1
00:00:21,456 --> 00:00:23,719
Oh, God, Oh, God.
Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no.
2
00:00:23,762 --> 00:00:26,200
This is bad. This is very bad.
I'm not supposed to be here.
3
00:00:26,243 --> 00:00:28,071
I have a pottery class at 0900!
4
00:00:28,115 --> 00:00:30,073
Hey, just calm down.
We don't know what this is.
5
00:00:30,117 --> 00:00:33,033
Are you kidding me?! Creepy
stone walls, jagged metal bars.
6
00:00:33,076 --> 00:00:35,426
This has alien prison
written all over it.
7
00:00:35,470 --> 00:00:36,645
A prison?
Nah. No way, man.
8
00:00:36,688 --> 00:00:39,082
This is a dungeon.
That's even worse!
9
00:00:39,126 --> 00:00:41,824
Hello? Can someone give us
some context in here, please?
10
00:00:41,867 --> 00:00:44,609
A dungeon?! But we
didn't do anything. Did we?
11
00:00:44,653 --> 00:00:45,871
Oh.
12
00:00:45,915 --> 00:00:47,960
I've been replicating
a lot of ice.
13
00:00:48,004 --> 00:00:49,092
Are we not supposed to do that?
14
00:00:49,136 --> 00:00:50,354
I really like ice.
15
00:00:50,398 --> 00:00:51,529
I saw the captain
and the bridge crew
16
00:00:51,573 --> 00:00:52,748
get taken into another room.
17
00:00:52,791 --> 00:00:54,750
What if they
were replicating ice, too?!
18
00:00:54,793 --> 00:00:56,491
Guys, this is basically a resort
19
00:00:56,534 --> 00:00:58,014
compared to what
the Klingons do to you.
20
00:00:58,058 --> 00:00:59,407
I'm sure it's not a big...
21
00:01:03,585 --> 00:01:05,587
♪
22
00:01:22,995 --> 00:01:24,997
♪
23
00:01:59,380 --> 00:02:01,382
♪
24
00:02:23,882 --> 00:02:25,884
Uh, hi?
Oh, man,
25
00:02:25,928 --> 00:02:27,625
they have all of our commanders
suspended in a beam!
26
00:02:29,192 --> 00:02:31,325
They must be on trial.
For what?
27
00:02:34,197 --> 00:02:36,721
Fellow Primes!
28
00:02:36,765 --> 00:02:40,072
These Federation witnesses
have been brought before you
29
00:02:40,116 --> 00:02:41,683
to speak truth
30
00:02:41,726 --> 00:02:43,554
about the senior officers
31
00:02:43,598 --> 00:02:47,254
of the Federation starship
Cerritos.
32
00:02:49,299 --> 00:02:50,866
I-I didn't witness anything.
Did you?
33
00:02:50,909 --> 00:02:52,041
I don't know. What's the
difference between witnessing
34
00:02:52,084 --> 00:02:53,347
and just lookin' at something?
35
00:02:53,390 --> 00:02:56,872
You will speak only
into the Horn of Candor!
36
00:02:59,135 --> 00:03:02,182
With this horn,
one of our most sacred horns,
37
00:03:02,225 --> 00:03:05,141
you must only speak the truth.
38
00:03:05,185 --> 00:03:06,621
Happy to be here.
39
00:03:06,664 --> 00:03:07,970
I-I don't even know
what we're supposed
40
00:03:08,013 --> 00:03:09,232
to be telling the truth about.
41
00:03:09,276 --> 00:03:12,104
The first to give testimony
will be
42
00:03:12,148 --> 00:03:14,803
Ensign Beckett Mariner.
43
00:03:14,846 --> 00:03:16,979
Ship logs state
you were present on the bridge
44
00:03:17,022 --> 00:03:19,982
when the Cerritos made contact
with the Clicket ship Tweerk
45
00:03:20,025 --> 00:03:24,291
on Stardate 57818.4.
46
00:03:24,334 --> 00:03:27,424
Uh, I was, but I don't know
what you want me to...
47
00:03:27,468 --> 00:03:29,905
Tell us of those wondrous events!
48
00:03:29,948 --> 00:03:32,473
Okay. It started off
as a usual day.
49
00:03:32,516 --> 00:03:35,084
We were just hanging out.
I mean, we were just doing work
50
00:03:35,127 --> 00:03:36,520
in the repair bay.
51
00:03:36,564 --> 00:03:39,175
Roga Danar?
Are you nuts?
52
00:03:39,219 --> 00:03:41,482
I said "Who's
the all-time biggest badass?"
53
00:03:41,525 --> 00:03:43,266
Not "Who's a dude
nobody's heard about?"
54
00:03:43,310 --> 00:03:45,007
Uh, everyone knows Roga Danar.
55
00:03:45,050 --> 00:03:47,270
No, they don't.
He totally outsmarted Picard,
56
00:03:47,314 --> 00:03:48,576
and he has amazing hair!
57
00:03:48,619 --> 00:03:50,404
Well, what about Khan, right?
58
00:03:50,447 --> 00:03:52,928
Khan was a genetically
engineered supervillain!
59
00:03:52,971 --> 00:03:54,669
Dude was a space seed.
60
00:03:54,712 --> 00:03:56,323
Ooh, ooh, pause for a second.
I want to talk about Khan
61
00:03:56,366 --> 00:03:58,412
and that thicc, thicc chest,
but I got to pee.
62
00:03:58,455 --> 00:04:00,762
Roga Danar.
63
00:04:00,805 --> 00:04:02,764
Get the fuck out of my face.
64
00:04:02,807 --> 00:04:04,418
Guys, the ship's at red alert.
65
00:04:04,461 --> 00:04:05,462
Uh, no, it isn't.
66
00:04:05,506 --> 00:04:06,855
Yeah, that's impossible.
67
00:04:06,898 --> 00:04:08,944
I messed with our speakers
so they'd be extra loud
68
00:04:08,987 --> 00:04:10,511
during a red alert.
We'd know for sure.
69
00:04:10,554 --> 00:04:13,688
You messed
with the red alert speakers?
70
00:04:17,561 --> 00:04:19,476
Uh, it's, like, red alert
everywhere except here!
71
00:04:19,520 --> 00:04:20,912
Rutherford!
Aw, man.
