1 00:00:28,390 --> 00:00:30,700 That was titled "Essence." I wrote it about my mom. 2 00:00:30,740 --> 00:00:33,180 This next piece is also about my mom. 3 00:00:33,220 --> 00:00:35,180 - Uh, excuse me... - Wrap it up, nerd. 4 00:00:35,230 --> 00:00:37,286 - I'm still... - All right, I don't know what this is called, 5 00:00:37,310 --> 00:00:38,400 and I don't care. 6 00:00:38,450 --> 00:00:39,490 Two, three, four! 7 00:00:42,280 --> 00:00:43,880 That's kind of loud! 8 00:00:50,070 --> 00:00:52,160 What is the meaning of this intense bass? 9 00:00:52,200 --> 00:00:53,940 Are you mocking me?! 10 00:00:53,980 --> 00:00:55,590 I don't hear it on our side. 11 00:00:55,640 --> 00:00:57,160 It must be your equipment. 12 00:00:57,200 --> 00:00:59,380 Engineer K'noch, today you die! 13 00:01:00,470 --> 00:01:02,820 Will someone shut that up?! 14 00:01:06,470 --> 00:01:08,430 You're welcome. 15 00:01:10,480 --> 00:01:12,040 Okay, whatever that was. 16 00:01:12,090 --> 00:01:14,130 Ladies and gentlemen, "Requiem for a Hug." 17 00:01:15,180 --> 00:01:16,700 Captain says you're too loud! 18 00:01:16,740 --> 00:01:19,270 Oh, God, oh, no, no, I'm so sorry. 19 00:02:30,250 --> 00:02:33,390 First officer's log, stardate 57501.4. 20 00:02:33,430 --> 00:02:35,950 TheCerritos is en route to Cardassia Prime 21 00:02:36,000 --> 00:02:37,960 for the most amazing reason. 22 00:02:38,000 --> 00:02:40,920 Captain Freeman is going to be instrumental in brokering peace 23 00:02:40,960 --> 00:02:42,920 between the... Uh, wait. 24 00:02:42,960 --> 00:02:44,920 Just... reading a little message here. 25 00:02:44,960 --> 00:02:46,530 Yada yada yada. Oh. 26 00:02:46,570 --> 00:02:48,570 Oh, no. 27 00:02:48,620 --> 00:02:52,010 The captain is not gonna be happy about this. 28 00:02:52,060 --> 00:02:54,760 What the hell are you talking about! 29 00:02:54,800 --> 00:02:56,280 I'm sorry, Captain Freeman, 30 00:02:56,320 --> 00:02:58,036 but we're moving the peace negotiations to Vulcan. 31 00:02:58,060 --> 00:02:59,800 Nobody wants to go to Cardassia Prime. 32 00:02:59,850 --> 00:03:02,200 The Cardassians are creeping everyone out. 33 00:03:02,240 --> 00:03:05,550 But I already prepared a speech, I learned how to do the dance... 34 00:03:05,590 --> 00:03:07,110 I'm sure you'll be involved 35 00:03:07,160 --> 00:03:09,070 in the nexthistoric, once-in-a-lifetime summit. 36 00:03:09,120 --> 00:03:11,120 For now, you'll be heading to Gelrak 5 37 00:03:11,160 --> 00:03:14,120 and, uh, endowing them with diplomatic trinkets. 38 00:03:14,170 --> 00:03:15,780 We're delivering gifts? 39 00:03:15,820 --> 00:03:16,820 Godspeed, Captain. 40 00:03:18,480 --> 00:03:21,260 I spent weeks learning how tobark out Cardassian small talk. 41 00:03:21,300 --> 00:03:23,310 Seems like they just changed locations. 42 00:03:23,350 --> 00:03:25,546 - I don't think it was a slight on the Cerritos. - Yeah, right. 43 00:03:25,570 --> 00:03:27,676 Nobody respects us, because we don't demand their respect. 44 00:03:27,700 --> 00:03:29,230 This ship is a joke. 45 00:03:29,270 --> 00:03:31,700 Well, then we're the funniest joke in all of Starfleet. 46 00:03:31,750 --> 00:03:33,530 Shut up, Jack! I'm sick of it. 47 00:03:33,580 --> 00:03:35,190 We have to do something to prove 48 00:03:35,230 --> 00:03:37,190 that this crew isn't a bunch of slackers. 49 00:03:38,930 --> 00:03:41,590 Okay, try it now. 50 00:03:41,630 --> 00:03:43,500 Field strength is at.. 51 00:03:43,540 --> 00:03:44,940 - Ooh! - 100% 52 00:03:44,980 --> 00:03:46,630 You almost phasered me! 53 00:03:46,680 --> 00:03:47,940 Calm down. It's set to... 54 00:03:47,980 --> 00:03:49,850 Uh, it was... it was set to stun. 55 00:03:49,900 --> 00:03:51,836 Hey, Boimler, how's the field integrity looking in there? 56 00:03:51,860 --> 00:03:54,120 Uh... oh! 57 00:03:54,160 --> 00:03:56,510 It's good. 58 00:03:56,560 --> 00:03:58,950 Okay. Computer, margaritas. Frozen. Salt. 59 00:03:58,990 --> 00:04:00,170 Wait, don't we have to report 60 00:04:00,210 --> 00:04:02,000 that we're done so we can get a new task? 61 00:04:02,040 --> 00:04:04,366 Don't sweat it, baby girl... likemany things, commanders have 62 00:04:04,390 --> 00:04:07,130 no idea how long it takes to balance a phase variance. 63 00:04:07,170 --> 00:04:08,896 You never admit the actual amount of time it takes 64 00:04:08,920 --> 00:04:11,116 to finish a job... if you did, your days would be packed. 65 00:04:11,140 --> 00:04:13,970 - Isn't that lying? - No. It's creative estimating. 