1
00:00:42,918 --> 00:00:44,376
This is some bullshit, Sergeant.

2
00:00:44,459 --> 00:00:46,751
Shut the fuck up, Macy.

3
00:00:47,418 --> 00:00:50,626
Folen! You're gonna get shot in the dick
if you stand in silhouette like that.

4
00:00:50,709 --> 00:00:54,418
Yep. Right in the dick.

5
00:00:54,501 --> 00:00:57,126
I'm just trying
to see how far out I can get it.

6
00:00:57,793 --> 00:00:59,959
I've got the aim of an angel

7
00:01:00,043 --> 00:01:02,668
and the reach of a god.

8
00:01:02,751 --> 00:01:04,918
How much further to the objective, Sarge?

9
00:01:05,001 --> 00:01:07,501
Another 500 meters… up.

10
00:01:09,001 --> 00:01:11,293
Oh, fuck me.

11
00:01:11,376 --> 00:01:13,334
-One-Seven, this is One-One. Over.

12
00:01:14,751 --> 00:01:16,876
-One-Seven, One-One.

13
00:01:16,959 --> 00:01:18,709
We're within 500 meters of the objective.

14
00:01:18,793 --> 00:01:19,751
How copy? Over.

15
00:01:21,209 --> 00:01:22,793
Everything all right, Sergeant?

16
00:01:22,876 --> 00:01:24,876
Fine. Fucking peachy.

17
00:01:26,126 --> 00:01:28,543
Fine,
like in no radio contact with anyone

18
00:01:28,626 --> 00:01:30,668
for the last 50 fucking minutes?

19
00:01:30,751 --> 00:01:33,376
Fine,
like our idiotic fucking platoon leader

20
00:01:33,459 --> 00:01:35,043
decided to split us up?

21
00:01:35,126 --> 00:01:38,334
Fine, like I have to keep
hauling this fucking ammo

22
00:01:38,418 --> 00:01:40,043
up this motherfucking mountain?

23
00:01:40,126 --> 00:01:44,584
Fine, like Team Two's been torn
into greasy shreds of man jerky?

24
00:01:48,126 --> 00:01:50,126
Jesus fuck.

25
00:01:50,209 --> 00:01:51,668
Look at this thing here.

26
00:01:51,751 --> 00:01:54,584
Almost as big as my dick.

27
00:01:55,251 --> 00:01:57,376
Well, I guess he won't be needing this.

28
00:01:57,459 --> 00:02:00,626
It's… It's the whole team.
Muj didn't do this, Sergeant.

29
00:02:00,709 --> 00:02:03,084
Hey, hey, hey.
It doesn't matter what did it.

30
00:02:03,168 --> 00:02:05,084
We're gonna get through this, soldier.

31
00:02:05,584 --> 00:02:06,626
Together.

32
00:02:08,626 --> 00:02:09,459
"Together"?

33
00:02:09,959 --> 00:02:12,709
I bet that'll look great
on a poster with some puppies!

34
00:02:21,876 --> 00:02:23,293
What? Uh, what?

35
00:02:23,376 --> 00:02:24,459
It's a honey badger.

36
00:02:24,543 --> 00:02:26,168
Honey badgers don't give a shit!

37
00:02:26,251 --> 00:02:29,168
That'sit. We've all gone crazy.
Time to kill each other.

38
00:02:29,251 --> 00:02:32,918
Oh, thank God. I'm so tired
of carrying all this fucking ammo around.

39
00:02:33,001 --> 00:02:35,334
You assholes don't have
my permission to die.

40
00:02:39,126 --> 00:02:40,793
Uh, should we shoot it?

41
00:02:40,876 --> 00:02:42,543
Fuck yes, Coutts. Let's shoot it.

42
00:02:42,626 --> 00:02:43,584
Fire! Fire!

43
00:02:49,084 --> 00:02:50,168
It's not stopping!

44
00:02:50,251 --> 00:02:51,334
-Hold!

45
00:02:56,334 --> 00:02:58,043
What kind of bear is that?

