1 00:00:02,126 --> 00:00:03,268 - It's so nice to be back. 2 00:00:03,368 --> 00:00:05,189 It is a little cramped, but... 3 00:00:05,289 --> 00:00:06,791 [chuckles] It is home. 4 00:00:06,891 --> 00:00:08,872 - Kelvin, stop being everywhere I am! 5 00:00:08,972 --> 00:00:10,554 - You stop being everywhere I am! 6 00:00:10,654 --> 00:00:12,516 - Oh, my gosh, you're so annoying! 7 00:00:12,616 --> 00:00:13,677 Just move! - Whatever. 8 00:00:13,777 --> 00:00:15,718 - Yeah, no one missed having brunch here. 9 00:00:15,818 --> 00:00:16,679 - Ah! - Ah! 10 00:00:16,779 --> 00:00:17,840 - Ah, sorry. I'm sorry. 11 00:00:17,940 --> 00:00:20,683 Ah, I'm just a little on edge because it's Halloween. 12 00:00:20,783 --> 00:00:21,764 - Oh, right. 13 00:00:21,864 --> 00:00:24,046 You're still waiting for Connor to prank you? 14 00:00:24,146 --> 00:00:25,927 - The old Scare-a-Sarah. 15 00:00:26,027 --> 00:00:27,168 - Yeah, every freakin' year, 16 00:00:27,268 --> 00:00:29,731 even though it's not funny anymore, Connor. 17 00:00:29,831 --> 00:00:32,053 - [evil laugh] 18 00:00:32,153 --> 00:00:33,094 - Ah! - Ah! 19 00:00:33,194 --> 00:00:35,796 - [laughs] - Ugh, Connor! 20 00:00:36,436 --> 00:00:37,457 Stop it! Ah! 21 00:00:37,557 --> 00:00:39,699 Connor! - [laughs] 22 00:00:39,799 --> 00:00:41,181 [mechanical laughter] - Ah! 23 00:00:41,281 --> 00:00:43,343 Connor! - [evil laugh] 24 00:00:43,443 --> 00:00:44,544 - Every year. 25 00:00:44,644 --> 00:00:47,466 I wish I had a little sister. 26 00:00:47,566 --> 00:00:50,549 Even though this year... [chuckles] 27 00:00:50,649 --> 00:00:54,032 The scarer becomes the scaree. 28 00:00:54,132 --> 00:00:54,712 [laughs] 29 00:00:54,812 --> 00:00:56,234 Look at that. Look how good that is. 30 00:00:56,334 --> 00:00:57,395 - That looks real. - Right? 31 00:00:57,495 --> 00:00:59,276 - Just one normal holiday. 32 00:00:59,376 --> 00:01:01,038 - Well, if it's any consolation, 33 00:01:01,138 --> 00:01:02,559 I'm a little on edge, too. 34 00:01:02,659 --> 00:01:03,720 I got a book reading tonight, 35 00:01:03,820 --> 00:01:05,322 and I don't think anyone's going to show up. 36 00:01:05,422 --> 00:01:07,564 - Aw. That's no consolation, no. 37 00:01:07,664 --> 00:01:09,726 - Tom, you wanted a reading at Bayside Books, 38 00:01:09,826 --> 00:01:11,527 I got you a reading at Bayside Books. 39 00:01:11,627 --> 00:01:12,688 - Yeah, but not on Halloween. 40 00:01:12,788 --> 00:01:14,770 Everyone's going to be too busy to go to some reading. 41 00:01:14,870 --> 00:01:16,732 - OK, well, that was the only time slot they had. 42 00:01:16,832 --> 00:01:19,214 - Yes, again, because Halloween. 43 00:01:19,314 --> 00:01:21,656 - I think it's going to be great, Daddy. 44 00:01:21,756 --> 00:01:22,697 - Oh, thank you. 45 00:01:22,797 --> 00:01:24,659 - Do the kids have to go too? 46 00:01:24,759 --> 00:01:25,579 - No, don't worry. 47 00:01:25,679 --> 00:01:27,221 You're going trick-or-treating with Lupe. 48 00:01:27,321 --> 00:01:28,302 - [whispering] Yes! 49 00:01:28,402 --> 00:01:29,383 - I can hear all of that. 50 00:01:29,483 --> 00:01:30,664 - And people might show up. 51 00:01:30,764 --> 00:01:32,185 Tom has fans. 52 00:01:32,285 --> 00:01:34,387 He--he has one fan. 53 00:01:34,487 --> 00:01:36,949 - Good ol' HappyHarmony99. 54 00:01:37,049 --> 00:01:37,630 - Who? 55 00:01:37,730 --> 00:01:39,111 - It's this woman who's like the first 56 00:01:39,211 --> 00:01:40,673 to comment on every post I do about the book, 57 00:01:40,773 --> 00:01:42,034 like when I linked to the review 58 00:01:42,134 --> 00:01:43,395 in "The Chronicle," which called it 59 00:01:43,495 --> 00:01:45,917 a "winning and winsome return to form." 60 00:01:46,017 --> 00:01:47,439 - We know. We don't need to see it again. 61 00:01:47,539 --> 00:01:48,640 - Please don't read it again. 62 00:01:48,740 --> 00:01:50,681 - Oh, yeah, there she is, HappyHarmony99. 63 00:01:50,781 --> 00:01:51,922 Wow, she loves that caps lock. 64 00:01:52,022 --> 00:01:54,725 - Well, she's a very passionate person. 65 00:01:54,825 --> 00:01:56,006 - Tom's got a super fan. 66 00:01:56,106 --> 00:01:57,808 - Oh, I don't know about that. 67 00:01:57,908 --> 00:01:59,409 Heh. 68 00:01:59,509 --> 00:02:00,570 Super fan. [chuckles] 69 00:02:00,670 --> 00:02:04,694 - Mom, tell Shamiah to stop almost touching me! 70 00:02:04,794 --> 00:02:05,654 - Ease up, Shamiah, OK? 71 00:02:05,754 --> 00:02:07,576 I don't want to take away your Halloween candy 72 00:02:07,676 --> 00:02:08,537 before you even get it. 73 00:02:08,637 --> 00:02:09,938 - Oh, Sarah, what's that on your-- 74 00:02:10,038 --> 00:02:10,939 - Ah! - Ah! 75 00:02:11,039 --> 00:02:12,140 - Oh. Connor! 76 00:02:12,240 --> 00:02:13,021 - [chuckles] 77 00:02:13,121 --> 00:02:14,702 - Just one holiday. 78 00:02:14,802 --> 00:02:18,165 - ♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey ♪ 79 00:02:19,166 --> 00:02:19,987 [upbeat music] 80 00:02:20,087 --> 00:02:21,348 - ♪ Mr. Werewolf ♪ 81 00:02:21,448 --> 00:02:23,190 ♪ Mr. Werewolf ♪ 82 00:02:23,290 --> 00:02:25,312 - Please don't kill me, Mr. Werewolf! 