66 00:04:14,010 --> 00:04:15,400 When you get an assignment, 67 00:04:15,450 --> 00:04:17,230 you exaggerate how long it's gonna take, 68 00:04:17,270 --> 00:04:18,930 then you're a hero when it's done early. 69 00:04:18,970 --> 00:04:20,970 Eh, it's just a little buffer time. No biggie. 70 00:04:21,020 --> 00:04:22,360 And you're okay with this? 71 00:04:22,410 --> 00:04:24,760 No! If it were up to me, we'd never take a break. 72 00:04:24,800 --> 00:04:26,500 But it's Lower Decks tradition. 73 00:04:26,540 --> 00:04:29,370 Tendi, how long will it take to repair a biobed? 74 00:04:29,420 --> 00:04:31,770 Oh, uh, that would take about five... 75 00:04:31,810 --> 00:04:33,330 hours. 76 00:04:33,380 --> 00:04:34,550 Excuse me? 77 00:04:34,590 --> 00:04:36,290 That's great! 78 00:04:36,340 --> 00:04:37,810 Aw, Tendi, look at us. 79 00:04:37,860 --> 00:04:39,640 Lower Decks... breaching protocol together. 80 00:04:39,690 --> 00:04:41,300 Friendship! 81 00:04:44,470 --> 00:04:48,350 Oh, be sure to stroll throughthe ship as slowly as possible. 82 00:04:48,390 --> 00:04:49,960 It's not like we're busy exploring 83 00:04:50,000 --> 00:04:51,350 the mysteries of the cosmos! 84 00:04:55,350 --> 00:04:57,490 Does no one do any work around here?! 85 00:04:57,530 --> 00:05:00,140 - Geez, there goes buffer time. - What was that, Ensign? 86 00:05:00,180 --> 00:05:01,790 Uh, nothing, Captain. 87 00:05:07,500 --> 00:05:08,800 - Uh... - Bridge. 88 00:05:08,850 --> 00:05:10,410 Cap'n. I mean, Captain. 89 00:05:11,800 --> 00:05:13,720 Anything to report, Ensign? 90 00:05:13,760 --> 00:05:16,030 Uh, keeping busy. I inventoried Cargo Bay Four, 91 00:05:16,070 --> 00:05:17,640 assisted with the baryon sweep 92 00:05:17,680 --> 00:05:20,030 of the warp nacelles, skipped buffer time 93 00:05:20,070 --> 00:05:22,380 and went straight to work on...-Turbolift halt! 94 00:05:22,420 --> 00:05:24,820 What is "buffer time"? 95 00:05:24,860 --> 00:05:26,210 Uh... 96 00:05:28,470 --> 00:05:31,260 What's up with you? You're looking more, like, 97 00:05:31,300 --> 00:05:33,676 - weaselly than usual. - Well, th-that's just how my face looks. 98 00:05:33,700 --> 00:05:35,310 You-you know that. 99 00:05:35,350 --> 00:05:36,790 Oh. 100 00:05:36,830 --> 00:05:38,806 "Effective immediately, the Lower Deck scheduling deceit 101 00:05:38,830 --> 00:05:40,400 will no longer be tolerated"? 102 00:05:40,440 --> 00:05:41,620 What scheduling deceit? 103 00:05:41,660 --> 00:05:43,400 Wait. Let me see. "All assignments 104 00:05:43,450 --> 00:05:45,646 "must be completed and logged in exactly the time mandated 105 00:05:45,670 --> 00:05:48,360 - by command"? - Are we being timed? 106 00:05:48,410 --> 00:05:49,946 "Failure to meet quotas will not be tolerated." 107 00:05:49,970 --> 00:05:51,670 Ah, this is bad, this is bad. 108 00:05:51,720 --> 00:05:54,126 I-I thought it was tradition. I thought you said nobody cared. 109 00:05:54,150 --> 00:05:56,046 They didn't. There was no way the captain noticed 110 00:05:56,070 --> 00:05:57,240 we were padding stuff out. 111 00:05:57,290 --> 00:05:58,370 Somebody ratted. 112 00:05:58,420 --> 00:06:00,590 I bet it was Delta shift. 113 00:06:00,640 --> 00:06:01,990 Yeah. Delta shift is the worst. 114 00:06:02,030 --> 00:06:03,616 They thinkthey're so much better than us, 115 00:06:03,640 --> 00:06:05,380 just becausethey're so much better than us. 116 00:06:05,420 --> 00:06:07,990 It doesn't matter who ratted. We don't need buffer time. 117 00:06:08,040 --> 00:06:10,040 We're Starfleet. We're the best of the best, 118 00:06:10,080 --> 00:06:11,950 and we can still get everything done early. 119 00:06:12,000 --> 00:06:13,910 Boimler's right. We don't need a buffer time. 120 00:06:13,950 --> 00:06:16,430 - We've got this! - Yeah, no, yeah, you're probably right. 121 00:06:16,480 --> 00:06:18,440 What's one less margarita a day? 122 00:06:30,540 --> 00:06:31,750 Excuse me! 123 00:06:34,100 --> 00:06:35,720 Watch it. 124 00:06:35,760 --> 00:06:37,190 Rutherford, I need that diagnostic 125 00:06:37,240 --> 00:06:38,630 on the guidance system, now! 126 00:06:38,670 --> 00:06:40,200 But now is right now! 127 00:06:40,240 --> 00:06:41,420 Move! 128 00:06:41,460 --> 00:06:43,030 - Move, move, move, move! - Aah! 129 00:06:43,070 --> 00:06:44,640 Come on, watch where you're going. 130 00:06:44,680 --> 00:06:46,656 Now I only have ten minutes to do a 30-minute calibration. 131 00:06:46,680 --> 00:06:48,680 Stop yelling! 132 00:06:48,730 --> 00:06:49,990 Uh, sorry, wish I could help. 133 00:06:50,030 --> 00:06:51,666 I'm late for Ransom's stupid away mission. 