1
00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:08,717
[rumbling]

2
00:00:09,884 --> 00:00:15,056
[rocket engine whooshing]

3
00:00:16,933 --> 00:00:21,062
[military-style march playing]

4
00:00:38,788 --> 00:00:41,041
- Just left. Left.
- It's just boring.

5
00:00:41,124 --> 00:00:43,126
- Trying to jazz it up a bit.
- [Angela sighs]

6
00:00:45,920 --> 00:00:47,480
The hearing will start in five minutes.

7
00:00:47,547 --> 00:00:49,467
I need to collect your phones
before you testify.

8
00:00:49,549 --> 00:00:53,178
Dad, I'm in a hearing at the Pentagon.
Space Force is on trial.

9
00:00:53,887 --> 00:00:55,263
Space Force is where I work, Dad.

10
00:00:55,346 --> 00:00:57,307
I've told you that a whole bunch of times.

11
00:00:57,807 --> 00:01:00,185
Uh, no, I don't know
if there's a Bonefish Grill here.

12
00:01:00,268 --> 00:01:01,811
I think that's a Florida thing.

13
00:01:02,312 --> 00:01:04,606
I will try the crab legs
if I ever get over there.

14
00:01:04,689 --> 00:01:06,816
All right, I gotta go. I love you...

15
00:01:07,400 --> 00:01:08,777
[sighs]

16
00:01:08,860 --> 00:01:09,944
Sir, your phone.

17
00:01:10,028 --> 00:01:11,905
- You got it. [chuckles]
- [clicking]

18
00:01:11,988 --> 00:01:13,490
- Now? Sure.
- Mm-hmm.

19
00:01:15,658 --> 00:01:18,119
Sorry about that.
Oh my God. Are you seeing this?

20
00:01:18,203 --> 00:01:19,537
[laughs]

21
00:01:19,621 --> 00:01:22,123
Look at this. My hand
is actually cramped on top of the phone.

22
00:01:22,207 --> 00:01:24,793
- Maybe it's easier if I keep it.
- Just give her the phone, son.

23
00:01:24,876 --> 00:01:27,337
- How will I be able to tell time?
- I have a watch.

24
00:01:27,420 --> 00:01:30,191
- Why didn't you give her your phone?
- Because I'm a four-star general.

25
00:01:30,215 --> 00:01:31,049
[Tony sighs]

26
00:01:31,132 --> 00:01:34,094
- How will I be able to know about things?
- [Chan] You can do this, buddy.

27
00:01:34,177 --> 00:01:36,179
- We believe in you.
- Yeah, I know.

28
00:01:36,262 --> 00:01:37,388
[chuckles]

29
00:01:37,472 --> 00:01:39,891
Thank you. Sorry about that. Here you go.

30
00:01:41,810 --> 00:01:42,953
- [Chan] Just...
- I can't do it.

31
00:01:42,977 --> 00:01:44,395
For fuck's sake. Come on.

32
00:01:46,147 --> 00:01:47,899
General Naird, please follow me.

33
00:01:47,982 --> 00:01:49,567
Mr. Secretary, first of all,

34
00:01:49,651 --> 00:01:52,946
I would just like to say congratulations
on your new position,

35
00:01:53,029 --> 00:01:54,781
and I'd like to say

36
00:01:54,864 --> 00:01:59,452
that I am eager to work with both you
and the new administration going forward.

37
00:02:00,411 --> 00:02:01,411
We'll see.

38
00:02:01,871 --> 00:02:06,000
Our job today is to decide whether
Space Force should continue to exist

39
00:02:06,084 --> 00:02:08,294
and under whose command.

40
00:02:08,378 --> 00:02:09,796
So, uh, General Naird,

41
00:02:09,879 --> 00:02:14,342
can you recount
with the utmost detail and precision,

42
00:02:15,385 --> 00:02:18,304
uh, your recollection of what happened
on the day in question?

43
00:02:18,388 --> 00:02:19,722
Yes, sir.

44
00:02:19,806 --> 00:02:20,723
[clears throat]

45
00:02:20,807 --> 00:02:23,560
Well, the day started as most do.

46
00:02:23,643 --> 00:02:26,062
<i>I showered and shaved.</i>

47
00:02:26,646 --> 00:02:29,691
<i>I had an English muffin
with orange marmalade.</i>

48
00:02:29,774 --> 00:02:32,152
No, wait. We'd just run out of marmalade.

49
00:02:32,235 --> 00:02:34,529
Erin! Did you finish all the marmalade?

50
00:02:34,612 --> 00:02:35,613
[Erin] What?

51
00:02:35,697 --> 00:02:38,199
[enunciating]
Did you finish all the marmalade?

52
00:02:38,741 --> 00:02:40,577
[Erin] Oh yeah. I guess so.

53
00:02:40,660 --> 00:02:43,746
Don't put the empty jar
back in the fridge, please.

54
00:02:44,581 --> 00:02:47,208
- Do we have any other jams or jellies?
- [Erin] What?

55
00:02:47,292 --> 00:02:52,005
[enunciating]
Do we have any other jams or jellies?

56
00:02:52,088 --> 00:02:52,922
- General?
- [Mark] Yes.

57
00:02:53,006 --> 00:02:55,216
I'm sorry. You were
sort of lost in thought there.

58
00:02:55,300 --> 00:02:57,260
- Can we skip ahead?
- [Mark] Of course.

59
00:02:57,343 --> 00:02:59,971
- According to General Grabaston's testim...
- Butter.

60
00:03:00,555 --> 00:03:01,389
Huh?

61
00:03:01,472 --> 00:03:05,143
I ended up using butter.
On my muffin. Just as good.

62
00:03:06,561 --> 00:03:10,231
Okay. According to
General Grabaston's testimony,

63
00:03:10,315 --> 00:03:13,568
the Chinese desecrated
the American flag on the moon,

64
00:03:13,651 --> 00:03:18,239
and you were ordered to destroy
the Chinese moon base in retaliation,

65
00:03:18,323 --> 00:03:19,490
and you refused.

66
00:03:19,574 --> 00:03:21,326
- That is correct.
- Ah-ha! Guilty!