72
00:04:20,956 --> 00:04:22,697
Oh, we're gonna get
in such big trouble for this.
73
00:04:22,740 --> 00:04:23,959
We have to get to our stations!
74
00:04:25,526 --> 00:04:27,571
Gah, why did we have
to have bridge duty today?
75
00:04:27,615 --> 00:04:28,920
We're gonna walk in
and everyone's gonna be
76
00:04:28,964 --> 00:04:31,009
lookin' at us.
No, they won't. Just chill.
77
00:04:31,053 --> 00:04:32,576
Okay, we'll just explain what
happened and why we're late.
78
00:04:32,620 --> 00:04:33,838
It'll-it'll be fine.
79
00:04:33,882 --> 00:04:35,187
You want Rutherford fired?
No.
80
00:04:35,231 --> 00:04:36,580
Just follow my lead, all right?
We'll fake it.
81
00:04:36,624 --> 00:04:38,147
Fake what?!
It!
82
00:04:38,190 --> 00:04:39,279
I'm not faking on the bridge.
83
00:04:39,322 --> 00:04:40,671
That's insane!
84
00:04:40,715 --> 00:04:41,629
The captain already knows
what she wants you to do,
85
00:04:41,672 --> 00:04:43,021
so just nod and agree with her,
86
00:04:43,065 --> 00:04:44,545
or we'll all end up
getting kicked off the ship
87
00:04:44,588 --> 00:04:45,850
and then we'll have
to live on Earth,
88
00:04:45,894 --> 00:04:47,243
where there's nothing to do
except drink wine
89
00:04:47,287 --> 00:04:49,158
and hang out at vineyards
and soul food restaurants!
90
00:04:51,378 --> 00:04:53,467
Ugh, these guys are maniacs.
91
00:04:53,510 --> 00:04:54,816
Captain, what happened?
92
00:04:54,859 --> 00:04:57,340
They just randomly attacked me
for thanking them.
93
00:04:57,384 --> 00:05:00,517
This injustice will not stand.
94
00:05:00,561 --> 00:05:02,563
We gave you the map,
and now you turn on us?!
95
00:05:02,606 --> 00:05:05,217
Captain, this is all
a misunderstanding.
96
00:05:05,261 --> 00:05:08,699
I simply showed gratitude for
your map of the Neutral Zone.
97
00:05:08,743 --> 00:05:10,484
Gratitude?!
How dare you!
98
00:05:10,527 --> 00:05:11,659
Who is this guy?
Who cares, man?
99
00:05:11,702 --> 00:05:12,834
Bug alien.
Roll with it.
100
00:05:12,877 --> 00:05:14,357
I meant no offense.
101
00:05:14,401 --> 00:05:16,359
I think your people have
a different definition
102
00:05:16,403 --> 00:05:17,360
of "gratitude."
103
00:05:17,404 --> 00:05:19,449
Give us back the map!
104
00:05:19,493 --> 00:05:21,886
Ugh, this guy is really buggin'!
105
00:05:21,930 --> 00:05:23,366
Mariner, what do you think?
106
00:05:23,410 --> 00:05:25,281
I think you know exactly how
to handle this, Captain.
107
00:05:25,325 --> 00:05:26,761
You're right about that.
108
00:05:26,804 --> 00:05:28,937
Ensign Boimler, I want options.
109
00:05:28,980 --> 00:05:30,939
Uh, about the... this alien guy?
110
00:05:30,982 --> 00:05:32,332
Yes. Obviously.
111
00:05:32,375 --> 00:05:34,899
Uh, what specifically do
you wish to know?
112
00:05:34,943 --> 00:05:36,336
Aw, come on, man!
113
00:05:36,379 --> 00:05:38,381
This is your chance to prove
you got what it takes!
114
00:05:38,425 --> 00:05:40,470
Oh! Well,
I-I don't know, uh, who, uh...
115
00:05:40,514 --> 00:05:41,471
Well, the truth is...
116
00:05:41,515 --> 00:05:42,994
Uh, I think we should do,
117
00:05:43,038 --> 00:05:45,475
uh, what you want to do, Cap'n.
118
00:05:45,519 --> 00:05:46,520
Cap'n's choice.
119
00:05:46,563 --> 00:05:48,870
I'm not asking you to kiss my ass.
120
00:05:48,913 --> 00:05:50,567
Come on.
No wrong answers.
121
00:05:50,611 --> 00:05:52,787
Uh, okay.
We could do evasive maneuver
122
00:05:52,830 --> 00:05:53,788
eighty...
123
00:05:53,831 --> 00:05:55,746
eight...?
124
00:05:55,790 --> 00:05:57,487
Is he fucking serious?
125
00:05:57,531 --> 00:05:58,749
That was the wrong answer!
126
00:05:58,793 --> 00:06:00,447
I meant 84.
In this situation?
127
00:06:00,490 --> 00:06:02,144
Are you crazy?
Mariner!
128
00:06:02,187 --> 00:06:03,537
Have you
not been paying attention?
129
00:06:03,580 --> 00:06:04,799
That could get us killed.
130
00:06:04,842 --> 00:06:06,366
No, no, no, no.
I was kidding.
131
00:06:06,409 --> 00:06:09,673
Let's just... Let's use the
impulse drive to... Crazy Ivan.
132
00:06:09,717 --> 00:06:12,110
Ugh! Who the hell is he talking about?
What in the world is that?!
133
00:06:12,154 --> 00:06:14,112
What? That's insane.
But-but-but-but...
134
00:06:14,156 --> 00:06:15,984
Son, you're embarrassing yourself.
135
00:06:16,027 --> 00:06:18,290
You got a lot to learn.
Mariner,
136
00:06:18,334 --> 00:06:20,902
why don't you send
our friends a message.
137
00:06:20,945 --> 00:06:22,730
Good call, Captain.
138
00:06:25,341 --> 00:06:26,951
What?! Are you insane?!
What the hell are you doing?!
139
00:06:26,995 --> 00:06:28,823
You said "Send them a message."
That means phasers!
140
00:06:28,866 --> 00:06:30,868
It means to send them a message
to invite them to dinner!
141
00:06:30,912 --> 00:06:32,130
No, it doesn't!
142
00:06:32,174 --> 00:06:34,785
Target their bridge!