83 00:02:25,412 --> 00:02:27,313 - [howls] 84 00:02:27,413 --> 00:02:27,954 - Great. 85 00:02:28,054 --> 00:02:29,795 Great, I was afraid people weren't going to be 86 00:02:29,895 --> 00:02:31,157 taking the night seriously. 87 00:02:31,257 --> 00:02:34,239 - At least they're dressed as literary characters. 88 00:02:34,339 --> 00:02:36,361 - But--OK. 89 00:02:36,461 --> 00:02:37,843 - Mr. Hayworth! 90 00:02:37,943 --> 00:02:38,603 Oh, sorry. 91 00:02:38,703 --> 00:02:40,805 Mr. Hayworth, I'm Tod, with one D, 92 00:02:40,905 --> 00:02:42,447 co-manager of Bayside Books. 93 00:02:42,547 --> 00:02:45,129 - Oh, hey, OK. Tom, with one M. 94 00:02:45,229 --> 00:02:46,170 - [laughs] Nice. 95 00:02:46,270 --> 00:02:48,492 - It's actually a pretty good turnout, tonight. 96 00:02:48,592 --> 00:02:50,854 Is like, another reading letting out or something? 97 00:02:50,954 --> 00:02:52,455 - Tom, people love your book. 98 00:02:52,555 --> 00:02:53,736 Is that so hard to believe? 99 00:02:53,836 --> 00:02:55,778 - [whispering] Is this an AA meeting? 100 00:02:55,878 --> 00:02:56,779 - Is Dean Koontz here? 101 00:02:56,879 --> 00:02:58,621 - No, no, everyone is here for Tom. 102 00:02:58,721 --> 00:02:59,982 It should be a pretty full house. 103 00:03:00,082 --> 00:03:02,464 If you'll follow me, I'll set you up before the reading. 104 00:03:02,564 --> 00:03:03,825 Now, we have three types of water-- 105 00:03:03,925 --> 00:03:05,947 still, sparkling, and coconut. 106 00:03:06,047 --> 00:03:07,709 [whispering] Go for the coconut. 107 00:03:07,809 --> 00:03:09,390 - OK, I'll go coconut. [chuckles] 108 00:03:09,490 --> 00:03:13,053 Sparkling can be a little too intense for me anyway. 109 00:03:13,373 --> 00:03:15,315 - Did you pay for people to be here? 110 00:03:15,415 --> 00:03:16,356 - I did not, no. 111 00:03:16,456 --> 00:03:19,999 I mean, I brought money for that exact purpose. 112 00:03:20,099 --> 00:03:22,522 But guess I don't need it. 113 00:03:22,622 --> 00:03:24,323 Now I have all this cash. 114 00:03:24,423 --> 00:03:25,164 You want some? 115 00:03:25,264 --> 00:03:26,765 - Is today actually going to be a success? 116 00:03:26,865 --> 00:03:28,206 I mean, obviously, I'm not surprised. 117 00:03:28,306 --> 00:03:29,768 It's just-- - Surprising, yeah. 118 00:03:29,868 --> 00:03:30,769 - It's so surprising. 119 00:03:30,869 --> 00:03:33,251 - Like seriously, like that woman over there, 120 00:03:33,351 --> 00:03:34,212 she's legit attractive. 121 00:03:34,312 --> 00:03:38,295 And you're telling me she's here for Tom's book reading? 122 00:03:38,395 --> 00:03:39,737 That doesn't make sense. 123 00:03:39,837 --> 00:03:40,697 - [shouts] 124 00:03:40,797 --> 00:03:43,520 - Hey, Sarah. - Aw, dang it! 125 00:03:47,123 --> 00:03:48,264 - Nice try. - Ah! 126 00:03:48,364 --> 00:03:49,225 Oh, my God. 127 00:03:49,325 --> 00:03:53,108 - Let the Hayworth Halloween Fashion Show begin! 128 00:03:53,208 --> 00:03:54,549 So that then it can be over. 129 00:03:54,649 --> 00:03:57,792 First, I give you Camila, dressed as Mirabel 130 00:03:57,892 --> 00:04:00,835 from the hit movie, "Encanto." 131 00:04:00,935 --> 00:04:02,476 Ay, que linda. 132 00:04:02,576 --> 00:04:04,718 Next is Gretchen as Isabela, 133 00:04:04,818 --> 00:04:07,120 also from the hit movie, "Encanto." 134 00:04:07,220 --> 00:04:09,202 And if you're sensing a theme, 135 00:04:09,302 --> 00:04:11,765 I give you Kelvin as Bruno, 136 00:04:11,865 --> 00:04:15,728 the guy we don't talk about from "Encanto." 137 00:04:15,828 --> 00:04:16,809 And finally, 138 00:04:16,909 --> 00:04:19,651 Shamiah as Luisa, 139 00:04:19,751 --> 00:04:21,953 from, you guessed it-- 140 00:04:23,555 --> 00:04:24,496 That's not "Encanto." 141 00:04:24,596 --> 00:04:26,778 - Has she not seen "Encanto"? 142 00:04:26,878 --> 00:04:28,339 - Where's your Luisa costume? 143 00:04:28,439 --> 00:04:30,181 - I decided to do something different. 144 00:04:30,281 --> 00:04:34,264 - KnifeEdge Nakasuke from "Boom Boom Dojo?" 145 00:04:34,364 --> 00:04:34,905 Why? 146 00:04:35,005 --> 00:04:36,866 - Whenever I watch anime, you say it's stupid. 147 00:04:36,966 --> 00:04:38,268 [doorbell rings] - Oh. 148 00:04:38,368 --> 00:04:40,390 I got it, I got it. 149 00:04:40,490 --> 00:04:41,831 Hey, Xander. 150 00:04:41,931 --> 00:04:42,832 Hi, come on in. 151 00:04:42,932 --> 00:04:44,713 - I like your costume. 152 00:04:44,813 --> 00:04:45,554 - Thanks. 153 00:04:45,654 --> 00:04:47,356 I like yours, too. So cool. 154 00:04:47,456 --> 00:04:50,078 - When you told me how much you like anime, I was psyched. 155 00:04:50,178 --> 00:04:52,440 - Who's this bozo? - Hm. 156 00:04:52,540 --> 00:04:56,564 - Whew, that coconut water's got a little kick. 157 00:04:56,664 --> 00:04:57,685 This is crazy, even though 158 00:04:57,785 --> 00:04:59,326 it's one of the busiest nights of the year, 159 00:04:59,426 --> 00:05:01,448 folks really showed up. 160 00:05:01,548 --> 00:05:02,289 It's really... 