1
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  "Isn't It Easy" by Goldmyth    

2
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3
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  I don't want to think it out  

4
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          Just move by feeling      
             for a while            

5
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  'Cause I turn it inside out    

6
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           And out and out         

7
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                 Easy              

8
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            Isn't it easy?         

9
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               [sighs]              

10
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          slow, somber music       

11
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           Feel that velvety,        
      100% polyester microfleece.    

12
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        It is like getting a hug     
       from a really good friend     

13
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           on a day when you         
            really need it.          

14
00:01:06,941 --> 00:01:08,485
        And I am such a hugger.      

15
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           -Are you a hugger?        
                 -Yes.               

16
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       Now, this is item H-9891,     
      the Twinsies Tandem Snuggie    

17
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         by Sunday Sensations.       

18
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           It feels so good,         
      and it's such a mood lifter.   

19
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     Throw out your Prozac, y'all.   

20
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             Just kidding.           
         Please don't do that.       

21
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      But, seriously, I just feel    
          so loved up and cozy       

22
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             wearing this.           

23
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       It's like we're two BFFs.     

24
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 And do you know that I just met   
        Danielle 20 minutes ago?     

25
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         Can't you just imagine      
         curling up under this       

26
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       with your closest gal pal     
       and watching a fun movie,     

27
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 and having a nice glass of wine? 

28
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           -Oh, I love wine.         
              -[laughs]             

29
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               -Me, too.             
            -Oh, my God.            

30
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             upbeat music          

31
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        [indistinct chatter]        

32
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               [sighs]              

33
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              Morning.              
             [chuckles]             

34
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                 Hi.                

35
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       Ugh. Sorry I'm walking       
       sideways, side to side.      

36
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             [chuckles]             

37
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       I guess I'm just tired       
        because I didn't get        

38
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       -much sleep last night.      
              -Why not?             

39
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      Um, I don't know, I guess     
    I was doing all kinds of sex    

40
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   and getting absolutely slammed   
             and topped.            

41
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     I'm-a get me some. Mm-hmm.     

42
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     Hey, Perry, you should have    
          put a ring on it.         

43
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       Listen, I don't believe      
            in marriage,            

44
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    but mazel, you little hooker.   

45
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            -[both laugh]           
            -Hey, Joanna,           

46
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   could you maybe read the room?   
           Potato is sick.          

47
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      I spent $700 on inhalers      
             at the vet,            

48
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       and nothing is working.      
         All right, come on.        

49
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    I could have spent that money   
           on snow tires.           

50
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   So, I heard you fucked Jordan.   
            That's cool.            

51
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        Yeah. It was so good.       

52
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           So, obviously,           
         I'm very exhausted.        

53
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           He's so sweet.           
        So charitable of him.       

54
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       Wait, does he know that      
       you fucked your doctor?      

55
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          -[shaking salad]          
               -What?               

56
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    I saw you in the parking lot.   

57
00:03:01,806 --> 00:03:03,266
        I mean, if you're not       
        fucking your doctor,        

58
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   why is he giving you meatballs? 

59
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        Well, I don't owe you       
           an explanation,          

60
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   but because I'm a good person,   
         I'll give you one.         

61
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                 Mm.                

62
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      The reason that my doctor     
          gave me meatballs         

63
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      is because he's Italian,      

64
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    and it's part of his culture.   

65
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              So, hmm.              

66
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           Here's an idea.          

67
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       Um, why don't you mind       
          your own beeswax          

68
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          and go get fucked         
         in your own pussy?         

69
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            -Bye, friend.           
      -[chuckles sarcastically]     

70
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             -[exhales]             
         -[rapid footsteps]         

71
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      Do you think I'm pretty?      
       Do you think I'm a ten?      

72
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         Beth Ann, I cannot         
         do this right now.         

73
00:04:05,995 --> 00:04:07,664
          Okay, but I feel,         
         like, really gross,        

74
00:04:07,705 --> 00:04:09,624
      and it's just gonna take,     
         like, two seconds.         

75
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         Okay, you're a ten.        

76
00:04:11,709 --> 00:04:13,503
        Well, now I feel like       
     I can't tell if you mean it    

77
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        'cause you feel like        
         you had to say it.         

78
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     Beth Ann, is that something    

79
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        you desperately need        
         from me right now?         

80
00:04:18,258 --> 00:04:19,550
   To tell you that you're pretty? 
    You get told it all the time.   

81
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         You're very pretty.        

82
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           Oh, yeah, like,          
        you don't need people       

83
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   to tell you that you're a ten?   

84
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    'Cause I think you're a ten.    

85
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         That wasn't so hard        
           for me to say.           

86
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    Well, I just said it to you!    

87
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       But you didn't mean it.      
         You didn't mean it.        

88
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      [heavy, rapid footsteps]      

89
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            tranquil music         

90
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91
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               Encantada.            

92
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               [gasps]              

93
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         [sniffing heavily]         

94
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        Jesus fucking Christ.       

95
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       The discourse is toxic.      
       The discourse is toxic.      

96
00:05:18,651 --> 00:05:21,404
           Don't you think          
       the discourse is toxic?      

97
00:05:21,446 --> 00:05:24,073
            No. Declare.            

98
00:05:24,115 --> 00:05:25,491
       The discourse is toxic.      

99
00:05:25,533 --> 00:05:27,827
   Ah, yes, I-I read that article. 

100
00:05:27,869 --> 00:05:29,912
           Haricots verts.          

101
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                Taxi.               

102
00:05:31,664 --> 00:05:32,832
            Yes, uptown.            

103
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               Darcy?               

104
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                Fuck.               

105
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                Fuck!               

106
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        [phone line ringing]        

107
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            Hi, it's Emmet.          
        I'm not here right now.      

108
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           -Leave a message.         
               -[beep]              

109
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         contemplative music       

110
00:06:30,431 --> 00:06:32,558
                                  

111
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              [Jackie]              
          I stand in my power,       

112
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       I stand in my strength.      

