1
00:00:03,733 --> 00:00:05,100
Hey, Sammy,
2
00:00:05,125 --> 00:00:06,826
how'd Mitzi's Monsters do today?
3
00:00:06,851 --> 00:00:08,385
We lost again.
4
00:00:08,410 --> 00:00:10,611
Aw, that's too bad.
5
00:00:10,807 --> 00:00:12,830
Don't worry, you'll get 'em next time.
6
00:00:13,977 --> 00:00:16,812
Pay up, chump.
7
00:00:16,880 --> 00:00:18,614
The commissioner wasn't even at the game,
8
00:00:18,682 --> 00:00:20,669
and she's allowed
to ban me from the field?
9
00:00:20,714 --> 00:00:23,819
According to the 30 people
you've already asked, yes.
10
00:00:23,887 --> 00:00:27,589
I barely had my foot on the
field when the ref threw me out.
11
00:00:27,657 --> 00:00:29,591
He did say it's a new commissioner rule:
12
00:00:29,659 --> 00:00:32,294
any parent who steps
on the field during a game
13
00:00:32,362 --> 00:00:34,963
is automatically ejected and banned.
14
00:00:35,031 --> 00:00:36,498
Didn't it have a catchy title?
15
00:00:37,867 --> 00:00:39,768
"Jackie's Law."
16
00:00:39,836 --> 00:00:41,904
How do you not know the rules?
17
00:00:41,971 --> 00:00:44,006
Because there's too many
of them, and the commissioner
18
00:00:44,074 --> 00:00:46,475
e-mails me new rules and bylaws
every frickin' week.
19
00:00:46,543 --> 00:00:47,943
How am I supposed to keep up?
20
00:00:48,011 --> 00:00:50,279
Have you thought about reading them?
21
00:00:50,347 --> 00:00:53,537
If it doesn't have a coupon
attached, I don't open it.
22
00:00:54,551 --> 00:00:56,585
Bottom line, I am being punished
23
00:00:56,653 --> 00:00:59,321
for being a concerned
and involved parent.
24
00:00:59,389 --> 00:01:01,962
I'm not sure the Internet
sees it that way.
25
00:01:15,772 --> 00:01:18,974
With sound, I come off
a lot more reasonable.
26
00:01:18,999 --> 00:01:21,767
- Oh, you want to hear it with sound?
- No, no, no.
27
00:01:21,878 --> 00:01:23,612
Mom, some of the kids said that
28
00:01:23,637 --> 00:01:25,071
you were banned from all the games.
29
00:01:25,181 --> 00:01:27,783
I am, but it is temporary.
30
00:01:27,808 --> 00:01:29,575
I promise I'll be at your next game.
31
00:01:29,686 --> 00:01:31,720
- Cool.
- I won't be at his next game.
32
00:01:31,788 --> 00:01:33,021
He's gonna be devastated.
33
00:01:33,089 --> 00:01:35,057
Why did you let me promise him that?
34
00:01:35,125 --> 00:01:37,059
Look, there might not
even be a next game.
35
00:01:37,127 --> 00:01:38,627
Coach Tony quit.
36
00:01:38,695 --> 00:01:40,996
He said he wasn't built for
the stresses of youth soccer,
37
00:01:41,021 --> 00:01:42,877
so he's going to reenlist.
38
00:01:44,200 --> 00:01:45,834
So they don't have a coach?
39
00:01:45,902 --> 00:01:49,371
Say hello to the new coach
of Mitzi's Monsters.
40
00:01:53,333 --> 00:01:56,001
I have been offered
and have accepted the role.
41
00:01:56,433 --> 00:01:58,313
What was it Coach Tony said
42
00:01:58,381 --> 00:02:00,649
when he generously gave me this whistle?
43
00:02:00,717 --> 00:02:02,961
"Please, please, anyone but me. Please."
44
00:02:02,985 --> 00:02:04,253
Yes.
45
00:02:04,320 --> 00:02:06,889
And Luis will be my assistant coach.
46
00:02:06,956 --> 00:02:08,991
Even though I'm hearing
about this for the first time,
47
00:02:09,058 --> 00:02:10,426
- I accept.
- Yes.
48
00:02:10,493 --> 00:02:12,728
Betting against this team every week
49
00:02:12,796 --> 00:02:14,997
just got a little more interesting.
50
00:02:15,022 --> 00:02:18,458
And a lot more sexy.
51
00:02:18,568 --> 00:02:19,935
That's my husband.
52
00:02:20,003 --> 00:02:21,625
For now.
