Evan: Dear Evan Hansen...
Today is going to be an amazing day,
and here's why.
Because today, all you have to do is just be yourself.
But also confident. That's-that's important.
And interesting. Easy to talk to.
Approachable. But mostly just be yourself.
You know, that's number one, obviously. Be yourself.
But, like, a confident version of yourself,
like, approachable and interesting
and not weird or anxious or depressed.
But you're not weird or anxious or depressed.
I don't even know why you're bringing it up.
You can't be scared to talk to other people.
You said that you'd be better.
You said this year would be different.
You're overthinking it.
Do you like having no friends?
All you have to do is just be yourself.
J' I've learned to slam on the brake j'
j' before I even turn the key I
j' before I make the mistake I
j' before I lead with the worst of me I
I give them no reason to stare j'
j' no slipping up if you slip away I
I so I got nothing to share I
j' no, I got nothing to say I
I step out, step out of the sun I
I if you keep getting burned j'
I step out, step out of the sun because you've learned j'
j' because you've learned j'
j' on the outside always looking in j'
I will I ever be more than I've always been? I
j' 'cause I'm tap, tap, tapping on the glass j'
I I'm waving through a window I
j' oh, I try to speak, but nobody can hear I
I so I wait around for an answer to appear I
j' while I'm watch, watch, watching people pass I
I I'm waving through a window I
j'ohj'
j' can anybody see? I
j' is anybody waving back at me? I
So you just didn't eat last night?
I wasn't hungry.
You're a senior in high school.
You need to be able to order dinner for yourself.
You can do it all online.
You don't have to talk to anybody.
Okay, well, that's not, that's not true, actually, though,
because, um, the credit card's expired, so you have to meet
the delivery person at the door, you know?
You have to pay them with cash at the door.
You have to greet them.
You know, you have to figure out the right,
the right, um... The-the proper greeting.
Okay.
This is what you're supposed to be working on, sweetheart,
with Dr. Sherman.
Have you been doing those letters he wants you to do?
"Dear Evan Hansen."
I mean, I've definitely... I-I've been trying to.
Those letters are important, honey.
You have to keep working.
We can't go back to where you were last year, right?
Um, you have an appointment this afternoon.
I'm working till 6:00,
so you're gonna have to take the bus.
Hey.
I thought you could go around
and ask all the other kids to sign your cast.
Perfect icebreaker, right?
- What happened to your shirt? - There was a stain on it.
- Wha... but it's brand-new. - Yes, I know.
I was... I'm so mad.
I we start with stars in our eyes I
I we start believing that we belong j'
I but every sun doesn't rise j'
I and no one tells you where you went wrong I
I step out, step out of the sun I
I if you keep getting burned j'
I step out, step out of the sun because you've learned j'
j' because you've learned j'
j' on the outside always looking in j'
I will I ever be more than I've always been? I
j' 'cause I'm tap, tap, tapping on the glass j'
j' waving through a window I
j' oh, I try to speak, but nobody can hear I
I so I wait around for an answer to appear I
j' while I'm watch, watch, watching people pass I
j' waving through a window I
j'ohj'
j' can anybody see? I
j' is anybody waving? J'
j' when you're falling in a forest I
I and there's nobody around I
I do you ever really crash or even make a sound? I
j' when you're falling in a forest I
I and there's nobody around I
I do you ever really crash or even make a sound? I
j' when you're falling in a forest I
I and there's nobody around I
I do you ever really crash or even make a sound? I
j' when you're falling in a forest I
I and there's nobody around I
I do you ever really crash or even make a sound? I
I did I even make a sound? Did I even make a sound? I
j' it's like I never made a sound I
I will I ever make a sound? I
j' on the outside always looking in j'
I will I ever be more than I've always been? I
j' 'cause I'm tap, tap, tapping on the glass j'
j' waving through a window I
j' oh, I try to speak, but nobody can hear I
I so I wait around for an answer to appear I
j' while I'm watch, watch, watching people pass I
j' waving through a window I
j'ohj'
j' can anybody see? I
j' is anybody waving back at me? I
j' is anybody waving? J'
j' waving, waving j'
j' whoa... j'
j' whoa. J'
J' let's go, bobcats, let's go... I
Jared: Evan.
What?
It's Zoe Murphy
in that hot band shirt you love so much.
Can you just... Can you please stop?
Well, hey, maybe she's into you, too.
Maybe you should talk to her, tell her how you feel.
I've tried talking to her.
Really?
Yes. Yeah, I...
I stayed afterwards, um, last year
after the spring jazz band concert,
but, um, I didn't go up to her
because I was worried that my hands were sweaty.
Which they weren't even, they weren't even that sweaty.
I just... I was worried that they were sweaty,
and sometimes worrying that they're sweaty
makes them sweaty, so I just went to the bathroom
and I put 'em under, like, the hand dryer thing,
but then they were still sweaty.
They were just, um... They were just also warm.
I was kidding.
You obviously should not talk to her.
You are a literal disaster.
Go, bobcats!
Go, bobcats.
So awesome.
So awesome, everyone.
Phenomenal, really.
You know what's not phenomenal?
Deforestation.
So, what happened to your arm exactly?
Um, I was climbing a tree, and ifell.
It was stupid.
You fell out of a tree? What are you, five?
Well, um...
So, actually, I-I worked this summer
as an apprentice park ranger at Ellison state park.
It's a funny story, though, because...
There was, like, this solid ten minutes after I fell
where I just lay there on the ground,
um, waiting for someone to come get me, you know?
I was like, "any second now." You know?
I just kept... I, like... I was saying to myself,
"any second now. Here they come." So...
Did they?
No, nobody came.
That's the, um... That's what's funny.
That's not funny.
Model u.N...
Well, anyways, um, how was... Did you, um...
How was camp?
Well, I put on 13 pounds of pure muscle.
Also, I hooked up with this Brazilian dude
who is literally a supermodel.
So, yeah, hope that answers your question.
So let's have mother nature's back so that she'll have ours.
Yeah! Yeah!
All right, thank you, Alana. Very inspirational.
All right, so let's have a great year,
and, uh, go, bobcats!
Hey, um...
Would you want to sign my cast?
Uh, you could, you could be the first.
Why would I do that?
Well, I just... I thought, um, because we're friends and...
We're family friends, Evan.
That's an entirely different thing.
Please respect that.
Connor, I'm loving this manicure.
- Very school shooter chic. - You're such an idiot.
Leila: That is so not...
Students: I here we go, bobcats, here we go. I
You think that's funny?
What? No. Not-not at all.
Then stop laughing!
Zoe: Hey.
I'm sorry about my brother.
He's a psycho.
Evan, right?
Evan?
That-that's your, that's your name?
Y-Yeah, it is. It is. Sorry.
It's Evan. It's Evan. I'm sorry.
Why are you sorry?
'Cause you s-s... you said Evan, and then I said it, you know?
I just repeated it, which is, um...
That's just really annoying when people do that, so...
I'm Zoe.
Sorry. I should... I think... sorry.
Evan: Dear Evan Hansen,
turns out this wasn't an amazing day after all.
This isn't gonna be an amazing week or an amazing year
because why would it be?
Oh, I know. Because there's Zoe.
Who I don't even know and who doesn't know me, but...
Maybe if I did, maybe if I could just talk to her,
maybe things would be better.
Maybe nothing would be different at all.
I wish everything was different.
I wish I was different.
I wish I was part of something.
I wish that anything isaid mattered to anyone.
But it doesn't, and it never did.
And it never will.
I mean, face it, would anyone even notice if I just...
Disappeared tomorrow?
Sincerely, your best and most dearest friend,
Connor: Hey.
What happened to your arm?
I was climbing a tree, and ifell.
You fell out of a tree?
That's the saddest thing I've ever heard.
I know.
S-Sorry, um, I think I accidentally printed something.
Yeah, we're all waiting.
Um, no one signed your cast.
No, I-I know.
I'll sign it.
Oh, you don't... You really don't have to...
Do you have a sharpie?
Oh, um, I don't. Shoot.
Oh, here's one.
Nice.
Wow, that's great.
Now we can both pretend we have friends.
Uh, "dear Evan Hansen." Here you go.
Y-Yeah, that's mine. That's mine.
- I'll... I can take it, sorry. - "Because there's Zoe..."
Is this about my sister?
What? No, no. Who's-who's your sister?
- You wanted me to find this? - What?
