1 00:00:19,561 --> 00:00:20,520 Do you see it? 2 00:00:20,603 --> 00:00:21,438 No. 3 00:00:21,521 --> 00:00:24,774 No mention of rats, mice, rodents, 4 00:00:24,858 --> 00:00:26,943 rodent blood pressure tests? 5 00:00:27,027 --> 00:00:27,944 None. 6 00:00:28,903 --> 00:00:29,863 Wait. 7 00:00:29,946 --> 00:00:31,948 That says "House appropriations." 8 00:00:32,032 --> 00:00:33,992 So close to "mouse appropriations." 9 00:00:34,075 --> 00:00:36,119 This is an affront. 10 00:00:52,469 --> 00:00:53,428 Is he in? 11 00:00:53,511 --> 00:00:54,596 Yes. Yes, he is. 12 00:00:57,640 --> 00:00:58,808 What is this regarding? 13 00:00:58,892 --> 00:01:02,729 I am testifying with General Naird today 14 00:01:02,812 --> 00:01:04,898 at the budget hearing in Washington, 15 00:01:04,981 --> 00:01:08,777 and I would like to know why my science budget 16 00:01:08,860 --> 00:01:11,112 pales in comparison 17 00:01:11,196 --> 00:01:16,701 to the riches devoted to turning space into an orgy of death. 18 00:01:19,162 --> 00:01:20,080 ID? 19 00:01:20,997 --> 00:01:23,625 I left my ID at the lab. 20 00:01:24,751 --> 00:01:26,086 No one gets in without ID. 21 00:01:26,169 --> 00:01:31,549 Brad, will you tell this prepubescent killing machine who I am? 22 00:01:31,883 --> 00:01:34,260 Duncan, this is Dr. Adrian Mallory. 23 00:01:35,261 --> 00:01:37,931 Well, I could confirm that if he presented some ID. 24 00:01:38,348 --> 00:01:41,434 I entered the building without ID. 25 00:01:43,144 --> 00:01:44,145 Wow. 26 00:01:44,604 --> 00:01:45,980 They should not have allowed that. 27 00:01:57,784 --> 00:02:01,412 The village idiot is hiding in Naird's office! 28 00:02:04,999 --> 00:02:05,917 Anything? 29 00:02:06,376 --> 00:02:08,586 The project where I grow fur on plants is gone. 30 00:02:09,045 --> 00:02:10,839 Well, that one was weird. 31 00:02:12,924 --> 00:02:13,925 You're weird. 32 00:02:31,860 --> 00:02:34,821 Thank you. Doctor... Mallory. 33 00:02:35,613 --> 00:02:36,573 You knew that. 34 00:02:36,990 --> 00:02:39,826 - Sorry, he's in a meeting now. - What meeting? 35 00:02:39,909 --> 00:02:41,786 Last-minute media prep with Fuck Tony. 36 00:02:42,120 --> 00:02:45,915 Fuck Tony says it's the most important single hour of the general's life. 37 00:02:47,041 --> 00:02:49,627 General Naird, you disgust me. You're disgusting. 38 00:02:49,711 --> 00:02:50,670 Nobody's gonna say that. 39 00:02:50,753 --> 00:02:53,214 This is a congressional budget hearing, not a roast. 40 00:02:53,298 --> 00:02:54,966 Yeah, well, as your head media consultant, 41 00:02:55,049 --> 00:02:57,552 I wouldn't be doing my job if I didn't prepare you for the worst. 42 00:02:57,635 --> 00:03:00,180 General Naird, you steaming pile of vomit! 43 00:03:00,263 --> 00:03:01,556 I hope you die! 44 00:03:01,639 --> 00:03:02,557 Okay, stop. 45 00:03:02,640 --> 00:03:06,060 Space Force is a bright, shiny new object 46 00:03:06,603 --> 00:03:08,188 that is asking for the least amount of money 47 00:03:08,271 --> 00:03:09,314 of any of the armed forces. 48 00:03:09,397 --> 00:03:10,690 We haven't started any wars. 49 00:03:10,773 --> 00:03:12,525 We haven't had a My Lai yet. 50 00:03:13,026 --> 00:03:14,736 They're gonna embrace us with open arms. 51 00:03:15,403 --> 00:03:17,405 General Naird, I did not say you could step down! 52 00:03:17,488 --> 00:03:21,242 Stop! I'll be back at 2100 hours. Hold down the fort. 53 00:03:21,326 --> 00:03:23,995 Does all your authority on base transfer to me while you're gone? 54 00:03:24,078 --> 00:03:25,914 All my responsibility. Half my authority. 55 00:03:25,997 --> 00:03:28,625 Is it okay if I still call you in case anything... 56 00:03:28,708 --> 00:03:31,044 Brad, come on, dude. You're a general. 57 00:03:31,127 --> 00:03:32,545 - Come... - Okay. 58 00:03:33,087 --> 00:03:34,589 See you on the flip, mustache. 59 00:03:34,672 --> 00:03:37,050 Hey, candies are for my visitors. 60 00:03:37,383 --> 00:03:38,384 I'm sorry. 61 00:03:38,468 --> 00:03:40,929 Do you also own a van, you fucking creep? 62 00:03:41,846 --> 00:03:45,016 Yes, I do. And when my snoring wakes my wife, I sleep in it. 63 00:03:47,018 --> 00:03:50,897 Where is my rat blood pressure research funding? 64 00:03:50,980 --> 00:03:52,065 Do you hear yourself? 65 00:03:52,148 --> 00:03:54,609 And why are all my pages redacted? 66 00:03:54,692 --> 00:03:59,072 What, you don't think I could have any valid thoughts about expenditures? 67 00:03:59,155 --> 00:04:01,741 Perhaps, but as a scientist, you have a loyalty to reason. 68 00:04:01,824 --> 00:04:03,117 Makes you a little untrustworthy. 69 00:04:03,201 --> 00:04:04,327 Scientists are weird. 