46
00:03:00,209 --> 00:03:02,126
Fuck you, honey badger!

47
00:03:05,043 --> 00:03:07,293
Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you! Fuck you!

48
00:03:07,376 --> 00:03:09,293
-Let him go, you son of a bitch!

49
00:03:12,459 --> 00:03:13,834
Holy shit!

50
00:03:13,918 --> 00:03:15,543
Die, fucker!

51
00:03:21,126 --> 00:03:21,959
Uh-oh.

52
00:03:23,084 --> 00:03:23,918
Erwin!

53
00:03:27,334 --> 00:03:29,251
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!

54
00:03:43,709 --> 00:03:45,084
Hey! Over here!

55
00:03:46,793 --> 00:03:49,418
Fuck. Goddamn thing's run out of juice.

56
00:03:49,501 --> 00:03:52,293
-Fuck. Oh, I'm standing on your friend.

57
00:03:52,376 --> 00:03:53,209
Sorry.

58
00:03:53,293 --> 00:03:55,001
This really sucks.

59
00:03:55,084 --> 00:03:56,209
-No shit.

60
00:03:56,293 --> 00:03:57,626
Who the hell's this guy?

61
00:03:58,459 --> 00:04:01,584
Sergeant First Class Morris,
attached to Task Force Griffin.

62
00:04:01,668 --> 00:04:03,209
Stationed at Camp Eisenhower.

63
00:04:03,293 --> 00:04:05,918
-It's right over that ridge.
-No such place as Camp Eisenhower.

64
00:04:06,001 --> 00:04:08,209
Sure there is.
You just didn't know about it.

65
00:04:08,293 --> 00:04:09,626
It's subterranean.

66
00:04:09,709 --> 00:04:11,418
Bullshit that's where you're from.

67
00:04:11,501 --> 00:04:13,293
You're stationed at Camp Bullshit,

68
00:04:13,376 --> 00:04:16,293
and you drink
from a CamelBak full of lies.

69
00:04:18,293 --> 00:04:21,501
CIA built it back in '02,
right after the invasion.

70
00:04:21,584 --> 00:04:23,834
It's just another part
of our hearts and minds strategy.

71
00:04:23,918 --> 00:04:26,834
And let me guess.
It's part of some Secret Squirrel op,

72
00:04:26,918 --> 00:04:29,876
and you've got all kinds
of crazy sciencey shit under there,

73
00:04:29,959 --> 00:04:33,043
including fucking nightmares
like that <i>thing.</i>

74
00:04:33,126 --> 00:04:36,918
Well, that <i>thing</i>
is code named Project Barghest.

75
00:04:37,001 --> 00:04:41,459
It was on patrol with us last night
when it started acting unpatriotic,

76
00:04:41,543 --> 00:04:44,834
and treated my team
like an Afghani buffet.

77
00:04:44,918 --> 00:04:48,709
Bar-guest? That's a stupid fucking name
for a honey badger.

78
00:04:48,793 --> 00:04:50,751
It's not a honey badger.

79
00:04:50,834 --> 00:04:53,668
It's a genetically-engineered grizzly bear

80
00:04:53,751 --> 00:04:56,251
with a shit-ton
of mechanical augmentation.

81
00:04:56,334 --> 00:04:58,459
-It's like a tank with fur.

82
00:04:58,543 --> 00:05:01,543
Retractable
anti-personnel titanium talons,

83
00:05:01,626 --> 00:05:03,293
diamond carbine canines,

84
00:05:03,376 --> 00:05:08,043
all wrapped in a solid inch
of ballistic-resistant gel under its skin.

85
00:05:08,126 --> 00:05:11,834
Small arms won't do jack-shit,
and even grenades won't hurt it.

86
00:05:11,918 --> 00:05:13,918
Unless you get lucky, which you won't.

87
00:05:14,001 --> 00:05:16,209
-Can you kill it with that?
-This piece of shit?

