1 00:00:02,043 --> 00:00:03,586 [TV static drones] 2 00:00:03,586 --> 00:00:05,880 [bright tone] 3 00:00:05,880 --> 00:00:06,881 [siren wailing] 4 00:00:06,881 --> 00:00:09,134 There's been a national attack. 5 00:00:09,134 --> 00:00:11,428 You've attempted to shield yourself and your loved ones 6 00:00:11,428 --> 00:00:12,804 from the fallout, 7 00:00:12,804 --> 00:00:15,140 but you've likely already been exposed 8 00:00:15,140 --> 00:00:17,225 to the dangerous and harmful effects. 9 00:00:17,225 --> 00:00:22,397 Celebration Edition Juneteenth ice cream from Walmart, 10 00:00:22,397 --> 00:00:25,442 panty liners branded with the slogan, 11 00:00:25,442 --> 00:00:27,986 "It's Always the freedom for me," 12 00:00:27,986 --> 00:00:32,240 {\an8}and Claire's "40 Anklets and a Jewel Sale." 13 00:00:32,240 --> 00:00:33,616 {\an8}That's right. 14 00:00:33,616 --> 00:00:36,786 Corporations have culturally appropriated Juneteenth 15 00:00:36,786 --> 00:00:40,081 more than white people voicing Black cartoon characters. 16 00:00:40,081 --> 00:00:41,624 So, if you want to avoid 17 00:00:41,624 --> 00:00:44,753 the ASOS "Sharecrop Top Blowout Sale," 18 00:00:44,753 --> 00:00:48,256 there are four steps you must take to protect yourself, 19 00:00:48,256 --> 00:00:52,302 your family, and your wallet from corporate Juneteenth, 20 00:00:52,302 --> 00:00:56,055 [echoing] AKA Doomteenth. 21 00:00:57,515 --> 00:00:59,976 Step one, be prepared. 22 00:00:59,976 --> 00:01:02,479 The companies are going to race-bait you 23 00:01:02,479 --> 00:01:05,106 more than a watermelon dressed up as Chris Evans. 24 00:01:05,106 --> 00:01:07,066 Now, hold on. I like Chris Evans. 25 00:01:07,066 --> 00:01:08,276 That white boy cute. 26 00:01:08,276 --> 00:01:10,445 Without your desire or consent, 27 00:01:10,445 --> 00:01:13,323 they will try to entice you with taglines like... 28 00:01:16,201 --> 00:01:17,577 {\an8}Or... 29 00:01:19,454 --> 00:01:22,499 {\an8}So prepare yourself mentally for the B.S. 30 00:01:22,499 --> 00:01:25,502 {\an8}Fight the urge to save 15% 31 00:01:25,502 --> 00:01:26,503 {\an8}by remembering, 32 00:01:26,503 --> 00:01:28,129 {\an8}to many of these corporations, 33 00:01:28,129 --> 00:01:30,006 you're still 3/5. 34 00:01:30,006 --> 00:01:33,176 And while the investigation into "who asked for this?" 35 00:01:33,176 --> 00:01:36,304 remains ongoing, the "who did this?" is clear. 36 00:01:36,304 --> 00:01:38,515 And, yes, they are. 37 00:01:38,515 --> 00:01:40,850 Which brings us to step two-- 38 00:01:40,850 --> 00:01:42,185 quit your job. 39 00:01:42,185 --> 00:01:43,353 What you say? 40 00:01:43,353 --> 00:01:46,815 This may sound extreme, but you know someone's gonna 41 00:01:46,815 --> 00:01:48,983 {\an8}say something stupid to you today like, 42 00:01:48,983 --> 00:01:51,694 {\an8}"Should we put a Z at the end of Walgreens 43 00:01:51,694 --> 00:01:53,321 {\an8}instead of an S for Juneteenth?" 44 00:01:53,321 --> 00:01:55,281 So it's best to get ahead of it now. 45 00:01:55,281 --> 00:01:56,491 {\an8}Don't wait around 46 00:01:56,491 --> 00:01:57,742 {\an8}for Royal Caribbean 47 00:01:57,742 --> 00:01:58,952 {\an8}to change their slogan to... 48 00:02:01,162 --> 00:02:03,998 Don't let Kia help you unchain your new whip, 49 00:02:03,998 --> 00:02:06,167 no matter how good the deal is. [tires squealing] 50 00:02:06,167 --> 00:02:08,837 These companies are trying to wipe away years 51 00:02:08,837 --> 00:02:11,506 of institutional racism with one catchphrase, 52 00:02:11,506 --> 00:02:14,342 but the catch is, they basic. 53 00:02:14,342 --> 00:02:18,012 Step three-- I would say stay inside, 54 00:02:18,012 --> 00:02:20,098 but you know we gon' be barbecuing, 55 00:02:20,098 --> 00:02:21,891 {\an8}so do it anyway, 56 00:02:21,891 --> 00:02:23,560 {\an8}even in the face of Sweetgreen 57 00:02:23,560 --> 00:02:24,894 {\an8}trying to sell you the... 58 00:02:24,894 --> 00:02:26,980 {\an8}♪ Wade in the water ♪ 59 00:02:26,980 --> 00:02:28,189 {\an8}Melon salad. 60 00:02:28,189 --> 00:02:29,816 {\an8}Or Applebee's telling you to follow 61 00:02:29,816 --> 00:02:31,526 {\an8}the North Star to appetizers. 62 00:02:31,526 --> 00:02:32,861 {\an8}And for the vegans, 63 00:02:32,861 --> 00:02:34,612 {\an8}Impossible trying to lure you with the promise 64 00:02:34,612 --> 00:02:36,030 {\an8}of non-plantation products, 65 00:02:36,030 --> 00:02:38,575 {\an8}but they still come from the corporate plantation. 66 00:02:38,575 --> 00:02:42,370 {\an8}Remember, freedom is not impossible! 67 00:02:42,370 --> 00:02:43,371 {\an8}[cat screeches] 68 00:02:43,371 --> 00:02:45,623 Which brings us to the final step. 69 00:02:48,543 --> 00:02:50,587 These deals... [laughs] 70 00:02:50,587 --> 00:02:51,921 They gon' be very tempting. 71 00:02:51,921 --> 00:02:53,715 You might not be able to resist 72 00:02:53,715 --> 00:02:56,134 the "Sprint to Freedom Family Plan" 73 00:02:56,134 --> 00:02:58,261 or the "Whip those Cheeks into Shape" sale 74 00:02:58,261 --> 00:03:01,639 at 24 Hour Fitness, but you can't say you weren't warned! 75 00:03:01,639 --> 00:03:04,434 Fortune 500 engagement is just a cash grab 76 00:03:04,434 --> 00:03:05,935 thinly veiled in kente cloth, 77 00:03:05,935 --> 00:03:08,730 and only you can prevent cultural dumpster fires! 78 00:03:08,730 --> 00:03:11,024 These corporations are putting raisins 79 00:03:11,024 --> 00:03:13,234 in your ancestors' potato salad. 80 00:03:13,234 --> 00:03:14,569 Yuck! 81 00:03:14,569 --> 00:03:16,446 {\an8}Report Juneteenth violations 82 00:03:16,446 --> 00:03:18,239 {\an8}to the official tip line-- 83 00:03:18,239 --> 00:03:20,033 {\an8}Black Twitter. 84 00:03:20,033 --> 00:03:23,745 Have a happy and safe Juneteenth. 