70 00:04:04,410 --> 00:04:06,412 It's why you're the only Muppet that speaks nonsense. 71 00:04:06,496 --> 00:04:07,789 Even Animal uses words. 72 00:04:07,872 --> 00:04:08,915 Adrian, here's the deal. 73 00:04:09,332 --> 00:04:11,501 We are testifying for the House Armed Services Committee. 74 00:04:11,584 --> 00:04:13,670 They are not going to give us a billion dollars 75 00:04:13,753 --> 00:04:17,423 if we tell them we're going to use it to give rats stomachaches. 76 00:04:23,846 --> 00:04:25,223 Sir, ready to go to the tarmac? 77 00:04:25,723 --> 00:04:26,933 Good, you didn't leave yet. 78 00:04:27,016 --> 00:04:29,018 Hey, bug! What are you doing? 79 00:04:29,102 --> 00:04:31,104 Ditching first period just to see me off? 80 00:04:31,187 --> 00:04:33,481 No. Got suspended. Gave a teacher the finger. 81 00:04:33,564 --> 00:04:34,524 Nice! 82 00:04:34,607 --> 00:04:36,734 You know, one time, my history teacher gave me a "C," 83 00:04:36,818 --> 00:04:38,611 so I planted drugs in his desk. 84 00:04:38,695 --> 00:04:41,489 And now, he lives under a bridge like a troll. 85 00:04:41,572 --> 00:04:43,241 What do you mean, you got suspended? 86 00:04:43,324 --> 00:04:46,035 Yeah. My day's wide open, so I can go to DC with you. 87 00:04:46,119 --> 00:04:48,705 You know, since you're responsible for moving us to this hellhole 88 00:04:48,788 --> 00:04:49,622 and ruining my life. 89 00:04:49,706 --> 00:04:52,208 I mean, the least you could do is let me see my old friends 90 00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:55,420 and shop at stores that don't, like, exclusively sell Wrangler jeans. 91 00:04:56,421 --> 00:04:57,338 - Captain Ali? - Yes, sir? 92 00:04:57,422 --> 00:05:00,675 Change of plans. I would like you to keep an eye on my daughter today. 93 00:05:00,758 --> 00:05:03,803 Yes, sir. That is something I'm capable of doing, sir, 94 00:05:03,886 --> 00:05:08,057 in addition to flying helicopters in war zones, which is my job. 95 00:05:10,184 --> 00:05:12,770 Rat hemoglobins are substantially... 96 00:05:12,854 --> 00:05:14,981 Jesus, just let him fly the fucking thing! 97 00:05:16,733 --> 00:05:18,484 You're talking! He's gotta fly! 98 00:05:21,612 --> 00:05:23,781 - Whoops. - What do you mean, "whoops"? 99 00:05:25,616 --> 00:05:28,077 - So, what are we gonna do? - I don't know, same thing I always do. 100 00:05:28,161 --> 00:05:30,955 Go to the gym, walk the base a little, maybe get some soft serve. 101 00:05:31,039 --> 00:05:32,290 Probably hit the gym again. 102 00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:35,918 I'm sorry. I bet you wish you didn't flip off your teacher now? 103 00:05:36,002 --> 00:05:38,671 And I bet you wish you didn't either. Or worked a little harder in high school. 104 00:05:38,755 --> 00:05:39,922 Bitch, I got straight A's 105 00:05:40,006 --> 00:05:42,800 and a math degree from the University of Hawaii, so back up. 106 00:05:48,056 --> 00:05:49,891 How big is this stupid base? 107 00:05:50,433 --> 00:05:51,559 Government waste. 108 00:05:51,642 --> 00:05:54,604 No wonder my high school is just a row of portables by the highway. 109 00:05:54,687 --> 00:05:56,439 What are you talking about? The gym is right up there. 110 00:05:56,564 --> 00:05:57,648 Or don't you live here? 111 00:05:57,732 --> 00:05:58,775 No, I live in DC. 112 00:05:58,858 --> 00:06:02,028 That's right, yes. All right, that's the Pickering Building. 113 00:06:02,111 --> 00:06:05,323 Sometimes I take my lunch over there and watch them build rocket engines. 114 00:06:05,782 --> 00:06:09,243 And that is where Dr. Banner works with the gamma rays. 115 00:06:09,660 --> 00:06:12,914 And that's where we store the vibranium that we stole from Wakanda. 116 00:06:12,997 --> 00:06:14,749 - Cool. - Hey, what's up, Scraps? 117 00:06:16,459 --> 00:06:17,377 You know those clowns? 118 00:06:18,127 --> 00:06:19,253 And what's "Scraps"? 119 00:06:19,837 --> 00:06:21,964 Yeah, I go to school with them. 120 00:06:24,675 --> 00:06:25,510 'Kay. 121 00:06:26,677 --> 00:06:30,139 Is it ironic we're taking an empty C-130 122 00:06:30,223 --> 00:06:32,475 to a hearing on military waste? 123 00:06:32,558 --> 00:06:33,893 Adrian, stop spitting. 124 00:06:40,983 --> 00:06:41,943 What? 125 00:06:42,026 --> 00:06:44,404 I feel you overthinking this hearing. 126 00:06:45,071 --> 00:06:47,949 Isn't any thinking to you "overthinking"? 127 00:06:48,032 --> 00:06:52,995 "A good plan, violently executed now, is better than a perfect plan next week." 128 00:06:53,079 --> 00:06:54,163 General Patton. 129 00:06:54,247 --> 00:06:57,208 "A pint of sweat will save a gallon of blood." 