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The lord god said "let there be light"
and there was light
the lord god said "let there be man and woman"
and there was man and woman
and that night man asked woman
"hey, are you free tomorrow night?"
And woman said
"okay, let me check
but I'm not interested in anything long term
I want to see other people
before I settle down with one"
Cut!
And man said
"there are no other people"
And woman said
"okay, how about this: We get married
you vow your eternal love for me
who are totally dependent on us for eighteen years
and spend time with us at home every Saturday
also, you'll never get to
see another woman
naked again”
and man said
and the lord said
"why don't you two explore the world
before telling me...
Whether men and women
can be together after all"
and then thousands...
And thousands
and thousands of years passed
men and women...
Show time!
Romance, new romance
set a date, don't be late
potbelly, slim it up
showing off perfect pecs
"producers: Virginia lok Eric tsang"
trim the beard
primp the hair, dance around
let me be, let me go
wear a condom, we're good to go
"cast: Eric tsang Teresa mo Ivana wong wong Cho lam"
scent from my fragrance
express my machismo
zip your fly
you'll be fine
I have to work harder finding a partner
it'll be a perfect first date
"original screenplay by Joe dipietro & Jimmy Roberts"
Toner, shower gel
antioxidant, anti-aging
reduce wrinkle, flaunting cleavage
burning fat, watch your weight
"art director: Chet chan constume designer: Cecilia chik"
see my face, smooth and fair
extending hair, manicure
make a laugh, sounds so great
speak english like Janice mann
"screenplay adaptation: Joey leung wong Cho lam wang jue"
waking up, do the hair
whitening and get prepared
work out often
stop eating macarons
I have to work harder dressing up
for my Mr. right
I try to be a perfect partner
even if I have to be your slave
fake my virtue
I'm acting flawlessly in this chick flick
looking forward to meeting my love
bachelor, where are you?
I'm still waiting
for him to come into my dream
I have my stress
though I'm not perfect
I don't expect much from a relationship
that's why I end up with nothing
everybody
I have my stress
though I'm not perfect
shame, shame, shame
I cry and cry
I'm used to it, how time flies
time? Huh?
"Music director: Laudon, Jonathan Edward choreographers: Gerald wong Cho yiu pang Lee may"
"director of photography: Kenny tse administrative producer: Cherrie lau"
my heart is pounding
when I think about my love
I'll be happy if we hooked up
I'll be grumpy if we broke up
how can I tell? I barely know you
perhaps you are a jerk
toner, shower gel
antioxidant, anti-aging
reduce wrinkle, flaunting cleavage
burning fat, watch your weight
- I try to be a perfect partner - See my face, smooth and fair
extending hair, manicure
- even if I have to be your slave - Make a laugh, sounds so great
speak english like Janice mann
- fake my virtue - Toner, shower gel
antioxidant, anti-aging
- I'm acting flawlessly in this chick flick - Reduce wrinkle, flaunting cleavage
burning fat, watch your weight
don't worry
if Venus will stay
I only worry
if I have to wait again for love
When will you show up?
Being single sucks
I don't want a bad ending
I'm in my thirties and wrinkles start showing
"director: Wong Cho lam"
"a chapter on courtship"
enjoy your meal
Let's do dinner
and a flick
sure
you certainly move quick
sure
it's my pleasure to watch it with you
how wonderful
what movie should we do?
Well, that's fully up to you
this one, please
let me get this
and that, my friends, was my one big mistake
I'm too sick
oppa, don't wait for me
why did this happen when we're about to get married?
I love kung fu action
mindless, violent action
Danny young and it man are awesome
I watch "love section" sometimes
Tommy leung makes people high
they say his ass is big, I buy
what the hell am I watching?
This movie here is cloying
all the scenes are dragging
I bet she gets all weepy
as I get really sleepy
no chick will ever pick the flick again
oppa, it's not worth it
I'll marry you no matter what
He and she
can't they be together?
They haven't gotten married
but he can't hold back...
His love
he can't let go
the love from his wife
taking care of her
in sickness and in health
that's love
I yearn to see a psycho
a psycho with pain saw
be nice to see him slice up everyone
mince the meat into buns
sacrifice them to the cult
sex and violence are all I'm after
he's dutiful
how wonderful
to hold on to his wife in misfortune
it's nothing new
the wife isn't even that hot
farewell, my love
a kiss before we part forever
We're running out of luck in this life
see you next lifetime
Bak so yeon!