113
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        I stand in my power,        

114
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       I stand in my strength.      

115
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        I stand in my power,        

116
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      -I stand in my strength.      
           -[phone chimes]          

117
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             Holy shit.             

118
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      Thank you... thank you...     
             thank you.             

119
00:07:06,968 --> 00:07:08,928
       Oh, my God. Oh, my God.      
             Oh, my God.            

120
00:07:11,681 --> 00:07:13,599
              [groans]              

121
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              [groans]              
          "Duck"? Come on.          

122
00:07:18,938 --> 00:07:21,107
          "Yes." Oh, good.          

123
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         [sultry R & B playing]      

124
00:07:25,820 --> 00:07:28,156
          Thinkin' 'bout you       

125
00:07:39,333 --> 00:07:41,210
      Your tattoos are so cool.     

126
00:07:41,252 --> 00:07:42,462
            Hmm, thanks.            

127
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         What do they mean?         

128
00:07:44,005 --> 00:07:47,049
           Um, well, uh...          

129
00:07:47,091 --> 00:07:49,469
         Oh, this is my dog.        

130
00:07:49,510 --> 00:07:53,431
         And, uh, uh, well,         
       this is just a flower.       

131
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        I can't get a tattoo.       

132
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              Why not?              

133
00:07:56,642 --> 00:07:58,436
    Because if you get a tattoo,    

134
00:07:58,478 --> 00:08:00,563
         you can't be buried        
        in a Jewish cemetery.       

135
00:08:00,605 --> 00:08:03,065
            Oh. How come?           

136
00:08:03,107 --> 00:08:05,485
         Hmm. Nobody knows.         

137
00:08:05,526 --> 00:08:09,280
     -Hey, um, what's this one?     
             -Garfield.             

138
00:08:09,322 --> 00:08:12,116
       I was kind of obsessed       
       with Garfield as a kid.      

139
00:08:12,158 --> 00:08:14,702
        Um, yeah. Who wasn't?       

140
00:08:14,744 --> 00:08:16,412
          He loves lasagna.         

141
00:08:16,454 --> 00:08:18,539
         And hates Mondays.         

142
00:08:22,960 --> 00:08:25,087
         I really like you.         

143
00:08:25,129 --> 00:08:27,840
 You're basically my favorite guy 
            in the world.           

144
00:08:27,882 --> 00:08:29,842
                -Wow.               
           -Except my dad.          

145
00:08:29,884 --> 00:08:31,802
   But I've known him for longer.   

146
00:08:31,844 --> 00:08:34,472
        That's totally fair.        
          That makes sense.         

147
00:08:37,892 --> 00:08:40,686
             -[music stops]          
               -[beep]              

148
00:08:40,728 --> 00:08:42,688
   I don't want to pry, you know,   

149
00:08:42,730 --> 00:08:44,690
    and-and we totally don't have   
        to get into anything        

150
00:08:44,732 --> 00:08:49,320
       that you don't want to,      
              but, um,              

151
00:08:49,362 --> 00:08:52,365
   we haven't really talked about   

152
00:08:52,406 --> 00:08:54,534
        your whole prognosis.       

153
00:08:54,575 --> 00:08:56,619
                 Oh.                

154
00:08:56,661 --> 00:09:00,039
      I don't want you to feel      
      like you can't talk about     

155
00:09:00,081 --> 00:09:01,290
       what's really going on       
              with you.             

156
00:09:01,332 --> 00:09:05,044
       Oh, y... you're worried      
              about me.             

157
00:09:05,086 --> 00:09:08,047
     I mean, yeah, a little bit.    
             [chuckles]             

158
00:09:09,966 --> 00:09:14,887
    You know, I'll, I'll give you   
         all the details...         

159
00:09:14,929 --> 00:09:16,013
           at some point,           

160
00:09:16,055 --> 00:09:20,142
         but, um, I just...         

161
00:09:20,184 --> 00:09:24,647
      Just, could we just stay      
           in this, like,           

162
00:09:24,689 --> 00:09:26,440
        perfect little moment       

163
00:09:26,482 --> 00:09:29,026
          and just be here?         

164
00:09:29,068 --> 00:09:30,611
       Yes. Yeah, absolutely.       

165
00:09:30,653 --> 00:09:31,737
           I'm-I'm sorry.           
         I didn't mean to--         

166
00:09:31,779 --> 00:09:33,739
                -No.                
        -Let's just... Okay.        

167
00:09:33,781 --> 00:09:36,200
    -Of course. All right. Okay.    
            -Okay. Okay.            

168
00:09:36,242 --> 00:09:37,410
             All right.             

169
00:09:41,539 --> 00:09:43,874
          [jazz piano playing]       

170
00:09:43,916 --> 00:09:45,960
                                  

171
00:09:49,088 --> 00:09:53,092
          -Hello, Patricia.         
             -Hey, baby.            

172
00:09:53,134 --> 00:09:55,678
     I love Le Petit Swordfish.     
            It's so fun.            

173
00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:57,388
        Look at that big fish       
            on the wall.            

174
00:09:57,430 --> 00:09:59,098
   I wonder who caught that fish.   

175
00:09:59,140 --> 00:10:00,433
            [both laugh]            

176
00:10:00,474 --> 00:10:02,059
      I know we're three hours      
           from the beach,          

177
00:10:02,101 --> 00:10:03,436
        but for some reason,        
     when I'm here, I feel like     

178
00:10:03,477 --> 00:10:04,895
        I'm sitting on a boat       
            or something.           

179
00:10:04,937 --> 00:10:07,481
             [chuckling]            
     You are such a goofy bitch.    

180
00:10:09,317 --> 00:10:12,778
          -You look pretty.         
             -Thank you.            

181
00:10:12,820 --> 00:10:15,406
        Every woman deserves        
          a luscious mane.          

