1 00:00:02,163 --> 00:00:04,163 White Rabbit 2 00:00:07,523 --> 00:00:09,923 Ooh... Jesus. Fucking hell. 3 00:00:09,963 --> 00:00:12,723 I forgot you were there. Yes, dude, listen to this one. 4 00:00:12,763 --> 00:00:14,043 In Switzerland, if you have a guinea pig, it has to have a pal with it. 5 00:00:14,043 --> 00:00:16,803 In Switzerland, if you have a guinea pig, it has to have a pal with it. 6 00:00:16,843 --> 00:00:19,723 Can't be on its own because they're social animals, you see? 7 00:00:19,763 --> 00:00:22,043 They get lonely, so it's illegal to keep one on its tod. 8 00:00:22,043 --> 00:00:23,723 They get lonely, so it's illegal to keep one on its tod. 9 00:00:23,763 --> 00:00:26,323 No, it's a nice gesture, but doesn't exactly exonerate 10 00:00:26,363 --> 00:00:27,963 the Nazi-banking cunts, does it? 11 00:00:28,003 --> 00:00:30,043 Wonder if one of them guinea pigs could ever be like me. 12 00:00:30,043 --> 00:00:30,723 Wonder if one of them guinea pigs could ever be like me. 13 00:00:30,763 --> 00:00:33,803 Just bit of an antisocial pig. You know, 14 00:00:33,843 --> 00:00:36,923 who doesn't wanna be around all the other guinea pigs 15 00:00:36,963 --> 00:00:38,043 24-fucking-7, for God sake. 16 00:00:38,043 --> 00:00:39,483 24-fucking-7, for God sake. 17 00:00:41,323 --> 00:00:44,843 What, because of your...your social whatnot? 18 00:00:44,883 --> 00:00:46,043 You're a bad doctor. 19 00:00:46,043 --> 00:00:46,803 You're a bad doctor. 20 00:00:46,843 --> 00:00:49,923 Excellent doctor - got my diploma to prove it. 21 00:00:51,923 --> 00:00:54,043 Where the fucks my diploma?! 22 00:00:54,043 --> 00:00:54,443 Where the fucks my diploma?! 23 00:00:54,483 --> 00:00:57,163 Adyan Khan. What? Adyan Khan, man. He's a fucking patient. 24 00:00:57,203 --> 00:00:59,363 Adyan Khan? Yes, he's nicked it. 25 00:00:59,403 --> 00:01:01,763 He sold it to Unit John who owns the chippy. 26 00:01:01,803 --> 00:01:02,043 Fucking boss-eyed little twat. 27 00:01:02,043 --> 00:01:03,803 Fucking boss-eyed little twat. 28 00:01:05,723 --> 00:01:08,723 Right, Vinnie, standard procedure is to address the root cause 29 00:01:08,763 --> 00:01:10,043 of the anxiety. So what's making you anxious? 30 00:01:10,043 --> 00:01:12,283 of the anxiety. So what's making you anxious? 31 00:01:12,323 --> 00:01:15,163 A fucking million things are making me - Just tell me one of them. 32 00:01:15,203 --> 00:01:17,723 Alright. Everything's just... 33 00:01:17,763 --> 00:01:18,043 everything's so expensive. I'm just not even enjoying myself. 34 00:01:18,043 --> 00:01:22,203 everything's so expensive. I'm just not even enjoying myself. 35 00:01:27,163 --> 00:01:29,443 Yeah, no, I've got nothing. Give me something else? 36 00:01:30,923 --> 00:01:32,923 Erm... Alright. 37 00:01:32,963 --> 00:01:34,043 Perfect example - going camping tonight with my knobhead mates. 38 00:01:34,043 --> 00:01:36,123 Perfect example - going camping tonight with my knobhead mates. 39 00:01:36,163 --> 00:01:38,923 We're in middle of fucking nowhere. This is not a treat for me, 40 00:01:38,963 --> 00:01:41,643 you know what I mean? I'm just a fucking walking contradiction. 41 00:01:41,683 --> 00:01:42,043 I'm lonely, yet I can't stand being with people. They... 42 00:01:42,043 --> 00:01:45,843 I'm lonely, yet I can't stand being with people. They... 43 00:01:45,883 --> 00:01:48,963 Well, maybe the fresh air will do you good? Fantastic. 44 00:01:49,003 --> 00:01:50,043 Thank God you're here. 45 00:01:50,043 --> 00:01:50,843 Thank God you're here. 46 00:01:50,883 --> 00:01:53,283 Fucking fresh air. Listen to this. This'll cheer you up. 47 00:01:55,443 --> 00:01:57,203 Is that Adyan Khan? 48 00:01:58,083 --> 00:02:00,683 Hi, Adyan, it's Dr Chris here. 49 00:02:00,723 --> 00:02:04,523 Adyan, there's no easy way of saying this, really, but your tests have come back. 50 00:02:04,563 --> 00:02:06,043 Let me put it this way. I wouldn't bother booking a holiday next year. 51 00:02:06,043 --> 00:02:07,803 Let me put it this way. I wouldn't bother booking a holiday next year. 52 00:02:07,843 --> 00:02:10,043 You'll get in some shit for that. 53 00:02:11,123 --> 00:02:13,883 I think you'd better come in. Alright, bye. 54 00:02:16,843 --> 00:02:19,643 Money 55 00:02:23,363 --> 00:02:25,563 # The best things in life Are free... # 56 00:02:25,603 --> 00:02:29,363 But how? How did he manage to fuck up a job working a stop-and-go sign? 57 00:02:29,403 --> 00:02:30,043 Ah, it was just the pressure just got to him. 58 00:02:30,043 --> 00:02:31,603 Ah, it was just the pressure just got to him. 59 00:02:31,643 --> 00:02:34,923 He got confused, and now Francis is after skinning him alive. 60 00:02:34,963 --> 00:02:37,243 He's a very sensitive fella, now, so just mind you 61 00:02:37,283 --> 00:02:38,043 what you'll be saying to him, like. What's this? 62 00:02:38,043 --> 00:02:39,803 what you'll be saying to him, like. What's this? 63 00:02:39,843 --> 00:02:43,083 Cardi's lost that job I got him with my uncle on the roadworks. Fuck. 64 00:02:43,123 --> 00:02:45,683 Your Uncle Francis is an absol- Shh... Hey up, man. 65 00:02:45,723 --> 00:02:46,043 You alright, love? Yeah. Do you want a drink? No. 66 00:02:46,043 --> 00:02:49,163 You alright, love? Yeah. Do you want a drink? No. 67 00:02:49,203 --> 00:02:50,963 What time do you call this? I said 2:00pm. 68 00:02:51,003 --> 00:02:52,803 Hey. It is not my fault. It's bloody chaos 69 00:02:52,843 --> 00:02:54,043 down that big posh school, man. Huge crash down by the roadworks. 70 00:02:54,043 --> 00:02:55,683 down that big posh school, man. Huge crash down by the roadworks. 71 00:02:55,723 --> 00:02:58,683 Absolute nightmare. You should've seen it - massive pile-up 72 00:02:58,723 --> 00:03:00,843 with a hearse and the whole funeral procession. 73 00:03:00,883 --> 00:03:02,043 Coffin came out of the back and everything. 74 00:03:02,043 --> 00:03:02,683 Coffin came out of the back and everything. 75 00:03:02,723 --> 00:03:04,963 I've heard that school has got a sushi chef. 76 00:03:05,003 --> 00:03:08,483 What? I fucking hate that school with a passion, do you know that? 77 00:03:08,523 --> 00:03:10,043 The kids there are all cunts. It's an absolute piss-take. 78 00:03:10,043 --> 00:03:11,363 The kids there are all cunts. It's an absolute piss-take. 79 00:03:11,403 --> 00:03:14,683 The community centre gets pushed back on every grant we apply for - 80 00:03:14,723 --> 00:03:16,683 them twats get sushi chefs. 81 00:03:18,283 --> 00:03:22,403 We all ready to go camping, then? 82 00:03:22,443 --> 00:03:24,523 Where's all your gear? We're not coming. 83 00:03:24,563 --> 00:03:26,043 Why not? I'd rather get a UTI. 84 00:03:26,043 --> 00:03:26,603 Why not? I'd rather get a UTI. 85 00:03:26,643 --> 00:03:28,803 It's gonna be the usual mayhem with you lot. 86 00:03:28,843 --> 00:03:31,003 It fucking ain't gonna be the usual mayhem with us lot. 87 00:03:31,043 --> 00:03:33,843 It's gonna be magical, and it's gonna be whimsical. 88 00:03:33,883 --> 00:03:34,043 These Boots Are Made For Walkin' 89 00:03:34,043 --> 00:03:36,643 These Boots Are Made For Walkin' 90 00:03:39,203 --> 00:03:42,043 Bring it on. Laugh it up, you rancid bunch of dickheads. 91 00:03:42,043 --> 00:03:42,803 Bring it on. Laugh it up, you rancid bunch of dickheads. 92 00:03:42,843 --> 00:03:45,403 Well, at least one of us is prepared for the wilderness 93 00:03:45,443 --> 00:03:47,083 and her many, many challenges. 94 00:03:47,123 --> 00:03:50,043 You look like Ray Mears crapped out a Borrower, you cunt. Where's Ashley? 95 00:03:50,043 --> 00:03:50,443 You look like Ray Mears crapped out a Borrower, you cunt. Where's Ashley? 96 00:03:50,483 --> 00:03:54,083 Having a poo. Having a poo? Are you wearing that, love? Yeah. 97 00:03:54,123 --> 00:03:56,283 What the fuck are you lot up to? 98 00:03:56,323 --> 00:03:58,043 So, it's replacement work on the power grid. 99 00:03:58,043 --> 00:03:59,283 So, it's replacement work on the power grid. 100 00:03:59,323 --> 00:04:01,403 They're upgrading the cables or something. 101 00:04:01,443 --> 00:04:05,403 # And now someone else Is getting all your best 102 00:04:07,363 --> 00:04:09,603 # These boots are made for walkin' 103 00:04:10,483 --> 00:04:12,923 # And that's just what they'll do 104 00:04:12,963 --> 00:04:14,043 # One of these days, these boots Are gonna walk all over you... # 105 00:04:14,043 --> 00:04:18,363 # One of these days, these boots Are gonna walk all over you... # 106 00:04:22,083 --> 00:04:23,683 Fuck! 107 00:04:23,723 --> 00:04:27,363 So within that one-hour window, they cut the power to the area, 108 00:04:27,403 --> 00:04:30,043 OK, they replace the cables, and then they restore the power. 109 00:04:30,043 --> 00:04:31,523 OK, they replace the cables, and then they restore the power. 110 00:04:31,563 --> 00:04:35,123 Oi? Oi. All within an hour? All within an hour All within an hour. 111 00:04:35,163 --> 00:04:38,043 Fucking giggling about? You look like you're fixing to do a job, you lot. What's going on? 112 00:04:38,043 --> 00:04:39,043 Fucking giggling about? You look like you're fixing to do a job, you lot. What's going on? 113 00:04:39,083 --> 00:04:42,163 Big posh school is getting its power cut off tonight for an hour. 114 00:04:42,203 --> 00:04:45,563 No CCTV, no alarms, nothing. 115 00:04:46,603 --> 00:04:48,603 Who's fucking robbing it, you lot? 116 00:04:48,643 --> 00:04:50,243 Thinking about it. 117 00:04:50,283 --> 00:04:53,523 I just... I thought you were bang against all that kind of shit. 118 00:04:53,563 --> 00:04:54,043 Thieving, yeah, I am, generally. 119 00:04:54,043 --> 00:04:55,883 Thieving, yeah, I am, generally. 120 00:04:55,923 --> 00:04:57,763 But this is redistribution of wealth. 