134 00:06:51,690 --> 00:06:53,520 Ensign Tendi! You were supposed to be 135 00:06:53,560 --> 00:06:55,080 in sickbay 20 minutes ago! 136 00:06:55,130 --> 00:06:57,000 - I'm coming! - Personal Log: 137 00:06:57,040 --> 00:06:59,106 I've completed all of today's assignments ahead of schedule, 138 00:06:59,130 --> 00:07:00,610 and have requested more. 139 00:07:00,650 --> 00:07:03,130 The funnestfrontier? 140 00:07:04,610 --> 00:07:06,960 Ooh. Somebody's got to purge the calibration matrix. 141 00:07:07,010 --> 00:07:08,270 I call dibs! 142 00:07:08,310 --> 00:07:10,360 ♪ Ooh, I love purgin' 143 00:07:10,400 --> 00:07:12,686 ♪ I purge you, I purge you, I purge you, I purge you ♪ - [groans] 144 00:07:12,710 --> 00:07:14,726 ♪ I purge, purge, purge, purge, purge, purge, purge ♪ 145 00:07:14,750 --> 00:07:17,280 ♪ And a puh and an urge and a puh and an urge ♪ 146 00:07:17,320 --> 00:07:19,460 ♪ Ooh, I love purgin'! 147 00:07:19,500 --> 00:07:21,760 All right, let's see a little hustle there, guys. 148 00:07:21,800 --> 00:07:24,500 An away mission is only routineuntil it isn't. 149 00:07:24,550 --> 00:07:26,550 Horned gorillas, sentient tar, 150 00:07:26,590 --> 00:07:28,566 spores that make you hook upwith your best friend's sister... 151 00:07:28,590 --> 00:07:30,420 all disasters I've personally experienced 152 00:07:30,470 --> 00:07:32,600 on missions that should have been a walk in the park. 153 00:07:32,640 --> 00:07:34,210 Mariner, you're late. 154 00:07:34,250 --> 00:07:36,016 Uh, no, I've been here the whole time, you know, 155 00:07:36,040 --> 00:07:38,910 loading stuff, hearing aboutgorillas, uh, spores, et cetera, 156 00:07:38,950 --> 00:07:41,066 that weird story you told usabout your best friend's sister. 157 00:07:41,090 --> 00:07:42,260 Get it together, Mariner. 158 00:07:42,300 --> 00:07:43,586 The captain has us on a strict timetable. 159 00:07:43,610 --> 00:07:45,000 Well, then maybe you could help 160 00:07:45,040 --> 00:07:46,740 instead of whatever you're doingright now. 161 00:07:46,790 --> 00:07:48,530 I am helping. I'm commanding. 162 00:07:48,570 --> 00:07:50,530 You're lucky your phaser accuracy is so high, 163 00:07:50,570 --> 00:07:52,710 or I'd never let you beam off this ship. 164 00:07:52,750 --> 00:07:54,840 We wouldn't even be going on a mission if the admiral 165 00:07:54,880 --> 00:07:57,580 hadn't downgraded the captain to delivering gifts. 166 00:07:57,620 --> 00:07:59,970 - Come on, let's bail. - No. And roll down those sleeves. 167 00:08:00,020 --> 00:08:01,500 This isn't a barn. 168 00:08:06,540 --> 00:08:07,866 The Gelrakians base their entire social structure 169 00:08:07,890 --> 00:08:09,640 around crystals. 170 00:08:09,680 --> 00:08:12,330 When we land, we must display the honor crystal they gave 171 00:08:12,380 --> 00:08:14,860 to the first contact team to show that we come in peace. 172 00:08:14,900 --> 00:08:16,380 I should've tried that with my ex. 173 00:08:16,420 --> 00:08:17,820 Yeah. 174 00:08:19,650 --> 00:08:21,910 I'm picking up an increase in atmospheric hydromounds. 175 00:08:21,950 --> 00:08:23,260 Yeah, they're called clouds, man. 176 00:08:23,300 --> 00:08:24,910 Just to be safe, I'll disengage autopilot 177 00:08:24,960 --> 00:08:26,480 and land her manually. 178 00:08:26,520 --> 00:08:28,066 That's literally what the autopilot's for. 179 00:08:28,090 --> 00:08:29,740 It's a automatic pilot. 180 00:08:37,970 --> 00:08:39,320 Perfect landing, sir. 181 00:08:39,360 --> 00:08:41,190 Not even my best work, to be honest. 182 00:08:41,230 --> 00:08:43,606 - We could've just beamed down. - I didn't catch that, Mariner. 183 00:08:43,630 --> 00:08:45,776 Uh, yeah I just said we should get going, clock is ticking. 184 00:08:45,800 --> 00:08:47,370 Uh, productivity and et cetera. 185 00:08:47,410 --> 00:08:49,410 We'll go when I give the order. 186 00:08:50,550 --> 00:08:53,370 Let's roll. 187 00:08:59,550 --> 00:09:02,300 Greetings. It is an honor to... 188 00:09:02,340 --> 00:09:05,080 Ensign Vendome, the honor crystal. 189 00:09:07,650 --> 00:09:10,300 - This isn't crystals. - He's got wood. He's got wood! 190 00:09:10,350 --> 00:09:11,676 Uh-oh, that doesn't sound peaceful. 191 00:09:11,700 --> 00:09:13,026 - Uh, uh... - Where's the crystal, Vendome? 192 00:09:13,050 --> 00:09:14,610 Sir, I loaded the wrong case. 193 00:09:14,660 --> 00:09:16,880 This is a fertility totem meant for Mavok Prime. 194 00:09:16,920 --> 00:09:18,440 I-I was rushing to finish my tasks. 