1 00:00:06,960 --> 00:00:08,320 MAN: We'll find somewhere. 2 00:00:10,920 --> 00:00:12,120 Here? 3 00:00:13,880 --> 00:00:15,480 There. 4 00:00:25,720 --> 00:00:27,240 You say goodbye to Goldie. 5 00:00:27,280 --> 00:00:29,040 I'll start preparing the grave. 6 00:00:34,240 --> 00:00:35,720 What do you want to say? 7 00:00:35,760 --> 00:00:40,200 I'm sorry, Goldie, I put you in the bath with all the bubbles. 8 00:00:44,480 --> 00:00:46,360 HE GASPS 9 00:00:46,400 --> 00:00:48,840 Get the children away. SHE SCREAMS 10 00:00:49,920 --> 00:00:51,040 Get the children away! 11 00:01:00,720 --> 00:01:02,960 KNOCKING ON DOOR Come in. 12 00:01:03,000 --> 00:01:04,240 DOOR OPENS 13 00:01:08,720 --> 00:01:10,320 So, what can I help you with today? 14 00:01:10,360 --> 00:01:12,880 Well, Doctor, you know it's, er, rather embarrassing. 15 00:01:12,920 --> 00:01:15,800 You can share whatever you like. Well, you know... 16 00:01:15,840 --> 00:01:18,080 Erm, Doctor, it's, erm... 17 00:01:18,120 --> 00:01:20,720 It's during, you know, like, er... like sex. 18 00:01:20,760 --> 00:01:23,640 I just, er, I find I just... I just can't orgasm... 19 00:01:23,680 --> 00:01:28,360 No matter who the man is or no matter how big he is... 20 00:01:28,400 --> 00:01:29,920 I see. 21 00:01:35,320 --> 00:01:37,200 PANTING AND MOANING 22 00:01:37,240 --> 00:01:38,800 # The best things in life are free 23 00:01:38,840 --> 00:01:41,360 # But you can give them To the birds and bees 24 00:01:41,400 --> 00:01:42,760 # I need money 25 00:01:42,800 --> 00:01:45,040 # That's what I want 26 00:01:45,080 --> 00:01:48,080 CARDI: Vin, I need to talk to you. Can it wait, mate? 27 00:01:48,120 --> 00:01:50,360 I've turned up at JJ's with some nicked wheels. 28 00:01:50,400 --> 00:01:52,720 Yeah, well, it's q‐q‐quite important. 29 00:01:52,760 --> 00:01:56,440 Yeah, all right, listen, let me... Let me see you at the party. 30 00:01:56,480 --> 00:01:59,080 I'll chat to you then. Yeah, all right, fine, OK, bye. 31 00:01:59,120 --> 00:02:00,720 40. 32 00:02:00,760 --> 00:02:03,480 What's going on here? Are you all right, JJ? Yeah. 33 00:02:03,520 --> 00:02:05,320 The blood's just rushing a bit now. 34 00:02:05,360 --> 00:02:08,120 Er... This is my cousin Sarim. 35 00:02:09,160 --> 00:02:11,720 Are you all right, Sarim? Yeah, all right. Who are you? 36 00:02:11,760 --> 00:02:13,360 I'm Vinnie, I'm JJ's mate. 37 00:02:13,400 --> 00:02:15,160 50. 38 00:02:15,200 --> 00:02:17,040 Going a bit thin on top there, Vinnie. 39 00:02:17,080 --> 00:02:20,000 Yeah, sign of virility, apparently. That's bollocks, that is. 40 00:02:20,040 --> 00:02:23,280 Got to be a minute, now. Look at Samson, in your Bible, 41 00:02:23,320 --> 00:02:25,960 cut all his hair off, lost his strength. 42 00:02:26,000 --> 00:02:29,080 Yeah, I know, but I don't take the Bible literally, though, you know, 43 00:02:29,120 --> 00:02:32,120 what with Noah and all them animals. It's gotta be a minute. 44 00:02:32,160 --> 00:02:34,240 What, you don't believe in your own holy book? 45 00:02:34,280 --> 00:02:37,240 Erm, I just think it's all a bit far‐fetched for me. 46 00:02:37,280 --> 00:02:40,360 Mind you, they fucking all are, aren't they? Koran, Torah... 47 00:02:40,400 --> 00:02:42,240 What? Urgh...! 48 00:02:42,280 --> 00:02:44,560 Shit! Are you slagging our book? 49 00:02:44,600 --> 00:02:45,840 No, man, I'm... 50 00:02:45,880 --> 00:02:48,160 JJ, are you all right, love? What you saying, huh? 51 00:02:48,200 --> 00:02:51,000 I'm just saying some of the stories are just a bit far‐fetched. 52 00:02:51,040 --> 00:02:52,680 Is this a fucking friend of yours? Sarim! 53 00:02:52,720 --> 00:02:55,320 Don't Sarim me. You come here with your fucking slaphead 54 00:02:55,360 --> 00:02:58,040 and you start slagging our book. I'm not slagging your book off. 55 00:02:58,080 --> 00:03:00,320 Sarim... Don't Sarim me, JJ. 56 00:03:00,360 --> 00:03:02,520 Dude, calm down. Stop dude‐ing me, you fucking twat. 57 00:03:02,560 --> 00:03:04,120 OK. All right? 58 00:03:04,160 --> 00:03:05,720 You fucking bald prick. 59 00:03:05,760 --> 00:03:08,000 Car, tomorrow. Yeah. 60 00:03:08,040 --> 00:03:10,680 And I told you I could hold you up for a minute. 61 00:03:10,720 --> 00:03:12,440 Yes, you did. Yeah? 62 00:03:12,480 --> 00:03:16,280 What an incredible bellend. 63 00:03:17,440 --> 00:03:19,280 Fucking handsome, though, ain't he, eh? 64 00:03:19,320 --> 00:03:21,760 This is how he's treated me my whole fucking life. 65 00:03:21,800 --> 00:03:24,440 He goes, "I bet I can hold you upside‐down for a minute," 66 00:03:24,480 --> 00:03:26,080 then he bloody goes and does it. 67 00:03:26,120 --> 00:03:28,400 Now I've got to fix his fucking white car 68 00:03:28,440 --> 00:03:30,080 for his stupid flash wedding. 69 00:03:30,120 --> 00:03:32,400 Wedding? Someone's marrying him? Yeah. 70 00:03:32,440 --> 00:03:34,040 Danika. 71 00:03:34,080 --> 00:03:36,280 She's just as bad as he is. 72 00:03:37,960 --> 00:03:40,560 They used to take the piss out of me, because I was fat. 73 00:03:40,600 --> 00:03:41,680 Fatty. No. 74 00:03:41,720 --> 00:03:43,200 You fat fucker! 75 00:03:44,680 --> 00:03:46,760 Come here. Don't get worked up. No, come on. 76 00:03:46,800 --> 00:03:48,800 Don't let him do that. It's all right. 77 00:03:49,800 --> 00:03:51,880 It's all right, man. You know what? 78 00:03:51,920 --> 00:03:54,120 All I ever wanted was revenge on him. 79 00:03:54,160 --> 00:03:56,800 And now I've gotta buy them a fucking gift for the their wedding. 80 00:03:56,840 --> 00:03:58,920 He's just a bully. He's just a bully. 81 00:04:01,040 --> 00:04:03,800 Let's go and have a brew. Come on. 82 00:04:03,840 --> 00:04:06,760 # And you put your left leg in 83 00:04:06,800 --> 00:04:08,720 # Your left leg out 84 00:04:08,760 --> 00:04:12,440 # In, out, in, out You shake it all about 85 00:04:12,480 --> 00:04:16,720 # You do the hokey cokey And you turn around 86 00:04:16,760 --> 00:04:19,040 # That's what it's all about... 87 00:04:19,080 --> 00:04:21,200 HE COUGHS Hey! 88 00:04:21,240 --> 00:04:24,120 He's bloody useless, isn't he? How did we persuade him to do this? 89 00:04:24,160 --> 00:04:26,080 It's what he does now. He's packed the circus in. 90 00:04:26,120 --> 00:04:27,360 He's set up on his own. 91 00:04:27,400 --> 00:04:30,480 He's calling himself Maurice Bojangles. 92 00:04:30,520 --> 00:04:32,240 # Hey, the hokey cokey... 93 00:04:32,280 --> 00:04:35,800 Has he been drinking? He's sweating like a necrophiliac at a funeral. 94 00:04:35,840 --> 00:04:38,720 Oi, dude, can we talk? Let me roll this spliff. 95 00:04:38,760 --> 00:04:40,760 I'll come and have a chat with you. 96 00:04:40,800 --> 00:04:43,920 More beer, lads? No. You're all right thanks, love. 97 00:04:45,120 --> 00:04:47,280 So, go on, then, what have you got Tyler? 98 00:04:47,320 --> 00:04:48,640 Oh, er... 99 00:04:50,120 --> 00:04:51,520 Just... 100 00:04:51,560 --> 00:04:53,320 Just my rabbit. What? 101 00:04:53,360 --> 00:04:55,280 Is there a rabbit in there? Yeah. It can breathe. 