ANNOUNCER: Welcome to Just Roll With It!
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
It's about to go down!
[BELL RINGS]
Yeah!
Whoo!
Yeah!
Hey everybody welcome to Just Roll With It!
[CHEERING]
This show is taped in front of a live studio audience, you guys!
But here's where things are different.
You guys get to vote on what happens in each scene!
You've all been given remotes! Let's see everybody's remote?
GIRL: Woo! -Nice. Thank you for the "woo".
Yes. Great. Yeah.
Now, at some points during the show, you'll hear this sound...
[HORN BLOWS]
And when you hear that, three options will appear on your screen.
And you'll get to vote to decide what happens to us!
Go on, vote!
Now, we can't see what's on the screens right now,
so we have no idea what you're voting on!
And, we also have no idea when in the scene it's going to happen!
But your votes will be instantly tallied, and whatever you choose, we'll have to...
[IN UNISON] Just Roll With It!
Yeah.
All right, are you guys excited?
Let's start the show!
[GRUNTING]
What are you doing?
I'm cataloging Dad's old radio props and getting a killer workout.
I call them chore squats.
Think you can go squat somewhere else?
No can do. I gotta keep this booty looking good!
Searching.
"How to make your brain forget the last thirty seconds forever".
At least I'm working.
You're supposed to be taking out the garbage.
I'm on it.
Blair, let your big brother give you some life advice on the things that--
A, you're my stepbrother. B, you don't have a life.
And C, I don't need a C, 'cause B was a pretty sick burn.
-How about D, take out the trash. -Fine, I'm doing it.
Blair, you can't just slap stamps on a bag of garbage and mail it.
Okay, then you tell me what just happened.
Ha, ha, if you're just tuning in with us,
we're speaking with one of our favorite guests,
Miss California, whose name is...
[MOUTHING]
Miss California!
WOMAN: Yes, Byron. I'm here to answer questions about my new school program.
Right!
The program that will get the kids to...
Eat bananas!
Well, yes.
It provides healthy lunches to children across the state.
Ah. Yes.
An a-peel-ing issue that is ripe for our times.
I'm sure the students will appreciate the fruits of your labor.
We'll be right back with this guest after these messages.
[OVER COMPUTER] ♪ Byron and Gator in the morning ♪
Boom! That was, like, three fruit puns in two sentences!
That has to be a record.
Sweetie, you forgot to hype the backstage passes
to Beyoncé we're giving away next month!
Sorry but the Gator overslept.
Without a co-host, this morning's been bananas.
Stop doing fruit puns!
Look, those tickets equal ratings and as your General Manager,
let me remind you that nothing is more important
than winning the monthly radio ratings.
-Nothing? What about our children? -The children are a close second.
I'm going to get that stitched on a pillow.
-You're not funny. -I'm a little funny.
-That's why you married me. -No, that's why I hired you.
I married you so I'd have one DJ I didn't have to pay as much as the others.
Wait, how much are you paying the Gator?
Blair, have you finished your homework?
-Nope. -And why not?
Because I'm watching videos of circus clowns getting attacked by animals.
Blair, I don't want you watching videos of people getting hurt.
They're not people, Mom. They're clowns.
-Blair, as your older brother-- -You're only one week older than me!
Yeah, but I skipped a grade, so even though I have the body of a sixth grader,
I have the mind of a seventh grader.
No, you don't.
You're right, what sixth grader has washboard abs
and can open a soda bottle just by flexing his butt muscles?
Please tell me that's not how you opened this.
Ask yourself, have I ever offered you a soda with the cap on? Tsk.
Ahem. Ta-da!
What is that?
It's my Career Day presentation to your class.
I made a photo collage chronicling my journey from twenty years
in the military to being the manager of BEATZ one-oh-one.
Mom, I need wow factor.
Last year, Becky Sparx's mom brought free frozen yogurt for the entire class.
I need to beat Becky Sparx and win Career Day!