130 00:06:57,291 --> 00:06:58,251 General Patton. 131 00:06:58,334 --> 00:07:01,587 "Someone needs to lead, and someone needs to follow, 132 00:07:02,046 --> 00:07:04,590 but they are both equally on the same team." 133 00:07:04,674 --> 00:07:05,508 General Naird. 134 00:07:07,176 --> 00:07:09,387 No, no, no! Not you. Joint Chiefs only. 135 00:07:15,768 --> 00:07:17,186 These hearings are bullcrap. 136 00:07:17,270 --> 00:07:19,856 We don't come clean about half our defense spend, so what's the point? 137 00:07:19,939 --> 00:07:22,150 Well, it's not bullcrap for Space Force. 138 00:07:22,233 --> 00:07:24,152 First time with your keister in the hot seat. 139 00:07:24,235 --> 00:07:25,194 Might be your last. 140 00:07:28,531 --> 00:07:29,574 Hey, guys! 141 00:07:29,657 --> 00:07:30,992 - What are you doing? - Get out! 142 00:07:31,075 --> 00:07:32,577 - Out! - No Coast Guard! 143 00:07:32,660 --> 00:07:34,662 Come on, man. 144 00:07:35,079 --> 00:07:36,706 Hey, Naird? 145 00:07:36,789 --> 00:07:38,749 If you need any help getting back at the Chinese 146 00:07:38,833 --> 00:07:42,086 for what they did to your satellite, a little ground-and-pound... 147 00:07:43,421 --> 00:07:45,965 Whatever, I don't know. Let me know. 148 00:07:46,048 --> 00:07:47,800 Marines at your disposal. 149 00:07:47,884 --> 00:07:49,927 I appreciate the offer, but we're good. 150 00:07:50,344 --> 00:07:53,764 In fact, this little dust-up with the Chinese made us even stronger. 151 00:07:53,848 --> 00:07:55,057 I'm kinda glad it happened. 152 00:07:55,558 --> 00:07:59,604 I just hope that our monkey doesn't crack under Chinese interrogation. 153 00:08:00,021 --> 00:08:00,855 What? 154 00:08:01,772 --> 00:08:04,609 Never mind. My main concern is our head scientist. 155 00:08:04,692 --> 00:08:06,861 He is just a pain in the ass. 156 00:08:06,944 --> 00:08:08,404 Yeah, I don't know how you do it. 157 00:08:08,488 --> 00:08:11,073 Imagine lab coats telling us how to invade Iraq. 158 00:08:11,157 --> 00:08:14,452 "You can't bomb there, that's an endangered yak." 159 00:08:15,703 --> 00:08:17,788 You seem pretty calm, Naird. 160 00:08:17,872 --> 00:08:18,831 Why wouldn't I be? 161 00:08:19,373 --> 00:08:22,210 Pentagon's got a record-high budget request. 162 00:08:22,502 --> 00:08:23,711 And all because of you. 163 00:08:24,170 --> 00:08:27,757 A new branch that's done nothing but blow up on launchpads 164 00:08:27,840 --> 00:08:30,968 and let the Chinese slide their chopsticks up our buttholes. 165 00:08:31,052 --> 00:08:32,303 That's disgusting. 166 00:08:32,386 --> 00:08:34,013 It's disgusting, all right. 167 00:08:34,805 --> 00:08:38,518 Disgusting that Space Force was taken from me 168 00:08:38,893 --> 00:08:41,395 and handed to a New Jersey nincompoop. 169 00:08:41,479 --> 00:08:43,564 But I'm sure the committee will come to that conclusion 170 00:08:43,648 --> 00:08:44,941 after we testify. 171 00:08:45,358 --> 00:08:46,901 Get your junk out of my face, please. 172 00:08:48,069 --> 00:08:49,654 - Kneel. - What? 173 00:08:49,737 --> 00:08:54,659 Kneel before me and pledge loyalty to the great General Kick Grabaston, 174 00:08:54,742 --> 00:08:56,953 and I'll show mercy to you at the hearing. 175 00:08:57,370 --> 00:08:59,997 Space Force isn't going anywhere. 176 00:09:00,706 --> 00:09:02,208 And neither am I. 177 00:09:02,625 --> 00:09:04,710 You're going somewhere, Naird. By the end of this hearing, 178 00:09:04,794 --> 00:09:07,630 I'm going to reabsorb Space Force and its budget, 179 00:09:07,713 --> 00:09:10,007 like the world's most powerful tampon. 180 00:09:11,425 --> 00:09:14,470 I always thought that you were a tampon. 181 00:09:15,471 --> 00:09:19,475 Tampons spend all day in vaginas. 182 00:09:20,518 --> 00:09:22,562 Nothing manlier, if you ask me. 183 00:09:23,479 --> 00:09:25,565 All day? Five hours, tops. 184 00:09:26,190 --> 00:09:29,610 Three if you have uterine fibroids. She knows what I'm talking about. 185 00:09:30,444 --> 00:09:33,614 Acknowledge my gender again, and I will fuck you in the ass. 186 00:09:34,740 --> 00:09:35,825 Duly noted. 187 00:09:37,618 --> 00:09:40,121 Duly noted. 188 00:09:46,836 --> 00:09:49,380 I can't believe this is how you spend your free time. 189 00:09:49,463 --> 00:09:51,090 You know, you don't have to just sit there. 190 00:09:51,173 --> 00:09:53,968 You could maybe work out, or anything. 191 00:09:54,051 --> 00:09:56,220 No, I'm very aware of my options. Thank you. 192 00:09:57,305 --> 00:10:00,141 Hey, Scraps. See any joints laying around that we could smoke? 193 00:10:00,224 --> 00:10:01,475 That was a great one, Julio. 