161 00:05:02,389 --> 00:05:03,730 - Surprising. - Gratifying. 162 00:05:03,830 --> 00:05:04,811 What'd you say? 163 00:05:04,911 --> 00:05:06,212 - That's what I was going to say. 164 00:05:06,312 --> 00:05:09,615 You writers always have the exact word. 165 00:05:09,715 --> 00:05:11,016 - Hi, sorry. Hi. 166 00:05:11,116 --> 00:05:14,860 It is so nice to meet you in the flesh. 167 00:05:14,960 --> 00:05:15,460 Wow. 168 00:05:15,560 --> 00:05:17,622 - Oh, well, nice to meet you. I'm Tom. 169 00:05:17,722 --> 00:05:19,464 - Oh, I know. [laughs] 170 00:05:19,564 --> 00:05:20,865 - [laughs] OK. 171 00:05:20,965 --> 00:05:23,107 You are? - Right, sorry. 172 00:05:23,207 --> 00:05:24,468 Stupid. I'm Harmony. 173 00:05:24,568 --> 00:05:26,510 - Oh, HappyHarmony99. - Yes! 174 00:05:26,610 --> 00:05:29,072 Oh, my gosh, you're like-- like, aware of me. 175 00:05:29,172 --> 00:05:30,033 - Oh, he really is. 176 00:05:30,133 --> 00:05:32,555 - Well, I'm always happy to read your comments. 177 00:05:32,655 --> 00:05:36,438 - I mean, I'm happy, too, to be here with you. 178 00:05:36,538 --> 00:05:37,519 Sorry, I'm really nervous. 179 00:05:37,619 --> 00:05:40,122 - Oh, no, come on, don't be nervous. 180 00:05:40,222 --> 00:05:40,962 I'm-- 181 00:05:41,062 --> 00:05:43,164 I'm just a writer. [chuckles] 182 00:05:43,264 --> 00:05:44,606 - But you're so much more than that. 183 00:05:44,706 --> 00:05:47,528 - This is my wife, Marina, and Denise. 184 00:05:47,628 --> 00:05:49,210 both: Hi. - Really nice to-- 185 00:05:49,310 --> 00:05:52,492 - I read "Home Economics" three times, actually. 186 00:05:52,592 --> 00:05:54,975 - Right. - Because it's a revelation. 187 00:05:55,075 --> 00:05:55,815 - Oh, well... 188 00:05:55,915 --> 00:05:57,777 [chuckles] Thank you. 189 00:05:57,877 --> 00:05:58,658 - Stop, thank you. 190 00:05:58,758 --> 00:06:00,620 'Cause it really spoke to me, like, personally. 191 00:06:00,720 --> 00:06:02,301 Like every word was, like, a puzzle piece 192 00:06:02,401 --> 00:06:07,466 just falling into place, like, yes, yes, yes. 193 00:06:07,566 --> 00:06:08,106 [laughs] 194 00:06:08,206 --> 00:06:09,627 - Well, "The Chronicle" did say that my writing 195 00:06:09,727 --> 00:06:12,270 "fairly dances across the page," whatever that means. 196 00:06:12,370 --> 00:06:13,631 [chuckles] - I know that you need 197 00:06:13,731 --> 00:06:15,553 to get ready for the reading, but I would-- 198 00:06:15,653 --> 00:06:20,397 is there any way we could talk after, kind of in private? 199 00:06:20,497 --> 00:06:21,798 - Anything for my number one fan. 200 00:06:21,898 --> 00:06:23,159 [both laugh] - Thank you so much. 201 00:06:23,259 --> 00:06:25,842 OK, so I'll see you after, and we'll talk. 202 00:06:25,942 --> 00:06:27,003 - Looking forward to it. 203 00:06:27,103 --> 00:06:28,444 - Should I have worn the hat? 204 00:06:28,544 --> 00:06:29,845 - No, yes, the hat's fine. 205 00:06:29,945 --> 00:06:31,326 - Thank you. - It looks great, right? 206 00:06:31,426 --> 00:06:33,368 - It looks great. - It looks great. 207 00:06:33,468 --> 00:06:36,291 - That right there, that connection... 208 00:06:36,391 --> 00:06:38,613 [chuckles] That's why you write. 209 00:06:38,713 --> 00:06:42,296 - Um, there's something really wrong with her. 210 00:06:42,396 --> 00:06:44,218 - Yeah, I think a bunch of things. 211 00:06:44,318 --> 00:06:46,460 - Come on, what, just 'cause she likes my book, 212 00:06:46,560 --> 00:06:47,981 she's got to be some kind of weirdo? 213 00:06:48,081 --> 00:06:49,302 Ever occur to you that my writing 214 00:06:49,402 --> 00:06:50,423 might mean something to her? 215 00:06:50,523 --> 00:06:51,904 - Oh, honey, I'm sorry. You're right. 216 00:06:52,004 --> 00:06:54,587 - [laughs] OK, come on. 217 00:06:54,687 --> 00:06:58,790 - So do you want to go figure out what her deal is? 218 00:06:58,890 --> 00:07:01,112 - Yeah, we got 15 minutes to kill. 219 00:07:01,212 --> 00:07:02,914 - Yeah. 220 00:07:03,014 --> 00:07:05,196 - So I assume you scaring me with my own spider 221 00:07:05,296 --> 00:07:08,279 this morning was not my official scare. 222 00:07:08,379 --> 00:07:09,079 - Maybe. 223 00:07:09,179 --> 00:07:11,241 Or maybe this year, there is no scare, 224 00:07:11,341 --> 00:07:15,205 and the wait for the scare is the scare itself. 225 00:07:15,305 --> 00:07:16,886 But no, there's definitely a scare coming your way. 226 00:07:16,986 --> 00:07:19,288 - Great. I don't understand why you keep doing this. 227 00:07:19,388 --> 00:07:20,850 You've been at it since we were like 10. 228 00:07:20,950 --> 00:07:22,651 - Why does the caged bird sing, Sarah? 229 00:07:22,751 --> 00:07:25,694 - That is not what that means. Please let me buy you a book. 230 00:07:25,794 --> 00:07:29,257 - Oh, man, did you hear about that giant crypto crash today? 231 00:07:29,357 --> 00:07:32,420 - Yeah, the entire market collapsed overnight. 232 00:07:32,520 --> 00:07:34,021 It's crazy. - I just invested, like, 233 00:07:34,121 --> 00:07:35,903 a ton of money in crypto last month. 