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‪NETFLIX 原創影集

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‪迪薇遭郊狼攻擊到現在
‪已經過了一星期

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‪但派克斯頓在醫院說的話
‪依然縈繞在她的心中

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‪所以我們做朋友很好

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‪他當然只願意當她是普通朋友

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‪她把野生動物誤認為她的爸爸

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‪雖然迪薇很想成為
‪男孩想上床的時髦女孩

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‪她深知事實：她是古怪的遜咖

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‪她是UN的成員之一

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‪今天自然也不會有所改變

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‪妳是茉莉公主嗎？

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‪不是，不過謝謝妳，她很漂亮

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‪愛麗兒更漂亮

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‪阿拉丁在哪裡？

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‪我沒有阿拉丁

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‪因為他只想當普通朋友

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‪好吧…

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‪妳好，我要兩杯黑咖啡
‪還要一杯大杯的熱巧克力

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‪不過你能在杯子上寫拿鐵嗎？

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‪我要人們認真看待我

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‪我的女兒可以和妳拍張照嗎？
‪妳看起來真美

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‪不了，謝謝

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‪她真的很想上傳她的IG

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‪充滿文化氣息

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‪我穿上這身衣服，現在感覺很不自在

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‪我是說，平常我就不自在了
‪但今天特別明顯

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‪她只是一個小女孩

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‪先生，你不必這樣說話

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‪我只是不想拍照

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‪還有，為何凡事都要放上社群媒體？

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‪不能活在當下就好嗎？

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‪妳排隊時一直在玩推特

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‪標靶百貨祝妳勞動節愉快
‪妳還推文謝謝他們

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‪-好吧，我們來拍照
‪-來吧

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‪好了

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‪妳要配甜甜圈嗎？

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‪艾拉，我很想，但我今天要禁食

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‪是齋戒月嗎？

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‪不是，艾拉

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‪今天是象神節

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{\an8}‪劇名：……覺得自己超像個印度人

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‪很像印度的宣傳片吧？

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‪至少很像印第安納瓊斯的電影
‪但並不是

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‪這是象神節，寶貝

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‪象神節是印度教節日，除了敬頌象神

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‪也是和家人團聚的溫馨時刻

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‪說到家人的溫馨時刻

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‪來看看威舍庫瑪一家的情況

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‪媽，這件紗麗真不舒服

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‪為什麼穿起來這麼癢？

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{\an8}‪穿紗麗會癢，是印度女性的成人儀式

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{\an8}‪學著接納

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{\an8}‪為什麼我不能和平常一樣
‪穿長衫和牛仔褲就好？

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{\an8}‪這樣每次我要上廁所
‪就不必脫到半裸了

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{\an8}‪迪薇，妳現在成年了

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{\an8}‪穿半套紗麗更得體

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{\an8}‪媽，不要說“成年”

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{\an8}‪感覺我好像陰道灌洗液廣告中的女孩

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{\an8}‪-什麼是陰道灌洗液？
‪-好，不要再談這個了

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{\an8}‪象神不需要看到我的女兒

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{\an8}‪穿破洞牛仔褲
‪和“薯條比男人重要”的T恤

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{\an8}‪娜莉妮有些煩躁

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{\an8}‪在穆罕驟逝及迪薇雙腿癱瘓之後

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{\an8}‪這是她們第一次參加拜神活動

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{\an8}‪上個星期艾揚格太太在問
‪我們是否會參加拜神

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{\an8}‪還是我們依然“無法承受這些”

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{\an8}‪她的口氣充滿憐憫

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{\an8}‪無法承受象神節？那個賤人

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‪娜莉妮阿姨，妳要冷靜

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{\an8}‪為什麼印度教協會要在我的高中
‪舉辦象神祭祀？

