Jackie, I feel so bad about my blunder this morning.
You shouldn't feel bad.
Thank you.
You should feel terrible.
I'm sorry. It's just my brain is mush
without my first cup of coffee.
Hmm. I can attest to that.
One morning, he kissed me and asked Elizabeth
to lay out his tennis outfit.
What did you do?
Oh, well, I was groggy,
a-and I forgot that Sammy didn't know
that his grandfather is in prison.
Oh, no.
Oh, yes.
But before Javier could spill the beans,
I threw a fork in the garbage disposal
so the sound would drown him out.
Quick thinking.
That's what you did when I almost told Dad
you were on birth control.
I'm just glad Sammy didn't catch on.
Pass me the Channellock pliers.
Sure. The-the Channel...
lock...
pliers. Here it comes.
I am so sorry about my misstep.
But why not just tell Sammy the truth?
Because our father is a con man and a crook,
and we're embarrassed by him.
No. Because I am Sammy's mother, and it's my job to protect him.
From finding out that his grandpa
is a con man and a crook.
You don't think Sammy can handle it?
He's only ten.
So I do what every good mother does:
lie and lie and lie
to protect the feelings of the people that you love.
Hmm, that's great advice.
You know, that's what Dad did, and he turned out okay.
Oh, wait, he's in prison.
Got it.
Fixed.
Ah.
Great. I just can't believe
you will break your garbage disposal
just so Sammy wouldn't hear
that his grandfather is in prison.
Sammy! There he is.
- Sammy! - Nothing. I was just doing nothing.
- What's up, Sammy? - Morning, kid.
Synced & corrected by -robtor- www.addic7ed.com
Lizzie, this is the last time I'm gonna ask.
Dad knows you're home, and it would mean
a lot to him if you would come visit.
In that case,
I'm definitely not going.
Why can't you cut him some slack?
I'm just shielding myself so Dad can't hurt me anymore.
Yet another thing Meghan Markle and I have in common.
Dad's not perfect, but after Mom died,
he kept a roof over our heads.
By lying and constantly running scams.
He did all those things to give us a better life.
Deep down, he's a good guy whose only crime...
Besides the three he was convicted of.
...is caring too much.
Say what you want about Dad,
but he always put our happiness first.
That's what I told myself, too.
Then he skipped my wedding.
What was he supposed to do? He was sick.
Take a pill and put on a suit.
If he even was sick, which I doubt.
He promised he was going to show up,
and when he didn't, I just decided that's it.
- But, Lizzie... - Jackie, please.
You must respect my wife's position.
She has her reasons for not visiting her father.
Thank you, Javi.
I will visit your father instead.
What? No!
We've discussed this before, my love.
I feel terrible because I have never even met him.
It's long overdue.
But you promised you'd teach me to drive today.
Yes, I did.
It's true. But Luis will be happy to teach you.
- Javi? Sidebar? - Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Please don't make me drive with her.
I will give you Monday off.
If I get in that car, I won't make it to Monday.
He said yes! I'm visiting your father!
I really don't want you to do that.
Mi amor, I've always regretted not performing
the ritual of la pedida de mano.
Oh, darling, I don't need you to do la pedida de mano.
But I want to perform la pedida de mano.
Okay, stop saying those words or tell me what they mean.
Luis, Luis, give a brief explanation
of la pedida de mano.
La pedida de mano is
the time-honored tradition of asking the father
for his daughter's hand in marriage.
It involves many fruits and cheeses presented
on a finely woven tablecloth.
There are blessings, speeches and songs
all culminating in the promise to love, honor and cherish
his future bride into eternity.
That was the brief explanation?
Oh, yes. I didn't mention the lasso, the 13 coins,
the carriage ride through the town square.
And yet, you just did.
Maybe not asking for your father's permission
is the reason why he didn't show up to our wedding.
And there's the matter of an elderly spiritual friend
of the family, La Bruja Teresa,
who mentioned that our marriage
could be cursed because la pedida was never performed.
Oh, Javi, please, don't be so silly.
Oh, please, my love, I don't believe it.
I pride myself on not being superstitious at all.
Would you like me to light a candle?
Yes, please. Quickly.
But some people who are superstitious
think that it's possible
that the curse is the reason
why mi papá cut off my money and we lost our fortune.
Your papá said it was because of your reckless spending.
The point is, nobody knows for sure.
- Do you know what would be awesome? - Hmm?
You not tapping.
Oh, I'm sorry, I'm a bit nervous.
I've never been to prison. I've been to escape rooms.
But I have never escaped without Luis.
Hey, if asking my dad's permission was so important,
why didn't you do it before you got engaged?
Well, I should have. But I was so in love with Elizabeth,
I just got carried away and proposed.
Next thing you know, word spread everywhere,
thanks to our publicists.
It was an unforgivable mistake on my part.
Well, if it makes you feel any better,
Barry never asked my dad's permission.
We eloped in Vegas
and went to an all-you-can-eat shrimp buffet,
spent the next three days rolling around in bed.
- Ah, romantic. - Mm...
Not that kind of rolling around.
We had food poisoning.
