713 00:40:26,000 --> 00:40:27,920 before it's too late. 714 00:40:27,960 --> 00:40:29,800 He says... 715 00:40:29,840 --> 00:40:33,280 No, no, no. He's fading. 716 00:40:34,800 --> 00:40:38,040 He's fading. He's fading. 717 00:40:40,200 --> 00:40:43,080 He's gone. Oh, for fuck's sake. 718 00:40:43,120 --> 00:40:46,000 Do what I've always wanted to do... 719 00:40:47,120 --> 00:40:50,480 Um, I mean that... I did... I did tell him... 720 00:40:50,520 --> 00:40:52,960 I asked him to do it, but he said he... 721 00:40:53,000 --> 00:40:55,960 he did want to so... 722 00:40:56,000 --> 00:40:57,400 What was that, then? 723 00:40:58,600 --> 00:41:00,280 Well... 724 00:41:02,280 --> 00:41:04,640 It's a bit out there. 725 00:41:25,680 --> 00:41:28,000 Yeah! Fucking have it. 726 00:41:31,920 --> 00:41:33,880 Dirty bastard. 727 00:41:36,400 --> 00:41:39,240 Go on, go on, go on. 728 00:41:43,520 --> 00:41:45,600 Oh, my fucking God. 729 00:41:47,800 --> 00:41:49,520 No. 730 00:41:49,560 --> 00:41:51,480 No, no, no. Come on! 731 00:41:52,400 --> 00:41:54,080 Harder! 732 00:41:54,120 --> 00:41:55,680 Lovely, thank you. 733 00:41:55,720 --> 00:41:58,040 Very romantic, that. Thanks. 734 00:42:00,480 --> 00:42:04,520 We've tried, but it's like Fort fucking Knox down there. 735 00:42:07,360 --> 00:42:09,720 No one's getting out of there without a key. 736 00:42:09,760 --> 00:42:11,800 Shit! 737 00:42:13,440 --> 00:42:15,720 What the fuck's this now? 738 00:42:22,960 --> 00:42:26,400 Now I'm sorry to interrupt everybody's day. 739 00:42:26,440 --> 00:42:28,880 But there's good news and bad news. 740 00:42:28,920 --> 00:42:30,880 Now the good news is 741 00:42:30,920 --> 00:42:32,840 because the snow is getting heavier, 742 00:42:32,880 --> 00:42:35,560 Paula and Stephen are offering everybody 743 00:42:35,600 --> 00:42:37,960 in the bar a free drink! 744 00:42:38,000 --> 00:42:39,400 Happy days. 745 00:42:39,440 --> 00:42:41,320 The bad news is... 746 00:42:43,040 --> 00:42:44,440 No fucker... 747 00:42:45,400 --> 00:42:47,760 ..leaves this pub... Shit. 748 00:42:47,800 --> 00:42:49,560 ..until I fucking say so! 749 00:42:49,600 --> 00:42:51,600 WEBVTT X-TIMESTAMP-MAP=LOCAL:00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:0 750 00:43:00,120 --> 00:43:02,320 There's no cause for alarm, hmm? 751 00:43:03,680 --> 00:43:06,440 Just put your mobiles into the coal bucket 752 00:43:06,480 --> 00:43:08,360 that Paula is bringing around. 753 00:43:08,400 --> 00:43:11,560 We have a bit of a situation unfolding, 754 00:43:11,600 --> 00:43:13,800 but we do not want anybody panicking. 755 00:43:13,840 --> 00:43:15,440 There's no signal, anyway. 756 00:43:15,480 --> 00:43:17,640 Don't look so glum, hmm? 757 00:43:17,680 --> 00:43:19,680 You've got your free drinks. 758 00:43:20,920 --> 00:43:24,600 Blitz spirit, all in it together. 