143
00:06:35,786 --> 00:06:37,222
Stop! Stop!
144
00:06:37,266 --> 00:06:38,528
What are you talking about?!
145
00:06:38,572 --> 00:06:39,964
What? I'm just telling you
what happened.
146
00:06:40,008 --> 00:06:42,445
You expect me to believe
a Starfleet officer
147
00:06:42,489 --> 00:06:44,665
wouldn't know what's going on
with their ship
148
00:06:44,708 --> 00:06:46,275
at all times?!
149
00:06:46,318 --> 00:06:48,233
Look, I'm not proud of it,
but yeah.
150
00:06:48,277 --> 00:06:49,626
What about the map?
151
00:06:49,670 --> 00:06:50,888
Tell me about the map!
152
00:06:50,932 --> 00:06:51,976
Uh, there was a map?
153
00:06:52,020 --> 00:06:53,891
That's the most important part!
154
00:06:53,935 --> 00:06:55,980
Dude, look, I work
on a spaceship, all right?
155
00:06:56,024 --> 00:06:58,896
We don't have maps.
We have stellar cartography.
156
00:06:58,940 --> 00:07:00,550
What is wrong with you?!
157
00:07:00,594 --> 00:07:02,552
Place her in the Tank of Contempt!
158
00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:08,297
Oh! We got eels.
There's eels over here.
159
00:07:08,340 --> 00:07:09,559
Mariner's not lying!
I was there!
160
00:07:09,603 --> 00:07:10,691
We didn't see a map!
161
00:07:13,389 --> 00:07:16,479
Perhaps this is
a misunderstanding.
162
00:07:16,523 --> 00:07:18,481
You may go un-eeled.
163
00:07:18,525 --> 00:07:19,743
For now.
164
00:07:19,787 --> 00:07:22,137
Better luck next time, eels.
165
00:07:22,180 --> 00:07:24,531
Why does this guy care so
much about a map of the Neutral Zone?
166
00:07:24,574 --> 00:07:26,054
Yeah, it's so neutral.
167
00:07:26,097 --> 00:07:27,969
Yeah, like, what would you
even do with a map like that?
168
00:07:28,012 --> 00:07:29,579
I have no idea.
169
00:07:29,623 --> 00:07:31,755
Ensign Samanthan Rutherford,
170
00:07:31,799 --> 00:07:33,496
perhaps you can illuminate me more
171
00:07:33,540 --> 00:07:35,629
than your unobservant compatriots.
172
00:07:35,672 --> 00:07:37,544
Um, well, I mean,
my cyborg implant
173
00:07:37,587 --> 00:07:39,371
does give me perfect memory.
174
00:07:39,415 --> 00:07:40,764
That will be of great use!
175
00:07:40,808 --> 00:07:46,509
Tell me of Stardate 57791.1.
176
00:07:46,553 --> 00:07:49,381
All right.
Stardate 5779, eh... Hey.
177
00:07:49,425 --> 00:07:50,861
Wait, are you sure
you want that one?
178
00:07:50,905 --> 00:07:53,777
Just 'cause I have so many great stardates in here.
179
00:07:53,821 --> 00:07:55,475
Other than that one.
180
00:07:55,518 --> 00:07:56,954
I want the one I said!
181
00:07:56,998 --> 00:07:59,653
Uh, you're not gonna like it.
182
00:07:59,696 --> 00:08:00,654
So, there I was,
183
00:08:00,697 --> 00:08:02,438
rotating the EPS capacitors.
184
00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:03,961
See, they overheat
when you leave them
185
00:08:04,005 --> 00:08:05,485
facing one direction too long.
186
00:08:05,528 --> 00:08:08,226
♪ Rotate, rotate,
rotating all day long ♪
187
00:08:08,270 --> 00:08:09,706
♪ While singing my rotation...
♪ Ah. There he is!
188
00:08:09,750 --> 00:08:11,491
Hey, sirs!
You want to rotate with me?
189
00:08:11,534 --> 00:08:12,709
Maybe sing a little song?
190
00:08:12,753 --> 00:08:14,145
If you heard the one earlier...
191
00:08:14,189 --> 00:08:16,887
No! Does your implant
have Romulan flight manuals
192
00:08:16,931 --> 00:08:18,498
and repair information?
Uh, not right now.
193
00:08:18,541 --> 00:08:20,543
I'd need to update it.
Then do it. Now!
194
00:08:20,587 --> 00:08:23,372
Uh, well, usually I like
to update it while I'm asleep
195
00:08:23,415 --> 00:08:25,026
'cause it kind of messes
with my...
196
00:08:25,069 --> 00:08:27,985
No! Do it now!
You do it right this second!
197
00:08:28,029 --> 00:08:30,292
Okeydokey.
198
00:08:30,335 --> 00:08:31,946
30 seconds until restart.
199
00:08:31,989 --> 00:08:33,948
Is it done yet?!
What? No. It just started.
200
00:08:33,991 --> 00:08:35,515
While we wait, I'll fill you in
on the plan.
201
00:08:35,558 --> 00:08:37,342
Oh, uh, first off:
do you have all your shots?
202
00:08:37,386 --> 00:08:39,736
Wait. Which shots? Like, with needles?
Ten seconds.
203
00:08:39,780 --> 00:08:41,477
Wait, wait, wait.
Hold on. Let me just...
204
00:08:41,521 --> 00:08:43,566
We don't want you getting
Dinobulan flesh-eating bacteria
205
00:08:43,610 --> 00:08:45,525
on your pe...
Hold up just a second. My implant is also...
206
00:08:45,568 --> 00:08:47,614
It'll eat right through your underpants.
My what?!
207
00:08:47,657 --> 00:08:49,354
I've seen it happen.
Terrible way to die.
208
00:08:49,398 --> 00:08:50,921
Restarting Rutherford.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!
209
00:08:50,965 --> 00:08:53,881
Wait, wait, wait.
210
00:08:55,186 --> 00:08:58,276
Whoa. I think I blacked out
211
00:08:58,320 --> 00:09:00,496
and lost a little bit of time
during that update.
212
00:09:00,540 --> 00:09:03,194
Great work nerve-pinching
those Vulcans, baby bear.
213
00:09:03,238 --> 00:09:05,153
Who knew you'd be better
at it than they are?
