1
00:00:10,626 --> 00:00:12,084
[opening theme music playing]
2
00:00:24,376 --> 00:00:25,584
[electronic warbling]
3
00:00:37,001 --> 00:00:38,543
[man sighing in relief]
4
00:00:39,751 --> 00:00:41,251
[groaning]
5
00:00:41,918 --> 00:00:42,834
[laughs]
6
00:00:42,918 --> 00:00:44,376
This is some bullshit, Sergeant.
7
00:00:44,459 --> 00:00:46,751
Shut the fuck up, Macy.
8
00:00:47,418 --> 00:00:50,626
Folen! You're gonna get shot in the dick
if you stand in silhouette like that.
9
00:00:50,709 --> 00:00:54,418
[spits] Yep. Right in the dick.
10
00:00:54,501 --> 00:00:57,126
I'm just trying
to see how far out I can get it.
11
00:00:57,793 --> 00:00:59,959
I've got the aim of an angel
12
00:01:00,043 --> 00:01:02,668
and the reach of a god. [sighs]
13
00:01:02,751 --> 00:01:04,918
How much further to the objective, Sarge?
14
00:01:05,001 --> 00:01:07,501
Another 500 meters… up.
15
00:01:07,584 --> 00:01:08,918
[eagle screeching]
16
00:01:09,001 --> 00:01:11,293
Oh, fuck me.
17
00:01:11,376 --> 00:01:13,334
-[radio beeps]
-One-Seven, this is One-One. Over.
18
00:01:13,418 --> 00:01:14,668
[radio static]
19
00:01:14,751 --> 00:01:16,876
-[radio beeps]
-One-Seven, One-One.
20
00:01:16,959 --> 00:01:18,709
We're within 500 meters of the objective.
21
00:01:18,793 --> 00:01:19,751
How copy? Over.
22
00:01:19,834 --> 00:01:21,126
[radio static]
23
00:01:21,209 --> 00:01:22,793
Everything all right, Sergeant?
24
00:01:22,876 --> 00:01:24,876
Fine. Fucking peachy.
25
00:01:24,959 --> 00:01:26,043
[tense music playing]
26
00:01:26,126 --> 00:01:28,543
[Macy] Fine,
like in no radio contact with anyone
27
00:01:28,626 --> 00:01:30,668
for the last 50 fucking minutes?
28
00:01:30,751 --> 00:01:33,376
[Folen] Fine,
like our idiotic fucking platoon leader
29
00:01:33,459 --> 00:01:35,043
decided to split us up?
30
00:01:35,126 --> 00:01:38,334
[soldier] Fine, like I have to keep
hauling this fucking ammo
31
00:01:38,418 --> 00:01:40,043
up this motherfucking mountain?
32
00:01:40,126 --> 00:01:44,584
Fine, like Team Two's been torn
into greasy shreds of man jerky?
33
00:01:44,668 --> 00:01:45,584
[Folen gasps]
34
00:01:45,668 --> 00:01:47,126
[sinister music playing]
35
00:01:48,126 --> 00:01:50,126
[Folen] Jesus fuck.
36
00:01:50,209 --> 00:01:51,668
Look at this thing here.
37
00:01:51,751 --> 00:01:54,584
Almost as big as my dick. [chuckles]
38
00:01:55,251 --> 00:01:57,376
Well, I guess he won't be needing this.
39
00:01:57,459 --> 00:02:00,626
It's… It's the whole team.
Muj didn't do this, Sergeant.
40
00:02:00,709 --> 00:02:03,084
Hey, hey, hey.
It doesn't matter what did it.
41
00:02:03,168 --> 00:02:05,084
We're gonna get through this, soldier.
42
00:02:05,584 --> 00:02:06,626
Together.
43
00:02:08,626 --> 00:02:09,459
"Together"?
44
00:02:09,959 --> 00:02:12,709
I bet that'll look great
on a poster with some puppies!