85 00:03:25,496 --> 00:03:27,624 [Doechii's "I Told Em"] 86 00:03:27,624 --> 00:03:29,375 ♪ We told 'em we was kings, we showed 'em the machine ♪ 87 00:03:29,375 --> 00:03:31,461 ♪ I been gave 'em the keys, I been flew overseas ♪ 88 00:03:31,461 --> 00:03:33,504 ♪ I been knew I'm a queen, I been knew I was free ♪ 89 00:03:33,504 --> 00:03:35,506 ♪ I told 'em, I told 'em, I told 'em, goddamn ♪ 90 00:03:35,506 --> 00:03:37,508 ♪ I been whippin' the rolls, I been bookin' the shows ♪ 91 00:03:37,508 --> 00:03:39,594 ♪ I been takin' the hoes, they been calling me doe ♪ 92 00:03:39,594 --> 00:03:41,638 ♪ I been pickin' the clothes, I been knew I was gold ♪ 93 00:03:41,638 --> 00:03:43,181 ♪ I told 'em, I told 'em, I told 'em ♪ 94 00:03:43,181 --> 00:03:46,684 ♪ Holla, ooh ♪ 95 00:03:46,684 --> 00:03:49,270 ♪ I told 'em, goddamn ♪ 96 00:03:49,270 --> 00:03:51,272 ♪ What you told 'em ♪ 97 00:03:51,272 --> 00:03:55,109 ♪ The funk don't matter if it's not cross chatter ♪ 98 00:03:55,109 --> 00:03:58,029 ♪ If the Black Lives Matter I would know ♪ 99 00:03:58,029 --> 00:03:59,656 ♪ What you told 'em, what you told 'em, goddamn ♪ 100 00:03:59,656 --> 00:04:01,115 ♪ ♪ 101 00:04:01,115 --> 00:04:02,617 ♪ I would know, what you told 'em ♪ 102 00:04:02,617 --> 00:04:04,160 ♪ What you told 'em, goddamn ♪ 103 00:04:05,453 --> 00:04:08,164 [upbeat hip-hop music] 104 00:04:08,164 --> 00:04:10,249 Hootie hoo! 105 00:04:10,249 --> 00:04:12,502 Bring it in! Yeah, yeah, gather round. 106 00:04:12,502 --> 00:04:14,045 Gather round. Let us see it, whoo! 107 00:04:14,045 --> 00:04:16,005 Let me some of those fresh, crispy turnouts. 108 00:04:16,005 --> 00:04:17,715 All right, now, before we get 109 00:04:17,715 --> 00:04:19,676 into our quarterly pit bull reports, 110 00:04:19,676 --> 00:04:21,010 I think we should welcome 111 00:04:21,010 --> 00:04:23,388 our new gang sign language interpreter, 112 00:04:23,388 --> 00:04:25,556 Edith, with a little blippity blippity... 113 00:04:25,556 --> 00:04:27,183 all: Scat, scat, scat. 114 00:04:27,183 --> 00:04:29,352 Can you say, "I'm the hardest out, cuz"? 115 00:04:31,145 --> 00:04:32,981 - Oh. - Congratulations is in order, 116 00:04:32,981 --> 00:04:35,483 because our morale and our productivity 117 00:04:35,483 --> 00:04:37,485 has been banging ever since we posted up 118 00:04:37,485 --> 00:04:38,695 in this here WeMurk office. 119 00:04:38,695 --> 00:04:40,697 I'm productive than a motherfucker. 120 00:04:40,697 --> 00:04:42,824 So you saying, we ain't gotta tele-bang 121 00:04:42,824 --> 00:04:45,326 when we can hella-hang in person? 122 00:04:45,326 --> 00:04:47,328 [laughter] 123 00:04:47,328 --> 00:04:49,914 - You wild like that. - No! 124 00:04:49,914 --> 00:04:52,208 That's not what I'm saying, 125 00:04:52,208 --> 00:04:56,796 Miss Forgets to CC, Miss Sends Without Attachment. 126 00:04:56,796 --> 00:04:59,048 My bad, you know I'm a snail mail nigga. 127 00:04:59,048 --> 00:05:01,217 One more reply all from you, 128 00:05:01,217 --> 00:05:03,136 and I'ma unsubscribe you from life. 129 00:05:03,136 --> 00:05:04,929 - [gasps] - That means she gon' kill you. 130 00:05:04,929 --> 00:05:06,889 - I know, nigga. - Like a motherfucker. 131 00:05:06,889 --> 00:05:09,767 Unfortunately, Jess ain't the only one messing up. 132 00:05:09,767 --> 00:05:12,186 Some of y'all coming up in here with your flags wrinkled 133 00:05:12,186 --> 00:05:13,396 and your Dickies crinkled. 134 00:05:13,396 --> 00:05:14,856 Yeah, it sound like you sayin', 135 00:05:14,856 --> 00:05:17,316 we should starch before we march 136 00:05:17,316 --> 00:05:19,527 up out the house, huh? 137 00:05:19,527 --> 00:05:21,237 [laughter] 138 00:05:21,237 --> 00:05:24,741 My apologies, Elisa. My iron stopped packing heat. 139 00:05:24,741 --> 00:05:26,034 Hell, no, homey! 140 00:05:26,034 --> 00:05:28,202 You way too important to this motherfucking affiliation 141 00:05:28,202 --> 00:05:29,704 for me to allow you to make any excuses! 142 00:05:29,704 --> 00:05:30,997 I understand what you're saying. 143 00:05:30,997 --> 00:05:33,041 We got a whole-ass corporate dry cleaning account, okay? 144 00:05:33,041 --> 00:05:34,208 Wait, we do? 145 00:05:34,208 --> 00:05:36,169 It was in the "Gang Resources" Slack channel. 146 00:05:36,169 --> 00:05:38,963 Not you slacking on Slack. 147 00:05:38,963 --> 00:05:40,923 Hey, my bad, I didn't check it. 148 00:05:40,923 --> 00:05:42,258 You ain't what? You ain't check? 149 00:05:42,258 --> 00:05:44,093 I mean, damn, what you mean you ain't check? 150 00:05:44,093 --> 00:05:48,014 You know what, what part of "Check yo' Slack every five 151 00:05:48,014 --> 00:05:51,184 to stay alive" don't you understand, Tamra? 152 00:05:51,184 --> 00:05:54,312 What part of this sign don't you wanna fucking understand? 153 00:05:54,312 --> 00:05:55,438 - Huh? - I got it. 154 00:05:55,438 --> 00:05:58,107 - You know what? Ooh! - No, no, don't kill her. 155 00:05:58,107 --> 00:05:59,358 - Oh! - Don't kill her. 156 00:05:59,358 --> 00:06:01,235 The only thing that's getting killt 157 00:06:01,235 --> 00:06:03,821 is her old-ass iPhone 4. 158 00:06:03,821 --> 00:06:05,198 So, here, take this 159 00:06:05,198 --> 00:06:07,575 and just catch up with everybody else, a'ight? 160 00:06:07,575 --> 00:06:08,743 Get plugged in. 161 00:06:08,743 --> 00:06:10,203 That went a different way like a motherfucker. 162 00:06:10,203 --> 00:06:11,746 Now I can finally FaceTime my PO. 163 00:06:11,746 --> 00:06:14,415 All right, so next, we gon' talk about how we gon' 164 00:06:14,415 --> 00:06:15,583 lower our carbon footprint. 165 00:06:15,583 --> 00:06:17,293 - Wootie woo! - What the fuck? 166 00:06:17,293 --> 00:06:19,337 all: Wootie woo! 167 00:06:19,337 --> 00:06:21,798 Speaking of moving feet, this is our turf, 168 00:06:21,798 --> 00:06:24,342 'cause we reserved this space 169 00:06:24,342 --> 00:06:27,512 from 3:15 to 4:00. 170 00:06:27,512 --> 00:06:30,640 4:00, 4:00! 