53
00:02:23,173 --> 00:02:26,307
What are my qualifications
to be coach, you ask? Well,
54
00:02:26,409 --> 00:02:29,244
back in Mexico, my family
owned a fútbol team,
55
00:02:29,312 --> 00:02:32,181
so I grew up around the game,
and I developed a skill or two
56
00:02:32,248 --> 00:02:33,728
as a player along the way.
57
00:02:33,804 --> 00:02:37,052
He was so good, he almost made
the Mexican national team.
58
00:02:37,120 --> 00:02:39,518
Ah, I was this close.
59
00:02:41,603 --> 00:02:43,392
Thank you, my friend.
60
00:02:43,460 --> 00:02:46,094
He even had a nickname, El Relámpago,
61
00:02:46,119 --> 00:02:47,208
which means lightning bolt,
62
00:02:47,232 --> 00:02:48,807
- because of his precise strike.
- Yes.
63
00:02:48,832 --> 00:02:53,235
Well, call me thunder 'cause
I'm coming after him.
64
00:02:53,303 --> 00:02:55,437
Could I demonstrate, you ask?
Well, if you insist.
65
00:02:55,505 --> 00:02:56,705
Luis, balón.
66
00:03:02,078 --> 00:03:04,213
Sammy, be the goalie.
Be the goalie, Sammy.
67
00:03:04,380 --> 00:03:05,669
All right.
68
00:03:11,654 --> 00:03:13,155
I'm okay.
69
00:03:14,457 --> 00:03:17,593
Goal...!
70
00:03:17,660 --> 00:03:21,633
Synced & corrected by -robtor-
www.addic7ed.com
71
00:03:21,664 --> 00:03:24,266
Fútbol, like most beautiful things,
72
00:03:24,291 --> 00:03:26,358
originated in Mexico. Yes,
73
00:03:26,469 --> 00:03:28,303
the Mayans and Aztecs used to play it
74
00:03:28,371 --> 00:03:30,239
with a human skull rather than a ball,
75
00:03:30,652 --> 00:03:32,774
but the lesson remains the same:
76
00:03:32,799 --> 00:03:35,801
win or lose, you're probably
gonna be sacrificed to the gods.
77
00:03:35,826 --> 00:03:37,026
Does that help?
78
00:03:37,180 --> 00:03:38,614
I just asked how to kick the ball
79
00:03:38,681 --> 00:03:40,349
hard enough to score a goal.
80
00:03:40,416 --> 00:03:43,986
Put your body behind the ball
and fully extend your leg.
81
00:03:44,053 --> 00:03:46,989
Exactly, but in order to win,
your team must work in tandem.
82
00:03:47,056 --> 00:03:50,492
Like a magnificent orchestra,
each player knowing his part
83
00:03:50,560 --> 00:03:53,428
to create an exquisite
yet subtle symphony.
84
00:03:53,453 --> 00:03:57,323
Let me make it simple for you:
more Mozart, less Rachmaninov.
85
00:03:57,433 --> 00:04:00,469
What he's saying is, don't all
chase the ball at the same time.
86
00:04:00,537 --> 00:04:03,705
Yes, like the saying goes,
"There is no yo in equipo."
87
00:04:03,730 --> 00:04:05,397
No "I" in team.
88
00:04:05,508 --> 00:04:07,509
But there is a "yo" in yogurt.
89
00:04:10,780 --> 00:04:12,981
Maybe I don't get this game.
90
00:04:13,049 --> 00:04:15,822
It'll make more sense
once we're on the field.
91
00:04:17,220 --> 00:04:20,956
And then we tie
Commissioner Christine to a tree
92
00:04:21,024 --> 00:04:23,492
and let the monkeys go to town.
93
00:04:23,560 --> 00:04:26,461
Tricky part is gonna be
getting her to dress up
94
00:04:26,529 --> 00:04:28,835
like a giant banana.
95
00:04:29,299 --> 00:04:32,101
These elaborate monkey revenge
plans have been an excellent use
96
00:04:32,142 --> 00:04:33,742
of the past three hours,
97
00:04:33,910 --> 00:04:35,978
but if you really want
to reverse the ban...
98
00:04:36,003 --> 00:04:38,305
I do. I have to be there for Sammy.
99
00:04:38,474 --> 00:04:40,976
Then you have to apologize in person.
100
00:04:41,044 --> 00:04:43,211
I want to, I'm just afraid
101
00:04:43,236 --> 00:04:45,771
that she's gonna say
something to set me off.
102
00:04:45,796 --> 00:04:48,164
She has this snobby, superior attitude
103
00:04:48,189 --> 00:04:50,497
that makes me feel like
I'm constantly being judged.
104
00:04:50,522 --> 00:04:52,150
My people.