182
00:10:15,448 --> 00:10:16,949
    Even if it's on the forehead.   

183
00:10:16,991 --> 00:10:19,118
         And statistically,         
        the forehead is where       

184
00:10:19,160 --> 00:10:20,953
      -the face meets the hair.     
              -Exactly.             

185
00:10:20,995 --> 00:10:23,831
        So why not highlight        
        that beautiful space?       

186
00:10:23,873 --> 00:10:25,458
               -Right?              
              -Mm-hmm.              

187
00:10:25,499 --> 00:10:27,501
         This is why I love         
      Bangerz of Beverly Hills.     

188
00:10:27,543 --> 00:10:31,088
          They are so fun,          
        confidence-boosting,        

189
00:10:31,130 --> 00:10:33,090
            easy to wear,           
       great for a night out.       

190
00:10:33,132 --> 00:10:34,800
           -No commitment.          
               -Okay.               

191
00:10:34,842 --> 00:10:36,302
    Are you ready to get banged?    

192
00:10:36,344 --> 00:10:39,013
             On camera?             
       I swore I never would.       

193
00:10:39,055 --> 00:10:40,348
            [both laugh]            

194
00:10:40,389 --> 00:10:42,016
           Just be gentle,          
         it's been a while.         

195
00:10:42,058 --> 00:10:44,185
          All right. Okay.          

196
00:10:44,226 --> 00:10:46,145
       And just remember that       
        I have a very small,        

197
00:10:46,187 --> 00:10:47,313
          tiny little head.         

198
00:10:47,355 --> 00:10:48,648
          I have big hair,          
          but a small head.         

199
00:10:48,689 --> 00:10:51,525
   -Okay. And you just got banged. 
              -[gasps]              

200
00:10:51,567 --> 00:10:55,905
               [gasps]              
             Who is she?            

201
00:10:55,946 --> 00:10:57,657
    And, you know, for you ladies   
      at home who aren't ready      

202
00:10:57,698 --> 00:10:59,116
    to commit to permanent bangs,   

203
00:10:59,158 --> 00:11:00,785
        these are a super fun       
            and great way           

204
00:11:00,826 --> 00:11:02,745
       to just pretend you're       
      someone else for a night.     

205
00:11:02,787 --> 00:11:04,163
       Mm. Wouldn't my husband      
             love that?             

206
00:11:04,205 --> 00:11:05,915
               -Right?              
            -[both laugh]           

207
00:11:05,956 --> 00:11:09,418
       You know, it's so funny      
         to see bangs again.        

208
00:11:09,460 --> 00:11:11,003
         I haven't had bangs        
           since I was 17.          

209
00:11:11,045 --> 00:11:13,339
              -Really?              
     -Which was actually how old    

210
00:11:13,381 --> 00:11:15,424
      -I was when I met Austin.     
                -Oh.                

211
00:11:15,466 --> 00:11:16,842
      He was my mom's boyfriend     
           for two weeks.           

212
00:11:16,884 --> 00:11:18,844
                -Oh.                
       -Cut to 11 years later.      

213
00:11:18,886 --> 00:11:20,429
      My two beautiful children     
              are like,             

214
00:11:20,471 --> 00:11:21,764
           [high-pitched]           
    "Why haven't we met Grandma?"   

215
00:11:21,806 --> 00:11:23,349
             [laughing]             
                Wow.                

216
00:11:23,391 --> 00:11:25,685
    Today we have the Icy Blonde,   

217
00:11:25,726 --> 00:11:28,229
           the Sass Brown,          
 which is this really rich brown, 

218
00:11:28,270 --> 00:11:31,357
   and the Midnight Magic is wow.   
              [laughs]              

219
00:11:31,941 --> 00:11:37,196
       That is really working       
   for you, girl, don't you think? 

220
00:11:37,238 --> 00:11:41,033
       Um, Beth Ann? [laughs]       

221
00:11:41,075 --> 00:11:42,535
         I never should have        

222
00:11:42,576 --> 00:11:44,203
   -brought your ass to Wimbledon. 
          -[Jackie laughs]          

223
00:11:44,245 --> 00:11:47,331
   Big deal. So I spilled a glass   
      of beer on John McEnroe.      

224
00:11:47,373 --> 00:11:49,208
              -Boo-hoo.             
         -You embarrassed me        

225
00:11:49,250 --> 00:11:51,377
              in front              
    of the whole Sackler family.    

226
00:11:51,419 --> 00:11:53,170
         Oh, they loved it,         
          and you know it.          

227
00:11:53,212 --> 00:11:55,715
         Pat, I have to say,        

228
00:11:55,756 --> 00:11:57,550
            I am so glad            
   you finally asked me to lunch.   

229
00:11:57,591 --> 00:12:00,094
    It really has been too long.    

230
00:12:01,387 --> 00:12:03,222
              [quietly]             
               Jackie.              

231
00:12:05,182 --> 00:12:07,184
               Listen,              

232
00:12:07,226 --> 00:12:09,270
    I'm going through some shit.    

233
00:12:12,189 --> 00:12:14,233
     It's hard for me to say it.    

234
00:12:15,526 --> 00:12:17,069
 But I got to tell you something. 

235
00:12:17,111 --> 00:12:18,487
            I understand.           
        Don't worry about it.       

236
00:12:18,529 --> 00:12:20,906
     I can get us started today.    

237
00:12:20,948 --> 00:12:23,325
     So, you know my astrologer.    

238
00:12:24,285 --> 00:12:27,204
                -Pam.               
           -Pam. Yes, Pam.          

239
00:12:27,246 --> 00:12:30,249
          Pam told me that          
   in the next chapter of my life, 

240
00:12:30,291 --> 00:12:32,418
            I really need           
        to stand in my power.       

241
00:12:32,460 --> 00:12:33,753
               -Right.              
               -Right?              