121 00:04:57,803 --> 00:04:59,683 Yeah, alright, but it's just... 122 00:04:59,723 --> 00:05:02,043 that's an ambitious job, that. Wait till we come back. What for? 123 00:05:02,043 --> 00:05:02,243 that's an ambitious job, that. Wait till we come back. What for? 124 00:05:02,283 --> 00:05:05,643 Well, we're professionals thieves, aren't we? 125 00:05:05,683 --> 00:05:08,363 That there is a bit of a stretch, now. 'Professional!' 126 00:05:08,403 --> 00:05:10,043 I just don't want you to get fucking nicked, do you know what I mean? 127 00:05:10,043 --> 00:05:11,323 I just don't want you to get fucking nicked, do you know what I mean? 128 00:05:11,363 --> 00:05:14,843 The reality is you lot are more likely 129 00:05:14,883 --> 00:05:17,203 to get in shit camping than we are robbing that place. 130 00:05:17,243 --> 00:05:18,043 How do you figure that out, smiling dickhead? We will see! 131 00:05:18,043 --> 00:05:19,643 How do you figure that out, smiling dickhead? We will see! 132 00:05:19,683 --> 00:05:21,923 Yes, we will see. We will see. Yes, we will see. 133 00:05:21,963 --> 00:05:24,403 We will see. I'll fucking see. I've got one word for you - 134 00:05:24,443 --> 00:05:26,043 Keithy McBride. It's fucking two words! 135 00:05:26,043 --> 00:05:27,563 Keithy McBride. It's fucking two words! 136 00:05:27,603 --> 00:05:30,243 He's a prick. 137 00:05:30,283 --> 00:05:33,443 Let's do it, lads. 138 00:05:34,323 --> 00:05:36,883 Fucking hell... Where the fuck's Ashley? 139 00:05:36,923 --> 00:05:38,723 He's still pooing. 140 00:05:38,763 --> 00:05:41,203 # You gotta go where you wanna go 141 00:05:41,243 --> 00:05:42,043 # Do what you wanna do 142 00:05:42,043 --> 00:05:43,603 # Do what you wanna do 143 00:05:43,643 --> 00:05:48,163 # You don't understand that it... # 144 00:05:50,123 --> 00:05:52,123 Failure to prepare is preparing to fail. 145 00:05:52,163 --> 00:05:54,683 You mark my words, I'm a man who does not fail. 146 00:05:54,723 --> 00:05:57,923 Is that a Cubs thing, or what? Is it fuck a fucking Cubs thing, Ashley. Cubs... 147 00:05:57,963 --> 00:05:58,043 are a bunch of slags and poseurs. A real man sets his own challenges. 148 00:05:58,043 --> 00:06:01,683 are a bunch of slags and poseurs. A real man sets his own challenges. 149 00:06:01,723 --> 00:06:04,643 Didn't you get kicked out of Cubs, Tommo? Yes, he got kicked out. 150 00:06:04,683 --> 00:06:06,043 I left the Cubs of my own accord. 151 00:06:06,043 --> 00:06:06,523 I left the Cubs of my own accord. 152 00:06:06,563 --> 00:06:09,123 Yeah. After they told you to fuck clean off, you did. 153 00:06:09,163 --> 00:06:13,643 What did they do that for? Fucking pushed Marie Bennett into an electric fence. She went flying. 154 00:06:13,683 --> 00:06:14,043 Anyway, by that point, I'd outgrown the Cubs, thank you. 155 00:06:14,043 --> 00:06:17,283 Anyway, by that point, I'd outgrown the Cubs, thank you. 156 00:06:17,323 --> 00:06:19,963 You didn't outgrow that bloody uniform, did you? 157 00:06:22,003 --> 00:06:22,043 Fucking hell! Vin? 158 00:06:22,043 --> 00:06:24,923 Fucking hell! Vin? 159 00:06:24,963 --> 00:06:27,123 Oh. Fuck my arse. 160 00:06:28,643 --> 00:06:30,043 Right, come on. 161 00:06:30,043 --> 00:06:30,643 Right, come on. 162 00:06:30,683 --> 00:06:32,803 Oh. Here we go. 163 00:06:32,843 --> 00:06:34,923 Oi, oi, oi. 164 00:06:34,963 --> 00:06:37,883 The fucking hell's wrong with this now? It'll be the carburettor. 165 00:06:37,923 --> 00:06:38,043 It'll be the carb... You don't know about carburettors. I do. 166 00:06:38,043 --> 00:06:41,083 It'll be the carb... You don't know about carburettors. I do. 167 00:06:41,123 --> 00:06:43,323 Come on, JJ, what is it? 168 00:06:46,323 --> 00:06:48,363 What's that? 169 00:06:48,403 --> 00:06:51,723 It's the thing...the... The...The little door. 170 00:06:51,763 --> 00:06:54,043 Fuel tank? Correct, and what does the fuel tank smell of? 171 00:06:54,043 --> 00:06:55,283 Fuel tank? Correct, and what does the fuel tank smell of? 172 00:06:57,363 --> 00:06:59,363 Cars? 173 00:06:59,403 --> 00:07:01,803 - Fuel. - Ah, Petrol! It's petrol. 174 00:07:01,843 --> 00:07:02,043 Correct. It smells of petrol. 175 00:07:02,043 --> 00:07:04,723 Correct. It smells of petrol. 176 00:07:04,763 --> 00:07:06,643 Fuck me, that a diesel engine! 177 00:07:06,683 --> 00:07:10,043 Correct answer cos some dickhead has put petrol in inside of it. Argh! 178 00:07:10,043 --> 00:07:10,083 Correct answer cos some dickhead has put petrol in inside of it. Argh! 179 00:07:10,123 --> 00:07:12,883 You've fucking ruined that now, you dickend. 180 00:07:12,923 --> 00:07:17,643 You put petrol in a diesel van? You said put twenty quid in. Of diesel. 181 00:07:17,683 --> 00:07:18,043 Isn't diesel just a nickname for petrol? What does that even mean?! 182 00:07:18,043 --> 00:07:20,923 Isn't diesel just a nickname for petrol? What does that even mean?! 183 00:07:20,963 --> 00:07:23,123 What's the difference between petrol and diesel? 184 00:07:23,163 --> 00:07:25,283 There's a fucking big difference, Cardi! What? 185 00:07:25,323 --> 00:07:26,043 You know... fucking different names and that. 186 00:07:26,043 --> 00:07:28,483 You know... fucking different names and that. 187 00:07:28,523 --> 00:07:30,963 Yeah. Different! Different smell.. Smell different. 188 00:07:31,003 --> 00:07:34,043 They make them perform differently... or in this case, just not at all! 189 00:07:34,043 --> 00:07:35,043 They make them perform differently... or in this case, just not at all! 190 00:07:35,083 --> 00:07:37,523 It's to do with the combustion within the engine. Thank you. 191 00:07:37,563 --> 00:07:40,443 Honestly, stop and go, diesel, petrol. 192 00:07:40,483 --> 00:07:42,043 I can't keep up with all these fucking terms! 193 00:07:42,043 --> 00:07:42,443 I can't keep up with all these fucking terms! 194 00:07:42,483 --> 00:07:45,883 Right, it's at least four miles back to that petrol station, 195 00:07:45,923 --> 00:07:48,003 then we'll have to wait for a tow truck. However... 196 00:07:48,043 --> 00:07:50,043 if we cut across these fields and up that hill, 197 00:07:50,083 --> 00:07:52,483 we can get to the hiking trail. That leads to Stenner Bluff - 198 00:07:52,523 --> 00:07:54,683 two hours, and we're where we want to be. Oh, my God! 199 00:07:54,723 --> 00:07:57,803 We pick up the van tomorrow. How's about that? Everybody on board? 200 00:07:57,843 --> 00:07:58,043 Follow me, dickheads. 201 00:07:58,043 --> 00:07:59,883 Follow me, dickheads. 202 00:08:04,603 --> 00:08:06,043 Dickhead. Come on. 203 00:08:06,043 --> 00:08:06,923 Dickhead. Come on. 204 00:08:09,003 --> 00:08:11,603 I'm alright! Dickheads. Alright. 205 00:08:15,283 --> 00:08:17,243 Oh, Jesus Christ, Cardi. 206 00:08:17,243 --> 00:08:18,923 Oh, Jesus Christ, Cardi. 207 00:08:20,363 --> 00:08:22,963 - Oh, shite. Fuck. - Carol. Keep going. 208 00:08:23,003 --> 00:08:25,243 Keep fucking going. Jesus Christ. Carol! Carol! 209 00:08:25,243 --> 00:08:25,483 Keep fucking going. Jesus Christ. Carol! Carol! 210 00:08:25,523 --> 00:08:28,283 Roll down the window. Roll it down. 211 00:08:28,323 --> 00:08:30,403 Roll it down. Oh, how's it going? 212 00:08:30,443 --> 00:08:33,243 You see what that idiot boy of yours done? A hearse! A fucking hearse. 213 00:08:33,243 --> 00:08:34,763 You see what that idiot boy of yours done? A hearse! A fucking hearse. 214 00:08:34,803 --> 00:08:37,123 I tell ya, he's gonna need a fucking hearse when I sees him. 215 00:08:37,163 --> 00:08:39,083 Oh, Jesus, no, the situation, so it is, 216 00:08:39,123 --> 00:08:41,243 absolutely devastated, Francis, yeah. Where is he? 217 00:08:41,243 --> 00:08:41,363 absolutely devastated, Francis, yeah. Where is he? 218 00:08:41,403 --> 00:08:44,083 Ah, he's off now with the lads, camping - a few pints, you know? 219 00:08:44,123 --> 00:08:46,523 Fucking camping?! He gets to go camping, 220 00:08:46,563 --> 00:08:48,883 and I have to tidy away all this shite? 221 00:08:48,923 --> 00:08:49,243 Mm. A stop-go sign. That's all he had to do! 222 00:08:49,243 --> 00:08:51,203 Mm. A stop-go sign. That's all he had to do! 223 00:08:51,243 --> 00:08:55,123 Stop and go. How did he fuck up that so bad? Do you know what, Francis? 224 00:08:55,163 --> 00:08:57,243 How's it even possible? I don't know, but listen to me, now, 225 00:08:57,243 --> 00:08:57,603 How's it even possible? I don't know, but listen to me, now, 226 00:08:57,643 --> 00:08:59,803 I think it was all just a bit too much for him, you know? 227 00:08:59,843 --> 00:09:02,643 Come here. Do you want to buy that stop-go sign back off him? 228 00:09:02,683 --> 00:09:05,243 Because I don't think he'll get much use of it now. I'll tell you... 229 00:09:05,243 --> 00:09:05,323 Because I don't think he'll get much use of it now. I'll tell you... 230 00:09:05,363 --> 00:09:07,363 I'm gonna shove that stop-go sign 231 00:09:07,403 --> 00:09:10,123 up his fucking hole sideways when I sees him! 232 00:09:10,163 --> 00:09:12,323 Hours behind we are, because of him. Hours! 233 00:09:12,363 --> 00:09:13,243 Ask him how far behind exactly. 234 00:09:13,243 --> 00:09:14,403 Ask him how far behind exactly. 235 00:09:14,443 --> 00:09:17,323 In terms of when the power's gonna be shut down, like, 236 00:09:17,363 --> 00:09:19,843 what time will that be now? We've put it back till 8:00pm... 237 00:09:19,883 --> 00:09:21,243 cos of that gaybag. Oh, is that definite? 238 00:09:21,243 --> 00:09:22,603 cos of that gaybag. Oh, is that definite? 239 00:09:22,643 --> 00:09:25,643 Yeah, 8:00pm. And it'll be off for an hour, will it? Aye. 240 00:09:25,683 --> 00:09:29,243 OK, so. Smashing. You mind how you go, won't you? See you. 241 00:09:29,243 --> 00:09:29,523 OK, so. Smashing. You mind how you go, won't you? See you. 242 00:09:29,563 --> 00:09:32,003 Who put out the flaming bollards?! 