105
00:04:53,089 --> 00:04:55,090
I dealt with pretentious windbags
106
00:04:55,115 --> 00:04:56,949
all the time in my former fabulous life,
107
00:04:56,974 --> 00:04:58,574
so I can teach you a few techniques
108
00:04:58,599 --> 00:05:00,633
to help you keep your cool
around Christine.
109
00:05:00,830 --> 00:05:03,565
How? You have just as much
of a temper as I do.
110
00:05:03,633 --> 00:05:05,500
Had a temper.
111
00:05:05,525 --> 00:05:07,693
I have done a lot of work on my anger
112
00:05:07,718 --> 00:05:09,652
by attending a ton of
world-renowned retreats,
113
00:05:09,677 --> 00:05:11,544
workshops and smudging ceremonies.
114
00:05:11,741 --> 00:05:15,444
Wow, you just gave your money
away to anybody, huh?
115
00:05:15,511 --> 00:05:17,579
See, I'm not reacting to that comment
116
00:05:17,604 --> 00:05:19,471
because I'm practicing mindfulness.
117
00:05:19,496 --> 00:05:23,099
Am I more evolved than you?
That's not what this is about.
118
00:05:23,849 --> 00:05:25,520
Let me show you a little technique.
119
00:05:25,588 --> 00:05:28,590
- Come on, get up.
- Fine.
120
00:05:30,627 --> 00:05:33,024
Okay, now,
121
00:05:33,930 --> 00:05:36,131
whenever you're feeling
frustrated or angry...
122
00:05:36,156 --> 00:05:37,612
You punch something?
123
00:05:38,134 --> 00:05:41,069
No. Center yourself
124
00:05:41,094 --> 00:05:44,496
by saying the names of objects
in your presence aloud.
125
00:05:44,607 --> 00:05:46,121
I'll go first.
126
00:05:47,249 --> 00:05:50,218
Book. Mirror.
127
00:05:50,380 --> 00:05:52,419
Cranky sister.
128
00:05:54,384 --> 00:05:58,286
Okay, this is super stupid,
but I'm gonna try it for Sammy.
129
00:05:59,301 --> 00:06:00,719
Lamp.
130
00:06:01,290 --> 00:06:02,824
Plant.
131
00:06:03,085 --> 00:06:05,386
Dog that still thinks she's rich.
132
00:06:07,397 --> 00:06:08,630
Okay, so how do you feel?
133
00:06:09,186 --> 00:06:11,633
Actually, better.
134
00:06:11,658 --> 00:06:14,460
This stuff might help me keep
my cool in front of Christine.
135
00:06:14,570 --> 00:06:15,971
And if it doesn't, we still have
136
00:06:16,039 --> 00:06:17,572
the punching thing to fall back on.
137
00:06:17,640 --> 00:06:20,030
- I'm coming with you.
- You better.
138
00:06:22,738 --> 00:06:24,339
Christine will be right down. we
In the meantime,
139
00:06:24,407 --> 00:06:27,153
can I get you anything? Water, tea,
140
00:06:27,193 --> 00:06:29,388
stylish suit for the young man
in your life?
141
00:06:30,162 --> 00:06:33,910
Reza owns the Valley's
number one suit store for boys.
142
00:06:33,934 --> 00:06:35,635
Reza's House of Boys' Suits.
143
00:06:35,702 --> 00:06:37,703
Your boy's gonna love the way he looks.
144
00:06:37,771 --> 00:06:40,640
And if he doesn't, who cares?
You're the mother.
145
00:06:40,707 --> 00:06:43,109
Please, sit. I'll go get Christine.
146
00:06:47,981 --> 00:06:49,115
Jackie, come on.
147
00:06:49,182 --> 00:06:51,384
Stop acting like someone
who's never been inside.
148
00:06:52,562 --> 00:06:54,920
Just being in her house
gets me all wound up.
149
00:06:54,988 --> 00:06:56,589
Just remember why you're here.
150
00:06:56,657 --> 00:06:59,325
To get the ban lifted
because Sammy's counting on me.
151
00:06:59,393 --> 00:07:02,395
And if you need to center
yourself, just do the exercise.
152
00:07:03,073 --> 00:07:04,699
Okay.
153
00:07:05,532 --> 00:07:08,234
Rug. Ottoman.
154
00:07:08,302 --> 00:07:11,404
Bird. Bird.
155
00:07:11,471 --> 00:07:15,241
Bird. Family photo.
156
00:07:15,309 --> 00:07:18,311
- Bird.
- What the holy hell?
157
00:07:18,378 --> 00:07:21,347
I know, this bird thing is weird.