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{\an8}‪那也太陽春了

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{\an8}‪班葛羅斯的猶太成年禮
‪是在杜比劇院辦的

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{\an8}‪舉辦奧斯卡金像獎的場地

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{\an8}‪猶太人知道如何存錢

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{\an8}‪我們印度人賺到一點錢

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{\an8}‪就直接去家得寶，買一座水泥噴泉

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{\an8}‪我們太熱愛噴泉了

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{\an8}‪我喜歡噴泉

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{\an8}‪總而言之，迪薇

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{\an8}‪妳知道桑琪塔巴塔查亞
‪也會來拜神吧？

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{\an8}‪妳記得她那個沒用的白人丈夫朗嗎？

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{\an8}‪結果他不算太沒用

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‪他經營洛杉磯最優質的升學顧問公司

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‪他們九成的學生都上了常春藤盟校

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‪他們全是頂尖的精英

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‪他們甚至認為康乃爾大學和賓大
‪不算常春藤盟校

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‪他非常成功，還有自己的特斯拉汽車

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‪我上網查過他家的市價

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‪想知道估算出來是多少錢嗎？

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‪一千八百萬美元！

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‪-哇，他真有錢
‪-沒錯

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‪朗不收太多學生，所以…

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‪如果妳想讀普林斯頓大學
‪妳知道該怎麼做

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‪我知道，媽

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‪我的強項就是贏得老學究類型的心

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‪好女孩

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‪（舍曼奧克斯高中）

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‪（南加州印度教協會）

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‪天啊，眾阿姨來了

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‪不要看

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‪在哪裡？我應該別看哪邊？

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‪可惡，卡梅拉

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‪阿姨是指沒有血緣關係的
‪年長印度婦女

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‪但是可以批評你的生活
‪和所有的缺點

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‪你必須對她們很客氣
‪因為你是印度人

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‪真高興見到妳們，還有迪薇

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‪看到妳不再瘸腿，真是如釋重負

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‪真是奇蹟

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‪我每天都替她祈禱

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‪我說：“不管祢為了什麼原因
‪選擇詛咒她們

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‪就當作獎賞我的美德，請治好她吧”

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‪謝謝，我確定是妳祈禱的功勞

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‪對，謝謝妳們想到我們，亞金好嗎？

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‪妳知道亞金的，他剛剛裝了家庭劇院

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‪兩排座椅，5,1杜比聲道

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‪爆米花機快送來了

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‪蘇努，她們才不在乎
‪妳的愚蠢家庭劇院

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‪她們經歷了那麼多事

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‪我完全了解妳的感受

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‪我的丈夫普拉迪得了睪丸癌

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‪很遺憾妳痛失親人

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‪不，他很好

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‪他是第一期，幸好即早發現

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‪移除他的睪丸，現在他能跑10公里

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‪妳說得對，我們的情況很相像

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‪妳們認得我的外甥女卡梅拉吧？

127
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‪她在加州理工唸博士學位
‪很快要訂婚…

128
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‪和一位工程師

129
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‪男孩的爸媽有兩輛賓士

130
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‪-兩輛賓士？
‪-真幸運

131
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‪這些阿姨在讚美她的同時
‪卡梅拉的內心一沉

132
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‪她不想結婚

133
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‪但她強顏歡笑

134
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‪就像1984年的法網公開賽

135
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‪我輸給伊凡藍道
‪在頒獎典禮那次的強顏歡笑

136
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‪我要去找朗

137
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‪好，我就待在這裡慢性自殺

138
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‪雖然迪薇是印度人

139
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‪她不認為自己是純正的印度女孩
‪她不像這些女孩