You saw I was here, so you started writing this
- and you started talking to me. - No.
No, you started talking to me.
So that I would read some creepy shit
about my sister and freak out, right?
- Why would I do that? - So then you can tell everyone
that I'm crazy. Right?
- Right?! - Gentlemen! -
Evan: No, I really...
Look, I really need that back, so can...
Look, can you please just give it back?
Just-just please don't show it to anyone.
Connofl
Come on.
Shit, shit.
Hi.
Heidi: Hi, honey. I'm so sorry.
Erica called in at the last minute with a stomach bug,
and there's only one other nurse on tonight,
so I-I volunteered to take her shift.
I hope you weren't waiting for me to eat.
- No, I already ate. - Um, it's just they, uh,
they announced more budget cuts this morning,
so anything I can do to show
that I'm a team player, you know?
- How was your day? - Fine.
It was, it was pretty good.
Yeah? You know, I-I texted with meera this morning,
and she said that Jared was
really looking forward to seeing you and reconnecting.
I thought that was nice.
Yeah, he's so nice.
- Heidi: How was Dr. Sherman? - Pretty good.
Any change to your meds?
Evan: Um, no.
Oh, god, here he comes. Um, all right, i-i-i...
All right, love you. Bye.
Okay, I love you...
Too.
Jared: A letter to yourself. I mean, what is that,
like some kind of sex thing?
No. No, it's not a sex thing.
It's... it was an assignment from my therapist.
Ew. Why-why are you telling me this?
Well, I didn't know who else to tell.
You're my only f... Family friend.
Oh, that's sad.
Look, Connor isn't here again today.
That's-that's three days in a row.
And h-he hasn't done anything with it yet, you know,
like put it online or whatever,
because I've-I've been checking.
So, you know, maybe he just... Maybe he forgot, right?
Right. Right.
Or maybe he didn't,
because he's definitely gonna put it online.
Dude, Connor Murphy is batshit.
Don't you remember when he threw a printer at Mrs. g
in the second grade because he couldn't be line leader?
Like, he was seven.
Just imagine what he's capable of now.
Woman: Evan Hansen, please report
to Mr. Howard's office.
Oh, damn.
Evan.
Connor Murphy's mother and stepfather are here to see you.
They want to speak in private.
Hi.
Hello.
Why don't you go ahead, honey.
I'm going as fast as I can.
Well, that's not what I said, is it?
This is...
Connor wanted you to have this.
Larry: Yeah, we didn't know you were friends.
Oh, well, we didn't think
Connor had any friends, frankly, and...
And then we see this note, and it seems to suggest
pretty clearly that you and Connor were, uh...
Or at least for Connor...
"Dear Evan Hansen." He addressed it to you.
He wrote it to you.
These are the words that he wanted to share with you.
His last words.
Connor took his own life.
He what?
This is all we found with him.
He had it folded up in his pocket.
But this is...
I'm sorry, Connor didn't... He...
He didn't write this.
Connor didn't, Connor didn't write this.
What-what does that mean?
Well, he's obviously in shock.
-I mean, if Connor didn't write this... -Evan: I'm so sorry.
Can I just... I should probably go, please.
No, you don't understand. This is all that we have.
This is the only thing that we have left.
- Larry: Cynthia, listen to me. - No. No. Don't-don't go.
Okay, then you take it. Please take it, okay?
Cynthia: No. No, don't go.
Don't. Please stay. Please.
His best and most dearest friend.
That's-that's Connor.
Connor Murphy.
Holy shit.
They invited me for dinner.
They want to know more stuff about Connor and me,
about our... friendship.
- A-And you said yes? - I froze.
Well... what are you gonna tell them?
I mean, the truth.
I-I don't know, man.
I mean, are you really gonna tell these people
that the only thing they have left of their son
is a sex letter that you wrote to yourself?
Alana: Hey.
I'm so sorry.
What the hell was that?
I don't know.
Oh, my god, they were so sad, his parents.
I mean, his-his mom was just...
I've never seen anyone so sad before.
I have to tell them.
You're early.
Oh. S-Sorry.
Sit.
I hope you're hungry.
Cynthia: So...
You and Connor.
You probably spent a lot of time together, I bet.
So, um, not...
Not really, actually.
- Uh, the thing is that I... - We looked through his phone.
His texts, emails.
We didn't find anything from you.
Yeah, no, I know.
- I know. - He set up different accounts,
ones we couldn't find.
He knew you read his emails.
Well, somebody had to be the bad guy.
Cynthia: Well, if you did have any
emails or conversations between the two of you,
we'd love to see anything.
- Well... - Yeah, it's-it's weird.
Th-the only time I saw you two together was
when he was screaming in your face at school last week.
He was screaming at you?
Yeah, yeah, um...
Well, that wasn't very nice.
Well, Connor wasn't very nice, so that actually makes sense.
I think that everybody at this table can agree
that Connor was, um...
A complicated person.
No, he was a bad person.
-Zoe, please. -Don't pretend like you don't agree with me.
Cynthia: You refuse to remember any of the good things.
Because there were no good things.
What-what were the good things?
I'm not having this conversation
- in front of our guest. - No, tell us the good things.
What were the good things?
- Family day at sunny Glen? - Larry: Zoe!
This is not the time.
Who knew rehab could be so much fun?
There were good things.
I'm not the only one.
You remember, right?
Right.
Of course.
Yes, of course there were good things.
Tell us something.
Please, Evan.
Right, um...
S... uh, Connor and I...
Uh, I d... I don't know, um...
We had a really great...
We had a really great time together, um...
This one day recently.
That's something good, um, that I remember.
That day.
Yeah, that awesome day at the...
Um, trees.
- Trees? - Never mind, never mind.
I'm sorry, I don't, I don't... I shouldn't have said anything,
and h knew it was stupid, so I'm sorry...
You don't mean the orchard, do you?
He took you to the apple orchard? -
- When? - Uh, once.
Just-just once. That once.
I thought that place closed years ago.
Well, the hiking trails are still open though, aren't they?
We used to go to the orchard all of the time.
We'd do picnics there.
Do you remember that, Zoe?
Yeah, I do.
And you and Connor would fly that little toy plane
Until you crashed it into the creek.
That was an emergency landing.
I can't believe that he took you there.
I bet you had fun.
I bet the two of you... I...
I bet that was fun.
Yeah.
We did. We did.
The whole day.
Uh, it-it was just...
J' end of may or early June I
j' this picture-perfect afternoon we share I
what was the name of that ice cream place that we loved?
Gifford's?
A la mode.
Cynthia: That's it. A la mode.
And they had this homemade hot fudge.
J' drive the winding country road I
j' grab a scoop at a la mode j'
I and then we're there I
and we'd sit in that Meadow by the pine trees,
and you and your brother would look for four-leaf clovers.
I an open field that's framed with trees I
I we pick a spot and... j'
j' shoot the breeze like buddies do I
j' uh, quoting songs by our favorite bands I
j' telling jokes no one understands j'
J' except us two I
I and we talk and take in the view I
I all we see is sky for forever I
I we let the world pass by for forever I
j' feels like we could go on for forever this way I
j' two friends on a perfect day I
I'd completely forgotten about that place.
Well, I guess Connor didn't, did he?
I we walk a while and talk about I
j' the things we'll do when we get out of school I
j' um... Bike the appalachian trail j'
j' or write a book or learn to sail j'
j' wouldn't that be cool? I
j' there's nothing that we can't discuss j'
I like girls we wish would notice us I
I but never do I
j' he looks around and says to me I
j' "there's nowhere else I'd rather be" I
I and I say, "me, too" I
I and we talk and take in the view I
I we just talk and take in the view I
I all we see is sky for forever I
I we let the world pass by for forever I
j' feels like we could go on for forever this way I
j' this way I
I all we see is light for forever I
j' 'cause the sun shines bright for forever I
I like we'll be all right for forever this way I
j' two friends on a perfect day I
I and there he goes I
j' racing toward the tallest tree I
I from far across a yellow field I
j' I hear him calling, "follow me" I
j' there we go I
j' wondering how the world might look from up so high I
j' one foot after the other I
j' one branch then to another I
j' I climb higher and higher I
j' I climb till the entire sun I
j' shines on my face I
I and I suddenly feel the branch give way I
I I'm on the ground I
I my arm goes numb j'
j' I look around I
I and I see him come to get me I
he's come to get me.