Why do I feel horrible?
Did I just feel...
A tear now?
I bet it's just some sweat caught in my eye
what's happening?
My nose feels rather...
Runny
good god!
My eyes are getting red
this should be a lovely wedding
but it turns out to be a funeral
my manhood is capsizing
- love has not changed - What's happening to me?
I might cry any moment
it'd be such a disaster
- on this day - I've got to get a grip now
think about a zombie movie
special features
must fight the feeling
it's too late
this movie is tear-jerking
I can't hold it anymore
- should've sneaked out long before - Don't run away
- no whimpering like a puppy - Don't cry
I've got to macho up
women like Alpha males
- still being brave - I didn't plan on shedding tears
I can't allow myself to cry...
Oh god!
Are you okay?
Just an allergy
you know what?
I love men who aren't afraid to cry at the movies
why didn't the actress come back?
If she came back
the puppy wouldn't have died
Yes! Yes! Yes!
Are you okay?
I'm fine
I shouldn't have played so well
come on, it's okay
no, I shouldn't have beaten you
come on, it's okay
I shouldn't have caught up with my pride
and pointed at you and said "loser! Loser! Loser!"
You're right, you shouldn't have done that
just now when you pointed at me
and said "loser! Loser! Loser!"
Your voice is angelic, and...
You look so pretty
really?
Yes
then why didn't you make a pass at me?
What?
I mean, this is already our fourth date
why?
Is it me?
Oh no, you're fine
is it you?
No, I'm absolutely fine
my body works just fine
even without Viagra
I'm sorry... so sorry
I said the wrong thing again
whenever I go on dates with guys
it's like I have this moron switch in my head that goes on
that makes me say stupid things
I'm sorry, my bad
no, king
I was just trying to be respectful
respectful?
Yes
I don't want you to think I'm a player
you're the most interesting woman I've met
you're pretty
you play tennis well
your voice is so beautiful
and you're so upfront, also...
Look, I have this moron switch too
I don't even know what I'm saying, so stupid
dickson, can I make you dinner tonight?
Really?
What would you like to eat?
Black truffle squid ink lasagna alle vongole
with cream sauce
What?
Black truffle squid ink lasagna alle vongole
with cream sauce
with an egg, too
great
so I'll make black truffle...
Cream sauce...
Spam meat instant noodle, if you don't have plans
no, I never have plans
which is not to say I'm a loser
it's just that I'm generally free
if you make me
black truffle squid ink lasagna alle vongole
with cream sauce tonight...
I'll go to convenience store to get some...
Condoms?
White wine
white wine! Sure!
White wine is a must
absolutely
what am I saying?
Condoms and black truffle
are two completely different things
"moron switch"...
If you want, I can also get some condoms
okay
then I'll go to the convenience store and get white wine and...
Yeah!
I have to get home and learn how to make...
Black truffle... lasagna
so I'll go to the convenience store now
dickson
Tonight
tonight
yes! Yes! Yes!
Let darkness come
turn up the moonlight
it might sound shallow
but I want to fuel the spark
surprises to follow
I found my love
and I will be loved tonight
hold me tight
pamper me
whisper softly to my ears
and sing me a love song
let's stay in bed
and watch the galaxy above
and I will be loved tonight
I drowned myself in work
I let my days aimlessly pass
I forgot how it's like to be in love
I was content being single
day after day
I lived in my capsule
pretending to be cheerful
Looking into the night sky
I had no one by my side
The sky seems gloomy
but I know someone is waiting for me
please treasure
this precious love
he shows me the light
hold me tight
my darling
my love
come to me tonight
And love me
I just remembered something funny
what's that?
I bought an orange yesterday
and?
It went bad today
I'll go get another drink
I sit here trying to seduce
and make this big boy drool
but every thought that I produce
makes me sound like such a tool
I'm making myself a fool
it's not that I can't be diverting
sometimes I can even thrill
I want to be with her
because I've fallen for her
if I could
transform
into a stud
if I were
a hunk
if I were
a babe
the kind of guy girls love
the kind of girl guys crave
my beauty is stunning
my pec is so firm
my legs are so slim
my biceps are so strong
my hair is shinning
six huge packs
two huge jugs
all people are turning their eyes
I get what I want
say my name when we make love
fill me up tonight
can't miss the time of our lives
I'm a stud
I'm a babe
all she wants
is to get him
if I were
kuen
you have a pimple on your nose
let me buy you a drink
hold on
you don't drink like this
Get down! Get down!
