1 00:00:26,443 --> 00:00:27,986 Do you have your duct tape, spaceman? 2 00:00:28,069 --> 00:00:29,154 - Yes, sir. - Good! 3 00:00:29,237 --> 00:00:32,115 If you are hit by a Red Team BB, 4 00:00:32,198 --> 00:00:35,577 you will only have a couple of seconds to patch it 5 00:00:35,660 --> 00:00:38,204 before the air is released from your suit, 6 00:00:38,288 --> 00:00:40,290 and you are marked dead by the game master. 7 00:00:41,249 --> 00:00:42,876 Because there's no air on the moon, sir? 8 00:00:42,959 --> 00:00:43,960 That's right, son. 9 00:00:44,044 --> 00:00:45,712 General, if we get hit... 10 00:00:45,795 --> 00:00:46,963 Try not to get hit. 11 00:00:47,505 --> 00:00:50,675 Try to hit those Air Force boys on the Red Team first. 12 00:00:50,759 --> 00:00:51,760 Yes, sir! 13 00:00:52,635 --> 00:00:56,806 But say I poke a hole on my suit, like on a cactus, 14 00:00:56,890 --> 00:00:59,559 should I just lay down and wait until Space Flag is over, sir? 15 00:00:59,642 --> 00:01:01,061 Wait, wait, laying down? 16 00:01:01,728 --> 00:01:03,480 What the fuck is that, "laying down"? 17 00:01:03,563 --> 00:01:05,440 You seem very intent on laying down. 18 00:01:05,523 --> 00:01:07,525 This isn't about laying down. This is about a battle! 19 00:01:07,609 --> 00:01:08,860 It's just that... 20 00:01:09,736 --> 00:01:12,030 Sir, it's just a lot of weight, and it's hot. 21 00:01:14,157 --> 00:01:15,366 "It's gonna be hot." 22 00:01:15,450 --> 00:01:17,494 Yeah, we're gonna be in the desert. What else? 23 00:01:17,577 --> 00:01:18,912 And I'm already kinda sleepy, sir. 24 00:01:18,995 --> 00:01:20,413 Jesus Christ. 25 00:01:20,497 --> 00:01:24,000 Don't worry. In the field, each one of you will be wearing an exoskeleton. 26 00:01:24,084 --> 00:01:25,835 What the fuck is that guy's problem? 27 00:01:25,919 --> 00:01:27,253 Iron Man pants. 28 00:01:27,337 --> 00:01:28,838 You'll be paired with a scientist 29 00:01:28,922 --> 00:01:30,882 who can remote-control walk you back to base, 30 00:01:30,965 --> 00:01:33,093 whether you're conscious or not. 31 00:01:33,176 --> 00:01:35,011 Permission to nap while the pants walk us back, sir? 32 00:01:35,095 --> 00:01:35,929 No! 33 00:01:36,262 --> 00:01:38,139 No napping. Newborns nap. 34 00:01:38,223 --> 00:01:39,766 Come on, spaceman. 35 00:01:39,849 --> 00:01:41,851 The war game is very important. 36 00:01:41,935 --> 00:01:44,771 It will help us pick which exoskeleton system to buy, 37 00:01:44,854 --> 00:01:46,272 Lockheed or Raytheon. 38 00:01:46,356 --> 00:01:48,233 Mr. Scientist, which one is more comfortable? 39 00:01:48,316 --> 00:01:50,026 Enough! Come on, men. 40 00:01:50,110 --> 00:01:51,986 All you need to do is fight hard. 41 00:01:52,070 --> 00:01:53,238 Fight your best. 42 00:01:53,321 --> 00:01:54,656 And know that Dr. Mallory 43 00:01:54,739 --> 00:01:57,158 is getting the best equipment for the Space Force team. 44 00:01:57,242 --> 00:02:01,162 And even when hydraulics are 90% damaged, 45 00:02:01,246 --> 00:02:03,957 the XR-11 exoskeleton can take a lickin' 46 00:02:04,040 --> 00:02:05,166 and keep on tickin'. 47 00:02:05,250 --> 00:02:06,918 Now, what about limb movement? 48 00:02:08,336 --> 00:02:09,379 Texting. 49 00:02:11,840 --> 00:02:14,092 {\an8}"Astronauts should help each other, not shoot each other." 50 00:02:14,175 --> 00:02:16,052 {\an8}Well, kind of missing the point. 51 00:02:16,636 --> 00:02:18,054 He's not a big fan of war games, 52 00:02:18,138 --> 00:02:21,307 but he's definitely the person who should be deciding our tech. 53 00:02:21,683 --> 00:02:22,642 Spacemen! 54 00:02:23,434 --> 00:02:26,980 This is a great adventure that we are embarking on today. 55 00:02:27,063 --> 00:02:29,440 We are training for the worst-case scenario, 56 00:02:29,524 --> 00:02:33,319 but the best-case scenario is colonizing the galaxy. 57 00:02:34,112 --> 00:02:36,156 Imagine, years from now, 58 00:02:36,239 --> 00:02:41,202 you could be on some distant star, harvesting corn. 59 00:02:41,286 --> 00:02:42,287 Mark. 60 00:02:42,370 --> 00:02:43,621 Here he is. 61 00:02:43,705 --> 00:02:44,706 Dr. Mallory. 62 00:02:44,789 --> 00:02:47,750 Well, I've sat through both presentations 63 00:02:47,834 --> 00:02:50,712 and, as theater, they make Wild Horse High School 64 00:02:50,795 --> 00:02:52,213 look like the West End. 65 00:02:52,297 --> 00:02:54,924 - Ha. Sorry. - Which will give us the biggest edge? 66 00:02:55,008 --> 00:02:56,384 I'd go with Lockheed. 67 00:02:56,759 --> 00:02:57,802 Lockheed! Good! 68 00:02:57,886 --> 00:03:01,264 Both are only designed to get the spacesuits back to base 69 00:03:01,347 --> 00:03:03,600 after an astronaut is killed. 