45
00:02:12,793 --> 00:02:14,543
[creature roaring]
46
00:02:14,626 --> 00:02:15,918
[suspenseful music playing]
47
00:02:16,543 --> 00:02:17,501
[snarls]
48
00:02:18,168 --> 00:02:19,126
[guns cocking]
49
00:02:21,876 --> 00:02:23,293
What? Uh, what?
50
00:02:23,376 --> 00:02:24,459
It's a honey badger.
51
00:02:24,543 --> 00:02:26,168
Honey badgers don't give a shit!
52
00:02:26,251 --> 00:02:29,168
That's it. We've all gone crazy.
Time to kill each other.
53
00:02:29,251 --> 00:02:32,918
Oh, thank God. I'm so tired
of carrying all this fucking ammo around.
54
00:02:33,001 --> 00:02:35,334
You assholes don't have
my permission to die.
55
00:02:35,959 --> 00:02:39,043
[growls, roars]
56
00:02:39,126 --> 00:02:40,793
Uh, should we shoot it?
57
00:02:40,876 --> 00:02:42,543
Fuck yes, Coutts. Let's shoot it.
58
00:02:42,626 --> 00:02:43,584
Fire! Fire!
59
00:02:44,084 --> 00:02:45,084
[roars]
60
00:02:45,918 --> 00:02:47,043
[snarls]
61
00:02:49,084 --> 00:02:50,168
[Folen] It's not stopping!
62
00:02:50,251 --> 00:02:51,334
-[creature roars]
-Hold!
63
00:02:53,418 --> 00:02:54,543
[snarls]
64
00:02:55,084 --> 00:02:56,251
[soldier grunts, screams]
65
00:02:56,334 --> 00:02:58,043
[Folen] What kind of bear is that?
66
00:02:58,126 --> 00:03:00,126
[grunts, yells]
67
00:03:00,209 --> 00:03:02,126
Fuck you, honey badger!
68
00:03:02,626 --> 00:03:04,959
[screaming]
69
00:03:05,043 --> 00:03:07,293
Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you! Fuck you!
70
00:03:07,376 --> 00:03:09,293
-Let him go, you son of a bitch!
-[squelching]
71
00:03:09,876 --> 00:03:10,876
[creature roars]
72
00:03:10,959 --> 00:03:12,376
-[Coutts grunts]
-[creature snarls]
73
00:03:12,459 --> 00:03:13,834
[Sarge] Holy shit!
74
00:03:13,918 --> 00:03:15,543
[soldier 2] Die, fucker!
75
00:03:15,626 --> 00:03:17,543
[soldier 2 yelling]
76
00:03:18,376 --> 00:03:19,418
[roars]
77
00:03:20,084 --> 00:03:21,043
[gun clicks]
78
00:03:21,126 --> 00:03:21,959
Uh-oh.
79
00:03:22,043 --> 00:03:23,001
[squelching]
80
00:03:23,084 --> 00:03:23,918
Erwin!
81
00:03:24,543 --> 00:03:25,876
[creature snarls]
82
00:03:27,334 --> 00:03:29,251
[yells] Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!
83
00:03:29,334 --> 00:03:31,043
-[blades clanking]
-[creature roars]
84
00:03:31,793 --> 00:03:33,334
[high-pitched whining]
85
00:03:33,418 --> 00:03:36,418
[creature yelps, moans]
86
00:03:37,418 --> 00:03:39,084
[creature whimpering]
87
00:03:39,168 --> 00:03:40,626
[high-pitched whining stops]
88
00:03:40,709 --> 00:03:43,626
[breathing heavily]
89
00:03:43,709 --> 00:03:45,084
[man] Hey! Over here!
90
00:03:46,793 --> 00:03:49,418
Fuck. Goddamn thing's run out of juice.
91
00:03:49,501 --> 00:03:52,293
-[squelching]
-Fuck. Oh, I'm standing on your friend.
92
00:03:52,376 --> 00:03:53,209
Sorry.
93
00:03:53,293 --> 00:03:55,001
This really sucks.
94
00:03:55,084 --> 00:03:56,209
-No shit.
-[metal clanking]
95
00:03:56,293 --> 00:03:57,626
Who the hell's this guy?