140
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‪那完全是另一回事

141
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‪所以有時她覺得自己有些格格不入

142
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‪她們在這裡看似很酷

143
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‪但妳能想像在其他地方跳這個
‪感覺有多呆嗎？

144
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‪那是我的姊姊普莉西

145
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‪她的寶萊塢舞蹈團
‪參加過梅西百貨的大遊行

146
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‪她的花車是密保諾夾鏈袋贊助的

147
00:06:53,579 --> 00:06:55,209
‪現在誰看起來才呆？

148
00:06:55,623 --> 00:06:59,173
‪該死，迪薇，普莉西的妹妹
‪狠狠教訓妳了，上道一點

149
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‪-哈利希
‪-嘿

150
00:07:12,223 --> 00:07:14,023
‪我一直希望見到比較酷的人

151
00:07:14,725 --> 00:07:16,765
‪妳知道有這樣的人會過來嗎？

152
00:07:16,853 --> 00:07:18,153
‪講話很毒哦

153
00:07:18,229 --> 00:07:19,649
‪你怎麼來這個無聊的活動？

154
00:07:19,730 --> 00:07:22,610
‪你不是應該在史丹佛
‪和電腦玩拋接飛盤嗎？

155
00:07:22,692 --> 00:07:23,992
‪我是真心想來的

156
00:07:24,068 --> 00:07:25,568
‪慶祝象神節？

157
00:07:25,653 --> 00:07:28,533
‪在山谷的公立高中？你瘋了嗎？

158
00:07:28,614 --> 00:07:31,034
‪告訴我實話，他們讓你回家養病嗎？

159
00:07:31,742 --> 00:07:33,042
‪你使用A酸，導致想自殺？

160
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‪不是

161
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‪聽著，我知道每年我都取笑這種活動

162
00:07:36,414 --> 00:07:38,504
‪但事實上，我挺想念這個節慶

163
00:07:38,583 --> 00:07:39,753
‪你開玩笑吧？

164
00:07:39,834 --> 00:07:42,304
‪等我去念普林斯頓，我絕對不會回來

165
00:07:42,378 --> 00:07:44,758
‪我會是無神論者，每天吃漢堡

166
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‪和我的白人男朋友在一起

167
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‪我以前也這麼想

168
00:07:47,717 --> 00:07:49,587
‪但是上大學之後，我的想法不同了

169
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‪我的室友尼克是美國原住民

170
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‪他非常熱衷原住民的身分

171
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‪起初我心想：“你都離開父母身邊了

172
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‪不必假裝關心你的祖先等等”

173
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‪然後他帶我去校園的原住民聚會

174
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‪沒有人躲在角落嘲笑這個活動

175
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‪他們跳舞、唱歌

176
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‪大家玩得很愉快，這讓我去思考

177
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‪“為什麼我對自己是印度人
‪感到彆扭和尷尬呢？”

178
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‪我該從何說起呢？

179
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‪例如我媽說過和做過的每件事？

180
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‪我只是覺得：“我要成為
‪一個沒有安全感，討厭參與

181
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‪各種印度活動的印度人嗎？”

182
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‪因為那本身是一種身分認同
‪只是有點遜

183
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‪那絕不是我的身分認同

184
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‪我喜歡當印度人

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‪真的很有說服力，迪薇

186
00:08:29,008 --> 00:08:31,048
‪我來當印度人還比較自在

187
00:08:38,434 --> 00:08:39,984
‪妳必須去灑穆罕的骨灰

188
00:08:40,061 --> 00:08:42,231
‪我把我媽的骨灰
‪灑在百樂宮飯店的噴泉了

189
00:08:42,313 --> 00:08:43,653
‪她生前沉迷於賭博

190
00:08:44,148 --> 00:08:45,188
‪那真是感人

191
00:08:46,192 --> 00:08:47,282
‪我只是還沒有時間

192
00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:50,110
‪妳知道除非妳接受他的死
‪他是無法上天堂的