234 00:07:36,003 --> 00:07:37,424 - Are you serious? You must be so scared. 235 00:07:37,524 --> 00:07:39,666 - I got to call my money guy. This is a disaster. 236 00:07:39,766 --> 00:07:40,827 - Call him. 237 00:07:40,927 --> 00:07:43,629 [phone ringing] 238 00:07:43,729 --> 00:07:46,352 Hello. - Nice try, Sarah. 239 00:07:46,452 --> 00:07:48,454 - Dang it. 240 00:07:50,175 --> 00:07:52,697 Thanks, guys, good effort. Good effort. 241 00:07:56,180 --> 00:08:00,164 - So this is exciting-- the big book reading. 242 00:08:00,264 --> 00:08:02,006 Do you live in the neighborhood? 243 00:08:02,106 --> 00:08:03,447 - Uh, no, Colorado. 244 00:08:03,547 --> 00:08:04,207 - Really? 245 00:08:04,307 --> 00:08:06,489 You didn't fly in just for this, did you? 246 00:08:06,589 --> 00:08:07,330 - Oh, God, no. 247 00:08:07,430 --> 00:08:09,132 - Oh, OK. 'Cause I was going to say-- 248 00:08:09,232 --> 00:08:10,573 - I drove. [eerie musical sting] 249 00:08:10,673 --> 00:08:13,335 19 hours straight through, no breaks. 250 00:08:13,435 --> 00:08:16,618 I've got a pretty big bladder. 251 00:08:16,718 --> 00:08:17,979 Yeah, just got into town 252 00:08:18,079 --> 00:08:20,502 and pulled up to the store an hour ago. 253 00:08:20,602 --> 00:08:21,983 - Cool. 254 00:08:22,083 --> 00:08:23,945 Where are you going to stay while you're here? 255 00:08:24,045 --> 00:08:25,746 - I have not even thought that far ahead. 256 00:08:25,846 --> 00:08:28,068 - Oh, oof. - But anyway, it doesn't matter. 257 00:08:28,168 --> 00:08:31,111 Everything's going to change for me after tonight. 258 00:08:31,211 --> 00:08:34,114 [shady music] 259 00:08:34,214 --> 00:08:35,515 ♪ ♪ 260 00:08:35,615 --> 00:08:36,315 - Code red. 261 00:08:36,415 --> 00:08:38,517 She drove from Colorado for this, 262 00:08:38,617 --> 00:08:39,438 straight through. 263 00:08:39,538 --> 00:08:40,559 - What, no bathroom breaks? 264 00:08:40,659 --> 00:08:44,282 - I think we're dealing with an adult diaper situation. 265 00:08:44,382 --> 00:08:45,283 - Oh. 266 00:08:45,383 --> 00:08:46,364 Well, I did some research. 267 00:08:46,464 --> 00:08:47,565 She only follows three accounts-- 268 00:08:47,665 --> 00:08:49,967 Tom, the official "Home Economics" account, 269 00:08:50,067 --> 00:08:52,450 and a bird watching for singles account 270 00:08:52,550 --> 00:08:53,410 called Toucan Play. 271 00:08:53,510 --> 00:08:55,652 I think it's a pun, but it's also just sad. 272 00:08:55,752 --> 00:08:57,494 - Good Lord, what is her story? 273 00:08:57,594 --> 00:09:00,016 - I knew I was getting a weird vibe from her. 274 00:09:00,116 --> 00:09:00,777 I read her aura. 275 00:09:00,877 --> 00:09:03,739 It's dark red with a touch of dark green. 276 00:09:03,839 --> 00:09:05,141 And we know what that means. 277 00:09:05,241 --> 00:09:06,222 - Oh, we do? 278 00:09:06,322 --> 00:09:08,323 - Yeah, we do. 279 00:09:11,166 --> 00:09:17,732 ♪ ♪ 280 00:09:18,612 --> 00:09:20,154 - Oh, my God. 281 00:09:20,254 --> 00:09:21,795 - She's going to "Misery" you, Tom, 282 00:09:21,895 --> 00:09:23,317 like in the movie, "Misery." 283 00:09:23,417 --> 00:09:24,598 - OK, come on. Let's be nice. 284 00:09:24,698 --> 00:09:26,920 - She stole your water bottle out of the trash can. 285 00:09:27,020 --> 00:09:27,921 Why would she do that? 286 00:09:28,021 --> 00:09:30,122 - Uh, maybe because I should have recycled it? 287 00:09:30,222 --> 00:09:31,724 - You know, I couldn't figure out why a woman 288 00:09:31,824 --> 00:09:33,646 would drive a thousand miles to come to your book reading. 289 00:09:33,746 --> 00:09:35,727 But if she's like a homicidal stalker maniac, 290 00:09:35,827 --> 00:09:36,688 I mean, mystery solved. 291 00:09:36,788 --> 00:09:38,410 She's going to "Misery" you with a sledgehammer. 292 00:09:38,510 --> 00:09:41,172 - You know, this would make a great true crime podcast. 293 00:09:41,272 --> 00:09:42,293 - Oh, I was just thinking that. 294 00:09:42,393 --> 00:09:44,655 We can call it, "Killer Fan." - [gasps] 295 00:09:44,755 --> 00:09:46,176 - Or "Murder She Did," 296 00:09:46,276 --> 00:09:47,978 or "Only Murders in the Bookstore." 297 00:09:48,078 --> 00:09:49,419 - [gasps] Literal chills. 298 00:09:49,519 --> 00:09:52,302 This is so exciting. - [giggles] 299 00:09:52,402 --> 00:09:54,143 - And concerning. - Oh, my God. 300 00:09:54,243 --> 00:09:55,865 Why can't you guys just let me have this? 301 00:09:55,965 --> 00:09:58,307 After all these years and years of failure, 302 00:09:58,407 --> 00:09:59,828 people finally care about Tom Hayworth. 303 00:09:59,928 --> 00:10:03,512 It's like--it's like it's not good enough for you guys. 304 00:10:03,612 --> 00:10:05,613 My own family. 305 00:10:06,414 --> 00:10:07,955 [door opens, closes] 306 00:10:08,055 --> 00:10:11,559 - I am so glad I didn't sleep with her. 307 00:10:11,659 --> 00:10:13,200 - Was that a possibility? 