195 00:09:18,490 --> 00:09:20,140 You dare insult us 196 00:09:20,180 --> 00:09:23,970 with this perverted woodensex charm of our sworn enemies? 197 00:09:24,010 --> 00:09:25,410 This is an act of war. 198 00:09:25,450 --> 00:09:27,630 Starfleet scum! 199 00:09:27,670 --> 00:09:29,980 Vendome! 200 00:09:37,720 --> 00:09:39,680 There's too many of them. Fall back! 201 00:09:39,730 --> 00:09:41,380 Come on. 202 00:09:45,210 --> 00:09:47,186 - Oh, God, I'm gonna die! - We live on a spaceship. 203 00:09:47,210 --> 00:09:49,520 Nobody is dying from a spear wound. 204 00:09:50,610 --> 00:09:51,910 Crystals! 205 00:09:51,950 --> 00:09:54,130 - Oh. Hate when this happens. - Oh! 206 00:09:54,170 --> 00:09:56,130 Let's just stun them and get out of here! 207 00:09:56,180 --> 00:09:58,570 Negative, we just signed them into the Federation. 208 00:09:58,610 --> 00:10:00,530 What this calls for is some classic 209 00:10:00,570 --> 00:10:02,270 Jack Ransom peace brokering. 210 00:10:02,310 --> 00:10:03,440 Are you out of your mind? 211 00:10:03,490 --> 00:10:04,620 Watch and learn. 212 00:10:04,660 --> 00:10:05,970 This is gonna be awesome. 213 00:10:06,010 --> 00:10:08,360 Attention, Gelrakians, I am Commander Jack... 214 00:10:08,410 --> 00:10:10,320 Ooh! 215 00:10:10,360 --> 00:10:12,500 All right, that wasawesome. 216 00:10:12,540 --> 00:10:14,800 Ah, circled by spears. 217 00:10:14,850 --> 00:10:17,150 This is a classic. What am I, Kirk? 218 00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:18,940 Is this the 2260s? All right. 219 00:10:24,250 --> 00:10:27,160 Whoa, oh, hey, hey! 220 00:10:27,210 --> 00:10:28,690 Uh, we got acid here. 221 00:10:28,730 --> 00:10:30,780 Excuse me! 222 00:10:30,820 --> 00:10:33,780 Rutherford. 223 00:10:33,820 --> 00:10:35,210 Aah, Tendi, what the hell? 224 00:10:35,260 --> 00:10:36,350 Can't talk, got to work. 225 00:10:36,390 --> 00:10:37,390 I'm compiling. 226 00:10:37,430 --> 00:10:38,920 What? 227 00:10:38,960 --> 00:10:41,310 The impulse manifold needs to be degaussed again. 228 00:10:41,350 --> 00:10:43,180 I have to assist with a surgery, 229 00:10:43,220 --> 00:10:45,880 and I honestly can't remember which deck sickbay is on! 230 00:10:45,920 --> 00:10:47,710 - Uh, 26? - Is that...? 231 00:10:47,750 --> 00:10:49,490 Do we have that many? 232 00:10:49,530 --> 00:10:50,970 Enter security code. 233 00:10:51,010 --> 00:10:53,450 - I'm waiting, Ensign. - Sorry, Captain. 234 00:10:53,490 --> 00:10:54,890 Something's wrong with the console. 235 00:10:54,930 --> 00:10:57,280 Move! I'll do it myself. 236 00:10:57,320 --> 00:10:59,800 Lieutenant Shaxs, any word from the away team? 237 00:10:59,850 --> 00:11:03,420 Captain, the sensors have picked up Gelrakian ships 238 00:11:03,460 --> 00:11:05,120 approaching off the starboard bow. 239 00:11:05,160 --> 00:11:06,120 What? 240 00:11:06,160 --> 00:11:07,330 On screen. 241 00:11:07,380 --> 00:11:08,940 Are we supposed to be hosting 242 00:11:08,990 --> 00:11:10,250 a welcome dinner or something? 243 00:11:10,290 --> 00:11:12,170 Captain, they're locking phasers. 244 00:11:12,210 --> 00:11:13,470 Really? 245 00:11:13,510 --> 00:11:14,650 Raise shields. 246 00:11:15,950 --> 00:11:17,870 - Shaxs? - I'm trying, Captain. 247 00:11:17,910 --> 00:11:19,650 Something's wrong with the controls. 248 00:11:19,690 --> 00:11:21,610 Ah, stupid controls. 249 00:11:21,650 --> 00:11:24,350 Do I have to run this whole ship myself? 250 00:11:25,740 --> 00:11:26,766 They've launched boarding pods! 251 00:11:26,790 --> 00:11:27,790 Red alert! 252 00:11:31,180 --> 00:11:34,410 Repel all intruders, but do not use it as an excuse 253 00:11:34,450 --> 00:11:35,930 to stop doing what you are doing. 254 00:11:35,970 --> 00:11:37,580 I want to stay on track and on time. 255 00:11:37,630 --> 00:11:39,580 It's called multi-tasking, people. 256 00:11:39,630 --> 00:11:41,850 They do it on the Enterprise all the time. 257 00:11:41,890 --> 00:11:44,046 I don't want to hear anycomplaining, I only want to hear 258 00:11:44,070 --> 00:11:46,351 repelling of intruders andpeople getting their work done! 259 00:11:48,770 --> 00:11:51,330 Swords and spears... how did these guys get on board? 