I and everything's okay I
I all we see is sky for forever I
I we let the world pass by for forever I
j' buddy, you and I for forever this way I
j' this way I
I all we see is light I
j' 'cause the sun burns bright j'
I we could be all right for forever I
j' this way I
j' two friends I
j' true friends I
j' on a perfect I
j' day. I
thank you, Evan.
Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.
I mean, they think you were lovers.
- You realize that, right? - Oh, my god.
I thought you were gonna tell them the truth.
I-I-I tried, but then I just...
I got nervous and I started talking.
And then once I started, I just...
Couldn't stop.
They didn't want me to stop.
What else did you say to them?
Uh, his mom thinks that we wrote emails to each other.
Oh, perfect.
Sh-she thinks he had, like, secret accounts.
Ha, yes. Secret email accounts.
That's what all the cool kids are doing. -
Hansen! Kalwani!
Pick it up!
- No, thank you. - What was that?
I said thank you for the encouragement!
Fascist.
She wants to see the emails.
And now you want me to make a bunch of fake emails for you.
- Classic. - You know how to do that?
- It's simple coding. - But you failed coding.
If you consider a d-minus failing.
Just so we're clear,
I charge a minimum of two grand per email,
and that is a floor, not a ceiling.
- $2,000? - 500.
I didn't even ask for your help.
250, bottom line. Take it or leave it.
I could probably give you 20 bucks.
Fine, but I'm not gonna act like I'm happy about it.
J' dear Evan Hansen j'
j' we've been way too out of touch I
j' things have been crazy I
I and it sucks that we don't talk that much I
I but I should tell you that I think of you each night I
j' I rub my nipples and start moaning with delight j'
why would you write that?
I'm just trying to make it erotic.
Look, if you can't take this seriously, then...
Ugh, calm yourself, honey.
I just want to get this over with.
J' I gotta tell you I
j' life without you has been hard I
- "hard“? - J' has been bad I
- “bad“? - Has been rough.
- Kinky. - Please stop.
I and I miss talking about life I
I and other stuff I
- very specific. - Shut up.
-J' I like my parents I -who says that?
J' I love my parents I
I but each day's another fight I
I if I stop smoking drugs I
I then everything might be all right I
"smoking drugs“?
Just fix it!
-J' if I stop smoking crack I - "crack"?
I if I stop smoking pot j'
I then everything might be all right I
I I'll take your advice I
j' I'll try to be more nice I
I I'll turn it around I
I wait and see I
j' 'cause all that it takes is a little reinvention j'
j' it's easy to change if you give it your attention I
I all you got to do is just believe I
I you can be who you want to be I
j' sincerely, me I
are we done?
Well, I mean, I can't just show them one email.
I want to show that I was, like, a good friend.
That I was trying to help him, you know?
Oh, my god.
J' dear Connor Murphy j'
I yes, I also miss our talks I
j' stop doing drugs I
I just try to take deep breaths and go on walks j'
- no. - J' I'm sending pictures I
j' of the most amazing trees I
no.
J' you'll be obsessed with j'
-j' all my forest expertise I -what?
J' dude, I'm proud of you I
I just keep pushing through I
j' you're turning around, I can see I
I just wait and see I
j' 'cause all that it takes is a little reinvention j'
j' it's easy to change if you give it your attention I
I all you got to do is just believe I
I you can be who you want to be I
j' sincerely, me I
I my sister's hot I
- what the hell? - My bad.
J' dear Evan Hansen j'
j' thanks for every note you send j'
j' dear Connor Murphy j'
I I'm just glad to be your friend I
j' our friendship goes beyond I
j' your average kind of bond j'
I but not because they're gay I
j' no, not because... I
j' well, anyway I
j' you're getting better every day I
I I'm getting better every day I
-j' keep j' -j' getting j'
-j' better j' -j' every j'
j'dayj'
j' hey, hey, hey, hey I
j' 'cause all that it takes is a little reinvention j'
j' it's easy to change if you give it your attention I
I all you got to do is just believe I
I you can be who you want to be I
j' sincerely j'
I miss you dearly j'
j' sincerely, me I
J' sincerely, me I
j' sincerely, me. I
I can't remember the last time that I heard him laugh,
but the two of them, if you read these...
I think if you could take ten minutes
and actually read these emails...
I'm looking at them right now.
Zoe. Look what Evan sent us.
They're emails from your brother.
I printed them out.
Oh. Take that, trees.
- How was school? - Terrific.
All of a sudden, people I've never met
want to be my best friend.
I'm the dead kid's sister, didn't you know?
I'm sure they mean well.
I'm sure they don't.
She needs time.
No, Larry, she needs her parents.
Enjoy the game.
Can I come in?
You don't have to stop playing.
How was band?
You know, he-he talks about you playing guitar,
in one of his emails, at the spring concert last year.
Really?
Yeah.
Does he, does he talk about
when he disappeared for two days?
But then he called me and asked me to come pick him up.
He wanted to come home,
but he wasn't ready to talk to you yet,
so I took the bus all the way downtown to get him,
and guess what.
All he really wanted was money.
And I gave it to him because I was 12.
He was struggling.
How about the time he tried to punch through my door,
screaming at the top of his lungs,
saying he was gonna kill me for no reason?
Is that email in there?
We're all grieving in our own way.
You might consider reading these when you're ready.
They might help more than you think.
J' why should I play this game of pretend? J'
j' remembering through a secondhand sorrow j'
j' such a great son and wonderful friend I
j' oh, don't the tears just pour j'
j' I could curl up and hide in my room I
I here in my bed still sobbing tomorrow I
j' I could give in to all of the gloom j'
I but tell me, tell me what for j'
j' why should I have a heavy heart? I
j' why should I start to break in pieces? I
j' why should I go and fall apart for you? I
j' why should I play the grieving girl I
I and lie I
j' saying that I miss you and that my world I
I has gone dark without your light? I
j' I will sing no requiem j'
j' tonight I
I we gave you the world, you threw it away I
j' leaving these broken pieces behind you I
j' everything wasted, nothing to say I
I so I can sing no requiem j'
j' I hear your voice and feel you near j'
j' within these words I finally find you I
I and now that I know that you are still here I
j' I will sing no requiem tonight I
j' why should I have a heavy heart? I
j' why should I say I'll keep you with me? I
j' why should I go and fall apart for you? I
j' why I -
I should I play the grieving girl I
I and lie I
j' saying that I miss you and that j'
Larry and Zoe: I my world has gone dark without your light? I
Cynthia: J' I can see your light I
Zoe: J' I will sing no requiem j'
j' tonight I
j' 'cause when the villains fall I
j' the kingdoms never weep j'
j' no one lights a candle to remember I
j' no, no one mourns at all I
j' when they lay them down to sleep I -
I so don't tell me that I didn't have it right I
I don't tell me that it wasn't black and white I
j' after all you put me through I
I don't say it wasn't true I
I that you were not the monster j'
J' that I knew I
J' 'cause I j'
I cannot play the grieving girl and lie I
j' saying that I miss you and that my world I
I has gone dark I
j' I will sing no requiem j'
j' tonight I
Larry and Cynthia: J' oh, oh I
j'oh, oh I
Zoe: J' oh, oh I
all: J' oh, oh. I
Heidi: They did a whole thing about them on npr yesterday,
these-these essay contests.
And if you win,
it doesn't count against any financial aid.
You know, so $5,000 here or $3,000 there.
It adds up, and we're gonna need
all the help we can get with college.
I mean, unless your stepmother has some trust fund for you
that I don't know about with all those fabulous tips
- she made cocktail waitressing. - Huh.
Right?
I got a...
I got an email from your school yesterday,
um, about that boy that-that killed himself.
Connor Murphy?
Yeah.
I didn't really know him, so...
You know, if you ever want to talk about anything...
You know, I mean, I mean, I know that lately
it feels like I'm-I'm always working.
- It's fine. - But I'm-i'm-I'm here,
and if I... if I'm not here, I'm just a phone call away
or an email or a text, you know, whatever.
I know.
It says "Connor" on your cast.
No, no, yeah. Um...
- You said you didn't know him. - Sorry, I didn't.
It's in memory, so, like...
Y-You know, kids are, like, um...
They're writing his name on-on...
Lockers and stuff like that.
Oh.
That's lovely. You know, in memory.
Hmm.
Hey.
Tuesday. What are you doing?
When's the last time we did taco Tuesday?
