[pages riffling]
♪ dramatic music playing ♪
♪
[grunting] ‐ Huh.
Well, this is the address.
[whines]
I mean, I was expecting a strip mall situation,
maybe a home office.
That's usually where you find a guy called "The Accountant."
But no! Guess we're breaking into a prison today! [scoffs]
And we're not even gonna get to do all the fun stuff
that usually winds up leading to prison.
What do we even call this?
A "Reverse‐Shawshank," maybe? [chuckles]
Eh, they never made that into a movie, you know.
Probably because it's such a dumb idea.
Well, I mean, the idea itself is‐is great,
but just terrible for whoever's doing it,
because once you get in,
eh, you know, you gotta get out.
Which is basically impossible.
I mean, that's the way these things are designed, so‐‐
Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey. Hey.
Pump the brakes, bud.
You can't just climb over. You know these places, they have a‐‐
[electricity crackles] [screeches]
Whoa!
Ho ho ho!
[Monkey grunts]
Electric fence. I was gonna say they have an electric fence.
[groans]
This place is secure as heck, huh?
♪ dramatic theme playing ♪
♪
Okay, word of caution.
You think people are bad on the streets,
prison's like a hundred times worse.
[whines]
No, no, no. Don't "sure" me, alright?
We're about to enter the sixth circle of hell.
You gotta be ruthless, man.
No hesitation. No humanity.
Or, uh, monkey‐manity.
Whatever. You know what I meant.
[Monkey grunts]
[panting]
[dog growls]
Monkey! What the hell are you doing?
Just kill the dog!
It's a dog. Nobody cares!
[barking] Shit. Take the shot.
Take the shot!
[barking] [screeching]
No, no, no, no!
God damnit!
[growling]
Run!
[dog barking] [Monkey hooting]
[panting]
[whimpering]
We've been here thirty seconds and you've already lost the gun?
I said "no hesitation"! Did I say "no hesitation"?
Why didn't you shoot?
[grunts]
I'm sorry, your code?
Oh, okay, okay, time‐out. Time‐out.
Listen: living by a code is a rookie mistake, man.
When I first started, I told myself
I'd only kill people who were gonna die anyway.
You know, like the old and terminally ill.
Then, then, I realized, isn't everyone gonna die anyway?
So... [whistles] I scrapped the rule,
and my income skyrocketed.
A code is just a bunch of dumb random rules
that stop you from doing the gig.
[whines]
I mean, do you really wanna fight with one hand tied behind your back?
[hooting]
I know you can use your feet too, that's not the goddamn point.
You don't want to be the only killer with a code.
That's like competing in the Tour de France
without getting all roided up.
Oh oh, hey! Look at this!
This is our lucky day!
You know, we'll just hop down here and mosey our way
to the Central Directory or whatever
and find The Accountant, and boom,
we'll be home by lunch so‐‐ Dude?
Hey, dude? Where'd you‐‐ where are you?
[rat squeaking]
Are you trolling me right now?
I just gave you this epic speech,
and you're helping a disgusting rat?
[screeches]
I wish we would have taped that little viral video moment.
So sweet. Can we go now? [loud bang]
Oh!
[rumbling]
God damnit.
Nah, you know what, I'm not gonna say it.
It'd be too easy. But I told you so.
[grunts]
[Ito sighs]
‐ Look, I don't know what people are saying,
but for the record,
I'm not crazy.
‐ No one's calling you crazy, Lieutenant Ito.
I know you're feeling a great deal of guilt
after losing your partner.
And perhaps for
other poor decisions in your past.
But you are blaming these crimes on a,
what did you say it was?
‐ Um. Monkey.
‐ Monkey. Ah.
[pencil scratching]
‐ Wh‐what are you writing?
‐ Don't worry about what I'm writing.
‐ Hey! Ito‐san!
Check it out.
Photos of the casino victims.
Look at the claw marks on the bodies‐‐
‐ Haruka, we're done with this theory.
It‐it's crazy.
‐ But all the facts point in this direction,
and you always follow the facts!
That's the first rule of being a detective!
‐ Yeah? What's the second rule?
‐ No open‐toed shoes.
‐ Jesus Christ.
Haruka, you can't do this job
by going off some check‐list.
That's a rookie mistake.
‐ If something's true,
isn't it our obligation to speak up?
[sighs]
‐ They've put me on administrative leave.
My only obligation is to the bar.
[bell tinkling]
‐ Uh‐‐
‐ What the hell is that?
[officers laughing]
[sighs]
‐ We cracked the case!
[laughter]
[grunting, hooting]
BRYCE: Am I still claustrophobic?
Y‐you mean since yesterday?
Yes, you dickhead,
it doesn't just go away.