193
00:08:51,697 --> 00:08:53,447
‪我想問問妳，今天晚一點

194
00:08:53,533 --> 00:08:56,623
‪可以幫我看看幾個皮膚贅瘤嗎？
‪在我的左邊乳房下方

195
00:08:57,745 --> 00:08:59,745
‪好，我真的很想看看

196
00:09:03,960 --> 00:09:05,340
‪我待會去找妳

197
00:09:14,262 --> 00:09:16,142
‪這位是拉澤克斯南上師

198
00:09:16,222 --> 00:09:18,312
‪但大家稱他為拉澤上師

199
00:09:18,391 --> 00:09:22,691
‪他是社區的精神領袖
‪也深知如何帶動整個屋子的人

200
00:09:22,770 --> 00:09:25,690
‪現在大家跟著我唸

201
00:09:32,113 --> 00:09:34,573
‪開玩笑的，我們會唸簡單一點的

202
00:09:35,283 --> 00:09:37,793
‪我喜歡拉澤上師，他充滿正能量

203
00:09:37,868 --> 00:09:38,908
‪請上前來

204
00:09:39,537 --> 00:09:40,707
‪妳和朗談過了嗎？

205
00:09:40,788 --> 00:09:42,668
‪我整個早上都在討好桑琪塔

206
00:09:42,748 --> 00:09:44,748
‪我甚至答應免費幫她的腋窩打肉毒

207
00:09:44,834 --> 00:09:46,294
‪還沒有，我找不到他

208
00:09:46,377 --> 00:09:48,087
‪在五百個印度人的團體中

209
00:09:48,170 --> 00:09:49,960
‪妳找不到一個中年白人男性？

210
00:09:50,047 --> 00:09:52,127
‪請上前，可以換下一組了

211
00:09:52,216 --> 00:09:54,216
‪-獻給拉澤上師
‪-娜莉妮

212
00:09:54,302 --> 00:09:55,342
‪謝謝

213
00:09:55,886 --> 00:09:57,596
‪祈禱妳能錄取普林斯頓大學

214
00:09:57,680 --> 00:09:59,930
‪別浪費祈願在愚蠢的事物上
‪例如世界和平

215
00:10:01,183 --> 00:10:03,143
‪迪薇向來覺得祈禱很難

216
00:10:03,227 --> 00:10:05,187
‪那太容易分心了

217
00:10:05,271 --> 00:10:08,231
‪起先她會祈禱媽媽和表姊健康

218
00:10:08,316 --> 00:10:10,686
‪然後心思一轉，就想到學校功課

219
00:10:10,776 --> 00:10:13,856
‪或是這個跪姿
‪她可以聞到身上的體香劑

220
00:10:14,363 --> 00:10:16,873
‪所以她必須努力專注
‪祈禱她想要得到的

221
00:10:16,949 --> 00:10:19,699
‪一封大學錄取信
‪來自她夢寐以求的學校

222
00:10:25,041 --> 00:10:28,251
‪特定的身體部位突然長大…

223
00:10:32,214 --> 00:10:33,054
‪嘿

224
00:10:33,132 --> 00:10:35,682
‪…學校某個特定的人
‪出乎意料的告白

225
00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:36,800
‪我想我愛上妳了

226
00:10:38,971 --> 00:10:41,971
‪…以及聽到她的媽媽
‪說出她最想聽的話

227
00:10:42,058 --> 00:10:43,768
‪我真是以妳為榮

228
00:10:45,144 --> 00:10:46,734
‪我同意讓妳穿鼻環了

229
00:10:47,229 --> 00:10:48,729
‪但今年不一樣

230
00:10:48,814 --> 00:10:50,574
‪她不想要平常的祈願

231
00:10:50,650 --> 00:10:52,440
‪別漏接了

232
00:10:55,655 --> 00:10:56,565
‪妳看吧

233
00:10:57,031 --> 00:10:58,411
‪她想要別的東西

234
00:11:04,455 --> 00:11:05,665
‪點上額貼

235
00:11:06,457 --> 00:11:09,377
‪卡梅拉很清楚她要祈求什麼

236
00:11:09,460 --> 00:11:13,670
‪希望她的未婚夫裴桑
‪在芝加哥大學攻讀博士時

237
00:11:13,756 --> 00:11:15,506
‪愛上另一個女孩

238
00:11:15,591 --> 00:11:17,511
‪這樣他們的訂婚就吹了

239
00:11:19,136 --> 00:11:20,846
‪妳不想結婚？

240