158
00:07:21,415 --> 00:07:26,285
No! Christine is Karaoke Chrissy?
159
00:07:26,353 --> 00:07:27,420
Who?
160
00:07:27,445 --> 00:07:28,946
She got me kicked out of Girl Scouts.
161
00:07:28,971 --> 00:07:30,404
I can't believe you forgot.
162
00:07:30,557 --> 00:07:33,774
She was on my grade school enemy list.
163
00:07:33,852 --> 00:07:36,475
Okay, to be fair, that list was long,
164
00:07:36,538 --> 00:07:37,997
and it didn't have
anything to do with me,
165
00:07:38,065 --> 00:07:39,765
so I didn't care very much.
166
00:07:39,833 --> 00:07:41,667
Okay, well, here's what happened:
167
00:07:41,735 --> 00:07:44,303
that year, the Scout
who sold the most cookies
168
00:07:44,371 --> 00:07:47,039
won a karaoke machine,
and I was way ahead
169
00:07:47,107 --> 00:07:49,442
until Chrissy reported me
to the troop leader
170
00:07:49,509 --> 00:07:51,777
for violating one of her ridiculous rules
171
00:07:51,845 --> 00:07:54,213
about selling cookies
at Grateful Dead concerts.
172
00:07:54,281 --> 00:07:58,317
That's smart. Deadheads love Thin Mints.
173
00:07:58,342 --> 00:08:00,743
The point is, when I called her on it,
174
00:08:00,768 --> 00:08:03,103
Chrissy just says, "Rules are rules."
175
00:08:03,128 --> 00:08:05,033
Not only did they nullify my sales,
176
00:08:05,058 --> 00:08:07,293
but that twerp won the karaoke machine.
177
00:08:07,361 --> 00:08:09,462
I remember now.
178
00:08:09,529 --> 00:08:12,298
You kept referring to it as
"the day the music died."
179
00:08:14,368 --> 00:08:16,969
You know, I actually liked
being a part of Girl Scouts.
180
00:08:17,037 --> 00:08:19,472
I had just won the Courtesy
and Kindness Badge,
181
00:08:19,539 --> 00:08:22,375
and that evil sack of crap got me booted!
182
00:08:24,988 --> 00:08:27,313
Sorry to keep you waiting. I just sent
183
00:08:27,381 --> 00:08:29,749
an e-mail blast announcing a new
dress code rule:
184
00:08:29,816 --> 00:08:32,852
the end of the season soccer
banquet is now semiformal.
185
00:08:32,919 --> 00:08:34,956
Semiformal means suits!
186
00:08:36,990 --> 00:08:40,192
Who wants to know my secret plan
to win every game?
187
00:08:40,260 --> 00:08:41,694
Yeah!
188
00:08:41,762 --> 00:08:45,431
It is called triangulation.
One word, five syllables,
189
00:08:45,499 --> 00:08:47,500
endless possibilities.
190
00:08:47,567 --> 00:08:49,201
You will come to see
191
00:08:49,269 --> 00:08:50,703
your fellow players, not as people,
192
00:08:50,771 --> 00:08:53,539
but as a series of intersecting
geometric shapes
193
00:08:53,607 --> 00:08:56,311
making their way up and down the field.
194
00:08:57,144 --> 00:08:59,578
He means pass the ball,
but don't go offsides.
195
00:09:00,148 --> 00:09:03,449
Now let's get to
the fun stuff, analytics.
196
00:09:04,680 --> 00:09:06,352
Using statistical models, we can predict
197
00:09:06,377 --> 00:09:08,411
how effective a player will be. Luis,
198
00:09:08,436 --> 00:09:10,704
please measure each Monster's
height and weight,
199
00:09:10,857 --> 00:09:12,958
and identify their dominant leg.
200
00:09:13,026 --> 00:09:15,294
Since we only have the field
for 20 more minutes,
201
00:09:15,362 --> 00:09:17,263
maybe we should actually play.
202
00:09:17,330 --> 00:09:19,732
Okay, but we'll have to collect
that data soon.
203
00:09:19,800 --> 00:09:21,834
Who's ready for some fútbol?
204
00:09:23,713 --> 00:09:25,237
He means soccer!
205
00:09:31,445 --> 00:09:32,905
Certain quadrants of the goal
206
00:09:32,949 --> 00:09:34,867
expose a vulnerability in coverage
207
00:09:34,949 --> 00:09:36,949
and increase the likelihood
that you will score.
208
00:09:37,017 --> 00:09:39,151
Now, when I say "go," kick the ball
209
00:09:39,219 --> 00:09:42,221
to the most vulnerable area,
but do not start
210
00:09:42,289 --> 00:09:44,156
until I say "go."