194 00:10:02,143 --> 00:10:03,227 I fucking nailed it! 195 00:10:04,020 --> 00:10:06,105 Hey. You two. Get back here. 196 00:10:07,481 --> 00:10:08,316 Now. 197 00:10:09,317 --> 00:10:12,361 Yeah, you,   you said something disrespectful to my guest, 198 00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:14,822 so you're gonna take a little run. East launchpad. 199 00:10:15,239 --> 00:10:17,199 - That's very far, ma'am. - And back. 200 00:10:17,658 --> 00:10:20,953 - That's almost twice as far, ma'am. - Yes, ma'am, right away. Running now. 201 00:10:24,749 --> 00:10:28,127 So, the story behind "Scraps" is... 202 00:10:28,210 --> 00:10:30,129 Hey, I don't need to know. 203 00:10:40,514 --> 00:10:43,225 So, I thought you'd be Miss Popular in school. 204 00:10:44,560 --> 00:10:47,146 Well, "DC popular" is very different 205 00:10:47,229 --> 00:10:48,981 from "Wild Horse popular." 206 00:10:49,065 --> 00:10:53,444 In Wild Horse, what matters mostly relates to, dirt bikes. 207 00:10:53,527 --> 00:10:56,197 Yeah. Ability to chug Mountain Dew. 208 00:10:56,280 --> 00:10:58,783 Okay, but did you even give anyone at school a chance, 209 00:10:58,866 --> 00:11:01,577 or did you just stroll in there like a white Malia Obama? 210 00:11:01,994 --> 00:11:03,746 They didn't give me a chance. 211 00:11:03,829 --> 00:11:05,790 Okay? I even pretended to like hunting. 212 00:11:06,290 --> 00:11:07,541 But they asked, "Hunting what?" 213 00:11:07,625 --> 00:11:09,877 - And then I panicked and said "whales." - You did not. 214 00:11:09,960 --> 00:11:12,088 Yeah. 215 00:11:17,718 --> 00:11:19,428 Dr. Mallory, is it? 216 00:11:20,596 --> 00:11:23,015 General Grabaston. Hi. 217 00:11:23,849 --> 00:11:24,892 Big fan. 218 00:11:25,476 --> 00:11:26,769 - Thank you. - Big fan. 219 00:11:27,895 --> 00:11:29,980 So, how's it going at Space Force? 220 00:11:30,564 --> 00:11:31,774 Could be better. 221 00:11:31,857 --> 00:11:33,150 I bet. 222 00:11:33,693 --> 00:11:34,694 Naird is a brute. 223 00:11:39,865 --> 00:11:41,659 Damn shame about the ice. 224 00:11:43,536 --> 00:11:44,537 What ice? 225 00:11:45,162 --> 00:11:47,456 The ice that's melting everywhere on Earth. 226 00:11:48,958 --> 00:11:50,126 Yes. 227 00:11:50,209 --> 00:11:53,629 Yeah, I... I care about the ice... 228 00:11:54,880 --> 00:11:57,883 and the animals that depend on that ice to live. 229 00:11:58,342 --> 00:11:59,510 Ice birds. 230 00:11:59,969 --> 00:12:01,178 Ice bears. 231 00:12:04,348 --> 00:12:05,391 You know... 232 00:12:06,851 --> 00:12:09,687 if the committee loses faith in Naird today, 233 00:12:10,146 --> 00:12:11,814 I would run Space Force. 234 00:12:13,357 --> 00:12:15,943 And I would have you operating with twice the funding 235 00:12:16,026 --> 00:12:17,486 and none of the oversight. 236 00:12:18,362 --> 00:12:21,949 I'm not sure we should be having this conversation. 237 00:12:22,783 --> 00:12:24,744 We're not having this conversation. 238 00:12:25,953 --> 00:12:27,371 I'll see you at the hearing. 239 00:12:34,003 --> 00:12:36,213 Prepare to have your mind blown. 240 00:12:36,714 --> 00:12:38,257 Please be aliens. Please be aliens. 241 00:12:38,340 --> 00:12:40,468 Okay, well, not quite. But like our aliens, 242 00:12:40,551 --> 00:12:43,012 we do keep it frozen and in locked containers. 243 00:12:43,554 --> 00:12:44,930 Meal Armstrong's? 244 00:12:45,014 --> 00:12:48,934 "One small snack for a man, one large soda for mankind." 245 00:12:49,018 --> 00:12:49,852 - Wow. - Yes! 246 00:12:49,935 --> 00:12:51,937 It is the best acai in Wild Horse. 247 00:12:52,021 --> 00:12:53,939 Well, I mean, it's the only acai in Wild Horse. 248 00:12:54,023 --> 00:12:55,483 But it is so, so good. 249 00:12:55,983 --> 00:12:58,152 Hey. I know you. 250 00:12:58,235 --> 00:12:59,737 I've seen you taking a bath. 251 00:13:00,154 --> 00:13:00,988 What? 252 00:13:01,822 --> 00:13:03,866 Your dad has photos of you on his desk. 253 00:13:04,325 --> 00:13:05,993 One when you're little and in the tub. 254 00:13:06,410 --> 00:13:07,912 You're General Naird's daughter, right? 255 00:13:08,412 --> 00:13:10,748 Although you look, um, different in person. 256 00:13:11,499 --> 00:13:12,541 Less happy? 257 00:13:12,875 --> 00:13:14,668 No, I think you changed your hair. 258 00:13:15,211 --> 00:13:16,337 Duncan Tabner. 259 00:13:16,420 --> 00:13:17,505 Sweetwater, Alabama. 260 00:13:18,464 --> 00:13:19,507 Erin Naird. 261 00:13:19,590 --> 00:13:20,674 Abortionville, Blue State. 262 00:13:20,758 --> 00:13:21,967 Whoo! There she goes. 263 00:13:22,051 --> 00:13:23,844 That was a joke. She's joking, of course. 264 00:13:23,928 --> 00:13:24,970 And I got it. 265 00:13:26,847 --> 00:13:28,599 Well, ladies. 