171 00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:32,100 - This look like 12:00. - 4:00! 172 00:06:32,100 --> 00:06:33,810 Are those the hands or the clock? 173 00:06:33,810 --> 00:06:36,145 {\an8}Hey! Says who, homey? 174 00:06:36,145 --> 00:06:38,523 Tameka! That's who says it. 175 00:06:38,523 --> 00:06:41,025 I'm the head thorn of the Floral Chiefs. 176 00:06:41,025 --> 00:06:43,277 Flippity flippity! all: Blap, blap, blap! 177 00:06:43,277 --> 00:06:44,946 - What the fuck? - Oh, what? 178 00:06:44,946 --> 00:06:46,155 - Whoa! - Hell, nah, nah. 179 00:06:46,155 --> 00:06:49,951 And me, Romaine, the D.O.G.O., 180 00:06:49,951 --> 00:06:52,286 director of gang operations. 181 00:06:52,286 --> 00:06:55,957 And when Tameka wants a spot, I got it on lock. 182 00:06:55,957 --> 00:06:59,168 And me, Phaedra. I'm in accounts receivable. 183 00:06:59,168 --> 00:07:00,962 And I say we blast these fools. 184 00:07:00,962 --> 00:07:03,673 Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah! Ah, ah, ah, ah. 185 00:07:03,673 --> 00:07:07,093 You know, blasting fools is against murk policy. 186 00:07:07,093 --> 00:07:08,553 Well, well, Reefs, 187 00:07:08,553 --> 00:07:10,680 looks like we forgot to set out Glocks back 188 00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:13,641 to gang-light savings time, you feel me? 189 00:07:13,641 --> 00:07:16,310 That's cool, 'cause I'm finna use that extra hour 190 00:07:16,310 --> 00:07:18,229 to stomp some fools out. 191 00:07:18,229 --> 00:07:21,232 And I'm 'bout to get slap-happy like a motherfucker. 192 00:07:21,232 --> 00:07:22,817 What's your pronoun, fool? 193 00:07:22,817 --> 00:07:25,153 - She/queen. - All right, I respect it. 194 00:07:25,153 --> 00:07:27,280 You ain't intimidating shit. 195 00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:28,865 You know what you need to intimidate? 196 00:07:28,865 --> 00:07:32,702 Your low rates of employee retention. 197 00:07:32,702 --> 00:07:33,953 - Ah! - Hey! 198 00:07:33,953 --> 00:07:36,330 Don't you be worrying about our employee retention, homey. 199 00:07:36,330 --> 00:07:37,665 And don't you be worrying 200 00:07:37,665 --> 00:07:39,333 about motherfucking pronouns, Cabbage Patch head! 201 00:07:39,333 --> 00:07:42,545 What you need to worry about is your ROI being DOA! 202 00:07:42,545 --> 00:07:44,589 You can't intimidate no motherfucking Reef, homey. 203 00:07:44,589 --> 00:07:45,798 You know why? 204 00:07:45,798 --> 00:07:47,383 'Cause we full of motherfucking heart 205 00:07:47,383 --> 00:07:48,926 and we ain't go no emotions left 206 00:07:48,926 --> 00:07:51,220 'cause we been banging on Zoom for the past two years! 207 00:07:51,220 --> 00:07:53,848 You know how hard it is to murk on a shared network? 208 00:07:53,848 --> 00:07:56,559 [chuckles] If you trying to Google Meet, just say that! 209 00:07:56,559 --> 00:07:57,894 Hey, hey, hey! 210 00:07:57,894 --> 00:08:03,065 Is what I would say if I did not just complete 211 00:08:03,065 --> 00:08:05,568 the Murkplace Relations Training. 212 00:08:05,568 --> 00:08:06,861 Third time's a charm. 213 00:08:06,861 --> 00:08:09,030 That's right. That's that good shit. 214 00:08:09,030 --> 00:08:11,365 The Chiefs don't do set tripping anymore 215 00:08:11,365 --> 00:08:14,202 'cause it's against our Diversity and Collusion policy. 216 00:08:14,202 --> 00:08:16,454 Flippity flippity! all: Blap, blap, blap! 217 00:08:16,454 --> 00:08:17,538 Blossom. 218 00:08:17,538 --> 00:08:18,748 The TV show from the '90s with the white lady? 219 00:08:18,748 --> 00:08:19,707 Whoa. 220 00:08:19,707 --> 00:08:21,792 Well, homey, We got a blippity lease 221 00:08:21,792 --> 00:08:23,753 till the end of the motherfucking quarter. 222 00:08:23,753 --> 00:08:26,130 So I guess the Floral Chiefs gon' have 223 00:08:26,130 --> 00:08:29,091 to replant their Dickies somewhere else. 224 00:08:29,091 --> 00:08:30,259 You feel me? 225 00:08:30,259 --> 00:08:33,137 Hey, yo, Elisa, we could murk these fools no doubt, 226 00:08:33,137 --> 00:08:35,848 or we could take a late lunch, you know, 227 00:08:35,848 --> 00:08:36,933 focus on team building, 228 00:08:36,933 --> 00:08:38,684 get back to our core values or whatever, 229 00:08:38,684 --> 00:08:40,061 let them have they 45. 230 00:08:40,061 --> 00:08:41,646 You know what? I'm real proud of you-- 231 00:08:41,646 --> 00:08:43,689 taking your mediation techniques to heart. 232 00:08:43,689 --> 00:08:45,107 Plus, I got some jerk chicken 233 00:08:45,107 --> 00:08:47,026 in the motherfucking microwave waiting on me. 234 00:08:47,026 --> 00:08:49,278 - Yeah, go get a snack. - Wow, cuz. 235 00:08:49,278 --> 00:08:51,739 - Progress. - You doing that leader shit. 236 00:08:51,739 --> 00:08:54,784 Yeah, while we're here, you can use the whiteboard, 237 00:08:54,784 --> 00:08:56,619 as long as we can scan some papers 238 00:08:56,619 --> 00:08:59,205 for our tele-murking homegirls that are up in the pen. 239 00:08:59,205 --> 00:09:01,165 I Xerox with that. 240 00:09:01,165 --> 00:09:02,625 [laughter] 241 00:09:02,625 --> 00:09:05,127 You know what? I'm really we was able to squash this 242 00:09:05,127 --> 00:09:07,797 before shit got real "per my last email" in this bitch. 243 00:09:07,797 --> 00:09:10,716 [laughter] 244 00:09:10,716 --> 00:09:13,469 For the first time in banking herstory, 245 00:09:13,469 --> 00:09:16,847 two colors are gonna blend together to create a new color. 246 00:09:16,847 --> 00:09:18,474 - That's right. - Pur-peach. 247 00:09:18,474 --> 00:09:20,017 - Hey, hey, hey! - What up, homey? 248 00:09:20,017 --> 00:09:23,479 Some mark-ass buster blocked me in like a motherfucker. 249 00:09:23,479 --> 00:09:26,899 Regulators, mount up! 250 00:09:26,899 --> 00:09:28,317 Let's go! 251 00:09:28,317 --> 00:09:30,278 [dramatic hip-hop music] 252 00:09:30,278 --> 00:09:32,822 [screaming] 253 00:09:32,822 --> 00:09:35,533 {\an8}[light music] 254 00:09:35,533 --> 00:09:37,201 {\an8}[French accent] Bonjour. 