Mom! I can't find a clean shirt!
- Did you look in your drawer? - It's in my drawer!
Crap!
God...
You had one job!
Uh...
Sammy! Breakfast!
And don't forget your backpack!
And I'm yelling because of distance,
not anger, okay? I love you!
Barry, you ass.
Your child support check bounced again.
So close your eyes, pretend like you're a man,
and send me the money, you...
have everything.
Good job.
Jackie, it is us. Surprise.
Who's that?
It's your Aunt Lizzie and Uncle Javier.
Oh, you mean Aunt Hoity and Uncle Toity.
Yes.
Uh, come in.
Lizzie, uh, what are you doing in Reseda?
Visiting my sister in our old family home.
And, actually, I go by Elizabeth these days.
Why are you talking in such a weird accent?
I don't have an "ah-ccent."
I almost forgot. We have a gift for you.
Luis.
Oh, no, he's not your gift. The flowers are.
Luis is my assistant, my driver, but more importantly, my friend.
For you.
Thank you.
You know, if you put them in a large vase,
they'll make a splash in your entryway.
I don't think I have a "vahz."
So I'm just gonna put them on this "tah-ble."
Sammy.
Look how tall you are.
Incredible.
You used to be so much shorter.
What happened?
Five years happened.
That's how long it's been since we've seen you guys.
Well, let's make up for it.
Perhaps we can shake hands the Mexican way?
- What's that? - Luis, can you explain?
Of course.
It is a handshake, followed by a pat on the shoulder,
followed by a final handshake.
Ah.
Congratulations, you are officially a Mexican.
I will draw up the paperwork right away.
Go eat.
I really have missed you, Jackie.
I hope it won't be too inconvenient
if we stay with you for a few days.
Stay here?
Um, all right.
But, I mean, you grew up here.
You know it's not exactly the Four Seasons.
If you see something on your pillow, it's not a mint.
Kill it.
Delightful.
Now, all this mayhem's given me a headache.
Do you mind if I have a lie down in the guest quarters?
Guest quarters?
Sure.
And you're so lucky,
because the Obamas just checked out this morning.
Elizabeth, get ready for a massage.
Where's your massage table?
Our kitchen table has a hole in it.
She can probably fit her face in there.
I'll improvise.
Oh, my God!
I see they've found the guest quarters.
Oatmeal's good today. What's the difference?
Propane?
Microwave conked out again, so you can put that on the list
of everything we're gonna fix when we win the lotto.
Can't Aunt Lizzie and Tío Javi help?
They're super rich.
I would never ask them for money.
That is tacky.
I could hint.
I hate it here.
It's awful.
Oh. You're so tense.
I wish I could whisk you to Fiji
and pay for a thousand hands to massage you at once.
But, well, I just can't anymore.
This doesn't seem real.
We're good people.
Good people shouldn't go broke.
Oh, God!
Synced & corrected by -robtor- www.addic7ed.com
I hate that, because of my mistakes,
we have lost all of our money.
I signed up for you.
For richer or poorer.
I love you, Javi, and always will, no matter what.
That being said, I really hope we get our money back.
Don't worry, mi corazón. Luis and I already have a plan
to reclaim our fortune.
I'm writing an e-mail to mi papá.
Luis, translate what we have so far.
"Dearest Papá...
"smile emoji.
"I know you said I was wasteful and foolish
"and you were cutting off my funds
"until I proved myself worthy.
But have you considered..."
Yes?
That's it. That's all we have so far.
It's a good start, no?
But right now we have no place else to go,
so you must tell your sister about our situation.
I-I just have to get her at exactly the right moment.
I just have to drop my hint at exactly the right moment.
When she's feeling really superior to me.
- When will that be? - Always.
Now get your stuff. You're gonna be late for school.
Oh. U-Um, allow me to take Sammy.
Please. It will give a chance for you
and your sister to reconnect.
Sammy?
Sure.
I will miss you every second I am away, mi vida.
And I you, mi angel.
That's really sweet. It's like, um,
two horses sharing an apple.
Okay, Sammy, listo. Vámonos.
So, I have to go to the bar. You want to come?
Sure. I could use a cocktail.
Not to drink. I work there.
And it's only 8:00 in the morning.
Well, it's 9:00 in the morning somewhere, right?
Tío Javi, how come you don't have kids?
Unfortunately, I'm not able to.
Oh. Why?
Because I'm very self-centered.
Oh, no. Oh, no.