Get the hell down now!
You lazy bums
only good for nothing
kuen
I guess...
I'm not the kind of guy you want
I'm not the kind of girl you want
I'm not a stud
I'm a loser
I'm nothing close to a hunk
I'm not pretty
I'm stupid and boring
I'm not attractive
my clothes are synthetic
I only got one style
I don't like to be flashy
I like girls with no make up
I've a flat chest
we're actually a perfect match
I'll call you everyday
I want to see you night and day
I'll always be around
one more round, what do you say?
Due to the rayleigh-Taylor instability
the rising air
will drag the dust and debris up
that's why after an atomic explosion
a mushroom cloud is formed
Wow! German
I wouldn't know if you hadn't explained to me
mushroom
I didn't know that's how mushroom came from
it's mushroom cloud
yes, mushroom cloud
Veronica
was I boring you?
Not at all
it's just me
when I'm listening real hard
my eyes are closed like that
dessert?
No, thanks
I never liked dessert
stuff like chocolate...
I just hate it
I'm lying
oops, I didn't get to the gym today
I generally go every single day
I'm really lying
Veronica
you're one special lady
I could discuss nuclear fission with you
all night long
I really want to do that
please god, don't let him
let me tell you then
my favorite thing to do is
Chinese chess
no wonder
that was my guess too
do you play?
Of course
it's so exciting
I'm lying
let's find time
to play together
your place
or mine?
Who is this woman talking
did you ever see the movie "emperor of chess?"
I love it
I didn't see this movie
what's your favorite scene?
Help me
this time
help me
if you had to choose a gas to represent yourself
would you pick hydrogen
or nitrogen?
Excuse me
I want to say
just a thing or two
but listening to his voice
I'm ready to drop
he eyes my breast, he talks, and talks
he never stops
there's a serious single man drought
it has to be right when everybody likes
a match among singles
there're just too many idiots
there's a serious single man drought
I can't believe he's still talking
I should seek refuge
he eats, he shits
it's like a torture
there's a serious single man drought
defeated
I used to have some standards
but man by man
I look older everytime
lesbian
I should be a lesbian
it's so much easier to be with a woman
no nonsense from men no more
we seem to be made for each other
and in "emperor of chess"
who was your favorite character?
The old guy who is not too old
kind of chubby but too chubby
Johnny sham!
Yes!
Me too!
I could grow old alone just fine
adopt some cats and cuddle them
they'll find me dead in my feline shrine
there's a serious single man drought
I date
and try
w ait for him
to marry me
flaws, there are just too much
I'm screwed
single man, please come to me
help me please
anyone
help me please
let me get the check
no, let's split it
I'm lying
I'm seriously lying
hope you can find a bachelor
because there's a serious single man drought
I bluff to give myself away
single man, oh, single man
anyone come take me
I'm totally screwed
fine, split the bill then
- screw you! - You old fart!
Veronica!
Betty!
Veronica!
Betty!
Wait a minute!
- Betty... - Veronica...
Betty!
Baby, I want to ride carousel
okay
you have chapped lips, drink some water
it's so cold, my teeth hurts
let me warm you up
wong hoi nay, will you marry me?
Kong ka ching, I will
Love has no logic
but I still fall for it
why am I always single?
Why?
Because I'm a guy
my hairline is receding
my confidence is lacking
the doctors are not helping
us single men
my kitchen is disgusting
my bedroom is messy
my clothes are all stinky
my god
I'm just a guy
I want to be a husband
I want to be brave
I want to be an Alpha male
and not to be alone
as a matter of fact
am a total husband material
I'm loud and grumpy
I gamble to see if I'm lucky
my balls are itchy
being noisy
being lazy
I'm a single guy
an outstanding single guy
"a chapter on marriage"
my future in-laws
chi keung has an announcement
he must be proposing
you have to be here
this pair of golden bracelets is a family heirloom
it finally has its successor
we've been waiting for this, we brought wine as well
when they come, let's...