70 00:03:03,683 --> 00:03:05,768 Spacesuits cost millions. 71 00:03:05,852 --> 00:03:08,271 - Spacemen, rather less. - All right. 72 00:03:08,354 --> 00:03:09,397 Roger that. Over and out. 73 00:03:09,480 --> 00:03:12,734 Neither is designed to save the men. 74 00:03:12,817 --> 00:03:14,110 - The systems are... - What am I doing? 75 00:03:14,194 --> 00:03:16,529 ...basically high-tech body bags. 76 00:03:16,613 --> 00:03:18,907 - But the military's ritual slaughter... - It's the one... 77 00:03:18,990 --> 00:03:20,992 There we go.Okay.Phones. 78 00:03:21,075 --> 00:03:22,869 All right! 79 00:03:23,369 --> 00:03:25,330 Well, we have the best system. 80 00:03:25,830 --> 00:03:27,415 Now let's talk about tactics. 81 00:03:28,917 --> 00:03:31,252 General Naird sits, sips his coffee, 82 00:03:31,336 --> 00:03:32,837 for perhaps it could be his last. 83 00:03:32,921 --> 00:03:33,963 What are you doing? 84 00:03:34,380 --> 00:03:35,965 I'm joining the battle as an embed. 85 00:03:36,424 --> 00:03:37,800 Going Vice News on this shit. 86 00:03:37,884 --> 00:03:40,136 If I see you on the battlefield, I'll shoot you in the face. 87 00:03:40,220 --> 00:03:41,262 You will not see me. 88 00:03:41,763 --> 00:03:44,807 The hardened general keeps his distance, unsure how to show his admiration 89 00:03:44,891 --> 00:03:46,559 for this young reporter. 90 00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:50,647 Good, I'm glad you're here. 91 00:03:51,356 --> 00:03:54,943 I am going to need you by my side all day today. 92 00:03:55,026 --> 00:03:57,695 You are the closest thing that I have to a number two. 93 00:03:57,779 --> 00:04:01,241 So in war games, that makes you my aide-de-camp. 94 00:04:01,324 --> 00:04:04,744 In real life, that makes me totally uninterested. 95 00:04:04,827 --> 00:04:05,954 Five years! 96 00:04:06,037 --> 00:04:09,332 Five years I was Kick's aide-de-camp at the Air Force war games. 97 00:04:09,791 --> 00:04:13,461 He would love nothing better than to see me fall flat on my face. 98 00:04:13,544 --> 00:04:15,380 Okay. Well, then, thanks for the title 99 00:04:15,463 --> 00:04:19,592 of Make Believe Assistant with No Real Power in a Fake War, I guess. 100 00:04:20,051 --> 00:04:22,095 So, first things first. The pre-brief. 101 00:04:22,178 --> 00:04:25,390 Now, the pre-brief is sort of a stare down between boxers. 102 00:04:26,391 --> 00:04:30,853 Well, then my vast experience in the ring will finally come in handy. 103 00:04:31,396 --> 00:04:32,230 You know... 104 00:04:32,313 --> 00:04:35,275 All right. I wasn't gonna get into any of this, but... 105 00:04:35,733 --> 00:04:37,402 How do I put this? 106 00:04:37,485 --> 00:04:40,363 These guys have a very strict code of behavior. 107 00:04:41,114 --> 00:04:45,702 Maybe this code is arbitrary and excessively macho. 108 00:04:46,995 --> 00:04:51,249 Why do you ask to be ridiculed? 109 00:04:51,958 --> 00:04:55,503 Wha... What about my behavior invites ridicule? 110 00:04:55,586 --> 00:04:56,504 Well... 111 00:04:57,338 --> 00:04:59,674 the way you... walk. 112 00:04:59,757 --> 00:05:02,468 Arms... like noodles. 113 00:05:02,552 --> 00:05:03,553 Kind of... 114 00:05:05,680 --> 00:05:08,725 All right, so we're going into battle. And you are dressed like Annie Hall. 115 00:05:09,684 --> 00:05:11,144 Maybe you could wear something... 116 00:05:11,227 --> 00:05:13,229 How do... Okay. 117 00:05:14,105 --> 00:05:15,690 Maybe you could be more... 118 00:05:16,357 --> 00:05:17,775 Take off... God. 119 00:05:17,859 --> 00:05:18,818 Um... 120 00:05:19,569 --> 00:05:23,156 Don't corner me into saying something offensive, please! 121 00:05:23,239 --> 00:05:24,949 So, now I'm getting fashion advice 122 00:05:25,033 --> 00:05:27,410 from a man who's worn the same 123 00:05:27,493 --> 00:05:30,955 50/50 nylon-cotton twill trousers 124 00:05:31,039 --> 00:05:32,540 for the past 40 years? 125 00:05:32,623 --> 00:05:34,917 Adrian, there is power in conformity! 126 00:05:35,001 --> 00:05:35,918 Yeah, I get it, Mark. 127 00:05:36,002 --> 00:05:38,129 - You dress for defense. - Exactly. 128 00:05:38,212 --> 00:05:43,301 Whereas my style is a brave expression of my fearless personality. 129 00:05:43,384 --> 00:05:46,012 Isn't that ironic, Mr. Military? 130 00:05:46,095 --> 00:05:48,890 No, no, no, no, no. Do not... Do not... 131 00:05:48,973 --> 00:05:51,642 Okay. All right. I get what you're doing. 132 00:05:56,564 --> 00:05:59,192 Well, well, look who it is, boys! 133 00:05:59,609 --> 00:06:01,569 General Mark Nerd. 134 00:06:01,652 --> 00:06:02,570 Clever. 