266 00:13:28,682 --> 00:13:29,975 Enjoy your "ack-eye." 267 00:13:30,351 --> 00:13:33,145 It'll put that two-year-old's grin right back on your puss. 268 00:13:33,229 --> 00:13:34,188 My puss? 269 00:13:35,022 --> 00:13:36,106 Southern for "face." 270 00:13:36,190 --> 00:13:38,108 Well, it's Northern for "pussy." 271 00:13:38,776 --> 00:13:40,736 So I wouldn't go around saying that to people. 272 00:13:42,071 --> 00:13:42,988 Erin Naird. 273 00:13:43,405 --> 00:13:44,281 Ma'am. 274 00:13:46,992 --> 00:13:47,910 Okay. 275 00:13:47,993 --> 00:13:50,246 No. Okay, I'm not mad at that. No, he's cute, right? 276 00:13:50,329 --> 00:13:51,872 And he's about your age, so... 277 00:13:52,957 --> 00:13:56,043 I'm seeing someone. And, "my age," too young for me. 278 00:14:03,843 --> 00:14:04,844 Congressman Schugler. 279 00:14:04,927 --> 00:14:06,303 What, no hug? 280 00:14:12,476 --> 00:14:15,187 Well, that was awkward and horrible. 281 00:14:15,729 --> 00:14:18,649 The man is about to grill you. Let him bring it in for the real thing. 282 00:14:18,732 --> 00:14:21,986 Remember, you gotta embrace to get those dollars for space. 283 00:14:23,320 --> 00:14:24,530 Representative Pitosi. 284 00:14:26,073 --> 00:14:27,074 What are you doing? 285 00:14:29,201 --> 00:14:30,202 I was just greeting you. 286 00:14:30,286 --> 00:14:32,288 We don't have that kind of relationship, General. 287 00:14:32,371 --> 00:14:33,455 Yes, understood. 288 00:14:34,915 --> 00:14:35,916 Well done. 289 00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:37,334 Earning your pay. 290 00:14:37,418 --> 00:14:39,753 Maybe just play on your phone for the rest of the day. 291 00:14:41,463 --> 00:14:42,756 He doesn't know how to hug. 292 00:14:42,840 --> 00:14:45,467 Why am I in trouble because boomers are weird around women? 293 00:14:47,011 --> 00:14:47,928 Okay. 294 00:14:48,345 --> 00:14:49,179 You were right. 295 00:14:49,263 --> 00:14:52,057 - This acai is crazy good. - Right? 296 00:14:52,141 --> 00:14:54,184 About as healthy as a bowl of grape ice cream, too. 297 00:14:54,643 --> 00:14:55,895 Hey, baby! 298 00:14:56,729 --> 00:14:58,230 You came to see Daddy at work? 299 00:14:59,148 --> 00:15:00,107 And also, your father? 300 00:15:00,858 --> 00:15:01,692 Hey. 301 00:15:01,775 --> 00:15:02,776 - Hi. - Give me a hug. 302 00:15:03,277 --> 00:15:04,111 Okay. 303 00:15:04,194 --> 00:15:07,031 This is... this is Angela. 304 00:15:07,114 --> 00:15:09,909 Are, um... are you guys doing this? 305 00:15:09,992 --> 00:15:12,286 - Exactly, right. - Okay. 306 00:15:12,369 --> 00:15:14,496 We have much cultural exchange. 307 00:15:14,580 --> 00:15:15,664 - Yeah. - Okay. 308 00:15:15,998 --> 00:15:18,584 Yeah, sure. I'm gonna... I'm gonna call you later. 309 00:15:19,043 --> 00:15:19,877 Okay. 310 00:15:19,960 --> 00:15:20,878 Okay. Bye. 311 00:15:20,961 --> 00:15:22,129 Yeah. Bye. 312 00:15:24,548 --> 00:15:25,466 Bye. 313 00:15:33,015 --> 00:15:34,683 - Nice guy. - Don't. 314 00:15:34,767 --> 00:15:37,937 - Yeah, no, feels like a good match. - Shut up. 315 00:15:38,020 --> 00:15:40,606 I mean, he's gotta be the nicest of all the creepy older Russian dudes 316 00:15:40,689 --> 00:15:42,816 that you could be ruining your life with, right? 317 00:15:44,068 --> 00:15:45,319 And, who are you dating? 318 00:15:46,070 --> 00:15:47,404 The clutch on your helicopter? 319 00:15:47,488 --> 00:15:49,406 What? No, girl, I'm just jealous, okay? 320 00:15:49,490 --> 00:15:53,410 Look, if I could get some super snappy-dressing foreign guy to like me 321 00:15:53,494 --> 00:15:55,412 because of my proximity to classified information, 322 00:15:55,496 --> 00:15:57,331 I would totally jump at it. 323 00:16:04,338 --> 00:16:08,926 No panty lines on the angry young congresswoman. 324 00:16:09,677 --> 00:16:11,011 You know what that means. 325 00:16:11,345 --> 00:16:12,554 No panties. 326 00:16:12,638 --> 00:16:15,849 They actually make panties that don't show panty lines. 327 00:16:17,017 --> 00:16:19,478 You think she's wearing those types of panties? 328 00:16:19,561 --> 00:16:22,606 I believe there's a higher degree of probability 329 00:16:22,690 --> 00:16:25,818 she's wearing those type of panties than no panties at all. 330 00:16:25,901 --> 00:16:28,070 Would you two stop saying "panties"? 331 00:16:28,153 --> 00:16:30,114 You can't give me an order, Naird. 332 00:16:30,197 --> 00:16:31,115 Gentlemen... 333 00:16:32,408 --> 00:16:33,367 they're ready for you. 334 00:16:34,827 --> 00:16:35,744 Panties. 335 00:16:37,830 --> 00:16:40,332 Since when did you and Kick Grabaston start hanging out 336 00:16:40,416 --> 00:16:42,584 and talking about women's underwear? 