260 00:11:55,080 --> 00:11:57,430 Hey, guy. 261 00:11:57,470 --> 00:11:59,430 Hey, guy? 262 00:11:59,470 --> 00:12:01,316 Hey, guy, is this what you wanted to do with your life? 263 00:12:01,340 --> 00:12:03,536 Just capture people... is thatwhat you dreamt of when you were 264 00:12:03,560 --> 00:12:05,780 a little whatever-you-are? Are you fulfilled by that? 265 00:12:05,830 --> 00:12:07,790 - Yes. - Wow, all right, uh... 266 00:12:07,830 --> 00:12:09,830 well, do you know what, that means you're lame. 267 00:12:09,880 --> 00:12:11,920 - You're a loser. - Hey, keep it down! 268 00:12:11,960 --> 00:12:14,360 I'm writing a speech that will convince them to let us go. 269 00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:17,400 A speech, seriously? Permission to speak freely. 270 00:12:17,450 --> 00:12:18,750 You always speak freely. 271 00:12:18,800 --> 00:12:20,336 Nobody can stop you from speaking freely. 272 00:12:20,360 --> 00:12:21,646 All right, you know what you've got going on? 273 00:12:21,670 --> 00:12:23,630 You have broad shoulders and shiny hair 274 00:12:23,670 --> 00:12:25,850 and you talk a good game, but when it comes to actually 275 00:12:25,890 --> 00:12:28,110 doing the job... the job... you don't have it. 276 00:12:28,150 --> 00:12:31,110 I'm calling bull on your whole thing here, sir. 277 00:12:31,160 --> 00:12:33,480 You're so busy breaking protocolthat you never look ahead. 278 00:12:33,510 --> 00:12:35,486 One of these days you're going to get someone killed, Ensign. 279 00:12:35,510 --> 00:12:36,990 With all due respect, sir, 280 00:12:37,030 --> 00:12:38,746 my friends aren't trapped in an alien prison, 281 00:12:38,770 --> 00:12:40,300 your team is. 282 00:12:40,340 --> 00:12:42,690 That's not myteam, it's ourteam. 283 00:12:42,730 --> 00:12:44,780 But I guess you don't think that way. 284 00:12:44,820 --> 00:12:46,820 Here we go, show time. 285 00:12:46,870 --> 00:12:49,440 We may come from different worlds, 286 00:12:49,480 --> 00:12:52,610 - but on the inside we are all... - Silence, Starfleet! 287 00:12:52,660 --> 00:12:55,880 You are being held responsiblefor the lies of the Federation. 288 00:12:55,920 --> 00:12:58,050 Your trial will be by combat. 289 00:12:58,100 --> 00:12:59,880 Yes, now we're talking! 290 00:12:59,920 --> 00:13:01,800 And by "talking," of course, I mean "fighting." 291 00:13:01,840 --> 00:13:05,190 One of you must face our greatest champion, Vindor. 292 00:13:05,240 --> 00:13:08,450 Usually we start the battle andVindor steps out of the shadows 293 00:13:08,500 --> 00:13:10,500 and it's super intimidating, but he's here, 294 00:13:10,540 --> 00:13:13,550 so I'm just gonna show him to you right now. 295 00:13:13,590 --> 00:13:15,640 Vindor. 296 00:13:15,680 --> 00:13:17,640 If you win, we let you go. 297 00:13:17,680 --> 00:13:20,990 If you lose, you'll be dead and your away team 298 00:13:21,030 --> 00:13:24,040 will be crushed by the adjudication geode. 299 00:13:24,080 --> 00:13:26,000 Crystals! 300 00:13:28,040 --> 00:13:30,610 Okay, I'm looking at a lot of blank faces here. 301 00:13:30,650 --> 00:13:32,920 An adjudication geode is a special type 302 00:13:32,960 --> 00:13:35,456 of constitutional crystal we useto legally smoosh our criminals. 303 00:13:35,480 --> 00:13:37,010 Here is your battle blade. 304 00:13:37,050 --> 00:13:39,660 You have one hour to choose 305 00:13:39,700 --> 00:13:42,180 who gets the honorof being slaughtered by Vindor. 306 00:13:42,230 --> 00:13:44,270 If you can't decide, we will... 307 00:13:44,320 --> 00:13:45,426 - I'll do it! - I'll do it! Give it to me! 308 00:13:45,450 --> 00:13:46,516 - Yo, I touched it first. - Give it, come... 309 00:13:46,540 --> 00:13:47,800 - Tell him! No, me! - No, mine! 310 00:13:47,840 --> 00:13:49,036 You do realize you're fighting over who gets 311 00:13:49,060 --> 00:13:49,930 to be chopped in half by Vindor, right? 312 00:13:49,980 --> 00:13:51,190 - Me, dibs! - No, I said me, 313 00:13:51,240 --> 00:13:52,256 - I touched it first. - Come on. Give it to me. 314 00:13:52,280 --> 00:13:53,720 - Jack Ransom... it's mine! - No! No! 315 00:14:01,070 --> 00:14:03,160 Aah! 316 00:14:03,210 --> 00:14:06,380 Translation... "Bark hugging root smoochers"? 317 00:14:06,430 --> 00:14:08,990 What the heck got these guys so wound up? 318 00:14:09,040 --> 00:14:11,430 Gah, this is totally gonna mess up my schedule. 319 00:14:13,260 --> 00:14:14,650 Don't move, human! 320 00:14:14,690 --> 00:14:15,740 We have you surrounded. 321 00:14:15,780 --> 00:14:17,660 Yeah, but I-I have a phaser. 322 00:14:19,570 --> 00:14:21,180 These guys are lightweights. 323 00:14:21,220 --> 00:14:23,700 This is what the red alert's about? 324 00:14:23,750 --> 00:14:27,140 Captain, I just phasered some Gelrakians? 325 00:14:29,450 --> 00:14:32,020 - Um, hello? - Intruder! 