242
00:12:33,794 --> 00:12:35,421
               -Yeah.               
             -So, I know            

243
00:12:35,463 --> 00:12:37,256
      the last time we talked,      
   I was maybe a little too vague   

244
00:12:37,298 --> 00:12:38,883
      about the kinds of things     

245
00:12:38,924 --> 00:12:42,595
          I was envisioning         
     selling on my show, but...     

246
00:12:42,636 --> 00:12:44,054
           stay with me...          

247
00:12:44,096 --> 00:12:46,891
     this is a perfect example.     

248
00:12:46,932 --> 00:12:48,768
               Ta-da!               

249
00:12:48,809 --> 00:12:50,936
       What the fuck is that?       

250
00:12:50,978 --> 00:12:52,938
      This is a Crystal Buddy.      

251
00:12:52,980 --> 00:12:56,942
        Now, each Buddy comes       
         with its own stone         

252
00:12:56,984 --> 00:12:59,361
            for a variety           
        of healing purposes.        

253
00:12:59,403 --> 00:13:01,614
       They're basically like       
         energy channelers.         

254
00:13:01,655 --> 00:13:04,033
       This is Swagger Buddy.       

255
00:13:04,074 --> 00:13:05,951
   He actually played quite a part 

256
00:13:05,993 --> 00:13:08,120
    in getting us to sit together   
           today at lunch.          

257
00:13:08,162 --> 00:13:10,289
            -Oh, he did?            
            -Yes, he did.           

258
00:13:10,331 --> 00:13:13,626
         Did you know, Pat,         
       that I was holding him       

259
00:13:13,667 --> 00:13:15,085
           the very second          
         that you texted me         

260
00:13:15,127 --> 00:13:16,629
         to ask me to go out        
          for lunch today?          

261
00:13:16,670 --> 00:13:18,047
           You want to say          
        that's a coincidence?       

262
00:13:18,088 --> 00:13:19,465
          I don't think so.         

263
00:13:19,507 --> 00:13:22,259
      This is just one example      

264
00:13:22,301 --> 00:13:23,636
        of the kind of thing        
            I would sell            

265
00:13:23,677 --> 00:13:25,429
    on a   Beautiful You   I control,   

266
00:13:25,471 --> 00:13:27,473
     where I get to sell things     
     that reflect the new person    

267
00:13:27,515 --> 00:13:29,558
       that I am growing into.      

268
00:13:33,854 --> 00:13:38,192
           So Pam gave you          
      these Canal Street rocks,     

269
00:13:38,234 --> 00:13:42,404
        and now she wants you       
     to sell these on air, huh?     

270
00:13:44,198 --> 00:13:46,325
            Let me guess.           

271
00:13:46,367 --> 00:13:47,868
         You owe her money?         

272
00:13:47,910 --> 00:13:50,996
          No. No, I don't.          
         It's not like that.        

273
00:13:51,038 --> 00:13:52,832
     So you don't owe her money?    

274
00:13:52,873 --> 00:13:54,834
                 No.                

275
00:13:54,875 --> 00:13:57,211
   I mean, well, I mean, a little, 
   but that's not the reason why-- 

276
00:13:57,253 --> 00:13:59,880
 So you do. You   do   owe her money! 

277
00:13:59,922 --> 00:14:03,884
 And now I'm supposed to sit here 
   while you tell me this fucking   

278
00:14:03,926 --> 00:14:05,719
            crystal turd            

279
00:14:05,761 --> 00:14:09,014
      summoned me here somehow?     

280
00:14:09,056 --> 00:14:11,350
        Okay, now I feel like       
      you're being really rude.     

281
00:14:11,392 --> 00:14:13,185
   These are very well made, Pat,   
   but they're not indestructible, 

282
00:14:13,227 --> 00:14:15,187
 so please be careful. Thank you. 

283
00:14:15,229 --> 00:14:16,814
         No, no, no, Jackie.        

284
00:14:16,856 --> 00:14:18,774
    Let me tell you what's rude.    

285
00:14:18,816 --> 00:14:20,818
           The whole time           
         you're sitting here        

286
00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:23,279
       munching on a crab cake      
             I'm buying,            

287
00:14:23,320 --> 00:14:25,865
       you're just waiting for      
    the right moment to hit me up   

288
00:14:25,906 --> 00:14:29,368
         with this big scam         
       you and Pam cooked up.       

289
00:14:29,410 --> 00:14:31,537
          It's not a scam.          

290
00:14:31,579 --> 00:14:33,706
       It all makes sense now.      

291
00:14:35,249 --> 00:14:38,627
            Marty's gone,           
      so you come crawling back     

292
00:14:38,669 --> 00:14:42,715
      to your old pal Patricia      
       to clean up your mess.       

293
00:14:43,924 --> 00:14:46,093
          Well, guess what.         

294
00:14:46,135 --> 00:14:48,220
        I'm still sick of it.       

295
00:14:48,262 --> 00:14:52,182
        You want to know why        
    you don't like your contract?   

296
00:14:52,224 --> 00:14:54,768
     Because Pam fucking did it     

297
00:14:54,810 --> 00:14:58,022
      before she was disbarred!     

298
00:14:58,063 --> 00:15:01,984
         Now, the two of you        
        can play sticker book       

299
00:15:02,026 --> 00:15:04,320
    with whatever white nonsense    
              you want,             

300
00:15:04,361 --> 00:15:06,530
          but keep it away          
          from my network.          

301
00:15:12,536 --> 00:15:14,496
         This is so classic.        

302
00:15:14,538 --> 00:15:16,248
            Classic you.            

303
00:15:16,290 --> 00:15:19,877
      This might seem like just     
    some big, stupid joke to you,   

304
00:15:19,919 --> 00:15:21,879
      but do you know that this     
   actually means something to me? 

305
00:15:21,921 --> 00:15:24,214
     It's important to me, okay?    
               To me.               

306
00:15:24,256 --> 00:15:26,216
          You never change,         
           you know that?           

