1 00:00:08,164 --> 00:00:10,833 Guys, I did it! 2 00:00:10,833 --> 00:00:13,201 - Yay! - Amazing! 3 00:00:13,269 --> 00:00:15,170 You have no idea what I'm talking about, do you? 4 00:00:16,029 --> 00:00:18,907 I got the liquor company to sign off on my big idea. 5 00:00:18,975 --> 00:00:20,761 Oh, come on. 6 00:00:20,827 --> 00:00:22,294 I told you about it last night. 7 00:00:22,364 --> 00:00:23,445 You said, "Wear something cute." 8 00:00:23,512 --> 00:00:26,248 Oh. I always say that when I'm not listening. 9 00:00:26,315 --> 00:00:28,083 Refresh our memory, so we can join 10 00:00:28,150 --> 00:00:29,631 in your excitement, please? 11 00:00:29,680 --> 00:00:32,524 So, on St. Patrick's Day, I was doing a... 12 00:00:32,583 --> 00:00:34,522 let's call it a-a research crawl. 13 00:00:34,590 --> 00:00:36,625 And I noticed that all the really packed bars 14 00:00:36,692 --> 00:00:38,260 had liquor sponsorships. 15 00:00:38,327 --> 00:00:41,196 So, long story short, I got one for Mitzi's. 16 00:00:41,264 --> 00:00:43,725 And they said I could keep the sponsorship fee 17 00:00:43,750 --> 00:00:44,950 as a bonus. 18 00:00:45,017 --> 00:00:47,386 Ooh. What kind of bonus are we talking? 19 00:00:47,453 --> 00:00:48,720 "New Mercedes" bonus 20 00:00:48,788 --> 00:00:51,000 or "the story wasn't worth it" bonus? 21 00:00:51,000 --> 00:00:53,292 More like a "baby rhino" bonus. 22 00:00:53,292 --> 00:00:54,893 Oh, I don't think that's very practical, Jackie. 23 00:00:55,233 --> 00:00:57,001 You see, I used to own two baby rhinos. 24 00:00:57,069 --> 00:00:59,203 And they're great, like, for the first couple of months, 25 00:00:59,271 --> 00:01:03,708 and then you're basically dealing with full-sized rhinos. 26 00:01:03,775 --> 00:01:05,710 I'm not buying one. 27 00:01:05,777 --> 00:01:08,045 We're gonna visit one at the San Diego Zoo. 28 00:01:08,113 --> 00:01:10,815 Sammy's been obsessed with their new baby rhino, 29 00:01:10,882 --> 00:01:12,316 and I want to take him there. 30 00:01:12,384 --> 00:01:13,951 We never get to take a vacation, 31 00:01:14,019 --> 00:01:16,487 but with this bonus, we could actually go. 32 00:01:16,555 --> 00:01:19,457 Well, wear something cute. 33 00:01:19,524 --> 00:01:21,192 Uh, what event is the sponsorship for? 34 00:01:21,259 --> 00:01:22,727 - Oh, you're gonna love this. - Oh. 35 00:01:22,794 --> 00:01:24,562 Cinco de Mayo. 36 00:01:24,629 --> 00:01:26,197 Uh-oh. 37 00:01:28,066 --> 00:01:30,368 Cinco de Mayo, you say? 38 00:01:30,435 --> 00:01:32,370 Yeah. And I'm gonna need everybody's help at Mitzi's. 39 00:01:32,437 --> 00:01:34,872 Oh, super easy. All you have to do is push some tequila, 40 00:01:34,940 --> 00:01:36,507 and we're gonna hang up some Mexican decoration... 41 00:01:36,575 --> 00:01:38,089 May I? 42 00:01:39,378 --> 00:01:41,579 Ooh. Mustache sticks. 43 00:01:43,148 --> 00:01:46,017 And-and mini novelty sombreros. 44 00:01:46,084 --> 00:01:47,551 This is perfect 45 00:01:47,619 --> 00:01:49,620 to celebrate Cinco de Mayo. 46 00:01:51,390 --> 00:01:53,791 Which is a celebration of what again? 47 00:01:55,093 --> 00:01:57,762 Mexican Independence Day, right? 48 00:01:57,829 --> 00:01:59,530 Uh-oh. 49 00:01:59,598 --> 00:02:02,033 No. No, Jacqueline. 50 00:02:15,113 --> 00:02:17,348 So I'm guessing that's a no. 51 00:02:17,416 --> 00:02:20,951 Luis, could you please Mex-plain the actual history 52 00:02:21,019 --> 00:02:23,054 of Cinco de Mayo to Jacqueline? 53 00:02:23,121 --> 00:02:26,057 Cinco de Mayo celebrates the Battle of Puebla, 54 00:02:26,124 --> 00:02:28,292 when an undermanned band of Mexican fighters 55 00:02:28,360 --> 00:02:30,428 defeated a much larger French army. 56 00:02:30,495 --> 00:02:31,762 Mexican independence was declared 57 00:02:31,830 --> 00:02:33,764 more than 50 years earlier. 58 00:02:33,832 --> 00:02:34,899 Exactly. 59 00:02:34,966 --> 00:02:36,934 Cinco de Mayo's barely observed in Mexico. 