I don't think Career Day is a competition.
[IN UNISON] Everything's a competition.
The Gator is still not here, and I need a sidekick for the next segment, now!
Dad, I can't be on the radio. I have no formal radio training.
I hate to break it to you but deep down I'm not the cool, calm,
collected guy you think I am.
My ears are ringing, there's a tightness in my chest,
my life's flashing before my eyes.
Your wedding was beautiful by the way.
Thank you.
Relax buddy. Nobody's forcing you on the air.
All right? Thanks.
Last time Dad put me on the radio I froze up and started stress crying.
Took me a year to lose the nickname, Lil Wah Wah.
-I'll go on the air! -Great! Come on!
So, what are we doing?
Oh, you're gonna--
[HORN BLOWS]
ANNOUNCER: Okay, audience, you see your choices one, two or three.
You guys vote on what you want to have happen next.
Our actors are leaving the stage so we can prepare your choice.
Lock in your vote.
First one just happened.
-We're ready. Let's go. -We're ready!
Okay, we got us a handshake and everything.
Okay, that's it. Votes are in.
Let's go back to the scene.
DIRECTOR: And action!
-So, what are we doing? -Oh, you're gonna love this.
These are the Beyoncé tickets I forgot to-- Hey.
Thank you.
Let's check this out.
"As you know, on Thursdays we play, Breakfast Barf Bonanza."
"This is a game where my daughter will make the grossest meal she can,
and I have to actually eat it.
The ingredients are on this tray right here."
We have mayonnaise, lima beans, we have jalapeno peppers.
-What is that? -Gefilte fish.
Oysters and crispy grasshoppers.
Okay, you gotta make it. You're gonna make this.
Let's go. Let's go with it.
Lima beans.
-Is that may- is that mayo? -Yep.
-Oh, that's mayo! Ahh! -Ha-ha.
Grasshoppers look good.
-Grasshoppers. -Ooh, some fish.
Oh, how about some oysters? That looks yummy!
Yes!
Ah. Yeah. Oh, make it spicy!
[GROANS]
I actually had a grasshopper burrito yesterday so...
Yeah, well you're gonna have another one today.
Sorry!
Not sorry!
Great.
Anything for my listeners, baby!
[GROANS]
[AUDIENCE GROANING]
Low key, that's kind of good.
The oyster sets it off a little bit in the back of my throat but it's kind of good.
[PHONE RINGS]
Hold on, let's take a caller.
MAN: Hey, Byron! -Caller.
I'm loving this game, but it seems really unfair that the
little girl doesn't have to eat something.
I think it's time you made something delicious for her!
Oh, yeah!
[AUDIENCE CHEERS]
Where did she come from?
No please!
Let's see what we got here. Okay.
-Baked beans, diced onions. -Oh, okay.
Gummy worms. Hot dog jui-- Ohh. And sardines.
[GAGS]
I told you to be nice so now you're gonna pay.
Really? Seriously?
BYRON: I'm gonna, I'm gonna help you out a little bit with this.
Ohh. Ha, ha, ha.
-The, vanilla ice cream... -Thank you.
...and sardines are gonna go well together.
-Go eat! Go eat! -Here it goes.
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
MAN: Hey, Byron! I'm still on the line. -Oh, you're still on the line.
-Oh, hey! -Yeah, you know what?
You can't end the segment without singing the Breakfast Barf Bonanza jingle!
The Breakfast--
-Oh, yeah, I love that song! -Yeah, you guys have to sing that jingle.
Okay.
♪ -Breakfast-- Breakfast Barf Bonanza! -Breakfast and Banana, banana, woo! ♪
♪ -We got grasshoppers! -Yeah, grasshoppers! ♪
♪ -Fish and juice! -Fish and juice! ♪
♪ -And when we eat it, we love you! -And when we, we love you! ♪
♪ -We gonna make it do what it do! -We gonna make it do what it do! ♪
And we're out!