That'd be great.
Really?
Yeah.
Alana: So the memorial's really just an opportunity
for all of us to come together as a community
and to remember Connor and celebrate who he was.
Would you want to speak or perform?
I didn't really know him. I'm sorry.
- That's okay. - Bye.
Want a wristband?
Oh, yes. Yeah. Okay.
Thank you.
You were friends with him, right?
I saw him sign your cast in the library,
and you started arguing about something.
- Were you friends with him? - We weren't close.
We presented together o-on huck Finn in the tenth grade,
but he probably didn't tell you that.
Um, no, no, I didn't know.
I always really liked him.
It seemed like he didn't really care
what anyone else thought, and...
I thought that was pretty remarkable.
Well, I'm putting together a memorial for him
at school on Friday.
If you wanted to do something...
Oh. Um...
Sorry, i-i...
I-I probably w-would rather not, if that's okay.
Yeah, sure.
If you change your mind...
Just text me.
Evan: Okay.
Mom.
My mom realized we were out of ice cream,
so they went to go get more.
Did you park in the driveway?
'Cause if you park on the street, they'll ticket you.
The people in this neighborhood are monsters.
Um, no, I didn't, I didn't, um...
I took the bus. My mom needed the car for work.
- What about your dad? - My dad.
Um, he lives in Colorado, so...
He left when I was seven.
That sucks.
Mine died when I was one, so...
I sort of win.
- Sorry. - Thanks.
It's fine.
I-I don't even really remember him, to be honest.
Connor did, though, a little.
That's terrible.
Yeah.
And then Larry showed up, fixed everything.
For a while, at least.
Yeah.
Most people, with Connor, they just would've been like,
"see ya," but he's the only dad we ever really knew, so...
Wow, your mom... I didn't, I didn't realize.
Yeah, well.
She's in total denial now.
So is Larry.
I mean, he didn't even cry at the funeral.
I'm sorry.
Not as sorry as you're gonna be.
- Oh, is-is that the... - Mm-hmm.
Gluten-free apple pie? You bet.
It-it looks...
Inedible?
It is.
Just be glad we get to have real ice cream.
My mom was Buddhist last year,
so we couldn't have any animal products.
She was b... um, Buddhist last year but not this year?
Yep. That's sort of what she does.
She gets into a lot of different things.
- Mm. - For a while, it was pilates.
The secret.
Buddhism. Et cetera.
It's cool that she's interested in so much different stuff.
Yeah, she's not, though.
That's just what happens when you're rich
and you don't have a job.
You get a little crazy.
Well, my mom always says
it's better to be rich than poor, so...
Yeah, well, your mom's probably never been rich, then.
Yeah, you've probably never been poor.
Oh, my god, I can't believe I just said that.
I'm so sorry.
Wow. I didn't realize
you were capable of saying something that wasn't nice.
I'm n... I'm not. I'm really sorry.
You really don't have to keep saying that.
Okay.
You want to say it again.
Yeah, very much so, I do.
Why did he write that...
In his note?
"Because there's Zoe.
And I don't even know her, but if I could just talk to her..."
Honestly, I really don't know.
What does any of that even mean? I mean...
We weren't close at all.
Not since we were kids.
He never noticed anything about me.
That's not true. That's not true.
He-he-he noticed a lot of things about you.
Like what things?
Right.
No, no, no.
That's, um...
Well...
Okay, w... okay.
Here's something. Um...
Whenever you have, uh, a solo in-in jazz band,
you just... You close your e...
You probably don't even know you're doing this,
but you close your eyes, um, and you get, like...
I don't know, it's like a half smile,
like you just heard the funniest thing in the world,
but it's a secret and you can't tell anyone about it.
But then...
Uh, the way that you smile, it's sort of like you are...
You're letting us in on the secret, too.
-J'j'
j' he said j'
j' there's nothing like your smile I
j' sort of subtle and perfect and real I
j' he said you never knew how wonderful I
I that smile could make someone feel I
I and he knew whenever you get bored I
I you scribble stars on the cuffs of your jeans j'
I and he noticed that you still fill out the quizzes j'
I that they put in those teen magazines I
I-I do that ironically.
I but he kept it all inside his head I
I what he saw he left unsaid j'
I and though he wanted to j'
j' he couldn't talk to you I
j' he couldn't find a way I
I but he would always say I
I if I could tell her I
I tell her everything I see I
I if I could tell her I
I how she's everything to me I
I but we're a million worlds apart I
I and I don't know how I would even start I
I if I could tell her I
did he say anything else?
About you?
N-Never mind. I don't even care, all right?
Oh, no, no, no, no, no. He said so many things.
I'm trying to... I'm just...
I'm trying to remember the best ones, so...
J' he thought it looked pretty cool I
j' when you put indigo streaks in your hair I
no fucking way.
I and he wondered how you learned to dance I
I like all the rest of the world isn't there I
I but he kept it all inside his head I
I what he saw he left unsaid j'
I if I could tell her I
I tell her everything I see I
I if I could tell her I
I how she's everything to me I
I but we're a million worlds apart I
I and I don't know how I would even start I
I if I could tell her I
I but what do you do when there's this great divide? J'
j' he just seemed so far away I
I and what do you do when the distance is too wide? I
j' it's like I don't know anything I
I how do you say I
j' I love you? I
j' I love you I
I but we're a million worlds apart I
I and I don't know how I would even start I
I if I could tell her I
I if I could. I
Cynthia: Hello.
- Evan: Oh, sorry. - Zoe: Uh...
Oh, you beat us.
Um, Zoe, can you help serve?
- Zoe: Yeah. - Larry, get the plates.
Can I do anything?
No, no, no. You're the guest. You sit down.
We asked if they had any soy ice cream,
but the guy at the store said there was just no “whey," so...
When are you gonna give up that joke?
Larry: I think never, actually.
Cynthia: You don't have to laugh at that. Please don't.
Oh.
I'm sorry, but there's no way
You'd ever be able to tell in a million years
that this was gluten-free.
Mom, come on. Look at it.
A million years is, uh... That's a lot of years.
Do you see what I have to deal with?
I'm glad you're here.
Evan: "The Connor project."
So, it's a student group dedicated to
mental health awareness, outreach and education.
Uh, great. This is... it's great.
You know the Murphys, right?
- Mm-hmm. - I was wondering if
you would reach out to them and get their blessing.
Oh, well, I don't... I-I don't, I don't, um...
You want to help the Murphys?
And all the other people who might need it,
like people like Connor.
People like us.
"People like us"?
Yes, right, because we have so much in common.
What?
Well, you're, like, the president
of a m-million different groups atschool
and you're, like, part of every single activity.
And you're, you know, and I'm...
Um, I am not.
What do you take?
Okay, I'll go first.
I'm on Lexapro, ten milligrams.
Well, I'm-I'm on Zoloft.
Uh, and Wellbutrin.
And, um...
Ativan as needed.
Depression? Anxiety?
Yeah.
Yeah, me, too.
Some days, it's just like, um...
It's like, um...
Impossible?
- Yeah. - Yeah.
You know, you don't really act like a...
Depressed sort of person.
I'm just good at staying anonymous.
Same as you.
There are a lot of people who feel like us.
People that you wouldn't think.
I you ever look at all the people I
j' who seem to know exactly how to be? I
I you think, "they don't need piles of prescriptions j'
I to function naturally" I
j' well, look again and you might catch it I
I just stay a minute more I
j' there's this little moment after the sunny smile I
I as their eyes fall to the floor I
j' the anonymous ones I
j' who never let you see the ache they carry j'
I all of those anonymous ones I
j' who never name that quiet pain they Bury j'
I so they keep on keeping secrets j'
I that they think they have to hide j'
I but what if everybody's secret I
j' is they have that secret side? I
I and to know they're somehow not alone I
j' well, that's all they're hoping for j'
I what if they I
I didn't have to stay I
j' anonymous anymore? I
J' spot the girl who stays in motion j'
j' she spins so fast so she won't fall I
j' she's built a wall with her achievements j'
I to keep out the question I
j' without it, is she worth anything at all? I
I so nobody can know I
I just what the cracks might show I
I how deep and dark they go I
j' there are those anonymous ones I
j' stuck inside the perfect frame they're faking j'
I all of us anonymous ones I
j' who pick themselves apart till they start breaking j'
I and we keep on keeping secrets j'
I that we think we have to hide j'
I but what we really need is somebody I
I to see that secret side I
I and to know we're somehow not alone I
j' is all we're hoping for j'
I and then we wouldn't have to be I
j' anonymous anymore I
J' the parts we can't tell, we carry them well I
I but that doesn't mean they're not heavy I
j' the parts we can't tell, we carry them well I
I but that doesn't mean they're not heavy I
j' the anonymous one I
j' noticed by none I
go, bobcats!