307
00:15:26,258 --> 00:15:28,928
    And you never let anyone else   
       change, and that's why       

308
00:15:28,969 --> 00:15:31,388
   maybe your own son doesn't want 
          to speak to you.          

309
00:15:31,430 --> 00:15:34,266
        slow, melancholy music     

310
00:15:34,308 --> 00:15:36,268
              The fuck?             

311
00:15:36,310 --> 00:15:38,437
          Yeah. Guess what.         
         He texted me today,        

312
00:15:38,479 --> 00:15:40,105
           and he told me           
        that you called him,        

313
00:15:40,147 --> 00:15:41,690
     but he said he doesn't want    
           to talk to you.          

314
00:15:41,732 --> 00:15:43,400
       Very interesting. Huh.       

315
00:15:43,442 --> 00:15:45,152
         But he still wants         
           to talk to me.           

316
00:15:45,778 --> 00:15:50,074
          I think it's time         
    you leave Le Petit Swordfish.   

317
00:15:50,115 --> 00:15:53,160
        Fine.   We're   leaving.        

318
00:15:53,202 --> 00:15:55,454
           You're welcome           
         for the crab cakes.        

319
00:15:55,496 --> 00:15:56,914
      They were mostly filler.      

320
00:15:56,956 --> 00:15:58,791
      Bitch, I didn't make 'em.     

321
00:15:59,959 --> 00:16:02,670
            -Oh, my God.            
          -This is so cute.         

322
00:16:02,711 --> 00:16:05,506
     Does that look like it'd be    
    the right size for me? Okay.    

323
00:16:05,547 --> 00:16:08,175
         You can just add it        
        to my friend's bill.        

324
00:16:08,217 --> 00:16:09,593
             Thank you.             

325
00:16:09,635 --> 00:16:11,095
         [imitates gunshot]         

326
00:16:11,720 --> 00:16:14,306
     Hey, Jackie, knock, knock.     
        We got a late change        

327
00:16:14,348 --> 00:16:16,725
      to the Infinite Luxuries      
     Essentials Infinity Scarf.     

328
00:16:16,767 --> 00:16:19,561
           We are pulling           
         the Grecian Greige.        

329
00:16:19,603 --> 00:16:22,314
         You good with that?        

330
00:16:22,356 --> 00:16:24,483
          You got it, hon?          

331
00:16:27,486 --> 00:16:28,612
               Jackie?              

332
00:16:28,654 --> 00:16:30,614
            intense music          

333
00:16:30,656 --> 00:16:32,700
                                  

334
00:16:34,368 --> 00:16:36,161
              Jackie?!              

335
00:16:36,203 --> 00:16:39,164
         Fuck... my... life!        

336
00:16:39,206 --> 00:16:40,749
      Jackie, are you in there?     

337
00:16:40,791 --> 00:16:42,459
              It's Deb.             

338
00:16:42,501 --> 00:16:44,003
      Well, is Jackie in there      
              with you?             

339
00:16:44,044 --> 00:16:49,008
                -No?                
         -Wrong answer, Deb!        

340
00:16:49,049 --> 00:16:50,467
      Arch your back, and then      

341
00:16:50,509 --> 00:16:52,011
        you're gonna feel it        
         in your hamstrings.        

342
00:16:52,052 --> 00:16:53,262
       Okay, well, that's how       
      I fucked up my shoulder--     

343
00:16:53,303 --> 00:16:54,680
                -Hey!               
                -Aah!               

344
00:16:54,722 --> 00:16:56,223
               Beena!               

345
00:16:56,265 --> 00:16:58,475
     Actionable! What the fuck?     

346
00:16:58,517 --> 00:17:00,602
           You   what the fuck!        
        Have you seen Jackie?       

347
00:17:00,644 --> 00:17:03,355
       Beautiful You's   on in 15,     
   and she's nowhere to be found.   

348
00:17:03,397 --> 00:17:04,898
         Well, did you check        
         her dressing room?         

349
00:17:04,940 --> 00:17:08,318
     Oh, I didn't think of that.    
             Great idea.            

350
00:17:08,360 --> 00:17:09,653
          Did you text her?         

351
00:17:09,695 --> 00:17:11,905
        Oh, what a great idea       
            to text her.            

352
00:17:11,947 --> 00:17:13,949
          You know, I guess         
     it just didn't occur to me     

353
00:17:13,991 --> 00:17:17,161
   'cause I'm just a stupid woman   
    with a giant Hello Kitty head   

354
00:17:17,202 --> 00:17:19,288
    that goes "Meow, meow, meow"!   

355
00:17:19,329 --> 00:17:20,706
        -Go help me find her!       
          -I've got to go.          

356
00:17:20,748 --> 00:17:22,750
   Eyes on Jackie, eyes on Jackie. 

357
00:17:26,754 --> 00:17:28,672
          What's going on?          

358
00:17:28,714 --> 00:17:30,549
          Jackie's missing.         

359
00:17:30,591 --> 00:17:32,342
               [gasps]              
       Who's going on for her?      

360
00:17:32,384 --> 00:17:34,053
     Is she okay? Was it drugs?     
       Who's going on for her?      

361
00:17:34,094 --> 00:17:36,305
   -I don't know. What? No. Stop!   
        -I think I can do it.       

362
00:17:36,346 --> 00:17:37,890
      I think it should be me.      
     She would have wanted that.    

363
00:17:37,931 --> 00:17:39,808
     -I don't think she's dead.     
      -I know. I'm just saying      

364
00:17:39,850 --> 00:17:41,894
            I can do it.            
        I can save the show.        

365
00:17:41,935 --> 00:17:43,395
           Okay, go, yeah.          
       Go to hair and makeup.       

366
00:17:43,437 --> 00:17:45,022
       Okay, boss. Wait, wait.      

367
00:17:45,064 --> 00:17:47,066
         Bangerz? Yay? Nay?         