96
00:03:58,459 --> 00:04:01,584
Sergeant First Class Morris,
attached to Task Force Griffin.
97
00:04:01,668 --> 00:04:03,209
Stationed at Camp Eisenhower.
98
00:04:03,293 --> 00:04:05,918
-It's right over that ridge.
-No such place as Camp Eisenhower.
99
00:04:06,001 --> 00:04:08,209
Sure there is.
You just didn't know about it.
100
00:04:08,293 --> 00:04:09,626
It's subterranean.
101
00:04:09,709 --> 00:04:11,418
Bullshit that's where you're from.
102
00:04:11,501 --> 00:04:13,293
You're stationed at Camp Bullshit,
103
00:04:13,376 --> 00:04:16,293
and you drink
from a CamelBak full of lies.
104
00:04:18,293 --> 00:04:21,501
CIA built it back in '02,
right after the invasion.
105
00:04:21,584 --> 00:04:23,834
It's just another part
of our hearts and minds strategy.
106
00:04:23,918 --> 00:04:26,834
And let me guess.
It's part of some Secret Squirrel op,
107
00:04:26,918 --> 00:04:29,876
and you've got all kinds
of crazy sciencey shit under there,
108
00:04:29,959 --> 00:04:33,043
including fucking nightmares
like that thing.
109
00:04:33,126 --> 00:04:36,918
Well, that thing
is code named Project Barghest.
110
00:04:37,001 --> 00:04:41,459
It was on patrol with us last night
when it started acting unpatriotic,
111
00:04:41,543 --> 00:04:44,834
and treated my team
like an Afghani buffet.
112
00:04:44,918 --> 00:04:48,709
Bar-guest? That's a stupid fucking name
for a honey badger.
113
00:04:48,793 --> 00:04:50,751
It's not a honey badger.
114
00:04:50,834 --> 00:04:53,668
It's a genetically-engineered grizzly bear
115
00:04:53,751 --> 00:04:56,251
with a shit-ton
of mechanical augmentation.
116
00:04:56,334 --> 00:04:58,459
-It's like a tank with fur.
-[electronic warbling]
117
00:04:58,543 --> 00:05:01,543
Retractable
anti-personnel titanium talons,
118
00:05:01,626 --> 00:05:03,293
diamond carbine canines,
119
00:05:03,376 --> 00:05:08,043
all wrapped in a solid inch
of ballistic-resistant gel under its skin.
120
00:05:08,126 --> 00:05:11,834
Small arms won't do jack-shit,
and even grenades won't hurt it.
121
00:05:11,918 --> 00:05:13,918
Unless you get lucky, which you won't.
122
00:05:14,001 --> 00:05:16,209
-Can you kill it with that?
-[Morris] This piece of shit?
123
00:05:16,293 --> 00:05:17,959
No. It's supposed to be a remote control,
124
00:05:18,043 --> 00:05:21,668
but the only thing that works is
this setting that says "fuck off."
125
00:05:22,168 --> 00:05:25,126
Come on, guys. Let's go
to that base you don't think exists.
126
00:05:26,084 --> 00:05:26,918
Well, Sarge?
127
00:05:27,459 --> 00:05:30,459
Why not?
I doubt this shit could get any weirder.
128
00:05:31,043 --> 00:05:33,293
[Morris] Dang it. It was right here.
129
00:05:33,376 --> 00:05:35,334
It was right there. It was there.
130
00:05:35,418 --> 00:05:37,334
There was a fucking rock. Fucking there.
131
00:05:37,418 --> 00:05:41,751
It appears the secret back entrance
to your secret CIA base
132
00:05:41,834 --> 00:05:44,751
is so extra fucking secret
even you can't find it.
133
00:05:45,293 --> 00:05:47,251
Sarge, we got permission to die now?
134
00:05:47,334 --> 00:05:49,168
Getting there, Folen. Getting there.
135
00:05:49,251 --> 00:05:51,084
Oh, here it is. [chuckles]
136
00:05:51,168 --> 00:05:52,668
[Morris sighs]
137
00:05:52,751 --> 00:05:54,751
-Yet…
-Amazing.