Sounds like maybe your marriage was cursed, too.
That would explain a lot.
Stop sign. Stop sign.
Stop sign.
How come you never learned to drive?
Oh, well, one day, my dad took me to practice for my...
Please look at the road and not at me.
One day, my dad took me to practice
for my learner's permit.
Out of the blue, a car hit us from behind.
Literally just a tap.
But my dad wanted me to act like I had whiplash
so he could make some easy money.
I said no, we got into a big fight,
and that was the end of the driving lessons.
You know, I never fought with my father.
Which is surprising, because we're so different.
Really? Luis, I know your father.
You seem very similar.
No, not at all.
He's so closed off and formal.
Always having to have his ties and hair just so.
So, do you miss him?
I do.
But everything between us changed when I came out.
I've thought about calling him a million times.
But I did nothing wrong. He should call me.
You know, Luis, something I've...
Something I've learned over the years,
or maybe I just heard my yogi say it
as we were having aperitifs on a rickshaw:
"Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?"
Perhaps I could say the same to you about your father.
And perhaps I could drive us onto the freeway.
No, no, no, no, no.
Hello?
It's the button with the picture of a phone on it.
Hello?
Hello.
Is this Elizabeth Dixon-Flores?
Unless this is the Mexican tax authority, yes, it is.
This is Principal Reagan from Sammy's school.
Sammy isn't feeling well and needs to be picked up.
We tried his mother, but she couldn't be reached.
Oh. That's because she doesn't get cell reception in prison.
What? She's in...
Uh, we'll be there right away.
Hey, Dad. Hey.
How you feeling?
Eh, I'm pretty good, considering I have
the vitamin D levels of a root vegetable.
But that's what happens when you never get to see the sun. Ha.
That's what happens when you cash checks
with someone else's name on them.
So, no Lizzie again, huh?
She couldn't make it.
Ah, let me guess. She's still pissed
and she doesn't want to visit, right?
Something like that.
Who's the haircut with the picnic basket?
Oh, you'll see.
He's about to do a whole thing. Just go with it.
Mr. Dixon.
I'm Javier, Elizabeth's husband.
I'm so glad to finally meet you.
Mr. Dixon was my father.
Just call me Inmate 11726.
That's a classic prison "dad joke."
It's so funny.
Sir, now I present to you la pedida de mano.
Traditionally,
I would lay out a handwoven table cloth
and cover it with artisanal cheeses,
exotic fruits and rare crystals.
But as that's not allowed in here,
please accept my tiny paper napkins
and pictures of fruits and cheeses as a symbol
of my devotion to your daughter.
Okay. I-I accept them.
Oh, thank you.
Now, well...
The reason we are all here... well, not you, Mr. Dixon...
it's because I never asked,
and I should have.
So, may I please have the blessing to marry...
s-slash remain married to your daughter?
You went to a lot of trouble to come here and ask me that.
I did.
And the answer is... no.
Thank you. Wait, what?
Come on, Dad, stop goofing around.
I'm not.
But why?
Because you were loaded,
and then you lost all your money.
I just don't think you're the right person
to take care of Lizzie.
Dad, you're wrong.
I know he looks softer than some of the cheeses in these photos,
but he's a good man.
So what?
Well, this isn't just for me.
Elizabeth is mad at you for not coming to our wedding.
Maybe your blessing could be the first step
to repairing your relationship.
You hear that?
Everything he does is to take care of Lizzie.
Dad, he makes her happy.
I don't care.
Wow.
No wonder Lizzie doesn't come visit you.
Javi, get your fruit pics. We're leaving.
Sammy, sweetie,
you're really going to town on those Hot Cheetos.
Is your stomachache gone?
Almost.
Maybe another Mountain Dew?
Look, Sammy, I know what you're doing.
I used to fake stomachaches all the time
to get out of stuff when I was a kid.
Even as an adult.
That's how she got out of Thanksgiving at Mar-a-Iago.
Did something happen at school?
Ooh. Maybe your teacher was wearing an outfit
ten years too young for her, and it made you a little nauseous?
Come on, tell me.
Something happened today.
There's this kid at school... Nico...
I hate him already!
Sorry. I have a sense where this is going.
Nico's a jerk to everyone.
Someone finally told on him,
and for some reason, he thinks it was me.
Is that because... it was you?
Yeah.
He said he was gonna get even with me after school.
Hence the stomachache?
Please don't tell my mom. She'd just worry.
I won't. But I am gonna teach you
- how to deal with this Nico jerk. - I don't want to fight him.
Oh, honey, fighting is always the last resort you go to.
Like a Sandals Resort in the Bahamas.
The most important thing is,
never let him see that you're scared.
But what if he corners me and wants to fight?
Well, then and only then, you might have to fight him.
I'll show you.
Luis, I need your help.
I want you to approach Sammy like a bully.
Hey, kid, you wear glasses,
like 64% of the population.
Them's fightin' words!
Now, Sammy, use your size to get in close
so the bully doesn't have the reach advantage.
Now, punch up to the soft part of the belly,
following through with your whole body.
And then get out of the way
before he throws up the lunches he stole.
Ooh!