255 00:09:37,201 --> 00:09:39,412 {\an8}I am Noémie Marceau. 256 00:09:39,412 --> 00:09:42,039 I play Elisa in the Coral Reefs gang, oui. 257 00:09:42,039 --> 00:09:44,125 And, uh, quelle surprise... 258 00:09:44,125 --> 00:09:46,127 [chuckles] Just like the fries, 259 00:09:46,127 --> 00:09:49,297 the kiss, and the Montana, I am French. 260 00:09:49,297 --> 00:09:51,424 Oh, what inspiration do I pull from my real life? 261 00:09:51,424 --> 00:09:55,261 Well, I was born with the baguettes for legs, oui, oui? 262 00:09:55,261 --> 00:09:57,305 [laughs] And, um... 263 00:09:57,305 --> 00:10:01,851 [electricity buzzing] 264 00:10:01,851 --> 00:10:04,687 [laughs] Oh. 265 00:10:04,687 --> 00:10:06,439 Where was I? Oh. 266 00:10:06,439 --> 00:10:08,441 I must have gotten my wires croissants. 267 00:10:08,441 --> 00:10:12,445 [laughs] Oh, Jean-Claude Van damn it. 268 00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:15,364 {\an8}Nothing in my mind is éclair. 269 00:10:15,364 --> 00:10:18,242 {\an8}[thunder rumbling] 270 00:10:19,994 --> 00:10:22,330 Oh, you are gonna love everybody here... 271 00:10:22,330 --> 00:10:24,540 but Bobby--everybody hates him. 272 00:10:24,540 --> 00:10:27,251 And that is the vodka and Alizé kegerator. 273 00:10:27,251 --> 00:10:30,087 Oh. Mm, nice. 274 00:10:30,087 --> 00:10:31,756 Oh, good morning, Bobby. 275 00:10:31,756 --> 00:10:33,215 You know, this is why I took this job. 276 00:10:33,215 --> 00:10:35,468 The insurance covers health, dental, and DUIs. 277 00:10:35,468 --> 00:10:36,969 Oh, sure does, and let me introduce you 278 00:10:36,969 --> 00:10:38,137 to my work wife Saizon. 279 00:10:38,137 --> 00:10:39,597 You're gonna love her as much as I do. 280 00:10:39,597 --> 00:10:41,015 We've been cubicle mates five years. 281 00:10:41,015 --> 00:10:42,600 [whispering] That's 30 in office years. 282 00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:44,602 [normal voice] Hey, work wife! 283 00:10:44,602 --> 00:10:46,103 Daphne! 284 00:10:46,103 --> 00:10:48,272 How dare you show your face here 285 00:10:48,272 --> 00:10:50,858 after you jammed my printer? 286 00:10:50,858 --> 00:10:52,526 - No. - Agh! 287 00:10:52,526 --> 00:10:54,403 Damn it, Saizon! 288 00:10:54,403 --> 00:10:56,781 I can never live up to your expectations. 289 00:10:56,781 --> 00:10:58,657 I'm sorry I'm not her. 290 00:10:58,657 --> 00:11:00,117 [all gasp] 291 00:11:00,117 --> 00:11:03,245 Ay, no. [gasps] 292 00:11:03,245 --> 00:11:06,624 I would never ask you to be employee of the month! 293 00:11:06,624 --> 00:11:09,293 I just want you to be loyal. 294 00:11:09,293 --> 00:11:13,214 Who... is...she? 295 00:11:13,214 --> 00:11:14,632 [dramatic music] 296 00:11:14,632 --> 00:11:16,092 I-- 297 00:11:16,092 --> 00:11:18,594 I'm Shyla, the new district directives director. 298 00:11:18,594 --> 00:11:20,763 I'll be dissecting the D2D disintermediate 299 00:11:20,763 --> 00:11:22,890 distribution drivables. 300 00:11:22,890 --> 00:11:24,266 - Oh! - Ooh. 301 00:11:24,266 --> 00:11:27,436 Are you training someone else, Daphne? 302 00:11:27,436 --> 00:11:29,021 ♪ ♪ 303 00:11:29,021 --> 00:11:30,898 I am, but, of course, I wouldn't have to 304 00:11:30,898 --> 00:11:31,899 if you did your job. 305 00:11:31,899 --> 00:11:33,526 [gasps] 306 00:11:33,526 --> 00:11:35,277 ♪ ♪ 307 00:11:35,277 --> 00:11:38,906 Do you expect me to allow you to bring another woman 308 00:11:38,906 --> 00:11:41,784 into our marital spreadsheets? 309 00:11:41,784 --> 00:11:44,578 I like to use Google Sheets to aggregate backend data, 310 00:11:44,578 --> 00:11:46,580 if that's what you're into. 311 00:11:46,580 --> 00:11:49,959 See, Shyla can bring a little spice to the break room. 312 00:11:49,959 --> 00:11:52,294 ♪ ♪ 313 00:11:52,294 --> 00:11:53,838 You... 314 00:11:53,838 --> 00:11:54,880 bastard! 315 00:11:54,880 --> 00:11:56,340 - [grunts] - No. 316 00:11:56,340 --> 00:11:57,550 - Ay! - No. 317 00:11:57,550 --> 00:11:58,509 - [growls] - Ay! 318 00:11:58,509 --> 00:12:00,177 - Look at me. - [clears throat] 319 00:12:00,177 --> 00:12:02,471 Hey, Daphne, I got a package for you. 320 00:12:02,471 --> 00:12:04,473 This time, it isn't broken... [objects shatter] 321 00:12:04,473 --> 00:12:05,516 I think. 322 00:12:05,516 --> 00:12:08,352 Oh, Cliff, you can break my box anytime. 323 00:12:08,352 --> 00:12:12,648 Speaking of precious cargo, how is your wife, Cliffard? 324 00:12:12,648 --> 00:12:14,483 Is she dead yet? 325 00:12:14,483 --> 00:12:16,610 No, she--she couldn't be better, actually. 326 00:12:16,610 --> 00:12:18,487 We're expecting baby number six. 327 00:12:18,487 --> 00:12:20,322 Four more, and we get our own show on TLC. 328 00:12:20,322 --> 00:12:21,282 So... [giggles] 329 00:12:21,282 --> 00:12:22,283 [object shatters] Oh. 330 00:12:22,283 --> 00:12:23,659 - [all gasp] - Sounds fragile. 331 00:12:23,659 --> 00:12:26,203 Oh, those packages are broken... 332 00:12:26,203 --> 00:12:27,997 [objects shatter] Just like my heart! 333 00:12:27,997 --> 00:12:29,790 [gasps] 334 00:12:29,790 --> 00:12:33,127 I can't... 335 00:12:33,127 --> 00:12:34,628 Ah! 336 00:12:34,628 --> 00:12:37,798 [grunts] 337 00:12:37,798 --> 00:12:39,717 - Stand you. - Ah! 338 00:12:39,717 --> 00:12:41,177 Ah! 339 00:12:41,177 --> 00:12:43,387 Daphne, how about you and I take a beat 340 00:12:43,387 --> 00:12:47,183 and regroup to figure out how we could self-drive 341 00:12:47,183 --> 00:12:49,518 our quarterly yearnings? 342 00:12:49,518 --> 00:12:51,896 My heart is broken. Call 911. 343 00:12:51,896 --> 00:12:54,482 Ooh, Shyla, we can't. 344 00:12:54,482 --> 00:12:57,151 Saizon is already plugged into my U-S-Booty port. 345 00:12:57,151 --> 00:12:58,527 [moans] 346 00:12:58,527 --> 00:13:00,070 Daphne. 