102 00:04:55,320 --> 00:04:57,320 In here? Oh, my God. 103 00:04:57,360 --> 00:04:58,920 Don't tilt it. 104 00:04:58,960 --> 00:05:00,840 What, are you not gonna miss it? 105 00:05:05,480 --> 00:05:08,240 No, no, we don't get on. Go on, just... 106 00:05:08,280 --> 00:05:10,120 Now, so we've got it, yeah? Yeah. 107 00:05:10,160 --> 00:05:12,080 All right, thanks, Vin. All right. 108 00:05:12,120 --> 00:05:13,840 BOOING 109 00:05:13,880 --> 00:05:15,120 Get off! 110 00:05:15,160 --> 00:05:16,800 JEERING 111 00:05:16,840 --> 00:05:19,680 Hey! Get off! Give me my nose back and sit down. 112 00:05:19,720 --> 00:05:22,360 So, how's things going on with you and Erin? Er, yeah. 113 00:05:22,400 --> 00:05:25,680 Yeah, we're taking it slow. You know, we don't wanna confuse Tyler. 114 00:05:25,720 --> 00:05:27,120 Yeah. 115 00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:28,400 What about Sara? 116 00:05:28,440 --> 00:05:29,960 Er, yeah. 117 00:05:30,000 --> 00:05:32,480 No, I had a chat with her yesterday. 118 00:05:32,520 --> 00:05:34,120 It was fine. 119 00:05:34,160 --> 00:05:35,760 Fine? Yeah. 120 00:05:35,800 --> 00:05:39,120 I mean, you know, she's a great girl and I feel fucking terrible. 121 00:05:39,160 --> 00:05:41,440 Vin? Sorry, lad. Yeah, come on. 122 00:05:41,480 --> 00:05:43,680 Let's go and have a chat. 123 00:05:43,720 --> 00:05:46,320 Right, what's in the magic hat? Let's have a look. 124 00:05:46,360 --> 00:05:48,560 Ooh, that's not supposed to happen. 125 00:05:48,600 --> 00:05:50,040 Ooh, what's this? 126 00:05:50,080 --> 00:05:53,280 Look at this... You're just pulling it out of your sleeve! 127 00:05:53,320 --> 00:05:56,520 I'm not pulling it out my sleeve! Look, there's nothing up me sleeve. 128 00:05:56,560 --> 00:06:00,000 The other sleeve. No. No. There's nothing in my other sleeve. 129 00:06:00,040 --> 00:06:01,600 You, shush. 130 00:06:01,640 --> 00:06:03,160 Oh, look, it's Ricky the Raccoon! 131 00:06:03,200 --> 00:06:05,240 Do you want to stroke him? Boring! 132 00:06:05,280 --> 00:06:06,360 No, it's not boring! 133 00:06:06,400 --> 00:06:10,360 I've been doing a lot of thinking, er, about her... 134 00:06:10,400 --> 00:06:14,640 ..and, er, the way she is with me. 135 00:06:14,680 --> 00:06:19,680 And, erm, you know, I know sh‐sh‐sh‐she made that... 136 00:06:21,320 --> 00:06:24,160 ..porno, but it was a long time ago. 137 00:06:24,200 --> 00:06:26,520 And we've all done stupid stuff in t'past. 138 00:06:26,560 --> 00:06:29,960 Do you remember that wanking contest? 139 00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:32,480 I do, yeah. Not fondly. Yeah, but you know... 140 00:06:33,640 --> 00:06:36,680 ..no matter h‐h‐how much I watch it... 141 00:06:38,200 --> 00:06:41,520 ..it doesn't change anything, because... 142 00:06:43,000 --> 00:06:47,160 ..I've never felt this way before about anyone. 143 00:06:47,200 --> 00:06:50,400 And I'm s‐s‐scared because... 144 00:06:51,600 --> 00:06:54,760 ..you know, I know I can be useless and I'm a bit fat 145 00:06:54,800 --> 00:06:57,720 and, you know, I let people down, but I... 146 00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:00,880 ..I really fucking love her, man. 147 00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:03,040 And I need her... 148 00:07:04,040 --> 00:07:05,840 ..you know, to be with me, 149 00:07:05,880 --> 00:07:08,880 and I just always w‐w‐want her to... 150 00:07:10,200 --> 00:07:11,880 .t‐t‐to be in my life. 151 00:07:11,920 --> 00:07:13,040 So... 152 00:07:15,560 --> 00:07:17,560 I, erm... 153 00:07:17,600 --> 00:07:19,320 I got this. 154 00:07:19,360 --> 00:07:21,000 No way. 155 00:07:21,040 --> 00:07:23,240 Are you gonna ask her? Yeah, well... 156 00:07:23,280 --> 00:07:25,640 What do you think? Yeah, fucking definitely. 157 00:07:25,680 --> 00:07:27,320 Definitely do that. 158 00:07:28,480 --> 00:07:31,040 Will she say yes? Of course she's gonna fucking say yes. 159 00:07:31,080 --> 00:07:33,360 Of course she's gonna say yeah. Listen to me. 160 00:07:37,000 --> 00:07:39,280 I'm really proud of you, all right? 161 00:07:39,320 --> 00:07:41,520 That's a fucking big decision. 162 00:07:44,880 --> 00:07:47,200 If she says yes... Hm? 163 00:07:47,240 --> 00:07:50,160 ..will you help me sort out a wedding? 164 00:07:50,200 --> 00:07:54,200 It don't have to be much, it's just like a fucking vicar and a takeaway. 165 00:07:54,240 --> 00:07:58,120 If my mate Cardi wants to get married 166 00:07:58,160 --> 00:07:59,960 and have a fucking party, 167 00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:02,600 it's gonna be the biggest one I can possibly think of. 168 00:08:02,640 --> 00:08:05,160 I promise you, I love you so much, man. All right? 169 00:08:06,680 --> 00:08:08,680 All right, well, go and ask her, then. 170 00:08:11,560 --> 00:08:14,080 What, now? Well, why not? 171 00:08:14,120 --> 00:08:16,320 No, no. What the fuck? You've got the ring! 172 00:08:16,360 --> 00:08:17,840 No, but I... Go and do it. 173 00:08:17,880 --> 00:08:20,040 Don't think about shit, just get it done. 174 00:08:20,080 --> 00:08:21,560 That's what I'd do. 175 00:08:23,480 --> 00:08:24,920 Just go and get it done. 176 00:08:26,320 --> 00:08:28,120 HE CHUCKLES Go on. 177 00:08:28,160 --> 00:08:30,720 Sod off. All right. 178 00:08:30,760 --> 00:08:32,160 Good lad. 179 00:08:32,200 --> 00:08:34,400 Give us another one there, Maurice. 180 00:08:34,440 --> 00:08:35,760 Don't egg him on. 181 00:08:35,800 --> 00:08:37,520 Don't egg him on. 182 00:08:37,560 --> 00:08:39,200 There's nothing in the magic hat. 183 00:08:39,240 --> 00:08:41,240 Give it here! Come on! Give it here, Specky. 184 00:08:41,280 --> 00:08:42,880 Kids! Give it here, lad. 185 00:08:42,920 --> 00:08:44,800 I'm doing the cake. Give me my fucking hat back, 186 00:08:44,840 --> 00:08:47,360 you shower of shit bunch of little cunts! 187 00:08:47,400 --> 00:08:50,400 Right, come on, give us that back. Stop pushing me! 188 00:08:50,440 --> 00:08:51,800 Get off! 189 00:08:51,840 --> 00:08:54,080 Stupid fat man! Leave me alone! 190 00:08:54,120 --> 00:08:56,120 I don't like it! 191 00:08:56,160 --> 00:08:58,520 HORN TOOTS Oh, for God's sake! 192 00:08:58,560 --> 00:09:01,200 Sorry, kids, move out of the way. Right, get up. 193 00:09:01,240 --> 00:09:02,920 CHILD CRIES Dylan! 194 00:09:02,960 --> 00:09:05,200 Oh, my God. Now, get him out. 195 00:09:05,240 --> 00:09:07,720 Get him out. Someone spiked me. Someone spiked me. 196 00:09:07,760 --> 00:09:09,840 You absolutely stink. I've broke me nose! 197 00:09:10,880 --> 00:09:12,280 Check that out. 198 00:09:14,720 --> 00:09:16,560 Is he proposing? Mmm. 199 00:09:16,600 --> 00:09:18,800 Oh, shit man, that is massive. 200 00:09:25,960 --> 00:09:29,200 How do you fancy giving them two lovebirds the best present ever? 201 00:09:30,640 --> 00:09:32,640 Your cousin's wedding. 