214
00:09:05,196 --> 00:09:07,285
I did? But I don't know how to nerve-pinch.
Ha!
215
00:09:07,329 --> 00:09:09,374
Tell that to Spock and Spock.
216
00:09:09,418 --> 00:09:10,593
Oh, when my implant was rebooting,
217
00:09:10,637 --> 00:09:12,116
it must have taken control.
218
00:09:12,160 --> 00:09:14,249
We're entering the atmosphere.
Brace for turbulence.
219
00:09:14,292 --> 00:09:16,033
Sirs, you don't understand.
I don't know what's going on.
220
00:09:16,077 --> 00:09:18,862
When we're in the museum, our
window's gonna be really tight.
221
00:09:18,906 --> 00:09:21,082
Museum?
We have to deploy now!
222
00:09:21,125 --> 00:09:23,432
No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
223
00:09:25,913 --> 00:09:28,568
Verifying update. System will
restart in three seconds.
224
00:09:34,399 --> 00:09:37,098
Ah! Romulan Bird-of-Prey?
Quiet!
225
00:09:39,535 --> 00:09:41,668
We don't want
to draw any attention.
226
00:09:41,711 --> 00:09:44,366
From who? What are we doing? What's happening?
Hey!
227
00:09:44,409 --> 00:09:45,759
What are you two doing back here?
228
00:09:45,802 --> 00:09:47,195
You've drawn my attention.
229
00:09:47,238 --> 00:09:48,675
Distract him with the fan dance!
230
00:09:48,718 --> 00:09:51,025
I'm sorry. My what now?
231
00:09:51,068 --> 00:09:54,637
Dance, boy! Dance!
Ooh. Ooh. Yeah.
232
00:09:54,681 --> 00:09:56,204
Feels good, feels right...
233
00:09:56,247 --> 00:09:58,728
Hey! Stop that!
Now you're distracting me!
234
00:09:58,772 --> 00:10:02,036
Right. Right.
235
00:10:02,079 --> 00:10:03,951
I want the regular fan dance!
236
00:10:03,994 --> 00:10:05,126
What are you doing?!
237
00:10:05,169 --> 00:10:06,693
My best.
238
00:10:06,736 --> 00:10:08,825
Verifying download.
239
00:10:11,001 --> 00:10:12,350
Aah! What the heck?!
240
00:10:12,394 --> 00:10:16,267
Hello? How am I standing
in space?
241
00:10:16,311 --> 00:10:19,836
Huh?
242
00:10:19,880 --> 00:10:22,534
Ah.
243
00:10:22,578 --> 00:10:25,102
Cloaked Bird-of-Prey.
Wait. Did I steal this?!
244
00:10:25,146 --> 00:10:26,790
Aah, Mark Twain's got a gun!
Billups!
245
00:10:26,792 --> 00:10:27,888
Oh, man, are you okay?
246
00:10:27,931 --> 00:10:30,412
Tasha, no! The garbage bag's behind you!
Oh, no.
247
00:10:30,455 --> 00:10:32,283
Sir, you have
nitrogen intoxication.
248
00:10:32,327 --> 00:10:33,850
You only have 60 seconds
of air left!
249
00:10:36,897 --> 00:10:39,290
Stop goofing around!
Get in here!
250
00:10:39,334 --> 00:10:40,814
Verifying update.
System restart in ten seconds.
251
00:10:44,339 --> 00:10:46,602
Watch it!
No, no, no, over there!
252
00:10:46,646 --> 00:10:49,736
Stupid... cloaked Bird.
253
00:10:51,738 --> 00:10:53,087
Updating Klingon fonts.
What?!
254
00:10:53,130 --> 00:10:54,566
Why do I even need that?
255
00:10:54,610 --> 00:10:56,090
Watch out for the controls!
256
00:10:56,133 --> 00:10:58,266
They're set to...
257
00:11:05,926 --> 00:11:07,971
Gorn wedding!
258
00:11:10,060 --> 00:11:12,584
Aah! Get me out of here,
implant!
259
00:11:12,628 --> 00:11:14,717
Nice try, Gorns!
260
00:11:19,853 --> 00:11:21,506
It's still the Gorn wedding?
261
00:11:21,550 --> 00:11:24,466
Ouch. Help! Help!
Come on, Gorns, please!
262
00:11:24,509 --> 00:11:25,772
A Gorn wedding?!
263
00:11:25,815 --> 00:11:27,817
How has this become
about a Gorn wedding?!
264
00:11:27,861 --> 00:11:29,471
What are you avoiding?
265
00:11:29,514 --> 00:11:30,864
Look, I'm just telling you
the events
266
00:11:30,907 --> 00:11:33,040
of Stardate 57791.1, all right?
267
00:11:33,083 --> 00:11:34,781
Damn. Rude.
268
00:11:34,824 --> 00:11:38,045
I want details on how
you stole the Bird-of-Prey!
269
00:11:38,088 --> 00:11:39,307
I know, man. Me, too!
270
00:11:39,350 --> 00:11:41,048
Wait. Why would Shaxs
make him steal
271
00:11:41,091 --> 00:11:43,485
some old Bird-of-Prey? What
would they even do with that?
272
00:11:43,528 --> 00:11:46,444
Beats me. I mean,
it could be for anything.
273
00:11:46,488 --> 00:11:48,272
Like, who even knows?
274
00:11:48,316 --> 00:11:50,753
Take him!
275
00:11:50,797 --> 00:11:52,494
Eels?!
276
00:11:52,537 --> 00:11:53,930
Dude, are you not
paying attention?
277
00:11:53,974 --> 00:11:56,106
Hey! Leave them alone!
Oh?
278
00:11:56,150 --> 00:11:57,934
Well, perhaps you,
Ensign D'vana Tendi,
279
00:11:57,978 --> 00:12:01,982
can prove more illuminating.
280
00:12:07,422 --> 00:12:09,337
Oh, I've always wanted
to testify about stuff!
281
00:12:09,380 --> 00:12:10,904
This is so cool!
282
00:12:10,947 --> 00:12:12,340
Hi, everyone!
283
00:12:12,383 --> 00:12:13,776
Don't talk to them!
284
00:12:13,820 --> 00:12:16,387
Have you and Commander Jack Ransom
285
00:12:16,431 --> 00:12:19,042
ever set foot
in the Romulan Neutral Zone?