308 00:10:13,300 --> 00:10:15,682 - I mean... 309 00:10:15,782 --> 00:10:16,643 - It's a simple question 310 00:10:16,743 --> 00:10:18,204 anyone wearing this costume should know. 311 00:10:18,304 --> 00:10:21,047 - I don't remember the name of KnifeEdge Nakasuke's mom. 312 00:10:21,147 --> 00:10:23,049 - Ah! It's a trick question. 313 00:10:23,149 --> 00:10:24,650 KnifeEdge Nakasuke never knew her parents. 314 00:10:24,750 --> 00:10:26,452 - Yeah, she grew up in an orphanage. 315 00:10:26,552 --> 00:10:28,854 - I'm not talking to you, SpearPoint Hidemasa. 316 00:10:28,954 --> 00:10:30,495 - Lupe, can you please help? 317 00:10:30,595 --> 00:10:32,817 - Kelvin, your mom said I could confiscate 318 00:10:32,917 --> 00:10:34,659 candy for any reason. 319 00:10:34,759 --> 00:10:35,860 - Uh-huh, yeah, sure. 320 00:10:35,960 --> 00:10:38,882 - You want to fudge around and find out? 321 00:10:41,244 --> 00:10:44,227 [shady music] 322 00:10:44,327 --> 00:10:46,990 ♪ ♪ 323 00:10:47,090 --> 00:10:49,392 - [gasps] She's going to the True Crime section. 324 00:10:49,492 --> 00:10:51,113 - It's like she wants to be caught. 325 00:10:51,213 --> 00:10:53,796 - Oh, I thought of more podcast names-- 326 00:10:53,896 --> 00:10:56,678 Final Chapter, End Pages, Killing Tom. 327 00:10:56,778 --> 00:10:58,880 I should really write some of these down. 328 00:10:58,980 --> 00:11:02,123 - Harmony, don't chicken out now. 329 00:11:02,223 --> 00:11:03,524 Hey, you've come all this way. 330 00:11:03,624 --> 00:11:05,246 Go up to him and do it. 331 00:11:05,346 --> 00:11:08,168 Do it, and it will be done. 332 00:11:08,268 --> 00:11:10,530 - Oh, my God. 333 00:11:10,630 --> 00:11:11,531 - We have to warn Tom. 334 00:11:11,631 --> 00:11:13,293 - This is gonna be great for the pod. 335 00:11:13,393 --> 00:11:15,214 No, yeah, your thing. 336 00:11:15,314 --> 00:11:17,316 - [gasps] 337 00:11:17,676 --> 00:11:18,537 - Where did she go? 338 00:11:18,637 --> 00:11:20,779 - Your family's probably just jealous of your success. 339 00:11:20,879 --> 00:11:23,101 You know, when I was made co-manager of this place, 340 00:11:23,201 --> 00:11:24,262 my grandpa was such a bitch. 341 00:11:24,362 --> 00:11:26,264 - Oh, well, I guess haters gonna hate. 342 00:11:26,364 --> 00:11:28,626 - He's suing me right now, so I can't really get into it. 343 00:11:28,726 --> 00:11:29,867 - You don't have to. - OK. 344 00:11:29,967 --> 00:11:32,629 Anyways, I'm going to get you another coco H2O. 345 00:11:32,729 --> 00:11:33,430 You just relax. 346 00:11:33,530 --> 00:11:36,112 - All right, keep 'em coming. [laughs] 347 00:11:36,212 --> 00:11:38,875 [creaking, door closes] 348 00:11:38,975 --> 00:11:42,158 [chuckling] Chapter 17--no, no. 349 00:11:42,258 --> 00:11:43,799 [clears throat] 350 00:11:43,899 --> 00:11:45,641 [gruffly] Chapter 17. 351 00:11:45,741 --> 00:11:47,723 Nah. 352 00:11:47,823 --> 00:11:48,884 [normally] Chapter 17. 353 00:11:48,984 --> 00:11:51,045 Yeah, that's it, the everyman. 354 00:11:51,145 --> 00:11:53,127 [foreboding music] 355 00:11:53,227 --> 00:11:55,229 Hello? 356 00:11:55,950 --> 00:11:59,333 Sorry, is there someone back there? 357 00:11:59,433 --> 00:12:06,939 ♪ ♪ 358 00:12:07,039 --> 00:12:08,261 - [evil laughter] 359 00:12:08,361 --> 00:12:09,782 - Oh. 360 00:12:09,882 --> 00:12:10,783 [chuckles] 361 00:12:10,883 --> 00:12:12,784 [dramatic musical sting] Ah! 362 00:12:12,884 --> 00:12:14,706 - I finally got you alone. 363 00:12:14,806 --> 00:12:17,088 - [chuckles] 364 00:12:18,850 --> 00:12:20,471 - Harmony, I thought we were going to talk 365 00:12:20,571 --> 00:12:21,392 after the reading. 366 00:12:21,492 --> 00:12:23,274 - Mm, we need to talk now, because I drove 367 00:12:23,374 --> 00:12:26,356 all the way here for this, but-- 368 00:12:26,456 --> 00:12:26,957 [sighs] 369 00:12:27,057 --> 00:12:29,939 - Tom, watch out for the creepy hot lady. 370 00:12:30,460 --> 00:12:30,960 Not you. 371 00:12:31,060 --> 00:12:32,522 - Hey, what do you want with my husband? 372 00:12:32,622 --> 00:12:34,203 And do we have your permission to record this 373 00:12:34,303 --> 00:12:35,164 for future broadcasting? 374 00:12:35,264 --> 00:12:38,287 - I just need to talk to him about...everything. 375 00:12:38,387 --> 00:12:40,769 Ugh, I like-- I rehearsed this. 376 00:12:40,869 --> 00:12:42,010 But I'm just like having 377 00:12:42,110 --> 00:12:44,412 so many thoughts that I'm just like-- 378 00:12:44,512 --> 00:12:45,813 - Her aura is on fire. 379 00:12:45,913 --> 00:12:47,615 - God, you just have to understand 380 00:12:47,715 --> 00:12:50,417 where I'm coming from, what my life was like 381 00:12:50,517 --> 00:12:51,458 growing up in Colorado! 382 00:12:51,558 --> 00:12:52,419 I was an only child, OK? 383 00:12:52,519 --> 00:12:54,261 It was just me and my mom, Harmony and Christine, 384 00:12:54,361 --> 00:12:56,663 Christine and Harmony. I didn't know where my dad was. 385 00:12:56,763 --> 00:13:00,786 My mom said it was a mistake she made in the fall of '88. 386 00:13:00,886 --> 00:13:01,587 Thanks, Mom. 387 00:13:01,687 --> 00:13:05,110 And she was always working at that stupid research lab. 388 00:13:05,210 --> 00:13:06,311 I'm rambling. 