67
00:03:21,409 --> 00:03:23,995
He disobeyed a direct order
and fled the premises.

68
00:03:24,078 --> 00:03:27,373
But I soon returned to the base,
where I voluntarily surrendered

69
00:03:27,457 --> 00:03:29,417
into the custody of General Grabaston.

70
00:03:29,500 --> 00:03:32,220
Kick, we have to do something.
The astronauts are running out of air.

71
00:03:32,295 --> 00:03:34,672
Not your problem, traitor.

72
00:03:34,756 --> 00:03:36,090
Is this really necessary?

73
00:03:36,174 --> 00:03:37,902
- You're a flight risk.
- [astronauts gasping]

74
00:03:37,926 --> 00:03:39,802
But you won't get far
dragging a mini fridge

75
00:03:39,886 --> 00:03:42,555
full of diet cream soda, will ya?

76
00:03:42,639 --> 00:03:43,639
[zip ties tightening]

77
00:03:44,849 --> 00:03:46,476
Excuse the reach.

78
00:03:46,559 --> 00:03:48,061
Don't mind if I do.

79
00:03:49,771 --> 00:03:51,606
How can you drink that swill?

80
00:03:51,689 --> 00:03:53,775
With my mouth. Watch and learn.

81
00:03:53,858 --> 00:03:55,568
Oh, ugh!

82
00:03:55,652 --> 00:03:58,488
That's root beer without the complexity.

83
00:03:58,571 --> 00:04:02,242
That is a high-fructose people fattener.

84
00:04:02,325 --> 00:04:06,037
The preferred beverage
in convalescent homes.

85
00:04:06,120 --> 00:04:10,750
There is a reason, Brad,
it was rejected by the marketplace.

86
00:04:10,833 --> 00:04:14,671
[voice grows distant]
That is a Twinkie in a liquid form.

87
00:04:14,754 --> 00:04:19,259
It is buttermilk
passed through a baby's bottom.

88
00:04:19,342 --> 00:04:21,135
- What is happening?
- [satisfied sigh]

89
00:04:21,219 --> 00:04:25,932
Okay, great. Well, we've established that
cream soda is not to Dr. Mallory's liking.

90
00:04:26,015 --> 00:04:28,851
[sighs] I believe that was
a stress-related meltdown.

91
00:04:28,935 --> 00:04:32,146
General Grabaston had detained me
and my team against our will.

92
00:04:32,230 --> 00:04:34,357
Oh, pretty little bedtime story, Naird.

93
00:04:34,440 --> 00:04:36,401
That's enough, General Grabaston.

94
00:04:37,068 --> 00:04:38,820
General Naird, are you aware

95
00:04:38,903 --> 00:04:43,616
that General Grabaston has accused you
of false imprisonment and mutiny?

96
00:04:43,700 --> 00:04:44,742
Yes, and yes.

97
00:04:45,451 --> 00:04:46,869
Yes, you are aware?

98
00:04:47,662 --> 00:04:48,705
Yes.

99
00:04:49,539 --> 00:04:50,623
What's the second yes?

100
00:04:50,707 --> 00:04:51,916
That he accuses me.

101
00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:54,252
The rest of that sentence
I totally disagree with.

102
00:04:56,713 --> 00:04:59,007
- [sighing]
- [machine whirring softly]

103
00:05:05,179 --> 00:05:06,180
[Mallory] Oops.

104
00:05:06,264 --> 00:05:07,390
[Angela] Oh. Sorry.

105
00:05:07,473 --> 00:05:10,560
I saw you vomit into the umbrella plant.

106
00:05:11,185 --> 00:05:12,312
You okay?

107
00:05:12,395 --> 00:05:16,566
Oh, yeah. Um...
Just still, like, adjusting to being back.

108
00:05:17,483 --> 00:05:18,735
Can't sleep.

109
00:05:18,818 --> 00:05:22,405
Earth is very noisy and, like, colorful.

110
00:05:22,488 --> 00:05:24,449
Should we run some more tests?

111
00:05:24,532 --> 00:05:26,242
Neurological, psychological?

112
00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:27,493
Nah. I'm fine.

113
00:05:27,577 --> 00:05:28,870
Yeah, she's fine. She's fine.

114
00:05:28,953 --> 00:05:31,080
It's totally normal behavior
for an astronaut.

115
00:05:31,164 --> 00:05:33,291
I wasn't the same
when I came back from Jamaica.

116
00:05:33,374 --> 00:05:35,668
For weeks,
everything tasted like jerk sauce.

117
00:05:35,752 --> 00:05:38,629
I'm gonna need you to stop comparing
my experience on the moon

118
00:05:38,713 --> 00:05:40,089
with your Jamaican vacation.

119
00:05:40,173 --> 00:05:44,427
One time I got so altitude sick in Vail
that I got hammered off of kombucha.

120
00:05:44,510 --> 00:05:46,804
Yeah, this one girl in my class
got so high one time,

121
00:05:46,888 --> 00:05:48,848
- she walked through a sliding glass door.
- Wow.

122
00:05:48,931 --> 00:05:52,435
Okay, great. So everybody can relate.
Thanks for your input. Thanks.

123
00:05:53,770 --> 00:05:55,331
- [Erin] Oh!
- [Brad grunts] Oh, General.

124
00:05:55,355 --> 00:05:56,564
General, how did it go, sir?

125
00:05:56,647 --> 00:05:59,400
Oh, it was fine. Fine.

126
00:05:59,901 --> 00:06:02,028
- Just told 'em the truth.
- Oh no.

127
00:06:02,111 --> 00:06:04,530
- We are totally screwed.
- He can't not tell the truth.

128
00:06:04,614 --> 00:06:08,159
I mean, he was the star witness for
the prosecution at my mom's court case.

129
00:06:08,242 --> 00:06:10,661
Well, honey, I love her,
but your mom is a felon,

130
00:06:10,745 --> 00:06:13,623
and I want you all to tell the truth
when you go in there.

131
00:06:13,706 --> 00:06:18,211
Well, except I bet Grabaston's in there
right now lying through his veneers.

132
00:06:18,294 --> 00:06:20,171
Wait. Those aren't Grabaston's real teeth?

