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歡迎收看《超市大交換》VR版!

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歡迎兩對父子組合:

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{\an8}米契爾家和特達那家

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-好了,米契爾
-我們選“油鹽柴米”

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好,“柴米油鹽”

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選單片吐司果餡卷
還是泰森迷你玉米狗?

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果餡卷更便宜點

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那就開始VR大購物囖!

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好耶!

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-誰上?
-爸爸

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爸爸上場!

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東西都是我的了!

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瘋狂大購物開始

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遊戲規則你懂的
盡量多搶購

15
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但是預算不能超過500美金

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-準備好了嗎?
-等不及了!

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好了,我們會定時30秒

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三、二、一,開始!

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(半價)

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加油,老爸!

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拿那個口香糖!

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放進購物車!快!

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-爸?
-他好像沒在呼吸

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爸?你有沒有在呼吸啊,爸?

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-他沒呼吸
-爸?

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-爸!
-快呼吸,麥克!

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-呼吸!
-張嘴!

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-怎麼回事?呼吸啊!
-呼吸!

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-米契爾先生!呼吸!
-快呼吸!

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-呼吸!
-快幫他摘下來!

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摘掉!

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(VR離線)

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-摘手套!
-摘掉!

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麥克,你怎麼不呼吸啊?

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我控制不了身體了

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那裡面就是你自己啊

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呼吸就好啦

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正常呼吸就行

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要不你先回座位吧

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-我們身體本來是怎麼控制的啊?
-啊?

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我好像走不了路了

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-真的?
-是啊

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我過度思考了

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-我腦子全亂了
-爸!

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-麥克?
-爸!

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麥克,怎麼啦?

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-你幹什麼了?
-呼吸呀!

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-呼吸!
-快給我呼吸!

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呼吸!爸,快!

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快呼吸!

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爸!

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{\an8}劇名:我看你該走了
主演:提姆羅賓遜

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寵物門有時候會製造問題

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你的狗可以出
但別的東西也可以進呀

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達明寵物門

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採用達明高科技

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全自動開關,受控於狗圈內的芯片

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不用再擔心有害動物
不用再擔心盜賊

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更不用再擔心這東西了

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我可是見過這東西的

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它進來的時候,我正坐在沙發上

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是隻豬!

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搞什麼?

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搞什麼啊!

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原來是我鄰居,給豬戴上
理查德尼克森的面具

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把它從寵物門放進我家

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就因為我們有過領地紛爭

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拿走,別佔用我的籬笆!

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他罵我是騙子和小偷
像尼克森一樣,還罵我是豬

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你是隻豬!

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可我不知道啊

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自從我老婆跟一個舞蹈老師
翻跟斗以後,我都沒怎麼睡覺

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他們翻了至少有八次!

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我很受不了

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沒睡好的時候看到這種東西

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你不會邊跑邊想:
“那是隻戴了面具的豬”

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你只會想:“那隻怪物會要我的命,
那是真的,地球上有的”

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我還以為自己要被吃掉了!

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我又不是白癡,我當然知道那是隻豬

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但是有那麼一小會兒
感覺真的很真實啊

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而且當時我想到的是
“太好了,明天不用上班了”

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想到被吃,你居然鬆了一口氣?

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這世界是怎麼回事?

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我們這是怎麼了?

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我們怎麼被毀成這樣了?

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這一天敲醒了我:原來我討厭工作

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{\an8}達明寵物們!

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{\an8}寵物開心,心靈得救!

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{\an8}這世界有無數可能,我們所知有限

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{\an8}我的生活與預期完全不符
我怕什麼就來什麼

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在當時那50秒鐘,我真以為

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{\an8}這世上有怪物這回事

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-瑪麗啊!快進來
-嗨!

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我來把碗還給你

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謝謝你週四準備的沙拉

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活動辦得好好

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很開心

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救命啊!

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救命!

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-天哪!
-你怎麼把車停在人行道上啊!

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怎麼回事?