88
00:05:16,293 --> 00:05:17,959
No. It's supposed to be a remote control,

89
00:05:18,043 --> 00:05:21,668
but the only thing that works is
this setting that says "fuck off."

90
00:05:22,168 --> 00:05:25,126
Come on, guys. Let's go
to that base you don't think exists.

91
00:05:26,084 --> 00:05:26,918
Well, Sarge?

92
00:05:27,459 --> 00:05:30,459
Why not?
I doubt this shit could get any weirder.

93
00:05:31,043 --> 00:05:33,293
Dang it. It was right here.

94
00:05:33,376 --> 00:05:35,334
It was right there. It was there.

95
00:05:35,418 --> 00:05:37,334
There was a fucking rock. Fucking there.

96
00:05:37,418 --> 00:05:41,751
It appears the secret back entrance
to your secret CIA base

97
00:05:41,834 --> 00:05:44,751
is so extra fucking secret
even <i>you</i> can't find it.

98
00:05:45,293 --> 00:05:47,251
Sarge, we got permission to die now?

99
00:05:47,334 --> 00:05:49,168
Getting there, Folen. Getting there.

100
00:05:49,251 --> 00:05:51,084
Oh, here it is.

101
00:05:52,751 --> 00:05:54,751
-Yet…
-Amazing.

102
00:06:07,626 --> 00:06:09,751
Guessing it wasn't like this
when you left.

103
00:06:09,834 --> 00:06:11,501
No. It fucking wasn't.

104
00:06:11,584 --> 00:06:14,584
Well, personally,
I love what they've done with the place.

105
00:06:17,001 --> 00:06:17,959
All right.

106
00:06:18,459 --> 00:06:21,168
Let's get some proper fucking ordnance

107
00:06:21,251 --> 00:06:23,959
and kill the shit
out of this fucking thing!

108
00:06:24,459 --> 00:06:25,543
Sorry for all the cursing.

109
00:06:32,376 --> 00:06:33,959
This is where I come to jerk off.

110
00:06:35,668 --> 00:06:38,168
Macy! Folen! Christmas come early, boys.

111
00:06:39,543 --> 00:06:41,251
Now we're talking!

112
00:06:41,334 --> 00:06:42,793
You drool on it, you buy it.

113
00:06:42,876 --> 00:06:45,918
Fuck yeah. This will do some damage.

114
00:06:47,043 --> 00:06:48,209
-Hmm?

115
00:06:48,293 --> 00:06:50,793
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Friendly.

116
00:06:50,876 --> 00:06:51,876
Friendly.

117
00:06:55,709 --> 00:06:57,751
This is MAARS-Bot.

118
00:06:57,834 --> 00:06:59,293
-Hi. Hi.

119
00:06:59,376 --> 00:07:01,876
Oh, who's your buddy, MAARS-Bot?
Who's your buddy?

120
00:07:01,959 --> 00:07:04,751
Oh, sweet. More science shit.

121
00:07:04,834 --> 00:07:06,959
He gonna go rogue and try and eat us too?

122
00:07:08,084 --> 00:07:11,501
You didn't think the CIA would make
just one Jihad-Joe killing weapon,

123
00:07:11,584 --> 00:07:12,418
did you?

124
00:07:12,501 --> 00:07:14,209
Redundancy, son, saves lives.

125
00:07:14,293 --> 00:07:16,459
Well, it is kinda cute.

126
00:07:17,459 --> 00:07:20,793
Oh, don't you look at me like that
with them little puppy dog eyes.

127
00:07:22,043 --> 00:07:24,168
Jesus fucking Christ, Macy.

128
00:07:25,251 --> 00:07:26,793
Here we go, guys. Come on!

129
00:07:30,834 --> 00:07:33,501
You better put me in for a Bronze Star
after this shit, Morris.

130
00:07:33,584 --> 00:07:35,459
You've got a bad attitude, Private Macy,

131
00:07:35,543 --> 00:07:37,959
and I will deny any award
he puts you in for.