J' the parts we can't tell, we carry them well I
I but that doesn't mean they're not heavy. I
Cynthia: "The Connor project"?
Yeah, so it's a student group
dedicated to keeping Connor's memory alive.
Um, making sure people that need help,
they have somewhere they can go.
I didn't realize Connor meant this much to people.
Well, it's all... I mean, it was all Alana's idea.
She thought of the whole thing.
That's the young woman
who organized the memorial tomorrow.
- Mm-hmm. - Well, she seems like...
- Quite a force. - Yeah.
Um, anyways, um...
We just wanted to do something.
It's-it's r-really cool.
There's something I want to show you.
Sure.
Cynthia: Oh, here we go.
It's a bit of a mess, I know.
We still haven't decided what to do with, um, everything.
Oh, um... He used to write songs.
Or at least he told us he did.
He refused to play for us, so who knows?
He never played any for you?
No, he di... he didn't.
He... no. I'm sorry.
Cynthia: Um...
Here it is.
It's a...
When Connor entered seventh grade,
all of my girlfriends said,
"here it comes, bar mitzvah season.
He's gonna have a different party every Saturday."
And Larry was so excited to take him shopping.
He dragged him to Brooks brothers,
and they picked out a suit, some shirts and this tie.
He looked... just like his dad.
He never got invited to a single party.
He was such a sweet boy underneath it all.
Everything just hurt too much.
I thought that, uh, you could wear this to the memorial.
For your speech.
Oh, I'm not... h...
I wasn't... i'm-I'm not speaking.
Why not?
Well, I... I just don't think, um...
I mean, most people think that I'm...
Not that cool of a person,
so nobody wants to hear from me.
Well, if...
That's what most people think...
It sounds like most people don't know you very well.
They didn't know Connor either.
They never bothered.
Hmm.
You can tell them what they missed.
You're so handsome.
I'm so glad you changed your mind.
Today is a day of remembrance and reflection.
It sucks he isn't here to see this.
The first person we'll hear from this morning
is Evan Hansen.
Uh, good morning, s...
Student: Holy shit.
Sorry.
Good morning, students and faculty.
I would like to say a few words to you today...
About my friend...
My best friend, Connor Murphy.
Holy shit.
I would like to tell you about the day that Connor and I
went hiking behind the old Autumn smile apple orchard.
We found a huge oak tree.
Connor said that he wondered what the world would look like
from all the way up there, so we decided to find out.
We started climbing slowly.
And then, when I finally looked back,
we were already 30 feet off the ground.
Um, connorjust looked at me...
And smiled that way he always did.
Um, and then...
Sorry. Then I fell.
I-I lay there on the ground and...
Good morning, students and f-f... faculty.
Sorry, that...
Sorry, that's the wrong...
I have you ever felt like nobody was there? I
I have you ever felt forgotten in the middle of nowhere? I
I have you ever felt like you could disappear? J'
I like you could fall I
I and no one would hear I
but, see, the thing is, when I looked up, Connor was there.
That's the gift he gave me.
To show me th-that I wasn't alone.
Um, nobody is.
That's-that's the gift that he gave all of us.
I just wish...
I wish we could've given that to him.
I let that lonely feeling wash away I
j' maybe there's a reason to believe you'll be okay I
j' 'cause when you don't feel strong enough to stand I
I you can reach, reach out your hand I
I and, oh, someone will come running I
I and I know they'll take you home I
j' even when the dark comes crashing through I
j' when you need a friend to carry you I
I and when you're broken on the ground I
I you will be found I
I so let the sun come streaming in j'
j' 'cause you'll reach up and you'll rise again I
j' lift your head and look around I
I you will be found I
Alana: Have you seen this?
Jared: People started sharing it,
and now, I mean, it's everywhere.
This morning, it only had, like, 30 views.
Well, how many does it have now?
723.
2,326 views.
14,359.
I don't understand what happened.
You did.
J' there's a place where we don't have to feel unknown j'
oh, my god.
Everybody needs to see this.
I and every time that you call out I
j' you're a little less alone I
-I can't stop watching this video. -...17 years old.
I if you only say the word I
- take five minutes. - It'll make your day.
I from across the silence, your voice is heard I
j'ohj'
person: Share it with the people you love.
- Girl: Repost. - The world needs to hear this.
Beautiful tribute.
I know someone who really needed to hear this today.
So thank you, Evan Hansen, for doing what you're doing.
I never met you, Connor, but coming on here,
reading everyone's posts...
Evan is exactly right. We are not alone.
None of us.
None of us are alone.
- Like. -Forward. - Especially now,
with everything you hear on the news.
- Like. -Share. - Repost. -Forward.
Thank you, Evan Hansen,
for giving us a space to remember Connor.
- Thanks to Evan. - To be together.
- Thanks for helping my mom. - Thank you for helping my mom.
Thank you, Evan Hansen.
-J' to take you home... I -Vermont. -Tampa.
- Sacramento. - Michigan.
-J' someone will come... I -just reach out.
Thank you, Evan.
This is about community and friendship.
- Thank you, Evan. - Thank you.
Thank you, Evan Hansen.
J' even when the dark comes crashing through I
j' when you need a friend to carry you I
j' when you're broken on the ground I
I you will be found I
I so let the sun come streaming in j'
j' 'cause you'll reach up and you'll rise again I
I if you only look around I
I you will be found, you will be found I
I you will be found I
I you will be found, you will be found I
j' out of the shadows, the morning is breaking j'
I and all is new I
I all is new I
j' it's filling up the empty I
I and suddenly I see I
I that all is new I
I all is new I
I you are not alone, you are not alone I
I you are not alone I
I you are not alone, you are not alone I
-j' you are not alone I -j' you are not alone I
I you are not alone I
I you are not I
-j' you are not alone I -j' you are not alone I
j' even when the dark comes crashing through I
j' when you need someone to carry you I
j' when you're broken on the ground I
I you will be found I
I so let the sun come streaming in j'
j' 'cause you'll reach up and you'll rise again I
I if you only look around I
I you will be found I
j' even when the dark comes crashing through I
I you will be found I
j' when you need someone to carry you I
I you will be found I
I you will be found. I
Hey.
What's wrong?
Everything you said in your speech.
Everything you've done.
You don't know how much...
You've given all of us.
My family.
No.
No, I...
You've given me my brother back.
Alana: Welcome to the first official meeting
of the Connor project.
Right?
Um, now, as you all know from Evan's speech,
uh, Connor's favorite place in the entire world
was the Autumn smile apple orchard.
I am beyond excited to announce that,
in addition to our support groups, we will be launching
a kickstarter campaign to raise $100,000 to reopen and redesign
Autumn smile as the Connor Murphy memorial orchard.
Um, so to explain what we're going to be asking of you,
I'm gonna turn things over
to our director of global communications.
Thanks, Alana.
So great.
Our new website is now live.
If you have not yet read
the emails between Evan and Connor...
Oh, you're gonna want to grab some tissues.
Larry: I swear, I've got a Cal ripken here somewhere.
Look at that, hmm?
The entire '96 team.
There's three hall of famers on there.
- Wow. - You get the right people,
baseball fans, uh, you could raise
at least a few hundred bucks for the orchard,
maybe a couple thousand.
Yeah, but...
I mean, you should, you should probably keep all this stuff.
Oh, uh, it's just gonna sit here gathering dust.
Uh, stiff as a board, isn't it?
Yeah.
Well, it's never been used.
Connon“
he loved baseball.
When he was little.
First time I met him, uh...
Cynthia wasn't sure how the kids would react, all right?
She was terrified.
And I was terrified.
I mean...
Five minutes in...
Connor's, like, pulling my arm, uh...
"Come on, let's go play catch."
He...
I bought that... I don't know... Two years ago.
I thought, you know, maybe we could...
So stupid.
He was really lucky to have a step...
To have a dad like you.
Your dad must feel pretty lucky to...
Have a son like you.
Yeah, he does.