Mr. and Mrs. Lee, they're here
let's hide
sure, let's talk later
chi keung - auntie
please take a seat
we're so excited today
we'd like to celebrate with you
and your better half, kiki
how long have you been dating?
Two years
two years only?
Kiki, remember, consider carefully before jumping into
anything as serious as
what?
As serious as...
What?
Marriage!
Daddy, mommy
we wanted to wait till after dinner
but...
You wanted to surprise us I know!
Well...
Yeah, yeah
me and kiki
yeah, yeah
we've talked it over
we're breaking up
surprise!
Daddy, mommy, why are you here?
Say it, why are you two breaking up?
We don't want to let you all down
but kiki and I have thought about it long and hard
the decision we make right now
is right
and I just want to focus on
my foot massage kol career now
daddy, mommy, are you okay?
What do you think?
Chi keung, remember, no matter what happened
what kind of decision you've made
I'm still here to support you
honey
this is good news, right?
It's certainly wonderful news
bring it!
Let's make a toast for chi keung and that one
who will never be our daughter-in-law... And her name?
Kiki
cheers
congratulations, single girl
you're courageous to be single
we understand why you dumped him
but we don't pity you
very happy for you indeed
being single
what's wrong with that?
You've got too much work
you dump him for your career
you're self-sufficient, you don't need a man
to hold your hand
you two didn't put your hearts into this
it's not that bad after all
being single is great
no doubt
you're so lucky
you have everything figured out
you've got much more than mother ever had
you're such a strong guy
if you want to break up, we don't mind
get a drink, you'll be fine
we're your parents, we support you
you little shit
what's wrong with you?
Perverted, gay, or herpes?
So bad that you want to be single
leave all things behind
he is a nice guy
you'll be sorry for dumping her
how long would it take to finally find another person?
We don't mean to pry
relax, don't complain
adulthood's not as crucial as it seems
for another thousand days maybe
or ten thousand years it could be
our grandkids will never be born
even when we're gone
focus on your career
what a great idea
keep working forever
our dreams are destroyed
calm down, my in-laws
we're not in-laws no more
best wishes to all
here's to you!
"Prison for the singles"
Welcome, singles over thirty
to our "matchmaking escape room"
I'm your instructor Louis yuen
I guarantee you'll be highly entertained
by this extraordinary "big fun" experience
it's just matchmaking
it doesn't have to be so scary, does it?
I said you'll have "big fun"
of course the scarier the better
don't scare them
you look sharp
In order to live up to the horror of this game
let me introduce
the main character this game
granny lung
hi everyone
I'm granny lung
decades ago
I was referred to as baby lung
at that time
I was just like you two
working in central
as a white collar
whenever I was free
I watched Korean and Japanese dramas with mytv super
mytv super existed back then?
Why not?
Don't interrupt
fine, fine, fine
but for some reasons
no matter how hard I tried
I just couldn't seem to find my significant other
this feeling that I had
you should understand
then came Christmas Eve
a friend of mine
invited me to a Christmas party
I couldn't find a date to go with
so I went alone
as soon as I arrived
I saw everyone came with a partner
couples everywhere
kissing and cuddling
calling each other cute names
"baby", "piggy"
give me a kiss, baby
piggy, give me a smooch
sweetie, try this mini Franks
darling, honey
They even started talking like babies
don't you think it's unbearable?
I was so mad
I grabbed a ak47 out of nowhere
and killed all those jerks once and for all
After they died
their souls lingered
they took revenge on me
that's why I can only be a medium now
people call me granny lung out of respect
in fact I'm just lonely lung
what are you laughing at?
I'm almost eighty
but I don't have a soulmate
is that funny to you?
No, not at all
"for the singles"
and what about you, bitch?
I apologize
can we go now? I want to go
if you don't get married
you can never leave this prison
are you still waiting
for Mr. and Mrs. right to show up?
Yes
let me ask for you
They're dead already
What's your name?
And what kind of partner are you looking for?
Tell me all about it
let me see if I can help
my Chinese name is chung king fai
english name, kfc
they all call me king fai ching
I'm 34
I'm looking for a young Christian girl
who wants to get married and have kids with me
and you?
My Chinese name is kam kung mun
english name, madonald
I'm 24
what?