243 00:09:32,043 --> 00:09:34,923 I told you, you lazy sons of bitches! 244 00:09:34,963 --> 00:09:37,243 Fucking... 245 00:09:37,243 --> 00:09:37,443 Fucking... 246 00:09:38,323 --> 00:09:41,523 Tommo, can you take a turn carrying food for a bit, mate? 247 00:09:41,563 --> 00:09:44,203 No can do, sweetheart. As I've told you before, 248 00:09:44,243 --> 00:09:45,243 I'm a man who sets his own challenges. 249 00:09:45,243 --> 00:09:45,963 I'm a man who sets his own challenges. 250 00:09:46,003 --> 00:09:49,923 So I am on a foraging mission, living exclusively off the land. 251 00:09:49,963 --> 00:09:52,203 - Take these, for example. - Tom. Tommy. 252 00:09:52,243 --> 00:09:53,243 Don't...Don't just eat a random fucking bush, 253 00:09:53,243 --> 00:09:54,883 Don't...Don't just eat a random fucking bush, 254 00:09:54,923 --> 00:09:58,403 just cos to prove a point. You know what I mean? Could be anything. That, right, 255 00:09:58,443 --> 00:10:00,923 is what the supermarkets want you to think. Yeah? 256 00:10:00,963 --> 00:10:01,243 Nature provides everything we need. These are perfectly harmless, yeah? 257 00:10:01,243 --> 00:10:05,363 Nature provides everything we need. These are perfectly harmless, yeah? 258 00:10:05,403 --> 00:10:08,083 But you've been conditioned to think the only things you can eat 259 00:10:08,123 --> 00:10:09,243 are fucking processed shit wrapped in single-use plastic. 260 00:10:09,243 --> 00:10:11,363 are fucking processed shit wrapped in single-use plastic. 261 00:10:12,723 --> 00:10:15,003 Oh, you di... you didn't have to do that. 262 00:10:15,043 --> 00:10:17,243 Do you know what I mean? Just got to go, organic, yeah? 263 00:10:17,243 --> 00:10:18,523 Do you know what I mean? Just got to go, organic, yeah? 264 00:10:18,563 --> 00:10:20,843 Mm. Good, are they? 265 00:10:20,883 --> 00:10:22,643 Erm... They are actually, yeah. 266 00:10:25,483 --> 00:10:27,683 Might have another one. Don't have another. Mate. 267 00:10:27,723 --> 00:10:31,123 You're just trying to prove a point on a random bush. 268 00:10:32,603 --> 00:10:33,243 It's even better, that one. How is it better? How have they improved? 269 00:10:33,243 --> 00:10:36,043 It's even better, that one. How is it better? How have they improved? 270 00:10:36,083 --> 00:10:39,243 Just gonna...wash it down. Knock it back with a bit of... 271 00:10:39,283 --> 00:10:41,243 Yeah, knock it down... with a fucking load of cocaine. 272 00:10:41,243 --> 00:10:41,603 Yeah, knock it down... with a fucking load of cocaine. 273 00:10:41,643 --> 00:10:43,883 That's what survivalists do! That's how erm... 274 00:10:43,923 --> 00:10:46,203 D-D-D-Dylan! Fuck! 275 00:10:46,243 --> 00:10:48,283 Woo! Woo-hoo! 276 00:10:48,323 --> 00:10:49,243 Dylan, why do you have to fucking whoop like an American? 277 00:10:49,243 --> 00:10:51,283 Dylan, why do you have to fucking whoop like an American? 278 00:10:51,323 --> 00:10:53,363 You're gonna be paranoid in five minutes, 279 00:10:53,403 --> 00:10:55,963 doing everyone's fucking head in. What are you on about? 280 00:10:56,003 --> 00:10:57,243 He is referencing the time when you barricaded yourself 281 00:10:57,243 --> 00:10:58,283 He is referencing the time when you barricaded yourself 282 00:10:58,323 --> 00:11:00,243 into the fucking toilets at Harley's thing. 283 00:11:00,283 --> 00:11:02,723 Are you still on about that? No, there was something... 284 00:11:02,763 --> 00:11:05,243 something up with the gear. The fucking club, man, was intense. 285 00:11:05,243 --> 00:11:06,203 something up with the gear. The fucking club, man, was intense. 286 00:11:06,243 --> 00:11:09,523 A club? It were a christening, you fucking idiot! 287 00:11:09,563 --> 00:11:12,763 Was it? Yes, a community centre. Yes, community centre christening. 288 00:11:12,803 --> 00:11:13,243 Fucking...what does it matter? We're out in nature now. Come on! Woo! 289 00:11:13,243 --> 00:11:16,003 Fucking...what does it matter? We're out in nature now. Come on! Woo! 290 00:11:16,043 --> 00:11:19,443 You're gonna be miserable. Don't tell me any of your fucking woes now. 291 00:11:19,483 --> 00:11:21,243 Seriously. 292 00:11:21,243 --> 00:11:21,483 Seriously. 293 00:11:30,643 --> 00:11:33,963 Lads, enough fucking daydreaming... 294 00:11:40,763 --> 00:11:43,123 Fox one in position. Over. 295 00:11:44,643 --> 00:11:45,243 Fox two in position. They're about to cut the power. Over. 296 00:11:45,243 --> 00:11:48,483 Fox two in position. They're about to cut the power. Over. 297 00:11:48,523 --> 00:11:51,403 Fox three in position. Over. 298 00:11:54,483 --> 00:11:56,843 Fox three, what's with the pram? Over. 299 00:11:56,883 --> 00:11:58,883 It's my cover. 300 00:11:58,923 --> 00:12:01,243 I'm a foreign au pair working here locally for a very wealthy couple 301 00:12:01,243 --> 00:12:02,443 I'm a foreign au pair working here locally for a very wealthy couple 302 00:12:02,483 --> 00:12:05,323 who've been working away for ten years in Hong Kong. 303 00:12:05,363 --> 00:12:07,363 Ouch! Over. 304 00:12:10,403 --> 00:12:12,723 A hearse. 305 00:12:12,763 --> 00:12:16,043 That's the funniest thing I've ever fucking heard. You guys. 306 00:12:16,083 --> 00:12:17,243 Fucking hell. How you getting on, love, you alright? 307 00:12:17,243 --> 00:12:18,283 Fucking hell. How you getting on, love, you alright? 308 00:12:18,323 --> 00:12:21,563 You having a good time? Oh it's bloody brilliant fun. Yeah. Yeah. 309 00:12:21,603 --> 00:12:24,323 Yeah. We're having a good 'un. No incidents to report yet? 310 00:12:24,363 --> 00:12:25,243 No, not...not yet anyway. No-one's done anything stupid? 311 00:12:25,243 --> 00:12:27,803 No, not...not yet anyway. No-one's done anything stupid? 312 00:12:27,843 --> 00:12:30,723 No. No Hey, get off. Get off! 313 00:12:30,763 --> 00:12:33,043 Fucking dickhead. Yes. 314 00:12:33,083 --> 00:12:33,243 About nine quid's worth, that. And the van got there alright, did it? 315 00:12:33,243 --> 00:12:36,603 About nine quid's worth, that. And the van got there alright, did it? 316 00:12:36,643 --> 00:12:39,283 Yeah. Ah, that's funny, that, 317 00:12:39,323 --> 00:12:41,243 because JJ texted Sugar saying the van broke down. 318 00:12:41,243 --> 00:12:42,563 because JJ texted Sugar saying the van broke down. 319 00:12:42,603 --> 00:12:45,323 Come on. Come on. Fuck off. 320 00:12:45,363 --> 00:12:47,723 He'll be winding her up - you know what he's like. 321 00:12:47,763 --> 00:12:49,243 Oh, hang on, hang on. 322 00:12:49,243 --> 00:12:49,763 Oh, hang on, hang on. 323 00:12:50,643 --> 00:12:52,883 Dylan's just posted a picture of him and Tommo. 324 00:12:52,923 --> 00:12:55,243 'Hashtag camping bros.' 325 00:12:55,283 --> 00:12:57,243 And there seems to be a lot of white powder round their noses. 326 00:12:57,243 --> 00:12:58,923 And there seems to be a lot of white powder round their noses. 327 00:12:58,963 --> 00:13:02,443 Dylan on drugs. 328 00:13:02,483 --> 00:13:05,243 You are in for a night of it, you are. Listen, he's not had that much. 329 00:13:05,243 --> 00:13:06,163 You are in for a night of it, you are. Listen, he's not had that much. 330 00:13:06,203 --> 00:13:08,843 He'll be fucking fine. Well, I hope you're prepared to babysit. 331 00:13:08,883 --> 00:13:11,283 Because let's be honest, it ain't gonna end well, is it? Oi. 332 00:13:11,323 --> 00:13:13,243 You stop worrying about mine - you just worry about your own job. 333 00:13:13,243 --> 00:13:14,123 You stop worrying about mine - you just worry about your own job. 334 00:13:14,163 --> 00:13:17,283 Now, like I said to ya, when things inevitably go wrong, 335 00:13:17,323 --> 00:13:20,083 just do what you can to not to bury anyone alive. 336 00:13:22,683 --> 00:13:24,523 That ain't gonna get old, is it? 337 00:13:24,563 --> 00:13:27,083 Alright, well, have fun looking after your coked-up mate 338 00:13:27,123 --> 00:13:29,243 who can't handle his drugs. Bye-bye! 339 00:13:29,243 --> 00:13:29,603 who can't handle his drugs. Bye-bye! 340 00:13:29,643 --> 00:13:32,363 Fuck! Fuck! 341 00:13:32,403 --> 00:13:34,243 Dickheads. What's the fucking deal? 342 00:13:34,283 --> 00:13:37,043 Why are you all texting the fucking girl... Shit! 343 00:13:38,203 --> 00:13:40,563 Power's cut. 344 00:13:40,603 --> 00:13:42,443 Alright, foxes. Let's go. 345 00:13:51,203 --> 00:13:53,003 Go. Go. Go. 346 00:14:15,083 --> 00:14:16,963 Fuck! 347 00:14:29,043 --> 00:14:31,923 Where the fuck is she? 348 00:14:35,723 --> 00:14:37,363 Ooh. 349 00:14:39,243 --> 00:14:41,003 Jesus, Carol. Where the fuck are ya? 350 00:14:42,363 --> 00:14:45,403 Oh, come on. 351 00:14:45,443 --> 00:14:47,483 We're cutting it fine. Shit! 352 00:14:47,523 --> 00:14:49,243 Where is she? What's she doing? I don't know. I don't - Carol! 353 00:14:49,243 --> 00:14:50,443 Where is she? What's she doing? I don't know. I don't - Carol! 354 00:14:51,323 --> 00:14:53,203 Carol! 355 00:14:54,963 --> 00:14:56,883 They're fucking triple-quilted, like! 356 00:14:56,923 --> 00:14:57,243 Come on, run! 357 00:14:57,243 --> 00:14:59,563 Come on, run! 358 00:15:02,643 --> 00:15:05,243 I've never felt anything like it in my fucking life, girls. 359 00:15:05,243 --> 00:15:05,323 I've never felt anything like it in my fucking life, girls. 360 00:15:10,163 --> 00:15:12,203 No alarm. 361 00:15:12,243 --> 00:15:13,243 No alarm! 362 00:15:13,243 --> 00:15:14,883 No alarm! 363 00:15:14,923 --> 00:15:16,683 I'm gonna phone Vinnie. 364 00:15:16,723 --> 00:15:18,963 I'm gonna phone Vinnie. I'm gonna phone Cardi. 365 00:15:19,003 --> 00:15:21,043 I'm gonna phone Cardi. 366 00:15:21,083 --> 00:15:21,243 Oh... What? What? 367 00:15:21,243 --> 00:15:23,243 Oh... What? What? 368 00:15:23,283 --> 00:15:25,763 - Oh, shit. - You alright, love? 369 00:15:25,803 --> 00:15:27,803 Tell me you didn't. Oh, fuck. 370 00:15:27,843 --> 00:15:29,243 I think I dropped it when I was using the toilet. 