138
00:05:54,834 --> 00:05:55,918
[hatch opens]
139
00:05:58,084 --> 00:05:59,209
[lights clicking on]
140
00:05:59,918 --> 00:06:01,501
[unsettling music playing]
141
00:06:06,209 --> 00:06:07,543
[flies buzzing]
142
00:06:07,626 --> 00:06:09,751
Guessing it wasn't like this
when you left.
143
00:06:09,834 --> 00:06:11,501
No. It fucking wasn't.
144
00:06:11,584 --> 00:06:14,584
Well, personally,
I love what they've done with the place.
145
00:06:14,668 --> 00:06:16,001
[Barghest roars]
146
00:06:17,001 --> 00:06:17,959
[Morris] All right.
147
00:06:18,459 --> 00:06:21,168
Let's get some proper fucking ordnance
148
00:06:21,251 --> 00:06:23,959
and kill the shit
out of this fucking thing!
149
00:06:24,459 --> 00:06:25,543
Sorry for all the cursing.
150
00:06:25,626 --> 00:06:27,043
[electronic warbling]
151
00:06:27,126 --> 00:06:29,001
[funky electro music playing]
152
00:06:32,376 --> 00:06:33,959
This is where I come to jerk off.
153
00:06:35,668 --> 00:06:38,168
Macy! Folen! Christmas come early, boys.
154
00:06:38,251 --> 00:06:39,459
[chortles]
155
00:06:39,543 --> 00:06:41,251
[chuckles] Now we're talking!
156
00:06:41,334 --> 00:06:42,793
[Morris] You drool on it, you buy it.
157
00:06:42,876 --> 00:06:45,918
Fuck yeah. This will do some damage.
158
00:06:46,001 --> 00:06:46,959
[banging]
159
00:06:47,043 --> 00:06:48,209
-[guns cocking]
-[Macy] Hmm?
160
00:06:48,293 --> 00:06:50,793
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Friendly.
161
00:06:50,876 --> 00:06:51,876
Friendly.
162
00:06:52,459 --> 00:06:54,709
[electronic trilling]
163
00:06:55,709 --> 00:06:57,751
This is MAARS-Bot.
164
00:06:57,834 --> 00:06:59,293
-[trilling happily]
-Hi. Hi.
165
00:06:59,376 --> 00:07:01,876
Oh, who's your buddy, MAARS-Bot?
Who's your buddy?
166
00:07:01,959 --> 00:07:04,751
Oh, sweet. More science shit.
167
00:07:04,834 --> 00:07:06,959
He gonna go rogue and try and eat us too?
168
00:07:08,084 --> 00:07:11,501
You didn't think the CIA would make
just one Jihad-Joe killing weapon,
169
00:07:11,584 --> 00:07:12,418
did you?
170
00:07:12,501 --> 00:07:14,209
Redundancy, son, saves lives.
171
00:07:14,293 --> 00:07:16,459
Well, it is kinda cute.
172
00:07:16,543 --> 00:07:17,376
[electronic trilling]
173
00:07:17,459 --> 00:07:20,793
Oh, don't you look at me like that
with them little puppy dog eyes.
174
00:07:20,876 --> 00:07:21,959
[electronic trilling]
175
00:07:22,043 --> 00:07:24,168
[sighs] Jesus fucking Christ, Macy.
176
00:07:24,251 --> 00:07:25,168
[Barghest roars]
177
00:07:25,251 --> 00:07:26,793
Here we go, guys. Come on!
178
00:07:27,501 --> 00:07:28,918
[suspenseful music playing]
179
00:07:29,543 --> 00:07:30,751
[computer beeping]
180
00:07:30,834 --> 00:07:33,501
You better put me in for a Bronze Star
after this shit, Morris.
181
00:07:33,584 --> 00:07:35,459
You've got a bad attitude, Private Macy,
182
00:07:35,543 --> 00:07:37,959
and I will deny any award
he puts you in for.