You know, I-I saw the strangest thing
- on-on Facebook yesterday. - Really?
Um, somebody had a video of you doing a speech.
About that boy, Connor Murphy.
How the two of you climbed a tree together
at an orchard.
You told me that you didn't know him, but in the speech,
you said that he was your best friend.
Right, well...
'Cause that wasn't true.
When I said I didn't know him.
I thought that you broke your arm at-at work.
Okay, well, who do you think drove me to urgent care
and-and waited there with me?
You were at work. You remember?
I couldn't even... you didn't, you didn't answer your phone.
You-you told me that your boss took you.
Well, so I lied, obviously.
So when were you planning on telling me any of this?
When would I tell you exactly? When are you even here?
- I'm here now. - Okay.
You know, I-I-I talked to Dr. Sherman, and he told me
-you've been skipping appointments. -I missed one.
You know those aren't free.
Sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm...
I'm so happy you had a friend, sweetheart.
I'm sorry he's gone.
I just wish I'd known.
That speech you gave, it...
I don't even know what to say. I'm...
I'm proud of you.
Thanks.
Hi.
This is a cool surprise.
Can I get you anything or...?
Just water.
- Just water? You're sure? - Yeah. That's perfect.
Coming up.
Zoe: Where's your mom?
She works late on Fridays.
Oh. I wanted to meet her.
Yeah, that would've been great.
What's this?
Oh, it's just my mom is obsessed
with these college scholarship essay contests.
I mean, I'd-i'd-I'd have to win probably, like, all of them
to actually pay for college, so...
Your parents, they-they can't...?
Uh, not really.
I'm sorry.
Is your room upstairs?
Yeah. It's, um...
Yeah.
Yeah, so it's, like, a pretty standard sort of room, I guess.
Hey. Oh, um...
Actually, I meant to tell you this before.
Um, so Alana and I had a really good...
Um, we had a really good meeting this morning,
and I think that... Y-You probably noticed,
um, that, uh, you know, a lot of people were giving,
uh, during that first week, which is definitely great,
but, um, it sort of slowed down a bit, obviously.
But Alana and I are really confident
that it's gonna pick right back up.
I think it's just a m... A matter of...
Can I talk to you about something?
Yes.
Uh...
The Connor project is... Awesome.
It's-it's really, really cool.
- Thank you. - It's just that, my whole life,
everything has been about him.
And maybe the two of us...
Maybe we don't have to talk about my brother all the time.
Maybe we can...
Talk about other things.
I like you.
And it's not because you were friends with my brother
or because of the Connor project.
I like you 'cause...
You.
J' I don't need you to sell me on reasons to want you I
j' I don't need you to search for the proof that I should I
I you don't have to convince me I
I you don't have to be scared you're not enough I
j' 'cause what we've got going I
J' is good I
j' I don't need more reminders of all that's been broken I
j' I don't need you to fix what I'd rather forget I
j' clear the slate and start over I
I try to quiet the noises in your head I
I we can't compete with all that j'
I so what if it's us? I
I what if it's us and only us I
I and what came before won't count anymore or matter? I
j' can we try that? J'
I what if it's you, what if it's me I
I and what if that's all that we need it to be I
I and the rest of the world falls away? I
I what do you say? I
j' I never thought there'd be I
j' someone like you who would want me I
well...
I so I give you 10,000 reasons I
I to not let me go I
I but if you really see me I
I if you like me for me and nothing else I
j' well, that's all that I've wanted I
j' for longer than you could possibly know I
j'so it can be usj'
I it can be us and only us I
I and what came before won't count anymore or matter I
I we can try that j'
J' it's not so impossible I
j' nobody else but the two of us here I
j' 'cause you're saying it's possible I
I we can just watch the whole world disappear j'
j' till you're the only one I
j' I still know how to see I
Evan: J' it's just you and me I
Zoe: J' it'll be us I
j' it'll be us and only us I
I and what came before won't count anymore I
I we can try that j'
I you and me I
j' that's all that we need it to be I
I and the rest of the world falls away I
j' the world falls away I
J' the world falls away I
j' the world falls away I
J' the world falls away I
all right, let's just start without him.
J' the world falls away I
I and it's only us. I
No.
I'm famous for doing that.
Cynthia: I've been told that many times.
Heidi: Mmmmm.
Hi, honey.
Cynthia: Come join us.
- I just put dinner in the oven. - Hi.
She made me swear to keep it a surprise.
I'm surprised.
Hi.
It's so nice to finally meet you.
-Oh, hi.
Yeah, uh, great.
It's great.
Come on, Evan. Sit.
I-I thought that you were working tonight.
Heidi: Cynthia called and invited me for dinner,
so, you know, I'm playing hooky.
We were just discussing how sneaky you and Connor were.
Heidi: I had no idea that he and Connor were even friends.
Larry: Oh, we were the same.
Cynthia: You know, boys love their secrets.
Something smells good. What's for dinner?
Oh, it's chicken milanese, your favorite.
Oh, actually his favorite is
my great-grandmother's black beans.
Really?
Cynthia: Well, he's the only one
that appreciates my cooking, so...
- That's not true. - Uh, another drop?
Oh, no, no. I'm-I'm fine. Thank you.
Oh, um, fascinating story about the wine.
It's from a vineyard in napa,
and the entire growing process from start to finish,
100% sustainable.
Is that right?
Not to mention, it tastes good, too.
- Mm-hmm. It does. - Mm.
You know, I-I didn't realize, uh...
Cynthia and Larry were telling me
that you spend so much time here.
Yeah, I... you've been working a lot, so...
Why did I think you were at Jared's?
I-I don't know.
Zoe: Evan was showing me
all of those scholarship contests that you found.
It's really impressive.
Well, Evan is a great writer.
Cynthia: Well, that does not
surprise me at all.
His English teacher last year told me that he wrote
one of the best papers she'd ever read on sulu.
Is that right?
- It's sula. - What?
You said "sulu." It's sula.
Larry: Yeah, I believe sulu's
a character on Star Trek.
My mistake.
So, speaking of scholarships...
Oh, right, uh...
Yeah, well, I guess...
Now's as good a time as any.
Cynthia, do you want to...?
Hmm.
Well, um...
Zoe happened to mention that Evan was having some difficulty
in terms of the financial burden of college.
And Larry and I started thinking,
and we've been fortunate enough
to set some money aside for Connor.
Um, I'm good.
- I'm okay. - Yeah.
Heidi, with your blessing, we would like to give Evan
the money that we set aside for our son
so he can fulfill his dreams.
Thank you so much...
But we're gonna be fine.
I don't have a lot of money, but I-I do have some.
No, no, no, no, no. I didn't mean to intimate...
No, no, I understand, but, um, we do have money,
so I'm sorry you were under the impression that we didn't.
And whatever money we don't have,
Evan will either make up for with a job
or he'll get a scholarship.
I don't want my son to get the idea that it's okay
to rely on other people for favors.
- Well, it's not a favor. - No.
But as his mother, I need to set that example.
You can't expect things from strangers.
Oh, we're not strangers.
No, of course not.
But you're not family either.
Mom, just hold on.
No, I think I better get to work,
see if I can grab a shift now that I know
how concerned you are about our finances.
Mom, will you please come back inside?
Oh, my god. Are you kidding me?
Will you just come back inside, please?
They think you're their son, these people.
They're not "these people."
They don't really know you.
Well, they like me. They like me.
I know that that's very hard for you to believe,
that they don't think I'm...
You know, that there's something wrong with me,
that I need to be, like, fixed, like you do.
- When have I ever said that? - Oh, my god.
Mom, I-I have to go to therapy, right?
I have to take drugs. I have to...
There's-there's nothing wrong with that.
There-there's nothing wrong with needing help, honey.
Just stop. I know that there is,
and I know that I'm a burden,
that I'm the worst thing that ever happened to you,
and I just... well, I just ruined your life, okay?!
No. You are the best thing.
You're the best thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm sorry I can't give you anything more than that.
It's not my fault if other people can.
I'll see you at home.
Hi.
I'm so sorry. I meant to be there yesterday.
Okay, well, we have two days left, and we're $25,000 short.
Yeah, I just... everything...
You're right. I know. I'm sorry.
Things have been really busy, so...
I've been wondering something.
Mmmmm?
Were you ever actually friends with him?
What are you talking about?
Well, the thing about the emails, it's just that,
like, you and Connor keep talking about
climbing this tree together in June.
