So, I've got a plus one to an exclusive art show tonight.
You want to come?
I am confused.
You hate art.
I do.
But this is at Sammy's school.
I mean, you'll have to be around a bunch of delusional parents
who think their kids are brilliant artists,
when, obviously, my kid is the only brilliant artist.
Yes, Sammy's painting of a cow on a boat was inspired.
A cow? I thought that was a spotted dog.
That is what makes it great art.
Please come.
I don't like going to these things alone.
Or you could look at it as an opportunity
to meet some of the other parents,
maybe make some new friends.
Why the hell would I want to do that?
I'm sorry. Ever since I started dating Luke,
I've been seeing life through rose-colored glasses.
Perhaps that's because he bought me
the most adorable rose-colored glasses.
Ugh.
People in happy relationships always think...
I bet if I found someone for you,
you'd feel different.
That. They think that.
I'm not interested.
You sure?
What about Brawny paper towel guy?
He looks like he could be a fun, quicker picker-upper.
Hard pass.
I don't trust guys with beards.
I have a beard.
If we were dating, you wouldn't.
How about the cute guy laughing on the phone?
He looks fun.
Luis, that phone's been broken for five years.
Dude is talking to himself.
Okay, here is your dream guy.
Good-looking,
good swagger, questionable hygiene.
Hello there. I'd like to buy you a drink.
Or better yet, I'd like you to buy me a drink.
What the hell, Barry?
Wait, Barry?
As in your ex-husband Barry?
Why didn't you tell me you were in town?
Well, come on, if I gave you a heads-up,
I'd miss all your hand yelling.
That is so Jackie.
Not funny.
Not funny at all.
Synced & corrected by -robtor- www.addic7ed.com
To what do we owe this unpleasant surprise?
Well...
my group,
the number one Van Halen cover band in Carson City, Nevada...
You've always been number two in my book.
Nice.
Hey, say what you will, but it is still rock and roll.
We are taking a break, though,
so that our drummer can get his real estate license.
Have you heard my music yet?
It's not that bad.
That's a quote from the best review he's ever gotten.
She remembered.
Ah!
That's a laugh. I'm on the board!
It would really mean a lot to me if you'd listen to this.
- Thank you. - Mm-hmm.
That'll be $15.
I'm joking. You're a friend.
Ten dollars.
You can take that out of the child support you owe me.
Ugh.
It's impossible to find a birthday gift for mi papá
because I have given him so many fabulous things in the past.
I know.
Remember last year,
you flew in Shakira to sing him "Happy Birthday"
- in Marilyn Monroe's original dress. - Oh.
Yes. He liked it.
But mi mamá wasn't a fan of that gift.
Little heads-up, Jackie's in a mood.
Barry's back.
- Ooh... - Oh...
If you don't mind me saying, Jackie,
you don't seem particularly fond of the man you had a child with.
What did you ever see in him?
You know what it's like in the beginning of a relationship.
There's all of this heat, and all you see is what's good.
I just wish I could go back in time and say,
"Don't rush into things, get to know each other better."
Wait.
Are you saying Luke and I are rushing into things?
I wasn't talking about you.
I'm sure you guys are fine.
Are we?
You know, there was a time
when Barry was the coolest guy in Reseda.
He had charm for days, always drove a bitchin' car,
and, at 16, rocked a mustache so he could buy everybody beer.
Nice.
That's enough.
I don't want to hear any more good things about Barry.
- Of course. - In fact,
don't even talk to him. Especially you.
Why me?
No, I get it.
As soon as you give Barry the benefit of the doubt,
he'll worm his way in, and the next thing you know,
you're up late laughing and singing
and feeling good about everything.
Oh, yes, he sounds like a monster.
The worst thing is that the band is always his biggest priority.
He never puts Sammy first. And that I can't forgive.
What are you looking for?
Ah. This.
The last time he was late with child support,
I had a lawyer guy draw up this paper for Barry to sign.