133
00:06:20,254 --> 00:06:22,507
About as real as the truth he's telling.

134
00:06:22,590 --> 00:06:24,133
Oh, that damn liar.

135
00:06:24,217 --> 00:06:26,010
You know what, sir? I'm gonna lie too.

136
00:06:26,094 --> 00:06:28,805
No. No, Brad,
I want you to tell the truth.

137
00:06:28,888 --> 00:06:31,140
Okay. Got it. The truth.

138
00:06:32,809 --> 00:06:34,227
Why are you winking at me, Brad?

139
00:06:34,310 --> 00:06:35,311
I'm not.

140
00:06:36,354 --> 00:06:37,397
You just did it again.

141
00:06:37,980 --> 00:06:39,440
- Did I?
- Yes.

142
00:06:39,524 --> 00:06:40,566
- No. No.
- Hmm.

143
00:06:40,650 --> 00:06:41,901
- Brad.
- Hmm? What?

144
00:06:41,984 --> 00:06:43,820
Promise me
you are going to tell the truth.

145
00:06:43,903 --> 00:06:45,154
The truth. I'll tell the truth.

146
00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:48,491
[Mark growls softly]

147
00:06:48,574 --> 00:06:51,119
Now, you've heard Mark Naird say
he's the good guy,

148
00:06:51,202 --> 00:06:52,495
that he should be celebrated

149
00:06:52,578 --> 00:06:56,707
for ignoring an executive order
to attack the Chinese on the moon.

150
00:06:56,791 --> 00:06:59,252
Well, you wanna know
what's wrong with our country today?

151
00:07:00,878 --> 00:07:01,921
Mark Naird.

152
00:07:02,004 --> 00:07:03,297
He's weak.

153
00:07:03,798 --> 00:07:06,426
He wears a size eight shoe.

154
00:07:07,009 --> 00:07:09,679
Can we really trust a man
with the feet of a child?

155
00:07:10,263 --> 00:07:11,305
Good point.

156
00:07:13,724 --> 00:07:17,061
How can you guys just sit still?
Doesn't your skin feel weird? Huh?

157
00:07:18,020 --> 00:07:19,772
I mean, Kick has been in there a while.

158
00:07:19,856 --> 00:07:20,690
I'm guessing.

159
00:07:20,773 --> 00:07:22,859
I don't have my phone
to tell for sure, but...

160
00:07:22,942 --> 00:07:24,986
It's not a good sign. [sighs]

161
00:07:25,069 --> 00:07:26,404
But not necessarily bad.

162
00:07:26,487 --> 00:07:30,241
I mean, he could be having a heart attack
and somebody's reviving him, you know?

163
00:07:30,324 --> 00:07:32,577
Hey, just wanted to say hello
to "Space Farce."

164
00:07:33,119 --> 00:07:34,579
Hey, don't worry. sweetie.

165
00:07:34,662 --> 00:07:37,262
I'll make sure they put your dad
in a jail cell close to your mom.

166
00:07:37,331 --> 00:07:39,333
- What the hell?
- What is wrong with you?

167
00:07:39,417 --> 00:07:41,002
- Eat poop.
- That's enough, Kick.

168
00:07:41,085 --> 00:07:43,504
Okay, okay, that came out wrong.
What I meant to say was...

169
00:07:44,130 --> 00:07:46,716
it'll make visiting day with your parents
more convenient.

170
00:07:46,799 --> 00:07:48,902
- [overlapping protests]
- What's wrong with this guy?

171
00:07:48,926 --> 00:07:50,219
[Tony] Let me borrow your phone!

172
00:07:50,303 --> 00:07:52,239
- [Angela] She's a kid, you asshole.
- [door slams]

173
00:07:52,263 --> 00:07:54,640
Oh my God.
Is my dad really gonna go to jail?

174
00:07:56,184 --> 00:07:57,894
- Dr. Mallory? You're up.
- Ah.

175
00:07:59,395 --> 00:08:00,980
Do not fret, friends.

176
00:08:01,063 --> 00:08:04,358
Legal proceedings
are a combat of the mind,

177
00:08:04,442 --> 00:08:06,319
and few, if any,

178
00:08:06,402 --> 00:08:10,656
have ever come as generously armed as I.

179
00:08:11,532 --> 00:08:12,450
Yes.

180
00:08:12,533 --> 00:08:15,036
General Grabaston did have a plan,

181
00:08:15,119 --> 00:08:18,915
a nefarious plan, which I overheard.

182
00:08:18,998 --> 00:08:21,292
It was a reckless scheme

183
00:08:21,375 --> 00:08:25,505
to leave American astronauts
to die on the moon.

184
00:08:26,047 --> 00:08:26,881
Hmm.

185
00:08:26,964 --> 00:08:29,675
"Hmm," meaning?

186
00:08:29,759 --> 00:08:32,428
Well, it's your word
against General Grabaston.

187
00:08:32,929 --> 00:08:34,639
Do you have a taped confession?

188
00:08:34,722 --> 00:08:35,890
[chuckles] No.

189
00:08:36,682 --> 00:08:37,975
No, sir, I don't, but...

190
00:08:38,518 --> 00:08:44,065
but Grabaston is a military Neanderthal,

191
00:08:44,148 --> 00:08:45,608
and I'm me.

192
00:08:45,691 --> 00:08:48,027
I'm also a military man, Dr. Mallory.

193
00:08:48,694 --> 00:08:50,655
Proudly served for 23 years.

194
00:08:50,738 --> 00:08:53,324
Does that make me a Neanderthal?

195
00:08:53,407 --> 00:08:54,407
No.

196
00:08:54,951 --> 00:08:59,997
You don't understand.
I have a great respect for Neanderthals.

197
00:09:00,081 --> 00:09:03,918
They were actually
highly sophisticated hominids

198
00:09:04,001 --> 00:09:06,170
capable of symbolic thought.

199
00:09:06,254 --> 00:09:07,296
[Erin sighs]

200
00:09:08,089 --> 00:09:09,966
- Hey, Dad.
- Hey, honey.

201
00:09:11,884 --> 00:09:14,011
I'm sorry you got roped into all of this.