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你把車停在人行道上了

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我要過的

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於是我只好從車底下爬過去
結果我頭髮被卡住了

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這下我頭髮上掛了輛車,操!

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幫個忙啊

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好啦好啦,我去拿剪刀

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不要!

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住手!快讓她們住手!

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-幹嘛啊?
-你說你要剪我頭髮

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明明是你犯錯

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憑什麼要我付出代價

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我們只是要幫你解頭髮
不會傷到你頭髮的

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救命啊!

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不會傷到

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-我還以為你說“會”傷到呢
-好了

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看不出到底纏了多少

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-你頭髮有多長啊?
-我昨晚才拍過照,給你看

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看我手機照片吧

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全是雪茄的照片

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嗯,繼續翻就好啦

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看起來剛長過屁股

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喂,誰把車停在人行道上的?

124
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那樣對我們長髮的人來說很危險的

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就是嘛,謝啦,不過我自己能搞定

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我想讓她們道歉啊
畢竟這樣停車是不對的

127
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你趕緊滾

128
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-你咬我啊
-哈?

129
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你要我滾我就滾啦?

130
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-你們認識?
-不認識,我怎麼會認識他?

131
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有個叫雷H的給你發信息了

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-說什麼了?
-“你在哪?”

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“你不來我們都不好落座”

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跟雷說,讓他們都坐下

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“我在廁所,很難受”

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然後谷歌搜索圖片“惡心腹瀉照”

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-天哪
-我幫你剪開

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不要!

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雷說,餐廳經理見過這張圖

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操!

141
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-我知道怎麼救他出來
-你他媽閉嘴!

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-我才不
-給我滾!

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不要,我愛坐大街,誰也管不著

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耶!

145
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摸到狗屎啦

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好耶!

147
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(餵蛋)

148
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六個蛋

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哈?

150
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六個?明明至少有25個的

151
00:08:36,934 --> 00:08:39,520
-哎,馬科斯,有空嗎?
-什麼事?

152
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恕我直言

153
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我對你最近的工作有點不滿意

154
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怎麼啦?

155
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之前一直是你和麥肯錫負責團隊
你們要跟我交接才行啊

156
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-有事怎麼不通知我呢?
-我通知了呀

157
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那我怎麼不知道下週雷要來?
你都沒跟我說

158
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-我說了
-三個蛋

159
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不光是我和帕克有這種不滿

160
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瑞秋也說她一個月沒收過你的電郵了

161
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瞎說

162
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瑞秋,能過來一下嗎?

163
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-我工作那麼努力
-確實

164
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我在項目上投入了大量心血

165
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-你最棒了
-兩個蛋

166
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我習慣盡早作準備,可你總是
把資料自己收著

167
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全做好了才給我看
這樣我很難做事啊

168
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你的蛋已用完,再買80包蛋嗎?

169
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...最後一分鐘

170
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-好
-你看?都這麼說

171
00:09:32,114 --> 00:09:35,576
{\an8}你明白了嗎?你再不注意

172
00:09:35,576 --> 00:09:38,871
-後果就很糟糕了,懂嗎?
-你有40個蛋

173
00:09:38,871 --> 00:09:41,206
-明白嗎?
-那一個蛋等於40個蛋?

174
00:09:41,206 --> 00:09:42,708
你在說什麼?

175
00:09:42,708 --> 00:09:45,294
我要努力給它嘴裡放蛋

176
00:09:45,294 --> 00:09:47,463
可我放的時候,你看

177
00:09:47,463 --> 00:09:49,298
41個蛋,你贏了

178
00:09:49,298 --> 00:09:52,259
-噢,現在又好了
-恭喜,老大

179
00:09:52,259 --> 00:09:55,554
-這什麼呀?
-不知道,第一次玩到這裡

180
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怎麼還有毛?

181
00:10:00,684 --> 00:10:02,227
這什麼呀?