759 00:43:24,640 --> 00:43:28,120 Ooh! Who can sing? Somebody sing us a song! 760 00:43:29,200 --> 00:43:30,840 Impressions, then. 761 00:43:30,880 --> 00:43:32,960 Yes. I'm a talented comedian, 762 00:43:33,000 --> 00:43:35,920 King of the One Liners. Shut the fuck up, man. 763 00:43:35,960 --> 00:43:40,160 Things are bad enough, you're just gonna set him off. What was that, JJ? 764 00:43:41,080 --> 00:43:43,400 Oh, do you want to come up, is that what it is? 765 00:43:43,440 --> 00:43:46,080 Oh, come on. Don't be shy. No, thank you. 766 00:43:46,120 --> 00:43:48,640 I really don't have, like, a party trick or anything. 767 00:43:48,680 --> 00:43:49,920 Poppycock. 768 00:43:50,960 --> 00:43:54,320 You came at me once, do you remember, because of her. 769 00:43:54,360 --> 00:43:56,760 You knocked me onto my derriere. 770 00:43:56,800 --> 00:43:59,640 You have depths we haven't seen yet. 771 00:44:01,000 --> 00:44:03,440 Well, come on, everybody. Give him a round of applause. 772 00:44:06,240 --> 00:44:08,240 The stage is yours, young man. 773 00:44:25,880 --> 00:44:29,120 Go in to my back left-hand pocket, there's a key. 774 00:44:31,360 --> 00:44:35,360 There's a bedroom upstairs and Fay's in it, she's hurt. 775 00:44:35,400 --> 00:44:37,640 What the fuck. Was it Davey? She's gonna live, 776 00:44:37,680 --> 00:44:39,920 but she needs checking on. You need to go, now. 777 00:44:39,960 --> 00:44:42,920 He's gonna fucking notice me, isn't he?I'll cover for you. Go now. 778 00:44:42,960 --> 00:44:45,040 Do you have anything else? 779 00:44:45,080 --> 00:44:47,320 Now. 780 00:44:55,240 --> 00:44:57,920 Oh, my fucking God. Oh, shit. 781 00:44:57,960 --> 00:44:59,960 Fuck. Fuck. 782 00:45:04,400 --> 00:45:06,400 Oh, shit. 783 00:45:07,320 --> 00:45:09,600 My God, Fay. Fuck, my God. Are you OK? 784 00:45:09,640 --> 00:45:11,240 I am grand. Grand. Grand. Shit. Fuck. 785 00:45:11,280 --> 00:45:13,680 Where's Davey? He's downstairs. 786 00:45:13,720 --> 00:45:15,520 He's got the whole fucking pub hostage. 787 00:45:15,560 --> 00:45:17,960 I don't think we're gonna be able to get out. 788 00:45:21,880 --> 00:45:23,640 Do you wanna bet? 789 00:45:27,120 --> 00:45:29,000 Jesus fucking Christ. 790 00:45:30,680 --> 00:45:32,760 Is it an elephant? An Elephant? 791 00:45:33,560 --> 00:45:36,080 Fuck me! just get him off! 792 00:45:36,120 --> 00:45:39,760 I fucking have jokes, proper good fucking jokes. 793 00:45:39,800 --> 00:45:42,480 So give him a chance! He's got a great banger about a pope and a rat- 794 00:45:42,520 --> 00:45:44,720 How about you sing us a song? 795 00:45:44,760 --> 00:45:46,720 I don't sing songs. Well, tough shit, 796 00:45:46,760 --> 00:45:49,320 sweet cheeks, because that is what I want. 797 00:45:49,360 --> 00:45:52,560 Someone must be able to give us a fucking song! 798 00:45:52,600 --> 00:45:55,240 Who can sing us a song? Go on, then. 799 00:45:55,280 --> 00:45:58,560 Why me?Come on, do us a nice little ditty, hmm? 800 00:45:58,600 --> 00:46:02,240 Something to keep the fucking mood light, cheer us all up. 801 00:46:05,280 --> 00:46:07,640 What's that? Probably nothing. 802 00:46:07,680 --> 00:46:08,840 Nothing? 803 00:46:10,440 --> 00:46:13,760 That isn't nothing. That is a fucking alarm, sweetheart. 804 00:46:16,000 --> 00:46:18,720 And where is she? Hmm? 805 00:46:18,760 --> 00:46:21,840 Little orphan Annie, where is she? 806 00:46:21,880 --> 00:46:24,320 Where is she?She's gone to the toilet for a piss, man. 807 00:46:24,360 --> 00:46:26,600 Toilet? Yes. 808 00:46:26,640 --> 00:46:28,200 Yes! 809 00:46:29,600 --> 00:46:31,680 Knife. 