00:11:21,639 --> 00:11:25,099
‪哇靠，拉澤上師，嚇死人了
‪你真厲害

241
00:11:28,979 --> 00:11:30,819
‪妳的頭髮好黑

242
00:11:31,232 --> 00:11:34,362
‪我的妹夫死了以後
‪我妹妹就不再染頭髮了

243
00:11:34,443 --> 00:11:37,283
‪我不想太自暴自棄

244
00:11:37,363 --> 00:11:38,953
‪穆罕不希望我那樣的

245
00:11:39,031 --> 00:11:41,161
‪妳不要讓別人誤會了

246
00:11:41,242 --> 00:11:44,952
‪誤會什麼？因為我染了頭髮
‪就少愛我丈夫幾分了？

247
00:11:45,579 --> 00:11:46,709
‪我們進屋吧

248
00:11:46,789 --> 00:11:48,039
‪我聽說茹帕變胖了

249
00:11:56,257 --> 00:11:59,337
‪有了！白人，升學顧問朗

250
00:11:59,802 --> 00:12:01,222
‪說服他，迪薇

251
00:12:02,930 --> 00:12:05,980
‪你是朗韓森巴塔查亞嗎？

252
00:12:06,350 --> 00:12:07,230
‪對

253
00:12:07,309 --> 00:12:09,899
‪很高興見到你，我是迪薇威舍庫瑪

254
00:12:09,979 --> 00:12:11,809
‪我剛好是這所高中的學生

255
00:12:11,897 --> 00:12:12,817
‪好哦

256
00:12:13,315 --> 00:12:15,355
‪舍曼奧克斯高中
‪算是常春藤盟校的搖籃

257
00:12:15,443 --> 00:12:18,073
‪不過升學顧問蘇珊實在是個笑話

258
00:12:18,154 --> 00:12:20,204
‪對，她也負責學校午餐

259
00:12:20,573 --> 00:12:22,033
‪她有太多事要忙了

260
00:12:22,616 --> 00:12:26,446
‪我只想說我非常有興趣
‪得到你的服務

261
00:12:26,537 --> 00:12:27,907
‪你的數據實在太驚人了

262
00:12:27,997 --> 00:12:29,917
‪我不知道，我是說…

263
00:12:30,499 --> 00:12:34,589
‪去年只有28個學生進入常春藤
‪我本來希望是30個

264
00:12:34,670 --> 00:12:36,300
‪另外兩個去念麻省理工學院

265
00:12:36,380 --> 00:12:38,090
‪但人生無法樣樣都贏

266
00:12:38,591 --> 00:12:41,591
‪我好像無法產生共鳴
‪因為我確實樣樣都贏

267
00:12:41,677 --> 00:12:44,757
‪我上了所有的先修課程
‪我的SAT預考成績很好

268
00:12:44,847 --> 00:12:47,097
‪做得好，迪薇，輕而易舉

269
00:12:47,183 --> 00:12:49,443
‪我還在洗腎中心當志工

270
00:12:49,518 --> 00:12:50,478
‪閒暇時間

271
00:12:50,561 --> 00:12:52,481
‪我還唸比爾歐萊利的著作
‪給越戰榮民聽

272
00:12:53,731 --> 00:12:57,401
‪聽著…我可以這樣說
‪因為我娶了印度裔的太太

273
00:12:57,485 --> 00:12:59,565
‪我很自豪是這個活潑社群的成員

274
00:12:59,653 --> 00:13:02,913
‪但那些名校不要再找一個
‪努力用功的印度學生

275
00:13:02,990 --> 00:13:05,160
‪就算履歷表再輝煌也沒用

276
00:13:05,242 --> 00:13:07,752
‪什麼？我可是很認真在當志工的

277
00:13:08,245 --> 00:13:10,455
‪名校要找有特殊故事的學生

278
00:13:10,956 --> 00:13:11,826
‪我有過一個學生

279
00:13:11,916 --> 00:13:14,626
‪他出了車禍，死亡整整30秒

280
00:13:14,710 --> 00:13:17,920
‪他說上帝要他去唸耶魯，這個就成了

281
00:13:18,839 --> 00:13:21,549
‪我克服了花生過敏，這也算故事吧

282
00:13:23,052 --> 00:13:25,642
‪-我其實知道妳是誰
‪-是嗎？

283
00:13:25,721 --> 00:13:28,271
‪妳是那個演奏會時
‪父親當著妳的面死去

284
00:13:28,349 --> 00:13:29,729
‪然後雙腿突然癱瘓的女孩

285
00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:32,389
‪迪薇不敢相信她人生的重大創傷