368
00:17:47,107 --> 00:17:48,484
              Not mad.              

369
00:17:48,525 --> 00:17:49,985
              [squeals]             

370
00:17:51,403 --> 00:17:53,197
          Jackie's missing,         
        but I got it covered.       

371
00:17:53,238 --> 00:17:55,324
         Beth Ann's already         
         in hair and makeup.        

372
00:18:00,496 --> 00:18:03,707
              -[sighs]              
             -I'm sorry.            

373
00:18:03,749 --> 00:18:05,709
            [door closes]           

374
00:18:05,751 --> 00:18:08,170
         contemplative music       

375
00:18:08,212 --> 00:18:10,255
                                  

376
00:18:12,508 --> 00:18:14,343
                Mmm.                

377
00:18:14,384 --> 00:18:15,761
               Joanna?              

378
00:18:15,803 --> 00:18:19,056
        Hmm. Oh, you're here,       
             uh, in my--            

379
00:18:19,098 --> 00:18:23,435
        You're gonna fill in        
    for Jackie on   Beautiful You.    

380
00:18:23,477 --> 00:18:26,313
        What? Where's Jackie?       
            Is she okay?            

381
00:18:26,355 --> 00:18:29,858
            -She's fine.            
         -Okay, well, um...         

382
00:18:29,900 --> 00:18:32,111
        I'm really flattered,       
            but I just...           

383
00:18:32,152 --> 00:18:34,279
 You know, I wouldn't want Jackie 
           to feel, like,           

384
00:18:34,321 --> 00:18:36,615
    weird or-or, like, betrayed.    

385
00:18:36,657 --> 00:18:39,284
          She just betrayed         
     the whole fucking network.     

386
00:18:39,326 --> 00:18:40,911
            Now, listen,            

387
00:18:40,953 --> 00:18:44,790
    you've been doing really well   
           here, you know?          

388
00:18:44,832 --> 00:18:46,792
         You've grown a lot.        

389
00:18:46,834 --> 00:18:48,794
       And if this goes well,       

390
00:18:48,836 --> 00:18:51,296
    maybe you get your own show.    

391
00:18:52,256 --> 00:18:56,385
        Joanna, I really need       
        your help right now.        

392
00:18:56,426 --> 00:18:58,762
       You know what it's like      

393
00:18:58,804 --> 00:19:01,473
 to have stress on top of cancer. 

394
00:19:02,432 --> 00:19:04,309
    Now, you don't want to do it,   

395
00:19:04,351 --> 00:19:06,228
   I can always send in Beth Ann.   

396
00:19:06,270 --> 00:19:07,896
                Huh?                

397
00:19:10,482 --> 00:19:12,234
        Heather, that is not        
           a nose contour.          

398
00:19:12,276 --> 00:19:14,236
    I asked for Dubai, not Kabul.   

399
00:19:14,278 --> 00:19:16,238
      Hi. Beth Ann, I'm sorry.      

400
00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:17,656
         We need the chair.         

401
00:19:17,698 --> 00:19:19,199
               [woman]              
     Going live in ten, people.     

402
00:19:19,241 --> 00:19:21,201
                What?               

403
00:19:21,243 --> 00:19:22,369
              [quietly]             
              I tried.              

404
00:19:35,465 --> 00:19:37,426
             I hate you!            

405
00:19:37,467 --> 00:19:38,802
              [grunts]              

406
00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:41,430
       -She didn't mean that.       
          -I think she did.         

407
00:19:41,471 --> 00:19:42,848
           -Yeah, she did.          
               -Okay.               

408
00:19:42,890 --> 00:19:44,933
      [upbeat theme music playing]   

409
00:19:44,975 --> 00:19:46,768
         [female announcer]         
       Next up on   Beautiful You,     

410
00:19:46,810 --> 00:19:49,605
         Jackie Stilton brings       
      you amazing deals and steals   

411
00:19:49,646 --> 00:19:52,191
     to make a more beautiful you.   

412
00:19:52,232 --> 00:19:54,526
       Welcome to   Beautiful You      

413
00:19:54,568 --> 00:19:58,197
                Welcome             
          to   Beautiful You.           

414
00:19:58,238 --> 00:20:01,658
      Hello, beautiful people,      
    and welcome to   Beautiful You.   

415
00:20:01,700 --> 00:20:03,368
          I'm Joanna Gold,          

416
00:20:03,410 --> 00:20:05,871
     and I am so sad that Jackie    
       couldn't be here today,      

417
00:20:05,913 --> 00:20:08,957
   but one thing that I do know is 
   that she'd want us to have fun. 

418
00:20:08,999 --> 00:20:10,542
           Now let's look           
        at our first product.       

419
00:20:10,584 --> 00:20:13,128
      It's an absolute favorite     
            of Jackie's.            

420
00:20:13,170 --> 00:20:16,715
     This is the Infinite Luxury    
     Essentials Infinity Scarf.     

421
00:20:16,757 --> 00:20:18,884
         Now... the problem         

422
00:20:18,926 --> 00:20:21,094
     with traditional scarves is    
           that they end,           

423
00:20:21,136 --> 00:20:23,722
           and not always           
        where we want 'em to.       

424
00:20:23,764 --> 00:20:26,516
           But this scarf,          
         it goes on forever.        

425
00:20:26,558 --> 00:20:28,185
             Do we love?            

426
00:20:28,227 --> 00:20:30,187
        Okay, and I just want       
     to show you with this scarf    

427
00:20:30,229 --> 00:20:31,897
           how many times           
    I can wrap it around my neck.   

428
00:20:31,939 --> 00:20:35,400
       It's really incredible.      
          Okay, here's one.         

429
00:20:35,442 --> 00:20:37,027
              And two.              

430
00:20:37,069 --> 00:20:38,528
          And three times.          

431
00:20:38,570 --> 00:20:40,614
          Hmm? And four times.       