389 00:13:06,411 --> 00:13:07,392 Oh, focus, Harmony. 390 00:13:07,492 --> 00:13:10,355 Focus, focus. 391 00:13:10,455 --> 00:13:14,839 - OK, thank you for that, uh, info. 392 00:13:14,939 --> 00:13:16,680 I think I'm going to go do the reading now. 393 00:13:16,780 --> 00:13:17,801 - No, no, no. - No? 394 00:13:17,901 --> 00:13:19,443 - I need to get this out. - Okey doke. 395 00:13:19,543 --> 00:13:20,404 - Yeah, so all my life, 396 00:13:20,504 --> 00:13:22,445 I just dreamed of being part of a big family 397 00:13:22,545 --> 00:13:24,967 with brothers and sisters and parents. 398 00:13:25,067 --> 00:13:26,449 And then I read your book. 399 00:13:26,549 --> 00:13:27,970 And I knew how you based it on your family. 400 00:13:28,070 --> 00:13:31,213 And, and suddenly, all the dots started connecting for me, 401 00:13:31,313 --> 00:13:34,336 you know what I mean? It was like pew, pew, pew, pew. 402 00:13:34,436 --> 00:13:36,658 And then I realized it. 403 00:13:36,758 --> 00:13:38,059 [laughter] 404 00:13:38,159 --> 00:13:39,780 - I mean, realized what? 405 00:13:39,880 --> 00:13:41,462 - That I could be your sister. 406 00:13:41,562 --> 00:13:47,227 And that I could finally have the family I've always wanted. 407 00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:48,868 - Hello. [all shout] 408 00:13:48,968 --> 00:13:52,872 - I know, the costume, it's kind of scary, right? 409 00:13:52,972 --> 00:13:55,594 My wife said, Tod, don't do it. 410 00:13:55,694 --> 00:13:57,035 But I did it. 411 00:13:57,135 --> 00:13:59,037 Anyways, they're ready for the reading. 412 00:13:59,137 --> 00:14:00,478 - Oh, sorry. 413 00:14:00,578 --> 00:14:03,581 OK, I'll see you out there. 414 00:14:04,702 --> 00:14:06,043 - She's great. 415 00:14:06,143 --> 00:14:07,365 - That was something, 416 00:14:07,465 --> 00:14:09,366 - Whoa. - [sighs] 417 00:14:09,466 --> 00:14:11,008 - Of course. 418 00:14:11,108 --> 00:14:13,850 Of course, you guys were right. 419 00:14:13,950 --> 00:14:15,492 My book has one fan. 420 00:14:15,592 --> 00:14:17,453 And of course, she's completely insane. 421 00:14:17,553 --> 00:14:20,176 I thought my career was taking a turn here. 422 00:14:20,276 --> 00:14:22,478 But it's like... 423 00:14:23,799 --> 00:14:27,662 All this work, and it's for what? 424 00:14:27,762 --> 00:14:29,384 - Hey, no, Tom, I mean, you were right. 425 00:14:29,484 --> 00:14:32,026 Yes, Harmony is-- is-is intense. 426 00:14:32,126 --> 00:14:33,748 But all of those people out there, 427 00:14:33,848 --> 00:14:35,269 they came here to see you. 428 00:14:35,369 --> 00:14:37,191 - Yeah, I didn't pay a single one of them. 429 00:14:37,291 --> 00:14:39,793 And now I have all this extra cash on me 430 00:14:39,893 --> 00:14:41,234 that I don't even know what to do with. 431 00:14:41,334 --> 00:14:42,795 I tipped the bathroom attendant 100 bucks. 432 00:14:42,895 --> 00:14:44,757 - We don't have a bathroom attendant. 433 00:14:44,857 --> 00:14:46,559 - Tom, we are so proud of you. 434 00:14:46,659 --> 00:14:49,922 - Yeah, we make jokes because it's fun and very easy. 435 00:14:50,022 --> 00:14:52,604 But you filled this whole bookstore. 436 00:14:52,704 --> 00:14:54,486 - You're a really good friend to me too. 437 00:14:54,586 --> 00:14:57,548 - You know what? Yeah, you're right. 438 00:14:58,789 --> 00:14:59,450 Thank you. 439 00:14:59,550 --> 00:15:03,073 Let's go read, uh, a little bit of chapter 17. 440 00:15:07,077 --> 00:15:08,818 - We don't even have a bathroom. 441 00:15:08,918 --> 00:15:11,320 What did you do? 442 00:15:13,562 --> 00:15:16,825 - OK, can you just hold off any scare attempts 443 00:15:16,925 --> 00:15:18,587 until after Tom's reading? 444 00:15:18,687 --> 00:15:19,748 There's a lot going on. 445 00:15:19,848 --> 00:15:22,430 - Sarah, you know I can't promise that. 446 00:15:22,530 --> 00:15:26,113 [phone ringing] 447 00:15:26,213 --> 00:15:27,314 - Oh. 448 00:15:27,414 --> 00:15:28,475 Hey, sweetie, what's going on? 449 00:15:28,575 --> 00:15:31,358 - Kelvin won't leave me or Xander alone. 450 00:15:31,458 --> 00:15:32,919 He's being so annoying. 451 00:15:33,019 --> 00:15:33,920 - Oh, I'm sorry. 452 00:15:34,020 --> 00:15:36,242 I guess I--I forgot to tell him that 453 00:15:36,342 --> 00:15:37,603 Xander was joining you guys tonight. 454 00:15:37,703 --> 00:15:39,725 - Can I have permission to hit him with my sword, 455 00:15:39,825 --> 00:15:41,487 like on the arm or something? 456 00:15:41,587 --> 00:15:43,088 - Mm, permission not granted. 