286
00:13:32,478 --> 00:13:35,648
‪可以簡化成一個句子
‪但事實就是如此

287
00:13:35,731 --> 00:13:37,401
‪對，怎麼樣？

288
00:13:38,567 --> 00:13:41,647
‪那個故事真是太棒了

289
00:13:41,737 --> 00:13:43,317
‪妳有王牌在手

290
00:13:43,405 --> 00:13:44,775
‪如果妳願意談論此事

291
00:13:44,865 --> 00:13:46,655
‪我能讓妳進入妳要的任何一所大學

292
00:13:46,742 --> 00:13:49,622
‪但是迪薇不想利用她父親的死

293
00:13:49,703 --> 00:13:53,543
‪在招生委員會面前
‪讓自己顯得更有意思

294
00:13:53,624 --> 00:13:55,214
‪不，我不要那麼做

295
00:13:55,292 --> 00:13:57,842
‪不這麼做，我找不到妳有什麼特色

296
00:13:58,254 --> 00:14:00,594
‪老實說，我看不出
‪妳和其他申請大學的印度學生

297
00:14:00,673 --> 00:14:02,473
‪有什麼不一樣

298
00:14:02,550 --> 00:14:04,720
‪我不像其他的印度學生

299
00:14:04,802 --> 00:14:06,932
‪我的故事很有意思
‪並不是因為我的爸爸死了

300
00:14:07,012 --> 00:14:08,512
‪不然是因為什麼？

301
00:14:08,597 --> 00:14:09,887
‪不知道耶，朗

302
00:14:09,974 --> 00:14:12,484
‪也許是我的完美成績
‪或測驗分數超高

303
00:14:12,852 --> 00:14:14,942
‪也許是我愛挖苦人的個性

304
00:14:15,020 --> 00:14:16,770
‪或是我超炫的簡報能力

305
00:14:16,856 --> 00:14:19,936
‪我不需要某個
‪靠租賃購買特斯拉的白人老頭

306
00:14:20,025 --> 00:14:22,105
‪告訴我怎樣才能突顯我的特別之處

307
00:14:22,653 --> 00:14:24,953
‪租賃購車也是一種財務承擔！

308
00:14:25,447 --> 00:14:27,487
‪我每個月還是要付高額費用！

309
00:14:28,951 --> 00:14:30,371
‪妳看，這裡有空桌

310
00:14:30,452 --> 00:14:31,542
‪不，過來

311
00:14:34,498 --> 00:14:36,328
‪小朋友，快走

312
00:14:36,417 --> 00:14:37,537
‪拿著你們的飲料離開

313
00:14:37,626 --> 00:14:38,956
‪快點，別人還要吃東西

314
00:14:42,673 --> 00:14:44,173
‪為什麼我們不能坐那裡？

315
00:14:44,258 --> 00:14:45,628
‪那是潔雅庫亞瓦

316
00:14:45,718 --> 00:14:48,888
‪她來自清奈
‪去加州大學洛杉磯分校念博士

317
00:14:48,971 --> 00:14:50,971
‪父母在老家替她找了很好的結婚對象

318
00:14:51,056 --> 00:14:52,806
‪她卻和美國人私奔

319
00:14:52,892 --> 00:14:54,232
‪一個回教徒

320
00:14:54,310 --> 00:14:56,400
‪她的父母再也不和她說話

321
00:14:56,478 --> 00:14:57,648
‪他們來參加婚禮了嗎？

322
00:14:57,730 --> 00:15:00,020
‪妳瘋了嗎？我剛說了，他是回教徒

323
00:15:00,482 --> 00:15:01,402
‪我替她感到難過

324
00:15:01,942 --> 00:15:03,032
‪我們應該去陪她坐

325
00:15:03,861 --> 00:15:05,071
‪現在不能冒險

326
00:15:05,154 --> 00:15:06,744
‪我們已經被邊緣化了

327
00:15:07,573 --> 00:15:09,073
‪迪薇，妳做了什麼？

328
00:15:09,158 --> 00:15:12,238
‪我聽到好多阿姨說
‪妳對升學顧問朗大吼大叫

329
00:15:12,328 --> 00:15:13,698
‪還取笑他的電動汽車

330
00:15:13,787 --> 00:15:14,747
‪他活該

331
00:15:14,830 --> 00:15:17,330
‪我說我和其他申請大學的印度學生
‪沒什麼兩樣

332
00:15:17,416 --> 00:15:18,956
‪真是太侮辱人了

333
00:15:19,043 --> 00:15:20,753
‪我對妳真是失望

334
00:15:24,548 --> 00:15:26,628
‪-我要去別的地方吃
‪-請便

335
00:15:34,266 --> 00:15:35,306
‪這是妳的嗎？

336
00:15:36,435 --> 00:15:37,845
‪-真謝謝妳
‪-好

337
00:15:37,937 --> 00:15:39,227
‪妳忘在桌上了

338
00:15:39,313 --> 00:15:41,363
‪就是妳和妳的阿姨為了避開我

339