429
so young
will you marry her?
How about you?
Well... yeah...
Speak up
let's get married!
"Congratulations"
congratulations
congratulations on escaping this prison
Soon to be man and wife
ladies and gentlemen
We have gathered here under god above
to bear withess to this man and this woman
love
as they vow their eternal love
do you swear?
Do you swear to love and honor?
I swear
then your bachelorhood is a goner
as a husband
now you'll have a lot of chores
really?
Do you swear?
Is your love for him wholehearted?
I swear
then your freedom just departed
and remember
now his family is yours
do I swear?
Ian kwai fong is no longer reachable
do I swear?
His belly will grow and chin will be doubled
who do you think you are?
- I should get married with someone better - I should hold out for someone better
do you vow?
I should ask my mother
do you vow?
Is this really what I want my life to be?
You've really got to think
do you really want to get married?
And remember it's forever
and forever
and forever is a really long, long time
- get away from here - And remember it's forever
- listen to your heart - And forever
and forever - do you swear?
- And forever is a really long, long time - Do you vow?
Do you swear?
Do you vow?
Do you really want to get married?
Do you do we do?
Do you swear?
Do you vow?
Think twice before you say it
do you do we do?
Do you?
Oh, god!
I'm going to throw the bouquet
who wants it?
Me, me, me!
Here we go!
One, two
It's coming, it's coming
one, two, three!
Congratulations
it's going to be your turn soon
sure, I'll be getting married real soon
well I've walked down the aisle
more than once in a while
but I've always stood off to the side
each bride has me dressed, not quite looking my best
always a bridesmaid, never a bride
I was kuen's bridesmaid once
"fatty" is the name of her husband
they made out on their wedding day
both of them are overweight
in the middle of their business
her husband went lifeless
and soon he died of fatness
too many weddings
too many dresses
bridesmaids' dresses are hard to carry
they all make my hips look so wide
so you've got to be picky
always a bridesmaid, never a bride
I was fun's bridesmaid later
I trusted my instinct
that's a red flag
she was too ruthless
the groom was a playboy
on the big day
he tried to grope a bridesmaid
what a shame
the bride changed here mind
we gave them money and gifts
chun's wedding didn't go well
indecent affair
no one could bare
the guy and the girl, both heavily sinned
for they were supposed to be akin
they got caught red handed
and chun got him castrated
too many weddings
too many dresses
sisters, let's stay together
forever and ever
don't make your life a bummer
always a bridesmaid, never a bride
what is this attitude?
With so many dresses for weddings
silence, I'm sick of explaining
I was there for them
but they separated in the end
these gowns bring me sorrows
too many weddings
too many dresses
I'm content
I need not crying over a man
I don't ask for much
my fate is in my hand
too many weddings
praise the lord
I've hung on to my pride
"A chapter on couples"
say my name, baby
siu ming
say my name, baby - siu ming
louder
siu ming
How was it, baby? Was it good?
Yeah
on the scale of Richter magnitude
how intense was it?
Enough!
You were terrible!
You were focused only on your pleasure!
Don't mention about a quake
the bed didn't even move an inch
what now?
If your other half can't satisfy you sexually?
No problem
did you ever wish you could sue them?
No?
Know your rights and be informed
at kwan king lung solicitors
we have a lot of sexually experienced attorneys
who will follow you into your bedroom
and get you the orgasm you deserve, all in one go
Mr. kwan king lung, please
let's follow siu ming and Mei ling
to romantic hotel
and take a look at their case
higher, higher
lower, lower
I don't mean lowering your voice
all too familiar, isn't it?
If you don't want this, what can you do?
Don't get stuck with this
step out and make a move
back to you, Mr. kwan king lung
it's our priority to safeguard
the sexual satisfaction of our clients
siu ming, your contract states
you must nibble Mei ling's elbow
Mei ling, you must fondle siu ming's feet
it's awesome
with an annual fee of $4999
you can satisfy all your darkest desires
satisfaction guaranteed
or your money back
I got fifty thousand dollars
because siu ming refused to nibble my elbow
and I got one hundred thousand dollars
because Mei ling wouldn't fondle my feet
we won't rip you off
if your partner doesn't get you off
no problem
at kwan king lung solicitors
we care about your bedroom business!
I love Hong Kong!