Mmmmm?
We were in school in June.
You didn't have a cast until September.
Well, uh, you know what?
We probably just wrote down the wrong date or something.
It's not just the emails, Evan.
You've missed, like, three meetings in a row.
If I were his best friend,
I would be doing everything I could to make sure
his dream of rebuilding the orchard came true.
Okay.
Look, it's terrible that people aren't giving
as much money as we hoped they would.
It is, but-but it's not like it's him.
You know what I mean?
It's-it's just... It's an orchard, Alana.
We have people watching us,
hoping...
Praying that we can prove Connor wrong.
And if the orchard is just an empty promise,
all of those people will know that Connor was right.
That no one cares.
Did you lie to me?
Did I lie to all these people?
Just go to your email.
Another email?
It's not...
It's not another email.
"Dear Evan Hansen..."
If we weren't friends, then he wouldn't...
He wouldn't have written his note to me.
Look, only his family have seen this, okay?
You can't, you can't show it to anybody else, okay?
Alana.
Okay.
He wasn't right.
You know that, don't you?
J' the parts we can't tell, we carry them well I
I but that doesn't mean they're not heavy I
j' the parts we can't tell, we carry them well I
I but that doesn't mean they're not heavy I
j' the anonymous one I
j' noticed by none I
j' the parts we can't tell, we carry them well I
I but that doesn't mean they're not heavy I
j' the parts we can't tell I
I we carry them well I
I but that doesn't mean they're not heavy I
j' the parts we can't tell I
I we carry them well I
I but that doesn't mean they're not heavy I
J' the anonymous ones I
j' who might just need this moment to remind them I
I that there are more anonymous ones I
j' they're out there if you take the time to find them I
I just to know we're somehow not alone I
j' isn't that all we're ever really looking for? J'
J' maybe we I
I we don't have to be I
j' anonymous anymore. I
Girl: Can you imagine?
Wh-what's wrong?
Yep.
Hi.
Alana, you have to take it down, okay?
They've been through enough.
I took it down already, Evan, but it-it doesn't matter
because it's everywhere.
Zoe, it's me.
Please call me back, okay?
I'm worried about you.
They have pictures of us now.
Just put it away.
"His parents act like they are bereft,
but where were they when their son was actually alive?"
Please stop reading them.
- Hey. Is Zoe here? - She went home.
Things really aren't good here.
I know. I just... I had to come.
Cynthia: Where did they even... How did they get Connor's note?
Larry: I don't know.
Cynthia: Like, did they hack our computers?
They hacked our emails? Did... these people are adults.
Did you see their pictures?
These people are adults.
Larry: Look, maybe let it ring.
Zoe: I'm sick of hiding. Hello?
Yeah, have-have fun with your miserable life.
Larry: What did they say? What's the number?
It's blocked.
It doesn't... No, it doesn't matter.
Cynthia: That's it. I'm calling the police.
Larry: No, look, right now, maybe the best thing to do
is to just stay calm, all right?
-And sit... -Cynthia: That's always your solution, isn't it?
Wait and see. Let's just wait and see, right, Larry?
Larry: What are the police going to do?
It's the Internet. Wh...
Are they gonna arrest the Internet?
Cynthia: I had to beg you, every step of the way,
for-for therapy, for-for rehab.
Larry: What? N-No, no.
You went lurching from one miracle cure to the next...
Cynthia: Oh, you're... really?
Larry: Because all he needed was another $20,000
weekend yoga retreat.
What was your alternative,
other than picking apart everything that I did?
Larry: How about putting him on
one program and sticking to it?
Cynthia: Remember what he said
the first time that Connor tried to kill himself?
-That he's just looking for attention. -For Christ's sake.
Cynthia: He just wants attention!
Larry: I'm not gonna sit here and defend myself!
Cynthia: You couldn't understand him.
You never understood him because he wasn't yours!
Mom, what the hell?
I raised him from the time he was three years old.
He was getting better, and you refused to see it. Ask Evan.
Tell them, Evan.
Evan did everything that he could.
Evan? Evan was in denial of what was happening.
Zoe: Do not bring him into this.
Cynthia: Read the note, Larry.
Read what he said.
"I just wish that everything was different."
Larry: I tried.
-But he was my son! -He wanted to be better! -Zoe: Please.
Larry: I-I tried everything!
Zoe: Stop it! Just please stop!
- Please stop fighting! - He was trying to be better!
He was trying!
And he was failing.
We failed him.
No, you didn't. No, you didn't.
You didn't fail him.
Read the note.
He didn't write it.
I wrote it.
You didn't write Connor's suicide note.
Um, it was an assignment from my therapist.
Write a letter to yourself, um, a pep talk.
"Evan Hansen, dear Evan Hansen, today's gonna be a good day.
-Here's why." -I-I don't, I don't think that...
I was supposed to bring it to my appointment with me,
but Connor took it, and then I guess he must have had it
with him, um...
When you found him, so...
What are you saying?
We weren't friends.
No.
No, no, no, no.
J' I never meant to make it such a mess I
J' I never thought that it would go this far I
there were emails. You showed us emails.
I so I just stand here sorry I
j' searching for something to say I
j' something to say I
y-y-you knew about the orchard.
He-he took you to the orchard.
That's where you broke your arm.
I broke my arm in Ellison park, um, by myself.
But that day at the orchard...
You and Connor at the orchard.
J' words fail I
j' words fail I
j' there's nothing I can say I
oh, god.
But you said that you guys would talk about me.
He would...
How could you do this?
J' I guess I thought I could be part of this j'
j' I never had this kind of thing before I
j' I never had that perfect girl I
j' who somehow could see the good part of me I
j' I never had the dad who stuck it out I
j' no corny jokes or baseball gloves j'
j' no mom who just was there I
j' 'cause mom was all that she had to be I
j' that's not a worthy explanation I
j' I know there is none I
J' nothing can make sense of all these things I've done I
j' words fail, words fail I
j' there's nothing I can say I
j' except sometimes you see everything you wanted I
I and sometimes I
I you see everything you wish you had I
I and it's right there, right there, right there I
j' in front of you I
I and you want to believe it's true I
I so you make it true I
I and you think maybe I
j' everybody wants it I
I and needs it I
j' a little bit, too. I
Larry: Zoe.
I think it's time for you to go.
Go away, Evan.
It isn't fair, okay?
You can't, you can't let people
just blame you and your parents.
They need to know it was me, okay?
I'm the one people should hate.
Yeah, well, we're not telling anyone.
Well, that's... I...
You can't... you have to.
It's not my decision.
It's my mom's.
She doesn't want to ruin your life.
She's afraid you'll do something stupid.
Like hurt yourself.
She said they already lost one son.
Can you just...
Leave my family alone, okay?
J' this was just a sad invention j'
I it wasn't real, I know I
I but we were happy I
j' I guess I couldn't let that go I
j' I guess I couldn't give that up I
j' I guess I wanted to believe I
j' 'cause if I just believe I
I then I don't have to see I
j' what's really there I
j' no, I'd rather pretend j'
I I'm something better than these broken parts I
j' pretend I'm something other than I
j' this mess that I am I
j' 'cause then I don't have to look at it I
I and no one gets to look at it I
j' no, no one can really see I
j' 'cause I've learned to slam on the brake j'
j' before I even turn the key I
j' before I make the mistake I
j' before I lead with the worst of me I
j' I never let them see I
j' the worst of me I
J' 'cause what if everyone saw? I
I what if everyone knew? I
I would they like what they saw? I
j' or would they hate it, too? I
I will I just keep on running away I
I from what's true? I
I all I ever do is run I
I so how do I step in j'
I step into the sun? I
I step into the sun. I
Evan?
Oh, honey.
"Dear Evan Hansen..."
You wrote this? Connor's note?
I didn't know.
No one did.
No, honey, that's...
That's not what I meant.
I didn't know that you were...
That you were hurting like that.
That you felt...
I didn't know.
I lied.
I lied about so many things.
Not just Connor. Um...
So, last summer, um...
I just...
I just felt so alone. Um...
You can tell me.
The tree.
I didn't fall.
I let go.
- Oh, Evan. - Do you hate me now?
You should. You should.
If you knew who I am, just howjust broken I am.
I already know you.
And I love you.
I can promise you that...
Someday...
All of this is gonna feel like a very long time ago.
Ah.
Your dad, um...
Do you remember when he drove by to get his things?