I am undone.
Bravo!
Thanks, Auntie Lizzie. I'm gonna go upstairs and practice.
So, where did you learn all that?
Actually... my dad.
He always wanted to make sure
I knew how to protect myself.
My father taught me to fish, and when we got home,
he always let me carry in the biggest one.
Hmm. My dad did that with the grocery bags.
But I think he knew it made me feel grown-up.
My father spoiled me.
He bought me my first three-piece suit.
Ooh. I was the best-dressed kid at preschool.
It couldn't have been easy for my dad
to raise two girls by himself.
Wait. What the hell are we doing?!
- Are we talking nice about our fathers? - Ugh.
The wine's making us soft.
I am not ready to let him off the hook.
Well, I am not ready to stop drinking,
so let's just power through this.
- We're home. - So, how was jail?
Well, I performed a beautiful la pedida
for your father, but he said no.
What?
He spurned my fruits.
Are you serious?
He said I was irresponsible
and not the right person to take care of you.
Thank God he didn't see that I lost Jackie's keys
in the prison parking lot.
He doesn't know you, but I do wish
you would have heard me when I asked you not to go.
I should have listened to you, my love,
but I really thought I could help
fix your relationship with him.
I appreciate you trying,
but that's between me and my dad,
and we're gonna have to work that out ourselves.
- I'm sorry. I'll never do it again. - Thank you.
I love you, mi reina.
Wow.
You guys really do work through things emotionally.
It's freakish.
What's freakish is the way you defended me to your father.
I'm kidding. It was beautiful.
You should have seen her, Elizabeth.
She protected me like a mama bear protects her cubs.
Isn't that right, Mama Bear?
Sure.
Wait.
You turned on Dad?
Well, Lizzie, I spent my entire life
giving Dad the benefit of the doubt.
But now I'm beginning to think that you
and multiple juries were right.
It's funny. Earlier tonight, there were a few moments
where I remembered that life with Dad wasn't always awful.
But after what he did to Javi, I'm over it.
I'm going down to that prison tomorrow
to give Dad a piece of my mind.
Grandpa's in prison?
Why is Grandpa in prison?
Well, he wrote some phony checks,
and he sold some land he didn't technically own.
So... is he a bad guy?
I don't think so, but he made a lot of bad choices.
I'm sorry. I should have told you.
It's okay, Mom.
There's something maybe I should probably tell you, too.
You know, your Aunt Lizzie and Tío Javi...
they're super honest with each other.
They talk about everything.
You want to maybe try that?
- Yeah. - Go for it.
I lied and said I had a stomachache because there was
a kid at school who wanted to fight me.
But I'm not scared anymore because Aunt Lizzie taught me
how a guy my size can fight anyone.
Just get in close and punch him straight up the stomach!
That was her move.
I'm gonna need you to start from the beginning.
There's this kid named Nico.
I hate him already.
Papá...
_
Papá...
_
Papá...
_
How dare you disrespect my husband and his fruits.
There's my little spitfire.
You look amazing.
Don't distract me with what's obvious.
Javier is the sweetest, kindest man in the world.
And for you to say he's not good enough for me...
If anything, he is too good for her.
Keep going. You're doing great.
For you to turn him down is not
just an insult to him, but an insult to me as well.
Why the hell are you smiling?
This is all part of my plan.
I knew that if I got you mad enough,
you would come down here to defend your husband.
And that's the only way I could think of
to have you come visit me.
Wait. So, this whole thing was a con?
You manipulated us?
Now you're getting it.
Look, you got to use the tools that you have, hmm?
I happen to be great at conning.
Well, you're not that great, or you wouldn't be in here.
I don't think I get enough credit
for all the times I didn't get caught.
So, we're good?
No, we're not good, Dad.
Why?
Well, let's start with:
Why didn't you come to my wedding?
Yeah, that was bad.
Honey, there's nothing in the world I wanted to do more
than to walk you down the aisle.
But I just thought with all those rich,
sophisticated people that were gonna be there,
I'd stick out like a sore thumb.
I didn't want to embarrass you.
Well, maybe you would have embarrassed me,
but I wanted you there anyway.
I mean, I invited Jackie.
Look, I am sorry.
And you know that I love you.
I just want a chance to start over again.
Hmm?
I'd like that, too.
But for that to happen,
things are gonna have to change.
No more lies, no more cons.
Just tell the truth.
Like when you said I looked amazing.
You got to admit, Dad,
lying hasn't worked out great for any of us.
We might as well give honesty a shot.
Deal.
So, now, we're good, right?
Huh?
- We're getting there. - All right, great.
I've missed that cute laugh of yours, Lizzie.
My laugh's cute, too, right?
Yeah, sure.
Lizzie, I wish there was
something I could do to make it up to you.
Well, here's something to start.
Javi?
Mr. Dixon, I will cut to the chase.
A, you are going to accept my crumpled
paper napkins and pictures of fruits and cheeses
as a symbol of my devotion to your daughter.
And B, you are going to give me your blessing.
Well, obviously, you make her happy,
and obviously, she makes you happy,
so, therefore, I give you permission to marry your wife.