2 - So how's Sarah doing? - Living the dream.
If the dream is mounting a low-budget children's musical
in Sacramento while staying with your parents.
- That is one of the saddest full sentences I've ever heard.
- Whoa. Tom, nice sweater.
Finally wearing something I would wear.
- Well, I thought I should upgrade from my usual hoodie,
you know... - Here it comes.
- As a "New York Times" bestselling author.
- You're gonna hear that a lot. - 100% virgin wool. Very nice.
- Thank you.
Hey, how do they know that the sheep haven't--
- That's not what that means. - Okay.
- I have so much to teach you
now that you're not buying your clothes at Costco.
Hey, remember, when I say "Christmas surprise..."
- I do the Christmas surprise.
- Oh, they're gonna freak out. It's gonna be the best one yet.
- [chuckles] - Hey, guys,
I know that Connor's usually the one to make
big family gestures, but it's been a pretty good year
for me, you know, as a...
- He's not gonna. - Oh, he is.
- "New York Times" bestselling author.
- Wait. Are you about to do, like, a holiday gift thing?
- I got us all tickets to see "The Nutcracker."
- Wow. - Ooh.
- You're seeing "The Nutcracker."
You're seeing "The Nutcracker."
- Tom, that's so fun. I love "The Nutcracker."
- That name sounds hilarious. - Move over, bro.
Looks like there's a new big spender in town.
- Oh, yup. Definitely no topping that.
[coughing] Lupe, abort.
- Honey, that's a great Christmas surprise.
- Oh, not-- no, not Christmas surprise.
[air horn blaring]
- What's this?
- Oh, it's probably just junk mail.
I'd just throw it out.
- No way. Connor, you're taking us
on a ski vacation to Aspen for New Years?
Oh, my God. - [laughs]
My, gosh. - Hey, sorry, man.
I didn't mean to steal your thunder.
- No, that's all right.
Yeah, I guess old Tom might've been bummed,
but new Tom is psyched. [chuckles]
I guess when you're on top, things don't bug you as much.
- I know, right? It's awesome.
- We can go skiing and to "The Nutcracker."
There's room for both. - Yeah.
- Two equally cool things. - Eh.
- Yeah, equally cool.
- I'm glad new Tom's so chill because there's also this.
Lupe! - Fire in the hole.
- Oh. - [laughs]
- Come on, man. Now, you're just showing off.
- ♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey ♪
[ringtone chiming]
- Brian! Bri-guy.
So how's my favourite money manager?
- Really? Your favourite?
Can I tell people that because that would be huge for me.
- Whatever. So how are things?
- Great. You know what?
I think I have a real shot with Linda in annuities.
- Not what I'm asking about.
- Oh, you meant with you? Oh, uh, yeah. Um, not great.
- Very funny, Brian.
- Look, I wouldn't have called you from our holiday party,
but it's time-sensitive
and, uh, well, I drew the short candy cane.
We just got an update on that investment you made
in the wind farm and the update is...
that it's gone.
- Gone? What do you mean? Like the stock crashed?
- More like a freak storm literally blew
the windmills away and, um,
I mean, now they're gone. - So how much did we lose?
- Before I tell you that number,
I think it's important to remember that you have
many other investments that didn't blow away
and then sink to the bottom of the ocean.
- Okay, so you're saying-- w-what are you saying?
- We took a huge hit, but hey, with investments like this--
I mean, you win some, you lose some.
Am I right? - No!
Not me, Brian. I'm all win.
That's kind of my thing.
- Oh, that's a great line. "All win."
Can I use that on Linda?
- Here's what we're gonna do-- take all the money
from the short-term liquid account
and put it in the fund that I'm sending you right now.
- Okay, well, are you sure about that?
'Cause that's gonna tie up a lot of your money.
You know, you're gonna have to tighten the belt
for a little while. - Yeah, no, I'm sure.
I put money in here before and it always surges at year end.
It's like my own, personal golden goose. [chuckles]
We'll be back in the black by New Years.
Commit funds.
- Commit funds. Boom.
You know what? You've inspired me.
I'm gonna go all in on Linda. First step, introduce myself.
- Okay, good bye, Brian.
