[pages riffling]
♪ dramatic music playing ♪
♪
BRYCE: Okay,
all we gotta to do is get through the entire Tokyo Police Department,
the Japanese Secret Service, and a bunch of Special Forces dudes.
[Monkey grunts]
Oh, right, right, right. Without killing any of them. Yeah.
Then we gotta fight our way through a couple insane Japanese superheroes.
[grunts]
No, I know, who aren't our enemies. Yep.
Then we gotta get to the top of the tallest,
most heavily defended building in Tokyo,
probably uh, fight Lady Bullseye again, who's already kicked your ass,
and then, then, if we're lucky enough to survive,
kill your girlfriend's uncle.
[whimpers, grunts]
Look, look, look, look, don't worry. She'll totally understand.
I‐I know it's tough. Okay?
I mean, she said you guys are family, which means he's family.
And‐and I've had to kill family before,
and yes, it sucks,
but you know what's worse?
[Monkey grunts]
Actually, I‐I‐I don't know what's worse.
[Monkey sighs]
Okay, uh, th‐this is a terrible pep talk.
Uh, here, hold out your hands.
[Monkey groans]
Alright, you know what these are?
Calluses.
You're the best damn assassin I've ever met, you're a monster. Okay?
[Monkey grunts]
And when we turn this corner, we're gonna walk up to that building
and you're gonna fulfill your destiny.
And then I'm gonna go
wherever the hell I deserve to go.
Just just two dudes. Two fates.
One awesome ride. Right?
I don't know about you, but I'd watch the shit outta that movie.
[hoots]
♪
[crowd shouting]
♪
[whimpers]
♪ dramatic theme playing ♪
♪
[crowd shouting]
BRYCE: Psst. ‐ Huh?
BRYCE: Hey, Yuki.
Hey, over here. [growls]
It's me, Bryce Fowler?
We met at the, uh, the Love Motel, you know?
We fought on top of a car. You tried to kill me?
[eerie moaning]
You look great, by the way.
I‐I‐I‐‐ Did you do something different with your hair or something?
I can't put my finger on it.
[eerie moaning] Right, right, right.
Okay, uh, look, anyway, I'm‐I'm‐I'm‐I'm here for Monkey?
‐ Monkey?
‐ Exactly, yeah, short guy,
wears a suit, little bit of a temper problem. Yeah.
‐ Monkey is a noble warrior.
He has my allegiance if ever he were to call on Yuki!
‐ Yeah, well, hey, ring‐ring.
Hey, uh, will you grab Haruka?
And meet us over in the alley by the Burger King.
♪
HARUKA: What? That's impossible.
Shinji?
[screeches, hoots]
‐ We thought so too, but it actually makes perfect sense.
‐ They thought so too,
but it makes perfect sense.
‐ But that would mean‐‐
This is all for nothing.
Wait. What about Akiko?
Is she involved too?
[hoots, screeches]
‐ Uh, no, no, no, no. Akiko doesn't know.
I mean, at least we hope she doesn't.
‐ Akiko is innocent.
‐ Wait, how do you speak monkey?
‐ I am speaking with the ghost that's with the monkey.
He speaks monkey.
[hoots] ‐ Hold on,
there's another ghost?
‐ Oh yeah.
And he's handsome as all hell.
HARUKA: [clears throat] Excuse me. Clear the way. Coming through.
Got a lot of hungry grunts inside the building.
‐ [muttering]: Uh, I... I don't know.
[grunts]
[whimpers]
‐ Stop right there.
[both gasp]
‐ I'll take one of those.
‐ Uh... uh... sorry, sir...
they're only for guests inside the party.
‐ Silver Samurai is the greatest hero in all of Japan.
‐ No! I'm just trying to do my job.
‐ Your only job is to feed Silver Samurai!
I have been standing around here for hours,
now give me a frickin' rice cake!
[Monkey screeches]
SILVER SAMURAI: Huh?
VENDOR: They made me do it! They made me do it!
‐ Ohhhh shit.