202 00:09:36,120 --> 00:09:39,440 OK, listen up, cos there's a lot to take in. 203 00:09:39,480 --> 00:09:41,840 This is my bellend of a cousin Sarim, 204 00:09:41,880 --> 00:09:43,840 and this is the dickhead he's marrying, Danika. 205 00:09:43,880 --> 00:09:46,840 She's a Hindu girl and her family want a traditional Hindi wedding, 206 00:09:46,880 --> 00:09:49,040 which means it is gonna be massive. 207 00:09:49,080 --> 00:09:52,040 Guys, we are talking flashy as fuck! It looks amazing. 208 00:09:52,080 --> 00:09:54,760 Hey, why don't you join in? Double wedding. Piss off. 209 00:09:54,800 --> 00:09:56,840 No, you do right, mate, it's a prison. 210 00:09:56,880 --> 00:09:59,560 Ring on your finger, before you know it you're shuffling round Ikea 211 00:09:59,600 --> 00:10:01,400 asking for permission to see your own mates. 212 00:10:01,440 --> 00:10:03,160 No flirting, no spontaneous sex, 213 00:10:03,200 --> 00:10:05,040 not a fucking rat in hell's chance of any anal. 214 00:10:05,080 --> 00:10:08,920 All in the misguided pursuit of companionship. 215 00:10:10,800 --> 00:10:13,560 The stag do'll be fun, though. Great. 216 00:10:13,600 --> 00:10:14,880 Right, anyway... 217 00:10:14,920 --> 00:10:17,280 These guys are gonna have everything we need, OK? 218 00:10:17,320 --> 00:10:19,760 Beautiful drapes, wedding dressing, cutlery... 219 00:10:19,800 --> 00:10:21,720 You name it, this whole room is gonna be 220 00:10:21,760 --> 00:10:24,360 all the colours of the bloody rainbows, guys. Excellent. 221 00:10:24,400 --> 00:10:26,240 Also, the gifts, yeah? 222 00:10:26,280 --> 00:10:28,320 We're talking gold, we're talking frankincense, 223 00:10:28,360 --> 00:10:30,040 even bloody myrrh's gonna be turning up. 224 00:10:30,080 --> 00:10:32,760 Sounds amazing. I feel bad for stealing it. 225 00:10:32,800 --> 00:10:35,400 Yeah, well, don't, because this guy...dickhead. 226 00:10:35,440 --> 00:10:37,440 Won't there be 200 people there? Exactly. 227 00:10:37,480 --> 00:10:40,480 Which is why we need the knowledge of our inside man. Go on, JJ. 228 00:10:40,520 --> 00:10:43,440 To my mind, there's only one perfect time to do the hit, 229 00:10:43,480 --> 00:10:45,360 and that is the Baraat. The what? 230 00:10:45,400 --> 00:10:48,440 The Baraat. It is the groom's wedding procession to the venue. 231 00:10:48,480 --> 00:10:50,120 It's about half an hour long, 232 00:10:50,160 --> 00:10:52,560 sometimes they come in a flashy motor or a white horse. 233 00:10:52,600 --> 00:10:54,680 And knowing this dickhead, it'll be a white horse. 234 00:10:54,720 --> 00:10:58,520 The procession gonna weave its way down these country roads 235 00:10:58,560 --> 00:10:59,720 to the wedding venue. 236 00:10:59,760 --> 00:11:02,320 The room's gonna be set up and the wedding breakfast prepared. 237 00:11:02,360 --> 00:11:03,800 So how do we get it out? 238 00:11:03,840 --> 00:11:06,960 Yeah, all right, so, there's a shitload of moving parts here. 239 00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:10,440 We need to create a distraction that draws everybody out 240 00:11:10,480 --> 00:11:14,080 and it allows us to enter there, look. 15 minutes to smash and grab. 241 00:11:14,120 --> 00:11:16,720 It's a big fucking job, guys, we all need to be on our A‐game. 242 00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:20,280 That's right, cos this isn't just for money, it's for love, all right? 243 00:11:20,320 --> 00:11:22,120 It's for Carol and Cardi. 244 00:11:22,160 --> 00:11:25,800 Hey to Carol and Cardi, eh? ALL: Carol and Cardi. 245 00:11:27,640 --> 00:11:29,200 PHONE RINGS 246 00:11:30,440 --> 00:11:31,640 Shit. 247 00:11:31,680 --> 00:11:33,080 Hello. 248 00:11:33,120 --> 00:11:35,680 Get yourself over to the office now. 249 00:11:35,720 --> 00:11:38,080 And don't tell anyone you're coming. 250 00:11:40,720 --> 00:11:42,240 That's not good. 251 00:12:02,240 --> 00:12:03,840 They've found his body. 252 00:12:04,880 --> 00:12:06,040 Tony Tillerton. 253 00:12:08,040 --> 00:12:09,640 Just his body. 254 00:12:09,680 --> 00:12:11,200 No head. 255 00:12:12,520 --> 00:12:14,560 Right. You've fucked me, Vin. 256 00:12:14,600 --> 00:12:17,600 You've bent me over and fucked me up the arse 257 00:12:17,640 --> 00:12:19,600 with a massive yellow dildo. 258 00:12:19,640 --> 00:12:22,000 No. No, let me expl... Shut the fuck up. 259 00:12:22,040 --> 00:12:24,080 They've linked him to me. 260 00:12:24,120 --> 00:12:26,640 I got arrested in my own home, 261 00:12:26,680 --> 00:12:29,120 in front of my fucking daughters. 262 00:12:29,160 --> 00:12:31,880 And the only reason why you're not lying in a ditch right now 263 00:12:31,920 --> 00:12:34,480 is that I can't risk another dead body coming back to me. 264 00:12:34,520 --> 00:12:37,560 I'm sorry. Fuck your sorry. What happened? 265 00:12:38,920 --> 00:12:40,600 We went to his house. 266 00:12:40,640 --> 00:12:43,560 And‐And‐And he made fucking scones. 267 00:12:43,600 --> 00:12:44,840 Straight from the oven. 268 00:12:44,880 --> 00:12:47,400 And JJ shot his fucking peacock. 269 00:12:47,440 --> 00:12:49,040 GUNSHOT This is Struen. 270 00:12:49,080 --> 00:12:51,520 So, we‐we, we get in the van... 271 00:12:51,560 --> 00:12:54,480 These fucking guys come out of nowhere. 272 00:12:54,520 --> 00:12:57,480 SHOUTING 273 00:12:57,520 --> 00:12:59,640 So we followed 'em 274 00:12:59,680 --> 00:13:02,760 and they started fucking shooting at us. Like, actually shooting. 275 00:13:02,800 --> 00:13:04,720 Fuck you! Shit! 276 00:13:04,760 --> 00:13:07,240 We've got Tony out the fucking window shooting his gun off, 277 00:13:07,280 --> 00:13:08,920 next thing you know, his fucking head... 278 00:13:08,960 --> 00:13:10,280 SHRIEKING 279 00:13:10,320 --> 00:13:13,240 I mean, it was really shocking 280 00:13:13,280 --> 00:13:16,480 and I know, I know we should've told you the truth. 281 00:13:16,520 --> 00:13:18,680 But you said to bring him back safe, 282 00:13:18,720 --> 00:13:20,840 and there's his fucking head on the ground. 283 00:13:20,880 --> 00:13:23,400 How'd you lose the body? They stole it. 284 00:13:23,440 --> 00:13:25,920 They just fucked off with it. 285 00:13:25,960 --> 00:13:30,040 So I got a mate of ours to sew that head on to another body. 286 00:13:30,080 --> 00:13:31,960 WHIRRING 287 00:13:33,160 --> 00:13:36,440 I know, I know it sounds, it sounds fucked, 288 00:13:36,480 --> 00:13:40,040 but he's a undertaker, it's not as weird as it... 289 00:13:41,400 --> 00:13:43,000 I lied to you, man... 290 00:13:44,520 --> 00:13:46,160 ..Mr McCann, and I'm sorry. 291 00:13:49,280 --> 00:13:50,920 How fucked are we? 292 00:13:50,960 --> 00:13:55,840 They found his body in the woods, some family burying a goldfish. 293 00:13:55,880 --> 00:13:56,880 SHE SCREAMS 294 00:13:56,920 --> 00:14:00,400 The police told the wife they thought it was a professional hit. 295 00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:02,520 They seized his computer. 