[dramatic music]
♪ ♪
- Okay, the hotel is confirmed, the plane is chartered,
and the custom "Hayworth Holiday"
ski jackets will be waiting for you all in Aspen.
- Right. Aspen.
- Oh, good news. The helicopter you like
is available for heli-skiing... - Oh.
- And yes, they can serve lobster in the air.
- Oh. - Though they strongly advise
against hot butter. - Oh, great.
Great. Hey, Lupe, um...
how much is all this?
- What? - Like, what's the,
like, price? - I...
I have no idea.
You've never asked me that before.
What's wrong? - Nothing.
Just, um...just...
just disappointed about the hot butter.
[upbeat holiday music]
♪ ♪
both: Thank you.
- Enjoy the sugar.
- Christmas Eve is my favourite.
Christmas day is good,
but it takes so long to open all the presents.
- We don't have that problem with our family.
- Lucky.
- My dad makes us save the wrapping paper.
- Hey, it's not about the presents our parents get us.
- It's what Uncle Connor gets us.
I've been dropping little hints about a PlayStation 5.
- Like what?
- Like telling him I want a PlayStation 5.
I think he picked up on it. [notification chimes]
- Oh, no. - What's wrong?
- Santiago, my contractor, he just said our client
wants to start right after the holidays.
- Isn't that a good thing?
- I'm just a little nervous, you know?
It's a big leap for me. And look at his Instagram.
His work is so good. - Ooh, back up.
- I know. That backsplash is insane.
- No, I'm talking about the insanely hot guy
standing in front of the backsplash.
- Oh, that's Santiago.
- That's Santiago?
- Oh, come on. He's not that hot.
And I thought you were-- how do I put this?
Into girls. - I'm gay, not blind.
- Connor, should I open more wine?
Your family drink like fish.
- Sup? - [gasps]
[speaks in Spanish]
- Oh, did you think I was Connor?
That's hilarious. I guess it's the new threads.
Well, I have been working out a little bit.
- No, it's the threads. - Ah, good one, Loop.
There it is. - [groans]
- Nope. Okay.
- So many presents.
- Yeah, I guess I went a little overboard.
Well, who cares? It's only money.
[laughs] - Who are you?
- I know, right? I guess this family
has two successful and carefree Hayworth men now.
[chuckles] Give you one more shot at that.
- [groans] - No?
Okay, I'm gonna save this for later.
- Catcher in the Bri, how we doing?
- Not good.
Turns out Linda's married,
and she's pretty into it.
Oh, you meant with you, right. Yeah, also not good.
- What? You got to be kidding me.
- I wish. She's been married six years,
but she doesn't wear a ring.
I guess it chafes when she does cross--
- Brian. - Oh, you meant with you again.
Sorry about that. So yeah, I just stopped back
in the office to check on your fund, and it is still down.
- I don't get it. That was my golden goose.
- I suggest we just sell now, we cut our losses.
and then we regroup in the new year.
- Yeah, I guess I don't have a choice.
[phone chimes] - Oh, this is incredible news.
- What? Stock's back up?
- No, no, no. Linda just texted me.
She has a sister.
- Okay, good bye, Brian.
[sighs]
- Can I please have my phone back?
- Oh, absolutely is what I would say
if I didn't find a shirtless pic of Santiago.
Did you know he's a triathlete? I'd like to try athlete.
- Okay, now it just feels like you're messing with me.
- A little bit. - [sighs]
Denise! - What?
- You liked a picture. - No, I didn't.
Did I? I was just trying to zoom in.
- It's from two years ago. - Maybe it's not so bad.
- Oh, really? What would you think
if the person you just started working with scrolled through
two years of pictures and liked the one
where you were shirtless?
- He's going to think you want to smash.
Stuffed mushroom? - Yes, please.
- I'm just gonna unlike it. - No, don't do that.
- Too late. Why?
- Because he can also see the unlike
and sometimes the unlike does more damage than the like.
Remember that picture of me in the fedora?
- Oh, you saw that I unliked that?
You know, I really wanted to be supportive,
but nothing about that worked.
You looked like a street magician.
- That's what I was going for.