00:15:41,440 --> 00:15:42,860
‪筆直衝過去的那桌

340
00:15:42,942 --> 00:15:44,822
‪不，我們不是要避開妳

341
00:15:44,902 --> 00:15:48,282
‪妳看起來很受歡迎
‪我們不想占了妳朋友的位子

342
00:15:51,742 --> 00:15:52,622
‪當然

343
00:15:53,619 --> 00:15:56,459
‪我需要躲開這些阿姨

344
00:15:57,331 --> 00:15:59,881
‪妳要去查看自動販賣機嗎？
‪我請客

345
00:16:00,292 --> 00:16:01,132
‪好

346
00:16:04,588 --> 00:16:07,628
‪對，基本上我是聖費南多山谷

347
00:16:07,716 --> 00:16:08,966
‪印度人社團的海斯特白蘭

348
00:16:09,051 --> 00:16:11,301
‪真希望不是用九年級讀本來比喻

349
00:16:11,387 --> 00:16:13,467
‪但確實就是這樣

350
00:16:13,555 --> 00:16:15,805
‪所以妳還是很高興自己做了決定

351
00:16:15,891 --> 00:16:17,351
‪即使妳離婚了？

352
00:16:17,434 --> 00:16:19,524
‪當然不是

353
00:16:19,603 --> 00:16:20,523
‪妳看看我

354
00:16:20,604 --> 00:16:23,734
‪我最親密的印度朋友
‪是我在七分鐘前認識的女性

355
00:16:23,816 --> 00:16:27,066
‪不，我希望當初聽我爸媽的

356
00:16:27,152 --> 00:16:28,612
‪嫁給他們替我選的傢伙

357
00:16:29,279 --> 00:16:30,779
‪也許我就不會離婚了

358
00:16:30,864 --> 00:16:32,954
‪我的孩子問過他們的外公外婆

359
00:16:33,033 --> 00:16:35,623
‪我不知道怎麼告訴他們

360
00:16:35,703 --> 00:16:36,913
‪也許他們會釋懷的

361
00:16:37,621 --> 00:16:39,671
‪妳有沒有兄弟姊妹有毒品問題

362
00:16:39,748 --> 00:16:41,748
‪或是念社區大學？那樣應該有幫助

363
00:16:41,834 --> 00:16:44,634
‪不，我只有兩個哥哥
‪兩個都是神經外科醫生

364
00:16:44,712 --> 00:16:48,132
‪都透過父母安排
‪娶了家財萬貫的印度教姊妹

365
00:16:49,508 --> 00:16:51,838
‪我表妹會說，這也太慘了

366
00:16:51,927 --> 00:16:53,257
‪對，我同意

367
00:16:54,722 --> 00:16:57,642
‪總之，我想我該走了

368
00:16:58,267 --> 00:17:01,687
‪每個人都在背後議論妳
‪這一點也不好玩

369
00:17:02,563 --> 00:17:04,773
‪不過我祝妳訂婚順利…

370
00:17:05,190 --> 00:17:08,150
‪別搞砸了，好嗎？

371
00:17:21,457 --> 00:17:22,577
‪迪薇？

372
00:17:22,916 --> 00:17:25,586
‪派克斯頓？你怎麼在這裡？

373
00:17:25,669 --> 00:17:28,169
‪游泳練習，妳怎麼在這裡？

374
00:17:28,255 --> 00:17:30,625
‪就是…象神節

375
00:17:30,716 --> 00:17:31,926
‪奇怪的印度文化

376
00:17:33,052 --> 00:17:34,012
‪你們都怎麼過節？

377
00:17:34,094 --> 00:17:38,064
‪就是吃東西，向神明祈禱

378
00:17:39,183 --> 00:17:40,603
‪祂是象神

379
00:17:40,684 --> 00:17:42,484
‪印度人很崇敬的神

380
00:17:42,853 --> 00:17:43,983
‪我是指印度教

381
00:17:44,063 --> 00:17:47,613
‪因為有些印度人信回教
‪有些信錫克教、耆那教…

382
00:17:47,691 --> 00:17:49,281
‪-老實說…
‪-妳不必告訴我

383
00:17:49,359 --> 00:17:51,069
‪維基百科上的印度頁面

384
00:17:51,153 --> 00:17:52,203
‪抱歉

385
00:17:52,696 --> 00:17:55,696
‪所以象神節也包括要怒踢置物櫃嗎？

386
00:17:55,783 --> 00:17:58,203
‪不，那是不相關的，並不是…

387
00:18:00,704 --> 00:18:02,544
‪你是在開玩笑

388
00:18:02,956 --> 00:18:06,126
‪不，我只是在生氣
‪我正在努力改善這一點

389
00:18:07,127 --> 00:18:08,497
‪妳似乎脾氣很大啊？

390
00:18:08,587 --> 00:18:09,837
‪這不是我的錯

391
00:18:09,922 --> 00:18:12,512
‪有個糟老頭告訴我
‪我的印度色彩太重了

392
00:18:12,591 --> 00:18:14,761
‪另外一些人又覺得