326 00:14:33,670 --> 00:14:35,760 Oh, it's just that huffy ensign. 327 00:14:35,800 --> 00:14:37,150 - Sorry, Brimler. - I'm not huffy. 328 00:14:37,200 --> 00:14:38,540 Why aren't you at your post? 329 00:14:38,590 --> 00:14:39,696 We wouldn't even be in this situation 330 00:14:39,720 --> 00:14:41,290 if you weren't slacking off. 331 00:14:41,330 --> 00:14:42,420 I'm not! 332 00:14:42,460 --> 00:14:45,250 Damn it! We're 15 minutes behind. 333 00:14:45,290 --> 00:14:47,420 Our entire schedule is going to be off for the month. 334 00:14:47,470 --> 00:14:49,430 Wait a minute... clocks, 335 00:14:49,470 --> 00:14:51,690 time, schedules. 336 00:14:51,730 --> 00:14:54,560 You guys are under the strict scheduling, too? 337 00:14:54,600 --> 00:14:56,870 I have to be... I'm manning every station on my own. 338 00:14:56,910 --> 00:14:58,430 What? No, no, no, no, no. 339 00:14:58,480 --> 00:15:00,016 This is all wrong... you're the captain! 340 00:15:00,040 --> 00:15:03,010 I need us working harder and faster and stricter! 341 00:15:03,050 --> 00:15:05,050 Where are you hiding your crystals?! 342 00:15:05,090 --> 00:15:06,660 We don't have any crystals! 343 00:15:06,700 --> 00:15:09,060 I mean we do have dilithium, but we're not giving you those. 344 00:15:12,620 --> 00:15:15,150 Trial by combat is my responsibility. 345 00:15:15,190 --> 00:15:17,800 I'm ranking officer, I'll be fighting Vindor, end of story! 346 00:15:17,840 --> 00:15:19,410 Rank means nothing right now. 347 00:15:19,460 --> 00:15:21,280 Rank means everything always! 348 00:15:21,330 --> 00:15:23,176 You know what, I doget off on breaking protocol. 349 00:15:23,200 --> 00:15:25,510 I'm good at exploring strange new worlds, 350 00:15:25,550 --> 00:15:27,990 solving space mysteries and kicking asses. 351 00:15:28,030 --> 00:15:30,290 Protocol is for people that need to be told what to do, 352 00:15:30,340 --> 00:15:32,340 which I don't. See this bad boy? 353 00:15:32,380 --> 00:15:33,690 Tentacle guy, bunch of arms. 354 00:15:33,730 --> 00:15:35,340 Stabbed me with a barnacle blade. 355 00:15:35,390 --> 00:15:38,780 Check it out... Magus III, Nanibia Prime, Scottsdale. 356 00:15:38,820 --> 00:15:40,000 That was a mess. 357 00:15:40,040 --> 00:15:42,570 I earned every one in high-concept fights 358 00:15:42,610 --> 00:15:43,700 just like this one. 359 00:15:43,740 --> 00:15:45,130 So? What do you got? 360 00:15:45,180 --> 00:15:47,246 - Let me see your scars. - You know I don't have any. 361 00:15:47,270 --> 00:15:48,830 Because you play it safe. 362 00:15:48,880 --> 00:15:51,230 You said it... that's ourteam under that geode. 363 00:15:51,270 --> 00:15:54,060 Let me do what I'm good at, let me save them. 364 00:15:54,100 --> 00:15:57,020 Sometimes you have to do what's wrong to survive. 365 00:15:57,060 --> 00:15:58,500 You're right. 366 00:16:00,580 --> 00:16:03,240 What the?! Ah, God, oh! 367 00:16:03,280 --> 00:16:05,760 You stabbed me in the foot with a battle blade! 368 00:16:05,810 --> 00:16:08,160 I'd rather die than let you put your life on the line. 369 00:16:08,200 --> 00:16:09,550 Oh, you are such a psycho! 370 00:16:09,590 --> 00:16:10,640 What are you doing? 371 00:16:10,680 --> 00:16:12,200 Ow! Why? 372 00:16:12,250 --> 00:16:14,210 I'm the first officer of a Federation starship, 373 00:16:14,250 --> 00:16:15,690 and your commander. 374 00:16:15,730 --> 00:16:18,080 And nobody crushes my team. 375 00:16:18,120 --> 00:16:19,650 Let's do this! 376 00:16:19,690 --> 00:16:22,340 Vindor! Vindor! 377 00:16:22,390 --> 00:16:24,090 Vindor! Vindor! 378 00:16:24,130 --> 00:16:25,780 Vindor! 379 00:16:29,000 --> 00:16:30,830 - Vindor? - Come on, big guy. 380 00:16:30,880 --> 00:16:34,010 I only need my hands for this one. 381 00:16:42,450 --> 00:16:43,890 Ha-ha-ha! Yah! 382 00:16:45,890 --> 00:16:47,980 Ha-ha! 383 00:16:48,020 --> 00:16:49,810 - Double-fist punch! - Oh! 384 00:16:53,070 --> 00:16:55,200 Whoa, that was actually kind of hot. 385 00:16:55,250 --> 00:16:57,160 Ugh! Get it together, Mariner, get it together. 386 00:16:57,210 --> 00:16:59,030 You are notinto this. Come on. 387 00:17:07,560 --> 00:17:09,400 Let's see how much those Federation wood lovers 388 00:17:09,440 --> 00:17:11,960 like our crystal graffiti. Ha-ha-ha! 389 00:17:15,440 --> 00:17:17,180 I-I need to get back to comms. 390 00:17:17,230 --> 00:17:18,970 - Captain, listen to me... - Don't touch me! 391 00:17:19,010 --> 00:17:21,490 This is all my fault, thinking I belong at a peace summit 392 00:17:21,530 --> 00:17:23,280 when I can't even keep my own ship together. 