296 00:14:02,560 --> 00:14:05,000 And all the work he did for me was encrypted, 297 00:14:05,040 --> 00:14:07,920 but the bastard was smart. 298 00:14:09,040 --> 00:14:13,480 He'd left a special file, which he'd hidden inside his own system. 299 00:14:16,080 --> 00:14:20,960 Since 2012, I have worked for a businessman, Mr Terence McCann. 300 00:14:21,000 --> 00:14:23,920 However, during this time, I became aware that 301 00:14:23,960 --> 00:14:28,480 Mr McCann is a violent, unhinged, psychotic monster. 302 00:14:29,680 --> 00:14:31,120 Well, that's not true. 303 00:14:33,960 --> 00:14:37,200 And when I tried to extract myself from his services, 304 00:14:37,240 --> 00:14:41,240 I became fearful for myself and for my family. 305 00:14:42,400 --> 00:14:45,560 Where's the head? It's gone, I cremated it. 306 00:14:45,600 --> 00:14:47,720 You'll have to destroy the van. There'll be traces. 307 00:14:47,760 --> 00:14:48,920 Done. 308 00:14:50,160 --> 00:14:52,960 They've got nothing, on me, Vin. That file won't convict me. 309 00:14:54,400 --> 00:14:59,520 So, the only thing linking me to that headless fucking corpse is you. 310 00:15:00,560 --> 00:15:02,400 And your idiot friends. 311 00:15:03,440 --> 00:15:04,600 Can you trust them? 312 00:15:05,880 --> 00:15:08,520 Can you fucking trust them? 313 00:15:08,560 --> 00:15:10,080 Yeah, yeah. 314 00:15:11,960 --> 00:15:13,440 I hope so. 315 00:15:22,400 --> 00:15:23,960 Fuck off. 316 00:15:26,600 --> 00:15:29,320 # Are you ready for war? 317 00:15:29,360 --> 00:15:31,960 # It's been a long time coming 318 00:15:32,960 --> 00:15:35,120 # So we'll even the score 319 00:15:36,120 --> 00:15:38,320 # Now the past is nothing 320 00:15:39,320 --> 00:15:41,360 # Like lions, we roar 321 00:15:42,520 --> 00:15:44,520 # We will live for something 322 00:15:45,720 --> 00:15:48,360 # If we die by the sword 323 00:15:48,400 --> 00:15:50,760 # It won't be for nothing 324 00:15:50,800 --> 00:15:53,520 # What you've got to fight 325 00:15:53,560 --> 00:15:56,440 # Will keep you running For your life 326 00:15:57,560 --> 00:15:59,960 # It's gonna get heavy 327 00:16:01,000 --> 00:16:03,200 # We've gotta be ready... # 328 00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:06,960 CHATTER 329 00:16:08,800 --> 00:16:10,600 LAUGHTER 330 00:16:10,640 --> 00:16:11,920 Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! 331 00:16:11,960 --> 00:16:14,280 LAUGHTER 332 00:16:15,440 --> 00:16:17,360 All right, I'll wear this, but that's it. 333 00:16:17,400 --> 00:16:19,400 If anyone's got a chocolate cock, penis slippers 334 00:16:19,440 --> 00:16:21,440 or a duck with a dick, you can take him home. 335 00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:24,240 You lot go your way, we'll go ours, meet back here at eight, yeah? 336 00:16:24,280 --> 00:16:25,840 Argh! 337 00:16:25,880 --> 00:16:27,280 Don't get too pissed. 338 00:16:34,400 --> 00:16:36,960 All right, so no intentional aiming at the dick. 339 00:16:37,000 --> 00:16:39,240 If it's accidental, we'll let it go. 340 00:16:39,280 --> 00:16:42,120 Five. Four. Three. Two. One. 341 00:16:42,160 --> 00:16:43,800 Go! 342 00:16:43,840 --> 00:16:46,400 MUSIC: 'Teenage Kicks' by The Undertones 343 00:16:58,000 --> 00:17:01,360 # Are teenage dreams So hard to beat? 344 00:17:01,400 --> 00:17:04,040 # Every time she walks down The street 345 00:17:05,240 --> 00:17:07,280 # Another girl in the neighbourhood 346 00:17:08,760 --> 00:17:11,720 # Wish she was mine She looks so good 347 00:17:11,760 --> 00:17:15,000 # I wanna hold her Wanna hold her tight 348 00:17:15,040 --> 00:17:17,960 # Get teenage kicks Right through the night 349 00:17:19,200 --> 00:17:21,640 # I'm gonna call her On the telephone 350 00:17:22,840 --> 00:17:25,320 # Have her over Cos I'm all alone 351 00:17:26,320 --> 00:17:29,760 # I need excitement Oh, I need it bad 352 00:17:29,800 --> 00:17:33,480 # And it's the best I've ever had 353 00:17:33,520 --> 00:17:36,000 # I wanna hold you Wanna hold you tight 354 00:17:36,040 --> 00:17:40,200 # Get teenage kicks Right through the night, all right 355 00:17:46,960 --> 00:17:49,840 # Another girl in the neighbourhood 356 00:17:50,880 --> 00:17:54,280 # Wish she was mine She looks so good 357 00:17:54,320 --> 00:17:57,440 # I wanna hold you Wanna hold you tight 358 00:17:57,480 --> 00:18:01,600 # Get teenage kicks Right through the night 359 00:18:01,640 --> 00:18:03,880 # I'm gonna call her On the telephone 360 00:18:05,160 --> 00:18:08,240 # Have her over Cos I'm all alone 361 00:18:08,280 --> 00:18:11,600 # I need excitement Oh, I need it bad 362 00:18:12,600 --> 00:18:15,680 # And it's the best I've ever had 363 00:18:15,720 --> 00:18:18,360 # I wanna hold you Wanna hold you tight 364 00:18:18,400 --> 00:18:21,800 # Get teenage kicks right through the night 365 00:18:21,840 --> 00:18:23,640 # All right. # 366 00:18:27,520 --> 00:18:30,520 # Get your rocks off, get your rocks off, honey 367 00:18:30,560 --> 00:18:32,560 # Shake 'em, now‐now... 368 00:18:32,600 --> 00:18:34,600 Where's my stripper? 369 00:18:34,640 --> 00:18:37,120 No can do, sunshine, #MeToo. 370 00:18:37,160 --> 00:18:40,600 No, hashtag you run a s‐s‐strip club. 371 00:18:40,640 --> 00:18:43,640 I run a classy adult entertainment venue, mate. 372 00:18:43,680 --> 00:18:46,720 I draw the line at some ropey bird squirting cream on her tits. 373 00:18:46,760 --> 00:18:50,680 Hey, so the van's all sorted. I bought the coloured smoke. 374 00:18:50,720 --> 00:18:54,000 Tommo's obviously good for cop uniforms, so we're golden. 375 00:18:54,040 --> 00:18:55,160 Good. 376 00:18:55,200 --> 00:18:56,360 Listen, come here. 377 00:18:57,480 --> 00:18:59,440 Don't tell the others. 378 00:18:59,480 --> 00:19:02,440 Do you remember that geezer who got his head taken off? 379 00:19:02,480 --> 00:19:04,200 What geezer? What fuck...? 380 00:19:04,240 --> 00:19:07,560 Fuck sake... How the fuck do you not remember that? 381 00:19:07,600 --> 00:19:09,880 Hilarious. Really funny. 382 00:19:11,160 --> 00:19:13,240 Listen, the cops are all over it, right? 383 00:19:13,280 --> 00:19:16,200 And we can't afford any link with us and that fucking body, 384 00:19:16,240 --> 00:19:18,600 so we're gonna have to crush the Rascal, you know. Shit. 385 00:19:18,640 --> 00:19:20,720 I know, man. I fucking love that van, too. 386 00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:22,840 Fuck the bloody van. The cops, the body... 387 00:19:22,880 --> 00:19:25,080 I wasn't supposed to be on that fucking trip 388 00:19:25,120 --> 00:19:28,160 and you dragged me into it. Just don't start that shit again. 389 00:19:28,200 --> 00:19:31,080 I don't wanna go to prison, Vin, all right? 