810 00:46:33,080 --> 00:46:37,880 Stephen, you keep these fuckers here. 811 00:46:38,960 --> 00:46:40,120 Vincent. 812 00:46:43,240 --> 00:46:45,600 Fuck. 813 00:46:45,640 --> 00:46:47,520 Careful, Vinnie. 814 00:46:47,560 --> 00:46:50,280 Stephen, do you wanna hear some funny jokes? 815 00:46:50,320 --> 00:46:51,880 Yeah. Yeah. Do... Do your jokes. 816 00:46:54,560 --> 00:46:56,760 What's brown and sticky? 817 00:46:57,600 --> 00:46:59,600 A stick! 818 00:47:06,360 --> 00:47:08,120 Fucking cunts! 819 00:47:09,360 --> 00:47:10,680 Is this you, Vincent? 820 00:47:10,720 --> 00:47:12,320 Fuck, no. No, it's- 821 00:47:12,360 --> 00:47:15,920 I have finally found our Judas Iscariot?God's sake, Davey. 822 00:47:15,960 --> 00:47:18,520 I was in the fucking bar with you seconds ago! 823 00:47:18,560 --> 00:47:20,560 How could it be me?! 824 00:47:22,200 --> 00:47:24,200 Let me tell you a story... 825 00:47:25,440 --> 00:47:26,680 Fuck's sake. 826 00:47:31,920 --> 00:47:33,920 Everyone thinks Judas 827 00:47:33,960 --> 00:47:36,600 hanged himself out of remorse for what he did to Jesus. 828 00:47:37,480 --> 00:47:40,000 That's not the truth. 829 00:47:40,040 --> 00:47:42,760 No, the truth... The truth is... 830 00:47:43,840 --> 00:47:46,800 Oh, fuck, Davey! What the fuck?! 831 00:47:46,840 --> 00:47:48,840 Vincent! 832 00:47:48,880 --> 00:47:50,880 Fuck! The truth is he was found dead 833 00:47:50,920 --> 00:47:54,600 in the field that he bought with the stolen money 834 00:47:54,640 --> 00:47:57,440 and his intestines spewing out of his body. 835 00:48:00,120 --> 00:48:03,400 Revenge? Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. 836 00:48:03,440 --> 00:48:07,560 Surely one of the disciples wouldn't cause such butchery? 837 00:48:08,400 --> 00:48:10,680 Someone did. Hmm? 838 00:48:10,720 --> 00:48:14,520 Someone found the betraying cunt and pulled his insides outside. 839 00:48:14,560 --> 00:48:19,400 Davey, I'm not Judas, am I? And you're certainly not fucking Jesus. 840 00:48:19,440 --> 00:48:22,240 I mean, honestly, if they've gone just let them go, I say. 841 00:48:22,280 --> 00:48:23,480 Let them go...? 842 00:48:23,520 --> 00:48:26,040 I think you're forgetting the ostrich head 843 00:48:26,080 --> 00:48:28,080 and the threat on my life, Vincent. 844 00:48:33,000 --> 00:48:36,400 What's the problem with eating a clock? 845 00:48:36,440 --> 00:48:39,960 We have to do something here. I don't like that Vinnie's out there with Davey on his own. 846 00:48:40,000 --> 00:48:41,680 What are you thinking? 847 00:48:41,720 --> 00:48:44,680 I'll create a distraction... then we'll all pile out, yeah? 848 00:48:45,560 --> 00:48:48,600 Alright.Why did the frog get the bus to work? 849 00:48:48,640 --> 00:48:50,600 Because his car got toad. 850 00:48:50,640 --> 00:48:55,240 Ladies and Gentlemen, Mick Dennings, the pride of the Emerald Isle. 851 00:48:55,280 --> 00:48:56,800 Wasn't he fantastic? 