It gives me sole custody.
Oh, wow.
- Isn't that a bit extreme? - No.
There's always paperwork that both parents have to sign.
Doctor stuff and school stuff.
And he's never around to do it.
Sammy missed an overnight field trip
because I couldn't get Barry's signature in time.
I think sole custody is a great idea.
Remember our dear friend Jeanette,
- who had that really complicated divorce? - Mm-hmm.
The best thing she ever did was demand full legal custody.
Over their ski chalet.
Same idea.
Barry can come over, visit the chalet...
- in this case, Sammy... - Mm.
...and if the chalet needs a tetanus shot,
you won't need his permission.
The trick is getting Barry to sign that paper.
Ugh.
I'm gonna have to be nice.
Or, since Barry thinks he's a rock star,
you could put it on your boob and hand him a Sharpie.
That might be better.
Javier?
Barry?
Oh... bring it in here, almost-brother-in-law.
I can't believe we've never met.
Geez, you smell better than any man I've ever met.
Oh. Well, I just took my bubble bath.
Uh-oh, is that Lizzie, or did she have a teenage daughter?
Barry, please. No one thinks I'm old enough
to have a teenage daughter.
Would love to chat,
but I have to go to work and my rideshare driver's here.
Yeah, you can make out with him if you want, I'm okay with it.
I'm her rideshare driver.
That's why it's funny and, and not sad.
Very nice meeting you, Barry.
I mean...
we've met and now that's done.
So, Bar.
Really glad you're here.
And I, uh, got something I want to talk to you about. I...
Ooh, me first, me first.
The band just got a big break.
We are booked to headline a casino.
In Reno.
And that rhymes.
I like to write these down. One second.
This could be a lyric.
♪ Reno ♪
♪ Casino ♪
♪ She's-a lookin' at me... ♪
♪ Mean-o. ♪
Let that marinate.
So, back to my thing.
This gig is on Thursday,
so I was really hoping that Sammy could make it.
Thursday's a school night.
Still?
Sammy can't just pick up and go somewhere
whenever it suits you.
No, this isn't about me. This is about...
Daddy.
Sam-Man! Come here!
Oh, dude, I missed you!
Oh.
Isn't this a cool surprise?
- The best. - Listen, I know it's not much,
but you know that guitar riff you sent me?
I had the band jam with it and put it on this flash drive.
And did I add a little vocal? ♪ I think I did! ♪
This is awesome!
You're awesome, buddy.
Hey, Daddy, there's an art show at school tonight.
Can you come?
I would love to.
If your mom's chill with it.
Oh.
You bet.
Nobody is chiller... ♪ Than me...! ♪
Hey, bro.
Barry?
It says here I'm picking up a Vivian.
That's 'cause Vivian's my real name.
Yeah, people just call me Barry.
I've been in Reseda long enough to know
that you're messing with me.
Yeah, Vivian's my moms. She lets me use her account.
Or she would, if she knew I was doing it.
So, I'm guessing you didn't request me
because my driver rating is 4.7 stars.
Should be five, but you drop one person off
at the wrong airport and, blah...
No, actually, uh, I requested you because
- you're a guy with a big heart. - Hmm.
I want to have a better relationship with Sammy.
And now I have this gig in Reno,
and it would mean the world to me
if Sammy could see me up there doing what I do best.
I want him to see me as a success.
Well, Sammy doesn't care about that.
He just wants you to be his dad.
But I want him to be proud of me.
Can you just talk to Jackie?
'Cause she said he can't come. Something about school.
I-I shouldn't be talking to you.
And I'm only saying that because
Jackie specifically told me not to talk to you.
Please?
I-I know I haven't always been perfect, but I can do better.
I want to.
For Sammy.
Okay, I'll consider it.
Now, put your seat belt on, Vivan.
À votre santé, Bijou.
So, we've been drinking for 15 minutes
- and you still haven't mentioned Luke. - I know.