347 00:13:03,282 --> 00:13:06,702 {\an8}♪ ♪ 348 00:13:13,292 --> 00:13:16,420 My tongue can go south of the border, too. 349 00:13:16,420 --> 00:13:19,298 No, I will take everything with me. 350 00:13:19,298 --> 00:13:22,259 - Oh! - I will take the paper clips. 351 00:13:22,259 --> 00:13:24,553 - I will take the mug! - Por favor! 352 00:13:24,553 --> 00:13:26,680 I want it all. 353 00:13:26,680 --> 00:13:28,432 ♪ ♪ 354 00:13:28,432 --> 00:13:30,017 Not the succulent. 355 00:13:30,017 --> 00:13:32,394 We raised it together. I was its mother. 356 00:13:32,394 --> 00:13:35,940 No, you were my work wife! 357 00:13:35,940 --> 00:13:38,984 No, I was your work wife. 358 00:13:38,984 --> 00:13:40,027 ¿Qué? 359 00:13:40,027 --> 00:13:42,029 [both gasping] 360 00:13:42,029 --> 00:13:46,242 [shrieking] 361 00:13:46,242 --> 00:13:47,868 - Mandalay? - Yes. 362 00:13:47,868 --> 00:13:49,078 I thought you was dead. 363 00:13:49,078 --> 00:13:51,455 - Or moved to accounting. - I'm back. 364 00:13:51,455 --> 00:13:54,083 And now, Daphne, will you 365 00:13:54,083 --> 00:13:57,419 be my work wife till layoffs do us part? 366 00:13:57,419 --> 00:14:01,423 Will Daphne say yes to Shyla? 367 00:14:01,423 --> 00:14:04,260 Will Saizon ever wake up? 368 00:14:04,260 --> 00:14:07,096 Will UPS Cliff realize 369 00:14:07,096 --> 00:14:09,598 his fly was down the whole time? 370 00:14:09,598 --> 00:14:11,934 Find out next week on... 371 00:14:11,934 --> 00:14:15,479 "The Bold and the Cubicle." 372 00:14:17,314 --> 00:14:19,942 You better be a treasure and not a Pandora's box, okay? 373 00:14:19,942 --> 00:14:21,610 'Cause I don't have the time nor the energy 374 00:14:21,610 --> 00:14:23,571 to be waking up spirits. 375 00:14:23,571 --> 00:14:25,197 [grunts] 376 00:14:25,197 --> 00:14:27,491 [sighs] Okay. 377 00:14:28,909 --> 00:14:32,663 [squeals, gasps, laughs] 378 00:14:32,663 --> 00:14:36,417 Oh, I knew resisting the urge to steal my neighbors' packages 379 00:14:36,417 --> 00:14:38,252 would bring me good karma one day. 380 00:14:38,252 --> 00:14:40,754 Hey, Shawree, I didn't find anything over there, 381 00:14:40,754 --> 00:14:43,424 which is really weird, because according to this map, 382 00:14:43,424 --> 00:14:46,302 this is the exact crash site where the first Black pirate, 383 00:14:46,302 --> 00:14:47,970 Captain Wavy Jones, lost his treasure. 384 00:14:47,970 --> 00:14:49,346 You having any luck? 385 00:14:49,346 --> 00:14:52,766 - Is--is that a treasure chest? - What? 386 00:14:52,766 --> 00:14:55,477 Girl, no, that's my lunch. 387 00:14:55,477 --> 00:14:57,896 Look at you, always trying to steal people's food and stuff. 388 00:14:57,896 --> 00:14:59,356 That's why I should have ditched your little hungry ass 389 00:14:59,356 --> 00:15:00,608 back in the fifth grade. 390 00:15:00,608 --> 00:15:02,151 We can't be friends no more, and we definitely can't split 391 00:15:02,151 --> 00:15:03,652 half of whatever it is I did not find. 392 00:15:03,652 --> 00:15:05,571 But I saw gold coins glimmering. 393 00:15:05,571 --> 00:15:08,324 See, I need friends who are happy when I glimmer. 394 00:15:08,324 --> 00:15:10,284 You always trying to steal somebody's shine. 395 00:15:10,284 --> 00:15:12,411 Oh, that negativity, mm-mm-- 396 00:15:12,411 --> 00:15:13,996 that's why we can't be friends no more. 397 00:15:13,996 --> 00:15:16,123 Are you about to steal it? What are you, a British museum? 398 00:15:16,123 --> 00:15:18,584 Well, I didn't find anything but some old gum, 399 00:15:18,584 --> 00:15:20,669 so I guess better luck next time. 400 00:15:20,669 --> 00:15:22,212 Come on, not you, too, Andell. 401 00:15:22,212 --> 00:15:24,173 Are you actually gonna lie to me after I watched your cat 402 00:15:24,173 --> 00:15:26,300 for six months and it gave me rabies? 403 00:15:26,300 --> 00:15:27,718 I can see the jewels. 404 00:15:27,718 --> 00:15:29,845 You got more ice on you than a penguin's asshole. 405 00:15:29,845 --> 00:15:31,847 See, it's that critical spirit of yours 406 00:15:31,847 --> 00:15:33,349 that made me end our friendship. 407 00:15:33,349 --> 00:15:35,517 - Think about it. - Look, I'm not gonna be mad. 408 00:15:35,517 --> 00:15:37,936 So just give me the GPS to the VVS, Andell. 409 00:15:37,936 --> 00:15:39,938 - Oh, my God, these old things? - Yeah. 410 00:15:39,938 --> 00:15:41,106 Girl, you know I always be forgetting 411 00:15:41,106 --> 00:15:42,650 to take off my nice jewelry before a treasure hunt. 412 00:15:42,650 --> 00:15:43,609 - Mm-hmm. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. 413 00:15:43,609 --> 00:15:45,361 - She do be doing that. - Yeah, I be doing that. 414 00:15:45,361 --> 00:15:46,362 No, she do not. 415 00:15:46,362 --> 00:15:47,571 Girl, these are my sleep jewels. 416 00:15:47,571 --> 00:15:48,906 Did you really think I wouldn't realize 417 00:15:48,906 --> 00:15:50,324 that you had on hundreds of thousands of dollars' 418 00:15:50,324 --> 00:15:51,367 worth of jewelry? 419 00:15:51,367 --> 00:15:52,826 You know what your problem is? 420 00:15:52,826 --> 00:15:54,536 [scoffs] You always trying to accuse people of being broke. 421 00:15:54,536 --> 00:15:55,996 What? 422 00:15:55,996 --> 00:15:58,374 Some of us got ruby money, boo, and you're just jealous. 423 00:15:58,374 --> 00:16:00,501 And this is why we can't be friends no more. 424 00:16:00,501 --> 00:16:02,252 Yeah, I mean, maybe you're having 425 00:16:02,252 --> 00:16:04,505 trouble with your vision, so let's do a test. 426 00:16:04,505 --> 00:16:05,881 How many gold rings am I holding up? 427 00:16:05,881 --> 00:16:06,965 You don't got it like that. 428 00:16:06,965 --> 00:16:08,550 You know what? I hate to bring things up, 429 00:16:08,550 --> 00:16:10,678 because I'm not really a tit-for-tat kind of girl, 430 00:16:10,678 --> 00:16:13,555 but last week, remember when you needed to borrow $5 431 00:16:13,555 --> 00:16:17,059 to get a Slurpee because your card was declined? 