[Monkey grunting]
No, no, no, that's bullshit.
No, everybody has a phobia.
You know, it's like, uh, HPV.
We all got it, just nobody talks about it.
[Monkey screams] [thuds]
There you go! That's fun, right?
Like an amusement park! [Monkey screeches]
At least for me, 'cause I'm amused by this.
[buzzer sounds]
[grunting]
That's actually a great look for prison.
[whines]
[electricity crackles] [screeching]
Ah, you see?
You should have killed the damn dog like I told you.
[Monkey whimpers]
[inmates shouting]
Oooh. Somebody's popular.
[chuckles]
Hey, don't be afraid to strut a little, you know.
Give 'em something to holler at.
Get that little monkey booty poppin'!
[grunts, screeches]
[toilet flushes]
WARDEN: Gentlemen,
is there any chance
either of you may have mistakenly entered
my private bathroom this morning?
[electricity crackles]
You see, I noticed a drop of urine
on the edge of the porcelain.
And I always lift the seat.
[screeching]
I mean, it doesn't seem unreasonable
for a man to have one little place in this hell‐hole
to call his own, does it?
[screeching]
Does it?
‐ Holy shit. Look at this!
All the info we need to find The Accountant is right here!
I mean, we are in the eagle's nest, baby!
I can't miss!
[screeches, hoots]
I mean, how great is this, right?
Oh, oh, oh, hang in there, bud. You got this.
You just wanna breathe through it.
You know how many car batteries I've been hooked up to in my life?
[growls]
[screams]
Oh boy, here's karma.
[growls]
[guards screaming]
‐ No! No! I'll do whatever you say!
[grunting]
‐ Nice, you gave him a taste of his own medicine.
Now give him a full dose.
‐ No more! No more!
[electricity crackling] [warden screaming]
‐ Alright, come on, let's fire it up and find our guy.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey, Monkey, you're standing on the screen.
You wanna move?
Good.
Okay, so just, um‐‐
Whoa! Whoa! No. No.
Don't paw‐mash. That's not helpful.
[grunts]
[whines]
Oh boy.
I feel like I'm helping my grandfather set up his TiVo.
Hallelujah.
Okay, now very carefully,
I want you to select the top option button‐‐ No!
[groans]
[chuckles] Ooh boy, oh boy.
Deep breaths. Deep breaths!
[hoots]
Okay, here we go! We're back.
Alright, so now when we found the ledger the address was Sugano 227.
Um, oh, there was a number after that.
What the‐‐ what the hell was it? It was, um‐‐
[smacks lips]
Ohhh, this is gonna kill me.
Are you kidding me? We get into a prison and now‐‐
9621! [snaps fingers]
Still got it. I used to count cards.
[beep]
Oh yeah. Look at this guy.
Well, if that's not The Accountant, then I don't know what.
[chuckles] That's definitely him.
Oh, that's helpful!
‐ You can't go where he is.
He's in "The Pit."
An underground cellblock for the worst offenders.
We sealed it shut three years ago.
He's gone totally insane.
Guy drinks his own piss now.
Like, exclusively.
Drinks piss. Pisses. Drinks that.
It doesn't make any sense, right?
‐ This guy's great.
Hit him again! [electricity crackles]
♪
OZU: [over loudspeaker] We will restore this country's tradition and honor.
‐ Just go around.
OZU: ...rule of law.
Under an Ozu administration,
we will sweep the streets clean
and usher in a new era
of peace and prosperity.
[tires screeching] AKIKO: Oh!
[grunts]
‐ Oh no, no.
I'm calling a doctor.
‐ No, no, it's just tender.
That bastard Ozu's had it in for me
ever since I confronted him at the Parliament building.
We've gotta do something about this.
‐ Well, we're definitely calling the police.
Reporting the driver.
‐ Driver? What is that going to accomplish?
Ozu will just say that this asshole was acting on his own.
The police are in his pocket anyways. They're totally useless!
Aah!
[winces]
You know what, I'm calling everyone I know in the press,
and I'm telling them how he threatened you,
and then had one of his goons try to run me over.
If he wants to act like a thug,
the people have the right to know.
‐ Akiko, we're not gonna start leaking stories.
You don't want to get dragged down into the mud with them.
Trust me.
‐ We're in the mud! We're in a street fight!
‐ I've been at this a long time.
I know revenge feels good in the moment,
but you have to be careful.
If you go out there making wild accusations,
we will look erratic,
and he will look reasonable.
‐ Well, it happened to me. And I have a right to report it.
‐ Not if you want to work in this campaign.
That's my final decision.
‐ Ugh. Fine.
‐ I'll post extra security outside your house tonight.
‐ Ugh!
[Monkey whimpers]
[grunts]
BRYCE: Am I scared?