135 00:06:02,653 --> 00:06:04,030 I suppose if I tried real hard, 136 00:06:04,113 --> 00:06:08,951 I could come up with a humorous spin on your last name, General Grabaston. 137 00:06:09,494 --> 00:06:10,536 Dr. Mallory. 138 00:06:10,620 --> 00:06:11,829 Hello, General. 139 00:06:11,913 --> 00:06:13,873 Here to observe the exoskeletons? 140 00:06:13,956 --> 00:06:17,502 I'm Mark's right-hand man, his aide-de-camp. 141 00:06:18,211 --> 00:06:19,712 Very progressive, Naird. 142 00:06:20,254 --> 00:06:22,590 This is my guy, Clarke Luffinch. 143 00:06:22,673 --> 00:06:23,508 Yo. 144 00:06:24,008 --> 00:06:25,510 His arms look like steel bricks. 145 00:06:25,593 --> 00:06:28,721 We're going to eat your guts, Nerd, 146 00:06:28,805 --> 00:06:31,224 and wipe our asses with your skin. 147 00:06:32,100 --> 00:06:32,975 Really? 148 00:06:33,768 --> 00:06:37,063 We're gonna eat your guts and wipe your asses with our skin. 149 00:06:39,399 --> 00:06:41,776 So the game of mental chess has begun. 150 00:06:42,193 --> 00:06:44,987 Hungry Hungry Hippos at best. 151 00:06:51,702 --> 00:06:53,079 What's going on with the lights? 152 00:06:54,372 --> 00:06:56,624 Sorry, I thought it would make it more dramatic. 153 00:06:57,917 --> 00:06:59,836 As a representative of the Army, 154 00:06:59,919 --> 00:07:03,005 they are making me referee today's Space Flag 155 00:07:03,089 --> 00:07:05,842 between Space Force and Air Force Red Team. 156 00:07:06,592 --> 00:07:08,761 Welcome to a day of multiple challenges 157 00:07:08,845 --> 00:07:12,098 testing you in all areas of space fighting readiness, 158 00:07:12,181 --> 00:07:15,601 culminating with a mock infantry skirmish on the moon. 159 00:07:15,685 --> 00:07:16,686 Question. 160 00:07:16,769 --> 00:07:20,022 If we win all the events based on science and computing, 161 00:07:20,106 --> 00:07:23,651 do we really need to compete in lunar laser tag? 162 00:07:23,734 --> 00:07:24,735 Absolutely. 163 00:07:25,153 --> 00:07:26,529 The skirmish is worth 100 points. 164 00:07:26,612 --> 00:07:29,198 The rest of the contests are worth, I don't know, let's say 30. 165 00:07:29,282 --> 00:07:30,616 So, in other words, 166 00:07:30,700 --> 00:07:34,078 it basically boils down to a slap fight on the moon? 167 00:07:34,162 --> 00:07:35,538 - It's a skirmish. - Skirmish. 168 00:07:36,122 --> 00:07:40,585 Okay. The Air Force has selected the Raytheon exoskeleton, 169 00:07:40,668 --> 00:07:43,880 and Space Force has chosen the exoskeleton from Lockheed. 170 00:07:43,963 --> 00:07:44,797 Come on. 171 00:07:44,881 --> 00:07:46,466 Jim, I'm right here. I can hear you. 172 00:07:46,549 --> 00:07:48,468 If I may, Bert, I'm concerned about 173 00:07:48,551 --> 00:07:50,928 some of the physical aspects of the competition. 174 00:07:51,012 --> 00:07:52,680 I bet you are. 175 00:07:52,763 --> 00:07:54,307 Kick's airmen are in their prime. 176 00:07:54,390 --> 00:07:55,600 Space Force is a new branch, 177 00:07:55,683 --> 00:07:58,644 consisting of mostly very green teenage recruits 178 00:07:59,103 --> 00:08:02,231 and older astronauts who spent ten years getting their PhD. 179 00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:04,734 Excuses are like assholes, Naird. 180 00:08:05,151 --> 00:08:07,737 And you are a huge excuse. 181 00:08:07,820 --> 00:08:09,322 May I be excused? 182 00:08:09,405 --> 00:08:12,074 I would like to join my scientists for the tech events, 183 00:08:12,158 --> 00:08:16,496 while they pump themselves up for Testosterone Tag. 184 00:08:17,413 --> 00:08:20,124 I'm sorry, I just got distracted by Naird's shoes. 185 00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:23,794 My God, Naird, how do you keep them so clean? 186 00:08:23,878 --> 00:08:25,630 Look how shiny they are, sir. 187 00:08:25,713 --> 00:08:28,132 So shiny I can see up your skirt. 188 00:08:28,216 --> 00:08:29,467 They're supposed to be shiny. 189 00:08:29,550 --> 00:08:30,927 "Mommy, they're so shiny." 190 00:08:31,010 --> 00:08:33,888 Shake hands. We'll see each other on the battlefield. 191 00:08:34,388 --> 00:08:35,348 Cute pumps, Nerd. 192 00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:38,559 I love that suit. 193 00:08:38,643 --> 00:08:41,145 It's not a suit. It's an ensemble. 194 00:08:41,229 --> 00:08:43,397 - Chosen with great care and tact. - Shh. 195 00:08:44,106 --> 00:08:47,860 Seems they found a chink in your poly-blend suit of armor. 196 00:08:47,944 --> 00:08:51,656 I refuse to be ashamed that I enjoy a bright, shiny pair of shoes! 197 00:08:51,739 --> 00:08:53,658 And Adrian, "Testosterone Tag"? 198 00:08:53,741 --> 00:08:56,160 No, no. Not fitting of an aide-de-camp. 199 00:08:56,244 --> 00:08:59,121 A title as meaningless as war itself. 