60 00:02:37,002 --> 00:02:39,870 But, here, they make it a celebration of Mexican culture. 61 00:02:39,938 --> 00:02:41,872 Which would be a beautiful thing, 62 00:02:41,940 --> 00:02:45,910 except no one knows what the hell they're celebrating! 63 00:02:45,977 --> 00:02:47,111 Hey. Hey. 64 00:02:47,179 --> 00:02:49,146 The whole commercialization of Cinco de Mayo 65 00:02:49,214 --> 00:02:52,316 was driven by the American beer companies in the late 1980s. 66 00:02:52,384 --> 00:02:54,085 And we're both very upset about it. 67 00:02:56,788 --> 00:02:59,290 - Wow. I had no idea. - Mm. 68 00:02:59,357 --> 00:03:01,792 I-I was gonna ask you to be the emcee, 69 00:03:01,860 --> 00:03:03,294 but I understand if that would make you comfortable. 70 00:03:03,361 --> 00:03:04,495 The emcee? 71 00:03:04,563 --> 00:03:05,930 In other words, a chance 72 00:03:05,997 --> 00:03:08,132 to properly teach the people of Reseda? 73 00:03:08,200 --> 00:03:10,334 Well, uh, more like welcome them, 74 00:03:10,402 --> 00:03:13,838 make sure they're drinking, host a pepper eating contest... 75 00:03:13,905 --> 00:03:15,940 Which I will do, along with crowd-friendly jokes 76 00:03:16,007 --> 00:03:17,575 and educational songs. 77 00:03:17,642 --> 00:03:19,677 - I didn't say songs. - You didn't have to. 78 00:03:20,745 --> 00:03:24,820 Synced & corrected by -robtor- www.addic7ed.com 79 00:03:24,850 --> 00:03:27,351 I just miss the days when Cinco de Mayo 80 00:03:27,419 --> 00:03:29,620 was simply five days before Mother's Day. 81 00:03:29,688 --> 00:03:31,021 Ooh, Mother's Day. 82 00:03:31,089 --> 00:03:33,314 I wonder what Bijou's going to get me this year. 83 00:03:33,425 --> 00:03:36,193 Mm. I'm just remembering how my whole family 84 00:03:36,261 --> 00:03:38,863 will celebrate mi mamá at our beach house for Mother's Day, 85 00:03:38,930 --> 00:03:41,499 which everyone will be doing this year... 86 00:03:41,833 --> 00:03:43,534 without me. 87 00:03:43,656 --> 00:03:45,503 You know, maybe not. 88 00:03:45,570 --> 00:03:47,171 My little birds told me 89 00:03:47,239 --> 00:03:49,006 that your Abuela Rosa told Tía Carla 90 00:03:49,074 --> 00:03:51,775 that your mamá told Gia at Paprika Hair Salon 91 00:03:51,843 --> 00:03:54,445 that she wishes to see you this Mother's Day. 92 00:03:54,513 --> 00:03:56,026 - Really? - Really. 93 00:03:56,089 --> 00:03:57,448 You should e-mail her. 94 00:03:57,516 --> 00:03:59,717 You won't be asking for anything except for a plane ticket 95 00:03:59,784 --> 00:04:01,218 followed by a short speedboat to land, 96 00:04:01,286 --> 00:04:03,053 where Jeff Probst will take you to the house 97 00:04:03,121 --> 00:04:05,022 in time for the family games. 98 00:04:05,090 --> 00:04:07,158 Thank you, mi corazón. I will write to her. 99 00:04:07,225 --> 00:04:09,560 And then I'll get to work on my Cinco de Mayo performance 100 00:04:09,628 --> 00:04:11,762 - for Jackie. - Not a performance. 101 00:04:12,764 --> 00:04:13,964 Thanks for watching Sammy. 102 00:04:14,032 --> 00:04:15,299 Oh. No problem. 103 00:04:15,367 --> 00:04:19,003 Um, although could we talk real quick outside? 104 00:04:19,449 --> 00:04:20,983 Yeah. Sure. 105 00:04:22,941 --> 00:04:26,010 I just... I, uh, you know, wanted to talk to you about 106 00:04:26,077 --> 00:04:29,580 how, the other day, we almost, you know... 107 00:04:29,981 --> 00:04:31,515 kissed. 108 00:04:31,829 --> 00:04:33,651 I've been thinking about that, too. 109 00:04:33,718 --> 00:04:35,292 - Really? - Yeah. 110 00:04:35,716 --> 00:04:38,348 That would've been a huge mistake. 111 00:04:40,325 --> 00:04:42,092 Exactly. 