286
00:12:19,086 --> 00:12:20,783
I can't tell you that.
287
00:12:20,827 --> 00:12:23,307
Oh, come on!
This is an easy one!
288
00:12:23,351 --> 00:12:26,006
Why are you making this
so difficult?
289
00:12:26,049 --> 00:12:28,486
Tendi, just
tell him what he wants!
290
00:12:28,530 --> 00:12:30,880
All right, fine! But this was
a classified mission,
291
00:12:30,924 --> 00:12:32,839
so I'll have
to leave some things out.
292
00:12:32,882 --> 00:12:36,364
I had just been given
a major assignment.
293
00:12:36,407 --> 00:12:38,279
Mariner! Mariner, guess what?
294
00:12:38,322 --> 00:12:39,889
I get to tidy
the conference rooms!
295
00:12:39,933 --> 00:12:41,630
Ah! What should I wear?
296
00:12:41,673 --> 00:12:43,371
Probably just my uniform, right?
297
00:12:43,414 --> 00:12:45,460
Ugh! How are you so excited?
298
00:12:45,503 --> 00:12:47,767
You know you're just gonna be
wiping cat fur off chairs.
299
00:12:47,810 --> 00:12:48,855
Uh, do you know how many
big decisions happen
300
00:12:48,898 --> 00:12:50,160
in those conference rooms?
301
00:12:50,204 --> 00:12:51,466
That's where
they talk about the Borg.
302
00:12:51,509 --> 00:12:52,902
You can talk about the Borg
anywhere.
303
00:12:52,946 --> 00:12:55,252
Yeah, but when you do it
in a conference room,
304
00:12:55,296 --> 00:12:58,168
it becomes a conference.
305
00:12:58,212 --> 00:13:01,432
I never get
to clean the conference room.
306
00:13:03,478 --> 00:13:05,785
Wow.
307
00:13:05,828 --> 00:13:07,525
The captain's chair.
308
00:13:07,569 --> 00:13:09,832
Oh, I'm gonna make you
extra clean. Huh?
309
00:13:09,876 --> 00:13:11,703
Secure the room,
Lieutenant dumb-ass.
310
00:13:11,747 --> 00:13:13,836
Yes, sir.
Okay, stop.
311
00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:16,186
You can't omit details like that!
312
00:13:16,230 --> 00:13:18,754
Yeah, but I already did, so...
313
00:13:18,798 --> 00:13:20,756
Are you so stubborn
314
00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:23,541
that you're willing
to risk death by eels?
315
00:13:23,585 --> 00:13:25,282
Yes, that's correct.
316
00:13:25,326 --> 00:13:27,894
Then continue.
317
00:13:27,937 --> 00:13:30,461
You must be The Cleaner.
318
00:13:30,505 --> 00:13:32,681
Yes, sirree.
And happy to be here.
319
00:13:32,724 --> 00:13:34,944
Glad to have you. This
mission is highly classified.
320
00:13:34,988 --> 00:13:36,511
From here on out, you're
321
00:13:36,554 --> 00:13:38,382
and.
Wow.
322
00:13:38,426 --> 00:13:39,906
All right, everybody,
listen up. I'm serious.
323
00:13:39,949 --> 00:13:41,690
This is important.
If we're captured...
324
00:13:41,733 --> 00:13:43,692
He's glad to have me!
325
00:13:43,735 --> 00:13:46,869
Gosh, it's just so nice
to be recognized for my work.
326
00:13:46,913 --> 00:13:48,903
And cleaning the
conference room is important.
327
00:13:48,905 --> 00:13:49,567
I knew it.
328
00:13:49,611 --> 00:13:51,221
Wait, I should be
paying attention.
329
00:13:51,265 --> 00:13:53,397
This is why we got
matching tattoos.
330
00:13:53,441 --> 00:13:54,921
10-4.
Lock and load.
331
00:13:54,964 --> 00:13:56,792
We're for life.
332
00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:58,359
Check out this map.
It's gonna lead us
333
00:13:58,402 --> 00:14:00,883
straight into the Neutral Z...
...one.
334
00:14:00,927 --> 00:14:02,363
The Neutral what, now?
335
00:14:02,406 --> 00:14:03,712
The package is located here.
336
00:14:03,755 --> 00:14:06,367
Guards are stationed
here and here on weekends.
337
00:14:06,410 --> 00:14:09,152
If we run into trouble,
Cleaner will extract us.
338
00:14:09,196 --> 00:14:11,154
Let's fuck this piece of shit up!
339
00:14:13,591 --> 00:14:14,984
Yeah...
340
00:14:15,028 --> 00:14:18,074
Phaser rifles.
341
00:14:18,118 --> 00:14:20,381
Oh, snap!
That's the ship from my story!
342
00:14:20,424 --> 00:14:22,209
I knew I should have made it clear
343
00:14:22,252 --> 00:14:23,558
that I wasn't supposed
to be there,
344
00:14:23,601 --> 00:14:25,734
but every time I was about to...
345
00:14:25,777 --> 00:14:28,041
So, here is a very funny thing.
346
00:14:28,084 --> 00:14:31,740
Um, I think that there was
a misunderstanding,
347
00:14:31,783 --> 00:14:34,438
and I...
Everyone quiet! They're scanning the area.
348
00:14:37,964 --> 00:14:39,704
Ah...
That was close.
349
00:14:39,748 --> 00:14:41,358
We're lucky we have this
Bird-of-Prey, or we'd be toast.
350
00:14:41,402 --> 00:14:42,794
Uh, but what I was saying was...
351
00:14:42,838 --> 00:14:44,622
Shh! They're scanning again.
352
00:14:46,929 --> 00:14:48,844
They stopped scanning.
Cleaner, what was that?
353
00:14:48,888 --> 00:14:52,108
What I was saying was...
Oh, no, they're scanning!
354
00:14:52,152 --> 00:14:53,936
Okay, now they're not
scanning anymore.
355
00:14:53,980 --> 00:14:55,633
Anything important... Whoa!
What I was...
356
00:14:55,677 --> 00:14:57,331
Stop! I'm picking up scanning!
357
00:14:57,374 --> 00:14:59,202
Okay, they're done scanning.
Oh, God!
358
00:14:59,246 --> 00:15:00,682
They're scanning again!
