[Collins] I just love it when something goes... viral.
[Cat] Tubes. The 3D printer. The ventilation system.
[Lola] Cat, you need to stop this attack, now.
[Collins] Sorry you're gonna miss the show.
[Joel McHale] Please give a warm welcome to Cat Black!
[Cat] This audience is gonna cheer themselves into the grave.
[McHale] Can I just say that you have a lovely cornhole. [echoing]
[exhales]
- [beeping] - Hello?
Oh, good! You're awake.
Where am I?
You're in Mount Hollywood Medical Center in Los Angeles.
You were rushed here from Break a Leg Studios.
- Oh, my God! - It's okay, you're not infected.
The taping! Oh, God! How long have I been out?
It was a pretty nasty fall. You've been unconscious for 36 hours.
Thirty-six hours? I might've been too late!
I... Let me have my phone.
- Can I have my phone? - No, I'm sorry, honey.
What you need to do is conserve your strength.
But calling someone is not a lot of energy.
It's like thumbs... [imitates typing]
Okay, just this once.
Okay.
[phone beeps]
[man on phone] Welcome to the FBI.
Please listen closely, as our menu options have changed.
For Fraud, press one.
For Cyber Crimes, press two.
To learn about our rewards program, press three!
If you have information about the World Wide Viral Outbreak,
- leave a message at the beep. - [beep]
So I saw the guy who released the virus at the Break a Leg taping!
Thank you for your interest in the FBI Rewards Program!
[alarm klaxon wailing]
[gears clanking]
[inmates murmuring]
[inmate grunting]
[Owen] What a nightmare.
This is horrible, and it's all your fault. I hope you're happy!
[Lola] It's not, and I'm not!
Oh, pee-ew.
- [retching] - [screaming]
[Owen] You hear that?
What is that?
What's that sound?
That's for the Halloween party.
[screaming]
Halloween's not for five more weeks.
What kind of fucked up place is this?
Welcome to your new home.
- That's your bed. - Whose bed?
Both of you.
- I'm not sharing a bed with him. - Uh,
excuse me, do you have any old professors here that she can shack up with?
I'm taking the bed!
You can fend for yourself.
We're not partners anymore,
not since you let your ex-boyfriend slash bioterrorist run free.
Okay, you would've done exactly the same thing if you were in my shoes!
No, if I was in your shoes, I would look down at my shoes and go,
"Gross! These are Lola's shoes.
They don't even fit!"
And I'd take them right off and throw them into a waste bin!
And then I'd take that waste bin and I'd put it into a trash can,
and then I'd take the trash can
and gently put it into a dumpster!
I get the picture!
Maybe that was too much.
[gate buzzing]
[dog barking]
[in Chinese] You sunk my battleship.
[Blake, in English] All right!
My turn, bitches.
Put another plate on there for me, it's chest day.
- Fuck off, clown! - What did you just say to me?
What?
Looks like somebody wants to get cut.
Huh? Wanna go to night school?
Holy crapatoli!
Well, you just got lucky...
[scoffs, inhales]
[exhales]
I'll deal with you later.
- Blake? - We thought you were on vacation.
I was! But I got arrested at customs trying to sneak in a koala.
- What? - Yeah, I almost got it through too,
but then it started to maul me at the last minute.
They might look cute and cuddly...
They are very mean-spirited. Real assholes.
Well, I'm sure you're gonna get out soon.
Yes and no. I mean, it is a life sentence.
- Hmm. - Right.
But what are the odds
that we're all in the same prison, halfway around the world!
Incredibly low, but not zero, evidently!
Yeah! So what are you guys in for? Same thing?
- Koalas? - [Lola] No.
Remember those students who had unusual symptoms back at Childrens?
- Nope. - Okay. Well, it's related to that.
- Ah. - [Owen] So, um,
what was up with those guys over there?
[scoffs] Just trying to curry favor with me
'cause I'm sort of in charge around here.
- [inmate] No, he not! - Yeah,
they just dodged a beatdown, that's for sure...
[winces]
All right! Who threw that?
I'll find out. I have my ways.
So you guys need any heroin? CBD oil?
Ahh!
You know what? Why don't we walk and talk, huh?
Before I beat some Chinese ass!
Hey, Blake. [clears throat] I could use your help.
I wanna bust out of here!
Yeah, I wanna get out of here too. I wanna escape, but not with Owen!
- I don't wanna be with you either! - I wann do it on my own!
You wanna escape? I mean...
There is someone I know. She might be able to help you.
Her name is Bao Tsai.
I could get you in to see her.
- I'm sorta like her boss. - [inmate] No, he not!
- They really hate you. - They fear me.
[man] So you're telling us you got a clear look
at the man who deployed the virus at the Break a Leg studio.
I did. I will never forget that man's face as long as I live.
- Well, this is Susan, our sketch artist. - Hi.
- Why don't you tell us what you remember? - Okay.
- Let's start with his hair. - Yeah, it was mostly wavy.
Um, it had kind of, like, straight bits.