- Now, my new coworker's gonna think I'm a perv.
- Hey, don't say that.
He'll also think you're indecisive.
♪ ♪
- What are you wearing?
- Oh, this?
Tom must've left it when they were staying here.
They hoodie is surprisingly comfortable.
I mean, say what you will, but Kirkland knows
what they're doing when it comes to loungewear.
- Connor, are things that bad?
- They're definitely not good, Lupe.
I don't want to freak the family out, but...
[quietly] I don't think we should do Aspen.
- I'm sure things will work out.
You've had ups and downs before.
- No, that's the thing. I haven't, okay?
When it comes to the money, with me, it's always been ups.
I can always see the smart play,
work the angles, but what if...
what if I've lost my business mojo?
You know, my bojo.
- You're being ridiculous.
You will bounce back.
I know it.
- Thanks, Lupe. I can always count on you.
So what'd you come in here for?
- I was just printing something.
- Right on. [chuckles]
Is this a résumé? - No.
- Well, I cannot believe that
we'll be ringing in the new year in Aspen.
- All thanks to Connor. Whoo, Aspen!
- Yeah. Aspen.
So fun.
Although, in a way
aren't we having just as much fun right now?
- More fun than Aspen?
- I mean, if you really think about it,
what's the most fun part of skiing?
Taking off your boots at the end of the day,
having a hot chocolate by the fire.
I mean, does anyone actually enjoy
the skiing part of skiing?
- I love skiing. - So do I.
- Yeah, me too.
Tom doesn't.
He's so scared he'll get hurt, he still says pizza
and french fries the whole way down.
- [chuckles] No. That was the old Tom.
Honestly, I can't wait to get out there,
carve a line in some fresh pow-pow
with the gnarly K2s I just picked up.
Along with a book on ski terms.
- Oh, awesome.
Awe-some.
Man, so we all love skiing. - Mm-hmm.
- Ding. - Did you just say ding?
- No, that was just a text alert I got on my phone.
I wonder what it is. Oh, no.
The conditions are bad.
- I read the weather report. It's supposed to snow all week.
- Apparently, too much snow
is--is what it says
and they say the fresh snow is the...
most dangerous.
Also, someone saw a Sasquatch. - Oh, the kids would love that.
- Yeah, and for the record,
my book say that fresh pow-pow
is the best pow-pow.
- Great. Well, this is all working out.
You know, some people say the true meaning of Christmas
is just being with your family, but not this guy.
No, get me a chartered plane and a five-star hotel
and some shellfish at high altitude.
Who cares how much it all costs, right?
Yay, Aspen!
♪ ♪
- Feels like something's wrong. - Yeah, the indecision,
the nonsensical babbling,
I'd recognise it anywhere.
- He sounds just like you.
- Yeah, well... [coughs]
The old me.
[music box playing "O Christmas Tree"]
Hey, buddy, you okay?
- Is there a waitlist for the new Bentley?
- Did the orangutan from "Dunston Checks In" die?
- No.
I mean, yeah.
Sammy died in his sleep in 2010.
- So sorry. - This can't be about Aspen.
I mean, everyone knows you love skiing.
- And Sasquatches.
- Maybe I'm,
like, worried about the environmental impact
of a ski trip? - Environmental?
- What is even happening? - Connor...
I can't believe I'm gonna say this, but
are you having money problems?
- Yes.
Okay? Are you happy?
I lost some money.
- Connor, we had no idea. - I'm so sorry.
- Yeah, if you want, I can kick in for the ski trip.
I'm doing pretty well,
you know, as a "New York Times" be--
- No. - Okay.
- No, this is a little more than ski trip money.
- Well, what are we talking about.
I mean...
do you need a loan?
- [laughs]
Oh, Tom.
Thanks, man, I needed that.
And I appreciate the offer,
but this isn't the kind of loss that you can cover.
- Like, how much is it?
- I don't think I should say.
- Why don't you just write it down?
♪ ♪
- Ay, Dios mío. - It's too big.
- Is that a phone number? - I'm gonna be sick.
- Connor, why didn't you tell us that you'd lost so much money?
- [sighs] I didn't know how.
It's never happened to me before.