371 00:15:29,243 --> 00:15:30,163 I think I dropped it when I was using the toilet. 372 00:15:30,203 --> 00:15:32,403 No! Fuck sake, Carol! 373 00:15:32,443 --> 00:15:35,043 Yeah, I dropped my phone, I did. I dropped my phone. 374 00:15:41,043 --> 00:15:44,283 Hang on. Can they trace that phone back to you, though? 375 00:15:45,163 --> 00:15:45,243 Er... The photo! 376 00:15:45,243 --> 00:15:47,243 Er... The photo! 377 00:15:47,283 --> 00:15:49,603 There's a photo of all three of us 378 00:15:49,643 --> 00:15:51,763 posing with the frigging security guard. 379 00:15:51,803 --> 00:15:53,243 Don't be thick, Sugar. Fuck sake. Fuck. 380 00:15:53,243 --> 00:15:54,003 Don't be thick, Sugar. Fuck sake. Fuck. 381 00:15:56,243 --> 00:15:58,603 Get me the crowbar. 382 00:15:58,643 --> 00:16:00,723 How do you not know that? 383 00:16:00,763 --> 00:16:01,243 Everyone around here knows that. Knows what? 384 00:16:01,243 --> 00:16:02,883 Everyone around here knows that. Knows what? 385 00:16:02,923 --> 00:16:05,043 Knows about the Lawler Hunting Party. What the fuck? 386 00:16:05,083 --> 00:16:08,163 Social media slags. Myspacing and - ASH: Are you serious? 387 00:16:08,203 --> 00:16:09,243 So you're not winding me up? It's a fact, dude. 388 00:16:09,243 --> 00:16:10,283 So you're not winding me up? It's a fact, dude. 389 00:16:10,323 --> 00:16:12,763 It happened in them woods down there. What happened? 390 00:16:12,803 --> 00:16:15,923 - The Lawler Hunting Party. - They all disappeared. 391 00:16:15,963 --> 00:16:17,243 Six people went hunting in them woods down there, and then... 392 00:16:17,243 --> 00:16:19,323 Six people went hunting in them woods down there, and then... 393 00:16:19,363 --> 00:16:23,803 vanished into thin air. They found one lad naked and disorientated. 394 00:16:23,843 --> 00:16:25,243 Ashley, sweetheart, don't be getting upset about it. 395 00:16:25,243 --> 00:16:26,003 Ashley, sweetheart, don't be getting upset about it. 396 00:16:26,043 --> 00:16:29,443 It's just a fucking wives' tale. It's not, it's a historical fact. 397 00:16:29,483 --> 00:16:33,243 There's a display about it in the library. Library. Alright, listen to this, yeah? 398 00:16:33,243 --> 00:16:33,403 There's a display about it in the library. Library. Alright, listen to this, yeah? 399 00:16:33,443 --> 00:16:37,443 Winter of 1927, the group were last seen entering the woods upon the hill. 400 00:16:37,483 --> 00:16:40,123 Villagers reported hearing screams in the night 401 00:16:40,163 --> 00:16:41,243 coming from the vicinity in the weeks that followed. 402 00:16:41,243 --> 00:16:42,403 coming from the vicinity in the weeks that followed. 403 00:16:42,443 --> 00:16:44,483 Two weeks later, on February 12th, 404 00:16:44,523 --> 00:16:47,563 20-year-old apprentice gamekeeper Thomas Dylan... 405 00:16:47,603 --> 00:16:49,243 was found clinging to the branch of an ancient tree 406 00:16:49,243 --> 00:16:50,443 was found clinging to the branch of an ancient tree 407 00:16:50,483 --> 00:16:52,203 in a catatonic state. 408 00:16:52,243 --> 00:16:53,923 Well, we've all been there, haven't we? 409 00:16:53,963 --> 00:16:55,603 Jesus Christ. 410 00:16:55,643 --> 00:16:57,243 He remained that way and was held in an asylum 411 00:16:57,243 --> 00:16:58,043 He remained that way and was held in an asylum 412 00:16:58,083 --> 00:17:01,283 until his death in the 1950s! 413 00:17:02,163 --> 00:17:04,243 Isn't this also close enough to where... 414 00:17:04,283 --> 00:17:05,243 Adyan Khan was chased by that pigman? 415 00:17:05,243 --> 00:17:07,163 Adyan Khan was chased by that pigman? 416 00:17:08,043 --> 00:17:10,163 What's a pigman? Well, maybe... 417 00:17:10,203 --> 00:17:12,603 It'll be a pig with a man's head, won't it? No, no. 418 00:17:12,643 --> 00:17:13,243 It's the body of a man with the head of a pig. 419 00:17:13,243 --> 00:17:15,843 It's the body of a man with the head of a pig. 420 00:17:16,723 --> 00:17:20,083 No, no, no, cos I heard he also had... 421 00:17:20,123 --> 00:17:21,243 the nipples. 422 00:17:21,243 --> 00:17:22,123 the nipples. 423 00:17:23,003 --> 00:17:25,203 Dude... Now... Now you see what you do... 424 00:17:25,243 --> 00:17:27,243 You've really fucking made him cry there. 425 00:17:27,283 --> 00:17:29,243 This is you, Dylan. Has he had more cocaine, this wanker? 426 00:17:29,243 --> 00:17:30,283 This is you, Dylan. Has he had more cocaine, this wanker? 427 00:17:30,323 --> 00:17:32,683 No. Yeah, he has. Get your fucking shit together right now. 428 00:17:32,723 --> 00:17:35,003 Break time's over. 429 00:17:35,043 --> 00:17:37,243 I'll take the food, man. Oi, stop texting the fucking girls. 430 00:17:37,243 --> 00:17:38,883 I'll take the food, man. Oi, stop texting the fucking girls. 431 00:17:40,083 --> 00:17:42,683 Is it much further? I'm really tired. 432 00:17:42,723 --> 00:17:45,243 As the crow flies, Stenner Bluff is about a mile in that direction. 433 00:17:45,243 --> 00:17:46,523 As the crow flies, Stenner Bluff is about a mile in that direction. 434 00:17:46,563 --> 00:17:49,243 Through them woods? Yes, through them woods. 435 00:17:49,283 --> 00:17:52,123 Are they the woods JJ was talking about with the Hunting Party and that? 436 00:17:52,163 --> 00:17:53,243 Oh, no, that's a classic horror film mistake that, lads. 437 00:17:53,243 --> 00:17:55,003 Oh, no, that's a classic horror film mistake that, lads. 438 00:17:55,043 --> 00:17:57,563 Yeah, guys, wait. We can't be taking the piss out of them woods. 439 00:17:57,603 --> 00:18:00,003 Listen, we just got to stick to the straight paths. 440 00:18:00,043 --> 00:18:01,243 No-one is taking the piss out of the fucking woods. 441 00:18:01,243 --> 00:18:02,443 No-one is taking the piss out of the fucking woods. 442 00:18:02,483 --> 00:18:04,723 We're supposed to be having a good time, boys. Right. 443 00:18:04,763 --> 00:18:08,803 All those who are not gonna shit their pants in the fucking woods, 444 00:18:08,843 --> 00:18:09,243 follow me. They're just woods. They're just woods. 445 00:18:09,243 --> 00:18:12,363 follow me. They're just woods. They're just woods. 446 00:18:17,483 --> 00:18:19,083 Come on. 447 00:18:24,603 --> 00:18:25,243 Tom? You look like shit, dude. Are you alright? 448 00:18:25,243 --> 00:18:27,603 Tom? You look like shit, dude. Are you alright? 449 00:18:27,643 --> 00:18:30,403 No, no, no. I am absolutely fine, thank you. 450 00:18:30,443 --> 00:18:33,243 Tom? Hey. Shh, shh. 451 00:18:33,243 --> 00:18:33,803 Tom? Hey. Shh, shh. 452 00:18:33,843 --> 00:18:36,523 Did you hear that? What? 453 00:18:36,563 --> 00:18:40,123 Exactly. It's like the whole place is dead... 454 00:18:40,163 --> 00:18:41,243 like a tomb. No, don't... Please. Don't, man. 455 00:18:41,243 --> 00:18:42,803 like a tomb. No, don't... Please. Don't, man. 456 00:18:43,723 --> 00:18:46,603 Hey. Hey. Hey! Do you hear that? 457 00:18:46,643 --> 00:18:48,643 Yeah. 458 00:18:48,683 --> 00:18:49,243 It's like whispers in the trees or something. Whispering trees? 459 00:18:49,243 --> 00:18:51,963 It's like whispers in the trees or something. Whispering trees? 460 00:18:52,003 --> 00:18:55,243 Did you not hear it? No, no, I think I did that time. Yeah, no. 461 00:18:55,283 --> 00:18:57,243 I heard it. It were like whispers, weren't it, Dyl? Dyldo! Oi! 462 00:18:57,243 --> 00:18:58,643 I heard it. It were like whispers, weren't it, Dyl? Dyldo! Oi! 463 00:18:58,683 --> 00:19:03,723 Are you fucking frightening all them lads? You know Ashley's sensitive with paranoid bullshit. 464 00:19:03,763 --> 00:19:05,243 It's alright. Sorry. Fuck. 465 00:19:05,243 --> 00:19:05,763 It's alright. Sorry. Fuck. 466 00:19:05,803 --> 00:19:07,763 Does my head in. Tom? 467 00:19:13,363 --> 00:19:15,363 - Dyl? - Huh? 468 00:19:15,403 --> 00:19:18,723 You alright? Yeah. How many nipples does a male pig have? 469 00:19:22,563 --> 00:19:25,083 What? 470 00:19:25,123 --> 00:19:28,803 Oh, gross, dude. Tommy, 'fess up. You've got diarrhoea, bruv. 471 00:19:28,843 --> 00:19:29,243 Have I fuck. I'm foraging, aren't I? You are not foraging. 472 00:19:29,243 --> 00:19:31,443 Have I fuck. I'm foraging, aren't I? You are not foraging. 473 00:19:31,483 --> 00:19:33,803 You had all them fucking berries we begged you not to eat. 474 00:19:33,843 --> 00:19:36,403 Now you've poisoned yourself. You've got terrible diarrhoea! 475 00:19:36,443 --> 00:19:37,243 - No, I haven't. - I'm forag...ah! 476 00:19:37,243 --> 00:19:39,043 - No, I haven't. - I'm forag...ah! 477 00:19:39,083 --> 00:19:42,323 Ooh. I'm telling you, I saw something. Oi! 478 00:19:42,363 --> 00:19:44,443 It was a robed figure. 479 00:19:44,483 --> 00:19:45,243 What are them twats doing? 480 00:19:45,243 --> 00:19:46,243 What are them twats doing? 481 00:19:47,483 --> 00:19:50,803 Oh, God. 482 00:19:50,843 --> 00:19:52,563 Ooh. 483 00:20:04,723 --> 00:20:07,643 - Ow. Watch out. - Shh. Quiet. 484 00:20:07,683 --> 00:20:10,363 It's not me - Carol keeps sticking her arse in my face. 485 00:20:10,403 --> 00:20:12,443 I think you'll find it's you sticking your face in my arse. 486 00:20:12,443 --> 00:20:12,723 I think you'll find it's you sticking your face in my arse. 487 00:20:12,763 --> 00:20:15,003 It's your own fault, Carol. Argh! 488 00:20:15,043 --> 00:20:17,043 Fuck! 489 00:20:17,083 --> 00:20:20,163 Now, how much longer are we gonna be trekking on like knobheads for? 490 00:20:20,203 --> 00:20:20,443 I dunno how that map's helping you. Vinnie. Vinnie. 491 00:20:20,443 --> 00:20:22,403 I dunno how that map's helping you. Vinnie. Vinnie. 492 00:20:22,443 --> 00:20:25,523 It is very complicated, right? I have to triangulate stars... 