337 00:16:42,668 --> 00:16:44,920 He wanted my input. I gave it to him. 338 00:16:45,004 --> 00:16:47,756 That reminds me. Keep quiet in there, unless I give you a signal. 339 00:16:48,507 --> 00:16:51,010 Did we agree on a signal? I don't think so. 340 00:16:51,093 --> 00:16:54,596 How about, "Dr. Mallory will now explain 341 00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:57,141 how man and his barbaric nature 342 00:16:57,224 --> 00:17:00,144 will destroy space, as he has the Earth." 343 00:17:00,853 --> 00:17:01,770 Too wordy. 344 00:17:01,854 --> 00:17:03,647 I'll just tap on the table twice with a pencil. 345 00:17:24,543 --> 00:17:25,753 General Naird, 346 00:17:26,503 --> 00:17:30,632 {\an8}you're asking for a 150% increase 347 00:17:30,716 --> 00:17:33,969 in the budget for Space Force? 348 00:17:34,636 --> 00:17:36,972 And that will be used... 349 00:17:38,307 --> 00:17:39,933 {\an8}To defend America. 350 00:17:42,144 --> 00:17:43,103 Chairwoman, 351 00:17:44,271 --> 00:17:47,149 I, yield the rest of my time. 352 00:17:47,316 --> 00:17:50,069 This, budget looks A-OK to me! 353 00:17:50,652 --> 00:17:52,237 And, General Naird, 354 00:17:52,780 --> 00:17:53,739 {\an8}thank you. 355 00:17:53,822 --> 00:17:57,284 {\an8}I feel safer knowing that we have satellites 356 00:17:57,367 --> 00:17:58,535 {\an8}that can rain 357 00:17:58,619 --> 00:18:03,332 God's holy hellfire upon our enemies 358 00:18:03,415 --> 00:18:08,128 on this majestic, flat Earth of ours. 359 00:18:09,338 --> 00:18:10,255 {\an8}Yes, Congressman, 360 00:18:10,339 --> 00:18:12,674 {\an8}this Earth is certainly majestic. 361 00:18:13,175 --> 00:18:14,468 And flat. 362 00:18:14,802 --> 00:18:17,262 {\an8}Well, jury's still out on that one. 363 00:18:18,305 --> 00:18:22,559 General Naird, I'll take some of the gentlemen from Oklahoma's time 364 00:18:22,643 --> 00:18:25,896 that he yielded to ask you one brief question. 365 00:18:26,980 --> 00:18:28,524 Why do you exist? 366 00:18:29,441 --> 00:18:32,611 The Yankees won the 1961 World Series 367 00:18:32,694 --> 00:18:35,614 and my parents got a little carried away with their celebration. 368 00:18:37,533 --> 00:18:38,700 Okay! 369 00:18:39,076 --> 00:18:41,328 Charming, but no. 370 00:18:42,037 --> 00:18:43,580 I mean Space Force. 371 00:18:43,914 --> 00:18:47,417 It was much cheaper under General Grabaston and the Air Force. 372 00:18:48,001 --> 00:18:50,045 Cheap generals are like cheap enchiladas. 373 00:18:50,129 --> 00:18:51,797 You end up paying for it on the back end. 374 00:18:52,631 --> 00:18:55,134 All due respect, but under General Grabaston, 375 00:18:55,217 --> 00:18:59,304 our supremacy in space was eclipsed by the Russians and the Chinese. 376 00:18:59,930 --> 00:19:01,431 It is my job 377 00:19:01,932 --> 00:19:04,268 {\an8}to keep space safe for American interests. 378 00:19:04,351 --> 00:19:06,562 {\an8}In order to do that, I need money. 379 00:19:06,645 --> 00:19:09,106 How exactly have you been making it safe? 380 00:19:09,189 --> 00:19:11,775 {\an8}- That is top secret. - Yes, I can see that. 381 00:19:12,359 --> 00:19:15,529 Or should I say... I can't see that. 382 00:19:16,780 --> 00:19:18,574 Well, we are making 383 00:19:19,158 --> 00:19:22,369 {\an8}scientific leaps that are not top secret. 384 00:19:22,786 --> 00:19:27,833 {\an8}Making the world a better and cleaner place. 385 00:19:29,042 --> 00:19:30,043 Great. 386 00:19:30,961 --> 00:19:32,045 Tell us about that. 387 00:19:46,560 --> 00:19:47,978 {\an8}- I'm all ears. - Yeah. 388 00:19:48,061 --> 00:19:50,981 {\an8}Yeah. Well, if you're at a loss for words, 389 00:19:51,064 --> 00:19:54,026 I can yield to our youngest member, 390 00:19:54,109 --> 00:19:55,319 who rarely is. 391 00:19:56,486 --> 00:19:59,531 The committee recognizes the congresswoman from New York, 392 00:20:00,073 --> 00:20:01,950 Anabela Ysidro-Campos. 393 00:20:03,660 --> 00:20:04,494 Yes. 394 00:20:04,828 --> 00:20:06,246 - General Naird. - Hello. 395 00:20:06,330 --> 00:20:08,874 Your entire attitude seems to be, 396 00:20:08,957 --> 00:20:12,377 "Give us money and don't look while we militarize space." 397 00:20:13,212 --> 00:20:15,923 Your head scientist is nodding. 398 00:20:16,006 --> 00:20:17,925 It is a condition. 399 00:20:18,300 --> 00:20:19,885 Drinking Bird Syndrome. 400 00:20:20,510 --> 00:20:21,887 Look, space... 401 00:20:23,555 --> 00:20:24,973 is hard. 402 00:20:25,349 --> 00:20:28,894 "Space is hard." 403 00:20:30,854 --> 00:20:32,773 If you haven't settled on a motto yet, 404 00:20:32,856 --> 00:20:35,359 may I suggest that that become the new Space Force motto. 