112 00:04:42,160 --> 00:04:44,428 Oh. Yeah. That's what I was gonna say, too. 113 00:04:44,496 --> 00:04:45,763 So that's... Yeah. 114 00:04:45,830 --> 00:04:47,264 And I know what my reasons are. 115 00:04:48,387 --> 00:04:51,068 So, just kind of curious what your reasons are. 116 00:04:51,136 --> 00:04:52,503 Well, I mean, you know, 117 00:04:52,571 --> 00:04:55,105 it's just that being a couple does not work for us. 118 00:04:55,173 --> 00:04:56,840 But hating each other 119 00:04:56,908 --> 00:04:58,242 sucks, too. 120 00:04:58,714 --> 00:04:59,870 So, 121 00:04:59,927 --> 00:05:01,545 I was thinking maybe we could 122 00:05:01,613 --> 00:05:03,447 just be friends. 123 00:05:04,069 --> 00:05:05,376 Crazy. 124 00:05:05,441 --> 00:05:07,918 'Cause that... I was just about to friend zone you, too. 125 00:05:07,986 --> 00:05:09,753 Jinx. 126 00:05:09,821 --> 00:05:11,522 Well, it's perfect now. 127 00:05:11,590 --> 00:05:13,090 - Perfect now. - Hmm. 128 00:05:13,158 --> 00:05:14,758 - Friends. - Friends it is. 129 00:05:14,826 --> 00:05:16,093 Jinx again. 130 00:05:17,162 --> 00:05:19,430 - Okay. Mm. - Okay. All right. 131 00:05:26,625 --> 00:05:27,726 Testing, testing. Uno, dos. Uno, dos. 132 00:05:27,793 --> 00:05:29,361 Generalísimo Ignacio Zaragoza. 133 00:05:29,428 --> 00:05:32,931 ♪ ¡Generalísimo Ignacio Zaragoza! ♪ 134 00:05:34,083 --> 00:05:35,450 Where can we plug this in? 135 00:05:35,475 --> 00:05:36,976 Mom said to find an outlet over there, 136 00:05:37,001 --> 00:05:38,468 but make sure your hands are dry. 137 00:05:49,375 --> 00:05:51,650 That wasn't terrifying at all. 138 00:05:51,675 --> 00:05:53,729 Oh, amazing news! 139 00:05:53,879 --> 00:05:55,671 I just got a text from my Tío Chuey 140 00:05:55,695 --> 00:05:57,229 that mi papá's pilot, Guillermo, 141 00:05:57,297 --> 00:05:58,798 told him that my father is considering 142 00:05:58,865 --> 00:05:59,965 my Mother's Day request. 143 00:06:00,033 --> 00:06:01,300 Tell Guillermo I said hi. 144 00:06:01,368 --> 00:06:03,969 - Yes. - But not Chuey. 145 00:06:05,839 --> 00:06:07,406 Sammy, remember, when the bar opens, 146 00:06:07,474 --> 00:06:09,241 I'm gonna need you to hang out in the office. 147 00:06:09,309 --> 00:06:11,977 Yeah, things are gonna get weird, son. 148 00:06:14,514 --> 00:06:15,848 Wow. 149 00:06:15,916 --> 00:06:17,483 Broke out the old poncho. 150 00:06:17,551 --> 00:06:19,418 You bet I did. 151 00:06:19,486 --> 00:06:21,454 You know, 152 00:06:21,479 --> 00:06:23,080 Cinco de Mayo's a big day for us. 153 00:06:23,190 --> 00:06:25,691 Remember, we-we first hooked up on Cinco de Mayo. 154 00:06:25,759 --> 00:06:28,661 Mostly I remember Seis de Mayo being a day full of regret. 155 00:06:30,873 --> 00:06:32,698 Listen, I know that I amigo zoned you, 156 00:06:32,766 --> 00:06:35,968 but, since it's Cinco, we can make an exception. 157 00:06:35,993 --> 00:06:38,895 Friends but, you know, with benefits? 158 00:06:39,005 --> 00:06:40,773 Nope. Just like my job, 159 00:06:40,841 --> 00:06:42,913 this friendship has no benefits. 160 00:06:43,677 --> 00:06:45,344 Great. You passed the test. 161 00:06:45,412 --> 00:06:47,346 You've seen me at my sexiest, and you've resisted. 162 00:06:47,371 --> 00:06:48,838 Nice job, friend. 163 00:06:49,419 --> 00:06:50,950 Attention, everyone. 164 00:06:51,017 --> 00:06:53,152 I'd like to introduce you to a very special lady. 165 00:06:53,220 --> 00:06:55,988 This is Paula Perez from Uncle Juan's Tequilla. 166 00:06:56,056 --> 00:06:58,224 Whatever she wants, she gets. 167 00:06:58,291 --> 00:07:02,561 'Cause I'm the manager of all of this. 168 00:07:03,647 --> 00:07:05,498 Paula, I'm Jackie. 169 00:07:05,565 --> 00:07:07,900 It's so nice to finally meet you in person. 170 00:07:07,968 --> 00:07:10,536 Derek, why don't you take that big, giant check 171 00:07:10,604 --> 00:07:12,037 and put it upstairs in the office. 172 00:07:12,359 --> 00:07:14,640 I don't have to do what she says. 173 00:07:14,708 --> 00:07:16,709 Because I'm the boss here. 174 00:07:18,612 --> 00:07:20,713 Do you want me to tell your mom you're not listening to me? 175 00:07:20,780 --> 00:07:22,448 I do not. 176 00:07:23,550 --> 00:07:25,151 Sorry. 