390 00:19:31,120 --> 00:19:33,200 Maybe we shouldn't steal this wedding, yeah? 391 00:19:33,240 --> 00:19:36,640 Maybe this is just a sign for us to just keep our heads down. Shit. 392 00:19:36,680 --> 00:19:38,320 Fucking shit. No. No. No. 393 00:19:38,360 --> 00:19:40,080 Hey, what you doing here? 394 00:19:40,120 --> 00:19:42,240 I've come to see Dylan. No. No. Come on. Don't. 395 00:19:42,280 --> 00:19:44,240 Don't do this to yourself. Vinnie, I... 396 00:19:44,280 --> 00:19:46,160 No, no, just listen. You're gonna get upset. 397 00:19:46,200 --> 00:19:48,520 Just come and have a chat with me. I don't want a chat. 398 00:19:48,560 --> 00:19:50,880 But I've got... I've got a spliff. 399 00:19:50,920 --> 00:19:52,160 A spliff. 400 00:19:52,200 --> 00:19:54,560 Come and have a smoke and a chat. Right. 401 00:19:54,600 --> 00:19:56,600 You see, what you've got to understand 402 00:19:56,640 --> 00:19:58,880 is Dyl and Erin, they've been together for ever. 403 00:19:58,920 --> 00:20:01,000 I mean, we always thought they would be, 404 00:20:01,040 --> 00:20:04,120 but then the universe just went apeshit. 405 00:20:04,160 --> 00:20:07,120 I mean, split 'em apart, you know. And when you look at it like that, 406 00:20:07,160 --> 00:20:09,520 you and Dyl should never really have even met. 407 00:20:09,560 --> 00:20:12,160 You shouldn't have done. I mean, fucking plumbing. 408 00:20:12,200 --> 00:20:15,520 His heart's not in plumbing, he only did that to impress Erin. 409 00:20:15,560 --> 00:20:17,560 Do you know what I mean? Yeah. 410 00:20:17,600 --> 00:20:19,800 No, I mean, I hear what you're saying. 411 00:20:19,840 --> 00:20:22,640 There's just one slight problem with your theory. Mm? 412 00:20:22,680 --> 00:20:24,360 It's horseshit. Is it? 413 00:20:26,480 --> 00:20:28,320 Well, go on. 414 00:20:28,360 --> 00:20:29,840 Think about it. 415 00:20:29,880 --> 00:20:33,120 All those years they were together and he never properly moved in. 416 00:20:34,400 --> 00:20:37,280 He never made any commitment that he couldn't back out of. 417 00:20:38,880 --> 00:20:42,400 I mean, if you love someone, you wanna commit. 418 00:20:44,000 --> 00:20:45,680 You want them in your life 419 00:20:45,720 --> 00:20:48,640 and the thought of them not being, that fills you with... 420 00:20:48,680 --> 00:20:50,040 ..with panic. 421 00:20:50,080 --> 00:20:51,640 Hmm. No? 422 00:20:51,680 --> 00:20:53,160 Hmm. 423 00:20:54,480 --> 00:20:56,120 Very wise. 424 00:20:56,160 --> 00:20:57,640 Well, I am. 425 00:21:01,160 --> 00:21:02,760 You're young. 426 00:21:02,800 --> 00:21:04,480 Do you know what I mean? 427 00:21:06,520 --> 00:21:09,080 I mean, fucking hell, you've got your whole life ahead of you. 428 00:21:09,120 --> 00:21:11,440 Why the fuck do you want to get serious with Dyl? 429 00:21:13,560 --> 00:21:15,160 Cos I love him. 430 00:21:17,280 --> 00:21:18,680 I don't think you do. 431 00:21:19,800 --> 00:21:21,600 I do, Vinnie. 432 00:21:21,640 --> 00:21:23,400 I love him. 433 00:21:23,440 --> 00:21:24,880 Right? 434 00:21:24,920 --> 00:21:26,080 Right. 435 00:21:26,120 --> 00:21:27,400 I'm sorry. 436 00:21:27,440 --> 00:21:30,160 I'm sorry. I don't want your hugs, Vinnie. 437 00:21:31,160 --> 00:21:34,440 I just wanna know how he could do this to me. 438 00:21:34,480 --> 00:21:36,280 Is it cos of my dad? 439 00:21:37,840 --> 00:21:39,480 Your dad? 440 00:21:39,520 --> 00:21:41,000 Yeah, my dad. He's a copper. 441 00:21:43,240 --> 00:21:45,480 Has he not told you that? 442 00:21:46,800 --> 00:21:48,080 No. 443 00:21:49,680 --> 00:21:51,240 He's a copper and you're all... 444 00:21:53,280 --> 00:21:55,760 ..whatever you are. We're not anything. 445 00:21:57,240 --> 00:21:58,560 Right. 446 00:21:59,640 --> 00:22:00,800 OK. 447 00:22:04,080 --> 00:22:06,280 He has told me things, you know. Mm‐hm. 448 00:22:08,480 --> 00:22:10,160 Like what? 449 00:22:10,200 --> 00:22:11,760 Like loads. 450 00:22:13,320 --> 00:22:14,720 The weed shed. 451 00:22:15,920 --> 00:22:17,280 The circus. 452 00:22:19,640 --> 00:22:21,120 Anything else? 453 00:22:23,480 --> 00:22:25,120 Plenty. 454 00:22:25,160 --> 00:22:27,360 I'm not pissing around, what's he told you? 455 00:22:28,440 --> 00:22:29,880 I don't know, Vin. 456 00:22:31,360 --> 00:22:33,000 Listen to me. 457 00:22:34,200 --> 00:22:36,400 You have no idea what you're dealing with here. 458 00:22:36,440 --> 00:22:38,080 Tell me what he's told you, Sara. 459 00:22:41,200 --> 00:22:42,680 Nothing. 460 00:22:42,720 --> 00:22:44,200 All right? 461 00:22:44,240 --> 00:22:45,720 Jesus. 462 00:22:48,840 --> 00:22:50,560 Don't lose your head. 463 00:22:52,400 --> 00:22:53,880 Fuck! 464 00:23:03,360 --> 00:23:05,080 I'm gonna get you up now. 465 00:23:05,120 --> 00:23:07,240 It's a special day today, Carol, am I right? 466 00:23:07,280 --> 00:23:09,280 CHEERING 467 00:23:09,320 --> 00:23:10,920 WOMEN CHANT: Carol! Carol! Carol! 468 00:23:10,960 --> 00:23:13,040 Carol, we are gonna rock your world, baby. 469 00:23:13,080 --> 00:23:14,840 Come on, boys. 470 00:23:14,880 --> 00:23:17,120 CHEERING 471 00:23:21,600 --> 00:23:24,280 Hey! Hey! What the fuck have you told Sara? 472 00:23:24,320 --> 00:23:26,160 What? You heard what I fucking... 473 00:23:26,200 --> 00:23:27,520 So, what've you told her? 474 00:23:27,560 --> 00:23:29,960 When you've had a drink, you're a fucking blabbermouth. 475 00:23:30,000 --> 00:23:32,320 What have you said? Noth... Fucking nothing. 476 00:23:32,360 --> 00:23:35,280 I swear to God, I'll put you through the fucking wall, Dylan. 477 00:23:35,320 --> 00:23:37,440 Fucking stop that, all right? I'll tell you what. 478 00:23:37,480 --> 00:23:40,280 I'll rephrase it for you. Have you told her about Tillerton? 479 00:23:40,320 --> 00:23:42,640 Who? Have you told her about fucking Tillerton? 480 00:23:42,680 --> 00:23:44,320 The guy who got his head taken off. 481 00:23:44,360 --> 00:23:46,040 No. Oi. 482 00:23:46,080 --> 00:23:49,960 Look me in the eye and tell me you haven't told her. 483 00:23:50,000 --> 00:23:52,040 Tell me you haven't said anything, Dyl. 484 00:23:53,120 --> 00:23:54,840 I‐I‐I can't remember. You fucking idiot! 485 00:23:54,880 --> 00:23:56,960 Dude, it's not... You don't have to worry. 486 00:23:57,000 --> 00:23:59,600 Her fucking dad's a copper, Dyl! 487 00:23:59,640 --> 00:24:02,320 You know she's fucking heartbroken. Pissed off. 488 00:24:02,360 --> 00:24:04,960 And right now, if she can get one over on you, 489 00:24:05,000 --> 00:24:07,200 that's exactly what she's gonna do. 490 00:24:08,200 --> 00:24:10,000 You know, fuck, it's all linked. 491 00:24:10,040 --> 00:24:12,680 The fucking cops know McCann's a part of that fucking murder. 492 00:24:12,720 --> 00:24:14,680 We can't have it coming back on us, Dylan. 493 00:24:16,640 --> 00:24:19,600 Oh, fuck, fuck. Christ. Shit. 494 00:24:19,640 --> 00:24:22,360 Oh, fuck, my heart. Fuck your heat, you knobhead. 495 00:24:22,400 --> 00:24:25,160 Er, what are we gonna do? I don't fucking know. 496 00:24:25,200 --> 00:24:27,000 I'll tell you what you're gonna fucking do. 497 00:24:27,040 --> 00:24:30,160 You're gonna go out there, find her and you're gonna make it right. 