202
00:09:14,095 --> 00:09:16,556
Oh, it's okay. I'm glad I'm here.

203
00:09:16,639 --> 00:09:17,807
Yeah, me too.

204
00:09:20,434 --> 00:09:22,311
- [Mark sighs]
- So, um,

205
00:09:22,937 --> 00:09:24,897
what happens to me if you go to prison?

206
00:09:24,981 --> 00:09:27,441
Oh, sweetie, I'm not going to prison.

207
00:09:27,525 --> 00:09:29,986
Much like modern Neanderthals

208
00:09:30,069 --> 00:09:34,365
turned the atom itself
into a weapon of war,

209
00:09:34,448 --> 00:09:35,575
for God's...

210
00:09:37,868 --> 00:09:39,203
I'm sorry. I'll...

211
00:09:40,079 --> 00:09:42,373
Perhaps I'll... I should... I'll stop.

212
00:09:42,456 --> 00:09:44,083
No, please, go on.

213
00:09:44,166 --> 00:09:45,543
Okay. Well, fine.

214
00:09:45,626 --> 00:09:49,088
I mean, I will go on,
because then I'm not sorry, actually.

215
00:09:49,171 --> 00:09:54,510
Because it seems to me
that man has not evolved one iota

216
00:09:54,594 --> 00:09:57,722
since he... he was fishtailing...

217
00:09:59,307 --> 00:10:01,225
My brilliant testimony?

218
00:10:01,309 --> 00:10:02,143
[door shuts]

219
00:10:02,226 --> 00:10:03,561
I laid an egg.

220
00:10:06,522 --> 00:10:07,522
[Mark sighs]

221
00:10:11,694 --> 00:10:12,945
- Sir?
- Hmm?

222
00:10:13,029 --> 00:10:14,238
If you go to jail,

223
00:10:14,780 --> 00:10:17,533
it would be my honor to take care of Erin.

224
00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:20,828
And don't you worry.
Uncle Brad'll take great care of you.

225
00:10:20,911 --> 00:10:21,911
[Erin] Mmm.

226
00:10:23,664 --> 00:10:25,207
[door opens]

227
00:10:25,291 --> 00:10:27,501
General Gregory, they're ready for you.

228
00:10:29,170 --> 00:10:30,170
Brad?

229
00:10:30,713 --> 00:10:31,547
That's you.

230
00:10:31,631 --> 00:10:34,258
Oh, right. I forgot I'm a general.

231
00:10:34,342 --> 00:10:36,010
Weird to hear it said out loud.

232
00:10:39,388 --> 00:10:42,141
I tried parasailing once in Cancún,

233
00:10:42,224 --> 00:10:44,393
but the, uh, tow boat
flew me too close to shore,

234
00:10:44,477 --> 00:10:46,646
and I smacked into
the eighth floor of the Royal Mayan.

235
00:10:46,729 --> 00:10:48,230
Oh-ho! Nasty.

236
00:10:48,314 --> 00:10:50,524
I asked about your original testimony.

237
00:10:50,608 --> 00:10:52,109
Oh boy. Uh...

238
00:10:52,193 --> 00:10:54,278
I thought you asked
how I lost my testicle.

239
00:10:54,362 --> 00:10:56,614
General Gregory,
General Grabaston has accused you

240
00:10:56,697 --> 00:11:00,034
of locking him in a bathroom
on the day in question.

241
00:11:00,117 --> 00:11:00,993
Hmm.

242
00:11:01,077 --> 00:11:05,873
Well, I absolutely, positively, 100%

243
00:11:06,457 --> 00:11:07,708
did not do that.

244
00:11:08,292 --> 00:11:09,585
- No?
- No.

245
00:11:10,586 --> 00:11:12,588
Well, maybe this will refresh your memory.

246
00:11:12,672 --> 00:11:14,006
- [beeps]
- Hmm?

247
00:11:17,218 --> 00:11:18,844
[Kick]<i> Get out of my way. Me first.</i>

248
00:11:20,012 --> 00:11:21,097
[Brad giggles on recording]

249
00:11:21,180 --> 00:11:22,014
[Brad] Oh my God.

250
00:11:22,098 --> 00:11:22,932
<i>Gotcha now.</i>

251
00:11:23,015 --> 00:11:24,975
There's a security cam in the bathroom?

252
00:11:25,059 --> 00:11:25,893
[Kick]<i> What the fuck?</i>

253
00:11:25,976 --> 00:11:27,621
May I ask how long that's been there, sir?

254
00:11:27,645 --> 00:11:29,647
- That's not the issue.
<i>- </i>[Kick] <i>Hey!</i>

255
00:11:29,730 --> 00:11:31,541
I understand we're
a high-security place, but...

256
00:11:31,565 --> 00:11:33,192
[Kick] <i>Let me out of here right now!</i>

257
00:11:33,275 --> 00:11:34,193
Wow.

258
00:11:34,276 --> 00:11:36,821
[Tony] Make it bigger.
Just make it bigger.

259
00:11:36,904 --> 00:11:38,447
How are you holding up?

260
00:11:38,531 --> 00:11:41,283
Fine. Good. Everything's good. Yeah.

261
00:11:41,367 --> 00:11:45,621
You know, they say the first 36 hours
are the toughest, so...

262
00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:47,748
Thirty-six hours? [sighs]

263
00:11:47,832 --> 00:11:51,460
My nephew, he goes to a summer camp.
For three weeks, they don't have any tech.

264
00:11:51,544 --> 00:11:53,838
So, when he comes home,
he's, like, very open to nature.

265
00:11:53,921 --> 00:11:56,149
- He relates better...
- Fuck your nephew. Fuck your nephew.

266
00:11:56,173 --> 00:11:57,383
- What?
- Tony.

267
00:11:57,466 --> 00:11:59,844
He doesn't know me.
He doesn't know what I'm going through.

268
00:11:59,927 --> 00:12:02,012
Did anybody think
that I like having my phone?

269
00:12:02,096 --> 00:12:04,682
That's not so much of a sin.
I like having my phone on me.

270
00:12:04,765 --> 00:12:07,035
I can stop whenever I want.
It's not even that big a deal.