457 00:15:43,188 --> 00:15:44,489 I'm sorry that he's bugging you. 458 00:15:44,589 --> 00:15:45,971 But he's probably just a little sad 459 00:15:46,071 --> 00:15:48,132 that you don't spend as much time with him these days. 460 00:15:48,232 --> 00:15:50,094 - It's not a real sword. It's like hard foam. 461 00:15:50,194 --> 00:15:51,095 - Yeah, still no. 462 00:15:51,195 --> 00:15:52,256 He's annoying his big sister 463 00:15:52,356 --> 00:15:53,978 because he wants you to pay attention to him. 464 00:15:54,078 --> 00:15:59,262 Believe it or not, it--it-- it comes from a place of love. 465 00:15:59,362 --> 00:16:03,706 Even if he doesn't realize that that is why he's doing it, 466 00:16:03,806 --> 00:16:06,589 he's just trying to stay in his big sister's life. 467 00:16:06,689 --> 00:16:08,470 - OK, but he's being a jerk. 468 00:16:08,570 --> 00:16:09,591 - OK, good talk, have fun. 469 00:16:09,691 --> 00:16:12,354 - No, you didn't even-- [line beeps] 470 00:16:12,454 --> 00:16:15,837 [soft music] 471 00:16:15,937 --> 00:16:16,477 - What? 472 00:16:16,577 --> 00:16:19,680 - Nothing, little brother. 473 00:16:19,780 --> 00:16:21,482 - Is this you trying to scare me? 474 00:16:21,582 --> 00:16:22,442 'Cause this is working. 475 00:16:22,542 --> 00:16:27,287 - Good evening, and welcome to Bayside "Boo-ks." 476 00:16:27,387 --> 00:16:28,207 [both laugh] 477 00:16:28,307 --> 00:16:29,368 Just kidding. 478 00:16:29,468 --> 00:16:31,530 Halloween. I'm not actually a vampire. 479 00:16:31,630 --> 00:16:34,893 It is my pleasure to introduce tonight's author, 480 00:16:34,993 --> 00:16:37,456 who I'm proud to call my new friend, 481 00:16:37,556 --> 00:16:38,937 reading from his new novel, 482 00:16:39,037 --> 00:16:41,699 "Home Economics," Tom Hayworth. 483 00:16:41,799 --> 00:16:42,620 [applause] 484 00:16:42,720 --> 00:16:44,722 - Yeah! - Bravo! 485 00:16:45,482 --> 00:16:46,864 - Whoo. 486 00:16:46,964 --> 00:16:48,986 - Thank you all for coming out. 487 00:16:49,086 --> 00:16:51,087 - Go, Tom! 488 00:16:52,288 --> 00:16:53,550 - Heh. 489 00:16:53,650 --> 00:16:56,312 "Chorpter" 17-- [nervous laughter] 490 00:16:56,412 --> 00:16:57,873 Right off the bat. 491 00:16:57,973 --> 00:17:00,356 [clears throat] Obviously, chapter 17-- 492 00:17:00,456 --> 00:17:02,678 - Shake it off. 493 00:17:02,778 --> 00:17:03,839 - Tim Hayward loved Halloween. 494 00:17:03,939 --> 00:17:06,761 When he was a kid, he'd swear it was because of the candy. 495 00:17:06,861 --> 00:17:08,403 But deep down, he loved Halloween, 496 00:17:08,503 --> 00:17:10,204 because it was a day he didn't have to be himself. 497 00:17:10,304 --> 00:17:13,487 Tim, even as a boy, was already trying on the heavy sweater 498 00:17:13,587 --> 00:17:16,049 of self-doubt that he'd come to wear full-time 499 00:17:16,149 --> 00:17:18,051 as he made his way into adulthood. 500 00:17:18,151 --> 00:17:19,212 The opportunity to be someone... 501 00:17:19,312 --> 00:17:21,214 - Wow, this is so good. 502 00:17:21,314 --> 00:17:23,015 - You still haven't read it? 503 00:17:23,115 --> 00:17:25,698 - [chuckling] Sarah, I've read it. 504 00:17:25,798 --> 00:17:27,779 I just haven't, like, read it. 505 00:17:27,879 --> 00:17:31,022 - Hovered above the Hayward House in 1988. 506 00:17:31,122 --> 00:17:32,784 Their mom and dad hit a rough patch. 507 00:17:32,884 --> 00:17:35,907 Dad was finding reasons to spend more and more time 508 00:17:36,007 --> 00:17:36,867 traveling for work. 509 00:17:36,967 --> 00:17:39,710 To Tim and Tara, he seemed to be in Colorado 510 00:17:39,810 --> 00:17:41,592 more than he was at home. 511 00:17:41,692 --> 00:17:44,954 [shady music] 512 00:17:45,054 --> 00:17:47,557 Colorado--uh, sorry. 513 00:17:47,657 --> 00:17:49,478 For weeks at a time-- [clears throat] 514 00:17:49,578 --> 00:17:51,760 He was off in a different time zone, 515 00:17:51,860 --> 00:17:55,003 toiling away in a research lab. 516 00:17:55,103 --> 00:17:56,004 - Research lab. 517 00:17:56,104 --> 00:17:57,285 - She said '88, right? 518 00:17:57,385 --> 00:17:59,207 - Uh, but he'd call every night. 519 00:17:59,307 --> 00:18:00,608 Mom would pass the phone over to the kids 520 00:18:00,708 --> 00:18:03,571 with barely a word, not that he ever had much to report, 521 00:18:03,671 --> 00:18:06,573 just that his days working in the lab, 522 00:18:06,673 --> 00:18:10,056 with a fellow scientist named Chris, 523 00:18:10,156 --> 00:18:13,019 who I'd always assumed was a man, 524 00:18:13,119 --> 00:18:15,741 but could just as easily be Christine. 525 00:18:15,841 --> 00:18:17,022 both: Christine. 526 00:18:17,122 --> 00:18:20,145 - [softly] My mom. 527 00:18:20,245 --> 00:18:21,907 - And the long weeks of traveling-- 528 00:18:22,007 --> 00:18:24,549 - OK, please tell me this is your prank. 529 00:18:24,649 --> 00:18:26,231 You did it. I'm scared. 530 00:18:26,331 --> 00:18:27,472 Now just make this stop. 531 00:18:27,572 --> 00:18:29,473 - I was hoping this was you scaring me. 532 00:18:29,573 --> 00:18:32,036 - What? No, I was just going to put this rubber vomit 533 00:18:32,136 --> 00:18:34,478 on your car later. - So this is not a prank? 534 00:18:34,578 --> 00:18:35,639 - This is really happening. 535 00:18:35,739 --> 00:18:38,121 - Dad would always return from these marathon trips 536 00:18:38,221 --> 00:18:40,683 exhausted, talking about experiments that lasted 537 00:18:40,783 --> 00:18:42,405 late into the night with Chris. 