359
00:15:00,725 --> 00:15:01,857
No, no. That was on me.
360
00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:03,990
That was wrong. No, I wasn't!
361
00:15:10,387 --> 00:15:12,694
Uh, so, a-about me
being "the cleaner..."
362
00:15:12,737 --> 00:15:15,740
Yeah, yeah. At your age,
it's very impressive.
363
00:15:18,526 --> 00:15:20,832
Comm silence from here on out.
364
00:15:23,270 --> 00:15:25,968
Whoa.
365
00:15:26,012 --> 00:15:28,928
You know who I hate? Remans.
Oh, they're the worst.
366
00:15:28,971 --> 00:15:30,059
Sorry.
367
00:15:31,539 --> 00:15:33,715
Apologizing to the enemy?
368
00:15:33,758 --> 00:15:35,630
That's cold, Cleaner.
You're playing
369
00:15:35,673 --> 00:15:38,154
some real fucked up mind games.
370
00:15:44,987 --> 00:15:46,728
Stay here, cover our six.
Six what?
371
00:15:46,771 --> 00:15:47,947
Copy.
372
00:15:53,474 --> 00:15:54,649
Is that the package?
373
00:15:54,692 --> 00:15:57,217
Cleaner, do your thing!
374
00:15:57,260 --> 00:15:59,001
What's my thing? I have a thing? What's my thing?!
375
00:16:05,051 --> 00:16:07,183
Whoa, I thought she was
just supposed to beam us
376
00:16:07,227 --> 00:16:08,924
out of here.
She was.
377
00:16:08,968 --> 00:16:11,840
I do not know what's going
on here. This is crazy.
378
00:16:12,884 --> 00:16:14,495
Congrats, boys.
379
00:16:14,538 --> 00:16:16,410
The package is safely on board,
380
00:16:16,453 --> 00:16:18,629
and there's no indication
that the Rom...
381
00:16:18,673 --> 00:16:21,023
...ulan high council
detected us.
382
00:16:21,067 --> 00:16:22,503
Yeah!
383
00:16:24,287 --> 00:16:27,116
Too bad we have to deny
this ever happened,
384
00:16:27,160 --> 00:16:29,118
because you were awesome.
385
00:16:30,815 --> 00:16:32,730
You,
386
00:16:32,774 --> 00:16:34,645
you're fuckin' crazy.
387
00:16:40,216 --> 00:16:42,653
This is where Billups sits.
388
00:16:42,697 --> 00:16:43,698
Stop!
389
00:16:43,741 --> 00:16:45,395
You expect me to believe that?
390
00:16:45,439 --> 00:16:47,310
Yes, that is where Billups sits.
391
00:16:47,354 --> 00:16:49,834
You did not do martial arts
392
00:16:49,878 --> 00:16:51,793
on multiple armed guards!
393
00:16:51,836 --> 00:16:54,665
You're right. I didn't.
394
00:16:54,709 --> 00:16:57,755
I tried to be reasonable.
395
00:16:57,799 --> 00:16:59,148
I tried to get to the truth.
396
00:16:59,192 --> 00:17:02,151
Today didn't have to end in eels!
397
00:17:02,195 --> 00:17:05,198
Ignite the burners!
398
00:17:07,243 --> 00:17:08,984
Oh!
399
00:17:09,028 --> 00:17:12,161
Why would you have burners
and eels? It's redundant!
400
00:17:16,470 --> 00:17:20,517
Just tell me about the package.
What was inside the package?
401
00:17:20,561 --> 00:17:23,259
I don't know, but whatever
it was, I'm sure it was great.
402
00:17:25,087 --> 00:17:27,089
I think you're hurting the eels!
403
00:17:27,133 --> 00:17:30,266
This can all be
over if you just tell me
404
00:17:30,310 --> 00:17:31,876
what your bridge crew did!
405
00:17:31,920 --> 00:17:33,269
We can't tell you.
406
00:17:33,313 --> 00:17:35,054
Why? Why?
407
00:17:35,097 --> 00:17:36,359
Because we don't know!
408
00:17:36,403 --> 00:17:37,882
We never know anything!
409
00:17:40,624 --> 00:17:41,756
We're lower decks.
410
00:17:41,799 --> 00:17:43,714
No one ever tells us
what's going on.
411
00:17:43,758 --> 00:17:44,976
We're not important enough
412
00:17:45,020 --> 00:17:46,500
to have anything
to lie to you about.
413
00:17:46,543 --> 00:17:49,068
You're Starfleet.
Surely you must be briefed
414
00:17:49,111 --> 00:17:50,199
on every contingency.
415
00:17:50,243 --> 00:17:52,158
Yeah, I wish.
The senior officers
416
00:17:52,201 --> 00:17:54,029
don't always have time
to keep us up to speed.
417
00:17:54,073 --> 00:17:56,771
Hell, sometimes, they don't
even know what's going on.
418
00:17:56,814 --> 00:17:58,512
Impossible!
419
00:17:58,555 --> 00:18:00,122
Human lies!
420
00:18:00,166 --> 00:18:03,995
You are the best of the best!
421
00:18:04,039 --> 00:18:05,780
Your senior officers
422
00:18:05,823 --> 00:18:08,522
are always in full control!
423
00:18:08,565 --> 00:18:11,438
No, they're not.
They mess up all the time.
424
00:18:11,481 --> 00:18:14,267
Like whenever Q shows up.
425
00:18:14,310 --> 00:18:15,964
Voilà!
426
00:18:17,966 --> 00:18:20,055
Oh, what?
Damn you, Q!
427
00:18:20,099 --> 00:18:24,059
Good luck solving
my little puzzle, mes amis.
428
00:18:24,103 --> 00:18:27,802
Tell me, now, can you prove
that humanity is worth saving?
429
00:18:27,845 --> 00:18:30,413
I think not.
430
00:18:32,198 --> 00:18:34,548
Well, he clearly wants us
431
00:18:34,591 --> 00:18:36,332
to play something.
432
00:18:36,376 --> 00:18:38,639
Ah! It's soccer. Okay.
433
00:18:38,682 --> 00:18:40,945
Oh!
What's humanity all about?
434
00:18:40,989 --> 00:18:42,904
It's puzzle time.
It's puzzle time.
435
00:18:42,947 --> 00:18:46,560
Ugh. Any ideas? Anybody?