182
00:10:11,487 --> 00:10:13,989
-這是一個光蛋
-我的天

183
00:10:13,989 --> 00:10:16,742
-你這是在看什麼?
-不知道,第一次玩到這裡

184
00:10:16,742 --> 00:10:19,620
你這樣嚴重違紀啊
辦公室裡不能看A片的

185
00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:21,246
A片?

186
00:10:21,246 --> 00:10:23,666
這是個光蛋,我玩遊戲贏的

187
00:10:24,333 --> 00:10:26,627
這算什麼違紀啊,而且...

188
00:10:26,627 --> 00:10:30,381
而且工作時看點A片也無傷大雅嘛

189
00:10:36,261 --> 00:10:40,557
好了,在座有沒有之前
參加過情景喜劇拍攝的?

190
00:10:40,557 --> 00:10:42,434
很簡單的

191
00:10:42,434 --> 00:10:44,812
你們在這裡只要做一件事
那就是笑

192
00:10:44,812 --> 00:10:46,814
見到這些麥克風了嗎?

193
00:10:46,814 --> 00:10:51,068
這些是用來錄音的
你們的聲音會出現在劇裡

194
00:10:51,068 --> 00:10:52,152
笑來聽聽

195
00:10:53,862 --> 00:10:55,698
所以大聲笑就好

196
00:10:55,698 --> 00:10:58,867
因為這齣劇有上百萬觀眾

197
00:10:58,867 --> 00:11:02,496
他們都會在電視上聽到你的聲音喔

198
00:11:02,496 --> 00:11:03,997
厲害啊

199
00:11:03,997 --> 00:11:06,792
-會有上百萬人聽到我們聲音喔?
-是啊

200
00:11:08,585 --> 00:11:09,753
你人真好

201
00:11:10,963 --> 00:11:13,924
下一站:我們都知道的一個小地方...

202
00:11:13,924 --> 00:11:15,718
艾爾咖啡店!

203
00:11:18,971 --> 00:11:21,265
預備...開拍!

204
00:11:21,265 --> 00:11:23,475
你用那個約會APP如何?

205
00:11:23,475 --> 00:11:26,311
-我可能用了個假的約會APP
-啊?

206
00:11:29,898 --> 00:11:32,234
但願如此啊,我簽了他們兩張唱片的

207
00:11:34,403 --> 00:11:37,865
-總比你上個女友好啊
-她現在還從監獄給我寫信呢

208
00:11:39,199 --> 00:11:41,034
TK珠寶都是騙人的

209
00:11:43,871 --> 00:11:45,122
他們的珠寶首飾是假的

210
00:11:47,332 --> 00:11:49,835
我的表在約會時爆掉了

211
00:11:52,212 --> 00:11:54,756
我就扭了下手腕,那爛貨就爆了

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00:11:58,844 --> 00:11:59,887
各位

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00:12:03,432 --> 00:12:05,184
-大新聞
-麥當勞又出肋排堡了?

214
00:12:06,602 --> 00:12:08,395
L&L豪華轎車是騙人的

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00:12:09,938 --> 00:12:11,857
司機叫我閉嘴

216
00:12:12,441 --> 00:12:15,110
你們有沒有聽到觀眾席裡有人說話?

217
00:12:15,110 --> 00:12:16,403
他抱了我女友

218
00:12:16,403 --> 00:12:18,614
是啊,確實有人在說話

219
00:12:18,614 --> 00:12:20,407
豪華轎車不是全開放的

220
00:12:20,407 --> 00:12:21,658
啊?

221
00:12:21,658 --> 00:12:23,535
車的一部分被封住了

222
00:12:23,535 --> 00:12:24,953
各位,要切了

223
00:12:24,953 --> 00:12:26,497
切!

224
00:12:26,497 --> 00:12:27,539
好了,各位

225
00:12:27,539 --> 00:12:30,375
觀眾席裡有人在實時點評

226
00:12:30,375 --> 00:12:33,337
你們只能笑,不能說話啊

227
00:12:33,337 --> 00:12:34,755
誰說話了?