432
00:20:40,656 --> 00:20:42,366
            -And guess what.         
     -[man] And cutting to "B."     

433
00:20:42,407 --> 00:20:43,867
           Time number five.         

434
00:20:43,909 --> 00:20:45,285
      Now, here's what I love,      

435
00:20:45,327 --> 00:20:47,621
     and I am so freaking jazzed    
             about this.            

436
00:20:47,663 --> 00:20:49,998
      For the first time ever,      

437
00:20:50,040 --> 00:20:52,251
         Fabulously Ageless         
           is offering us           

438
00:20:52,292 --> 00:20:56,421
         this breathtaking,         
      128-ounce, pump-top jug.      

439
00:20:56,463 --> 00:20:58,423
 Now, we have a caller right now. 

440
00:20:58,465 --> 00:21:00,842
    I'm hear... I'm just hearing    
       that we have a caller.       

441
00:21:00,884 --> 00:21:02,719
 This is Cristal from Boca Raton. 

442
00:21:02,761 --> 00:21:03,887
    Cristal, hello. How are you?    

443
00:21:03,929 --> 00:21:05,389
          [Southern accent]         
                  Hi!                

444
00:21:05,430 --> 00:21:07,266
       Now, tell me, Cristal,       

445
00:21:07,307 --> 00:21:10,435
   how many gorgeous tubs and jugs 
     of cream did you get today?    

446
00:21:10,477 --> 00:21:12,437
                Oh, no,              
      I don't want any cream tubs.   

447
00:21:12,479 --> 00:21:13,772
        [Jackie] [no accent]        
       I was just wondering where    

448
00:21:13,814 --> 00:21:15,440
      you got that pretty bracelet   

449
00:21:15,482 --> 00:21:18,527
     with that lobster claw clasp.   

450
00:21:18,568 --> 00:21:20,279
           Just has that air         

451
00:21:20,320 --> 00:21:21,571
    of sophistication, you know?    

452
00:21:21,613 --> 00:21:23,991
         contemplative music       

453
00:21:24,032 --> 00:21:26,493
                                  

454
00:21:26,535 --> 00:21:30,622
                Uh...               

455
00:21:30,664 --> 00:21:35,294
   Well, I can't remember exactly   
    where I got, uh, my bracelet.   

456
00:21:35,335 --> 00:21:37,004
      But we are talking creams     
             right now,             

457
00:21:37,045 --> 00:21:41,300
       and it is time to, uh,       
        move on to the serum.       

458
00:21:41,341 --> 00:21:45,137
   So, Cristal, I'm going to, uh,   
      bid you a good afternoon,     

459
00:21:45,178 --> 00:21:47,472
           and we'll talk           
         to you soon, then.         

460
00:21:47,514 --> 00:21:52,477
      But... and, and, and now      
     onto the serum, which I...     

461
00:21:52,519 --> 00:21:54,062
       was a favorite of mine.      

462
00:21:54,104 --> 00:21:56,481
         Oh, it's Mr. Meat.         

463
00:21:56,523 --> 00:21:58,692
            Hey, Gumdrop.           
        Those are cute shoes.       

464
00:21:58,734 --> 00:22:01,653
        Oh, what? Thank you.        
          You're so sweet.          

465
00:22:01,695 --> 00:22:04,990
           [both chuckle]           

466
00:22:05,032 --> 00:22:07,659
        Oh, my God. I swear,        
       if one more person says      

467
00:22:07,701 --> 00:22:10,746
   I look like Zooey Deschanel in   
   these bangs, I'm gonna scream.   

468
00:22:10,787 --> 00:22:12,664
      Oh, honey, you're so much     
        prettier than Zooey.        

469
00:22:12,706 --> 00:22:15,167
        -What?! [laughs] No.        
              -[laughs]             

470
00:22:15,208 --> 00:22:16,835
                Yeah.               

471
00:22:16,877 --> 00:22:18,462
               [sighs]              

472
00:22:18,503 --> 00:22:21,423
          Oh. What is that?         
         What are you doing?        

473
00:22:21,465 --> 00:22:22,924
    I'm just putting one last rub   
           on this steak,           

474
00:22:22,966 --> 00:22:24,468
       and I got to let it sit      
            for an hour.            

475
00:22:24,509 --> 00:22:26,511
       -You want to try some?       
            -No, no, no.            

476
00:22:26,553 --> 00:22:28,847
        I don't eat red meat        
     'cause Austin's against it,    

477
00:22:28,889 --> 00:22:31,725
   'cause it's... it's unhealthy,   
    and we like to keep it natch.   

478
00:22:31,767 --> 00:22:33,352
       'Cause we don't believe      
            in hospitals            

479
00:22:33,393 --> 00:22:35,020
    'cause of the 5G, et cetera,    

480
00:22:35,062 --> 00:22:37,397
       and all the carcinogens      
      and stuff, so, you know?      

481
00:22:37,439 --> 00:22:39,399
     I don't know what the fuck     
        you're talking about.       

482
00:22:39,441 --> 00:22:41,818
     But I do know, what Austin     
     don't know won't hurt him.     

483
00:22:41,860 --> 00:22:44,613
          Come on. Come on.         

484
00:22:53,872 --> 00:22:55,415
             Oh, my God.            

485
00:22:55,457 --> 00:22:58,001
      Yeah. That's been frozen      
            for 72 hours.           

486
00:22:59,044 --> 00:23:01,004
           Oh, whoa, whoa.          

487
00:23:01,922 --> 00:23:03,673
               Well...              

488
00:23:03,715 --> 00:23:05,050
                -Ooh!               
                -Mmm!               

489
00:23:05,092 --> 00:23:07,719
           [both moaning]           

490
00:23:10,680 --> 00:23:12,557
               Darcy?               

491
00:23:12,599 --> 00:23:14,726
                Yes.                

492
00:23:14,768 --> 00:23:17,312
              Sit down.             

493
00:23:29,783 --> 00:23:32,994
           You might think          
          I don't see you.          