393 00:17:23,320 --> 00:17:24,776 What? Captain, no. You did nothing wrong. 394 00:17:24,800 --> 00:17:26,240 Your schedules, your rules... 395 00:17:26,280 --> 00:17:28,020 this has been the greatest week of my life. 396 00:17:28,060 --> 00:17:29,346 You run the tightest ship in Starfleet. 397 00:17:29,370 --> 00:17:30,940 Captain, we need to act now! 398 00:17:30,980 --> 00:17:33,110 "Tightest ship." Then why is it falling apart? 399 00:17:33,150 --> 00:17:34,770 Because not everyone is a Boimler. 400 00:17:34,810 --> 00:17:36,770 This crew has their limits. They're only human. 401 00:17:36,810 --> 00:17:38,460 Well, and Vulcan. And Orion. 402 00:17:38,510 --> 00:17:40,120 There's that Benzite guy in Tactical... 403 00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:41,990 Damn it, man! If you're trying to inspire 404 00:17:42,030 --> 00:17:44,170 some sort of resolution, then inspire it now! 405 00:17:44,210 --> 00:17:46,650 Ugh, it kills me to say this, but for the good of the ship 406 00:17:46,690 --> 00:17:48,300 we have to... loosen up. 407 00:17:48,340 --> 00:17:50,520 Loosen up? But then we're right back to buffer time. 408 00:17:50,560 --> 00:17:52,390 Yes, when people could do whatever they had to 409 00:17:52,440 --> 00:17:53,780 to get the job done. 410 00:17:53,830 --> 00:17:57,220 You're a great captain. Let them be a great crew. 411 00:17:57,270 --> 00:17:58,660 You're... you're right! 412 00:17:58,700 --> 00:18:00,700 I ama great captain! 413 00:18:03,140 --> 00:18:05,100 As of now, 414 00:18:05,140 --> 00:18:08,450 I am authorizing all crew to break any rule, 415 00:18:08,490 --> 00:18:11,840 abandon any protocol, and cut any corner to defend 416 00:18:11,890 --> 00:18:13,280 theCerritos. 417 00:18:13,320 --> 00:18:14,890 You are Starfleet... 418 00:18:14,940 --> 00:18:18,240 Do what you have to do to take back this ship. 419 00:18:18,290 --> 00:18:19,290 Buffer time! 420 00:18:31,000 --> 00:18:32,950 I demand 421 00:18:33,000 --> 00:18:34,520 a peaceful negotiation. Yah! 422 00:18:34,560 --> 00:18:36,610 I respect your sovereignty. 423 00:18:36,650 --> 00:18:38,790 Mm, so ethical. 424 00:18:46,010 --> 00:18:47,140 Interlocked hands! 425 00:18:47,190 --> 00:18:48,580 Stop! Stop! I submit! 426 00:18:48,620 --> 00:18:50,620 I thought you only said "Vindor." 427 00:18:50,670 --> 00:18:52,840 It's so the other guys think I'm strong and dumb. 428 00:18:52,890 --> 00:18:55,020 But I'm not. I love to read! 429 00:18:55,060 --> 00:18:58,540 Well, all right, you're free, you're all free. 430 00:18:58,590 --> 00:19:00,500 Everybody's free. 431 00:19:02,590 --> 00:19:04,720 Whoo-whoo! Starfleet! 432 00:19:04,770 --> 00:19:07,070 Oh, I see how it is... you're gonna stab me, but then 433 00:19:07,120 --> 00:19:08,966 you don't stab Vindor? What are your priorities, Ransom? 434 00:19:08,990 --> 00:19:10,250 I ju... Whoa! 435 00:19:10,290 --> 00:19:12,120 We got to stop doing trial by combat, 436 00:19:12,170 --> 00:19:14,210 or we'll never get to use the geode. 437 00:19:14,260 --> 00:19:16,560 How about a regular trial, with a judge? 438 00:19:16,610 --> 00:19:18,220 And instead of the geode... 439 00:19:18,260 --> 00:19:19,960 Oh! We could do a death race! 440 00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:22,050 Start building a crystal car! 441 00:19:23,310 --> 00:19:24,610 Crystals. 442 00:19:28,620 --> 00:19:30,270 Ha-ha! 443 00:19:32,930 --> 00:19:34,190 Ooh! 444 00:19:37,190 --> 00:19:39,240 Oh! 445 00:20:02,520 --> 00:20:05,480 Hey, sorry about the whole "invading your ship" thing. 446 00:20:05,520 --> 00:20:07,920 You know? Very un-crystal-like of us. 447 00:20:07,960 --> 00:20:10,090 Don't worry about it. I'd rather be here with you 448 00:20:10,140 --> 00:20:12,310 than with those freaks on Mavok Prime. 449 00:20:12,360 --> 00:20:14,320 Wood-worshiping freaks, right? 450 00:20:14,360 --> 00:20:16,270 Come on. 451 00:20:16,320 --> 00:20:18,880 You'll be fine. 452 00:20:18,930 --> 00:20:20,930 Want me to clean up those disgusting scars? 453 00:20:20,970 --> 00:20:23,280 Uh, no way. No. These are my trophies. 454 00:20:23,320 --> 00:20:26,280 Congratulations, you look like a scratching post. 455 00:20:26,330 --> 00:20:27,940 - Mariner. - Commander. 456 00:20:27,980 --> 00:20:29,820 I would appreciate it if you give me a heads-up 457 00:20:29,850 --> 00:20:32,096 before you file your report. It would give me some extra time 458 00:20:32,120 --> 00:20:34,210 to pack up my free weights... there's a ton of 'em. 459 00:20:34,250 --> 00:20:36,550 - What report? - For stabbing you with a battle blade. 