211
00:09:44,734 --> 00:09:46,125
Luis, where did my gloves go?
212
00:09:48,695 --> 00:09:52,531
Not the face! Not the face!
213
00:09:54,301 --> 00:09:57,136
Luis, I need you to finish practice.
214
00:09:57,204 --> 00:09:59,572
But good luck because I'm afraid
even the simplest concepts
215
00:09:59,639 --> 00:10:03,576
are beyond their grasp. I mean,
could I have been any clearer?
216
00:10:03,643 --> 00:10:06,312
You? No.
217
00:10:06,379 --> 00:10:09,648
- Let's play soccer.
- Yay!
218
00:10:11,852 --> 00:10:14,086
Gosh, Lizzie, I haven't seen you
219
00:10:14,154 --> 00:10:15,855
since you were kicked out of Girl Scouts.
220
00:10:15,922 --> 00:10:17,690
Remember when we
used to call you "Cookies"
221
00:10:17,757 --> 00:10:20,459
because you were obsessed
with being the top seller?
222
00:10:20,527 --> 00:10:23,262
I kind of remember having
a nickname for you, too.
223
00:10:23,330 --> 00:10:25,097
Also began with a "C."
224
00:10:27,167 --> 00:10:28,834
So, Christine.
225
00:10:28,902 --> 00:10:31,270
I was hoping we could talk about
the soccer ban.
226
00:10:31,338 --> 00:10:33,706
Of course. The one that came into effect
227
00:10:33,773 --> 00:10:36,756
after you violated bylaws four
through six of the Parent Pledge.
228
00:10:36,822 --> 00:10:39,278
Really unfortunate how things worked out.
229
00:10:40,265 --> 00:10:41,847
I know.
230
00:10:41,915 --> 00:10:44,582
But here's the thing:
ever since Sammy was five,
231
00:10:44,671 --> 00:10:47,620
it's just been the two of us,
and it's really important to him
232
00:10:47,645 --> 00:10:49,112
that I'm there for everything.
233
00:10:49,466 --> 00:10:51,824
A mom's never off the clock.
234
00:10:51,892 --> 00:10:54,560
Right. I made a mistake,
235
00:10:54,628 --> 00:10:56,362
and I am sorry.
236
00:10:56,429 --> 00:10:58,631
Please lift the ban.
237
00:10:58,698 --> 00:11:01,500
Sammy is counting on me
to be at all of his games,
238
00:11:01,568 --> 00:11:03,536
and I don't want to let him down.
239
00:11:05,572 --> 00:11:07,106
It's hard to say no to that.
240
00:11:08,514 --> 00:11:09,847
But no.
241
00:11:11,444 --> 00:11:14,079
Actions have consequences
and rules are rules.
242
00:11:14,147 --> 00:11:16,849
You make the rules,
you pretentious troll!
243
00:11:16,917 --> 00:11:19,318
I should take this chubby robin
244
00:11:19,386 --> 00:11:20,653
and shove it so far...
245
00:11:21,300 --> 00:11:23,722
So, my bad.
246
00:11:25,502 --> 00:11:27,796
I liked you sticking up for me.
247
00:11:28,595 --> 00:11:30,696
The worst part is,
now I have to tell Sammy
248
00:11:30,764 --> 00:11:32,498
that I can't go to his game.
249
00:11:32,926 --> 00:11:34,733
This reminds me of the time
I had to tell Bijou
250
00:11:34,801 --> 00:11:36,402
we weren't taking her to Paris with us.
251
00:11:36,469 --> 00:11:39,738
She was so upset, we ended up taking her.
252
00:11:41,142 --> 00:11:43,853
It's almost exactly the same.
253
00:11:44,477 --> 00:11:46,946
I'm just saying you shouldn't give up.
254
00:11:47,013 --> 00:11:49,067
Like Bijou didn't.
255
00:11:49,983 --> 00:11:52,551
There's got to be some other way
to get this ban lifted.
256
00:11:52,619 --> 00:11:54,353
Like what?
257
00:11:54,421 --> 00:11:56,255
Well, one thing I learned
when I was rich,
258
00:11:56,280 --> 00:11:58,080
is that you can get around any rule.
259
00:11:58,191 --> 00:12:00,059
You either find a legal loophole,
260
00:12:00,084 --> 00:12:02,419
or find dirt on the person
who made the rule.
261
00:12:02,529 --> 00:12:04,964
That one! That one. Let's do that one.
262
00:12:05,375 --> 00:12:08,033
Dirt is always everybody's first choice.
263
00:12:08,101 --> 00:12:10,135
- Hey.
- Hey.