493 00:20:25,563 --> 00:20:28,403 Well, what's the compass for, so? The compass, thank you for asking, 494 00:20:28,443 --> 00:20:30,963 is for finding the sun and stars and that, in't it? 495 00:20:31,003 --> 00:20:33,123 Fuck off, you dickhead! 496 00:20:33,163 --> 00:20:36,003 Dude... Dyl. Yeah. 497 00:20:36,043 --> 00:20:36,443 What was the name of that lad you said they found 498 00:20:36,443 --> 00:20:38,603 What was the name of that lad you said they found 499 00:20:38,643 --> 00:20:41,443 'clinging to the branches of an ancient tree'? 500 00:20:41,483 --> 00:20:43,923 - Thomas Dylan. - Thomas Dylan! Oh, my God! 501 00:20:43,963 --> 00:20:44,443 This could be the actual tree where they found him! 502 00:20:44,443 --> 00:20:46,763 This could be the actual tree where they found him! 503 00:20:46,803 --> 00:20:49,963 It's definitely the tree. 504 00:20:50,003 --> 00:20:52,203 Don't wind each other. It's just a tree. 505 00:20:52,243 --> 00:20:52,443 Dude! Argh! What you doing? 506 00:20:52,443 --> 00:20:54,403 Dude! Argh! What you doing? 507 00:20:54,443 --> 00:20:56,483 What's it look like I'm doing? I'm having a slash. 508 00:20:56,523 --> 00:20:58,563 Tommo, you mustn't piss on magic. 509 00:20:58,603 --> 00:21:00,443 Cos some lad wanked himself into a coma in it hundred years ago? 510 00:21:00,443 --> 00:21:01,163 Cos some lad wanked himself into a coma in it hundred years ago? 511 00:21:01,203 --> 00:21:03,843 Oh, I'm very scared. Ooh! 512 00:21:03,883 --> 00:21:06,403 I'm fucking shitting myself. 513 00:21:10,483 --> 00:21:12,083 Nice one, Tommo. 514 00:21:12,123 --> 00:21:14,843 You probably just put a fucking curse on all of us! 515 00:21:14,883 --> 00:21:16,443 So will you please just get us out of here? 516 00:21:16,443 --> 00:21:17,123 So will you please just get us out of here? 517 00:21:17,163 --> 00:21:18,843 What the fuck is this? 518 00:21:18,883 --> 00:21:21,563 What is that? This is a map of North Korea! 519 00:21:21,603 --> 00:21:24,083 Thomas?! No. No. No. Hang on. Hang on. 520 00:21:24,123 --> 00:21:24,443 Before you get upset, right, I... 521 00:21:24,443 --> 00:21:26,123 Before you get upset, right, I... 522 00:21:27,443 --> 00:21:30,763 ..I had to set myself a personal challenge. What the fuck? 523 00:21:30,803 --> 00:21:32,443 A personal challenge to survive in the wilderness... 524 00:21:32,443 --> 00:21:34,883 A personal challenge to survive in the wilderness... 525 00:21:35,803 --> 00:21:40,123 ..without any provisions or the assistance of a map. 526 00:21:40,163 --> 00:21:40,443 Oh, Jesus. Oh. What the fuck! 527 00:21:40,443 --> 00:21:42,323 Oh, Jesus. Oh. What the fuck! 528 00:21:42,363 --> 00:21:45,963 Hey. Hey. Hey. Behave yourselves. 529 00:21:46,003 --> 00:21:48,443 You have led us in the middle of this flipping murder forest 530 00:21:48,443 --> 00:21:48,603 You have led us in the middle of this flipping murder forest 531 00:21:48,643 --> 00:21:52,243 with no idea of where we are going or how we're gonna fucking get out! I've got an idea. 532 00:21:52,283 --> 00:21:55,083 Don't you worry, sweetheart, because... 533 00:21:55,123 --> 00:21:56,443 we must follow the compass. Ha ha! 534 00:21:56,443 --> 00:21:57,403 we must follow the compass. Ha ha! 535 00:21:57,443 --> 00:22:02,003 Navigationally, we must continue in that direction. 536 00:22:02,043 --> 00:22:04,323 Follow me! 537 00:22:08,323 --> 00:22:11,483 Come here, Shiticus Maximus Decimus Meridius 538 00:22:11,523 --> 00:22:12,443 with your fucking map of North Korea. 539 00:22:12,443 --> 00:22:13,643 with your fucking map of North Korea. 540 00:22:13,683 --> 00:22:16,283 - Absolute worst day out ever. - Should have put me in charge. 541 00:22:16,323 --> 00:22:18,203 Why has he got a map of North Korea? 542 00:22:22,883 --> 00:22:25,563 # If you go down in the woods today 543 00:22:25,603 --> 00:22:28,163 # You're sure of a big surprise 544 00:22:28,203 --> 00:22:28,443 # If you go down in the woods today 545 00:22:28,443 --> 00:22:31,243 # If you go down in the woods today 546 00:22:31,283 --> 00:22:33,803 # You'd better go in disguise 547 00:22:33,843 --> 00:22:36,363 # For every bear that ever there was 548 00:22:36,403 --> 00:22:36,443 # Will gather there For certain because... # 549 00:22:36,443 --> 00:22:39,043 # Will gather there For certain because... # 550 00:22:39,083 --> 00:22:41,283 You are so bad-tempered dude. 551 00:22:41,323 --> 00:22:44,443 You are bad tempered! No, you. Settle down. 552 00:22:44,443 --> 00:22:44,723 You are bad tempered! No, you. Settle down. 553 00:22:45,683 --> 00:22:47,683 Wanker. 554 00:23:00,643 --> 00:23:03,403 Not long now, lads, we'll be out of these woods. 555 00:23:03,443 --> 00:23:06,403 Hang on a minute, man. We've defin... We've been here. 556 00:23:06,443 --> 00:23:08,323 Without question, we've been here. No, no, no. 557 00:23:08,363 --> 00:23:08,443 All terrain looks similar to the untrained eye. 558 00:23:08,443 --> 00:23:10,563 All terrain looks similar to the untrained eye. 559 00:23:10,603 --> 00:23:13,403 Oh, fuck me, it's one of Tommo's coke bags. No, no, no, no. 560 00:23:13,443 --> 00:23:15,643 That's not one of my... It's not one of my coke bags, no! 561 00:23:15,683 --> 00:23:16,443 It says Dylan on the fucking tree! 562 00:23:16,443 --> 00:23:17,763 It says Dylan on the fucking tree! 563 00:23:17,803 --> 00:23:20,923 Oh, my God, we've been going round in circles, Thomas! 564 00:23:20,963 --> 00:23:22,923 It's a different tree. It's got to be! 565 00:23:22,963 --> 00:23:24,443 We've been going in a straight line. It's got to be a different tree. It's the same one, you clown. 566 00:23:24,443 --> 00:23:27,803 We've been going in a straight line. It's got to be a different tree. It's the same one, you clown. 567 00:23:27,843 --> 00:23:30,083 It's called us back. It's cursed! 568 00:23:30,123 --> 00:23:32,443 It's not fucking cursed, Dylan. It's a fucking tree. Fuck you, Tommo. 569 00:23:32,443 --> 00:23:33,363 It's not fucking cursed, Dylan. It's a fucking tree. Fuck you, Tommo. 570 00:23:33,403 --> 00:23:36,683 You've fucking lied to us, now we're gonna die here! I don't like this. 571 00:23:36,723 --> 00:23:40,323 I knew I shouldn't have come, dickhead. Lads, lads. Lads. 572 00:23:40,363 --> 00:23:40,443 We may perhaps... 573 00:23:40,443 --> 00:23:42,563 We may perhaps... 574 00:23:42,603 --> 00:23:46,683 have found ourselves in a little bit of a tight spot. 575 00:23:46,723 --> 00:23:48,443 But now is not the time... to dissolve into petty bickering 576 00:23:48,443 --> 00:23:50,403 But now is not the time... to dissolve into petty bickering 577 00:23:50,443 --> 00:23:52,843 about who may or may not be to blame. 578 00:23:52,883 --> 00:23:55,323 No-one's bickering - we all agree you're to blame. You. 579 00:23:55,363 --> 00:23:56,443 Without question. It's like that, is it? 580 00:23:56,443 --> 00:23:57,243 Without question. It's like that, is it? 581 00:23:57,283 --> 00:24:00,843 Well, how's about this for an idea, then? Find your own fucking way out. 582 00:24:00,883 --> 00:24:04,203 Yeah? Anyone who wants to survive these woods, follow me. 583 00:24:05,563 --> 00:24:08,163 Tom. Don't sulk off, man. 584 00:24:08,203 --> 00:24:10,883 Fuck yourself, mate! Oh, Christ. Thomas! 585 00:24:10,923 --> 00:24:12,443 Let him go. Wanker. 586 00:24:12,443 --> 00:24:12,923 Let him go. Wanker. 587 00:24:12,963 --> 00:24:16,403 Come on. Oi. Get away from the tree, come on. 588 00:24:17,923 --> 00:24:20,443 Tom? Tom? 589 00:24:20,443 --> 00:24:20,683 Tom? Tom? 590 00:24:20,723 --> 00:24:23,323 Oh, fuck! Where'd he go? 591 00:24:23,363 --> 00:24:25,643 He's just vanished. Fuck. 592 00:24:28,283 --> 00:24:28,443 Vinnie... I think we should just pitch camp here for the night. 593 00:24:28,443 --> 00:24:31,163 Vinnie... I think we should just pitch camp here for the night. 594 00:24:31,203 --> 00:24:34,363 - Right? Get a fire going. - Set out first light. 595 00:24:34,403 --> 00:24:36,203 Let's just face facts here for a minute. 596 00:24:36,243 --> 00:24:36,443 We're just a little bit lost in the woods here, lads. 597 00:24:36,443 --> 00:24:38,563 We're just a little bit lost in the woods here, lads. 598 00:24:40,963 --> 00:24:44,443 We're lost in the woods. Jesus Christ. Help us! 599 00:24:44,443 --> 00:24:44,683 We're lost in the woods. Jesus Christ. Help us! 600 00:24:44,723 --> 00:24:48,403 Help! Argh! Help us right now. 601 00:24:53,163 --> 00:24:55,523 Oi! You. Give over. You did this. 602 00:24:55,563 --> 00:24:58,523 Sit down for a fucking minute, will you? Have a minute! 603 00:24:58,563 --> 00:25:00,443 Sit down! Convalesce. Now... 604 00:25:00,443 --> 00:25:01,523 Sit down! Convalesce. Now... 605 00:25:01,563 --> 00:25:05,683 Dude, we cannot stay here, in these woods, at night. Why not? 606 00:25:05,723 --> 00:25:08,443 Fuck this. Call the woodland police, tell them to come and get us. 607 00:25:08,443 --> 00:25:08,723 Fuck this. Call the woodland police, tell them to come and get us. 608 00:25:08,763 --> 00:25:11,723 Now, hang on a minute, that is a good idea. Try and find the number 609 00:25:11,763 --> 00:25:14,803 for the woodland po... That's not a fucking thing. I'm phoning Carol. 610 00:25:14,843 --> 00:25:16,443 How would the po - I'm phoning Carol! Don't... 611 00:25:16,443 --> 00:25:16,963 How would the po - I'm phoning Carol! Don't... 612 00:25:17,003 --> 00:25:19,523 Tell her we're having a good time. Tell her. No fucking signal. 613 00:25:19,563 --> 00:25:22,123 Oh, my God. I ain't got no signal either. 614 00:25:22,163 --> 00:25:24,443 I've got no fucking signal. Well, that's the idea. I burnt my eyebrow. 615 00:25:24,443 --> 00:25:25,403 I've got no fucking signal. Well, that's the idea. I burnt my eyebrow. 