177 00:07:25,218 --> 00:07:26,719 He's, um... 178 00:07:26,786 --> 00:07:30,229 Anyway, um, thank you for sponsoring us. 179 00:07:30,299 --> 00:07:31,924 And, actually, here's our emcee. 180 00:07:31,992 --> 00:07:33,285 Paula, meet Javier. 181 00:07:33,339 --> 00:07:34,693 Hi, Javier. 182 00:07:34,761 --> 00:07:36,529 - Hi. - Just remember to keep things fun. 183 00:07:36,596 --> 00:07:39,665 Because isn't fun what this holiday is all about? 184 00:07:39,733 --> 00:07:43,068 Eh, actually, it's about an outnumbered Mexican army 185 00:07:43,136 --> 00:07:46,605 defeating a seasoned French army in a battle. 186 00:07:46,673 --> 00:07:49,108 I think we're saying the same thing. 187 00:07:49,727 --> 00:07:51,710 - Anyway, here's your script. - Ah. 188 00:07:51,735 --> 00:07:53,712 Stick to that, and you'll get your bonus. 189 00:07:53,780 --> 00:07:56,542 I assure you, he will say every one of those words. 190 00:07:56,592 --> 00:07:59,885 Yes. I have also prepared some things to add to your words 191 00:07:59,953 --> 00:08:02,354 to give people, uh, an authentic taste of Mexico. 192 00:08:02,414 --> 00:08:05,424 Okay. But at Uncle Juan's, we usually stay away from words 193 00:08:05,492 --> 00:08:07,760 like "authentic" and "taste." 194 00:08:08,123 --> 00:08:10,196 You also stay away from correct spelling. 195 00:08:10,263 --> 00:08:12,565 Uh, there is only one "L" in "tequila." 196 00:08:12,632 --> 00:08:15,845 Well, Uncle Juan's isn't technically tequila. 197 00:08:15,870 --> 00:08:17,570 I won't bore you with the details, 198 00:08:17,595 --> 00:08:19,162 but it's not made in Mexico, 199 00:08:19,187 --> 00:08:21,355 and it's not made with agave. 200 00:08:26,298 --> 00:08:27,866 Remember, this is for Sammy. 201 00:08:27,891 --> 00:08:29,829 Show the people at Uncle Juan's some respect. 202 00:08:29,871 --> 00:08:33,385 - Yes. - And go hawk that crap. 203 00:08:42,796 --> 00:08:46,131 Welcome to Cinco de Mayo at Mitzi's! 204 00:08:46,199 --> 00:08:49,435 Brought to you by Uncle Juan's Tequilla. 205 00:08:49,502 --> 00:08:51,837 Okay, who's ready to party?! 206 00:08:53,707 --> 00:08:56,609 And get educated about Mexican history?! 207 00:08:56,676 --> 00:08:58,010 Nobody. 208 00:09:00,680 --> 00:09:02,014 Okay. 209 00:09:02,039 --> 00:09:05,308 Well, now here's a song about Benito Juárez 210 00:09:05,418 --> 00:09:07,786 sung to the tune of "Cielito Lindo." 211 00:09:07,854 --> 00:09:08,921 Enjoy. 212 00:09:08,989 --> 00:09:13,792 ♪ Benito Juárez ♪ 213 00:09:13,817 --> 00:09:17,453 ♪ Was the Mexican presidente... ♪ 214 00:09:19,866 --> 00:09:21,700 What's with the face? 215 00:09:21,768 --> 00:09:23,369 You didn't drink this stuff, did you? 216 00:09:23,436 --> 00:09:24,970 I just accidentally spilled some, 217 00:09:25,038 --> 00:09:27,327 and it stripped the paint off the floor. 218 00:09:28,375 --> 00:09:30,376 No. Look down there. 219 00:09:30,443 --> 00:09:32,478 Barry is supposed to be working. 220 00:09:32,545 --> 00:09:34,780 He's being totally unprofessional. 221 00:09:34,848 --> 00:09:37,783 Yeah, this bar is all about professionalism. 222 00:09:40,687 --> 00:09:45,624 ♪ But the Mexican army was not as easy ♪ 223 00:09:45,692 --> 00:09:50,396 ♪ To beat as it seemed! ♪ 224 00:09:50,463 --> 00:09:51,897 ¡Muchas gracias! 225 00:09:51,965 --> 00:09:54,466 ¡Viva México! 226 00:09:56,069 --> 00:09:57,670 Now, every time I hit this, 227 00:09:57,737 --> 00:10:00,673 everybody takes a shot of Uncle Juan's Tequilla! 228 00:10:03,310 --> 00:10:04,310 Look at him, 229 00:10:04,377 --> 00:10:07,813 with his stupid poncho and his stupid charm. 