200 00:08:59,539 --> 00:09:00,873 War is not meaningless. 201 00:09:01,749 --> 00:09:05,086 War is what democracies use to protect freedom. 202 00:09:05,169 --> 00:09:07,964 And freedom is what allows you to talk that sass. 203 00:09:08,047 --> 00:09:09,215 "Sass"? 204 00:09:09,298 --> 00:09:11,384 I knew you would fixate on that word. 205 00:09:11,467 --> 00:09:13,052 "Sass." 206 00:09:17,181 --> 00:09:18,099 Spacemen! 207 00:09:18,432 --> 00:09:19,892 Can anyone tell me what that is? 208 00:09:21,227 --> 00:09:22,645 Sir, that's a line, sir! 209 00:09:23,187 --> 00:09:24,438 - Nice. - Negative! 210 00:09:24,522 --> 00:09:25,773 That is the moon. 211 00:09:26,232 --> 00:09:28,276 Flat, desolate, nowhere to hide. 212 00:09:28,359 --> 00:09:31,988 Actually, despite its lack of tectonic plates, 213 00:09:32,071 --> 00:09:35,616 the moon's surface is a complex topography 214 00:09:35,700 --> 00:09:38,703 - of mountains and craters, among... - Okay, okay, okay. 215 00:09:38,786 --> 00:09:40,746 Thank you, Bill the Science Guy. 216 00:09:41,497 --> 00:09:43,958 Thank you very much. I will handle the training session. 217 00:09:44,041 --> 00:09:47,753 Now, once the battle begins, we will separate into two groups. 218 00:09:47,837 --> 00:09:50,590 The first group will make a wedge formation in the front, 219 00:09:50,673 --> 00:09:52,800 and the second group will remain in reserve. 220 00:09:53,217 --> 00:09:54,552 Reserve. Called it. 221 00:09:55,428 --> 00:09:59,473 Dr. Mallory has also supplied us with our firearms. 222 00:10:00,683 --> 00:10:04,854 This is the Daisy 760 Pumpmaster. 223 00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:06,814 Sir, is that a BB gun? 224 00:10:06,897 --> 00:10:07,773 Yes, it is! 225 00:10:07,857 --> 00:10:10,318 That's a Daisy. When I was a kid, we used to use those 226 00:10:10,401 --> 00:10:12,236 to fight the poor kids in the neighborhood. 227 00:10:12,320 --> 00:10:14,322 Now, of course, that's... that's not PC, but... 228 00:10:14,405 --> 00:10:17,283 The choice of weapons and targets 229 00:10:17,366 --> 00:10:18,492 was deliberate. 230 00:10:18,576 --> 00:10:21,120 On the moon, the difference between life and death 231 00:10:21,203 --> 00:10:25,916 can be as small as a BB-sized tear in a spacesuit. 232 00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:28,085 That's why we've got duct tape. 233 00:10:28,461 --> 00:10:31,047 Yes, spaceman, duct tape will save you. 234 00:10:31,464 --> 00:10:34,550 But don't worry, these aren't the only weapons you'll have. 235 00:10:34,634 --> 00:10:39,138 Each spaceman will be issued a cuticle scissor set! 236 00:10:39,597 --> 00:10:42,558 This will be used to pop spacesuits at close range. 237 00:10:43,893 --> 00:10:46,312 - Guard these with your life. - Can I keep one of those scissors? 238 00:10:46,395 --> 00:10:47,605 I'm always losing mine. 239 00:10:47,688 --> 00:10:50,650 These are combat scissors, soldier. 240 00:10:51,150 --> 00:10:52,151 Okay? 241 00:10:52,568 --> 00:10:56,405 Many of you may not have used one of these for quite some time, 242 00:10:56,489 --> 00:10:58,616 so I'm gonna give you a little refresher course. 243 00:11:00,785 --> 00:11:01,786 You gotta pump it! 244 00:11:02,995 --> 00:11:04,455 Pump it up! Pump it hard! 245 00:11:04,997 --> 00:11:07,958 The harder you pump, the more air will be in the chamber, 246 00:11:08,793 --> 00:11:11,879 the more penetrating power that BB is gonna have. 247 00:11:12,338 --> 00:11:13,422 Really takes a while, sir. 248 00:11:13,506 --> 00:11:17,051 It takes about as long as it took the minutemen 249 00:11:17,134 --> 00:11:20,096 to reload their muskets at Lexington and Concord. 250 00:11:21,013 --> 00:11:25,351 And... like those... great patriots, 251 00:11:25,810 --> 00:11:28,187 we will be operating in... 252 00:11:28,270 --> 00:11:29,397 Powdered wigs? 253 00:11:29,480 --> 00:11:31,691 ...a staggered formation. 254 00:11:32,066 --> 00:11:35,945 Where the front line will fire, while the back line reloads. 255 00:11:36,987 --> 00:11:37,905 Any questions? 256 00:11:38,322 --> 00:11:39,740 And fire! 257 00:11:40,449 --> 00:11:41,450 Reload! 258 00:11:42,743 --> 00:11:43,744 Second line! 259 00:11:43,828 --> 00:11:44,912 Fire! 260 00:11:45,329 --> 00:11:46,247 Reload! 261 00:11:47,206 --> 00:11:48,165 First line! 262 00:11:48,541 --> 00:11:49,375 Fire! 263 00:11:49,792 --> 00:11:51,627 You box of shit! 264 00:11:51,711 --> 00:11:52,753 Friendly fire. 265 00:11:52,837 --> 00:11:56,048 Let's hope we never face a battalion of empty cans. 266 00:11:56,132 --> 00:11:57,341 You're not helping. 267 00:11:57,425 --> 00:11:58,300 Fire! 268 00:12:00,219 --> 00:12:01,971 Nice shot, Staff Sergeant. 