That was great!
We're out, great job!
-By the way, sorry I upstaged you! -Don't be!
I can't believe you got on the mic and didn't start stress crying.
-Come on. -Never give me sardines again!
I can't believe you got on the mic and didn't start stress crying.
-Do I sense a little jealousy? -Why?
Because my little stepsister is becoming my father's favorite kid?
-Owen, we have no favorites. -I knew it!
Dad married you just to get to Blair.
He knew she'd be a great co-host,
so he concocted this whole sham marriage just to get her on board.
It never made sense, he's a free-wheeling maniac
and you're a by-the-books Army lady.
Next thing you know, Blair's living on easy street while
I'm shipped off to Antarctica to boarding school,
our school bus hits a snow drift, I get attacked by a polar bear
and all they ever find of me is my tennis shoes!
Owen!
You're doing that thing that got us kicked off that airplane again.
Look, just because your father and Blair have similar interests,
doesn't mean he doesn't love you.
Nobody is replacing anybody.
Mom, you don't have to come to Career Day anymore!
-I asked Byron instead! -[IN UNISON] What?
I was right.
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
-Found some more old pictures. -Yeah, what's with the Byron shrine?
Oh, I'm just putting out some photos of all the good times Dad and I have had,
just to remind him that I'm his son.
Check this out.
It's Dad and me riding bikes when I was five years old.
Those training wheels are so adorable!
Yeah, Dad's never been good at riding bikes.
That's right, Conner two thousand-seven, I am on your team, but I got you anyway!
What are you gonna do about it, you little punk?
Your mom's been playing that video game for, like, four hours.
Yeah, that's what she does when she's mad at me.
Gotta say, picking my dad over your mom
for Career Day might be what's making your mom upset.
Maybe you should talk to her about it.
Mom and I are not so good at talking about...
-Feelings? -Bingo.
We have other ways of dealing with our emotions.
Ha, ha! I got a tank now, you little twerps!
Eat tank!
Anyway, I'm going to go take this garbage out to the mailbox.
Hey, Rachel,
seems like you're just attacking your own teammates.
I'm teaching them a valuable lesson, Owen.
You can never trust anybody, including your own daughter.
Do I sense a little jealousy that Blair picked my dad over you?
Maybe a little bit.
Look, I know the most important thing is
for my little girl to crush all the other little girls in her class.
I just wish she wanted to crush them with me.
Here, put these on.
A little workout always helps me relieve tension.
I mean, I'm glad she gets along with her new stepdad,
but I don't want to suddenly be the not fun parent.
Don't be silly, Rachel, it wasn't sudden.
According to Blair you've always been not fun.
What?
You see? I'm tired of everyone seeing me as some sort of buzzkill
who just nags everyone all the time.
And I'm also tired of Byron not hyping the Beyoncé tickets enough,
no matter how many times I nag him about it!
I know! Those tickets equal ratings!
-Exactly! You get it! -Ow!
-I get it! -Ow!
-Why doesn't anyone else get it? -Ow!
-I'm cool! -Ow!
-I'm fun! -Ow!
I know how to dab!
♪ Dabbing on my haters! ♪
-Rachel? -Hm?
Please promise me you'll never do that again.
Sorry.
But, you know, I think I'm realizing this Career Day thing
is bothering me more than I thought it was.
Maybe I actually do need to talk to Blair about,
about how I, how I...
-Feel? -Yes, that thing.
Hey, guys, found one of my old radio props
while I was hunting for stuff for Blair's career day.
-Isn't it awesome? -It's a catapult.
The Gator and I used this last Thanksgiving
to play Frozen Turkey Dodgeball.
I thought I told you to throw this thing away.
You did, but funny story, I didn't.
Well, I really don't think this is a good idea for Career Day.
I know you don't!
Which is how I know it's going to be awesome.
What is that supposed to mean?
Blair, I think you should listen to your mom here she's the responsible parent.