230 00:10:08,702 --> 00:10:09,682 Wait, 231 00:10:09,749 --> 00:10:11,250 why do you care? 232 00:10:13,153 --> 00:10:14,742 Did you guys hook up? 233 00:10:14,767 --> 00:10:16,135 No. 234 00:10:16,626 --> 00:10:18,090 But we did almost kiss. 235 00:10:18,158 --> 00:10:19,558 What? Why didn't you tell me? 236 00:10:19,583 --> 00:10:20,983 'Cause you never listen when I talk. 237 00:10:21,008 --> 00:10:23,610 Well, you finally have something interesting to say. 238 00:10:23,635 --> 00:10:26,137 The thing is I don't want to be with him, 239 00:10:26,162 --> 00:10:28,496 but I don't want him to be with anybody else. 240 00:10:28,735 --> 00:10:30,169 Is that nuts? 241 00:10:30,236 --> 00:10:31,770 Not at all. 242 00:10:31,838 --> 00:10:33,772 I told Javi that if I die before him 243 00:10:33,797 --> 00:10:35,331 and he decides to see someone else, 244 00:10:35,356 --> 00:10:38,356 I will come back as a ghost and curse his penis. 245 00:10:39,399 --> 00:10:40,913 I just got a text. 246 00:10:40,980 --> 00:10:43,415 Javier is not invited for Mother's Day. 247 00:10:43,483 --> 00:10:45,284 His father wants him to prove himself worthy 248 00:10:45,352 --> 00:10:46,919 before being invited back to spend time 249 00:10:46,986 --> 00:10:48,783 with the family and Jeff Probst. 250 00:10:49,789 --> 00:10:51,290 Oh, no. 251 00:10:51,358 --> 00:10:53,425 Do you think Javi's father's contacted him yet? 252 00:10:53,493 --> 00:10:55,123 I'm gonna go with yes. 253 00:11:03,625 --> 00:11:06,183 Tragically, one year after the Battle of Puebla, 254 00:11:06,208 --> 00:11:08,167 the French took over Mexico. 255 00:11:09,065 --> 00:11:13,399 Which proves nothing matters and everything is terrible. 256 00:11:16,284 --> 00:11:19,947 Except the taste of Uncle Juan's Tequilla. 257 00:11:21,176 --> 00:11:24,645 What doesn't tequila makes you stronger. 258 00:11:26,420 --> 00:11:28,447 What the hell's going on with your emcee? 259 00:11:28,472 --> 00:11:30,139 People are getting depressed, 260 00:11:30,207 --> 00:11:32,481 and not in a way that makes them drink more. 261 00:11:32,505 --> 00:11:34,581 If you want your bonus, you better fix this. 262 00:11:34,681 --> 00:11:35,934 I'm on it. 263 00:11:35,959 --> 00:11:37,964 We will get back on track. Don't worry. 264 00:11:37,989 --> 00:11:41,345 And I'm sorry if poncho guy is bothering you. 265 00:11:41,547 --> 00:11:44,308 Oh, no, I think he's cute. 266 00:11:44,392 --> 00:11:46,485 Can you believe he's divorced? 267 00:11:46,552 --> 00:11:48,854 Who would give that up? 268 00:11:48,921 --> 00:11:50,346 Okay, what's next? 269 00:11:50,371 --> 00:11:54,356 Ah. The pepper eating contest. 270 00:11:55,081 --> 00:11:57,216 - Who cares? - Stop. Stop. 271 00:11:58,031 --> 00:12:00,465 Hi, everyone. We're gonna take a quick break 272 00:12:00,533 --> 00:12:02,467 while I splash some water on the big guy here. 273 00:12:02,535 --> 00:12:04,636 Luis, can you please take over? 274 00:12:04,704 --> 00:12:06,204 It is... 275 00:12:06,272 --> 00:12:09,174 Not really... my thing, but... 276 00:12:09,242 --> 00:12:12,177 All right, everyone! 277 00:12:12,245 --> 00:12:14,780 Hey! It's time for Uncle Juan's 278 00:12:14,805 --> 00:12:17,841 $1,000 hot pepper eating challenge! 279 00:12:19,952 --> 00:12:22,354 Let's meet our contestants. 280 00:12:22,422 --> 00:12:24,489 Just three white people? 281 00:12:24,970 --> 00:12:26,485 Just start already. 282 00:12:26,510 --> 00:12:28,491 Come on. Surely there's a Mexican here 283 00:12:28,516 --> 00:12:30,117 who wants to compete. 284 00:12:30,142 --> 00:12:31,776 I don't know why they'd dare. 285 00:12:31,801 --> 00:12:35,838 Max Lefleur has never lost a pepper eating challenge. 286 00:12:35,863 --> 00:12:37,430 Lefleur? 287 00:12:37,703 --> 00:12:39,204 You're French? 288 00:12:39,272 --> 00:12:41,807 Well, I don't think you're allowed to ask that, 289 00:12:41,874 --> 00:12:43,341 but oui. 290 00:12:43,739 --> 00:12:45,243 Come on! 291 00:12:45,268 --> 00:12:48,370 A French person can't win on Cinco de Mayo! 292 00:12:48,481 --> 00:12:51,983 When did I start caring about this? 293 00:12:52,051 --> 00:12:54,517 Javi, come on. Pull yourself together. 