What, do you mean by the warden's spooky "wittle" ghost story?
Pfft. No!
I am a ghost, bitch.
He should be telling stories about me!
Bryce: the phantom killer!
And his monkey sidekick!
[hoots]
Sidekick. You know, like his, uh,
you know, his side‐piece. His, uh, like his, uh‐‐
I don't know, like his vice president. [screeches]
[thuds] [growls]
Yeah, that's what you are. It's like an assistant.
It's like an executive assistant,
and you have a weapon or a super power, too.
But for the most part, you're just sort of there to make sure, uh,
I can stay focused on my tasks.
[elevator dings] What the? Oh shit!
Oh‐ho‐ho‐ho, no.
Oh, I love this guy.
[beeping]
Huh...
okay.
[grunts]
Hey, just because this Accountant has gone a little Manson
doesn't mean he's tougher than the other assholes we've killed.
Come on. Chop chop.
Whoa‐ho‐ho! Yeah!
Woo‐hoo‐hoo‐hoo!
Woo! This is fun! [Monkey screeching]
[thud]
[Monkey whimpers]
You know, I hate to be a negative Nellie,
but this may have been a bad idea.
[Monkey growls]
♪
[growls]
Hey, bud! No, no, no. Stay down! Stay down!
Play dead! You do not want to wake up right now.
[cackling]
♪
[inmates shouting, whistling]
Oh, hey look! It's our guy!
That's The Accountant!
He kind of looks like Joe Rogan, yeah?
[Monkey grunts]
[shouting, whistling stops]
‐ Ever since the massacre at the casino,
I knew someone would come.
I just didn't expect a circus animal
in a cheap suit.
[all laugh]
[growls]
You have trespassed into our world.
Violated our laws!
The law is all we have.
The law is what guarantees our society will live forever.
The law
and... the candy.
[inmates cheering]
‐ These poor bastards are addicted to candy.
[sniffs]
[maniacal laughter]
Wait, no, it's drugs.
They're addicted to drugs. Duh.
‐ Monkey,
I sentence you
to death.
[maniacal laughter]
‐ Well, you shouldn't have been your own lawyer.
That's Courtroom 101.
THE ACCOUNTANT: But because you have proven yourself so formidable,
little Monkey,
you will have the honor
of dying in combat
with
Fat Cobra!
BRYCE: Oh. Fat Cobra.
I know so many hitmen who have died trying to kill him.
Anyway, don't let the name fool you, this guy's quick as lightning.
And speaking of lightning, he shoots it from his feet.
Yeah, he's got has like 35 illegitimate children.
Bit of a player, you could say.
Most of his kids, though, he actually killed in combat.
Which I guess made him resigned to a life down here.
So anyway, he's really got nothing to lose.
[whimpers]
You know what, I can tell this isn't helping.
So just, um,
just be fast.
Alright. Go. Get him! Go get him!
Alright, you got this, buddy!
Try to‐‐ try to punch him in his giant balls or something.
I don't know. Punch him with your whole body!
Oh god, we are so screwed.
‐ Come here!
[whines]
[screeches] [yells]
Huh?
‐ Oh no, no, no! Don't do that! Now you're just pissing him off!
‐ Get off!
[yells]
[Monkey hooting]
[Fat Cobra laughs]
What's wrong? You're not having fun?
[inmates cheering]
[laughs]
[growls]
[hooting, screeching]
Huh?
Come back, little monkey.
[yells] [electricity crackling]
‐ Aye‐aye! Use the pipe!
The one you're, like, hanging on to, ya dipshit!
It's our only chance!
Yank down the pipe and give that fatty a shower!
‐ Huh?
[screams]
[steam hissing]
[groaning]
‐ Ah, yahtzee!
Woo! Ha ha ha, I'm a goddamn genius.
I really am. How did they ever kill me? I don't get it.
ACCOUNTANT: We have a new champion
of the pit!
[inmates cheering]
And you, Fat Cobra,
mmm, my sweet friend,
you must die.
[inmates booing]
[groaning]
‐ I only fought for you because you gave me booze, asshole.
[cackling]
‐ Oh, hey, you gotta read the room, bud.
Uh, look, I've told you to do a lot of rough shit today,
but it's not just because I'm being a dick.
I mean, I am a dick, but I'm trying to protect you.
‐ Do it.
‐ Trust me, the guy you don't kill
is the one who comes back later and kills you.
What are you doing?
Monkey, no, no, no, no! What the hell are you doing?
ACCOUNTANT: What?
You stupid animal!
No one disobeys me!
For this, you shall both die!
‐ Monkey. Let's give 'em a show.
[grunts]
[screeches] ‐ Whoa!
No, no, no, no.
