ANNOUNCER: Welcome to Just Roll With It!
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
-Just Roll With It! -Just Roll With It!
[BELL RINGS]
BYRON: Woo! RACHEL: Woo!
Welcome to Just Roll With It!
The only show where you, the audience, get to vote on what happens to us in scenes!
RACHEL: Yeah! OWEN: Yeah, that's right.
When you hear--
-Uh... Uh, what are you doing? -This show's killing me!
All my clothes are constantly covered in goo, so I'm constantly doing laundry!
Well this week, I'm making them do it for me.
Oh!
[CHEERING]
-Whoa! -Woo!
Well, when you hear this sound...
[HORN BLOWS]
You get to vote, our clothes will probably get ruined, and we'll have to...
ALL: Just Roll With It!
Hey, Blair, can I get your advice on something?
Ugh. I guess.
It's about the big school dance that's coming up.
-There's a girl I want to ask to it. -No way!
-You have a crush? Who is it? -Well, I don't really wanna say.
Ahh. I know why you don't wanna tell me.
It's one of them weird kids, ain't it?
-Is it Frannie Kruntzill? -No.
-Linda Matushafardi? -It's-- No.
-Hey, what's going on? -Owen has a crush on someone!
Ohh! Is it Poots Callahan?
No it's not her, and you know that's not Lucy's real name.
I'm just really nervous about how to ask this person.
I mean, what if she doesn't like me?
[HORN BLOWS]
Oh my gosh!
ANNOUNCER: Okay, audience, what will Owen's life be like
if his crush doesn't like him?
Ramon's in this one and Tobie's also in this one.
I'm not in the scene!
DIRECTOR: The first thing is, Owen's gonna read from a cue card.
ANNOUNCER: Votes are in. Now back to the scene.
MAN: Let's roll, please.
DIRECTOR: Action!
"I mean, what if she doesn't like me?
I'll feel like a total loser for the rest of my life.
And when I grow up, I'll only be able to get a job as a stylist
for the Pig Prom.
I can see it now."
"Weirdly, I'll look a lot like my dad.
-Then, I'll meet my boss." RUTH: Oh!
BLAIR: Ohh!
OWEN: And he'll tell me, "Start pig washing!"
Ohh!
"I might even have to sniff the pig to see how smelly he is."
[SNIFFS]
[OWEN GROANS]
"Maybe to keep myself entertained, I might make up a song about the pig.
It'll go something like this":
♪ Dirty little pig ♪
[BYRON MOUTHING OWEN] ♪ Dirty little pig ♪
♪ Gotta wash that pig Dirty little pig ♪
♪ Gotta wash the pig ♪
"Now that this pig is all clean, I'll say,
'Let's get this pig dressed for prom.'"
BLAIR: Oh! Come on.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
OWEN: I'd be very careful because I think that pig bit a dude in rehearsal.
Once she's dressed, I'd give her a big, wet kiss on her forehead
to make her feel special.
Come here.
I'm gonna kiss ya!
-Woo! BLAIR: Woo!
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDS]
Owen, snap out of it.
You're overthinking things.
If you want to take this girl to the dance, you should just ask her out.
Don't listen to her, she's a lunatic.
If you want to get a girl to like you, you have to show her
that you're not interested in her at all. Ask some different girl to the dance.
Make her jealous! Get inside her head!
Then wouldn't I just end up going to the dance with someone
-I don't actually want to go with? -Exactly!
You play the long game.
Then when she comes crawling back, you say, "Too little too late, sweetheart!
Now hit the bricks!" Then you peel out of her driveway,
spin some brodies on her front lawn, and block her phone number.
That's the end of our show! I'm Byron Blatt,
me and The Gator will catch you tomorrow. Thanks for listening.
[ON COMPUTER] Byron and Gator in the morning
Hey, Byron, can I borrow your kids on Saturday night?
We'll probably be out late, but I can get them back by like one a.m.