852 00:48:56,840 --> 00:48:59,280 Do you wanna see Uncle Ashley do a juggling trick?Oh, yes! 853 00:48:59,320 --> 00:49:01,560 Yes. Yes. Juggling, for fuck's sake. 854 00:49:01,600 --> 00:49:03,400 Yes! Go on. 855 00:49:03,440 --> 00:49:06,240 I think they want to see Uncle Ashley... 856 00:49:06,280 --> 00:49:08,560 doing empty pint glass juggling trick. 857 00:49:10,360 --> 00:49:12,320 Yeah. Yeah.Good man. 858 00:49:12,360 --> 00:49:14,800 Now I've got one pint glass, do I have a second... 859 00:49:14,840 --> 00:49:16,480 Curtis Plum, you are a legend. 860 00:49:16,520 --> 00:49:19,080 Thank you. Stephen, if you don't mind.Yeah. Yeah, use that one. 861 00:49:19,120 --> 00:49:21,240 Now, it's a very simple set of... 862 00:49:21,280 --> 00:49:22,840 Butter fingers. 863 00:49:22,880 --> 00:49:26,600 You know what, I hate when things just fall down and smash! 864 00:49:26,640 --> 00:49:28,280 Ahh! 865 00:49:28,320 --> 00:49:30,200 Bastard! Stop. 866 00:49:30,240 --> 00:49:33,640 Shit. She's down! Get away from this danger! 867 00:49:33,680 --> 00:49:35,680 Fucking hell! 868 00:49:35,720 --> 00:49:37,280 God Almighty. 869 00:49:38,400 --> 00:49:41,640 K-9! Racist K-9. 870 00:49:41,680 --> 00:49:43,760 Money Honey # 871 00:49:45,560 --> 00:49:48,280 # Money honey, woo... # 872 00:49:54,120 --> 00:49:56,720 Vin? Vinnie? 873 00:49:56,760 --> 00:49:58,480 Vin? 874 00:49:58,520 --> 00:50:00,600 Can't see a fucking thing. Vin? 875 00:50:01,800 --> 00:50:03,800 Oi, look. Footprints this way. 876 00:50:29,120 --> 00:50:31,800 How can it just stop? They must be nearby. 877 00:50:31,840 --> 00:50:35,160 I know, but just listen, dude. I think we should go back. 878 00:50:35,200 --> 00:50:37,400 We need a fucking warm up. We'll have a cup of tea. 879 00:50:37,440 --> 00:50:40,520 We'll just talk about all this, try and figure it out. It's out of hand. 880 00:50:40,560 --> 00:50:42,560 Vinnie! Fucking hell. 881 00:50:42,600 --> 00:50:45,040 Vin! Fuck. 882 00:50:45,080 --> 00:50:47,280 Vinnie! Vin. 883 00:50:47,320 --> 00:50:49,440 Vin. Vinnie. 884 00:50:50,360 --> 00:50:51,960 Vinnie. 885 00:50:52,000 --> 00:50:53,960 Vinnie. 886 00:50:59,120 --> 00:51:01,120 Gotcha ya. 887 00:51:02,040 --> 00:51:04,360 You can't hide forever, Joseph. 888 00:51:07,000 --> 00:51:09,000 Where are you? 889 00:51:13,560 --> 00:51:15,240 Oh, fu... 890 00:51:17,160 --> 00:51:18,480 Oh, fuck. 891 00:51:20,960 --> 00:51:22,960 Oh, fuck me. 892 00:51:25,840 --> 00:51:27,840 Oh, no, fucking 'ell. 893 00:51:28,760 --> 00:51:31,520 Joey, I am so sorry, bud. Fuck me. 894 00:51:31,560 --> 00:51:33,720 Phone... 895 00:51:33,760 --> 00:51:35,520 Must... 896 00:51:35,560 --> 00:51:37,800 Hey... You knew. 897 00:51:37,840 --> 00:51:40,800 Didn't you?Just... You knew he was gonna do this! 898 00:51:40,840 --> 00:51:44,160 Just let's put that down. Just put the fucking gun down. 899 00:51:44,200 --> 00:51:47,560 He was my Uncle!Yeah, I know. I didn't know, I had no idea. 900 00:51:47,600 --> 00:51:49,320 Now he's fucking dead! Fay. Fay. 901 00:51:49,360 --> 00:51:53,120 Listen to me, listen, I had know idea he was your uncle. 