538 00:18:42,505 --> 00:18:44,166 Oh, my God. 539 00:18:44,266 --> 00:18:46,128 - [inhales] 540 00:18:46,228 --> 00:18:48,410 - [exhales] Yeah. 541 00:18:48,510 --> 00:18:50,732 - This morning, I wished for a sister. 542 00:18:50,832 --> 00:18:51,773 And now I just get one? 543 00:18:51,873 --> 00:18:53,334 I mean, what kind of superpower is that? 544 00:18:53,434 --> 00:18:55,976 - She can't be our half-sister. She just can't. 545 00:18:56,076 --> 00:18:57,658 - Well, all the details line up. 546 00:18:57,758 --> 00:18:58,579 - No, no, no, no. 547 00:18:58,679 --> 00:19:01,541 Because that would mean that I thought my half-sister was hot. 548 00:19:01,641 --> 00:19:03,863 And that is just-- that is just not ideal. 549 00:19:03,963 --> 00:19:06,105 - That's why she took Tom's water bottle, 550 00:19:06,205 --> 00:19:07,026 to match his DNA. 551 00:19:07,126 --> 00:19:08,988 - And that's why I sensed a weird aura around her, 552 00:19:09,088 --> 00:19:11,030 because she's a Hayworth. 553 00:19:11,130 --> 00:19:12,311 No offense. 554 00:19:12,411 --> 00:19:13,031 - Hey. 555 00:19:13,131 --> 00:19:14,232 - Oh, hey. - Hey. 556 00:19:14,332 --> 00:19:15,273 - Hey. - Hi. 557 00:19:15,373 --> 00:19:16,554 - Look who it is. 558 00:19:16,654 --> 00:19:19,077 - Hey, soul sistah. 559 00:19:19,177 --> 00:19:19,717 No? OK. 560 00:19:19,817 --> 00:19:22,720 - Yeah, it's a lot to process all at once. 561 00:19:22,820 --> 00:19:23,681 - Nah. - No. 562 00:19:23,781 --> 00:19:24,882 - W-we're super-- - No. 563 00:19:24,982 --> 00:19:25,923 It's what it is. - Chill. 564 00:19:26,023 --> 00:19:27,684 - And I'm really sorry about what happened before. 565 00:19:27,784 --> 00:19:29,486 I was just so wired from the drive 566 00:19:29,586 --> 00:19:32,568 and freaking out about meeting a family I never knew I had. 567 00:19:32,668 --> 00:19:34,930 And you guys must have thought I was a stalker. 568 00:19:35,030 --> 00:19:36,011 - What? - No. 569 00:19:36,111 --> 00:19:37,092 - No. - The ruler? 570 00:19:37,192 --> 00:19:39,054 - We are go-with-the-flow type people. 571 00:19:39,154 --> 00:19:41,696 - And Tom thought you were hot. And I said, no, Tom. 572 00:19:41,796 --> 00:19:43,738 - Yeah, there's definitely no way we wanted 573 00:19:43,838 --> 00:19:44,899 to start a podcast about you. 574 00:19:44,999 --> 00:19:47,461 - So yes, I saw an interview where you talked about 575 00:19:47,561 --> 00:19:48,582 how much was based on your life. 576 00:19:48,682 --> 00:19:50,985 And I just pieced it together with clues from my own. 577 00:19:51,085 --> 00:19:55,348 And yeah, it seems like your dad is, 578 00:19:55,448 --> 00:19:56,870 well, my dad. 579 00:19:56,970 --> 00:19:57,871 ♪ ♪ 580 00:19:57,971 --> 00:20:01,594 - Well, we did know he had an affair years ago. 581 00:20:01,694 --> 00:20:05,557 - Yeah, we just didn't know that anything came of it. 582 00:20:05,657 --> 00:20:06,398 - Right. 583 00:20:06,498 --> 00:20:10,121 Like...you. 584 00:20:10,221 --> 00:20:12,723 - Well, hi. 585 00:20:12,823 --> 00:20:14,645 I'm Harmony. 586 00:20:14,745 --> 00:20:17,748 both: Hey. [together] Hi. 587 00:20:20,750 --> 00:20:22,992 - But you did like the book, right? 588 00:20:24,394 --> 00:20:25,655 - Uh, which one is he again? 589 00:20:25,755 --> 00:20:26,656 - That's Baron Yohiro. 590 00:20:26,756 --> 00:20:28,417 He acts like a friend to the Boom Boom Brotherhood, 591 00:20:28,517 --> 00:20:31,019 but you're going to want to keep an eye on him. 592 00:20:31,119 --> 00:20:31,700 - Hmm. 593 00:20:31,800 --> 00:20:34,382 Well, let's watch one more episode after this one's over. 594 00:20:34,482 --> 00:20:36,384 - Whatever. 595 00:20:36,484 --> 00:20:37,145 - Oh, boy. 596 00:20:37,245 --> 00:20:38,866 Guys, our DNA tests are in. 597 00:20:38,966 --> 00:20:40,348 - Well? - Oh. 598 00:20:40,448 --> 00:20:44,992 - Uh, we officially have a half-sister. 599 00:20:45,092 --> 00:20:47,434 - [exhales] 600 00:20:47,534 --> 00:20:49,896 Whoa. 601 00:20:51,137 --> 00:20:53,959 Oh, also, we're 2% Ashkenazi Jew. 602 00:20:54,059 --> 00:20:54,760 Huh. 603 00:20:54,860 --> 00:20:56,362 - Oh, I'm 4% Italian. 604 00:20:56,462 --> 00:20:57,322 Mama mia. 605 00:20:57,422 --> 00:20:59,044 - Wait, why did you get a DNA test? 606 00:20:59,144 --> 00:21:01,246 - What, everything has to be about the Hayworths? 607 00:21:01,346 --> 00:21:02,367 - Well, who's going to tell Dad? 608 00:21:02,467 --> 00:21:03,808 - Yeah, and what's Mom going to think? 609 00:21:03,908 --> 00:21:05,530 - I mean, she barely forgave him for the affair. 610 00:21:05,630 --> 00:21:07,051 This is like a whole other level. 611 00:21:07,151 --> 00:21:07,852 - That's it. 612 00:21:07,952 --> 00:21:09,533 I can't take this emotional stress. 613 00:21:09,633 --> 00:21:11,415 Tonight I'm having cookies. 614 00:21:11,515 --> 00:21:14,017 - Ah! - [laughs] 615 00:21:14,117 --> 00:21:14,898 Yes! 616 00:21:14,998 --> 00:21:17,560 I got you, finally! 617 00:21:18,201 --> 00:21:21,263 Not the best timing, really, really bad timing. 618 00:21:21,363 --> 00:21:23,625 But I finally did it. 619 00:21:23,725 --> 00:21:25,727 Whoo!