Oh!
436
00:18:46,603 --> 00:18:48,257
Or half of Ransom's alien dates
437
00:18:48,301 --> 00:18:49,824
that he doesn't do
any research for.
438
00:18:49,867 --> 00:18:52,305
You are so funny, Mary Anne.
439
00:18:52,348 --> 00:18:54,568
How about we keep this party
going in my quarters?
440
00:18:54,611 --> 00:18:57,136
Hey. Hey, Jack. FYI, you're
hitting on a salt vampire.
441
00:18:57,179 --> 00:18:58,702
Yeah, right. Nice try.
442
00:18:58,746 --> 00:19:00,965
Salt vampires died out
more than a century ago.
443
00:19:01,009 --> 00:19:03,272
All right. Cool, be safe.
Come on, Mary Anne.
444
00:19:03,316 --> 00:19:04,491
Let's get out of here.
445
00:19:04,534 --> 00:19:07,885
I'll give you the tour
of Casa de Ransom.
446
00:19:07,929 --> 00:19:10,018
Salt vampire!
447
00:19:10,061 --> 00:19:12,107
You're making this up.
Nuh-uh.
448
00:19:12,151 --> 00:19:14,283
I read all their logs. They're
stepping in it all the time.
449
00:19:14,327 --> 00:19:16,242
Captain. Captain!
450
00:19:16,285 --> 00:19:18,069
Someone is replacing
everyone on the ship
451
00:19:18,113 --> 00:19:20,202
with imposters
who claim not to know me.
452
00:19:20,246 --> 00:19:21,943
We might be
in a parallel dimension.
453
00:19:21,986 --> 00:19:23,727
And you are?
Uh...
454
00:19:23,771 --> 00:19:26,077
Wait, is this...
is this not the Cerritos?
455
00:19:26,121 --> 00:19:29,342
This is the Alhambra.
Did you get on the wrong ship?
456
00:19:29,385 --> 00:19:32,258
Fuck!
They all look the same!
457
00:19:33,302 --> 00:19:34,999
Who the hell was that?
458
00:19:35,043 --> 00:19:36,871
Why are you doing this to me?
459
00:19:36,914 --> 00:19:38,351
I need you to tell me
460
00:19:38,394 --> 00:19:41,310
that your senior officers
are infallible heroes.
461
00:19:41,354 --> 00:19:43,921
Well, they're not.
And that's okay.
462
00:19:43,965 --> 00:19:45,314
We all joined Starfleet
463
00:19:45,358 --> 00:19:47,316
to dive headfirst
into the unknown.
464
00:19:47,360 --> 00:19:48,665
We're explorers.
465
00:19:48,709 --> 00:19:50,885
Of course we don't always know
what's going on.
466
00:19:50,928 --> 00:19:52,452
Did Picard know about the Borg?
467
00:19:52,495 --> 00:19:55,542
Did Kirk know about
that giant Spock on Phylos?
468
00:19:55,585 --> 00:19:58,022
Did Dr. Crusher know about
that ghost in the lamp thing
469
00:19:58,066 --> 00:19:59,546
from the Scottish planet
that she hooked up with
470
00:19:59,589 --> 00:20:01,069
that one time? That whole thing.
471
00:20:01,112 --> 00:20:03,376
You clearly want us to say
that the captain
472
00:20:03,419 --> 00:20:04,725
and her crew messed up,
473
00:20:04,768 --> 00:20:06,944
but we simply don't have
the full story,
474
00:20:06,988 --> 00:20:08,685
and that's the truth!
475
00:20:08,729 --> 00:20:11,601
Whatever they did, I guarantee
you it was all for good.
476
00:20:11,645 --> 00:20:14,038
You have shown no evidence
that they're guilty of a crime.
477
00:20:14,082 --> 00:20:15,866
In fact, I find you guilty
478
00:20:15,910 --> 00:20:18,913
of trying to take them down
with this sham of a trial!
479
00:20:18,956 --> 00:20:20,219
Drumhead!
480
00:20:22,133 --> 00:20:25,180
Wait, you think this is a trial?
481
00:20:25,224 --> 00:20:26,964
Uh, yes?
482
00:20:27,008 --> 00:20:28,227
It's not?
Yeah, I mean, it's pretty trial-y.
483
00:20:28,270 --> 00:20:29,663
Could someone bring up the lights?
484
00:20:33,232 --> 00:20:34,668
This isn't a trial.
485
00:20:34,711 --> 00:20:37,236
It's a party, for this brave crew
486
00:20:37,279 --> 00:20:39,673
who rescued me from the Romulans.
487
00:20:39,716 --> 00:20:40,891
What?
488
00:20:40,935 --> 00:20:43,329
I was kidnapped by Romulans
489
00:20:43,372 --> 00:20:46,157
and held for over a year
until they saved me.
490
00:20:46,201 --> 00:20:49,726
Imperium Magistrate Clar,
you're safe now, aboard the Cerritos.
491
00:20:49,770 --> 00:20:52,990
Thank you, Captain Freeman.
Thank you.
492
00:20:53,034 --> 00:20:56,342
You must come and celebrate
with me on K'Tuevon Prime.
493
00:20:56,385 --> 00:20:59,780
Your deeds and my victory
will forever be etched
494
00:20:59,823 --> 00:21:03,044
onto our great history stone.
Can't say no to a party.
495
00:21:03,087 --> 00:21:05,438
Oh, great, guess I'll have
to shave my pussy.
496
00:21:05,481 --> 00:21:06,743
Yeah, maybe you should.
497
00:21:08,615 --> 00:21:10,312
What's that about?
498
00:21:10,356 --> 00:21:12,227
I don't know, man.
Something dumb.
499
00:21:14,273 --> 00:21:16,971
This was supposed
to be my special day.
500
00:21:17,014 --> 00:21:18,407
No. No, no, no, no, no.
This is a trial.
501
00:21:18,451 --> 00:21:19,843
You said we were witnesses,
502
00:21:19,887 --> 00:21:22,106
you said we had to testify.
Are you stupid?
503
00:21:22,150 --> 00:21:23,978
How could you think
this was a trial?
504
00:21:24,021 --> 00:21:27,416
Because you've got our bosses
suspended in a scary-ass beam.