902 00:51:53,160 --> 00:51:55,120 I'm really fucking sorry. Listen, 903 00:51:55,160 --> 00:51:58,280 Davey's a fucking nut case, he's a law unto himself, he's a fucking- 904 00:51:58,320 --> 00:52:01,200 You fucking double crossed us! I swear to God almighty, I didn't. 905 00:52:01,240 --> 00:52:03,800 I thought I heard voices. 906 00:52:03,840 --> 00:52:05,560 Fuck! 907 00:52:05,600 --> 00:52:08,600 One more move, sweetheart, I'll blow her fucking head off. 908 00:52:08,640 --> 00:52:11,400 Then I'll... I'll blow his fucking head off. 909 00:52:11,440 --> 00:52:15,280 You seem to be under the impression that that would concern me. 910 00:52:15,320 --> 00:52:17,200 Well, it fucking concerns me. 911 00:52:17,240 --> 00:52:19,320 Oi. 912 00:52:25,040 --> 00:52:27,240 Put that gun down. 913 00:52:27,280 --> 00:52:29,680 You wouldn't dare. 914 00:52:29,720 --> 00:52:33,640 Put the gun down.You haven't got the bottle, Vincent.Put the gun down. 915 00:52:37,760 --> 00:52:39,680 Do you know, a couple of months ago 916 00:52:39,720 --> 00:52:44,040 we were on the edge of a fucking cliff and a shit rusty old bus 917 00:52:44,080 --> 00:52:46,360 and we all nearly died. 918 00:52:46,400 --> 00:52:51,320 And when we got off, we vowed to live our lives to the full 919 00:52:51,360 --> 00:52:55,680 and not get wrapped up with fucking psychopaths... 920 00:52:55,720 --> 00:52:58,160 that'll try shoot us! 921 00:52:59,720 --> 00:53:02,240 Now I am telling you for the last time - 922 00:53:02,280 --> 00:53:04,520 put that fucking gun down! 923 00:53:16,880 --> 00:53:18,600 Vinnie?! Vinnie?! 924 00:53:48,000 --> 00:53:50,000 You Will Become # 925 00:54:30,120 --> 00:54:32,640 'This is my family. Here.' 926 00:54:36,240 --> 00:54:39,120 'You're the ones that cheer me up when I am sad.' 927 00:54:39,160 --> 00:54:42,760 I tell you what, it's actually quite cosy this place ain't it?Yeah. 928 00:54:43,560 --> 00:54:45,040 You are never gonna believe this... 929 00:54:45,080 --> 00:54:47,480 We've only gone and done it, it is the right room. 930 00:54:47,520 --> 00:54:52,320 'You're the ones who put a smile on my face when I feel like shit.' 931 00:54:52,360 --> 00:54:54,680 I love you, dude. I love you, too, man. 932 00:54:54,720 --> 00:54:56,360 Look after yourself, yeah? 933 00:55:01,680 --> 00:55:04,160 I love you. 934 00:55:04,200 --> 00:55:06,200 I care for you. 935 00:55:08,240 --> 00:55:10,720 You're my dad? 936 00:55:10,760 --> 00:55:12,720 Yeah, I am. Yeah. 937 00:55:13,680 --> 00:55:17,080 Right, I will see you soon. 938 00:55:17,120 --> 00:55:19,120 Yeah. 939 00:55:21,160 --> 00:55:23,040 Do you want to do it? Yeah. 940 00:55:23,080 --> 00:55:24,640 Yeah? Yes. I want to do Titanic. 941 00:55:26,080 --> 00:55:27,920 It's quite nice, in't it? 942 00:55:27,960 --> 00:55:30,480 It's like we're flying, in't it? 943 00:55:31,720 --> 00:55:33,960 I always think about what you whispered. 944 00:55:38,040 --> 00:55:40,440 34%... 945 00:55:45,160 --> 00:55:47,120 ..was always... 946 00:55:49,920 --> 00:55:53,080 enough. 947 00:56:02,040 --> 00:56:05,080 So Much Trouble In My Mind # 948 00:56:07,480 --> 00:56:10,920 Subtitles by Sky Access Services www.skyaccessibility.sky