294 00:12:54,542 --> 00:12:56,744 Why? I have been rejected by my family. 295 00:12:56,769 --> 00:12:59,091 Not your entire family. 296 00:12:59,158 --> 00:13:02,894 Not me, not Luis, not Sammy, not Jackie. 297 00:13:02,919 --> 00:13:05,821 Come on. Don't just feel sorry for yourself and give up. 298 00:13:05,932 --> 00:13:09,534 Is this what Generalisimo Zaragoza did at Puebla? 299 00:13:09,848 --> 00:13:12,737 Are you saying I should challenge my father to a war? 300 00:13:12,805 --> 00:13:15,273 Because we already did that, and look around. 301 00:13:15,341 --> 00:13:16,980 We're not winning. 302 00:13:17,803 --> 00:13:19,304 No. I'm saying take action. 303 00:13:19,329 --> 00:13:21,229 Don't wait for them to do it for you. 304 00:13:21,447 --> 00:13:24,382 Buy a plane ticket and go visit your mother. 305 00:13:24,450 --> 00:13:28,158 My love, we sneak our own hot dogs into the movie theater. 306 00:13:28,955 --> 00:13:30,956 We can't afford a plane ticket. 307 00:13:31,023 --> 00:13:33,892 Well... not yet. 308 00:13:36,386 --> 00:13:39,588 Please, there must be one Mexican willing to compete. 309 00:13:39,613 --> 00:13:41,380 There is! 310 00:13:41,405 --> 00:13:45,408 My name is Javier Frederico Fayad Santiago Flores Gomez! 311 00:13:45,605 --> 00:13:49,875 And tonight, my mouth belongs to Mexico! 312 00:13:49,942 --> 00:13:52,244 Let's do this! 313 00:14:03,990 --> 00:14:05,490 Hey! 314 00:14:05,558 --> 00:14:08,293 "Uncle Juan's Tequilla abides by the rules 315 00:14:08,361 --> 00:14:10,896 of the International Hot Pepper Eating Association." 316 00:14:10,963 --> 00:14:13,298 That cannot be a thing. 317 00:14:13,366 --> 00:14:15,133 "There are four rounds. 318 00:14:15,201 --> 00:14:17,736 "Each pepper gets increasingly hotter. 319 00:14:17,761 --> 00:14:19,762 The full pepper must be consumed." 320 00:14:19,787 --> 00:14:22,189 If you take a drink of milk, you are out. 321 00:14:22,214 --> 00:14:24,482 Might as well drink your milk now, baby. 322 00:14:24,677 --> 00:14:29,147 I only drink my milk warmed up with a little bit of cinnamon. 323 00:14:30,216 --> 00:14:31,750 Our first pepper is 324 00:14:31,775 --> 00:14:36,045 the jalapeño with a Scoville Heat Unit of 5,000. 325 00:14:37,990 --> 00:14:40,192 ¡Olé! And go! 326 00:14:42,762 --> 00:14:45,263 He drank the milk! He's out! 327 00:14:47,157 --> 00:14:48,590 Onto pepper number two. 328 00:14:48,615 --> 00:14:50,783 - Things are going pretty well, right? - Yeah. 329 00:14:50,808 --> 00:14:53,376 Except you're supposed to be working, not flirting. 330 00:14:53,573 --> 00:14:55,948 I have not been flirting. 331 00:14:55,973 --> 00:14:58,116 Please. I know all your moves. 332 00:14:58,211 --> 00:15:00,679 Making her laugh and lassoing her. 333 00:15:00,746 --> 00:15:02,180 It was just disgusting. 334 00:15:03,645 --> 00:15:05,150 Oh. You are jealous. 335 00:15:05,175 --> 00:15:07,223 - I am not. - Yes, you are. 336 00:15:07,248 --> 00:15:11,203 J-E... middle letters, S. 337 00:15:11,228 --> 00:15:14,197 Jealous. Thank you. 338 00:15:14,393 --> 00:15:16,266 I'm not jealous! 339 00:15:17,129 --> 00:15:19,203 I'm not jealous, either. 340 00:15:19,899 --> 00:15:22,367 But I think I know how we can split 'em up. 341 00:15:22,435 --> 00:15:23,969 Do it. 342 00:15:25,554 --> 00:15:27,861 And we're down to the final pepper! 343 00:15:29,575 --> 00:15:31,543 Two contestants remain. 344 00:15:31,611 --> 00:15:33,845 One from the land where ancient civilizations 345 00:15:33,913 --> 00:15:36,514 developed complex calendars and architecture, 346 00:15:36,582 --> 00:15:38,416 the other where ancient civilizations 347 00:15:38,441 --> 00:15:40,542 didn't bathe for 300 years. 348 00:15:41,166 --> 00:15:43,802 For the record, I'm French-Canadian. 