264
00:12:10,203 --> 00:12:11,704
Hey, Sammy. How was practice?
265
00:12:11,771 --> 00:12:13,305
It ended great.
266
00:12:13,373 --> 00:12:16,709
There were a few growing pains,
but that's to be expected,
267
00:12:16,776 --> 00:12:19,078
even with a coach as skilled as myself.
268
00:12:19,145 --> 00:12:20,613
How was your meeting
with the commissioner?
269
00:12:20,680 --> 00:12:23,082
Uh, one of us lost our cool.
270
00:12:23,149 --> 00:12:24,984
It's not important who.
271
00:12:26,165 --> 00:12:27,765
So the ban is still in effect.
272
00:12:28,398 --> 00:12:29,622
I don't know if this helps,
273
00:12:29,689 --> 00:12:30,923
but for every rule...
274
00:12:30,991 --> 00:12:32,424
Oh, honey, already on it.
275
00:12:32,492 --> 00:12:34,059
We're digging for dirt.
276
00:12:34,127 --> 00:12:35,494
Well, good. Now if you'll excuse me,
277
00:12:35,562 --> 00:12:38,497
I have to come up with some
plans for this weekend's game.
278
00:12:44,404 --> 00:12:46,672
Everything okay, Luis?
279
00:12:46,740 --> 00:12:48,374
Yes, I would like to talk, thank you.
280
00:12:53,346 --> 00:12:56,682
So, one of the growing pains
Javier doesn't know about,
281
00:12:56,750 --> 00:12:58,350
is that the parents have grown tired
282
00:12:58,375 --> 00:13:00,276
of Javi being in charge.
283
00:13:00,722 --> 00:13:02,454
They want me to coach.
284
00:13:02,522 --> 00:13:04,957
Really? Why?
285
00:13:05,025 --> 00:13:07,660
Well, you know Javier
has a way with words...
286
00:13:07,727 --> 00:13:09,294
by which I mean, the kids have no idea
287
00:13:09,319 --> 00:13:10,732
what he's talking about.
288
00:13:11,564 --> 00:13:13,799
Javi's so great with Sammy.
289
00:13:13,867 --> 00:13:16,268
Why can't he just be
that guy with the team?
290
00:13:16,336 --> 00:13:17,836
It's weird, but when it comes to soccer,
291
00:13:17,861 --> 00:13:19,161
Javi just turns into
292
00:13:19,186 --> 00:13:22,589
some sort of incomprehensible
Latin beat poet.
293
00:13:23,202 --> 00:13:24,810
When I took over the practice,
294
00:13:24,878 --> 00:13:26,712
the kids understood me perfectly.
295
00:13:26,780 --> 00:13:28,647
And they got to actually play soccer.
296
00:13:29,292 --> 00:13:30,683
Do you want to be the coach?
297
00:13:30,750 --> 00:13:32,317
Very much so.
298
00:13:32,670 --> 00:13:34,653
But I don't want to upset Javier.
299
00:13:34,721 --> 00:13:36,855
He is so excited to share his passions
300
00:13:36,880 --> 00:13:39,248
and nonsensical metaphors with the team.
301
00:13:39,719 --> 00:13:41,326
Just go in there and talk to him.
302
00:13:41,394 --> 00:13:43,796
He loves you. I know he'll understand.
303
00:13:44,557 --> 00:13:46,165
You're right.
304
00:13:46,438 --> 00:13:47,936
Thank you for your help.
305
00:13:50,437 --> 00:13:53,672
You know, it feels so good
to be helpful for once today.
306
00:13:53,740 --> 00:13:55,674
Plus, Javier is a kind
and reasonable man,
307
00:13:55,742 --> 00:13:58,279
- so I know he's going to say...
- He said no.
308
00:14:03,170 --> 00:14:04,670
Mi vida, I have a great plan
309
00:14:04,738 --> 00:14:06,939
to combine the defense
of the Brazilian national team,
310
00:14:07,007 --> 00:14:09,175
joga bonito, with the offense
of the RealMadrid.
311
00:14:09,243 --> 00:14:11,244
And it'll work,
as long as I can get Jasper
312
00:14:11,311 --> 00:14:13,294
to stop chasing butterflies.
313
00:14:14,147 --> 00:14:16,082
That's beautiful, Javi.
314
00:14:16,149 --> 00:14:18,633
You've really captured something.
315
00:14:18,719 --> 00:14:20,553
- Um, we need to talk.
- Mm.
316
00:14:22,829 --> 00:14:26,065
Luis told me the team parents
want him to be the coach.
317
00:14:26,599 --> 00:14:28,094
He told me that as well.