That's my teacher. I was supposed
to tell my mom she wanted to talk this morning.
I totally messed up.
Sammy, it's okay.
I've messed up much worse.
In fact, right now your aunt is telling your mother
that I have l-lost all my money.
Really? How?
A lot of different ways, like overspending
and shopping too much and buying way too many things.
Aren't those all the same?
Well, maybe in English.
I'll take care of this.
Oh, hi there.
I am Sammy's Tío Javier. A pleasure to meet you.
Oh, hi there.
Hello, Javier. I'm Dolores.
Such a beautiful name, with just a hint of sadness.
It suits you. Dolores,
I will be meeting with you today instead of Sammy's mother.
- I'm okay with that. - ‭Uh-huh.
Okay, uh, Sammy, why don't you get to class?
And, Javier, we'll meet in my office down the hall.
- Ah. - ‭
_
Mm-hmm.
_
So, we're on the boat. George and Amal were there, of course.
I was wondering why they didn't make it to my Super Bowl party.
Well, there's a lull in the conversation,
and I don't know why, but I just blurted out,
"I'm in the mood for popcorn."
And then everyone started laughing.
That's the best popcorn on a yacht story I've ever heard.
I thought you'd like it because of how much you love popcorn.
I-I do love it.
Unfortunately, I can't make it because my microwave's broken.
Pretty much everything's broken.
Well, this is fun.
I wish there was a way for us to spend more time together.
Like, a lot more time.
Yeah.
That would be nice.
Pass me the needle-nose pliers.
The what-nose what?
Lizzie, you know what pliers are.
It's just us. Take off the tiara.
Please, I haven't worn a tiara in years.
Oh, this is Dad's old toolbox.
Yep. I would get a new one,
but things are really tight right now.
You're so lucky
that you don't have to think about money.
I like not thinking about money.
And having so much that whenever you find hundred dollar bills
in your pockets, you just give them to homeless people
and watch them light up with joy.
You know,
you could also give your money to people that are in homes.
Why are you crying?
I'd tell you, but you'll hate me.
I won't hate you. You're my sister.
You are the most generous person I know.
You're like a generous, pretty, little bird.
So, why are you crying?
Because Javier and I are broke and we have to move in with you.
What?
‭
- Oh, my God! - Oh, my Gucci!
Put some Bondo on it,
I'll attach the condensate pump to the drain line.
The reason I wanted to meet with...
I'm sorry, excuse me, who are you?
I am Luis.
Oh. Luis is my assistant, my driver,
but more importantly, my friend.
He will be taking notes during this meeting,
but he will not write anything down.
Why? Well, because he has a photographic memory.
Actually I don't.
I have a good memory, but that's it.
Really? Why did I think otherwise?
'Cause I do remember everything, so the distinction is small.
Ah!
Well, Sammy has not been finishing his assignments.
He was overdue writing a story about his family,
so I gave him free time in the library.
And he made this movie
with his phone instead.
I see what the problem is.
Sammy is a genius.
That's why you wanted to talk to someone in his family, right?
What? Uh, no, I wanted to talk about him
not finishing his assignments.
Maybe so.
But look at what he has done.
His mind obviously works in a very advanced way.
I recognize this because...
well, I'm a genius, too.
Mostly watercolors, poetry,
and the occasional symphony.
Luis, play that piece I wrote
for the Cabo San Lucas Philharmonic.
Uh, well,
yes, Sammy is very creative,
but if he doesn't finish his work,
he may have to be held back next year.
No, this we cannot have.
No.
A talent like his must be nurtured.
Ah, I have it.
What if we approach this a different way?
So, when you say "broke," just how broke exactly?
We spent everything in Javier's trust fund,
and now his father wants to teach him a lesson.
So he's cutting us off.
I think the pyramid thing was the final straw.
You guys fell for a pyramid scheme?
No, Javier actually bought a pyramid.
Mayan, not Egyptian.
He's not crazy.
Bottom line, we're ruined.
So our family home seems like the perfect place to go.
That's for pretending you're here because you missed me.
Well, you only said I was a pretty
little bird, because you needed money.
And you only came back 'cause you need a place to live.
It's like you got married and took off
and never even thought about me again.
Okay, we invited you to things all the time, at first.
Yeah, and you were embarrassed of me in front of your fancy-pants friends.
I was embarrassed because you kept saying,
"Hey, fancy-pants friends."
That was a joke.
No one thought it was funny.