[grunting]
Yeah, I don't think it's gonna work this time, bud.
[Monkey screeching]
MAN: Hey, look!
The pigs are attacking the monkey!
Let's get 'em!
[crowd shouting]
‐ Huh? SILVER SAMURAI: Everybody remain calm.
Silver Samurai has everything under control‐‐ [grunts]
[people screaming]
Traitors!
I should have known.
Protect the Prime Minister!
[grunts]
‐ Aw shit, shit, shit, shit.
‐ Chaos on election night.
Violence erupts in downtown Tokyo,
and we have reports that the monkey vigilante
that has been terrorizing the city lately
may be at the center of it.
I repeat: the so‐called "Hit Monkey"
may be at the center of it all.
Authorities are saying to seek safety and shelter‐‐
‐ He's coming for me.
I know it.
‐ No, Uncle,
he's one of the good guys.
He's my friend.
‐ What are you talking about?
You know this creature?
‐ Ozu was behind it all.
He orchestrated Ken's assassination
and almost got me killed.
He also tried to steal the election
from the rightful candidate.
Ozu was a terrible man!
‐ What do you mean... was?
‐ Monkey took care of him.
‐ Ah‐‐
AKIKO: And Bonsai Master, too.
‐ Oh my god.
‐ Look, I know it sounds crazy,
but Monkey is coming here to protect you.
He's coming here to protect us all.
We just have to wait for him.
[man gurgles]
[coughs]
♪
‐ My thoughts exactly.
[crowd shouting]
[helicopter whirring]
‐ End of the line, rodent!
[grunts]
[electricity crackles]
‐ You mess with the Monkey,
you get the Cobra.
[hooting] [Silver Samurai groans]
‐ Hey, Fat Boy.
I thought they locked you up.
‐ Let me ask you: how do you piss in that thing?
Is there a cod‐piece?
Or are you just free‐balling under that skirt?
‐ I'm obviously wearing pants!
[yells]
[groans] [car alarm blaring]
‐ [laughs] Too easy.
‐ Holy shit. I love watching weirdos duke it out!
Feel like I'm watching pay‐per‐view!
You know? For free, though!
[hooting]
[chuckles]
‐ Okay, Monkey.
One fastball special, coming up.
‐ Woo! Fastball special.
Ha ha! Go ahead, let 'em have it!
[Fat Cobra grunts]
♪
‐ Huh?
[screeching]
♪
‐ Ho‐ho, you again. Wow.
I mean, it's funny how we keep meeting like this, yeah?
Must be fate. Right? Or destiny?
Yeah, you're absolutely right. Let's not ruin this moment with words.
‐ Oh, you've gotta be shitting me.
♪ tense music playing ♪
‐ Come on, little monkey.
We're all dressed up and ready to dance.
SHINJI: What is it you want?
Name your price.
‐ Save your breath.
I already work for you, Prime Minister.
Well, technically, I work for Bonsai Master,
but he worked for you.
Right?
Don't worry, boss.
You're just bait.
Monkey's here to kill you,
and I'm here to kill Monkey.
Once he's dead,
your little secret will be too.
[groans]
Now get back there, old man,
before I lose my temper!
[screeching]
‐ [laughing] You didn't think you could get away from Silver Samurai, did you?
‐ Holy shit! Where'd he go?
[grunts]
BRYCE: Sword!
Okay, that was badass.
[Monkey grunts]
I mean, he definitely practiced it, but still, you know, kudos.
♪
[electricity crackling]
[laughs]
♪
[screeching]
‐ Hey dude, we're running out of real estate real quick here, man!
[Monkey screeching]
BRYCE: Ohhh, shit!
[glass shatters]
Whoa! Ho‐ho, yeah, man!
[elevator bell dings] ‐ Huh?
‐ Well, either that's a good sign
or a really bad one.
WOMAN: Don't go up there!
She killed everybody!
♪ elevator music playing ♪
[Bryce sniffles]
[bell dings]
[swishing]
[screeches]
‐ Oh shit!
LADY BULLSEYE: Hi there.