-What is that supposed to mean? -It's a fact that you're not responsible!
It is a fact. Okay.
Guys! Guys! Everybody relax!
It's going to be safe. Oh!
[CRASH]
Oops.
Just great, Blair! Now there's a giant hole in our roof!
We're exposed to the elements! Lightning could strike us.
Raccoons could crawl in and bite us! Our plants could get too much sun!
[HORN BLOWS]
Oh gosh!
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
-Be nice! -Be nice!
Be nice!
Don't make me eat oysters!
ANNOUNCER: Okay, audience, our actors have left the stage.
Here are your three choices. It's time to lock in your vote.
Just Roll With It!
OWEN: Yeah, I want to see what's going to happen to me!
BYRON: Let's do this!
ANNOUNCER: Okay, votes are in. Now, back to the scene.
DIRECTOR: And, action!
Just great, Blair! Now there's a giant hole in our roof!
We're exposed to the elements! Lightning could strike us!
Raccoons could crawl in and bite us! Our plants could get too much sun!
Owen, raccoons coming through the roof would be ridiculous.
[MAN YELLS]
OWEN: Are you okay, dude?
I'm the roofer by the way.
Good news is I cleared out all your gutters.
Bad news is I think I found a hole in your roof.
-Yeah. BLAIR: Yeah.
STAN: Thank you. -Thank you.
Yeah, thank you for that.
Oh but, I should mention that,
I think the reason your gutters were all messed up is because I,
I saw a big old bunch of birds build a nest up there.
Just so you know.
Owen, that's supposed to be good luck.
It doesn't taste like it.
Well, great! Just great!
Now I've got to move all my pictures, so they don't get messed up.
You see Blair?
You see how your actions affect other people?
[CRYING]
I'm lucky today!
-That is a big hole. -Yes, it...
That is a big bird.
I think Mom is right, Blair. No catapult. We'll have to think of something else.
Thank you. I'm getting this dumbest idea ever outta here.
That's not true.
I've had a ton more dumber ideas than this.
So, Blair,
Blair-ski, my daughter,
maybe you and I should have a little talk.
-Oh boy. -No, I know, I know,
I don't like it either.
So, I realized that not going to Career Day has made me,
-you know. -What?
Well, it's sort of...
when you, it, it didn't--
-Never mind. -Cool.
Good talk.
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
And that's my presentation.
Now fro-yo hands up and enjoy your free yogurt!
-Well, this is awkward. -Why?
These used to be my classmates before I skipped a grade.
Did I mention I skipped a grade?
-Two seconds ago. -Mom, you came.
Of course, everyone needs reinforcements. How are the presentations going?
Not great.
Everyone loses their mind over free fro-yo.
Can I get cookie crumbles and sprinkles on mine?
Of course!
Becky Sparx is a legend!
Okay, class, our next presentation will be from Blair and her stepfather.
Fun!
When my mom started dating again, I was afraid she was going to marry some dweeby,
gangly nerd-o.
Nope.
But it wasn't for lack of trying.
But I lucked out, because my new stepdad is awesome.
You probably know him from all the crazy stunts he does as the morning DJ
on BEATZ one-oh-one, Byron Blatt!
How would you guys like to be part of a live radio broadcast?
We're going live in five, four, three, two.
AUTOMATED VOICE: ♪ Byron and Blair in the classroom. ♪
Good morning, everybody out there in radio land!
I'm coming to you live from my stepdaughter's classroom,
isn't that right kids?
Maybe we were wrong. Maybe this won't be a disaster.
Blair, tell our listeners what we have planned!
We are going to break the world record for office chair revolutions propelled
by a leaf blower!
Scratch that, here comes the disaster.
Okay, now so I'm going to turn this leaf blower all the way up to five.
Five seems like a mistake.
You're right, five does seem like a mistake.
'Cause this sucker goes all the way up to ten!
Let's do ten!
ALL: Let's do ten!