-Sure thing. -Ahem. Byron?
Do you want to maybe ask why Gator needs to borrow
our children until one a.m.?
Oh, right.
Why do you need to borrow our children 'til one a.m.?
Well, my high school reunion's this weekend.
And for years I've been lying on social media, telling my classmates
I'm fabulously wealthy, have a beautiful wife, two loving children
and long, glorious locks like a Greek god.
And since only one of those things is true,
I need to pretend your kids are mine so I can keep the lie going.
-Okay, cool. Yeah, sure thing. -Byron!
I'm not sure I'm on board with this idea.
Please, can we go, Mom?
-Please? -This sounds so cool!
We'll be like secret agents, but instead of saving the world,
we'll just be helping our dad's weird friend lie!
That's the spirit!
I know I'm not biologically related to any of you,
but can I be involved in your family's lying scheme?
No! None of you are going.
I don't want Gator teaching you kids that it's okay to lie.
Rach...
You know since Blair has a knack for fudging the truth,
it might be nice to have her use her powers for good and help a friend out.
I don't like this and if I say yes there are going to be some very strict rules.
Of course! Anything! You name it! I'll even stop stealing office supplies!
Okay-- Wait, you've been stealing office supplies?
Don't get distracted. You were about to say yes.
If we let our kids pretend to be your children,
it's just so that you can enjoy your reunion.
But as soon as that's done, you have to stop posting lies on social media.
For the sake of getting what I want, I'm gonna say, deal!
This is so awesome!
This is the best thing that's ever happened!
This is the dumbest idea I've ever heard of.
You have your kids, where are you going to tell everyone your wife is?
Well, Rachel, what are you doing on Saturday night?
[LAUGHING]
Sorry.
[APPLAUDING]
Gator, I feel like an idiot. Why do I have to wear an eye patch?
Because you're a famous Hollywood stuntwoman named Risky B,
and you injured your eye while shooting a baked beans commercial.
Do I have to wear these clothes?
-They're so itchy. -Yes!
You're a child super-genius who graduated from Oxford at the age of 10
and now you work as an astrophysicist at NASA!
And that's how they dress!
Now, does everyone else remember their characters?
Yes. I am a child psychic who can communicate with the spirit world.
And the FBI uses you to help them solve crimes.
-Ruth, what are you supposed to be anyway? -I'm Blair's friend--
[HORN BLOWS]
-What? -Ohh!
ANNOUNCER: All right, audience, what should Ruth's character be?
Candace, you have to be separate from everybody.
You have a totally different entrance so we're gonna take you somewhere else.
-Fun. -Okay?
ANNOUNCER: Okay, audience, you voted to make up a new character.
Now you get to vote on a series of words.
Pick one from this group.
Now pick one from this second group.
And lastly, pick one from this third group
and we'll use the words you choose to create Ruth's character.
Okay, that's it. Votes are in. Let's go back to the scene.
DIRECTOR: Action!
Ruth, what are you supposed to be anyway?
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
Hi.
"My name is Sheriff Pepperoni and I am the world's most famous
wacky two-headed pizza cowgirl because there was a tie
between pizza and cowgirl."
Oh, and by the way, this is my deputy, Olive.
She looks wide awake.
Olive, are you being held here against your will?
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Can you blink if you're safe?
Gator, who's going to believe this character anyway?
Don't look at me. I didn't mention a third kid on my social media posts.
Ruth got to make up her own backstory.
Alligator Shifflett! As I live and breathe!
I didn't think you were gonna show up!
You know I tried to send him an invitation, but the last address
that I could find was to a boat in front of his mother's house.
Oh, that is not the right one! No, no.
Well, I am Brent Goodheart and this is my better half,
Brandi and you must be Gator's family that he talks about all the time
but never posts any pictures of for some reason. Ha, ha.
You know, you all seemed so perfect that Brandi and I
always joked that you probably weren't real!
[ALL SIGH]
-That was a little weird. -Yeah.