Jackie got into my head about us moving too quickly,
so I stopped texting him. But when he stopped texting me,
I started spiraling, so I gave in
and sent him a text expressing all the things I am feeling.
"Soup?"
What?
No!
I meant to write "Sup?"
You know, something fun and cute.
Like me.
To let him know that
I want our relationship to stand the test of time.
I'm sure he got all of that from "soup."
Oh, well, good, you're both here.
Okay, I have an idea that will help Barry and Jackie...
- Oh, it's a bad idea. - No, don't do it.
You haven't heard my idea.
You're right. I apologize.
Me, too. Please proceed.
Well, thank you. So, I was talking to Barry...
- Are you nuts?! - You were what?!
Jackie and Barry have a lot of history.
Trust me, you do not want to get involved.
I've got 15 minutes to finish this sandwich,
change clothes for Sammy's art show,
and figure out a way to convince Barry to give me sole custody.
Okay, well, if you're asking for my opinion...
Go ahead. Just make it fast.
This thing's loaded with onions,
so I'm also gonna have to squirt some toothpaste up in here.
Jackie, I think you should let Sammy go see Barry's show.
That would make it more likely for him to give me sole custody.
How do you know about Barry's show?
Oh, uh, yeah, I-I know I-I wasn't supposed to,
but, uh, well, Barry talked to me about it.
You talked to Barry behind my back?
I mean, he just wants Sammy to be proud of him,
which I can understand.
I don't care what you understand.
I told you not to talk to Barry, so back off.
Jackie, I know you're mad.
I'll take care of Javi. Just focus on Barry and custody.
Okay, fine.
And maybe consider two squirts of toothpaste up in there.
- Is this kid flipping the...? - No.
He's saying, "I'm number one."
I'm just going by what he said.
Now, this is kind of awkward,
but you signed up to bring a dessert.
Oh, right. I forgot...
That I was bringing dessert.
There you go.
Dessert, and, uh...
dessert.
More dessert there.
Dessert. Oops.
That gummy's not for kids.
Thanks for the save.
No prob, Jax. Thank you.
So, I've thought about it,
and I'm considering taking Sammy to see you play.
Really? Wait, you'd go, too?
Oh, that's awesome.
I just, I want something in return.
Remember I told you there was a thing
that I wanted to talk to you about?
I'll pretend I did. Sure.
I'd like sole custody of Sammy.
Oh. Wow. Um...
I promise nothing will change.
You can still see Sammy whenever you're in town.
It's just so we won't keep fighting about signing things,
like doctor stuff and school stuff.
Yeah, uh, well, not fighting sounds good.
Nothing else would change?
Nothing. Whenever you're in town,
you can see Sammy as much as you want.
Mom, Dad, it's so cool you're both here.
Aw.
It really kinda is.
So, everyone, those were the self-portraits.
Next, I asked each student to paint a picture of their hero.
I think you'll be impressed by what they did. I know I am.
Uh, this is Nico's, who couldn't be here tonight.
How did I not see this?
Hey, guys, see mine.
Good job, buddy.
You okay?
Yeah.
I'm just angry at myself. I overstepped.
But I was just trying to help.
I know, but it's not your place to comment
on Jackie's relationship.
Or her ponytail.
I never said anything about Jackie's ponytail.
But don't you want to?
I just hate that your sister
is angry at me again.
Probably because I didn't listen to her again.
I'll apologize.
- That is one thing I love about you. - Hmm?
You always do the right thing after you do the wrong thing.
So, why did you get involved?
Well, I wanted to fix Barry and Samy's relationship.
It felt personal.
I know what it's like growing up,
not having your father around.
But your father was there.
Oh, not really. He was always working,
traveling on business, buying castles, racing hovercrafts.
Yeah. But when he was home,
my world got a little brighter.
And I think Sammy's does, too.
And I don't want him to lose that.
You ever tell your father what it meant to you
when he was around?
Not enough.