Let's do ten!
-Let's do ten! -All right, here we go!
Blair, tell our listeners what's happening!
[HORN BLOWS]
ANNOUNCER: Okay, everyone, it's that time again.
Vote for your choice.
We're coming back, guys. What do you have planned for us?
Something's going to happen to Rachel or Byron.
-Because, nothing's happened to Rachel. -I'm paranoid now.
-Where are we going from? -We're gonna start from your line.
All right, here we go.
And now back to the scene.
DIRECTOR: And, action!
Here we go! Now, Blair, tell our listeners what's happening!
This one's for the history books!
He's going around! He's going around again!
I'm not sure what else to say here, because he just keeps going around!
-And again. -Whoa!
[SCREAMING]
BYRON: I'll save you!
My daughter!
I'll save you!
I am so sorry.
Please do not blame Blair.
This is all my fault.
I just got so caught up with trying to entertain you and your amazing class.
No one's on the mic! This is dead air! Someone has to do something!
The show must go on!
Hello, everyone.
My name's Owen, but you listeners may know me as Lil Wah Wah.
We may not have broken the record today,
but everyone in this classroom
was part of an event that they'll remember their entire lives.
Lil Wah Wah out.
BYRON: Yeah! BLAIR: Yeah.
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
We'll remember it because it was a disaster!
Well, would it make up for that disaster if everyone here got backstage passes
to the Beyoncé concert next month?
Excuse me.
Owen, I don't have those tickets with me.
Yes, you do because I put them in your purse this morning.
Oh, so you did.
Well, I see why you skipped sixth grade.
What do you say, Rachel?
Well, I am the fun mom.
So...
everyone's going to Beyoncé!
I can't believe it, I'm gonna meet Queen Bey!
Mom, I can't believe you did that for me.
You needed those tickets to win the monthly radio ratings!
Yeah, well you know some things are a little more important than winning.
Wow, Mom, that's surprisingly un-mom of you.
Thank you, Blair, I'm trying.
Thank you so much for these tickets!
You have no idea what a terrible month I've been having.
Someone keeps mailing garbage to my house.
[CHEERING]
I have a feeling we'll be talking about that presentation for years to come.
Yeah, in court.
Who cares?
We trashed the dump, and then sent everyone to meet Beyoncé!
You were right, Mom, that was so much better than the catapult.
Speaking of which, Dad, I thought you were going to get that roof hole fixed!
I'm working on it.
I called a construction company to come
and take a look at the hole while we were out.
Oh, that's them.
[HORN BLOWS]
Really?
[AUDIENCE CHEERS]
Have you not had enough?
ANNOUNCER: Okay, this is the last vote.
Make it count. Lock in your choices.
So, whatever happens in this one,
when you finally get to your group hug, as carefully as possible,
exit the set the way you came and go on up in the audience and say hi to everybody.
And, let's go back to the scene.
DIRECTOR: And action!
I called a construction company to come
and take a look at the hole while we were out.
[PHONE RINGS]
-Oh. -Oh, that's them.
Hello?
MAN: Hey, Byron. This is the, construction company.
We got some bad news.
We made a mistake and accidentally scheduled your home to be demolished.
We tried to contact our guy and tell him he had the wrong house,
but we haven't heard back from him yet so...
[BLAIR SCREAMS]
Oh, my gosh! Our house!
Remember when you told me I had to get insurance.
RACHEL: That's all right! -Funny story, I didn't.
I think this is the perfect time to tell you,
I've been thinking we should move.
-Owen. -Yeah, Dad.
I just want to tell you how proud I am of you.
When you got on that mic today, you were fearless.
And you saved my presentation.
What can I say, I gotta look out for you, Blair.
After all, I am your older stepbrother.
Oh gosh!
Oh, it's easier just to say brother.
Hey, come on, everybody. Bennett-Blatt family hug!
Thank you guys, so much! That's our show!
You've been a great audience!