318
00:14:28,161 --> 00:14:30,529
And you said no?
319
00:14:30,597 --> 00:14:32,632
Luis has been my assistant forever.
320
00:14:32,657 --> 00:14:36,060
If he was suddenly in charge,
it might confuse the kids.
321
00:14:36,169 --> 00:14:39,105
From what I understand,
they're pretty confused already.
322
00:14:40,086 --> 00:14:42,573
Sweetheart, this is something
that Luis wants.
323
00:14:43,741 --> 00:14:47,113
I know. And I want Luis to be happy.
324
00:14:47,180 --> 00:14:49,282
It's just that fútbol
has come back into my life
325
00:14:49,307 --> 00:14:50,908
at a time when I really need it.
326
00:14:51,582 --> 00:14:54,820
Javi, relationships
are about give and take.
327
00:14:54,888 --> 00:14:57,990
We've taken a lot in our life.
328
00:14:58,058 --> 00:15:00,299
Maybe it's time we give a little.
329
00:15:01,884 --> 00:15:04,964
Mi vida, you have presented me
with a very difficult choice.
330
00:15:05,032 --> 00:15:06,632
I know.
331
00:15:06,700 --> 00:15:09,135
But what do you always say when
faced with a tough decision?
332
00:15:09,475 --> 00:15:11,871
"Why choose? Let's buy both."
333
00:15:12,353 --> 00:15:14,540
The other thing you always say.
334
00:15:14,608 --> 00:15:16,542
Ah. "What would Luis do?"
335
00:15:16,610 --> 00:15:18,044
Mmm.
336
00:15:18,693 --> 00:15:20,653
What would Luis do?
337
00:15:23,450 --> 00:15:26,552
I'm really bummed that
I can't be at your game today.
338
00:15:26,620 --> 00:15:28,387
It's okay, Mom.
339
00:15:28,455 --> 00:15:29,555
I'm not giving up.
340
00:15:29,623 --> 00:15:32,158
I'm still looking for a way
to get the ban lifted.
341
00:15:32,225 --> 00:15:33,541
Cool.
342
00:15:34,227 --> 00:15:35,428
I really admire how
343
00:15:35,495 --> 00:15:37,330
you're not letting
all of this get to you.
344
00:15:37,397 --> 00:15:38,731
You're so brave.
345
00:15:38,799 --> 00:15:40,631
It's fine. No biggie.
346
00:15:42,436 --> 00:15:44,870
No, it-it is a biggie.
347
00:15:44,938 --> 00:15:47,206
I hate not being there for you.
348
00:15:47,513 --> 00:15:48,874
Mom, I'm ten.
349
00:15:48,942 --> 00:15:50,743
I don't need you to be around so much.
350
00:15:50,811 --> 00:15:52,611
See you after the game!
351
00:15:55,605 --> 00:15:57,283
Are you okay?
352
00:15:58,066 --> 00:15:59,785
I always knew the day would come
353
00:15:59,853 --> 00:16:01,554
when Sammy didn't need me as much,
354
00:16:01,621 --> 00:16:03,622
but I didn't think it'd come so soon.
355
00:16:03,690 --> 00:16:05,224
You know, this reminds me of the time...
356
00:16:05,292 --> 00:16:08,034
This better not be a story about Bijou.
357
00:16:09,160 --> 00:16:10,763
Never mind.
358
00:16:11,516 --> 00:16:13,599
So, this will cheer you up.
359
00:16:13,667 --> 00:16:15,067
I think I've got something on Christine.
360
00:16:15,135 --> 00:16:16,736
Really? What?
361
00:16:16,803 --> 00:16:18,804
Well, you know how I said we
could either find a loophole
362
00:16:18,829 --> 00:16:22,832
or dirt? I think I
found a dirty loophole.
363
00:16:28,382 --> 00:16:29,448
Ah.
364
00:17:19,032 --> 00:17:20,366
Hey, Sammy.
365
00:17:20,434 --> 00:17:22,268
How'd Mitzi's Monsters do today?
366
00:17:22,335 --> 00:17:24,036
It was amazing. We won!
367
00:17:24,104 --> 00:17:26,839
Oh! That's fantastic news.
368
00:17:26,907 --> 00:17:28,948
We're all so proud of you.
369
00:17:29,955 --> 00:17:32,577
Enough with the hand. I see you.
370
00:17:34,370 --> 00:17:35,714
Christine.
371
00:17:35,782 --> 00:17:37,783
So nice to see you.
372
00:17:37,851 --> 00:17:39,485
What are you doing here?
373
00:17:39,553 --> 00:17:41,020
Jackie sent me a text that said
374
00:17:41,045 --> 00:17:43,480
"You better come down here or else."