Honestly, I was embarrassed.
Oh, damn it, that sip was like 30 bucks.
- Oh, my gosh. - Wow.
Did you know your dad was having money trouble?
- We knew Q4 was going to be rocky, but not like this.
- I feel bad fishing for that PS5.
I don't need it.
- This house is full of stuff we don't need.
Wait.
I just got an amazing idea.
- We should rob a bank.
- We should take the things we don't need
and sell it online,
so my dad doesn't need to worry about money.
- That vase has got to be worth something.
- I'll grab the painting.
- Connor, I'm so sorry. I don't know what to say.
- Yeah, me neither.
- I do. Cancel the trip.
You know, it's a drop in the bucket, but it's a start.
Don't worry about us. We'll be fine.
Like you said, best part of skiing is taking off
your boots at the end of the day,
having a cup of hot chocolate by the fire.
- Thanks, new Tom.
- Word.
- If you need anything else, just let us know.
- Yeah, always. - I appreciate that, guys,
but you don't have to worry about me.
I'll be okay. Things might be
a little tight for a while, but I still have some money.
- Like, how much?
- Oh, I'd rather not-- I'd rather not say.
- Why don't you write it down? - Yeah.
- [sighs] Okay.
♪ ♪
- Are you [bleep] kidding me?
- That's the exact, same number.
- You had us worried for nothing.
- Okay, it's not about how much I have,
it's about how much I lost.
I knew you guys wouldn't understand.
- [sighs]
- Didn't these used to be in a bowl?
♪ ♪
- I can't stop thinking about the like, unlike thing.
- Oh, come on. What's the big deal?
- The big deal is that Tom could've used his book money
on anything, and he used it to bet on me.
I don't want to ruin it because the only contractor
that's willing to hire me thinks that I want to tap that.
- Yeah, that is a big deal.
- I need Santiago to know
that I'm only interested in him as a contractor.
- Okay, how about we post a lovey-dovey photo
of you and Tom on your feed
and then Santiago will think you're in a happy marriage.
- I am in a happy marriage.
- Yes. Exactly.
Bring that energy to the photo.
- Okay. Tom.
Honey, can I borrow you for something?
Oh! Connor, get out of here.
♪ ♪
- Ah, hey. What's up? - Nothing.
Just wanted to say I love you.
- Oh, thank you. [camera clicks]
You know, I love you too.
I was just thinking about the time that we went--
- We got it. We got it. - Okay.
- And #myangel,
#Iwillalwaysloveyou,
and done. Whew.
Glad that's over.
- I am so sorry I got you in this mess.
[phone chimes] - Just got a comment.
Oh, and another one. - Oh.
[phone chimes] - And another.
"My condolences." [phone chiming]
"Poor Tom, he will be missed"?
- Oh, yeah. This post makes it look like Tom died.
- [groans]
This is just gonna ruin everything.
Maybe I should just text Santiago
and explain the whole thing.
- Yeah, that's probably for the best.
- "He held on for so long."
Oh, boy.
- Well, it's official.
Cancelled Aspen.
- Good, and you'll be fine.
You still have so much money. What are you worried about?
- It's not about the money, Tom.
It's about me. I'm worried I lost my bojo.
That's my business mojo.
- Yeah, no, I put that together.
- What I did is I took the B from business,
I took the ojo... - Right.
- From mojo... - From--yeah. No, I got--
- And if you combine them...
- Wasn't that hard to figure out.
- I just have always had a way with money.
You know, ever since I was a little kid
and I first crushed you guys in that "Monopoly" game.
- [chuckles] - Remember that?
That was the first time I made you cry.
I was only seven, but I just-- I already had the touch.
And now it's gone. - Come on, man.
I'm sure this is just a rough patch.
In no time you're gonna be buying new companies,
laying off their employees, and stripping them down for parts.
- That's nice of you to say.
I just wish I believed it.
Well, I'm sorry for ruining Christmas.
I'm gonna head up to bed and finish off this night ham.
See you tomorrow.
- Yikes. Looks like Connor's still pulling a full Tom.
- Right. Well, the old Tom.
- Sure.
- Well, it's a good thing I'm the new Tom
'cause I think I know how to fix this.