498 00:24:30,200 --> 00:24:33,000 How? I don't fucking know, Dylan. 499 00:24:33,040 --> 00:24:36,240 But if you don't make it right and she fucking blabs, we're fucked! 500 00:24:36,280 --> 00:24:38,720 All going to jail! No, I, er... 501 00:24:38,760 --> 00:24:40,520 No, I can't, I can't do that. What? 502 00:24:40,560 --> 00:24:43,080 Cos I'm fucking back with Erin. What am I supposed to say to her? 503 00:24:43,120 --> 00:24:45,840 I don't give a fuck, Dylan. I don't give a fuck! 504 00:24:45,880 --> 00:24:48,400 It's your mess, go and fucking clean it. 505 00:24:49,800 --> 00:24:52,760 I swear to God, you fucking go now, else I'll fucking bury you. Right. 506 00:24:52,800 --> 00:24:53,800 Jesus, fucking...! 507 00:24:54,920 --> 00:24:55,920 Dickhead! 508 00:24:57,720 --> 00:24:59,320 Everything all right? 509 00:24:59,360 --> 00:25:03,600 # I'm taking a ride With my best friend 510 00:25:08,200 --> 00:25:12,640 # I hope he never Lets me down again 511 00:25:17,400 --> 00:25:21,720 # Promises me I'm as safe as houses 512 00:25:21,760 --> 00:25:26,240 # As long as I remember Who's wearing the trousers 513 00:25:26,280 --> 00:25:31,360 # I hope he never lets me down again 514 00:25:35,520 --> 00:25:38,400 # We're flying high 515 00:25:38,440 --> 00:25:42,880 # We're watching the world Pass us by 516 00:25:44,960 --> 00:25:47,320 # Never want to come down 517 00:25:47,360 --> 00:25:50,400 # Never want to put my feet Back down... # 518 00:25:50,440 --> 00:25:51,920 Hey. Hey. 519 00:25:54,520 --> 00:25:59,000 MUSIC: 'Here For You' by Jan Cyrka & James Graydon 520 00:26:02,960 --> 00:26:04,400 Dylan? 521 00:26:37,320 --> 00:26:39,000 You fat fuck. 522 00:26:40,240 --> 00:26:42,360 Are you all right, Sarim? Er, are you nervous? 523 00:26:42,400 --> 00:26:45,120 Nervous? Nerves are for wimps. 524 00:26:45,160 --> 00:26:47,360 I've got a beautiful woman, JJ. 525 00:26:48,360 --> 00:26:50,720 She can cook. She can suck. 526 00:26:50,760 --> 00:26:53,400 Goes like a train, thanks for asking. I didn't ask, actually. 527 00:26:53,440 --> 00:26:55,640 I don't want you using that image for when you're alone. 528 00:26:56,720 --> 00:26:58,240 Keep her out of there, JJ. 529 00:26:58,280 --> 00:27:00,280 She's family from today, man. 530 00:27:00,320 --> 00:27:02,200 She's not really my type actually, Sarim. 531 00:27:02,240 --> 00:27:04,120 What you saying? Nothing. She's lovely. 532 00:27:04,160 --> 00:27:06,680 Are you saying she's a munter? What? I didn't say that! 533 00:27:06,720 --> 00:27:08,400 Where the fuck's your bird, JJ? 534 00:27:08,440 --> 00:27:10,560 Oh, yeah, you've not got one, 535 00:27:10,600 --> 00:27:12,680 because you're a used‐to‐be fat fucking freak 536 00:27:12,720 --> 00:27:14,200 who gets his hots from hooking fish. 537 00:27:16,720 --> 00:27:18,640 Anyway, you have a nice day. 538 00:27:18,680 --> 00:27:20,640 I think we're about to start in a second. 539 00:27:25,200 --> 00:27:27,880 What a dick. Yeah, I know. 540 00:27:27,920 --> 00:27:30,520 And he's always coming at me, and none of you lot say anything. 541 00:27:30,560 --> 00:27:33,200 OK, let's go and get married. 542 00:27:33,240 --> 00:27:35,760 CHEERING 543 00:27:38,120 --> 00:27:40,320 HE SIGHS HEAVILY 544 00:27:40,360 --> 00:27:43,440 Right, get in positions. The baraat's getting started. 545 00:27:43,480 --> 00:27:45,240 Jacklapatty. 546 00:27:45,280 --> 00:27:48,000 Jacklapatty right back at you, dude. I'm assuming that's good luck. 547 00:27:48,040 --> 00:27:50,600 Mind you, he could be telling me to fuck myself. Right, we're on. 548 00:27:52,200 --> 00:27:54,440 Are you ready, yeah? Ready like Eddie. 549 00:27:54,480 --> 00:27:56,760 Who's Eddie? A bloke I used to know. 550 00:27:57,760 --> 00:28:01,000 Very attractive wife. Surprisingly supple. 551 00:28:01,040 --> 00:28:02,960 Still no word from Dyl? No. No word. 552 00:28:04,160 --> 00:28:06,800 CHEERING AND SINGING 553 00:28:31,520 --> 00:28:33,120 Are you ready, Jimbo? 554 00:28:33,160 --> 00:28:34,760 Oh, I was born ready. 555 00:28:34,800 --> 00:28:36,520 I tell you what, Vin. What? 556 00:28:36,560 --> 00:28:39,920 If this all goes tits up, I'm telling 'em that you coerced me. 557 00:28:39,960 --> 00:28:41,080 Ah... 558 00:28:41,120 --> 00:28:43,960 I'm gonna land all this shit at your door... All right. 559 00:28:44,000 --> 00:28:45,920 ..and plead early dementia. 560 00:28:45,960 --> 00:28:48,400 That'd be an easy sell, wouldn't it, you silly old cunt? 561 00:28:48,440 --> 00:28:49,880 Well, fuck off. 562 00:28:49,920 --> 00:28:51,760 Are you two sorted and all? Grand, yeah. 563 00:28:51,800 --> 00:28:52,880 Sick. 564 00:28:52,920 --> 00:28:54,640 Right, do you wanna be good cop or bad cop? 565 00:28:54,680 --> 00:28:58,240 I want to be "let's get this done quick and not fuck it up" cop. 566 00:28:58,280 --> 00:28:59,960 What am I supposed to do with that? 567 00:29:01,520 --> 00:29:03,560 Tuck it in. 568 00:29:03,600 --> 00:29:05,440 So I'll be in a nursing home getting pampered, 569 00:29:05,480 --> 00:29:07,480 while you'll be in Broadmoor getting bummed. 570 00:29:07,520 --> 00:29:09,240 Will you just fuck off? 571 00:29:09,280 --> 00:29:10,960 Christ! 572 00:29:11,000 --> 00:29:12,800 Sorry I'm late. 573 00:29:12,840 --> 00:29:14,920 Where have you been? Oh, I just got wasted. 574 00:29:14,960 --> 00:29:17,200 I had to go home. Got hammered didn't you? 575 00:29:17,240 --> 00:29:19,040 I puked and then passed out. 576 00:29:19,080 --> 00:29:21,040 Go and get your hi‐vis out, right. Sorry. 577 00:29:21,080 --> 00:29:23,000 Dyl... Yeah? 578 00:29:23,040 --> 00:29:24,840 Is it sorted? 579 00:29:24,880 --> 00:29:26,480 Sorted. 580 00:29:30,120 --> 00:29:32,000 PHONE JINGLE PLAYS 581 00:29:42,040 --> 00:29:44,440 Hi there. Where's your boss? In the back. 582 00:29:49,160 --> 00:29:51,160 That's not clean. 583 00:29:55,680 --> 00:29:57,680 Thank you. 584 00:29:59,760 --> 00:30:02,160 Gentlemen, riddle me this. 585 00:30:02,200 --> 00:30:04,280 Who's in charge here? 586 00:30:05,400 --> 00:30:07,480 Paulo. He's in the bathroom. 587 00:30:07,520 --> 00:30:09,640 Well, how long will he be? 588 00:30:09,680 --> 00:30:11,080 Not sure. 589 00:30:12,160 --> 00:30:15,480 Has he been long already? Will he be opening his bowel? 590 00:30:15,520 --> 00:30:17,600 I'm not sure. I don't really know, I just... 591 00:30:17,640 --> 00:30:20,760 Well, listen up. There's been a very serious threat on the hotel. 592 00:30:20,800 --> 00:30:23,480 We need you and you to file out into the car park. 593 00:30:23,520 --> 00:30:26,640 Right out to the restaurant there, please. There you go. 594 00:30:26,680 --> 00:30:28,640 Get you! Go! 595 00:30:30,440 --> 00:30:31,920 Paulo! 596 00:30:35,040 --> 00:30:36,480 I bet it's a shit. 597 00:30:36,520 --> 00:30:38,480 DRUMMING 598 00:30:56,440 --> 00:30:58,040 SIREN RINGTONE 599 00:30:58,080 --> 00:31:00,080 JJ: Jim, it's show time. 600 00:31:00,120 --> 00:31:02,000 Fucking right. 