- You would have. - When I was 16.
When you were yourself.
You just can't accept the fact
that I'm a person who could evolve and change
and become a freaking lady!
You are a freaking phony.
You think you're better than me?
Guess what... you're broke
and in Reseda, just like I am.
Hey!
Okay, okay.
_
I just got a message from Sammy's teacher.
You met with her?
Oh, yes.
And I convinced sad, sweet Dolores
to let Sammy complete his project a different way.
No need to thank me.
What kind of balls do you have?
The...
regular kind?
I am the mom.
I do the meetings.
You guys are unbelievable.
I think you're unbelievable, too.
What?!
Truly, to hold down two jobs
while also raising a great kid like Sammy by yourself?
Incredible!
Stop being charming when I'm angry!
Why was my mom yelling?
Did she find the grilled cheese
under my bed?
Oh, no, no, no, no.
She was just yelling because
she is very passionate.
You sure look at the bright side.
There always is one.
Case in point... I have lost all my money.
Bright side... I'm still married to the love of my life,
I own a pyramid...
...and I get to hang out with you.
It's too bad you can't have any kids.
You'd be a good dad.
Hey.
Tea?
Oh, I hate tea.
It's mostly whiskey.
I love tea.
So, I don't get it.
If Javier is broke, then how is he paying you?
He does not pay me.
His father does.
My family has worked for his family for generations.
But, even if I wasn't getting paid, I'd stay with him.
Why?
Nobody in my life
has been as loyal to me as Javier.
I come from a very traditional family.
When I told them I was gay...
let's just say a lot of people weren't supportive.
But Javier,
he threw me the biggest coming out party you could imagine.
Gloria Gaynor rode an elephant singing
"I Will Survive."
With male acrobats falling out of a giant cloud.
Which was actually more male acrobats in white unitards.
So it was literally raining men.
No wonder he's broke.
Yes, but his heart,
there is none bigger.
Javier sees you the way you wish you saw yourself.
He sees the best version of you.
It is nice having someone like that in your life.
Well, he's lucky to have you.
That is also true.
Hi.
Tub talk?
We haven't done one in years.
Yeah, I was just thinking that, when Mom and Dad
would fight, this is where we'd come.
Yep.
We've fallen asleep in here more than once.
Listen, I'm sorry
I made you feel bad when you came to visit.
I was nervous back then...
about being around rich people.
I know.
And I wasn't helping.
I just felt like all of a sudden
you thought you were better than me.
I didn't think I was better.
That much better.
I just wanted to get out of Reseda so badly.
And I guess I was hurt,
because it felt like you just left me behind.
I never meant to do that.
I just felt that sometimes you resented me.
Like you were jealous.
Of course I was jealous.
You found the love of your life,
and I fell for the lead singer of a Van Halen cover band.
Jackie, as soon as Javier's papá reads his letter,
I'm sure he'll send us money.
Then we'll help you out.
Thank you.
Is that the tea talking?
A little bit.
But, in the meantime,
maybe all of us living here wouldn't be so bad.
Oh, I don't know.
I think we'd kill each other.
I mean, Sammy and I kind of have
a rhythm here, you know?
Oh, got it.
W-We'll find somewhere else.
Javier has lots of ideas.
And then Luis will figure out
something that makes actual sense.
It is here! Papá has responded!
"My dear Javier,
"I have read your e-mail and I respect the way
"you're taking responsibility for maybe
the first time in your life."
Yes!
"But I won't give you any money."
No!
"Let's see where you are in a year or so.
Fingers crossed emoji."
A disaster.
Are you as surprised as I am, Luis?
I don't think so.
It's finished.
Who wants to see my family story project?
Oh, me... the perfect thing to cheer me up.
My family used to be my mom, my dad and me.
It was loud, it was busy, it was fun.
But one day it stopped being fun for my dad.
So he left.
I'm sorry.
I didn't see it coming.
The house felt empty.
Until one day the doorbell rang.
And my mother opened it to Aunt Lizzie,
Tío Javi, and Luis.
Tío Javi messed up and lost all his money.
But we'll get it back because he's a genius
and I'm a genius.
But the best thing is,
now the house is loud and busy and fun again.
And I hope it stays that way.
The end.
That was amazing.
Okay.
Let's try this.
Really?
I promise you won't even know we're here.
Where did that thing come from?
Oh, Bijou's been here the whole time.
Say bonjour to your Aunt Jackie.