-Now, Risky B... RACHEL: Oh yeah.
Gator has written so much about your amazing, adventurous lives together
that I have to ask, may I see whatever it is you got
going on under that thing because I have always been curious what it looks
like when someone messes up one of their eyeballs.
-Actually, I think it's rude to ask that. BRENT: Is it?
Okay, well, I apologize! I'm sorry!
We were actually debating if it was rude on the way over here
and I said that it probably was and then Brandi said that it probably wasn't so...
I thought you'd probably like to talk about it.
-Nope. It's rude. -Okay, all right.
Well, apologies again!
And I think we are just gonna mosey on over to the refreshments table
'cause I think I see some chocolate over there,
and I like to refer to myself as a choc-o-holic.
Don't you steal that joke from me!
Gator, this is never going to work!
What're you talking about? It's already working!
People think I'm rich and loved, and you and Brandi are basically best friends.
I'm starting to agree with Rachel.
What if someone asks me to predict their future or something, and I can't do it?
Or even worse, what if I can do it?
Then I have to spend the rest of my life in strip malls
reading sweaty people's palms for 20 bucks a pop.
That's not the life I want for myself.
I'd much rather do that than be dressed in stupid wool all night.
I feel like I'm inside a puppet's butt.
Let's trade characters.
-No, you can't trade characters! -No one will notice.
-You're a girl and he's a boy. -Then Ruth and I can trade.
-I like my character. -Nobody's trading!
This is not as fun as I thought it was going to be.
I just feel bad for leaving Byron at home.
Poor guy is probably bored out of his mind.
Ow!
♪ I can do whatever I want Because The Gator took my family away ♪
♪ I can do whatever I want Because today is the greatest day ♪
♪ I can make ice cream soup Because my family's gone for real ♪
♪ I can pour it in my bowl And make popcorn ice cream cereal ♪
♪ I can do whatever I want ♪
[MUMBLES INCOHERENTLY]
I'm getting a sense
that your grandfather watched TV sometimes?
All the time!
My hands are literally shaking.
That is amazing.
Do you know how he is doing in the afterlife?
[GRUNTS, THEN CLEARS THROAT]
He's hanging out with your grandmother
and having a real good time.
But my grandmother is still alive.
Uh-oh.
Who is Poppy up there cavorting with?
Is it Meredith from the post office?
I never trusted that stamp-selling Jezebel!
Gammy?
Bad news.
[SOBS]
I got a question for Owen the Psychic.
Who's your crush?
Is it one of those girls from your animes?
No, Blair, it's a lady!
A real life, 3-D human lady!
Gator?
Krystal!
-Hi! -Hi!
It is so good to see you! And it has been so long!
You know I sent you a couple messages, but I never heard anything back so I just--
This is my wife, Risky B.
She's a famous Hollywood stuntwoman.
And she's also the touring bassist for the band Imagine Dragons.
I am?
You are?
I love Imagine Dragons!
I have so many questions for you!
So, Gator, how've you been?
[STAMMERING] I gotta go.
-Gator? -Uh, I'll go check on Gator.
I mean, my dad.
I can sense psychically that he wants to talk to me.
I've always been fascinated with stunt people!
Would you, like, hurt yourself for us?
[CHEERING]
Hey, Gator, you okay?
[SIGHS] It's Krystal.
She was the love of my life and when she broke up with me,
I never really got over her.
I'm sorry, Gator.
How long did you two date?
Five years in my mind.
In your mind?
How many years in real life?
Oh, none.
I could never really work up the courage to ask her out.
I almost asked her to a dance once, but my friend told me to ask someone else
to make her jealous but that turned out to be some pretty terrible advice.
I knew it!
Krystal's the reason that I keep making up all these ridiculous stories
on my social media.
I guess after all these years I'm still trying to impress her.
MAN: Uh, are you guys going to be here a while?
I can't go if there's someone else in the room.