269 00:12:02,054 --> 00:12:02,888 Kiki Rhodes, sir. 270 00:12:02,972 --> 00:12:05,015 Captain Ali, a good staff sergeant is a treasure. 271 00:12:05,099 --> 00:12:06,517 - Treasure this one. - Sir. 272 00:12:07,768 --> 00:12:09,562 Well, stick with me, Staff Sergeant. 273 00:12:09,645 --> 00:12:10,813 Follow my lead out there. 274 00:12:11,188 --> 00:12:14,150 Well, I'd feel better if you would have knocked the can down. 275 00:12:14,233 --> 00:12:15,359 You ever been in combat? 276 00:12:15,443 --> 00:12:17,945 I was top of my class in Intro to Combat Theory, 277 00:12:18,028 --> 00:12:20,072 and I got an A-plus on my end-of-term paper. 278 00:12:20,156 --> 00:12:21,282 - Impressive. - Thank you. 279 00:12:21,365 --> 00:12:23,117 I hope I live long enough to read that. 280 00:12:23,200 --> 00:12:26,120 I... do hope you wish you live long enough... 281 00:12:26,203 --> 00:12:28,539 It was a damn good paper. They don't just hand out A-plusses. 282 00:12:29,790 --> 00:12:32,418 Calculate orbital period. What's our radial trajectory? 283 00:12:32,501 --> 00:12:34,879 Correcting for lunar gravitation, 707.4. 284 00:12:35,671 --> 00:12:38,048 You're a motherfucking math genius, Vandeveld! 285 00:12:38,507 --> 00:12:39,717 Satellite's in range. 286 00:12:39,800 --> 00:12:40,843 Locked and loaded. 287 00:12:41,886 --> 00:12:44,138 Say goodbye, bitch. 288 00:12:46,599 --> 00:12:47,516 Boom! 289 00:12:49,185 --> 00:12:50,019 Come on! 290 00:12:50,436 --> 00:12:51,270 Yes! 291 00:12:59,904 --> 00:13:02,364 Come on, come on! Settle! 292 00:13:04,658 --> 00:13:07,411 - These are, pretty bulky. - Yeah. 293 00:13:07,495 --> 00:13:08,579 The suits are bulky. 294 00:13:08,662 --> 00:13:10,790 And how I'mma fit my fingers through these scissor holes 295 00:13:10,873 --> 00:13:12,541 with these thick-ass gloves, man? 296 00:13:12,625 --> 00:13:13,918 The scissors. They're tiny. 297 00:13:14,001 --> 00:13:15,377 Tony. Yo, do you mind? 298 00:13:15,461 --> 00:13:19,089 Every spaceman has his role to play, and mine is generating content. 299 00:13:19,882 --> 00:13:21,801 The balloons. They're bouncy. 300 00:13:21,884 --> 00:13:22,802 Tony. 301 00:13:23,469 --> 00:13:25,387 Tony! Get out of my face. 302 00:13:25,471 --> 00:13:26,806 Yes, ma'am. Right. 303 00:13:26,889 --> 00:13:28,349 - That's amazing. - I don't... 304 00:13:29,058 --> 00:13:30,893 - You're dead. - Fuck you, man. 305 00:13:32,895 --> 00:13:34,188 Damn it. 306 00:13:36,649 --> 00:13:39,109 All right! Let's see what these suits are capable of. 307 00:13:39,193 --> 00:13:41,195 Chambers, give me a burpee. 308 00:13:41,278 --> 00:13:42,530 Not possible, sir. 309 00:13:42,613 --> 00:13:44,114 You can't even do a burpee in that thing? 310 00:13:44,740 --> 00:13:46,075 I couldn't do one before. 311 00:13:46,158 --> 00:13:47,284 I can do one, sir. 312 00:13:48,911 --> 00:13:49,745 My God! 313 00:13:49,829 --> 00:13:53,374 I'm sure you'll all be pleased to hear that the science team... 314 00:13:53,457 --> 00:13:55,209 Da-da-da-da-da. 315 00:13:55,292 --> 00:13:57,169 Why did you choose the Lockheed suit? 316 00:13:57,253 --> 00:13:59,547 These guys can't even move in these things. 317 00:13:59,630 --> 00:14:02,341 I'm sure the Air Force is having the same problems. 318 00:14:08,639 --> 00:14:10,516 May I speak to you outside for a moment? 319 00:14:14,144 --> 00:14:15,354 Little privacy, please? 320 00:14:15,437 --> 00:14:16,438 Sir, yes, sir. 321 00:14:17,314 --> 00:14:18,482 Jesus Christ. 322 00:14:20,109 --> 00:14:22,570 You picked the wrong exoskeleton on purpose, didn't you? 323 00:14:22,653 --> 00:14:23,487 What? 324 00:14:23,571 --> 00:14:24,947 You couldn't help it? 325 00:14:25,489 --> 00:14:28,492 You hate the whole idea of war games, Space Flag. 326 00:14:28,576 --> 00:14:33,122 Space should be a zone of wonder, not of conflict and death. 327 00:14:33,205 --> 00:14:36,417 No, I don't think that's it at all. I don't think it's a moral issue. 328 00:14:36,500 --> 00:14:37,877 I think you're scared. 329 00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:40,838 I think that you stink at sports, and a long time ago, 330 00:14:40,921 --> 00:14:43,674 you decided that if you can't win, you're not gonna play. 331 00:14:44,133 --> 00:14:45,467 What are you talking about? 332 00:14:45,551 --> 00:14:46,802 I can just see it now. 333 00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:49,179 Little nerdy Mallory sitting in the nurse's office, 334 00:14:49,263 --> 00:14:50,472 pretending to have a tummy ache 335 00:14:50,556 --> 00:14:52,308 so he doesn't get picked last for basketball! 