349 00:15:43,827 --> 00:15:47,163 Shut your maple hole and get ready to lose! 350 00:15:47,460 --> 00:15:49,427 Our last pepper is 351 00:15:49,495 --> 00:15:52,063 the Delaware Death-Stick, created in a laboratory 352 00:15:52,088 --> 00:15:54,957 by a team of disgraced Hungarian scientists. 353 00:15:54,982 --> 00:15:57,918 This little baby has a Scoville rating of... 354 00:15:57,943 --> 00:15:59,277 one million. 355 00:16:02,108 --> 00:16:03,742 Put on your gloves 356 00:16:03,767 --> 00:16:06,035 and call your loved ones, because this one's hot. 357 00:16:06,060 --> 00:16:08,862 "What's not hot is Uncle Juan's extra mild pico de gallo... 358 00:16:08,887 --> 00:16:11,088 "now with real tomatoes and onions. 359 00:16:11,113 --> 00:16:13,781 Look for us on the bottom shelf of your local gas station." 360 00:16:14,020 --> 00:16:15,587 Okay, here we go. 361 00:16:15,612 --> 00:16:18,180 Gentlemen, the first one to go for the milk is out. 362 00:16:18,291 --> 00:16:20,091 Eat... that... pepper. 363 00:16:21,627 --> 00:16:22,560 Javi! 364 00:16:22,628 --> 00:16:23,962 You can do it! 365 00:16:35,608 --> 00:16:37,375 Javier wins! 366 00:16:37,443 --> 00:16:38,610 Javier wins! 367 00:16:38,678 --> 00:16:39,878 ¡Viva Mexico! 368 00:16:41,547 --> 00:16:42,781 You did it, honey! 369 00:16:42,848 --> 00:16:44,282 - Come here! - Mmm. 370 00:16:46,343 --> 00:16:48,177 I'm on fire! 371 00:16:51,651 --> 00:16:54,281 All right, it's Cinco de Barry! 372 00:16:57,309 --> 00:16:58,776 What is Barry doing? 373 00:16:58,801 --> 00:17:00,501 I got him away from Paula by asking him 374 00:17:00,666 --> 00:17:01,800 to perform a few songs. 375 00:17:01,867 --> 00:17:03,273 You're welcome. 376 00:17:03,298 --> 00:17:06,066 - Can't you see what's gonna happen? - Never. 377 00:17:06,091 --> 00:17:07,792 He's gonna perform, she's gonna see him up onstage 378 00:17:07,817 --> 00:17:09,704 and think he looks super sexy, and it's gonna remind her 379 00:17:09,729 --> 00:17:11,296 of the first time they met on Cinco de Mayo. 380 00:17:11,544 --> 00:17:13,278 - Like, an hour ago? - And then forgetting 381 00:17:13,303 --> 00:17:14,903 all the promises she made to herself, 382 00:17:14,928 --> 00:17:16,595 she's gonna go home with him even though they decided 383 00:17:16,620 --> 00:17:18,287 on the porch that they were only gonna be friends 384 00:17:18,312 --> 00:17:21,247 - for the sake of their child. - And when did they have a baby?! 385 00:17:21,487 --> 00:17:23,254 I've got to stop him from playing. 386 00:17:23,322 --> 00:17:24,664 I'm gonna cut the power to the amp. 387 00:17:24,751 --> 00:17:26,277 All right, you guys know me as the guy 388 00:17:26,352 --> 00:17:27,759 that's been slinging margs all night. 389 00:17:27,784 --> 00:17:29,249 Well, I hope you like 'em on the rocks, 390 00:17:29,274 --> 00:17:31,876 'cause we're about to rock out! 391 00:17:32,264 --> 00:17:33,631 All right, you guys have to step back, though, 392 00:17:33,699 --> 00:17:35,200 'cause I do jump around a lot. 393 00:17:35,267 --> 00:17:37,388 Which one is it? The-the orange or the white or the gray? 394 00:17:37,413 --> 00:17:39,944 I don't know. I'm color-blind! 395 00:17:43,497 --> 00:17:45,143 All right, let's do this! 396 00:17:46,612 --> 00:17:48,546 Ow! 397 00:17:53,417 --> 00:17:54,884 Hey. 398 00:17:55,919 --> 00:17:57,765 Your knees feeling any better? 399 00:17:57,790 --> 00:17:59,624 Yeah. Feels like 400 00:17:59,649 --> 00:18:02,050 the caps are back where they're supposed to be. 401 00:18:03,660 --> 00:18:06,362 Thank you. 402 00:18:06,430 --> 00:18:08,197 I'm sorry you didn't get your bonus. 403 00:18:08,265 --> 00:18:11,167 Yeah. I think not being able to get the power back on 404 00:18:11,234 --> 00:18:13,369 and everyone leaving was sort of a deal breaker. 405 00:18:13,437 --> 00:18:14,590 Yeah. 406 00:18:14,634 --> 00:18:16,205 And me landing on Paula 407 00:18:16,230 --> 00:18:18,698 after my leap probably didn't help, either. 408 00:18:20,070 --> 00:18:21,762 And you were right. 