132
00:07:41,168 --> 00:07:43,751
Okay. Maybe a certificate
of achievement. Maybe.

133
00:07:43,834 --> 00:07:46,543
All right, ladies.
I'm gonna call the Barghest to us.

134
00:07:46,626 --> 00:07:47,459
Clench up!

135
00:07:48,459 --> 00:07:50,209
Let's just get this shit over with.

136
00:07:53,126 --> 00:07:55,543
In three, two, one.

137
00:08:11,293 --> 00:08:12,209
Um,

138
00:08:12,918 --> 00:08:14,418
you sure that recall button's--

139
00:08:27,209 --> 00:08:29,459
-Fuck!
-Go, go, go!

140
00:08:33,459 --> 00:08:34,793
Holy fucking shit!

141
00:08:40,709 --> 00:08:43,709
Goddammit! Go, go, go!

142
00:08:56,084 --> 00:08:57,751
MAARS-Bot, no!

143
00:08:57,834 --> 00:09:00,126
Save yourself, robot friend!

144
00:09:03,001 --> 00:09:04,043
No!

145
00:09:08,459 --> 00:09:09,334
Fuck this.

146
00:09:11,001 --> 00:09:11,834
Go!

147
00:09:11,918 --> 00:09:13,168
Special delivery!

148
00:09:15,793 --> 00:09:17,043
I need some range!

149
00:09:20,876 --> 00:09:21,709
Get some!

150
00:09:41,668 --> 00:09:44,501
That's all you got?
Stupid fucking honey badger!

151
00:09:44,584 --> 00:09:46,626
Folen, get the fuck back, you idiot!

152
00:09:51,876 --> 00:09:54,501
Fuck you, honey badger!

153
00:09:56,834 --> 00:09:58,793
-Macy! Move!

154
00:10:32,376 --> 00:10:34,126
-Fuck, Macy.
-Mama…

155
00:10:34,209 --> 00:10:35,626
M-Mama…

156
00:10:35,709 --> 00:10:38,001
It's gonna be okay, Folen. Just…

157
00:10:39,209 --> 00:10:40,293
Nielsen…

158
00:10:40,376 --> 00:10:43,959
Nielsen, please… please tell my wife…

159
00:10:44,043 --> 00:10:45,876
-I will, Folen. Anything.
-Nielsen…

160
00:10:45,959 --> 00:10:47,834
-Please… Please…
-I promise.

161
00:10:48,334 --> 00:10:49,251
…tell my wife

162
00:10:50,293 --> 00:10:51,334
I… I…

163
00:10:52,043 --> 00:10:53,459
I fucked her sister.

164
00:11:02,168 --> 00:11:03,918
Fuck me.

165
00:11:05,209 --> 00:11:06,084
Well…

166
00:11:08,543 --> 00:11:10,876
…that sure was some bullshit, Sergeant.

167
00:11:16,668 --> 00:11:17,709
Oh fuck.

168
00:11:35,626 --> 00:11:37,501
<i>Fuck you, honey badger!</i>

169
00:11:40,918 --> 00:11:43,334
<i>Fu… Fu… Fu… Fuck you, honey badger!</i>

170
00:11:45,876 --> 00:11:48,251
<i>Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you. Fuck you!</i>

171
00:11:51,584 --> 00:11:53,584
<i>Stupid fucking honey badger!</i>

172
00:11:54,668 --> 00:11:56,376
<i>Die, fucker!</i>

173
00:11:57,918 --> 00:11:59,918
<i>Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!</i>

174
00:12:00,626 --> 00:12:02,626
<i>Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!</i>

175
00:12:03,626 --> 00:12:05,418
<i>Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!</i>

176
00:12:09,209 --> 00:12:11,043
<i>Stupid fucking honey badger!</i>

177
00:12:15,043 --> 00:12:16,959
<i>Fuck you, honey badger!</i>

178
00:12:20,918 --> 00:12:22,793
<i>Fuck you, honey badger!</i>

179
00:12:25,376 --> 00:12:27,126
<i>Right in the dick.</i>