So glad you could join us.
You know, our first meeting was so incredibly irritating,
but I'm sure as a fellow professional
you understand why I didn't want to just call that a draw.
‐ Oh crap, crap, crap!
‐ Hey! Drop it!
[screams]
‐ Ugh. So annoying.
♪ elevator music continues playing ♪
♪
[helicopter whirring]
Here, little monkey‐monkey,
Come out and play‐ee‐yay.
Ha‐ha‐ha‐ha! Ha!
Ugh. [hooting]
Huh?
[groans]
Son of a bitch!
[screeches]
‐ Jesus Louisus! She's terrifying!
‐ Now what did that priest say about salt?
Oh right!
[groaning]
[laughing]
BRYCE: What the shit?
‐ Hello, Bryce.
‐ Oh my... Oh my god.
[Lady Bullseye laughs] I have physical form.
Oh, and it hurts!
‐ I remember you, Bryce.
From that Goldman Sachs conference back in 2011.
‐ Dammit!
‐ You hit on me. [coughing]
‐ Oh yeah. Yeah, I'm remembering.
Not my proudest moment.
‐ As I remember,
I got the target and you got stood up.
But this'll be fun‐‐
[screeching]
‐ You have to understand.
I was frustrated with Ken.
He was always so impulsive.
‐ What? What‐what‐what are you talking about?
Uncle, you are Prime Minister. We gotta keep you safe.
There's a helicopter on the roof. Iymasho!
[silverware clattering]
LADY BULLSEYE: Uh, uh, uh.
[screeching]
Where do you think you're going?
[Monkey hooting]
[laughs]
‐ Ah, shit. [Monkey screeching]
Oww!
Ow! Ow! Ow!
[gasping]
Oh ho. Come on. You got this.
Holy shit! That hurts!
[Bryce screaming]
‐ [chuckles] Is that all you got?
[maniacal laughter]
[Monkey hooting]
‐ Go! After them! Save Akiko, man!
[Monkey hooting]
No, it's fine, okay. We are a team!
[Monkey grunts]
‐ Ugh. You know, for a dead guy, you look like shit.
[grunting]
[crunch] [screams]
LADY BULLSEYE: Bryce, Bryce, Bryce.
[groaning]
You were always a worthless, second‐rate assassin.
‐ Can't argue with you there.
But not so worthless that I can't be a decent diversion.
[gunshots]
[clicking]
[groans softly]
[exhales sharply]
‐ That was for Ito‐san.
Oh, there is a ghost.
‐ Oh. [laughs]
Yeah. Hey.
AKIKO: What the hell?
Holy shit.
‐ Stop.
Akiko, stop.
I have something I have to tell you.
I caused this.
I'm responsible for all this death and destruction.
It was me.
‐ Wha‐what? What was you?
‐ Ken was losing the election!
We were behind by ten points
when we should have been ahead by five!
‐ What are you saying?
‐ Bonsai Master approached me.
He said that Ken could be moved aside.
That I could run in Ken's place.
That he would support my agenda.
Sure I'd have to make a few concessions,
but on all the things we cared about,
he would support us!
I did it for the country!
‐ You... killed Ken?
‐ I did a horrible thing.
And the worst thing is, it worked.
But then, everyone started dying.
And this monkey came back.
It's all gotten out of hand.
[Monkey hooting]
You have come for me, haven't you, Monkey?
[growls]
‐ Wait...
‐ You are the spirit of vengeance,
come to punish me for my sins.
‐ No! Monkey, no!
You don't have to do this.
[growls]
‐ No, Monkey!
Killing him is not the way!
He deserves to stand trial in front of the country.
‐ Don't do it, pal.
[hooting]
Look, I've made this mistake before, okay.
Akiko won't forgive you.
‐ Is that a ghost?
[screeching]
‐ I know, I know it'll cost me a chance of ascending.
And we won't get the person responsible for all this shit.
But there's‐‐ there's something tells me that killing this selfish prick
isn't the answer.