432 00:16:17,059 --> 00:16:21,522 both: Wow! 433 00:16:21,522 --> 00:16:24,817 Wow, you holding a grudge... both: Over a Slurpee? 434 00:16:24,817 --> 00:16:26,485 You must like going on treasure hunts 435 00:16:26,485 --> 00:16:27,695 'cause you digging right now. 436 00:16:27,695 --> 00:16:29,655 And I'm not even trying to play the victim. 437 00:16:29,655 --> 00:16:33,033 I'm just being real here. both: Wow. 438 00:16:33,033 --> 00:16:35,536 Whenever you guys are done. both: Wow. 439 00:16:35,536 --> 00:16:37,705 You know what? This is getting too weird for me. 440 00:16:37,705 --> 00:16:39,206 So I'ma just head home, okay? 441 00:16:39,206 --> 00:16:41,583 Some of us have work in the morning. 442 00:16:41,583 --> 00:16:44,086 [yawns] 443 00:16:44,086 --> 00:16:45,254 Oop. 444 00:16:45,254 --> 00:16:47,548 You're literally making it rain uncut gems. 445 00:16:47,548 --> 00:16:49,091 Why are you guys lying to me? 446 00:16:49,091 --> 00:16:50,884 both: Wow! 447 00:16:50,884 --> 00:16:54,680 Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow! 448 00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:55,931 - ShamWow! - You know what? 449 00:16:55,931 --> 00:16:58,058 Maybe you should find a friend who tells the truth. 450 00:16:58,058 --> 00:16:59,184 Maybe. 451 00:16:59,184 --> 00:17:01,103 'Cause me and my previously acquired jewels 452 00:17:01,103 --> 00:17:03,230 are out of here, okay? 453 00:17:03,230 --> 00:17:05,149 [upbeat music] 454 00:17:05,149 --> 00:17:06,358 I like that idea, girl. 455 00:17:06,358 --> 00:17:08,902 You know, you wouldn't even know about this place 456 00:17:08,902 --> 00:17:12,239 if I hadn't told you about the legend of Captain Wavy Jones! 457 00:17:12,239 --> 00:17:13,449 Excuse me, boo. 458 00:17:13,449 --> 00:17:15,159 And, Shawree, it's me or the treasure. 459 00:17:15,159 --> 00:17:16,243 What's it gonna be? 460 00:17:16,243 --> 00:17:17,411 I cannot with you 461 00:17:17,411 --> 00:17:19,079 and your dramatic speeches anymore, okay? 462 00:17:19,079 --> 00:17:21,039 Another reason why we are no longer friends. 463 00:17:21,039 --> 00:17:22,750 Bye! Andell, wait up! 464 00:17:22,750 --> 00:17:24,084 Can I get a ride? 465 00:17:24,084 --> 00:17:25,461 I would love to stop at the bank, 466 00:17:25,461 --> 00:17:26,962 and I want to call my lawyer. 467 00:17:26,962 --> 00:17:28,297 Wow. 468 00:17:28,297 --> 00:17:31,425 And to think I was really gonna split $100 million with them 469 00:17:31,425 --> 00:17:33,302 after I found out I won the lottery. 470 00:17:33,302 --> 00:17:36,597 Oh, well, my all-white seafood cruise awaits. 471 00:17:38,390 --> 00:17:41,059 {\an8}[dramatic music] 472 00:17:41,059 --> 00:17:43,145 {\an8}I can't remember who I am. 473 00:17:43,145 --> 00:17:44,730 {\an8}It is like a bra that's too tight. 474 00:17:44,730 --> 00:17:46,440 {\an8}My mammary is crushed! 475 00:17:46,440 --> 00:17:47,816 Am I-- 476 00:17:47,816 --> 00:17:50,110 [American accent] Karlie Chanel, motivationalist, 477 00:17:50,110 --> 00:17:52,613 inspirationalist or... 478 00:17:52,613 --> 00:17:56,200 [straining] Ally's overly concerned friend or... 479 00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:58,827 [high-pitched voice] Maybe she was in need of support. 480 00:17:59,995 --> 00:18:01,622 I knew I shouldn't have lubricated 481 00:18:01,622 --> 00:18:02,998 their sensors with shea butter. 482 00:18:02,998 --> 00:18:07,169 {\an8}♪ ♪ 483 00:18:07,169 --> 00:18:09,338 {\an8}[animal trumpets] 484 00:18:09,338 --> 00:18:12,382 {\an8}[laughter, indistinct chatter] 485 00:18:12,382 --> 00:18:13,801 This is it, Teniece, 486 00:18:13,801 --> 00:18:15,844 your 75th hip-hop dance audition. 487 00:18:15,844 --> 00:18:17,429 No callbacks. 488 00:18:17,429 --> 00:18:19,890 Today we make history. 489 00:18:19,890 --> 00:18:21,183 History? [scoffs] 490 00:18:21,183 --> 00:18:24,353 Brickhouse is here to shake some ass and get famous. 491 00:18:24,353 --> 00:18:26,688 Yes! 492 00:18:26,688 --> 00:18:29,316 Kitty Kitty Boom Boom is here! 493 00:18:29,316 --> 00:18:34,530 Now, dancers, my choreography to the number-one rapper 494 00:18:34,530 --> 00:18:36,949 Lil' Plea Deal's opus, 495 00:18:36,949 --> 00:18:39,993 "Pussies Poppin', Bodies Droppin'," 496 00:18:39,993 --> 00:18:42,663 requires you to bring your best, 497 00:18:42,663 --> 00:18:46,834 'cause if you don't walk up out of here with a herniated disc, 498 00:18:46,834 --> 00:18:49,002 you ain't dancing hard enough! 499 00:18:49,002 --> 00:18:53,090 You gotta pop, lock, and drop dead. 500 00:18:53,090 --> 00:18:56,051 - From the top! - [breathing shakily] 501 00:18:56,051 --> 00:18:58,804 Girl, if you ain't doing the Nae Nae, put your hand down. 502 00:18:58,804 --> 00:19:01,932 Miss Kitty Kitty Boom Boom, ever since I was a little girl, 503 00:19:01,932 --> 00:19:04,434 I dreamed that my dancing would change the world. 504 00:19:04,434 --> 00:19:07,062 So, if you can just give me my motivation for this piece, 505 00:19:07,062 --> 00:19:08,981 I promise you that I will soar. 506 00:19:08,981 --> 00:19:10,649 - Your motivation... - Yes. 507 00:19:10,649 --> 00:19:13,151 - Is to grab your pussy... - Grab it. 508 00:19:13,151 --> 00:19:16,238 Then grab your titties, and do it for the Kitty. 509 00:19:16,238 --> 00:19:17,698 - All right? - Yes. 510 00:19:17,698 --> 00:19:19,491 - You got it, ladies? - Got it. 511 00:19:19,491 --> 00:19:20,742 Hey, yo, Daddy's home. 512 00:19:20,742 --> 00:19:22,661 [all screaming] How you doin'? 513 00:19:22,661 --> 00:19:24,163 I love when bitches get excited. 514 00:19:24,163 --> 00:19:26,248 What's up, what's up, what's up, what's up? 515 00:19:26,248 --> 00:19:27,875 Shut the fuck up. 516 00:19:27,875 --> 00:19:30,252 Now, look, I'm just a regular billionaire rapper. 