336 00:14:52,808 --> 00:14:54,518 My father was a diplomat. 337 00:14:54,602 --> 00:14:57,229 I went to the American school in Geneva. 338 00:14:57,313 --> 00:14:58,814 We downhill skied. 339 00:14:58,898 --> 00:15:00,774 So you were captain of the ski team? 340 00:15:00,858 --> 00:15:02,610 Fuck you, Mark. 341 00:15:20,127 --> 00:15:21,462 Sorry. 342 00:15:24,006 --> 00:15:27,092 I, sometimes sing to relieve stress. 343 00:15:27,176 --> 00:15:29,261 No, no. No judgment here. 344 00:15:29,345 --> 00:15:33,223 When I wanna blow off steam, I go to the tunnel under Building 5. 345 00:15:33,307 --> 00:15:35,851 The acoustics in there are unreal. 346 00:15:37,394 --> 00:15:38,312 You sing, too? 347 00:15:38,979 --> 00:15:42,983 No, I usually scream into the darkness until my voice gives out. 348 00:15:43,567 --> 00:15:44,818 Highly cathartic. 349 00:15:46,236 --> 00:15:48,030 So... well... 350 00:15:49,239 --> 00:15:50,199 hang in there. 351 00:15:51,116 --> 00:15:52,242 It... 352 00:15:52,368 --> 00:15:53,661 - I don't... - That's my hat. 353 00:15:53,744 --> 00:15:55,829 That's yours. Okay. Okay. 354 00:15:55,913 --> 00:15:56,830 Goodbye. 355 00:15:57,164 --> 00:15:58,082 So... 356 00:15:59,375 --> 00:16:00,334 All right. 357 00:16:00,793 --> 00:16:02,127 Don't know why I did that. 358 00:16:04,171 --> 00:16:06,423 Where you've been, babycakes? 359 00:16:06,507 --> 00:16:07,341 Working. 360 00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:09,593 Why didn't you return my DMs? 361 00:16:09,677 --> 00:16:12,346 Social media cleanse. The internet's for trolls. 362 00:16:12,429 --> 00:16:15,724 Come on. There aren't as many trolls as people say. 363 00:16:15,808 --> 00:16:18,769 The existence of troll farms hasn't been 100% proven. 364 00:16:18,852 --> 00:16:20,187 No. 365 00:16:20,688 --> 00:16:23,399 Are you gonna order anything? The line's kind of long. 366 00:16:24,191 --> 00:16:26,026 Why Erin is not being nice to Yuri? 367 00:16:26,110 --> 00:16:28,612 I thought we were going to have lots and lots of babies. 368 00:16:28,696 --> 00:16:31,740 We can name them after your father's mother. 369 00:16:32,116 --> 00:16:33,283 What was her name? 370 00:16:33,367 --> 00:16:34,868 Maiden name, please. 371 00:16:35,619 --> 00:16:38,580 Do you even like me? Or are you just using me to get to my dad? 372 00:16:39,081 --> 00:16:41,542 That hurts, actually. 373 00:16:41,834 --> 00:16:45,671 Yuri's love is like sprinkles around your ice cream heart. 374 00:16:46,296 --> 00:16:50,342 Yuri and Erin is like Kim and Greg from that popular American TV show, 375 00:16:50,426 --> 00:16:51,343 Yes, Dear. 376 00:16:51,885 --> 00:16:54,054 Makes your father so happy the way I treat you. 377 00:16:54,138 --> 00:16:57,266 As happy as his first childhood pet. 378 00:16:57,349 --> 00:16:58,475 Which was called... 379 00:16:59,685 --> 00:17:00,894 What's going on here? 380 00:17:01,478 --> 00:17:04,148 - Just getting dessert, sir. - Before a battle? 381 00:17:04,231 --> 00:17:06,066 God! Why are you all so lame? 382 00:17:06,150 --> 00:17:08,068 She has soft serve, sir. 383 00:17:08,152 --> 00:17:10,320 - Get on the trucks! - Aw, come on! 384 00:17:10,404 --> 00:17:11,739 I just put my order in. 385 00:17:11,822 --> 00:17:14,491 Right now is when you decide to have a backbone? Let's go! 386 00:17:16,869 --> 00:17:18,704 Shut up, dude. Shut up. What is wrong with you? 387 00:17:18,787 --> 00:17:21,498 This ain't the third grade, ma'am. Take your froyo like an adult. 388 00:17:21,915 --> 00:17:24,376 I am an adult. As a matter of fact, I outrank you. 389 00:17:24,460 --> 00:17:26,295 So why don't you go ahead and walk in front of me 390 00:17:26,378 --> 00:17:28,297 while I finish this, Sergeant? That's an order. 391 00:17:29,882 --> 00:17:31,842 What's up, guys? I used to be in Air Force. 392 00:17:31,925 --> 00:17:34,011 Hey, let me get a quick snap with the winners? 393 00:17:34,094 --> 00:17:35,763 Yeah, now we're talking. 394 00:17:39,641 --> 00:17:41,935 The science portion of Space Flag has concluded. 395 00:17:43,270 --> 00:17:44,438 Congrats to... 396 00:17:45,272 --> 00:17:46,190 whoever won. 397 00:17:46,273 --> 00:17:48,317 All that matters is lunar combat. 398 00:17:49,068 --> 00:17:50,736 It's for 100 points. 399 00:17:51,236 --> 00:17:54,114 If your suit is popped, just go limp, 400 00:17:54,198 --> 00:17:57,367 and you'll be marched home like a sack of manure on a pair of stilts. 401 00:17:57,451 --> 00:18:00,496 The mission's over for you, but those pants fight another day. 402 00:18:01,413 --> 00:18:03,540 Man, we about to get BB'd up. 403 00:18:03,624 --> 00:18:05,000 I'd rather just get regular shot. 404 00:18:05,084 --> 00:18:06,710 You know how bitches love the gunshot wounds. 