505
00:21:27,460 --> 00:21:30,071
That is the beam of celebration!
506
00:21:30,114 --> 00:21:32,465
It is an honor to be in this beam.
507
00:21:32,508 --> 00:21:33,640
Shut up, Billups!
508
00:21:33,683 --> 00:21:35,163
Hey, man, this is not on us.
509
00:21:35,206 --> 00:21:38,122
I mean, all of that chanting,
and the-the metal gavel?
510
00:21:38,166 --> 00:21:39,994
This is, like, alien trial 101.
511
00:21:40,037 --> 00:21:42,736
You raised us up on a platform
into a creepy courtroom.
512
00:21:42,779 --> 00:21:45,304
Creepy? This is one
of our nicest event silos.
513
00:21:45,347 --> 00:21:47,828
I got married here!
Wh... Well, then, who's this judge?
514
00:21:47,871 --> 00:21:50,831
This guy's just been, like,
scowling at us the whole time.
515
00:21:50,874 --> 00:21:53,050
I don't know him.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm just here
516
00:21:53,094 --> 00:21:55,096
to set up for a birthday later
for my little girl.
517
00:21:55,139 --> 00:21:57,403
She's turning 100.
Aw.
518
00:21:57,446 --> 00:22:00,188
Okay, all right, Clar, time's up.
519
00:22:00,231 --> 00:22:02,277
Etchers down.
But-but...
520
00:22:02,321 --> 00:22:04,148
we didn't even get
to do any etching.
521
00:22:04,192 --> 00:22:07,238
No, no, no, no. You only paid
for 22 minutes.
522
00:22:07,282 --> 00:22:08,631
Other people got to etch.
523
00:22:08,675 --> 00:22:10,067
Oh, come on.
524
00:22:10,111 --> 00:22:12,069
But-but wh... Okay, what about,
what about the eels?
525
00:22:12,113 --> 00:22:14,420
You held us in contempt, of eels.
526
00:22:14,463 --> 00:22:16,117
All right, come on.
That's enough.
527
00:22:16,160 --> 00:22:17,336
You dipped us in eels!
You ruined my party!
528
00:22:17,379 --> 00:22:19,163
Those were eels you dipped us in!
529
00:22:19,207 --> 00:22:21,165
You did that! You did it!
You ruined my party!
530
00:22:23,298 --> 00:22:26,780
Today you four almost
got yourselves killed
531
00:22:26,823 --> 00:22:28,521
at a thank-you dinner.
532
00:22:28,564 --> 00:22:30,305
But, the way you stood up
for Starfleet
533
00:22:30,349 --> 00:22:32,002
while you thought you were
staring death in the face
534
00:22:32,046 --> 00:22:34,004
deserves commendation.
535
00:22:34,048 --> 00:22:36,180
I guess.
536
00:22:37,443 --> 00:22:38,879
Going forward,
we'll make an effort
537
00:22:38,922 --> 00:22:40,794
to keep the crew more informed.
538
00:22:40,837 --> 00:22:43,884
The Cerritos will be
synonymous with clarity.
539
00:22:43,927 --> 00:22:46,060
Wait, so then what did
Clar do to get captured
540
00:22:46,103 --> 00:22:48,323
by the Romulans?
I-I missed that part.
541
00:22:48,367 --> 00:22:49,977
Well, it's-it's complicated.
542
00:22:50,020 --> 00:22:52,153
Why did you let him
hurt us with eels
543
00:22:52,196 --> 00:22:54,242
if you knew it wasn't a trial?
544
00:22:54,285 --> 00:22:56,549
We have to honor the local
customs of alien governments.
545
00:22:56,592 --> 00:22:58,115
And can you tell me
who was on that secret team
546
00:22:58,159 --> 00:22:59,334
that infiltrated the Neutral Zone?
547
00:22:59,378 --> 00:23:01,467
Uh, I'm not at liberty to...
548
00:23:01,510 --> 00:23:03,338
And why couldn't you just ask
the Vulcans to borrow
549
00:23:03,382 --> 00:23:04,687
the Bird-of-Prey?
And where did they get it?
550
00:23:04,731 --> 00:23:06,472
And why was that a job
for the Cerritos?
551
00:23:06,515 --> 00:23:08,038
Why couldn't it have just been a job for, like, the
Enterprise,
552
00:23:08,082 --> 00:23:09,736
or...
Okay, you know what? It's classified.
553
00:23:09,779 --> 00:23:11,651
It's all classified. Dismissed!
554
00:23:11,694 --> 00:23:14,349
Hey, everybody, look, we got
Captain Clarity over here.
555
00:23:14,393 --> 00:23:16,090
I said dismissed!
556
00:23:16,133 --> 00:23:19,615
Honestly, this is fine with me.
Knowing things means more work.
557
00:23:19,659 --> 00:23:22,226
Well, I, for one, knew
it was a party the whole time.
558
00:23:22,270 --> 00:23:23,619
Yeah, right, dude.
559
00:23:23,663 --> 00:23:25,273
I did.
Then why were you crying?
560
00:23:25,316 --> 00:23:27,275
I just... i-it was cold in there.
561
00:23:27,318 --> 00:23:29,582
I've got sensitive corneas.
I told you.
562
00:23:31,366 --> 00:23:33,324
I challenge you all to a duel.
563
00:23:33,368 --> 00:23:34,500
Pick your weapons.
564
00:23:34,543 --> 00:23:36,153
I pick the mind.
565
00:23:36,197 --> 00:23:37,285
Get out of here, Q! No.
566
00:23:37,328 --> 00:23:38,765
We are done
with random stuff today.
567
00:23:38,808 --> 00:23:40,810
We're not dealing
with any of your Q bullshit.
568
00:23:40,854 --> 00:23:42,246
Oh, s'il vous plaît, Mariner.
569
00:23:42,290 --> 00:23:44,205
I want to put humanity
to the ultimate test.
570
00:23:44,248 --> 00:23:45,511
Okay, I'm not French. No.
571
00:23:45,554 --> 00:23:47,295
Go find Picard.
Oh, Picard.
572
00:23:47,338 --> 00:23:49,645
He's no fun, he's always
quoting Shakespeare,
573
00:23:49,689 --> 00:23:51,647
he's always making wine.
574
00:25:19,648 --> 00:25:20,649
Chirp.