That's my candy!
Stop him!
[screams]
Oh shit!
Well... goodbye!
[screeches, growls]
Gotta go, gotta go.
[panting]
Oh shit!
♪ funky music playing ♪
♪
O‐o‐okay, okay, okay.
I know this looks bad,
but with all the starving and the murder out there,
I gotta have some "me" time.
[growls softly]
‐ D'uh... w‐would you like a soda?
Or would you like every soda?
It's called a suicide.
‐ Don't do it. It's probably piss.
[screeches] THE ACCOUNTANT: Ah!
Ugh! N‐n‐no! No! Whoa! Whoa!
If this is about Ken Takahara's murder,
I told The Rooster that killing a politician was a mistake.
‐ Yeah, We got Rooster, Fat Cobra, a monkey.
What is this, a George Orwell book?
[growls]
‐ No. no, no, no. Really! It's against our code!
‐ Code? Are you kidding?
Where was your code when you double‐crossed me?
Code my ass! INMATE: What is this?
Wha‐‐ Ha‐has this been here the whole time?
‐ Oh boy, here we go.
‐ Hey, guys!
Wait, what?
This must be the warden's secret quarters.
Oh‐ho‐ho, what a dick, huh?
‐ That's you! That‐that is a painting of you.
It's a portrait. You had to sit for that!
‐ Wait! No, no, no.
Uh‐uh, who‐who wants a soda?
[inmates yelling]
[The Accountant screams]
[flesh rips]
‐ Okay, time to go.
[inmates shouting]
Whoa! Holy shit!
Okay, to the chute! Come on, we'll crawl back up!
[explosion booms]
What the hell? Now what?
WARDEN: Kill them all if you have to! I don't care.
Just find me that Monkey!
‐ Boy, that dog is like a bad penny, in't he?
[gunshots]
[rat squeaking]
Yeah, yeah, okay. Just follow Templeton here and let's go.
[squeaks]
[Monkey grunts]
Oh‐oh‐okay, but, you know, it's probably not even the same rat.
[grunts]
BRYCE: How you doin'?
Shit.
Literally. Shit.
[whines]
This is where having a code gets ya.
[sirens blaring] [gunshots]
[wheezes]
[panting]
Hey, hey! We made it!
You are definitely gonna have pink‐eye. B‐T‐dubbs.
[electricity crackles]
FAT COBRA: Freedom! Ha ha ha!
BRYCE: I guess we could have gone that way, too.
Looks like your rat buddy wasn't such a big help after all‐‐
[machine gunfire] [inmates screaming]
[gunshot]
Look, a lot of stuff happened today.
I don't think we should try to draw any big lessons from it.
I wouldn't say anything's been proved‐‐
[gunshot]
...or not proved.
[squeaking]
[siren blaring]
[hooting]
God damnit.
Okay.
Fine. I admit it.
In certain situations, yes, having a code isn't the worst idea,
as long as you can break it when it suits you.
But‐but you can't be all crazy about it.
Eh, you know, it has to be simple.
You're only going to kill killers? [grunts]
A killer of killers. Huh.
You know what, that actually sounds pretty badass,
but you can't just give yourself your own nickname.
Alright? You know, I just can't call myself "Horse Cock."
Other people gotta call me that. That's why it stuck.
[grunts]
Oh! Look who's feeling confident tonight.
You might want to watch out for the‐‐
Oh.
[hooting]
I know she's the only human you trust,
but maybe it's a little early in the relationship
to show up covered in literal shit.
[sniffs]
But you know what? She probably won't even notice.
She'll be too freaked out by the fact
that a savage animal's lurking in her yard.
[whines]
‐ Ooh, see that's revenge.
[snarling]
[gasps] [cat yowls]
‐ So the best advice I can give you is when she starts throwing stuff
just stand your ground and try to look as friendly as possible.
That always worked for me.
[whimpers]
[yells] [screeches]
[gasps]
‐ Oh, sweet Jesus,
you scared the shit out of me.
Oh.
Hey there.
You, uh... you want something to eat?
‐ Yes! The answer is "yes." Nod your head.
‐ I'm actually really glad you came.
I never got the chance to thank you for what you did at the funeral.
[hisses]
It all happened so fast, and I remember being so scared,
and... then there you were
and, well‐‐
Thank you.
[sniffs] Ugh!
‐ He gets a little nervous.
Whoa!
Pump the breaks, bud!
♪ melancholy music playing ♪
[door closes]
♪
‐ Sir, there's a riot at Sugano prison.
They need backup!
‐ M‐O‐N‐K‐E‐Y. Monkey.
‐ Hey, Haruka.
Remind me.
What is the first rule of being a detective?
‐ Follow... the... facts.
[tinkling]
♪