405 00:18:06,794 --> 00:18:07,628 Whoa, whoa. 406 00:18:07,711 --> 00:18:09,588 Bitches don't like to be called bitches anymore. 407 00:18:09,671 --> 00:18:11,632 Yeah, well, bitches don't like a lot of things, so... 408 00:18:11,715 --> 00:18:13,717 You know that word originated in the 15th century 409 00:18:13,801 --> 00:18:15,135 as a way to demean women 410 00:18:15,219 --> 00:18:17,137 who were just trying to express their sexual desires? 411 00:18:17,221 --> 00:18:18,514 Why do you know that? 412 00:18:18,597 --> 00:18:21,308 My college gender studies professor made me write a paper about it 413 00:18:21,391 --> 00:18:22,810 after I called her a bitch. 414 00:18:22,893 --> 00:18:24,895 - She sound like a bitch. - Hey! Come on. 415 00:18:25,854 --> 00:18:27,147 But she was one, two times. 416 00:18:27,231 --> 00:18:28,899 All right. Hey. All right. 417 00:18:33,695 --> 00:18:34,780 Hey, do you have a charger? 418 00:18:34,863 --> 00:18:36,698 Yeah. Charge this. 419 00:18:39,409 --> 00:18:40,536 Do you have a charger? 420 00:18:51,004 --> 00:18:51,922 Air Force ready? 421 00:18:52,339 --> 00:18:53,590 Hooah! 422 00:18:53,674 --> 00:18:54,758 Space Force ready? 423 00:18:57,719 --> 00:18:58,679 Yes. 424 00:19:00,264 --> 00:19:01,348 Let's get it on! 425 00:19:03,976 --> 00:19:05,227 Ho! Hooah! 426 00:19:09,523 --> 00:19:11,441 Here they come! Spacemen! 427 00:19:11,984 --> 00:19:14,486 Now is the time to prove ourselves. Now is the time to shine! 428 00:19:14,570 --> 00:19:16,071 - Get off your phone! - Okay, yeah. 429 00:19:16,155 --> 00:19:17,239 Pump your weapons! 430 00:19:17,614 --> 00:19:18,448 Pump 'em! 431 00:19:19,032 --> 00:19:20,534 Pump 'em! Pump 'em! 432 00:19:22,202 --> 00:19:24,079 Alpha Squad! Move out! 433 00:19:25,789 --> 00:19:26,874 Go, go! 434 00:19:27,416 --> 00:19:28,417 Move out! 435 00:19:29,710 --> 00:19:31,128 Go! Move out! 436 00:19:32,713 --> 00:19:33,714 Oldsters! 437 00:19:33,797 --> 00:19:35,007 Some gentle stretching! 438 00:19:35,883 --> 00:19:36,717 Move out! 439 00:19:38,802 --> 00:19:40,512 Wait, wait, wait, wait. 440 00:19:41,388 --> 00:19:44,600 There are a hundred screens, can't one of them be PBS? 441 00:19:44,975 --> 00:19:47,227 You can't hide forever, Nerd! 442 00:19:47,561 --> 00:19:48,979 I'm gonna eat your liver! 443 00:19:52,900 --> 00:19:55,402 Boy, it's a hot one today. 444 00:19:56,153 --> 00:19:57,362 "C," let's go! 445 00:19:58,030 --> 00:20:00,365 Move out, boys! Move! Move! Move! 446 00:20:02,034 --> 00:20:03,493 Is this footage in slo-mo? 447 00:20:11,001 --> 00:20:12,377 - Come on! - I got you, go! 448 00:20:19,051 --> 00:20:20,636 That's it, Space Force, cover and run. 449 00:20:26,350 --> 00:20:27,434 God. 450 00:20:28,268 --> 00:20:30,354 Man down. Walk his combat suit back to base. 451 00:20:38,445 --> 00:20:40,113 Shit! That was close! 452 00:20:40,197 --> 00:20:41,490 They're everywhere! 453 00:20:41,573 --> 00:20:44,076 Come on! Get up, spacemen! Show some heart! 454 00:20:48,121 --> 00:20:49,581 Go! Go! 455 00:20:49,915 --> 00:20:51,083 There you go! 456 00:20:51,166 --> 00:20:53,168 - Yeah! - That's the spirit, that's the... 457 00:20:53,252 --> 00:20:54,628 - God! - No! 458 00:20:54,711 --> 00:20:57,381 - Julio! Duct tape! - Duct tape! No! 459 00:20:57,464 --> 00:20:59,258 - I got you. I got you. - Duct tape! 460 00:21:01,468 --> 00:21:02,302 God. 461 00:21:02,386 --> 00:21:04,012 It's too late. It's too late. 462 00:21:04,096 --> 00:21:05,806 - God. - Okay. 463 00:21:06,306 --> 00:21:08,267 I got it. 464 00:21:08,892 --> 00:21:09,977 I'll avenge you, bro. 465 00:21:10,060 --> 00:21:10,978 Kick their ass! 466 00:21:12,145 --> 00:21:14,314 Come on, you got this, man. Make me proud! 467 00:21:15,649 --> 00:21:17,567 Go, spaceman. Go, spaceman. 468 00:21:17,651 --> 00:21:19,861 Yeah, that's the Space Force spirit! Attack! 469 00:21:19,945 --> 00:21:21,822 Yeah. Go. Go. 470 00:21:23,949 --> 00:21:25,617 That's ugly. 471 00:21:25,701 --> 00:21:28,036 Captain Ali, it's up to you. Advance! 472 00:21:29,997 --> 00:21:31,957 Don't worry. 473 00:21:32,040 --> 00:21:33,917 My paper was on pincer movements. 474 00:21:34,001 --> 00:21:35,210 Cover me, Sergeant. 475 00:21:35,294 --> 00:21:36,169 Okay. 476 00:21:36,253 --> 00:21:37,129 I got you! 477 00:21:37,504 --> 00:21:39,423 Step up! 478 00:21:39,506 --> 00:21:40,632 Step up! 479 00:21:41,800 --> 00:21:44,678 Yeah, baby! That's what I'm talking about! 480 00:21:46,179 --> 00:21:47,889 - Damn, I'm down. - Yeah. 481 00:21:49,224 --> 00:21:51,101 - Really? - Get him, Staff Sergeant! 482 00:21:53,437 --> 00:21:54,354 Hooah! 