271
00:12:07,059 --> 00:12:08,853
Okay. Stop now.

272
00:12:08,936 --> 00:12:10,896
I don't wanna... I don't wanna stop.

273
00:12:10,980 --> 00:12:14,358
Why would I wanna stop?
It brings me joy and happiness.

274
00:12:14,442 --> 00:12:16,277
- You want some water, son?
- Fuck water!

275
00:12:16,360 --> 00:12:18,696
What has water
literally ever done for me? It...

276
00:12:23,159 --> 00:12:24,160
Thank you.

277
00:12:24,243 --> 00:12:25,911
I can't believe that worked.

278
00:12:25,995 --> 00:12:29,582
Hey, I brought you
a Tico's pineapple seltzer.

279
00:12:29,665 --> 00:12:30,750
It's a regional favorite.

280
00:12:30,833 --> 00:12:35,087
One of the few
truly worthwhile regional beverages.

281
00:12:35,671 --> 00:12:37,798
That's cool.
No, I have water. So I'm okay.

282
00:12:37,882 --> 00:12:39,049
- Thanks though.
- Oh, cool.

283
00:12:39,133 --> 00:12:40,801
[Chan] How've you been?

284
00:12:40,885 --> 00:12:42,805
- [Angela] Um...
- I haven't really talked to you

285
00:12:42,845 --> 00:12:45,431
- since the day you got back from the moon.
- [chuckles]

286
00:12:45,514 --> 00:12:48,350
That was a pretty intense day, huh?

287
00:12:49,018 --> 00:12:50,352
Yeah. Um...

288
00:12:50,436 --> 00:12:54,273
Yeah, I've just been, you know,
just, like, super busy, so...

289
00:12:55,191 --> 00:12:56,776
Yeah. Busy's good.

290
00:12:59,570 --> 00:13:00,570
Cool.

291
00:13:02,072 --> 00:13:05,785
Wow. I'm picking up on some definite
"you guys did it" vibes, right?

292
00:13:05,868 --> 00:13:07,745
- Tony, get the fuck out of my face.
- What?

293
00:13:07,828 --> 00:13:09,705
Yeah, get the fuck out of here, Tony.

294
00:13:13,959 --> 00:13:15,503
- [Chan scoffs]
- [Angela sighs]

295
00:13:19,423 --> 00:13:22,802
[softly] I, uh...
I think Chan and Angela did it.

296
00:13:23,385 --> 00:13:24,553
- "Did it"?
- Yiffed.

297
00:13:25,471 --> 00:13:26,889
Come on. Had sex.

298
00:13:26,972 --> 00:13:29,433
It's not our business
if they yiffed or didn't yiff.

299
00:13:29,517 --> 00:13:31,936
I agree. Gossip is the Devil's telephone.

300
00:13:32,019 --> 00:13:33,103
Thank you, Dear Abby.

301
00:13:33,187 --> 00:13:35,981
Uh, I just don't think that they did it.

302
00:13:36,065 --> 00:13:38,651
They're professionals.
Chan is a scientist.

303
00:13:38,734 --> 00:13:41,070
- What's wrong with Chan?
- What's wrong with scientists?

304
00:13:41,153 --> 00:13:44,907
Nothing. Just don't want a mental image
of my colleagues having sex.

305
00:13:44,990 --> 00:13:48,577
Thanks. Now I'm just picturing different
pairings of people at work having sex.

306
00:13:48,661 --> 00:13:51,372
- Like who?
- Chan on Angela. Brad on Angela.

307
00:13:51,455 --> 00:13:52,455
Brad on Chan.

308
00:13:52,498 --> 00:13:55,292
Brad, Kick. Kick comes back in,
says, "What's up?" to Angela...

309
00:13:55,376 --> 00:13:56,544
Mr. Scarapiducci?

310
00:13:58,420 --> 00:13:59,505
Dr. Mallory?

311
00:14:01,882 --> 00:14:02,967
Showtime, baby.

312
00:14:03,509 --> 00:14:06,804
Oh yeah, Showtime?
Try and top that. I just aced it.

313
00:14:06,887 --> 00:14:08,055
Pow, pow, pow.

314
00:14:10,808 --> 00:14:12,351
Do you think Brad aced it?

315
00:14:12,434 --> 00:14:13,269
No.

316
00:14:13,352 --> 00:14:15,229
Listen, I know what you really want.

317
00:14:15,813 --> 00:14:19,775
You wanna know why General Naird
is the only man for this job,

318
00:14:19,859 --> 00:14:22,027
and I got your answer right here.

319
00:14:22,111 --> 00:14:23,737
- [inspirational music playing]
- Boom.

320
00:14:23,821 --> 00:14:27,199
General Naird is
the only man who could tell Putin,

321
00:14:27,283 --> 00:14:28,742
"Get scootin'."

322
00:14:29,493 --> 00:14:32,371
The only person who could tell Xi Jinping,

323
00:14:32,454 --> 00:14:33,998
"You can't do that thing."

324
00:14:34,081 --> 00:14:37,209
I like to say, "With General Naird,

325
00:14:37,293 --> 00:14:41,422
the United States will never be scared."

326
00:14:41,505 --> 00:14:44,758
And I would love, if it's okay with you,
to take the opportunity, sir,

327
00:14:44,842 --> 00:14:48,554
to say congratulations on becoming
a grandfather for the second time.

328
00:14:48,637 --> 00:14:50,931
- Where did you get that photo?
- It's what I do.

329
00:14:51,015 --> 00:14:52,808
If it's on the Internet, I can find it.

330
00:14:52,892 --> 00:14:54,101
Really?

331
00:14:55,561 --> 00:14:58,230
Weren't you fired twice by General Naird?

332
00:14:58,314 --> 00:15:00,900
You found... You found that out.
How did you find that out?

333
00:15:02,067 --> 00:15:03,110
It's what <i>I</i> do.

334
00:15:04,028 --> 00:15:07,406
Well, okay, you should know
that General Naird has a bit of a temper,

335
00:15:07,489 --> 00:15:10,284
but if you whine hard enough,
he goes back on his decisions.

336
00:15:10,367 --> 00:15:13,329
So was I fired?
I mean, in the end, I'm here. So...