460 00:20:36,600 --> 00:20:38,210 That's a guaranteed court-martial. 461 00:20:38,250 --> 00:20:40,300 I am not filing a report, actually. 462 00:20:40,340 --> 00:20:42,340 But... I thought you hated me. 463 00:20:42,390 --> 00:20:44,080 You talk about yourself a little too much, 464 00:20:44,130 --> 00:20:45,740 but stabbing me, breaking protocol... 465 00:20:45,780 --> 00:20:47,480 that was actually pretty cool. 466 00:20:47,520 --> 00:20:49,740 Sometimes I forget what Starfleet's all about, 467 00:20:49,790 --> 00:20:51,960 and today you reminded me. 468 00:20:52,010 --> 00:20:54,310 Plus, this is gonna make a good scar. 469 00:20:55,490 --> 00:20:57,270 A great scar. 470 00:20:58,710 --> 00:21:01,140 - Take her away, boys! - W-Wait, what? Why? 471 00:21:01,190 --> 00:21:02,776 Because you ignored me when I ordered you 472 00:21:02,800 --> 00:21:04,760 to roll down your sleeves. They're against code. 473 00:21:04,800 --> 00:21:07,060 The sleeve thing? You're an idiot. 474 00:21:07,110 --> 00:21:09,890 You just earned an extra day in the brig! 475 00:21:09,940 --> 00:21:12,070 Joke's on you, man... I love the brig! 476 00:21:12,110 --> 00:21:14,680 I'm going to my favorite place! 477 00:21:14,720 --> 00:21:18,030 Next time, I'm gonnalet somebody kill you. 478 00:21:18,070 --> 00:21:20,080 I'm gonna dance in your blood! 479 00:21:20,120 --> 00:21:23,430 Okay. That was kind of hot. 480 00:21:24,520 --> 00:21:26,480 Come. 481 00:21:26,520 --> 00:21:29,040 You wanted to see me, Captain?-It took the eyes of a child 482 00:21:29,090 --> 00:21:31,520 to see what we were blind to today, Boimler. 483 00:21:31,570 --> 00:21:33,660 If it wasn't for you, we would still be following 484 00:21:33,700 --> 00:21:35,270 every little rule in the book. 485 00:21:35,310 --> 00:21:36,676 Wait, is that bad? 'Cause I loverules. 486 00:21:36,700 --> 00:21:38,440 We're instituting a new ship-wide mandate, 487 00:21:38,490 --> 00:21:41,050 and we're calling it the "Boimler Effect." 488 00:21:41,100 --> 00:21:42,750 Really? I-I'm honored. 489 00:21:42,790 --> 00:21:44,540 You should be. The Boimler Effect is about 490 00:21:44,580 --> 00:21:46,360 encouraging shortcuts and preventing people 491 00:21:46,410 --> 00:21:48,320 from just blindly following the rules. 492 00:21:48,370 --> 00:21:50,460 From now on, the crew can build in buffer time 493 00:21:50,500 --> 00:21:51,760 whenever they deem fit. 494 00:21:51,800 --> 00:21:53,460 Congratulations. Dismissed. 495 00:21:53,500 --> 00:21:55,810 Oh. Well, hey, how about we add a little thing 496 00:21:55,850 --> 00:21:58,030 about how important it is to blindly followrules? 497 00:21:58,070 --> 00:22:00,290 If my name is going to be associated with... 498 00:22:00,330 --> 00:22:02,690 No, the Boimler Effect isliterally the opposite of that. 499 00:22:02,730 --> 00:22:05,380 But I don't know, I don't know how I feel about that, and... 500 00:22:05,430 --> 00:22:07,990 I-Is it in ink? Is it already in the system? Is it... 501 00:22:08,040 --> 00:22:09,780 Wow, it's on a plaque. 502 00:22:09,820 --> 00:22:12,560 Get back to your stationand do whatever youdeem right. 503 00:22:14,610 --> 00:22:17,260 I get a whole rule named after me, 504 00:22:17,310 --> 00:22:19,350 and it's all about notfollowing rules. 505 00:22:19,400 --> 00:22:20,960 Don't worry about it, man. 506 00:22:21,010 --> 00:22:23,400 They're always making upnew rules no one ever remembers. 507 00:22:23,450 --> 00:22:25,270 I'm sure this one will fade, too. 508 00:22:25,320 --> 00:22:26,906 Yeah, this isn't something to worry about. 509 00:22:26,930 --> 00:22:28,360 No one will remember. 510 00:22:29,670 --> 00:22:31,670 Which is why 511 00:22:31,710 --> 00:22:34,930 the Boimler Effect issomething we will never forget. 512 00:22:34,980 --> 00:22:36,630 So named after the laziest, 513 00:22:36,680 --> 00:22:39,500 most corner-cutting officer in Starfleet history, 514 00:22:39,550 --> 00:22:41,380 Brad Boimler, 515 00:22:41,420 --> 00:22:44,680 seen here with one of the great birds of the galaxy. 516 00:22:44,730 --> 00:22:47,640 Anyway, let's move onto somebody even more important, 517 00:22:47,690 --> 00:22:51,040 perhaps the most important person in Starfleet history, 518 00:22:51,080 --> 00:22:53,910 Chief Miles O'Brien. 519 00:23:34,300 --> 00:23:37,300 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org 520 00:24:23,480 --> 00:24:24,480 Chirp.