We'll be done in a minute.
Gator, you should just tell her how you feel.
In front of my cycloptic wife?
I would feel like that would be in bad taste.
I think it's time for you to tell Krystal the truth.
You don't need a stuntwoman wife or some fancy soothsayer son
to make a girl like you.
You're a great guy with a huge heart.
And if she doesn't see that, then at least you'll know, and you won't have to spend
the next 20 years telling bizarre lies on the Internet.
That's some pretty great advice.
I should have made you the child genius.
Ha. I'm glad you didn't. Blair's costume seems really uncomfortable.
[IN UNISON] Do it! Do it! Do it!
Come on! Do something dangerous for our amusement!
Okay, okay, I can do this, for alas,
I am a famous stuntwoman who can do many stunts.
[HORN BLOWS]
I knew it!
Woo! Woo!
ANNOUNCER: It's the final vote.
What stunt should Rachel do?
Well, I had a feeling.
DIRECTOR: We're gonna be starting the scene with a new line
that Rachel is going to read off of a card.
ANNOUNCER: And let's go back to the scene. DIRECTOR: Action!
"Heh. One of my favorite stunts is a tightrope walk over goo."
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
It's a good thing I brought my tightrope and pool tonight.
Just another day at the office for Risky B!
Yeah, this tightrope is not very tight, you know?
This is very different from my high school reunion.
-Oh! -[AUDIENCE GASPING]
-Mom, just get to good part and fall off! RACHEL: Oh, boy.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
Risky B!
All right.
AUDIENCE: Risky B! Risky B! Risky B!
ALL: Risky B!
I had it!
[YELPS]
AUDIENCE: Risky B! Risky B! Risky B!
And that is how you stunt!
Attention, everyone! I have an announcement!
If Imagine Dragons is here, I am going to lose it!
I've been lying to all of you.
Great timing, Gator, you couldn't fess up before I got goo'd?
That's not my wife.
That's Rachel, my best friend's wife.
[ALL GASP]
No, he knows. It's cool.
Also, these kids I forced to come here with me are not mine.
[ALL GASP]
No, it's cool, they're Rachel's.
Well, except that one.
I honestly have no idea who this kid is.
I don't understand. Where is your family?
I made them up.
I guess I was just trying to impress you, Krystal.
I've sort of had a crush on you for, like, forever,
and I wanted you to think that I was doing real good in life and everything.
But I'm going to be honest from now on.
So would you maybe want to go get a bite to eat after this?
No. That is insane.
Like, truly psychotic behavior.
BRENT: I knew it.
I bet you've never even met Imagine Dragons.
Come, Brandillyn.
You did the right thing, Gator.
-I'm proud of you. -You okay?
Yeah, I actually am.
In a weird way, it's kind of a relief. At least I finally asked her out.
Ruth, I gotta tell you something.
I kinda, sorta, maybe like you
and I was wondering do you want to go to the dance with me?
Wait! What?
What is happening?
My brain just crashed!
Whoa, Owen, I'm so flattered.
I don't know what to say.
I like you a lot but as a friend.
And I already told Norvin Schnuckle I'd go with him.
I'm sorry.
I appreciate you being honest with me.
So you're not mad?
Mad? No.
Quietly humiliated and wishing I could crawl into a rocket ship
and be launched into space where I'd then be frozen only to be thawed out
once you and everyone who just saw this are no longer alive? Yes.
But, honestly, in a weird way, it just feels good to get it off my chest.
I'm sure after a day or two of listening to emo sad boy music
and journaling my buns off, I'll be back to normal.
I'm just glad it didn't take me 20 years to ask you out.
Hey, would you want to dance right now though?
As friends?
I'd like that.
Well, wanna dance?
It's cool. Everyone knows we're not married now.
No, but we are friends.
I feel like everyone is staring at me.
They are. You did a big, weird thing.
My stepbrother's crush was my best friend?
And that's our show!
You guys have been a great audience!