337
00:15:13,412 --> 00:15:15,789
So he's an indecisive hothead.

338
00:15:15,873 --> 00:15:16,874
Wait. What?

339
00:15:16,957 --> 00:15:18,375
Yeah, my dad was crying so hard,

340
00:15:18,459 --> 00:15:21,587
he got all the way home before he realized
he'd left me at my mom's prison.

341
00:15:22,171 --> 00:15:23,611
My parents have an open relationship

342
00:15:23,672 --> 00:15:26,008
because my mom is dating
one of her prison guards.

343
00:15:26,091 --> 00:15:29,678
And I was dating this Russian spy guy
for a while. My dad didn't like that.

344
00:15:29,762 --> 00:15:32,640
Oh, and then, of course,
there are the night terrors.

345
00:15:33,223 --> 00:15:36,101
- Night terrors?
- Yes. My dad has them when he sleeps.

346
00:15:36,185 --> 00:15:39,772
He makes these very weird sounds, like...

347
00:15:40,522 --> 00:15:44,735
[whimpers loudly]

348
00:15:44,818 --> 00:15:46,278
[yells]

349
00:15:46,362 --> 00:15:51,200
I don't know what he's dreaming about,
but, um, it sounds like he's being chased

350
00:15:51,283 --> 00:15:55,496
or he's falling or being killed
or killing somebody.

351
00:15:55,579 --> 00:15:57,790
Honestly kinda sounds
like he's killing Kick,

352
00:15:57,873 --> 00:15:59,500
but I'm not supposed to talk about that.

353
00:15:59,583 --> 00:16:02,753
- He told me not to talk about that.
- Thank you for your time, Ms. Naird.

354
00:16:05,089 --> 00:16:06,089
Yes.

355
00:16:09,426 --> 00:16:10,426
[whistles]

356
00:16:10,469 --> 00:16:12,304
That kid's gonna be so fucked up.

357
00:16:13,389 --> 00:16:15,766
No, they're not foolin' around.
This is a real thing.

358
00:16:15,849 --> 00:16:18,143
<i>- What's the verdict?</i>
- No verdict yet.

359
00:16:18,227 --> 00:16:20,187
Erin is on the stand right now.

360
00:16:20,270 --> 00:16:21,689
God. What...

361
00:16:22,356 --> 00:16:25,985
If this thing doesn't go my way, Maggs,
what's gonna happen to Erin?

362
00:16:26,068 --> 00:16:29,113
<i>You'll be fine.
You always do the right thing, Mark.</i>

363
00:16:29,196 --> 00:16:30,030
Yeah.

364
00:16:30,114 --> 00:16:32,950
<i>You brought me back to prison
after Louise and I escaped.</i>

365
00:16:33,033 --> 00:16:35,452
<i>'Cause you had some intergalactic crisis.</i>

366
00:16:35,536 --> 00:16:36,787
Honey, we talked about this.

367
00:16:36,870 --> 00:16:41,000
I had to take you back to prison
because you can't just escape from prison.

368
00:16:41,083 --> 00:16:42,793
You did the crime.
You have to do the time.

369
00:16:42,876 --> 00:16:44,211
<i>Well, agree to disagree.</i>

370
00:16:44,294 --> 00:16:48,507
Mrs. Naird! Ahoy-hoy.
F. Tony Scarapiducci here.

371
00:16:48,590 --> 00:16:51,510
How are you? Oh, quick question,
if you don't mind. What time is it?

372
00:16:51,593 --> 00:16:53,387
<i>Uh, 2:25.</i>

373
00:16:53,470 --> 00:16:55,305
2:25. And what's trending right now?

374
00:16:55,389 --> 00:16:56,223
- [Chan] Tony.
<i>- What?</i>

375
00:16:56,306 --> 00:16:58,066
Tony, you don't need to know
what's trending.

376
00:16:58,142 --> 00:17:00,370
- Don't need to know. Just curious.
- It's fine. He's fine.

377
00:17:00,394 --> 00:17:01,937
Maggie, long time no see!

378
00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:03,564
<i>Hi, Brad!</i>

379
00:17:03,647 --> 00:17:04,857
How's prison going?

380
00:17:04,940 --> 00:17:06,525
<i>You know, it's a lot like the military.</i>

381
00:17:06,608 --> 00:17:09,028
<i>- It's structured. You get uniforms.</i>
- Hmm.

382
00:17:09,111 --> 00:17:12,614
<i>And if you put in the time and effort,
you assume a rank.</i>

383
00:17:12,698 --> 00:17:14,908
<i>You can go from being someone's bitch</i>

384
00:17:14,992 --> 00:17:16,452
<i>to a gang member</i>

385
00:17:16,535 --> 00:17:18,370
<i>to a gang member with your own bitch.</i>

386
00:17:18,454 --> 00:17:19,454
Is that Mom?

387
00:17:19,496 --> 00:17:20,622
<i>Is that my baby?</i>

388
00:17:20,706 --> 00:17:22,750
<i>Erin, let me see your face.</i>

389
00:17:22,833 --> 00:17:25,919
<i>Ah! Erin, honey,
everything is gonna be fine.</i>

390
00:17:26,920 --> 00:17:28,047
You don't know that.

391
00:17:28,130 --> 00:17:29,256
<i>You're right. I don't.</i>

392
00:17:29,339 --> 00:17:32,301
<i>But we raised you to be strong.
You're a Naird.</i>

393
00:17:32,384 --> 00:17:36,221
<i>And I can't be there, so I need you
to be strong for your father, okay?</i>

394
00:17:37,347 --> 00:17:39,683
<i>I can't... Now... Did she nod?</i>

395
00:17:39,767 --> 00:17:41,393
- Yeah, sure did.
<i>- Okay.</i>

396
00:17:41,477 --> 00:17:43,812
<i>Mark, you got this. I love you.</i>

397
00:17:43,896 --> 00:17:45,616
- I love you too, Maggs.
- Love you so much.

398
00:17:45,689 --> 00:17:47,024
- Talk to you so soon.
- Bye!