It's almost like a perm that's loosened a bit,
or maybe it was just the wind.
It's actually hard to tell because he was kind of bouncing around a lot,
so it could've been like a wavy-curl-straight-hair kinda shape.
Can you describe his eyes?
I didn't see the color of his eyes,
but, uh, I can definitely tell you what the shape was.
It's sort of, they're...
like... like circles.
- Nose? - Yes!
Yes, he did.
What was he wearing?
Uh...
Was he wearing clothes?
[Patten] This guy and his two professional assassins
couldn't even kill a couple of pediatricians.
Pathetic.
The satellite should be coming into range over China any moment.
There it is.
Center on Janyu Prison.
- What is that? Zoom in. - Zooming in.
But really, who's zooming who?
[Patten] That's them. Oh, yeah,
I'd recognize them anywhere. Dr. Owen Maestro and Dr. Lola Spratt.
It looks like they're still alive.
- What's the next move? - I have someone on the ground already.
- Collins? - Hell, no.
He had his chance and whiffed.
I'm sending my ringer back in.
[alarm blares]
[door hinge squeaking]
Hello. Hi.
- [Owen] Hi. - Bao Tsai?
You're American doctors in the shootout in Shanghai. Huh.
Pretty badass.
- Okay. - What can I do for you?
Um...
Well, we need to get outta here.
Don't we all?
[all laughing]
- [inmates laughing] - [laughs weakly]
[sighs]
[weak moaning in distance]
- What's wrong with him? - [Bao Tsai] My nephew.
Don't know. Fever. Twenty-four hour.
May I examine him?
This man is very sick. He has the São Paulo virus.
[coughing]
If you help get us out and we get the cure,
that'll be his best chance at survival.
You have a deal.
- Okay. - But you must follow
my instruction exactly.
- Okay. - Come.
[indistinct dialogue]
[Lola] They always follow the same routine.
Don't mess this up.
Three, two, one.
And three, two, one, go.
- Sneeze in three, two, one. - [all sneeze]
And...
Flashlight.
And shooting star.
[guard gasps] Oh!
- This is it. - Yeah.
We get through this door and we're home free.
Let's do it.
Doctors. We've been waiting for you.
Oh, schnauzers.
Right on schedule, just like I told you.
[Bao Tsai laughing]
- What the hell? - I heard them planning to escape.
I'm just happy to be able to warn you in time.
No! You were supposed to help us escape.
If there was a way to escape do you think I would still be here?
[all laughing]
Owen!
I don't know what we would do without you, Bao Tsai.
[guards speaking in Chinese]
Take them to the zoo.
- The what? - I don't...
Have fun!
[Owen] The zoo? Sounds bad.
[officer] Okay,
- you said he was in his twenties. - Yes.
He was in his twenties, you know, or thirties. Maybe mid-fifties.
But it really depends on, like, how people take care of their bodies.
It's like, there are fifty-year-olds these days where I'm like,
- I don't actually know. - Okay.
I think we got all we can. What you got, Susan?
Yeah. That's right. That's him.
Alright. Let's run it through the system, see if we get any hits.
It's hard seeing his face again.
[guard] Go back to your bunk!
[yelping]
[guard] Take her to the zoo!
[thunder rumbling]
[Owen grunts]
That Bao Tsai really double-crossed us.
And right when I was beginning to trust her.
I think I was just seduced by her charisma.
- Right? - Yeah.
Hey, Lola...
- about what happened in Shanghai... - Owen, I don't wanna fight anymore.
No, I just wanna say that...
I get why you let Waters go.
You know, as much of a tool as I think he is,
he did have the cure and he needed to get safety,
and I'm just hoping that he's gonna do the right thing with it.
Yeah. I'm so sorry I got us into this in the first place.
You know, if I hadn't gone chasing this virus,
we would be home right now and...
And thousands more people would be dead.
And we never would've gotten to meet the Goldfinch.
- Yeah. - Or gone to visit our friend Glenn.
- True. - Or gotten to see
that really old Italian guy get ripped in two.
[chuckles]
That was pretty cool.
I guess it wasn't all bad.
I think we make a pretty good team.
[door rattling]
Oh, my God.
It's Lavator.
What?
[Owen] Wait, let me think.
Is there any way that this is a coincidence that she's in here?
- I mean... - Make girl talk.
- I mean... - You gotta make girl talk with her.
Hi.
Hey, girl. Do you remember us?
[door closes]
- [Owen] Hello! - How are you?
Oh, boy. She is really icing us out.
[gags]
- What is she doing? - She...
What the fuck is up with her right n...
Does she have, like, a hairball or something?
- She's really not blinking. - [Lola] No.
Lola, why isn't this woman blinking her eyes?
I dunno. I'm so scared right now.
- What is going... - [Owen] Wait a second.
- I don't... what is she... - What the fuck is...
- What the fuck is that? - [Lola] Ew!
- [Owen] Oh! - Oh, my God, what is that?
Oh, it's a hacksaw...
- Oh, my gosh. - ...and it's covered in spit!