616 00:25:25,443 --> 00:25:29,563 He's burnt his eyebrow. Just fucking chill out, man, for fuck sake. 617 00:25:29,603 --> 00:25:32,443 Can we all just calm the fuck down? 618 00:25:32,443 --> 00:25:32,563 Can we all just calm the fuck down? 619 00:25:46,723 --> 00:25:48,443 Right, Sugar, you stay up here in case we need pulling up, yeah? OK. 620 00:25:48,443 --> 00:25:49,803 Right, Sugar, you stay up here in case we need pulling up, yeah? OK. 621 00:25:49,843 --> 00:25:53,123 Are you calling it? Yes, Carol, I'm calling it, yeah. 622 00:25:53,163 --> 00:25:55,803 I'll go check the jacks. Yes. Quick. Quick. Quick. 623 00:25:55,843 --> 00:25:56,443 Fucking hell. 624 00:25:56,443 --> 00:25:58,083 Fucking hell. 625 00:25:58,123 --> 00:26:00,043 I am gonna check over there. 626 00:26:14,363 --> 00:26:17,323 Oh, shit. Motion sensor. 627 00:26:17,363 --> 00:26:19,843 Don't move. 628 00:26:22,403 --> 00:26:25,523 Hey, hey, hey! I've seen things in them woods. 629 00:26:25,563 --> 00:26:28,443 What things? Hidden figures. Figures in the trees. Figures in robes. 630 00:26:28,443 --> 00:26:28,803 What things? Hidden figures. Figures in the trees. Figures in robes. 631 00:26:28,843 --> 00:26:31,403 Masks. Figures. 632 00:26:31,443 --> 00:26:34,203 They're dressed like monks. Monkeys in masks! 633 00:26:36,603 --> 00:26:38,723 Oh, fuck! What the hell was that? 634 00:26:38,763 --> 00:26:42,043 Sounded like a tree falling over. Dude, trees don't just fall over. 635 00:26:42,923 --> 00:26:44,443 Absolutely, they do. It's a very tree-ish thing... 636 00:26:44,443 --> 00:26:46,243 Absolutely, they do. It's a very tree-ish thing... 637 00:26:46,283 --> 00:26:48,563 to do, actually. What could make a tree fall over? 638 00:26:48,603 --> 00:26:52,443 A bunch of monks! Fuck me, that's it. Shut the fuck up! 639 00:26:52,443 --> 00:26:52,763 A bunch of monks! Fuck me, that's it. Shut the fuck up! 640 00:26:52,803 --> 00:26:54,843 You're frightening the shit out of each other. 641 00:26:54,883 --> 00:26:57,083 There aren't fucking monks... 642 00:26:57,123 --> 00:27:00,363 pushing over trees! There's no curse. 643 00:27:00,403 --> 00:27:00,443 There's definitely not a man with the head of a pig 644 00:27:00,443 --> 00:27:02,683 There's definitely not a man with the head of a pig 645 00:27:02,723 --> 00:27:06,763 and fucking giant nips. It's just us and a load of fucking trees. 646 00:27:06,803 --> 00:27:08,443 And don't text the fucking girls. 647 00:27:08,443 --> 00:27:09,323 And don't text the fucking girls. 648 00:27:09,363 --> 00:27:11,803 Stop trying. If they find out we're having a shit time, 649 00:27:11,843 --> 00:27:13,843 I lose the fucking thing with Erin. 650 00:27:16,603 --> 00:27:21,083 Where are you going?! I'm going finding the phantom shitter! 651 00:27:21,123 --> 00:27:23,923 Fucking out here somewhere. Frodo! 652 00:27:23,963 --> 00:27:24,443 - Who? - Shit. Vin. 653 00:27:24,443 --> 00:27:26,603 - Who? - Shit. Vin. 654 00:27:27,523 --> 00:27:29,843 What the fuck is happening with him today? 655 00:27:33,403 --> 00:27:35,803 This is a bit like Squid Game, in't it, Erin? 656 00:27:35,843 --> 00:27:37,843 Jesus. 657 00:27:40,283 --> 00:27:40,443 Sugar, I need to move. I'm getting cramp. 658 00:27:40,443 --> 00:27:43,683 Sugar, I need to move. I'm getting cramp. 659 00:27:44,683 --> 00:27:48,443 OK. Just move very, very gradually 660 00:27:48,443 --> 00:27:48,763 OK. Just move very, very gradually 661 00:27:48,803 --> 00:27:50,843 so they won't register you. 662 00:27:51,723 --> 00:27:53,363 OK. 663 00:28:01,443 --> 00:28:03,923 Thomas?! Thomas! 664 00:28:04,923 --> 00:28:07,363 Tom?! Tommy?! 665 00:28:07,403 --> 00:28:09,403 Come on, dude. 666 00:28:10,723 --> 00:28:12,443 Fuck! 667 00:28:12,443 --> 00:28:12,723 Fuck! 668 00:28:13,683 --> 00:28:16,283 Tom? Tom, I'm serious, man. 669 00:28:16,323 --> 00:28:19,363 Come on, stop fucking around, dude. It's pitch black. 670 00:28:19,403 --> 00:28:20,443 Tom? 671 00:28:20,443 --> 00:28:21,403 Tom? 672 00:28:23,003 --> 00:28:25,283 Dude, come on, stop fucking about, you f... 673 00:28:45,323 --> 00:28:47,323 Oh, thank fuck. 674 00:28:52,283 --> 00:28:52,443 Keep going, you're getting closer. That's it, you are nearly here. 675 00:28:52,443 --> 00:28:55,203 Keep going, you're getting closer. That's it, you are nearly here. 676 00:29:05,283 --> 00:29:07,283 Keep coming. 677 00:29:07,323 --> 00:29:08,443 It was only on the floor of the jacks! 678 00:29:08,443 --> 00:29:09,363 It was only on the floor of the jacks! 679 00:29:09,403 --> 00:29:11,763 Shit! 680 00:29:12,723 --> 00:29:14,883 Fucking hell! Come on. 681 00:29:23,763 --> 00:29:24,443 Bloody thing. 682 00:29:24,443 --> 00:29:25,763 Bloody thing. 683 00:29:25,803 --> 00:29:27,843 Behave yourself. 684 00:29:33,003 --> 00:29:35,163 You're hurting me hole. 685 00:29:35,203 --> 00:29:37,923 Oh, fuck! Jesus Christ. 686 00:29:45,603 --> 00:29:48,443 Oh, fuck. Fucking hell. Thomas?! 687 00:29:48,443 --> 00:29:49,683 Oh, fuck. Fucking hell. Thomas?! 688 00:29:49,723 --> 00:29:52,203 # I put a spell on you... 689 00:29:52,243 --> 00:29:54,123 Christ... 690 00:29:54,163 --> 00:29:56,443 managed to shite his own pants off. Impressive! 691 00:29:56,443 --> 00:29:58,003 managed to shite his own pants off. Impressive! 692 00:29:58,043 --> 00:30:00,763 # Because you're mine 693 00:30:06,243 --> 00:30:09,083 # Stop the things you do... 694 00:30:10,203 --> 00:30:12,443 Alright, there we are. 695 00:30:12,443 --> 00:30:12,883 Alright, there we are. 696 00:30:12,923 --> 00:30:15,043 # What's up? 697 00:30:15,083 --> 00:30:17,323 # I ain't lying... 698 00:30:17,363 --> 00:30:19,083 Oh, fuck! Shit! 699 00:30:20,603 --> 00:30:23,603 Oh! Ow! 700 00:30:23,643 --> 00:30:25,643 # Oh, yeah! # 701 00:30:42,763 --> 00:30:44,763 You don't have to skulk out there. 702 00:30:45,643 --> 00:30:47,643 Come, take a seat if you like. 703 00:30:49,163 --> 00:30:51,043 Sorry. 704 00:30:51,083 --> 00:30:53,323 I didn't... I just didn't want to make you jump. 705 00:30:53,363 --> 00:30:55,643 I er...gone camping with my dickhead mates, ended up... 706 00:30:55,643 --> 00:30:56,283 I er...gone camping with my dickhead mates, ended up... 707 00:30:56,323 --> 00:30:59,003 getting a bit lost myself, so... Aren't we all? 708 00:31:00,323 --> 00:31:03,643 Have a seat. Oh, thanks ever so much, man. You are a bloody angel. 709 00:31:03,643 --> 00:31:03,843 Have a seat. Oh, thanks ever so much, man. You are a bloody angel. 710 00:31:06,763 --> 00:31:09,523 Go on, Tommo. Here you go. Pull yourself together, lad. 711 00:31:09,563 --> 00:31:11,603 You're a big boy. It's just nature. 712 00:31:13,323 --> 00:31:15,763 Trees, more trees, leaves... 713 00:31:16,923 --> 00:31:19,643 and mulch. Nothing weird about that whatso...uh. 714 00:31:19,643 --> 00:31:19,963 and mulch. Nothing weird about that whatso...uh. 715 00:31:24,963 --> 00:31:26,483 Fuck. 716 00:31:33,883 --> 00:31:35,643 Maybe what you saw wasn't a monk. OK? 717 00:31:35,643 --> 00:31:36,123 Maybe what you saw wasn't a monk. OK? 718 00:31:36,163 --> 00:31:39,043 What else could it be? I dunno. A nun? 719 00:31:42,643 --> 00:31:43,643 Dyl? The monk... 720 00:31:43,643 --> 00:31:44,963 Dyl? The monk... 721 00:31:45,003 --> 00:31:47,043 did he have any friends with him? Eh? 722 00:31:47,083 --> 00:31:49,083 Were they carrying torches? Eh? 723 00:31:50,443 --> 00:31:51,643 Fuck! 724 00:31:51,643 --> 00:31:52,443 Fuck! 725 00:31:52,483 --> 00:31:54,963 Don't leave me! It's fucking monks! 726 00:32:00,403 --> 00:32:02,563 I'm just... 727 00:32:02,603 --> 00:32:06,003 I don't think I'm good at being around people is all, you know? 728 00:32:09,083 --> 00:32:12,163 I know it sounds fucking daft. 729 00:32:14,723 --> 00:32:15,643 Let me see if I've got this right. 730 00:32:15,643 --> 00:32:16,723 Let me see if I've got this right. 731 00:32:17,803 --> 00:32:19,923 You find it hard being around people... 732 00:32:21,203 --> 00:32:23,203 ..so you go off and live in the woods. 733 00:32:23,243 --> 00:32:23,643 But living alone makes you feel lonely. 734 00:32:23,643 --> 00:32:25,603 But living alone makes you feel lonely. 735 00:32:26,523 --> 00:32:29,483 So you try and dip your toe back in every once in a while... 736 00:32:30,363 --> 00:32:31,643 ..do normal things normal people do. 737 00:32:31,643 --> 00:32:32,683 ..do normal things normal people do. 738 00:32:33,563 --> 00:32:36,203 But doing these things make you feel like an imposter. 739 00:32:37,163 --> 00:32:39,163 It makes you miserable. 740 00:32:39,203 --> 00:32:39,643 That about right? 741 00:32:39,643 --> 00:32:40,883 That about right? 742 00:32:42,843 --> 00:32:44,643 Yeah. 743 00:32:44,683 --> 00:32:47,283 Hmm. Well, you're wrong. 744 00:32:47,323 --> 00:32:47,643 Eh? You're wrong. 745 00:32:47,643 --> 00:32:49,883 Eh? You're wrong. 746 00:32:49,923 --> 00:32:52,083 Your thinking's off. Is it? 747 00:32:52,123 --> 00:32:55,643 Yeah. You're comparing yourself to people who you don't want to be. 748 00:32:55,643 --> 00:32:56,003 Yeah. You're comparing yourself to people who you don't want to be. 749 00:32:56,043 --> 00:32:58,043 Yeah. 750 00:32:58,083 --> 00:33:00,363 Fucking hell, yeah. I do that. 751 00:33:01,283 --> 00:33:03,203 But that doesn't make you weird. 752 00:33:03,243 --> 00:33:03,643 What it makes you... 753 00:33:03,643 --> 00:33:05,083 What it makes you... 754 00:33:05,963 --> 00:33:07,963 ..is a success. 755 00:33:09,523 --> 00:33:11,643 Because it makes you the master of your own destiny, man, like me. 756 00:33:11,643 --> 00:33:13,763 Because it makes you the master of your own destiny, man, like me. 757 00:33:14,803 --> 00:33:18,083 You and me, we're not like the rest of the trees in the forest. 758 00:33:18,123 --> 00:33:19,643 We're...beautiful anomalies of nature... 759 00:33:19,643 --> 00:33:22,123 We're...beautiful anomalies of nature... 