228
00:12:37,257 --> 00:12:41,887
你們誰在TK珠寶和
L&L豪華轎車那裡吃過虧?

229
00:12:41,887 --> 00:12:44,932
-還有阿瓦尼西服
-好了,這位先生

230
00:12:44,932 --> 00:12:48,227
-你不能說話的,明白嗎?
-好

231
00:12:48,227 --> 00:12:50,145
-好了
-那笑完以後呢?

232
00:12:50,145 --> 00:12:52,564
不是有個停頓嗎?

233
00:12:53,941 --> 00:12:55,692
不行,我指的就是這個

234
00:12:55,692 --> 00:12:57,611
明白了,我不會再犯了

235
00:12:57,611 --> 00:12:58,695
抱歉

236
00:12:58,695 --> 00:13:02,991
你剛剛說那轎車有地方
封起來不讓進是什麼意思?

237
00:13:02,991 --> 00:13:07,412
噢,那個啊
他們用一塊塗黑了的木板

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00:13:07,412 --> 00:13:09,957
裝成是轎車的壁

239
00:13:09,957 --> 00:13:14,336
讓人以為這裡是車尾了
但我明明聽到裡面有人

240
00:13:14,336 --> 00:13:17,297
有塊地方在冰盒上面

241
00:13:17,297 --> 00:13:19,675
有時候會看見一隻手

242
00:13:19,675 --> 00:13:23,428
從下面把冰盒往他們那邊拉

243
00:13:23,428 --> 00:13:26,056
哪隻手還戴著個超級碗的戒指呢

244
00:13:26,848 --> 00:13:28,475
而且每過一陣

245
00:13:28,475 --> 00:13:32,604
墻還會被推前,感覺裡面的人嫌擠

246
00:13:32,604 --> 00:13:35,816
我問司機怎麼回事,他說:“閉嘴”

247
00:13:35,816 --> 00:13:38,694
-你怎麼不投訴呢?
-我投訴啦,他說:“閉嘴”

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00:13:38,694 --> 00:13:41,572
人家都說“閉嘴”了,你還能怎麼辦

249
00:13:41,572 --> 00:13:43,740
我十年來第一次約會

250
00:13:44,324 --> 00:13:47,995
從TK珠寶買了個表
結果炸得到處都是

251
00:13:47,995 --> 00:13:50,872
你說你扭了下手腕它就炸了?

252
00:13:50,872 --> 00:13:52,833
是啊,我在給女伴表演

253
00:13:52,833 --> 00:13:55,794
兔子的動作

254
00:13:55,794 --> 00:13:59,798
結果150個彈簧崩到她臉上了
還有掉到她湯裡的

255
00:13:59,798 --> 00:14:02,050
湯裡至少掉了300個彈簧

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00:14:02,050 --> 00:14:04,678
-貌似你這次約會很不順啊
-超不順的

257
00:14:04,678 --> 00:14:06,888
別再插嘴就好

258
00:14:06,888 --> 00:14:10,684
你們說會有上百萬人聽到我們的聲音

259
00:14:11,602 --> 00:14:13,979
我只是個想尋找愛情的男人

260
00:14:13,979 --> 00:14:15,689
很多這些無良商家

261
00:14:15,689 --> 00:14:19,735
都想佔我們這些
渴望愛情的人的便宜

262
00:14:19,735 --> 00:14:22,070
這個嘛,也許是可以

263
00:14:22,070 --> 00:14:24,990
留下一些話,也許能幫到人

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00:14:26,241 --> 00:14:28,577
是吧?多點嘗試沒壞處

265
00:14:28,577 --> 00:14:30,662
也許會有大收穫呢

266
00:14:30,662 --> 00:14:33,123
好了,重新來!

267
00:14:33,123 --> 00:14:34,458
耶!

268
00:14:41,214 --> 00:14:44,092
好了,預備...開拍!

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搞什麼?