494
00:23:33,995 --> 00:23:35,664
              But I do.             

495
00:23:37,457 --> 00:23:39,876
                 Oh.                

496
00:23:39,918 --> 00:23:42,212
                Okay.               

497
00:23:49,344 --> 00:23:51,847
           That's for you.          

498
00:23:58,353 --> 00:24:00,480
       You go have fun, okay?       

499
00:24:10,282 --> 00:24:11,867
            [door closes]           

500
00:24:11,908 --> 00:24:13,869
          slow, gentle music       

501
00:24:13,910 --> 00:24:15,954
                                  

502
00:24:29,509 --> 00:24:31,928
             [retching]             

503
00:24:31,970 --> 00:24:34,848
      [dog barking in distance]     

504
00:24:43,815 --> 00:24:45,859
               Jackie?              

505
00:24:46,902 --> 00:24:49,029
           Jackie, please.          

506
00:24:50,697 --> 00:24:52,741
        [indistinct chatter]        

507
00:24:55,535 --> 00:24:56,995
               [sighs]              

508
00:24:57,037 --> 00:24:58,997
        Boo, I need to talk--       

509
00:24:59,039 --> 00:25:00,457
          -You're so good.          
            -I'm so bad.            

510
00:25:00,499 --> 00:25:02,250
        -I'm so fucking bad.        
        -You're so good. Oh!        

511
00:25:02,292 --> 00:25:03,919
    -[Perry] I'm so fucking bad.    
          -You're so good.          

512
00:25:03,960 --> 00:25:05,670
         -[Perry] Yes. Yes.         
            -Oh, oh, oh!            

513
00:25:05,712 --> 00:25:07,714
           -[Perry] Yes...          
 -Oh, my God, you're good at sex. 

514
00:25:07,756 --> 00:25:08,798
          -[Perry] I know.          
       -Oh, my God, you're...       

515
00:25:08,840 --> 00:25:11,134
             -[knocking]            
              -Go away!             

516
00:25:11,176 --> 00:25:13,595
             [knocking]             

517
00:25:13,637 --> 00:25:15,013
     Jackie, will you let me in?    

518
00:25:15,055 --> 00:25:17,349
             -[knocking]            
              -Please?              

519
00:25:17,390 --> 00:25:19,017
             [knocking]             

520
00:25:19,059 --> 00:25:21,686
           [Jackie sighs]           

521
00:25:21,728 --> 00:25:23,897
              [beeping]             

522
00:25:25,857 --> 00:25:27,817
     [automated voice]   Disarmed.    

523
00:25:27,859 --> 00:25:29,986
      What are you doing here?      

524
00:25:30,028 --> 00:25:32,197
               [sighs]              
            I'm so sorry.           

525
00:25:32,239 --> 00:25:34,366
        Can I please explain?       

526
00:25:34,407 --> 00:25:35,867
      No. I don't want to hear.     

527
00:25:35,909 --> 00:25:38,995
       Jackie, I... I just...       

528
00:25:39,037 --> 00:25:40,872
     I got thrown into it, okay?    

529
00:25:40,914 --> 00:25:45,126
          And, by the way,          
          it felt horrible.         

530
00:25:45,168 --> 00:25:47,754
        Didn't look that way.       
     Looked like it felt great.     

531
00:25:47,796 --> 00:25:49,548
               [sighs]              

532
00:25:49,589 --> 00:25:52,551
     Look, if I'm being honest,     
              I just...             

533
00:25:52,592 --> 00:25:55,762
         I wanted to be you.        

534
00:25:55,804 --> 00:25:58,390
        You have this, like,        
        very glamorous life,        

535
00:25:58,431 --> 00:26:00,267
     and you're so put together,    
               and...               

536
00:26:00,308 --> 00:26:01,768
               [sighs]              

537
00:26:10,402 --> 00:26:12,237
         All right, come in.        

538
00:26:12,279 --> 00:26:13,947
             Thank you.             

539
00:26:13,989 --> 00:26:15,657
               [sighs]              

540
00:26:15,699 --> 00:26:17,742
           "A Little Respect"       
              by Erasure            

541
00:26:22,622 --> 00:26:26,334
          I try to discover        

542
00:26:26,376 --> 00:26:31,214
           A little something       
          to make me sweeter        

543
00:26:31,256 --> 00:26:34,593
          Oh, baby, refrain        

544
00:26:34,634 --> 00:26:38,763
        From breaking my heart     

545
00:26:38,805 --> 00:26:43,018
       I'm so in love with you     

546
00:26:43,059 --> 00:26:47,856
         I'll be forever blue      

547
00:26:47,897 --> 00:26:50,275
      That you give me no reason  

548
00:26:50,317 --> 00:26:53,153
          Why you make me work      
               so hard              

549
00:26:53,194 --> 00:26:55,447
          That you give me no,      
         that you give me no        

550
00:26:55,488 --> 00:26:57,657
            That you give me        
       no, that you give me no      

551
00:26:57,699 --> 00:27:00,118
                 Soul              

552
00:27:00,160 --> 00:27:04,039
          I hear you calling       

553
00:27:04,080 --> 00:27:09,002
           Oh, baby, please        

554
00:27:09,044 --> 00:27:12,297
        Give a little respect      

555
00:27:12,339 --> 00:27:17,344
                To me              

556
00:27:21,306 --> 00:27:25,101
        And if I should falter     

557
00:27:25,143 --> 00:27:26,936
            Would you open         

558
00:27:26,978 --> 00:27:29,814
         Your arms out to me?      

559
00:27:29,856 --> 00:27:33,652
      We can make love, not war    

560
00:27:33,693 --> 00:27:37,572
           And live at peace        
           with our hearts          

561
00:27:37,614 --> 00:27:41,326
       I'm so in love with you     

562
00:27:41,368 --> 00:27:42,827
                [man]               
             No traipsing.