760 00:33:23,123 --> 00:33:26,883 ..like them trees you see growing out the side of some chimney 761 00:33:26,923 --> 00:33:27,643 on a derelict factory - despite all the damage. 762 00:33:27,643 --> 00:33:30,883 on a derelict factory - despite all the damage. 763 00:33:33,003 --> 00:33:34,843 How you are... 764 00:33:34,883 --> 00:33:35,643 is not some sort of handicap. It's a gift. 765 00:33:35,643 --> 00:33:38,363 is not some sort of handicap. It's a gift. 766 00:33:41,323 --> 00:33:43,403 Don't waste your life... 767 00:33:43,443 --> 00:33:43,643 caring what other people think about you. 768 00:33:43,643 --> 00:33:45,563 caring what other people think about you. 769 00:33:46,443 --> 00:33:48,243 The only thing that matters... 770 00:33:49,803 --> 00:33:51,643 ..is being honest with yourself. 771 00:33:51,643 --> 00:33:52,723 ..is being honest with yourself. 772 00:33:52,763 --> 00:33:55,483 Knowing you are a decent human being. 773 00:33:59,163 --> 00:33:59,643 I fucking really needed that. 774 00:33:59,643 --> 00:34:02,323 I fucking really needed that. 775 00:34:06,323 --> 00:34:07,643 Oh, sorry. 776 00:34:07,643 --> 00:34:08,323 Oh, sorry. 777 00:34:09,883 --> 00:34:11,883 Right. 778 00:34:11,923 --> 00:34:14,003 Better go and find them knobheads, eh? 779 00:34:14,043 --> 00:34:15,643 Pleasure to meet you, Vincent. On you go. 780 00:34:15,643 --> 00:34:17,523 Pleasure to meet you, Vincent. On you go. 781 00:34:17,563 --> 00:34:19,563 Don't be a stranger. 782 00:34:27,683 --> 00:34:29,723 Quick. Quick. 783 00:34:34,843 --> 00:34:36,803 - Here. - I'm up. I'm up. 784 00:34:36,843 --> 00:34:38,843 Oh, fuck! Argh! 785 00:34:44,643 --> 00:34:47,643 What the bloody hell was that? Come on, quick! 786 00:34:47,643 --> 00:34:47,963 What the bloody hell was that? Come on, quick! 787 00:35:01,563 --> 00:35:03,363 Bloody hell. 788 00:35:05,083 --> 00:35:07,083 I knew this was a bad idea. 789 00:35:07,123 --> 00:35:09,123 It was your fucking idea. 790 00:35:10,483 --> 00:35:11,643 The last lot who tried to rob this place got 18 months. 791 00:35:11,643 --> 00:35:12,843 The last lot who tried to rob this place got 18 months. 792 00:35:14,363 --> 00:35:16,363 It's classed as a charity here. 793 00:35:17,523 --> 00:35:19,643 Judges take a very dim view of people who rob charities. 794 00:35:19,643 --> 00:35:20,563 Judges take a very dim view of people who rob charities. 795 00:35:23,003 --> 00:35:25,323 However... 796 00:35:25,363 --> 00:35:27,643 an all-female crew. 797 00:35:27,643 --> 00:35:27,683 an all-female crew. 798 00:35:27,723 --> 00:35:30,003 To be honest, 799 00:35:30,043 --> 00:35:32,283 I think it's way overdue if you ask me. 800 00:35:33,363 --> 00:35:35,643 You know, I'm a big fan of women. 801 00:35:35,643 --> 00:35:35,723 You know, I'm a big fan of women. 802 00:35:35,763 --> 00:35:38,523 And feminists. All of that. Got all the hashtags. 803 00:35:39,643 --> 00:35:42,403 Look, you give it a bloody good go, 804 00:35:42,443 --> 00:35:43,643 you should be really proud of yourselves. 805 00:35:43,643 --> 00:35:44,323 you should be really proud of yourselves. 806 00:35:44,363 --> 00:35:48,003 I don't want this to put you off trying anything like this again in the future. 807 00:35:48,043 --> 00:35:51,163 However, I need you put everything back... 808 00:35:51,203 --> 00:35:51,643 just as you found it. But I need you to do it in the next five minutes, 809 00:35:51,643 --> 00:35:54,883 just as you found it. But I need you to do it in the next five minutes, 810 00:35:54,923 --> 00:35:57,883 or I'm calling the cops. Chop chop. 811 00:35:58,763 --> 00:35:59,643 Fuck sake. 812 00:35:59,643 --> 00:36:00,203 Fuck sake. 813 00:36:01,563 --> 00:36:04,123 Shit. 814 00:36:04,163 --> 00:36:06,603 Shit! Fuck me. 815 00:36:07,483 --> 00:36:07,643 Tom? 816 00:36:07,643 --> 00:36:09,483 Tom? 817 00:36:10,563 --> 00:36:14,323 Tom? Thomas? T... 818 00:36:15,643 --> 00:36:17,643 Vincent? 819 00:36:20,083 --> 00:36:22,083 Thomas. 820 00:36:22,963 --> 00:36:23,643 Are you alright? 821 00:36:23,643 --> 00:36:24,963 Are you alright? 822 00:36:25,843 --> 00:36:27,643 No, I'm not alright. 823 00:36:27,683 --> 00:36:29,723 There's monks after me, and... 824 00:36:29,763 --> 00:36:31,643 I did, in fact, I have terrible diarrhoea. 825 00:36:31,643 --> 00:36:32,083 I did, in fact, I have terrible diarrhoea. 826 00:36:32,123 --> 00:36:34,123 Can I borrow your joggers? 827 00:36:35,083 --> 00:36:38,323 Listen to me. Yeah. You've eaten a load of poisonous berries. Yeah. 828 00:36:38,363 --> 00:36:39,643 Done too much cocaine. You've ended up... 829 00:36:39,643 --> 00:36:40,483 Done too much cocaine. You've ended up... 830 00:36:40,523 --> 00:36:43,283 fucking shitting yourself senseless, you daft cunt. 831 00:36:43,323 --> 00:36:44,923 Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. 832 00:36:44,963 --> 00:36:47,203 Robed figures in the middle of the fucking woods. Jesu- 833 00:36:47,243 --> 00:36:47,643 Oh, fucking shit! Get the fuck down. Get down! 834 00:36:47,643 --> 00:36:50,083 Oh, fucking shit! Get the fuck down. Get down! 835 00:36:53,603 --> 00:36:55,603 Torch. Torch, dude! 836 00:36:55,643 --> 00:36:57,643 Oh, shit. Mind. 837 00:37:02,643 --> 00:37:03,643 Now do you believe me? 838 00:37:03,643 --> 00:37:04,683 Now do you believe me? 839 00:37:05,803 --> 00:37:08,323 Yes, I do. We need to get the fuck out of here. 840 00:37:08,363 --> 00:37:10,363 Oh, shit! Woodlice. 841 00:37:10,403 --> 00:37:11,643 Brotherhood of the Hood. Brotherhood of the Hood. 842 00:37:11,643 --> 00:37:13,483 Brotherhood of the Hood. Brotherhood of the Hood. 843 00:37:13,523 --> 00:37:18,003 Brotherhood of the Hood. Brotherhood of the Hood. 844 00:37:21,043 --> 00:37:23,043 Shh. Quiet. 845 00:37:24,963 --> 00:37:27,643 - Jesus Christ. - Lads, what the fuck is that?! 846 00:37:27,643 --> 00:37:27,803 - Jesus Christ. - Lads, what the fuck is that?! 847 00:37:31,443 --> 00:37:34,243 Fuck sake. Dude. 848 00:37:36,603 --> 00:37:38,603 Holy shit. 849 00:37:43,843 --> 00:37:46,443 Dude, what are they doing with that guy? 850 00:37:46,483 --> 00:37:50,323 They're putting him in... They're gonna fucking set fire... They're gonna sacrifice that man. 851 00:37:50,363 --> 00:37:51,643 Right now. Listen to me. I have to help. Vinnie. 852 00:37:51,643 --> 00:37:52,923 Right now. Listen to me. I have to help. Vinnie. 853 00:37:52,963 --> 00:37:55,323 I'm right behind ya. Right on my back. 854 00:37:55,363 --> 00:37:57,363 I love you, man. 855 00:37:57,403 --> 00:37:59,443 Right, let's go. Let's do it. 856 00:37:59,483 --> 00:37:59,643 Brotherhood of the Hood. Brotherhood of the Hood. 857 00:37:59,643 --> 00:38:02,843 Brotherhood of the Hood. Brotherhood of the Hood. 858 00:38:03,723 --> 00:38:06,363 Oi. Oi. Oi. Stop it. Stop what you're doing! 859 00:38:06,403 --> 00:38:07,643 Argh, you fuckers. Oi. Oi. Oi. Stop it. Stop what you're doing. 860 00:38:07,643 --> 00:38:09,243 Argh, you fuckers. Oi. Oi. Oi. Stop it. Stop what you're doing. 861 00:38:09,283 --> 00:38:11,483 Stop what you are fucking doing right now. 862 00:38:11,523 --> 00:38:14,163 Someone just check on that guy there. I'm worried about him. 863 00:38:14,203 --> 00:38:15,643 What the fuck! 864 00:38:15,643 --> 00:38:16,403 What the fuck! 865 00:38:16,443 --> 00:38:19,683 Tommo! You were supposed to come down with me, man. 866 00:38:19,723 --> 00:38:21,323 Sorry. Lost me confidence. 867 00:38:21,363 --> 00:38:23,363 Sabotage 868 00:38:23,403 --> 00:38:23,643 Dyl! 869 00:38:23,643 --> 00:38:25,083 Dyl! 870 00:38:25,123 --> 00:38:28,323 Shit! 871 00:38:29,403 --> 00:38:31,643 Dylan! Dylan, settle down a little bit. You've had too much cocaine. 872 00:38:31,643 --> 00:38:32,723 Dylan! Dylan, settle down a little bit. You've had too much cocaine. 873 00:38:32,763 --> 00:38:35,483 Where are your trousers? I had to give 'em to Tom - he shat himself. 874 00:38:35,523 --> 00:38:37,803 Now, everyone, just fucking back off. 875 00:38:37,843 --> 00:38:39,643 It's alright, lad. Back off, fucker. 876 00:38:39,643 --> 00:38:40,763 It's alright, lad. Back off, fucker. 877 00:38:40,803 --> 00:38:43,203 It's alright. It's alright, lad. 878 00:38:43,243 --> 00:38:45,243 What's happening? It's alright. 879 00:38:45,283 --> 00:38:47,163 You're safe now. 880 00:38:47,203 --> 00:38:47,643 Who are you? What do you mean? We're fucking here to save ya. 881 00:38:47,643 --> 00:38:49,923 Who are you? What do you mean? We're fucking here to save ya. 882 00:38:49,963 --> 00:38:52,323 Get you away from all these fuckwits. Yeah, what for? 883 00:38:52,363 --> 00:38:55,043 What do you mean, 'What for'? Is this still part of it? 884 00:38:55,083 --> 00:38:55,643 Part of fucking what? The ceremony? 885 00:38:55,643 --> 00:38:57,483 Part of fucking what? The ceremony? 886 00:38:57,523 --> 00:39:02,043 No! We are rescuers. We've come to rescue you. 887 00:39:02,083 --> 00:39:03,643 The non-believers have broken the Brotherhood's sacred circle! 888 00:39:03,643 --> 00:39:05,043 The non-believers have broken the Brotherhood's sacred circle! 889 00:39:05,083 --> 00:39:08,283 - They must not... That's Shirley. - Shirley? Shirley! 890 00:39:08,323 --> 00:39:10,603 No... No, I know not of who you speak. 891 00:39:10,643 --> 00:39:11,643 It fucking well is him! 892 00:39:11,643 --> 00:39:12,643 It fucking well is him! 893 00:39:12,683 --> 00:39:14,643 Why wouldn't Jimbo be here as well? 894 00:39:14,683 --> 00:39:17,723 I'm filming it all. I told you I'd expose you, didn't I? 895 00:39:17,763 --> 00:39:19,643 You bunch of fucking nonces. 896 00:39:19,643 --> 00:39:19,803 You bunch of fucking nonces. 897 00:39:19,843 --> 00:39:22,563 You can shove that camera up your arse, you. Fuck me, that's Bishop. 898 00:39:22,603 --> 00:39:25,843 Just a bit of fun! Bit of fun? Like burning people in the woods? 