601 00:31:02,040 --> 00:31:03,440 Attaboy. 602 00:31:03,480 --> 00:31:05,560 Come on, come to Daddy. 603 00:31:05,600 --> 00:31:07,560 Cheers! 604 00:31:11,680 --> 00:31:13,440 Aw, God! 605 00:31:13,480 --> 00:31:15,520 Oh, my God! 606 00:31:15,560 --> 00:31:18,440 Oi, stop being in awe. Come on, we've got to steal some shit. 607 00:31:18,480 --> 00:31:20,920 I'm pretty sure this is it. Pretty sure? 608 00:31:20,960 --> 00:31:22,960 Yeah, like, 40 percent. 609 00:31:23,000 --> 00:31:24,400 40 percent's good. 610 00:31:27,560 --> 00:31:28,840 THEY GASP 611 00:31:28,880 --> 00:31:29,960 Fucking hell. 612 00:31:30,000 --> 00:31:31,720 I'm jealous. Me, too. 613 00:31:31,760 --> 00:31:34,400 Right, that's it, if I ever get married, I'm marrying an Indian. 614 00:31:53,520 --> 00:31:55,760 Thank you. Form a nice, straight line here 615 00:31:55,800 --> 00:31:57,840 and stay well away from the building, please. 616 00:31:57,880 --> 00:31:58,880 What the fuck? 617 00:31:58,920 --> 00:32:00,480 Shit! What? 618 00:32:00,520 --> 00:32:02,160 I know him. What? 619 00:32:02,200 --> 00:32:03,960 I've spanked him. 620 00:32:04,000 --> 00:32:06,160 Take over. Excuse me, sir, are you the manager here? 621 00:32:06,200 --> 00:32:07,720 Yes. 622 00:32:07,760 --> 00:32:10,120 And I have a wedding to prepare. 623 00:32:10,160 --> 00:32:13,080 Why are my staff not in the fucking kitchen? 624 00:32:13,120 --> 00:32:14,880 There's been a bomb threat, OK? 625 00:32:14,920 --> 00:32:17,040 So we've had to excavate the building. A bomb threat? 626 00:32:17,080 --> 00:32:19,280 A bomb threat on a remote manor house? 627 00:32:19,320 --> 00:32:21,040 That's what we were told, yeah. No. 628 00:32:21,080 --> 00:32:23,200 So were taking it very serious. This is bullshit, OK? 629 00:32:23,240 --> 00:32:25,680 Look, Mumbai ragda patties. 630 00:32:25,720 --> 00:32:27,440 Dahi puri. 631 00:32:27,480 --> 00:32:29,040 Bomb? 632 00:32:29,080 --> 00:32:30,200 No. Right. 633 00:32:30,240 --> 00:32:31,680 I don't see one. I understand. 634 00:32:31,720 --> 00:32:34,080 Oh, is that it? No, it's kati roll. 635 00:32:34,120 --> 00:32:35,960 Ah! Bomb? 636 00:32:36,000 --> 00:32:37,960 No, it's masala vada. 637 00:32:38,000 --> 00:32:39,320 Or this? I understand. 638 00:32:39,360 --> 00:32:41,240 Bomb? No, cocktail fucking kachori! 639 00:32:41,280 --> 00:32:44,160 Sir, I understand, but we have to take this seriously, 640 00:32:44,200 --> 00:32:46,280 so could you please es‐cavate the building? 641 00:32:46,320 --> 00:32:48,320 What the hell is he doing? 642 00:32:48,360 --> 00:32:51,120 He's patrolling for bombs. 643 00:32:53,120 --> 00:32:55,280 Excuse me, sir... Hey, you! 644 00:32:55,320 --> 00:32:57,920 You! I want to talk to you. 645 00:32:59,600 --> 00:33:02,040 Who, me? Tommo? 646 00:33:03,080 --> 00:33:04,240 Er, Paulo. 647 00:33:04,280 --> 00:33:06,000 HE CHUCKLES Good to see you, mate. 648 00:33:06,040 --> 00:33:08,760 What a lovely surprise. What the fuck? 649 00:33:08,800 --> 00:33:11,480 Yes, er, I'm a policeman now. 650 00:33:12,680 --> 00:33:15,000 Since when? Well, er, recently. 651 00:33:15,040 --> 00:33:18,560 I was training up in, erm, Hendon. 652 00:33:18,600 --> 00:33:20,800 I heard you were running The Rat & Cutter. 653 00:33:20,840 --> 00:33:23,320 It's, er... That's rumours, mate. 654 00:33:23,360 --> 00:33:25,480 It's actually quite serious, this, the bomb threat. 655 00:33:25,520 --> 00:33:28,920 Yeah, yeah, actually, they used a codeword and everything, so... 656 00:33:28,960 --> 00:33:32,600 And they didn't bring the Bomb Squad? 657 00:33:32,640 --> 00:33:34,360 Just you two. 658 00:33:34,400 --> 00:33:36,480 Cutbacks, innit? You know, it's... 659 00:33:36,520 --> 00:33:38,200 It's criminal, really. 660 00:33:38,240 --> 00:33:40,280 HE LAUGHS Ironically. 661 00:33:40,320 --> 00:33:42,080 No, it's serious, though, isn't it? 662 00:33:44,360 --> 00:33:46,600 I'm calling the police. Oh, Paolo... 663 00:33:46,640 --> 00:33:49,040 No, no, we are the police. You don't have to call them. 664 00:33:49,080 --> 00:33:51,480 Bullshit, Tommo, OK? 665 00:33:51,520 --> 00:33:54,680 You made a lemon sorbet from my cum. 666 00:33:54,720 --> 00:33:56,960 You're not a policeman now. Paulo... 667 00:33:57,000 --> 00:33:59,480 ..my sorbet days are behind me. And... 668 00:33:59,520 --> 00:34:01,760 ..you're too fucking small. 669 00:34:22,400 --> 00:34:24,360 What the fuck? 670 00:34:27,760 --> 00:34:29,000 Aarrgghh! 671 00:34:29,040 --> 00:34:30,960 No. No. No. No. 672 00:34:55,480 --> 00:34:57,840 We have to go. The cops are coming. 673 00:34:57,880 --> 00:35:00,720 Fuck. Why? The head chef, he recognised Tommo. 674 00:35:00,760 --> 00:35:02,840 Where...? Where the fuck from? 675 00:35:02,880 --> 00:35:04,520 They made jizz puddings together. 676 00:35:04,560 --> 00:35:07,240 Oh, of course they fucking have! They're on their way now. 677 00:35:07,280 --> 00:35:08,800 Go and nick the rest of the shit. 678 00:35:08,840 --> 00:35:10,560 I'm gonna tie her up. 679 00:35:10,600 --> 00:35:12,040 I'll tie her up. I'll tie her. 680 00:35:57,120 --> 00:35:59,000 NEIGHING 681 00:35:59,040 --> 00:36:00,360 Argh! 682 00:36:02,600 --> 00:36:03,680 Sarim! 683 00:36:03,720 --> 00:36:04,840 Sarim... 684 00:36:04,880 --> 00:36:07,840 Oh, man, you shoulder, it looks dislocated. Here, I'll fix it. 685 00:36:07,880 --> 00:36:09,440 Ami, come here. 686 00:36:09,480 --> 00:36:11,640 Keep your hand on his shoulder, no matter what he says. 687 00:36:11,680 --> 00:36:12,880 Don't lift it up. 688 00:36:15,480 --> 00:36:16,560 Quick! 689 00:36:22,840 --> 00:36:25,040 Come on, Vinnie, get in the car! 690 00:36:25,080 --> 00:36:26,200 Come on! 691 00:36:26,240 --> 00:36:28,320 Faster! Just fucking go! 692 00:36:39,640 --> 00:36:41,200 SUGAR: There's Jim, slow down! 693 00:36:44,520 --> 00:36:46,160 What took you? 694 00:36:46,200 --> 00:36:48,480 JIM: Only a fucking woman would say that. 695 00:36:48,520 --> 00:36:51,560 You see, this is why I've never got wed. 696 00:36:51,600 --> 00:36:53,800 Shit like this. Is that the only reason? 697 00:36:53,840 --> 00:36:57,280 Hey, I've had plenty of offers, love. 698 00:36:59,360 --> 00:37:02,440 MUSIC: 'Beyond' by Leon Bridges Amour 699 00:37:12,280 --> 00:37:15,680 # Don't wanna get ahead of myself 700 00:37:15,720 --> 00:37:18,040 # Feeling things I've never felt 701 00:37:18,080 --> 00:37:21,920 # It's kinda hard for me to explain 702 00:37:21,960 --> 00:37:26,680 # Her personality and everything 703 00:37:28,280 --> 00:37:31,160 # Brings me to my knees, oh 704 00:37:31,200 --> 00:37:34,320 # She shines me up like gold On my arm 705 00:37:34,360 --> 00:37:37,480 # I wanna take it slow But it's so hard... # 706 00:37:37,520 --> 00:37:39,200 Are you all right, love? 707 00:37:41,560 --> 00:37:45,680 It's m‐m‐my last day as a s‐s‐single man, you know. 708 00:37:45,720 --> 00:37:46,840 Yeah. 709 00:37:47,840 --> 00:37:51,000 Well, it's not all it's cracked up to be, you know. 710 00:37:51,040 --> 00:37:52,800 I'm fucking miserable. 