405 00:20:36,568 --> 00:20:38,278 Well... exactly. 406 00:20:38,362 --> 00:20:39,571 Tap-tap. 407 00:20:39,821 --> 00:20:40,989 Tap-tap. 408 00:20:42,449 --> 00:20:43,367 Tap! 409 00:20:44,159 --> 00:20:45,077 Tap-tap! 410 00:20:46,620 --> 00:20:49,831 {\an8}Tap-tap. Tap-tap. 411 00:20:51,291 --> 00:20:52,125 {\an8}Tap-tap. 412 00:20:58,131 --> 00:20:59,132 {\an8}Are you okay? 413 00:20:59,466 --> 00:21:00,300 {\an8}Tap-tap. 414 00:21:01,176 --> 00:21:02,302 Just gentle. Gentle. 415 00:21:03,095 --> 00:21:06,098 Look... Just gentle! 416 00:21:06,181 --> 00:21:07,724 What the fuck am I supposed to do? 417 00:21:07,808 --> 00:21:09,935 No, seriously. 418 00:21:10,018 --> 00:21:11,520 What am I supposed to do here? 419 00:21:12,312 --> 00:21:14,564 Do you know what it's like to have no one to talk to? 420 00:21:15,357 --> 00:21:18,986 I mean, if you don't have a dirt bike here or you're not sniffing glue... 421 00:21:20,821 --> 00:21:21,738 Forget it. 422 00:21:25,826 --> 00:21:26,910 Get a job. 423 00:21:28,829 --> 00:21:29,788 Like where? 424 00:21:31,081 --> 00:21:33,083 I'm a high school junior with no skills. 425 00:21:33,917 --> 00:21:35,168 Well, okay, off base, 426 00:21:35,252 --> 00:21:37,629 we've got the cowboy boot store down by the highway. 427 00:21:37,713 --> 00:21:39,381 The best restaurant in town, 428 00:21:39,464 --> 00:21:40,924 also known as the strip club. 429 00:21:42,009 --> 00:21:44,469 Actually, I know a place that is closer to your house 430 00:21:44,553 --> 00:21:46,930 that needs a sustenance procurement coordinator. 431 00:21:47,639 --> 00:21:48,473 What? 432 00:21:48,557 --> 00:21:51,476 It's just military for "soft serve slinger." 433 00:21:51,893 --> 00:21:53,979 Yeah, I mean, it's either that or the strip club. 434 00:21:54,062 --> 00:21:56,565 With your skinny butt, you're probably gonna make more selling soft serve. 435 00:21:56,648 --> 00:21:58,650 That is until you eat enough soft serve 436 00:21:58,734 --> 00:22:00,235 to make more at the strip club. 437 00:22:00,402 --> 00:22:03,488 It's kind of a "eat for the job you want" kind of vibe. 438 00:22:04,948 --> 00:22:06,158 General Naird, 439 00:22:06,992 --> 00:22:07,993 what is this? 440 00:22:09,453 --> 00:22:10,454 {\an8}An orange? 441 00:22:10,537 --> 00:22:12,080 How much do you think it costs? 442 00:22:12,622 --> 00:22:13,457 {\an8}A dollar? 443 00:22:13,540 --> 00:22:15,459 How much do you think it costs Space Force? 444 00:22:15,542 --> 00:22:18,837 - Dollar-fifty? - It costs $10,000. 445 00:22:18,920 --> 00:22:20,005 Shit. 446 00:22:20,088 --> 00:22:23,633 {\an8}As part of your resupply launch to the ISS last month, 447 00:22:23,717 --> 00:22:26,928 you sent up a variety of fresh, non-dehydrated foods, 448 00:22:27,012 --> 00:22:31,725 including one orange, at the transport cost of $10,000. 449 00:22:31,808 --> 00:22:36,104 Yeah, yes. It's been our policy since NASA to allow astronauts one pound 450 00:22:36,188 --> 00:22:38,148 of the food of their choice at each resupply. 451 00:22:38,231 --> 00:22:39,941 Even if it's a $10,000 orange? 452 00:22:40,359 --> 00:22:42,527 {\an8}Well, sometimes it's just not about saving money. 453 00:22:42,611 --> 00:22:45,822 Sometimes it is, when it's a budget hearing. 454 00:22:45,906 --> 00:22:47,449 But, please, defend it. 455 00:22:47,532 --> 00:22:50,869 I wanna be able to tell my constituents on food stamps 456 00:22:51,286 --> 00:22:54,748 why your agency needs a $10,000 orange. 457 00:22:58,668 --> 00:22:59,878 All right, I'll try. 458 00:23:03,131 --> 00:23:06,385 One thing you learn in the military is that money doesn't matter. 459 00:23:07,427 --> 00:23:08,470 People matter. 460 00:23:10,263 --> 00:23:13,725 Thousands of people working tirelessly, day and night. 461 00:23:13,809 --> 00:23:16,353 And we may have spent a billion dollars 462 00:23:16,436 --> 00:23:18,313 to put one astronaut in a position 463 00:23:18,397 --> 00:23:20,816 where they can do something that'll benefit everybody. 464 00:23:21,566 --> 00:23:25,362 And that one astronaut may be a human being 465 00:23:25,821 --> 00:23:28,949 who is risking her life in a very dangerous pursuit. 466 00:23:29,491 --> 00:23:33,245 A human being who is not doing it for the money, by the way. 467 00:23:34,079 --> 00:23:38,250 A human being who is battling fear 468 00:23:38,834 --> 00:23:42,087 and exhaustion and uncertainty. 469 00:23:43,213 --> 00:23:46,299 And who has been eating dehydrated mac and cheese, 470 00:23:46,716 --> 00:23:49,719 mixed with her own filtered urine, for the last month. 