399
00:17:49,401 --> 00:17:51,195
[Brad sighs]

400
00:17:52,488 --> 00:17:53,489
[exhales]

401
00:17:56,325 --> 00:17:57,951
This is depressing.

402
00:17:59,369 --> 00:18:02,831
I think we have to blow off a little steam
while we wait for the verdict.

403
00:18:03,957 --> 00:18:05,667
On your mark, get set, go!

404
00:18:05,751 --> 00:18:08,879
- Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
- Go!

405
00:18:08,962 --> 00:18:09,838
That's it.

406
00:18:09,922 --> 00:18:11,215
[all cheering]

407
00:18:11,298 --> 00:18:13,300
- Oh!
- Oh yeah!

408
00:18:13,383 --> 00:18:15,135
[all laughing, clapping]

409
00:18:15,219 --> 00:18:16,762
- Damn!
- What up?

410
00:18:16,845 --> 00:18:19,098
- What is up?
- All right, fine, fine, fine.

411
00:18:20,474 --> 00:18:22,476
All right. Who's next? Dad?

412
00:18:22,559 --> 00:18:23,477
No, no, no, no.

413
00:18:23,560 --> 00:18:24,720
- Oh, come on!
- Yes, come on.

414
00:18:24,770 --> 00:18:26,105
- No, I'm fine.
- Dad!

415
00:18:26,188 --> 00:18:28,774
What? Oh, he's just scared
he's gonna lose. That's why.

416
00:18:29,900 --> 00:18:31,110
[exhales]

417
00:18:31,944 --> 00:18:32,778
Bring it on.

418
00:18:32,861 --> 00:18:35,781
- [all cheer]
- [overlapping chatter]

419
00:18:37,783 --> 00:18:39,368
- Ready?
- Are <i>you</i> ready?

420
00:18:39,451 --> 00:18:42,079
- I was born ready.
- I don't know if you can handle this.

421
00:18:42,162 --> 00:18:43,497
Okay, here we go.

422
00:18:43,580 --> 00:18:46,416
On your marks, set, go!

423
00:18:46,500 --> 00:18:47,876
- Go!
- Go!

424
00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:50,295
- [excited chatter]
- [Angela] Come on, come on!

425
00:18:51,046 --> 00:18:52,881
[Mark] Oh!

426
00:18:52,965 --> 00:18:54,091
Ha!

427
00:18:54,174 --> 00:18:56,260
I gotcha. I gotcha.

428
00:18:56,343 --> 00:18:57,553
- Oh!
- I gotcha.

429
00:18:57,636 --> 00:18:59,012
They're ready for you, General.

430
00:18:59,096 --> 00:19:00,973
Oh, okay. Thank you.

431
00:19:01,056 --> 00:19:03,392
[suspenseful music playing]

432
00:19:06,770 --> 00:19:11,483
From the different documents and testimony
submitted today, General Naird,

433
00:19:11,567 --> 00:19:14,486
it's been suggested that you are unstable,

434
00:19:14,570 --> 00:19:17,281
incompetent, fragile, eccentric,

435
00:19:17,364 --> 00:19:20,951
indecisive, and potentially treasonous.

436
00:19:21,034 --> 00:19:24,830
I can say with some certainty that
I am only two or three of those things.

437
00:19:24,913 --> 00:19:26,373
Most definitely not all six.

438
00:19:26,456 --> 00:19:29,668
Well, you've had
a lot of fingers pointed at you today.

439
00:19:30,252 --> 00:19:32,462
A lot of the blame
has been placed on your shoulders.

440
00:19:32,546 --> 00:19:37,176
So consider this your opportunity
to do some pointing of your own.

441
00:19:37,259 --> 00:19:38,259
Sir,

442
00:19:39,261 --> 00:19:42,681
I learned a long time ago
that when you point a finger,

443
00:19:43,307 --> 00:19:46,018
you have three fingers
pointed back at you.

444
00:19:46,602 --> 00:19:50,314
And your thumb stands erect,
pointed towards the sky.

445
00:19:51,190 --> 00:19:54,484
Yes, I once used one of our satellites

446
00:19:54,568 --> 00:19:57,487
to locate my mother
in a Rite Aid parking lot.

447
00:19:58,363 --> 00:20:00,949
Yes, when I was a child,

448
00:20:01,491 --> 00:20:06,413
I took several pieces of Halloween candy
out of a bowl that said "take one."

449
00:20:07,539 --> 00:20:10,834
Additionally, that Halloween
I was dressed as a hobo,

450
00:20:10,918 --> 00:20:12,920
which I now know is inappropriate.

451
00:20:13,545 --> 00:20:14,880
I am not perfect.

452
00:20:15,380 --> 00:20:18,800
But I do believe that my decision

453
00:20:18,884 --> 00:20:23,180
to protect our astronauts and human life

454
00:20:23,263 --> 00:20:24,640
was the right decision.

455
00:20:25,307 --> 00:20:26,308
Thank you.

456
00:20:27,434 --> 00:20:30,395
General Grabaston,
do you have a final statement?

457
00:20:32,022 --> 00:20:35,442
Naird has always been jealous of me.

458
00:20:36,026 --> 00:20:38,654
From the moment we met,
he's always wanted to be in command.

459
00:20:38,737 --> 00:20:41,281
Well, he had his chance that day,

460
00:20:41,907 --> 00:20:46,036
and I have proven here
that he is treacherous,

461
00:20:46,828 --> 00:20:48,080
undermining,

462
00:20:48,622 --> 00:20:49,915
has small feet,

463
00:20:49,998 --> 00:20:52,251
and is quite possibly a Chinese spy.

464
00:20:52,334 --> 00:20:54,962
That is an outrageous lie.
I am a ten and a half.

465
00:20:55,045 --> 00:20:59,675
Okay, gentlemen, after much deliberation,
we have come to the following verdict.

466
00:21:00,634 --> 00:21:04,096
General Grabaston,
your blatant disregard for human life

467
00:21:04,179 --> 00:21:06,723
would have caused
an international incident.

468
00:21:06,807 --> 00:21:11,853
Therefore, you will retire your position
with full honors and benefits.

469
00:21:11,937 --> 00:21:16,608
Space Force will remain
under the command of General Naird.