‪我的印度色彩還不夠

393
00:18:14,843 --> 00:18:16,973
‪老實說，我只想吃個甜甜圈

394
00:18:17,054 --> 00:18:18,724
‪但是我困在這裡

395
00:18:19,515 --> 00:18:20,715
‪誰在乎其他人怎麼想？

396
00:18:21,809 --> 00:18:22,979
‪妳做自己，威舍庫瑪

397
00:18:25,229 --> 00:18:27,649
‪還有，妳穿那套衣服很棒

398
00:18:28,273 --> 00:18:29,863
‪他剛剛是說，她看起來很美？

399
00:18:29,942 --> 00:18:33,152
‪哇靠，也許她不是
‪她原本以為的普通朋友

400
00:18:38,283 --> 00:18:40,703
‪好，我通通應酬完了

401
00:18:40,786 --> 00:18:42,406
‪-準備要回家了嗎？
‪-對

402
00:18:42,496 --> 00:18:44,666
‪-妳看到迪薇了嗎？
‪-沒有

403
00:18:44,748 --> 00:18:46,168
‪也許她想偷拿洋芋片

404
00:18:46,250 --> 00:18:47,960
‪手臂就卡在自動販賣機裡了

405
00:18:48,043 --> 00:18:49,043
‪發生過這種事

406
00:18:49,128 --> 00:18:50,208
‪我去看看

407
00:18:50,963 --> 00:18:51,923
‪-娜莉妮
‪-嗨

408
00:18:52,005 --> 00:18:52,915
‪妳要走了嗎？

409
00:18:53,715 --> 00:18:55,375
‪對，差不多了

410
00:18:55,843 --> 00:18:57,473
‪很高興看到妳走出屋子

411
00:18:57,553 --> 00:18:59,473
‪-迪薇又能走路了
‪-謝謝

412
00:18:59,555 --> 00:19:01,515
‪如果她又不能走路，告訴我一聲

413
00:19:01,598 --> 00:19:03,348
‪因為我有個堂哥在賣醫療器具

414
00:19:03,433 --> 00:19:05,063
‪他可以便宜賣輪椅給妳

415
00:19:05,561 --> 00:19:07,981
‪-各位女士好
‪-你好，上師

416
00:19:08,730 --> 00:19:10,860
‪有沒有人能載我一程

417
00:19:11,316 --> 00:19:12,986
‪今天對娜莉妮來說真是漫長

418
00:19:13,068 --> 00:19:16,108
‪她需要贏的感覺…
‪即使只是小小的勝利

419
00:19:16,446 --> 00:19:17,276
‪我可以

420
00:19:18,282 --> 00:19:21,292
‪太好了，妳可以載我去家得寶嗎？

421
00:19:21,368 --> 00:19:22,658
‪我的榮幸

422
00:19:23,203 --> 00:19:26,423
‪太好了，我看中了一座美麗的噴泉

423
00:19:27,207 --> 00:19:28,787
‪妳真是太好心了

424
00:19:28,876 --> 00:19:30,496
‪我本來可以搭優步的

425
00:19:30,586 --> 00:19:32,046
‪我們的上師搭優步？

426
00:19:32,129 --> 00:19:34,259
‪接下來呢？莫迪總理找快遞？

427
00:19:34,339 --> 00:19:35,879
‪除非我死了

428
00:19:36,508 --> 00:19:38,008
‪我真的很喜歡今天的拜神活動

429
00:19:38,093 --> 00:19:39,343
‪我喜歡你使用的焚香

430
00:19:39,428 --> 00:19:40,968
‪感覺我們好像在大麻店

431
00:19:41,471 --> 00:19:43,721
‪謝謝，妳在我的網站可以買到…

432
00:19:43,807 --> 00:19:45,807
‪官網是酷炫印度教

433
00:19:46,894 --> 00:19:51,574
‪總之，希望妳們在今天的祈禱
‪都找到清楚的方向

434
00:19:51,648 --> 00:19:52,818
‪當然，百分之百

435
00:19:52,900 --> 00:19:53,900
‪非常清楚，上師

436
00:20:04,244 --> 00:20:05,584
‪太好了

437
00:20:07,331 --> 00:20:08,421
‪謝謝妳的便車

438
00:20:08,916 --> 00:20:10,536
‪我覺得這輛車很舒適

439
00:20:10,626 --> 00:20:12,206
‪我們的榮幸，上師

440
00:20:12,294 --> 00:20:13,464
‪雖然心中痛苦

441
00:20:14,296 --> 00:20:16,916
‪但痛苦總會消退的
‪因為妳有一個好家庭

442
00:20:17,633 --> 00:20:19,803
‪神明會眷顧你們的

443
00:20:25,599 --> 00:20:27,019
‪妳想去念哪一所大學？

444
00:20:27,559 --> 00:20:29,939
‪-普林斯頓
‪-我會親自上告神明

445
00:20:31,897 --> 00:20:34,607
‪謝謝妳們載我一程，湖人隊加油！

446
00:21:30,205 --> 00:21:31,495
‪字幕翻譯：陳彬彬