- What is she doing? - [Lola] I don't know.
You can't get out of there with... Oh, my God.
- She can't get through. - She's cutting right through that.
She's making a lot of progress.
- [Lola screams] - Oh! Of course it worked!
- Maybe she just wants to go home. - You're free!
- You can go! - You're free to go!
- You can just go home. - You're free to go!
Oh, God!
Well, that's good for us. That's actually good.
She threw the saw away.
- What are you doing? - What are you doing?
- Is she bending the bars? - No, she's not.
- [Lola] Are you kidding me? - Are you fucking kidding me?
Why swallow the hacksaw?
[yelling]
[both screaming]
- No! - Help, somebody!
We're dead. We're dead. Nothing can save us.
I totally get the appeal of these now.
Oh, fuck, my sunburn!
Well, we ran the picture through every database at the FBI, CIA,
- and Interpol. - Okay.
It's just the darndest thing. Nothing.
- What? - No hits at all.
Whoever your bioterrorist is, he must be completely off the grid.
I guess I'll just know him when I see him.
[guard] Wake up, Americans!
I have your complimentary copy of USA Today!
[gunshot]
- Hey, the coast is clear. - Okay.
That's Bao Tsai's nephew.
[Lola gasps]
Oh, he looks even worse than before. Where are they taking him?
Guards are in a panic because he's got the virus.
I don't know, looks to me like they're gonna shoot him,
then burn his corpse.
[Bao Tsai's nephew yelling]
Oh.
They just threw him off the guard tower.
That's way less work for them, which is smart.
I have an idea.
Just so you guys know, I only do this for best friends.
So if the guards think we have the virus,
maybe they'll throw us over the wall as well.
- No one else. - How's my rash look?
- Perfect. - How's mine?
- Great. - Best friends only.
Okay.
- Let me see. - Shut the fuck up.
Shh.
- We're shushing you. - What are you doing?
Okay.
- Ooh, nice! - Shut the fuck up,
- you fucking idiot! - Shh!
Shh! Shh!
Shh.
- Come on. - [loudly] Good luck!
- Shh! Shut up! - Okay.
Shh! Good luck!
[Owen and Lola wheezing, coughing]
Ow! Oh, my body.
[coughing, wheezing continue]
[Lola] Please, help us.
We're very sick. I think we have the virus.
Yeah, maybe you should throw us over the wall
- like you did with that other guy. - Quick!
- Shoot them and burn their corpses! - Oh, farts.
[gunshots]
Run!
- [metal clanking] - Oh, shit.
[dramatic music playing]
Lola!
[both grunting]
[both straining]
[inmates yelling]
Hey! Everybody! Those two, they have a virus!
It's a highly contagious virus
and if you get it, you're all gonna die!
Everybody should panic!
Everybody panic!
We're gonna die, we're all gonna die!
[screaming]
Get to the door! Run!
Owen.
Thanks.
- [gunshots] - [alarm klaxon wails]
[Owen] Let's go!
We've got to get out of here!
The gate!
Ah!
Hi.
- Blake! Blake! - Blake!
Come on! The gates are open, let's go!
[laughs] No way. I'm not going anywhere. This place would fall apart without me.
It's a fucking riot, man! Everyone's leaving!
Now's the time to go!
- Come on! - Well, good,
more room for me, you know?
And plus I got dibs on Bao Tsai's pinball machine.
Blake, you have a life sentence.
This is literally your last chance to escape.
Well, by that logic it'd be my last chance at prison, right?
- We don't have time! - Come on!
Goodbye old best friends.
If you ever need me, you know where to find me.
In a Chinese prison.
[Owen groans]
- Bye! - [Owen] You're a fucking idiot!
[laughs] That's Owen.
Over here! Oh, my God!
- Oh, shit! - No, go back this way!
[both] Oh!
Double shit! Lavator!
- Just get in! - No way! Fuck you!
Get in or she will kill you!
Yeah, how do we know you're not gonna kill us?
Who looks more like a killer? Her or me?
Um, uh...
[both] Uh...
- I honestly don't even know! - I could go either way!
- It's like there's pros and cons for both! - Let's make a list.
- I don't think we have time. - Let's go!
[both] Go, go, go, go, go!
[exhales in frustration]
- [panting] - Okay.
- Waters? - Yes.
And I'm on your side, Owen. So is Agent McIntyre.
She found me in Shanghai.
We've been camped out for days, trying to figure out how to get you out.
Fortunately, you two are naturals at prison breaks.
Got a couple of Steve McQueens here.
- You better start explaining, McIntyre. - Shit.
Hey! Where did you get that gun?
I had it in my pocket the whole time, I just forgot about it.
Are you fucking kidding me?
I don't wanna talk about it! I have a lot of pockets.
Fine!
McIntyre, what is going on?
- My God! You guys, you're both infected! - What...
Oh, no, no, no. This is fake.
- We used it to bust out. - It's clown make up.
Yeah, see? We're fine.
God, wouldn't it be funny if I really had the virus?