Oh, it's so gross.
["We Wish You A Merry Christmas" playing]
♪ ♪
Morning, sleepyhead. - Morning, guys.
- Come hit the slopes.
[laughter] - What's all this?
- This is us enjoying the best part of skiing right here.
- Whew. Got to get these boots off.
I can't feel my feet. - Hot chocolate?
- Yes, please. [laughter]
How'd you come up with this? - Easy.
I just thought about what you'd do
and I did a much, much less expensive version.
- We have a surprise for you, too, Daddy.
We sold some of the stuff from around the house
to make money for you. - We made 72 bucks.
- Ah, wow. Thanks, guys.
- It was easy.
We sold some of the art from the wall
and the dinosaur skull you weren't using.
- Really?
You--you sold that?
[laughs]
This is all great. I mean, maybe I don't need
to crush it business when I have you guys.
Who cares if I lost my bojo forever, right?
- "Maybe I don't need to crush it at business"?
- It didn't work. He's still broken.
- I still got some tricks up my sleeve.
Hang on, buddy.
You didn't open your first present.
- All right.
- What could it be? - No way.
You serious? - No. Is that...
it's Christmas. It's gonna ruin the whole day.
- I'm sorry. It had to be done. - Oh, wow!
Sarah threw mine out the window last time we played.
- With good cause. - Oh, that's such a--
that's such a fun gift to play with the kids on another day.
And he's already setting it up. - I call top hat. Whoo!
- ♪ It's the most wonderful time ♪
- Oh, Denise, take a ride on the Reading
to $200 town. - Oh, no.
It looks like I'm running out of money.
I'll have to stop soon. - Damn it.
- Welcome to Park Place. We have a lovely hotel here.
Can I take your bags? See, the odds of landing
on Park Place or Boardwalk... - Okay.
- Are so low, it's like finding a needle in a haystack,
but if you own the strip, you own the whole haystack.
- How do I make any money?
I only have the Electric Company.
- Trade Tom for the Water Company.
He's desperate. - Come on, man.
- Water and power's a deadly combo, huh?
Huh. [phone beeps]
Remind me to call Bri-guy
about the Burmese hydropower project.
- You did it. You gave him his bojo back.
That's business mojo.
- Yeah, no. No, I know.
All it took was a little brojo.
Brother mojo.
- I don't follow.
- ♪ Long, long ago ♪
- Did Santiago respond? - Oh, yeah.
Apparently, he never checks Instagram,
so had I not texted him,
he never would've known it happened.
- "Glad your lesbian sister-in-law liked my picture.
"Sorry to hear about Tom.
I only met him once. He was clearly very sick."
It's not ideal. - Yeah.
I'll worry about it tomorrow.
It's Christmas. - Yeah.
[laughter]
♪ ♪
- You ready? - Tom, this is a very bad idea.
- Absolutely.
But let's see how this plays out.
- Geronimo! Oh!
New Tom is down.
- [roars] all: [screaming]
- ♪ Wonderful time of the year ♪
♪ There'll be much mistletoeing ♪
♪ And hearts will be glowing ♪ - Oh, my God.
A framed copy of the "New York Times" bestseller list.
I love it. - It's just a little something
to say thank you for betting on me.
- Well, you're gonna be amazing.
I mean, I just--I know it. Has she told you about this
hot contractor that she's working with?
- What? - Hot?
- No. - I mean, we're not just, like,
sitting around all day just, like,
looking at pictures of some shirtless guy.
- Stop objectifying men, Tom.
- Yeah, I mean, don't be a part of the problem.
- Get your mind out of the gutter.
- He could be someone's son.
- Okay. Yeah.
Sorry.
- Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas!
- Hey. - Mom!
- You made it.
- Oh, no, not Mom. I'm Santa Claus, of course.
- [laughs] - Come on, Sarah.
Pull up a seat. - Prepare to get crushed.
- Oh, no. Not "Monopoly."
No. No, no, no. No, no.
Santa promised herself that she would never do this again.
- Nice try, Sarah Claus. - No.
- Come on. - You're being very naughty.
[all chanting "Sarah Claus"]
- No!