183
00:07:38,043 --> 00:07:39,251
[electronic trilling]
184
00:07:39,334 --> 00:07:41,084
[keyboard clacking]
185
00:07:41,168 --> 00:07:43,751
Okay. Maybe a certificate
of achievement. Maybe.
186
00:07:43,834 --> 00:07:46,543
All right, ladies.
I'm gonna call the Barghest to us.
187
00:07:46,626 --> 00:07:47,459
Clench up!
188
00:07:48,459 --> 00:07:50,209
Let's just get this shit over with.
189
00:07:50,293 --> 00:07:51,126
[launchers cocking]
190
00:07:51,209 --> 00:07:53,043
[suspenseful music swells]
191
00:07:53,126 --> 00:07:55,543
[Morris] In three, two, one.
192
00:07:55,626 --> 00:07:56,459
[computer beeps]
193
00:07:56,543 --> 00:07:57,459
[music stops]
194
00:08:00,251 --> 00:08:01,501
[electronic trilling]
195
00:08:11,293 --> 00:08:12,209
[Sarge] Um,
196
00:08:12,918 --> 00:08:14,418
you sure that recall button's--
197
00:08:15,293 --> 00:08:16,543
[yelling]
198
00:08:16,626 --> 00:08:18,709
[Barghest growling]
199
00:08:18,793 --> 00:08:20,209
[yelling]
200
00:08:21,168 --> 00:08:22,959
[Morris screaming]
201
00:08:23,043 --> 00:08:24,834
[electro hip-hop music playing]
202
00:08:24,918 --> 00:08:26,209
[Barghest snarls]
203
00:08:27,209 --> 00:08:29,459
-[Macy] Fuck!
-[Sarge grunts] Go, go, go!
204
00:08:30,043 --> 00:08:31,084
[snarls]
205
00:08:31,584 --> 00:08:33,376
-[squelching]
-[angry trilling]
206
00:08:33,459 --> 00:08:34,793
[Folen] Holy fucking shit!
207
00:08:34,876 --> 00:08:36,293
[Barghest roars in pain]
208
00:08:37,168 --> 00:08:38,709
[roars]
209
00:08:39,668 --> 00:08:40,626
[snarls]
210
00:08:40,709 --> 00:08:43,709
Goddammit! Go, go, go!
211
00:08:46,376 --> 00:08:47,376
[growls]
212
00:08:52,668 --> 00:08:53,751
[electronic trilling]
213
00:08:54,668 --> 00:08:56,001
[weak trilling]
214
00:08:56,084 --> 00:08:57,751
MAARS-Bot, no!
215
00:08:57,834 --> 00:09:00,126
Save yourself, robot friend!
216
00:09:00,209 --> 00:09:01,293
[electronic trilling]
217
00:09:02,043 --> 00:09:02,918
[snarls]
218
00:09:03,001 --> 00:09:04,043
No!
219
00:09:04,126 --> 00:09:05,793
[roars]
220
00:09:08,459 --> 00:09:09,334
Fuck this.
221
00:09:11,001 --> 00:09:11,834
Go!
222
00:09:11,918 --> 00:09:13,168
Special delivery!
223
00:09:15,793 --> 00:09:17,043
I need some range!
224
00:09:17,626 --> 00:09:19,084
[whimpers, roars]
225
00:09:20,876 --> 00:09:21,709
Get some!
226
00:09:23,126 --> 00:09:24,126
[roars]
227
00:09:25,168 --> 00:09:26,959
[all yelling]
228
00:09:29,418 --> 00:09:30,709
[music stops]
229
00:09:32,168 --> 00:09:33,834
[powers down]
230
00:09:40,001 --> 00:09:41,584
[chuckles]
231
00:09:41,668 --> 00:09:44,501
That's all you got?
Stupid fucking honey badger!
232
00:09:44,584 --> 00:09:46,626
Folen, get the fuck back, you idiot!
233
00:09:46,709 --> 00:09:48,084
[screaming]
234
00:09:48,168 --> 00:09:49,126
[Barghest roaring]
235
00:09:51,876 --> 00:09:54,501
Fuck you, honey badger!