And‐and‐and I know it won't give me any kind of happy ending,
but I‐‐ Look, I'm willing to forgo that, in order for you,
for you to have the happy ending.
Oh shit, wha‐‐
Oh for‐‐ Now what?
Oh! Holy shit.
Hey! Hey, hey, look! Look, I'm ascending!
Oh my god!
[laughs] Oh!
Oh, I get it. I had to do the right thing.
Oh, that's what Baldy meant by removing the seed of evil.
It was like, the barren field was me.
I‐‐ Ha ha! Oh, that cryptic jerk.
Holy shit. Oh, shit‐‐ Hey! Uh, Monkey!
Monkey. Look, I think‐‐
I think you know how I feel about you, okay.
And I'm sorry for ruining your life.
Just take care of yourself, alright?
And remember to drink plenty of water!
[whines]
‐ Shinji Yokohama,
I'm placing you under arrest for the murder of Ken Takahara.
[handcuff click]
SHINJI: It can't end like this.
Ken's death will not be in vain.
AKIKO: No!
Oh!
What did you do, you animal?
‐ How did he get my gun?
[Akiko sobs]
‐ He was the only family I had!
God damn you!
‐ Monkey, you have to get out of here.
[hooting]
No, Monkey, you've just shot the Prime Minister!
Trust me, you have to leave!
[whimpers]
♪
♪ melancholy music playing ♪
♪
‐ May the road rise to meet you.
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face.
May the rain
fall softly upon your fields
until we meet again.
♪
[airplane whooshing]
♪
Hi, guys. Nice to see you.
Yep.
Thank you. Good to see you.
I'm going to make this right.
I will clear your name.
[grunting]
I promise you.
[hooting]
Yes, I put a juice box in there.
You told me, like, six times.
♪
[sighs]
BRYCE: Mm, mm, mm. [Monkey grunts]
‐ Huh?
‐ I can't tell you how happy this whole image makes me.
[hooting]
Well, here's what happened.
Uh, you know, I got to the afterlife,
and it was an awesome place.
You know? Fire everywhere. Super dramatic.
Uh, you know, little bit like Reno, but better.
‐ Ahh!
‐ Slayer playing. Dragons everywhere.
Really fun.
And I was like, psyched.
But I thought, "You know what? As great as this place is,"
and it was great, really.
I was like, you know what? My friend's up there all alone,
still kind of learning the ropes.
Uh, lots more killers to kill, if you know what I mean.
And I think he needs my help.
Anyway, the red dude, he agreed, you know.
Made me sign a contract, which I didn't read but who cares.
I mean, how's he ever gonna hold me to it, right?
[Monkey groans]
So I figure, you know, we go to New York.
I have a great handler.
She, uh, she books me on all my gigs,
and‐and right after we put the fear of God in her
for booking me on this one,
she'll definitely want to take you on as a client.
Then we can earn some real coin. You know what I mean?
[Monkey grunts]
Kill a whole bunch of assholes who deserve to die
and maybe, uh,
you know, see the sights.
Oh, oh, by the way, check this out. Look at this.
[screeching]
I know, right?
I mean, I figure this could come in pretty handy.
Yeah, you know I picked up a few things from Yuki. You know?
Ol' Brycey's back in action, huh?
Here, let me clean that up for you.
[Monkey grunts]
Yeah. I mean, I'm still working on it. [bottle rattles]
You know, ten‐thousand hours. [chuckles]
That's what that, uh, Gladwell said, right?
[grunting]
[bottles clink]
[grunts]
[sniffles]
♪ Secret Colours "Faust" playing ♪
♪
‐ ♪ Made of stone ♪
♪ Soul is lost ♪
♪ Into the known ♪
♪ You are the Faust ♪
♪ Original sin ♪
♪ Come from within ♪
♪ County at war ♪
♪ It's time to begin ♪
♪ She said yea ♪
♪
♪ So strange sky change ♪
♪
♪ Kill my brain, keep me tame ♪
♪
♪ She is gone, I don't belong ♪
♪
♪ My mind is wrong, now I am gone ♪
♪