899 00:39:25,883 --> 00:39:27,643 We're not burning anybody? No! It's more of a ceremonial thing. 900 00:39:27,643 --> 00:39:29,003 We're not burning anybody? No! It's more of a ceremonial thing. 901 00:39:29,043 --> 00:39:31,763 It was. What the fuck is going on? Jimbo! 902 00:39:31,803 --> 00:39:34,283 The Brotherhood of the Hood. 903 00:39:34,323 --> 00:39:35,643 Brotherhood of the hood. Brotherhood of the hood. 904 00:39:35,643 --> 00:39:37,723 Brotherhood of the hood. Brotherhood of the hood. 905 00:39:37,763 --> 00:39:40,683 The Broth...Broth... What? Yeah, I know, it's a shit name, 906 00:39:40,723 --> 00:39:43,643 for a shit so-called secret society full of local fucking nutters. 907 00:39:43,643 --> 00:39:44,483 for a shit so-called secret society full of local fucking nutters. 908 00:39:44,523 --> 00:39:48,283 Businessmen. And women... and non-binary individuals. 909 00:39:48,323 --> 00:39:51,603 We're very progressive! Yes, and women and non-binary individuals 910 00:39:51,643 --> 00:39:54,483 who enjoy the iconography of the occult, 911 00:39:54,523 --> 00:39:57,363 but also have a shared interest in Hawley's local business community. 912 00:39:57,403 --> 00:39:59,643 Captains of industry in the greater Hawley area is how I'd describe us - 913 00:39:59,643 --> 00:40:00,763 Captains of industry in the greater Hawley area is how I'd describe us - 914 00:40:00,803 --> 00:40:02,803 not that we're allowed to tell anyone, 915 00:40:02,843 --> 00:40:05,283 being a secret society and all. 916 00:40:06,563 --> 00:40:07,643 So it's Masons who can't get into Masons? 917 00:40:07,643 --> 00:40:08,643 So it's Masons who can't get into Masons? 918 00:40:08,683 --> 00:40:11,843 No. Nothing like the Masons. Perverts, the lot of them. Ah, yeah. 919 00:40:11,883 --> 00:40:15,643 But cramming weird nymph-men into fucking wicker yoga balls... 920 00:40:15,643 --> 00:40:16,643 But cramming weird nymph-men into fucking wicker yoga balls... 921 00:40:16,683 --> 00:40:20,483 It's supposed to be an egg. It's not an egg, is it? It's perfectly round. 922 00:40:20,523 --> 00:40:23,643 Graham was in charge of weaving that. Well, I'm not a professional weaver, am I? 923 00:40:23,643 --> 00:40:23,723 Graham was in charge of weaving that. Well, I'm not a professional weaver, am I? 924 00:40:23,763 --> 00:40:26,403 I'm a patissier. Eight months that took. 925 00:40:26,443 --> 00:40:29,323 And not one of you said, 'Well done, Graham, great job'. 926 00:40:29,363 --> 00:40:31,243 Well done, Graham. 927 00:40:31,283 --> 00:40:31,643 Hang on. Right, so am I in or not, then? 928 00:40:31,643 --> 00:40:33,643 Hang on. Right, so am I in or not, then? 929 00:40:33,683 --> 00:40:36,443 No, Geoff. Unfortunately, the circle has been broken, 930 00:40:36,483 --> 00:40:39,243 which means that you must be forsaken by the Brotherhood 931 00:40:39,283 --> 00:40:39,643 and can never subsequently be inducted. 932 00:40:39,643 --> 00:40:41,483 and can never subsequently be inducted. 933 00:40:41,523 --> 00:40:44,643 Fucking bollocks, that is. This is exactly what you wanted, 934 00:40:44,683 --> 00:40:46,963 isn't it Graham? He's been trying to stop me from joining 935 00:40:47,003 --> 00:40:47,643 ever since I opened a sandwich shop next to his cake shop. 936 00:40:47,643 --> 00:40:49,323 ever since I opened a sandwich shop next to his cake shop. 937 00:40:49,363 --> 00:40:52,563 It's a patisserie, thank you very much. I don't know what you're talking about. 938 00:40:52,603 --> 00:40:55,643 Yeah, you tell 'em, Geoff. These lot have been ripping the piss out of you. 939 00:40:55,643 --> 00:40:56,123 Yeah, you tell 'em, Geoff. These lot have been ripping the piss out of you. 940 00:40:56,163 --> 00:40:58,483 'Half-eaten yogurt,' one of 'em called ya. 941 00:40:58,523 --> 00:41:00,883 One of 'em said you looked like an anorexic sperm 942 00:41:00,923 --> 00:41:02,843 trying to fertilise a fucking wicker egg. 943 00:41:02,883 --> 00:41:03,643 Fuck this for a game of soldiers. Ash, come on, get your shit together. 944 00:41:03,643 --> 00:41:05,723 Fuck this for a game of soldiers. Ash, come on, get your shit together. 945 00:41:06,883 --> 00:41:10,003 Hey, bit of a disappointment in the woods tonight, weren't it, eh, lads? 946 00:41:10,043 --> 00:41:11,643 You caused all this, you. What were you doing in the woods with a camera anyway, you perv? 947 00:41:11,643 --> 00:41:13,683 You caused all this, you. What were you doing in the woods with a camera anyway, you perv? 948 00:41:13,723 --> 00:41:17,083 Masons wouldn't have ya. Amateurs. Go bum a cow, Farmer Giles. 949 00:41:17,123 --> 00:41:19,643 Hey, are we alright, lads? Come on, give us a smile. 950 00:41:19,643 --> 00:41:19,763 Hey, are we alright, lads? Come on, give us a smile. 951 00:41:19,803 --> 00:41:21,803 You're on telly. Here we go. 952 00:41:21,843 --> 00:41:24,683 We'll get back to you in due course if your application's successful. 953 00:41:24,723 --> 00:41:27,643 Take that dick off your head and fuck off. Fucking hell, calm down. 954 00:41:27,643 --> 00:41:28,003 Take that dick off your head and fuck off. Fucking hell, calm down. 955 00:41:28,043 --> 00:41:31,403 Jim, leave Shirley's cult alone now. 956 00:41:31,443 --> 00:41:34,843 Fuck off home. Hey, I'm documenting these cults. 957 00:41:34,883 --> 00:41:35,643 Knobhead. 958 00:41:35,643 --> 00:41:36,483 Knobhead. 959 00:41:36,523 --> 00:41:38,923 Give it a shove. Come on. 960 00:41:48,163 --> 00:41:50,403 - How did you get on? - Honestly... 961 00:41:50,443 --> 00:41:51,643 from start to finish, it's just been such good fun. 962 00:41:51,643 --> 00:41:53,283 from start to finish, it's just been such good fun. 963 00:41:53,323 --> 00:41:55,963 We never just...never get time to chill out a bit. 964 00:41:56,003 --> 00:41:59,043 We're always on the move doing a fucking job, you know? 965 00:41:59,083 --> 00:41:59,643 Geoff? What are you doing, Geoff? 966 00:41:59,643 --> 00:42:01,363 Geoff? What are you doing, Geoff? 967 00:42:01,403 --> 00:42:03,843 - Hey, get away from that egg. - I told you. 968 00:42:03,883 --> 00:42:06,723 I warned you, didn't I? You bunch of shithouses. 969 00:42:06,763 --> 00:42:07,643 Geoff, come on, son! 970 00:42:07,643 --> 00:42:09,243 Geoff, come on, son! 971 00:42:09,283 --> 00:42:13,443 Fuck you, Graham, fuck you and your pretentious fucking patisserie. 972 00:42:13,483 --> 00:42:15,643 You're a fucking baker in a cake shop. That's all you are! 973 00:42:15,643 --> 00:42:16,883 You're a fucking baker in a cake shop. That's all you are! 974 00:42:16,923 --> 00:42:19,643 Get back to your sandwiches, you fucking moron! 975 00:42:19,683 --> 00:42:21,683 Did you hear any of that shit? Yeah. 976 00:42:21,723 --> 00:42:23,643 It's been fucking awful. Like... 977 00:42:23,643 --> 00:42:23,923 It's been fucking awful. Like... 978 00:42:23,963 --> 00:42:27,283 the worst fucking night, I swear to God... Hey, hey! 979 00:42:27,323 --> 00:42:29,203 I've had an epiphany, though. 980 00:42:29,243 --> 00:42:31,283 I realise I've just gotta stop... 981 00:42:31,323 --> 00:42:31,643 I've gotta try and stop giving a shit what people fucking think of me. 982 00:42:31,643 --> 00:42:34,603 I've gotta try and stop giving a shit what people fucking think of me. 983 00:42:34,643 --> 00:42:37,123 I'm just... I am, I'm just a shouty... 984 00:42:37,163 --> 00:42:39,043 shouty nightmare. 985 00:42:39,083 --> 00:42:39,643 Intense, frustrated twat of a man. 986 00:42:39,643 --> 00:42:41,483 Intense, frustrated twat of a man. 987 00:42:42,443 --> 00:42:45,443 But I'm lucky. You know, I've been blessed with this group of mates. 988 00:42:45,483 --> 00:42:47,643 I mean, I'm looking at 'em now. Fuck me, they're useless. 989 00:42:47,643 --> 00:42:47,763 I mean, I'm looking at 'em now. Fuck me, they're useless. 990 00:42:47,803 --> 00:42:50,283 Tommo ate berries and shat himself. 991 00:42:52,483 --> 00:42:54,563 ..happiest hole in fucking England, there. 992 00:42:54,603 --> 00:42:55,643 Oh, just beautiful. 993 00:42:55,643 --> 00:42:57,363 Oh, just beautiful. 994 00:42:59,523 --> 00:43:02,123 I wouldn't change it for the world, you know? 995 00:43:02,163 --> 00:43:03,643 Yeah, I hear what you're saying. 996 00:43:03,643 --> 00:43:04,683 Yeah, I hear what you're saying. 997 00:43:13,163 --> 00:43:16,043 What?! Have a what? Have a fucking... 998 00:43:28,723 --> 00:43:32,363 Cancel your plans and dress flamboyantly. Have I overdone it? 999 00:43:32,403 --> 00:43:34,843 What kind of man has a maze? Welcome. 1000 00:43:34,883 --> 00:43:35,643 It's my special exotic animal zoo. This calls for a top-up. Oh. 1001 00:43:35,643 --> 00:43:38,843 It's my special exotic animal zoo. This calls for a top-up. Oh. 1002 00:43:38,883 --> 00:43:40,723 We're stuck in the fucking maze. 1003 00:43:40,763 --> 00:43:42,723 Let's keep this strictly business. 1004 00:43:43,643 --> 00:43:45,443 Violated in an exotic zoo. 1005 00:43:47,243 --> 00:43:49,083 Man, woman or tiny plastic foetus 1006 00:43:49,123 --> 00:43:51,643 covered in fucking weird hair, we're in it together. 1007 00:43:51,643 --> 00:43:51,763 covered in fucking weird hair, we're in it together. 1008 00:43:51,803 --> 00:43:53,883 # ..so much trouble in my mind 1009 00:43:54,843 --> 00:43:58,523 # I got so much trouble in my mind 1010 00:43:59,403 --> 00:43:59,643 # I got so much trouble in my mind 1011 00:43:59,643 --> 00:44:02,243 # I got so much trouble in my mind 1012 00:44:03,803 --> 00:44:06,363 # I got an eight-hour job 1013 00:44:07,803 --> 00:44:10,803 # I got an eight-hour job 1014 00:44:11,883 --> 00:44:15,043 # And every day My work, it gets so hard... # 1015 00:44:15,083 --> 00:44:15,643 AccessibleCustomerService@sky.uk 1016 00:44:15,643 --> 00:44:18,083 AccessibleCustomerService@sky.uk