375
00:17:43,838 --> 00:17:46,225
Yes, you're going to lift Jackie's ban.
376
00:17:46,293 --> 00:17:48,360
No, I'm not. She broke the rules.
377
00:17:48,428 --> 00:17:49,462
So did you.
378
00:17:49,529 --> 00:17:50,996
What are you talking about?
379
00:17:51,064 --> 00:17:54,200
Apparently, there is a rule
that the league commissioner
380
00:17:54,225 --> 00:17:56,326
must fill out a volunteer form annually.
381
00:17:56,436 --> 00:17:59,839
Last year, you filled out
the form. Good work.
382
00:17:59,906 --> 00:18:02,074
But this year...
383
00:18:02,142 --> 00:18:03,742
No form.
384
00:18:03,810 --> 00:18:06,082
Uh-oh.
385
00:18:06,159 --> 00:18:09,739
Somebody's in breach of the bylaws.
386
00:18:10,317 --> 00:18:11,851
You know what that means.
387
00:18:12,408 --> 00:18:13,919
I could be removed.
388
00:18:13,987 --> 00:18:15,855
No. No, no, no, no, no.
389
00:18:15,922 --> 00:18:19,325
You will be removed. Because...
390
00:18:19,392 --> 00:18:22,261
Rules are rules.
391
00:18:22,710 --> 00:18:24,096
Then again...
392
00:18:24,164 --> 00:18:28,567
maybe there's a way we could
bury your humiliating blunder.
393
00:18:29,091 --> 00:18:30,669
What are you looking for?
394
00:18:30,737 --> 00:18:32,238
Lift the ban. That's it.
395
00:18:32,305 --> 00:18:33,439
Hang on.
396
00:18:33,507 --> 00:18:35,348
And a karaoke machine.
397
00:18:37,350 --> 00:18:39,512
Okay. Deal.
398
00:18:39,579 --> 00:18:42,114
But don't come crying to me
when your son needs a suit.
399
00:18:42,182 --> 00:18:45,017
We never turn away customers.
400
00:18:49,089 --> 00:18:51,423
Yeah! Ha-ha!
401
00:18:52,308 --> 00:18:53,594
Hey!
402
00:18:53,619 --> 00:18:55,961
Congrats on the win, big man.
403
00:18:56,029 --> 00:18:57,530
- Thanks, Mom.
- And guess what?
404
00:18:57,597 --> 00:18:59,565
I can come to your games again.
405
00:18:59,633 --> 00:19:02,301
- Really?
- But only if you want me there.
406
00:19:02,369 --> 00:19:06,572
If you prefer to do a few things
on your own without me,
407
00:19:06,640 --> 00:19:08,207
that is totally fine.
408
00:19:08,275 --> 00:19:09,608
You are ten.
409
00:19:09,676 --> 00:19:12,878
I know. But I really would
like you there.
410
00:19:13,325 --> 00:19:14,659
If that's okay.
411
00:19:15,388 --> 00:19:17,550
Yeah. Whatever.
412
00:19:22,561 --> 00:19:24,834
To Coach Luis, a brilliant man
413
00:19:24,859 --> 00:19:26,693
who I'm lucky enough to call my friend.
414
00:19:26,761 --> 00:19:29,629
It is no secret that
we won because of him.
415
00:19:29,697 --> 00:19:33,033
Please. I only had this much
to do with winning.
416
00:19:34,168 --> 00:19:36,536
- Thank you, my friend.
- Yes.
417
00:19:40,401 --> 00:19:42,108
Excuse me. My nephew Jasper called,
418
00:19:42,176 --> 00:19:43,877
and said there's an opening
for a new coach?
419
00:19:43,945 --> 00:19:45,779
Sorry... whoever you are.
420
00:19:45,846 --> 00:19:48,682
The position has been filled
by somebody way more qualified.
421
00:19:48,749 --> 00:19:50,550
I'm actually pretty good.
422
00:19:50,618 --> 00:19:54,621
Javi, that's professional soccer
player Jordan Harvey from LAFC.
423
00:19:54,689 --> 00:19:57,290
Oh. And I'm Chicharito.
424
00:19:57,358 --> 00:19:59,192
Okay,
425
00:19:59,260 --> 00:20:00,227
"Jordan Harvey."
426
00:20:00,294 --> 00:20:01,461
Show us how good you are.
427
00:20:04,599 --> 00:20:06,333
Ooh. Oh.
428
00:20:06,400 --> 00:20:07,968
Oh. Ooh. Oh.
429
00:20:16,410 --> 00:20:18,411
What the hell?!