It was a few weeks after he moved out.
Temporarily, we said.
I it was a February day I
j' when your dad came by before going away I
j' a u-haul truck in the driveway j'
j' the day it was suddenly real I
j' I told you not to come outside I
I but you saw that truck, and you smiled so wide I
J' a real live truck in your driveway j'
I we let you sit behind the wheel I
j' goodbye, goodbye I
I now it's just me I
I and my little guy I
I and the house felt so big I
I and I felt so small I
j' the house felt so big I
I and I felt so small I
I that night, I tucked you into bed I
j' I will never forget how you sat up and said j'
j' "is there another truck coming to our driveway? J'
j' a truck that will take mommy away?" I
I and the house felt so big I
I and I felt so small I
j' the house felt so big I
j'andlj'
I and I knew there would be I
j' moments that I'd miss I
I and I knew there would be I
j' space I couldn't fill j'
I and I knew I'd come up short I
j' a million different ways I
j'and I did I
j'andldoj'
I and I will I
I but like that February day I
j' I will take your hand I
j' squeeze it tightly and say I
j' "there's not another truck in the driveway j'
j' "your mom isn't going anywhere I
j' "your mom is staying right here I
j' "your mom isn't going anywhere I
j' your mom is staying right here" I
j' no matter what I
I I'll be here I
j' when it all feels so big I
j' till it all feels so small I
j' when it all feels so big I
j' till it all feels j'
I so small I
j' till it all feels so small. I
It's gonna get better, I promise.
I was never friends with Connor Murphy.
I lied,
repeatedly,
to his family,
to Alana,
to all of you.
I'm not asking for your forgiveness.
I don't deserve it.
But, um, please...
Connor's family doesn't deserve your hatred.
I do.
I'm sorry.
Connor: J' spent so many seasons j'
I lost inside my mind I
I like a message in a bottle I
j' I thought nobody would find I
j' that nobody would find I
J' I've been drifting, I've been dreaming I
j' I would land upon the shore j'
I to a haven, to a harbor j'
I that felt so far before I
j' well, today I
j' today I
I what felt so far away I
j' feels a little closer I
j' for today, today I
j' today I
I it feels a little closer I
I how long these days of darkness I
I at the bottom of a well I
I that old, familiar well I
j' sitting heavy with these secrets j'
I with nobody to tell I
j' nobody to tell I
- okay, your turn. Come on. - J' high above I
j' a streak of sunlight j'
I and a wall too tall to climb j'
I all the reaching, all the wanting j'
I just to tumble every time I
I think we got it.
All right.
I but today I
j' today I
I what felt so far away I
j' feels a little closer I
j' for today, today I
j' today I
I it feels a little closer I
I and the days carry on j'
j' the clouds come rolling in j'
I and then they're gone I
I as the days keep coming on j'
j' the midnight sky turns to dawn j'
I today, today I
I what felt so far away I
j' feels a little closer I
j' today, today I
I what felt so far away I
j' feels a little closer I
j' for today, today I
j' today I
I it feels a little closer I
j' a little closer I
I it feels a little closer I
j' a little closer I
I it feels a little closer. I
You must start school pretty soon.
Two more weeks.
When do you leave for college?
Um, actually I decided to take a year off, so...
Uh, just try to save some money.
Get a job.
Uh... take some time.
So, I'm taking classes at the community college.
I'll have credits to transfer in the fall, so...
That's smart.
Yeah. We'll see.
I always picture you and Connor here.
Even though...
This is my first time.
It's nice.
Peaceful.
My parents come here all the time.
We do picnics, like, every weekend.
Lots of gluten-free sandwiches.
It's helped them a lot, actually.
Having this.
What I did...
I can't even...
It's the worst thing anyone can do.
I wish we could have met now.
Today.
For the first time.
Me, too.
I should probably...
Yeah. Yeah, of course.
Of course.
Hey, can I just...
Can I just ask you...
Why did you want to meet here?
I wanted to be sure that you saw this.
He really loved it here.
Evan: Dear Evan Hansen...
Today is gonna be a good day, and here's why.
Because today, no matter what else,
today at least you're you.
No hiding, no lying.
And that's...
That's enough.
So no matter how hard it gets,
even if it feels... impossible,
this time you 7! Know.
Don't let go.
Just hold on and keep going.
Just keep going.
J' today, today I
j' today I
I it feels a little closer. I
I have you ever felt like nobody was there? I
I have you ever felt forgotten in the middle of nowhere? I
I have you ever felt like you could disappear? J'
I like you could fall I
I and no one would hear? I
j' well, let that lonely feeling wash away I
j' maybe there's a reason to believe you'll be okay I
j' 'cause when you don't feel strong enough to stand I
I you can reach I
j' reach out your hand I
I and, oh, someone will come running I
I and I know they'll take you home I
j' even when the dark comes crashing through I
j' when you need a friend to carry you I
I and when you're broken on the ground I
I you will be found I
I so let the sun come streaming in j'
j' 'cause you'll reach up and you'll rise again I
j' lift your head and look around I
I you will be found I
j' there's a place where we don't have to feel unknown j'
I and every time you call out I
j' you're a little less alone I
j' oh, if you only say the word I
j' oh, from across the silence j'
j' your voice is heard I
j' even when the dark comes crashing through I
j' when you need a friend to carry you I
I and when you're broken on the ground I
I you will be found I
I so let the sun come streaming in j'
j' 'cause you'll reach up and you'll rise again I
j' lift your head and look around I
I you will be found I
I you will be found, you will be found I
I you will be found I
I you will be found, you will be found I
J' out of the shadows j'
j' the morning is breaking j'
I and all is new and all is new I
j' it's filling up the empty I
I and suddenly I see I
I that all is new I
I all is new I
j' even when the dark comes crashing through I
j' when you need a friend to carry you I
I and when you're broken on the ground I
I you will be found I
I so let the sun come streaming in j'
j' 'cause you'll reach up and you'll rise again I
j' lift your head and look around I
I you will be found. I
I ever look at all the people I
j' seem to know exactly how to be? I
I how to be, how to be now, how to be I
I you think, they don't need piles of prescriptions j'
I to function naturally I
j' functioning natural j'
I take a look and you might just catch it I
I stay a minute more I
j' minute more, minute more now, minute more I
j' there's a little moment after the sunny smile I
j' their eyes fall to the floor I
I to the floor, to the floor now, to the floorj'
j' the truth starts peeking through I
j' peeking through I
j' they're a lot like me and you I
I they can fake a smile, too I
j' the anonymous ones I
I never let you see the ache they carry j'
I they carry, they carry, they carry j'
I all those anonymous ones I
I never name the quiet pain they Bury j'
I they Bury, they Bury, they Bury j'
I keep on keeping secrets that they think they have to hide j'
I what if everybody's secret is they have that secret side? I
I and to know, to know we're not alone I
j' is all we're hoping for j'
j' I don't wanna be anonymous j'
j' why you gotta be anonymous? J'
j' I don't wanna be anonymous anymore I
J' anymore j'
J' spot the girl who stays in motion j'
j' spins so fast so she won't fall I
j' world spins so fast, spins so fast I
j' she's built a wall of her achievements j'
I keep out the question I
j' without it, is she worth anything at all? I
I and truth starts peeking through I
j' they're a lot like me and you I
I they can fake a smile, too I
j' the anonymous ones I
I never let you see the ache they carry j'
I they carry, they carry, they carry j'
I all those anonymous ones I
I never name the quiet pain they Bury j'
I they Bury, they Bury, they Bury j'
j' I don't wanna be anonymous j'
j' why you gotta be anonymous? J'
j' I don't wanna be anonymous anymore I
j' the parts we can't tell, we carry them well I
I but that doesn't mean they're not heavy I
j' the parts we can't tell, we carry them well I
I but that doesn't mean they're not heavy I
j' the parts we can't tell, we carry them well I
I but that doesn't mean they're not heavy I
j' heavy j'
j' the anonymous ones I
I never let you see the ache they carry j'
I they carry, they carry, they carry j'
I all the anonymous ones I
I never name the quiet pain they Bury j'
I keep on keeping secrets that they think they have to hide j'
I what if everybody's secret is they have that secret side? I
I and to know, to know we're not alone I
j' is all we're hoping for j'
j' I don't wanna be anonymous j'
j' why you gotta be anonymous? J'
j' I don't wanna be anonymous anymore. I