You know, maybe for mi papá's birthday,
instead of the Cheesecake Factory gift card,
I could write him a letter
about our relationship
and how I would like to make things better.
I think that would mean a lot to him.
Really? Even though I can't afford
to hire a proper calligrapher?
- Even without a proper calligrapher. - Hmm.
I really miss him, you know?
Your father or your calligrapher?
Both, honestly.
All right, Sammy,
go get ready for bed. I'll be up soon.
- Good night, rock star. - Good night, Daddy.
See you tomorrow.
Uh, look,
I know seeing that painting was kind of tough,
but if it makes you feel any better,
he didn't paint me either.
Yeah.
Actually got me thinking. Um...
I don't think I want Sammy
spending so much time with Javier.
What?
I mean, the guy's not his dad, and he's drawing pictures of him
and calling him his hero and...
I don't know. It's just not cool.
Seriously?
Yeah.
Right.
You know what else is not cool?
That Sammy can't rely on you.
- What? - You heard me.
Javi is his hero because Javi is there for him.
I'm in a band.
Of course.
It's always the band first and everyone else later.
The schedule's unpredictable. You know that.
So is being a rideshare driver.
But Javi still calls to say good night to Sammy,
even if he's on the road.
Sometimes with a customer in the car,
which is kind of weird and kind of sweet.
So, Sammy loves Javi for the same reason
that we all love Javi... because he cares and he is fun
and he is here and you are not.
That's why I want sole custody.
You're not a co-parent, and I am tired
of pretending like you are.
Uh...
Hi.
How much of that did you hear?
Not much.
Good. Night.
Oh, one quick thing.
You love me?
You're my brother-in-law. I have to love you.
No, you don't.
May I please have a hug?
If you must.
I must.
- Okay. - Okay.
Still no text from Luke? Not yet.
But it's probably best I don't think about it.
You okay?
Not really.
I was trying to play it all nice with Barry
so he'd go for the sole custody thing, and I wrecked it.
Yes, I heard.
Then you dropped the L-bomb on Javier.
He was quite touched.
It is all over his Insta Story.
I don't know what to do about Barry.
I'm mad if he shows up, I'm mad if he doesn't show up.
What do you think that's all about?
Honestly?
I think that the anger helps me.
With what?
The guy's my kryptonite, Luis.
I mean, if I don't focus
on the anger, I'm afraid I'm gonna get sucked back
into remembering all the good stuff.
I don't have to worry about it
right now.
'Cause every time I yell at Barry, he skips town
and leaves me with the fun job
of having to explain all this to Sammy.
Hey. You are not alone.
You've got me, you...
Well, it seems you have a handle on this.
Luke wrote you back?
He wrote back.
He felt he was coming on too strong,
and he's... here.
Sup?
I'm so sorry. I... You were playing it cool,
so I thought I needed to be cool,
but I can't be cool around you
'cause I can't stop thinking about you.
And I knew you were getting off of work,
so I came here with, like, six different kinds of soup.
And one chowder. They're in the car.
Um...
Why soup?
It's a long story.
I'm really happy that you're here.
So you don't think it's weird that I got all crazy?
Hey, every relationship needs one crazy guy and one calm guy.
All right, calm guy, let's go.
Luis.
Save me the chowder.
A moose?
Clearly that is a spotted dog.
I'm cutting you off.
How do people not see our kid is a brilliant artist?
What are you doing here?
I thought I scared you out of Reseda.
Well, I kept thinking about what you said last night.
And you're right.
I haven't been there for Sammy.
Wow.
That's big of you to admit that.
I appreciate it.
It's the truth. You've been raising him
all by yourself out here, and I know how hard that must be.
So I'm gonna do the right thing.
Wha...
You're gonna give me sole custody?
Better. I'm moving back here.
I quit the band. I took a job at my cousin's auto shop.
Sammy means the world to me. I want to be here for him.
So from now on, we're in this together.
And we're gonna co-parent the crap out of our kid.
High five.
Huh? No?
That'll do.