Kwan king lung solicitors hotline
44535210
Baby
have you paid the management fee?
Yeah
honey, have you paid the credit card bill?
Yeah
have you called the technician to fix the washing machine?
Yeah
have you applied for a day off for the pta meeting?
Yeah
have you fed the tortoise?
Yeah
have you bought Chinese sausage for your mom?
Yeah
have you put your mom on the taxi?
Yeah
have you put the kids to bed?
Yeah
yeah?
How?
I promised them if they go to bed
I'm taking them to didiland this Saturday
just for going to bed?
I am exhausted
they were cutting polystyrene foam in their room
playing the "let eat go" game
it's not happening
whatever, we can tell them later
didiland is burnt to the ground
I have to clean up the snow before bed
don't stay up too late, okay?
Look at the dark circles under your eyes
ouch
Honey, you want me to come?
There's no need
I can clean it myself
no
I'm asking if you want me to come have a little fun with you in bed
really?
I don't know
what do you say?
It's only 9:15pm
I can clean up the snow tomorrow
really?
Wait
I forgot to put fabric softener in the washer
baby!
I tucked in the kids
and I put away their toys
so tonight I'll feel the joy of being wed
put away the toys
pepper pig
alsa, Ana are all gone
so tonight this daddy's turf will be his bed!
Sweep the floor first
by models and toys
tidying up is annoying
I'm getting rid of all of them
everything is cleared
I can be wild and crazy
I'm married
and I'm gonna have sex!
Daddy, little brother threw up in bed!
I'm coming
The leftovers I froze
and I laid out their school clothes
tonight I have to show off my lingerie
I finished everything quickly today
nothing else will get in the way
mommy has her urges that can no longer be suppressed
everywhere they roam
thore and dooramon
superheroes gather
all in the living room
everything is cleared
I can be wild and crazy
I'm married
and I'm gonna have sex!
Little bunny
tiger
- there was a time - When we were passionate
we made the bed shake
with love and desire
from dusk till dawn
I'm so turned on
make love all night long
let's get rough
what's going on, baby?
Mommy, little brother has to go poo poo
how come he has so much poop?
I can't wait
I'm burning with desire
I'm going to put on my sexy attire
what happened, baby?
Daddy, I want to hear a bedtime story
what story do you want?
I walked the toy poodle
bought beef and soy sauce
now watch mommy work as hard as mommy can
the kids have what they want
but tonight we need to bond
making endless love until dawn
the kids can't stop us going
the bed now is bouncing
come on, hottie
come on, sexy
- my wifey is going to be... - My hubby is going to be...
Screaming - craving
moaning - yearning
heaving - giggling
steaming - coming
we're going to make...
We can explain
mommy can explain to you
mommy has always wanted to be a very good...
Policewoman
if you told us
we wouldn't have bothered you
I wonder if we're going to have a little brother or sister after tonight
love
Celine, mommy and daddy stayed up late last night
they're still in bed
we still haven't had breakfast yet
that's so nice, my parents woke me up so early today
hang up now
byebye
it tastes better than mommy's breakfast
little brother, you scored number one on planetlii this month
yes!
We got the candy and the present for grandpa
the TV is off
the ac is off, the windows are shut
Oh god, we didn't unplug the iron
we forgot put water into the boiler
you two come with me
you, wait here
In my home, I'm not the boss
follow orders, never call the shots
I'm the head of the family, not a Butler
with my kids, I'm at a loss
at least...
I've got my car
at full throttle
okay, everyone in, let's go
at least I've got my car
it can take me very far
careful, there are lots of cars
when I'm driving
I'm a beast without a chain
slow, slow, we're not in a hurry
when I'm driving
I'm the king of my domain
put on your blinker
people aren't mind readers
on the highway of love
she's driving me nuts
keep your eyes on the road
every little thing she needs to know
keep your hands on the wheel
shut the hell up for real
I should've taken a cab
calm yourself down or we're dead
when automobiling, I'm messing and raging
when they're driving, it's always frightening
you take the wheel then
on the highway of love
they are driving us insane
everyone, as men
we are most annoyed
when our wives keep nagging us while we drive
I wish one day there's a company
that produces a car
like the one in "kingsman"
once I press a button
I can shoot my wife out of the car
together with the seat, into a land far, far away
it'll be a highly profitable business
thank you very much
Once we start the car, the marriage goes to hell
we're losing our grip on this family trip
on the highway of love
our fights are high-octane
on the highway of love
the marriage is rocky
on the highway of love
forever shall we reign
Stop kissing
you hit someone
ma'am, are you all right?