483 00:21:56,356 --> 00:21:58,233 Yeah. 484 00:21:58,984 --> 00:22:00,652 Go, go! 485 00:22:19,004 --> 00:22:20,130 My God. 486 00:22:20,756 --> 00:22:22,132 You mother... 487 00:22:23,592 --> 00:22:24,634 I'll go warm up the truck. 488 00:22:26,678 --> 00:22:29,473 Like Hitler in his bunker, Naird has been abandoned by everyone. 489 00:22:29,556 --> 00:22:31,391 Is he man enough to take his own life? 490 00:22:31,475 --> 00:22:32,642 That's my fault. 491 00:22:32,726 --> 00:22:34,561 And that is my fault, and I apologize, right... 492 00:22:34,644 --> 00:22:37,147 Okay, noncombatant! Noncombatant! 493 00:22:37,230 --> 00:22:38,899 Non... Press! Press! 494 00:22:38,982 --> 00:22:41,651 Press! Press! Press! 495 00:22:42,069 --> 00:22:43,320 What the fuck? 496 00:22:52,788 --> 00:22:54,373 How's it going, General? 497 00:22:54,456 --> 00:22:55,832 Congratulations, Adrian, 498 00:22:55,916 --> 00:22:59,002 you made your point by making us all look like fools. 499 00:22:59,586 --> 00:23:01,421 Crushing the spirits of your own team. 500 00:23:02,047 --> 00:23:04,466 My God, I even picked you first. 501 00:23:05,634 --> 00:23:06,510 You know what? 502 00:23:06,593 --> 00:23:10,764 Remind me to never put myself in a situation where I need your help. 503 00:23:36,415 --> 00:23:37,332 Chan. 504 00:23:40,210 --> 00:23:41,420 Be ready with it. 505 00:23:43,880 --> 00:23:45,048 Where are you going? 506 00:23:45,132 --> 00:23:46,007 To war. 507 00:23:46,758 --> 00:23:49,386 The general needs his aide-de-camp. 508 00:23:53,348 --> 00:23:55,642 Dude, this is the weirdest day. 509 00:23:56,643 --> 00:23:57,477 Hooah! 510 00:23:58,520 --> 00:23:59,646 Advance! 511 00:24:02,607 --> 00:24:03,775 Space Force is down to two. 512 00:24:12,784 --> 00:24:14,035 Kali Maa. 513 00:24:14,536 --> 00:24:16,037 Kali Maa. 514 00:24:17,122 --> 00:24:19,541 Kali Maa shakti de! 515 00:24:26,756 --> 00:24:28,592 I smell Nerd! 516 00:24:28,675 --> 00:24:31,303 Come out, come out, wherever you are! 517 00:24:36,558 --> 00:24:37,976 Mallory! Mallory! 518 00:24:48,153 --> 00:24:49,779 Right on the ankle. 519 00:24:50,280 --> 00:24:52,824 - So now they have cars on the moon? - Hush. 520 00:24:52,908 --> 00:24:53,950 I'm here to help. 521 00:24:54,034 --> 00:24:56,995 Well, it's down to just me, so you might be too late. 522 00:24:57,579 --> 00:24:59,372 Chan, now. 523 00:25:00,457 --> 00:25:02,334 Command-shift-6. 524 00:25:02,417 --> 00:25:05,003 - Yes, sir. Implementing. - Air Force! Attach your scissors! 525 00:25:05,504 --> 00:25:06,922 On my signal! 526 00:25:07,339 --> 00:25:08,256 Charge! 527 00:25:11,301 --> 00:25:12,135 What the hell? 528 00:25:12,219 --> 00:25:14,429 Can't move my legs, sir! 529 00:25:14,513 --> 00:25:17,182 The system's malfunctioning. They're all immobilized! 530 00:25:17,265 --> 00:25:19,017 They're not responding. 531 00:25:24,898 --> 00:25:25,982 Have at it. 532 00:25:26,816 --> 00:25:27,734 Thank you. 533 00:25:36,368 --> 00:25:37,244 No. 534 00:25:37,327 --> 00:25:38,245 My God. 535 00:25:39,079 --> 00:25:40,664 Don't you do it, Naird! 536 00:25:42,791 --> 00:25:43,750 Ha! 537 00:25:43,833 --> 00:25:45,377 You're still an ass! 538 00:25:56,221 --> 00:25:58,431 Space Force! 539 00:26:03,520 --> 00:26:04,813 No more Red Team. 540 00:26:05,355 --> 00:26:06,773 And the winner is Space Force! 541 00:26:06,856 --> 00:26:08,358 - Space Force! - Yeah! 542 00:26:10,402 --> 00:26:12,362 Yes! Yes! 543 00:26:12,904 --> 00:26:14,114 In your face! 544 00:26:15,657 --> 00:26:18,535 Yeah, bitch! 545 00:26:34,551 --> 00:26:36,886 Everyone should be proud. 546 00:26:36,970 --> 00:26:38,597 You acquitted yourselves well. 547 00:26:39,264 --> 00:26:40,640 We got ice cream, sir. 548 00:26:41,516 --> 00:26:42,559 Enjoy it. 549 00:26:43,643 --> 00:26:44,936 That goes for all of you. 550 00:26:45,020 --> 00:26:46,605 Enjoy life while you can. 551 00:26:47,480 --> 00:26:49,774 For only the dead have seen the end of war. 552 00:26:50,734 --> 00:26:51,985 We got sprinkles, sir. 553 00:26:52,444 --> 00:26:53,445 Jesus. 554 00:26:55,822 --> 00:26:57,198 Thanks for showing up today. 555 00:26:57,616 --> 00:26:59,367 I hope this helps wash away 556 00:26:59,451 --> 00:27:03,246 some of those painful childhood memories of basketball in school. 557 00:27:03,330 --> 00:27:05,624 Ski memories, in my case. 558 00:27:05,707 --> 00:27:08,793 I'm actually rather good at the shooting of baskets. 559 00:27:08,877 --> 00:27:10,128 It's just physics. 560 00:27:10,795 --> 00:27:12,422 Whatever helps you sleep at night. 561 00:27:15,717 --> 00:27:17,427 Do meet me at the gym tomorrow. 562 00:27:17,719 --> 00:27:19,179 I will destroy you.