471 00:23:52,139 --> 00:23:54,558 I want her to have a taste of the Earth. 472 00:23:55,517 --> 00:23:57,394 And remember what she's fighting for. 473 00:24:02,315 --> 00:24:04,776 I see billionaires in the news 474 00:24:04,860 --> 00:24:09,156 who look at space like it's where we're all going to go 475 00:24:09,239 --> 00:24:10,574 when we trash this planet. 476 00:24:10,657 --> 00:24:15,120 Well, there is no substitute in space for this planet. 477 00:24:16,455 --> 00:24:19,332 You cannot make an orange out of powder and urine, 478 00:24:19,416 --> 00:24:20,750 no matter how hard we try. 479 00:24:20,834 --> 00:24:22,669 Only God can make an orange. 480 00:24:22,752 --> 00:24:24,504 {\an8}Well, whoever made it, 481 00:24:24,588 --> 00:24:27,007 {\an8}we're the only place in the universe you can get it. 482 00:24:27,090 --> 00:24:30,260 {\an8}We better take care of this planet and the people who live here. 483 00:24:32,429 --> 00:24:35,474 And what better reminder of the Earth than an orange. 484 00:24:36,141 --> 00:24:38,727 Because an orange, like the Earth itself, 485 00:24:38,810 --> 00:24:41,271 is perfect and round. 486 00:24:41,771 --> 00:24:43,106 It's a flat rectangle! 487 00:24:43,190 --> 00:24:45,859 No, Bob, not really. 488 00:24:45,942 --> 00:24:49,696 Come on. We are putting people's lives at risk 489 00:24:49,779 --> 00:24:53,200 in the pursuit of science to solve our many problems. 490 00:24:53,283 --> 00:24:55,243 You don't get to drive my vulva! 491 00:24:55,327 --> 00:24:57,662 You don't get to drive my vulva! 492 00:24:57,746 --> 00:25:01,541 You don't get to drive my vulva! You don't get to drive my vulva! 493 00:25:01,625 --> 00:25:04,794 No, no! This is Space Force! 494 00:25:05,462 --> 00:25:09,799 The Supreme Court nomination hearing is Wednesday. 495 00:25:10,926 --> 00:25:12,677 What the fuck was that? 496 00:25:13,553 --> 00:25:15,138 All right, sorry. Sorry. 497 00:25:15,680 --> 00:25:17,724 Got it. 498 00:25:17,849 --> 00:25:19,017 To sum up, 499 00:25:21,645 --> 00:25:23,104 this country has enough wealth 500 00:25:23,772 --> 00:25:27,943 that we can give an astronaut who is risking her life for all of us 501 00:25:28,193 --> 00:25:30,362 an orange every once in a while. 502 00:25:31,530 --> 00:25:32,697 Pretty words, 503 00:25:33,031 --> 00:25:37,285 but I'm still not hearing any specifics about the science. 504 00:25:37,494 --> 00:25:41,122 How do you help my constituents on food stamps? 505 00:25:41,206 --> 00:25:44,417 {\an8}Maybe it would be cheaper to give your constituents a nutritional paste, 506 00:25:44,501 --> 00:25:45,794 {\an8}if all you care about is money. 507 00:25:45,877 --> 00:25:47,587 {\an8}Would you like us to work on that? 508 00:25:48,004 --> 00:25:49,756 {\an8}Dr. Adrian Mallory, 509 00:25:49,839 --> 00:25:51,841 Chief Scientist, Space Force. 510 00:25:52,300 --> 00:25:57,055 If you want specifics, we are developing a new climate satellite 511 00:25:57,556 --> 00:26:00,850 that will provide such precise forecasts 512 00:26:00,934 --> 00:26:05,272 that the advance warning times for tornadoes and hurricanes 513 00:26:05,355 --> 00:26:06,439 will be tripled, 514 00:26:06,523 --> 00:26:11,736 potentially saving tens of thousands of American lives 515 00:26:11,820 --> 00:26:16,950 and hundreds of billions of American dollars in disaster relief. 516 00:26:17,534 --> 00:26:18,660 Sounds wonderful. 517 00:26:19,035 --> 00:26:20,120 It is. 518 00:26:20,203 --> 00:26:24,791 But what if a foreign aggressor shoots that satellite down? 519 00:26:25,750 --> 00:26:29,462 Not every country with a presence in space 520 00:26:29,546 --> 00:26:32,465 believes in "good for all." 521 00:26:35,135 --> 00:26:36,094 Tap-tap. 522 00:26:40,140 --> 00:26:44,227 Dr. Mallory came to me recently with a project near and dear to his heart. 523 00:26:45,061 --> 00:26:47,564 Something that could benefit all humankind. 524 00:26:47,897 --> 00:26:50,150 I believe it involved rat diarrhea. 525 00:26:50,942 --> 00:26:54,029 And I would like him to be able to continue his experiments 526 00:26:54,112 --> 00:26:56,156 without fear of them being destroyed. 527 00:26:56,239 --> 00:26:57,324 Wouldn't you agree? 528 00:26:59,117 --> 00:27:02,912 General Naird, Dr. Mallory, you may step down. 529 00:27:06,166 --> 00:27:07,876 {\an8}Not you, General Grabaston. 530 00:27:08,376 --> 00:27:10,462 I have questions for you. 531 00:27:12,213 --> 00:27:16,968 {\an8}Why did you spend eight million to upgrade the F-22 532 00:27:17,052 --> 00:27:19,387 with ostrich leather seats? 533 00:27:22,557 --> 00:27:26,811 Because ostriches are... feathery, 534 00:27:27,145 --> 00:27:29,356 like the magical Earth.