409 00:18:22,679 --> 00:18:24,682 I was totally jealous. 410 00:18:25,282 --> 00:18:28,651 I couldn't stand seeing you flirt with her. 411 00:18:28,676 --> 00:18:31,311 Well, I was only flirting to make you jealous. 412 00:18:32,635 --> 00:18:33,969 You're who I want. 413 00:18:34,608 --> 00:18:37,193 I obviously still have feelings for you, too, 414 00:18:37,218 --> 00:18:40,854 which is why this whole friends idea is not gonna work. 415 00:18:40,879 --> 00:18:44,843 Okay, yeah, so... what are you saying? 416 00:18:44,868 --> 00:18:46,502 Should we give us a try again? 417 00:18:46,527 --> 00:18:48,628 No. That won't work, either. 418 00:18:48,739 --> 00:18:50,740 If we got back together, it would just 419 00:18:50,807 --> 00:18:52,875 end up ugly like it always does. 420 00:18:52,943 --> 00:18:54,877 I don't know. Maybe this time it won't. 421 00:18:55,212 --> 00:18:58,414 If it was just you and me, I might take that chance. 422 00:18:58,439 --> 00:19:01,541 But I can't risk putting Sammy through that. 423 00:19:03,304 --> 00:19:05,154 So where does this leave us? 424 00:19:05,222 --> 00:19:08,891 We're a divorced couple raising a kid. 425 00:19:08,959 --> 00:19:11,327 When he's with me, he's with me. 426 00:19:11,395 --> 00:19:14,830 When he's with you, he's with you, and that's it. 427 00:19:16,667 --> 00:19:19,035 Okay, I give up. 428 00:19:19,102 --> 00:19:21,404 We'll do things your way. 429 00:19:26,109 --> 00:19:28,244 I'm not walking slowly to be dramatic. 430 00:19:28,311 --> 00:19:29,955 I'm just in tremendous pain. 431 00:19:32,127 --> 00:19:34,328 May I freshen that up for you? 432 00:19:36,119 --> 00:19:37,453 No, no. No, thank you, Luis. 433 00:19:37,478 --> 00:19:39,479 I think my lips are functional again. 434 00:19:41,324 --> 00:19:43,092 - Oh. - Oh. 435 00:19:43,160 --> 00:19:45,594 Oh. That hurt worse than getting collagen injections. 436 00:19:47,130 --> 00:19:49,099 Um, or so I'm told. 437 00:19:49,866 --> 00:19:51,600 Wow. It smells great in here. 438 00:19:51,668 --> 00:19:54,737 Oh, Luis has prepared an authentic Mexican meal. 439 00:19:54,805 --> 00:19:56,439 It is nothing much: chicken mole 440 00:19:56,506 --> 00:19:58,074 which has been slow cooking the entire day, 441 00:19:58,141 --> 00:20:00,643 platanos con crema and nopalitos. 442 00:20:00,711 --> 00:20:03,379 I had my heart set on nuking some fish sticks, 443 00:20:03,447 --> 00:20:04,980 but this is good. 444 00:20:06,450 --> 00:20:08,285 That's her way of saying thank you, Luis. 445 00:20:08,310 --> 00:20:10,370 I know. I'm actually quite touched. 446 00:20:12,175 --> 00:20:14,676 I just wanted to reiterate that I've never gotten my lips done. 447 00:20:14,701 --> 00:20:16,168 Mm. 448 00:20:16,339 --> 00:20:18,840 - They're just naturally plump. - Mm. 449 00:20:19,262 --> 00:20:21,263 Speaking of lies... 450 00:20:22,833 --> 00:20:25,067 ...I just want to tell you I'm really sorry 451 00:20:25,135 --> 00:20:27,169 that we can't take that trip to San Diego. 452 00:20:27,237 --> 00:20:28,671 Well, actually, you might be 453 00:20:28,739 --> 00:20:31,340 taking that vacation after all. Luis? 454 00:20:31,408 --> 00:20:34,143 Jackie, I have signed this comically large check 455 00:20:34,211 --> 00:20:38,013 over to you, so now you and Sammy can go see the baby rhino. 456 00:20:38,081 --> 00:20:40,015 Thank you so much! 457 00:20:40,040 --> 00:20:42,241 Not that there's any take-backs here, 458 00:20:42,352 --> 00:20:45,121 but weren't you gonna use this to see your family? 459 00:20:45,146 --> 00:20:47,147 Well, I have decided not to go. 460 00:20:47,172 --> 00:20:50,207 Yes, I miss Mexico, but Elizabeth has helped me realize 461 00:20:50,232 --> 00:20:54,168 that I don't need to go away to be surrounded by family. 462 00:20:54,873 --> 00:20:56,999 Are you sure, Javier? 463 00:20:57,024 --> 00:21:00,159 Mom, the tribe has spoken.