I'm fine - are you hurt?
- It's all right - Why are you sitting on the ground?
I'm in a hurry
watch it - I didn't hit her
Yes...
I've seen you act before, you are...
Your name is...
I'm a makeup artist. You can call me mo
take a seat
mo
Mo, please make me look prettier
what do you have in mind?
You think you are an award-winning actress?
Ladies and gentlemen
welcome to the dating show
that might change your life
"finding true love"
I'm your host, yam wing chuen
In this show, everyone will be able to find...
The better halves that can enrich your lives
hi, I'm from zhuhai, guangdong
my name is Jenny
what kind of music do you like?
Classical music
what kind of guy appeals to you?
I like guys with good sense of humor
travel around the world with me if you like me
that's wonderful
a perfect match
up next, we have...
The last lady waiting for true love
Hello, everyone
I'm Mrs. li
silly me
I'm wong oi may
you can call me may
li is my husband's surname
but he's dead
he's actually not dead
we are divorced
but I'm much happier thinking he's dead
that was a fantastic introduction by miss wong
I, wong oi may, am a divorcée
I'm divorced
divorced!
Actually, I still love him
no way!
Can we not talk about divorce?
During my divorce
it felt like having a heart surgery
but without anesthesia
it's like I'm cut open, with my lungs and guts spilled everywhere
am I a good speaker?
You've been staring at me the whole time
you must be falling for me!
I know I'm the one you want to choose!
May, let's talk about your job
all right
I work as a telemarketer
those who ask if you need money
and get hung up on
it's such a fulfilling job
I also attend a locksmith class at the community centre
locksmith and aerobics classes were the only available ones
I thought by attending the locksmith class
I could pick up a few more guys
but damn it
the class was full of desperate women
in this classroom,
desperate women were learning how to break locks
in that classroom,
old guys were learning how to dance
Do you have kids?
Yes
almost forgot to mention, I have a kid
will this make things more interesting?
I hope you won't find children annoying
although I do
I don't hate my son
how could 1?
I only hate my heartless husband
who abandoned the family when I was fifty two
so I have to raise my child alone
Did I just blurt that out...
I was dumped by my husband?
Do you want to date a divorcée?
Give it a try, it feels great
that bitch
she's not even twenty yet
young enough to be his granddaughter
she looks just like a snake demon
with eyes bigger than avata's and chin sharper than la tour eiffel
I had many sleepless nights
why?
I can't figure it out
I can't let that bastard affect me anymore
everything happened because of him
choosing the snake demon
over his wife of twenty seven years
He said
"I love her more"
then he left
my world stopped
everything stopped
Miss wong
that was very touching
Would you like to make a shorter speech?
If you agree with what I said
then pick me
pick me
if you think otherwise
then forget about it
"Finale"
amazing grace, how sweet the sound...
Sau mau ping, "good times"
huh?
Last month, after wong's funeral
the consolation feast was held there
we sat at the same table
do I know you?
You're fan, right?
And you are...
I'm chan
hello, chan
this seems like a nice funeral
who's it for?
You don't know who the deceased is too?
I'm here for the funeral right next door, I'm just a little bored
so I thought it'd be nice to pay my respects here as well
to be honest, I also don't know this person
I just accompanied my girlfriend
that's nice of you
do you want a pork bun?
Huh?
Right, it's not too appropriate to eat here
my wife's funeral was done here as well
we were married for forty something years
really?
Is this where your husband had the wake?
How would you know my husband passed away?
Just had that look about you
I can also tell you miss him
was his funeral held here?
His funeral was held in "international funeral parlor"
two and a half years ago
"international" is nice
their seats are nice and soft
right, much better than the ones here
fan, are you seeing anyone?
This is a funeral
even though we don't know who this is
we shouldn't behave like this
I'm sorry
I don't usually do this
I just seem to be going to a lot of these lately
so... my apologies
you like pork buns, right?
Winter garden in yau ma tei
serves pork buns in a set of four
and they're huge
really? We should go there sometimes
chan, is this a pickup?