517 00:19:30,252 --> 00:19:32,462 I'm just like you, just got anger issues and shit. 518 00:19:32,462 --> 00:19:34,923 I don't want none of y'all to be nervous or nothing, okay? 519 00:19:34,923 --> 00:19:37,426 Just picture everybody in the room naked, 520 00:19:37,426 --> 00:19:39,094 being soaked in a barrel of acid, 521 00:19:39,094 --> 00:19:41,305 so we won't find their bodies. 522 00:19:41,305 --> 00:19:43,932 Thank you for that motivation, Mr. Deal. 523 00:19:43,932 --> 00:19:45,434 Yeah, you welcome, sweetie. 524 00:19:45,434 --> 00:19:46,602 B-Brickhouse don't motivate with words. 525 00:19:46,602 --> 00:19:48,145 She motivate with ass. 526 00:19:48,145 --> 00:19:49,229 - I like that, cool. - Thank you. 527 00:19:49,229 --> 00:19:51,398 Okay, ladies, let's go from the top 528 00:19:51,398 --> 00:19:54,109 and show Mr. Deal what we've been working on. 529 00:19:54,109 --> 00:19:55,861 Cue the music! 530 00:19:55,861 --> 00:19:58,238 Five, six, seven, eight. 531 00:19:58,238 --> 00:20:00,949 And jump and down, get it, down! 532 00:20:00,949 --> 00:20:02,576 Walk it, get it up. 533 00:20:02,576 --> 00:20:04,453 - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Slap it and walk. 534 00:20:04,453 --> 00:20:07,915 Walk and twirl it around, and knee, knee, knee, knee. 535 00:20:07,915 --> 00:20:09,750 Throw it back, throw it forward, throw it back. 536 00:20:09,750 --> 00:20:12,252 I would have sex with you. Yes, I would. 537 00:20:12,252 --> 00:20:13,795 Pop that pussy. 538 00:20:13,795 --> 00:20:17,257 Smooth it out, smooth it out, fight that bitch in the face. 539 00:20:17,257 --> 00:20:18,800 - Cut the music! - [giggles] 540 00:20:18,800 --> 00:20:21,428 Just call me lint, because I am in the pocket. 541 00:20:21,428 --> 00:20:23,680 No, the boom is not cacking, 542 00:20:23,680 --> 00:20:26,308 and the ass cheeks are not clapping. 543 00:20:26,308 --> 00:20:28,185 Nah, nah, nah, nah, she cool. 544 00:20:28,185 --> 00:20:29,645 - What? - [gasps] 545 00:20:29,645 --> 00:20:31,313 Thank you, Mr. Deal. 546 00:20:31,313 --> 00:20:33,106 Now that I know who you are, 547 00:20:33,106 --> 00:20:35,692 I love you so much. [giggles] 548 00:20:35,692 --> 00:20:37,110 You're too kind, ho. 549 00:20:37,110 --> 00:20:38,487 You keep talking to me like that, 550 00:20:38,487 --> 00:20:40,572 you might be my next leading lady/alibi. 551 00:20:40,572 --> 00:20:42,950 No way, Brickhouse been practicing 552 00:20:42,950 --> 00:20:44,451 her perjury and pussy pops! 553 00:20:44,451 --> 00:20:47,996 Less talking and more twerking! 554 00:20:47,996 --> 00:20:49,164 - Okay. - Cue the music! 555 00:20:49,164 --> 00:20:50,457 This is your moment, Teniece. 556 00:20:50,457 --> 00:20:52,125 What do you want to see, Lil' Plea Deal? 557 00:20:52,125 --> 00:20:53,835 Man, I ain't really feeling most of these bitches. 558 00:20:53,835 --> 00:20:56,922 I like her, and I like her. I want to see them together. 559 00:20:56,922 --> 00:20:59,675 Brickhouse and Chocolate Nutcracker, 560 00:20:59,675 --> 00:21:00,676 to the center. 561 00:21:00,676 --> 00:21:03,178 It's a dance-off! Brickhouse! 562 00:21:03,178 --> 00:21:06,014 [dancers cheering] 563 00:21:06,014 --> 00:21:08,058 It's a nice jiggle. 564 00:21:08,058 --> 00:21:09,351 all: Hey, hey! 565 00:21:09,351 --> 00:21:11,144 Misty Nopeland, let's see it! 566 00:21:11,144 --> 00:21:12,896 Pop that pussy for real! 567 00:21:12,896 --> 00:21:15,190 Oh, okay, it's a little jiggle. 568 00:21:15,190 --> 00:21:17,484 - It's a little jiggle. - It's just enough. 569 00:21:17,484 --> 00:21:18,986 Well, you better bring something. 570 00:21:18,986 --> 00:21:20,529 My sugar daddy taught me this. 571 00:21:20,529 --> 00:21:23,365 [dancers cheering] 572 00:21:23,365 --> 00:21:25,742 Hey, hey, hey. Hey, yo, cut the music. 573 00:21:25,742 --> 00:21:27,119 - [record scratches] - That's right. 574 00:21:27,119 --> 00:21:30,372 Shit. Hey, yo, Easter tights, you're perfect, ma. 575 00:21:30,372 --> 00:21:31,790 What's that thing you're doing called? 576 00:21:31,790 --> 00:21:33,834 - Her? - It's called an assemblé. 577 00:21:33,834 --> 00:21:36,044 Whoa, whoa, whoa, we talking ass play now? 578 00:21:36,044 --> 00:21:38,380 - [giggles] - You can play with my ass. 579 00:21:38,380 --> 00:21:40,007 - Yeah, a'ight. - It's fine. 580 00:21:40,007 --> 00:21:41,383 You got a getaway car? 581 00:21:41,383 --> 00:21:43,885 No, but I've got a Razor scooter. 582 00:21:43,885 --> 00:21:45,887 Listen, I love the way you move. 583 00:21:45,887 --> 00:21:48,557 - You on that new shit. - It's actually very old. 584 00:21:48,557 --> 00:21:50,183 - Kitty Kitty? - Yes. 585 00:21:50,183 --> 00:21:51,393 Play something sexy 586 00:21:51,393 --> 00:21:53,228 'fore I kill you and your whole family. 587 00:21:53,228 --> 00:21:55,355 Ain't no thing. They're already all dead. 588 00:21:55,355 --> 00:21:57,024 My mom, my granny, my brother, 589 00:21:57,024 --> 00:22:00,527 even my cat señor Whiskers, all died in a cyclone. 590 00:22:00,527 --> 00:22:02,112 My ass can make a cyclone. 591 00:22:02,112 --> 00:22:04,197 Brickhouse, you're embarrassing yourself. 592 00:22:04,197 --> 00:22:05,615 Cue the music! 593 00:22:05,615 --> 00:22:07,909 - You ready to shine? - Yes. 594 00:22:07,909 --> 00:22:12,497 ♪ Baby, I love... ♪ 595 00:22:12,497 --> 00:22:14,291 Yeah, I like you. 596 00:22:14,291 --> 00:22:15,625 Oh, you making me dizzy. 597 00:22:15,625 --> 00:22:17,586 Uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh. 598 00:22:17,586 --> 00:22:19,546 All she doing is spinning around in circles. 599 00:22:19,546 --> 00:22:23,425 You know, I did something like this in 1998 600 00:22:23,425 --> 00:22:26,094 in a Broadway play-- "My Husband Has Rats." 601 00:22:26,094 --> 00:22:29,097 I would have choreographed that if I knew you wanted it. 602 00:22:29,097 --> 00:22:31,308 Turn around, bend over. Let me see something. 