470
00:21:16,692 --> 00:21:18,735
Are you fucking kidding me?

471
00:21:18,819 --> 00:21:21,613
Please remove
General Grabaston from the room.

472
00:21:21,697 --> 00:21:24,199
[Kick] That will not be necessary.

473
00:21:26,827 --> 00:21:28,287
This isn't over, Nerd.

474
00:21:33,041 --> 00:21:36,670
General Naird, until further notice,
you will remain in command of Space Force,

475
00:21:36,753 --> 00:21:39,089
but under the original mission
of the branch.

476
00:21:39,172 --> 00:21:40,215
You can count on me, sir.

477
00:21:40,299 --> 00:21:42,134
- I'm not finished yet.
- All right.

478
00:21:42,217 --> 00:21:44,261
Your Candy Land budget is cut.

479
00:21:44,344 --> 00:21:47,264
Carte blanche to green-light new missions?

480
00:21:47,347 --> 00:21:48,390
Cut.

481
00:21:48,473 --> 00:21:51,184
You will have five months
to prove yourself,

482
00:21:51,268 --> 00:21:54,813
or POTUS will install alternative command.

483
00:21:55,647 --> 00:21:57,816
Consider this a stay of execution.

484
00:21:57,899 --> 00:21:59,484
We can do it in four months, sir.

485
00:21:59,568 --> 00:22:03,447
[chuckles] Talk is cheap, General.
I'll see you in four months.

486
00:22:03,530 --> 00:22:06,950
But if, uh, we fall behind schedule,
does the five-month offer still...

487
00:22:07,034 --> 00:22:09,870
- Dismissed.
- [softly] Oh fuck. I always do that.

488
00:22:13,498 --> 00:22:14,541
[Brad] Ooh.

489
00:22:19,338 --> 00:22:20,839
- Thank you.
- Thanks.

490
00:22:20,922 --> 00:22:21,922
Thank you.

491
00:22:22,299 --> 00:22:23,717
[phones chiming]

492
00:22:28,430 --> 00:22:30,140
See? You made it.

493
00:22:31,016 --> 00:22:32,017
Yeah, I did, huh?

494
00:22:32,517 --> 00:22:33,602
[Mallory] Told ya.

495
00:22:34,853 --> 00:22:36,021
You're not gonna use it?

496
00:22:37,147 --> 00:22:38,023
No.

497
00:22:38,106 --> 00:22:39,733
Oh... Is the battery dead?

498
00:22:40,984 --> 00:22:42,110
[voice breaking] Yeah.

499
00:22:46,239 --> 00:22:47,240
[door shuts]

500
00:22:48,825 --> 00:22:50,786
Space Force isn't going anywhere.

501
00:22:50,869 --> 00:22:51,912
- Come on!
- Yes!

502
00:22:51,995 --> 00:22:53,580
- [cheering]
- Yes!

503
00:22:53,663 --> 00:22:55,374
- I'm so happy.
- Fantastic.

504
00:22:55,457 --> 00:22:56,917
- Great work.
- Congratulations.

505
00:22:57,000 --> 00:22:59,711
- Congratulations, Mark. Great job.
- [excited chatter]

506
00:22:59,795 --> 00:23:02,964
Talk to you for a sec? Um... Right.

507
00:23:04,424 --> 00:23:06,635
- There's one thing I don't understand.
- What's that?

508
00:23:06,718 --> 00:23:10,222
After all of that,
after all that damning testimony,

509
00:23:10,305 --> 00:23:12,015
how come I didn't end up in jail?

510
00:23:12,099 --> 00:23:13,767
Let alone keep my command.

511
00:23:14,351 --> 00:23:18,939
Mark Naird is a man
of questionable fashion sense

512
00:23:19,022 --> 00:23:21,483
but unquestionable character.

513
00:23:21,566 --> 00:23:24,694
I would go to war for him with anybody

514
00:23:24,778 --> 00:23:25,695
on Twitter.

515
00:23:25,779 --> 00:23:28,459
I would've spent the last few minutes
of my life "Black on the moon"

516
00:23:28,532 --> 00:23:29,825
if it wasn't for Mark Naird.

517
00:23:29,908 --> 00:23:32,786
<i>O Captain, my Captain
Our fearful trip is done</i>

518
00:23:32,869 --> 00:23:36,123
<i>The ship has weather'd every rack
The prize we sought is won</i>

519
00:23:36,206 --> 00:23:39,709
He always thinks of others before himself.
He's a good dad.

520
00:23:39,793 --> 00:23:43,046
Underneath the titanium surface,
he's filled with neon.

521
00:23:44,589 --> 00:23:46,133
Neon is a noble gas.

522
00:23:46,216 --> 00:23:48,343
I'm trying to say
that Naird's a noble dude.

523
00:23:48,427 --> 00:23:50,387
I literally owe my life to him.

524
00:23:50,470 --> 00:23:52,639
<i>The port is near, the bells I hear</i>

525
00:23:52,722 --> 00:23:54,683
He's definitely a great general.

526
00:23:55,976 --> 00:23:56,977
I love him a lot.

527
00:23:57,060 --> 00:24:00,147
<i>For you the flag is flung
For you the bugle trills</i>

528
00:24:00,230 --> 00:24:04,025
There is no better person at Space Force
than Mark Naird.

529
00:24:04,109 --> 00:24:07,487
I... I can't actually
believe I'm saying this,

530
00:24:07,571 --> 00:24:09,531
but he's my best friend.

531
00:24:10,574 --> 00:24:12,701
Maybe you're just lucky.

532
00:24:12,784 --> 00:24:14,679
- [Tony] I was so worried.
- [indistinct chatter]

533
00:24:14,703 --> 00:24:15,579
Hmm.

534
00:24:15,662 --> 00:24:17,205
[softly] Let's go home, honey.

535
00:24:18,290 --> 00:24:22,461
By the way, it is a sunny 76 degrees
in Tucson, everyone!

536
00:24:22,544 --> 00:24:23,544
[door shuts]

537
00:24:24,546 --> 00:24:27,382
<i>Weather looking good
for the whole week, actually!</i>

538
00:24:27,466 --> 00:24:30,469
[theme music playing]