What are you talking about?
You'd have to agree to a date
in order for it to actually be a pickup
right now
it's just an attempted pickup
you seem like a funny man
I don't really go out like you're intending
I've got some problems
my health's not good
well, at our age
that's understood
I've got arthritis
oh yes, the ankle hurts
I've got gout
I know it swells up
no matter, I can live with that
my kids don't visit
it's been always like that
I only see them during new year
it doesn't matter, they don't like us either
- I find you sexy - I find you strange
no matter, I can live with that
friends keep dying
but I've grown strong
it's wonderful being young
I think about it all the time
but it makes me nostalgic
I like cleanliness, tranquility and quietness
kiss me and I'll be quiet, I'll listen to everything you say
well then, dream on
I'll be quiet for a bit
and let you calm down
no matter, I can live with that
may 1?
I can't, chan
I'm not that type that just hops right into the bed
like some of the women in the elderly home
I don't do one night stands
it takes time with me
that's a problem
what problem?
Depends on how much time you're talking
if you're talking years
I don't think either of us has that long
I suppose I'm talking a few weeks
no matter, I can live with that
I'll see man, when I go to heaven
I promise to meet wan, in just a moment
he is still in my heart
things we've been through
the promises we've made
but I'm still here
I'll always miss my man
I'm always thinking of my wan
I just don't know...
[T's normal, because I don't know either
I'm still missing her
no matter
we can live with that
In this city familiar to all of us
this is how the story of man and woman shall be written
with one truth that shall remain eternal
all ye good people of earth
find someone to love, someone you think is perfect
then spend the rest of your life trying to change them
and tell him
I love you! You are perfect!
Keep coming back
somehow I keep coming back
I keep coming back
to this whirlwind tour
and wanting more
I swear that I swore off of love before
again
once more
amour
keep coming back
somehow I keep coming back
I keep coming back
I've been through the wringer
and been drip-dried
I say I'm a mess
but I say it with pride
again
once more
amour
keep coming back
I don't care
if it's right or wrong
once you hit bliss
then you hit reverse
go find love
no matter how you're badly hurt
I've let things go
and ready to be in love
again
once more
amour
keep coming back
let me be
keep coming back
believe in the future
I still try
to love another
makes me want to die
just let me
fall in love again
all I hope for is to
spend the rest of my life with you
I love you
I don't care
I love you
I belong to you
I love you more everyday
I don't care
I love you
anytime now
there might be a chance
I don't care
I want to fly
I love you
no matter what happens
may love be always with you
I want this, and this, and this
wait, I haven't tried this one on
and this one too, I'm trying them on
hey, honey!
Honey
when will you finish watching the game?
Just one more minute
so when will you be done watching?
What the hell? That's ridiculous
I've made a lot of effort learning the game
I know you like it
Honey, hurry up
otherwise we'll miss the ferry back to shekou
I'll take this too
honey, even if you buy more bras
you won't get bigger boobs, or grow taller
or get prettier, hurry up
shopping with my wife
here we are again
she takes forever to pick out a few clothes
damn slow
like a snail
I have no choice
but to stand here
now she's left me
waiting here, how sad
shopping, getting her nails and hair done
waiting for the wife
she's left me for a dress
I'm dying
she won't leave if a sale is on
when can I get a massage?
My days are wasted everyday
won't someone just shoot me now?
Excuse me
- ma'am, can I go first? - No
sorry, can I...
I'm about to pee myself, I drank too much water
I want to pee but there's a long queue ahead
men have it all easy
there are never queues for them
how troublesome, there aren't enough ladies' room
hold it until I can release in a stall
I should have just barged into one
being a woman
taking a leak
how pathetic
- non-stop shopping - Wait a little longer
I want to rebel but I'm still here
- this is my destiny - Wait a little longer
our relationship might be halted anytime
keep holding, damn it, I'm about to burst
- keep waiting, damn it, - Non-stop shopping
there aren't enough toilets
- keep holding, I'm about to burst - She's not stopping
wait a bit, hold it in
it's hurting my bladder
I don't have energy to wait any longer
this is insane
wait a little longer
I need to release
I need to piss
I can't wait anymore!
Hey guys, zip your flies
I'm coming in!
What's happening?
What's wrong?