711 00:37:52,840 --> 00:37:55,680 THEY BOTH LAUGH 712 00:37:55,720 --> 00:37:57,680 You love her, man. 713 00:37:57,720 --> 00:37:59,520 And she loves you. 714 00:38:00,880 --> 00:38:02,960 You've got to hang on to that, haven't you? 715 00:38:05,600 --> 00:38:07,280 I'm proud of you, Cardi. 716 00:38:08,800 --> 00:38:11,120 Thanks, mate. Come and give me a love. 717 00:38:15,680 --> 00:38:18,040 You know it won't change owt. I'll still be here. 718 00:38:18,080 --> 00:38:20,480 I'll still be part of everything. I know you will. 719 00:38:20,520 --> 00:38:21,960 Yeah. I know. 720 00:38:22,000 --> 00:38:23,440 It's all right. 721 00:38:23,480 --> 00:38:25,680 Are you gonna come and check your wedding out? 722 00:38:26,840 --> 00:38:28,160 Hm? 723 00:38:28,200 --> 00:38:29,840 Yeah. Come on. 724 00:38:31,080 --> 00:38:34,160 Bejewelled, eh? Yeah, fucking Carol made it. 725 00:38:34,200 --> 00:38:36,600 # I know that Grandma Would've loved her... 726 00:38:36,640 --> 00:38:38,200 It's time. 727 00:38:38,240 --> 00:38:41,240 # Like she was her own 728 00:38:44,240 --> 00:38:47,880 # She makes me feel at home, oh 729 00:38:47,920 --> 00:38:49,160 Ready? 730 00:38:49,200 --> 00:38:51,800 One. Two. Three. 731 00:38:51,840 --> 00:38:54,240 # Do you think I'm being foolish If I don't rush in? 732 00:38:54,280 --> 00:38:55,800 CHEERING 733 00:38:59,200 --> 00:39:01,960 # I'm scared to death That she might be it 734 00:39:02,000 --> 00:39:05,200 # That the love is real That the shoe might fit 735 00:39:05,240 --> 00:39:09,280 # She might just be my everything And beyond 736 00:39:10,280 --> 00:39:14,960 # Beyond space and time In the afterlife 737 00:39:15,000 --> 00:39:18,000 # Will she have my kids? Will she be my wife? 738 00:39:18,040 --> 00:39:21,960 # She might just be my everything And beyond... # 739 00:39:22,000 --> 00:39:25,200 CARDI: Bloody hell! Who's done that to Nigel? He looks fucking ace! 740 00:39:26,400 --> 00:39:28,640 So... Yeah? 741 00:39:28,680 --> 00:39:31,200 Are you gonna tell me what really happened last night? 742 00:39:31,240 --> 00:39:32,840 Er, nothing. 743 00:39:34,640 --> 00:39:36,440 Why don't I believe you? 744 00:39:36,480 --> 00:39:39,120 Look, Erin, honestly, it was nothing. 745 00:39:39,160 --> 00:39:40,520 Right? 746 00:39:40,560 --> 00:39:41,840 I promise. OK. 747 00:39:43,720 --> 00:39:46,640 Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today 748 00:39:46,680 --> 00:39:50,480 to witness the union of Carol Dennings and Cardi. 749 00:39:50,520 --> 00:39:52,080 CHEERING 750 00:39:52,120 --> 00:39:55,880 Or, if we're to use his proper first name, it's actually Leslie Titt. 751 00:39:55,920 --> 00:39:57,800 LAUGHTER 752 00:39:57,840 --> 00:40:00,280 The joining together of two people, 753 00:40:00,320 --> 00:40:02,360 spending the rest of their lives together, 754 00:40:02,400 --> 00:40:03,920 is to be respected. 755 00:40:03,960 --> 00:40:05,960 Trust me, as an undertaker, 756 00:40:06,000 --> 00:40:12,200 I've seen many marriages end in violence, misery and murder... 757 00:40:12,240 --> 00:40:15,680 So if any persons here present know of any reason 758 00:40:15,720 --> 00:40:19,280 why these two people should not be joined together in holy wedlock... 759 00:40:20,360 --> 00:40:24,200 ..can you please speak now or forever hold your peace? 760 00:40:24,240 --> 00:40:25,560 Yeah, me! 761 00:40:25,600 --> 00:40:27,480 Nah, I'm only kidding. Carry on. 762 00:40:27,520 --> 00:40:31,600 Mind you, 50 percent do end in divorce, so you're probably... 763 00:40:31,640 --> 00:40:32,800 Sit down. 764 00:40:32,840 --> 00:40:36,280 He's making a good point, but let's continue on, right so. 765 00:40:36,320 --> 00:40:39,480 May we have the bridesmaid and the best man 766 00:40:39,520 --> 00:40:41,880 come forth and provide the rings? Thank you. 767 00:40:45,960 --> 00:40:47,360 Just answer as I ask, OK. Yes. 768 00:40:47,400 --> 00:40:52,040 Do you, Carol Cassandra Dennings take this man Leslie Arthur Titt...? 769 00:40:59,480 --> 00:41:01,960 ..in sickness and in health? Police! 770 00:41:03,480 --> 00:41:05,160 Armed police! Nobody move! 771 00:41:05,200 --> 00:41:06,760 SHOUTING 772 00:41:06,800 --> 00:41:08,400 Vincent O'Neill. 773 00:41:08,440 --> 00:41:10,040 Nobody move! 774 00:41:10,080 --> 00:41:13,920 Vincent O' Neill, we are arresting you on conspiracy to murder. 775 00:41:13,960 --> 00:41:16,760 You do not have to say anything, but it may harm your defence 776 00:41:16,800 --> 00:41:19,160 if you fail to mention, when questioned, 777 00:41:19,200 --> 00:41:21,520 something which you later rely on in court. 778 00:41:21,560 --> 00:41:24,760 No, you don't understand. He's my best friend. It's m‐m‐my wedding! 779 00:41:24,800 --> 00:41:26,600 Cardi... Cardi, love... 780 00:41:39,120 --> 00:41:41,080 Just go back inside. Go back inside. 781 00:41:41,120 --> 00:41:42,600 You're making a mistake! 782 00:41:42,640 --> 00:41:45,440 Just give me... Just give me 30 seconds. 783 00:41:45,480 --> 00:41:47,200 You've got me now. 784 00:41:47,240 --> 00:41:48,560 Just 30 seconds. 785 00:41:50,640 --> 00:41:52,480 Erin, I know you don't. 786 00:41:54,680 --> 00:41:56,400 But I do. 787 00:41:56,440 --> 00:41:58,800 And if there was a button, I'd press it. 788 00:42:00,520 --> 00:42:02,000 I know it's wrong. 789 00:42:03,600 --> 00:42:05,800 But you're the first thing in the morning... 790 00:42:07,160 --> 00:42:09,160 ..and you're the last thing at night. 791 00:42:11,400 --> 00:42:13,240 I just... 792 00:42:13,280 --> 00:42:15,880 I don't know how to tell you how much you mean to me. 793 00:42:18,640 --> 00:42:20,440 Tell Tyler I love him. 794 00:42:21,480 --> 00:42:22,480 Vinnie... 795 00:42:26,920 --> 00:42:28,400 SHE WHISPERS 796 00:42:31,840 --> 00:42:35,600 MUSIC: 'I Want Her To Love Me' by The Larks 797 00:42:39,480 --> 00:42:43,280 # I suppose 798 00:42:43,320 --> 00:42:46,800 # She'll come my way 799 00:42:48,240 --> 00:42:52,680 # I want her to love me 800 00:42:52,720 --> 00:42:55,920 # Until our dying days 801 00:42:55,960 --> 00:42:57,840 # I want her to... 802 00:42:57,880 --> 00:43:00,360 # Love me 803 00:43:00,400 --> 00:43:02,240 # I want her to... 804 00:43:02,280 --> 00:43:05,800 # Love me 805 00:43:05,840 --> 00:43:12,320 # That's the way it's gotta be 806 00:43:14,400 --> 00:43:17,200 # I don't know 807 00:43:18,480 --> 00:43:22,000 # Just where it'll end 808 00:43:23,080 --> 00:43:26,160 # But when she comes to me 809 00:43:27,240 --> 00:43:30,320 # A lot of happiness She's gonna bring 810 00:43:30,360 --> 00:43:32,520 # I just want her to... 811 00:43:32,560 --> 00:43:34,920 # Love me 812 00:43:34,960 --> 00:43:38,360 # I just want her to love me... # 813 00:43:38,400 --> 00:43:40,360 Subtitles by ITV SignPost