236
00:09:54,584 --> 00:09:56,751
-[intense music playing]
-[Macy grunting]
237
00:09:56,834 --> 00:09:58,793
-[screams]
-Macy! Move!
238
00:09:59,584 --> 00:10:00,793
[roars]
239
00:10:01,959 --> 00:10:03,334
[Barghest screams]
240
00:10:04,543 --> 00:10:05,418
[powers down]
241
00:10:05,501 --> 00:10:06,334
[roars]
242
00:10:07,376 --> 00:10:08,543
[Macy yelling]
243
00:10:10,251 --> 00:10:11,251
[screams]
244
00:10:13,459 --> 00:10:15,459
[yelling]
245
00:10:19,376 --> 00:10:21,418
[yelling continues]
246
00:10:23,793 --> 00:10:25,293
[Sarge breathing heavily]
247
00:10:29,376 --> 00:10:31,709
-[bubble gum pops]
-[yelps, clears throat]
248
00:10:32,376 --> 00:10:34,126
-Fuck, Macy.
-[Folen] Mama…
249
00:10:34,209 --> 00:10:35,626
[straining] M-Mama…
250
00:10:35,709 --> 00:10:38,001
It's gonna be okay, Folen. Just…
251
00:10:38,084 --> 00:10:39,126
[coughs]
252
00:10:39,209 --> 00:10:40,293
Nielsen…
253
00:10:40,376 --> 00:10:43,959
Nielsen, please… please tell my wife…
254
00:10:44,043 --> 00:10:45,876
-I will, Folen. Anything.
-Nielsen…
255
00:10:45,959 --> 00:10:47,834
-Please… Please…
-[Nielsen] I promise.
256
00:10:48,334 --> 00:10:49,251
…tell my wife
257
00:10:50,293 --> 00:10:51,334
I… I…
258
00:10:52,043 --> 00:10:53,459
I fucked her sister.
259
00:10:53,959 --> 00:10:55,126
[chuckles]
260
00:10:55,209 --> 00:10:56,126
[groans]
261
00:10:59,251 --> 00:11:01,043
[melancholy music playing]
262
00:11:02,168 --> 00:11:03,918
Fuck me.
263
00:11:05,209 --> 00:11:06,084
Well…
264
00:11:07,251 --> 00:11:08,459
[sniffles]
265
00:11:08,543 --> 00:11:10,876
…that sure was some bullshit, Sergeant.
266
00:11:11,376 --> 00:11:12,293
[eye plinks]
267
00:11:13,084 --> 00:11:15,584
[beeping]
268
00:11:15,668 --> 00:11:16,584
[eye beeps faster]
269
00:11:16,668 --> 00:11:17,709
Oh fuck.
270
00:11:17,793 --> 00:11:19,793
[intense music playing]
271
00:11:20,918 --> 00:11:22,043
[roars]
272
00:11:22,126 --> 00:11:23,293
[music stops]
273
00:11:24,626 --> 00:11:26,626
[electronic warbling]
274
00:11:31,293 --> 00:11:32,918
[closing theme music playing]
275
00:11:35,626 --> 00:11:37,501
[Coutts] Fuck you, honey badger!
276
00:11:40,918 --> 00:11:43,334
Fu… Fu… Fu… Fuck you, honey badger!
277
00:11:45,876 --> 00:11:48,251
Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you. Fuck you!
278
00:11:51,584 --> 00:11:53,584
[Folen] Stupid fucking honey badger!
279
00:11:54,668 --> 00:11:56,376
[Erwin] Die, fucker!
280
00:11:57,918 --> 00:11:59,918
[Nielsen] Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!
281
00:12:00,626 --> 00:12:02,626
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!
282
00:12:03,626 --> 00:12:05,418
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!
283
00:12:09,209 --> 00:12:11,043
[Folen] Stupid fucking honey badger!
284
00:12:15,043 --> 00:12:16,959
[Coutts] Fuck you, honey badger!
285
00:12:20,918 --> 00:12:22,793
Fuck you, honey badger!
286
00:12:25,376 --> 00:12:27,126
Right in the dick.