603 00:22:31,308 --> 00:22:32,684 - Come back up. - Ooh! 604 00:22:32,684 --> 00:22:34,978 Ooh, I like that, look-it. Lean on me, baby. 605 00:22:34,978 --> 00:22:36,772 Lean on me for support. 606 00:22:36,772 --> 00:22:39,066 - That's just a soutenu. - I like soup, too. 607 00:22:39,066 --> 00:22:42,069 You so delicate, you like if a daisy had eyeballs. 608 00:22:42,069 --> 00:22:44,154 - Oh, my God. - If this is what you like... 609 00:22:44,154 --> 00:22:45,781 - I love this. - "Love"? 610 00:22:45,781 --> 00:22:47,616 Sweetheart, come up. Come here. 611 00:22:47,616 --> 00:22:49,409 You don't belong on the floor. You a queen. 612 00:22:49,409 --> 00:22:50,619 Keep your head up. 613 00:22:50,619 --> 00:22:52,579 [soft music] 614 00:22:52,579 --> 00:22:54,456 Put this on my books. 615 00:22:54,456 --> 00:22:56,333 But you're not in jail. 616 00:22:56,333 --> 00:22:57,751 Not yet. 617 00:22:57,751 --> 00:22:59,628 My bulletproof Tahoe awaits. 618 00:22:59,628 --> 00:23:01,588 - Is that my paper? - Let's get out of here, mami. 619 00:23:01,588 --> 00:23:02,964 I want to see you walk one more time. 620 00:23:02,964 --> 00:23:04,257 I love to watch you leave, girl. 621 00:23:04,257 --> 00:23:05,384 I love to watch you leave. 622 00:23:05,384 --> 00:23:06,635 By the way, none of you bitches is hired. 623 00:23:06,635 --> 00:23:08,470 - That shit was weak. - That's it! 624 00:23:08,470 --> 00:23:11,556 Brickhouse going back to scamming niggas on Instagram! 625 00:23:11,556 --> 00:23:13,975 That yellow motherfucker didn't pay me! 626 00:23:16,436 --> 00:23:19,731 {\an8}[electricity buzzing] 627 00:23:19,731 --> 00:23:20,941 {\an8}[animal trumpets] 628 00:23:20,941 --> 00:23:24,027 Oh, my Nubioids are starting to remember, 629 00:23:24,027 --> 00:23:25,612 and we cannot have that. 630 00:23:25,612 --> 00:23:29,116 See, see, see, after my king, Supreme Rahmeek, 631 00:23:29,116 --> 00:23:31,952 rightly made me give up the presidency, 632 00:23:31,952 --> 00:23:34,788 I became a stay-at-home supervillain! 633 00:23:34,788 --> 00:23:38,458 That's right, barefoot and plotting on how to give birth 634 00:23:38,458 --> 00:23:41,878 to an army of super Pan-African androids 635 00:23:41,878 --> 00:23:43,505 to take over the world. 636 00:23:43,505 --> 00:23:46,383 I'd already had success with my first wave. 637 00:23:46,383 --> 00:23:49,094 [beeping] Ain't that right, Elisa? 638 00:23:49,094 --> 00:23:51,346 [whirring] 639 00:23:51,346 --> 00:23:52,472 That's right. 640 00:23:52,472 --> 00:23:54,015 Blippity blippity. 641 00:23:54,015 --> 00:23:55,350 Scat, scat, scat. 642 00:23:55,350 --> 00:23:56,726 It doesn't even make sense. 643 00:23:56,726 --> 00:23:58,520 I just programmed her to say that. 644 00:23:58,520 --> 00:24:00,605 You can read more about my genius 645 00:24:00,605 --> 00:24:03,108 in my new pre-"New York Times" 646 00:24:03,108 --> 00:24:05,527 best-selling self-published book, 647 00:24:05,527 --> 00:24:07,487 "What to Decept When You're Decepting 648 00:24:07,487 --> 00:24:09,364 "and Other Ways Females Can Take Over the World 649 00:24:09,364 --> 00:24:11,324 Without Disrespecting Their Kings." 650 00:24:11,324 --> 00:24:12,659 You know what? 651 00:24:12,659 --> 00:24:14,828 As Supreme Rahmeek tells me all the time, 652 00:24:14,828 --> 00:24:16,663 quit all that talking! 653 00:24:16,663 --> 00:24:19,499 Matter of fact, you shouldn't even be see, see, seeing this. 654 00:24:19,499 --> 00:24:23,211 [animals trumpeting, growling] 655 00:24:23,211 --> 00:24:25,213 {\an8}- I'm over here. - I'm over here. 656 00:24:25,213 --> 00:24:26,506 {\an8}But now I'm over here. 657 00:24:26,506 --> 00:24:27,716 {\an8}Well, guess what. I'm under here. 658 00:24:27,716 --> 00:24:29,384 {\an8}My outfit ain't even that bad though. 659 00:24:29,384 --> 00:24:31,386 {\an8}I just feel like it's a wrinkle here, wrinkle there. 660 00:24:31,386 --> 00:24:33,471 {\an8}Wrinkle fucking everywhere. Give me the beat. 661 00:24:33,471 --> 00:24:35,056 {\an8}- [beatboxing] - ♪ A wrinkle here ♪ 662 00:24:35,056 --> 00:24:36,600 {\an8}♪ A wrinkle there ♪ 663 00:24:36,600 --> 00:24:39,186 {\an8}♪ A motherfucking wrinkle everywhere ♪ 664 00:24:39,186 --> 00:24:41,605 {\an8}Couldn't be me. [cackles] It could. 665 00:24:41,605 --> 00:24:43,857 {\an8}Why are you whispering? Just say it with your chest! 666 00:24:43,857 --> 00:24:48,904 {\an8}You got declined! both: Wow! 667 00:24:48,904 --> 00:24:51,781 {\an8}[both grunting] 668 00:24:51,781 --> 00:24:53,200 {\an8}- [whines] - ¿Por qué? 669 00:24:53,200 --> 00:24:54,534 {\an8}- ¿Por qué? - Yo no sé. 670 00:24:54,534 --> 00:24:55,911 {\an8}No, no sé. 671 00:24:55,911 --> 00:24:57,704 {\an8}Ah, hija de puta madre! 672 00:24:57,704 --> 00:24:58,747 {\an8}Ay! Oh. 673 00:24:58,747 --> 00:25:01,583 {\an8}Wait, what, you ain't-- what the mother... 674 00:25:01,583 --> 00:25:03,001 {\an8}fuck! 675 00:25:03,001 --> 00:25:08,256 {\an8}both: Wow! 676 00:25:08,256 --> 00:25:12,802 {\an8}Wow, wow, wow! 677 00:25:12,802 --> 00:25:13,845 {\an8}Huh! 678 00:25:13,845 --> 00:25:15,305 {\an8}Relax, I'm trying to do something special 679 00:25:15,305 --> 00:25:16,431 {\an8}with my new bitch. 680 00:25:16,431 --> 00:25:18,934 {\an8}Been doing développés since I developed titties. 681 00:25:18,934 --> 00:25:20,435 {\an8}I don't mind taking a bullet. 682 00:25:20,435 --> 00:25:21,811 {\an8}Where is your HR department? 683 00:25:21,811 --> 00:25:23,271 {\an8}Because this is sexual harassment. 684 00:25:23,271 --> 00:25:25,065 - You're standing in it. - Saizon! 685 00:25:25,065 --> 00:25:26,816 Did you ever even love me? 686 00:25:26,816 --> 00:25:28,902 [high-pitched voice] Yes, Saizon love you. 687 00:25:28,902 --> 00:25:30,362 You're gonna believe a plant? 688 00:25:42,374 --> 00:25:45,418 [bright tone]